#literally nothing will ever make me bored of this

[greatstormcat]

Hi there. I wanted to make a request for something a bit personal. All this week, my family has been criticizing my weight (which I have struggled with my whole life) and told me point-blank that no one would ever love me because of it. That being said, I would like to request a writing with Soap. Let's say the reader has been avoiding sex with him for a while. They'll kiss and stuff, but as soon as he starts pulling her shirt up, she pulls it back down and makes some sort of excuse. This goes on for a while until Soap confronts her about it. She basically then goes off, pointing out all her bodily flaws and how fat and hideous she thinks she is and asks him how he could ever think she was sexy. And all he says is, “How can I NOT?” And he makes love to her and every time she makes a complaint about her body or calls herself ugly, she shushes her, ultimately taking her in front of a mirror and making her look at herself and how sexy she looks taking him. And when they're done, Soap should talk about how she's not fat, she's cute and squishy.

Hi anon, thank you for waiting for this! I’ve been really busy and did not want to put up anything half-arsed because this is a very important ask! Anyone who makes you feel like that sucks, and I’ve been there myself with family commenting on my weight. I had a whole rant lined up but then I realised that Soap already had it in hand, so I will let him takeover from here…

TW: MDNI 18+, bodyshaming and fatphobia, emotion support, p in v

It was getting harder and harder to make up excuses. Each time you came up with a reason you couldn’t stay over at his place, or a reason your clothes had to stay on when you did agree to sleep in the same bed, literally sleep, his eyes narrowed. You couldn’t keep this up, it was too hard, too unfair on this sweet, loving man. 

Johnny had come into your life like a wrecking ball, all loud mouth and charming personality. You had been swept off your feet by him the moment you’d seen him in the pub, a rare and welcome night out with friends, and he had zeroed in on you. He’d made you feel like you were the only other person in that hot, noisy and packed pub, his eyes locked onto you the moment you spoke to him to say hi.

The last few months had been amazing, he doted on you, texting or calling each day he was away from you back at base. He worshipped you, wanting nothing more than to hear you laugh and be near you. The problem was he was getting very amorous. Kissing and cuddling on the sofa was turning into heavy make out sessions, his hands grazing over your curves and teasing just beneath the hem of your top. 

It made you increasingly uncomfortable, your doubts about how he’d react to seeing under your baggy clothes ate at you. Unfortunately, you’d become so used to being put down about your weight, being told you were undeserving of love and affection, that you had never really let your walls down around him. The rot ran deep, right to your core, whispering to you that he wouldn’t stay and this was only a fling for him until he got bored and left for someone more like him.

Finally, things quickly got heated when he pushed you, trying to get you to tell him why you’d shut down and withdrawn from him completely after another failed make out session where you'd retreated to your room and shut the door in his face. He just burst in, demanding to know what the deal was.

“If I let you see me naked you’ll leave!” you blurt out finally, throat tight with the hot threat of tears. Everything seems to stop once you let the words out, and he stands there staring at you with an unreadable expression as you sit on the end of your bed.

“D’ya think I’m that shallow?” he demands into the thick silence, and the pain in his voice cuts like a knife into your heart. “D’ya really think I’d do such a thing? What have I said or done to give you that impression?” He edges closer as he speaks, until he reaches you and then kneels down in front of you.

“No, I don’t think you’re shallow,” you mumble weakly, trying to avoid his eyes but he cups your face in his large, warm hands and forces you to look into his crystal blue gaze. There’s nothing but affection in those eyes, love and concern for you blinding you like the sun.

“You are beautiful, and I want to be with you just as you are, right here and now,” he says softly, but with an edge of steel beneath the silk of his words. “Anyone who says otherwise and fuck off. If I hear them say it, it’ll be the last thing they ever do. You hear me?”

There’s no way to hide from him, and you nod, letting out a sigh of relief that’s quickly muffled by his lips.

“You’re beautiful just the way you are, have been since the moment I first saw you,” he says as his lips trail across your cheek and chin, down to your neck. “I dinnae care what size or shape you are, hen, I love you for who you are. As long as you are happy and safe, I’m the luckiest man alive to be by your side.”

Suddenly, you realise that having spoken your fear out loud it holds less power over you, and your shoulder relax.

“C’mon, get up,” he says gently, and you stand up, letting him position you in front of your floor length mirror. “Tell me what you don’t like,” he instructs you, standing by your shoulder and locking eyes with you in the reflection.

“Well, the rolls around my middle,” you admit weakly, hands fluttering to cover them automatically. With a smile, he takes your hands away and crouches in front of you, lifting the front of your top to reveal the skin beneath. Stretch marks catch the light but before you can react his lips are pressed to them, the soft warmth making your breath stutter.

“Tell me another one,” he groans, peppering more kisses to your stomach while you think.

“My thighs,” you say before you can think about what he has planned. Warm hands caress your thighs through your leggings, and his breath ghosts through the fabric before kisses land. “Fucking hell…” you groan, “do you really think I’m sexy?”

“How can I not, when your this fuckin’ perfect?” he answers between kisses against you hip. It continues like this, you name a part of your body you’ve been taught to hate, and he worships it. Slowly but surely, you allow him to remove your clothing so he can fully show his adoration for every inch of skin, and you feel yourself come alive beneath his affection. The feel of his body against yours spurs on the growing heat between your thighs, and the moment you beg him to go further, he does.

You lose yourself in his loving embrace, letting him make you feel utterly beautiful as he draws wave after wave of pleasure from you. Letting yourself go, throwing alway all of your doubts and fears, it feels totally natural to feel his skin pressed against yours, sweating making your both glisten as you pant and groan. He grinds into you, spearing his cock deep into you, all the time whispering praises and prayers to your dips and curves. Only when you come undone around him does he stop, the snap and pull of his hips filling the quiet until he follows you over the edge.

“Was that okay, love?” he asks hoarsely, panting heavily as he settles you against his side under the covers. “I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“That was amazing,” you breathe in response, heading still swimming slightly. 

“Good, you deserve nothing but praise. You’re mine, and you’re perfect in all your soft, squishy glory.”

You can't help but chuckle at that, especially as his rough palm rubs appreciatively over your soft hip as he says it.

"So you think I'm cute?"

"Aye, that's it," he chuckles back, placing a kiss on your forehead.

#storm cat answers #body shaming IS NEVER OKAY #written by a fat bird #john soap mactavish #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod mw22 #cod mwii #soap mactavish #soap mw2 #call of duty soap #soap cod #fat reader #john soap mactavish x oc #johhny soap mactavish #john soap mactavish fluff #john soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x you #john mactavish #john mactavish x reader #john mactavish smut #john ​soap mactavish #john mactavish x you #johnny mactavish smut #johnny mactavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish x reader #johnny mactavish #soap john mactavish #soap mactavish smut

[sailorblossoms]

Simon "not feeling anything"

“It was fine, it was sex” is one of those lines I keep coming back to because what does that mean. Even removed from context, in a scale of things that are supposed to be mind-blowingly fantastic or, at the very least, actually good, just "fine" will be perceived as negative. If you prepare someone a meal and they say "it was fine, it was food," you're probably going to think they didn't like it. If someone went out to pick a dress for a special occasion, and they go "it was fine, it was a dress" about the dress they picked... if you don't think they fucking hated that dress, you're likely assuming that person doesn't care about dresses at all. Like, dresses do not cause positive emotions at all. Picking a dress feels like nothing, perhaps. Maybe it's even it's even boring as hell.

A big component of that line is that it sounds dismissive, even more so because it comes with a Simon who is trying to change the subject. He would very much rather not talk and think about this at all (his final word on the matter is a dismissal as well – "it doesn't matter" – which comes in the context of highlighting the difference when you actually want it... "this is how it feels like when you're in love and turned on and so I actually want to do it, whatever works between Baz and me, as opposed to that other time when it wasn't like this and it was the opposite"). But there's something else I want to highlight here...

Fine, in the context of negative things, might not necessarily be seen as positive, but as something that you can handle.

In that sense, maybe it was "fine." In a fucked up way, maybe it was something that could be handled because it felt like nothing. (If this is something impossible for you to imagine, I invite you to look up conversations of real people who fall somewhere in the acespectrum sharing things in the vein of "I tried sex to see what all the buzz was about and it felt like literally nothing. Like washing my car: a tedious exercise. Maybe we're wired differently" – it's obviously not literally nothing, you can very much feel if something or someone touches you, but maybe you get the idea of what I'm trying to say.)

Simon has completely convinced himself that not feeling anything is fine – it's part of why his feelings for Baz are so difficult, and not just when it comes to deciphering them... having them at all is difficult. It's so much. The lack of feelings is what he liked about dating Agatha, after all. Having different interpretations is obviously alright, my own interpretations are richer after seeing others point out things that made me see things I didn’t notice (or saying things that sound wrong and interrogating “why does reading this make me feel like I just licked a goddamn lemon”) but sometimes, somethings are just missing the point. The point is that Simon doesn’t have those feelings for Agatha. If he had been attracted to her, he would have experienced certain feelings he would need to negotiate with. But he never had to do that – he's thrown into the reality of his feelings for Baz with no map, no guidelines, no clue of what do with himself at all. His attraction for Baz throws him into uncharted territory, not just in terms of intensity, but in terms of feeling anything of that nature at all. That doesn't fit into Simon's fucked up idea of "fine." Baz notes Simon goes from 0 to 100, without realizing how much that truly applies. (I'm sure I have other posts that are basically: before discovering he loves and wants Baz, Simon's only intense emotion that he's familiar with is anger, and it would be easy to mix up that heat with attraction to Baz, with whom he's constantly picking fights with, seeking his attention...)

Part of the point is that Baz is the first time he’s dealing with what attraction and romantic love truly feel like, and on top of that, is intense as hell. It's The Love. The Attraction of a lifetime – of many lives, even. Of all of them. If Simon ever had such feelings for Agatha, she would never have felt safe. I don't think people truly realize that when they speculate "there must have been the flames of something" between them at some point. If she had awakened those things at such a precarious and controlled part of Simon's life – we can't ignore how much his emotions had an effect on his crazy magic – it would not have been "fine." She wouldn’t have been an armor, for him ("if you’re as beautiful as her" — not only conforming but standing out in terms of beauty standards is a form of “standing out” in "the right way," of being aspiration — you are untouchable — the opposite of being neglected or rejected for someone as him). "She's the type of person a boy like me is supposed to want" wouldn't have been safe by itself if she also made him feel like exploding (his attraction for Baz, when Simon tries to act on it, feels like going off).

For the record, Simon's "fine" is not the good type of fine. It's not the type of "fine" that makes you sigh in relief. This is a guy who could get shot and say "I'm fine" while bleeding out. And that's just the thing. Simon "not feeling” is necessary so he can live according to others like he does, but it’s not that he doesn’t actually feel anything. He's not made of stone. But he represses his actual feelings, even without realizing (sometimes he's not repressed he can't even identify the thing being repressed, it's just hidden away somewhere... until he can) and seeks situations that don’t awaken anything in him. It's what's more comfortable... and you have to keep in mind this is someone who's used to be uncomfortable. Discomfort is familiar. It's "fine." Being in situations he doesn't actually want to be is "fine" because he can't even identify his own wants. It's not even a factor.

But it's not really fine in the good sense of the word. If it was, he wouldn't self-harm through that conversation, for once (using physical pain to distract himself from the internal discomfort – external discomfort feels good in comparison). It's not "fine" to date someone long-term when you don't feel anything (other than friendship, very tellingly) for them. It doesn't "save you" from feelings, it just makes you sad.

Since Simon avoids processing, he lacks vocabulary to describe what’s happening. Not thinking about what he wants also means he doesn’t question what he doesn’t want... and even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, doing unwanted things still has effects, even if you avoid processing them (I'm sure I wrote that post so I'm not going to elaborate here but I''ll say: associating sex with pressure, not pleasure – only food is associated with pleasure before Simon has sex with Baz – is one such effect). “It was just going through the motions” is Penny’s vocabulary. It's something she says to Simon when he's still not ready to process that everything he believes to be just "fine" it's not. The way he's been living up to that point (according to what everyone expects of him, following a map, not ever making choices about anything ever outside of battles and stalking Baz – Simon's only "me time" is about Baz) is not fine. If you make a list of every moment Simon acts genuinely, truly happy on the page? Most of them are about him being close to Baz. Kissing Baz, touching Baz, taking to Baz. Making choices about how to live his life (by itself unfamiliar, and does not feel "fine").

Sex with Baz is not fine. And it's not just because it's better than fine on a scale of "was it good?" (even acknowledging something like "I had sex and it wasn't good" it's feeling something – negative feelings are also not fine if the full force of them are processed, they're only fine if they can be pushed aside and repressed). It's not fine because it makes Simon feel so much, and after being so used to nothingness, it's a complete shock to his system. It's going from 0 to 100. It's bigger than magic – even the one he had (and back then, releasing his magic was the only type of release he knew... it's no wonder that another type of release would be so difficult, after all, the only type of release he's used to is destructive... but that's another post, too)

#simon snow #baz pitch #simon snow trilogy #snowbaz #baz grimm pitch #baz x simon #carry on #wayward son #awtwb

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

I'd like to know your opinion on why ts songs are considered so good lyrically by her fans. That one line in cardigan is hailed as the peak writing skill by them. The one that says you drew stars around my scars. Am I missing something or are they just gaslighting me?

Hello- sorry it took me sooooo long to get back to you :) I am a busy little bee these days- but I love chatting with people too! <3

So, the line “you drew stars around my scars / but now I’m bleeding” is perhaps good writing, when we only compare Taylor Swift to her own work. It’s certainly a change from “the players gonna play, play, play,” but it is not somehow a gift to lyricism. I know that swifties tend to use lines like these to say that “look see, she is a talented writer” when the truth is that it’s just a boring metaphor that essentially goes nowhere in the song.  

Yeah- They are literally gaslighting you. It’s an alright line- but it’s not genius. The reason swifties think this line is amazing is because of the alliteration between "scars" and "stars." Apparently one alliteration is enough to make someone into literary genius? Just one repetitive sound- and they think she’s pulling off something amazing.

Compare this line to a full narrative arc in an alliterative verse epic poem from early Germanic Literature- and Swift's writing is basically loose change on the dashboard compared to gold bar- lyricism.  

So, her line "you drew stars around my scars / but now I'm bleeding" is mostly incoherent. She's honestly saying word salad in most of her songs- with vague rhymes at the end of each phrase- but I digress.  

I think you're keying into a thoughtful observation here. Putting aside my comment on its general incoherence, let me first speak to the fact that this line is an attempt at metaphor.  

She is saying "you drew stars" in effort to merge the conceptual point of "drawing stars" to someone reaching out- or creating interpersonal connection. She continues "around my scars" to showcase how this new connection sees her past, the “scars,” and is encapsulating it with a drawn star instead of, for instance, marking it out with a black mark or something. The connotative value of the word star, in this case, calls forward the idea of goodness and since it is tied to her connotative value of "scars" as a past hurt- the line ultimately means that some new interpersonal connection is viewing her past and approving of it rather than hating it.  It's meant to ring as a redemptive arc- yet nothing in the song actually needs redemption or ever mentions it again. The theme drops immediately after the line finishes.

The line finishes, "but now I'm bleeding" which is meant to mean that the scar is reopened- because the connection she made is no longer interested in her. This analysis, however, requires many leaps in logic. I cannot point to any specific linguistic markers that would denote the connection between "scar" and "bleeding." Though Swift clearly means to interconnect these two points, scars don’t bleed. So, she’s trying to say that the scar has reopened- perhaps because the person who drew the stars is leaving. However, there is nothing in the language itself that suggests this conclusion; rather she relies on audience reception to jump from point "a" to point "b." She never calls it a wound, she mentions "bloodstain" is a later line- but the connection between all the different phrasing is tenuous at best. I mean that there is no storyline within the line itself that is suggestive of the meaning Swift is attempting to lay out.  

Beyond this line- nothing in the whole song ever revisits the thematic purpose of the metaphor. She never mentions stars, or scars, and does not revisit the theme of redemptive love. She barely even lays out the idea of redemption in love in the first place- and further drops the imagery by never going back to the same theme again. She conjures up this image just to drop it immediately.

This is a pattern in her work- she writes one thing, and then drops the idea. 

I mean it sounds clever- without actually being clever.  

#anti taylor swift #taylor swift criticism #literary criticism #taylor swift critical #ex swiftie #metaphor #cardigan

[crazy-fangirl2524]

there’s something so inherently wrong with me when i tick to include major character death in the warning for ao3

#my coping mechanism is literally reading the angsty fics #but I still could never ever actively look for fics where Neil dies first because I can’t bear to read andrew suffering so I just read fics #where andrew dies first LMAO #I know people mostly prefer to read fluff to make themselves feel better and that has never been me LMAO #maybe my life is too good yk that’s why I need some angst #or maybe my life is so boring I need angst #or it’s a secret third thing #where my life is so bad nothing can be worse than major character death :) #just kidding I’m just bored and I need angst in my life because that’s what I’m used to and I don’t have it irl so I search for it in fics #just kidding my life is just boring and I’m a masochist #ao3 #archive of our own #ao3 stuff #fanfiction #fanfic #fics

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Just had the idea of doing a Roxy askblog that's based on it being a secret blog she's not allowed to have and every so often if someone asks her something she just says stuff like "To the Fazspy reading this, I'm not the real Roxy." to try and throw the staff off her trail lmao

Will probably never make a blog like that, but it could be kinda funny. Maybe I bring the idea of an 'ask Roxy anything' game back where I draw the answers for it instead so it's not a whole ass blog dedicated to Roxy being a sneaky lil shit on the internet

#there's several reasons I probably won't do it but it's a fun spin on stuff #roxy exploring the closed off parts of the plex in first person lmao #taking pictures like 'look see? its right there!' and she's pointing at literally nothing because the camera doesn't see what her eyes see #could be funny! #but doing things is... I would say it's improving but not really #it's improving in a maybe it is maybe it isn't sort of way so who knows if I'll ever get to do it anyway #ANYWAY yeah I'll probs not do this. literally no one would interact with it #the people are bored of my plex history stuff anyway so like... yeah it's cool I know when something won't work #an askblog only works if it gets asks and uh yeah the amount of askblogs I've seen die off within a week here because of that is crazy #no thank you to that I think! #I'm not putting the effort into something like that just to have it die so fast #hi if you read this far go find an askblog and pester the shit out of them it's fun #I haven't seen any around for a while but I also can't view half of tumblr on my phone #so it's really fucking hard to see them even if I follow them :( #but yeah if there's any sb askblogs out there or anyone that wants to have a go at it tag me in a post. #I WILL show up to be silly in your inbox though I may not always remember the plot if there is one #again. I can't see half of tumblr on mobile and that includes blogs but I'll do my best man #askblogs are fun! they're goofy and chaotic! #highly recommend!! I haven't ran one in years but they were very fun!! #ANYWAY Roxy just making posts like 'Jerry. Sandy. I know what you two keep doing in the Gator Golf caravan. :)' #just name dropping random plex guests to be like 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' for shits and giggles #'who are they?' 'oh just two morons that dont know I know Everything Ever. Don't worry about it.' #ya know?? fun! goofy shit! could be funny! #random pictures from inside the plex like 'lmao they think I cant see them' and its just a fucking wall like yeah I wonder why #maybe it's the fucking wall in the way who knows? it's a mystery sdfdsf #pop rox talks

[todayisafridaynight]

thinking about vampiric arakawas again just so i can make a 'blood-sucking politician' joke

#snap chats #have i ever posted my vampire arakawa musings. i think i did long ago in a distant land. or at least for halloween vjaERLVKJ #anyway i was having my evening stroll with my dog and thinking about how much i love dark-renaissance age stories and whatever #which is a weird way to lead into vampires since At Least Dracula vampire stories dont start until the victorian - progressive era #though i guess you can do whatever you want with mythical creatures and its not as if vampiric stories cant start during the 1400s either #theyre immortal and Not Real (i hope) so anythings possible theres no need to be super restrictive #i am. literally not getting to the point Point Is it could be funny ..... #thats why they cna be really good assassins like just eat your targets tf <- vampires dont eat people #but then of course i have to wonder the implications ... oh ive definitely made this post but im still curious #fuuuck man i wanted to make my joke but i just realized how do i even get to that joke cause i dont think masato would be a vampire #dhampir as i definitely said way back then IF THAT. what were the circumstances wait shut up why are there police next door #bro im too nosy this post is interrupted hang on #not nosy enough to keep watching im bored its probably nothing anyawy. cause i think sawashiro and ikumi woudlve been human #like during the uhhh idk dark ages and maybe arakawa turns sawashiro into a vampire later on but what of masato ..... #idk im not gonna think too hard about it. right now just take my blood-sucking politician joke idea we'll figure it out later #stopppp i was wondering about vampires in japanese pop culture but then i rmemebered mandurugo WHICH. are filipino but STILL FOUL #im everywhere im ending the post now bye #wait i have to end this post cause why tf did my bestie send me a tweet being like 'look forward to the future of chao' #since shadow x sonic generations is coming soon LIKE DONT PLAY WITH ME AVBOUT CHAO I DONT PLAY ABOUT THEM FUCKERS #ok im ending the post now for real bye im gonna throw up

[eggmeralda]

I wish there was a way you could put like. every song in the world on shuffle

#spotify playlists made for you are not enough #bc they're based on music i already like and i don't Wanna Hear Music I Already Like #god i need a hyperfixation that is Stable and also New (not a revival of one I've had since I was 16) #bc they introduce me to music i wouldn't have even thought of ever going near #not to compare everything to the highs of my tflu obsession but like? #that introduced me to So Much Music (some related. some not) #i probably listened to more genres in 2022 than i have ever listened to in my life #but idk. i could just listen to some random genre i have no interest in but what would be the point? #there needs to be a sort of 'hilda would've liked this in the 40s' 'this reminds me of swagtre' 'this is literally the plot of nddp' etc #sort of connection #but all i have right now is the endless cycling continuation of the south park obsession i had in 2016. which makes it very easy to just #listened to the music i listened to back then #also it's like. I've seen everything in that fandom there's nothing new i can really get out of it? #it's more just a mix of nostalgia and it's like. easy to get into bc idk. a lot of characters and storylines so you don't get bored in one #place for so long. almost the perfect obsession if it wasn't literally South Park #but surely i can just type in a character's name on spotify and find new music that way? #hahaha No #bc every single sp playlist I've looked through only seems to use like the same 10 songs. and i don't really like any of them #also 'he would not fucking say that' except it's 'he would not fucking listen to that' #most of the time. idk #i need new Vibes that's the problem #there's always a new vibe going on at all times but it seems to have stopped around the start of this year #maybe i just need a job. once i have a job there'll be a location i go to regularly. and I'll have to travel there in some way. and that #will be a new experience. and there'll be new vibes #I'll probably stumble across a new hyperfixation in the process. and then find new music from it #but for now everything is so stagnant and all i really listen to is 80s/90s indie pop and then just music i've listened to since I was 14 #i can't even ask for recommendations bc even if i like a song it has nothing to stick to in my brain #i'll be like ''this is a cool song i like it'' and listen to it on repeat and then go off it like a day later #oh fuck tag limit #ramble

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!! #or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head? #This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch. #No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings. #bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!! #and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck. #Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he? #was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board. #Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself?? #'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person?? #Are you just living in some other reality??? #callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

[gamingofkenna]

Oxenfree 2 spoilers, re the 'final choice'

I played the whole game in a solid 7 hour chunk yesterday and I'm still trying to decide how I feel about it, and I'll have to do another playthrough when I can, because there's so much of the way the characters are that seems based on your choices so I wanna see what happens when I make other choices

but I'm seeing that a lot of people let Olivia go through the portal at the end, and that everyone who didn't is saying those who did are monsters for letting this grief-stricken teenager kill herself

and. i don't think there is a 'right' choice at the end there in most circumstances. but i did let Olivia take the radio, because as awful as it felt I just kept thinking that I couldn't do that to Rex

especially since we just had a ghost moment of Rex telling Riley she has to keep fighting, even though she's going to keep failing? to follow that up with 'or you can just kill yourself now to save these kids'? like it is a horrible thing to do to Olivia but it's a horrible thing to do to Rex too?

honestly, based on my playthrough, the 'right' thing seems to be Jacob going through the portal. few players forced him to because apparently the only way for him to do it is if you force him - I didn't even let him come on the island with me. I saw the prompt that I could stop him and immediately knew that if I didn't he would die. Riley kept seeing visions of her future but Jacob never did. Jacob kept talking to me about how he feels he never did anything important in life, how he likes just chilling in his hometown, how he doesn't have any grand ambition but also wants to do something important and meaningful

when that prompt popped up I thought 'if I go to that island I'm getting sucked into this loop too and I'm not coming back; Jacob doesn't deserve that' and I made him stay. I'm curious now if there's a specific dialogue tree that leads to Jacob deciding, at the end, that him going through that portal and saving everyone by doing what he's always been doing is his way of being a hero. but that wasn't the option i'd been given. instead I had two suicidal people, who both had their whole lives in front of them

#oxenfree #oxenfree lost signals #ultimately i think where I'm at now is... the ending kind of felt. forced? in a way that didn't feel entirely believable? #like oh we can just save everyone now except for whoever goes through the portal to sacrifice themself? #how does that make sense honestly? isn't that basically what alex was trying to do in game 1? #like they were just trying to find some way for there to be an impossible decision for the player at the end #even though the how and why of that impossible decision didn't strictly line up #but i only found like half of the letters and im sure theres a ton more lore stuff to uncover #the weird cult stuff also didn't make any sense to me during play?? #i was LAUGHING when we went into the community center and jake was like 'wait this is just... boring astrology stuff??' #like YEAH BUD! thats what ive been saying this whole game!! #every time you or anyone else has been like ooh creepy cult stuff this whole time ive been 'like WHAT' #theres NOTHING to this 'cult' they're KIDS playing with an aesthetic! thats literally it my guy!! #like im still not sure if we were supposed to ever be creeped out by the kids at any point during the game #or if the POINT was 'oh they sound weird but they're just stupid kids' #it does seem very much that thats the theme of the game tho lol #'this sounds big and important and scary but its just idiot kids who dont know what theyre doing puffing their chests'

[persefoneshalott]

rewatching treasure island in outer space after watching some really bad theatre versions and it's still SO good every time I see the scenery or the sets or the fashion I feel so much joy and the actors are good as well. So underrated <333

#treasure island #treasure island in outer space #IT HAS EVERYTHING: cool sets (it's IN FUTURE ITALY AND IN SPACE) #cool fashion (think star trek ) #good plot faithful to the book!!! a likable non boring jim!!! #a good charming silver!!! #the coolest black dog to ever exist #the coolest and cuntiest Hands to ever exist #and the actors are good!! #literally the only 'flaw' it has is that it doesn't indulge me in changing some canon stuff to make me happy like treasure planet does #that's it #related but every time a play version is described as a 'morality' play or as 'jim choosing to be good' I know it's going to be awful and #boring #also every time they make smallot a likable hero who acts as Jim's father figure. and then when they try to make the rich guy look good tha #'s when you know they understood nothing of the book

[poorlittlevampire]

ohhhhh the new argenti trailer. nevermind. i MUST have her

#i do not care abt meta at all i only use characters i like so it means nothing to me that her kit apparently sucks lol #also everyone says erudition is the weakest path but its by far my favorite so again idc abt that im pulling argenti #honestly i dont really see the point of following meta for a completely single player game without a single leaderboard for anything #like it literally means nothing if u can do the most possible damage in the game #and black swan's design is not nearly as pretty as i hoped which is why i dont really care if i dont end up getting her lol #it sucks so bad tho bc i look at leaks and aside from her... i dont care or want any upcoming characters LOL #most of them look very boring to me #genshin has that problem now too for me #the designs are just so mehhhhh #anyways thats fine tho bc i can just pull for argenti and then go back into saving for when an eventual character i like does come around #surely i wont hate EVERY design. surely #also im sorry but shes a girl no one will ever be able to make me use he/him for argenti #that is my new girlprince idc idc #ruan mei is very pretty and i like her music theme a lot but i dont care about harmony characters bc i dont like using them. so #also i have too many support characters so i do not need or want more #hanya i think is technically support tecccchhhhnicaaally but i love her so i dont care #sorry guys dont play star rail look at what it does to the human mind... this is sick this is sad

[salsflore]

going to sleep soon ～ let me get some things off my chest here.... my eyes are super itchy again (fell into the trap of snuggling my cat even when i swore i wouldn't do it again)

#cw vent #this is bc i have a math exam tmrw I’M SORRYYY i feel some kind of way about that #this is the first exam where i am near confident i will fail. and its just kinda sucky #my mental maths is really poor and due to the fact i skipped grades (unable to afford Education) i don’t know a lot of things my peers know #my results as they are right now? theyre genuinely ok. not bad. but theres still gaps made by the years of missing out on school #this is one of them #its so embarrassing having my classmate look at me weirdly when i ask her about something that should totally be obvious or #something silly like that. i don’t know. its especially hard for me to be interested in maths because my old maths teacher has #literally fucked me up i’m so intimidated by every math teacher ever and i just hate the feeling of being stupid or whatever #i don’t enjoy being comforted by A+ students bc theyre like cmonn its totally fine!! i relate i got a 39/40 :( #or my friends who make jokes about how stupid i am and its just aghhh #its already been almost a year since ive enrolled in school again but i still feel so out of place #so miserable i could just die #so miserable i think i SHOULD die #and i'm just nervous about getting an absolute 0. failing my first test made me want to literally kill myself #sorry for being dramatic but when you have a sister whos awards and certificates fill your house shelf its kind of like........ #aghhhh!!!! maybe i should just accept that i'm good for nothing at all!!!!!! #not that great with numbers or formulas. probably not that great at writing either. nor am i as eloquent as i'd like to be ～ #not artistically inclined. science is a bore. not ~ naturally ~ adept with neither languages nor history! psychology! economics! sports! #forgive me for not being able to do anything good at all ... zzz

[skysurfing]

what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten

ok so as someone from inland country, very important, squid. living in a country that has very mild kitchen that one night in portugal left such impression on me im never eating anything new unless someone does it w me

#sea food is just Weird to me in general #and this is like the most boring answer ever but #i literally fixate on one italian food for two weeks and nothing else you have to understand #my coworker is making bug cake for her son #which is also absolutely unthinkable for me bc i hate bugs in general #anw i hate food exploration #gimme svickova anyday n im all good #sky talk

[tgirljoker]

arven is the best of the trio in pokescarvio like penny and nemona barely even classify as characters

#not to be a hater and i dont actually care about this but what do you guys see in them #convinced the developers tried to make characters exclusively and solely based on the words shy and competitive respectively #at least arven actually has some substance that makes him more interesting than some of the literal most boring pokemon characters ever made #again. not hating i am just genuinely perplexed as to how anyone looks at them and sees more than just a single character trait ramped up #nemona is insufferable and her whole ‘’ i have to hold back against everyone i fight!’’ thing really isnt as interesting as people make it #out to be considering how easy the game is #and penny is just. nothing #im sorry but team star is literally the worst team weve ever had and im not even joking one bit #i dont know how anyone could enjoy her character given how repetitive her interactions were #AND how predictable the cassiopeia reveal was #like there was not a soul on this planet who wasnt expecting her to be both the big boss and cassiopeia #i realized ive typed an entire essay in the tags but genuinely if you like either of these characters PLEASE tell me why i dont get it 😭 #pokemon #sorry to put this in the main tag i should probably make my own for it

[wachi-delectrico]

Me, the three weeks I was home alone: Wow I'm eating on a much better schedule with a greater variety of meals and feel physically and mentally great, I haven't binged in forever and I'm able to hold back when I feel the urge to - why don't I do this when my family is around?

My family: *buys too much red meat, which I don't like much* *doesn't buy many vegetables and when they do they run out super quickly* *buys too much frozen and sugary food, which I don't like* *either nobody washes the dishes or they do but they keep stacking clean dishes on the countertop instead of putting them away, making the kitchen look super cluttered and hard to navigate* *they're downstairs all the time working and talking and yelling and doing a lot of noise and moving all over*

Me, starting to skip meals again due to the stress and lack of foods I enjoy: Ah,

#rambling #ed cw #I hadn't realised how much my eating issues were related to stress til this #Like of course I'm gonna binge to hell if i feel like the kitchen is an Overstimulation Battle Zone - #by the time Im too hungry to not do something about it I feel rushed to eat literally anything at all and end up eating whatever i can grab #Which is all stuff i don't like!! Or at least stuff I don't like eating all the time!! #Like cookies/crackers/bread/any open bag of snacks; frozen food if i have enough patience for it #I wish i could drive so i could go buy veggies on my own and bring the good stuff but alas: narcolepsy and driving aren't friends #It also just demotivates me to eat or cook in general cos I'm like ''well why am i gonna do that when there's nothing good ever'' #Hnnnnnng i really wish i could move outtttt #Also yea not a big fan of red meat #Honestly i don't usually feel the drive to eat meats unless they're seafood and sometimes chicken #Red meat is just like. So boring to me. So greasy and bulky and laborious and bland #I love food... I love eating... But family life makes that so hard for me... #Rn I'm eating frosted flakes which i didn't wanna do cos i don't like eating so much sugar it just makws my body feel bad

[mbat]

when you hear someone say "this comic ruined my life and made me unable to accept my identity!" and you think itll be something like

but in reality its fucking this

#everyone ever saw boyfriends and said THIS COMIC IS THE WORST THING EVER I HATE IT SO MUCH #meanwhile the comic is literally the most tame boring thing ever and is LITERALLY JUST LIKE EVERY SINGLE OTHER #FLUFFY BOYS LOVE ON FUCKING WEBTOON #at the very least i cant blame anyone for hating the webtoon ads or the way that webtoon is obsessed with this comic #but the comic itself? its NOTHING. NOTHING HAPPENS. ITS LIKE 100 PAGES OF 0 THINGS HAPPENING #my post #ignore me #// transphobia #// stonetoss #sorry for using a shitlord nazis comic but like... thats literally what it sounds like when people talk about boyfriends #they sound like theyre talking about the type of shit a guy like pebblefuck would make #this isnt even coming from nowhere i literally used to read and like the boyfriends comic! it was cute! it was fine! whatever! #i stopped reading it because fluff comics get so fucking boring after a while! because nothing! fucking! happens! #the maturity tag is literally because of the transphobic imagery. sadly tumblr doesnt have image censors like discord #i know its not my place to tell someone about their own experience but ive literally had people tell me that the boyfriends comic made them #unable to accept their own queer identity and im like ??? how??? what happens in it??? that caused that??? #ive heard people say its fetishistic but that was mostly terfs who were being transphobic against the creator #transphobia #i know this is a weirdly mean spirited post for me to make but like. whatever #transmisogny tw #transmisogny #<- at the very least im trying to tag so people can choose not to see the top image ajfjs