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nikkoliferous · 5 years

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Ragnarok Makes No Damn Sense (Part 1)

Having now laid out who Loki has always been and why there was an open agenda to demean and debase him, we come to why Thor: Ragnarok is antithetical to his character. Buckle your damn seatbelt. We've got a lot to unpack.

Off the bat, we're supposed to be appalled/annoyed/something that Loki has usurped the throne from Odin. Yet when last we left our heroes, Thor had abdicated his role as King of Asgard, knowing full well that Odin's health was failing, he was emotionally unfit to rule, and there was no other heir to fill his role. Oops! And for all that we're meant to believe in Loki's selfish ambitions for a throne, let us not forget that Loki-as-Odin at the end of The Dark World offered Thor this kingship. It was Thor who refused. What was it he said at the time? Oh, yes.

"For all his grave imbalance, Loki understood rule as I know I never will."

Now Ragnarok wants us to forget all that. It doesn't suit the narrative Taika Waititi wishes to spin. He wants us to believe that Loki is a terrible, lazy ruler who cares only about glorifying himself. But wait, is Loki a terrible ruler? The Hero™ tells us he is, so it must be so. And yet all we really know of Loki's reign is that he had a non-interventionist foreign policy, improved public infrastructure, and supported the arts. Wow, yeah, what a dick.

We will soon go on to meet Doctor Strange, a character who in comparison to Loki is a novice at magic yet somehow repeatedly manages to get the drop on the trickster. This is necessary in order to minimize Loki's power and competence in the eyes of the viewer. Let me also explain why the "I have been falling for 30 minutes" scene is not charming.

Does anyone think perhaps Loki may have a touch of PTSD related to the sensation of falling? No? Then perhaps we should instead analyze the deleted scene in which Loki is locked in a portapotty while men repeatedly urinate on him until Thor arrives to let him out. The fact that this was an idea someone had to begin with is gross. The fact that they came close enough to using it that it was actually filmed is downright shameful. Every single person at Marvel involved in approving this trash should commit seppuku in penance.

Ignoring the sexual assault implications here... I mean, this is literally toilet humour. Literally. What are we, five years old? Who the hell actually finds this funny?

"I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from other realms that may be a threat to this world." - Doctor Strange, Thor: Ragnarok

So how did you miss the huge, purple nutsack wreaking havoc across the cosmos? I mean, no offense. I'm just saying.

Now we have the culmination of Odin's A+ parenting. He's at the end of his life just because he feels like it, I guess, so now it's time to pretend he gives a damn about Loki for a few seconds again. One "I love you" without even looking at him is supposed to make a millennium of emotional abuse and neglect all better or something. Even in his death, Odin can't seem to stop screwing with Loki's mind. What a charming man, I'll sure miss him.

Oh, but before he's on his way, he has a teensy weensy confession to make. Remember when he lied to you about your entire existence, Loki? LOL! He lied to Thor about being the firstborn too! And now the evil sister neither of you knew you had is coming to destroy everything and he's given you no time to plan how to stop her! Don't you feel much better now?

It's been about five minutes since we were reminded that Loki is a coward and an idiot or something, so contrary to Tom Hiddleston's own words that

"The thing with Loki is that, if he’s afraid, he won’t show it. He’s been highly trained, through the experience of his slightly traumatic life, to shield his fears."

it became necessary for Loki to immediately panic and lead Hela straight to the one place he knows she'll be most powerful. Whoops!

The Warriors 3 are quickly dispatched by Hela because it's important we remember that the first two Thor movies were trash and nothing that ever happened in them has any meaning. By the way, Heimdall is Thor's new BFF now and Thor will never mention his former friends ever again. Ever. Like, even in passing. Like they never existed. Those people who committed literal treason for him both before and after he was banished in Thor (2011). And then again in The Dark World. Those friends.

Meanwhile, Thor and Loki have both landed on a planet called Sakaar. It's a giant trash heap and that about sums up how I feel about this whole damn movie, so credit to TW for the symbolism, I suppose. Here's possibly the most cringeworthy moment in the whole debacle—and that's a very high bar. Or low, I guess, depending on how you look at life.

He's a Norse god... screaming, "oh my god!" I don't have enough hands for all the facepalming I feel like doing right now.

Anyhow, Loki and Thor have arrived on Sakaar separately and Thor has just noticed Loki sitting across the room, casually joking about his own suicide attempt. Because there's nothing funnier than suicide, amirite?! Especially when you still haven't sorted through any of the complex issues that led you to become suicidal to begin with. Who cares? We're just here for the lulz, yeah?

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Korg, I'm the director's annoying self-insert, and I'll be pissing on every poignant moment from here on out because reflection is for nerds. You just need to smile more."

Hey, remember that time in The Dark World where Loki was stuck in solitary confinement for a year and Thor didn't come to visit him even once? Now Thor is the one locked up and Loki has come to visit him almost immediately. To offer his help. To try to relate. Maybe mourn the loss of... everything together. But Thor's not interested in relating. He's interested in scapegoating Loki, because that's what this family does.

"What would you like me to say? You faked your own death, you stole the throne, stripped Odin of his power, stranded him on Earth to die, releasing the Goddess of Death.” - Thor, Thor: Ragnarok

To borrow a phrase from the late Luke Skywalker, "Amazing. Every word of what you just said is wrong."

► Loki has never faked his death. What he did is fail to die on Svartalfheim, through no fault of his own. It seems a little insane I have to defend Loki's right to not die, but here we are, I guess.

"We planned to have Loki have a redemptive death[...]We think he's wounded, but it wasn't a death blow." - Kevin Feige, The Dark World DVD extras

"Loki probably in his heart wants to be worthy, and the way he achieves his redemption—his salvation—is to ultimately sacrifice himself, for Thor and for Jane. I hope it’s a very cathartic and moving moment, by saving his brother’s life and avenging his mother’s death." - Tom Hiddleston, The Dark World DVD extras

The worst that can be said of Loki's "betrayal" of Thor at the end of The Dark World is that he failed to inform him that he had survived. And Loki had very good reasons to do so. What had Thor offered him in exchange for his help with the Dark Elves? He would return him to his cell to live out the rest of his days in complete isolation—a fate that I will just reiterate is classified as a form of psychological torture.

► Loki didn't steal the throne. As mentioned above, he offered Thor the throne. Thor said no.

► There is zero evidence beyond Thor's own assumptions that Loki stripped Odin of his powers. We are meant to believe this only because we are told that it is so. On the contrary: "It took me some time to break free of your spell," Odin tells Loki before his death. But if Odin had been stripped of his power, how then did he eventually break free? Upon examination, Thor's logic fails.

► Loki did not "strand Odin on Earth to die". He left him in a freaking retirement home where he had every expectation that Odin would be well-cared for. An argument can certainly be made that after everything Odin has done to Loki in the past, Loki was downright merciful not to kill the old man in his sleep and be done with it.

► Loki had no way of even knowing Hela existed. How is her release his fault and not, say, Odin's for dealing with all his problem children by tossing them out and throwing away the key? Or for not preparing his sons for the day they would be forced to face her?

Oh well. Now it's time for Loki Is A Coward™, Part Deux, because as I may have mentioned previously:

"The thing with Loki is that, if he’s afraid, he won’t show it. He’s been highly trained, through the experience of his slightly traumatic life, to shield his fears." - Tom Hiddleston

MINOR ENDGAME SPOILER:

Reminder also that this was Loki's reaction to the Hulk in Endgame, only minutes after being beaten to a pulp by him

Doesn't seem particularly frightened, but what do I know?

Hey, remember back in Thor (2011) when this happened? If the Valkyrie were already legend, why did Sif need to prove herself as a female warrior?

Shhh. You were supposed to forget about that minor detail. Now back to the butt jokes.

Now let’s take a short intermission, shall we? Because this movie blows so hard that if I put all my criticisms in one post, it’ll probably break Tumblr.

↩️ back to the compendium

#the big damn ragnarok sucks compendium #ragnarok cinematic universe #taika waititi is a piece of shit ask me how #loki #thor #odin's a+ parenting #loki meta #thor meta #not my thor #mcu

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joesbbqandfootmassage · 5 years

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We need to talk about Jane and Carlos…

So if someone had to ask me what one of the most underrated things in the world was, I would definitely say dcoms. (Disney Channel Original Movies)

They’re cheesy and dumb and not a single one lacks their flaws.

But they are still just so fun to watch and you just get a whole new experience from watching dcoms than you do any other movie.

Now among all those dcoms is a sub genre of musicals, being made popular by the one and only High School Musical trilogy. But we also have the Cheetah Girls, Teen Beach Movie, ZOMBIES, and the Descendants.

Now while all of those movie series are amazing in their own right, I’m gonna zero in on Descendants.

Kenny Ortega’s big return to Disney Channel and oh my gosh was it hyped up.

You couldn’t go two minutes watching Suite Life on Deck reruns without having this shoved in your face.

And you’d be dang right if you thought I was excited to see it. The children of iconic Disney characters all in one shared universe? Sign me the heck up!

Of course we got rid of cable before it came out and it would be maybe two years later until i finally considered watching it with my sister.

Needless to say our reaction could be boiled down to, “Oh. Oh no.”

Love it or hate it, as a movie lover I can say that D1 is a fundamentally broken movie on every level.

Nothing is developed enough and it relies way too heavily on you loving Mal as a character. Spoiler alert, I don’t.

But regardless of that, D1 also introduced me to a guy named Carlos De Vil.

Now i will never be able to comprehend WHY on Earth, puppy-skinning, vampire bat, inhumane beast, Cruella De Vil would EVER do the do with anyone and then still keep the baby after not killing it during pregnancy.

But she did and there he was.

Canonically physically and mentally abused by his mother to such a degree that he wakes up at night screaming.

Something Disney had never really had the guts to do before.

And immediately he charmed the heck out of me because regardless of how awful he had it on the Isle, it didn’t take a genius to see that he was a genuinely a good person at heart.

He was so clearly different and that was shown through maybe a culmination of like five minutes of screen time and Cameron’s incredible acting abilities.

And he deserved so much more in those movies than what was given to him but I won’t complain.

Because we still need to talk about another sweetheart.

Jane gets even less development than Carlos which is to be expected since she isn’t a main character, but you can still figure out and understand her if you read between the lines.

In D1 you not only get the fact that she likes to hide in her own little bubble, but she’s also incredibly insecure. So much so that Mal is quickly able to see it and take advantage of it.

Spending her whole life having to repeat that it’s not the outside that matters, it’s the inside, even though she doesn’t completely believe.

And then someone comes forward and basically validates her in her belief that she isn’t pretty, but she could be if she stopped focusing on the inside.

That’s what leads to her downward spiral throughout the movie as she lets her newfound “beauty” (seriously bobbed hair is cute and Disney needs to calm down) go to her head and she turns on Mal and the rest of the VKs.

Now while I find Mal to be completely irrational, her reversing Jane’s spell makes sense.

It’s Jane’s actions that follow.

Her, so desperate to be beautiful (literally she is so gorgeous how?) deciding to steal her mother’s wand isn’t paced very well and doesn’t make a lot of sense in the plot. But they just wanted to avoid Mal being the cause of the barrier being brought down so her redemption would be easier.

A classic Kylo Ren of avoiding direct contact and having it all be indirect so they can easily be forgiven later.

Now by all means after her actions that day, I’m surprised Jane herself isn’t sent to jail.

But I guess in D3 they show that they have an AK bias so whatever.

Now the important thing about this is that Carlos is there for all of Jane’s worst moments.

The moments where she is not at her best emotionally and it’s manifesting in bad ways. He knows that Mal had planned to use her to get to the wand in the first place before dumping her when that wasn’t going anywhere.

He knows that’s she’s afraid of them by the way she reacts to them in her first scene in Goodness Class.

He knows all of that.

And he still drags her onto a dance floor, refusing to let her be alone.

You could argue that Jay was there too, but her immediately ditched to jump on the Audrey train so…

This small moment, Carlos’ selfless act of kindness, plants a seed that most people laughed at or rolled their eyes - but all the same it was there.

And that little seed began to grow until two years later (six months in the actual movies) we get a beautiful Janelos flower.

Now D2 Janelos is some quality stuff and never have I seen so many people hate a ship that hasn’t done anything wrong.

And I think it’s fitting that Carlos’ arc for D2 is all centered around Jane.

In the first movie, he conquered his fear of dogs.

Now in this movie, he conquers his fear of being rejected by her.

Now if you’re an over analyzer by nature and a Carlos stan by choice, you tend to pick up on subtleties that Disney doesn’t have the guts to cover. Most notably, Carlos being touch/affection starved

You can see it in the ways his mother doesn’t show him love outside of threats and total, emotional reliance. In the way the VKs don’t particularly reciprocate his touches unless absolutely necessary. Or unless you’re Jay and you need to pull and alpha male moment and start wrastling.

And you can definitely see it in the way he thrives off of contact with Dude, and later, Jane.

Now somehow you people don’t think it is absolutely incredible that Carlos De Vil, physically and emotionally abused since birth, grew up on the Isle where love and dating were not a common place thing, fell in love.

And with the girl that was afraid of him in the first movie.

And omg I could talk about Carlos “Heart Eyes” De Vil forever and ever. Amen.

But instead I’m gonna talk about the three most major Janelos scenes in the film.

First one is gonna be the truth gummy scene.

First of all, Carlos’ puppy dog eyes when he’s thinking about Jane restore my life to the full one million years I am supposed to live.

People you are not allowed to overlook what Carlos was going to do in this short and beautiful scene.

Because he’s never really lived a life where he can speak his mind and share his feelings, the whole movie he’s struggling to even figure out how he can open up to Jane.

Not change his personality to get her attention.

Not making a love potion that’ll force her to love him.

No, he decides that the only way to approach it is honesty - by that I mean he agrees to sacrifice lying for the rest of his mortal life. And Mal gives him plenty of reasons to back out, most of them being about her but still, and he simply replies, “I’ll take my chances.”

Ugh.

The world did not do anything good enough to earn Carlos De Vil.

But the thing is, the truth gummy is his only hope to help him spit out how he feels about Jane. Because whenever he’s in her presence all he can do is freeze up and stutter. Simply due to the fact that when he’s faced with the chance, Carlos has no clue how to describe what he feels and what he wants.

But he knows that his heart does.

It’s in there somewhere and dang he’s gonna get it out because he cares about her so much and just wants to TELL her how he feels when he looks at her.

Of course then Dude eats it and all those years Carlos’ heart eyes had given me instantly went away again.

And then the whole Janelos plot line takes a bit of a nap until the third act of the movie when Carlos decides that Mal alienating herself from the Core Four ain’t helping her mental health and their friendship.

That’s when he drops the absolute BARS of knowledge, “Then don’t.”

He tells her that she never should change herself just to make someone else happy, you’ll never know if they really love you that way.

And I just wanna take a moment to wonder where Carlos got all these strong good person energies, because being raised on an Isle where love and dating aren’t even concepts should show in all the VKs.

Yet in D2 and D3 we can see that Carlos and Evie both seem to approach love with an impressive maturity that I can’t even fathom how they figured it out.

His advice is a comfort to Mal as well as Jay’s protective big brother move, and then we get to see the way his own advice affects him.

His Lovecraftian horror paraphrases what he said in the earlier conversation, “If she doesn’t love you for who you are than she isn’t the one.”

But this applies differently than in the Ben/Mal situation.

Carlos doesn’t try to change who he is or how he acts (unless you count the sacrificing lying thing but that wasn’t really used to earn her love so) but he gets the general idea.

And so, Carlos offers himself to her.

Just him, and a date and his love because that’s all he has to give her.

And she can either say yes and accept him and he can finally begin to understand what he’s feeling.

Or, she can turn him away - not wanting anything to do with what he has for her.

Which leads to such a beautiful scene, ugh I could write songs about the Janelos confession scene it’s that good.

First you see Carlos running at the speed of sound just to catch her, and he was definitely running around the whole campus because he absolutely needed to do this before he chickened out like every other time in the movie.

And at first it doesn’t seem to click in Jane’s head, because she’s only ever been just Jane.

Not pretty like Audrey or athletic like Lonnie.

Boys didn’t flirt with her or ask her out on dates, certainly not the boys she liked.

So of course, like the other times he had tried, she just wasn’t getting it. Too preoccupied with party planning and not getting her hopes up to let it sink in. And that’s when Carlos does something that he didn’t even need a truth gummy to do.

He gives her a list of all that he can give her, looking into her eyes and waiting for her to take or leave it

And not only does she take it, but she fully adds all the things on the list that she’s always wanted to do with him, giving herself right back to him in the process.

Leaving Carlos absolutely shocked and overwhelmed and happy.

He just figured she’d either say yes or no.

Her giving herself to him wasn’t even a consideration in his mind.

And then she throws him for a loop once again, by throwing her arms around him and holding him tight.

And honestly, Carlos’ reaction says it all.

The first time somebody initiated legitimate affection towards him, and it’s from the girl he loves no less.

He’s at a loss for words and can’t even fathom what he’s feeling, but finally, Carlos is the one hugging back. Clinging onto her for dear life because it’s almost like he can’t believe this is real.

The next time we see them, they’re both looking super fine at cotillion; and let me tell you that seeing touch starved Carlos finally getting to hold hands and cuddle with his girlfriend makes me weak every time. You can see that for now, they’re figuring it out, they’ve both been super far away from the whole love thing so now they’ve just gotta go at a healthy pace for them.

Regardless of that, you can really see how much they not only love but need each other.

And then it was gonna be another two years until we’d get to figure what the writers were gonna do with Janelos, if anything at all.

During that time I had gotten well acquainted with the horrifying wall of Janelos hate you had to walk along before getting occasional content. So obviously, I chose to have nothing to do with the fandom and then Janelos fell off my radar again until I found the nerve to watch the third movie.

And oh my goodness remember just a few lines ago when I said that Jane and Carlos needed each other?

That was the key point of their story in D3.

While I think it’s poorly shown, Carlos’ character arc from a quiet abuse victim with a good heart to an honest to goodness hero (I’m talking the kinds they write songs about) is just amazingly beautiful and deserved so much more screen time than it actually got.

In D3, Carlos finally has something to lose.

Or, more accurately, something he needs to protect.

I really wish they had zeroed in on him worrying about Jane more, because while it was still there it wasn’t very focused on.

Not that I can be mad because their reuniting scene was something that made me immediately sit up in my chair and go, “Oh my fluffing gosh they have a thing.”

Like I’m sorry, what?

You’re telling me that whenever they cling to each other like that Carlos has that same look of just, pure happiness.

“She loves me and I love her, I’m never letting her go.”

Carlos De Vil went from someone who had never known or felt love in his life, to loving a girl so much it made me fall out of my chair.

D3 just wanted to remind us that the VKs have come very far, and now they’re happy and loved and we don’t need to worry about them.

All I can say is that Jane and Carlos are just an amazing couple if you step back and just look at what it means for them to be together.

A touch starved abuse victim and an insecure cheerleader fell in love and surrendered their hearts completely. And you don’t see that anywhere near Disney as a franchise, much less dcoms.

Bottom line, I know I went off for a hot minute but if we’re being honest I still have about a trillion things I could say about “Jarlos.”

But I’m pretty sure I’ve elaborated enough to get my point across.

I just wanna say that Carlos would literally never let his mother come anywhere near the light of his life and that was some total BS.

#descendants #janelos #jane x carlos #jane daughter of fairy godmother #carlos de vil

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cupofteaguk · 6 years

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all too well | 09

summary: you and Yoongi shared a loving relationship with one another until you both agreed to end things and pursue your separate careers. but two years later, Yoongi is a member of the ever growing Bangtan Boys, and you are a new makeup artist for their upcoming tour.

pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

genre: idol au, makeup artist au, exes au | angst/smut

word count: 7k

Out of all the boys in Bangtan, everyone has always assumed that Yoongi would be the individual most likely to think problems through before attacking them with the full force of a bullet train. He elects to care about very little things in his life, but when he chose to express personal interest in a situation it’s guaranteed that he would put his entire being into ensuring its success. Given that he’s very careful about what to put his heart into, it’s constantly assumed that Yoongi would at least have the common sense to analyze the positive and negatives of his placement before diving in.

But, then again, he’s never really had much of a filter when it comes to you. You would always be that exception, the only tangible object in Yoongi’s life that he could never so neatly observe from an apathetic standpoint. It’s as if his head could never get screwed on straight enough to see reason because the thought of you is enough to make him see stars in the best way possible—and that concept is terrifying beyond belief.

You've always been different in every singular aspect and nothing at its very core could change that, and that very difference is what drives Yoongi out the door. All that calm and collected composure had been unraveling from the moment everyone landed back in Korea, or maybe even in the time frame before that, and the cold hard truth that things might not be the same when you returned eats at his nerves. He doesn't think twice to grab his keys, his bag, literally anything he could get his hands on as he swings open the door of the dormitory.

He ignores the calls of Namjoon and Jimin, vaguely making out the sound of Seokjin chiding Jungkook for encouraging this reckless behavior of the older boy, but Yoongi doesn't care. He doesn't care about any of that. The only thing he can wrap his mind around are the hateful words he spit at you, like fire that burned across your skin and left the most visible of scars underneath the glimmer of your eyes. The flickering, tiny hope that he could get you to understand the weight of his guilt and hopefully forgive him or at least look at him without that hurt look in your eyes keeps his legs moving.

But still, there are so many reasons for him to be doubtful.

His song to you, while it had come from a place of need and longing to finally share the words that have buried him alive since the breakup, only seemed to drive you further and further away.

And now you were going to America. You hadn’t even bothered to tell him. Yoongi doesn’t know why he’s so bothered by that, but he had been hoping that even if you were still wary about the thought of him, the pair of you could still continue on being friends and exchanging the most basic of good news with one another. Like normal friends should or, at least, what normal friends should be capable of doing with one another.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket as he continues pounding his way down the steps of the apartment, too caught up in his own little world of anxiety and desperation and regret that he doesn't hear the sound of footsteps following very shortly behind him. It's only after he has quickly arranged an Uber to take him to the airport and has shouldered open the door of the apartment complex does he feel a hand on his shoulder that startles him out of his trance. He whips around to find Seokjin staring at him, wide-eyed and confused. Yoongi doesn’t blame the older boy. The overwhelming presentation of information must have been too much for all the boys to absorb in just a matter of thirty seconds, especially with all the broken fragments of sounds and hasty accusations he and Jungkook were throwing at one another. Yoongi vaguely wonders if any of the boys are pinning after Jungkook with demands to know the background of the situation, since it's more than obvious that the maknae has just as much of a hand in the situation as Yoongi, if not just a little bit more since it's Jungkook who knew you were going to America in the first place and it was Jungkook who knew all of your flight information.

Yoongi tries to shove Seokjin off, but the eldest keeps his hand tightly wrapped around the shoulder blade. “Hyung, what are you doing?”

“What am I doing?” Seokjin repeats, appalled. “What are you doing? Are you really chasing after Y/N now? You're insane!”

Yoongi shoves him away. “Look, Seokjin, I’m a fucking idiot okay? I know it’s a lot of information to take in such a short period of time, but I need you to understand this. Please. I need you to understand that I did something horrible to Y/N and she won’t even look at me, and if I let her go on that plane believing that I hated her and continue to hate her with every fiber of my being then I don’t think I could ever even begin to forgive myself. Please. Just let me do this.”

Seokjin’s eyes are the stormiest shade of brown that Yoongi has ever seen in his hyung. It looks like he has a whole round of protests and realistic statements that he wishes he could make. Yoongi doesn’t know what his own eyes look like, but they feel wide and he can feel the pleading in his own heartbeat. He has never longed for something more desperately than Seokjin’s approval, and that sensation is like a beating drum underneath his fingertips as he swallows and keeps his eyes on Seokjin just as Seokjin keeps his eyes on him.

Finally, Seokjin releases his hold on Yoongi. “Don’t do anything stupid,” He grunts, then sighs. “Stupider, I mean.”

Yoongi turns around and realizes that the Uber he has just called is sitting at the corner curb, a few footsteps from where Yoongi current stands. He turns back to Seokjin and musters the best smile he can manage. But the situation the boy has currently found himself makes the back of his throat tastes like bitter acid and it leaves him wanting to cry and throw up and scream all at the same time.

A wary look back from Seokjin tells him that perhaps the smile looks more like a grimace, but Seokjin doesn’t comment on it and neither does Yoongi, as he finally dashes across the courtyard towards where the Uber is and throws himself into the backseat. He lowers the cap of his hat, and tells the driver to take him to the airport.

He drums his fingers as soon as the car starts moving, shaking his legs, training his eyes nervously out the window as he watches the city lights of his town flash right before his eyes. He checks his phone, reads through your flight information to gather the time that your flight would be leaving the city, and feels like his heart might give out when he realizes that there is still two hours until your flight is set to leave. He momentarily thanks the unspoken rule that individuals flying international are recommended to arrive at least three hours before boarding.

The lurch of the car jerks Yoongi forward immediately as he shifts his gaze from the side window to the front glass between the driver and passenger seat, eyes widening when he sees the rows of red lights in front of him, stretching out for what seems like miles and smiles ahead of him. “What is this?” He snaps with a little more force than necessary.

The driver gives him a look over the shoulder. “Sorry, but the traffic's pretty bad around this time. According to the GPS, it’ll probably take an extra thirty to forty-five minutes to get to the airport. Seems like lots of other people are trying to get out of the city huh?” She’s clearly attempting some humor, if only to ease the stiffness that seems to be permanently stitched into Yoongi’s shoulders, but it only makes his anxiety of the situation worsen.

Maybe he really should have considered Seokjin’s warning before getting into the car.

Don’t do anything stupid. Stupider, at least. That’s what Seokjin had said. And now Yoongi finds himself caught in the middle of the late night weekend traffic. All because he hadn’t checked the time, or thought through the mapping of his situation, or tried to consider alternatives. If alternatives were even an option at this point.

Why did he always have a tendency to lose his mind at the very thought of you? Why did you always have a way of controlling his mind, even when he thought that the time and distance two years had carved would be enough to ease that natural ability you had obtained over the years? Why did he always do stupid things, really stupid things, just for you or because of you?

Yoongi grits his teeth, physically having to restrain himself from barking at the poor driver to go faster even if the physicality from the realms of reality will not allow for such a move. He settles instead with slumping against his seat, running a hand through his hair and letting the time slip past him as he alternates with checking the time on his phone to the time of your flight, only growing increasingly more anxious when real time ticks closer and closer to the 8:00PM flight of your departure. It feels like his mind is going through the shredder, running through honey, drowning out all sounds, as his heart pounds in a way that resonates through the entirety of his body. He can barely make out his driver’s few attempts to make conversation, managing the occasional hums every now and then—and she’s such a talker, Yoongi doubts that she even notices his distracted mindset.

The driver reaches the airport at 7:23PM, and Yoongi is a mad dash and a blur of shadow that finds him dashing out of the car before it comes to a complete stop. He throws more cash than necessary into the passenger seat, too hasty to think about the proper tip he should supply, before he’s out and dashing past the sliding doors into the check-in zone. Lines file out before him for different airlines, the chatter of people not enough to calm the bizarre storm in his mind, the stares and murmurs of immediate recognition leaving him feeling more exposed than ever before.

It is right then and there that Yoongi realizes that in his haste to leave the dorms and get to the airport as quickly as possible, he had forgotten to get in contact with Big Hit to tell him of his whereabouts. He had forgotten that while he may have just been Yoongi out in the private world he shared with the rest of Bangtan and the world he shared with you, things are different out here. In the real world, he's Min Yoongi of the highly popular and highly successful Bangtan Boys, a celebrity of an entirely different level. Stepping out in the way is the same as exposing himself so completely in the face of nosy strangers and fans, paparazzi, all of those little thing he always hated about the life he has inherited coming back to haunt him with the full force of a lightning bolt.

Since he hadn't contacted Big Hit to arrange security or bodyguards, the only people beyond the walls of the studio and the walls of your apartment that could make him feel safe to a certain extent, being alone in the middle of a busy airport makes him feel more lonely than ever before.

He hears the frantic scrambling of people before he can see them, and his legs act of their own accord as he takes down the walkway, dashing past people with suitcases and families awaiting the announcement of their own flight as the screaming behind him increases in volume. "It's Min Yoongi! It's Min Yoongi!" The statement rings like a bell in his ears as he runs, mind scrambling and his lungs feel like they might give out because he most certainly hadn't been expecting to have a run in with fans during his hasty attempts to reach you. If he had known he would be recognized at the drop of a hat, he might have put a little more thought into his decisions.

But again, another classic example of how he could never seen to get his head screwed on straight when it came to you.

Airport security eventually starts to pick up that a celebrity has arrived without warning, without prior arrangement, and they scramble to assign Yoongi in keeping some distance from the screaming girls and fans attempting to shove themselves and their cameras past the bodies. Yoongi feels the terror in his blood, more prominent than ever, because he's never had to shoulder the fright of the BTS fan base on his own. It feels constricting, air leaving his lungs in quick pants as he practically throws himself in the hall of bathrooms, the empty stalls leaving him the opportunity to hunch over the sink.

"Min Yoongi?" A voice calls, echoing along the bathroom as the footsteps follow the movement. A security guard enters the main vicinity, watching as Yoongi attempts to catch his breath.

Yoongi lets out a sigh as he brushes the sweat gathering over his forehead. His skin feels hot to the touch. "Y-Yeah," He manages. "That's me."

"What were you thinking?" The older man inquires, looking incredulous. "Those girls could have ripped your throat out if they got close enough. What are you doing here, arriving without any security of your own or the management of your label?"

"I came here of my own accord," Yoongi explains, straightening slightly as he leans against the counter. "I'm trying to get to someone before her flight takes off." He fishes out his phone and checks the time, nearly paling at the sight. "Which leaves in fifteen minutes." He looks up at the security guard. "Please. You have to help me get to that flight. There's someone about to leave, and I really need to talk to her."

The security guard shifts in his position. "A girlfriend or something?" He must see the defensive flicker in Yoongi's eyes, because he actually throws a smile. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that. It's just that I've never seen anything like this happen before, and I am curious how important this person must be if you need to reach her so badly."

Yoongi runs his hands over each other, feeling the rough skin underneath his touch. "Not a girlfriend," He grumbles. "It's, well, it's complicated. Please. I just need to see her one more time. Do you think you'll be able to make it work for me?"

"Of course we'll try to make it work," The security guard reassures. "I know you can hear them right now, but there is a herd of screaming girls outside the bathroom right now, so it's going to take some time to get more people over here so we can help you reach wherever it is you're going as quickly as possible. You're stuck here in the airport anyways, and you must have come here for a very important purpose.”

Yoongi takes in a few more deep breaths, trying to put a positive spin on the situation, and cursing when he realizes that he's never had too much of a sunshine filter. That kind of title was always reserved for Jimin or Taehyung. Or you.

The bitter tang comes back into his mouth, as does the reminder of the reason he had been forced into this position in the first place. He doesn't ever wish for many things in his life, with the exception of just a handful of extremely important things, but he so desperately wishes that he can reach you in time.

What Yoongi thinks: You probably don't understand how much I need to reach her, but I need to see her so badly it feels as if every bone in my body is breaking underneath the pressure and I've never felt more shitty about anything else in my entire life. If you fucked up your only relationship with the only person you've ever loved more than anything in your life, would you be as calm? Would you have been as thoughtless or careless or reckless to chase after someone so important?

What Yoongi says: "T-Thank you. The sooner I can reach her, the better."

The security guard manages a smile that doesn't give Yoongi the utmost confidence in the situation. The man leaves Yoongi with a final, “I’ll be back as soon as I can" before he disappears out of the bathroom vicinity. Even from where Yoongi stands, he can hear the high pitched screams increasing in volume, making his headache return in full force as he settles with pacing the area, taking in the empty stalls and feeling the time gradually start to slip out from underneath his feet.

He would check his phone every now and then to check the time, blatantly ignoring the other texts and missed calls he has gotten from the other members, knowing that he would get an earful from the boys about his suddenly reckless nature. It's like all of those previous times Yoongi would actually put effort into his thoughts was just adding up for the unfortunate disaster, like a line of consistent thoughts before the storm of reckless abandonment and disregard for everything within reason. Yoongi never thought it would fold out like this, however.

The ten minutes on the clock stares back at him, the time going by much too quickly and much too slowly all at the same time. He wants the security guards to work faster on their promise, or he was going to make a rush for the gate number regardless if the screaming fans were set on tearing him apart limb by limb. He wants the time until your departure to slow down until the blinking of his cell phone is something he no longer has to worry about. He wants everything and nothing and absolutely all those things in between, he wants things to go his way for once, he wants to make things better and right.

But most of all, he just wants you again.

He checks his phone again. Five minutes.

The security guard comes strolling back in as if it's not Yoongi's relationship with the only person who could make him feel grounded is completely at stake. "We're ready now. Which gate is your girlfriend at?"

Yoongi doesn't make a point to try and correct the older man as he says the number set that has practically been burned into his mind and his throat, saying it before he could even stop to think. "It's Gate 42."

The suddenly hesitate look in his eyes doesn't do good things to Yoongi's stomach. "I hear that flight is scheduled for an earlier departure. We better get going."

And so the pair of them depart from the bathroom, Yoongi emerging first and discovering a handful of other airport security either helping clear the area for him to walk through or standing near him for the additional protection. Even though the gesture is rather small, the gravity of it feels like miles of gratuity for Yoongi and he manages the best smile he can muster to the workers as they lead him to gate 42. The screams of fans as they try to poke their head around the guards is almost drowned out by Yoongi's own rushing feet as he paces as quickly as he can down the halls without actually having to run.

He reads the gates in the back of his mind, heart stopping for an earth shattering second when he sees gate 42. He half expects it to be littered with passengers, since there's still another three minutes before the flight is scheduled to leave and of course, last minute passengers should still be boarding. Right?

Instead, he finds the guest area completely devoid of people, not even lingering individuals on their phones or laptops. The sight doesn't do good things to his insides, as he completely freezes in his tracks, letting the panic wash over him like water.

He catches movement of the hostess closing the door leading onto the plane, and feels a burst of movement overcome him as he practically throws himself onto the desk and startles the woman out of her usual closing up routine. "I need to speak to someone on this flight," He says by way of greeting, social norms of proper introduction be damn. This is what happens when he doesn't get the opportunity to rehearse at least the basis of a statement in his mind before letting the words just leave his mouth with no filter whatsoever. "It's important, please."

The hostess gives him a look of complete and utter sympathy. "I'm sorry sir, but the crew inside just finished their final flight check, and are scheduled for an immediate departure. They've already lifted the connecting tube."

"What?" Yoongi inquires, his voice too breathless from the way his heart is suddenly pounding blood excessively through his body, his mind too hazy, his eyes wide, ears trying to strain in order to catch every single word that is leaving the woman's lips. "No, no, no, please, please, it's really important."

Her suddenly sad expression feels like the weight of the entire world has just been dropped clean onto Yoongi's shoulders. "I'm so sorry sir. I would love to help you, but there's nothing I can do right now."

Yoongi opens his mouth to protest again, but what could he say? All the pleading and begging in the world cannot possibly bring you back, cannot generate enough pity for a captain to turn an entire plane around. No one on the flight would appreciate such a gesture either. Everyone has places to go, people to see, countries to visit, jobs to take.

Just like you, and you would leave the soils and the base of Korea thinking that Yoongi did not love you enough or did not care enough or did not need you enough.

The weight of that realization makes it feel as if his heart has been replaced with a stone, as he can physically monitor the sensation of it sinking to the pit of his stomach. He bends his head lower, swallowing thickly, inhaling sharply as his heart beat quickens for reasons beyond running throughout the airport, his face heats up with something other than anger, throat closing up because he missed it. He missed you.

"W-Well," The hostess continues, the sight of seeing Min Yoongi so distraught over missing a flight clearly deepening the knife of guilt further into her chest. "You are more than welcome to watch the plane leave."

It's the last thing Yoongi wants to see, but he appreciates the hostess at least attempting to be kind. He can't muster anything other than a short and simple thank you as he drags himself to the window and presses his hands to the glass just in time to see the plane disembarking from its original standpoint. He gnaws harshly at his bottom lip as he watches the plane direct its way onto the straightaway, picking up speed, dashing down the highway, soaring up and up and up, away from the ground and Yoongi watches with the heaviest heart as it disappears into the sky.

He brings his hands back down to his side, shutting his eyes tightly together to block out the tears and the ringing of failure in his ears and the fact that the worst possible scenario he just thought of has actually happened. He thinks of how you must have looked boarding that plane, thinking with all your heart that you were only worth the string of letters and words he could rap in your ear and nothing more, that you were only worth the phrases of his past and not his present and definitely not his future.

You have left, and he honestly cannot say with much certainty as to how things are going to be when you get back. He tries to picture a world in which you’ve allowed the distance to create a wall, an emotional barrier, between the pair of you. He tries to picture a world where you’ll smile at him but not really smile at him, where you’ll hug him stiffly, and tell him of your endeavors with the same application you would bring to a complete stranger.

The thought absolutely crushes him, stresses him beyond belief. He knows how you get when you’re angry. You detach yourself from situations, you leave for a few hours, and you return with the intention of trying to pretend as if nothing had happened—staying away from the vocal art of talking things out that you’ve struggled with for years. But during those incidents, the situations were never so terrible, and you and Yoongi always found ways around those seemingly insignificant issues.

But now it’s of a completely different scale, and it’s not like he has the power to fallback to a nonexistent relationship to ensure that the pair of you could work through these differences.

He’s never felt more devastated about anything, training his eyes back onto the sky as if the plane would merge from behind the clouds. But of course, it doesn’t, leaving little doubt in his mind that he’s failed and he’s failed you and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do anymore.

It would be another hour before Min Yoongi is allowed to leave the airport. Big Hit is contacted during the frenzy, and they arrive shortly after the plane holding you and Yoongi’s heart has disappeared into the sky. It takes awhile to clear things up with press and publicity as everyone wants a different answer to the exact same question: Why was Min Yoongi at the airport? Who was he chasing? Why was he chasing this individual?

Management hides themselves well, telling everyone with a practiced grace that questions pertaining to Yoongi’s emotional state were strictly forbidden. Yoongi does not bother to help with these questions, electing instead to keep to the corner, hunched over in a chair, the hair over his face and the mental replay of the last few hours leaves him completely numb.

He keeps his mouth shut, refusing to indulge about his reasons for running off so recklessly, even when he is safe in the Big Hit company car and questioned by various members of management. It’s unusual for Yoongi to hold himself so quietly, especially after such an extreme incident, but no one presses the topic. Yoongi doesn’t know what he had been expecting, since he cannot stress just how little thought he had put into his evening, but an earful would have been the kind way out. The fact that no one is saying anything about the situation leaves him to believe that perhaps he looks much worse than he had initially thought—and that’s not a comforting thought to ride in silence with. A part of him longs to say something, to ease the tension in the air, but no one makes a shift of movement, and the car ride back to the dorm is probably one of the most awkward in Yoongi’s entire career with Big Hit.

Yoongi can barely spare a means of thanks or a glance over his shoulder before stepping out of the car. The heaviness in his heart at the loss of his utter defeat feels like weights drifting out throughout the rest of his body, equating to a sluggish movement of his feet as he attempts his way up the stairs.

He is so caught up in the hazy events of what exactly has happened to him, even though it's all beginning to feel like a very strange and deluded dream, that he nearly forgets that there are people waiting for him as soon as he unlocks the door to the dorms.

He starts as soon as the first greeting bombards past his thoughts, piercing into his mind, turning to deliver a wide-eyed glance at the boys are gathered around the table. The six pairs of eyes once pierced on Jungkook have swapped to the boy now standing at the door, all expressing the same emotion of curiosity and wonder and all clearly expecting some positive news after all that hassle. “So?” Taehyung inquires, wide-eyed. “Did you reach Y/N in time? What did she say?”

Yoongi collapses into his seat, the emotional drainage finally starting to catch up to him. “She didn’t say anything,” He discloses, keeping his eyes trained on one of the cracks in the wooden table. Didn’t Seokjin mention something about having to get that fixed up?

Jimin looks confused. “What do you mean she didn’t say anything? You mean she rejected you?”

He curses his reeling mind, his sinking heart, his closing throat for hurting him and betraying him when he needed to be confident in front of the others. “It means,” He speaks with a little more force than necessary, the action causing his voice to crack. “That I didn’t make it in time.”

The silence that follows his unexpected confession rings throughout the room as each of the boy’s process the information. Too afraid to see what kind of looks he’s going to get, Yoongi forces himself to turn his gaze as he gnaws on his lower lip and the walls of defense he’s spent the past hour building up comes burning down in one swift statement.

“You mean…” Jungkook inquires softly. “You missed the plane?”

“Y-Yeah,” Yoongi answers, turning his head as far away from the others and their stares as he can physically manage, blinking the tears before it could start falling down his cheeks. It’s a hard sight to not notice, but he’s thankful none of the boys bring it up or point it up or ask for further details: such as what happened when he got to the airport, why was he held up, or how he had gotten back home. “I missed it.”

Feeling as if he might suffocate on the air around him, Yoongi straightens and dismisses himself from the table with the excuse that he longed for nothing more than to take a shower and curl into bed. The whispers from the other boys seem to follow him out of the kitchen like the plague, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if they start taking sides or forming personal opinions about how Yoongi should carry out the next course of action. All he really cares about now is you. And you’re gone.

The amount of stress that has been eating at him ever since he let himself spill out those horrible, horrible words makes him think he might collapse or vomit or fling himself off a bridge or scream or just do anything. He can’t even count how many times he’s skipped meals or missed the opportunity to catch a few hours of sleep simply because he just laid in his bed staring up at the ceiling. All the self-hatred takes itself out on him, leaving him and sick and tired but providing little opportunities of ways around the problem.

He knows what tomorrow will bring, as he steps into the bathroom and settles with locking the door and just sinking to the floor. Tomorrow will bring questions from Big Hit, questions that he will have to answer, questions regarding truth and reason and most importantly, you. It means admitting his love for you, admitting that evening in Beijing and the words following that changed everything.

Yoongi looks down at his hands, lacing fingers together as he tries to picture the next morning. He pictures sitting in the conference room, everyone staring at him and attempting to draw the answers out as to what exactly drew Yoongi cause so much trouble. Would he do it? Would he come clean with his feelings for you and risk the standing of his career just to express that love?

He swallows thickly when the answer seems to jump out at him. Yes.

Yes, of course he would come clean with his feelings. He would scream about it from the top of his lungs, future scandal rumors from websites and nosy fans be damned. Anything to get you to return with the willingness to listen to him, anything to get you to return and commit to Big Hit again, anything, anything, anything.

He tightens his grip around his jeans, everything around him feel tighter and more constricting and he lowers his head, choking on another sob. He wonders if this is what the weight of missed opportunities feels like, the ‘what-ifs’ brewing in his mind like poison as he knocks the back of his head against the door of the bathroom. For a blinding moment, he hates the airport, he hates the screaming girls, he hates security, he hates you; but most of all, he just hates himself.

It takes him thirty minutes too long to take a shower—or should it be called a shower or more of ‘just standing and letting the hot water run down his back’ type of situation. Either way, it takes way too long and it’s nowhere as satisfying as he had pictured.

The boys are still in the kitchen when Yoongi steps through, a towel in his hair, and the halting conversation leaves little to the imagination of what they all had been previously discussing.

“How do you feel now, hyung?” Jimin asks gently.

Yoongi shrugs, not exactly sure how to categorize the desensitized sensation that almost makes he think he won’t be able to feel his stomach in the morning.

“W-Well,” Jimin continues, watching Yoongi settle back into the chair he had previously occupied. “Y/N should be back after a week, right—?”

Jungkook makes a noise in the back of his throat. “A-Actually, she doesn’t have a confirmed return date.” He hastily continues filling in the blanks on the rest of the statement after catching Yoongi’s look that makes him feel as if he’s just kicked the older boy’s dog. “S-She didn’t know if she would get the job or not. And she told me she might want to explore the city before turning back.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything to that. He simply supplies Jungkook with a side glance, before turning back to scrolling mindlessly through his phone. The action doesn’t sit well with the rest of the boys, who exchange glances like exchanging secrets, before it’s Namjoon who is volunteered to speak next.

“Hyung, maybe you should call her and tell her how you feel over the phone,” Namjoon starts delicately. “It might not bring her back faster, but at least there’ll be an open line of communication—!”

“No,” Yoongi interrupts, straightening up pocketing his phone. He’s still not making complete eye contact with any of the boys, who are all desperately trying to meet his gaze. “I don’t want to burden her right now.”

“But…” Jimin brings up, but a look from Seokjin halts the rest of the conversation, and they all watch as Yoongi drags himself to his bedroom and clicks the door quietly behind him.

One week later is met with the blaring of Jungkook’s cellphone and a ringtone that positively echoes throughout the entirety of the dorm. It’s not an ordinary ringtone for an ordinary person, however, it’s one that had been assigned with a certain caller that makes Jungkook spring out of his seat and practically divebomb for the object on the coffee table. “Noona!” He answers at once, and the boys around him halt all their conversations and the video game Hoseok had put on is instantly forgotten.

“Jungkook, hi!” You exclaim on the other side of the line. “How’s it going over there?”

“It’s good,” He answers after a moment, sneaking a glance at Yoongi only to find that the older boy has devoted one hundred and ten percent of unnecessary concentration onto his phone. “How’s it going with you? How did the job interview go?”

“Ah, it went amazing!” You gush at once, all that previous sadness he had left you with relatively gone. “I got the job.”

“Oh wow, congratulations noona!” Jungkook exclaims, sending a nod to Namjoon when the boys ask a question with their eyes. “So they put you to work immediately, huh?”

“Pretty much,” You admit with a sigh. “I meant to call sooner, but I’ve been spending the whole week getting an apartment and getting a work visa, you know all that fun stuff. I don’t actually start working until next week so I’ve just been running around.”

“That does sound pretty exhausting noona,” Jungkook admits, casting another look at Yoongi and electing to stare this time until the older boy returned his gaze. “I’m really happy for you, though.”

“Thank you Jungkook.”

He smiles at the genuine earnesty behind your voice, how truly happy you are and how truly oblivious you are to what you’ve left behind. Jungkook bites his lip. “N-Noona,” He starts a little nervously. “I know now may not be the best time but… I feel like there’s something you need to know.”

He can physically feel the tension in the air start to rise, as if everyone can sense the direction the conversation is heading in. Even Yoongi jerks his head up, the first sharp movement he’s produced since you left Korea. “Jungkook,” Yoongi cuts in sharply. “Don’t.”

“What?” You inquire from the other end of the line. “Jungkook, you’re scaring me. What happened? Is everyone okay?”

“It’s about what happened the night you left,” He continues.

“Jungkook,” Yoongi repeats. “Stay out of it.”

For a moment, Jungkook can hear your voice lowering on the other end of the line. “Is that Yoongi?” You ask, voice quietening considerably.

“Y-Yeah, he’s here,” Jungkook says, leaning back when it looks like Yoongi’s about to blow off his top and manhandle Jungkook off a cliff. Given that the past week has been filled with nothing but vacant stares and curling underneath the covers of his bed until noon, the sight of seeing Yoongi suddenly filled with aggression and negative energy is both an interesting yet terrifying sight to witness. “Noona, you should know. The night you left, I went back to the dorms and—hey!”

Jungkook throws an incredulous look at Yoongi as the older boy practically springs out of his seat and confronts the maknae with all the force of a bullet train. With a strength no one could have seen coming, Yoongi pries the phone out of Jungkook’s hands and hangs up with a forceful jab to the end call button.

All the boys are giving Yoongi a wide-eyed look at the violent gesture of the older boy as Yoongi stands above Jungkook, cell phone clenched tightly in Yoongi’s hand. “H-Hyung…” Jungkook is the first to speak, not having expected the movement.

Yoongi’s glare at Jungkook could scare away small children. “I told you to drop it Jungkook,” He says, voice low. However, even with the angry disposition, it’s easy to see that underneath the layer of aggression is just a version of Yoongi who is too small and too afraid and too desperate to look beyond into a future without you. Underneath all that is just Yoongi trying to hide away from the emotional despair in favor trying to make sure the ‘what-ifs’ would stop haunting him like ghosts of the past. Yoongi emits a sigh when the worried looks of his friends would not let up. “Look, I’ll call her when I’m ready, but you don’t need to fight my battles for me, okay? I’ll tell her when I’m ready.”

He offers the phone back to Jungkook, and Jungkook takes it without another word.

Bangtan makes a mutual agreement not to bring up the phone call, mainly out of respect for Yoongi’s own time and willingness to indulge in the subject manner, but also out of fear that slipping out one word involving you would evoke another spark of volcanic eruption on Yoongi’s part.

However, it cannot be helped that the question slips out once or twice—mainly on Namjoon or Jungkook’s part, light-hearted attempts to monitor Yoongi’s emotional state to make sure he wouldn’t do anything too stupid or jump too far off the spectrum. Yoongi typically answers the same way he always does: a glare, a quiet “not yet” or “soon”, and a drop of the conversation entirely.

They all almost think that Yoongi would never give you a call, or never bring you up again, or hide his emotions so deeply underneath the surface until it would come flooding out of him like a dam, until one afternoon when the boy returning back from his afternoon session at the studio. The boy seems surprisingly more upbeat than per usual, a shift in the emotional gear that is immediately taken note of by Jungkook.

“Hey Hyung,” Jungkook greets as he gently pushes forward the bag of chips he had been eating as a casual offering to the older boy. “How was your day?”

“It was fine,” Yoongi answers with a shrug of one shoulder. “I called Y/N today.”

Jungkook straightens in his seat, as does the others within the vicinity. “Did you really?”

He smiles a little, a gesture that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s so much better than the harsh glares that the household has witnessed over the past few weeks that nobody pays any attention to that.

“C’mon hyung, what did she say?” Jimin inquires brightly, poking his head into the kitchen after making sure to put a pause on the video game he had been indulging with Taehyung.

“We didn’t really talk much,” Yoongi replies vaguely, running his fingers across the patterns of the table. “I just… uh, apologized again for what I said. And she forgave me.”

“That’s great hyung!” Jungkook exclaims.

“Y-Yeah.” Yoongi still isn’t looking at anyone. “She, uh, said that she had a lot of time to think about… us while in America and thought that hooking up had been a little reckless for us too. There was a bit more talking, but she said that we could talk about it when she comes back to Korea.”

“So you guys are going to talk about it?” Jimin inquires, brightening as the words seem to sink into his mind. “Hyung, that’s awesome! I’m glad you guys were able to clear the air up.”

Yoongi produces forth a tight smile that no one else seems to notice, given that they’re probably too caught up in their little excitement over the fact that Yoongi finally seemed to mend the bridge that initially appeared too burned down to care for properly. He does one more nod before excusing himself to his bedroom, where he shuts the door and slides down to the floor. Yoongi doesn’t do anything for the quick flicker of a second, merely settling with staring up at the ceiling, before he fishes out his phone from his back pocket.

He opens up his phone app, scrolling through the call history button, thumb lingering over and eyes trained hard on the fact that his most recent call had been to Seokjin. One week ago. You are nowhere on his call history and have not been on his call history for the past two years.

He thinks back to his story with the boys—how their eyes had been coated with excitement and relief, how they seemed to have rid themselves of the sympathetic look in their gaze that seemed to be permanently etched everytime one of them looked at Yoongi. To say he grew tired of their worries, as reasonable as it truly is, would be an understatement.

And besides, it may have been a lie—but it’s not like they would find out the truth, and it’s not like you were coming back soon, and even if you did he would reach you before the boys before his lie could unravel. Min Yoongi knows what he’s doing. He’s just trying to get through the next few months of his life.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | epilogue

#yoongi x reader #yoongi scenario #yoongi x you #min yoongi scenario #yoongi angst #bts scenario #bts x reader #bts angst #repost: workofteaguk #traci writes

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fba-art · 5 years

Note

Just out of curiosity, why don’t you like young justice??

aight, so i knew i was gonna wait to respond to this ‘til i had some time to explain.

and i want to start out by saying that i don’t think Young Justice, as a property, is a bad show. in fact, i think it’s a show that had GREAT potential. i watched every new episode via livestream every saturday lol. and now, i’ll be honest when i say it’s been some time since i’ve rewatched it, and i’m always open to changing opinions. a few years back, i wanted to give it another, fresher perspective and dove in for a rewatch, but ultimately didn’t finish. i don’t remember my reasoning exactly, but i recall being disappointed.and it’s funny i received this ask this week, b/c my friend and i were planning on giving it another rewatch for shits and giggle after finals ( sober or not is tbd ).

but so, here’s where i stand on the show.

i started watching YJ when it was abt 5 episodes into s1. and i binged those first five and stick to my guns that holy SHIT 1-3 are bomb as FUCK. super strong start! Independence Day will never not get me SO HYPE and remind me why i fell in love with DC’s teenage heroes in the first place. it’s so… youthful. a fun conversation for another time.

and now, when i started watching YJ, it was like four months into my making my TT!Kid Flash rp blog, and two months after i’d gotten into reading comics; when i found out Wally was like a biG DC CHARACTER, NOT JUST AN OLD CARTOON ONE-SHOT, i went EVERYWHERE to get my hands on more about Wally West. ironically, the first purchase i ever made from a comic store was a silver age Teen Titans tale, issue #2 of TTY1, and two issues of the old Young Justice comics ( still some of my favorite comics to this day; more on that later ).TL;DRi saw a commercial for YJ, ft. my fave DC char and my fave comic title and went “HOSHIT”.

as the episodes pushed the show’s plot along, it was fun and explorative of a more intense side to the idea of a group of superteens in the DCU. and again, very TEENAGER-Y, which i say in the BEST of ways, considering that was the target audience as well. but, as part of that audience at the time, one of the things that had started to bother me was the character relationships. yeah, i was loving on most of the main cast at the time, but for the first half of the season, the team’s supposedly-close friendships were pushed to the backburner ( EXCEPT for KF and Rob’s, which was one of the only things that got me through the season ). the first season WAS about straining relationships. the social drama was palpable. you NEED conflict in your plots, and char-v-char is especially fun. but i remember feeling like there was little bonding. they were a group of acquaintances, learning to co-habitate the same space- not to say that they didn’t seem like friends, but there was a lack of balance between “teens being professionals in their field” and “teens being immature teens”. both were squeezed in, but both consistently felt forced.

which brings me to the next point: forcing relationships without developing them!i wasn’t sure why i was supposed to care about Roy, like. At all. the team always bringing up that they trained alongside him, grew with the guy, and then??? nada, except when the plot needed edgy tantrumy angst.then there was spitfire. i ship spitfire now, but the ENTIRETY of s1 i was SO FRUSTRATED, because all those two did was bicker. wally was pretty foul to artemis, who was also just plain mean to wally. and i say this with the two of them as my TOP FAVE CHARS.and don’t get me STARTED on the best char on the entire team, KALDUR’AHM!!!! who was shit on by EVERYONE– fandom and plot, alike. actually, i do recall in my last rewatch starting two tallies of everytime kaldur was DISRESPECTED and TREATED LIKE GARBAGE BY TEEN AND ADULT CHARS, versus everytime he was treated respectfully. this boy was BRUTALIZED through s1.m’gann and conner, too– a cute concept, but borderline cringey, even creepy, at times. i was rooting for supermartian. i was. but it was like the writers didn’t know how to write a slowburn. the idea was honestly better on paper than in execution.

the YJ spinoff comics filled in a lot of these gaps, i’ll admit. it explored the chars, their relationships, and their behavior in ways the show seemingly didn’t have time to do, and i LOVE the spinoff series. but i also firmly believe that you shouldn’t need a second media to fix the first. it’s capitalistic and no fun.

through the duration of the show, there were also issues such as the hiatuses. i don’t recall them coming with much warning at a time, nor sticking to much of a schedule. i don’t actually remember what they were for, either. but, before and after each of (three?? was it three?) hiatuses, the showrunners would introduce a new character during a new arc, give said character some liners or plot fodder, and do away with them for the rest of the season ( i.e Rocket, Zatanna, Garth and Tula, etc. ).

i have some other, nitpickier issues– why was wally That Way, why was clark Like That, how come bruce was the ENABLER the entire time, etc– but many can be argued as whether they affected the show as a whole or not.my actual biggest problem was the direction.the director.Greg Weisman.bc idk what the hell he was doing half the time, and i don’t think he knew, either. the writing wasn’t GREAT, but at least it was consistent. Weisman truly had a marketable property, a fan favorite, and one of CN’s best running shows at the time. but between the hiatuses, the writing’s faults, the insufficient character development, and a HUGE ego thanks to his fanbase, Weisman was unable to uphold the integrity of his show. there was both fan-pandering, AS WELL AS consciously going AGAINST fans’ wishes. there was that whole “Ask Greg”-thing, too, where he would get back to a fan once every blue moon and answer background questions about the show’s universe, which became a scene of hot debate. Greg Weisman became the JK Rowling of DC, and lost a lot of my respect with his lack of damage control, and impulse control.

then, with the very inception of the show– and i don’t actually know if i can blame weisman for this or not, but i wanna know who pitched it, otherwise– the show’s CONCEPT. why was Young Justice made with this particular cast of characters, cherrypicked through DC history, aged down or revamped or just cut-and-pasted where they didn’t fit? why was its concept, “COVERT TEAM OF ADOLESCENTS WITH SUPERPOWERS WORKING TOGETHER WITH LACK OF SUPERVISION”? why was the show called “Young Justice” when what they wanted was the TT v3 comics? WHY DID WE NEED TO TURN SUPERMAN INTO THE UNAVAILABLE-FATHER TROPE????? questions that will forever remain unanswered. that’s a lie, i can answer most of them, myself.but all in all, a show with great potential that failed in execution.

season 2, i actually enjoyed more than season 1– it felt like there was more of a handle on the story and cast, alike. did i approve of season 2 and what went down? debatable. but that’s a very subjective view. objectively, season 2 flowed better than season 1, but still didn’t follow through on subplots, nor resolved relationships or even characterization ( m’gann, girl what the fuck?? ). very little team bonding, save for, once again, two chars out of the whole team. again, another season of SO much potential, but one that fell short.

its pros, however– i really enjoyed the darker themes, getting darker as time went on. there was a lot of tragedy in s2, and different perspectives and walks of life to watch through different lenses. a much more diverse cast, and very different conflicts to tackle. i was impressed. i don’t think all the controversies were resolved, but i also wasn’t quite as upset that they weren’t; open-ended conflict is frustrating, but is a great lead-in to another season.

————which, for better or for worse, we weren’t supposed to have.i personally would’ve rather the show ended there, not quite on a high note ( are u fucking kidding me fjaoisdfjoaifio waLLY, this was during the n52, too ), but with a concrete END. of course there was more to explore, the world they’d built was a big one, but we didn’t need to.

i was literally just yesterday chatting w my sis, bc after school lets out, we wanna watch season 3. i really do. i’m upset that there is one, but i do wanna know what happens to my faves. and, on top of that, i’ve been meaning to do one BIG rewatch, anyways, to get me set up for s3. as a student of film, it’s a huge philosophy of mine to rewatch EVERYTHING and go in with the intent of giving it a fresh start and a clean slate– both medias i love, and medias i hate. it’s important to analyze pop culture critically, and even things that aren’t good can still be enjoyable.

for me, Young Justice wasn’t a phenomenal show to begin with, from its technological side to its creative team to its politics, and i stopped enjoying it pretty early on. but, that isn’t to say it didn’t accomplish GREAT things, and isn’t UN-enjoyable; it has its moments. also i would DIE for most of the cast, i fucking love the characters.

i don’t think anyone is wrong for liking Young Justice. i try to stay in the loop about it, and form new opinions based on whatever information is out there until i can get ahold of the source material. and, i do like aspects of the show. but ultimately, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

#Anonymous #LONG post under read more #rambley. sorry about that it's 1 AM

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humansofhds · 6 years

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Eliot Davenport, MTS '18

“Recently, I have realized that, at the bottom of everything, I came to the study of South Asian religion and Indian philosophy because I couldn’t imagine not reading Sanskrit every day.”

Eliot graduated in 2018 from the MTS program at HDS and is currently applying to PhD programs in South Asian and Religious Studies departments, where she will continue to study Sanskrit and Indian philosophy.

Leaving the Bubble

I am Texan, through and through. I was born and raised in Fort Worth. Same house, same school, same all-the-things for my whole childhood. Religion tied into my life in an early way. When my mom found out she was going to have kids, she thought, “What was important to me when I was small? The Church!” So she immediately started attending again, and my sister and I were raised in the Episcopal Church. My mom worked as the secretary to the rector, so we ended up going to the church school for K-12. It was sort of a bubble of a life.

For most of my life, I wanted to be a priest. Whenever anybody asked me what I wanted to do I would say, “I want to be an Episcopal priest,” and they’d be like “Great, except that you’re a lady.” Turns out that I totally could have, but my diocese was very not progressive. It was stagnant. I didn’t know that women could be clergy until I went off to college and I had already changed my plan at that point. I was good at math and I thought I’d just be an engineer, so I moved to College Station and earned my bachelors of science in civil and ocean/coastal engineering at Texas A&M.

Once I found out about female clergy I called my parents and I was like “what the heck, I could have done this!” They suggested that I put a pin in it and try out the engineering thing. So I did—I worked as an engineer in Austin for about five years. But I still always thought I wanted to go to seminary. About a year into the formal discernment process in the Episcopal Diocese of Texas, I thought, “Wait, that’s not what I want after all. Turns out I want to study Sanskrit.” And everybody said, “Excuse me, what?” That’s how I ended up coming to Massachusetts in a nutshell.

Serendipitous Encounters

When I moved to Austin to begin my first real job after graduating from Texas A&M, I realized that engineering had taken up my whole life. I just felt like I didn’t have much of a personality outside of my education and career. So I started to do a bunch of stuff, thinking that year that I would do literally anything that came my way hoping that something would catch me and hold tight. One day somebody said that I should go to a yoga class. I initially thought, “No thanks,’ but something changed and I walked into one, some free class somewhere, and it just stuck. It became my thing.

A couple of years later I started yoga teacher training and was introduced to Sanskrit. From the moment we started learning proper syllable pronunciation, I was hooked. I realized that if I intended to be a yoga teacher who said the names of poses in Sanskrit and spoke with any sense of authority about anything related to the Yoga Sutras, then I better be able to read them as a primary source and not just as an English translation. So, at the suggestion of Professor Clooney, I applied to the University of Texas to try my hand at first-year Sanskrit, and three years later here I am applying for PhD programs.

I started practicing yoga in 2012. I became one of those people who practiced multiple times a day, then I started teaching, and then I quit my full-time engineering job all-together. Then I came here (HDS), and it disappeared from my life. I didn’t grieve the loss of this thing that I had loved; it was just that it's time sort of ended for me. I still do it from time to time, and I’ve started doing it more since graduating. Although yoga is the thing that introduced me to Sanskrit, my relationship to yoga is different now. For me it is physical. I don’t buy into the way that people are trying to package a spiritual experience and a bodily experience all at once. After coming to HDS, I separated the philosophy, the language, and then finally the actual physical practice, so when I do it now I do it just to feel good in my body.

I usually don’t get a lot of good reactions when I tell people this story. Overall there seems to be a sense that this undeniably modern avenue into the world of studying religion, South Asia, and Sanskrit somehow indicates an inability to take it seriously. People have mixed reactions to the idea that the billion dollar, stretchy-pants yoga boom could lead somebody into the academic study of religion, but it did for me and I hope others are lucky enough to let it do the same for them.

Learning Curve

Engineering school never felt right. I never really meshed with that culture. Honestly, even when I thought I was going to be a priest, that didn’t feel quite right either. And then I walked into that first class of beginner Sanskrit at UT and I was like “Oh! I found the thing, and it’s not a place, or a particular career; it’s this other new thing that I’m so glad I ran into.” It was a beautiful accident. And I’m thankful for it, every day.

Because my first year at HDS was also my first year in the humanities, my time here was like a compressed undergraduate education. There was a huge learning curve. I mean, my first paper in my life that was longer than three pages was my first paper here at HDS. So, I had to give myself time and space to properly develop an idea of what I wanted to do. Even now I can say more easily what I don’t want to do than what I do want to do, whether it’s in regard to a simple term paper or a future book. My dearest friend back in Austin teases me that I went from wanting to do everything in all the libraries in all over the world to wanting to do something in all of the libraries on one continent, and now I’m trying to shrink it down to one country, one city, and perhaps a single library.

Recently, I have realized that, at the bottom of everything, I came to the study of South Asian religion and Indian philosophy because I couldn’t imagine not reading Sanskrit every day. This whole world didn’t initially open up to me through English translations of Sanskrit texts or even from the mouths of my professors. I became familiar with some of India’s epic narratives and philosophical works simply by reading them in the language in which they were meant to be heard and read. In fact, it was only after my second full year of language study that I was finally asked to think critically about them from a non-language-based perspective. This perhaps odd way of doing things, learning the language before knowing what my academic questions might be, has certainly affected the way I study. I’ve finally zeroed in on the thing I love reading the most: Indian philosophy. In particular I’m interested in epistemology, philosophy of language, theories of sensory experience, and the efficacy of sound as a source of knowledge. I’m interested in not just what these philosophers had to say, but also the intricacies of how they chose to say it. What do they have to say about language and how, in turn, do they utilize language to do so? For a lot of people, it probably sounds like the most boring thing in the world. But this is what’s captured my imagination, so I am just going with it.

Hidden Motivations

In my last semester, I took a class with Professor Hallisey about Buddhism and modern fiction. In this course, it was incredible to me how we were all presented with the same paper prompts and every single one of us wrote on distinctly different topics for each. When we were asked “What is the author of this novel asking us to reflect on?” each of us zeroed in on such fascinating and differing topics that it made me wonder if we’d even read the same book.

In the final paper for that class, the basic question was: Why read fiction at all? I started thinking about how fiction forces us not only to look into the minds of different authors, but also to dive deep into our own brains to see what we’re reflecting on. Fiction is a conduit for us to live other lives and see what in those lives is important to us. I wrote about grief and loss for one assignment and about the human tendency to self-deceive for another. As I wrote the final, I thought back and self-psychoanalyzed a bit, realizing that those topics are things that are always present in my mind. I was totally unaware of this while I was reading the novels and writing the individual papers. All this to say that this class changed the way I want to approach the works of certain Indian philosophers. In addition to looking at what they were trying to convey through their arguments, I want to analyze the ways in which they were attempting to convey it in order to gain insight into their world. Perhaps this insight may be able to add to our own experience in unexpected ways.

What is it that I think I’m going to discover there? I don’t know. But I want to get into their brains and I want to know why they chose to talk about the things they chose to talk about. Who were they? What was important to them? What motivated them to write these difficult, intense, complicated things? The engineering side of my brain wants to break down the structure of the texts, the specific sentences, words, and letters. But I also want to put the puzzle pieces together of what they were thinking about on the surface to see what they may have been thinking about below it. Hopefully it leads me somewhere I can’t quite yet imagine.

Elton John

I played the piano competitively for a long time. I started really young because The Lion King was my favorite movie. I remember walking out of the film and being like, “Mom—that music! Who wrote it?” And she told me “Elton John!” I said “I’m going to marry Elton John.” She replied by saying, “Do you want to play the piano?” Soon after that I started to play and still do just for fun. Elton John came here last fall when he was awarded the Harvard Foundation’s Peter J. Gomes Humanitarian, and I finally had the chance to see him in person after 25 years. It was amazing.

Interview and photos by Anaïs Garvanian

#Harvard #Harvard Divinity School #yoga #sanskrit #elton john #buddhism #Religion #episcopal #large

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moranmagic · 6 years

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GDS3 Essays

I didn’t think I would do this yet but everyone else is so why not. I’ve also already written a post script about what I think I did well and where I missed the mark that you can read here.

1. Introduce yourself and explain why you are a good fit for this internship. 273 words

My name is William Moran and I've been playing and thinking about games my entire life. I graduated from Ohio State University with a bachelor's degree in English and currently operate a Jimmy John's store as the general manager.

I tackle problems with a critical eye and mind—I want to analyze how the details contribute to the greater picture. What's our objective and how do the small things we do along the way affect our ability to reach it? I trained at this in college as I looked at how all parts of a text are structured in order to convey and create meaning. I use this at Jimmy John's as I set short term and long term goals and work with my team in order to make those dreams our reality. I've observed and toyed with these interactions through games played since I was a child. I understand that changing any aspect of a game will change how it plays and I care about finding out how to make changes that will make games better.

I value gaming for the unique and entertaining experience it is, the way it creates a story, and how that brings people together. Games allow us to share a positive experience, sometimes with complete strangers. Creating that experience, giving people opportunities to make meaning and build stories with each other through game play, is the more important thing I feel a game can do.

If I am selected for this internship, I will devote myself to ensuring that Magic continues to be the incredible success that brings people together by creating fun new experiences for them.

2. An evergreen mechanic is a keyword mechanic that shows up in (almost) every set. If you had to make an existing keyword mechanic evergreen, which one would you choose and why? 343 words

Skulk was considered by R&D as an evergreen mechanic contender and I know a lot of players also thought it could be a shared mechanic for blue and black. It turns out the design space for skulk isn't very big. More than that, my assessment of the mechanic is that it's an evasion mechanic and putting it in blue and black doesn't make sense—those two colors already have the most evasion in the game and don't need more. I also think they want a shared mechanic that cares about combat between creatures. But I'm not talking about a shared mechanic for blue and black here. I'm talking about how I believe skulk could be useful to a different color.

Green's only evasion mechanic is trample. While green does get the odd Charging Badger and other small creatures with trample, it makes the most sense on large creatures that have more power to trample over blockers. Green lacks an evasion mechanic that makes sense for when its smaller creatures need a way to get through. What can we do there?

I propose skulk. I would suggest using it on small green creatures for evasion. Primary in green, then secondary but very sparingly used in blue and black only if their gluttony of other evasion mechanics really don't make sense for a design. Skulk does have limited design space and while I think green can make uniquely good use of it, my suggestion can't change that limit. Shifting it to green at least puts it in a color that has yet to see it and without it being a block mechanic it can be used more sparingly here. Some prior cards could even be made as color shifted variants in green (such as a creature with skulk and deathtouch).

Green's Giant Growth effects make pumping a skulking creature after blocks are (not) declared more of a reality. Now my 2/2 skulking bear might actually be five damage to the face if my opponent chooses not to trade with their own small utility creature.

3. If you had to remove evergreen status from a keyword mechanic that is currently evergreen, which one would you remove and why? 300 words

For me there is a hands down best answer that no other current evergreen keywords can even compete with: defender. I'd drop it.

Defender is a down side mechanic that prohibits a creature that has the mechanic from attacking. By the very nature of the mechanic, you can't use it a lot in set design. Defenders just sit there and eat damage without being able to progress the game toward an end and this simply prolong the game often without advancing the board state in a meaningful way. On the relatively few cards that use defender it would be no issue simply to write out this creature “can't attack.”

The bulk of defender designs can be classified as one of two types. The first type is 0/N creatures where they have zero power and some amount of toughness. With the ability to buff these cheaply and since they are costed knowing they can't attack, these designs absolutely need “can't attack” rules. But since you don't typically put a bulk of game play focus and rules text on a literal wall—sitting there blunting attacks doesn't make for exciting games—writing out the defender rules text on these cards won't greatly distract from other important elements.

The second type is a group of creatures designed around the idea they they lose defender. Hightide Hermit is the latest of these designs. By ditching defender and rewording he ability that causes it to be able to attack as if it didn't have defender, you can actually drop a line of rules text and the design looks cleaner to me overall. I'd word it as “Hightide Hermit can't attack unless you pay EE.” It parallels Propaganda effects and I'd really want to consider this wording even in a world where defender lives on at evergreen status.

4. You’re going to teach Magic to a stranger. What’s your strategy to have the best possible outcome? 348 words

First, let's define the best possible outcome so we know what we're hoping for: the stranger should walk away wanting to play more Magic. The best way we can get that result is for them to have fun.

When teaching a game, especially Magic, it's easy to get bogged down in the trap of explaining too much of the rules up front. Having taught a few people how to play Magic, my preferred method is to play first and explain as we go. I'll grab two of the new Planeswalker decks and give a brief hook about what they'll be doing: “You're an evil dragon mastermind and you want to make my life as miserable as possible!” Then we draw seven cards.

I like to play the very first game with our hands revealed. This lets me advise them about what to play—”Start with a land. Put it on the table in front of you.”—and if they have questions they can point to a card and ask me without feeling they're showing me information they should keep hidden. “Now you use that land to cast a spell. Turn it sideways to show you used it this turn.” Ideally they're casting a creature and soon swinging with it to attack me. Their first Magic experience is that they're really playing and I've explained the bare essentials like how lands match up with the colors of mana on costs.

They don't hear about a hundred different rules and specific game terms that would distract and overwhelm them. Perhaps most importantly, they see a narrative develop. Mighty wizards build up their forces by casting spells and increasing their power supply until one of them can tip the odds in their favor and seize the day.

I want them to enjoy the world and story of Magic they get a glimpse of through the cards. I want them to have fun trying to beat me in the game. If I can accomplish those two things then I know the answer to “Do you want to play again?” will be an emphatic “YES!”

5. What’s Magic’s greatest strength and why? 277 words

Without a doubt the best thing Magic has going for it is that game after game it still remains immensely fun. It does this by immersing the player in so many ways; the art looks cool, it's a social experience, it provides a unique challenge, there are so many ways to play it, and every game you play feels fresh and engaging.

I picked up the game back around 2006 because it looked interesting. I kept playing it because I was having fun even though I wasn't really sure my friends and I were playing it correctly. New players will come into the game out of curiosity, or because their friends play it, or because they found a sibling;s old cards in a shoebox. They'll stick with it only because they have fun with it. If they don't have fun then they'll put it down and look for something entertaining.

Players keep playing Magic because it's fun. Maybe it's the lore, or grinding tournaments, or obscure rules interactions that enable silly combos, or just spending time with friends playing a game. Whatever it is, they've found the parts of Magic that are the most fun for them. If those parts stop being fun, it's only a matter of time before they ask themselves how much longer they should indulge a hobby that stopped being as entertaining to them.

One immensely difficult aspect to continuing Magic's success is determining how all these different players, from the beginner to the veteran, enjoy the game and ensuring there's enough of that in the products released each your that they all remain happy and excited about what Magic is doing.

6. What’s Magic’s greatest weakness and why? 252 words

The answer's simple; complexity. Magic is so so so complex. It's hard to learn and harder to master. That's a big barrier to learning the game and even a barrier to continuing the game—even pros have limits as to how much complexity they can handle.

Now complexity isn't all bad. It's also a strength of Magic. The game wouldn't be as rich and rewarding as it is if it wasn't also complicated. But the trick is focusing that complexity so that there's a payoff for putting up with it. I shouldn't finish a game of Magic and feel like I just did taxes, but there can be some mentally taxing situations within the game. There can be difficult things to learn and rules to be aware of.

Ideally the complexity is fun. Tracking Storm count is just tedious bookkeeping except I know the payoff is coming and that it's me one shotting you with a Tendrils when that number gets high enough. That's the secret to making complexity work for the game; always point it toward a fun result. If the player knows a payoff is coming then the act of getting there becomes less tedious and even becomes a source of enjoyment.

The players trust that if they're doing something then there will be a reward for it. There HAS to be a reward. Point them in a direction and have it fizzle out after they've spent time and effort getting there and that's when complexity is really Magic's bane.

7. What Magic mechanic most deserves a second chance (aka which had the worst first introduction compared to its potential)? 257 words

Cipher is solid as an idea but it was executed poorly. What it did well is promise free copies of spells and require players to attack to get them. What it did poorly is hamstring development since the potential copies were unlimited, have limited design space, and use wonky wording (encode?).

I want a mechanic that still delivers free copies of spells and encourages attacking, but which can be developed better—and I'm not going to use “encode” to accomplish it, just words already commonly used in Magic. I'm calling the mechanic Spellstrike—you strike your opponent and you get spells. Think of it as Rebound meets Cipher. I'd word the reminder text something like “If you cast this from your hand, exile it on a creature you control as it resolves instead of putting it into your graveyard. After this turn, when that creature attacks, you may cast this card from exile without paying its mana cost.” This successfully navigates the failures of cipher while monopolizing its best aspects.

Because the second cast can only ever happen one time, the initial payment for the spell can almost certainly be less than what we saw for cipher (I would hope spellstrike doesn't ask 2UB for a 1/1 with flying). If triggering upon attack proved too powerful, it could be adjusted to be a combat damage to an opponent trigger as well, but my hope is that this successfully expands the design space since the mechanic now works as a combat trick and thus on instants as well as sorceries.

8. Of all the Magic expansions that you’ve played with, pick your favorite and then explain the biggest problem with it. 292 words

Eldritch Moon cranked the dial on Eldrazi to 11 when some people had had enough of them at 10. I'm not one of those people. I love Eldrazi and Shadows Over Innistrad block was such a unique blend of Emrakul and Innistrad that I fell madly in love (pun intended). That block, and Eldritch Moon specifically, is some of the best Magic I've ever experienced—from limited to constructed to the art, story, and individual cards, it all rocked! Which makes it a real shame that it came right after Battle for Zendikar block and part of the audience was burnt out on Eldrazi.

BFZ block particularly agitated people with some mechanical choices (devoid for one) that soured peoples' opinions of Eldrazi. Add into that Eldrazi are already contentious because of their specific game play previously (battle cruiser Magic and annihilator) and creatively because they look unsettling and destroy your favorite plane. People were ready to move on from Eldrazi after BFZ block and there was no better way than with the best plane ever, Innistrad. With no downtime between Elrazi catastrophes, instead the perception was that these horrors went on to destroy that plane in irreparable ways.

The lesson to take from this is to be aware of how a player's perception of “it's the same thing all over again” can link disparate mechanical elements because they share some important creative similarities. The Eldrazi of SOI block and incredibly different from the Eldrazi of BFZ block. Melding Eldrazi with horror was a spectacular move. But since the block was preceded by an Eldrazi block, all four sets were viewed almost as one mega block with shared failings when SOI block would have been better appreciated had there been some downtime between them.

9. Of all the Magic expansions that you’ve played with, pick your least favorite and then explain the best part about it. 297 words

Aether Revolts, especially draft, didn't transform the format substantially. It's not that it was bad, just that if I'm going to draft Kaladesh block, I'd rather draft triple Kaladesh instead of Kaladesh and something that feels like the set Kaladesh but isn't. What did Aether Revolt do best? Revolt!

How appropriate that the keyword mechanic that shares its name with part of the title of the set, revolt, was so dang good. I looked at revolt and though, “Seems like a remake of morbid.” And it is in part, sure. A creature dying will trigger revolt. But it's so different from morbid that it stands on its own in ways I wouldn't have guessed at first. Bouncing something back to your hand, exiling or flickering something, they all trigger revolt. I can still throw a little 1/1 against my opponent and see if they'll kill it. But I can also sac my Evolving Wilds. Let's talk about that for a moment because it highlights one of the best aspects of revolt and how it's definitely not just a morbid clone.

Typical game play with Evolving Wilds is to play it and then crack it on your opponent's next end step to search out your land, withholding the information of which land you want as long as possible while still getting it untapped to use on your next turn. But what if you need revolt active? Perhaps the best play now is to hold onto my Evolvng Wilds so I can activate revolt whenever I need to. I need to assess if the mana and fixing is more important than the revolt boost.

Any mechanic that can make me reassess a basic aspect of the game that I usually take for granted is doing some really good work.

10. You have the ability to change any one thing about Magic. What do you change and why? 282 words

I would abolish the legendary rule and make legendary simple a marker with no rules baggage.

Legendary is a negative mechanic in the rules sense—you can only control one copy of a legendary something. If you put four copies of of a legend in your deck then most of the time drawing multiple copies of that leaves you with dead cards in your hand. But on the flip side, legendary cards are usually cool and powerful cards that players will want to play even more than normal. They aren't often so powerful that a player needs to be limited to only controlling one copy at a time and the few times that is true, rules text on the specific card that recreates the legendary rule in some manner would do the trick.

Legendary creatures are things players want to play and they will be better able to play them if they can put four copies in their decks without being penalized for it with dead draws of what would otherwise be an awesome draw. Furthermore, ditching the legend rules means Magic is free to make anything a legend if it feels legendary. Why would you want to do that? Commander is such a popular format that it's snagged a dedicated yearly product slot. The best way to support that format is by printing more legendary creatures and being free to make creatures legendary especially when they will encourage a new deck archetypes in the format. If legendary is only used as a marker for cool unique creatures without rules baggage then, once again, you're free to make anything a legend if it feels legendary. Commander players around the globe will rejoice.

#gds3 #essays #mtg

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krys-does-otome · 6 years

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Bad End Roundup: Collar x Malice

Bad End Roundups is where I give reactions to the bad ends and Normal Ends of an otome, usually because I tend to leave all the bad or normal ends until I've completed all of the Good Ends I can. This isn't the case with every game, as some I'll get a bad end the first time through, especially with blind playthroughs. In general, however, this is my rule of thumb when I play otomes.

And, as you can probably figure, these are going to be riddled with spoilers, for the entire game.

Just a fair warning.

Out of all of the bad ends I've played so far, this game takes the more serious path. There aren't any gag endings, where the ending is so ridiculous that you can't take it seriously. There aren't really any normal endings either, just the Tragic Love Ends, where it varies on how much this ending hurts your soul.

Now, into the Bad End Roundup, starting with… the common route!

Final spoiler warning here, folks!

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Common Route

‘Report it’ Ending Ichika goes against the strict warnings from the collar and tell Mochida about what happened to her, show him the collar and everything.

This results in the collar injecting the poison into her system, and, thus, kills her. Whoops.

‘Rather Do It Myself’ Ending This end is when Ichika doesn't choose a specific route and are basically trying to solve the X Day crimes alone without input from the others. But there is too much for her to analyze on her own, overwhelming her, and X Day comes as a result, and she’s too late to stop it.

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Mineo Enomoto Bad Ends

Enomoto has six Bad Ends, one of them being his Tragic Love End.

Bad End 1 This one involves taking a more dangerous shortcut home. This forced Ichika to run into Manabu, the gamer dude, where he shoots her. Whoops.

Bad End 2 This one involves Ichika getting information from Satake, Enomoto’s old superior and mentor. Unfortunately, she are too cautious in her approach and he doesn't give the information. This leads indirectly to Ichika’s death, because she wasn't proactive enough.

Bad End 3 Like Bad End 2, this one involves getting information from Satake. Ichika is still too cautious, but she does apologize for hiding the complete truth from him. This results in Enomoto getting taken and killed this time.

Bad End 4 This is where Ichika misses the shot to disable Hanako, the girl in the bunny jacket. This results in her shooting Kazuki, her little brother.

She doesn't take this very well, as she then proceed to shoot her multiple times in a blind rage.

Bad End 5 This involves going to the wrong place to find Enomoto and Ogata, resulting in Enomoto shooting Ogata, on streaming video, right on the big screen in Shinjuku Station, with no context as to why Enomoto opened fire on him.

Bad End 6, His Tragic Love End Enomoto tries to make his peace with Ogata in a live press conference. Ogata however, does not share the same sentiment and tries to stab him with a concealed knife. Ichika is quicker to react and shoot him, straight in the heart.

However, because it was a compromise of her ideals, shooting a person first instead trying to understand him and his point of view, Ichika resigns from the police force and goes home. Before she can completely leave, however, Enomoto finds her on the train and tries to convince her to stay, but the damage is already done and she leaves him behind.

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Takeru Sasazuka Bad Ends

Sasazuka has six Bad Ends, one of them being his Tragic Love End

Bad End 1 Ichika goes into the park to find Suzune, one of the twins, there. Suzune goes off on her for showing basic human concern and proceeds to choke her. Suzune’s brother, Shion, comes along to his sister choking poor Ichika. He stops her, briefly, until it's revealed that Ichika’s a cop. He then proceeds to shoot her dead. Whoops.

Bad End 2 Because Ichika stumbled upon Rika Sugawara’s dead body accidentally, she is killed for seeing too much.

Bad End 3 Ichika pushes Sasazuka out of the way of being shot by Manabu, and gets shot in the process. Sasazuka doesn’t take this well.

Bad End 4 Ichika tries to reason with Manabu, against her and Sasazuka’s better judgement. This results in Ichika getting ‘BOOM. HEADSHOT.’ Sasazuka screams worse in this ending.

Bad End 5 Sasazuka keeps his focus on finding his mother’s killer instead of the larger problem of the X Day crimes. He does take off Ichika's collar in a very sweet scene (where he drugs her though, unfortunately) and disappears into the night.

Bad End 6, His Tragic Love End This ends with Sasazuka not fighting to keeping them together, so he and Ichika have to separate because of their jobs. He does give her a pretty necklace in parting though.

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Kageyuki Shiraishi Bad Ends

Shiraishi has five Bad Ends, including his Tragic Love End

Bad End 1 Ichika is killed by Rika Sugawara, just for running into her. Whoops.

Bad End 2 Shiraishi confronts Zero on his own, resulting in him getting killed.

Bad End 3 Ichika fails in negotiating with the twins, which results in her getting shot.

Bad End 4, His Tragic Love End Ichika becomes a part of Adonis, becoming a killer numb to any emotion, or pretty much anything. Shiraishi is 'given’ to her as a pet, with his vocal chords taken out, eternally crying in his failure to protect Ichika.

Bad End 5 Ichika succeeded in killing Zero, but he activates the poison in her collar, like in Shiraishi’s good ending. And Shiraishi administers the antidote, same as his good ending. The only difference between this and his ‘Good End’ is that he is straight up honest with, telling her they are lovers, and they stay in the underground forever, because she needs to recover, and… well, he is a wanted criminal.

I feel bad to say this a lot less fucked up than his actual ‘Good End’ :/

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Kei Okazaki Bad Ends

Okazaki has five Bad Ends, including his Tragic Love End

Bad End 1 Ichika follows Yasahiro Isshiki, and then is killed by Hanako. Again.

This is becoming a trend.

Bad End 2 Okazaki confronts Ichika when he sees the collar. However, since it sounded like she was conspiring with Rika Sugawara, Okazaki gives her the cold shoulder instead of learning the whole truth. Because of his threat to tell his superiors about the collar, Ichika dies via the poison in her collar.

Bad End 3 Ichika doesn't accept the idea of her dying very well, which results in her being afraid of Okazaki, especially after he had pulled his gun on her before. Because of her cowardly unwillingness, Okazaki tried to distance himself, hating her cowardice. One final confrontation results in the line: “You weren't the one I was meant to protect.”

He is then taken out by Adonis, a death without meaning, his worst fear.

Bad End 4 Where Ichika and Okazaki have to get out of explosive-riddled park, but Ichika chooses to pursue Sanjou, on her own, and almost gets killed, had it not been for Okazaki, who dies in her stead. At least he dies happy :/

Bad End 5, His Tragic Love End Where Ichika missed the shot and is actually killed this time. Okazaki is distraught and considers killing himself. He only just barely manages to stop himself from pulling the trigger on himself before Zero finds them and kills Okazaki himself.

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Aiji Yanagi Bad Ends

Yanagi has seven Bad Ends, including his Common Route Bad End and his Tragic Love End

Bad End 1, His Common Route Bad End This is achieved by too many wrong answers and don’t pick a specific route, which leads to Adonis thinking Ichika truly hasn't pursued the X Day crimes seriously, so Zero kills her via the poison in her collar.

Bad End 2 Ichika follows Kazuki on her own, without Yanagi, which means she meets Yasahiro Isshiki on her own. He finds out she's a cop and pushed her out, where she meets Hanako.

You can guess where it goes from here.

Bad End 3 We miss the shot on the hostage situation, hitting the hostage by accident, inciting the perp, Yanagi isn't fast enough to stop the perp and Ichika is shot. He is distraught by the turn of events, and same for the reader if you've finished his route before doing the Bad Ends, like me.

Bad End 4 Ichika confronts Saeki, and raises her gun on him. He then knocks her out and kidnaps her to his hideout. When Ichika wakes up, she's surrounded by the bodies of Yanagi, Okazaki, Enomoto, and Shiraishi, all killed by the automatic defense system. Saeki comes to her, offering his hand, asking if she wants to help him rid the world of malice and sorrow.

In her grief, Ichika takes his hand, only mentally vowing to get rid of the root of the problem, him, with her own hands.

Bad End 5 What I like to call the ‘Ichika Goes Yandere’ Ending.

X Day happens as planned, meaning everyone is living in fear of the terrorist organization, including Ichika.

She locks herself and Kazuki in the apartment, Yanagi comes by and is taken in himself, Ichika so scared and paranoid, she literally threatens him bodily harm if he goes back out, where it was clearly not safe. Yanagi is regretful that he couldn’t save her from her fear and paranoia.

Bad End 6 Saeki dies from the open fire of the SWAT team, probably because we didn’t report it to Morioka and Minegishi about us wanting a word with him. When Saeki shot Yanagi, it sent off the warning to the team and they open fire.

With his dying breath, he sets off a bomb. Yanagi dies protecting Ichika, and she goes off to rid the world of sorrow, because of her loss of Yanagi and Saeki.

Bad End 7, His Tragic Love End Saeki is the faster shot and he gets Yanagi, multiple times, but doesn’t kill him. Ichika gets a good shot in and kills Saeku, right through the heart.

Because of the trauma of killing him (basically proving his point, that she can kill to protect, even if it was someone she previously cared about), Ichika was sent home because of the shock, and hasn't been seen since. Yanagi leaves us by looking for her as hard as he can.

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The closest thing that could be considered a Normal Ending would be Sasazuka’s Tragic Love End, where they have separate because of their jobs with minimal drama, just a quiet parting of ways.

My first official Bad End was in Okazaki’s route, right around the time I got the title postholder image. It was my first time attempting fate in the game (not the last time either) and I was heart-broken as a result. Still didn’t teach me to not tempt fate though.

My favorite Bad End has to be, surprisingly, Okazaki's Tragic Love End, where Ichika actually dies in this end. It actually had me on my edge of my seat, especially once the cg popped up. Okazaki is mentally anguished, seriously considering taking his own life because Ichika needlessly lost hers. Only in the last few moments does he pull the gun from his head, giving you some bit of hope, that he could move on.

Unfortunately, Zero finds him, twists some words, and shoots Okazaki himself, snuffing out any shred of hope.

I love the high emotions in this one, how there is still just a bit of hope for a bittersweet ending, that Okazaki could be okay after Ichika’s death, that he could be okay and move on.

But no, that hope was snuffed out by Zero’s trigger and everything was lost.

Probably my most what the fuck moment was with Shiraishi’s last ending, which plays close to his Good End, but is thankfully shorter.

Like I mentioned in the insert, I find this ending less fucked up than his Good End, and that is a tad frightening.

Compared to his ‘Good’ Ending, he doesn't lie to her, he straight up calls them lovers. She still has amnesia, but at least he doesn't lie to her. Sure, they're still in the underground, but at least he doesn't try to distance himself from her by caring for her as her ‘doctor’, only to distance himself further when she's well enough to rejoin society, dumping her on Yanagi, and turns himself in to the authorities.

I'm still broke from Shiraishi’s Good Ending, okay? Okay.

Up next, my final thoughts on Collar x Malice, an analysis of the entire game, a discussion of my favorite moments, good or bad, and a ranking of the routes against each other and various other things.

For the individual baes in Review for Collar x Malice, here’s the link to Baes in Summary, which has links to individual route thoughts and ratings.

If anyone has any special requests for baes or games for me to review, here’s the most up-to-date list of games and routes I’ve completed thus far: Butts Touched Master List

Have a good day, lovelies, and remember to touch all the butts.

#otome bad end roundup #collar x malice #collar x malice spoilers #aiji yanagi #kei okazaki #mineo enomoto #takeru sasazuka #kageyuki shiraishi #cw: blood #cw: violence #cw: suicide mentions #also worth mentioning #that cg was right around the time I got my first bad ending #because I couldn't resist tempting fate #it didn't end well #didn't stop me from tempting fate later on in the game #lolol

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ladyofthecastleproject · 5 years

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[Angel of Miracle; Finale] 310 - Ad Infinitum

“It’s… Daisuke’s crest?!” - Vee was amazed with it. Shocked yet astonished. So that was Daisuke’s power, crest, core… It didn’t matter the term, that strength was filling him as well. His eyes were glowing in crimson, and he felt unstoppable.

“V-mon, are you ready?” - Daisuke sounded more serious than before.

“Ready.”

“W-wait, what are you two doing?!” - Asked both Miyako and Warlock in unisson.

“I have a plan, trust me… I won’t die. Just try to find a solution for the core of Purity, please.”

“But, Daisuke-kun--” - Hikari approached from him - “You shouldn’t fight alone…!!”

“Who said I’m fighting alone?” - he smiled - “You five come with me.”

“Only us??” - Iori gasped.

“Wait a second,” - Ken interrupted them - “Warlock-san… What if we use someone from our world’s core? We know who may have the core of Purity.”

“A-are you crazy summoning Mimi-san here?!” - the other Chosen Babbled.

“I see… You want to use this person’s core for it” - Warlock mused - “May work.”

“Do you think I will let you do that?!” - Pandora shouted, then grabbed Daisuke - “You’re coming with me, and you won’t get this last piece mwhahaha!!”

“D-Daisuke!!” - Vee shouted.

“H-Hey let me g-go!!”

She flew away, dragging Daisuke to the skies. The Chosen glanced at their partners and evolved them directly to Aquilamon, Digmon, Stingmon, Pegasmon and Nefertimon. The kids flew after them, with V-mon going on Aquilamon’s back alongside Miyako.

“They wouldn’t like to have another friend summoned here” - Lia protested - “Let’s try find another solution! I thought bringing Hikari could solve it, but now I see it was a bad idea.”

“I know, but… If we don’t do something, Lance-- No, sir Daisuke will be beaten. Him and those kids.”

“Allow me help you,” - said a voice that made Warlock stare for a few seconds.

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“GET OVER IT, PANDORA!” - Daisuke shouted - “You can’t win! A-and I have no f-fear!!”

“We will see, Lance Duskstella” - she smirked.

“My name’s Daisuke now! Motomiya Daisuke, the Chosen Child of Courage and Friendship!” - he bit her arm in this desperate attempt to free from her arm.

“Oh how cute, you think you can use your teeth to hurt me?” - she laughed - “Try again. Try again.”

“Ma’am, you’re tough! Literally.”

“LEAVE DAISUKE ALONE YOU FREAK!!” - Miyako shouted - “Aquilamon, get them!” “But what if I hit Daisuke-san?!” “You won’t! Also it’s impossible to kill Motomiya Daisuke!” “But--” “Aquilamon you NEED to do something!” - Vee pulled the bird’s feather lightly - “Or at least get closer so I can jump and evolve!”

“Oh? Your friends are here…”

They all landed. Pandora kept using Daisuke as hostage, making impossible to attack her. This wasn’t helping Daisuke and his anxiety. He was trying to escape, but no success. She was stronger than him. Also now everyone was able to see her: Her skin was white, her eyes were purple and liveless, she had brown hair and long as Archnemon’s. Basically, she looked like Archnemon in appearance, but she was human and a witch.

“Whatever you’re doing, don’t shoot on me!” - Daisuke screamed - “But don’t stay looking at, do something… N-NOW!!”

“Wait!” - Ken stood in front of them - “We have to have an strategy first.”

“B-But Ken-kun!” - Miyako was panicked. “Ken, this is no time for that!!” - V-mon protested.

“W-what are you doing?!” - Daisuke couldn’t believe it - “H-help me…!!”

“Let him go, Pandora” - Ken ordered - “Or else…”

“Or else what?” - she mocked him - “Do you think I will be frightened by a bunch of kids? Hah, I’m a WITCH. I can curse upon you all if I want!”

“Look, the enemies in our world underestimated those kids” - Daisuke smirked - “You have no idea who are you fighting against”

“You’re a damsel in distress, Lance. You shouldn’t--”

“V-MON HEAD!!”

Vee took her off guard and knocked her down. Stingmon flew and grabbed them, returning directly to the group. Pandora then got irritated with those outsiders and their monsters… She wanted to eliminate them. But how??

“Ack, my neck hurts” - Daisuke complained - “She’s really strong and feels no pain…!”

“We need to find some way to beat her!” - Takeru was watching her staring at them.

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“Yosh, time to go!” - Taichi and the other five were at the camp. They had told Jun, Momoe and Chizuru to give them total support in the human world. Taichi’s plan was to open the gate to the Digital World and then try to find a way to go to this mysterious world the young Chosen were at the moment.

“Are you sure we can use the Digital World as gateway to this other world?” - Sora was still acting like a concerned mother - “What if we get… stuck in somewhere unknown and with no chances of returning?”

“Sora-san you’re just contradicting yourself a lot” - Mimi teased her - “First you told us one thing, then you said another, and now you’re changing your mind?” - she chuckled like an anime princess - “Oh hohoho! I see… You’re obviously scared!”

“And aren’t you…?” - Sora kept polite and calm, despising Mimi being all fired up for some adventure - “Mimi-chan, aren’t you worried with them?”

“Me?” - Mimi blinked, then she dropped all the sass - “... I’m worried with Hikari-chan and Miyako-chan… No, I’m worried with ALL of them too! But… I thought I had to get spirits up for this mission.”

“She means no harm” - Taichi added - “Mimi-chan is just trying to lighten up everyone’s mood.”

“She doesn’t need to be like that either” - Yamato growled.

“... I’m sorry” - and the Chosen of Purity felt bad for all the tease and snarky attitude.

“It’s not your fault, Mimi-chan” - Sora tried to cheer her up - “I appreciate you’re trying to keep us motivated, but I think not everyone here is in the mood for it.”

“The gate will be opened soon” - Koushiro announced, after a long silence.

“Right!” - Their leader nodded

“But are we sure we can do this?” - here goes Jou ask the same questions Sora did.

“100 percent sure!” - Taichi replied with enthusiasm.

The gate was about to open, but… It wasn’t a Digital Gate. The gate that opened had a man in front of it, someone similar to…

“G-Gennai-san?!” - everyone were in shock.

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“Gold Rush!” “Curse of Queen!” “Silver Blaze!” “Blast Laser!” “Moon Shooter!”

Digmon’s drills and Stingmon’s spikes were combined with Nefertimon’s, Pegasmon’s laser beams and Aquilamon’s stream ring-shaped beams against Pandora, but she repelled them with her forcefield. They kept attacking, while V-mon and Daisuke were planning something. They needed time, they needed strategy. Ken was thinking and analyzing the battle, the digimon were dodging magic shots released from their enemy. It was hard to tell how to beat Pandora, especially when they didn’t want to risk approaching from her.

“Didn’t Lance use magic?” - Vee glanced at Daisuke - “Like, I think I heard something about that before.”

“M-Me?” - Daisuke blinked - “A-ah, I used to learn spells and to use my aether for that. Magic is not an unusual thing in this world, all creatures have it… I had it.”

“This means Daisuke-kun has powers?” - Hikari asked.

“Not anymore… Since this is a new body, a new life… I can’t actually use the same magic from before. However, I can use the same weapon I used to have in my training.”

“W-we don’t have too much time anymore!!” - Iori called them - “There’s must have a way to stop her!!”

“A way…” - Dai mused... - “T-that’s it! If we use the core’s power, the CREST power… We might stop her!”

“What?!” - Miyako blinked - “You mean… Do that again? Summon the power inside of us? But you have the cores of everyone from this world’s inside the pendant!”

“I can’t use it without Fiorella’s core” - he explained - “But we can use the left ones here, right now… At least to stop her until Warlock discover something about the sealing spell!!”

“... We should at least try” - Ken agreed. “Yes, we should” - Takeru nodded.

They held each other’s hands and focused on gathering all the power inside themselves. Six lights appeared in front of them -- Determination, Energy, Fairness, Hope, Light and Kindness. It also powered their partners up. But V-mon kept in his child form for an unknown reason.

Then, they pointed their digivices at Pandora, shooting a rainbow light against her. She has been purified… Until Iori realize something coming from her body. A dark shadow formed over her, a monster they wished to not known. A monster with seven legs and eight eyes. It was grotesque, it caused the kids fear and despair.

“W-what is this feeling? Suddenly everything is cold and terrifying...” - Miyako commented.

“Darkness is swallowing us…” - Hikari hugged herself - “This is the end…”

“That’s… Ogudomon” - V-mon told the kids, while watching his digicomrades step back and return to the group - “We’re doomed…”

“Ogudomon?” - the boys repeated.

“That’s the embodiment of all deadly sins of the Digital World” - Pegasmon said. “We’re unable to beat it” - added Nefertimon.

“W-what the… I know you’re scared, but we need to fight it or we won’t go home!” - Daisuke told them - “... I’m afraid too, but if we let the fear control us, there won’t exist a new tomorrow for everyone here!!”

“But--” - they weren’t sure about that.

“Stop saying ‘but’, the world needs us! Time to fight or be eaten by this darkness!”

“Daisuke…” - V-mon glanced at him - “I’m scared…!”

Darkness was his enemy. Not the good shadow used to escape from the heat of the summer, or the cold and dark nights of the winter. It was the evil, the seven sins aprisioned in that box. The evil he had released as Lance, the same maleficent force which is scaring his new friends. Inside, Daisuke was divided between himself… And Lance.

Ah man, I can’t do it. No you can! If I had heard Lia that time… And you’re here right now to solve this, have confidence! But… What if I’m not strong enough to fight it? You’re me, and I’m you. We’re two sides of the same coin. But… What if I fail? There’s no reason to fear. We saved the world before, we can do that again! I’m… Not sure this time… You have to trust yourself. It’s hard…!! We can make it… You have them!! Taichi-san… I want to be like him, I always wanted to be like him. Since I got this new life, I’ve been admired by a person who was the embodiment of courage. Taichi-san is strong, so do you. Here, take my hand and let’s save the world. You’re me, I’m you. Together we form Motomiya Daisuke.

“DAISUKE, HIKARI!!” - a familiar voice came. and everyone looked behind them to see Taichi, Sora, Yamato, Mimi, Koushiro and Jou. With them, there were their other-selves from that world.

“Taichi-senpai!” - Daisuke smiled, it was a miracle. He was there…! He was… Wait, what was he doing there?! - “W-watch out, this digimon is stronger than all of us…!!”

“It’s okay, Lance” - a familiar voice said and the younger Chosen Children saw a man on their side. He looked like Gennai, but more like a mage-Gennai - “Or should I call you by Daisuke now?”

“Gennai-san?” - All six kids and six digimons blinked.

“My Name’s Dragon Who. I’m the one who sealed Ogudomon a long time ago” - he began - “Pandora was one of my apprentices, and she got taunted by the power of that box and its seal. I tried to stop her but… I had no choice but seal her and the box together.”

“I-Is there some way to save everyone’s lives?” - Hikari asked - “Please, tell us!”

“I’ve been debating it since I saw you in the Labyrinth. I felt it since you helped me to escape from there.”

“F-Funbeemon?!” - Vee gasped - “Y-you were Funbeemon?!”

“There’s no time to waste. Lance, use the power of the cores from this world and from your new life’s world.”

“B-But Fiorella--” - Dai tried to argue but…

“Fiorella just like you has reborn. She came before you because she was a pure person of light. You, however, had to be judged by your crimes and get your redemption first. Fiorella now is Tachikawa Mimi, but she has no traces of her past life. You only had those because of your spell, separating a fragment of your soul and sealing it in your star-shaped crystal.”

“M-Mimi-san is... Fiorella??” - the group was confused.

“This means… Having her in this world completes the requirements for the sealing spell. You have power, Lance and outsider children. Now you have to use it to seal the Darkness itself and save this world.”

“We have it…” - Daisuke seemed refreshed, his body had been revitalized by those words. Suddenly, all the cores from the people of that world, and from the twelve Chosen Children were together, surrounding the group - “Guys… We’re going to end this NOW.”

Ogudomon attacked them, but their digimon protected them. all cores also caused a barrier preventing them to get hurt. Unlike the previous time, their partner digimon were consumed by a strong and pure energy, strengthening them. To complete it, a miraculous object appeared in front Daisuke, something he recognized as…

“The Golden Digimental!”

With the crest of Miracles carved on it, Daisuke grabbed it and said the magical words: Digimental Up!! and V-mon immediately evolved directly to Golden Magnamon. Vee’s energy was purifying everything around, giving more power to the digimon group.

“It’s beautiful” - Lia commented. “So this must be the power of all cores together” - mused Warlock.

“Is that… Our power given to the kids?” - Taichi wondered. “Impressive…” - Koushiro was amazed with it.

“Magnamon!” - Daisuke yelled - “Keep your attacks focused on that thing! Nefertimon, Pegasmon, tie it with the holy string. Aquilamon, Stingmon, Digmon, you stay on stand by and wait for the signal. Attack directly the head with long-ranged attacks! Magnamon will finish it with a giant beam… And I-- No, we will seal Ogudomon again…!”

The digimon nodded, and the battle has resumed. Ogudomon kept trying to attack them with its giant legs, but it couldn’t compete with the smaller digimon ones and their speed. The kids also noticed strange colored auras coming from their partners.

Some of them were familiar to Takeru and Hikari. They saw in those auras Seraphimon and Holydramon. However, the auras of the other three digimon weren’t recognized by Miyako, Iori and Ken. Magnamon’s aura was different, it was pure light and energy. He was attacking Ogudomon with physical attacks, giving not so much damage on the enemy.

“We can’t win…” Hikari was afraid again. “We don’t need to beat it” - Daisuke told her - “All we need is to seal it!”

After tying the legs, Nefertimon and Pegasmon used laser beams against the ‘head’ of the enemy digimon. Stingmon, Digmon and Aquilamon used the same attacks they previously used against Pandora. The monster stepped back, falling since it had its legs unable to move. Magnamon gathered all the energy he had and released it in form of a giant explosion of light, illuminating the place.

“Now, Chosen Children!” - Said Dragon Who to them.

All the cores surrounded them, Daisuke used that power and pointed his hands at the grotesque monster, with the other five putting their hands in the magical circle summoned by the sealing spell.

“This is where it ends” - Dai muttered, his eyes shining in orange - “FINAL UNION BLASTER!!”

But surprisingly, the cores released a beam and started to dissolve Ogudomon. Not sure if it was what they expected, but… It was something caused by all twelve Chosen, the six digimon, and the nine people from that world.

“... Final Union Blaster?” - the kids frowned.

“C-Come on, I had to c-come up with a cool name for a finishing attack!” - Daisuke blushed, then they all laughed - “O-Oi… I H-have creativity!!”

“That was so Daisuke” - Magnamon rolled his eyes.

“Look, it’s Pandora…” - Hikari gasped, looking at the poor woman dissolving either - “What… What’s happening?!”

“She had been consumed by Ogudomon for a long time” - Dagon Who explained - “her body couldn’t survive it. You, outsiders, saved this world and I thank you for your efforts. Darkness must be balanced with Light, and this world had been unbalanced for a long time ago. Ogudomon is gone, but this does not mean it won’t return. Since this is the embodiment of all seven demon lords who represents each deadly sin, if those sins take control over the world again, it might reappear.”

“So… It’s not dead, just… temporary dead?” - Daisuke asked.

“Exactly.”

“That makes no sense to me!” - he shouted. “Neither to me, but knowing you and Mimi-san came from this world confuses my head more often” - Miyako sighed.

“I will… read more about it when we’re at home” - Ken seemed curious. “We can read together” - Iori suggested.

“Now it’s time for you six and your six outsider friends go home” - the ancient mage said - “I suggest you to say your goodbyes now, I’ll be send you and your partner monsters back to your world.”

“Right…” - Daisuke nodded and then looked directly at the people from that place. He felt sad inside - “... So, this means my job is done here. I fixed my mistake. You won’t be mad if I never come here again, right? Sienna, Lia, Helios, Warlock…”

“We will miss you, but we will protect this world for you, my brother” - Lia replied with a smile, but she couldn’t hold the tears… She hugged him back, and then Sienna and Helios joined it. Warlock was just watching it.

“Great Grandfather” - he was much more interested on the ‘Gennai-like’ man - “How can you be here?”

“Just like Lance, before I died I used the same spell to leave a shard of my soul in this world. I believe your friend read about it and used at his favor.”

“I see… So Lance was definitely a mastermind after all. You impressed me,” - he said directly to Dai when this had been free from the hugs - “You finished your task, now you’re free from this fate. It was nice to see you again… And I apologize for not being a good friend.”

“What the heck are you talking about, Warlock?” - the other chuckled - “You were the best of the best friends I had! You, Sienna and Helios were important to me. Lia was special, she was my sis” - and then returned the star pendant back to him - “I guess you will want to have it. At least to remember about me.”

Taichi and the other older Chosen were trying to interact with their other-selves. Something in them made them perplexed and curious. But they had no time for a long talk to discover more about them.

Actually… They were sent back home after those goodbyes.

01000100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01101101 01101111 01101110 01000001 01100100 01110110 01100101 01101110 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100101 00110000 00110010

“Waah, I gotta do my homework” - Daisuke, now three months later of that bizarre adventure, was focused on his studies - “Hikari-chan take it easy…!!”

“You have to study more” - she pouted - “I’m disappointed with you, Daisuke-kun.”

“C-come on…!!”

“Daisuke-kun is always goofing around at the classes” - Takeru commented with Iori - “It’s our last year of Elementary and he’s still…”

“I will be lonely next year” - Iori confessed - “Because I used to have a noisy life around you three. Miyako-san is already in the Junior High and I miss her.

“We will come to visit you, don’t worry about it!!” - Daisuke gave Iori a noogie - “Don’t sweat it, kiddo!”

“We will miss you too, Iori-kun” - Hikari was just watching the boys interacting - “But the school year is not over yet. We will still be here.”

“She’s right” - Takeru and Daisuke agreed.

“I’m… I’m glad to have you three with me” - Iori blushed.

“Aww, isn’t he cute?!” - Daisuke teased him - “Adorable baby face! He loves us!!”

Hikari giggled.

“Then, we should go home” - Takeru was turning the computer off - “We can’t let be late for dinner.”

They agreed and left the room, but Daisuke was still giving a look at their hideout. Suddenly, the image of Miyako, Iori, Takeru, Hikari and him gathered in front the computer with their partners popped in his mind when he looked at their ‘usual spot’.

“Hurry or Jun will eat all the food today!!” - Chibimon gave him a light bite on the shoulder.

“A-ah, that’s right! Mom’s going to make yakisoba today.”

When he was walking home, Daisuke noticed a strange van following him. At first he thought it was just a mere coincidence, but they stopped right when he reached his apartment complex.

He ignored it, but he couldn’t avoid…

“Are you… Motomiya Daisuke? I know you’re holding a digimon.”

… That woman in black.

“H-How do you know my name?!” - he looked behind, seeing a woman with short brown hair, olive green eyes, mysterious aura… - “What’s a digimon?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” - she said, then smiled - “Can we talk for a while, in particular?”

#arc 3: angel of miracle

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sixmorningsafter · 7 years

Text

A Thesis on Chapter 13

Despite all the almost sexy times last chapter, I think this is my favorite so far. There are less “I don’t know you”, “who do you think you are”, “can you just leave me alone” vibes but that doesn’t mean everything (or everyone) is comfortable.

A/N: LMAO this thesis is the greatest thing that’s ever happened, I’m dying. Is there a more appropriate way to review the rambliest fic in the known universe? Always adore your feedback and this is no exception, and I can’t stress enough how happy/giddy I was reading over this and seeing how much thought you put into it, man. Ugh. Cassie’s such a doll, y’all.

Anyway, onto the chapter: lmaoooo not even remotely comfortable, but yessss, the tone is definitely less belligerent and more so just unsettled (at least for Bamon) in 13. Stefan and Caroline were probably more intimate in 12 but hey, every action has an equal an opposite reaction, ja feel? Reality checks await.

Putting the rest under a cut because your glorious long-windedness combined with mine is a chapter in and of itself.

Bonnie: I like her introspection a lot, and I can relate to it (I too try to check myself before wrecking myself). I like that she’s hyper aware of the latent anger and her tendency to hide it away ‘cause then its hidden from her.

I love how she thinks Damon might possibly feel violated by her advances the previous night. Girl, please. And lol “magical fucking reverse-dementor”? Gold.

Oblivious Bonnie. Oh, the hilarity.

A/N: She’s a mess, but she’s trying. I think much like Caroline, she’s convinced that if she drops her guard and removes the tight lid she keeps on parts of herself, disaster will strike, and I think much like Stefan, Damon’s going to play a part in proving that’s not what’s going to happen. Obviously a major difference is Bonnie keeps the lid on to protect others (friends, etc) from jagged parts of herself and Caroline’s is more self-preserving. And LMAO yeah needless to say, Damon’s not feeling particularly violated but bless Bonnie.

Baroline: Bless you. I like this scene a lot. Bonnie tackling a sleeping Caroline; Caroline being a “ferocious blanket monster”– love it. As a writer, it’s a gold mine ‘cause you can casually throw in some flashbacks, but as a reader, it’s a gold mine 'cause you get casually thrown into a fuller picture of who Caroline is– a force to be reckoned with, especially when it comes to the people she holds close. God, I live for Bonnie telling Caroline she came out of one of the worst situations as a “goddam warrior”–ugh, slay me.

Baroline + Tyler feels, love it.

Lol at the “messes” exchange. This is me and any of my best friends lol. Headcanon: Baroline gets messes forever as their matching bff tattoos.

A/N: YAY, Baroline feels! I really wanted to balance out their relationship since so much of the last chapter was Caroline’s side of it, and given that Bonnie was in a ‘fuck everyone’ state it was lopsided, so writing out that scene and having Bonnie assume the role of Caroline’s no. 1 fan felt necessary. So glad the little moments and flashbacks painted a more detailed picture! I think we’ll see more of that ferocious friend side of Caroline in the upcoming chapters, when there are dinners to plan and she’s back in work mode and stuff. I have a fun scene planned where Stefan’s getting pushback on a work call and Caroline sort of snatches the phone and works her magic. And YES, #messesforever tattos! All the Tyler cameos.

Stefan: The trademarked “Fix It” with the “associated apology tour”, that made me laugh.

I liked that Bonnie knows Stefan has callouses for her lashing out, 'cause he’s literally like, welp that wasn’t so bad.

Again, Stefan acknowledging Damon is more than meets the eye is good. I think it’s funny how he has these unrealistic views of people, but he also doesn’t, like when it comes to Damon. I suppose it’s just the women in his life. Unfortunately, his “Caroline is a partially ajar door” epiphany struck me as correct, but only as a reader, I would know that. I kind of like watching Stefan sort himself out. Idk if you made a Stefonnie parallel on purpose, but both are introspective in a very academic way. Unlike Daroline who are equally introspective but built a stone armour around themselves, Stefonnie built, like, a two-way glass armour, you know? God, Stefan would probably hate me for turning him into a metaphor ;p

“People weren’t tropes”, Stefan says as Gabi writes him as a trope. I literally said aloud, “ah the not-trope trope” lol. But I like that he’s self-aware. Unlike canon, where it seems like he embraces the Hero Hair wholeheartedly.

Ooo, such a great point - Stefan and Bonnie definitely take a much more logical approach to analyzing themselves than Caroline or Damon, who are like captains of the National Deflect Team. I think Stefonnie both have lowkey hero complexes and that might factor into it a bit: Bonnie fucks up and her first thought upon waking up is ‘fix it fix all of it’ - she’s more concerned about the people she might’ve affected last night than herself. So she rationally dissects everything she did and figures out the best strategy for making it better (though notice she doesn’t actually come up with a strategy for fixing her coping mechanisms). Stefan wakes up and rationalizes the fuck out of him and Caroline while downplaying the fact that hey, bud, regardless of all this rational mumbo jumbo, you felt something last night. You felt something tighten in you when she put the wall back up. You didn’t like it. So yeah, they’re both a little fake mature in that sense, like they think they’re taking the high road or being logical but they’re also kind of denying reality a bit in the process. And then there’s Daroline, lololol, who’re just like ‘sitting down to critically analyze our problems sounds like a GREAT conversation and all but here’s another suggestion: flinging ourselves off a bridge’.

Stefonnie: Like that ask you answered, I didn’t know how much I needed Stefonnie until this scene. I really like how Bonnie’s approach to her Steroline apologies are to wrap them in light scenarios (like the stories about Caroline and Shark Week with Stefan).

And their hug, how fucking sweet.

God, I love how awkward both of them are when it comes to discussing their currently lowkey romantic ships. Lol, like I tweeted in response to Bonnie’s “I just hope it wasn’t too tense”, it was too intense (har har, I’m funny). And Stefan’s “hope it wasn’t too carnal”, I loved this word choice–thank you. And their stumbling over their own words with one another, like in this “you’re my bestie I can’t lie to you” kind of way.

The parallel, seen in the end, with Stefonnie being clueless when it comes to the romantic ships has me screaming. Wake up people!

A/N: Stefan and Bonnie are totally the clueless problematic cinnamon rolls of this fic, man. Like I know Bonnie has a dark side, but they’re both still such naive koalas, it’s so dumb. So glad you caught the ‘I can’t lie to you’ vibe between them because I was totally going for that - they never explicitly lied but they definitely skirted around the truth, and as you’ll see especially from Stefan in 14, he really doesn’t like it. It’s not their style. Especially given their loaded history with Bonnie cutting him off and trying to leave him out of a whole part of her life - they’re not fans of not telling each other stuff. So yeah, that tension’s definitely there, but sandwiched between some fluff that I’m so glad you liked!

Steroline: YES I KNEW IT WAS A SEX PRE-COITAL CONTRACT AGREEMENT. And I think you should take that as a compliment 'cause its so characteristic of Caroline.

Lol at “how would we go about tracking our decibel levels”? Like how did she even come up with the right decibel levels? Like, as writers, we look up some crazy shit, but as Caroline, I feel like her research history is… more than abundant.

“Would we be doing zumba on the side”, fucking Stefan lmfao. Idk if you watched the canon Steroline proposal, but he has this roundabout way of proposing, saying something like, I was thinking you’d wear this ring or whatever, and I think its interesting how this SMA line kinda parallels to that canon one, in terms of Stefan’s silly side (which is a rarity in canon). Like I feel like Paul insisted doing the proposal his way.

Stefan is such a dope. Like when Caroline is “demonstrating”, and he’s like “probably should’ve seen that coming”. Ugh, this dummy.

A/N: Caroline’s so extra it’s unreal. Like sometimes when I write her and I want to incorporate her more anal-retentive side, I have to literally stop for five minutes and just think up ridiculous shit. I’m the least detail-oriented/list-making person on earth so I basically have an out-of-body experience whenever I write Caroline, lololol - it’s a ton of fun, though. I really wanted to make that moment a canon nod to Stefan finding her control-freak side amusing/endearing. In SMA, he didn’t really know that side of her before they were snowed-in (it was sort of buried under the general frostiness and party girl persona), so I think it makes her feel more human to him. He likes catching glimpses of the real her. And yessss, hahaha, SMA Stefan is definitely like taking all of canon Stefan’s silly/trolly moments and just condensing them into the whole character. I kind of feel like without all of the vampire and Damon/Katherine nonsense in his life, though, Stefan would’ve been a much lighter, sassier person, so who knows. Totally a dope, though.

Bamon: Bonnie’s sex fantasies– FINALLY. As canon Damon would say, “Glad to see you’ve boarded this train to crazy town, Bonnie Bennett” (yes I looked this up, no I have no regrets).

Damon’s reaction to Bonnie’s apology is good lol. I like this. With Stefonnie and Baroline, it was teary-eyes and heartfelt-ness, and then there’s Damon. She connected with a stranger (in more ways than one), and she's just trying her best. Lol.

I didn’t realize this until Bonnie points it out, but I like that she recognized how self-centered their personal conversation had been. How she twisted everything about like it was a competition.

Lol the “can we just forget this happened” conversation is hilarious. It reminds me of when Defan are talking about the space heater, and Damon keeps toying with Stefan LOL. Idk if you intended that parallel, but its golden.

Ugh and I love how she’s like, “last night she’d be tangled up with a street kid”. I like that realization, 'cause it was kind of one for me too. Like, Damon looks like a babe, but Bonnie’s got him pegged.

A/N: Love all of these insights so much! So on point. ‘And then there’s Damon’ should really just be his tagline, I feel like. He’s kind of a constant question mark/occasional pleasant surprise in general to everyone, but to Bonnie, he’s proving a total wildcard. Majorly throwing her off her typical routine, slipping right under that stubbornly even-kiln skin - she really is just trying her best to adjust to it, lololol. But once again, she’s using suppressing techniques to do it, and if 12 should’ve taught her anything, it’s that he’s not afraid to poke through that. You’ll see her hit a much more comedic breaking point in 14 and some long-time-coming stuff comes out of it. And re: the Defan parallel, I didn’t really think about that but it’s totally true - Damon’s just a giant troll. I think his conversations with Stefan and Bonnie will usually have similar tones in that he’s this boundary-less shit-starter dealing with people who are used to having civilized, tactful interactions with people, vs. with Caroline, she’s just as blunt as he is so it’s much more abrasive-with-an-undercurrent-of-affection.

Damon: So his line “I heard you loud and clear about last night, kid” (and okay, his insisting on calling her kid, as like a way to, idk, distance himself from her, for her sake and probably his own, is so deflating for me, 'cause they’re getting somewhere and then they’re not) is so telling. Just so very telling. “But she’d literally looked like she was going to crawl out of her skin whenever he was near her… He didn’t love it.” Honey, your need for affection is showing. Annoying? Yeah, annoying how you won’t admit you have a crush on her.

The scene with his reflection, even if it was only a snapshot of the past, it was good. So, idk if you do this on purpose, but the way you reveal Damon’s story is wildly different from the other three, and it’s very consist with his character. And it’s well written. Very, very good job. Oh, and reverting back to that line “pointless”. Mmmmm my poor baby.

Awww, haven’t heart this interpretation of kid yet! Could totally see some merit to it - I think it’s definitely telling of an unusual endearment Damon’s starting to feel for her, one that (despite how sexual their relationship got last chapter and the undercurrent of it this chapter) has surprisingly little to do with sex and more to do with this spunky, weird, stubborn, complicated little thing who keeps surprising him. Even if there is any intent to create distance (and maybe subconsciously there is), I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t stop calling her that even if they were together. And lmao re: his ‘annoyance’ with her aversion to him - not obvious at all, right? Everyone in this story is so dumb idk why I write it.

Re: different writing strategies, I actually got a really cool ask about this from someone about the couples, and I think it’s the same deal where it just naturally happens? Like Damon lives stubbornly in the present, he doesn’t care what happens tomorrow or what happened yesterday, so having him go down long mental meanders through memory lane just doesn’t come out of my fingers, you know? His reveals kind of come in quick flashes - bursts of dialogue or action that only last as long as it takes him to recognize what he’s doing and pivot away from it. I know this fic is technically third person, but I write it a lot like a first person PoV (not really italicizing thoughts, writing the descriptions with run-on sentences and fragments like dialogue), so I feel like because of that, I naturally shift my style a bit for every character’s head. You’ll definitely get more Damon reveals up ahead, though - a lot of the Bamon dynamic has been focused on Bonnie in the past few chapters, but as that gets more under control, Ms. Fix It hasn’t gone anywhere, and she’s going to start putting some of the spotlight back on him. Her finding his wallet in the sneak peek is kind of the start of that.

Daroline: LMFAO. You already know about my Daroline brotp feelings, so I’ll keep this short. Besides the hilarity that is defensive Caroline and shitstarter Damon, I really like that, because of their history, Damon’s first real sincere moment is with Caroline. Like, he prods and jokes about stuff with Bonnie and Stefan, but he’s not being helpful. With Caroline, though, he’s doing the friend thing.

Again, you probably did this on purpose, but I can’t help to point it out: Daroline knowing there’s something going on within the romantic ships has me geeking out.

Yay, Daroline! I get way too much satisfaction from writing two characters who started off as explicitly sexual having entirely non-romantic emotional beats and becoming ain’t shit friends. I feel like in a way, it’s almost a little necessary in a fic like this, because otherwise every sexual relationship I’m writing leads to love and I really don’t think that’s true. I think it’s super possible for casual sex to be exactly that, and I think Daroline kind of spits in the face of the idea that two people who have been or are physically attracted to each other can’t be friends. Of course they can be. Sex and love are different. Sex is instant, easy. Love is layered af. And on the converse of that, we have Stefonnie as the ‘guys and girls can absolutely be best friends’ PSA, so yeah, I think the m/f brotps help balance the fic a bit.

Defan:

God, it’s a great time just watching these idiots. “Steffy bear and I are getting married.“ Defan = Major/Ravi feelings. There’s only this scene at the end, but it’s really fun and there’s no drama between them, so it’s wholeheartedly silly.

Total Major/Ravi vibes! So glad you’re digging them - I haven’t had a chance to do a ton with them so far (outside of little beats here and there and references to offscreen/page bonding) but I’m definitely going more into Defan soon - they open up chapter 14 and it’s super fun/introduces some dynamic shifts for them. I think I get way too much of a kick out of making the most problematic canon ships the least problematic in this AU, lmao.

Bonus Round– the "Kai” scene: It strikes me as seriously mental of Bonnie to think she could face Kai on her own. Like, okay, so he may not be a serial killer, but he’s still fucking creepy! (though I love it tbh). I love Steroline’s protectiveness over Bonnie (“Yeah, I don’t know what kind of hangover brain she’s on, but you’re absolutely going with her”). Damon’s hardcore acting as the disgustingly affection bf (“It’s so cute it makes even us cringe”). Bonnie’s deadfish acting.

LMAO Bonnie’s definitely got some priorities to sort out. And yay, so glad you liked protective Steroline - I think it’s fun to make them so at odds about so many things and then suddenly when Bonnie’s the subject boom, team up. Damon’s affectionate boyfriend act is only going to get worse after some things that go down in 14, and Bonnie’s deadfish isn’t going to fool anyone. More apeshit Kai ahead!

Okay, I copy and pasted this into a Word doc, and it’s a full 5 pages. Yikes. I’m done. You’re amazing, bless you, continue doing the good Lord’s work, amen. <3, Cassandra

LMAOOOOO five pages of GLORY. I seriously can’t tell you how much I appreciate your super detailed, thoughtful, hilarious reviews - in fact, it took me this long to answer because I was like ‘I need to find a time where I can sit down and write a thesis back’. You’re amazing, bless you, continue doing the good Lord’s work, amen. <3 Gabi

#review #13 #six mornings after #sma steroline #sma bamon #such amazing insights here man #reply #submission

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sarahburness · 5 years

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How to Take Back Control from the Negative Script in Your Head

“Our greatest confusion isn’t not knowing what to do, it’s knowing what to do and still not doing it.” ~Richard Wilkins

I’d love to say I had an “Eat, Pray, Love” moment where sitting sobbing in the bathroom I received divine guidance to leave my husband and go traveling the world eating amazing food. But sadly, it wasn’t quite that profound.

It was more a long series of nights sobbing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, and concluding “You’re broken.”

I wasn’t depressed and hadn’t been for a long time. My anxiety, a lifelong companion, was under control. So what was wrong?

A general feeling of discontent, a lack of energy and enthusiasm to do more, a loss of my spark, a quietening and turning inward, and these overwhelming onslaughts of negativity and tears whenever I felt criticized or something went wrong, which was often. A sense of resentment and frustration that I’m sure ensured those around me felt less inclined toward being loving and giving me the care that I needed.

So all those nights in the bathroom crying didn’t lead me to any insight, but thankfully the universe did send me guidance in other ways.

Someone posted a video to a Facebook group I was part of by a guy named Richard Wilkins. It was called “My F*ck It Jeans.”

Richard is well in his sixties, yet here he was making a Facebook video about how he doesn’t let his age dictate how he feels, acts, dresses, or his enjoyment of life. He doesn’t worry about others’ opinions or society’s views of how someone his age should be, but instead lives true to himself, and has never been happier. And here I was in my early thirties, feeling wiped out and like my spark for life had been put out before I’d even realized I had one!

Over the next year I followed Richard on Facebook, and was drawn to drive one faithful Saturday morning to Northampton, to his Recharge Day.

Richard always says, “The reason you are there is never the reason you are there.” This certainly proved true for me. I thought I was there to find out if the course would help my husband, but after I cried myself through the first half of the morning, I quickly realized I needed to be there for me.

“You are not broken.” Richard’s words cut into my thoughts.

Did I hear him right? Did he say I’m not broken? Did I dare to believe that? And how did he know that’s how I felt? There were over 200 people in the room. Was it possible that some of them also felt broken? If so, was it likely that I was the only one who really was?

It was this question that led me to turn up on Richard’s front door step a few months later to attend a five-day Broadband Consciousness (BC) course with him and his partner, Liz, and seven other strangers, who have now become friends.

For the next five days I shared things I’d not shared with anyone before. Then I shared more.

I listened and didn’t jump in with advice. I made no plan for what I must do when I got back from the course. I didn’t look at my phone.

I struggled, then I had a breakthrough, then I struggled harder. I spoke up when I did and found others had the same struggles. I supported others and they supported me in return.

I woke up easily and full of energy. I laughed. I cried. I ate lots of biscuits and didn’t care. I felt like a very heavy weight had been lifted from my back. I felt like life didn’t have to be so damn hard anymore.

I learned a way of separating that negative voice in my head (which BC calls “the script”) from the real me.

I learned that the script is anything that doesn’t serve me and I would not choose.

I learned to recognize the real me.

I learned that the script is just thoughts based on incorrect beliefs, and that they are not true.

I learned that if I’m not choosing my experiences, my actions, and my feelings, the script will choose for me.

I learned that it’s not necessary to listen to, analyze, or try to change the script. All I need to do is recognize when it is the script talking and not me. And not believe it. And not act on it.

And I learned this not from talking about myself but from witnessing other people and the script in their heads. Because guess what? The script told them they were broken too. And useless. And they always get it wrong. And they are fat and ugly. And they are not good enough. And they are not loved. And on and on… We were literally all reading from the same script!

Since returning from the course, the impact has stayed with me and grown. After over thirty years of listening to the script, for every month I spend not believing it I get to know the real me more and ignore the script more easily.

So how can we all take steps to turn away from the script and tune into our true selves?

First off, you have to recognize the script and be open to the possibility that what it’s saying isn’t true.

In fact, make it your job to discredit the script, to prove what it’s saying to be fake news.

Remember that time it said you were dying because you were having a panic attack? Not true!

What about the time it said you couldn’t do that thing, but then you did it? Yup, it was lying!

Oh, this is a good one—how about that time it said you were worthless and no one would hire you? Ho ho ho!

Once you recognize the script you will be surprised by how many times it pops up!

Secondly, remember that you are not the script.

Think of the script as a physical book. It has many chapters documenting every mistake we’ve ever made, all the bad things that could or have happened, detailing how we ‘should’ behave, think, and feel about every situation under the sun.

The script also has an audio version, which is what we can hear in our heads each day. But it is not us. It is just the script being read to us.

If the script says you are useless, this is not true, nor relevant. It is just the script’s opinion.

Mentally put down the script and accept that, although we can’t change what’s in it or get rid of it, we don’t need to read it all day long, and we certainly don’t need to act upon what it says.

Lastly, choose! Don’t let the script sit in the driver’s seat.

The script lives in our reptilian brain and is much faster at responding than our conscious brain. If we don’t consciously choose thoughts, feelings, and actions, the script will jump in and choose for us.

Start with small things: What would I choose to eat? What activities do I love? Be mindful of what you say. Cut off the script and choose to think of something else. Get out of bed at the time you planned to. Choose not to engage in arguments. Choose to take a bath or read a book.

Every small choice moves us away from the script and strengthens our choosing muscles.

Here are my top tips for doing so:

1. Laugh or smile.

I recently went to a laughter yoga class for the first time and learned that your body and mind don’t understand the difference between forced laughter and natural laughter.

When you smile or make a laughter sound it makes you feel better. It strengthens your relationship with your true self and draws you away from the script. So as well as remembering to smile and laugh for no reason, building opportunities to laugh into your life can also be a real help.

2. Focus on what the script doesn’t see.

When you’re walking down the street, the script is on high alert for potential threats. It’s trained to look out for all the negatives and potential problems. If you (your higher self) are not alert, you will listen to all the bad things the script has spotted, not just in the street but in your job, your relationship, the activity you’re doing, your children’s behaviour, your body… and on and on.

One way to practice discontenting from the script and tuning into the real you is to focus in on all the good stuff the script filters out (in BC we call these “pearls”). Pearls don’t have to be anything huge. It could be a text from a friend, a hug for your child, a chance to grab a cup of tea in silence, or a warm bed at the end of a long day.

3. Be mindful of your language.

The more we look for something, the more it will show up in our life. This is true not just in terms of what we see in the world but also the stories we tell ourselves.

The reptilian brain (where the script lives) doesn’t take time to fact-check what it tells us, yet because it’s coming from inside our own head we tend to believe it. It’s like taking in a headline but not reading or researching the article, then accepting that headline as fact and maybe even repeating it to others.

So, if someone asks you how you are and you immediately jump in with “tired” or “stressed,” this is what you will believe and therefore how you will feel. If you moan about your partner or say critical things to them, you are repeatedly telling yourself that your partner isn’t good enough. How do you think this affects how you feel and act toward them? And the response you get in return?

4. Choose.

Start choosing instead of allowing the script to choose for you.

Choose food you know will make you feel good. Arrange activities that bring you joy. Say no to that event you don’t really want to go to. Choose to go for a walk at lunchtime. Choose to give your opinion or choose to forget the ironing and take a bath.

Do whatever you feel called to do when you really tune into your feelings rather than letting autopilot or society’s demands take over.

5. Let it pass.

A food craving lasts three minutes, so if you can ignore it for that long it will be gone. I’ve found it’s the same with the script.

When something triggers the script and you suddenly feel angry, sad, or inundated with critical thoughts, it will generally abate after a few minutes. No need to act on the script either by saying something or doing something. Let it pass, then when you’re no longer in the script decide if need to act.

Also, remember that whatever triggered the script is not responsible for your subsequent feelings, it is the script making you feel bad, not your colleague, partner, or the guy who cut in front of you in the line.

6. Share. Learn. Explore.

The world of self-development can be overwhelming. The script will always tell you that you need to learn more, fix this problem, work on yourself just a bit more. Be conscious of this and instead stick to readings and learnings that align with the simple practices I have mentioned above.

Focus on sharing as you learn rather than feeling drawn to learn more and more and more. This will reinforce the messages and in turn, you will learn through the telling.

Be aware of your learning style. If you learn from sharing, then talk to people about what you have learned here. If you learn from writing, write about your experiences or doodle your own version of how to explain the script to a stranger.

When we share what we have learned and help others, we move away from ourselves and our own problems, and this prevents us from dwelling and drawing more problems to us.

7. Exercise.

Everyone says this, but it’s for good reason. Exercising for twenty minutes a day is as effective in boosting your mood as some antidepressants. So whether you’re depressed or not, that has got to be good for you! It gets you out of your head, where the script is, and into your body.

By getting into your body, you can tune into your conscious mind, and you’ll likely find that ideas, inspiration, and solutions to your problems present themselves.

8. Listen to music that uplifts you.

Similarly, use music to get yourself out of your head and into a chosen state. Choose music that reminds you of happy times, or music that gets you energized and ready for inspired action.

9. Get competitive but not angry.

Try to avoid getting angry with the script, since it’s only trying to help, although ineffectively. Instead, develop a healthy competition with it.

If the script thinks you are too lazy to go for a walk, do it.

If the script thinks you are too scared to do something you’d love to do, do it anyway.

If the script thinks you should say no to an amazing opportunity, ignore it.

If the script wants you to lose it with your partner, choose not to.

Thank the script for its input, but remind it that your real self has the resources, experiences, and skills to deal with life without its help.

10. Keep asking, “Is this true? Would I choose this?”

Odds are, once you’ll tune into your higher self, you’re realize the answer is no. And you’ll be able to choose for yourself instead of letting the script run the show.

About Kathryn Reay

Kathryn Reay uses her experiences to deliver a one-day version of Broadband Consciousness. These intimate workshops for a maximum of six participants focus on letting go of negative self-beliefs and identities, learning to recognize the script, and choosing more positive thoughts, feelings and experiences. Past participants have described them as “life changing”! You can connect with Kathryn on Facebook and Instagram.

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post How to Take Back Control from the Negative Script in Your Head appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-take-back-control-from-the-negative-script-in-your-head/

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rodrigo-maio-blog · 6 years

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College students Criticize OAB Proof Rigor

Students and legislation graduates are dissatisfied aided by the Evaluation of Buy, proof from the Brazilian Bar Association (OAB), which grants to all those approved the required registration for the follow of law. The controversial factors encompassing the choice abide by. To shut the series, observe testimonies that sort a mosaic within the unique profiles of students and bachelors in Law of Brazil. In general, they're vital to the examination. Ambiguous troubles, not enough transparency during the method, subjective conditions inside the correction, very little time for resolution and highly-priced registration price are some with the factors raised. Though acknowledging the value of some type of prior choice for long run legal professionals, the exaggerated degree of difficulties for the evidence is often a recurring perception, even amid people that have now been approved and defended. This excessive level of demand from customers provides towards the anguish to enter the labor advertise and spouse and children force to your components which make the path into the profession even more challenging.

To work out additional visit simulado oab See reviews and what students and law learners think: Norma Desireé Barbosa Fortini, 27, celebrates graduation along with her husband, but cannot get an OAB I have a legislation degree from PUC-RS, but I do the job being a expert at Natura I did the OAB test four periods, but I didn't experience towards second stage rather just about. Skipped two or a few hits. It happens to be hard to obtain a task only along with a diploma, due to the fact they need the lawyer's or trainee's license. Even a law graduate from PUC-RS, I perform as the advisor for Natura, earning R$ 500. The industry is rather saturated in Porto Alegre and has offices that fork out fewer than a bare minimum income. With each individual disapproval we have on out and decrease our self-esteem. I unearth myself a dumb human being, but I am not, as a result of I did five years of excellent school, graduation do the job and protection with banking. As a stockbroker, he needed to complete clearly. I finished the PUC-RS paying R$ one,250 regular (without any a scholarship may be R$ 2,500). I have potential, I am aware the subject matter, nevertheless the difficulties of your test is quite superb. They make an assessment to move as handful of persons as you can. It really is in the degree of a community contest, when it need to only attest that you have the ability to advocate. Will not hand over. I would like a general public defender, public prosecutor, I need to generally be a judge. This really is my dream and that i can get there. But for this I would like to advocate for a minimum of two ages. I bought expecting while in the last calendar year of school and currently I've a little daughter to lift. I would like to concentrate on my research to go this blessed test, but it really is arduous to center on lacking diapers to your daughter. " Norma Desireé Barbosa Fortini, 27 ages old, retains a bachelor's diploma in Regulation, graduated in 2009 from PUC-RS The OAB portfolio is not any make sure you could make hard earned cash "I am retired, previous metalworker and nowadays I give good results as realistic estate broker. I decided to accomplish Legislation given that I needed to have a higher level. The training course allows me in my existing profession, on the documentation element, to make clear the civil spot for that shoppers. I have to do the next OAB exam, that is open, but I never agree considering the exam. They want to appraise my 5 years of college in two tests. I have much better economical disorders than countless classmates, but I locate the charge abusive. For me the examination is nickel-hunter and does not allow us whatsoever. The decreased standard of approval of Uniban would not worry me. In this very last problem, I realized that 4 in the 100 students in my course have handed. I believe most people never like to be described as a attorney. Everyone knows the OAB portfolio isn't any warranty that it'll earn cash. " Once a few failed tries to get the Order's record, Rafael Alencastro Moll, 25, is undertaking course. “I've been during the office for four decades and experienced anything to the examination I have certainly not viewed. I've labored in a legislation business considering that I started out college. I listened to everyone say it had been troublesome, even so it was only once i commenced to take the exams that i understood how hard they really have been. I've experimented with 3 periods. In all, I arrive shut, but I you should not arrive at the grade to move towards the next stage. You will find quite a bit within the exam that we don't see in school proper, they're obtaining quite a lot of particulars that we do not literally use in apply. I have been with the place of work four decades ago and there was some thing there that i certainly not observed. I had not finished school, but now I am carrying out it. It really is serving to a good deal. I believe that the Exam of Order is significant to offer a specific one, you will discover many of us unprepared for there. You will discover countless schools that are not severe. The examination have to assess the candidate, but I think they're performing more than that, basically a contest. "

To understand a great deal more particulars see curso preparatorio oab I studied at Unip and passed first of all "I graduated past yr and passed the main consider at the OAB examination. I had been blessed and i could also rely on the friends and family. My father and mother are lawyers, I interned of their offices, and i experienced the support to get able to devote myself wholly to my reports. I think other careers pertinent to the public fascination, just like Engineering and Drugs, must have an OAB examination. The examination prices quite a lot of decoreba of the legislation and could require a tiny far more lawful examination. My college or university does not have a fantastic passing price, nonetheless it has decent teachers, beneficial actual physical composition, an equipped library, and i experienced access to the publications I required to compose my monograph. " In my working day, it was not essential to take a crack. At present, the check is much more problematic. "I took the OAB exam the moment I completed higher education, and i handed to start with. I took the main take a look at of Cespe (Heart for Collection and Advertising of Gatherings, responsible for the evaluation until eventually 2009), which was organized by Vunesp, as a consequence of the annulment of examination 134. The take a look at consists exactly in what you will not learn about in faculty, a lot less in São Francisco (Law-USP), whose emphasis is definitely the humanistic formation with the jurist. The expertise of your dogmatic issues, for functions of public examinations and use while in the competent job, is fruit on the application of the student, and consistently can be. USP types jurists with cost-free, impartial wondering. About the other hand, the downside of San Francisco could be the lack of didactics of some lecturers, who will not transmit elementary knowledge from the topics, despite to be good gurus. In my day, it had been not required to take a crack. Now, I believe the test is more hard, demanding a great deal more specified information. The evaluation ought to be maintained as a result of, on the authorized viewpoint, there is certainly no offense in opposition to the Constitution. From the simple standpoint, the evaluation prevents semi-literates from moving into a vocation through which creating skillsets and normal experience of legislation are critical. And through evaluation these necessities might be verified. It isn't like in medicine, the place the skilled has passed a evidence of residence. A bachelors diploma in law extremely needs to be analyzed just before being able to follow law. " Riccardo Napoli, 26, an attorney graduated with the College of São Paulo (USP) in 2007. João Paulo Gonçalvez did a two-year program and handed the second try to the OAB The proof needs to exist, however it needs to be truthful. "I nevertheless you should not know if I am gonna be a lawyer, as a result of I usually wanted to become a delegate." When I graduated, I became interested in law observe, and i made a decision to give the Examination simply because I do think it should get extra plus much more tough. but it have to be good.I feel which the correction of your second phase exams, that is subjective, is ambiguous.The assessments are complicated, they are simply not intermediary.You will discover countless terrible faculties along with the state has to just take obligation, to judge a lot more and to better their amount to circumvent people today from spending 5 years finding out and after that not with the ability to enter the job.Nevertheless the evidence in the Buy have to exist of course, I feel even all professions should have the same assessment.I went on the second attempt.I double-takeed and i feel which was important to immediate my scientific studies for the take a look at, but it's to paint essential subjects even since the classes are superficial. For me, the person's state of mind for the working day of your test also counts m The 2nd time I took the exam, I had been especially calm, I used to be in a position to feel considerably better and did every little thing. " I do the whole system, I just tend not to indication "I finished the Law program in 2008 and have now presented the Order Test 3 periods, but I used to be not authorised. I belonged towards the group defending the exam, but after i had accessibility with the exceptional thoughts and opinions within the Deputy Attorney General Rodrigo Janot Monteiro de Barros, who questioned for his unconstitutionality, I confess that i transformed my brain (the viewpoint was despatched towards the Federal Supreme Courtroom, which examination this calendar year). In my final check, the OAB demanded inside next period anything that even the judiciary won't demand in the lawyers, the legal foundation citation (the posting of regulation) to instruct the solutions to the specialist exercise exam. I shed two.eight details on account of that within a race really worth 10 details. I am absolutely confident which i am match and ready to protect somebody. I do the full process, I just don't signal. Another colleague indicators. The OAB has heightened the diploma of difficulties rather compared to time for resolution. I expended four hrs doing just the piece and still experienced the essay inquiries with letters a, b, c. In practice, the attorney has at the least 5 times to produce a chunk. I recognise the alot more you study, the more you problem all by yourself and ponder. And it is a large amount of 'banana peel' they place you to definitely slip. Too significantly ambiguity, two-way troubles. One can find different factors of see in regulation and you don't know which examining financial institution to go along with. I'm talking to our colleagues: we are not learning to operate at NASA. "

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