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bluedalahorse · 8 months

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Unsolicited August backstory headcanons (plus a bonus tangent about Blue’s undergraduate initiation)

Ahahaha well, I left my work laptop at work by accident. I guess that’s my subconscious is telling me to take a break and post the August headcanons I’ve been drafting on the bus each morning so…

There are a few posts floating around my dash right now that ask questions about what August would have done in certain hypothetical situations. The discussion has all been worthwhile to watch, but I’ve refrained from jumping in as of yet, in part because work has been busy and in part because of personal headcanon reasons. The thing with personal headcanons is that they just kind of live in my head and influence the way I write fic. They’re not really the kind of thing I can prove or argue for, they’re just… vibes? But vibes are still worth talking about in one’s fandom spaces so I may as well ramble.

One thing I believe as someone who spends too much time writing from this garbage boy’s POV is that August did not show up to his first year of Hillerska as exactly the person we see onscreen in 1.1. He was a full two years younger, which is significant for a teenager, and he would have been more recently impacted by the loss of his father. Moreover he would have been entering as a first year and would not have been immediately afforded all the at-school privileges the third year boys enjoy. Now, this does not mean he was a morally perfect angel—far from it, given that being landed gentry with generational wealth can still do a number on one’s psyche. However, if I assume that August came to Hillerska as the very same Full Titled Asswipe he is as a third year, I don’t get to explore systems of privilege and how they radicalize young men into toxic and harmful behavior. Which is something I’m interested in as a writer, both in my fanfic and my original fiction.

With that in mind, here are some of my personal headcanons for August’s pre-Hillerska and pre-season 1 life, with some Horn family headcanons mixed in…

August’s relationship to the royal family—or not—was a big source of conflict between his parents. Carl Johan wanted him hanging out with the royal family and getting to know his second cousins while Louise did not. For the most part, Louise won this argument when August was a child. In August’s early childhood, Carl Johan would frequently go off to visit the palace on his own, and came back with fun stories and various presents and the like. I base this on the fact that August doesn’t seem to have hung out with Wille or Erik as a child, and seems to have some seemingly “insider” knowledge of the royal family, but with like, weird gaps about things. He also tends to idealize royal life in a way Wilhelm doesn’t, given that Wilhelm has lived royal life. I feel like this is consistent with a backstory where August was mostly told about the royal life from his dad’s perspective. Like he’s got a lot of details but he doesn’t have all of them and he’s still got rose-colored glasses.

August before the age of twelve or so was one of those kids who was pretty bad at interacting with kids his own age, but was “better” at interacting with adults. He’s an only child, so he wouldn’t have grown up around siblings, and would have probably had to play alone a lot. I don’t know if I believe school or his local area would have been an easy place for him to make friends given what @sflow-er was saying about children of the nobility and what it’s like for them when they go to their local schools. I wouldn’t go so far as to say August was bullied. (I mean, maybe he was, I don’t know. From my experience of working with young people, it’s not uncommon for kids who are bullied at one school to become bullies at other schools they transfer to. On the other hand, I think we’ve seen enough of August’s personality to know he could potentially be prickly and arrogant and push other kids away. Regarding that question, I think I’d go with whatever the fic needs. Anyway!) I also feel like, with the growing tensions in his parents’ marriage, he potentially would have coped by trying to put up a mature facade at a young age, which would mean lots of convincing adults he can handle everything. By the time he gets to Hillerska that all comes crashing down on him.

Because I’m such a gothic lit weirdo I insist that there were rumors Årnäs was haunted. Young August probably got asked about that a lot.

Maternal backstory headcanons: Louise’s parents were diplomats or in international business or something similar, so she spent periods of her youth away from Sweden, and sometimes away from her parents, often in international schools or international boarding schools. I have nothing to go on here canon-wise, except there’s that line where August says Louise is off traveling when the Headmistress can’t reach her. It’s very much an excuse, of course, but I like to imagine a grain of truth to it. Louise’s youth abroad gave her a yearning for international travel, and it’s her favorite way to escape the pressures of life when they get too great.

Paternal backstory headcanons: perhaps one of my more… spicy? controversial? … whatever… headcanons is that Carl Johan and Kristina were one another’s Unfortunate Romances in their youth. But Blue, you say. They are cousins! Ew! Which, yes, but they are also royals, and that sort of thing isn’t completely unprecedented I guess. There’s also a neat little chiasmus in my head where Wilhelm’s “unfortunate romance” shakes up the royal court because they feel like he’s trying to pull the monarchy into the future too fast, whereas in Kristina’s day she was that the monarchy needed to modernize, and that sort of thing was less frowned upon centuries ago but these days it Isn’t Done. ANYWAY Carl Johan’s feelings for Kristina remained sort of unresolved for most of his life, and this was something he ruminated on as his addiction got worse. Louise and Carl Johan never spoke about this piece of his backstory, but it was sort of always hanging awkwardly in the air between them. This also fueled Louise’s desire to keep August away from the palace and the royal family stuff, and the fights between her and Carl John about that. None of the kids’ generation knows about the Unfortunate Romance. Well, maybe Erik did, but he’s dead.

You may be asking, if Louise was opposed to August going to the palace and hanging out with his second cousins, then why did she send him to Hillerska? That, my friends, was an act of resignation, and of her not knowing what to do. I imagine puberty was already making August pretty irritable and difficult to deal with. And, with things growing worse and worse between his parents and his father’s addiction growing more problematic, August was probably just… not in a good place. No one in the family was a good place. I don’t see his parents as fully divorced in the year or so leading up to his father’s death, but I do think they were separated—maybe in an obvious way, or maybe they were pretending not to be. So, when Carl Johan took his own life, I imagine August’s anger and grief got even more explosive, and was often directed at his mother. Louise was not in a place where she knew how to deal with the situation, and sent him off to the school her husband had been pushing her to send August to. Sort of like she threw up her hands and went, “you know what? Fine. If this is his final wish, so be it.” And so August was sent away.

August showed up to his first year just sort of… quieter at first, with a lot of anger and grief simmering underneath. I mean why talk about feelings? He was also desperately, desperately in need of something that gave him a feeling of purpose. And then Erik found him. I think this was in part orchestrated a bit by Kristina behind the scenes; I imagine there was a call or text message where she nudged Erik to check up on her cousin’s kid, because even as complicated as the past was, Carl Johan was at one point Kristina’s favorite cousin. So what Erik did was appoint August as his first year lackey who takes care of everything for him—the one who knocks on his door in the morning, the one who pours the drinks at the party, and so on. Basically, August was in the Alexander role for Erik, and ended up taking it very seriously. This was the purpose he had been looking for, the sense of meaning.

I think August’s initiation would have played a role in helping him to feel a sense of purpose and community, too. Wait, what the fuck, Blue? That’s probably what you’re saying right now. Well… a lot of people talk about what the initiation sequence was or wasn’t for Wille, and how Wille’s initiation would have been worse than that of other students. And people usually only talk about that in terms of what Wille experienced. As someone who has attended a school with initiations (and who has even been initiated myself, albeit in a milder way because it was at a women’s college with traditions that differ from Hillerska’s) I actually don’t know if I think that’s true. I also think August’s initiation was probably a more… well, probably something he thought of as positive? Exciting? Seemingly helpful? (I mean, not helpful, but you know.)

EXTREME BONUS TANGENT: I can say that as someone who has been initiated myself, it’s certainly not a fun experience for everyone. That said, it was fun for me at the time, and remains important to me in a way. Speaking from the perspective of someone who enjoyed my initiation experience, it’s… well, it’s kind of weird. You’re in this strange state of torture for a while, like intense mental and physical discomfort, and everyone around you seems to be determined to contribute to that, and you feel very constrained and stretched to your limit. But then once you pass your initiation and you’re welcomed into your new community, it’s like this sudden switch over to an intense euphoria and a whole flood of endorphins. Like, I’m here, and they’re cheering me on, and I belong here, and these people are my family and I love them now. NOW, THAT SAID: initiations are not a good practice generally, because they are generally done en masse and there is a lot of potential for peer pressure and institutionalized abuse. I view my college’s initiation traditions differently now than I do when I was eighteen. That said, my college had also at least put some infrastructure in place as far as consent and contracts, to keep things from going wrong. You could opt out of any task at any time. Still—it’s not a perfect system, and Hillerska is far from perfect, so. You know. Personal memories I have complex feelings about.

Back to Hillerska… August seems to be someone who responds to extreme sensations, so I think he probably was someone who would have felt that intense endorphin rush from his initiation. (We frequently see him chasing other highs in the show, too.) And he would have gone through this at a time when he’d just lost his father and was Achilles-level angry at his mother, when he desperately wanted to feel like he was part of something and belonged somewhere. He probably came out of the ordeal worshipping Erik and ready to die for him, and I imagine Erik responded to that loyalty in kind. I expect that they grew close, but it was also definitely a relationship where Erik called the shorts and August followed his lead. This is, in part, why I struggle to buy into fanfics where August betrays or harms Erik, and why I can’t really sign onto the idea that August would have released a video of Erik. Or at least—he wouldn’t get there without multiple steps leading up to it, and multiple perceived trusts being broken, the way things were with Wilhelm. One of the steps, too, in August betraying Wilhelm, is Erik’s death putting August into a state of volatile grief. So there’s that. Like I cannot stress enough how much I don’t think he’d randomly turn on Erik like a mustache-twirling villain.

One more innocuous headcanon: Erik taught August how to dress, because August showed up to school with no damn idea, his first year. To be fair, so few sixteen-year-old boys know how to dress themselves, even when they can afford nice wardrobes. Some of August’s clothes are his father’s old clothes. I mean, definitely the outfit he went shooting in feels like something that could have belonged to his dad.

One less innocuous headcanon: August kept some pretty serious secrets for Erik. I still kind of think this is true in canon and that we could get a big secret revealed in season 3.

That’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed reading if you got this far. I don’t expect too much engagement but I am making an effort to be more real and honest about my YR enthusiasms in these posts.

#young royals #yr headcanons #august young royals #august horn of årnäs #formatted this whole post while listening to the fun home soundtrack #which despite being quite Midcentury Butch Lesbian is also simultaneously very August vibes at times #the same way Sara vibes are Into the Woods and my Felice writing soundtrack is all Jake Blount’s folk music

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leofrith · 1 month

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no context wip spoilers 🫡

#thank you sara for reminding me of this image i will now resume being insufferable with it #i've finally just finished the work i was SUPPOSED to be doing which means now my desire to write is sure to evaporate any second 😊#ky posts text

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flowryluv · 4 months

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sara adoption au!!!!!!!

#genshin #genshin impact #kujou sara #arataki itto #naganohara yoimiya #these are from june -v-………#it’s an au where she gets adopted by ittos gma as well and they are raised together instead of by the kujous #I have a lot more to say but I’ll do it in a reblog later #too seepy #just wanna go read dunmeshi and not write -v-💤#hmmm……#yoisara #saramiya #?#I do not know which is more used -v-#sara adoption au #sara adoption au: arataki edition #-v- in tags counter: 3

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cannibalismyuri · 9 months

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hey sara when you read rwrb did you also assume alex knew he was bi up until his sexuality crisis revealed the truth to you or was it just me who labored under delusions for the first 25 percent of the book, a whole quarter of the way through, before getting the shocking surprise that alex claremont-diaz, main character of nyt bestselling debut novel red white and royal blue, by author casey mcquiston, was NOT an out and proud bisexual man?

no actually, because im not delulu like u are . anyway .

#LMAO theres a pattern to how these books work and only occasionally are Both ppl comfortable in their identity before getting together.#bc queer panic is fun to write and also a convenient plot point to maybe add Angst or just further the Getting Together process.#besides‚ the whole point was to have a Major Big Realization that his obsession w henry wasnt purely antagonistic.#and it made for some good dramatic irony and unreliable narrator shenanigans. so im saying that it was the only way to fill up space.#and also it caused introspection‚ which leads to us learning more backstory and empathising with him more in general.#also it was hilarious that alex was high key obsessed with him for years and also had Gay Experiences in hs but still didn't realize.#and that makes alex a relatable character overall and makes the pacing of the story better‚ which is why Most queer authors tend to do this #so basically for technical reasons that i Knew bc i do literary analysis‚ also in the specific case of rivals to lovers it just made Sense.#sara's asks #rori <33 #rwrb

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buckleydiazmp4 · 9 months

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#i'll leave the poll open for a week anyways just to see which idea gets more encouraged #sara talks nonsense #911 #buddie #sara's nonsense #sara writes

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cadriona · 1 year

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Rating: T

Word count: 3k (complete)

Pairing: Kujou Sara/Raiden Ei (pre-relationship?)

Summary:

Ei left the mafia when there was nothing left to keep her there, instilling the Raiden Shogun in her place. She should've guessed that the robot would malfunction one day, even if the injured tengu that came knocking at her door was wholly unexpected.

a littol mafia-ish au where ex-mafia-turned-gamer ei finds an injured Sara on her doorstep :D

#raiden ei #kujou sara #eisara #fic #cadri's fic #cadri's writing #written for the eisara zine!! which is free and yall should go check it out!

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alienducky · 7 months

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I think I need to get a white board so I can write a big list of all the things I want to do, that I can stick up somewhere prominent so I can regularly see it and then when I actually do stuff I can cross it off or rub it out and feel accomplished!

So first thing on my Things To Do list is... make a things to do list

Hmmmmm

#duckpond stuff #i have too much in my brain and i want to do it all at once #i want to draw a thing for moss for birf and a thing for Sara for birf and also write a silly coco-yuri argument for Sara's birf too #and i also want to draw Nico with Byleth and Shez and her hanging out with Leonie and her learning makeup with Hilda and Dorothea #and her being training buddies with Caspar and Raphael because shes very flippy and theyre always impressed and want to try #and i want to be writing her story (because its not a “standard” year coz she drags shez into crew so all three are students so shenanigans #and doing all the stuff for oc week like working out stats and filling in the pages and outling supports #and I want to keep poking at the by-less golden route thing to see if I can fill in the two missing months and see how byleth can be sneaky #but also want to be playing byless blue hopes and Ghost Trick and IWATE #and i wanna be cross-stitching and sewing wyvern wing and maybe even starting my white wyvern?????#and want to crochet shrugs and shawls and hooded scarfs. which reminds me of the espeon hood i promsed MIL fucknuggets #and i want to be making (and eating) cake and and and #and im doing NONE OF THESE THINGS #TT__TT

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shadowedvales-a · 11 months

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me two days ago: using millie in a different source material because s4 lighting sucks and 90% of her caps are shaved head.

me today: yeah so scratch that. i’m gonna use a whole new face claim for season 4 onwards because i Hate her direction in s4, and as such can’t connect to millie as jane the way i do in s1-3. :)

#i am Hopeless #(ngl i do not like mbb but her portrayal in 1-3 makes me go!!!! she is jane incarnate)#but because they did her so dirty in four. and i got basically No new content of jane developing or growing.#i just. don’t connect to her for that season.#so i am using a whole different fc <3 #i just take s4 So Personally and my hatred for it is truly remakarble!#and like yeah i could just go iconless.#but i like to picture jane in my head when i’m writing. it helps me decipher things that she would or wouldn’t say.#and i just don’t see mbb for s4.#SO MIA SARA IT IS.#absolute loml #and millie as enola just wasn’t giving me the jane vibes #which i know probably sounds crazy because she IS jane #but when she’s in stranger things i just. feel like she’s a whole different person. she’s so immersed into that role.#where anything else i’ve seen her in. it just feels like i’m watching millie.#AND NO HATE TO HER #just my opinion.

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banannabethchase · 1 month

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Me: Easy! A PWP. No problems with this prompt.

Narrator: They immediately created a plot and created problems with it.

#in which sara writes #*every avenue in tie me down voice* whyyy do I do this to myself?

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terrainofheartfelt · 1 year

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FOR THE BIG MUSIC ASK GAME LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

Artists: Joni Mitchell, Taylor Swift, Queen, Frank Turner

Albums: Pretty. Odd, evermore, Nebraska, Blonde on Blonde

this ask feels like a homework essay question but like, in a subject I'm passionate about. so it's okay. daunting, but.

Joni:

Do I know them already?: yes | no

Favourite Song: A Case of You, it has to be!!!!

(okay but also there's a recording of her playing Chelsea Morning live at Carnegie Hall and it is ~magical~)

Least Favourite Song: I mean there isn't a song by her that I dislike, but maybe one I know that I listen to the least....Big Yellow Taxi. because it makes me sad. she warned us about paving paradise and we didn't listen!!!!!!

Favourite Album: Blue 💙💙💙💙💙

Least Favourite Album: idk a lot of her discography (Blue the album of my heart) but uhhhhh the orchestral funky Both Sides Now (I just like her better when it's just her and her dulcimer <3)

Song that got me into them: oh geez my mother's always loved her. so maybe...my mom singing Both Sides Now in the car?

Seen Live?: i WISH (gimme a time machine and I will just take it to the '70s to see bands & artists play in their prime)

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Taylor:

Do I know them already?: yes | no

Favourite Song: legally I am required to say "ivy"

Least Favourite Song: Dancing with Our Hands Tied (because it was popular when I worked retail so I heard it wayyyyyyyyy too much and now I can't stand it. is it a good song? idk. because I have too much retail trauma to determine that.)

Favourite Album: right now, it's Reputation

Least Favourite Album: Speak Now, probably? It missed me, and I haven't sought it out on streaming bc Girl's pre-1989 singing voice just...doesn't do it for me.

Song that got me into them: pfffft probably "Our Song" in the year of our lord 2006. I remember logging onto the Yahoo music website in Internet Explorer to look up her music videos, because that's the only way I could listen to her music (without buying the cds, my allowance was designated to higher musical priorities back then.) but I didn't really consider myself a Fan until the Bad Blood music video.

Seen Live?: nope. I don't really want to either. I like her best in studio. or, ideal scenario, hearing her live in Long Pond Studio, but that seems a bit of a long shot

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 her songwriting is a ten her vocals are a 5

Queen:

Do I know them already?: yes | no

Favourite Song: Somebody to Love!

Least Favourite Song: thee ummm. the bicycle one. ah damn, now it's in my head.

Favourite Album: okay so the thing about many of these bands that I grew up listening to is that I have like, a very limited concept of which albums are which, because I just absorbed them riding in the car with my dad or my mom. I'll say A Night at the Opera bc it's a great title :)

Least Favourite Album: uhhhhh anything they released after Freddie?

Song that got me into them: probably The Muppets music video of Bohemian Rhapsody?

Seen Live?: no, alas, but I have seen P!ATD cover Bohemian Rhapsody live

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Frank Turner:

Do I know them already?: yes | no

Favourite Song: not a fair question. uhm mmmmmm...The Way I Tend to Be, Broken Piano, Isabel, Poetry of the Deed, To Take You Home, Josephine....I could go on

Least Favourite Song: motherfucker truly has soooo many songs and I know a lot of them but there are many I've haven't heard. maybe Common Ground. or Little Changes.

Favourite Album: England Keep My Bones

Least Favourite Album: Be More Kind

Song that got me into them: my big brother put Nashville Tennessee on a mix cd he made for my birthday when I was...13? and I've only become more and more obsessed.

Seen Live?: HELL YES. in college my brother and my x-tian sorority big (we're both atheists now lmao) and me roadtripped 3 hours to Dallas to see him on his tour for Tape Deck Heart. One of the best live shows I've seen. He just...comes ALIVE onstage. and we met him at stage door and I took a picture with him <3 I think (hope) I still have it somewhere. I was a music major and wanted to tell him how much his music meant to me but I think I was too starstruck to say anything other than "hiiiii" and "thank you!" also thee zaniest opening act I have ever seen I'll never forget it

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Pretty. Odd. it isn't my favorite album of theirs, but it is a masterpiece.

Opinion on cover design: LOVE. I really enjoy the old-timey circus van vibe, evocative of Magical Mystery Tour, which seems a heavy inspiration.

Favourite song: That Green Gentleman

Least favourite song: narrowwww question because I have a pretty equal fondness for all the songs. maybe, The Piano Knows Something I Don't

Underrated track: When the Day Met the Night & Folkin' Around

Overrated track: Nine in the Afternoon (even though I adore it but it gets much more hype than any other track)

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

evermore undoubtedly her magnum opus. the best music she's ever written

Opinion on cover design: simple, effective, lovely, sets the mood and the tone of the album. and she has such a habit of...overdoing visuals? her last half dozen music videos or so have been like, baroque in how over the top their visual design. like, willow the video does not match how the song or the rest of the album feels. idk. the simplicity here works for me, but I think sometimes she can't let something Be.

Favourite song: I already said ivy above so....no body no crime

Least favourite song: cowboy like me (it's otherwise a great song, but i so dislike the opening stanza 'dancing is a dangerous game' mam. you can do better than that. you've a whole album of evidence.)

Underrated track: closure (a Banger)

Overrated track: champagne problems (not that it's not a good song but the way it's gotten so much love as the best song on the album when happiness is like literally right there) (happiness.mp3 & peace.mp3 supremacy)

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Nebraska

Opinion on cover design: as someone who's driven through nebraska, it's very accurate. it looks how nebraska feels. like, you're only there when you're on your way to someplace else. if liminal space was a US state it'd be Nebraska

Favourite song: oh fuck Reason to Believe

Least favourite song: Highway Patrolman

Underrated track: I mean the whole thing is underrated tbh.

Overrated track: see above. <3

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Blonde on Blonde

Opinion on cover design: those pursed lips....so Serious. I love a scarf moment. that look really is my aesthetic

Favourite song: RAINY DAY WOMEN but I also have a soft spot for OH. MAMA. can this really be the end? to be Stuck? inside? a Mobile? with the MEMPHIS BLUES again??? and Leopard Skin Pill Box Hat <3

Least favourite song: Visions of johanna. he can go ON about a bitch. I love him tho

Underrated track: I Want You, & You Go Your Way I Go Mine

Overrated track: is it possible to overrated a track on this album???

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

#I do love tswift but i am also v picky about how I like her. *shrugs*#my brother's gf is a swiftie (remind me to share a pic of her gift to me <3) and she asked me at xmas #so did you try to get tickets? and I was like lol nope and I think I hurt her feelings #but. listen. the thing about taylor is: i like her songs better when they're sung by other people.#which is also how I feel about Bob #kesha's cover of Don't think twice it's alright changed my life #as did sara bareilles cover of Clean #but she said early on 'i'm gonna sing my songs that I write' and I do respect that game #my big has a tattoo of the lyrics to 'i am disappeared'#'we are electric pulses in the pathways of the sleeping souls of the country'#you know I do wonder....how my dad might think.....of all of us...talking about how fucking queer bruce's music is #because. it IS. the more I think about it the more obvious it is. but like. growing up it wasn't?#but is that just because I didn't know how to look for it bc I didn't know what I was looking for?#in the aughts when gay and queer had such narrow definitions #but bruce does have a different take on masculinity that is inherent to his writing and performance #and whether or not my father is cognizant of that #I think it's shaped him. and his own masculinity. and that of my brother. the heterosexualest punk I know.#maybe that's why when someone's like 'not all men' I go. 'you're right. my father and brother would NEVER'#it all comes back to bruce #and bob #and clarence #and miami steve #asks #clarasamelia #okay but. blonde on blonde is soooooooooo dan-coded #just like a woman is about serena :)#pretty odd is full of bops tho don't get me wrong #i just have a more sentimental fondness for too young to live too rare to die #but hanif abdurraqib had said 'pretty odd is the only p!atd album'#which. i disagree but...

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fizzseed · 1 year

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hey fizz !!! for the ficlet prompts : do i wanna know and byler (literally Look At My Blog Title lmfao did u expect anything less?)

have you ever thought of callin’, darlin’? / the nights were mainly made for sayin’ things that you can’t say tomorrow day.

do i wanna know? — arctic monkeys for @willelfanpage

Mike still keeps his walkie on his side table. He didn’t take it with him to California, but it was right there when he returned, even though his mom went through his room to clean it up, even though the earth cracked open under everyone’s feet.

He keeps the antenna extended permanently these days, just in case of a code red. There’s a pack of batteries in his bedside drawer, too, ever since Dustin gave them to him after the whole Starcourt fiasco.

Never again, Dustin had said solemnly.

Mike wishes they’d had the same foresight about tapes and Walkmans during their Upside Down mission.

Since the disaster, things have settled into an odd kind of normalcy. He and El broke up, Max is still in the Hospital, Lucas still sits by her side most of the time, Dustin spends his days in Hawkins High’s gymnasium trying to distract himself from Eddie’s death.

Mike tries very hard not to think about any of it.

It doesn’t really work.

He picks up the Walkie, dials in the frequency out of sheer habit, away from the Party’s decided wavelength for some privacy.

“Hey, Will,” he sighs into the static of the receiver. “I know you’re out of range, so, whatever, but…”

He scoffs at himself. This habit he’s formed, of talking to Will without actually talking to him, probably isn’t healthy. But he never went to see Ms. Kelley, so— jury’s still out.

“There’s so much going on. And I feel like,” Mike hesitates. “Whatever, it doesn’t really matter what I feel, but— I can’t keep up. It’s like… for the first time in my life I don’t have a plan. I don’t know how to fix this. Max is… not waking up, and El thinks it’s her fault and I was fucking lying to her, but she knows. She knows. She’s known for longer than I have.”

He laughs, the sound absent of the joy it should contain.

“Whatever. She’s a better person than I’ll ever be, so she let me off the hook.”

He pauses, stares down at his wrinkled bedsheets, notices a stain on his tank top that he picks at. The white noise of the walkie is comforting, a reminder of simpler times even as red clouds glow in the distance of the 2AM sky.

“And… I miss you,” he confesses quietly. “I know I messed up last summer. I promise I didn’t mean to, I was just… messing around, I guess. And I know it was a dick move, now. And I never apologized, not to your face. Because by the time we found you, the Mind Flayer was active again, and then shit went down and then…”

Mike sighs.

“Then I was too much of a coward to say anything. For three months. And then… then you fucking moved to California and shit got even weirder. And now— now it’s the fucking apocalypse. And I miss you. I kinda wish you never moved.”

Mike drags his thumb over the stain. It won’t come out. Now, he’s just pressing old chocolate syrup or ketchup or whatever it is into the fabric.

“You know, the week before I walked around hoping that Lenora would, like, explode or something.” He laughs again. “Just so you’d have to stay. And I know that’s selfish, because Lenora was good for you guys, what without all the Upside Down shit.

“But Hawkins isn’t the same without you. I’m not the same without you. You’re— you’re still the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

“Do you remember that? When we were trying to get the Mind Flayer — Vecna now, I guess — out of you? When you tapped the morse code into the chair?”

Mike smiles at the memory. “I told you asking you to be my friend was the best thing I’ve ever done. And you broke out of his hold, and I was so proud of you.”

He drops the walkie into his lap, letting go of the button.

“Over and out,” he mumbles to himself.

Back when he could still do something. Other than be a shitty boyfriend and a bad friend, that is.

The walkie crackles to life in his lap, and he startles wildly, dislodging it enough to send it clattering to the floor. For a while, there’s just silence on the line, and Mike picks it up warily, halfway through a million disaster plans of what to do if he’s getting a call from the Upside Down.

The line crackles again, and then:

“I remember.”

Mike chokes on his own spit, trying desperately to keep his coughs quiet enough that he can still hear what Will is saying.

“Everything else is kinda blurry,” Will says, “but you, talking about the swingset? I remember all of it. Saying ‘yes’ was the best thing I ever did.”

Mike presses on the talk-button. “Will?”

“Yeah, Mike?”

He doesn’t need to ask if he’s real. Mike knows. “Why… why were you tuned to this frequency?”

A beat of silence. “I guess it was the last one I was on.”

He doesn’t say anything else. Mike feels the blood rushing in his veins. So Will heard everything he said. He tries to figure out a way to recover from this embarrassment, to make Will forget he ever said anything. He could just ask. Hey, Will, can you forget that I was spilling my absolute guts on our separate frequency and talking to you even though I thought you couldn’t hear me?

“You played Should I Stay or Should I Go, right?” Will asks suddenly.

Mike laughs to himself, presses to talk. “Yeah, yeah we did. It was Jonathan’s idea.”

He catches the tail end of Will’s laugh over the line. “Of course it was.”

Mike smiles. They sit quietly for a bit, long enough that Mike thinks Will has gone to sleep. It’s the reasonable thing to do in the middle of the night, way more sane than dumping your emotions into a walkie-talkie.

“Mike, are you still there? Over.”

“M’still here,” Mike says quietly.

“You don’t have to fix this alone, you know?” Mike frowns. “It’s— it’s like you said. We’re better as a team. We can fix it together.”

Mike doesn’t really know what to say to that, but he promised Will that they’d do just that, that they’d be best friends again. He wants it so bad. More than he’s wanted anything ever, probably. To go back to normalcy, with Will at his side. So he says:

“Yeah, okay.” He lets himself fall back onto the bed and a shiver runs down his spine as his cold mattress makes contact with his spine. “I’m— gonna go to bed, now.”

“Okay,” Will says, voice small. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Mike answers. “Over and out.”

He lets the antenna stay extended as he places the walkie back on his side table and wraps himself in his comforter.

“Over and out,” Will’s voice washes over him, and then the static over the line breaks.

#hohoHOOOO this one possessed me #hope you like it sara!!!#there is indeed a whole page of ideas connecting to song lyrics in my fluid mechanics notebook #but this is the one that stuck!#ended up very longing which is.#yeah #mecore #byler fic #fizz writes #my fic #fizz' ask fics

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