#look the under 25s in Starfleet are fucking ensigns

[webgeekist]

.

#I’ve read some Twitter commentary about how the under 25 assimilation is some kind of #social commentary about the younger generation being easy to influence #one I find that to be hilarious considering how easily my family was pied pipered into anti-vaxxing #but two I fundamentally disagree with the idea that this is a commentary about the younger generation #look the under 25s in Starfleet are fucking ensigns #they have no power and no say in the trajectory of the technology they’ll be stuck with for decades #fleet-wide inter connectivity was a decision made by captains and admirals #you know..the Wolf 359 survivors #the ones who should have known better than to touch Borg technology and decided they had to be smarter than the fucking Borg #so they did it anyway #also the ones who created the angry Changelings #by withholding a lifesaving sure and experimenting on a sentient species #this isn’t a commentary on wokeism or younger generations being fickle and collective-y at all #or ok maybe it is BUT #this is a commentary about how the older generations have continuously fucked with things they shouldn’t #created an existential crisis with unsustainable politics and ecosystems #and whether or not they die now or later have fucked the youngest generations into holding the bag

[cicaklah]

picard thots 3x05

wanging on about star trek under the cat

🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈

poor picard, forever alone until the last two weeks when TWO lady loves come back into his life and say 'oh yeah turns out we could have been in love but you fucked it up without realising it'. (not to ignore his current lady love who is the only one with the spine to let him NOT fuck it up without realising he is fucking it up).

(I can't believe we are STILL paying for patstew feeling emasculated in the early 90s. the male ego: not even once.)

Ensign Ro is one of those characters that TNG fans have Strong Feelings about, and I am one of those, because I love Bajorans and Cardassians as the true ds9 stan I am. I love seeing Michelle Forbes in things. I hope she was paid a lot to come reprise the character she's seemingly spent her whole career running away from. I suppose that, and the fact that this is a show named after Picard, that the focus will always be on her relationship with Picard. It was the most interesting part of what we got about her, along with our general introduction to the Bajoran faith and people, but we had 7 years of development of them and none of her, I always assumed she was killed when the marquis were slaughtered by the dominion as a favour to the cardassians. Lucky escape, though of course she got killed off. she had her story beat: time to die. (cash that cheque, never look back).

Anyway, not that Picard would have ever done anything with her, due to being Noble Space Coastguard Man who outranks her by about 40 years, but I quite pruriently like the wow wrong bad hot of that dynamic, in a dead dove way. Like as usual I wish we could spend more time in these characters' heads, because god I love people who fail at starfleet more than anything, they are my favourite characters in any show. The dysfunctional relationship between starfleet and those within it is fruit ripe for picking. Picard breaking the rules to sleep with Ro would be absolutely out of character in the most delicious way, to the point I kind of want to write it. Like that is tragedy, highest nobility and loyalty to an institution vs the desires of the human flesh. Genuinely the best. Awful dysfunctional relationship between man who projects wildly onto a younger woman and the younger woman who clings to older man in authority as symbol of the authority she is a bad fit for. Neither of them ever actually engaging with each other as people, therefore doomed to failure.

At the ~ revelation ~ that omg changelings are EVERYWHERE, when Ro says starfleet is corrupted to the highest level I went "what, AGAIN?" Its been 2 years since Romulans took over the top level of starfleet, and now its changelings. I mean, I still think the changelings have been there for twenty years, since the attempted coup in homefront/paradise lost.

I wish this series was...25% less ambitious prestige tv.

Anyway, glad that Jack said something to his mum that he's fucked and seeing things, but all this red and doors and stuff is synth-as-fuck, and honestly it makes no sense for Jack to be a synth even in this series. They can't do synth stuff without agnes and they ruined agnes by making her borg. it makes me miss narek, my problematic fave though. god, remember season 1? seems so long ago.

(IMAGINE IF SEASON 2 HAD BEEN ABOUT REINTEGRATION OF SYNTHS INTO SOCIETY AND EXBORGS AND JUST IN GENERALY NOT WHATEVER IT WAS GDI)

all these close ups of Jack's eyes is really highlighting that he is DRAMATICALLY miscast as a 23 year old, its just funny now. Man has more eye wrinkles than I do and I'm 36.

as we are introduced to more older characters the more I am changing my mind on gates mcfadden's face lift, I think its so uncanny it keeps throwing me out of her scenes because I keep analysing her face. can't do anything about it, and she does look good...if REALLY uncanny.

Worf and Raffi continue to be good, if a little boring. The timelines are converging. It was nice to see Charlie from Fringe as a Vulcan gone bad though. Been a little bit of a fringenaissance on TV this year, with anna torv in tlou and Charlie in this. more of that please. they deserve better.

I still like Shaw, but I like the bad apple captain trope best of all. Remember when we had Lorca and I got so excited about how Disco was going to be a show about actually working under one of the Bad Captains of the Week from TNG era?! Maybe I'm getting it.

(I also think that there's interesting things to unpack about Shaw and Seven's relationship that PERHAPS I might also write something about because mmmm he's a dick, she's bullheaded, what the fuck is she even doing in starfleet other than falling into the trap that so many failed fleeties have before, deconstruction of the protagonist hero trope, seven deserves better but how can she get better when she is in the military, which cares not for individuality?! Like the dichotomy of man who after trauma finds peace in conformity and playing by the rules, vs the woman who knows that conformity is seductive and ends up seduced by it again, and ends up in this job that she is ill-suited for even if she is technically good at it, because she is essentially self-harming by joining the military, the acceptable collective????

failed fleeties, my absolute fucking favourites. Right in the vein, please.)

anyway are we half way through? I think we're half way through. Wonderful.

#star trek #star trek picard #picard season 3 #picard 3x05 #picard spoilers #picard thots

[hylianengineer]

Comfortember Day 25: Lost

This one’s really long so I’m gonna stick it under a read more. Fair warning, there is SO MUCH ANXIETY in this fic, graphically described. Also minor to moderate injuries, a bit of medical stuff, the usual. And a bit of future space archaeology and soil science, but that’s not a warning. Unless you object to technobabble infodumps, in which case your might prefer to skim the first few paragraphs.

Summary: While on an archaeological field survey on Bajor, Caitlyn gets separated from the group. But getting lost in the woods isn’t the way it looks in holovids, and the biggest dangers turn out to be the ones inside her own head. As she waits for help, she battles both physical injuries and her own anxiety.

“Oh - guess what? I’m gonna head down to Bajor this week to help out with an archaeological survey!”

Julian grins. “That sounds exciting; what are you going to be surveying?”

"So Bajor has these really neat cave dwellings- they're not natural, they've been carved out, and there's this whole underground city that was inhabited from five to three thousand years ago. The architecture is incredible. But it's not very well mapped, a lot of the data was lost during the occupation, and some of the tunnels have collapsed. So we have to go through with remote sensors and figure out where everything is before it can be excavated. The other problem is that the rocks in the area block some of our more powerful sensor technologies, so we're relying on short-range techniques. It'll be a great opportunity to learn about the newest ground-penetrating radar technologies, and I'm hoping to see some of the in-progress excavations; it's fascinating stuff. There’s this new technique using muons…"

Everything is going great until I step on the wrong rock. It shifts beneath my foot, and I freeze, hardly daring to breathe. I slowly soft my weight to the other foot, and take another step onto what looks to be more stable ground. It crumbles beneath my boot, and suddenly I'm falling head over heels. Something slams into my skull,  and the world goes dark.  

When I come to,  it's with the disappointing realization that I'm still in the middle of the woods, alone.  I'm lying half-buried in loose soil and small boulders, facing an endless expanse of undergrowth and tree roots. As I sit up, my head throbs so badly that my vision grays out for a moment.  Wincing,  I run my hands gingerly over my scalp. There's a pretty large bump above my right ear, and my fingers come away with the telltale stickiness of drying blood. Well. That's definitely a bad sign. But it's when I look up that I really start to panic.

I stare up at the steep cliff, maybe 15 meters above me. 

"Well, fuck." 

I kick loose dirt out of the way and drag myself to my feet, wincing as the movement jars sore muscles and a litany of bruises. Fuck, that hurts. But now that I'm on my feet, I can see that the vegetation in front of me is actually more trees. That's to be expected in a forest, I suppose, but I have a head injury so I think I should be forgiven for being slightly out of it. 

I reach for my communicator, "Delmirev to Survey Team Gamma… Ensign Delmirev to anyone who can hear me?" Great, the minerals in the soil must be disrupting the communicator frequencies.  Not surprising,  but extremely inconvenient. Okay, what do I remember from Starfleet survival training? Don’t wander off, that would definitely make out harder for the rest of the team to find me. Although if I'm going to try to contact them, I may not have much choice.  The only chance I have of getting a signal through is to get to higher ground,  where I'm not walled in by iridium-enriched sediments. 

I wasn’t planning to return to our base camp until evening, so if I don’t find a way to contact them, they won’t even know anything’s wrong until then. Still, I have plenty of water, so waiting might be the safest plan…

Communicator may be down, but if I could create some sort of signal beacon… I’d better inventory my supplies, see what I have to work with.

Fortunately, I still have my backpack, which means a compass and a map. I spread the map out in front of me- the compass says I’m facing east, so I turn the map sideways so that east is right side up. There’s the path I was following, which means I should be about… here.  Not too far from base camp, so hopefully help will turn up sooner or later.

Let's see… I've also got three protein bars (and an empty wrapper), a half-full water bottle, a rain jacket, a flashlight, some very beat-up but miraculously still-functional scanning equipment, tricorder, a communicator with no signal, a padd with all the available site data, and a couple extra hair ties. Probably a concussion too, if this headache is any indication.

Now I'm  back to second guessing myself and waffling between two distinctly unappealing choices: waiting for someone to come looking for me, and trying to find a way back to the path by myself. Either I sit here for hours and feel incompetent, or I risk getting more lost. I'm a Starfleet officer, and here I am being defeated by a hill. But I need to be smart about this, not try to play the hero. It's safer to wait.

So I sit down in the shade of a nearby tree, and I wait. And wait. And wait. For a while, I fiddle with my communicator to try and boost the signal, but it can't overcome the dampening effect of these hills. After that, I run some diagnostics on my equipment, scan everything I can without losing sight of my impromptu camp, reorganize my bag, eat a protein bar, and start making mosaics out of grass and twigs. No one told me getting lost was so boring - holonovels make it seem very dramatic, lighting fires with sticks and being attacked by bears, but it would be peaceful if it weren't for the throbbing headache and the anxiety churning in my stomach. Most of the fear isn't that nature is going to try to kill me, it's that my team will think I handled this badly. Maybe I should have gone looking for a way back up to the trail. What if they're angry that I've inconvenienced them by getting lost? What if they don't even notice I'm gone? If only I'd been more careful I could be completing my survey right now. If I were just a bit smarter I might have been able to make the communicator work, or come up with some other solution that didn't involve sitting around like a damsel in distress and waiting for someone else to solve my problems. But that's not fair - this was the safest option, and the first piece of advice anyone with expertise in this sort of thing would give you is to stay put. So I'm staying put, trying to drown out the voice of self-doubt by humming obnoxiously catchy songs. 

Maybe I should make some kind of signal, like a fire. No, I'm surrounded by dry grass, that's a terrible idea. I do have a flashlight, but that's no use until it gets dark. If someone is nearby, I'll hear them, and then I can yell for help. No need to make it more complicated than it needs to be.

I really wish I'd done some more reading about the local fauna before I came down here. I remember the warnings about venomous snakes, and wasps, and small burrowing creatures I don't remember the name of. Those last ones aren't exactly threatening, but we were expecting to be near their tunnels, and you can sprain an ankle pretty easily by stepping in one of their entryways. Now that the sun is setting, my anxiety is providing me with images of bears, big cats, and every other creature I don't want to run into alone in the dark. I've eaten all my protein bars and my stomach has begun growling again. I think I've been here since around noon, so maybe… six, seven hours? It really was a stupid idea to split up. Still, the rest of the group must be meeting up around now, and then they'll realize I'm missing. Help will come, I've just got to wait a bit longer.

The stars have been out for quite some time when I hear shouting in the distance, though it's too far away to make out the words. My flashlight is cradled in my lap, left off to save the battery, but now I flick it on and wave it around above my head. 

"Hello? Is someone there?" I call out. There's no response at first, but I keep waving and shouting and slowly the voices get closer. 

"I think it's coming from over here - Caitlyn?" 

"Hey, I'm down here! Be careful, that ledge isn't stable!" I yell.

"Caitlyn, thank the Prophets! It's  me, Raz, we met at orientation. Are you alright down there?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember you! I'm not awesome, I think I have a concussion, but not too bad all things considered."

"Just stay put, alright? Transporters don't work here, but we're gonna figure this out. Hang in there!"

The top of the cliff gets pretty crowded once Raz contacts the rest of the search party. It makes talking to them a bit difficult, because they're all stomping around and rattling their gear and talking about how the heck to get me out of this. It's sort of touching, but also really embarrassing, that my predicament has generated so much fuss. 

"The ground isn't stable, there's already been one landslide and if we try to climb down we're likely to trigger a second."

"And there's no way a transporter will work with this interference."

“Maybe a shuttle…”

One of the medics does end up coming down to check on me- despite my protests that I'm really not that badly injured and they're likely to hurt themselves trying to get down here. She comes anyways, climbing down the cliff face with an agility one associates with mountain goats. Her name is Vera, and she rambles cheerfully about her childhood spent exploring this forest as she checks me for a concussion. 

"Yeah, you've got a pretty good bump there. I don’t have the equipment here to fix the concussion, but I'll give you some painkillers and something to keep the swelling down," she explains as she loads a hypospray. "It's a fairly mild injury, so I wouldn't worry too much, but I definitely want to keep an eye on it until we can get you to a hospital."

"Thanks. You know, it is kinda nice to have company down here."

“Don’t worry, we’ll both be out of here soon enough and you’ll have more company than you know what to do with,” she grins. “We were all pretty worried when you didn’t show up. How long have you been down here?”

“Um… most of the afternoon?” I admit reluctantly. “It wasn’t that bad, just lots of waiting. A valley made of mossanthacite sediments is basically the worst case scenario for a communicator - we might as well be surrounded by dampening fields.”

“You have had one hell of a day, haven’t you? You did the right thing, you know, staying put. It’d be a hell of a lot harder to find you if you wandered away from the path, and I’m very happy not to be treating any broken bones you might have gotten if you tried climbing this thing.”

“You do not want to know how much time today I’ve spent wondering if I made a colossally bad call on that front. So that’s a relief.”

“It’s natural when things like this happen to wonder if you could’ve done things differently, and you’ve had a lot of time to overthink it. But you did good, keep reminding yourself of that. You did exactly the right thing, and you’re gonna be fine. Can I hug you? You look like you could use a hug.” “Yeah, I really could.” 

“Come here, then.” She pulls me close and I relax into the warm embrace; her fingers trace gentle patterns along my spine. She smells like flowers and sweat and something spicy-sharp that I recognize as coming from the trees around us. It’s oddly comforting, like the forest itself is giving me a hug.

I jump at the sound of a branch cracking, my mind going immediately to large, sharp-toothed animals that want to eat us for dinner. But it’s just a person- a young man in the light brown uniform of the Bajoran militia, with a few other officers following behind him.

Vera grins at them, “Hey, you made it! Did the landing go alright?”

The man nods, “The shuttle is only about a quarter of a kilometer to the south. If you’re ready, we can get out of here.”

“Caitlyn, how’s the head injury? Are you good to walk?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. The sooner we get out of this place the better, as far as I’m concerned.”

“Great! Let me know if anything changes, okay?”

An hour later, I’m lying on a biobed in a small medical clinic. My injuries have been treated, but they insisted on keeping me overnight - head injuries are tricky things, Vera had explained. On the table beside me is a vase of Bajoran lilacs, a gift from my concerned colleagues. 

“Hey, Caitlyn, someone’s here to see you.”

Standing in the doorway is a familiar figure in Starfleet blue.

“Julian.” A wall I didn’t know was there crumbles, and suddenly I’m fighting a losing battle to stop myself from crying. I've never been so glad to see anyone as I am now. He folds me into a hug and I melt against his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of antiseptic that’s somehow come to mean safety. 

"Hey, it's alright," he says in that impossibly soft voice. "You're alright."

"I was so scared," I whisper into his shoulder. "I was alone and lost and my communicator wasn't working-"

"It’s alright,” he repeats, “You're safe now. Are you hurt?"

He's already getting out a tricorder to check for himself, but I try to reassure him anyways: "Not anymore, one of the Bajoran medics patched me up. Turns out a rockslide will give you a lot of bruises," I joke, trying to smile through the tears. 

"I imagine it would," he says wryly. He puts away the tricorder, apparently satisfied that my injuries have been adequately tended to. "Perhaps it would be best if you didn't pick any more fights with the local geology, hmm?"

I snort - Julian’s always been good at making me laugh, no matter how upset I am. "It's not my fault the hills here are hostile to sentient life. Unstable, sensor-jamming, downright malicious dirt," I accuse cheerfully. "Although it is possible that the soil sampling provoked it."

Julian laughs, and for a moment it seems that all is right in the world. "Well, I'm sure it will know better than to tangle with you next time. Are you ready to go home now?"

"Gosh, yes!" There's nothing I want more right now than to go back to the station and curl up in my own bed. "Let's get out of here, before the dirt can plot its revenge."

“I was really worried, you know. When they told us you went missing. We all were- too far away to help, knowing anything could happen to you by the time we got here.”

“I know. I’m sorry to have put you through that.”

“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault. Besides, that’s the price of caring about someone. Sometimes love hurts.”

“It does. It really, really does. Hey, how come Commander Sisko sent you, specifically? Don’t get me wrong, there’s no one I’d rather have come to my rescue, but you’re kind of indispensable to the entire station, being the CMO and all.”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve been away and it won’t be the last. Doctor Girani and the rest of my staff are more than capable of functioning without me for a while. But to answer your question, I asked the Commander to let me go. I couldn’t just sit there, waiting to see if you came home.”

That’s enough to make me choke up again. There are no words to convey how grateful I am to have Julian as my friend, to see this undeniable, solid proof of how much we mean to each other. So I hug him. I bury my face in the blue shoulder of his uniform and hang on as tightly as I can. Isn’t trying to squeeze the air out of each other’s lungs such a strange gesture of affection? But there’s no denying it’s effective; Julian’s hugs, I am convinced, are the safest place in the universe.

#featuring worldbuilding about space archaeology! #and weird geology things for the sake of plot #comfortember #comfortember 2022 #my fanfic #my writing

[smugxscientific]

★   FILL IN THE QUESTIONS AS IF YOU ARE BEING INTERVIEWED FOR AN ARTICLE AND YOU WERE YOUR MUSE.

Stolen (with permission) from: @forceofwilll​

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

“Calcite. Just call me Calcite.”

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

“Fine. If you must know it’s Calcite Facet 34R Cut 2X.”

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?

“Normally it would be related to the kindergarten I emerged in, but since I was created by more....unconventional means, Pink Diamond just assigned it to me. I think it was a placeholder from an already depleted one?”

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

“I’m a polymorphic sentient rock with an indefinite lifespan, so naturally I have little interest in monogamy.”

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?

“I have a vast medical knowledge that I technically can’t use. I also have extreme strength, the ability to shapshift at will and I can summon a weapon from my gem. I also don’t need atmosphere to survive.”

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

“The one is a light orange and the other is a gem of the same color.”

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?

“Why would I want to even do that at all? It’s perfect the way it is.”

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

“Gems don’t really have traditional families, but I do have a pair of gemlings I helped make and I consider them to be my daughters after how I raised them.”

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

"Not currently, but I used to keep a corrupted Citrine as a sort of watch dog. Probably shouldn’t have done that....”

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

“I will never allow anyone to suffer ignorance.”

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

“Cooking is something I actually enjoy as well as catching up with my shows from Homeworld and beating up people on the holodeck in ways that are surprisingly socially acceptable.”

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

"Yes. Very, very many people.”

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?

“I sure have.”

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

“What kind of a question is that even? I suppose I’d go with cat: small with infinite bastard inside.”

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

"Maybe I could stand to be a little less snippy?”

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?

Her eye twitches as she glares angrily. “Actually I take that back. Fuck you.”

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

"Lesbian, but does it really matter when most of my entire species is female-presenting?”

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

"Just the Academy to get into Starfleet. Never needed any real training before cause I was created knowing everything I had to.”

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?

"Probably not marry, but kids.... I honestly don’t think I’d mind to raise another clutch or two of my own... Not sure where I would find a carrier though.”

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?

“I don’t think so?”

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

“My greatest fear has already happened a long time ago.”

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

"My uniform when I’m on duty and my light generated outfit when I’m not. I wear it under my uniform as well, but that’s because I’d feel naked without it.”

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

“No. I had that removed quite a while back.”

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?

"I used to be the head if RnD for Yellow Diamond when I was on Homeworld. That meant getting credits, generous living quarters and getting to fool around with all the Pearls I could ever want to...” Her voice trails off before she shakes her head and shrugs. “Now I’m just an ensign so take that was you will.”

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

“Not a whole lot.”

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

"One of my favorite foods to make, especially with meat inside.” She smirks, revealing a number of sharp teeth.

27. FAVORITE DRINK?

“Coffee or any alcohol will do just fine.”

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?

“Whenever I happen to be on Earth, I always visit my Diamond’s palanquin. It’s actually surprising that humans haven’t found it yet.”

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

“Nothing seriously, no.”

31. WHAT’S YOUR DICK SIZE?

“I’ll have you know I’m considered to be rather impressive for a Gem of my size. Anyone wanting to know more would have to come by my quarters to find out for themselves.” Bragging? Check. Barely keeping it in her pants? Check.

32. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

"Neither since I can’t actually swim. So I’d rather get stuck in a lake.”

33. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?

"I’m really not picky at all. Just not a complete silting clod.”

34. ANY FETISHES?

"None that I’m telling you without a few drinks.”

35. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

"Of course I’m a top!” (complete fabrication cause she’s a switch.)

36. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?

“Indoors. Why would anyone want to go sleep in the dirt. That just sounds uncomfortable.” She has no idea what camping is and no inclination to find out.

37. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?

“Now that you mention it, I do need to be going.”

#ooc #star trek au #stolen meme

[thehenryhiggs]

bre’s big ol podcast rec list

heyyy everyone! so @bodhilukes​ asked for podcast recommendations on twitter and @czarrish​ and i immediately jumped on that. i was gonna make this list sometime this month away, and im super excited to do it! this is probably gonna get long so under the cut we go!

COMEDIES:

1. Hello From The Magic Tavern

Updates: Every Monday

Current # Of Eps: 101

General Length Of Eps: 40 mins to an hour

Synopsis: Arnie Niekamp fell through a dimensional portal at a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. He’s still getting a slight wifi signal from the Burger King, so he hosts a weekly podcast with his buddies Chunt (a shapeshifter who normally takes the shape of a badger) and Usidore, a wizard. They interview different creatures from Foon each week as Arnie tries to learn about Foon, while also trying to figure out how to get back home.

Notes: Okay, I have to say it. This is my favorite podcast. I love it to absolute death. It 100% got me into improv comedy and comedy podcasts, to the point where that’s pretty much all I listen to anymore. Arnie, Matt, and Adal are sweethearts and the show is so genuinely funny and interesting. Please give this one a listen.

2. The Adventure Zone

Updates: Every other Thursday

Current # Of Eps: 57

General Length Of Eps: An hour, but there are a few that are two or three.

Synopsis: The McElroys play Dungeons and Dragons. But it’s also so much more than that.

Notes: Okay you all know how much I love this podcast. I love it to death. I’m still only like halfway through it but god it’s amazing and I’m so angry I didn’t start it earlier. All of the characters are amazing and Griffin is truly such an amazing storyteller. It’s so much deeper than you would originally think, and it will make you cry like a baby. Please listen to The Adventure Zone. Holy shit.

3. CoolGames Inc 

Updates: Every Friday

Current # Of Eps: 45, with some CGI Jrs mixed in.

General Length Of Eps: An hour (CGI Jrs are 20 mins)

Synopsis: Polygon’s Nick Robinson and Griffin McElroy take listener suggestions and make video games out of them.

Notes: These are my favorite soft boys, and they are just too funny. Some of the games they come up with are genuinely good games that you’ll be upset don’t actually exist, but most of them are just silly goofs that are guaranteed to make you laugh. This podcast single-handedly got me through last semester, so shoutout to Nick and Griffin for that. You should also check out CoolGames Inc Animated!

4. Improvised Star Trek 

Updates: Every other Monday

Current # Of Eps: 157, with a BUNCH of bonus eps mixed in

General Length Of Eps: About 30 mins for regular eps, 5 mins for bonus

Synopsis: These are the voyages of the starship Sisyphus, Starfleet’s worst crew. Captain Julius Valentine Baxter and his crew, including First Officer Corbomite Hayes, Science Officer Crick Watson, Ensign Laserbear, and Chief Medical Officer Zarlene Zonaldson, just to name a few, get into way too much trouble out in the final frontier.

Notes: I started listening to this because of Matt Young from HFTMT (and because I got super into Trek), but god I fell in love with every single character. Quite a few guests from HFTMT are regulars on IST, and their shenanigans are just amazing. If you love Trek, you’ll love this.

5. Siblings Peculiar 

Updates: Infrequently

Current # Of Eps: 29

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: Adam and Sarah Peculiar (pronounced Pec-U-lAr) are trying to figure out what happened to their parents, paranormal investigators that suddenly disappeared 10 years ago. They interview conspiracy theorists of all sorts as they try to gain any information they can about their parents’ whereabouts.

Notes: I started listening to this one because of Adal Rifai from HFTMT, and I’m glad I did because he and his sister are so funny together. Their conspiracy theories are so off-the-wall hilarious (there’s a whole episode about Grease being propaganda where they interview the real creator of Grease), although I will say the comedy might not be for everyone as it can veer a little into the offensive (but it’s satire and I personally love it). It’s less frequent now because Sadieh got cast in a tv show, but I still recommend listening to it!

DRAMAS:

1. Welcome to Night Vale 

Updates: Bimonthly, on the 1st and the 15th.

Current # Of Eps: 103

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: Cecil hosts a radio show in the mysterious town of Night Vale, where abnormal things like Glow Clouds, angels, ominous dog parks, and floating cats are commonplace.

Notes: We’ve all listened to WTNV at this point, right? Or at least heard of it? Besides an old Fringe podcast I used to listen to back in like 2008, this was the first podcast I ever listened to. Cecil’s voice is just incredibly soothing, I find this podcast really helps when I’m super depressed, and I used to stock up on eps specifically for those times. 

2. The Black Tapes/TANIS 

Updates: they used to be weekly but they look pretty infrequent now

Current # Of Eps: TBTP has 24, TANIS has 25, both with several bonus eps mixed in

General Length Of Eps: 30-45 mins

Synopsis: TBTP is about journalists Alex and Nic investigating The Strand Institute’s Richard Strand and his various black tapes that may be evidence of the paranormal. TANIS is the spinoff, where Nic focuses more on real life conspiracy theories as he tries to find the location of the mythical TANIS.

Notes: I’m not gonna lie, I did drop both of these podcasts and I’m not sure if I will pick them back up. But the first season of both were incredible, and @czarrish introduced them to me and they really got me into podcasts. In my opinion they both declined in quality during their second seasons, but that’s just my opinion!

3. The Penumbra Podcast 

Updates: I think it’s on hiatus? But I think it was bi-weekly at one point

Current # Of Eps: 19, with bonuses mixed in

General Length Of Eps: 30-50 mins

Synopsis: The Penumbra is the grandest hotel this side of Nowhere.The series mostly follows Detective Juno Steel trying to solve mysteries, but they’re all stories you recognize told in ways you won’t expect. 

Notes: Again, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve barely listened to this and I really don’t know that much about it. I had to take a lot of the synopsis from the actual one on their website. But the first two episodes were awesome, so I feel confident in recommending it. I think they might be rebooting it?? Idk, you might want to ask @czarrish for more details.

4. Alice Isn’t Dead

Updates: Season one wrapped in Jul 2016 and it’s been on hiatus ever since. edit: s2 is starting soon!

Current # Of Eps: 10

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: Alice is a truck driver who’s driving across the country in search of her missing wife, who she thought had been dead but now has reason to believe otherwise.

Notes: This is from the creators of WTNV and features the voice of Jasika Nicole, who I know and love from Fringe but also does the voice of Dana on WTNV. It’s spooky but not too much so, and I’ve admittedly only listened to 3 episodes but just like Cecil, Jasika has a wonderfully soothing voice.

MISC:

1. Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Updates: Every Monday

Current # Of Eps: 148

General Length Of Eps: An hour

Synopsis: Basically what it says on the tin: two guys explain in detail everything that has happened in the X-Men universe, starting at the very beginning.

Notes: Again I haven’t listened to too much of this, but it’s really fun. I’ve loved X-Men for a while but I always get confused with all the retcons and different verses and stuff, but Jay and Miles do a wonderful job of explaining everything without making it confusing.

2. Terrace House Mafia 

Updates: Infrequently

Current # Of Eps: 14

General Length Of Eps: 10-15 mins

Synopsis: Polygon’s Nick Robinson and his roommate Chad watch Terrace House: Boys & Girls in the City and talk about it. That’s it. But it’s cute as fuck.

Notes: I absolutely love listening to these guys talk about Terrace House because they’re going through the exact same journey that I (and probably everyone) went on when I first watched it. It’s quick and super fun to listen to.

3. The Probe 

Updates: Was weekly, but s1 wrapped in November so it’s been on hiatus

Current # Of Eps: 8

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: A satirical take on news podcasts, two journalists follow the election at Franklin Delano Roosevelt High School, and learn about the country’s political climate along the way. 

Notes: Again, I started listening to this because Matt Young from HFTMT produced it, but I really enjoyed it beyond that. If you like HFTMT, you’ll recognize a lot of the Chicago-based actors in The Probe. Also I wasn’t exactly sure where to put this so I just put it in MISC cuz it’s like... definitely funny and improvised but also it’s a little serious, maybe? Idk, it’s satire. And it’s great satire.

I’m also gonna include the podcasts that I’m subscribed to but I haven’t actually started listening to yet. They piqued my interest but I just haven’t gotten around to listening to them yet! So here we go: The Bright Sessions, Darkest Night, The Hilarious World of Depression, Hollywood Handbook, Homecoming, Lore, My Brother My Brother And Me, Reply All, The Room Where It’s Happening, Wolf 359, With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus.

#bre to bridge #trypod