#maria kanellis imagine

[grizzledyoungimpact]

Pairing: Jeff Hardy/Maria Quote: Barely even friends then somebody bends unexpectedly. Verse: Medieval

As a painter, Jeffrey Hardy’s eyes were trained to spot things of beauty. He could capture the beauty of the sun rising over the royal gardens, the way it made each flower glimmer in unison with the dew that sat upon them. Jeffrey could capture how the waves of the nearby ocean sparkled and shimmered in the light of the moon. But his favorite things to paint were the members of the court.

 And of all the members of the court, his favorite to paint was Lady Maria Kanellis.

 While Jeffrey had come to the Northern lands from a small farming village in a kingdom to the south, Maria had been born and raised as a member of the affluent kingdoms in the north. While his own clothing was subdued, bleak in color and simple in fabric, Maria always seemed to wear the brightest colored dressed made of the most vibrant fabrics. She was gorgeous, with long flowing auburn hair and eyes as deep as summer forest foliage. Jeffrey often found himself lost in her beauty, at banquets and during moments where the court were together.

 The court headed by Prince Matthew Taven and the few he had selected for his inner circle, which included Michael Bennett, the man who was betrothed to wed Lady Maria.

 It was not that Jeffrey disliked Michael Bennett. He was a kind enough man, a warrior and hunter in his own right. He spent almost all of his time on the pursuits that Matthew found to be interesting. There were hunts that happened during the mornings, grand feasts to be held each night. Jeffrey supposed that was the norm for members of northern courts, for the northern princes, but all it seemed to him was that Maria’s company was forgotten by the man who had been sworn to marry her.

 The lords had gathered for yet another morning hunt, dressed in their riding gear with bows at their sides, some of the women seeing them off. Jeffrey had been eager to point the way the mists sat amongst the opening to the forest that separated the castle walls from the surrounding wilds, but as he found himself most times in her presence, Jeffrey had grown distracted by the woman’s beauty. How was it she outshined the morning sun, that she had eyes more vibrant that the forests themselves?

 And how was it that Michael never seemed to notice?

 The sound of hoofbeats against the ground signaled that Taven had led his men away for the hunt and Jeffrey waved from his spot on the grass, face smudged with streaks of gray and green paint that he was using for his latest masterpiece. “Good morn, Lady Maria! Morning hunt for the men, yes?”

 Maria smiled, crossing to where he sat on the grass. She knelt on her skirts, an action that surprised the painter. “Aren’t all hunts morning hunts? I swear, Prince Taven loves no one quite as much as he loves a good hunt.”

 “You forget Lord Castle,” Jeffrey laughed, recalling the sharply dressed young lord. He was always so well-dressed, well-groomed, and he hung on every word Matthew spoke. “I would say the prince does love the praise of that man.”

 “Well spoke,” Maria smiled, eyes locked on Jeffrey’s every action. The two had never spent much time with one another, especially outside of royal events, “And what about you? Do you not enjoy the hunts?”

 “I have never been as others are,” he shook his head, a small smile on his lips, “I have found my pursuits away from the eyes of others.”

 “And for the eyes of others,” Maria made a witty retort. Had she always been so brilliant?

 “What of you, milady?” Jeffrey smiled, “What pursuits do you find yourself partaking in?”

 She shook her head, “I find myself pursuing the affections of my husband to be.”

 The sadness in her voice broke his heart. Michael did not see the true gem that he had in front of his eyes. “You should not have to fight for those attentions. It is a shame that you do.”

 “You know how men can be,” Maria’s eyes locked with Jeffrey’s own brown orbs, “Perhaps I could show you some spots I would like painted. If you are in line for an adventure, that is.”

 A smile tugged at the corners of Jeffrey’s mouth. They had barely known each other, were barely even friends until Maria had bent to sit next to him unexpectedly. Perhaps this was a step in the right direction.

 “Milady, I would love nothing more.”

#aew imagine #aew #jeff hardy imagine #jeff hardy #maria kanellis imagine #maria kanellis #character: jeff hardy #character: maria kanellis #verse: medieval

[banannabethchase]

Hello i love u plwse write Leyla giving Skye a Look and Skye being like 😳

Pull Me on Your Lap - also on AO3

~

Leyla was staring at her. Skye's sure of it. And she needs to ask her why, and what it's about.

~

As always, it was a bit of a Schroedinger prompt fill. Off we go! Title from Head Bitch by Chrissy Chlapecka. (Also because Leyla Looked At Skye in a Way at the end of Death Before Dishonor what is a humble femslash writer to do????)

~

Skye didn't imagine it.

She's curled up in the big, stiff hotel chair as she watches back her run in to save Trish. She got back to the hotel late, but she's too wired to sleep. Instead, she's studying a little too intently at how Leyla responds to her presence. And there it is - Leyla looks Skye up and down, licks her lips, and walks away.

"You have the worst energy right now, Skye," Willow says.

Skye jumps a little. "Willow! Fuck. I thought you were asleep."

"I was," Willow grumbled, "but then you keep rewatching you and Leyla eye fuck and it worked like an alarm," She stares at Skye. "An alarm I could not turn off."

"Message received," Skye says. She smiles apologetically and puts in her headphones. She could go to sleep. She needs it.

She rewinds the video again and watches. Leyla was looking at her. Leyla was studying her.

Skye knows what she has to do.

Sliding on slippers and a hoodie is easy enough, but she has to be as quiet as possible as she moves through the doorway into the hallway. Waking up Willow again did not seem smart.

Her plan is to ask the front desk where Leyla is, but she doesn't have to resort to that. Maria Kanellis is getting ice, lipstick smeared across her face and down her neck.

"Maria," Skye says, deliberately not looking down to what is definitely just a bra under Maria's robe. "Hi. Do you know which room Leyla is in?"

Maria eyes her, then looks her up and down slowly. "Sure. You'll do. She's next to me."

"And where's your room, then?" Skye asks, planting her hands on her hips. She's not here to be yanked around.

"You looking to join me with Mike and Matt?" Maria, to her credit, looks baffled.

"No!" Skye says. "Leyla. I'm looking for Leyla."

"She's in 424," Maria says, running an ice cube along her lower lip. "But you're welcome in 425 if the," she licks the ice cube in a way that can only be described as lewd, "inspiration strikes."

"Noted," Skye says. She resists the impulse to roll her eyes. And the other one that tells her to go to 425 if things crash and burn with Leyla.

She waits to knock until Maria's back in her own hotel room, unwilling to add a private show to whatever is going on in that room. And then she does. Firm, intentional, unwavering. Like she's not nervous about this.

The door opens and Skye is momentarily taken off guard. Leyla's in a sports bra and shorts, which is normal, but her hair is down and falling across her shoulders. She looks less intimidating like this, like Skye may not be way out of her league right now.  

"Um," Leyla says. "What are you doing?"

"Can we talk?" Skye asks, rapidly growing more and more concerned this was a bad idea. "I mean, in your room."

Leyla nods slowly. "Sure." She steps away and Skye walks in, trying to seem more confident than she is. "What's the deal?"

"Two things,” Skye says. “Well, I was watching your match with Trish back -"

"You watch my matches?" Leyla interrupts.

Skye opens her mouth and closes it. "I. Okay, not always, but last night, yeah. I'm coming after you. I have to know what your style is."

Leyla licks her lips. "My style, huh?" She sits down in the hotel chair. Hers looks more comfortable than the one in Skye and Willow's room.

Skye nods. "And another thing?"

Leyla nods, pulling her hair back in a ponytail. Skye swallows. "Yeah. I, um. You were looking at me."

"What?"

"After the match, when I ran out. You were - looking at me." She pauses, trying to find a better word.

"Yeah," Leyla says. Skye takes her in. Legs splayed, arms lined up with those of the couch, smile on her lips. "I'm always looking at you."

Skye feels herself blush, the low light in the room making the moment feel more intimate, more intense, more charged. "You are not."

"When I can, I do." Leyla looks so sure, so steady, and Skye feels drawn to her. She takes a step closer. Before she can stop it, Leyla's hands are on her thighs, pulling gently so Skye all but falls into her lap. "You like it when I look at you?"

Skye nods, feeling her hoodie slip down her shoulders. She's suddenly too hot. "Yeah."

Leyla smooths her hands up Skye's thighs until her fingertips are under her shorts. Leyla raises an eyebrow, and Skye nods rapidly.

"Say it, baby," Leyla says, and the smirk on her lips burns Skye with either rage or want.

Instead of speaking, Skye leans in, kissing Leyla. She makes a little surprised noise, like she wasn’t expecting Skye to lean in. It doesn't last, though. Leyla pulls Skye in, sliding her mouth open and licking into Skye's. Skye moans at it, thighs slipping farther apart to bracket Leyla's hips. She can feel Leyla's heat against her thighs and she moans, unhidden.

Leyla doesn't give her a second to breath, hands sliding Skye's hoodie off her shoulders. She pulls away, and Skye takes the chance to remember how to breathe.

“You’re braver than I expected,” Leyla says, breathless, and Skye feels pride zing up her spine knowing she got Leyla off guard like that. “Figured it’d be at least a week before you’d confront me.”

Skye shrugs. “I go for what I want. It’s how I got where I am.”

“What you want, huh?” Leyla slides her fingertips under Skye’s shorts again, but her eyes widen. “Oh, god.”

Skye grins. “Oh, did I forget to mention I’m not wearing underwear?”

Leyla drops her head back and mutters something under her breath.

“Hmm?”

“I said this worked out better than I expected.” Leyla’s grin goes cocky again, and Skye leans in to taste it. Leyla’s hands slide down the back of Skye’s shorts and she squeezes.

“You have the best ass on the roster, you know that?” Leyla murmurs, lips sliding down Skye’s neck.

“Oh, that’s not true,” Skye says, trying to keep the gasps under control. “I mean, Toni Storm, for one.”

Leyla hums as she pushes Skye’s shirt up and throws it somewhere in the room, reaching behind to grab Skye’s ass. “Toni Storm’s not the one in my room with me now, is she?”

Tough to argue with that logic, Skye supposes, and she whines as Leyla’s lips nip down her breasts to catch a nipple in her mouth. Skye exhales, head spinning.

“Okay?” Leyla asks, hands stilling where they’re teasing at the edges of Skye’s shorts.

“Great, good, don’t – why would you stop?!”

Leyla laughs as she goes back to flick her tongue against Skye’s nipple, and Skye’s brain melts away. It’s all hands and mouths and touching and heat, and Skye hasn’t had this in a while.

“Come here,” Leyla says, pulling at Skye’s hips. “I wanna taste you.”

Skye shivers. “I – shouldn’t we get on the bed?”

“Don’t want to wait,” Leyla says. “Kneel and I can have you right here.”

Skye’s hands shake, just a little, as she pushes her shorts down her hips. At this angle, with Leyla slid just a bit down in the chair, Skye realizes the plan. “Fuck,” she squeaks.

“Like this idea?”

Skye nods. “Fuck yes. Where do I…?”

Leyla pulls her in closer and leans up. The first swipe of her tongue is enough to nearly take Skye out by the knees, but Leyla’s hands on her ass keep her up. Leyla’s a god at this, taking turns sucking and licking, a talented tongue swirling around Skye’s clit enough to make her cry out. She starts with one finger, crooking inside of Skye beautifully, but soon Skye’s begging for more and Leyla’s fucking her mercilessly with three fingers.

“This is so fucking – I didn’t expect – okay,” Skye can’t stop talking, can’t hold back what keeps pouring out of her mouth, and it seems to egg Leyla on.

Leyla devours Skye like it’s her only job in the world, like breathing or speaking or walking is for another universe. Skye bucks up against Leyla’s face, holding her head. “Right there,” she gasps, hips twitching. “Right – don’t stop – I –”

Her words dissolve, as Leyla’s fingertips dig into her thighs, as her fingers twist expertly inside of Skye, as she sucks hard. Skye comes so intensely her fingers start to shake where they’re woven into Leyla’s hair. She may have added Leyla’s name into the moan. But by accident.

She looks down, dazed, to see Leyla suck her fingers into her mouth to clean them, then wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. Skye whimpers, clit throbbing.

“Good?” Leyla asks.

Skye nods. She slides to the floor between Leyla’s knees. “Can I?”

Leyla’s laugh is a little frantic, a little high pitched. “Can you? Of course you can! Jesus.” She sighs as Skye works her shorts down, and Skye pulls her by the thighs to the edge of the chair. Leyla lets out a surprised curse.

“Where’d you get those arms?!”

Skye shrugs. “I work out.” She sucks her own finger into her mouth, eyes locked on Leyla, and doesn’t break eye contact as she slides in between Leyla’s folds. She seems to take it like a challenge, like she can’t blink as Skye slowly fucks in and out of her.

“You looked so good when you came,” Leyla says. Her eyes close slowly, like she’s imagining it. Skye feels the wetness spread, so she collects the slickness on a second finger and finds it sliding easily inside Leyla. “I – oh – thought those stupid extensions would fall out or something but they-they sparkled. In the moonlight.” She lifts her hips, meeting Skye’s lazy thrusts. “You looked like some kinda fairy.”

Skye laughs, leaning in to lick at Leyla’s folds. “Well, your wish came true tonight, didn’t it.”

Leyla slides her hands into Skye’s hair as Skye sucks at her clit, pumping her fingers out and being sure to hit the place that makes Leyla moan. Slickness coats her chin, her hand, and she grins at it, knowing it means she’s nailing this moment. Leyla’s not a talker, it seems, more with the gestures, and when she cries out wordlessly and tightens her fingers in Skye’s hair, Skye figures it out pretty easily. The clench around her fingers is a decent tell, too.

“Okay, too much.” Leyla’s voice is high pitched as she pulls Skye off of her. “Need – okay.”

Skye feels around and grabs what she thinks is her shirt to wipe her mouth and hands. She catches a glance of something in Leyla’s fingers. Leyla follows her gaze.

“Oh, damn,” Leyla chuckles, shaking the blue glittery strands to the floor. “Guess they didn’t stand a chance against me.” She winks.

Skye rolls her eyes and stands, stretching. She can feel Leyla’s eyes on her. It feels good. So she hops onto Leyla’s bed.

“You sleeping over or something?” Leyla asks. She scans Skye’s naked body.

“I wasn’t thinking sleeping,” Skye says. She folds her arms behind her head.

Leyla pulls off her sports bra and follows her into bed. “I like your ideas, Blue.”

“Well, you do owe me for the extensions, so –”

Skye doesn’t get a chance to finish her sentence.

~

Mini Playlist: Pretty Girl - Hayley Kioko Head Bitch - Chrissy Chlapecka Whatever You Like - Anya Marina A Girl Like You - Edwyn Collins

#SkyeLa #There's no way there's a ship for them yet #This is #Yeah #in which sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now??? #sarahcakes613 #Why #Why do you give me rarepairs that make me go 'HMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!'

[littletroubledgrrrl]

The WWE/WWF used to hire these pretty blondes who had never had any wrestling training before joining the company like Sable, Debra, Torrie Wilson, Stacy Keibler, Sunny, Kelly Kelly, The Kat, Maryse, Terri Runnels and even Trish Stratus, and these women were really mostly only hired for their beauty (although Stacy and Torrie were in WCW before joining the WWF and wrestled a bit before then).

I've created my own wrestling original character who I've imagined looks like the woman in this gif, she has dark brown hair and I've imagined her being hired by the World Wrestling Federation because of her beauty despite that she has brown hair (although I've imagined Vince McMahon not wanting to hire her due to her brown hair, I've also imagined ditching her brown hair).

But then again, the WWE used to also hire women like Layla El, Alicia Fox, the Bella Twins, Christy Hemme, and Maria Kanellis for their beauty and these women didn't have blond hair (some of these women won the Diva Search, which was possibly rigged).

And ECW used to hire brunettes like Francine, Beulah McGillicutty, Kimona Wanalaya and Dawn Marie for their beauty and they treated those women like sex objects.

#mitsou #dis moi dis moi #90s #wwe #wwf

[the-kipsabian]

okay so since it's rumble day, who would be some surprise entrants you would love to see? like put actualities aside, full dream entrants

HMMMMM. no limits, you say?

im sure i have a lot more, but im just gonna name a few that would make me crazy pop tbh lol

from the ladies side, pls return my sweet sweet eva marie to me. i long for my redhead queen

also i would freak out if we got maria kanellis for just one night

and thennnn something totally out there - i would absolutely love to see maki itoh interacting with anyone in this context. it would just be fucking hilarious ngl

as for the guys - im lumping them together, but BREEZANGO. RETURN MY FASHION BABES TO ME FINALLY FFS (it would actually be high key awesome if they finally used this to bring breeze back tho like plsplspls)

..could you fucking. imagine. orange cassidy. so yeah LOL

andddd i wanna say the murder grandpa, minoru suzuki. i long for death in the concept of the rumble lol

#these are so impossible and dumb they would just make me happy LOL #apart from maybe eva marie and breeze lmao not a chance. but it would be fun tho!! #ss-trashboat #thank you for asking! <3 #wrestling musing

[munatarswrestlingassociationrp]

Justin Roberts: "This bout is set for one fall with a 20-minute time limit! Introducing first, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing 200 pounds... Mike Bennett!"

Jim Ross: "And Mike Bennett, looking primed and ready for this one-on-one contest!"

Jerry Lawler: "Yeah, but... where's his wife? Don't they usually enter together?"

Jim Ross: "Maria Kanellis is an active wrestler in the women's division, so I imagine she a bit too busy preparing for her own matches to be playing valet all the time."

Jim Cornette: "And, plus, I'm more interested in seeing the abilities of the man himself, not who the fuck he married! Leave that shit to the dirt sheets and let the action speak of him itself!"

Jerry Lawler: "Oh, God, this guy..."

Jim Ross: "A familiar face of the mid 2000's and early 2010's. A man looking to make a comeback after a promising career was derailed by some unfortunate events-"

Mr. Anderson does his signature pose, and a mic drops into his hand.

Mr. Anderson: "Ladies and gentlemen... this guy's a pretty good lover boy, huh? Faithful, fatherly... BUT YOU SEE, THE SO-CALLED "POWER OF LOVE" DON'T WIN YOU SHIT IN THE WRESTLING RING! Now that he's out there on his own, it's gonna take a real "miracle" for him not to get his ass kicked tonight. Kicked... by a man FROM GREEN BAY WISCONSIN..."

Jerry Lawler: "Oh, god..."

Mr. Anderson: "I am... MIIIIIIIIIIIIISTEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... ANDERSON!!!!"

He holds his mic up to the fans.

Fans: "Anderson!"

Jim Ross: "And here we go! The bell rings, and the two square up. Mike Bennett, driving Mr. Anderson to the corner!"

Jim Cornette: "Impressive display of strength by "The Miracle" Mike Bennett."

Jerry Lawler: "Oh, and what a clothesline in the corner of the ring! That ought to knock Mr. Anderson for a loop!"

Jim Ross: "And he takes him to another corner and does it again! And again! And again!"

Jim Cornette: "You know, it's great he's found a move that works, but sooner or later, Mr. Anderson's gonna have to find a way to neutralize that attack."

Jim Ross: "And now Mike Bennett, waiting in the ring... and he drops Mr. Anderson with the superkick!"

Jerry Lawler: "Good grief!"

Jim Cornette: "But come on! There's no need to taunt like that! Get back on the attack!"

Jim Ross: "Looks like he's about to do just that, as he picks up Anderson and drops him down with the spinebuster!"

Jerry Lawler: "I could feel my spine rattling from seeing that move!"

Jim Ross: "And he waits for Anderson to get up... and drops him with the cutter! Cover, 1... 2, no! Anderson kicks out at 2!"

Jerry Lawler: "I just can't believe how hot Mike Bennett started out this match! It's a miracle!"

Jim Ross: "Well, it looks like the miracle's coming to an end, as the two now lock up... and Mr. Anderson drops Mike Bennett with the belly-to-back suplex!"

Jim Cornette: "Textbook wrestling fundamentals, folks. Textbook wrestling fundamentals."

Jim Ross: "And Anderson, now, picking up Mike Bennett... Irish Whip, and he hits the running clothesline! Cover 1... not even close! Bennett kicks out at 1!"

Jerry Lawler: "He's still got plenty of gas in the tank... wonder if he's thinking of his wife through all this?"

Jim Ross: "Anderson now, with the drop toe hold, sending Bennett into the ropes. And he follows it up with the leapfrog guillotine!"

Jim Cornette: "You'd have to be really dumb not to go for a cover here..."

Jim Ross: "Apparently, Anderson is. He wants to inflict some more punishment in the form of a dropkick! Bennett, getting out of the ring to regroup for a moment!"

Jerry Lawler: "I don't blame him, either. Mr. Anderson's on the warpath now!"

Jim Ross: "Anderson, though, in pursuit and sending Mike Bennett crashing into the ring stairs!"

Mr. Anderson: "That's right! That's what you get when you step into the ring with the real competitors!"

Jim Cornette: "And a bit of taunting by Mr. Anderson! Come on, enough's enough! You want to talk the talk, you better walk the walk!"

Jim Ross: "Anderson, though, back in first and Mike's not in for a second before he's hit with the Green Bay Plunge! Anderson, now climbing the... oh, no. Mike's gone to the corner to regroup... that turns out to be a bad move as Mr. Anderson just scrapes his head with the face wash!"

Jim Cornette: "Guys, I just don't think Mike Bennett has it in him anymore to win this one."

Jim Ross: "Anderson setting up Mike Bennett in the center of the ring... and there's the Kenton Bomb! Cover, 1... 2... no! Mike Bennett kicks out at 2 and a half!"

Jerry Lawler: "I think we might be seeing the beginning of the end here!"

Jim Ross: "You may be right, King, as Anderson sets up Bennett... and drops him down with the Mic Check! Cover, 1... 2... 3, it's all over!"

Justin Roberts: "The winner of the match... Mr. Anderson!"

Jim Cornette: "So long, thanks for coming Mike Bennett!"

Jim Ross: "It was a pretty hard-fought battle, I'll tell you that much! But in the end, there could only be one winner, and this time, it was Mr. Anderson... Anderson!"

Jerry Lawler: "Oh... I hope his wife's wrestling in the next match! I can't wait to see her!"

#the miracle: mike bennett #the asshole: mr. anderson

[closetofanxiety]

If Meltzer’s report is true, and Maria Kanellis told WWE she’s pregnant again shortly after she and her husband signed a five year, $2.5 million contract, I am left with the following complex reactions:

* Admiration for Maria for being the Ultimate Worker; imagine working Galactic Carny Vince McMahon TWICE with the same angle!

* Creeping dread that we are in for five years of punishment angles where Maria portrays an unlikeable ballbuster and Mike plays a simpering cuckold 

* A growing conviction that we are, as I have long suspected, in hell 

#Maria Kanellis #Mike Kanellis #WWE

[symphonyofmars]

Oh, great goddess of Fancasting, I did A Thing

*should be doing nanowrimo things*

*is doing this instead*

Okay, keeping in with my theme of actors of Greek descent:

Marina Sirtis as Demeter (I love her voice 5ever and she has the poise of a goddess)

Ariel Winter as Persephone (She’s young but I feel as if she might be able to look like a maiden and a… matron? Seph doesn’t have any kids in the book so idk if she’s technically a matron. But ‘innocent and young’ and then ‘mature and stern’ is what I’m going for. The more I look at her face the more I think “Yes. This is Persephone.” She’s also quite curvy which I feel is nice in a world of actresses who are normally impossibly thin.)

Theo James is part Greek? Maybe he can play Hades. (He does have a dreamy romance-lead kind of face. I’m trying to imagine him with the hair… and I have seen him do “stern, forceful guy well” sooo…)

Chris Sarandon as Zeus PLEASE (that voice, that poise. He NEEDS to be the king of the gods)

Elizabeth Perkins as Hera

Maybe Dave Bautista as Ares? (he’s a hulking dude who used to pretend to hurt people for a living, why not let him do it as the god of war? Lol)

Maybe Maria Kanellis as Eris? (I feel like she has really intense eyes, good for playing a batshit character)

Olympia Dukakis as Nyx, PLEASE

For Hecate: Elena Kampouris as her maiden aspect, Lindsay Hartley as the mother, maybe Marilu Henner as the crone (I don’t want to insult her by using the word ‘crone’. I’m sorry honey, you’re beautiful)

Zoe Kazan as Artemis

Athena Karkanis as Athena (I did not pick her for the role because of her name, I took one look at her face and went “YES. SHE IS THE GODDESS OF WISDOM.” and then read her name and died of laughter for a moment before putting her on the list. Ohhhh, Providence.)

Jason Mantzoukas or Demetri Martin as Hermes (I can’t remember how sassy he was in the book. If sass is high, one of these lovely goons)

Maybe Tracy Spiridakos as Minthe?

Costas Mandylor as that king that Demeter helps (I’m blanking on names I read it so long ago.)

Rita Wilson as his wife

David Mazouz as Triptolemus (Not sure if he’s too young)

I was thinking maybe Billy Zane as Sisyphus since he plays a schmoozy bad guy very well

Me as Alekto (When do I audition? Where do I sign? Lol)

I honestly can’t figure out someone for Thanatos or Morpheus, there appears to be a dearth of young actors of Greek descent.

Anyway, @therkalexander, this is the fancasting I have procrastonated for wayyyy too long on. Also, I can’t tweet it at your lovely producer since I don’t have a twitter so…

What’s her address? I’ll send it by carrier pigeon.

#@therkalexander #receiver of many #destroyer of light #hades and persephone #hades #persephone #but really i don't use the twitters #sorry pal #i think this might be too many words as well #i might have to send multiple pigeons #anyway #back to nano #a story of a viking guy and an anachronistic greek girl and also there is smut #and mushy fluffy things #time to take a crack at that word count

[lambchopviking]

We need a match between the most ego-centric people on the roster. A triple threat between "the goddess" Alexa bliss, the "First Lady" Maria kanellis, and maryse standing in for her husband. Imagine the promos between them.

i want this. i want this badly.

#Anonymous

[reviewfix]

WWE RAW Coverage: The Club Reborn

WWE RAW Coverage: The Club Reborn

The first RAW of the Heyman era featured a heck of a lot of in-ring action and some interesting storyline (Maria Kanellis pregnant and destroying her husband on the mic), but it wasn’t a huge leap ahead in any stretch of the imagination. 

Away from the reformation of The Club, RAW needs help.

Matches:

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Braun Strowman vs. Bobby Lashley: These guys beat the holy…

View On WordPress

[amplesalty]

Day 5 - Saving Christmas (2017)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.

FIVE SIDED RING!!!! No, wait...four. GOD DAMNIT!

No, sadly not a remake of the modern day Kirk Cameron classic. Why does Christmas need saving all the damn time? It needs to become empowered so it can save itself once in a while.

Anyway, with this and the Halloween movies, I tend to keep a wordpad document where I will note down any interesting sounding movies I come across so I might watch them in future years. Apparently I must have added this last year but I have no earthly idea where I picked it up from, probably that message board. It's always a bit weird going back through that list a year or two down the line with no context so I have no idea what these things are or how I found them in the first place. Like, spoiler for some future year, I have 3615 code Père Noël on the list but just looking on that makes me think I've copied some weird HTML code somehow.

The only note I've made on that entire list, outside of just film names, is on this noting 'Mike and Maria Bennett'. So clearly again I'm having to make my own way in the world of Christmas/wrestling mashups since WWE still isn't bothering. Still, Becky Lynch was just in that new Marine sequel so that might be neat. And Luke Harper was in one of their movies at the start of the year. I still can't believe Ted DiBiase Jr of all people was in The Marine 2. That guy always seemed so utterly devoid of charisma.

The Bennetts are just the tip of the iceberg though, as this credits roll shows. Tommy Dreamer, Matt Striker AND Gangrel?! Hell yes. Though, who casts Gangrel in a kids movie, honestly? I'm sure he has a...questionable filmography, shall we say. He directed porn, right? I'm assuming directed, I can't imagine someone casting him as a performer...

As an aside, can we all take a moment to appreciate the wonderful wonderful power ballad that is Mike and Maria Kanellis' WWE theme?

Also, as part of the credits, we learn that we're in Norepole, Maine. This both makes me confused for half the movie when I'm unsure if people are saying North Pole or Norepole,  and also worried about what supernatural events are going to go down. It's a possessed wrestling title and it's murdering everyone!

Let's try and get through the dull part of the movie which is pretty much the entire first hour. We have a bunch of kids that seem to be directly ripping off Ghosbusters, trying to track down a trap a ghost, whilst also dabbling in a little testing of psychic abilities. Though, I think this kid has a genuine interest in the subject. Venkman was probably just doing it for grant money, chicks or both.

Only, Douchebag McGee turns up with his hanger on to hassle our gang here. For as bad as this movie is, they at least foreshadow this one kids later betrayal by having him shut his camera off and not even take the footage to any of the teachers to rat on the bully. That or he's just following the code of the schoolyard.

Ooooh, he threw the kids science report in the bin. Real badass over here. Well, he does take it a bit too far by insulting the kids dead father. Again, just the tip of the iceberg though, we'll come back to this.

Meanwhile, we have a budget Rob Lowe over here who rocks up to a lady's salon for a hair cut. He has a cute little dog with him though so one suspects he's here for the women. It's certainly not for a haircut, $25 he pays and his hair looks literally the same for the rest of the movie.

He works for the big toy factory in town under 'Rick', played by Edward Asner. Man, that guy is old and he's still racking up credits left, right and centre. Surprise, he's actually Santa. But he feels too old and crotchety to be Santa. Where's the heart? Where's the love?!

As part of their supernatural fixation, the kids focus on a new task: to prove Santa is real. Well, it's partially for SCIENCE and partially because his little sister has become so jaded towards Christmas. After her Dad died, how could a terrible world such as this deserve something as lovely as Christmas? This must be the world's most miserable 8 year old.

Unfortunately, little Danny's belief that Santa is caught on film by soon to be former friend Jake, who gives it to the bully who plasters it all over...'Friendsbook'. I love when movies and TV shows have to come up with fake versions of social media. Friendsbook seems too sappy to ever get over. Defintely a step down from the less subtle 'Mybook' or 'Facespace'. Danny's friend pretty clearly says Facebook as well so I dunno if they had some rights issue or something that they had to sub in the visual stuff last minute? Billion dollar company and that's what your app looks like? State of it...

Back at the salon, Sammy's attempts to bang Danny's mom have now racked him up $50 in hair cut fees and he's still not had anything in the way of restyling. 24 hour bed head, that guy.

As part of the kids efforts to track down Santa, I can't believe this is a spoken like in this movie, Danny says he 'hacked the Norepole Mall database and got a list of mall Santa's from the past decade.' He also later claims that he has free reign over the toy company's security cameras but can only shutdown their security network for 9 minutes. Clearly having access to a laptop is all that it takes to be a 1337 haxor in Hollywood. One of those is now the promoter of the wrestling show in town, the XWA. If you guessed that the X stands for XTREME, ding ding ding! A winner is you!

The kids however are a little distracted by marking out over Matt Taven. Come on, he's not even good enough to get in the opening credits! Or a close up. The promoter basically tells them that he enjoyed putting smiles on everyone's faces as Santa so that's what lead him to the wrestling biz. I feel there's definitely a parallel to be drawn between Christmas and wrestling. They're both still real to me, damnit!

Sammy explains everything to Danny's mom, that being that he is actually working the real actual Santa Claus who needs a makeover. If only for the sake of plot convenience, she readily accepts this rather than running in the opposite direction. Apparently back in the day, his company and 'a very popular soda company' (he did the air quotes and everything) put Santa on the map but it's the 21st century now. As Sammy puts it, enough is enough and it's time for a change! Firstly, I knew it! You lied to me, Snopes dot com. Coca Cola did invent Santa! Secondly, it's alright Sammy, we know Santa is not a nugget. This is all well and good but I sense a problem with dressing Santa in jorts considering the time of year he has to work. Guy looks like a more urban Hugh Hefner.

If we give Santa a hip new makeover and have him turn up at the XWA Gingerbread Brawl, it could result in the most lkes, shares and retweets of all time! That's a pretty good name, it's no Seasons Beatings or Fabulous February Fight Fest but still, pretty good. And, as for the most retweets? I'm pretty sure you have to be begging for a lifetime supply of nugs to get that title.

We've now come to the best part of the movie, hands down. Danny and his sister are walking home from school. As an end of term assignment, she had to create something based around the one thing she could have for Christmas. So, she makes a memory box full of photos and mementos of her departed Father. That's odd, why did they take the time to have an establishing shot of a wood chipper? I sure this isn't ominous in the slightest.

The bully soon comes into frame. His latest plan is to steal all the evidence that Danny and co have been compiling on the whereabouts of Santa so that he can claim all the credit himself. He figures that box must have everything in it so promptly takes it. But rather than just run off with it, he takes the odd decision to kick it into the air....oh no.

Oh God! The whole thing unfolds in slow motion, a sorrowful song drowns out everything but the dull roar of wood chipper on cardboard action, as Danny's sister breaks down in tears and the bully is in tears of laughter. This is played like the death of Bambi's mother and Mufasa all rolled into one and my God is it beautiful. Danny on the other hand, he doesn't take kindly to this and promptly lays the Smacketh-down on the bully like he's Ralphie Parker on ol' Yellow Eyes.

Right, now that's out of the way, it's time for your main event! Maria Kanellis makes he showstopping, 15 second appearance to recite The Night Before Christmas to a packed locker room of all of 4 people.

Why is Tommy Dreamer on play-by-play?!

And why do your tickets say WXE despite the fact you're clearly the XWA?

I like how in a podunk town of 3,000 people, Matt Striker still has to play as the backstage interviewer. And rather than the Vampire Warrior that we are accustomed to, Gangrel now appears to be a viking called Tucker Von Magnus. Fantastic. You know how Matt Striker would always come up with those stupid names for people? Like Yoshi Tatsu was the Poison Fist of the Pacific Rim? Let's brain storm one for Vampire Viking over here, let's make this a thing.

By the way, isn't it weird that WWE had to license out the name Gangrel from Vampire: The Masquerade? A very odd collision of worlds there.

You know that whole 'Card subject to change' thing? Yeaaaaaaaaah, about that. Turns out Max Miracle (Mike Bennett) had a little motorbike accident and now can't wrestle anymore. But don't worry, he'll defend his title at January Jam! Pre-order your tickets now! Didn't you learn anything from Bret Hart?!

Holy shit, nuclear heat for this. Tommy tries to to calm the crowd down but they are having none of it. As far as I'm concerned, all of this crap in the ring represents these fans out here!

"Uh-oh, and a flying soda to the eye now rendering Tommy Dreamer partially blind." "Wow, this....this truly is a black day for the XWA."

Well, either that or, knowing Tommy Dreamer, he’s probably just crying over something.

Nevermind that, Max Miracle's replacement is non other than Santa freakin' Claus! The bully isn't buying it though and promptly jumps the rail, grabs a mic and cuts a promo on the guy. I say jumps the rail, more like takes a step to the side around the rail. How do we know this is the real Santa?

Well, for one thing, the real Santa can fly. Tommy Dreamer can't believe his one good eye.

Also, the real Santa can magically teleport Max Miracle from his home to the middle of the ring, bad foot and all. Crowd goes banana for this, including one dad who even draws a skeptical look from his daughter. She's like 'Jeez, Dad. Calm down, it's only Michael Bennett.' They act like he's a mega babyface but the guy signed his own cast earlier! What a narcissist.

All it takes is for Santa to lay his healing hands on that cast though and all is well and Max can take on the challenge of the Viking and his evil manager. This is the part I'm calling bullshit on. I didn't sit through nearly an hour and a half of this garbage to sit through a Mike Bennett vs Gangrel match, I wanted Santa vs Gangrel!

Max goes over with, of all things, a suplex and then scoop slamming the manager on top of Gangrel for the pin. Not even a Brainbuster, just a bog standard suplex. What is this, the 80's? Minus 5 stars! Still, probably the only televised victory he’s had within the past year.

#Christmas 2018 #Saving Christmas

[closetofanxiety]

Let’s Get Ready to (Review the Royal) Rumble!!

I watched all 11 hours of this thing, so I might as well jot down some thoughts

Rusev w/Lana vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

This was the first WWE pre-show I’ve watched in a long time. Lots of banter from the panel, which included Shawn Michaels. I’m not sure how often I will watch the pre-shows going forward. This match existed, and it concluded with a title change. Nakamura is your new United States champion. Lana took a bump and hurt her ankle in storyline. “Lana, get up!” Rusev yelled at his prone wife after she was knocked off the apron. Show a little more concern there, Rusev. Later in the show this would turn out to be a momentous ankle injury

Hideo Itami vs. Buddy Murhpy vs. Kalisto vs. Akira Tozawa

I haven’t watched 205 Live in forever, but I hear Mike Kanellis is there now. This match was not as sensational as I had expected, but it had some good spots. No reason for these guys to go full-tilt, I guess. They’re wrestling as the crowd files in to Chase Field, and when it’s done they go back to 205 Live. Kalisto should have won by default, as he is the only member of this quartet who weighs 205 pounds or less. He did not win, though, and Buddy Murphy remains your cruiserweight champion. In a year, perhaps this match will feature Kushida, Trevor Lee, Sonjay Dutt, and Kalisto. Always Kalisto. Poor, lost Kalisto.

Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Although it would later become clear why this went on first, it was still a little surprising. And, to be honest, I did not love this match. It finished up very well, but until the last five minutes or so it was a lot slower and more tentative than I would have expected from these two. It ended on something of a surprise note, with Becky tapping and Asuka retaining. They’ve  succeeded in bringing Asuka back from the foggy post-Wrestlemania wasteland in which they stranded her. What happens to her now? Another feud with Charlotte? They should bring up Io Shirai and Kairi Sane and form a new version of Triple Tails. They will not do this.

The Bar vs. Shane McMahon and The Miz

Mark and I watched this entire match barely 12 hours ago, and now all I can remember is Shane McMahon doing a credible Shooting Star Press. Few things in pro wrestling are more boring, in 2019, than the state of the Smackdown tag team title picture. And now there are new champs. Perhaps this is the beginning of splitting up The Bar. They’ve been a tag team since September 2016. They’re both terrific wrestlers and have had many good matches, but there’s nothing about them that really sticks with me. It doesn’t help that they have one of the worst tag team names in the history of pro wrestling.

Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks

I was surprised to see this match was almost 14 minutes long. It felt like it went by quickly. This was the best Sasha Banks match I’ve seen in a looooong time, and maybe Rousey’s best WWE match to date. She looked really good. The work with Gulak is paying off. Sasha also looked like the relentless competitor we remember from her NXT days. I enjoyed this match a lot. Based on what happened the last time I mentioned Ronda Rousey, I now expect to get several anonymous messages calling me a fucking imbecile. That’s OK. It’s true, I am a fucking imbecile, but Ronda Rousey is still good in a wrestling ring. After the match, Sasha held up the Horsemen/women sign. If Rousey is finishing up at Wrestlemania, I’m not sure they’re going to have time for the epochal Clash of the Horsewomen. Hey! One good thing about this match in particular is that Rousey didn’t win with her armbar. That’s good storytelling; it establishes her as a multi-tool threat. 

Royal Rumble (women)

The last 5-10 minutes of this were an absolute blast, with Lana being unable to walk out because of her ankle, and Belfast’s Fit Finaly giving the green light to Dublin’s Becky Lynch to enter the match in Lana’s place. Cue a recording of the Wolfe Tones’ “We’re On the One Road.” When the field narrowed down to Becky, Charlotte, and Nia, it was a great moment. I am not a big Nia Jax advocate, but based on the crowd reaction, she is the top heel in the women’s division. Becky winning was a legitimately cathartic moment, and kudos to leathery madman Vince for making the right call. Unfortunately, the rest of the match was kind of a slog. The surprise entrants were great, and I was particularly pleased to see Io Shirai, Kairi Sane, and Candice LeRae. I once saw Candice LeRae wrestle in a tiny performance space that normally hosted noise bands and avant-garde literature readings. People on Twitter were complaining there weren’t enough “Legends” among the surprise entrants, but come on. The pool is not nearly as deep for the women as it is for the men. The biggest women stars of the Attitude Era tended to not be wrestlers, which actually was kind of true of the WWE women’s division even after the Attitude Era. They’ve already had Trish and Lita at the previous Rumble and the Evolution PPV; at some point, it’s not a surprise anymore. It’s also good to build up the future than to be like “Remember Kelly Kelly?? Well, here she is for three minutes of listless punching!” Maria Kanellis counts as a legend by that math, and she was in the Rumble. That was kind of a surprise. I had no idea what she and Alicia Fox were doing. It seemed like challenging absurdist theater, like they spontaneously decided to act out a scene from an Ionesco play. Talk about going into business for yourself. Swoggle also appeared and chased Zelina Vega around with a lascivious look on his face, which was, uh, unexpected. 

Daniel Bryan vs. AJ Styles

First, let’s consider how great it is that a WWE championship match featuring two of the most popular wrestlers on the roster is in the cool-down spot after a women’s match. That genuinely rules. That would have been unthinkable as recently as two years ago. As the women get more and more popular, those Saudi shows are going to get harder to pull off. Hurry up with those reforms, Prince MBS! Haha, just kidding, they’re not going to reform their brutal autocracy. Oh, right; this match. This was a chore to watch. It was so boring. It was not helped by its spot on the card, but this listless, will-this-do performance wouldn’t have been good in any spot. These are two of the best wrestlers of the last 30 years, but sometimes it just doesn’t click. It did not click here. I was relieved when Erick Rowan made his mysterious (re)appearance because I knew it signaled the match was almost over. It seems they’re going to make Rowan some kind of eco-brute, helping Daniel Bryan advance his monstrous agenda of caring about the planet. Fine. At least he’s not dressed like a second-tier TMNT villain anymore.

Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman vs. Finn Balor

By contrast, this was a hoot. They knew they had to recapture the crowd, and they went at it full-tilt for eight minutes. The story here was great: Brock was surprised to find himself being pushed to his limits by this lithe little Irishman, and so after he won, he lashed out like a petulant, over-the-hill bully. An example of how you can tell a great story in an eight-minute match. Not every big match has to be 25 minutes. Especially not that dogshit Daniel Bryan-AJ Styles match. It would have been great to see Finn win, but the Irish have to content themselves with Becky’s Rumble win tonight.

Royal Rumble (men)

This moved along at a quicker clip than the women’s rumble, perhaps because it was nearly 11 p.m. EST when it started. Damn and heck, this was a long show. It was lots of fun to see Jarrett come out in his ridiculous 1990s gear. HUGE missed opportunity by not having Honky Tonk Man come out, but you can’t have everything. Johnny Gargano looked great, Andrade looked great, Kurt Angle looked very, very old. The best moment was when Mustafa Ali eliminated his current antagonist, Samoa Joe. The incomprehension and fury on Joe’s face were magnificent grace notes. Joe is such a great addition to the roster. It’s crazy that it didn’t happen sooner. No Way Jose was essentially used as a quick punchline. Boy, that guy’s main roster tenure has not been pretty. The big surprise I guess was an enraged Nia Jax coming out and entering herself in the Rumble and then taking four guys’ finishers. CUE: CONTROVERSY. WWE’s been dipping its toes in intergender wrestling for a bit, but it’s hard to see them going whole hog. Nia is one thing, but imagine the response if it was Alexa Bliss being ethered by Randall Keith Orton. Seth Rollins was the odds-on favorite to win (although I picked Drew McIntyre, going with my heart rather than my head) so it feels a little anti-climactic that he actually won, but whatever. Afterwards, he pointed to the Wrestlemania “sign,” which was a computer graphic visible only to people watching on the network, so to those in attendance it looked like he was pointing out the place where he spotted a UFO. 

#Royal Rumble #Royal Rumble 2019 #show reviews

[closetofanxiety]

Pro Wrestling BIZ TALK

Events are moving very quickly, and let’s try to get a handle on them:

* Elite Wrestling Club is having their first big public event TONIGHT in beautiful Jacksonville, Fla. ahead of Smackdown, which is in the same city. They’re billing it as a “rally,” which means they have some PR capital in whether or not people actually show up. 

* As of yet, we don’t know if they’ll have a TV show or a touring schedule, or whether they’ll be working with other promotions. Big Dave says NJPW initially gave AEW the brushoff, but then panicked when Ken O’Mega announced his departure, and now they want to do business with the Cody Jacksons. 

* I know how this is going to sound, but I think AEW, in order to really make a splash, needs at least one high-profile signing, and by “high profile” I mean C.M. Punk, or a rough equivalent. There’s going to be zero interest in AEW from the casuals without that kind of attraction, and limited interest even from people who keep up with WWE. I know the Cody Jacksons and Ken O’Mega are big deals inside the wrestling bubble, but drawing 11,000 people to what was billed as a once-in-a-generation supershow is not the same thing as having a year-round business model. It is not, so far, a particularly deep bench. I mean, I like SCU and Britt Baker, but is anyone out there like HOLY SHIT, FRANKIE KAZARIAN!!! I WASN’T ON BOARD BEFORE, BUT NOW I GOTTA FOLLOW AEW’S EVERY MOVE!!! 

* Ring of Honor is in a weird position! They’re three months away from their biggest show of all time, and as it stands at this moment, they are in a worse position than they were a year ago. I wonder if there are bitter recriminations about helping the Elite Boys put All In together. Ring of Honor feels like they became the number two promotion in the U.S. essentially by accident, and have no idea what to do next. The MSG show, which should be the high point of ROH history, is going to end up being a NJPW show with ROH riding along in the sidecar. 

* New Japan is also in kind of a weird position. Poised to expand internationally, they’ve just lost their biggest international stars. Jericho wants to return for a program with Tanahashi, and that would be a lot of fun, but it’s a short-term solution. Tanahashi vs. Jericho is many things, but it’s not exactly a battle of hot young stars. They seem determined to fumble the ball on Naito, who has the most breakout potential of anyone on the roster, and the Bullet Club now has all the cachet of nWo 2000. I know there are people in the wrestling bubble who think Knife Pervert Jay White is going to be an enormous Kenny Omega-level star, but - and I fully admit I struggle to get on board with New Japan - I do not see it, to put it charitably. 

* Speaking of weird positions! Impact is in a weird position. The quality of the product is the best it’s been in years, and as strange as it feels to say this, Impact has become something of a critics’ darling. They have an incredibly talented roster of exciting young wrestlers and they’ve had higher highlights, when it comes to pay-per-view quality, than any other U.S. (or, Canadian, I guess) promotion in 2018. HOWEVER, their business model seems incoherent at best: they have an OTT streaming service for 10 bucks a month that doesn’t get you access to the PPVs; they have a weekly TV show that has moved from an obscure cable channel to a cable channel that might as well be a state secret; and they’re simulcasting that weekly TV show on Twitch, which suggests they aren’t expecting to rake in the advertising dollars, to say the least. They don’t tour, and most of their roster is non-exclusive, meaning their appeal is diluted in an age when so much wrestling is available to watch over the Internet. For the first time in years, there aren’t swirling rumors of their imminent demise, but it doesn’t feel right to say they’re doing “well,” at least not financially. Like ROH, Impact could really benefit from a big creative risk or a shakeup, but it doesn’t seem like one is coming (and I don’t really have any idea what one would look like, either). 

* What about the indies? The model that developed over the course of the 2010s - Every Show Is a Supershow - is not sustainable now that WWE signed 80 percent of famous indie wrestlers to deals, with ROH scrambling to lock up anyone they can (and maybe AEW and Impact and MLW following suit). The first Americanrana I saw, back in 2015, featured, among others, Chris Hero/Kassius Ohno, Johnny Gargano, Matt Taven, Mike and & Maria Kanellis, Biff Busick/Oney Lorcan, Drew Gulak, Curt Hawkins, “Speedball” Mike Bailey, David Starr, AR Fox, Tracy Williams, Chuck Taylor, Trent, Eddie Kingston, Nick Gage, Doom Patrol, EYFBO/LAX, Kimber Lee, Heidi Lovelace/Ruby Riott, and the Young Bucks. Forget about all the people on that list who’ve signed exclusive deals since then: it’s hard to imagine an indie promoter who could afford to book that show in 2019. What’s the alternative? Beyond Wrestling is launching a weekly two-hour TV show that it promises is not, in fact, a TV show, which is both bold and confusing. I’m doubtful it’s going to accomplish what they’re hoping it will, but at least it’s something different. What’s everyone else that isn’t PWG doing? Still trying to imitate PWG? Bringing in old ECW guys and/or famous old guys from Japan, because at least Vince isn’t going to sign Great Sasuke or Onita (OR WILL HE???)? 

* This last one isn’t a biz thing, but I wanted to noted how terrible that Braun/Brock segment was last night. Hugely embarrassing! 

#wrestling business #AEW #All Elite Wrestling #ROH #NJPW #Impact Wrestling #indie wrestling #2019 is bonkers