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nonexistent-introvert · 1 year

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Deserving

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Content: smoking, insecurities, angst, fluff, self loathing

A/N: I would like to think there are times when Javier gets very insecure so here it is. Ethan is based off a fictional character I was once obsessed with, Iet's see if anyone figures it out.

Javier has been on his guard the whole day. After two years of dating him, he brought up the idea of meeting your family. When you didn’t give him a response, he quickly added that he wasn’t trying to pressure you into anything. You had simply reassured him otherwise, that you would love for him to meet your family and that your initial reaction was just surprise that he would be the one who initiates it. That conversation was the reason why he sat at your house’s dining table, anxiously waiting for you to return to your seat beside him.

When he brought you back to his family, everyone adored you. From his father to even his extended family. Javier even accused you of feigning being nervous because you immediately managed to charm everyone with your easygoing personality.

Seeing the children in his extended family beg not to leave Chucho’s house because they wanted to spend more time with you was a sight to behold. He even sat with the children and entertained them while you went to help with the cleanup simply because the children weren’t willing to leave your side.

“She is a catch Javi. You make sure you treat her right.” One of his tia had sternly spoken to him. He nodded, “Yeah of course.” He replied confidently. He knew some of his own family still thought he was a douchebag for leaving Lorraine at the aisle.

They were afraid that he would do the same to you, and he didn’t blame them. Javier gave them the right to when he decided to walk out on Lorraine that day.

The confidence that Javier usually possessed seemed to be nonexistent. He met your friends before your family because you figured that it would give him the boost in confidence he needed. Your friends were easy enough to please, “a sight for sore eyes” and “imagine waking up to that face every day, I’ll be having a good day every day.” These were some of the comments he had gotten. Javier knew he was good looking and yet, he still got shy when people openly complimented him on his looks.

“For your first relationship? You scored the jackpot girl!” One of your friends drunkenly spilled. You laughed, taking the drink from your friend, telling her that she had drunk too much. You were totally oblivious to how shocked Javier was by that information. He never knew that he was your first relationship.

Javier was quick to talk to you about it. You simply shrugged, “It just never came up.” There was a hint of fear in your eyes and he felt guilty for even letting you think that way. “Im just surprised. Nothing changed between us alright?” Javier quickly reassured, giving your hand a squeeze.

Nothing changed between the both of you but the pressure on his shoulders seemed to get a little heavier. He would be the first man you brought home and introduced as your boyfriend, no amount of mental preparation would be able to prepare him for that moment. The inevitable judgment of seeing the first man your only daughter brought home from your parents was enough to make himself sober despite the alcohol in his veins.

He doubted he was the man your parents expected you to bring home. He hated himself for it. He hated that he wasn’t a better person, a person that you could proudly bring home to your parents. However, he kept his internal battles to himself, unable to bring himself to tell you when you had been so excited to introduce him to your family.

Your parents were welcoming. They smiled and talked to Javier excitedly. Javier smiled upon seeing how happy you were to see your own parents again. His nerves settled down for a brief moment. When it was dinner, Javier wasted no time going to the kitchen, wanting to help set the table. Javier naturally took the dishes from you when his eyes widened upon seeing your mother poke you with the wooden spatula she was holding. Your mother scolded you in your mother tongue before politely smiling at Javier again. Javier couldn't help but get nervous again, he had totally forgotten about the fact that English wasn’t your mother tongue. You had picked up Spanish since you worked in Colombia which helped significantly when you met his family and yet, he didn’t even know a single phrase in your mother tongue.

“She said I was a shit host.” You told Javier, taking the dishes back from him. “You just go sit your pretty face down and entertain my dad.” You told him and so he did just as he was told.

Your family was definitely a family of introverts. Your mother was quiet and rarely said anything throughout the dinner. Only making certain teasing remarks about you, your father was the one who initiated most of the conversations even if his conversation topics were rather generic. Javier tried his best to be polite, it was times like this when he wished Chucho was there with him to keep him in check, in case he overstepped unknowingly.

The sound of the doorbell ringing interrupted your dinner. You immediately attended to it. “Ethan?” You greeted in surprise. Javier’s head turned at record speed, you had told him about Ethan. Ethan is the man that he wished he was more like., the man that wouldn’t have to worry about not getting your parent’s approval.

Javier watched as he hugged you in greeting before greeting your parents in your mother tongue. Ethan glanced at Javier’s seat for a while and Javier couldn’t help the smirk that formed knowing that he had occupied Ethan’s usual seat. The attention was shifted from Javier to Ethan, the tension was looser because of Ethan as well. Honestly, Javier was relieved that the attention wasn’t mainly on him, he even smiled and chuckled a few times when listening to the ongoing conversations.

The self-loathing started when he excused himself from the washroom. When he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He washed his face repeatedly, trying to drown those thoughts away. Your parents have been anything but mean towards him, it wasn’t right for him to feel pressured. He should be at ease and yet, his emotions were like a tsunami inside him. You were by his side but every time he looked at you, he realized how much your family meant to you and he didn’t want to lose you. Javier Peña knew that he wasn’t the man that your parents would approve of, if he were in their shoes, he wouldn’t either.

Javier searched inside his pockets, pulling out the box of cigarettes. He bit his lip, contemplating his decisions. He had promised you that he was quitting, but he still found comfort in the cigarettes when things got overwhelming, he just turned to cigarettes less often than before now. It was a miracle how you even chose to be with him. You hated drugs, it was the whole reason why you became a DEA agent, even cigarettes. You had mentioned to him once before the both of you dated because you knew the impacts of the cigars, having lost your grandfather to it. Despite your hatred, you still chose him, even at times when he smelled like the smoke that you hated so much, you didn’t judge him. When he had made that promise to quit, the smile you gave him made it all seem worth it. Javier was sure that you knew that he still smoked on a few occasions, but you never mentioned anything to him.

He also knew what your friends thought about his smoking habit. Javier had snuck one when he was meeting your friends, when everyone was inside drinking. He wasn’t trying to hide it from you but he still felt guilty when he placed one on his lips. Javier thought he could make it through the trip without the influence of the cigarettes. “Javier smokes?” He had overheard your closest friend questioning you when he came back. He stood at a side, eavesdropping even when his whole brain screamed for him to not to. He couldn’t bring himself to make his presence known.

There was hesitance in your eyes before you dropped your head. “Did you see him-” “Yeah, he was just outside smoking. I thought he was puking his guts out or something.” Javier’s heart broke when he saw the disappointment flash across your eyes. “Yeah,” You finally admitted. Your friend widened her eyes, “What happened to you despising drugs? It was the whole reason for your job! You even fought with your parents over it, that you were willing to put your life at stake just to make sure fewer people were exposed to it, so families don’t suffer because of it.”

“Nothing good comes out of drugs were the exact words you said.” Your friend quoted. It was also the killer blow for Javier, his fists clenched at his side. He needed to walk away but he found himself being rooted to the ground. “Javi’s different, he’s quitting.” You defended weakly. Your friend scoffed, “That’s what they all say.” You simply stood there in silence, he could see you trying to avert your gaze, you always tried to avoid confrontations.

“Look, from what I can tell. Javier loves you, it's evident. I’m just afraid of the cigars, nothing good comes out of it. I don’t want you getting hurt.” Your friend said, you forced out a smile nodding. Javier made himself known after that.

So as he stood in your home’s washroom, he put the cigarettes back into his jacket. He should have disposed of it after hearing what your friend said. Javier didn’t want to hurt you either. He wouldn’t survive another day if he lost you.

Ethan was the trophy son Javier always wished he was. On nights when he returned from a long day chasing around druglords or looking into information that led him to a dead end, he would wish he was someone like Ethan. Ethan is a doctor at a renowned hospital in the city, his grades had always been exceptional when he was a student. He even won many awards for his contributions to the medical field. Ethan was polite and charming, even if you told Javier that he was a grumpy asshole to people who just met him. Javier couldn’t judge Ethan for that, especially when he was one himself. Ethan didn’t smoke and spent his nights in the comfort of his penthouse in the city, reading encyclopedias or studying and making sure that he was up to date on the practices and treatments available. On the other hand, before he got into a relationship with you, he had spent his free time or nights with various informants. He had drunk to his heart’s content and smoked. He was literally labeled as an asshole by his entire department. His own colleagues called him a pretentious asshole and a player. The only thing in common that he had with Ethan was that both of them has to face death every day, Ethan tries his best to save another person and he was safe from the danger of death, Javier however was facing the danger of death and could only watch helplessly as the corpses laid around him.

Chucho wouldn’t have to spend his days worrying about his son’s safety if he was like Ethan. He knew Chucho worried about his over-reliance on alcohol and cigarettes as well. If he was like Ethan, Chucho would have peace of mind, he figured he would have a better reputation overall as well. Not to mention, Ethan could speak your mother tongue, he couldn’t even comprehend a single phrase of it. There wasn’t a language barrier but he still thought that it would be nice if he at least took the time to learn more about your mother tongue and occasionally make you proud as he attempts to use it. He knew he liked listening to you speak in Spanish and he loved your voice even more when you spoke in your mother tongue. He wished he could tell what you were saying.

The last nail in the coffin was when he saw you and Ethan together. Javier insisted on helping your mother clean up. Ethan and you were standing in the backyard, catching up he figured. Maybe it would do him some good if he didn’t have to look at the both of you because of the window that faced the backyard. Javier knew you well enough to know that you were relaxed and happy around him. The jealousy that burned in his heart when you shoved Ethan playfully and talked to him animatedly was inevitable. “They grew up together. He was like a son I never had.” Your mother started. “She told me, he’s a year older right?” Javier politely continued. Your mother nodded, “God bless Ethan, he saved me so much money on tuition because she could just go to him for any academic help. Especially math.” Your mother groaned, “You don’t know how stressed I was when she was still failing math a month before finals. You know her, sometimes she’s a little too happy-go-lucky for her own good.” Javier laughed at the mention of you, you were a little too uncaring sometimes. People would be losing their heads and you would still be calm and collected, even with a warm smile and a joke to relieve the tension.

The dynamic between you and Ethan was incomparable. Seeing him in person today made Javier realise just how much of an impact Ethan has in your life. The small habits that you had which he adored were things that Ethan did too. Your habit of pinching the bridge of your nose when annoyed was just one of the habits. Javier rubbed the back of his neck, you chose him over anyone so why did he still feel like this?

“Javier, are you ok?” You asked, intertwining your fingers with his while Javier drove. He snapped out of his daze, “Hmm? Yeah” You frowned, “Javier,” you said in name in warning. “I thought everything went pretty ok.” Javier had to resist the urge to scoff at you, your friends probably hated him for smoking, everyone will hate him when they find out that he still remembered the phone numbers of his ‘informants’. “Why are you with me? Why me?” Javier questioned. You frowned even further, heart dropping to the pits of your stomach. What made Javier question? “Your crazy good looks.” You replied jokingly, “And well, because you’re you, Javier Peña. You’re everything I want in a guy, that’s a good enough reason right?” “I don’t see it. What do you even see in me? I’m an asshole at its finest.” You squeezed his hand tighter, “And? You want me to be with someone like Ethan instead?” You figured this was the reason. He felt incomparable to Ethan. “Yeah,” Javier said, taking his eyes off the road for a split second. “He’s rich, a renowned doctor. A trophy son and would be a trophy husband. He isn’t an asshole and most importantly? He doesn’t smoke or spend his free time sleeping around .” Your heart sunk further, you assumed Javier had heard what your friends told you.

“Ethan is impressive. Despite all that, I never chose him, even if he is probably the person who knows me the best, he had seen me through all the phases I had growing up. Despite all that, I still chose you over him.” Javier remained quiet, “Love isn’t some kind of investment. I can’t decide to fall in love with someone just because they probably would be the best person for me on paper. I can’t choose to fall in love with you Javier. I just fell for you unknowingly even when you slept around and smoked. When you told me you were going to quit for me, I was happy of course. But just because you sneakily smoked one today doesn't mean that I would love you any lesser, I would at most, be worried about the impacts of the cigarettes. Additionally, you slept around me when we weren’t in a relationship, you even stopped way before we were in a relationship if what you told me was true. So why would that affect anything?” the tone you used made Javier feel like a child. It was as though he had just asked the most obvious question in the world. “I love you Javier Peña, not Ethan.” You finished, your eyes shining and Javier felt so foolish to even ask that. Your eyes shone whenever you talked about something you were passionate about, and he figured, Javier himself was something you felt very passionate about. “I’m sorry mi amor.” He guilty said, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “I- don't know what gotten into me.” He said. You simply laughed in response, “You’re an idiot Javier, for even worrying that you weren’t enough.” He simply nodded shyly, he felt so foolish. “Anyways, my parents have given me their report on you. You wanna hear it?” Javier sat straighter in his seat, “I’m kinda nervous.” He admitted, holding your hand tighter.

“He got a nice face to look at.” Javier shook his head, “There is no way they said that you’re making this up.” You laughed, “I swear I didn’t! My mum said that and my dad clicked his tongue in annoyance.” You cleared your throat, “He has manners and takes the initiative to do anything. He can definitely take care of you and helps around the household, unlike your dad.” You continued, reenacting exactly what your mother told you. Javier chuckled at the last comment. “Most importantly? The both of you look at each other like you’re in some romance film so I guess there’s that.” You made a confused face, “Whatever that’s supposed to mean.” You told Javier. “Oh, my mother also said at the very end. Javi is the exact man you used to describe when talking about the man you would marry.” You grinned at him, eyeing him up and down. “You’re my ideal type. Ever since I was a teenager.” You told him proudly. He laughed, “I’m glad to hear that.”

Then you handed him an envelope. “You don’t need to worry about Ethan ever because-” You gestured to the envelope in Javier's hands. Javier carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the card.

“Ethan and Casey are pleased to invite you to their wedding.”

Javier grinned, “We should give them something similar soon too. Wouldn’t it be funny if we gave them an invite to a weddimg during their wedding ?” There was a playful glint in Javier’s eyes. “Are you proposing?” You asked in disbelief. “Kinda, I mean you did say I was your ideal type to marry since you were a teenager.” Javier teased. You rolled your eyes, “My ideal type would not be proposing with nothing in a car just to be funny at Ethan’s wedding.” Javier laughed, drumming his fingers against a small box in his pocket. “Hmm, you’re right. Just keep it in mind ok? I don’t want you to suffer a heart attack from the shock before you can say yes.” “I honestly doubt you’re that creative, Javier, for me to go into shock. But sure, I can feign a heart attack too if it makes you happy.” Javier laughed, falling in love with you even more. You casually turned up the volume in his car and started singing along to the radio, as though he hadn’t just casually brought up the idea of proposing to you. He looked at you in adoration, he was so nervous to bring up marriage since the both of you never talked about it. He had let his worries blind him from the most obvious aspect of everything. The aspect that the both of you were hopelessly in love with each other. He felt so foolish now as he listened to your offbeat singing. His mind raced, running through the plan that he had for tomorrow. The day when he can finally show you the ring inside the box hidden in his pocket now.

Javier has never been happier that he was Javier Peña, the luckiest asshole in the world.

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thelightsandtheroses · 11 months

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Secret Smile: Prodigal Son (Chapter One)

Secret Smile | Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: Before returning to Colombia to get things right this time, Javi’s childhood best friend asks him to to keep an eye out for his sister while they’re both stationed in the embassy. Only you don’t need Javier to keep an eye you her. Your role as a new legal advisor is all about keeping an eye on him after all. Sparks fly, lines will be drawn and broken and there’s everything to lose. Word Count: 2.4k Chapter Warnings: 18+ blog, language, Narcos season 3 spoilers, reminder - this is going to be a slow burn, unbeta’d

Series Masterlist | Chapter 2

Laredo, Tx

The gum’s not working. How people think this is a viable alternative to a cigarette, Javier doesn’t know. He pops another piece out of the blister pack. Maybe two will help?

It’s been a long evening; it feels like almost everyone at this wedding wants to speak to him. Some of them want to say how proud they are of him, others want to ghoulishly ask about Escobar and see if he will spill any grisly details and satisfy their curiosities.

It’s a marked contrast from the last time he was home; back when he was just the man who broke Lorraine’s heart, who shamed both his and her family by not even turning up to the church to explain himself. Back then, Javier was the black sheep who ran to the DEA and Mexico and Colombia to hide from his sins. Now he is a prodigal son returned, a slayer of demons and one who’s hiding from a whole new set of sins.

It’s exhausting. Javi’s exhausted.

He thought vacations were meant to make you feel less like this, but maybe that’s because most people leave their home rather than return to it as a vacation.

Seeing Lorraine with Randy and her children sits strangely. He left the hall, transfixed by the spectre of a life he could have had if he’d made different decisions. But is that Javi? Could that ever have been him? Could it ever be him? Lorraine didn’t seem to think. Clearly past him hadn’t thought so either because he ran away from it all for a reason, right?

This time away from work isn’t helping. He’s too in his head, too deep in his thoughts. Being back at home dredges up all the ghosts, all the questions and there’s too much time to think about what went down in Colombia, in who he became to get Escobar.

Javi gave years of his life, he gave everything to that single goal and he fumbled it. He wasn’t even there when they took him down; just consoling himself with cheap whiskey in a bar.

Not that the people of Laredo know this; no, to them he’s some sort of hero, all sins forgiven and forgotten.

He’s not a hero. Javi knows who the real heroes are.

He leans against the wall, listening to the sound of insects around him and the din of the wedding inside the hall, fingers itching for a cigarette rather than the unsatisfying gum in his mouth.

He hasn’t told his dad everything yet, just that he has to go back, that he’s been offered a promotion to help bring down the next threat. He can’t tell him about it all; about how he thought he was walking into some sort of oversight or disciplinary committee to fight for his job, that he thought he would be held to account for everything that went down in Colombia, only it was a reprieve, an interview to ask him to go back.

It’s weighed on his mind ever since.

Saying yes was so easy in the moment. He fell at the last hurdle with Escobar, wasn’t even there the day it all ended. All of those years, all that work, faded to nothing against the mistakes and regrets and the scars the job left him.

Catching Escobar had been everything to Javier for so long. He was a symbol of everything that Javi was fighting against and he needed to be stopped. Since he got back from Bogota, he keeps coming back to an old Nietzsche quote he studied once in a Philosophy college class: “battle not with a monster, lest ye become a monster”

He doesn’t think he quite became a monster, but maybe he crossed some lines. Now he needs to fix it.

This time will be better though. It has to be.

He needs to do this whole thing the right way this time, help stop this war once and for all, or at least fix the messes he left behind.

Javi’s pulled out of his reverie by the crunching sound of footsteps on gravel next to him and turns around, instantly on alert.

“Javi?” a familiar voice asks.

“Rafa. Hey, it’s been a while,” Javi replies, relaxing as he faces Rafael. Rafael has been a steady presence in his life since they were kids, arguably he was one of Javi’s first friends. They’d been paired together in elementary school; an unlikely pair at first who’d quickly realised that they had more in common than they expected. They’ve stuck together through it all; Javi’s mother, the way their lives veered in different directions after college and all the way to the failed wedding to Lorraine. Hell, Rafael was going to be his best man and it was him along with Chucho helped pick up the pieces Javier left behind as he ran away under the false promise of being a hero.

Rafael’s holding a glass of whiskey in his hands, his tie is loosened and he looks stressed before he even says a word.

“I need to ask you a favour,” he says, taking another swig of his drink.

“Oh yeah?” Javi asks, dreading what’s next. It’s been an evening of unearned congratulations and fake smiles. He just wants to go home now, but he promised his tia, doesn’t want to let Danny down either.

“My sister’s been posted to Colombia.” That’s news to Javi.

He remembers flashes of you, a few years younger than the two of them, smart, annoyingly competitive and you had always seemed more focused than even Javi. That was something considering Javi worked towards the single goal of working his way out of Laredo and exploring the world more from the age of eight. Sometimes he had resented Rafael’s family who always seemed to have it so easy, their money and presence looming over so much of their hometown.

He hasn’t seen you in years. You left Laredo for college and then Javier had joined the DEA and gone wherever they wanted to send him: Mexico, Colombia. He’d just wanted out of his hometown.

“Colombia?” Javi repeats. He must have heard wrong surely.

“Yes. She’s at the embassy, some sort of fancy position - legal stuff, or something like that. I don’t know the details, I didn’t ask.. she’s not really shouted about it. She didn’t even tell me why she even wanted to leave DC in the first place. I mean, I thought she was happy there and if she wasn’t, I’d have thought she’d have gone back to Austin because I know she loved it there. Look, I’m rambling but she’s my sister, man. I know you don’t talk about what you did down in Colombia, whatever went down. You don’t need to, I can fucking see it on your face, Javi. I’ve known you since we were kids. That’s why I’ve got to ask, Javi, I’ve got to ask if you can you keep an eye on her? I heard Chucho say you’re going back down there to my mom earlier and -”

Javi exhales slowly, rubs between his shoulder and collar bone as he thinks about his friend’s words.

Javi doesn’t want anyone from his hometown in Colombia. He doesn’t want them see who he is at work, or to see the reality of his world down there. At the moment, he feels as though there are two Javier Peña’s; the one that Laredo remembers and is now currently projecting their thanks and heroism to, and then the Javier in Colombia. That Javier is the one who’s reputation in the embassy may not be what Laredo expects. These two sides should never mix, he has to keep them separate.

“The embassy is a big place, Rafa,”, Javi says after a moment, “I’m in one small part of it and the chances are -”

“I know,” Rafael says after a moment, “I know that the chances are you won’t see her much, perhaps even at all. It’s just I’ll feel better if I know someone out there has her back. Please?”

Rafael never asks for anything unless he needs it. He’s the sort of person who would rather try and change a busted tyre alone in the dark than ask someone for help. It’s one of things that drew Javi to him; they’re both stubborn and determined people.

So of course Javier says yes, because Rafael is his longest standing friend and there is no other answer.

The embassy is a big place, Rafael might not know what you do but Javi’s sure you don’t work for the DEA so you won’t be one of his agents. You’ll probably be cooped up with all the stuffy lawyers he actively tries to avoid.

If it helps his friend to know he’ll be there for you if you need him, well, that’s fine with Javier. He would be there too, he means it when he says yes.

He probably won’t even cross paths with you in the corridors.

Famous last words.

Javi’s conversation with his Pops creeps under his skin after Danny’s wedding. It was the way he stopped the car in the same place they’d argued about Colombia, about him running away, for the first time. There’s more than a decade between then and now but for a moment, Javi felt like he was in his twenties again, ready for the fight.

Only this time it was different. Javi was still adamant but his Pops was resigned.

Last night set a fire under him. What is the point of staying any longer in Laredo, what will it bring him that getting back to work won’t? He has a job to do and he’s ready for it.

He can make things right this time; he can properly atone.

“When’s your flight?” Chucho asks from the kitchen doorway.

Javi closes the manilla file of paperwork and looks up. A flash of guilt rises in his stomach as he takes in his Pop’s tired appearance; that weariness that a day of hard physical labour always leaves. He should have helped him today, while he’s still here.

“Tomorrow, my flight’s tomorrow, Pops” he says, his throat constricting with each word. He doesn’t say he asked the DEA to arrange an earlier flight, to change his start date. He doesn’t need to.

“Okay, Javi.” His father’s voice is heavy, unreadable somehow. There’s no disappointment in his voice but he can’t detect any approval either. “Do you need a ride to the airport?”

Javi swallows. “Yeah, that would uh- that would be good if you don’t mind, Pop.”

“Of course I don’t mind, son. When is it?”

Javi tells him when he needs to be at the airport, pushes the folder away for the night and tries to ignore the way his father’s gaze sticks on the innocuous looking file.

“I saw you and Rafael talking last night.”

Javi looks up, surprised at the change in subject. “Yeah, it’s good to see him again. We haven’t had as much of a chance to catch up since I’ve been back.”

“You two were almost inseparable when you were kids; he was always interested in seeing the ranch, you rememebr that? He’s a good man, does a lot to help in this town.”

Rafael wasn’t like Javi - in the end he had chosen to make his life in Laredo. After medical school and his residency, he became a doctor at the local family practice. From what Chucho and others have told Javi, he’s well respected around town too.

“Did he tell you about his sister being down in Colombia too?”

“Yeah, he did. I don’t reckon we’ll cross paths though, Pops, we’ll be in different departments and they don’t mix much.”

“Probably not. It’s funny though, don’t you think? She’s always been like you though, hasn’t she? She’s always wanted to be out there in the world. ‘S a small world though, huh?”

What are the chances of two people from Laredo being assigned to the same embassy?”

Minuscule - the odds are almost obscenely minuscule. The fact this is even happening feels like it must be some sort of aberration or perhaps Javi is just cursed.

Javi can’t say that though, he’s not sure what to say so he just nods.

“He wanted me to keep an eye out for her, make sure she’s alright,” Javi says.

“That makes sense. Are you going to?”

“If I see her. Like I said, we’re in different departments, it’s a big old city. I doubt I’ll even pass her much in the corridors. But if I do, I promised Rafa I’d keep an eye out for her and I will.”

“That’s probably all he wanted to hear. Actually, it might be good for you, having someone you know there with you. You didn’t say if Steve is coming back this time?”

“No, he’s back in Miami with his family. He’s still with the DEA but he wants to stay where he is for now, not do as much active duty. Olivia’s young, I guess he feels he’s missed enough already.”

Steve gave a lot in the fight to stop Escobar. He almost lost his wife, lost time with his daughter, Javi doesn’t blame him for being done with active duty. As much as Steve and him had clashed against each other, by the end, Steve was Javi’s friend. He’d expected Steve to be like the others, last a month or two and be utterly blind to what the reality of the job was, of what being ‘all in’ meant. Steve had surprised him though. You couldn’t spend all that time together in that fire of that battle, because it was a battle, without forming a lifelong bond, however reluctant that might be for either of them.

It would be strange this time, going back there without him. It is going to be different with the promotion anyway - Javi can barely remember Messina getting much of a chance to get out from beyond her desk and that worries him. He’s designed for outside the office, not confined within it. Javi’s not sure where she’s ended up either; Stechner indicated her career was marked. Thanks to him. There’s another debt he can’t pay.

After a moment, his Pops opens the fridge, gets two bottles of beer and they sit together in silence.

Javi knows he should say something before it’s too later, but all of the words are stuck in his throat. He just drinks his beer, runs his hands over the Nicorette gum in his jeans pocket.

Maybe Javi will come home right this time.

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#javier peña x female reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña #narcos fanfiction #javier pena x reader #javier pena x female reader #secret smile #javi peña x you #javi pena x you #javi peña fanfiction #javier pena fanfiction

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mermaidsirennikita · 9 months

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A few people have asked me for the recs that come with my historical romance archetype quiz in full, and since it's been around a week and I've been procrastinating.... Here they are, in order of popularity (check your triggers, as always):

The Good Guy (by far the winning result... which saddens me a little as a reader but I respect your life and your choices):

Unclaimed by Courtney Milan--virgin hero, sex worker heroine, he's a genuinely lovely man

Scandal in Spring by Lisa Kleypas--a lot of people like Matthew Swift, I like Matthew Swift, there's a very good scene where she hides a key in her bodice and is like COME FIND IT

My Fake Rake by Eva Leigh--gender-flipped She's All That retelling with a nerdy hero who fake dates his equally nerdy friend while being super in love with her

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian--this blurs into a rake vibe, but the hero is a disaster bi who falls in love with his new best friend, only to find out that said best friend is not a man but in fact AFAB and NB; there is a delightful scene in which he watches them from across a ballroom while they pull their glove off with their teeth that lives rent-free in my head

Gentleman in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets:

The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe--THEEEEEE PRIME EXAMPLE, "I'm going to cover you in bite marks, darling" Duke of Lockwood I'm your biggest fan

The Duke Who Knew Too Much by Grace Callaway--the one where the duke is like "oh my god girl I didn't murder anyone I'm just into tying people up consensually"

Waking Up with the Duke by Lorraine Heath--the one where the hero's cousin asks the hero to knock up the cousin's wife and the hero is like "I mean because you asked nicely"; SUPREME angst

The Earl I Ruined by Scarlett Peckham--uptight earl is slandered by the heroine who insinuates that he likes submitting in the bedroom; incorrect, he actually wants to tie her tf up

The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden--marriage of convenience with the world's most uptight duke and a heroine who thinks he finds her plain and fat and gross when in fact he mostly just spends his time restraining himself from doing nasty things to her

Villain Recs:

Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas--because you gotta, though St. Vincent is a softer touch villain than some ("he wouldn't have actually... done it... riiiight?")

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt--a kidnapping loony tunes hero who blackmails everyone, stabs freely, and calls the heroine the wrong name for like 70% of the book; he also stabs someone while completely naked except for his pink robe

The Dragon and the Pearl by Jeannie Lin--Tang Dynasty evil warlord hero kidnaps heroine to use her for information, then realizes he's falling in love

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale--medieval assassin hero forces the heroine into marriage for his evil plot, makes her his apprentice in evil, then realizes he SUUUUPER likes it when she doms him

The Prince of Broadway by Joanna Shupe--hero owns a casino and becomes the rebellious heroine's mentor, but is secretly plotting to destroy her father

Daring and the Duke by Sarah MacLean--hero was the villain of two previous books and maybe tried to kill the heroine when they were kids, either way she's super mad about it but oops he's OBSESSED with her

Tortured Hero Recs:

My Darling Duke by Stacy Reid--hero has had to use a wheelchair due to mobility issues after an accident, becomes very reclusive and angsty, until he finds out the heroine has been pretending to be engaged to him...

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas--Derek Craven was born in a drainpipe, named himself, and essentially was a sex worker until he made his way up in the world, now feels completely not good enough for the intrepid novelist who's stolen his heart

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall--hero has survivor's guilt and chronic pain + a laudanum addiction after surviving the Battle of Waterloo when his best friend died... twist is that his best friend faked her death so that she could transition and live as who she really is, and now they met up again for the first time in years without him realizing it's her

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway--scarred hero reunites with his childhood sweetheart, who's now widowed and way above him in social station... but she's also tortured, and they come to find solace in each other (also: her old husband told her that pursuing her desires was wicked; hero DISAGREES)

Duke of Midnight by Elizabeth Hoyt--literally Georgian Batman, he is the night, also he has a home gym

The Duke I Tempted by Scarlett Peckham--super tortured duke who hides his masochistic tendencies from the world enters into a marriage of convenience with a woman he believes will reject him if she realizes what he wants

A Rogue by Any Other Name by Sarah MacLean--local man who lost his inheritance and land in a game of dice shows up again after years and forces his childhood friend to marry him so that he can reclaim WHAT IS HIS!!! (both the estate and her)

Rake Recs:

Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake by Sarah MacLean--prototypical rake book, Ralston is all "my God woman, binding your breasts is a crime and I am here to save them"

The Duke and the Lady in Red by Lorraine Heath--this guy's mom literally shows up at his house and is like "please tell me you've cleaned this place since the last orgy"; he then gets taken in by a con woman and learns how to love

The Lady Gets Lucky by Joanna Shupe--hero's not taken seriously by anyone because he's such a playboy; he makes a deal to teach the shy heroine sex stuff in exchange for recipes so he can start a SUPPER CLUB and prove himself as a Srs Person

A Rake's Guide to Seduction by Caroline Linden--hero is a ne'er do well rake who realizes he's fallen for his best friend's little sister right when she's proposed to by another man; years later they meet up when she's a depressed widow, and he brings her to life if you know what I mean

Indigo by Beverly Jenkins--hero is a VERRRRRYYYYY smooth rake who also helps free enslaved people in the Underground Railroad, gets the shit beaten out of of him and ends up being cared for by the quiet and practical heroine; and he's like "HOLY SHIT SHE'S THE ONE"

Scot Recs:

When A Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare--heroine makes a Big Mistake and ends up having to marry the gruff hero, but it's only a handfasting so as long they don't consummate the marriage it won't be legit--SIMPLE ENOUGH

When a Girl Loves an Earl by Elisa Braden--heroine becomes obsessed with local giant man, doesn't even realize he's Scottish until she's trapped him in marriage and he drops the English accent and it is a RIIIIIDE for her from there

The Taming of a Highlander by Elisa Braden--heroine ends up having to marry physically and emotionally scarred hero in order to avoid testifying against him, he's all "YE WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE ME LASS" and she's like "oh bet"

The Highland Guard series by Monica McCarty--medieval Scottish books "what if Robert the Bruce made a Suicide Squad and they were all hot"

The Madness of Lord Ian MacKenzie by Jennifer Ashley--widow heroine ends up in a FWB situation with the hero, who is on the spectrum and considered "mad" by many; then shit gets complicated

When a Girl Loves an Earl by Stacy Reid--heroine gets pregnant by another man and runs to Scotland to marry this guy she's been writing platonic letters to; he agrees to claim her baby; hero is mute and they communicate through written notes at first, but the heroine learns sign language to make it easier for him, super emotional

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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illustratus · 1 year

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The Battle of Murten

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warsofasoiaf · 11 months

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Did any Vichy French units fight alongside the Nazis during Overlord?

The severely-limited Armistice Army was disbanded in 1942 during Fall Anton, after the Allies landed in French Algeria. So there was no official Vichy French army to fight alongside the Nazis. There were French volunteers for the SS such as the Charlemagne Legion, who were some of the final holdouts in the Battle of Berlin. There were other French people that volunteered for the Wehrmacht. There were a few French conscripts from German-speaking parts of Alsace-Lorraine, the Malgré-nous. But official Vichy France army units ceased to exist in November 1942.

Thanks for the question, Cle-Guy.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#history #world war 2 #world war ii #france #vichy france

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lorrainmorgan · 3 months

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A quiet sanctuary: Your arms.

Read the short story on Ao3. Or, just expand <3

A tempest raged that night at Hogwarts, unleashing its fury upon the castle with relentless force. The violent waves of the Black Lake slammed against the windows of The Slytherin Common Room, their echoes reverberating through the place like a warning from the depths below.

Oh dear.

A wave of concern washed over Ominis as he heard Lorrain’s heavy footsteps approaching. Her normally confident and joyful demeanor, replaced by a deep sorrow that seemed to weigh her down. She sank into the furthest and most isolated couch in the corner, curling up into a fetal position as if trying to make herself smaller.

Ominis stood up from his seat and made his way to her side. He sat down, gently placing an arm around her shoulder.

"Meva Lorra… " His voice was a soothing balm, soft and gentle as it washed over her in waves. The blonde’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her close as if to shield her from the world.

No response.

With careful tenderness, Ominis brushed aside strains of her strawberry light hair, tucking them behind her ear. His fingers traced along her hairline, searching for braids but found none. A warm smile graced his lips, accompanied by a lilting tune that he hummed softly. Meanwhile, his other hand drew gentle circles on her back, each motion like a soothing caress.

Still. Nothing.

Ominis gently squeezed Lorain's hand, feeling her fingers tense and wriggle beneath his touch. He could sense a heavy weight on her mind, even if he couldn't quite pinpoint the source. Lorrain’s normally lively eyes held a hint of sadness, like a storm cloud threatening to overtake the sun. Ominis knew she had been pushing herself too hard, filling her days with endless activities until it all became too much for even her boundless energy to handle.

"What's wrong?" He finally asked softly.

After a few moments, and battling with a knot on her throat, Lorra managed to speak.

“My heart hurts." Her hand reached for Ominis' and guided it to her chest. She signed with a heaviness in her heart. The weight of loneliness and sadness weighed heavily on her emotional energy. Aching and raw, her heart felt fragile and vulnerable. Ominis furrowed his brow in concern, struggling to understand at first.

But then it clicked - she wasn't talking about her physical heart, but rather, the state of her emotional well-being. Her emotions were in turmoil, and he could sense it clearly from the way she held herself.

"I don't know why," Lorra's voice cracked as she choked back tears. "I'm sorry... I didn't want you to see me like this..."

Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and tears cascaded down like a waterfall. Ominis leaned down, his gentle touch wiping away the wetness with his thumb. She had seen him so vulnerable before… what was there to be ashamed of?

"Don't apologize, dear," He said soothingly, trying to cheer her up. He kissed the side of her head and ran his fingers through her hair tenderly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Lorra's throat felt tight as she shook her head no, unable to speak through the lump that had formed.

"Alright," Ominis replied softly, understanding her need for silence.

He pulled her into his embrace on the couch, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her soft hair. The sweet scent of her filled his senses as he nuzzled against her neck, trying to bring comfort to her troubled heart.

Ominis continued to hum his happy tune, the melody vibrating through his chest and into Lorra's hand as they intertwined. She cried in silence, her emotions pouring out like raindrops onto his cloak. He held her firmly, feeling her heartbeat against his palm, a rhythm that matched his own. The sound of her tears was drowned out by the sound of the waves against the window.

As they laid on the soft couch, Ominis began to trace her silhouette with his fingertips, his touch gentle and slow. He kissed her forehead, her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and finally her chin, each touch a loving caress. After a few moments, Lorra's breathing became slower and she began to caress Ominis’ cheek, a sign that she had found peace in his embrace.

He turned towards her, their eyes locking in an unspoken understanding. Then he leaned in slowly, their lips meeting in a tender kiss. They’d found solace in that quiet sanctuary: in each other's arms.

👉Lorrain was not feeling good that night, and Ominis understood the assignment.

👉 She had no words to describe how she was feeling. He didn't need any to make her feel safe.

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt fanart #ominis gaunt fanfiction #hogwarts legacy ominis #fluff #lorrain morgana #omrra

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whencyclopedia · 21 days

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Louis I de Bourbon, Prince of Condé

Louis I de Bourbon (l. 1530-1569) was a descendant of Louis IX of France (r. 1226-1270) and founder of the House of Condé. The Prince of Condé proved his valor as a Huguenot military leader during the first three French Wars of Religion and died at the Battle of Jarnac in 1569.

Historical Context

The Protestant Reformation disrupted the religious status quo of the early 1500s in Europe when multitudes embraced the teachings of Martin Luther (l. 1483-1546) and John Calvin (l. 1509-1564). Protestantism made gains in France among the nobility and commoners alike in the first decades of the 16th century and encountered opposition from the Catholic Church. By the mid-16th century, Protestants who followed the teachings of Calvin were known as Huguenots or Calvinists. Marguerite de Navarre (l. 1492-1549) protected Protestant leaders and supported reform efforts in the Catholic Church. She was the sister of King Francis I of France (r. 1515-1547), the mother of Huguenot leader Queen Jeanne d'Albret (l. 1528-1572), and the grandmother of Henry of Navarre (l. 1553-1610), who converted to Catholicism in 1593 to become Henry IV of France, the first Bourbon king. The Protestant challenge to the status quo of the Catholic Church in France eventually led to a bloody struggle between Protestants and Catholics during the French Wars of Religion (1562-1598).

The royal houses of France were often in competition and made alliances according to political expediency. Political intrigues, assassinations, and executions were never far from religious questions. The House of Guise, a minor offshoot of the Dukes of Lorraine, was the most ardent archenemy of Protestants. The Bourbons were princes of royal blood, but distant from the throne and with modest wealth. They were also viewed with suspicion since Charles III de Bourbon had plotted with Henry VIII of England (r. 1509-1547) and Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor (r. 1519-1556) to take up arms against King Francis I. Positions among the high nobility became clearly established with the all-powerful Guises on one side and the Bourbons on the other.

#History #France

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hxzxrdous · 11 months

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Atomic Blonde

Requested from a user on Wattpad

Platonic Lorraine Broughton x child!reader

TW: Mentions of human trafficking

A FLICKER OF TRUST

Lorraine Broughton was well-versed in the art of infiltration, having navigated countless dangerous missions throughout her career. Yet, the task before her this time held a darkness that sent a shiver down her spine. The criminal organization she had been assigned to infiltrate was notorious for their involvement in the despicable world of human trafficking, owning countless brothels through the whole country.

As Lorraine studied the intelligence reports, her jaw clenched in anger and determination. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily upon her shoulders. It wasn't just a matter of national security anymore; it was a battle against the exploitation of innocent lives. She knew that bringing down this organization would not only save countless victims but also strike a significant blow against the shadowy forces that perpetuated such heinous crimes.

Emmett Kurzfeld, her trusted boss, called her into his office. As Lorraine stepped inside, the air was thick with tension. Emmett leaned forward, his voice low but resolute, the neon lights of the city casting an eerie glow upon his face. "Lorraine, the information we've gathered points to something far more sinister than we anticipated. People involved with this organization aren't your run-of-the-mill criminals. They are politicians from across the globe, even law enforcement agents, and some could be your own colleagues. This goes deep, jeopardizing the safety of our nation. We have to bring them down, expose the dirty politicians and cops involved. Remember, this won't be an easy mission. The deeper you go into this criminal underworld, the more danger you'll face. Stay sharp, trust your instincts, and never forget why we fight."

Lorraine's gaze hardened as she absorbed Emett's words. She understood the magnitude of the battle before her. It wasn't just about gathering intelligence or neutralizing threats; it was about fighting for the voiceless victims who had been stripped of their freedom and dignity.

As Lorraine dug deeper into the heart of the criminal organization, she uncovered a chilling revelation that pierced her soul like a dagger. Amongst the stacks of documents and surveillance footage, she stumbled upon a file that bore a name she hadn't expected to see — your name, Y/N, an innocent eight-year-old girl caught in the clutches of the darkness that consumed your parents, the leaders of the organization.

Lorraine's heart sank as she read through the disturbing details. You had become a victim yourself, subjected to the same cruel mistreatment and abuse that was inflicted upon the organization's other captives. The images captured in the evidence were haunting, displaying the anguish and despair etched into your E/C eyes. It was a stark reminder that innocence could be shattered in the most unimaginable ways.

A fierce protectiveness surged within Lorraine, overriding her mission's original objectives. She couldn't turn a blind eye to you, not when she had the power to make a difference in this innocent child's life. Lorraine knew she had to act swiftly and decisively to rescue you from the malevolent environment you were trapped in.

With her unwavering focus, Lorraine observed the organization, her undercover identity being a brothel owner - Madame Susan, gathering every scrap of intelligence she could. She studied their routines, their habits, and their vulnerabilities, all while keeping her true intentions hidden from their watchful eyes. Lorraine knew that to succeed in her plan and exploit any weaknesses within the organization.

Late at night, Lorraine set her plan into motion. She infiltrated the organization's secret headquarters, navigating the mansion's corridors. Lorraine's heart pounded in her chest, every step taken with utmost care.

Lorraine identified the weak points in the security system. She bypassed the surveillance cameras, deactivated alarms, and neutralized guards with fast and calculated strikes. Each move was executed flawlessly, inching her closer to her ultimate goal of rescuing you.

As Lorraine reached the inner sanctum of the headquarters, she discovered a room filled with countless files, evidence of the organization's heinous operations. Her eyes narrowed with determination as she located the files containing the information that would bring them down once and for all, quickly copying all the needed information to the microform.

But Lorraine knew that her mission extended beyond gathering evidence. She needed to ensure your immediate safety. With a mix of anxiety and purpose, she managed to locate the room where you were being held captive, her heart wrenching at the thought of the horrors you had endured.

Lorraine picked the lock to the room, her movements cautious and silent. As the door swung open, Lorraine was met with the sight of a small figure huddled on a worn mattress, your fragile form marked with bruises, clunching to a blue snugglebum. Lorraine's eyes softened with compassion as she knelt beside you, her voice a soothing whisper.

"Don't be afraid, child," Lorraine assured you, her touch gentle as she reached out to you. "I'm Lorraine, I'm here to take you away from this nightmare. You're safe with me."

Your eyes widened with uncertainty but you cautiously reached out, your small hand trembling as it found comfort in Lorraine's reassuring grip. In that moment, a flicker of trust ignited between you.

Lorraine led you through the dark corridors.

Outside, a black cadillac was waiting. Lorraine helped you into the safety of the backseat, the leather upholstery embracing you like a cocoon of comfort. Your eyes met Lorraine's in a silent reassurance, the blonde wrapped a comforting quilt blanket around your trembling form.

You watched out of the rear window, the distance between you and the horrors grew. Lorraine's heart swelled with a sense of relief. She knew that their journey was far from over, but in rescuing you, she had achieved a victory of immense significance. They had escaped, but the fight against the criminal organization was far from over. Lorraine knew they had to stay one step ahead, unmasking the culprits and destroy their network to ensure that no more lives would be ruined.

Weeks turned into months, and as the dust settled from the harrowing ordeal, Lorraine continued to prioritize your well-being. She visited you regularly at the group home, where you had found temporary home.

During those visits, your bond had grown, and Lorraine couldn't ignore the growing conviction within her heart which led her to make a life-changing decision;

to adopt you.

#lorraine broughton fanfiction #lorraine broughton #lorraine broughton x reader #atomic blonde #atomic blonde fanfiction #lorraine broughton x child!reader #charlize theron #charlize theron x reader

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