#made it to maybe.... upper 80s low 90s?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mascbi · 3 years

Text

(This is a copy of a post made on the original mascbi tumblr, now deactivated, on December 4th 2019)

Updated results on my bisexual survey.

My survey on bisexuality and biphobia is still running - but responses have dried up for long enough that I felt it was time to go through the kind of tedious process of counting them up all over again and seeing what’s changed.

Overwhelmingly: not much. I’ve edited quite a few of the percentages of answers, but it’s mostly 1 or 2% differences - I think I noticed maybe one answer where I had to change a percentage by 3%.

I won’t repeat here my several disclaimers that you can find on my previous post detailing responses, so you can read them there instead.

The survey will continue to run indefinitely so that people may be able to review the answers and their wording freely outside of these posts (turning the survey off would disable viewing of answers).

1. Demographics

A majority of the respondents were older teens or adults, with the main age demographics being 20 to 25 (44%) and 16 to 19 (36%). 12% of respondents were aged 26 to 35. 6% were 13 to 15. About 2% were over 35. No respondents were under 13.

Most respondents have identified as bisexual for 2 to 10 years: 27% for 3 to 5 years, 25% from 5 to 10 years, and 22% from 2 to 3 years. 10% have identified as bisexual for 6 months to a year, 5% for less than 6 months, and 1% have identified as bisexual for a month or less. 8% have identified as bisexual for 10 to 20 years, and 1% for more than 20 years.

46% of respondents identified as women. 13% identified as men. 14% identify as nonbinary and female-aligned. 8% identified as nonbinary and male-aligned. 17% of respondents identified as nonbinary and unaligned or multi-gendered. The remaining participants indicated identifying as neither women, men, nor nonbinary, which included people with genders other than woman or man who didn’t use the term nonbinary, people questioning or unsure of their gender, and people with culturally specific genders who did not identify as nonbinary.

50% of respondents identified as cisgender. 35% identify as transgender. 15% identify as neither (the survey specified that this option was only for non-binary people who don’t identify as cisgender nor transgender, and does not account for cisgender people who don’t like the word cisgender).

97% of respondents indicated they were not intersex. 2% preferred not to say whether they were intersex. 1% of respondents indicated they were intersex.

72% of respondents are white. Other ethnicities include people mixed with white (16%), Asian people (all parts of Asia confounded, 11%, with smaller percentages based on the region), Black people (6%), ethnically Jewish people (6%), Native Americans (4%), and people uncertain of their ethnic background (2%). 2% of respondents identified their ethnicity as latine, hispanic, or mestizo/a. Other percentages were under 1%.

12% of respondents identified as hispanic or latine.

30% of respondents are middle class. 25% are low income/working class. 22% are lower middle class. 14% are upper middle class. 4% of respondents live in poverty. Less than 1% of respondents are upper class. 4% preferred not to indicate their economic background or weren’t sure of what they’d qualify as.

20% of respondents are disabled.

80% of respondents are mentally ill.

69% of respondents live in North America. 22% live in Europe. 5% live in Oceania. 2% live in South America. 2% live in Asia. Less than 1% live in Africa. Less than 1% live in the Caribbean.

2. Defining bisexuality.

When asked to define bisexuality in general (multiple possible answers per respondent): 49% of respondents define bisexuality as attraction to all genders. 46% define it as attraction to multiple genders. 42% define it as attraction to one’s own gender and other genders. 41% define it as attraction to two or more genders. 36% define it as attraction regardless of gender. 11% define it as attraction to both sexes. 10% define it as attraction to two genders. 6% of respondents didn’t have a clear definition of bisexuality. 1% of respondents indicated other definitions

When asked to define their bisexuality specifically: 42% of respondents defined their bisexuality as attraction to all genders. 33% defined it as attraction regardless of gender. 28% defined it as attraction to one’s own gender and others. 25% defined it as attraction to multiple genders. 19% defined it as attraction to two or more genders. 9% defined it as attraction to both sexes. 5% defined it as attraction to two genders. 5% of respondents didn’t have a clear definition of their own bisexuality. 4% of respondents gave other definitions of their own bisexuality.

More than 99% of respondents believe that bisexual people can be attracted to binary transgender people. More than 99% of respondents believe that bisexual people can be attracted to nonbinary people.

90% of respondents do not believe that all bisexual people have a gender preference. 64% of respondents believe that all bisexual people experience attraction to different genders in different ways.

81% of respondents indicate they are attracted to all genders.

For respondents who were not attracted to all genders:

19% of respondents indicate being attracted to women. 18% of respondents indicate being attracted to men. 12% of respondents indicate being attracted to female-aligned nonbinary people. 11% of respondents indicate being attracted to male-aligned nonbinary people. 10% of respondents indicate being attracted to unaligned nonbinary people. 7% of respondents indicate being attracted to genderless or multi-gendered people. 2% of respondents indicate different gender-specific attraction, such as attraction to anyone who isn’t a cis man, or having a difficulty to answer due to not being sure or not knowing enough nonbinary people.

When asked about having a preference for one or more genders over others: 38% of respondents indicated having a preference for women. 35% of respondents indicated they do not have a preference based on gender. 26% of respondents indicated a preference for men. 25% of respondents indicated a preference for female-aligned nonbinary people. 20% of respondents indicated a preference for male-aligned nonbinary people. 18% of respondents indicated a preference for unaligned nonbinary people. 14% of respondents indicated a preference for genderless or multi-gendered people. 5% of respondents indicated their preference fluctuates, they have a preference based on presentation, they have a preference for people who are not cis, or they are uncertain of their preference, and other personal answers.

79% of respondents indicated they feel attraction differently based on gender. 21% indicated they do not.

3. Relationship to the LGBT+ community.

96% of respondents consider themselves part of the LGBT+ community. 4% do not.

When asked about their presence in real-life LGBT+ spaces: 40% of respondents have participated in one or a few LGBT+ events, but don’t have a regular presence in real-life LGBT+ spaces. 37% of respondents have not participated in LGBT+ real-life spaces but have several LGBT+ real-life friends. 14% of respondents are present and active in real-life LGBT+ spaces. 6% of respondents have not participated in real-life LGBT+ spaces and don’t have real-life LGBT+ friends. 3% of respondents gave other answers, many citing inability to participate in real-life LGBT+ spaces due to a lack of local LGBT+ events or living in homophobic areas.

When asked about their presence in online LGBT+ spaces: 50% of respondents follow/read/participate in a few LGBT+ online spaces but don’t have a regular presence in them. 27% of respondents are present and active in LGBT+ online spaces. 18% of respondents don’t participate in LGBT+ online spaces but have several LGBT+ online friends. 4% of respondents don’t participate in LGBT+ online spaces and don’t have LGBT+ online friends. Less than 1% of respondents gave a different answer - most weren’t sure of what constitutes an online LGBT+ spaces.

When asked about their relationship to the LGBT+ community (not repeated but also indicated at this question: percentage of people who do not identify as LGBT+): 37% of respondents feel strong solidarity with all of the LGBT+ community. 30% of respondents feel some solidarity with all of the LGBT+ community. 24% of respondents feel strong solidarity with some groups of the LGBT+ community, but not all. 7% of respondents don’t feel a strong solidarity with the rest of the LGBT+ community.

When asked if they feel a stronger sense of community with some parts of the LGBT+ community: 26% of respondents feel the same sense of community with all of the LGBT+ community.

51% of respondents feel a stronger sense of community with transgender people. 49% of respondents feel a stronger sense of community with nonbinary people. 44% of respondents feel a stronger sense of community with lesbians. 25% of respondents feel a stronger sense of community with gay men. 22% of respondents feel a stronger sense of community with pansexual/polysexual/omnisexual people. 16% of respondents feel a stronger sense of community with asexual/aromantic people. Most “other” responses included wanting to indicate a stronger sense of community with bisexual people over others (this was not an answer on the survey because it was assumed that bisexual people have community with themselves). Other “other” responses included LGBT+ people of color and intersex people.

When asked if they felt a weaker or no sense of community with some LGBT+ groups: 25% indicated they feel the same amount of community with all LGBT+ groups.

46% of respondents indicated they feel weaker or no community with asexual/aromantic people. 36% of respondents indicated they feel weaker or no community with pansexual/polysexual/omnisexual people. 28% of respondents indicated they feel weaker or no community with gay men. 16% of respondents indicated they feel weaker or no community with lesbians. 7% of respondents indicated they feel weaker or no community with nonbinary people. 5% of respondents indicated they feel weaker or no community with transgender people. 3% of respondents included other responses, with a prevalence of cisgender people (who were not an option because cisgender people are not an LGBT+ group).

When asked how they feel their bisexuality is treated in LGBT+ spaces (online or offline): 43% of respondents feel somewhat heard, respected and supported. 29% of respondents feel they are somewhat erased, disrespected or not shown support. 15% of respondents feel they are not heard, respected or supported enough. 8% of respondents feel very heard, respected and supported. 4% of respondents feel extremely erased, disrespected or not shown support. 2% of respondents gave other answers, with a prevalence for being closeted, and not talking about their bisexuality in LGBT+ spaces.

When asked about their experience of biphobia within real-life LGBT+ spaces: 52% of respondents did not have enough experience with real-life LGBT+ spaces to form an opinion. 16% of respondents have never felt biphobia in real-life LGBT+ spaces.

25% of respondents felt their bisexuality was erased. 16% have been made to feel that their acceptance in real-life LGBT+ spaces was conditional because of their bisexuality. 14% have been spoken over or shut down about their bisexuality. 9% have been insulted or mocked for their bisexuality.

2% of respondents gave other responses, including several experiences of biphobia that did not fit under the offered answers.

When asked if they had experienced biphobia in online LGBT+ spaces: 24% of respondents don’t have enough experience with online LGBT+ spaces to form an opinion. 14% of respondents have never experienced biphobia in online LGBT+ spaces.

43% of respondents have felt their bisexuality was erased in LGBT+ spaces. 31% have been made to feel that their acceptance in online LGBT+ spaces was conditional because of their bisexuality. 26% have been spoken over or shut down about their bisexuality. 20% have been mocked or insulted for their bisexuality.

4% of respondents gave other answers, including experiences of biphobia that did not fit under the offered answers.

Hundreds of respondents gave a personal answer when asked if they’d like to say more about their experiences in the LGBT+ community. A lot of these answers include talk about their experiences with biphobia and bi erasure in the LGBT+ community. These answers are available in the survey’s responses.

4. Bisexuality and biphobia outside the LGBT+ community.

When asked whether they were out as bisexual in real life: 58% of respondents are out to their close friends. 42% are out to everyone significant enough to warrant coming out to. 28% are out to siblings. 27% are out to casual friends. 25% are out to their parents. 13% are out to their coworkers or classmates. 10% are out to other family members.

13% are out online, but not in real life. 2% are not out to anyone, online or in real life.

When asked whether they were out to their significant other: 58% of respondents indicated they do not currently have a significant other. 40% of respondents have a significant other who knows they are bisexual. 1% of respondents have a significant other and are not out to them as bisexual. Less than 1% of respondents have more than one significant other, and are out as bisexual to one or more but not all.

When asked how their bisexuality was received by the people they are out to (note: this question asked to check all that applies to all people respondents are out to. It is possible for respondents to both check that they feel supported and that they do not feel supported, if different people have responded differently to their bisexuality.):

47% of respondents feel very supported by the people they are out to. 46% of respondents feel somewhat supported by the people they are out to. 23% feel supported by friends, but not family. 16% answered that they people they are out to ignore their bisexuality or don’t believe it is real. 5% indicated that their being out is a source of stress, harassment or mockery from the people they are out to. 5% indicated they don’t feel supported or respected by the people they are out to. 1% indicated that their being out is a source of violence or abuse. Less than 1% feel they are supported by their family, but not their friends.

9% of respondents gave other responses about the reception of their bisexuality by the people in their life.

When asked if their significant was also bisexual (not repeated here: percentage of respondents who do not have a significant other): 19% of respondents indicated their significant other is not bisexual. 18% of respondents indicated their significant other is also bisexual. 3% of respondents are not sure whether their significant other is bisexual. 2% of respondents have more than one significant other, with one or more, but not all being bisexual.

When asked how their current significant other received their bisexuality (not repeated here: percentage of respondents who do not have a significant other or are not out to them): 36% indicate their current significant other is very supportive of their bisexuality. 4% indicate their significant other is somewhat supportive of their bisexuality. Less than 1% indicate their significant other has accused them of cheating because of their bisexuality. Less than 1% indicate their significant other has made them feel that the respondent’s bisexuality is less valid or moral than their sexuality. Less than 1% indicate their significant other has made them feel ashamed of their bisexuality. Less than 1% indicate their significant other is angered or offended by their bisexuality, or finds it threatening. Less than 1% indicate their significant other doesn’t want them to talk about their bisexuality or seems ashamed of it. Less than 1% indicate their significant other doesn’t believe in their bisexuality. Less than 1% indicate their significant other uses their bisexuality to coerce them into sexual acts they do not want. Less than 1% indicate their significant other is not supportive of their bisexuality. 2% of respondents gave other answers about the reception of their bisexuality by their significant other, such as mentioning that their partner became more supportive with time or that they don’t discuss their bisexuality with their partner.

When asked how their bisexuality was received by significant others in past relationships: 28% of respondents have never had a significant other in the past.

29% of respondents had past significant others who were very supportive of their bisexuality. 15% had past significant others who were somewhat supportive of their bisexuality. 14% were never out to any past significant others. 9% have been accused of cheating because of their bisexuality. 9% had past significant others who did not want them to talk about their bisexuality. 9% had past significant others who did not believe in their bisexuality. 9% had past significant others who did used their bisexuality to coerce them into sexual acts they did not want. 8% had past significant others who made them feel that the respondent’s bisexuality was less valid or moral than theirs. 8% had past significant others who were angered, offended, or threatened by their bisexuality. 8% had past significant others who made them feel ashamed of their bisexuality. 7% had past significant others who were not supportive of their bisexuality. 3% had past significant others who mocked, harassed, insulted, beat, or otherwise abused them because of their bisexuality.

8% of respondents gave other responses about their experiences with past partners, including only being out to some partners, not identifying as bisexual in past relationships, as well as other experiences of biphobia from past significant others. 3% chose the “other” reply but did not write specifics.

When asked whether, regardless of the perpetrators (this question included strangers), they had experienced any of the following:

76% of respondents indicated their bisexuality was treated as a phase, a lie, or a cry for attention. 75% of respondents indicated their bisexuality was treated as a curiosity or a joke. 47% of respondents have been mocked, harassed or insulted on the basis of their bisexuality. 39% of respondents indicated their bisexuality was treated as a sexual fetish or that they were expected to participate in sexual acts they did not want because of their bisexuality. 21% have been sexually harassed on the basis of their bisexuality. 8% have faced sexual violence other than rape on the basis of their bisexuality. 7% have faced violence on the basis of their bisexuality. 5% have been raped on the basis of their bisexuality. 6% of respondents gave other answers, including experiences of biphobia that did not fit the offered answers.

5. Personal relationship to bisexuality.

Respondents were asked to check all that apply to their current personal feelings about their bisexuality. 70% of respondents take pride in their bisexuality. 25% hide their bisexuality from others. 20% want everyone to know they’re bisexual. 9% feel ashamed of their bisexuality. 4% wish they weren’t bisexual.

44% find that being bisexual informs their experiences in life. 42% find that being bisexual informs their relationships to others. 39% say that being bisexual is a huge part of their identity. 26% say that being bisexual isn’t a very important or defining part of them - it’s just one thing among others.

52% say that if they could choose to be straight, they would still be bisexual. 42% say if they could choose to be gay, they would still be bisexual. 10% say if they could choose to be gay, they would. 3% say if they could choose to be straight, they would.

40% feel they’re “not bisexual enough”. 38% still question their bisexuality and are never sure they’re really bisexual. 29% feel they’re “not LGBT enough” because of their bisexuality. 16% find that bisexual feels like a dirty word, and they have a hard time calling themselves bisexual even though they know they are. 14% feel guilt because of their bisexuality.

5% of respondents gave other answers about their relationship to their bisexuality, including mentions of conflicting feelings about bisexuality.

Respondents were asked to check all that applied to their past feelings about their bisexuality: 56% have had a hard time accepting their bisexuality and questioned themselves constantly. 54% have had a hard time admitting that they were bisexual, to themselves or others. 36% struggled with the bisexual label, felt like bisexual was a dirty word, or tried to call themselves other labels to avoid saying “bisexual”. 35% have been ashamed of their bisexuality. 31% have wished they weren’t bisexual. 30% have identified as pansexual/omnisexual/polysexual before realizing they were bisexual. 28% have identifiedd as a gay man or a lesbian before realizing they were bisexual. 26% have known they were bisexual as soon as they knew bisexuality existed. 20% have been proud of their bisexuality ever since they realized they were bisexual.

8% of respondents gave other answers about their past feelings about their bisexuality.

Respondents were asked if they identifiedd as another orientation other than straight before identifying as bisexual, and if so, why. 24% of respondents have only identified as bisexual.

31% say they had a preference for the same/similar gender and felt it made them gay/a lesbian. 26% say they were afraid to accept their different-gender attraction due to heteronormative pressures, trauma, or other reasons. 26% say they were afraid to accept their same-gender attraction due to homophobia, trauma, or other reasons. 26% say they identified as another sexuality because they believed bisexuality wasn’t inclusive enough. 23% say they were afraid to identify as bisexual due to stereotypes or stigma against bisexuality. 20% say they didn’t know any bisexual people and didn’t have an idea of what bisexuality could be. 17% say they were pressured by others to identify as another LGBT+ identity. 16% say they didn’t fit stereotypes about bisexuality and thought it meant they weren’t bisexual. 11% say they believed they weren’t bisexual because they didn’t have a gender preference or didn’t experience attraction differently based on gender. 5% say they believed bisexuality wasn’t real.

9% of respondents gave other responses about identifying as another non-straight orientation. 4% chose the “other” reply but did not specify a response.

6. Bisexuality and gender.

When asked whether their bisexuality informs their gender identity:

44% of respondents said their bisexuality doesn’t inform their gender. 26% say they feel a connection between their nonbinary identity and their bisexuality. 26% say they feel more connected to their gender because of their bisexuality. 20% say their bisexuality and their gender are inextricably linked. 11% say they feel less connected to their gender because of their bisexuality. 5% of respondents gave other responses about the relationship between their gender and their bisexuality.

When asked whether their bisexuality informs their gender presentation:

47% of respondents said their bisexuality does not inform their gender presentation. 34% say they present in a way that they feel reflects their bisexuality. 20% say their gender presentation is linked to their same-gender attraction. 20% say their gender and their bisexuality are inextricably linked, and so is their gender presentation. 9% say their gender presentation is linked to their different-gender attraction. 5% of respondents gave other answers about their relationship between their bisexuality and their gender presentation.

When asked whether they consider themselves gender non-conforming: 46% of respondents said they are GNC. 45% of respondents said they are not GNC. 9% of respondents gave other answers (most of them uncertain of whether they were GNC, or saying they are GNC sometimes).

When asked whether their gender non-conformity was linked to their bisexuality (not repeated here: percentage of respondents who are not gender non-conforming):

22% are GNC, but it isn’t linked to their bisexuality. 21% say they’re GNC because their bisexuality and their experience of gender are inextricably linked. 15% are GNC because it’s their way of expressing their sexuality. 9% are GNC to signal interest to potential same-gender partners. 6% of respondents gave other responses about the link between their gender non-conformity and their bisexuality.

When asked whether they had more to say on the relation between their gender and their sexuality, hundreds of respondents wrote personal answers, often discussing a shifting or fluid relationship to their gender and presentation linked to their bisexuality. These answers are available in the survey responses.

7. LGBT+ terminology and privileges.

10% of respondents use the term “monosexual” to talk about people only attracted to one gender. 22% believe in monosexual privilege.

13% use the term “straight-passing” to describe bisexual people in M/F relationships. 27% believe in straight-passing privilege.

12% believe lesbians have privilege over bisexual people. 82% do not believe lesbians have privilege over bisexual people. 6% had other answers, with a prevalence for feeling lesbians sometimes have privilege over bisexual people, or that it depends on the situation and circumstances.

18% believe gay men have privilege over bisexual people. 77% believe gay men do not have privilege over bisexual people. 6% had other answers, with the same tendency towards the idea circumstancial privilege as the previous question.

5% believe bisexual people have privilege over lesbians. 91% feel bisexual people do not have privilege over lesbians. 4% gave other answers, with the same tendency towards the idea of circumstancial privilege as previous questions. Several indicate feeling that bisexual people do have privilege when in M/F relationship.

5% believe bisexual people have privilege over gay men 92% feel bisexual people do not have privilege over gay men 3% gave other answers, with the same tendency towards the idea of circumstancial privilege as previous questions. Several indicate feeling that bisexual people do have privilege when in M/F relationship.

(Note: all questions about privilege indicated that the respondent must give their feelings on whether a group experiences privilege over another based on sexuality alone, not on gender.)

When asked whether they believe terms like twink/bear/etc are exclusive to gay men: 33% of respondents do not have an opinion.

49% believe these terms include bisexual men. 8% believe bisexual men can call themselves these terms only when they are in M/M relationships. 7% believe these terms are exclusive to gay men. 3% gave other answers.

When asked whether they believe the terms butch/femme are exclusive to lesbians:

21% of respondents do not have an opinion.

47% believe these terms include bisexual women. 19% believe these terms are exclusive to lesbians. 9% believe bisexual women can call themselves these terms only when they are in F/F relationships. 5% gave other answers.

When asked how they feel about the terms stag/doe:

28% of respondents do not know these terms. 25% have a neutral opinion.

25% don’t like the terms, but respect people using them. 17% like the terms, but do not use them. 10% find these terms offensive or dehumanizing. 3% like the terms and use them. 5% gave other answers.

When asked how they feel about the terms knight/mage: 56% of respondents do not know these terms. 15% have a neutral opinion.

16% don’t like the terms, but respect people using them. 10% like the terms, but do not use them. 5% find the terms offensive or dehumanizing. 2% like the terms and use them. 4% gave other answers.

When asked whether they believe bisexual people can call themselves gay: 71% say bisexual people can always call themselves gay. 20% say bisexual people can call themselves gay, but only in the context of same-gender relationships or attraction. 3% said bisexual people cannot call themselves gay. 1% said bisexual people can only call themselves gay when they aren’t in an M/F relationship. 5% gave other answers, often saying they have no opinion or don’t care, or that bisexual people can call themselves gay but it is confusing or erases their bisexuality.

When asked whether they’d like to say more about LGBT+ terms and privilege between LGBT+ people, hundreds of people gave personal answers. They are available in the survey responses.

8. Bisexual stereotypes and misconceptions.

When asked whether they feel a pressure not to conform to stereotypes about bisexual people: 40% of respondents say they do not feel pressure to not conform to stereotypes.

26% say they genuinely do not conform to any stereotypes about bisexuality. 19% say they lie about or hide their attraction to some genders or people to avoid conforming to stereotypes. 17% say they lie about or hide their interest in some sexual acts. 14% say they lie about or hide their interest in non-monogamy. 14% say they lie about or hide their interest in threesomes. 12% say they lie about or hide their gender preference. 5% say they avoid dressing or presenting in some ways to avoid fitting stereotypes.

16% say they call themselves “slutty”, a “bihet”, a “traitor”, or other instults targeted at bisexual people to reclaim them. 11% say they are open about their sexuality and interest in sex because they have been made to feel guilty about it due to their bisexuality. 8% say they purposefully fit stereotypes about bisexuality to rebel against the pressure to not fit them. 4% say they are open about their non-monogamy because they have been made to feel guilty about it due to their bisexuality.

4% of respondents gave other answers.

When asked whether they are polyamorous: 64% of respondents say they are not. 18% say they might be, but they are afraid to explore it due to stigma against polyamorous people. 16% say they are polyamorous. 12% say they might be, but they are afraid to explore it due to stigma against bisexual polyamorous people.

When asked whether they had ever cheated on a partner: 90% of respondents said they had not. 7% of respondents said they had. 3% gave an answer saying that they had, but indicated specific circumstances (it was a very long time ago, it was emotional cheating but they didn’t act on it, they were in an abusive relationship…).

When asked whether they had been approached for a threesome by a couple, when they had made no indication of interest in threesomes, being open to sexual advances, or interest in the people approaching them: 71% said they had not been approached for an unwanted threesome. 22% said they had, and found it upsetting. 7% said they had, but didn’t mind it. 5% gave other answers (often detailing experiences with unwarranted sexual advances).

When asked whether they had been assumed to be “available for sex” due to their bisexuality: 62% said they had not (several said “no” in the “other” answers, and said it was because they are not out). 36% said they had. 2% gave other answers, often saying they weren’t sure or didn’t know whether it was due to their bisexuality or other factors.

Out of 1252 women or female aligned people: 51% have never been told they are “available to men” due to their bisexuality. 42% have been told they are “available to men” and found it offensive. 5% consider themselves available to men. 2% have been told they are “available to men” and did not find it offensive.

Several individuals who do not identify as women or female-aligned have indicated that this has happened to them because they used to identify as women or female-aligned or are misgendered as women - most found it offensive.

Out of 486 men/male-aligned people: 62% say they have never been assimilated to straight men and/or benefit from straight men’s privileges. 35% say they have been assimilated to straight men and/or told they benefit from straight men’s privileges, and found this offensive. 2% say they have been assimilated to straight men and/or told theybenefit from straight men’s privileges, but did not find this offensive. Less than 1% (5 individuals) thought they are basically the same as a straight man.

5 men/male-aligned individuals said they believe they have not experienced this specifically because they are trans and are misgendered as women.

When asked whether, regardless of their gender, it was assumed that respondents were primarily or only attracted to men, and that their attraction to other genders was either fake, or unimportant and shallow:

71% said they had experienced this. 27% said they had not experienced this. 2% gave other responses, such as being unsure or detailing experiences with this stereotype.

Out of 482 men/male-aligned people: 41% have been assumed to be “really gay” and lying about their attraction to women. 55% have not faced this assumption. 4% gave other responses, with many expressing that this does not happen to them because they are misgendered as women, or that they’re not sure whether this has happened..

Several people who are not men/male-aligned indicated this happened to them when they previously identified as men or because they are misgendered as men.

Out of 1271 women/female-aligned people: 75% have been assumed to be “really straight”, or that their interest in women is just a phase, a sexual fetish, or experimenting. 25% have not faced this assumption. Less than 1% used the “other” answers to indicate they have faced the opposite assumption: they have been assumed to really be lesbians. Less than 1% gave other answers (mostly uncertainty).

Several people who are not women or female-aligned say they have faced this assumption when they previously identified as women/female-aligned or because they are misgendered as women.

When asked whether they have been made to feel that identifying as bisexual was regressive or less inclusive than other sexualities:

72% of respondents said they had. 26% said they had not. 3% said they had been told this but did not internalize it, or that they had not personally been told this but had witnessed this sentiment.

When asked whether they had been told that identifying as bisexual meant they were prejudiced against trans and nonbinary people: 73% of respondents said they had. 25% said they had not. 2% said they had not been directly told this, but had seen this being said.

Out of 919 trans and/or nonbinary people: 63% were made to feel that they could not be bisexual because “bisexuality doesn’t include trans people”. 37% were not made to feel this way. Less than 1% gave other answers, such as that they had heard or been told this but did not internalize it, they did not identify as trans or nonbinary when they were told this, or that they hadn’t identified as trans or nonbinary long enough to have experienced this.

When asked whether they had been made to feel or told that they should identify as a different label because of the way they experience bisexuality: 29% of respondents said they had not.

63% of respondents said they had been told they should identify as pansexual/omnisexual/polysexual instead. 19% said they had been told they should identify as asexual/aromantic/greysexual/demisexual/etc instead. 15% said they had been told they should identify as a lesbian instead. 6% said they had been told they should identify as a gay man instead. 6% gave other answers as to their experience being pushed to not identify as bisexual, which are available in the survey results.

When asked whether there was anything else relevant to the survey that they wanted to say, over 100 respondents gave personal answers that are availably in the survey results.

7 notes · View notes

crash-cinematic-universe · 4 years

Text

Headfirst for Halos (ch. 5)

*does a fortnite dance* this took me wayy too long to write

Ship: Tate Langdon/fem!Reader

WARNINGS: allusions to both physical and emotional abuse from a family member, actual physical abuse between a freshman and a senior, allusions to mental illnesses such as depression, student v. student violence. A certain way an event was phrased could be considered an allusion to molestation. strong language. a reference to homophobic slurs (none were used)

general comments: the american rock band My Chemical Romance was referenced in this story, yes it doesn’t work with the timeline, no I do not care. pretend mcr was around in the 80′s and 90′s. overall, I’m pretty proud of how this turned out. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 FOR AMERICAN HORROR STORY AHEAD. pre-death tate, pre-shooting tate, pre-beau death

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

It's cold. My blood runs like ice through my veins, the image of my mother still fresh in my mind. The cops had arrived at some point, their red and blue flashing lights coming through the windows. The neighbors must've heard me scream. An officer attempted to console me, but I couldn't register his words. Everything is just so cold, and that's all I can focus on.

I refused to let Delilah anywhere near the house after I saw the body. I picked her up and held her, the chilling numbness of shock consuming me. I'm shivering, and I can't tell whether that's due to the cold or the scene. I think I threw up, I can't remember. Everything is all blurry, the only thing I can remember clearly is her cold, empty, horrific gaze. Hundreds of muffled voices surround me, each of them fading away with each passing second. One familiar voice cuts through the mob of unending murmuring.

“Y/n? Hey, Y/n, are you alright?” Pluto’s worried eyes meet mine. “Shit, Y/n, I came over as soon as I’d heard.”

“Why?” My voice is weak, my throat is sore from screaming. I don’t intend to come off bitter, I’m genuinely asking.

“Because I thought you’d want a familiar face around in this chaos.” Pluto says firmly, their eyes not leaving mine. Their concern is comforting, the knitted sweater they’re wearing softly brushes against my skin as they envelop Delilah and I in a tight embrace.

“She’s dead.” I say quietly. “She’s dead. My mother is dead.” The tears spilled over onto my cheeks as the realization set in. The shock faded away, and the raw emotions consumed my body causing my senses to numb and my chest to tighten. Whenever I close my eyes I see her. I see her stare. I see the deep gash in her throat, the remnants of a petrifying fear in her eyes. It isn’t long before I’m in hysterics, catching the attention of the officers around us.

It’s only then that two paramedics exit my house, carrying my mother’s corpse on a stretcher. The thin sheet over her body is blown by the wind, revealing her upper torso to me once again. I guess the initial shack shielded me from seeing the extent of her injuries. She looked ghastly, dark bruises covering her face. Scratch marks ran down her arms, her fingers broken; she looked as if someone had beaten her down before slitting her throat. The sight does nothing to sooth my sobbing, it only fuels my emotion as Delilah begins to cry, too. It’s going to be a long night.

________

“Tell me again, in your own words, what were you doing when you found your mother.” Officer McCoin asks, his cold eyes glaring at me from across the metal table.

“I took my little sister, Delilah, out for ice cream. We left around 4PM and got back around 7PM--”

“You were out for three hours? Getting ice cream?” I nod.

“We went exploring for a while. We wanted to stay out of the house.” I noticed the officer’s eyebrow twitch.

“Why did you want to stay out of the house?” I stayed silent for a moment, and Officer McCoin took my silence for advantage. “Miss L/n, what happened to your face?”

“I-.. uh, I-” My thoughts are jumbled, the mixture of shock and pressure making my brain go fuzzy. I know what’ll happen; if I tell them my mother hit me, they’ll find some way to connect me to her death. That’s how cops operate-- make the evidence shown reflect who they personally suspect. “Some kids at school roughed me up a bit. It’s nothing too serious. We wanted to stay out of the house because of the heat. The air conditioning in our house is broken, it’s much cooler outside with ice cream.” That wasn’t totally a lie-- our AC was broken. Thankfully, Officer McCoin is quite gullible. He simply nods and makes notes on a small pad of paper beside him.

“What were you doing earlier that day? Before you left?”

“I had a friend over and we listened to music for a little while. After that he went home and Delilah and I left.” I explain.

“Could you give me the name of your friend?” Officer McCoin grabs the notepad and pen, preparing to take notes. “And, uh, your relation to this person.” My jaw clenched at McCoin’s insinuation.

“His name is Tate Langdon, and he’s my… friend.” Wait, fuck, are Tate and I just friends? Does getting each other off on occasion count as a relationship? Probably not, but I’m still not quite sure. Officer McCoin’s eyebrow twitches once I say Tate’s name.

“Alright, Miss L/n, that’s all for now. You’re free to leave.” I immediately stand up, turning to exit the interrogation room. Officer McCoin speaks once more before I leave. “Miss L/n? Be careful around that Langdon kid. He’s bad news.” Anger ripples through my veins as I walk out the door. Who does that asshole think he is? Tate isn’t bad news, hell, he wouldn’t hurt a fly! The rush of emotion makes me feel like I’m spiraling with no one to catch me. That is, until I see Pluto outside the police station.

“Pluto--” is all I can muster before I collapse into their arms, clutching them like they’re my last hope. My fingers dig into their shoulders as I steady myself, letting my emotions out in one good hard cry. Pluto informs me that Delilah was setting up at their house.

“Y/n, you’re going to stay with me for a while, okay?” I simply nod, any attempt at a verbal confirmation diminished by my sobbing. Everything went so wrong so fast-- I was falling and I needed someone to grip onto. I know I can’t trust Pluto, not after our previous interactions. Suddenly, he pops into my head.

“Tate,” I say quietly, my voice thick with tears. “I want to see Tate.” Pluto gives me a weird look.

“You wanna see Langdon? Why?” Pluto inquires, gently leading me out of the police station towards their car.

“He might’ve gotten hurt or seen someone or something. He was coming from that direction last time I saw him.” I neglected to mention the fact I also wanted to see Tate because he made me feel safe. Pluto doesn’t need to know that, hell, I’m not sure they care. This is just another charity case for them, isn’t it? Well, I don’t really care. I need a place to stay, and Pluto has one-- charity case or not.

“... alright. I’ll give him a call--”

“No!” I snap. I’m not sure why, but I’m the one who needs to do it. Admittedly, my outburst was out of left field. “Uh, no. I’ll call him.”

I’m quick to compose myself, wiping away the tear tracks on my face and blowing my stuffy nose. My voice was still low from my screams and cries, but it’s much stronger than before. Pluto and I drive in silence, their dark eyes trained on the road. Eventually, I break the silence.

“Why are you doing this?” Pluto hesitates.

“Because you’re just a kid.” That’s all Pluto says on that topic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to say all that stuff back there.” “Yes you did, Pluto.” I said firmly. “It’s okay, I understand.” Pluto looks hurt but I don’t really care. They exit the room with a huff, leaving me in silence. I sit there for a minute, taking time to breathe. Things have changed so quickly, but at least I still have a few constants. I grab the phone and quickly dial Tate’s phone number.

Ring

I still have Delilah

Ring

I still have myself

Ring

I still have Tate.

Ri-- “Hello?” It’s so nice to hear his voice again.

“Hey, uh, it’s Y/n.” My voice sounds unnatural and odd, but I don’t really care.

“Oh my god, Y/n, are you ok?” Tate gushes, and I can practically see his face contorted in concern. “I’m so sorry about your mom, I really meant to call earlier but I thought I’d give you space--”

“It’s okay, Tate. It’s good to hear you now.” A voice echoes slightly on the other line, and Tate is quick to cover it with his own. I can tell it was his mother, and I can tell that she was angry. I felt defensive, the last thing I want is for Tate to have to experience what I did.

“Hey, uh, do you wanna, maybe, come over like… right now? I think you could use a hug.” Tate laughs ever so lightly.

“God, yes, I just want to see you.” I sound desperate. I am. “I’ll be there in 10.”

“See you then.”

“Bye, Tate.”

“Goodbye, Y/n.”

#tate langdon #tate langdon fanfiction #ahs tate langdon #tate langdon x reader #Evan Peters #AHS Evan Peters #AHS #ahs murder house #ahs fanfiction #american horror story #american horror story fanfiction #headfirst for halos #irl dont look

46 notes · View notes

sebastianshaw · 3 years

Note

"This is a high class place I'm running here." Shaw probably as he warns Sabertooth that one time in new x-men.

Also can we talk about how Cyclops after getting caught cheating mentally on Jean grey with Emma Frost. And the first thought he had was to get shit faced at the Hellfire club.

Ohhhh my god there’s a lot there. Firstly, I do love that moment. Telling off SABRETOOTH is the kind of coolness that Shaw just doesn’t get anymore. But like, why did Morrison turn the Hellfire Club into a strip club? Til that comic, the Hellfire Club was a worldwide elite social for the rich and powerful. We saw them hosting fancy galas in ballgowns and tuxes and stuff like that. There was certainly the IMPLICATION that Naughty Things went on in the private rooms upstairs, but in general it was depicted as this very posh, glamorous, super upper-class place that was VERY exclusive and you apparently have to be a billionaire just to get a normal membership. And now suddenly it’s like this. . . strip club bar that anyone can walk into, including Cyclops and Wolverine, people who have most certainly never had a standing membership? Oh, and the dancers are dressed as dominatrixes, how EDGY. Forgive me if I don’t think billionaires are going to pay to watch women pole-dance who are covering MORE than a dancer at a normal club does. The whole implication of sex at the Hellfire Club in the 80s worked because it was an IMPLICATION. We NEVER saw it, nor was it ever directly stated, so your mind could do all kinds of wild scandalous Eyes Wide Shut shit that could never be allowed to be printed. . .and made a lot more sense for an uber-exclusive society you had to be uber-rich to join. Just making it blatantly a strip/kink club is kinda. . . . well, it was cool to me when I was 13, now it’s juvenile and makes me go “wtf” for the aforementioned reasons. It’s also weird because like. . . again, the Hellfire Club, writers forget, was not just the Inner Circle of Kings, Queens, etc. It’s worldwide social club that, though elite and exclusive, does seem to have hundreds of members. Heiresses, moguls, politicians, royalty, old money, new rich, you name it. And they have four major branches---Manhattan (the one we usually see), London (we’ve seen that one in just two stories) and the never-seen Paris and Hong Kong branches---as well as a ton of lesser establishments in other major cities like Boston and Cincinnati. Now, while I’m sure there are PLENTY of posh rich folks who like bondage and orgies, it’s simply unrealistic to think they ALL do, or even that the majority do. Many of them, I dare say, are probably quite conservative. And the Hellfire Club probably does not want to lose the support of these people as members, or its public reputation as a very respectable (despite the name) establishment. So I don’t think it would be shoving the sexual aspect out there in front of everyone, which would make a lot of the members want to disassociate from it. My own headcanon is they have a low-key vetting process for who might be amenable to being offered their “special services”---so like, they might ask the young guy who just made it big in the tech industry, but not the elderly dowager duchess (of course, who knows, maybe she *is* into that kind of thing and the young tech guy is NOT, that’s what the process is there to find out!) ANYWAY Aside from the “does Morrison even know what the Hellfire Club actually is because I don’t think so” salt, there’s also. . . yeah why would Cyclops go there? Why, of all places he could get a drink, here? The place that turned Jean (well, the Phoenix Force masquerading as Jean) into Dark Phoenix? Is that not, like, the last place he would want to try to ‘get away’ at? Oof, and the whole Emma thing. . . when I was a kid, I hated him for cheating on Jean AFTER what he had done to Madelyne, Scott seemed to me like nothing more than a guy who was just ALWAYS leaving his wives. As an adult. . . I still have those FEELINGS but intellectually my understanding has changed. Scott was in a really mentally messed up place because of some shit that had happened to him, he couldn’t even have sex with his wife because of it, so Emma presented herself to him as a sex therapist (something which has never come up before or again, leading me to think she made it up) and very deliberately misled him into thinking that what they were doing was treatment for him. Which is Fucked Up, and by some definitions is in fact rape, and if a male character had done this to a female character, you can bet a lot more people would see it as such. Therapists, including sex therapists, do NOT have sex with their patience, and while legally there’s nothing on the books about psychic sex (since it doesn’t exist) the principle is the same despite what Emma told Scott. So if she is an actual sex therapist, she lied to him to get sex when he was in a really vulnerable place and came to her for help. If she’s NOT a sex therapist like she claims. . . . she lied to him to get sex when he was in a really vulnerable place and came to her for help. I really love Emma, she was one of my first faves when I started reading and buying my own X-Men comics instead of just reading my brother’s stuff from the 90s, but she has a HISTORY of using her powers for non-consensual sex-related things like this. And I mean as a HERO, not as a villain. She’s forcibly kissed a woman, she’s mass-induced an orgasm on one crowd, and she made another group all make out with each other. She’s frankly done way more sexually shady shit on panel than Shaw ever has, but people just. . . kinda don’t talk about or acknowledge it? Don’t recognize it for what it is? IDK but it bugs me.

5 notes · View notes

jenniez-tv · 5 years

Text

HIPEC surgery (warning - photos of my abdomen after surgery will be shown)

The night before surgery I was on clear liquids only.. that was hard when all my family members kept talking about food and dessert.. the stomach growl was real. Haha. I spent the night playing mahjong with my family up until I had to pack and get ready to leave the house. An all nighter. Weeee. I really didn’t care to sleep since I don’t usually sleep til the morning anyways and I would be sleeping a lot in the hospital so it was whatever.

My aunt, mom, and I leave to go to the hospital around 4am (super early). We arrive, I’m sent to preop to get ready and I am super nervous.. I realized I forgot to take my anti anxiety Med before leaving the house.. UGH. I ask the nurse if she can ask the doc to give me one while I’m waiting and she said the Anesthesologist can give me something when they are ready to wheel me to the OR. Like wtf? How is that helpful? Why would I need anxiety meds right before I go to sleep for the freaking surgery?!? I need it for the 2hrs of waiting!!! She didn’t even bother to ask! Ughhhh.. like why? She is supposed to be an advocate for me.. Was not happy with her.. then she told me to relax.. HAHA. Glad I won’t see her again. Rude.

Me waiting at preop

Anywho.. next thing I know I’m awake in PACU. I’m groggy and in pain.. and of course felt myself up all over my abdomen to make sure I didn’t get a ileostomy bag. Thank god I did not! I did have a jp drain though. The Dr said he removed the organs he planned on-the uterus, ovaries, omentum, gallbladder along with 3 small things he found in my abdomen. I have no idea where and how big they were. They don’t think they are tumors but the pathology results have not come back yet.. feels like forever waiting for results.. either way, im glad it was found and removed. (Update- the results came back benign! Negative for cancer!)

I’m moved to the ICU and get hooked up to so much equipment. I stayed in the ICU for 2.5days. I had 2 iv’s, an arterial line, Foley catheter, NG tube, JP drain and a wound vac. My throat hurt so damn bad.. every time I swallowed it hurt.. that NG tube fked up my throat. I was also a not allowed eat or drink anything for 2 days until they took it out. I could not wait! Post op day 1 was a killer for me. Just trying to sit up made me cry. They wanted me to walk down the hall while pushing the wheelchair. I literally looked like a old person who has the hump back and couldnt stand straight while walking. The poor nurses were pretty much holding my weight lol. Even helping me scoot up on the bed hurt. My family said my entire body and face was super swollen . I just pictured the scene in Willy wonka and the chocolate factory where that girl turned into a huge blueberry. 🤭 I think the most annoying part of ICU was when they kept giving me blood pressure medication and IV fluids to increase my blood pressure. I normally have low BP like 80-90/50-60 told everyone. Apparently the Med surg unit (Unit I would be at until I get discharged) doesn’t like BP’S under 90. I mean seriously, I can’t be the only one with normal low BP’s.. With all the fluids during and after surgery.. I was 15lbs heavier. Ahh! I know it’s all water weight but damn that’s a lot of water weight. They also gave me potassium and it was so uncomfortable on my veins. Anyone can tell you it hurts..even when it’s diluted. It fked up my veins where on The last night in the ICU I had to get one of my IV’s replaced because anything that went through it (even saline) hurt . It was hurting even if nothing was running.

Anyways, I get cleared and transfer up to the medsurg unit. I was actually feeling pretty good considering just having surgery. I get my NG tube removed and am allowed teeny bits of water/ice. FINALLY. My throat can now get better! By the time I transferred I was making laps around the unit. I also get my wound vac removed. It was so painful because I developed a lot of blisters on the edges of the tape from the wound vac. It looked pretty gross. (Picture below). When they removed it, all the blisters broke and they even rubbed over it pulling the skin off. Then, one of my ivs stopped working so it had to be taken out. Luckily this unit only requires one IV not two like the ICU so I didn’t need it replaced.

Picture of the blisters

Picture of my incision with the wound vac and the jp drain.

Picture of my incision and blisters after wound vac removed

The next morning is where everything went downhill. I got super nauseous and eventually threw up 900cc of bile. My temp was around 101 degrees, and eventually got up to 103. I also had other signs/symptoms that showed that I got septic to something. I had to be transferred back to the ICU. Because they were not 100% sure where the infection came from (they had 2 guesses) I got 2 antibiotics that would treat both areas. My white blood cell count also dropped dramatically to 0.98 and my anc 0.74. This means that I was very susceptible to getting more infections. People had to wear a mask when they come to my room and I had to wear one when I left the room. The good news is my fever went away pretty quickly and I started feeling better. My wbc kept going up and down... I’m hoping it keeps trending up because I cannot leave the hospital until my wbc goes up and becomes stable. EEP.

While I was back in the ICU I had to get a second iv placed.. so now I have had 4 iv’s so far not including the arterial line). I’m connected to all the machines again and it takes forever for me to get to the bathroom since they have to disconnect all the monitors and attach it to a portable one so they made me use a bedside commode instead. Bedside commode?!?! The thought is just gross. I’m peeing and pooping in a room with just a curtain blocking the view. What if someone walked in to talk to me in the middle of my session? It was so nerve wrecking. I’ve cleaned up patients bedside commodes before and it’s fine but now can say that I really understand why patients apologized all the time.

After another 2 days in the icu and being septic.. And another iv needing to be replaced bc it infiltrated.. (apparently my veins are mad weak from all the meds and chemo) (now iv #5) I am finally better to go back to the Med surg unit. I’m transferred back and it feels so nice to use abnormal bathroom again. I’m still only allowed clear fluid and honestly.. even that was hard to do. I had to drink a minimum of 800cc a day and it was a struggle. So many days of not eating and drinking screwed me up. Plus I kept having this underlying nausea that just wouldn’t go away. It turned out I had a small ileus as well- A complication that can happen from abdominal surgery.

Everyday I got blood drawn twice a day.. and lovenox which is a blood thinner to prevent blood clots. Prior to lovenox, they were giving me heparin (which is 3 times a day..). My body was full of bruises all over.

Picture of some of the bruises on my arms. I had a bunch on my thighs too..

Anywho, I’m finally allowed to eat.. and man that was more of a struggle than drinking.. I would take one or two bites and be done.. it didn’t help that the hospital food was completely disgusting.. even simple foods you think they can’t mess up on.. was just gross. I was asked by family what I felt like eating so they can bring it.. but honestly I had no appetite at all. Completely different from when I was on steroids and eating nonstop.. lol. But I tried.. hard.. to eat and drink enough. They wanted to start me on tpn which is the total nutrition through a central line.. and I was not about to have it. I gave a hard hell no.

I could barely sleep.. it just felt like my stomach was being pulled or stretched apart when I moved.. was woken up non stop for meds/ vitals.. when I was able to doze off.. my days pretty much consisted of eating, taking a couple laps around the unit, napping, and repeat. I was still getting some iv fluids to help keep me hydrated.. and of course.. another iv infiltrates.. and another iv had to get started... I had a total of 6iv’s and an arterial line.. it was utterly ridiculous.. I had no more places for ivs! And I freaking hate ivs and getting poked.. but that’s all I got during this stay.. so many I lost count.. sigh..

On and off during my stay but especially the last couple of days, I had severe lower right abdomenal pain that was sharp and jabby. I prevented me from moving at all.. it was downright horrible and worse than my incision.. no one knew what it was from but I guessed maybe the drain that was inside.. I got a ct scan done and it didn’t show anything there but the drain so I got it removed.. the pain immediately disappeared!! It was such a relief!! No pain meds helped at all.. not even the slightest.. so having that relief felt so good. The drain coming out though.. felt like so much pressure and it felt like the spot that hurt was getting pulled on. I swear that drain was stuck there or something.. it was a good amount in my stomach.. I didn’t realize how much of the drain just sat in there.. kinda gross. And yes, I watched the whole thing... hahah.

Another complication I have is that my left upper thigh is numb.. and has been numb.. it never got and still hasn’t gotten any better.. I thought it was the duramorph I got during surgery but after a week it seemed unlikely.. the dr says that it’s most likely because the retractor they used to hold my abdomen opened was pressed on my thigh nerve since I’m smaller than the average patient and dmged it from it being compressed for 8hrs.. he says it will take weeks to months for my leg to return to normal.. hopefully.. but that there is a chance it won’t.. god I hope it comes back. It feels so weird and annoying to have the top of my thigh permanently numb ...

Finally my wbc is stable and continuing to trend upward (although still low) and I’m allowed to go home.. I could not wait to see my babies (my dogs), my family, and just sleep in my own bed!!

Sorry, I know this post was all over the place... i wrote parts of it at different times.. which is why some seems present and some past tense.. and I’m honestly not in the mood to go and fix it all. I will post again how my recovery is going at home soon.

Thank you all for your love and support. ❤️

7 notes · View notes

bandaids-not-groupies · 5 years

Text

Get to know me uncomfortably well - tagged by @livewiredroger ❤️ sorry this took so long to post!!

1. What is your middle name?

Janie

2. How old are you?

21, gonna be 22 in a couple months

3. When is your birthday?

December 4th! A day after Ozzy’s

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius

5. What is your favourite colour?

Light purple and black

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don’t actually know

7. Do you have any pets?

No but I did have a dog!

8. Where are you from?

Chicago!

9. How tall are you?

5’0 lmao

10. What shoe size are you?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Too many to count lol

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember 😅

13. What talents do you have?

None lol. I’m boring af

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Nope lol

15. Favourite song?

I’m a believer by the monkees (I’ve always loved that song)

16. Favourite movie?

The Godfather

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Keanu Reeves. He has my heart and soul

18. Do you want children?

Yeah but only like 2

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Yeah but nothing too big

20. Are you religious?

Kinda but not really. Like I acknowledge that there could be a God. But I don’t practice it that much. So basically I’M SINNING AND I’M WINNING

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yeah. Twice. Once cause I had a bad ear infection and then another time I had pneumonia

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope!

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes I have! Back in my emo days I meet Christofer Drew from Never Shout Never, which was actually pure luck! NSN was in town for a concert, but I couldn’t go because it was a 18+ venue so I couldn’t get in (I was in 8th grade at the time). So my family and I decided to go out to eat at a restaurant which was coincidentally across from the venue. So we were walking down the street and I see this huge tour bus right outside the restaurant. My heart starts racing and i thought “how cool would it be if I bumped into someone from the group” well lo and behold as we are coming closer to the bus, Christofer Drew turns the corner and walks towards the bus. So I stop in my tracks and just say “Christofer Drew?” And he stops and he says hi! He asked if I was going to the show and I said no and he goes “well you gotta promise you’ll come to the next one!” Of course I made the promise and I didn’t break it! He came back that summer and I got to see him ❤️ I also met two groups called Breathe Carolina and Crown The Empire. I also met Evan Peters and Sebastian Stan at Comic Con a couple years ago. I also met Corey Crawford. The goaltender for the Chicago Blackhawks, my favorite hockey team.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers! I don’t like the idea of bathing in your own filth.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any!

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope lmao and I probably never will be

28. What type of music do you like?

I like oldies. Mostly from the 50s-80s. Anything from Dean Martin to Motley Crue. I do like modern music too. I still listen to some of the bands I listened to in middle school lol (like the ones i mentioned before and others like All Time Low, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Of Mice & Men, Asking Alexandria, and a couple more.) I also like Greta Van Fleet and 5 Seconds of Summer. I also like spanish music. Like Maluma, Bad Bunny, Becky G, etc.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope lol

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

It depends. It could be one or none. Sometimes i don’t use a pillow

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my tummy!

32. How big is your house?

It’s a two bedroom apartment. I’m not complaining tho, its very cozy.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

If I wake up early enough lol it’ll usually be eggs (over medium), some coffee, and some bread

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope and i don’t plan on it!

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes! I tried it when I was in Girl Scouts in elementary school

36. Favourite clean word?

Groovy

37. Favorite swear word?

definitely FUCK

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

like a day? I got like four hours of sleep the night before. Got up at like 6am, went about my day. Then I stayed up until 7am working on a research paper for class (college is a BITCH).

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Nah cause your girl is hella ugly lmao

41. Are you a good liar?

Not at all. People can tell when I’m lying cause my voice gets high lmao

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Eh I do my best

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I try to do a posh British accent and I try to do a Steve Irwin Aussie accent

44. Do you have a strong accent?

People say I have a strong chicagoan accent but i don’t hear it!

45. What is your favourite accent?

I’m a sucker for aussie accents

46. What is your personality type?

just took the test..i got ISFP-T (adventurer)

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

hmmmm all I can think of at the moment is my Doc Martens. They aren’t really clothing but it’s all I can think of lol

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Nope!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

outie :(((( i hate it

50. Left or right-handed?

Right handed!

51. Are you scared of spiders?

YES YES YES

52. Favourite food?

Pasta! I could eat it all day, every day

53. Favourite foreign food?

Tamales and Pozole. That’s my shitttt

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I try and be a clean person and stay organized but it only lasts for a bit then I go back to my messy ways lol

55. Most used phrase?

“that’s a mood” and “no mames guey” (Mexican slang)

56. Most used word?

Dude and Darling

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends. If I wear my hair natural, then an hour. But if I gotta style it, then like an hour and a half or two hours( I got a lot of fucking hair, dude).

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Hell no lmao. This bitch has a low self-esteem so 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck 🤪

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time lmao

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yeah sometimes

62. Are you a good singer?

Nope lmao but I still do it anyways

63. Biggest Fear?

A lot of shit. Spiders, Holes (trypophobia), tearing my achilles or getting them cut (ever since I saw Pet Sematary), dolls, bugs crawling under my skin, throwing up...and i can’t think of anymore on the spot

64. Are you a gossip?

you bet your ass I am. Soy una chismosa lmao

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Titanic

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On girls, long but not too long. Maybe like mid-back. And guys, long, like ear length and longer

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Yeah but i couldn’t point them out on a map

68. Favourite school subject?

Biology/Human Anatomy. I’m a sucker for science

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Definitely an introvert. No doubt about that lol

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous?

Meeting new people, class discussions, and presentations

72. Are you scared of the dark?

If i’ve just seen a scary movie then yes lol

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes. For instance, if one of my friends from ecuador uses a word wrong in a sentence, then I would tell them the right way to say it to help them learn more english. i never correct someone to seem like i’m smarter or to be rude. It’s simply to help them.

74. Are you ticklish?

Yeah! In some places like my feet, neck, and my back,

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

No way! That’s terrible

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Only when babysitting my little cousins lol

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yeah lmao. When I went away for college

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Once, when I hungout with a guy at school we smoked some weed

79. Who was your first real crush?

One of my friends from college. I met him Freshman year and I still like him...I’ve liked him for four years but i’ve never had the guts to tell him

80. How many piercings do you have?

6! I have four on my left ear and two on my right ear. I have the standard lobe piercings, then the upper lobe on both sides. Then on my left I have one above the upper. And then I have my helix pierced on the left side. (i hope this all made sense lol)

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Nope

82. How fast can you type?

Eh I would say pretty average

83. How fast can you run?

Not at all. I hate running

84. What colour is your hair?

Dark brown!

85. What color is your eyes?

Dark brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Some ingredient in the Banana Boat sunscreen. And some type of plant. I don’t exactly know which one cause I went to the botantic garden one time on a field trip and I don’t know which plant caused my allergic reaction but when I got home I had hives all over me.

87. Do you keep a journal?

Nope, never did

88. What do your parents do?

My mom is an ortho technician and my dad is a delivery man

89. Do you like your age?

Yeah I guess. I mean I can buy my own alcohol so that’s pretty neat

90. What makes you angry?

Everything

91. Do you like your own name?

Eh it’s alright. Pretty boring

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I like the name Elena for a girl and Jonathan for a boy

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Doesn’t matter to me

94. What are you strengths?

I’m a ride or die bitch.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I don’t really share my emotions so I keep things bottled up

96. How did you get your name?

My cousin picked out my name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I know of. But what I do know is I have family from Spain.

98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah, one on my arm from when I burned myself with my straightener. And another at the place where my nose meets my forehead, between my brows. When I was in elementary school, I was running out on the playground and I tripped and I slide across the cement and scraped my nose and my whole forehead. THERE. WAS. BLOOD. EVERYWHERE.

99. Colour of your bedspread?

Light pink

100. Colour of your room?

White!

I tag: @tommyleeownsme, @babe-mustaine, @waycooljunior, and @universal-scorpio ❤️

#sorry this is hella long #omfg #personal

4 notes · View notes

latetothegreysparty · 6 years

Text

She Gets That From You: Chicken Scratch

Good evening, lovely people! I’ve finally found the time throughout the chaos that is my life to write another little fic. I have another work in progress, but I’m not sure how long it will be until that one gets uploaded. Anyway, back to the topic at hand, here is the next installment in the She Gets That From You series. I hope you all enjoy it!

She Gets That From You: Chicken Scratch

“What’s up, Els?” Amelia asked as she walked into the kitchen. Ella had been working on her homework studiously at the kitchen table for the last 20 minutes with Amelia periodically checking in to see if she needed any help. As she fully entered the kitchen and saw her daughter, she was surprised to find that her daughter had set her pencil down and was now staring dejectedly at the worksheet in front of her.

“Nothing,” the sullen 7 year-old replied, never lifting her eyes from the page in front of her.

Amelia sat down in the chair next to Ella and placed a hand on her small shoulder. “Hmmm, really? Nothing?” she asked. “Because it looks to me like you’re feeling down.”

The little girl glanced up to meet her mother’s eyes, giving Amelia an even better view of the sadness lingering in her eyes. She stared up at her mother for a moment before finally saying: “I hate handwriting class.”

“Hate is a pretty strong word, Ella Margaret,” Amelia chastised gently. “We’ve talked about that before.”

Ella huffed out a breath. “I know, Mama, but I do hate it. Handwriting is the worst!”

Amelia decided to let this one go. Though she generally tried to teach her daughter to avoid using the word “hate,” her main goal was to teach Ella not to use that word in reference to other people. If Ella was this adamant that she disliked a class in school, it probably wasn’t the end of the world that she’d chosen to use that word. “And why is it the worst?”

Ella gave another small huff as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m so bad at it, Mama!” she lamented, her voice bordering on a whine. “I try so hard, but I’m terrible at it.” As she spoke, she bent down to pull a folder from her backpack. She opened the folder, pulled out a stack of papers, and splayed them on the table. Amelia glanced down at the pile of papers, and she immediately could see what had been bothering her daughter.

Unsurprisingly, the daughter of Owen Hunt and Amelia Shepherd was an accomplished student. The combination of intellect, ambition, and work ethic that she’d inherited from both of her parents meant that she always did very well on her schoolwork. She was quite used to getting near-perfect scores on all of her assignments and exams, and Amelia and Owen had grown to expect nothing short of glowing reviews during parent-teacher conferences. The stack of handwriting assignments lying on the table, however, were a departure from Ella’s usual performance. Instead of the scores in the upper 90s that she usually received, her scores on these assignments ranged from the high 70s to the low 80s.

Amelia glanced back up from the papers on the table when she heard her daughter begin to speak again. “Every assignment I get a bad score. I spend more time on handwriting than any other class, but my grades are still bad.”

Amelia nearly told her daughter that the grades she was receiving weren’t bad grades, but she stopped herself before the words came out. Ella Hunt was a perfectionist like her mother, and there was no way Amelia would be able to convince her that average grades were fine. She expected to excel, and she was disappointed when she did not. Amelia was hard-pressed to try to convince her daughter to think differently when Amelia herself expected excellence in all her endeavors.

With that in mind, she tried a different approach. “Nobody is good at everything, Els,” she said. “We all have some things that are easy for us. You are an incredibly talented girl, and that means almost every subject in school is easy for you. But nobody finds everything easy. For some people, math is hard. For other people, reading is hard. For you, writing neatly is hard. That’s okay. I understand that it’s frustrating, though. I get really upset when things are hard for me, too.”

Ella didn’t look very convinced by her attempts at reassurance. “But your handwriting is so pretty,” Ella argued, looking pointedly at the neat penmanship on the grocery list that hung on the refrigerator.

Amelia lifted her small daughter out of her chair and onto her lap then turned her so that she sat sideways across Amelia’s lap. She used her right index finger to tip Ella’s chin up so she could look her in the eye. “Do you know whose handwriting isn’t pretty, though?” Amelia asked. Ella shook her head wordlessly. “Daddy’s,” Amelia supplied.

Ella’s eyes widened in surprise. Apparently she’d never paid any attention to the chicken scratch on the notes her father had written when she’d had to be absent from school when she was sick. “Daddy has bad handwriting?” she asked, her voice displaying her intrigue at this new information.

Amelia nodded seriously. “He sure does. Everybody in the hospital complains because they can’t read the things Daddy writes.”

“But he’s so good at everything!” Ella argued.

“Not everything,” Amelia corrected. “Like I told you, babe, nobody is good at everything. Everybody has things that are difficult for them. Some people, like Daddy, are good at more things than most people, but even people like Daddy have things that are hard for them. For him, one of those things is writing neatly. You seem to have inherited that from him.”

Ella’s face softened a bit. Hearing that her chicken scratch handwriting had come from her father seemed to pacify her a bit. She idolized her father. Being told that she took after him was one of the highest forms of praise anyone could give her. Finding out that he struggled with neat penmanship just like she did made her weakness far easier for her to except. “What does Daddy do to be better?” Ella asked.

“I’m not really sure,” Amelia admitted. “But I have an idea. Could you please go get Daddy for me and bring him to the kitchen?”

Ella wordlessly nodded before climbing down from Amelia’s lap and scampering out of the room. Within moments, she was returning to the kitchen with her small hand encased in Owen’s larger one. “What can I do for my two favorite ladies?” Owen asked with a smile. As he spoke, he pulled out the kitchen chair next to the one Amelia sat in and lifted Ella into the chair.

Amelia smirked as she met her husband’s eyes. “Miss Ella is having a tough time with her handwriting homework tonight. She’s a little frustrated that good penmanship doesn’t come naturally to her. I thought that since she’s not the only Hunt who struggles with neat handwriting, maybe we could all work together on this assignment.”

Since Owen was standing behind Ella’s chair, safely out of view of the 7 year-old, he felt comfortable rolling his eyes at his wife’s unabashed complaint about his poor penmanship. Nevertheless, he was more than willing to do whatever needed to be done to help his little girl. “Sure, Mama, what do I need to do?” he asked before sitting down on the other side of Ella.

Amelia slid a sheet of lined paper and a pencil toward Owen. “Why don’t you do the assignment alongside Ella?” she suggested. “What’s the first thing you need to do, love bug?”

“This week we’re practicing writing our g’s,” Ella explained. “We start by printing ten of them.” Owen nodded seriously and followed along, beginning to print a few g’s on the lines on his paper.

Amelia looked at his paper first. “Daddy, your circles are awfully flat,” she corrected. “Make them rounder, please.”

Owen nearly snapped back with a snarky comment. By this point in his life, he’d grown frustrated with the frequent remarks he heard about his handwriting, and he had a pretty short fuse when people criticized his penmanship. Before he said anything, though, he stopped and reminded himself that he was here for Ella. She was struggling with her homework, and she needed to see him struggling too to realize that it was okay to have a hard time. “Okay, Mama, I’ll work on that,” he said calmly, utilizing all of the willpower he had within him to keep his voice neutral.

For the next 30 minutes, Amelia looked over Owen’s and Ella’s writing and helped them correct their errors. Ella was amazed to see that her father got just as many corrections as she did, if not more. After Ella finished writing the line she was working on, she looked up to her mother. “That’s the last one,” she said.

“Look at that! You did it!” Amelia celebrated.

Finally, after an hour of grimaces and pensive looks, Ella cracked a small smile. “I finished,” she confirmed quietly.

“You didn’t just finish,” Amelia said, “you wrote very nicely. I’m so proud of you!”

“But it took me forever, Mama,” Ella argued, the hint of a whine once again returning to her voice.

Amelia opened her mouth to reply, but Owen spoke before she had the chance. “That’s okay, kiddo,” he assured. “It took me just as long as it took you. When something is hard for you, it’s going to take you a little longer. That’s just how it works. You shouldn’t be ashamed because something is hard for you or because it takes you a long time. We all have a hard time with something. The thing that matters is that you work hard in everything you do. I’m proud of you for working hard on your handwriting, even though it’s difficult and frustrating for you.”

Amelia beamed at the pair in front of her. “You get your work ethic from your father,” she said before pressing a soft kiss to her daughter’s forehead and then repeating the action on her husband. As she stared down at the lines that Owen had painstakingly written out and the matching sheet of lines that their daughter had produced, she could feel her heart swell. Ella really was just like her father. For that, Amelia was extremely thankful.

#omelia #omeliafic #omeliafanfic #amelia shepherd #owen hunt #omelia family #grey's anatomy #greys anatomy

49 notes · View notes

thesoupoftheafternoon · 5 years

Text

6.5ish years T, 5.5ish years post top

Updating because of a surprise revelation regarding my dose & how it relates to my mental health. Also because I haven't posted on this for two years!

First off, general changes. Dose stuff at the end. (TL;DR dose stuff--by accident I lowered my dose by .1 mL and despite never having felt much of a difference mood-wise from changing my dose before, I feel fucking great and actually happy for the first time in a while! Surprise, your levels should also take into account your age and you shouldn't use the same reference range for the whole time you're on T!)

Under cut--this is mad long. [And cw for mental health talk including v mild suicide ideation, also alcohol/drugs]

T stuff:

I posted pretty much the same thing last time, but I'll reiterate that the vast majority of these changes are basically subtle things that no one else notices and that probably have more to do with just getting older/diet/exercise than being on T. My facial hair range is exactly the same as it was two years ago (literally just ‘stache and chin directly below the mouth) which checks out based on my dad/my entire family. I shave about once a week. Happy trail a little bit happier, lil more arm hair, lil more leg hair. Haven't been checking super closely but I think I have more hair around my butthole. Dick size is the same. Appetite has dropped a bunch--I can't scarf down food the way I used to. I’m read as male all the time, haven’t been misgendered based on my appearance since like 2013. 120-125ish pounds.

Chest stuff: (I had keyhole btw)

Nipple sensation is back, I repeat, nipple sensation is BACK! They're healthy and super perky, which I used to be kinda insecure about since they stick out a bit, but also like, who gives a shit? I would say they feel about 90% as sensitive as they were before surgery, and after a bit of touching they do start feeling a little less sensitive, but they never go completely numb. I'd say they've been at this level of sensation since early 2017. Left nipple is more sensitive than my right. My right nipple used to kinda bulge outward on the bottom but I guess the scar tissue has broken down somewhat since it's lying a lot flatter these days. The numb chest patches are smaller and way less numb and it takes less pressure for them to register touch. Drain scars look kinda like bug bite scars. Under-areola scars are very hidden, basically invisible.

Lower surgery??

It’s on my mind but it’s always been a little on my mind. It’s not a priority. A hysto/oopho may be in order someday. But I’ve been thinking about what I want my junk to look like and be like as I get older, and whether my current setup and how I relate to it is going to be sustainable. I genuinely don’t know whether I would rather get metoidioplasty or phalloplasty. There’s a lot more thinking to be done.

Dose stuff:

I started T in 2012 with .5 injections every other week. With 200 mg/mL that averages out to 50 mg of T per week, although I'm sure my levels were different from someone on a weekly schedule. Around the 2.5 year mark my bloodwork came back saying I had super low T. I upped my dose to .5 every week, so 100 mg/week (which is famously a pretty common dose, there's even some trans merch company called .5cc.) Over the next year or two (I really don't remember exactly when) my bloodwork showed me now at very high T levels, nearly and in some cases exceeding the upper threshold of my doctors' reference ranges, so I lowered my dose to .4 and then to .3 mL/week, or 80 and then 60 mg/week. Of course I worried about T aromatizing into E, but my doctor at the time didn't test my blood for estradiol until I had already reduced my dose down to .4, and said my E levels were fine (I don't remember the exact number.)

Even at 60 mg/week my T levels were still high. I and my doctors chalked it up to the fact that I work out a lot and/or maybe my body was just like that The general consensus was that "if your period isn't coming back, your E levels are fine," usually followed with some question like “how are you feeling on this dose?” or “are you feeling good?”

And what I kinda knew then then, but what’s even clearer to me now, is that I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA. My I-guess-it’s-anxiety, my on-and-off idk-if-it's-depression, my garbage sleep cycle, my self-doubt and second-guessing and skewed perspectives, have all been around in some form or another, so it's very hard for me to parse out what I'm even Really Feeling sometimes, never mind what might be causing that feeling. For the last several years if I felt bad I would usually conclude one of the following:

I feel bad because I’m actually a shitty person and feeling bad is natural for how bad and awful a person I am.

I feel bad because the world is fucked and society is crumbling and feeling bad is natural for how literally everything we love will be swallowed by the sea and/or be salted and burned in worldwide conflict.

Which is obviously not conducive to trying to figure out any other external factors or triggers for my shitty mental health!!

Plus it’s not like I was exactly excited to have less testosterone in my body. I was genuinely nervous that lowering my dose lower than .3 a week would just be an experiment that wouldn’t do anything except make me less buff and maybe even bring back my period. And I’d always been a little skeptical about the extent of hormonal effects on mood. T certainly affected my mood positively when I started, that was an obvious cause/effect, but I figured (and still do think) that had SO much more to do with finally being seen as a guy and having a masculine body than any sort of direct T-on-brain action. I did notice some increased irritability, but it wasn't much, and also I was still 16 lol. I noticed changes over the course of months or years--never within the course of a week. I can’t relate at all to folks who talk about spikes or troughs in their levels or getting a rush or feeling low based on where they were in their shot cycle. So I'd always tell doctors that I felt fine on whatever dose I was on because, well...I guess I felt fine!!

For the last several months--maybe the last year and a half, tbh--my mental health has been pretty bad. Over the course of any given day, the things I felt were generally limited to annoyance, panic, self-pity, drunk, stoned, and horny, and usually in that order. And that's a relative statement, because I'm pretty functional and haven't ever hit clinical levels of whatever, have always been able to find enjoyment in some things and get endorphins from exercise and complete necessary tasks on time, but hey, if you're reading this and feel like it's normal to constantly have "I hate myself, I fucking suck, why don't I just die" churning around in your head even if you're "not going to act on it," or that it's normal to drink and smoke weed until you basically pass out 6 days out of 7, or that it's normal to feel convinced every bit of positive affirmation you're getting is out of pity, Honey You've Got A Big Storm Coming. Like, again, considering how shit awful our current sociopolitical climate (and also the literal Earth's climate) are, it's no surprise I felt these were understandable feelings, and like, I guess they kind of were? But just because a feeling is understandable doesn't mean it's a good thing that I'm having it. Which seems remarkably obvious in hindsight!

Anyway, about a month ago I underestimated how much was left in my vial and had to do a .2 mL shot instead of .3. That's 40 mg for that week: even lower of a dose than when I started T. As the week went on I noticed I actually felt consistently happy: not just "someone's giving me attention," not just "nihilistic fun," not just "I guess the things I'm looking at right now are pretty," but actually satisfied, content, grounded, having emotions that felt like they came FROM ME.

And since I’m always one to consider alternative explanations, there’s plenty of other factors that might have led to this improved mood. When I lowered my dose, I had just gotten accepted to two new jobs. I’d met up with friends I hadn’t seen in a while. But it’s not as though before I lowered my dose I never felt happy. It just never stuck around. These days I’m able to retain a positive emotion beyond the precipitating event and not just have the same boring self-hating thoughts over and over again. Which is huge!! I feel like I’ve really broken the thought cycle that’s defined much of my thinking for the last few years. So many of my emotions have been about my emotions, and a big part of why I felt so awful was feeling so helpless against these thoughts, and understanding completely deep down that it was irrational, that it really didn’t make any sense for me to feel this awful. That of course tapped horribly into my endless guilt complex and fed it and it just went on and on.

I haven’t gotten my levels tested again yet--that’ll happen later this month. (My doctor knows and is cool with this reduced dose.) I’m especially interested to see where my estradiol will be at. My T will probably be more reasonable for someone my age--I feel like my crazy 1000+ ng/dL T levels were okay when I was like 19-20 but now that I’m a whole 23 years old (yo!!!) it makes sense they should be a little lower. I’m not a doctor, though--but then again, real ass certified doctors have made hashes of my medical care in the past, so I’m comfortable trusting myself a little on this one.

General life update and thoughts on being trans in this world:

I’m much more relaxed and much more okay with being trans these days. Comes with being a lot more sure about myself and who I am, which is a continuous process and one that was happening even before I lowered my dose and was suddenly way less depressed. While I still get hives at the thought of anyone outing me without my permission, I’m a lot more comfortable outing myself to people, even large groups of people, even folks who I might not really know. I’ve come to appreciate the parts of me that are definitely and absolutely because I am trans or that reveal I am trans, and the connections I can make with people by sharing those parts of me.

I’m not sure I’d say I have a career at this point, but definitely most of the work I’m doing these days is in social justice, non-profit, LGBTQ-related, activist work. My resume more or less outs me as at the very least a deeply committed trans ally, lol. I think growing up and realizing I was trans I hated the thought that it would define who I was and what I did. I didn’t want to touch activism or trans spaces in general with a trillion-foot pole.

I’ve since gotten over myself and like...let myself enjoy things, I guess? I really do find nonprofit work super rewarding and I finally admitted to myself I fucking love chilling with other trans people and talking about trans shit and that I do love, if not the fact that I And My Body Am Trans, the existence of community and the thoughts and ideas that we share. And a lot of the time I do like my body. And I’m kinda ready for this newfound happiness to stop feeling so fresh and exciting, because I know it’s a bit weird and inappropriate to be talking about how happy I am that I feel great when, again, The World’s Some Shit Right Now.

But I think in general--not just about being trans--I’m letting myself feel the happiness that I have, with so much less guilt and shame. I always knew intellectually but am finally putting into practice the fact that simply denying myself happiness or feeling bad that I feel happy doesn’t bring happiness to folks who don’t have it.

that’s it for now !

#ftm #testosterone #top surgery #transgender #trans man

4 notes · View notes

dustindahusky-blog · 5 years

Text

Would Americans buy a Chinese car?

From my view, yes. Here’s why a Chinese car might stick around long enough to catch on with American buyers.

Cars are pillars of status, privilege, and pride in the USA. The car has truly made its home in our country and to many we often see them as members of the family or a faithful friend. Some like to show off with luxury or sport models or brands to denote their position in their company, neighborhood, or for the thrill of driving something fun or special. Most of us own what I would refer to as a daily driver, a car that gets you to A and B without fuss with creature comforts that make the everyday drive possible and while adding buckets of practically for any adventure. Some own minivans or CUVs/SUVs for hauling stuff around easier or to move large families around with oodles of space. Trucks are great for even bigger hauling and towing things around like boats or trailers of beer or stolen copper wire. However there is a price to pay with all this, depending on brand or model, new or used. Buying a vehicle is quite the important purchase for many. And they aren’t cheap depending on entirely what you’re looking for. And this is where the Chinese auto manufacturers might have a leg on nearly all brands currently selling in the US. This even includes the value leaders of Kia and Hyundai, who have been known to sell cars at more reasonable prices than their competitors and offer more for what you’re buying.

Installing a brand into a new market isn’t easy, however we have seen a template in which new guests into the US auto arena have done very well to get anchored in and to weather to storm ahead. At first European brands immediately after WWII have established themselves and have secured a foothold in the US, so did the Japanese in the mid 1960’s and early 1970’s, the Koreans in the late 80’s and early 90’s, and even late newcomers back on American soil like Tesla in the 2010’s have found their way to be taken seriously on the big stage. That successful template is offer something special or affordable in value, or do both. The original Volkswagen Beetle offered affordability, simplicity, and economy that was hard to pass up in the car starved post war era of the late 40’s. So was the Toyota Corona and Corolla of the late 60’s. The Koreans offered the Hyundai Excel that also provided much the same qualities. At the time when they were new, they were “the” disposable car of their time. They did a job well and adequately without many frills, and they were good value for the money for their respected time periods. Even the little Yugo from Socialist Yugoslavia offered the cheapest car in the US that only did the job to get you around town that didn’t get you wet when it rained. They offered both young people and adults who didn’t have a lot of money to spend or who wanted to buy a new car at second hand car prices, cheap affordable wheels they can take home with.

Now it’s 2018, and the brands that introduced themselves humbly during their times are now well established with the American buying public. No longer do we look at brands like Toyota, Honda, or Nissan with skeptical views of cheapness or being unpatriotic of not buying domestic, even today the scrutiny of buying Kia and Hyundai products is nearly nonexistent in our day and age because they have continued to up their quality and value game. Much like the many imports before them, we see them no differently than how we see GM, FoCoMo, and Chrysler-Fiat products. Just another quality brand. However now, there is a catch that we now see today, the import brands that came into our country that once touted affordability have now slowly over the passage of time become a tad out of reach for younger buyers. Yes cars are expensive, but most cars you see on dealer lots tend to be more expensive mid and upper trim option levels for most models, and you have to do some digging around to find a new car that is cheap enough to fit within budget needs. And here’s why this affordability is important with the feasibility of seeing Chinese cars in the US market. The average age of a car in the US is 11 years old, which honestly doesn’t sound that bad, though that feels kinda low. I’d feel it’s more like 15 years old, there are still a ton of older cars still rolling about the hills and the back roads. But whatever it is, people are holding on to them for many reasons. Can’t afford a newer car, maybe with plenty of work done a car could be driven for a lot longer, or maybe life priorities don’t call for the purchase of a newer car.

Now let’s take a look at the Chinese auto industry. The Chinese economy is very much a living example of the Yugoslavian hybrid model of “market socialism”, centralized planning with capitalist competitiveness coexisting well together that promotes more frequent updates or advancements with the goal to sell to the consumer without having industrial or economic waste. Other socialist states didn’t work like this, and how they had vehicle development, marketing, and production was a much more different animal than what is seen in China today. And because of this, China’s automotive industry is has blossomed into many companies producing many models of vehicles for its vast “captive” and export markets. Some companies have properly obtained licensing agreements and their technical packages to produce vehicles, while some others have reverse engineered vehicles to blatantly copy. Their quality ranges from comparable to Western cars we come to expect to just low quality junk that we haven’t seen in cars since the 80’s or 90’s.

If China makes most of our consumer products, cameras, phones, selfie sticks, appliances, industrial equipment and car parts, why not whole cars. Well China did try to extend into our auto market by selling us the Coda electric sedan on the West coast for only a model year from 2012 to 2013, and selling a dismal 117 units. Quality wasn’t where it should have been for the cost of $40k, and initially scheduled to be launched back in 2010 was held back two years due to lack of developmental time for durability. For the first US market launch of a Chinese made car that designed in 2004 on an older Mitsubishi platform, and an electric car right off the bat, no bite and little positive impression.

Now for real, let’s say China markets a car brand for the US that passes Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards (FMVSS) and fuel economy/emissions standards, they should start with basic affordable cars that people want to buy. It’s a no brainer that the US market for car sales is a huge market on its own, and even other European companies are envisioning a return back to grab a small slice of the market pie. For one, Americans might draw some skepticism to a Chinese car but the idea of buying a compact or even midsized sedan with loads of options for less than $15-20k is a tantalizing prospect and would buy them up like they did the Yugo. The Yugo did alright for staying in the market from 1985 to 1992, selling 142k units. If you can sell ten thousand cars like how Scion began in 2003, you’ll make a good enough foothold in the market, unless you’re Daihatsu. Sorry Daihatsu, maybe a subject for another day.

What are you going to expect with your Chinese car when you get it. I would expect body panels that don’t align well as they should have, “orange peel” paint finish, interior plastics that look like they won’t last long, sheet metal that might go rusty in a couple years, seat fabric that might rip in not much time, fit and finish overall is generally an afterthought. Again, you’re paying to get pissed off like buying a $3990 Yugo sold new in 1986 (if you could ever find one that sold for that low back then), but remember that you’re buying a set of wheels that’ll get you by for the time being. Much like how people expected Hyundai Excels to be just garbage piles, still preformed the duty of a basic if not agricultural car. But that would be a worst expectation of what a Chinese car could be. Who knows, maybe if the Chinese are that serious about the US market, they’ll build a separate assembly line like the Zastava factory who built the Yugo for the USDM. Here’s a scary thought, we all know how much of a mixed bag the Yugo was in the US, and to think the ones that made it here were built better on another assembly line meant for our market, I can’t imagine what the Yugoslavian market Yugos were like.

Much like every cheap and affordable car that introduces itself to our market, expect it to have little to no resale value to speak of, however you’re not really expecting to sell this car if you were looking at buying one. In your situation, you’re buying your first car for the first time or needing a second car, something to get you rolling for the time being. Whether if you’re in college or in highschool, or down on your luck with an older car that kept falling apart. The idea that you could buy a Chinese car for peanuts is something that’ll get the job done, and not care much about what you’re driving. You’re not expecting mind bending performance or luxury, you know what you’re getting into if you do, and the more you accept this the better. I mean no Toyota Corolla was ever sporty in the 70’s, it was the car you bought after the Ford Falcon finally rusted away and you needed to buy something fast so you can still go to night class. And if there were Chinese cars in the market here to buy, I’d buy one to drive it into the ground to either save up for a better car or just to buy another if one wasn’t enough. In the world of millennials sometimes having no credit or shit credit could transpire into a hairy situation of sticking with a rusty 90’s Nissan Sentra affectionately named “Liam Nissan” that eats too much oil or asking your aunt to buy her equally rusty Plymouth Breeze with empty cigarette packs scattered around. You’d rather buy a Chevy Cruze however you’re afraid that one for $10k and 83K miles might end up needing routine maintenance that you couldn’t afford to pull off on the spot and any new Kia Rio found on a dealer lot is still thousands over the mythical minimum sticker price. Hell, if a Chinese car was too expensive brand new, wait a year and you could even get one for sub $6-8k prices, maybe even less.

Honestly I’m really surprised that the Chinese haven’t entered our market yet, they have entered the European zone and been a huge mainstay in Russia (I guess Ladas aren’t cheap enough for them) for years now. They can range from cheap to really adequate modes of transportation, even something to own for more than you really require of it. The Chinese have been making Audi’s, BMW’s, and Buick’s with huge demands because they have been grand sellers in terms of luxury, and they tend to be of quality similar to their genuine originals. Whatever the Chinese do throw out us someday, we’ll gladly be in open arms for cheaper alternatives to newer, or really used cars. Plus, we Americans love to rip on unknown shitboxes, then in 15 years’ time we are buying them by the thousands. Who would guess in 1966 that Toyota would be producing quality luxury sporty cars under the Lexus brand. In 1995 when Kia would one day be producing a car like the Stinger that is chasing around other RWD sport sedans. In 1992 the Yugo going on to better things….oh wait we ran out of Yugoslavia by then. Mhmmmm we never really did get the Tata Nano here in the states (who remembered when that came out, $3000 car that had a fire problem), even though that there was an interest for a short while. In 1970 Americans wouldn’t expect Datsuns to be called “Datsun by Nissan” in 1984 and just Nissan by 1985. Import brands change and morph in the fluid of time, and many are still here. I wouldn’t be surprised if a Chinese brand turns out to be a good seller in 5-10 years time much like how the other imports started out.

And apparently on a quick google search, it seems that the Chinese auto company GAC has an interest in joining the US market in late 2019. Under the local Chinese brand name….Trumpchi. They are serious, and honestly their vehicles don’t look that bad either. In fact they would fit right in with this country. They are figuring out a newer name to use in North America. No one is certain how reliable a new Chinese car will be in the states, but if it’s cheap don’t expect it to last forever.

If you made it this far, hurray! If you like my rambling, you’d like what I’d have in store in the future. If you don’t, well, I’m still going to write it down anyways. :D

Keep zooming!

#DustinDaHusky autos ramblings Chinese cars furry

1 note · View note

theblogtini · 6 years

Text

Connor’s Birth Story | Preeclampsia

A little over 4 months ago - on January 17, 2018 - I gave birth via a planned c-section to Connor, a beautiful, healthy baby boy.

The road to meeting him was interesting and a bit scary at times, but what has happened since then has been hell on Earth.

My husband and I were lucky in that we didn’t have to “try” to get pregnant. We were in the “if it happens it happens” phase of things and poof, a week before my 30th birthday I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was fairly unremarkable early on. I didn’t get morning sickness, I didn’t have mood swings. I didn’t gain much weight or swell up - it was easy and I felt lucky. The most annoying thing was that during my 2nd trimester I had an “irritable uterus” and so I had a lot of false contractions that would leave my muscles aching a bit.

Around 35 weeks I thought my water broke. I went to the hospital as instructed by my OB and it turns out it hadn’t, but I WAS having contractions every 2 minutes (that I couldn't feel!), but I wasn’t progressing quickly enough for them to keep me. Eventually they gave me a steroid shot meant to help the baby’s lungs develop quicker if he was born early and sent me home, telling me to eat something and pack a bag because they all thought I would be back that night. The said if I didn’t go into true labor that night to go to my doctor in the morning to get a check of my progress.

And that is when all hell broke loose.

I should note that the evening before (JANUARY 7, when I was given the steroid shot), my blood pressure was 122/74.

The next morning (JANUARY 8) I arrived at my doctors office and told them that I was supposed to get a progress check. When they checked things out I still hadn't progressed, but my blood pressure was 160/88, which is very high and a warning sign of preeclampsia. They had me lie down for a few minutes and when they checked it again it was down to 130/80 which is a bit high, but not worrisome. Apparently the threshold for preeclampsia is two reads of 140/90 at least 4 hours apart. I was scheduled to return to the hospital later that evening to get a second dose of the steroid shot, and the doctor told me to make sure they rechecked my blood pressure.

That evening (still JANUARY 8) at the hospital I declined the second dose of the steroid - I was having an annoying reaction to it (very jittery, face hot and red as if I'd gotten a bad sunburn, fast pulse - all fairly standard steroid reactions, but I didn't like it). They said that since I was 36 weeks that day that I didn't need the second dose, as by that point it wouldn't help much anyway (baby's lungs are generally pretty well developed by 36 weeks) and most of the benefit comes from the first dose anyway. At that point, my blood pressure was 130/86, which is just on the border of being too high (and my pulse rate was 107, from the steroid injection). I was advised to head back to my doctors office in the morning for them to keep an eye on my blood pressure.

The following morning (JANUARY 9) I headed into my doctor's office for them to check my blood pressure. The nurse had some difficulty taking it because she couldn't find the appropriate sized cuff and then the machine (she didn't do it manually, for some reason) kept inflating and inflating but wouldn't release (my hand practically turned purple!). Eventually she declared my blood pressure was 120/90 - not horrible, but the bottom number had hit 90 which is an indicator of preeclampsia. I left with instructions to purchase some Magnesium supplements at CVS. On my way home my phone rang, and it was the doctor's office - they also wanted me on bed rest until I went into labor. They also said that if I got a headache that wouldn't go away, or any pain in my upper right abdomen I should head to the hospital.

I spent the rest of that day and most of the following day at home, but I wasn't doing an awesome job of relaxing. I was still trying to work (ahhh, the "benefits" of being your own boss and working from home) and also work at a faster pace so I could wrap things up in case I went into pre-term labor. The next evening (JANUARY 10) however, I realized that I had a slight headache that wouldn't quit. This is probably a good place to note that I almost ALWAYS have a headache. And this wasn't a very bad headache - just a "oh, my head kinda hurts a little" headache. But since the doctor told me to go to the hospital if I had a headache that wouldn't quit, I went.

Finally on January 10 - at 36 weeks - I was diagnosed with mild preeclampsia, admitted to the hospital, and told I would be there until I had the baby which at the latest would be 1 week later and at the earliest could be later that night or anytime they felt my blood pressure was getting too high or other symptoms cropped up. At the time I was diagnosed my husband was at a business dinner in Boston. It was a few hours until he could get on the train, get home, grab our hospital bags (which we had already packed) and get to me.

For a week I sat in the hospital (with my loving, perfect husband by my side) terrified that my body was failing and killing both me and my baby, even though my doctors and nurses were constantly reassuring me that I was actually completely fine and just being monitored. I wasn’t actually even really being monitored - I wasn’t hooked up to anything. Every few hours someone would come in, take my blood pressure, put a monitor on my belly to check the baby's heart rate, tell me all was good, and leave. As uneventful as that week was, I spent a lot of time being nervous and crying. It's hard to NOT be nervous when you're in the hospital for monitoring. Every time someone would tell me I was fine, I would tearfully tell them that I obviously wasn't fine, because if I was I would be at home.

On January 17, the day of my scheduled c-section (I had been planning to have one regardless), the nurses came in to get me and wheeled me into the OR. Within an hour of the operation starting I was in recovery with my husband, who had been by my side the entire time, and my son. It was surreal.

My doctor had warned me that it's "totally normal" to see a spike in blood pressure a day or two after delivery, and after over a week of having blood pressure readings that were varying between completely normal and slightly high (in the hospital I even had some readings that were "perfect" - in the 110s/70s), the night before I was supposed to be discharged from the hospital, my blood pressure spiked to 160/88 again. Within minutes I had a room full of doctors and nurses. My husband had been down the hall grabbing a snack from the vending machine and heard them call a "rapid response" to our room. He thought it was because I had demanded they bring the baby to me quickly, since we had sent him to the nursery. But what he really heard was the call for every available medical practitioner to squeeze into the tiniest hospital room ever. I was immediately told to lie down while they came in with a dose of a blood pressure medication that is designed to act quickly. Meanwhile, nurses were putting seizure pads on my bed (big blue pads that were there so that in case I had a seizure I didn't injure myself), while another nurse set up an IV of Magnesium Sulfate to prevent seizures. A few minutes after taking the medication my blood pressure dropped... low. And my pulse went sky high - to 160bpm. A few minutes later another team of people came in, this time with an EKG machine check my heart function and some Ativan try to slow it down. The EKG came back completely normal. The Ativan was much appreciated.

All the while I laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling trying not to freak out. Chuck said that even though I looked absolutely terrified (and he couldn't get near me because the doctors and nurses had things to do) he was surprised at how calm I seemed. It wasn't because I was calm, though - it was because I was absolutely terrified to move thinking that at any minute I might have a seizure, stroke, or heart attack.

As my blood pressure stabilized and my heart rate returned to normal I was hooked up to the magnesium and put on an additional 24 hours of bed rest. Apparently I am the first person my nurse had ever spoken with who didn't hate the magnesium. I guess a lot of people have crappy reactions to it, but it just made me feel really warm and cozy, like I was about to take the best nap ever. Or maybe that was the Ativan - who knows.

On January 22 I was finally discharged from the hospital. I wasn't prescribed any blood pressure medication, as my BP had returned to a fairly normal level. However, things went from bad to worse because at that point my anxiety decided to kick into high gear.

Being out of the hospital terrified me. As far as I was concerned, I had just survived a disease that could have killed me and my baby, had a completely traumatic experience with the rapid response, and now I was being thrown to the wolves to just hope things settled down. Uhm, nope! After being home for two days and doing nothing but crying and being terrified I made appointments with my psychiatrist and my therapist. I saw my psychiatrist first. While I was there she checked my blood pressure three times and each time it was all over the place, one time getting as high as 170/80. She ordered me back to the hospital where my BP was still a bit high. They gave me a dose of a different blood pressure medication which instantly dropped my blood pressure to a nearly normal level. They wrote my a prescription of a low dose of it and sent me on my way. They also told me at that time that my high blood pressure might be a result of anxiety and not something more sinister.

A few days later I had to be seen by my primary care physician for follow-up from a car accident I had been in a couple days before Christmas. While I was there they couldn't get a reading on my pulse - it was bouncing around from 60 to 100 to 80 to 120. Eventually they rolled in an EKG machine and did 2 EKGs, both of which came back fine. My doctor and I were concerned, however, so she wrote me a referral to a cardiologist and orders for a 48-hour holter monitor (which is essentially wearing an EKG machine for 48 hours straight). I spent another week bawling my eyes out and being terrified to even hold the baby, lest my heart give out and I drop him. When I finally saw the cardiologist he explained that it's fairly common for postpartum women to have a bit of a wonky heart because their bodies are getting used to having less blood to pump around, but he also did an EKG. He said all of my EKGs had come back perfect (the one in the hospital, the 2 in my doctor's office, and the one he had just done) and that my 48-hour holter monitor results were perfect as well. He also did a thorough exam and declared my heart "perfectly fine" and said that he didn't expect to see me for another 50 years or so. Excellent!

Unfortunately, a few days after THAT I got a headache. The weirdest headache of my life - it felt like someone was stabbing me in the head. Again, I worried about my preeclampsia and headed to my doctors office, where the doctor on call was concerned about a brain aneurysm or stroke. (Note: do NOT say those words to someone with severe anxiety...) She sent me for an MRI and an MRA - only one of which my insurance would cover, so my husband and I paid for the other out of pocket. Turns out, my brain is completely fine as well, woo! But that was yet another week spent being terrified that I would drop dead at any minute.

Last but not least, I'd been having some cramping in my leg that wouldn't go away. Whenever someone has major surgery they're at risk for blood clots, and being pregnant in and of itself is a risk for blood clots, so of course that was a concern. After 2 ultrasounds of my legs and 2 blood tests it was determined that there was no clot and I was probably experiencing a combination of sciatica and muscle spasms.

Throughout all of this I was still taking my blood pressure medication and going once per week to my OB's office for blood pressure checks. Thankfully though my blood pressure issues seemed to resolve fairly quickly, with normal readings at every single doctors appointment, and by 4 weeks postpartum I was completely off the medication, with normal blood pressure. They did, however, have to check my blood pressure twice at each visit. Once at the beginning, where it was almost always on the high side, and then once at the end when I was more calm where it was always great.

Ultimately, I remained completely petrified for a couple more weeks until eventually my brain decided to believe the doctors who were all telling me I was fine (and probably when my pregnancy hormones decided to even themselves out).

However, I'm still nervous. I'm scared of getting pregnant again and developing preeclampsia, eclampsia, or HELLP. I've been told by my OB that all three of those scenarios are actually unlikely due to the fact that my preeclampsia onset was late in pregnancy, was mild, and she isn't even entirely certain I had preeclampsia since many of my high blood pressure readings correlated with times of high anxiety (like the ones in my psychiatrists office, where I was basically having a nervous breakdown). That said, preeclampsia is an unpredictable illness. There's no way of knowing who will get it, when they'll get it, or how severe it will be. The severity can range from mild cases like mine that are kind of just a nuisance, to ones that are so severe they cause maternal and fetal death, and everything in between. Preeclampsia can lead to eclampsia, meaning seizures, or HELLP syndrome which is essentially the liver and kidneys shutting down while the blood begins to lose platelets. And at this time, as much as it kills me to think that my son might be an only child (I had never envisioned only having 1 kid), I don't know that I can go through 8 or 9 months of pregnancy being nervous about developing preeclampsia and waiting for it to set in (whether or not it actually does).

#personal #preeclampsia #ccm117

7 notes · View notes

shirlleycoyle · 3 years

Text

A Data-Driven Guide to Whether a Machine Will Be Doing Your Job By 2025

The World Economic Forum's ‘Future of Jobs Report’ has become somewhat of a divining rod for WTF we’re all going to do for a living. Considering the current employment/everything crisis, the 2020 edition arrived this year with a little more heat on it than usual. It surveys corporate executives in 35 countries around the globe about workforce transformations they anticipate in the next five years. The 291 responses come from companies that collectively have more than 7.7 million employees. The primary objective is to map the jobs and skills of the future.

As one might only expect out of 2020, the exhaustive document is a tour-de-force bummer. It contains fairly crucial insights though. So we wrestled the 163-page beast down for you. Spoiler alert: COVID’s a wrecking ball, automation is coming faster than greased lightning, remote work isn’t going anywhere, inequality is worse than ever … but everything might also be fine.

Let's get COVID Out of The Way First

The unemployment numbers are in and unsurprisingly staggering. Comparing the financial crisis of a decade ago to current day figures is as revealing as it is scary. In 2010, unemployment in the OECD (which encompasses 37 countries around the world) peaked at 8.5 percent, only to drop to an average of 5 percent across global economies in late 2019. The International Labour Organization (ILO) predicts figures could peak at 12.6 percent by the end of 2020 and persist at 8.9 percent by the end of 2021.

The resulting numbers paint an even more alarming picture. The IMF estimates that 97.3 million individuals, or roughly 15 percent of the workforce, are at high risk of being furloughed or made redundant in the current context. Shifting our gaze forward a few months, the International Labour Organization (ILO) projects that by the second quarter of 2020, 195 million workers will have been displaced. The double-roundhouse to any sense of security? All this is going down at a time when jobs are transforming at greater speeds than ever before.

So what are businesses doing to adjust for COVID-19’s pressures? Well, 1 percent plan to increase their workforce, 14 percent plan to permanently reduce their workforce, 28 percent plan to temporarily reduce their workforce, 30 percent plan to temporarily reassign workers to different tasks, and 83 percent plan to accelerate automation of tasks.

On that…

The Machines Aren't Messing Around

The movement towards widespread automation is more deeply evident in the workforce than anywhere else. One of the central findings, repeatedly shared in the report, is that by 2025 the time spent on tasks at work by humans and machines will be equal.

Among the business leaders surveyed, just over 80 percent report that they are accelerating the automation of their work processes. 50 percent also indicate that they are set to accelerate the automation of jobs in their companies.

This transition will result in unprecedented labor market upheaval. By 2025, 15 percent of the global workforce will be disrupted by the shift in division of labor between humans, machines and algorithms. That’s 85 million displaced jobs.

This does spell opportunity for some 97 million workers. Automation tends to wipe out some jobs while generating others. The new landscape will be inhabited by Data Analysts and Scientists, AI and Machine Learning Specialists, Robotics Engineers, Software and Application developers as well as Digital Transformation Specialists, Process Automation Specialists, Information Security Analysts and Internet of Things Specialists. You get the idea.

Let’s take a look at some winners and losers of the automation revolution.

Here is a line-up of jobs at highest risk of being automated.

A look at other technologies likely to be adopted by 2025 reinforces the inexorability of increased automation.

Remote Work Is Only Sort of Working, But It's Staying Put

If you’re considering purchasing that brand new home fax machine, by all means proceed because the chances of returning to work life as we once knew it are: remote.

By mid-April, nearly 55 percent of economies (about 100 countries) had enacted workplace closures which affected all but essential businesses. 84 percent of employers are set to “rapidly digitalize working processes,” with the potential to move 44 percent of their employees to operate remotely. 80 US companies have announced either a fully distributed or remote-first workforce from here on including Basecamp, Nationwide, Square, Coinbase, Hims, Dropbox, Shopify, and Twitter. Curiously, even the National Transport Authority is in the mix.

Yet business leaders remain skeptical about the productivity of remote working. 78 percent expect some negative impact of the current way of working on productivity, with 22 percent expecting a strong negative impact.

So, a lot of head-scratching, a lot of savings on office snacks.

Existing Inequalities are Set to Deepen

All this change brought on by COVID-19 lockdown measures is snowballing inequality. According to the report, the people most adversely affected are depressingly familiar—it’s those living in neighborhoods with poor infrastructure, with poor employment prospects, and whose income does not equip them with a comfortable living standard, healthcare coverage, or savings.

Across the board, jobs held by lower wage workers, women, and younger workers have been more deeply impacted in the first phase of the economic contraction. In some countries those affected have been disproportionately women. This is certainly the case in the United States where, between December and April 2020, women’s unemployment rose by 11 percent while the same figure for men was 9 percent.

Meanwhile, higher-paying industries have a lower share of workers at risk of unemployment. The industries with the largest opportunity to work from home are the Information Technology and Insurance industries, with 74 percent of workers reporting having access to remote working. Fields like Finance, Legal work and Business Services could, in theory, perform more remote work.

More sharply defined, folks recalled into the labor market—meaning they got their job back—tend to have the highest average wage; those displaced have the lowest average wage. Let’s play this out in a couple industries: Retail workers who were displaced earn on average a low $17.80/hour while those recalled are earning $27.00/hour. In Information and Media, those displaced earn $28.70/hour while those recalled earn $61.20/hour.

Slicing the data regionally, the current theoretical share of jobs that can be performed remotely in any given economy is around 38 percent of jobs in high-income countries, 25 percent in upper-middle income economies, 17 percent in lower-middle income economies and 13 percent in low-income economies. And that’s before adjusting to account for the uneven distribution of internet access.

Around 60 percent of workers in high-income countries such as the United States and Switzerland are unable to fully work from home. This figure rises to more than 80-90 percent for the workforces of Egypt and Bangladesh.

The Arguments for Cautious Optimism (AKA It May All Be OK)

At the dawn of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, a glance in the rearview mirror offers some glimmers of hope. Historically, innovation has resulted in short- and mid-term compile errors but long-term upgrades. Trades based on old technology get replaced by machines, birthing new ways of work and new skill sets. Theoretically those new professions generate more prosperity. So maybe this is an awkward moment before things get super chill? Maybe.

The current job destruction will most likely (read: sort of has to) be offset by the growth in ‘jobs of tomorrow'—the surging demand for workers who can fill green economy jobs, roles at the forefront of the data and AI economy, as well as new roles in engineering, cloud computing, and product development will need to form a collective saving grace of vocational substitution.

Public policy is also showing signs of taking on the responsibility not only of temporary relief but also long-term effectiveness. The IMF estimates that almost $11 trillion has been deployed through direct fiscal impulse and liquidity measures aimed at supporting households and businesses through the crisis. Data from the ILO shows that more than 1,000 different policy measures have been implemented in more than 200 countries since the onset of the pandemic. Not too shabby.

This openness to transition to new job opportunities, matched with new reskilling opportunities, can help place young professionals back on track, finding routes out of affected and into new, growing opportunities.

Ultimately, countries are owning the challenge of keeping humans relevant. That is—unlocking the value of human potential in tandem with profitability, halting the erosion of wages, making work meaningful and purposeful, expanding employees’ sense of growth and achievement, promoting and developing talent on the basis of merit and proactively designing against racial, gender or other biases.

Businesses too are moving towards owning the challenge. This is evident in the commitment to employee growth. There has been a five-fold increase in employer provision of online learning opportunities to their workers and a nine-fold enrollment increase for learners accessing online learning through government programs. 66 percent of businesses believe they will see a return on investment within a year of funding reskilling for the average employee. This doesn't just mean "learn to code," but that the development of new industries will hopefully create a wide spectrum of jobs.

The Competitive Advantage of Being a Human

Perhaps the rosiest conclusion of the report is that our very humanity is our key to workforce viability.

There will be continuing emphasis on human interaction in the new economy, with increasing demand for care economy jobs; roles in marketing, sales and content production; as well as roles at the forefront of people and culture.

Even more encouraging though, major emerging emphasis is being placed on distinctly human skillsets. Those in employment are hitting the personal development courses hard, which have seen 88 percent growth among that segment.

In contrast to the more technical skills highlighted in 2019, the top 10 focus areas of those in employment include self-management skills such as mindfulness, meditation, gratitude, flexibility, resilience, stress tolerance and kindness.

So we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.

Thobey Campion is the former Publisher of Motherboard and the Co-Founder of Lost & Found.

A Data-Driven Guide to Whether a Machine Will Be Doing Your Job By 2025 syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

0 notes