#man im not even religious no more but I pray for his dad and for drake

[watmalik]

Drake Bell's father was victim

Hey anon!

Yes. That’s why I said “some parents” in my og post regarding the issue. I didn’t explicitly said who exactly I was referring to, but I definitely meant to say Drake’s mother. I didn’t want to go out and blame someone bc it’s traumatic for everyone, but sometimes you have to point out when someone royally fucks up, so people learn and don’t replicate unconsciously this type of behavior. And his mother did, unfortunately, was not aware of the signs even though they were there.

It didn’t matter if Peck was someone she thought she knew or worked with other children. Drake’s father literally warned her about him, yet she dismissed him. And allowed for her 14/15 year old kid to stay with a 41 year old man just because it was more “convenient” than driving one hour for auditions.

If she couldn’t drive him herself or someone she genuinely have known and actually has spent enough time with that adult to trust them with her child (example; a best friend/direct cousin/other close family etc) then she should’ve said: he’s not going. That’s why I mention, he might’ve resent her or tell her he hates her, if she might have not agreed with him, but that’s the thing a common teen will say when things don’t go their way. That perhaps, at least he would’ve been saved. And when they’re old enough they can look back at it, and when they’re outside of the bubble that is childhood, he would’ve thanked his mother for protecting him.

Parents need to be authoritative and should never agree with everything their child says, do not agree just on the purpose to agree with them but always analyze what they ask you or what they do. Because although they might not think this, you are the adult/parent and you know the bad shit that happens on this world. I’m on my early 20’s and I can assure you if I look back in life and see outside the bubble I was in, and see those truths our parents protected us from, on my own? I’m either mesmerized and/or horrified on what a dystopian, horrible type of world we live in, anon, that at times can be good…as fucked up that may sound… that’s the life we live in.

But going back to the main topic, that man doesn’t even have kids of his own, and it’s not even family to them, how and why would you let your kid stay with someone like that? She should’ve been more present for Drake, she might have been there physically for him (at times) but mentally? I’m afraid she didn’t connect the dots soon enough. She didn’t wear her parent goggles (as my dad calls them)

Drake’s girlfriend’s mother at the time literally find out 6 seconds after being in the same house as him and her daughter, where she noticed he wouldn’t answer his phone. She was there, really there, and pulled him aside and talked to him. That’s how a parent should act 🤷🏽‍♀️

Again I don’t want to blame Drake’s mum but we must understand that she def fucked up so things like this don’t continue to happen

#anon #quite on set ask #tw: sa mention #man im not even religious no more but I pray for his dad and for drake #and i cry for them in hopes that one day they can find peace #whatever that may be

[sowthetide]

heyyyyyy *saunters saucily into your ask box* congratulations! you have written a character so appealing that i cant stop thinking about her! and considering shes an alternate version of an already fictional character, i literally have no one else to bother about the brainworms she gives me. so, youre stuck with me. (side note if you do get sick of my endless asks just say the word and i will limit myself to like. two per chapter. probably. i can be normal i promise) ANYWAY i was listening to incredible amazing bigbrained theon playlist this morning and foreigners god by hozier came upand. the way i see it, in asoiaf canon theons one of the characters with the most interesting relationship with religion. he has the conflicting background, and doesnt really seem to connect with either. which isnt bad, not every character needs tk be spiritual, yet he is also some sort of mesiah figure??? like he has visions and talks to the weirwoods and has SO MUCH religious imagery like im not gonna get into it all but dude literally got crucified?? at a stake??? shit idk man. i like it. i like the part where he swears by the seven WHILE AT THE ISLANDS BEFORE HIS DEATH BAPTISM CEREMONY bbg theyre not pagans. but but but back to quenn- i feel like this is more emphasized in her story? maybe thats just me being delusional but (she lights insence in the sept after cat leaves hahahha im normal about this i swear) shes been abandoned by ALL the gods but still prays??? and for what??? stability???? hope?????? shes can seem like such a pessimist at time, a down to earth realist at best, but SHE STILL PRAYS. to what god???? im not very eloquent with words but you should listen to foreigners god the end byeeerer

-TeaInABowl

Why, hello again ;-) You're so nice to me 🥺 I really appreciate it cause I've been dealing with some Family Issues lately ❤️

Also, you do not have to tell ME about the pain of Quen brainworms!!! Thank god I have goddcoward, Ashen_Onion, and, of course, Y'ALL to scream with about Quen with, because otherwise I'd have probably lost my mind by now. Never worry about being normal because I've spent the last year being increasingly Unnormal about Quen, with extensive daydreaming about all of the Saw traps I have/will put her in.

You've reminded me to update my Quen playlist (the link is around here... somewhere...), but I also reallyyyy need to finish my Theon playlist too... eventually...

But back on topic! Yes, Theon's relationship with religion is such an interesting part of his character, and it's something that really drew me to him while reading (as someone with a complicated/agnostic outlook on religion). He has an unusually strong connection with the North's old gods, which is especially apparent in his ADWD chapters (which are some of GRRM's best-ever chapters, I will die on this hill), and I can't wait to see how that (hopefully) intersects with Bran's journey in TWOW.

I took this aspect of Theon's character and ran with it for Quen, as she has a lot of exposure to all three of the main religions in Westeros: the Drowned God during her childhood on the Iron Islands, and the old gods + the Seven during her time with the Starks. Quen has a closer relationship with the Seven in particular, due to her closer relationship with Catelyn/Sansa/Arya/Septa Mordane (by nature of being female in this 'verse), but she oscillates between all three when the occasion calls for it.

What is she praying for? Does she even believe in any of these gods? Who knows! Quen certainly doesn't. But she'll pray to the gods of the people she loves, so their gods might protect them. Also, as my dad would put it: "there are no atheists in foxholes". This is to say, Quen will cling to whatever gods get her the hell outta this clusterfuck in one piece. And, unfortunately, she finds herself in an inordinate amount of clusterfucks. She's clusterfucks Georg, really.

"Foreigner's God" is Thee Theon song fr. We all listened to it and collectively went THEON 🫵 If anyone has any other Theon song recs, I am always open to suggestions... 👀

#ask #another ask??? you're spoiling me ;-))))) #it was also such a relief after some veryyyy unfun Family Stuff :'-) #my parents rock but my brother? call me asha the way i very much Don't Like That Asshole #A LITTLE BROTHER MAY LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED BUT HE WILL ALWAYS BE A LITTLE BROTHER!!!!! #gartin rartin rartin martin was a prophet for that line #anyway. onto chapter 40!

[byronictrash]

so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!

• changed her name to samantha for pure praticity

• is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all

• in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender ≠ sexuality at first like “wait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?” (he doesn’t know a lot of queer people, give him some time)

• AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesn’t understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (“why are you putting on a suit?” “dean we’re going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at me”), asks indiscrety questions (“can i ask you something?” “it depends” “you wanna chop your dick off?” “NO YOU CANT ASK IT”) but over time he starts to get it more naturally

• despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (“hey whats that bowl in the microwave?” “depilatory wax” “OH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THERE”)

• of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuit…. right?)

• ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. she’s not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesn’t come out until she’s in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesn’t say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.

• it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldn’t do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her “you know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldn’t just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your hands”

• aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D

• her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like dean’s, and no makeup at all. when he asks her “where is the whole angry teen outfit?” sam would simply respond its “because of the praticity, it’s tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lol” dean knows its because sometimes sam’s internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud

• her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo “oh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shit” “dean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80’s emo”

• when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally “so now you’re a girl?” “uh… yeah” “gonna change your name or something?” “now is samantha but sam is still fine” “okay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)”

• sam’s catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty

• her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those “symptoms” became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.

• surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns

• which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go “is this your sister, samantha winchester?” “yeah” “ABOMINATION”’

• samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” (then sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)

• between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.

• speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.

• of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"

• no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)

• even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)

i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later

#daaaaaaamn i have so many feelings about this #hbo supernatural #trans sam winchester #supernatural #samruby #transfem sam #lesbian sam winchester #kripke era #yeah im projecting #headcanon #mine

[australian-desi]

Qurbaan Hua ~ Episode 5-9: Of IVF Being Horrible, Windchimes, Cunning Aunties and Disgusting Husbands

Gonna dive right in

Episode 5

Mans has gone from “me and Meera have been dating for 6 months” to screaming “I LOVE YOU MEERA” at the top of the mountain 

Time for another coincidance - it’s purnima so he’s going to go ask for a mannat and on this day different people from different faiths go to this certain place for their wishes and prayers - and we all know what that means

Also now that I’ve watched a few episodes, I have to say I really like the styling  for Chahat they’ve given her a mix of ethnic and western wear and the fancy clothes she wears are really pretty (so far) and I hope it stays this way

I am a complete slut for mannat scenes and this one was very pure

Why can’t these people say Saraswati, it isn’t that hard

Also it’s 2020, surely it’s time we understand just because a woman is pregnant doesn’t mean she’s disabled and needs to be carried everywhere

Also, Naveli (Anjali2.0 and Neil’s cousin) is superrr suss

SHE TAPED HIS FACE OMG IM MORE IMPRESSED BY HER BY EVERY MINUTE

And she’s given him meds to give to the people he interacts with coz he causes them headaches (and he’s held onto it the whole time coz Pehle Pyaar Ka Pehla Tohfa) 

Awww our OTP has ‘Bhags stamp of approval’ 

They’ve also touched her feet how cute

Episode 6

So Ghazala has ruined Chahat’s mum’s sharara and like this is what I mean they’ve written her horribly, like why would someone go out of their way to hurt a kid like that - her mother’s dead what more does she want

And daddy dearest has another pooja to attend so he’s said no to attending his daughter’s baby shower, something Neil is now salty about

For a doctor, Chahat’s dad is quite daft 

And for a pandit, Neil’s dad is quite mean

Nice touch by Ghazala by turning this whole thing on Chahat, and thankfully her dad believes her

Episode 7

So this Kamini wannabe of a mami has said that Saraswati’s baby is najayaz, and at this point I really have got to ask - how the fuck did she jump to that conclusion?????

Apparently coz she was barren for 8 years, so how can she be pregnant now, so something must be up 

The logic fails me here, IF SHE WAS BARREN/WAS UNABLE TO GET PREGNANT, HOW TF IS THE CHILD ILLEGITIMATE???

OMFLLLLLL SHE’S SAYING THAT COZ THE CHILD WAS CONCEIVED FROM IVF, THAT’S WHY IT’S ILLEGITIMATE 

I CANNOT

I’M SO CLOSE TO QUITTING 

DO THESE DUMBASS PEOPLE NOT REALISE THAT AN IVF BABY IS ALSO A BLESSING IN ITSELF, IT’S NOT 100% GUARANTEED TO GET YOU PREGNANT EITHER BUT IT HELPS 

By this logic they shouldn’t use annnnyyyy modern technology 

I understand Neil now, and why he’s so done with this bullshit

YAAASSS NEIL, GO FUCK THEM UP 

Look Chahat, I love you and all, but like listen to Neil when it comes to his crazy psychotic family

Also do not tell me like the Oberoi family, this whole family cannot have 1 smooth sailing function/party 

We love a sibling duo that had to raise each other because their parents were dead/useless 

I’m so fucking done, now not only does your doctor have to be of the same religion, he/she has to be from the same caste 

YEH DOCTOR DHOOND RAHE HAI KE RISHTA 

Neil’s trying to talk some sense to these people, but as usual, he gets shut down for talking sense 

OMG HE’S COME OUT WITH FACCSSSS AND HAS GIVEN HIS DAD AN ULTIMATUM - His daughter or his dharm 

Also by saying that if he’s so for modern technologies in other areas, why is he against iVF 

Omg daddy pandit finally got some sense - this was an exhausting feat

Poor tacky Kamini, unlike the og, this one’s plans always fall short 

Neil, take Saraswati and just get the fuck out of here, this dumbass mami has come with a plan and is not going to rest until one of these kids gets disowned 

Episode 8

So Vyasji in a twisted turn of events has accepted Neil’s gf, as long as their kundlis meet 

Let’s be real their stars ain’t aligning in this life 

Chahat is talking to her mother through this windchime she made with her mother’s jhumke (I guess its a coping mechanisms) about how she’s gotten a cake ordered and needs to pick it up

The windchime has told her that she needs to learn how to cook to get married 

Basically even if your Indian mother is dead, her ghost will still taunt you on your inability to get married even when you are a doctor 

She has decided she will marry a chef so that she doesnt need to learn how to cook 

The foreshadowing, the cluelessness

Omg Neil’s dad writes with ink and a peacock feather (why did I think this man would write with a pen like a normal person)

He’s literally whipped out a chart and started making Neil’s (ex)gf’s kundli RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS DAUGHTER’S BABY SHOWER BECAUSE #priorities 

Anjali2.0 is literally sitting there praying as if Vyasji is sitting there calculating her Year 12 results and not a kundli

And we’ve got an “asambhav”, but we all knew that - Neil’s literally smirking coz he knew no matter what, the stars won’t align 

Omlll he’s inherited the whole “I write my own destiny” from Arnav 

“Main uss ladko ko kabhi nahi apnaunga” “Toh kya faraq padta hai, main usse apna chuka hoon” Boisss I really like this dude 

I wish I had this confidence but alas, I do not

And Neil has decided to leave the chat, go to Delhi and get married there, while giving everyone a fuck you (except his sister ofcourse)

Little does he know he isn’t even gonna make it to the bloody bus stand before he ends back here 

Anjali2.0 is begging her dad to stop him, but he’s talking about the stars and shit 

And right on cue Chahat and Neil are walking on the same bridge, none of them paying attention, they crash and just like that, the cake has fallen into the deep sea, adding to the pollution 

OMGG THIS MAN TOLD HER HOW ALL DADS ARE USELESS AND SHE GOES “oh hello, tumhe bohot saare childhood issues hai, lekin mere baba aise nahi hai ... woh mere liye taare bhi tod sakte hai” 

THIS IS WHY WE NEEDED A FEMALE LEAD IN THE MEDICAL FIELD - SHE UNDERSTOOD WITHIN 2-3 MEETINGS HOW FUCKED UP OUR DUDE IS 

and now he’s sarcastically congratulating her on her father because “aur ek mere baba hai jo hamesha taaron mein uljhe rehte hai, aur vaise tumhe tumhaare taare todne waale baba, bohot, bohot, bohot hi ziada mubarak” 

LOLLL SHE’S PULLING AND DRAGGING HIM TO GET HER THE SAME CAKE AND HE TRIED TO GIVE HER MONEY TO BUY A NEW ONE, AND SHE’S LIKE NOPE, THE BAKERY I GET THIS FROM IS CLOSED AND SO YOU WILL PROVIDE ME WITH A NEW CAKE 

Lolll I never knew he will be stuck here because of a cake 

AND NOW SHE’S TAKEN HIS BAG AS HOSTAGE AND HE’S LITERALLY SCREAMING THAT SHE’S LOST THE PLOT 

But personally, I feel she gained it 

Turns out the shop that she got the cake from, is his friend’s shop, and now he’s baking the cake himself because my man is also a pastry chef 

And he’s friend has left the chat because he doesnt want to get beaten up 

So it’s time for the kitchen romance.tm

Omg he told her he’s a chef and she’s so turned on 

OMGGGGGGG IM DEDDD 

But should’t she tie her hair #justsaying

Now back to the Neil’s crazy fam, where the only other person with sense, Anjali2.0 has also said to her dad, that Neil was always right about him 

Yesss gurlll, give it back to him

She’s telling him off how he forego his religious beliefs for her, but why can’t he do the same for Neil

I actually like her so much and the way she’s written

She’s also telling him how she tried to make sure that Neil never felt their mother’s absence (a responsibility she didn’t to take up), because her dad never let Neil feel loved 

OMG SIS SAID THAT BY BEING HEAD PRIEST, YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR DUTY AS A FATHER AND SHE DID NOT STUTTER 

Everyone is shook (including me)

I was not expecting her to give her father an ultimatum

So she said, that if he does not give Neil and Meera his blessing, he will see her dead 

OMGGG WHYYYAYFOIHFBEI THE ANXIETY 

Episode 9

We’ve begun with some cuteness regarding her rubbing flour all over face 

And like the idiot he is, he’s told her that her face is completely clean 

OMGGG HE’S GUIDING HER HANDS 

HOLY SHIT SISSS IS ALREADY IMAGINING HERSELF BEING MARRIED TO HIM 

Like same, but I also cannot 

Also I’m lolling at the fact she’s imagining their Nikaah, like his family won’t kill him for that

OMG THIS DICKHEAD HAS GIVEN THE CAKE HE MADE FOR HER DAD TO THE GAREEB CHILDREN LIKE SHE GAVE HIS SANGORIA TO THE GAREEB CHILDREN 

Awww I spoke too soon, she left the cake at the shop and he was just messing with her 

Guysss I really love their chemistry

He said that he won’t sit behind her, coz he doesn’t sit behind girls *rolls eyes*, but she’s not having it and reminded him that she beat him in a motorcycle race so he should suck it up

And they’ve had their first ‘accidental’ pressed up on each other fall 

A trope I do love with all my heart  

NOW HE’S COVERING HIS CHEST LIKE HIS IZZAT HAS BEEN LOOTED 

I’m hoping that Shyam1.5 isn’t as bad as his predecessors, but I do realise that is wishful thinking coz the couple scene where he talks to Saraswati was quite sweet

OMG THERE’S AN INTRUDER IN THEIR HOUSE AND I REALLY DON’T WANT SARASWATI TO GO CHECK, AND I’M FREAKING OUT 

She’s found Naveli’s earrings on the ground, Shyam1.5 and her are having an affair aren’t they

I FUCKING KNEW THAT NAVELI WAS SUSS AND SO WAS THIS HARAMKHOR SHYAM1.5 

I AM SO GROSSED OUT RN, WHAT IS SHE 10 YEARS OR MORE YOUNGER THAN HIM 

OMG HE’S ACTUALLY YUCK, LIKE SHYAM WAS YUCK BUT AT LEAST KHUSHI WASN’T HIS SAALI

AND WHAT TYPE OF COUSIN DOES THAT 

Saraswati please go fuck him up 

OMG OMG OMG YEH PADA THAPPAD!!!!!!! 

Well that’s another week done

#qurbaan hua #karan jotwani #pratibha ranta

[things-we-used-tc-share]

Guiding Light

Warnings: Coming Out, Struggles with sexuality and gender, religion

Ship: Remile

Plot: Remy is struggling to come out, but he bites the bullet anyway, reinstating that throughout everything he has always been, to Emile, the bravest person he’s ever known. 

(In which Emile is a flowery British boy and Remy is a badass Maltese and Catholic trans man)

--

“Relate to my youth,

Well I’m still in awe of you,

Discover some new truth,

That was always wrapped around you,”

-Guiding Light, Mumford and Sons

--

Remy has always been bad at his religion. Growing up on a small island in the Mediterranean infamous for its lack of giving a shit about everyone else’s feelings, he’d entered professional boxing in which he’d kicked the shit out of other people at the age of twelve. He was good at fighting, he enjoyed fighting. Growing up with a female body in a world full of men, being able to fight was a good thing. Yet, the realization that he’s not a girl still came with its shocked in the perspective of Catholicism. 

He’d met Emile whilst studying abroad, the two had clicked very well despite Remy’s rather clumsy, heavily accented English of which, only really became clumsy because the cutest, most wonderful ray of sunshine of a boy, with bright blue hair started to talk to him about saving the environment. He forgot how to speak for a few seconds, his brain hitting panic mode with those bright blue eyes staring at him through rose tinted glasses. When he finally spoke his words came out in the wrong order. 

Emile taught him a lot about gender and sexuality that he did not know, in multiple ways, as well as the idea that his religious identity didn’t have to clash with his sexual orientation and gender. In turn, Remy taught Emile self-defense and also the main ways to stun and/or knock out someone. 

Emile likes flowers, he believes the world is a God in its own right. Remy believes God is a person but at this point, he’s leaning to the idea that God has to be a woman because men don’t create things as beautiful as Emile. The elder, full of roses and pastel cardigans, was a beautiful breath of fresh air in a toxic world. And the younger, whose outfits consisted of leather and ripped skinny jeans, clashes brilliantly next to him.

The definition of opposites attract.

And now Remy can’t stop fidgeting on the plane, toying with the short black stands of his hair and fidgeting under the warmth of his binder. He’d tried writing a text, anything, but nothing felt right. Somehow he feels just a little bit braver with a glass of JD down his throat and Emile holding his hand. 

His parents greet him at the airport. His father is ex-navy, chubby and jovial, with his hair thinning and skin dark, his mother a brown-haired woman with a kind face and much lighter skin. They greet their son with hugs and warmth, and Remy has to try not to think about the fact that this love may wear off soon and that it comes with terms and conditions that he’s never read. Suddenly, life is a Twitter account and he’s never once checked the Terms of Service.

“You’re shaking,” Emile whispers as they trail behind Remy’s parents “Breathe,” They at least, already love this flowery man with vines and roses tattooed up his arms and now bright purple curls. Meeting Emile is usually a test to people’s conservatism, he’s hardly a picture of societal masculinity. 

No, Emile is far too kind to conform to society.

Remy helps his dad with the cases and holds the door open to the car for Emile because they’re used to this rhythm in their relationship. Emile would do anything to make the other man’s life easier but he’d have to beat Remy to it first.

Sat around the dinner table, they say grace the way they do every time they sit down for dinner. Remy has to admit it’s been so long since he’d prayed but he’s thankful now he has the chance because if there’s ever a time to beg God for help it’s now. Eating, his father asks him through his deadname how University is going, if his studies are progressing. “Top marks all around,” He replies with a smile that chews on a name he’s not heard in a couple of years. “Doing great,”

“And how’s your mental health doing, sweetheart, you told us you were seeing a doctor over there?” Remy smiles and nods.

“Good, I started medication for it,” His mother smiles, pleased with his answer.

“Always happy to hear my baby is happy,” She beams as she digs into a meal she prepared. Traditional family roles, but not really forced, his dad tried very hard to cook and he could...basic meals. His mother had been raised by a chef and her cooking was one he’d pay millions to eat. She’d always said the fastest way to a man’s heart is through their stomach and as far as his dad was concerned, she was not wrong. Remy’s dad loved food, he loved trying to make it too. Remy inherited his father’s love for food and also his mother’s ability to cook it so it’s a win-win situation.

His dad had taught him how to fight instead, taught him how to stay active, to fend for himself. People always used to tell his dad that his weight would get in his way, but he’s one of the healthiest men Remy knows. He’s active, loves to walk, he’d never been skinny and could still kick ass. Remy adores his dad. And his mum. 

He and Emile help his mum do the dishes whilst his dad clean up the kitchen tops and table. When they sit down to watch TV, Remy finally decides he can’t handle a moment longer of their love if it’s only on one condition. 

“Ma, Pops, there’s something I need to tell you,”

There’s a moment of silence as he stands up and Emile gives him a small smile but for the first time in his life...Remy feels so small, so powerless, so afraid. Tears are already in his eyes as the TV is muted and all eyes are on him, he can see the understanding on his mother’s face before he’s even opened his mouth. “I’ve been trying to...to figure out...” He stammers, stumbles, every word he’s ever known both in his native tongue and English vanish completely. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you, I wanted to tell you before I went to university, I wanted to tell you via text or email and now I just can’t handle not telling you,”

Tears track his cheeks and he chokes on his words. Even as a child he’d never been much of a crier, he very rarely cried at all but then again his parents had always loved him so much and he’d always been quite spoiled despite the little money they had. “I’m not a girl,” He can’t breathe. “I’m a boy,” He really can’t breathe, he feels like he’s choking, the weight of the cross around his neck is digging into his skin. 

“Oh honey,” His mum smiles, standing up to wrap his arms around him “I’ve had a feeling this day would come,” He bursts into tears against her, feeling like a child all over again as he gasps for breath “When you were little you used to say to me ‘mama I don’t want to be a girl,’ and for a while I thought it was simply because it’s a man’s world and you understood that too much,” He shakes a little, his legs feeling weak. “But as you got older I understood a little more, I even did research because there isn’t much here to help me understand,” Remy sniffles and wipes his eyes, exhaling shakily. “But no matter who you are, or what you are, you are always my child, and I will always love you, I love you more each and every time I learn how you’ve grown,”

Remy’s dad stands up, his face with a firm look as he holds out an arm for his son. “God makes no mistakes, son,” He says gently “You are who you are because of how he made you, and that is how he wanted you to be,” Remy nods against the other man’s chest “And you will be a better man than I could have been, back in my day they used to make more fun of people like you, it always felt wrong but I would never try to defend, as I got older I realized I should defend, and you, you are braver than I could have ever been because you embrace who you are despite what people may tell you,”

Emile smiles at the family, legs crossed as he leans his elbows on his knees and chin rested against the palm of his hands. “And you, son,” Remy’s father turns to him as he looks up at older man “Thank you for taking good care of my kid, we worry sometimes with,” He takes a moment to correct his own mind “Him, being so far away, but now I know for certain he’s in good hands, and you are always welcome to our table, I don’t care what your sexuality is, or where you come from, or who you worship, unless you want to talk about that is, I’d love to get to know my son’s boyfriend more, of course, it’s only proper, but you are always welcome here,”

Emile nods “Thank you, sir,”

“I go by Remy now,” Remy says quietly “It’s what people call me,” 

“Remy, I like it, very Latin,” His mother beams that motherly smile, her eyes full of tears and pride and warmth. “You know I’m a fan of good French names, you stuck to the theme,” Remy laughs and nods, wiping his eyes. 

And Emile, Emile who had been there through the confusion and fear and worries. Who had sat through every written and deleted text for the past two years, he couldn’t have been prouder at that moment. With his boyfriend wiping his eyes and nose and blinking his big brown eyes full of care over at the other man, a quiet thank you on his lips. Remy would always be the person he looked up to the most, not fearless but full of fear and he lets it drive him through every moment of his life. Not without Anxiety, to brimming with it, and despite that he was still brave in the face of it. 

Remy really would forever be his guiding light, the precedence set for his own bravery. And, the love of his life.

--

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey //  @aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired //@therealmoshar// @punsterterry // @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena //@sevencrashing// @misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack // @jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides //@penguinkool//@georganabanana // @importantrunawaystudentstuff // @ao-koshka// @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts//  @wxlcomxtothxjunglx //@marshmallow-the-panda // @flix-net

#cartoon therapy #ts shorts #remile

[mangsluts]

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

Forgive me.

Priest!AU

Rated: M

contains: daddy kink, graphic sex, religious concepts, cursing

Description: you’ve never had an impure thought in your life until you met your new pastor. Now you need to confess your sins, because you’ve been wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

-

You were the daughter of the head pastor of your church, and you had lived your entire life in the church. Every Sunday you went for morning service, and every Wednesday for night service. Tuesday’s and Thursdays were bible study nights, so you were basically in church almost everyday, and you loved it. 

You were so devoted to your lord and savior Jesus Christ in every way. You knew every verse of the Bible like the back of your hand, you volunteered at church regularly, never missed a service, and prayed for forgiveness regularly. 

You had never committed a bad sin, no of course not. No drinking (Romans 14:21), no tattoos (Leviticus 19:28) no revealing clothing (Timothy 2:9) and absolutely no premarital sex (Hebrews 13:4). You had never even kissed a boy. You were basically the poster child for the church in that you were perfect in every way.

Until he showed up.

It was an early Sunday morning, and you were getting ready for church as usual, wearing a nice blue Sunday dress. When you walked out to greet your parents, you realized your father was wearing casual church clothes, and not his pastor uniform.

“Dad, what’s this?” You asked, confused as you and your parents walked out to the car.

“We just accepted a new pastor from a couple towns over. He’s very well known in his area for being an amazing pastor, and today is his first service at our church. We’re very honored to have him here so be excited.”  

“Oh... okay. Sounds nice.” 

-

You arrived at church at 7:45 am sharp, and your parents went off to greet all of their church friends before service started. You were a little tired, so you decided to go grab a coffee from the free breakfast stand. Once you got there, most of the breakfast had been eaten already, save for a couple stale looking biscuits and a bagel. 

‘I’ll just have coffee..’ 

You walked to the coffee maker and put in your desired creamer, then pressed the start button. It wasn’t amazing coffee or anything, but hey it would get you through the day. 

‘Oh! My sugar!’ Before grabbing your brewed coffee from the machine, you realized you forgot your sugar, so you turned around to look for some and-

You walked straight into somebody. 

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention-“ You were standing right in front of this persons chest—which felt very nice... oh gosh, don’t think that—so you took a couple nervous steps back.

Once you were away from the person, you realized who it was.

He was a man, with a small frame, only a few inches taller than you, covered head to toe in black, with a while collar. 

You knew every pastor here, so this had to be the new pastor. 

His face was stern, but not mean looking. His eyebrows looked naturally arched to look judging, but his large doe eyes contrasted harshly. He had short black hair that looked like it was growing out from a buzz cut.

‘He’s... so hot.’

You shook your head, shocked at yourself for thinking such a thing. 

“It’s no worries. Im Do Kyungsoo, the new pastor here.” He held out his hand politely, which you took with a shaking hand. Despite his small frame, his hands were quite a bit bigger than yours, and felt very strong...

‘I’d like to see that hand gripping my thigh as I-‘ 

You laughed awkwardly.

“I’m (Y/N). The daughter of Pastor (L/N). It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You said, putting on the happy church voice and smile you’d been using your whole life, but it suddenly felt so fake.

“Oh is that so? I’ve heard a lot about you from him. Well the pleasure is all mine.” He smiled a little, his lips turned into a heart shaped smile. 

“Oh.. that’s great.” You were avoiding eye contact with him now, scared more intrusive thoughts would plague your mind. 

“Well I should get going, I have to find my dad. And you have a service to do. Good luck Kyungsoo.” 

“Father Kyungsoo, if you’d please.” He corrected you politely, and you felt stupid for talking to him so casually.

“Of course.. sorry.. Father Kyungsoo..” 

‘I wish I was calling him daddy instead..’

At this sinful thought, you ran away from him, completely ditching the coffee you had made for yourself and sought off to find your parents. 

By the time you found them in the pews—they were in the front row of course—the service was starting. 

One of the older Pastors that you were used to took the stand first, leading you all in your first prayer.

“Now ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce our very special guest. Our new pastor, Father Kyungsoo will be leading our service today.”

You hadn’t really been paying attention today, considering your mind was all over the place, but hearing his name made a pit in your stomach. 

He was right there in front of you.

‘Oh no... no no no...’ 

“Good Morning everyone. I’m so glad to be here with you all on this blessed day. Thank you all for accepting me into your lovely church, it truly is an honor. Today we will be discussing a chapter in Corinthians which....” 

Whatever was coming out of the young pastors mouth was no longer important, because you were staring at what was inside it..

His tongue.

‘So pink and nice... wouldn’t it feel good inside me?’

You crossed your legs in your dress, feeling something weird between them... you had never felt anything like this before.

Kyungsoo lifted his hands to explain something, and you noticed he had a rosary laced between his long fingers. 

‘What if that was my hair between his fingers, as he pulls its while he fucks me?’

The tingling sensation between your thighs grew more, and you could feel your heartbeat intensifying.

The more he went on with his service, the more dirty thoughts you had, and the more you felt like an impure sinner.

“... Thank you, that will be all for today. Have a blessed rest of your day. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.” He closed his beautiful eyes for a moment as everyone said amen with him and stepped down from the podium.

Finally. 

You needed to seek forgiveness for having these terrible sinful thoughts, so your next stop was to immediately go to confessionals. You had went to confessionals many times, but never for anything like this... But you absolutely needed to get this off of your chest, and you knew the pastor who always did confessionals would let you know that God would be proud of you for confessing to your sins, and that he still loves you. That’s what you really needed to hear in this moment. 

Seeing you in such a hurry, your father grabbed your shoulder.

“Where are you going, Y/N?”

“To confessionals, Father.”

“For what?”

You felt your cheeks heat up.

“Why that’s between me and god, Father.” And with that, you ran off to the confessionals hall. There was nobody there today, so it was very quiet and dimly lit. Perfect for you, because you didn’t want anyone else to accidentally hear this. 

Cautiously, you entered the tiny room and locked it behind you. It was very cramped, and had only a chair in it. You sat down, and leaned against the wall that led to the other side of the room where the pastor sat.

The priest opened the tiny window that signified that he was ready, but it was always dark on both sides so you cant see each other. You kneeled before the window, did a Hail Mary and closed your eyes.

“Forgive me, Father for I have sinned. It is one month since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sins.”

You took a deep breathe and felt your heart beating loudly in your ears.

“I have been thinking extremely impure thoughts about our new pastor, Father Kyungsoo. I have never felt anything like this before, or ever even thought of these kinds of sinful acts... I thought about him.. in a sexual way, Father. It was so vile of me.”

It seemed as if the pastor on the other side had gotten closer to the wall connecting you two.

“I thought about him.. having sex with me. Roughly. I thought about how he would sound... his hands on my breasts.. my legs on his shoulders while he has sex with me. Oh Father, I feel so terrible. I wish god would forgive me for these terrible thoughts..” You clasped your hands in prayer, waiting for your pastor to tell you it would all be okay.

There was a long silence.

“For your sins, I recommend you pray the sinner’s prayer, read over the chapter Hebrews, and...” 

The wall between you could actually unlock and open as door so the pastors could pass freely through the confessional rooms.

The door opened inwards, and you slowly opened your eyes to see why on earth they would be opening the door.

“Oh sh-“

You jaw dropped wide open as the figure before you became apparent. 

Pastor Kyungsoo was standing right in front of you, face as solemn as usual.

You immediately got up from your kneeling position, and straightened your dress, head bowed in shame.

“Father Kyungsoo! I-I’m... I’m so sorry. I had no idea it was you.. oh gosh this is so embarrassing.” You couldn’t even look at him, your eyes fixated on the hardwood floor.

“Matthew 11:28.” He said, voice flat.

“Matthew 11:28...?” You repeated, trying to remember what that verse meant. You had to think hard back into your hundreds of bible studies. It wasn’t a verse about forgiveness, in fact, it wasn’t even really a verse. It was just a phrase. It took a little digging but you finally remembered what it was.

“Come unto me?” You said aloud, finally looking at him. His eyes which were big and neutral earlier were now narrowed and hooded with lust. 

“Lord forgive me for this.” He muttered to himself, doing a Hail Mary before approaching you, the scent of his cologne wafting into your nose. You could feel the tingly feeling coming back, and you rubbed your thighs together.

“Do you want this?” Kyungsoo asked, his hand hovering below the hem of your dress.

“Were you listening to me at all? Of course I want it.” And with that you wrapped your arms around his neck, engaging in this most sinful act you could have thought of. Your lips met his and he immediately molded to yours, his big lips soft and sweet tasting. Within moments his tongue you had wanted so badly swiped over your bottom lip, asking for entrance as his hands played with the zipper on the back of your dress. He was able to pull the zipper down, and your ‘good girl’ dress fell to the floor with all of your morals. You didn’t care about being a woman of god anymore, you just wanted this man to fuck you. Eagerly you pulled your panties off as well.

“God made you so perfect, didn’t he?” Kyungsoo whispered as he pulled away, kissing your neck. You tilted your head back as he kissed all the way down your neck to your breasts, sucking softly on the tender skin, causing your nipples to harden. 

“Father Kyungsoo-“ you started to say, but he took a finger and placed it on your mouth, shushing you.

“No no no... that’s for church.. Call me daddy instead.”

With those words, you found yourself a waterfall, your panties becoming soaked. You could feel yourself throbbing with anticipation for him to just take you already.  

“Okay daddy” You cooed to him, and you could see him tense up at being called that, his face twisted with arousal.

He grabbed the inside of his collar, pulling his white clerical collar out and tossing it aside, his black Cossack falling off quickly. 

“Doesn’t your outfit symbolize celibacy?” You asked through breathy moans, his face buried in your cleavage. As he played with your breasts, he reached into the wallet he kept in his waistcoat and pulled out a condom, rolling it onto his large member quickly. 

“I’m a man of god, not a prisoner.” He groaned as he grabbed you by the bottom of your thighs, his fingers sinking into the fat of your thighs as he hoisted you up onto the wall. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you collided mouths with him again, swirling your tongue around in the priests mouth. 

“You’ve been so bad... beg for it..” Kyungsoo mumbled, aligning his member with your entrance, and sliding his length against your folds to tease you.

“Please daddy... I’ve been so bad.. I want you now.” You begged him, just wanted him to fill you up already.

“That’s my girl.” He said as he finally slid his length into you, only getting a little past the head because you were so tight. Obviously you were a virgin, so the sheer size of his dick was causing you to stretch out. Luckily, with his tongue working on your chest, you were wet enough to allow him to slide in.

“C’mon baby...” he mumbled, taking one hand to reach down to your core. He took two digits and sunk them down with his dick until he found your clit, engorged with arousal for him. He rubbed it in rough circles, trying to get you more wet for him. You moaned loudly, feeling yourself dripping around his member. With that, he pushed himself further into you, unable to get his full length in, but he was already feeling overwhelmed with the orgasmic feeling of your tight walls squeezing him. 

“Daddy it hurts..” you moaned, biting your bottom lip. 

“I’ll be gentle..” he said to you, pulling his dick out very slowly, and thrusting back in, while holding onto your thighs for leverage. With ease he began stretching you out so he could fit his whole member in, and started thrusting stronger and faster. Luckily for you, you had become so wet for him that the pain was subsiding, and you were starting to understand why people sinned. Sex felt amazing. 

With your approval, he began pounding you hard, his entire length coming in and out of you while he kissed up and down the length of your neck. You ran your hands through his short black hair, tugging harshly at the small locks, causing him to moan into the soft flesh of your neck. Feeling his hot breathe against your cold skin sent a shiver through you, adding to the pleasure being surged through your core with every thrust. 

“Daddy... I’m gonna..” your legs felt weak from tightly holding around his waist, and started shaking due to the pleasure in your body. You had never felt this before, it was the best feeling you had ever experienced, like a natural high passing throughout you, starting right at your core. 

“Oh god!” You exclaimed, using the Lord’s name in vain as you threw your head back against the confessional wall, hitting your first climax hard. Your already tight walls tightened even harder around Kyungsoo, causing him to groan loudly into your ear as your relaxed. He held onto you as your body went limp, thrusting softly into you as you rode at your orgasm. It didn’t take long for him to finish right after you, and he gently set you down on the confessionals chair as he cleaned both of you up. 

Within seconds he had put his priest outfit back on, clasping his collar proudly.

“Will I be seeing you back in confessionals soon?”

“Of course.” You panted, smiling at him.

“I did something bad I have to confess.”

#d.o kyungsoo #d.o #d.o smut #d.o scenario #smut #smut scenarios #kpop #Kpop smut #kpop smut scenarios #exo #exo smut #exo scenarios #suho #sehun #baekhyun #chanyeol #lay #xiumin #chen #kai

[arclightbutterfly]

4/6/18 - negativity

There was kind of a lot of good and bad that happened today, so i think im going to split this post up into two bits.

The bad thing was actually just one really bad thing, that thing being the fact that my dAD TOOK ME TO A FUCKING CONVERSION SEMINAR WITHOUT TELLING ME

like. seriously?? i knew it was sketchy from the start

not telling me exactly what it was about, telling me it was about Christians and their “identity” like i should have seen this coming from a mile away but i gave him the benefit of the doubt

and the moment i stepped in i had a suspicion; from the way the lighting was set up to make everything seem dreamlike and surreal, to the way they clearly placed just a tiny bit of reverb on the speakers to make them seem more dramatic and larger than life

like thats so fake and bullshit like,, just give the sermon?

and then the second half started and they started playing the video

and dont ask me how i knew, because i knew the SECOND that video started what it was going to be about, and even though the first minute or so was unrelated, it immEDIATELY became about a transgender Christian story and i was just. oh hell fucking no i fucking called it

disclaimer: gonna use “he” as the pronouns since he says hes not trans and he identifies as male

it was about this person who was abused as a child by his family and also later by his orphanage which is sad, yes, and he got addicted to sexual abuse because it was the only way he was able to feel loved, which is also, honestly terrible, and since he was mostly abused by males he ended up going through gender confusion, apparently

and he wound up transitioning and prostituting himself as a woman, which he says was out of survival

the guy in the video walks into the auditorium and he starts talking and honestly yes his life was terrible, but FUCK EVERYTHING HE WAS SAYING TO THE AUDIENCE

literally, him having transitioned as a result of gender confusion from sexual abuse DOESNT MAKE LITERALLY EVERY OTHER TRANS PERSON GENDER CONFUSED BECAUSE OF ABUSE

jesus christ where do i even BEGIN TO DESCRIBE TO YOU that YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON TO TRANSITION IN THE WORLD

your situation is unique! yes, and also tragic, but consequentially, NON RELEVANT! and you have just gone. and convinced every single adult and child in the room that THE ONLY POSSIBLE REASON SOMEONE MIGHT BE TRANS is because they “dont feel loved” or WHATTHEFUCKEVER

and now! my parents are going to believe! that im lying to them about how i feel about my gender to “protect” myself and theyre going to be SO patronizing and theyre going to honestly believe that they know the “real truth” and I AM NEVER EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY PROGRESS WITH THEM AGAIN

also, “people aren’t born gay or trans??” really? really? and so i suppose that it was something in my, extremely sheltered, completely christian upbringing, in my toddler years, that made me feel trans?? do you believe this situation to be reproducible??? do you EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT GENDER DYSPHORIA IS OR HOW IT FEELS OR WHAT ITS LIKE

fuck the congregation for saying “amen” to things THAT THEY CANT EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND

“people are trans because they dont feel loved” QUEUE CONGREGATIONAL CONSENSUS “AMEN”

AS THOUGH THE CONGREGATION HAS ANY AUTHORITY ON THAT TOPIC

youre just going to mindlessly believe?? what this person is saying about other people’s identities?? you’re not even believing-- amen isnt a statement of belief, it is a statement of agrEEMENT. how can you AGREE to something YOU DONT KNOW THE FIRST GODDAMN THING ABOUT?? agreeing as though YOU KNEW and all he did was CONFIRM IT FOR YOU?? holy fuck talk about confirmation bias

i wanted to stand up. i wanted to scream in his face that he was wrong, his condition was tragic but not universal, and tell the audience about what MY life was like, in stark contrast to his but

what could i do?? i was frozen. my dad was sitting next to me. my hands were cold, my eyes were locked, and i was so, so, so, angry and upset that this man was standing in front of this audience of parents of potentially trans children and ruining the future development of those relationships, becAUSE HE SURE AS HELL WAS CURRENTLY RUINING ANY KIND OF MUTUAL AGREEMENT I WAS HAVING WITH MY DAD.

fuck the immediate effect he had on the kids, already judging people who transition and speaking in a repulsed wonder of a whisper

theyre going to think hes the only TRUE source. they wont listen to anyone else. their minds are set. ALL BECAUSE OF THIS ONE PERSON. who knows where else he’s spoken?? the impact he’s had?? if hed gotten to my dad before he found out i was trans, i wouldnt even be here.

and then during prayer he just starts spouting multi-religious bullshit like “i bind the spirit of confusion” like yo this isn’t wiccan dude if you’re going to claim it was christianity that “cured” you at least stick to one story holy fuck

ALSO THE SPIRIT OF CONFUSION EXCUSE YOU FOR SAYING IM CONFUSED

i hate him. i hate everything he stands for. fuck my dad for bringing me there. for making me sit through that. i hate what my family is doing to me. i hate what they so strongly have engrained into their minds. i hate that they expect me to be like him, to suddenly be “saved” by reading the bible every day and praying, from my transness, and to suddenly stop taking medication and live my life as a guy. FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK THATS WHAT IM GOING TO DO. because i am going to fucking LIVE MY LIFE and I REFUSE. TO BE BRAINWASHED. jesus christ its almost 5 in the morning

if my dad makes me go to the part 2 tomorrow im going to try and jump out of the car and see if that makes him reconsider his actions

or not i guess since that would have consequences on people who i love but also i really want my dad to reconsider his actions and entire line of thinking and honestly things are only getting worse

anyways, if you make your trans daughter attend a conversion seminar without her knowing in advance, or at all, you’re a piece of shit! this has been a PSA.

#transgender #trans girl #transitioning #teenager #rant #mtf #hrt #self medication #conversion #life update #trans thoughts

[nctclicdolokhovc-blog]

{ lana del rey, 30, she/her and they/them } there goes natalia dolokhova, making their way to their home in thornhill trailer park.  every time i hear hold me down by halsey, i think of the demigirl. known for being secretive and kind, they’re currently the owner of the arcanery. .word on the street is that she’s suffering from psychosis. { cody/mangle, 20, gmt+12:00, they/them }

natalia was born in iris hollow and grew up in the trailer park. her dad was a russian immigrant and her mother was also a local. they had natalia when they were both young (im thinking of giving natalia two sisters but idk yet rip)

life was kinda rough, because not only was natalia growing up poor but her dad was also a raging misogynist and constantly belittled his wife and daughter(s?) and was v verbally abusive. natalia’s mother was too meek to fight back and found solace in her religion (she was a devout catholic) and natalia (and possibly her possible sisters) followed suit, also finding comfort in the idea that there is at least one male figure out there who respects and loves her.

at school natalia developed a love for literature and she saw this as a ‘way out’ of iris hollow. when she graduated she got a full ride to several colleges but she went to the university of vermont

she double majored in english lit. and religion and got her masters in both (for her masters in english she wrote about religious devotion being written with near erotic undertones (look it up yall it’s A Thing) and for her masters in religion she wrote about the importance of female mystics in early religion). while studying religion she discovered witchcraft and she developed a v keen interest in it and became a practitioner while still being a catholic.

now onto her psychosis lmao. it manifested when she was 15 and when she told her mother she was taken the priest at first but he called a doctor and diagnosed natalia as psychotic. unfortunately her family was too poor to afford proper treatment so natalia basically suffered from her psychosis all her life and just became used to it.

natalia: *has a horrific hallucination* also natalia: lmao

while at college natalia had an affair with her english lit. professor, who was basically the first older man to treat her with respect and natalia had such low standards and expectations of men at the time that this was enough to turn her into a heart eyes emoji.

at the same time natalia was also seeing one of her english lit. classmates. he was kind and made her laugh and again it just made natalia all fluttery inside and heart eyes emoji.

being the devout catholic she is it filled her with immense guilt. she went to church basically everyday and spent hours praying for guidance.

she returned to iris hollow after the death of her mother, more or less abandoning the classmate and professor (because why deal with ur issues head on when u can run away from em lmao). she moved back to the trailer park and opened the arcanery where she conducts tarot readings and sells supplies for witchcraft. she still attends church.

when she heard lisa was killed, natalia dropped what she was doing and went to lisa’s family to offer her condolences. she was somewhat aware of the double life lisa lead, but she decided to keep mum on that.

wcs:

childhood friends/classmates: since natalia grew up in iris hollow she would know everyone else who did, esp if they also lived in the trailer park.

other catholics: natalia is v involved with the church so if there are any other catholics in town she will def know them

regular customers: the arcanery is doing well and natalia has a regular amount of customers. perhaps there’s even one local teen gal who has developed a keen interest in witchcraft and natalia is like her mentor.

and that’s all i got! if u wanna plot/establish connections hmu!!

#irishollow:intro

[lcthebtswriter]

just a kid

pairing: tony x daughter!reader

summary: tony watches you fade away

tags (reblog and comment): @line-viper, @alien-on-a-treadmill, @ellaisbutteredtoast, @statsvitenskap, @aliciabg27, @brianaraydean, @im-that-trash-over-there

Not even your suit could have prepared you for the upcoming events.

Metal on metal reverberated in the mask of your suit, a black and blue copy of Peter’s that your father created months before. He’d been finalizing the abilities and mechanics of it for years, but finally found use for it when you decided to dive into the life of a vigilante. Although your father was adamant about it, your use of rocket boosters and repulsors ultimately led to joining his ragtag group of two. Peter and your father were inseparable, but your father wanted to rope you into spending more time with him. This led to your very own suit, but it was to protect you from threats on Earth.

Tony Stark himself was unprepared to defeat Thanos, let alone his daughter.

After the bumpy ride alongside Peter, you successfully made it into the ship and was faced with your next goal: convincing your father to let you both stay. If it wasn’t for Strange, both you and Peter wouldn’t have been able to annoy your father into allowing your mutual betrayal of being the friendly neighborhood superheroes. Blind to what would come, you and Peter waited excitedly to defend not just your city, but the entire universe as the distance between you and Thanos grew thinner.

You’d assisted Peter and your father with trying to pull the Infinity Gauntlet off of Thanos’ hand. Quill finding out about Gamora set off a chain of events you struggled to maintain, however. After Thanos freed himself from Mantis’ hold, the fight blurred between moons being thrown in your direction and you and Peter flying about trying to keep the unconscious together. You’d tried to get Thanos to focus on you, but it took one punch to knock your mask apart and send you twisting toward the rocky terrain. Your father, who’d gotten so fired up about not being able to protect you and Peter, fought Thanos with his bare hands.

Your father made Thanos bleed. Your father stabbed Thanos. Your father was stabbed by Thanos.

Though you were zoning in and out of consciousness, you’d cried out for your father as he choked on his own blood and was pushed to sit and struggle to breathe. Your fist crumbled pebbles in its hand and tears streamed down your face as it all fell apart. Strange traded your father’s life for one of the stones, and then Thanos disappeared and you had to accept that you lost.

It wasn’t until a stinging in your feet alerted you to the dangers of the snap. While waiting for the end to arrive and for a victory call from the winning side, Tony had gathered you into his arms as Peter staggered before you both. With you in his arms, Tony was prepared for whatever was to come, but found the result of Thanos’ win would alter that entirely. Pins and needles creeped up your legs and it felt as though you were being torn apart and strung back together. The pain was so unbearable that you could only look up at your father--wide eyed and confused--and slump entirely in his arms as the pain took over.

You didn’t have the healing capabilities of a mutant. Your fingers could only dig into the shirt beneath the remnants of your father’s suit. A look of terror spread upon your father’s face as he glanced down and noticed you disappearing before his very eyes. He’d looked back at you with a smile, but you saw the fear and the pain in his gaze as you became numb to everyone but him. “Dad, please. I’m just a kid. I didn’t-I don’t want to leave you alone.” You choked. “I’m scared,” you cried desperately. Your father, clueless as to what to do next, could only wipe your tears away and hold you as tightly as possible. He mumbled how much he loved you, his knees on the ground and his forehead against yours as if he could pray for you to stay.

Tony Stark wasn’t a religious man, but he prayed to every deity as if one would have the mercy to spare you.

It wasn’t until his thumb brushed a falling tear off your cheek that you faded entirely.

Tony fell forward, hands falling in the ashes of his daughter. Drax, Mantis, Quill, Strange, Peter--they all faded. One hope of getting back home disintegrated as quickly as his daughter had, each absence leaving a gaping hole in his heart. Tony didn’t know how much time passed before it was finally over and he could do nothing but stand, stomach aching and the cut in his side crying out in protest. He threw rocks with the force and speed of a baseball player, and he punched boulders until his fists bled and there was nothing left to do but yell and cry.

“I’m stuck with you! He killed Peter. He killed my--” Tony interrupted himself, the grief just then fading and bringing forth light on why his chest was burning with anguish--”my daughter. She’s dead. Now I’m stuck with you.” Tony knew it wasn’t fair to Nebula because she had lost people just the same, but what else could he do? He was blind with rage. There wasn’t any other person who knew how to calm him like you or Peter or Pepper. He had to find a way back home to get you back with a girl he barely knew.

There was one thing keeping Tony from giving into the pain: knowing he could get you back somehow. He didn’t know how long it would take or how he would do it exactly, but it was possible. If the tables were turned Tony knew you would do the same because you were smart and you were kind and beautiful and brilliant.

He’d save you. You and Peter and Pepper would all be in his arms. Tony was determined to make it happen if it was the last thing he did.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x stark!reader #peter parker x stark!reader #avengers imagines #tony stark x reader angst #peter parker x reader angst #marvel imagines

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

“at least the jury is still out on that one, so to speak”

so to speak is right, phoenix :T

-

“I WANTED TO KILL YOU. WAAHHHH”

ok rayfa. easy there.

-

aw. the dad is so strong that he cant even bear to see the murder brat sad. 

hdgdhfgh im gonna die he’s trying to cheer her up by acting like the bad guy

at the risk of sounding tumblry, phoenix wright is a cinnamon roll, to pure or whatever 

-

...is this kooraheen’s ‘happy people’?

.....i don't like it

-

ahlbi doesn’t get to be an assistant but he does get to carry all my unwanted crap!

-

“first the high priest, and then his disciple! maya fey will pay for this!”

ah yes, she’ll pay for killing off people we recently proved to be dangerous insurgents. 

-

WHOA OK GRAPHIC 

-

well ok there’s no possible way Maya could have killed him that night.

“they think she came down the stairs and stabbed him” yes in front of 200 praying people. no, they weren't looking up but probably the sound of a knife being driven into flesh and also footsteps may have alerted them???

-

rayfa wants to know how a time of death is determined, not for real... but because she wants to know what the idiot groundlings believe ?

either she’s an idiot and she doesn’t realize its completely legitimate, or the writers are still trying to make fun of religion via the “science and religion don't mix” joke which quite frankly is getting REALLY TIRESOME

-

ok... well I'm not scientific expert but doesn’t the body eventually reach a steady temperature? how could you determine how long the body took to cool down if it was cooled down for a long enough period of time? also, it was really cold on that mountain. 

something tells me this will be useful later.

-

again capcom, pointing out how unlikely your plot is doesnt make it better. it makes it worse.

-

“I will curse you and your disciples for eight generations!”

I'm pretty sure apollo and the series has already been cursed, mrs. inmee.

-

every time she kisses his picture i cry 

-

Zehlot arrived at the same time as Maya, but Mrs. Inmee is more inclined to believe that Maya is a murderer? I mean yes she supposedly killed off the other two, but jeez. Talk about favouritism. 

-

they let us check out the trash again... simply for a joke about phoenix digging through trash. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

-

katchu-dehmal, eh? Pokémon gonna sue 

-

hey um mrs. inmee

you've got a little something on your wrist...............

-

“Puhray always prayed a lot”

the terrible naming convention just makes that sound incredibly stupid

-

“She may say these terrible things, but it was just the way she was raised, I guess”

um... a lesson in tolerance i guess

-

“I didn’t know him very well”

you didnt know the guy you stayed with for two years?? man i guess Puhray really did pray the most.

-

i love that theyre mentioning ramen and burgers

and also that phoenix is offering to buy for maya

its the little things that make this game liveable 

-

everybody loves steel samurai!!!

-

“Whooops... its coming undone... WHOA!”

yes, it is indeed a very sexy picture. nice legs.

-

“tentacled hag frog”

what is this, last airbender??

-

“a spirit’s memory is cut off at the moment of death”

well of course. that’s how Mia was able to come to court knowing what was going on and being able to set phoenix on the right direction!

genius retcon there, guys. I guess that’s why Mia doesn’t make a comeback in this game :/

-

“helped neighbouring countries seek counsel”

actually thats an interesting callback to the original games where they state that before DL-6, Misty and Kurain village were famous for helping out people in high places. this i do not mind so much.

... though i doubt this would prevent you being invaded, Kooraheen. Also considering she mentions ‘keeping their unique culture’ as an aside to that fact, and the fact that a lot of this fictional country is based off of Tibet... Ouch.

-

“ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”

hey, there’s that ol’ Khumerican spirit!

-

“so the queen can perform the dance of devotion? that’d be a sight to see”

Phoenix stop imaging the queen in a mini skirt.

-

“theres no reason to panic, the police are on his trail”

the police that let him run on foot out of a crowded courtroom. 

id say you can panic now.

-

in exchange for his visual youthfulness, phoenix has physically aged considerably.

meanwhile, Gregory Edgeworth was rocking major wrinkles at 35 and he was fit as a fiddle.

Oh Capcom, when will your beauty-based cruelty end??

-

are we legit going to search for Datz

-

ok now i rly wanna hear what a Warb’aad sounds like.

-

further proof that phoenix is a huge carnivore. i am pleased.

-

boy kooraheen isn't very accessible is it. stairs everywhere

-

i love that no matter where he is, phoenix is always buying food for children.

-

alright enough fun stuff. into the absurdly spacious sewer we go!

-

I'm legitimately laughing my ass off why is it so funny that Ahlbi didn’t know his dog could track scents????

-

AAA WE’RE IN

WE’RE IN A FUCKIN SEWER

IM YELLIN

-

...oh my god no... i stg... dont you dare 

OH GOD 

OHHH GOD 

fuck....

i dont know who’s stupider: the rebels or the police

-

he... can eat... an entire apple... that is half the size of his face... in one bite.

this, truly, is a man to be feared

ranger hobo, your new nickname is Potential Vore Machine

-

>phoenix likes apples

further proof he is a good boy

-

wow thats even worse

i thought they’d just put their base in the sewers, but no; their base is an OLD LAW OFFICE AKA THE FIRST PLACE YOU’D LOOK FOR LAWYER REBELS

again, not sure who’s stupider: the rebels, or the police?

-

“public enemy #1 is a lawyer? didnt see that coming”

clearly you expect more from this game, phoenix

-

“Im gonna sell out my best friend!”

>doubt

-

OH OK NEVER LOOK SURPRISED AGAIN CLOSE YOUR VORE MOUTH JESUS CHRIST

-

if he wasnt a rebel anymore he'd have kicked your ass since youre a lawyer, phoenix. its not that hard to put together that he’s lying. ...for some reason. 

-

LAME. YOU cant show him your badge??? bullshit.

-

fucking christ even when he whistles his mouth is larger than it should be. 

-

he really is rebel!larry isn’t he

-

so Dhurke has a power glare, huh? 

GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH

-

“is this a law book? the dragon’s mark has been branded onto the cover...”

pfffttt edgy 

-

hmm. must be a new law-book if the defence culpability act is in it, since if i remember correctly that law was only recently introduced.

-

i love that Dhurke’s shit is just everywhere in this stupid house

-

...no way is he actually doing to

i...

like

i can’t even say punk’d. Phoenix, why would you try on a jacket that once belonged to a rebel leader while inside a rebel base that you’re not even sure is friendly to you? 

like i 

sense of preservation just goes out the window at the idea of looking cool?? actually to be fair that kind of makes sense for Phoenix so 

phoenix you should take it home and get it dry-cleaned.

-

“hmm this is an old photo...” says phoenix looking at a photo that’s as bright and shiny as the day it was taken. also he correctly guesses that it was taken 20 years ago based on... what evidence??

actually if he actually acknowledged that thats OBVIOUSLY APOLLO THERE then he’d have an actual metric to go by but NOPE! just bullshit magic deductions!

-

yeah or Nahyuta’s pulling a long game and you assholes are too impatient 

i cant believe I'm defending sadmad :/

-

WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU TELLING ME....... THAT KID WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE APOLLO....... IS APOLLO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

-

somehow Datz carried Phoenix through a tiny trapdoor and into this room huh

-

yay psyche locks!

-

YES!!!! YEEEEES!!! I GOT TO PRESENT MY BADGE

Soj... you may not be... completely horrible.

-

yeah phoenix, he was going to stab you if he thought you were on the side of the Queen

feel even stupider about that jacket now?

-

“Keera was working with the government the whole time?!”

well i mean what other motivation would they have? even if they were doing it for religious reasons that still lines up with the government’s intentions. 

this whole thing has a blacklisting smell on it too.

-

“a lawyer killed the queen, so the public turned against lawyers”

if that was how things worked, America would loath actors. 

-

“why does he have to jump like that before running off”

cause he’s a cartoon character 

-

“Well I guess we’re friends now”

oh phoenix 

my lonely baby

-

also where the fuck is Shah’do? That dog is a better policeman than every official in Kooraheen.

and i love that nobody notices people entering and exiting a sewer in broad daylight.  

-

well that was exactly where i thought it was

-

WOW GOOD GOING PHOENIX YOU DUMBFUCK

“HURRRHH I THINK ILL GO FIDN TH  SOOPER SECRET REBEL BASE WITH THE FUCKING PRINCESS IN-TOW. GENIUS!!!!”

OH YES, AND THEN TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. AND THEN LET HER COME INSIDE WITH YOU WITHOUT THE INTENT TO SHUT HER UP

BRILLIANT!!

PHOENIX WRIGHT, TRULY THE REBEL’S GREATEST ALLY.

-

ohhhhHHHHHhhhh

well well well well well well

this is interesting

-

“I think I’ll take a picture of this super secret rebel base”

hhhnnngghhhh

-

search every nook and cranny eh

-

“if the rebellion ever happens, i hope its bloodless”

while that’s sweet of you phoenix, you can count on it now, sincE YOU’VE REVEALED THE SOURCE OF THEIR WEAPONRY TO THE ENEMY

-

“What’s this? A bloodstain?”

Hope it is not Chris’ bloodstain...

-

CURSED NOISE

CURSED NOISE

TURN IT OFF!!!

-

this is where capcom hides characters they don’t like

Klavier is somehwere in this room....... festering

-

well we’ve come to the end of another investigation 

tbh I'm starting to get into the storyline, though it still doesn’t feel like an Ace Attorney game

it’s more like... it’s like someone took their Ace Attorney AU and made an entire game about it. It’s got some cool points to it, but all in all, it just doesn’t... fit, I guess?

Oh well. onto trial #2 and saving Maya’s butt once again

#ooc #sulking over SOJ #not too bad this time apart from a few choice bits :T]

[anamorales]

Not seeing general discussion sub menu, so posting here

Kinda long, but just needed this outta my head to see if itd help Been a rough 2 weeks for our family, last monday our 31yr old niece whos had a troubled youth with drugs/drinking, shes been doing really well last 5yrs, seemingly getting herself straightened out/growing up. She finally found a good man who has helped here, last year she opened her own barber shop that has been slowly growing with all her prior customers/new customers since shes been an avid fisherman/hunter, so she can talk the talk with the men, mounts on her shop walls…entire family very proud of her. last monday she closed early and partying with friends, day drinking; sometime in the early evening she mis stepped and tumbeled down the stairs are her place, and smashed her head on the wall on the foyer. She wasnt found until next morning when her bf came over, seen she wouldn’t respond and eyes were fluttering, so called ambulance. Found blood clot in her brain they went in and removed, pressure still building so they had to perform a frontal labotomy to the right side of her brain to allow brain to decompress and recenter in her skull. Two days later she was still unreaponsive, MRI showed she’d had 32 strokes, kind where blood is stopped and it bursts. Head of ICU told family this is her future as you see it, she will live in a nursing home requiring full care the rest of her life…we were all phucking devestated obviously. Thursday, new doc changed her sedation meds to a less powerful one, they had been going in every 2hrs to bring her out of sedation and asking her to respond to voice commands. By Thursday afternoon (we have an army of people helping us pray for her, as well as an army of angels who have silently stepped in to help her parents out with all kinda of paid/prepaid meals for their family since they are living at hospital naturally. But 6hrs after switching to less powerful sedation meds, she was responding to nurses command to (left side only as right side was “offline” for whatever reason injury related) squeeze my hand, give me a thumbs up, raise your leg up, curl your toes….so it was a emotional punch in the gut that prayers are being answered and she has moxie to fight this battle. been long days since due to no more progress, so the emotional roller coaster is in full effect obviously. But she was well enough today they decided to do the tracheotomy so they can ween her off the ventilator. Her dad posted it was another amazing day; she responded to everything the doctor asked her to do, the right side, though extremely weak/lagging compared to left side, she was able to attempt commands. She actually was able to open both eyes (they said she’s permanently blind in her left eye from the hit that blew out something (i forget), then her aunt was rubbing lotion on her feet and seen her head move sideways so asked “does this feel good amanda” to which she was able to shake her head in a yes motion (limited movement, but movement none the less. Doctor there shook his head and told them, quite literally you all have just witnessed something i cannot explain, there is no way at this stage of the recovery she should be able to do what she just did, its too soon. im not a religious guy, just one of those dudes that need to see proof before i can invest, blind faith on anything has never sat right with me; but with the huge turn around since last monday as far as progression; and just how many folks are praying for her; allergies hit me when i have time to go over everything from the day we all heard what happened to today. Ive watched her first response video from last week many times and tear up everytime knowing “shes in there” and is fighting her ass off. sorry so long if you made it this far, but its one thing to live this/talk with the wife and family, but i just needed to say things to a different group to help cope i guess. I do request that if any of my fellow brothas are the religious sort, if you could say a quick pray asking the big guy to help Amanda and her family in this difficult time, id be very grateful for it.

Not seeing general discussion sub menu, so posting here published first on https://immigrationways.tumblr.com/

[ugbodybuilding]

Not seeing general discussion sub menu, so posting here

Kinda long, but just needed this outta my head to see if itd help Been a rough 2 weeks for our family, last monday our 31yr old niece whos had a troubled youth with drugs/drinking, shes been doing really well last 5yrs, seemingly getting herself straightened out/growing up. She finally found a good man who has helped here, last year she opened her own barber shop that has been slowly growing with all her prior customers/new customers since shes been an avid fisherman/hunter, so she can talk the talk with the men, mounts on her shop walls...entire family very proud of her. last monday she closed early and partying with friends, day drinking; sometime in the early evening she mis stepped and tumbeled down the stairs are her place, and smashed her head on the wall on the foyer. She wasnt found until next morning when her bf came over, seen she wouldn’t respond and eyes were fluttering, so called ambulance. Found blood clot in her brain they went in and removed, pressure still building so they had to perform a frontal labotomy to the right side of her brain to allow brain to decompress and recenter in her skull. Two days later she was still unreaponsive, MRI showed she’d had 32 strokes, kind where blood is stopped and it bursts. Head of ICU told family this is her future as you see it, she will live in a nursing home requiring full care the rest of her life...we were all phucking devestated obviously. Thursday, new doc changed her sedation meds to a less powerful one, they had been going in every 2hrs to bring her out of sedation and asking her to respond to voice commands. By Thursday afternoon (we have an army of people helping us pray for her, as well as an army of angels who have silently stepped in to help her parents out with all kinda of paid/prepaid meals for their family since they are living at hospital naturally. But 6hrs after switching to less powerful sedation meds, she was responding to nurses command to (left side only as right side was “offline” for whatever reason injury related) squeeze my hand, give me a thumbs up, raise your leg up, curl your toes....so it was a emotional punch in the gut that prayers are being answered and she has moxie to fight this battle. been long days since due to no more progress, so the emotional roller coaster is in full effect obviously. But she was well enough today they decided to do the tracheotomy so they can ween her off the ventilator. Her dad posted it was another amazing day; she responded to everything the doctor asked her to do, the right side, though extremely weak/lagging compared to left side, she was able to attempt commands. She actually was able to open both eyes (they said she’s permanently blind in her left eye from the hit that blew out something (i forget), then her aunt was rubbing lotion on her feet and seen her head move sideways so asked “does this feel good amanda” to which she was able to shake her head in a yes motion (limited movement, but movement none the less. Doctor there shook his head and told them, quite literally you all have just witnessed something i cannot explain, there is no way at this stage of the recovery she should be able to do what she just did, its too soon. im not a religious guy, just one of those dudes that need to see proof before i can invest, blind faith on anything has never sat right with me; but with the huge turn around since last monday as far as progression; and just how many folks are praying for her; allergies hit me when i have time to go over everything from the day we all heard what happened to today. Ive watched her first response video from last week many times and tear up everytime knowing “shes in there” and is fighting her ass off. sorry so long if you made it this far, but its one thing to live this/talk with the wife and family, but i just needed to say things to a different group to help cope i guess. I do request that if any of my fellow brothas are the religious sort, if you could say a quick pray asking the big guy to help Amanda and her family in this difficult time, id be very grateful for it.

[uzzie02]

My story This is me. This my life. A life filled with pains that have daggered my heart like a knife. A life where struggles have been common but to learn to always strive. Because people around the world have it worse and don't know if they'll get through the night. An average boy born and bred in London that grew up in a religious family, praise to the lord for that for I don't know where I would be, in this crazy dunya rebelling and trapped with all its calamities. But pressures, responsibilities mounted upon my shoulders way too unknowingly, all of a sudden I'm in secondary - drinking and smoking people were showing me. I remembered my loving mum and dad though, I remembered that I have the bandana of Islam that my heart holds, but somehow, somehow I would still get caught up in the tangles of growing up, made a few mistakes, but I had my barriers which I'd keep holding up. 15, enjoying youth then my parents broke my heart so quick, assuming I had a fucking girl, then made me phoneless for 2 years mentally so hit. Wondering why I wasn't strong enough to say that she was only my friend, one minute I check the time on my phone the next minute they say it's the end. I started losing weight alot, started to become so skinny, my family had alot to say 'bout that and their comments started to fill me. Suddenly I'm doing my A-levels which filled my head with nothing but stress, more eyes on me everytime I'm walking around fam everyday was like a test. With a house that became so small after my oldest brother got married, no room of my own, no privacy but patience is all I carried. Every night working on my future dreaming of going to uni, I put my sweat and tears to pull up my shit grades and turn it into a beauty. But suddenly my parents wanted to turn my UCAS to U can't, problems with the loans telling me the interest is haraam, I cried painful tears away in private, like what's the point of grinding with no purpose, dreams crushed and broken but my brother helped me so I couldn't hurt much. Begging to see his little bro happy and suceed so I'm fine, telling them he'd help me pay my fees just so I could grind then shine. Allah opened the doors on results day as I was full of relief, the happiness was way too real knowing I cried with grief. He blessed me with much more though, when I got a scholarship paying 3k, fam it felt like Allah was answering my calls and he opened up the way. And then I got to Uni, new people, new place, grateful for the friends that I met it was like I always knew their faces, and a guy whos like my brother thanked me for coming in his life, but i thank him more for helping me even without no signs. Built a unique special bond with a particular girl from day 1, my bestfriend, my soulmate with love and care thats all that she shone, doing me favours unconditionally, releasing her past pains so frequently, fam I opened up to her so easily, studying chemistry together we built that chemistry. She had the keys to things that I'd never even open up to, she somehow knew all the heavy hidden pains that I would run through. Fam pain and misery is all that ever warmed me at home, unimportant and disregarded but her words would strike a smile even through the phone. And somehow all my secret insecurities I have she made me somehow forget, those patches of depression suddenly began to get lesser and less. I didn't acknowledge that I had that type of love for her as if my mind had a grudge with my heart, fam i was so blind to it all even through every laugh. Then summer came and my life spiralled way out of control so madly, her dad she loved so much broke her heart and treated her like she weren't even family. Forced into a fuckin marriage fam that shit made me draw scars on my arm, triggered me with heavy depression fam shes someone I'd never wish harm, and man I realised too late she would be the one to complete my deen, the she told me she loved me more than anything hard to describe what i mean, life was getting to me mad things were changing more than I could ever be seeing. Her innocent lovely pure heart was getting shattered into pieces, and she saw me getting crippled into depression man it was getting more serious, but somehow she managed to soothe me and wipe my tears and hope is what she gave, this shit is deeper than just fuckin love man there's dreams that I've deeply engraved. Before you knew it the feelings grew man every pain i felt she'd worry, and whenever I'd be in need for the tiniest things she'd be the first to aid with much hurry. Her wedding came in a flash man my depression got worse and it crumbled my heart, its not a normal fuckin heartbreak fam it completely tore me apart. I couldn't even concentrate on simple things that I'd casually be doing, my head now hurts so fuckin much and my soul feel so ruined. Went to the doctors about my mental issues and they give me some pills, telling me ima need them as long as shes married fam inside i was killed. Went home that night lost about my position in life, drowning in my own tears bruv i was tired of crying, everyday I'm feeling shitter and I want time to go back, feeling to end my life with all this darkness I can't hack. Or should i start drawing on my arms again and let me bleed til im sore, as a means punishment as I hate myself more and more. And bare people telling me that I dont even need her to happy, but fam she had a different effect on me and I invested my heart so deeply how can that be. Man i utter her name more than my own when Im crying to my lord, I pray i can still be united with her even though my hopes are nomore. I pray i reunite in the gardens of heaven if this world hasn't got it written, but for now theres a deep scar in my life and it'll be a part of my living. More rhymes and words can flow in this painful spoken word, but this is my story so far, for now im tryna make things less worse. And im out.

TheSpokenInk

[anamorales]

Not seeing general discussion sub menu, so posting here

Kinda long, but just needed this outta my head to see if itd help Been a rough 2 weeks for our family, last monday our 31yr old niece whos had a troubled youth with drugs/drinking, shes been doing really well last 5yrs, seemingly getting herself straightened out/growing up. She finally found a good man who has helped here, last year she opened her own barber shop that has been slowly growing with all her prior customers/new customers since shes been an avid fisherman/hunter, so she can talk the talk with the men, mounts on her shop walls…entire family very proud of her. last monday she closed early and partying with friends, day drinking; sometime in the early evening she mis stepped and tumbeled down the stairs are her place, and smashed her head on the wall on the foyer. She wasnt found until next morning when her bf came over, seen she wouldn’t respond and eyes were fluttering, so called ambulance. Found blood clot in her brain they went in and removed, pressure still building so they had to perform a frontal labotomy to the right side of her brain to allow brain to decompress and recenter in her skull. Two days later she was still unreaponsive, MRI showed she’d had 32 strokes, kind where blood is stopped and it bursts. Head of ICU told family this is her future as you see it, she will live in a nursing home requiring full care the rest of her life…we were all phucking devestated obviously. Thursday, new doc changed her sedation meds to a less powerful one, they had been going in every 2hrs to bring her out of sedation and asking her to respond to voice commands. By Thursday afternoon (we have an army of people helping us pray for her, as well as an army of angels who have silently stepped in to help her parents out with all kinda of paid/prepaid meals for their family since they are living at hospital naturally. But 6hrs after switching to less powerful sedation meds, she was responding to nurses command to (left side only as right side was “offline” for whatever reason injury related) squeeze my hand, give me a thumbs up, raise your leg up, curl your toes….so it was a emotional punch in the gut that prayers are being answered and she has moxie to fight this battle. been long days since due to no more progress, so the emotional roller coaster is in full effect obviously. But she was well enough today they decided to do the tracheotomy so they can ween her off the ventilator. Her dad posted it was another amazing day; she responded to everything the doctor asked her to do, the right side, though extremely weak/lagging compared to left side, she was able to attempt commands. She actually was able to open both eyes (they said she’s permanently blind in her left eye from the hit that blew out something (i forget), then her aunt was rubbing lotion on her feet and seen her head move sideways so asked “does this feel good amanda” to which she was able to shake her head in a yes motion (limited movement, but movement none the less. Doctor there shook his head and told them, quite literally you all have just witnessed something i cannot explain, there is no way at this stage of the recovery she should be able to do what she just did, its too soon. im not a religious guy, just one of those dudes that need to see proof before i can invest, blind faith on anything has never sat right with me; but with the huge turn around since last monday as far as progression; and just how many folks are praying for her; allergies hit me when i have time to go over everything from the day we all heard what happened to today. Ive watched her first response video from last week many times and tear up everytime knowing “shes in there” and is fighting her ass off. sorry so long if you made it this far, but its one thing to live this/talk with the wife and family, but i just needed to say things to a different group to help cope i guess. I do request that if any of my fellow brothas are the religious sort, if you could say a quick pray asking the big guy to help Amanda and her family in this difficult time, id be very grateful for it.

Not seeing general discussion sub menu, so posting here published first on https://immigrationways.tumblr.com/