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aurumacadicus · 5 years

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Heart of Gold

This was commissioned by @iam93percentstardust! The request was something more from the universe seen here and here! Enjoy!

Anthony had been abducted again.

“I thought it might stop after we’d married,” Natalia said, frowning.

Steven and James were glad to know that it was because she cared about him as a friend, and not a lover. “No,” they informed her sadly.

Anthony might have thought he’d been cursed as a babe, but he was the only one. Everyone else, even Steven and James, could only consider him incredibly blessed. His ethereal beauty, his endless charm, his calm wisdom, and his wondrous skills had served him well after taking the throne. His people trusted him.

Steven and James had hoped, perhaps foolishly, that becoming reigning king would put people off. Kidnapping a prince was one thing; abducting a king came with a heftier sentence, and Anthony had proved time and again that he could get out of a lot of bad spots by himself by somehow creating incendiary devices. Steven and James had never really understood how he could do so quickly and efficiently. Or at all.

Natalia sighed, rubbing her temples for a moment and looking supremely pissed off. “Go fetch him, then.”

“Yes, your highness,” Steven and James said immediately.

“And for God’s sake, be discreet if there are witnesses when you find him,” she added softly, glaring at them. She and Anthony were still trying to quash a rumor that Anthony was going to abdicate the throne to go off and live in sin with his knights.

Anthony would never abdicate. Unfortunately, they’d not conceived an heir yet, and it was making a lot of people suspicious enough that Natalia and Anthony were slightly frantic trying to make people believe that.

Natalia narrowed her eyes at them threateningly. Steven and James tried not to look like they were scampering away, but they weren’t quite sure they managed it, because Clint snorted when he saw them.

“Good luck,” he said after he’d saddled their horses. “Also! If my dumb ass can learn discretion, so can you.”

“Shut up, Clint,” James said, swinging up on his horse.

“Since I have not caused an incident among the people by making them doubt our king, no,” Clint replied smugly.

“Don’t,” Steven warned when James looked like he might slide right back off his horse to punch him. “We need to go find King Anthony, James.”

James pointed at Clint threateningly and was disappointed that he never seemed to be put out by it. He comforted himself with the fact that Clint was an idiot.

Whoever had kidnapped Anthony had done… a very, very poor job of it, to put it mildly.

It was a well-known fact that when Anthony got nervous, he got the cutest little hiccups (another gift he’d been given—even his bodily functions were adorable or charming). It was also a well-known fact that when he got the hiccups, precious gems fell from between his lips. Whoever had kidnapped Anthony had not bothered to stop and pick up any of the diamonds, so there was a neat trail of them, one gem for every length of their horses.

“Should we pick them up?” Steven asked, considering.

James tilted his head. “Anthony likes it when we leave them for the poor.”

“Good,” Steven said. “I didn’t want to get off my horse anyway.”

They did not think about how concerning it was that the kidnappers apparently had no need for precious gems. When people kidnapped Tony, it was for ransom. Okay, occasionally it was to try and marry him as well, but ever since Victor von Doom had kidnapped him in an attempt to wed him and Natalia had demanded to come with them so she could wipe the floor with Doom herself, potential kidnappers had definitely kept their attempts strictly for monetary purposes.

If these kidnappers didn’t want money from Anthony… what did they want?

“...Isn’t this where Bruce started hiding out?” James asked as they followed the trail into the forest. “After he was cursed to be an ogre?”

As if in answer to his question, they heard an excited squeal.

Now a great deal less concerned, they tied their horses up and walked toward the cave Bruce was currently living in. “Hello!” Steven called as they walked in.

“Steven!” Anthony cried happily, looking no worse for wear and sat at a spinning wheel. “James! I can spin straw into gold!”

“That’s nice,” Steven said. “Are you aware that you’ve been abducted?”

“I am? Oh, I guess I was,” Anthony said, looking properly chastised. “The goldblins heard of my gifts and were running out of gold so they’d hoped I could spin some for them, like that queen over in Floresia, so they just… took me.”

“I’ve been trying to get him to go home for an hour,” Bruce offered before they could blame him.

“Thank you,” James told him, because they knew how Anthony got. “Tell the goblins to not abduct Anthony.”

Anthony frowned. “Goldblins. Because they prefer gold over precious gems.”

James didn’t roll his eyes, but barely. “Excuse me. Goldblins.”

“Well, we’re here to rescue you,” Steven said, and then held his hands out.

Anthony blinked at him, uncomprehending, before he smiled and reached out to take them. “Oh! Yes, of course. A kiss for my saviors.”

Steven smiled back, drawing him up off of the stool he was sitting on to pull him into his arms. He dipped his head to cover Anthony’s mouth with his own, swiping his bottom lip with his tongue and then delving it into his mouth when the smaller man mewled and opened up for him.

James didn’t mind waiting his turn with that view to keep him occupied. He loved watching Steven and Anthony kiss, especially when Anthony sort of softened under him, already a little hazy by the time James went in for his own kiss.

“I don’t like this,” Bruce said, and James jolted when he realized that they were very much still in the ogre’s lair and they should probably leave.

“Thanks, Bruce,” James said hastily, and ushered Steve and Anthony out.

“Tell the goldblins I’ll send some more gold over later!” Anthony called before they left the cave.

“Go away,” Bruce said.

Anthony pursed his lips into an exceedingly adorable pout. James decided he couldn’t be follied for being unable to resist and leaned in for his kiss, swallowing Anthony’s surprised gasp, plunging his tongue in before the king could gather his bearings. He wished he didn’t have to wear armor at times like these, wished he could feel Anthony’s fingers digging into his flesh, feel the heat of Anthony’s body against his own. For now, though, he sated himself with this, tasting and wanting and knowing that Anthony trusted them enough to fall limp in their arms when anyone could be watching.

“Go away,” Bruce said again, making them break apart in surprise. He loomed in the entrance of the cave, scowling at them. “I don’t want to see this.”

“We’re leaving,” Steven assured him, ushering Anthony and James ahead of him. “Thanks for keeping an eye on him. Goodbye, Bruce.”

“Goodbye,” Bruce said firmly, and turned to go back into his cave.

“Thank you for coming to rescue me,” Anthony said as they urged him forward. He had a tendency to dawdle if not hurried. It was part of a gift of ‘poise.’

Steven let his hand drift lower down Anthony’s back, hovering above the curve of his rump. “Of course. You’re our king. We love you. And you left a very neat trail for us.”

Anthony made a soft, questioning noise. “I did?”

“Diamonds this time,” James confirmed.

“Oh,” Anthony said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “I don’t like diamonds.”

James nodded. “Precisely why we didn’t pick any up.”

“Good,” Anthony decided. He frowned when they came upon the tied up horses. “You didn’t bring a mount for me?”

“We’d rather hoped we could mount you,” James mumbled as Anthony stepped forward to pet his horse on the muzzle.

“Hmm? What was that?” Anthony asked, turning to look up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

James wanted to ruin him.

“It’ll be easier to protect you if you ride with one of us,” Steven said, casually stepping on James’s foot.

“Oh,” Anthony said, and blushed prettily. “Who shall I ride with, then?”

James and Steven silently played a vicious game of roshambo while he was distracted by the horses. Steven won. James swore revenge.

“It was very nice of you to come rescue me,” Anthony said once they were on their way. “I’d thought I’d get back before anyone would notice I was gone, but I got distracted by my newfound skill, and, oh-! Steven!” he yelped when Steven’s hands began slipping under his vest and shirt.

“I’m just checking you over for injury,” Steven said with a straight face. “We can’t take your word for it ever since that time you hid the fact that you were pricked by a thorn and had to dance for hours until we found the witchling who did it.”

“Wanda said she was sorry,” Anthony mumbled, embarrassed.

James frowned at him severely. “You could have died.”

“...She said she was sorry…”

“Of course, once we return to the castle, you’ll have to strip for us,” Steven added.

Anthony nearly pitched off the horse. “What!?”

“Who’s to say you’re not injured elsewhere?” Steven reasoned. “We must examine you thoroughly.”

“Natalia could,” Anthony tried hopefully.

“Natalia will not,” Steven and James reminded him, and James added, “Remember when she found a knife wound on you?”

Anthony said nothing, which meant that he did. Natalia had pitched an unholy fit, promised retribution tenfold, and then stuffed Anthony into bed and hadn’t let him leave until it healed. Natalia had insisted that she could only ever be friends with him. None of them had really been prepared for what being Natalia’s friend had entailed.

“So you will strip for us,” Steve said. “And we will check you over thoroughly.”

“Is that wise?” Anthony wondered, frowning. “Since that rumor that I’m going to abdicate and run off to live in sin with you is still going around…”

“And it’s certainly not helping that you’re fondling him in public,” James said. He held his hands out. “I won’t molest you, your highness.”

“Hey!” Steven barked as Anthony held his hands out to him, and James quickly dragged him from Steven’s horse and onto his own.

James very maturely stuck his tongue out at him and settled Anthony in front of him. “So,” he said, casually sliding one arm around his waist under the guise of holding him steady. “Tell me all about this newfound gift.”

“I can spin straw into gold!” Anthony crowed proudly. “I’m still not entirely sure how or who gave me the gift, but it’s one I think I’ll enjoy. My first few spindles were kind of shoddy but they got better the more I practiced. I’m hoping my gold will be completely pure with some practice. The goldblins use it in their weaving and with humans hoarding gold they’re suffering a shortage, so I don’t even mind spinning it for them! Bruce said they offered to make a tapestry for me but I just want a handkerchief,” he added thoughtfully. “Something simple. Bruce said he’d try to convince him but not to hope too much.”

James and Steven shared a look as Anthony began chattering about his plans to practice spinning gold until he was perfect at it, because the goldblins deserved high-quality gold for putting up with humans hoarding it; their king had such a soft, kind heart. Only Anthony could be kidnapped and be so happy about it.

They were still getting him to strip though. They weren’t kidding about the dancing curse. That had really sucked.

#aurumacadicus writes #commissions #stuckony

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minijenn · 4 years

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Universe Falls Chapter 72

Ehhhhh so yeah I rushed on this one not gonna lie, wrote about fuckin half of it tonight alone so ya its... sorta mediocre but nothing too bad, still pretty cute so I can appreciate that. Anyway here ya go, enjoy!

Previous: https://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/188458922089/universe-falls-chapter-71

***

Chapter 72: Hit the Diamond

CALXFR FA, XIFH UHP AJTUL XIY EIE YENE HTUHGYU A STUCZ XIE CFCY KUVAO GT ESVUH DPF WZMDH EPBM OMML ACPVW XIETC XOJXI

A collective, equally startled, equally frightened gasp arose from the Gems and Pines alike as they caught the very first glimpse of the Ruby emerging from the Roaming Eye. As she coldly, quietly surveyed the surrounding area, fortunately she didn’t seem to take notice of the group right away, allowing them at least a little time to react to her absolutely unexpected arrival.

“Hey,” Mabel began with wide, curious eyes. “Isn’t that…?”

“Ruby?” Steven finished, though just as soon as he did, the young Gem was suddenly, sharply yanked aside by Garnet. Likewise, Ford did the same for Mabel, quickly following after everyone else as they rushed to momentarily hide away inside the barn just as even more Rubies began to emerge from the downed pod.

The eye Ruby hopped out of the ship with a growl, her expression still severe, even if the Ruby who came after her was the exact opposite. “Oh! What a lovely planet!” this next Ruby, whose gemstone rested upon her navel, quipped cheerfully as she slipped out of the pod to get a better look around. The next Ruby to emerge had her gem on her upper arm, and appeared much more serious as she aggressively jumped to the ground, violently plucking a flower before kicking it hard away from her.

“W-wait!” another Ruby exclaimed anxiously, her gem on her leg as she poked her head out of the ship. “So we just… get out and walk around?”

She received no answer as another Ruby, the final one and the leader of the pack with her gem on her chest, booted her out before addressing her squad sternly. “Alright! Listen up!” she exclaimed, taking a perch on top of the pod. “We’ve gotta pin down that Gem the scanners locked onto. Let’s fan out and search the area!”

The other Rubies nodded their agreement with this plan with various levels of enthusiasm as they began to split up and comb the barnyard for anything out of the ordinary. Yet even still, none of them really seemed to pay much attention to the barn, even as the group hidden inside it tentatively glanced out to observe them from afar.

“Whoa, look at ‘em all!” Steven exclaimed, admittedly amazed to see such a collection of Gems.

“Uh, anyone wanna explain why we’re hiding out from a bunch of walking, talking squares in here?” Stan asked rather dryly.

“Uh, because they tried to kill us with their space ship,” Dipper pointed out just as deadpan.

“Aw, c’mon, they can’t be that bad,” Mabel shrugged with a smile. “I mean, just look at them! They’re adorable!”

“They are NOT adorable!” Peridot huffed, cowering behind the barn door nervously. “They’re after me! This is the end of the line!”

“You weren’t kidding…” Lapis noted, raising an eyebrow as she looked to the green Gem.

“No, I wasn’t!” she shook her head morosely. “I told you; I disobeyed a direct order from Yellow Diamond, and I called her a clod… to her face.”

“Oh, honestly, you call everyone a clod,” Pearl remarked, rolling her eyes.

“Yes,” Peridot admitted, still clearly anxious. “But not everyone has command over all the armies of Homeworld waiting for the word to shatter me!”

In a meager attempt at making herself even more scarce, the green Gem scampered off, emptying a box that had otherwise been stockpiled with baseball supplies before curling up inside it to hide. For a moment, her soft, fearful whimpers could be heard under the box, that is until Steven stepped over to lift it off of her with a small, encouraging smile.

“Peridot, we won’t let them get you.”

“Yeah! If those Rubies want you, then they’ve gotta go through all of us first!” Mabel chimed in with a daring grin.

“Haven’t I caused you enough trouble?” Peridot asked with a small groan, still curled up into a small, tight ball on the barn floor.

“Oh, you certainly have,” Ford nodded, smirking slightly. “But that doesn’t mean you deserve to face Yellow Diamond’s wrath just for being a pretty persistent annoyance.”

“…Wow, thanks,” Peridot whispered, genuinely touched despite the somewhat backhanded dig.

“Don’t worry, Peridot,” Garnet assured, hands on her hips. “It’s our sworn duty to protect anything that calls this planet home. And that includes clods like you.”

“That’s my word…” the green Gem muttered, her voice still small and feeble.

“Listen up, everyone,” the Gem leader addressed the others firmly. “I have a plan. Or should I say…” She grinned, holding up her hands to reveal her gemstones on each palm, both of them already shining brightly. “We have a plan?”

That bright light soon overtook Garnet’s entire form until it slowly, calmly split her entirely. And, as expected, the glow faded to reveal Ruby and Sapphire, both in high, confident spirits as they held hands, still connected, despite now standing apart.

“Hello, everyone,” Sapphire greeted with a small, friendly wave.

“Ruby! Sapphire!” Pearl, Amethyst, and Ford alike all exclaimed, pleasantly surprised to see the couple making an appearance.

“HUUUGS!” Steven shouted, racing to embrace the pair, something that Mabel readily joined in on.

“Oh, great, these two again,” Stan remarked, rolling his eyes.

“Good to see you again too, Stan,” Ruby countered with a wry, knowing grin.

“So what’s this plan exactly?” Dipper asked the couple, curious.

Neither Ruby nor Sapphire offered a direct answer, instead turning to each other, still lingering close and affectionately all the while. “You’ve got this,” Sapphire said to her partner with a warm smile, imparting her with a brief kiss on the cheek for luck. “Just act casual.”

“Yeah,” Ruby nodded, bolstered by the blue Gem’s loving encouragement. “Casual.”

After a brief moment of steadying her resolve, the red Gem emerged from the barn, her posture stiff and her expression even stiffer as she rather awkwardly approached the group of Rubies still outside. None of them seemed to notice her slipping in to stand among their ranks as their leader called them to order once more.

“Focus, Rubies!” she snapped, still standing atop the Roaming Eye. “This is an important mission from Yellow Diamond, so we can’t mess it up.”

“Uh, h-hey!” Ruby spoke up anxiously, trying her best to not let how nervous she really was. “W-what are we all doin’ over here?”

For a moment, Ruby briefly feared her infiltration had failed as the other Rubies all looked to her skeptically, their expressions all borderline suspicious until the leg Ruby raised her hand innocently. “Yeah, what are we all doing here?”

“Ugh, I already told you ten times now!” the lead Ruby huffed, crossing her arms. “We’re here to retrieve the leader of the Earth mission!” She paused for a moment, narrowing her eyes at the group of similar Gems gathered before her and spotting one particular oddity among them. “Hey, wait a second… It seems like there are more of us than usual!”

“There’s supposed to be five of us,” the naval Ruby pointed out with a smooth smile.

“Five Rubies!” the arm Ruby echoed gruffly.

“Hm…” the lead Ruby mused as she proceeded to take a headcount. “One, two, three, four, five…” She nodded, apparently forgetting to include herself among the group, much to Ruby’s relief. “Tch, never mind. We’re all here.”

The entire group let out a relieved sigh at this, though Ruby’s in particular rose among the others as she realized she miraculously hadn’t been found out. At least not yet. “Now, back to our mission,” the lead Ruby continued devoutly. “The leader of the Earth mission must be around here somewhere…”

“W-well, she’s definitely not in that barn!” Ruby quickly professed, pointing towards said barn in the hopes that the other Rubies would take her word and overlook it. Unfortunately, of course, they didn’t.

“Whoa, I didn’t see that before,” the lead Ruby said. “We should go check it out.”

By now, Ruby was all but panicking, realizing that her attempts at acting casual were all but failing her. Even so, she maintained her calm act as best as she could as she hastily volunteered herself for the task before any of the other Rubies could. “Uh, I-I’ll go! By myself!”

Without sparing another word, Ruby ran off, hoping that none of her fellow Rubies would follow suit. And unfortunately they didn’t as she slipped back into the barn, where the others all eagerly awaited to hear the report of what she had gleaned from their unwanted visitors.

“They wanna search the barn!” the red Gem exclaimed, frantic as she pressed up against the wall.

“We heard,” Steven nodded fretfully.

“We saw…” Pearl frowned, eyeing the Ruby squad outside skeptically.

“So, it seems as thought they really are after Peridot,” Ford mused as he turned towards the green Gem. “You are the leader of this so-called ‘Earth mission’, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am!” Peridot snapped fearfully. “And they’re gonna come in here, find me, and drag me back to Homeworld where I’ll be entirely left to Yellow Diamond’s mercy. Which is really bad, since she doesn’t have any mercy!”

“Pfft, they aren’t even gonna get close, P-dot,” Amethyst assured, her manner turning aggressive as she picked up a baseball bat lying on the ground. “Mostly since we’re gonna ambush ‘em!”

“Yeah!” Stan chimed in, grabbing another bat. “Now you’re speakin’ my language!”

“Huh, you know we do outnumber them by like… a lot,” Dipper noted thoughtfully. “Man, if only I still had the Sword of Seasons! Taking care of them would be so easy with that!”

“What? You lost the Sword of Seasons?” Ford asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked to his nephew.

“Uh, I-I never said that!” Dipper quickly countered defensively, not quite ready to reveal the doomed fate of his now missing blade to the author who’d made it just yet.

“We don’t need any swords or bats,” Sapphire spoke up rationally. “No one needs to get hurt. Let’s be reasonable.”

“What should I do?” Ruby asked worriedly, lingering close to her partner for much-needed support.

Fortunately, the blue Gem managed to steady her, just as she always did by gently placing her hands over her own. “Just go out there and tell them this is a place where humans live.”

“…I don’t wanna go alone…” Ruby frowned, sighing sadly.

“Oh! We’ll come!” Steven brightly volunteered himself, Dipper, and Mabel.

“Yeah! What better way to convince those Rubies that there’s nothing but humans here than by showing them a bunch of humans?” Mabel pointed out with a smile.

“Plus, we could always give you some backup if you end up needing it,” Dipper added just as confidently.

“And here’s some backup for your backup,” Amethyst said gruffly, handing the kids her baseball bat.

“And here’s some backup on top of that backup,” Stan chimed up, presenting his favorite pair of brass knuckles to the group. An act that caught a series of critical glances from Pearl, Ford, and Sapphire alike. “What, too much?”

All the same, Steven took the bat as him and the twins allowed Ruby to ‘escort’ them out of the barn and over to the Ruby squad as they remained on standby to hear what she had to report. “I-I check the barn and I just found a bunch of humans there!” she exclaimed, overdramatically motioning to the trio of kids she’d brought along with her.

“Yep!” Steven agreed innocently. “Nothing here but us humans!”

“Yeah, just us humans,” Mabel added much more naturally. “There totally isn’t a whole bunch of Gems hiding out in that barn, that’d just be silly, cause like we said, there’s just humans in there.”

“Yeah… just humans…” Dipper echoed dryly, sending his sister a critical look for her lack of subtlety.

“…Really?” the lead Ruby asked, clearly doubting this simple claim.

“Yep! Looks like we failed!” Ruby cut in with a wide, forced smile. “Time to go back home and never come back ever!”

“Eh, I think we’d still better double check,” the lead Ruby said, looking past the group towards the barn. “You remember what happened last time.”

“Last time?” Ruby frowned, not having the faintest idea as to what she was talking about.

The other Rubies, however, simply laughed her confusion off as if it was the funniest thing in the world, bewildering her even more. “Oh, Ruby!” the naval Ruby chuckled with a wave of her hand. “You’re so forgetful!”

“Alright,” the lead Ruby spoke up, sobering the squad up to more serious matters. “Let’s search the barn!”

“Yes, Ruby!” the others all dutifully saluted, though once again, Ruby interjected in a desperate attempt at stopping them.

“Wait!” she exclaimed nervously, glancing around for something, anything that could get them out of this tight strait. “You can’t, b-because… uh…”

“You have to play baseball!” Steven interupted, largely without thinking as he stole the briefest of glances down at the bat in his hands.

“Baseball?” Dipper and Mabel both echoed, exchanging a baffled glance at this.

The Rubies, however, were even more lost than the twins were, looking to each other as they tried to make sense of exactly what this ‘baseball’ thing was. Fortunately though, Steven didn’t waste any time in explaining the terms that, by all accounts, he was largely making up as he went along. “Yeah! It’s a human thing. I-if you win, you can go inside the barn and look around, a-and if you lose, you… uh… gotta leave forever!”

Upon hearing these conditions, the twins looked to each other once more before meeting Steven’s glance back towards them, all three of them joining Ruby in desperately hoping this wildly reckless plan would somehow work. And yet, by some chance of fate or miracle or something else entirely, it actually did.

For the most Ruby and the kids could do was stare, dumbfounded, as the lead Ruby slowly nodded in agreement with this bizarre wager. “Base… ball…”

***

“Baseball?!” Just about everyone back inside the barn was equally confused upon hearing Steven’s impromptu plan, and understandably so. After all, between all the ways they could have possibly dealt with the Rubies, this was by far the most bewildering, something that Sapphire didn’t hesitate to point out right off the bat.

“I saw this as a possibility…” she noted thoughtfully. “Though I am surprised that this is the path we’re taking.”

“But why even bother?” Ford asked, sparing a brief glare out towards the Ruby squad. “We have more than enough manpower and resources to outdo five tiny Rubies—no offense to you personally, Ruby-” He corrected, though he still caught a rather sardonic glance from the red Gem all the same. “So why don’t we just save ourselves some time and take care of them the easy way as opposed to… the ridiculous way?”

“Because if we simply poof and bubble them, then Homeworld will just send even more in their place,” Sapphire noted simply, evenly.

“And,” Mabel interjected much more pleadingly. “We can’t just beat them up! I mean, just look at how cute and cube-y they all are! Especially Leggy.”

“Leggy?” Pearl asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, me and Mabel named each of them based on the placement of their gems,” Steven explained. “There’s Leggy, Army…”

“Navy, Eyeball,” Mabel pointed to the other Rubies outside of the barn. “And… uh….”

“Doc!” Steven finished, giving the undecided lead Ruby a name at last.

“Well… that is easier than just calling them all ‘Ruby’,” Dipper shrugged, following the pair’s rather odd logic.

“So we gonna beat these squares at baseball or nah?” Amethyst cut in, getting the group back on track.

“Yeah!” the kids cheered, ready to do just that.

“All we gotta do is go out there and pretend to be human,” Steven grinned. “Well, I mean, the Gems have to pretend. That already comes naturally for me and you guys,” he nodded over at the Pines.

“Hmph, it sure does,” Stan remarked, slowly smirking as he glanced outside of the barn with an emerging idea. “In fact… that might be exactly what’ll get those tiny twerps out of our hair…”

“What do you mean?” Dipper asked, confused.

“Look, all I’m sayin’ is that short, loud, and cranky over here didn’t know jack squat about how things work here on Earth when she was holed up in the shack’s bathroom,” Stan began, motioning over to Peridot.

“Hey!” the green Gem huffed, offended. “I know plenty about the Earth and how it functions now!”

“Suuuure, you do, now,” the conman rolled his eyes. “But those chumps out there sure don’t.” Sure enough, as everyone looked out to the Ruby squad, they were still largely meandering about, uncertain of their new surroundings. While Leggy was fascinated with the feel of the grass she was sitting on, Army was aggressively chasing down a bee that had flown by her in the hopes of obliterating it, all while Eyeball was engaged in an intense staring match with the sun itself. “So its not like any of them would know if we… oh, I don’t know… tweaked the rules of this baseball game just a bit to tip the scales in our favor?”

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel gasped, appalled. “I can’t believe you! Are you saying we should cheat?!””

“Uh, yeah, I’m saying we should cheat,” Stan said quite flippantly. “You wanna get rid of these square simpletons without beating them senseless, right? And ya wanna use baseball to do it? Well then, cheating is bound to be our best bet for making things go nice ‘n easy.”

“Hm… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I actually agree with you, Stan,” Pearl frowned diffidently. “After all, if we don’t cheat, then there’s a significant chance those Rubies could win, despite not knowing much of anything about the basics of baseball…”

“And then they’ll find me and I’ll be DOOMED!” Peridot cried, hunkering down in fear.

“Not as long as you stay here in the barn and hide,” Steven pointed out, offering the green Gem a comforting smile.

“And as long as we cheat,” Stan added with a satisfied smile.

“As… absolutely morally bankrupt as that is,” Ford remarked, sending his brother a dour look that he hardly even noticed.

“So… cheating at baseball it is then?” Dipper asked tentatively glancing around.

“Yeah!” Amethyst cheered daringly. “Cheating at baseball! And if that doesn’t work, we go back to the plan where we ambush ‘em!” Her grin widened as she held up a baseball bat once more, shaking it around threateningly.

“No, we don’t,” Sapphire shook her head. “Baseball… and, well… cheating should suffice. Hopefully.”

“Great!” Steven grinned, relived to hear this coming from the clairvoyant blue Gem herself. “So, is everybody in?” The others all largely nodded with varying degrees of enthusiasm, save for one, who had largely been hanging back in the shadows of the barn the entire time, completely unengaged in the conversation until the young Gem called her out. “Lapis?”

The blue Gem looked up, her arms crossed and her expression stoic, until she ended up folding into a small, snort of a chuckle over just how bizarre this entire situation really was. “This plan sucks.”

***

Not wanting to keep the Ruby squad waiting any longer than they had to, the Pines and the Gems made their last minute preparations for the baseball brawl ahead of them. In an effort to be more discreet, Pearl, Sapphire, Amethyst, and Lapis all shifted their attire to more casual wear, both for the sake of blending in and for hiding their respective gemstones in various ways. Likewise, Mabel encouraged the humans among the group to do the same as she took of her sweater and tied her hair up, relieved Dipper of his vest while turning his hat backwards, much to his annoyance, and encouraged both Stan and Ford to take off their respective overcoats to look more ‘sporty’. And once they were all set up and solidified on their plan, the collective group emerged to meet their opposing team, which Ruby made sure to slip back into without much notice at all.

“We’re the humans!” Steven announced, beginning the line-off of the supposedly ‘human’ team. “Steven!”

“Mabel!”

“Dipper!”

“Stan!”

“Ford.”

“Earl!” Pearl provided a false, rather clever name as she tipped her hat down a bit to conceal her gemstone.

“Amy!” Amethyst grinned, crossing her arms and adjusting the scarf around her neck to hide her own stone better.

“Bob,” Lapis said flatly, completely unengaged in the competitive spirit the others shared.

“And Sophie!” Sapphire finished brightly, electing a hot, flustered blush from Ruby on the other side of the line.

“Understood,” Doc nodded gruffly. “Our team is the Rubies! Consisting of… Ruby!”

“Ruby!”

“And Ruby!”

“Uh… we’re still gonna call them by their cute little nicknames, right?” Mabel whispered to Steven, aside.

“Oh, definitely.”

“Hey, hold up!” Doc interjected, eyeing the other team suspiciously. “Aren’t there more of you than there are of us…?”

“Uh…” Steven began, unsure of how to explain this very obvious disparity between the two teams. After all, they outnumbered the Rubies by three, a sight that just about anyone could see as plain as day. Fortunately though, he didn’t have to come up with a reasoning for this as Stan did so for him.

“Oh, what, you don’t know?” the conman asked, putting on a wry, knowing front. “Six to nine is how you’re supposed to play baseball. And since we’re on our turf, we’re the team that gets to have nine.”

“Hm… that seems a little unfair…” Leggy noted with a small frown.

“Nah, its totally fair,” Dipper shrugged, completely in on Stan’s act for the sake of the greater good. “You guys just don’t know how the game works. It’ll make way more sense once we actually get started.”

The Rubies exchanged something of a dubious glance at this, briefly chatting among themselves as they tried to make sense of this odd rule before Steven went on to explain the others. “So here’s how it works. We take turns throwing the ball at each other. The batter tries to hit the ball with the bat, and then they run around the bases. Whoever gets the most runs wins. You get three tires to hit the ball, but if you miss each of those tries-”

“Then you loose points,” Stan cut in succinctly.

“Huh?” Mabel frowned, confused upon hearing this. “No, you don-”

“And,” the conman continued, rushing to cover his niece’s mouth before she could blab out the truth. “Ya also gotta wear these shirts.” He held up five small-sized t-shirts, each of them reading “Baby’s First Baseball Game” in large, bright, rather embarrassing letters. “And only you guys gotta wear the shits because… uh… cause I don’t have enough for our team. Yeah, that works.”

“Stanley, why on earth do you have those?” Ford asked, sending his brother an incredulous look.

“…I have my reasons…”

“Alright, everyone!” Steven called both teams to order to finally get things started as he tossed the first baseball up in the air. “Let’s… play ball!”

And that’s exactly what they did. The Rubies were up to bat first, with the ‘human’ team taking to the bases and outfield. With everyone in position, Ruby stepped up to the plate first, sending Steven a coy wink out on the pitcher’s mound that she was on the same page as he was when it came to the plan. The young Gem nodded, winding up his pitch before tossing the ball her way. And, quite intentionally, the red Gem swung just a bit too late as it passed over the home plate and landed in Amethyst’s glove instead.

“Striiiiike one!”

“What?!” Army snapped from the sidelines, the other Rubies just as outraged to see one of their own miss such a simple ball.

“Striiiiiike two!” the purple Gem called as Ruby swung too early this time, trying her best to act casual about it as she did so once more.

“Striiiike three!”

“Oh darn!” Ruby shrugged, dropping the bat. “Guess I’m out!” At this, Sapphire let out a small chuckle from the far side of the field, playfully waving over at the red Gem, who discreetly smiled back at her.

“You swung too slow!” Army snapped her back into reality as she punched her hard in the back, prompting her to hurry back over to the other Rubies. “Do it like this.”

Steven was admittedly a bit more nervous as he pitched to Army, and with good reason. For not only did the arm Gem swing perfectly on time, but she hit the ball with such incredible force that it went flying hard and high up into the air, soaring past the field to the point that it disappeared entirely into the distant hills. “Aaaand… that’s called a home run…” Steven sighed, disappointed as Army proudly walked the bases in full.

Still, the next several rounds of the first inning played out in steady succession. The Rubies managed to score another point thanks to a precise hit from Doc, one that Ford tossed back to home plate just seconds shy of the chest Gem running over it. Even so, Pearl managed to land a lucky catch, striking Navy out instantly. Likewise, Mabel eagerly snatched up a ball hit by Eyeball and happened to tag her out just as the eye Gem ran by her base, though she did catch quite a bit of ire from said Gem in doing so. And in the process, the Ruby squad hit their first three outs, prompting not only a switch in sides, but a switch in uniform as Stan handed off the rather embarrassing t-shirts to each one of them (including Ruby, who took it in stride, considering the circumstances).

With this change, Amethyst was the first up to bat, seemingly hardly invested in the game at all as she reeled her bat back. However, she still managed to catch Doc’s pitch squarely, hitting it completely out of the park with a single, mighty swing. Still, to make sure none of the Rubies caught it, the purple Gem jumped into a spin dash, laughing wildly as she rolled around all of the bases before making it back home in record time.

“Nice!” Pearl cheered from the sidelines.

“See? Amethyst gets it,” Stan remarked with a satisfied smile. “That’s what I call cheating.”

“Wow! That purple human is really good!” Leggy exclaimed, amazed from the infield.

“Haha! Yeah!” Steven laughed nervously as he hurried up to Amethyst to push her away from the diamond. “Us humans, we’re, uh, full of surprises!” Even so, the young Gem dropped his voice down to a worried whisper to the purple Gem in particular, lest she blow their cover entirely. “Amethyst, be careful!”

Fortunately, the Rubies wouldn’t get any more possible cause for suspicious as Dipper stepped up to bat next. He was admittedly a bit shaky as he did so, not entirely experienced with the game, though he hoped his swordsmanship skills would somehow serve him well here as well. Even so, he did outright miss the first pitch, as well as the second, though he did hit the third ball successfully… right over to first base, where Eyeball easily caught it, instantly striking him out.

“Oh! Great job, Dipper!” Lapis cheered, finally breaking out of her consistently dour attitude as he walked back over to the bench, disgruntled.

“Uh… Lapis? I struck out…” Dipper pointed out with a confused frown.

“I know!” the blue Gem smiled somewhat obliviously, though clearly proudly. “I saw! And you did a amazing job of it! Congratulations!”

Dipper didn’t really know what to say to this as he exchanged a bewildered glance with Steven. Even so, the young Gem was quick to let out a leveling sigh as he took stock of their current status. “O-ok, this is fine, its just one out. We still have two more chances to catch up to them!”

“Um… you might not want to speak so soon on that…” Ford spoke up, nodding to home plate, where Sapphire had just stepped up to bat. With Ruby as umpire however, it was immediately clear from the get-go that both of them were more than distracted by each other.

“Heeeeey, Ruby,” Sapphire smirked, widely swinging as she missed Doc’s first pitch altogether. “Nice shirt.”

“Striiiiike one!”

“Heh, you really like it?” the red Gem blushed brightly.

“Mmhm,” Sapphire swung far too early this time, far before Doc could even pitch at all, though she hardly even seemed to care as she continued conversing with her significant other. “It brings out your eyes.”

“Aw…” Ruby chuckled, warmly flustered as she put on the act that she knew she was supposed to be playing at. “Say, haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”

“I don’t know,” the blue Gem all but ignored Doc as she winded up her next throw. “I don’t get off-planet much.”

“Striiiiike two!”

The pair of Gems shared an affectionate laugh over this, not noticing the confusion of both the Rubies in the field and the group watching from the sidelines.

“What’s going on?” Steven asked fretfully. “What are they doing?”

“Flirting,” Lapis said flatly.

“Uh oh…” Pearl frowned, catching the young Gem’s worry.

“Ooooooh my gosh! Those two just get cuter and cuter every time we see them together!” Mabel gushed, about the only one among the group excited by this turn of events. “Where’s my camera when I need it? I gotta capture this moment for “the Best of Ruby and Sapphire” section of my scrapbook!”

“Now’s really not the time, Mabel!” Dipper scolded, crossing his arms.

“Striiiike THREE!” Doc called as Sapphire missed her final pitch, finally breaking the couple out of their romantic revere. They exchanged a brief, anxious glance at this, both of them realizing as they met the disappointed glances of their teammates, that they had been the sole cause of their second out.

The team’s third out, however, did come after a successful series of hits that led to Stan scoring a home run, though an unfortunate catch of Ford’s first hit right after that led to another switch in sides as the first inning came to a close. Still, it didn’t take very long for the Rubies to get their first out either as Lapis narrowly managed to catch Eyeball’s high ball just by inching a bit over to the left. Wanting to ensure they didn’t fall too far behind, Stan enacted another cheating tactic as he heckled Leggy as she was up to bat with the old ‘swing batter batter’ trick, which worked far too well in the most innocent of the Rubies. However, the squad did score yet another point thanks to Ruby once again distracting herself by fixing her gaze on Sapphire in the outfield, accidentally hitting the ball in the process, eliciting an excited, if not misguided cheer from her partner. The hit allowed Doc to make it back to home, much to the other Rubies’ elation, save for the very one who had hit it in the first place as she happened to catch Steven, Pearl, Dipper, and a few others shake their head disapprovingly at her.

The next several innings all followed in what almost felt like a dizzying succession. With each changing of the bat between teams, Stan made sure to spice things up on the Rubies’ end of things, hoping that one of his attempts would finally be enough to trip them up completely. Between encouraging them to close their eyes to catch the ball better, to telling them to hold the bat upside down, the Rubies all gullibly fell for his ‘tips’, much to the conman’s immense amusement. However, even these scams did little to prevent the squad from maintaining their surprising lead, a lead that the ‘human’ team could never seem to catch up with, despite their best efforts.

Even if Steven, Dipper, Ford, and Pearl ranged from subpar to standard when it came to the game, Amethyst, Stan, and even Mabel managed to carry the team in most degrees. However, if there was any sole factor keeping them from getting ahead, it had to be Ruby and Sapphire. Despite several scoldings and warnings to keep their cover up, the couple simply couldn’t keep away from each other as they continued stealing loving glances from each other instead of stealing bases. They continued affectionately shooting the breeze instead of striking the ball. And, even as intentional as it was, they continued focusing less on the game as they focused far too much on each other instead.

As hectic as the game was getting, Steven and Mabel still made a quick check in on Peridot inside the barn as they hurried to fetch another bat to replace the one that Eyeball had snapped clean in half. “Hey, how’s it going?” the green Gem whispered to the pair, making sure to remain as out of sight as she could as they rushed past her. “Are we winning?”

“Umm…” Steven frowned as he looked back over to the game. Of course, what he saw was none other than Ruby teaching Sapphire how to properly swing, the pair whispering sweet nothings to each other all the while as Eyeball watched them suspiciously from afar. A sign that if the couple kept their continuous barrage of flirting up, then their cover would be blown to pieces in no time at all.

“Ahah! We’re doing great, Peri!” Mabel cut in with a loud, forced laugh. “No need to worry! We got this in the bag!”

“Y-yeah,” Steven agreed much more anxiously as they began to rush back towards the game. “E-everything’s gonna be a-ok!”

“You’re lying to me!” Peridot snapped angrily.

“To make you feel better!”

“…Thank you!”

Before anyone could even see it coming, the final inning of the game had arrived, and with it, a far-too close score for comfort. The Rubies had kept their lead throughout the entire game, though the other team wasn’t that far behind, set back by only a single point. A point that could cost them more than just the game if they didn’t somehow manage to score it back.

“Ok,” Steven began as the team huddled up to discuss this issue. “It’s the bottom of the ninth. We’ve got Lapis on second, but one more out and its game over for us.”

“Uh… it might end up being game over for us anyway…” Dipper noted, nodding towards home plate as Sapphire all-too-casually approached it.

“N-not if she hits a home run!” Mabel professed, hopeful.

“Why do I feel like the chances of that happening are… highly unlikely given our track record here?” Ford asked, frowning as Ruby and Sapphire engaged each other in playful conversation once more.

“Eh, we can always just tell them that there are more than nine winnings and that we keep going till we win,” Stan shrugged, unconcerned. “Its not like it won’t work; those Rubes fall for anything.”

“True, but do we really want to keep this going forever?” Pearl asked, voicing a sentiment that just about everyone agreed on.

“Looks like there’s only one thing to do then,” Steven took in a deep breath, determined as he looked over to the couple. “Hey! I call a timeout!” He managed to stop Doc just short of her first pitch, giving him enough time to slip up to the pair at home to give them a much-needed prep talk. “Listen, you two,” he began, his tone quite serious as he looked between the surprised couple. “I know its hard being seperated, but we have to keep them out of the barn or they’re gonna find Peridot, remember?! Ruby, stop being cute, and Sapphire, keep your eye on the ball!”

“Pun… intended?” Ruby attempted to joke, though it hardly amused Steven whatsoever.

“What did I just say?” the young Gem huffed, sending a warning glare at the pair as he headed back over to the bench.

“You really think this is gonna work?” Dipper asked, aptly nervous as Steven returned.

“We always got the ambush thing as a backup plan, so no worries,” Amethyst assured, patting a spare bat into her hands.

“Aw, c’mon, you guys, have a little more faith in them!” Mabel urged earnestly. “Garnet always comes through for us, which means Ruby and Sapphire will too! Right?”

None of the others really had much of an answer for this as they all intently looked to the game watch more, desperately hoping that the couple would do just that. However, the chances of that happening didn’t seem very good as Sapphire missed the first pitch, though not for a genuine lack of actually trying to hit it this time.

“Strike one!”

While a growing wave of worry washed over the team on the bench, the Rubies exchanged a confident collective glance, assured of their soon to come victory at hand. However, though everyone else had their doubts in the blue Gem’s ability to carry them home, her partner had no such concerns whatsoever. “Come on, I know you can do it,” she whispered to Sapphire, gently yet encouragingly. As anxious as the blue Gem herself was, Ruby’s warming words did manage to raise her spirits somewhat, though not enough for her to land a successful swing on the next ball.

“Strike two!”

“Just look at the ball,” Ruby instructed, her tone steady when everything else felt like it wasn’t.

“I’m trying…” Sapphire whispered back, gripping the bat tighter as she watched Doc wind up another pitch. “But all I want to look at is you.”

“Don’t worry,” Ruby grinned. “You can look at me when you’re running for home.”

The blue Gem took in a soft gasp at this, though ultimately a wide, loving smile filled her face, her affections for the red Gem soaring higher than ever before. In fact, this promise was just enough to provide her with the solid determination she needed to face the final pitch head on.

Confident that this would be the final ball of the game, Doc threw it fast and hard, surrounding it with burning flames as she sent it flying for home. However, unlike every single time before, this time Sapphire struck it, swinging wide to the point that she caught the ball and held it there. The blue Gem stood her ground, letting out a fierce shout as she doused the flames entirely, coating the bat in a thick, sturdy sheet of ice. And, fueled by both her resolve to win and her feelings for Ruby, she sent that ball flying, letting it rebound in an icy blast towards the skies.

There wasn’t a chance for any of the Rubies to catch it as it disappeared into the clouds, allowing Lapis to score a casual home run all the way from second base. Sapphire, on the other hand, was by far more excited, dashing between the bases all for the sake of reuniting with her partner once more. The team on the sidelines cheered with newfound elation as the Rubies all watched in sour disappointment while the blue Gem rounded third, laughing brightly as she made the final stretch towards Ruby’s awaiting arms.

“Come to me!” she encouraged cheerfully and Sapphire happily complied, leaping for her and easily falling into her open embrace. However, amidst their affectionate excitement, both Gems failed to notice as their forms were enveloped in light until that light ended up bringing them together one more.

Garnet still shared Ruby and Sapphire’s laughter as she landed on the ground, momentarily lost to the joy of her respective halves. That is, until she realized exactly what had happened and the many sets of eyes that were now on her as she did. “…Oops.”

“Welp, forget the whole cheating thing,” Stan remarked dryly, tossing his bat aside dismissively. “Cause this whole operation just fell apart.”

“I’ll say…” Pearl muttered tightly, already starting to prepare for the no-doubt violent fallout.

“They’re GEMS!” Doc shouted in appalled realization.

“We’ve been tricked!” Army growled, absolutely outraged by the deception as Eyeball joined in with a fierce, frustrated growl.

“What a turn of events!” Navy gasped, seemingly surprised.

“Huh? What?” Leggy chimed in, completely lost as to what had just happened.

“Sorry, guys,” Garnet apologized, rising to stand as the others all rushed to join her. “Game’s over.”

“Why, I bet all of those ‘tips’ you kept giving us about how to play baseball weren’t even true either!” Doc snapped at Stan specifically, though the conman hardly seemed to care.

“Uh, no duh,” the conman deadpanned, crossing his arms. “What was your first clue? The part where I told ya that only pansies wear catcher’s mitts while playing baseball? Or was it the shirts? It was probably the shirts, though I do have to give you twerps credit for actually wearing those things the entire game.”

Upon hearing this, Doc was the first to rip her t-shirt off in a heated rage, followed not too far behind by Eyeball and Army, with Navy doing so much more casually. Leggy, on the other hand, was the only one to hold onto the article of clothing a moment longer, looking down at it with a fretful frown. “Aw… but I kinda like mine…”

“TAKE IT OFF!” Army shouted, prompting the leg Gem to do so out of fear alone.

“That’s it!” Doc exclaimed boldly, ready to put these tricky humans and Gems alike in their place. “RUBIES! COMIBINE!”

The other Rubies quickly did so, all piling on top of one other in a steady formation that very quickly led to a fusion. Said fusion was ultimately just one singular massive Ruby, sporting all five of the gemstones of its various components as it towered over the group before it, large and intimidating as it let out a mighty roar. For a moment, no one really knew quite what to do against this surprisingly substantial threat, though in yet another sudden turn of events, they found they didn’t have to.

“WAIT!” Peridot cried from the barn, not hesitating to rush out of her hiding spot before the Ruby fusion could even try to attack the others. She scampered frantically across the barnyard over to the group, outright tripping and falling over herself several times along the way, but even so, she arrived to place herself in front of the others and in harm’s way instead. “Wait! Stop! Please! I-its me you’re after, right? I’m not gonna stand by and let my friends fight by battles!”

“Whoa, Peridot, that’s… surprisingly heroic of you,” Dipper noted, impressed as even Lapis nodded in awestruck agreement.

“Aww, Peri loves us!” Mabel chimed in, warmed by the green Gem’s sentiment.

All the same, the Ruby fusion simply leaned in, scowling threateningly down at the much smaller Peridot all the while. “Are you the Peridot assigned to the failed Earth mission?” she asked, her voice deep, slow, and admittedly scary.

“N-not sure if ‘failed’ would be the right word to-”

“Where is Jasper?” the Ruby fusion interupted starkly, catching just about everyone else off guard completely.

“You’re looking… for Jasper?” Peridot asked, beyond confused by this turn.

“Correct.”

“W-wait, but I’m the one who betrayed the mission!” the green Gem professed hotly. “Who called Yellow Diamond a clod! Who saved all these simple humans from sure destruction! The new leader of the Crystal Gems!”

“What?” Pearl looked to her, baffled upon hearing such a bold assumption.

“Excuse me?” Ford likewise echoed, hands on his hips as he sent the green Gem a critical glance.

“We don’t CARE!” the Ruby fusion snapped thunderously. “Tell us where Jasper is NOW!”

“Jasper, um… w-we know where Jasper is, she’s…” Peridot trailed off, looking to the others for some sort of explanation. Though of course, the only answer any of the other Gems really had to give was that she had fallen somewhere into the depths of the Earth back on the island. Something that they couldn’t very well just outright tell to the already incensed Ruby fusion standing before them now.

“WELL?!” said fusion shouted impatiently.

“Uhh…”

“Neptune!” Steven suddenly interjected, shouting out the first and most distant planet he could think of. “She’s on the planet Neptune!”

For what seemed like ages, no one said anything to this, largely since they hoped that this bizarre ruse would be enough to convince the Rubies. And sure enough, it certainly was as the fusion backed off, smiling contentedly with this information, however false it might have been. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

Both Gems and Pines alike let out a shared sigh of relief as the Rubies unfused, seemingly peaceful as they prepared to take their leave to continue their search for the missing orange Gem. “We all here?” Doc asked, doing another quick headcount of her team. “One, two, three, four, and… ha! Five!” She grinned, finally including herself on that count to square off her entire squad. “To the planet Neptune!”

“Let’s move out, soldiers!” Army called, beckoning the others to head back to the ship.

“Neptune! What a lovely sounding planet!” Navy grinned, skipping blithely after the others.

“B-but we just got here!” Leggy frowned, though she did stop short to pick up her discarded ‘Baby’s First Baseball Game’ shirt. “I’m just gonna… take this…”

“Let’s go, newbie!” Doc interjected, grabbing Leggy and dragging her, as well as her shirt, back over to the ship.

Out of all the Rubies, however, Eyeball was the last to linger, looking to the group before her intensely before she showed her stiff, admittedly frightening gratitude. “Thank you.”

And with that, the squad all piled up back into their ship, which roared to life once more as it picked itself up out of the ground and lifted up into the air once again. This time, however, it showed no signs of ill-intent as it simply warped itself away, disappearing back into the vast expanse of space from whence it came and leaving a very bewildered group behind in its wake.

“Uh… y-yeah, that’s right!” Stan heckled after the group even after their ship had left. “And don’t come back either, otherwise we’ll pound ya into the ground in some other sport, like… uh… anyone good at hockey around here?”

“Aw, I’m gonna miss those guys,” Mabel frowned. “They really were adorable when they weren’t trying to kill us.”

“Am I the only one who thinks that ended way too easily?” Dipper asked, somewhat concerned.

“Nah, man,” Amethyst remarked, hands on her hips as she shook her head incredulously. “Rubies are dumb.”

Garnet, on the other hand, smirked at this, adjusting her shades as she kept her sights set on the skies the Rubies had disappeared into, half of her knowing very well that out of all their kind, one Ruby in particular always had, and always would stand apart. “Not all of them.”

14 notes · View notes

e350tb · 5 years

Text

Steven Universe: Marooned Together - Chapter Thirty-Four

(thanks as always to @real-fakedoors for proofreading)

Whatever one might say about the general competence of the Human Resistance, they were at least capable of barricading a street.

The main street from the museum to the docks, never that wide to begin with, had been locked down into chokepoints and defensive walls made of scrap and wood. At the end of the street, just before the dockyard itself, the Resistance had set up a machine gun post - it’s position allowed it to practically dominate the entire avenue.

As a result, when Stevonnie and their friends emerged onto the road, they were immediately met by withering gun and laser fire. The fusion ducked down, scampering behind a dumpster.

Slowly, they raised their shield up - it was immediately met by a burst of machine gun fire.

“Okay,” they said, “Not gonna be easy…”

“Argh!”

Peedee slammed into the dumpster next to them, clutching his arm. Stevonnie winced and fought their gag reflex - a bullet had gone into his left arm, and the wound now oozed blood. Peedee seemed almost not to notice - he was tugging on the bottom of his shirt with his right hand.

“Peedee, are you…”

There was a loud rip as Peedee tore off part of his shirt, handing the fragment to Stevonnie.

“Tie this ‘round my arm,” he said, “It’s gonna have to be a bandage for now.”

“Peedee, you can’t…”

“They have Jeff,” reminded Peedee, “So yes, I can.”

Stevonnie nodded, taking the rag and beginning to wrap it around Peedee’s arm.

There was a dull clang as Blue brought the crowbar down on the soldier’s helmet. He didn’t cry out or moan, but fell down like a puppet with its strings cut.

Blue stared down at the unconscious man, a strange sense of exhilaration running through her. Pearls did not fight, especially not against authority figures, and yet here she was, resisting them, standing up for herself. It was terrifying. It was obscene.

It was liberating. It was thrilling.

“Mike? What was that noise?”

She heard the footsteps of the other soldier as she returned to the apartment basement. She held the crowbar tighter - just one more. She could do this. Briskly, she slipped behind the doorframe.

The soldier walked in, glancing down at her fallen comrade.

“Mike? The fuck is-”

CLANG.

She fell face first to the ground.

For a few moments, Blue stood there, taking stock of her situation. The terror was giving way, submerged by this strange sense of freedom. If her Diamond could see her now.

No. Not her Diamond. Not anymore.

She knelt down, picking up the soldier’s weapon. It was a short ‘firearm’ as the humans called it - mostly metal, with a big drum sticking out the bottom. An inscription was written on the side - ‘Thompson Machine Carbine.’ She wondered if she should use it.

“Mike? Lauren?”

A voice echoed from outside the apartment.

Yes, Blue thought - it might be worth using.

Captain Franks was marched out onto the dockyard, an eerie sort of finality ringing in the air. Gunfire, shouts, mechanisms moving and destroying - he could hear it all ring out in the distance, dulled beneath his roaring pulse. It kept time with his boots, a metronome of cacophonous pace, like a runner sprinting the last leg of a race with the knowledge the journey was almost over.

His feet fell in sharp steps, disciplined like a soldier.

It was fitting, he supposed, that he would be disciplined like a soldier at the very end, too. He took some pride in it - he knew nobody watching had any respect for him anymore, but he could at least be respectable to himself.

Those human denizens of New Earth that hadn’t joined the ‘renegades’ fighting just a block away had been forced to attend the solemn occasion - the executions of two of the ‘arch-traitors of New Earth.’

There was no applause, no booing, nothing. Those who supported the Human Resistance regarded the sight with quiet approval - those who didn’t turned their faces away, unable to make a sound. The sound of the Captain’s footsteps on the concrete floor was eerie, ethereal, silent but deafening.

Commander Lewis walked behind, flanked by two others, her face set in grim satisfaction as they reached the makeshift stake - really a lamppost. Quietly, her underlings set about tying Franks to the post, while four troopers marched out in front of him, rifles in their arms.

“Captain Lewis?”

Lewis turned. The officer on the left was taking his hand off his earpiece.

“Pro-Gem elements are advancing this way,” he said, “We’ve got them locked down on the main street.”

“Keep them there,” replied Lewis.

She pursed her lips.

“Bring out Fryman,” she added, “We’ll do both at once.”

“You don’t think our men can hold them?” asked the officer.

Lewis shot him a meaningful look.

“Yes ma’am,” he said hurriedly, “Of course, ma’am. Bringing him up now, ma’am.”

He hurried away. Lewis frowned after him, arms crossed.

Perhaps it was wrong to lack faith in her soldiers, her loyal underlings. But as an officer, she’d learned the lessons of experience - and sometimes, that meant showing a little discretion.

Another pillar of dirty water shot high into the air, raining down on the troopers below. Lapis summoned forth another mighty, liquescent fist, ready to slam into the machine gun post - she frowned as it came out much smaller than expected, serving only to drench the crew, not knock them out.

“Come on,” she growled, “Where’s the rest of it?!”

“I think you used most of the sewer water on the museum goons,” replied Jenny, huddled under a crate that had been pushed into the street, “Can’t you gather that gunk up?”

“I could, but it takes time,” replied Lapis, “How long do we-”

There was a long burst of fire - not a ratatatat, but a long ripping sound that made Lapis wince. Across the street, she saw Stevonnie behind a wooden barricade that was barely tall enough for them to crouch behind. The gun fired again, and bullets bounced off the wooden surface - they winced, pushing their shield up to protect their head.

“Stevonnie!”

Lapis bolted across the road. The rip came again, and she heard the cracks of bullets shooting past - crack! Whip! Crack! She dove down next to Stevonnie, huddling behind the wooden panelling.

“Lapis, what’re you doing?” demanded Stevonnie.

“I-I don’t know, you needed help!” replied Lapis.

“You could’ve been poofed!”

“I…”

Lapis shook her head, pushing herself further down to avoid the Resistance’s fire.

“I can’t leave you to get hurt,” she said, “Not again. We do this together, Stevonnie.”

“Lapis…”

“When I said I loved you,” continued Lapis, “I… I meant it! And maybe that makes things different, and maybe this is dumb, but I… I want to be with you, Stevonnie! Because… because…”

Stevonnie nodded, taking her hands.

“...because your my partner,” they said.

“Yeah,” replied Lapis, “And I love you.”

There was a momentary silence, save of course for the sound of battle. Eventually, however, Stevonnie’s face twisted into a grin.

“Lapis,” they said, “Do you trust me?”

Lapis glanced down at Stevonnie’s gem, jaw dropping slightly as she saw it begin to glow. Was this… did they… should she…

Lapis looked back up and nodded determinedly.

“Let’s do it.”

Even for a Lapis Lazuli, gathering moisture from the ground can be time consuming. It’s not hard, not even slightly, but separating water molecules from dirt can be a long job. So it was therefore concerning to the Human Resistance when all of that dampness from Lapis’ first attack simply lifted into the air - or it would have been, had all eyes not been drawn to a far flashier sight.

An amorphous blob of light, swirling and warping beautifully, lifted up from behind one of the barricades. All fire ceased - Jenny, Buck and Peedee gazed up in awe, the Resistance in shock, and Garnet? Garnet was beaming.

The form that emerged was about twice as tall as Stevonnie, with light purple skin, strong, thick arms and legs. They wore a sleeveless high-collared jacket - purple with a thick pale yellow line under the collar and a purple ribbon behind. They had a black belt, and a lighter purple dress over heavy boots. Their hair was poofy and fluffy, about shoulder length, and pale freckles lined their face. Slowly, they looked down at their body, testing their arms, their legs and their face.

They closed their eyes and smiled.

“Beryl,” they said, their voice soft and quiet, “My name is Beryl.”

They looked behind them, at the flowing wall of water slowly rising into the air, and then back to the Human Resistance, still staring in stunned silence. They floated upwards, wings emerging from their back.

“You have my friend,” they said matter-of-factly.

The officer in charge shook his head and pointed at them, his face read.

“What’re you waiting for?!” he thundered, “Fire!”

Beryl threw their hands forward.

The wall of water burst outwards, flying over their friends and down onto the Human Resistance. It swept them aside like bowling pins, sending them hurtling towards the dockyard…

“Ready…”

The firing squad stood before Captain Franks and Jeff, their weapons at the ready. Lewis crossed her arms as she waited for the moment. Franks stared at the floor, unable to meet their eyes - Jeff stared them down, bound fists clenched as crescent moon impressions dug into his palms.

“Aim…”

“You’ll never win,” hissed Jeff.

“Oh, we will,” sneered Lewis.

“F…”

There was the sound of a gate being kicked open, followed by a long burst of gunfire. The firing squad hit the dirt, and Lewis ducked behind a crate.

Blue Pearl stood at the main entrance to the docks, carrying a Tommy Gun. She had just fired it into the air to attract their attention; she wore a somewhat frightened, somewhat wild scowl. She swallowed visibly as the guns of the Human Resistance trained on her, but stood her ground.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” demanded Lewis.

“I… I’m… I’m rebelling,” she replied.

Lewis nodded, clapping sarcastically.

“Bravo,” she said, “Men, open…”

She trailed off, a deep rumbling in the air. The ground beneath her began to shake.

“Oh god,” she muttered, “What the hell, no-”

A wave of brown water smashed through the gate of the dockyard, neatly skipping over Blue and the audience and roaring straight for Lewis and her soldiers. She screamed in terror and frustration, grabbing the sides of the crate as the watery sledgehammer smashed down. For a moment, all was dirty brown - the putrid taste streaming around her nostrils and mouth, the force threatening to tear her free from her only anchor…

Then it was done, and she was lying on the concrete floor, coughing and spluttering and looking up in shock and horror at the figure hovering before them.

Beryl looked down on her, a frown on their face. They seemed not angry but disappointed, even a little frustrated, like a teacher dealing with an out-of-control kindergartener. They crossed their arms and shook their head.

“It’s over, Lewis,” they said, “You’ve lost.”

Lewis scowled, reaching for her gun.

“If you think the Human Resistance is going down without a fight, you’ve got another thing…”

“If you wanna not get shot at with disrupted cannons, I’d recommend you don’t do that.”

Lewis turned around, her eyes wide. A golden ship hovered above the dockyards, its weapons trained on the gathered Resistance. She had seen it once before, in the very, very early days of New Earth - a stolen ship, piloted by a pink human.

The Sun Incinerator.

“God, I can’t believe I’m happy to see Lars.”

Peedee had pushed his way through the crowd to join Beryl, his friends not far behind.

“Never!” exclaimed Lewis, “We will never surrender! We will fight you on the…”

There was a series of clacks, and Lewis looked around. One by one, each member of the Resistance was dropping their weapon and slowly raising their hands.

“...no… no, no, no, no, NOOO!” Lewis bellowed, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be defending humanity!”

She gesticulated wildly in Beryl’s direction.

“They took everything from us!” she thundered, “They took our home! They took our lives! They took… they took my family! Don’t you care?! Don’t you care about how far down they’ve torn us?! DON’T YOU CARE?!”

“I do.”

Lewis looked up at Beryl. They had lowered down now, and were kneeling down next to her.

“I lost both my dads and my mom,” they explained, “I… I saw them…”

They wiped their eyes.

“I do care,” they said, “I care every day. But then we found each other…”

They glowed, splitting back into two forms, still holding hands.

“I found Lapis,” Stevonnie continued, “And we… we moved on. I’m still sad about it, everyone is, but… we have to move on.”

“But you don’t understand!” shouted Lewis, “You’re a hybrid! A freak! I…”

“Lewis.”

Peedee stepped up, striding purposefully towards Lewis, gun in hand and face set into a scowl.

“I lost everything too,” he said, “I lost my dad. I lost my brother. I lost my truck. But you know what? All these gems you hate - they helped me rebuild my life. That arch-traitor you want to shoot? He was only light I had for a long, long time. So don’t you dare - don’t you dare assume to know who doesn’t care.”

“Fryman, I…”

Peedee raised his gun, pressing it to her temple.

“Peedee, don’t!” exclaimed Stevonnie.

Peedee stood there, finger on the trigger, glaring down at the pale, shaking form of Lewis.

“You take a ship,” he said, “And you leave. And if you ever, ever come near my husband again, I swear to god I won’t be so hesitant.”

He lowered his gun and turned away.

Garnet had just finished untying Jeff - the mayor of New Earth raced over to Peedee, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Peedee! I thought… I thought I’d never see you again!” he exclaimed.

“Jeff, never scare me like that again, okay?” asked Peedee.

“I promise…”

Peedee leaned forward, pulling Jeff into a kiss. The crowd around them broke into applause as they savoured the moment, losing themselves in sweet, sweet relief.

Shaking his head, Franks climbed to his feet. He looked around at the confusion and wreckage, sighing heavily.

“I think it goes without saying that the Human Resistance is dissolved,” he said.

“Franks,” replied Jenny, “That might be the first smart thing you’ve ever done.”

#steven universe #marooned together #stevonnie #lapis lazuli #peedee fryman #jeff #garnet #jenny pizza #buck dewey #blue pearl #lapvonnie #jeffdee

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andrewmoocow · 6 years

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Clod on the Run chapter 3: Come and Get your Gems (originally posted on June 20, 2017)

When we last left the Guardians of the Galaxy, they had crash-landed on Earth in search of a Gem named Peridot, in which they were assigned to capture her. After some searching, they found her alongside some other Gems, and that's where we begin here.

The Guardians had come face to face with a group of Gems and a boy who were adamant on protecting Peridot from them. As the two groups prepared for battle, Drax was the first to attack. “Come at me women!” he called as he charged towards Garnet, punching her in the face. Garnet, reeling from the punch, got back up glaring angrily at the destroyer as she punched back. “Alright a-holes, you know what to do!” Star-Lord shouted as the Guardians charged. Rocket jumped Amethyst before slamming his laser blaster in her face. Gamora and Pearl's blades began clanking as the two dueled while Groot took on Lapis.

“I AM GROOT!” the tree shouted as he attempted to bodyslam Lapis, but failing to do so as he was catapulted to the ceiling by a large water current she summoned. Star-Lord wasn't doing any better as he had the child cornered, completely indecisive on what to do with him. “Look, I know you're a kid but your friends are pissing off my friends but maybe we could reach a compromise.” he said as he pointed his laser pistol at Steven. “We'll take the Peridot and maybe you could hook me up with one of your friends with a candlelight dinner. It'll be charming!”

“That does sound like an enticing offer,” Steven said. “but I'm still not letting you take Peridot!” He picked up a television set and chucked it at Peter, knocking him down in the process and breaking the table Peridot was hiding under. “Hey everyone, first one to grab Peridot gets free drinks!” Peter shouted.

Meanwhile, Drax and Gamora had Garnet and Pearl surrounded, planning on how to attack them. “Alright Drax, I've got a plan.” Gamora said as she continued swordfighting Pearl. “You take on the one with the nose while I handle the square one.”

“How about I take both of them on with both my eyes closed and one hand behind my back!” Drax shouted as he did just that, running around in circles before crashing into the front wall, making a giant hole in the process. “Drax you moron.” the green warrior moaned before taking on Pearl again. “Seriously, what are you Gems doing here?” she wondered. “Because we've sworn to protect the people of Earth from Homeworld and crooks like you!” Pearl replied before striking her opponent.

Rocket had just finished beating up Amethyst, getting a few more whacks in with his weapon before turning to the broken table, noticing the fallen TV when he got an idea. “It's like they always say, one man's trash is another's treasure.” he said to himself as he started rooting through it.

Peridot scampered throughout the battlefield looking for a place to hide when she noticed Amethyst getting up after having been beat up. “Good grief Amethyst, are you alright?” she worriedly asked. “Yep, I'm A-OK.” the purple Gem replied woozily. “Just a few scratches.” As Peridot helped her up, the two stood back to back ready to face these invaders.

“Listen, just leave Peridot alone!” Lapis shouted dousing Groot with more water. “I am Groot!” Groot shouted back before throwing his fist at her chest, knocking her into a wall. “I am Groot?” the Flora Colossus began calling for his furry friend until he noticed him toying with various pieces of technology stuffed into a cooking pot. “Hey Groot, listen to me.” the ringtailed gunslinger whispered. “I'm working on a black hole bomb but I'm gonna need a few things. Think you could grab me that blender?”

“I am Groot?” Groot wondered before taking notice of the blender and handing it to Rocket. “Thanks buddy.” he thanked. “I am Groot.” Groot replied. “Attention idiots!” Rocket announced hopping onto the counter, grabbing the attention of everyone. “Dis thingamabob is a highly dangerous black hole bomb which when set off, can reduce this house along with part of this town into a crater!” The Gems panicked as the raccoon set the timer to one minute. “Damnit Rocket, is trying to kill us really necessary?” Star-Lord shouted. “Hey, it's just like what I said when we left that human zoo Quill,” Rocket replied. “We might die on this mission, but at least we'll be havin' fun!”

“Quick P, your metal powers!” Amethyst called to Peridot. “Wait, metal powers?” Rocket wondered as the green Gem threw out her arms, somehow making the bomb levitate. “What the hell?!” was the only thing the critter said as she tossed it outside, making it soar way out to sea when it finally detonated, creating a large black sphere that swallowed the surrounding water.

“YOU!” Rocket bellowed angrily turning towards Peridot. “Don'tcha realize what you've done you crazy little gremlin?!” He pounced her and started to claw at her face until he was whacked over the head by Lapis with a frying pan. “Alright,” he finally growled, whipping out his bazooka. “which one dies first?”

Drax had gotten up from crashing through the wall earlier, feeling a bit lightheaded when he came face to face with a little black-haired girl unsheating a pink sword from a bag. “What is this little girl doing here?” he exclaimed. “This must be one of their tricks!”

The girl was bewildered to find this strange man at Steven's house until she turned around, finding her friends fighting a cowboy, a green girl, a giant tree and a raccoon holding Lapis & Peridot at gunpoint. “WHAT IS GOING ON?!” she exclaimed as loud as her lungs can take it, which stopped the fighting and made everyone turn to her. “Oh, hey Connie!” Steven finally said. “For your information kid, the purple one started it.” Rocket added.

As everything started to calm down, the Guardians and the Gems were seated across from each other, glaring at one another. Steven and Connie tried to calm them down and rationalize the situation. “Before we get things started, why don't we introduce each other?” Steven said. “My name's Steven Universe and this is my best friend Connie Maheswaran.”

“That name is quite a mouthful.” Gamora pointed out. “Anyway, my name is Gamora.” She shook Connie's hand with a smile. “They call me Drax.” Drax added with a smirk. “Name's Rocket and this is my buddy Groot.” Rocket stated. “I am Groot.”

“And my name,” Star-Lord said once again trying to look tough. “Is Star-Lord!” Silence filled the house before Steven gasped. “Does that mean you're like a king?!” he asked excitedly. “What, no! I just picked the name because it sounds cool.” Peter answered. “Anyway, together we form the Guardians of the Galaxy. So how's about you?”

“We are the Crystal Gems!” Garnet announced proudly before summoning her gauntlets. “Garnet!”

Amethyst followed up by summoning her whip. “Amethyst!”

Pearl did a pirouette and pulled out her spear. “Pearl!”

Steven leaped into the air as high as he could. “And Steven!” Off to the side, Peridot ran up in front of Rocket. “And I'm Peridot.” she said. “And this is my closet confidant and roommate Lapis Lazuli.”

“Hey.” Lapis said waving. “Well that was.....something.” Peter said. “So what's next?” That's when Steven got an idea. “How about we bond and talk about one another?” he asked. “Good idea Ste-ste, maybe I can show 'em my old home!” Amethyst grabbed Gamora by the hand as she walked her to the Warp Pad, with Pearl and Drax following behind. “We could take Rocket and Groot to the barn.” Lapis added. “Whoa whoa whoa kid, time out for a bit.” Rocket said. “We just met and tried to kill each other. Why are you so forgiving right now?”

“That's the magic of Steven,” Garnet answered. “he's very forgiving.” Rocket & Groot then made their way outside with Lapis, Peridot and Pumpkin. “Alright blockhead, I get it. He's the nicest guy anyone could meet.” Rocket grimaced. “Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go.”

“Guess that leaves us three.” Peter finally said. “Yeah, maybe we can talk over some Cookie Cat.” Steven said as he walked towards the refrigerator and pulled a delicious looking treat in the shape of a cat's head. “How can I say no to that?!”

–

Amethyst, Gamora, Drax and Pearl had found themselves in a large canyon riddled with several holes and strange machines that looked broken. “WELCOME TO THE KINDERGARTEN!” Amethyst shouted, which echoed throughout the canyon. “This is your home?” Drax asked. “I don't see a house anywhere!” As the four hopped off the Warp Pad and started journeying through the Kindergarten, Amethyst began excitedly explaining her origins. “This is where I came from!” she stated. “I was originally made to be a Quartz soldier for the Gem Homeworld, but I popped out a little too late and became what you're looking at now.”

Then Amethyst's smile disappeared as she continued on. “I wandered this place for years without a purpose until Rose Quartz found me, and ever since then I felt happy with my new life, but I still feel kinda worthless deep inside.”

“So wait, she isn't from Homeworld?” Drax inquired as Gamora walked over to the purple Gem's side. “You are correct Drax.” Pearl answered. “Hey, I know where you might be coming from.” Gamora said sitting down next to Amethyst, trying to connect with her. “My race was wiped out by the Mad Titan Thanos, I was taken in by him to be his number one assassin. I did nothing but kill people until I met Peter and the others.”

“Hey, thanks for trying to help G.” Amethyst said before hugging Gamora, who sheepishly returned it. “Alright, back to the tour!” the purple Gem bounded out of her arms and started walking, with the others close behind. “Lemme see, that was 4ZH's hole, 9FR, 6TQ,” she then stopped when she went in front of another hole. “And this is my hole!”

“Astounding.” Drax gasped in awe. “These holes are so cramped yet they can produce mighty warriors!” He crawled into the hole, examining the various layers of rock. When he got out, he discovered that Amethyst was missing and a purple lookalike of him in her place. “You!” he shouted pointing his daggers at the clone. “I do not tolerate imitators, now tell me what have you done with Amethyst!”

The clone laughed heartily in a rather feminine tone as it turned back into Amethyst in a flash of light. “Got you!” she chuckled. “But how, how are you able to turn into me? Are you part Skrull?” he wondered. “Is he really that dense?” Pearl asked Gamora. “His species is much less evolved.” she replied. “It's not like that tattoos,” the Quartz finally said. “it's called shapeshifting, and most Gems have the ability to do that. Watch!” She turned herself into a perfect duplicate of Groot, only difference was that she retained her purple color and gemstone.

“Wow.” Gamora said. “You said most Gems are able to do that right?” she asked. “Only the more advanced Era-1 ones.” Pearl answered. “I'll explain more as we go along.”

Lapis was flying Peridot, Groot and Pumpkin to their home while Rocket followed her on a jetpack. The flight proved very hard for the ocean Gem due to Groot's weight while he held her arms. She felt relieved upon touching down on a field near the barn. “Wait just a minute,” Rocket said. “this is your place?”

“You bet Rocket, our home away from Homeworld!” Peridot replied joyfully as she led their guests through the cornfield to the barn. Upon arriving at the front door, she noticed a pile of broken drones sitting there near them. “Just ignore it kid.” the raccoon stated as they walked inside.

“Anyways, welcome to our home.” Peridot announced. “We've once used this place to build stuff to stop a giant Gem monster from destroying the Earth but now I've decided to live here. Eventually Lapis came along too.” Rocket and Groot were both befuddled and interested at the same time. “What giant gem monster?” the furball asked. “I am Groot?” Groot added. “Basically, the Diamonds stuck a giant ball of Gem shards beneath the Earth's surface and wanted it to form so that it can destroy Earth.” Lapis explained.

“That's actually kinda messed up.” Rocket reacted. “So what's this piece of garbage?” He pointed at the tape recorder. “That's not just garbage, it's art!” Peridot explains. “We call it meep morps.” Lapis added. “This is a couple of baseball things, it reminds me of a time when I played baseball.” She gestured towards a baseball, bat & catcher's mitt tied to a string. “And this is called 'Wow, Thanks'. It has no purpose, other than making me feel bad.” Peridot then pointed at the tape recorder.

“I am Groot!” Groot exclaimed in amazement. “Not impressed.” Rocket said. “So you're not impressed, eh?” Peridot said getting up in the critter's face. “Well try my one Gem band on for size!” With that, she summons a couple instruments preparing to play. “Ta-da! And a-one and a-two and a-one-two-three-four!” Blowing into the harmonica, all of the instruments fell down. “Ugh, I really got to practice more.”

“Bravah squirt, bravah!” Rocket applauded laughing, much to Peridot's chagrin. Thankfully he was stopped when Groot tapped his shoulder. “Fine I'll stop.” Walking over to the instruments laid out, Groot picked the cymbals and crashed them together. “I am Groot.” he said in wonder, crashing them more. “Maybe we could turn our duet into a trio.” Lapis said picking up the tambourine. “Yeah!” Peridot replied as she brought forth a triangle.

With that, the three started playing a tune with Groot chanting “I am Groot” in time with the beat and Rocket & Pumpkin as the audience. “You getting' this buddy?” Rocket said to Pumpkin, who barked in reply. “Agh, I'm surrounded by idiots!” he shouted as he ran out the barn and scampered up to the pickup truck over the front door. He just wanted some alone time as he curled up into a ball until Lapis flew up on him.

“You alright Rocket?” she asked sitting down next to him. “You seem pretty upset.” Rocket groaned as he uncurled. “Like I said before, I tried to kill you and take your friend prisoner. Why are you suddenly forgiving me?” he wondered. “Like Garnet said, Steven knows how to get to people.” the water Gem replied. “But I do have a question myself.”

“What would that be?” the mercenary said. “Why are you like, a raccoon?” she wondered. “Seriously, da hell's a raccoon?” he answered. “Anyway, I'm this way because I was experimented on by some quack scientists. I didn't ask to be ripped apart and put back together again for the sake of some crazy experiments!” He started to cry and hug Lapis, who embraced him in reply.

“I feel your pain.” Lapis replied. “I was sent here by the Gem Homeworld to just pay a visit, until I was caught in the war and poofed. After being put in a mirror, they all left me behind when the Diamonds corrupted all Gems on Earth. Eventually I was found by Steven and released, and that's where we are now.”

“Trapped in a mirror? Puh-leeze, I've broken out of prison 23 times!” the raccoon bragged. “I also heard something about a Jasper that went missin' a while back.” His very statement alone made her cringe. “Oh yeah, her.”

“After I returned to Homeworld, I was partnered with Peridot and a Jasper to go to earth and capture the Crystal Gems. Eventually I was forced to fuse with her to keep everyone safe. We tortured each other for months on end until I was freed.” Lapis explained. “Wait a minute, you mean THE Jasper?! The very same Jasper that fought in the Rebellion?” Rocket was shocked to hear this. “I'm pretty sure I can take her down in a Xandarian minute!”

Lapis giggled at that statement and smiled. “Gotta say, you're pretty tough Rocket.” she said. “Thanks Tidal, for being someone to talk to.” Rocket replied. “Hey guys, there you are!” Peridot called as she, Pumpkin Groot climbed up the truck. “We've been looking for you.” she said. “I am Groot!” Groot added. “Oh don't mind us, we were just talkin' bout things.” Rocket claimed. “Say, you two wanna watch Camp Pining Hearts with us?” the green Gem asked. “Camp Pine What-now?”

Peridot turned on the TV in front of them and the screen started showing two humans looking longingly at each other. “What kinda garbage is this?” Rocket complained as everybody sat down, much to Peridot's anger. “Hey, I'll have you know this is the greatest TV show ever!” she shouted in his face. “Whoa whoa whoa, chill out Greeny!” the gunslinger replied. “I'm just stating my opinion.”

“Shush you guys, this is a great episode.” Lapis ordered as she and Groot got engrossed into the program. “Oh alright, I'll watch it. But I won't like it!” Rocket finally said as he sat down.

“So that's your mom, eh?” Peter said looking at a portrait of Rose Quartz hanging over the front door. “You bet Petey.” Steven answered. “Long ago, she was the original leader of the Crystal Gems, inspiring us all to be our own individuals and fight back against Homeworld.” Garnet stated. “If she were here, she would be very proud of our achievements.”

“Yeah, where is she anyway?” he asked. “Why she's right here.” Connie answered pulling up Steven's shirt, revealing a pink gem where his bellybutton would be. “Whoa, cool!” the space cowboy gasped in awe, tapping the gem. “Is it like a family heirloom or something?” he asked. “Actually, that's my mom herself!” Steven exclaimed, much to Star-Lord's surprise. “Wait, wha?”

“Basically my mom and I can't both exist together so she's now half of me.” the boy explained. “Wait still, how is that even possible?” Star-Lord asked. “Long story.” Garnet answered. “But I'll tell you a shorter one.” As she finished that sentence, he started to glow and shrunk down to two little women, one red one with a bandana and a blue one with pale blue hair covering her face. “Hello there Peter.” the blue one greeted, much to his shock. “Wait just a minute, first there was Garnet and now she's gone and replaced by you two! Who are you, what happened?!”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that.” the red one apologized. “My name is Ruby and this is my partner Sapphire.” She introduced herself as Ruby and motioned to the blue one, now called Sapphire. “Nice to meet you too.” Peter said shaking both their hands. “But I still don't get it, first there was Garnet and now there's you two. Can anyone explain why the square woman is two little girls standing on top of each other?”

“That's called fusion.” Connie said. “A process in which two people who are very close with each other form an entirely new being, like so.” Just then, she and Steven started doing dancing before lining up back to back with their hands touching before they started to glow and change. In their place was a being wearing a combination of their clothes with long dark brown hair. “See?”

“Wow, this fusion thing seems really awesome!” Star-Lord exclaimed as he picked up his communicator. “I gotta tell the others!” He turned it on and began to contact Rocket. “Hey Rocket, you won't believe what I just saw! Steven's mom is half of him, Garnet is two girls in love standing on top of each other and-”

“Don't leave Pierre, Percy needs you more than your obviously abusive parents!” Rocket sobbed over the communicator. “Uh, you okay buddy?” Peter wondered. “Don't mind your furry friend here, we just got him hooked on Camp Pining Hearts.” Peridot said picking up Rocket's end and hanging up. “Camp Pining Hearts, oh my God I loved that show!” he exclaimed and then he turned to the fusion standing next to him. “So what do I call you? Conneven, Maheswuniverse, or how about Stennie?” he inquired.

“We prefer to be called Stevonnie.” they said as they defused back into Steven and Connie. “Hey, think you could show me around this town?” Star-Lord asked. “I thought you'd never ask!” Steven cheerfully replied as he grabbed Peter by the hand and dragged him out the door. “We'll be back later!”

Peter was taken all across Beach City, being introduced to all of Steven's friends like the Pizza family, Mr. Smiley, the Cool Kids and many more. “Wow kid, you seem pretty well-liked here.” he said. “Yeah, I'm friends with pretty much everyone!” Steven replied as he let go of his new friend's hand. “Say, you hungry for some bits?” he asked. “I'm not sure, I just had that Cookie Cat thing but okay then.”

Steven guided Peter to the local fry place where a boy around his age with blonde hair resembling steak fries was at the counter. “Hey Peedee, long time no see!” Steven called. “Steven, long time no see too.” Peedee replied. “Say, who's the cowboy here?” he asked. “Oh yeah, name's Peter Quill, but tons of people call me Star-Lord.” Star-Lord answered. “Lemme guess, the bits?” Peedee asked. “You bet I do!” Steven replied.

Just then, another boy older and taller than Peedee wearing eyeglasses popped up from behind him and pushed him out of the way. “Steven, just the boy I needed to see!” he said. “Hello Ronaldo.” Steven greeted flatly. “I suppose you may have checked Keep Beach City Weird lately because today has been a goldmine for me!” he exclaimed pulling out a tablet and showing off pictures of Groot eating from a paper bag, Drax stuck in a trash can and Rocket chasing Mr. Smiley with a broom as a roller coaster fell apart behind them.

“There have been some sightings recently that suggest that alien lifeforms have infiltrated town and are very bad at disguising themselves to blend in.” Ronaldo explained. “You think this means that an invasion is imminent?” Looking over the pictures, Peter immediately recognized his friends in them. “Hey, those guys are my friends!” he exclaimed. “You know these extraterrestrials?” Ronaldo gasped. “Please tell me!”

“I think he's had enough of your blog bro.” Peedee said walking back to the counter with some fry bits. “Here's your fry bits Steven.” He handed the bits to Steven and the two made their way. “Thanks kid!” Peter thanked as they sat down on a nearby bench. “So tell me Steven,” he said with his mouthful of fry bits. “tell me again, what happened to your mom?”

“She actually had to give up her physical form so that I could be born.” Steven replied. “The Gems and my dad really miss her, and they've only told stories about how great of a person she was.” Star-Lord, knowing what it feels like to lose a mom, put a sympathetic arm around Steven. “That's rough buddy.” he said. “Back when I was a kid, I was abducted by aliens after I lost my mom too.”

Young Peter Quill has just rushed out of the hospital into an open field after watching his mother die of cancer before his eyes. He was incredibly traumatized over this and lied there in the field crying until a bright light shone over him. A strange spacecraft was hovering over him and then suddenly, everything went black.

Waking up much later, Peter found himself in a place where he could see Earth getting smaller and smaller. “Wait, what's going on?” he wondered. “Where am I?!” Suddenly he noticed an arrow flying towards him which he narrowly dodged. “You're on my turf now kid.” a voice stated. Walking out of the shadows, the voice belonged to a blue humanoid creature with a scruffy beard and a small fin on his head. “Name's Yondu Udonta, leader of the Ravagers.” he greeted. “And you must be Meredith's kid, Peter.”

“How do you know my name, how do you know my mom?!” the boy panicked. “Calm yourself boy, she's told me to bring you to your daddy.” Yondu calmed him down. “You know my dad?” Peter wondered. “Yeah, can't tell you anything about him,” the alien replied. “other than the fact that he's a jackass!”

“Wow, guess he wasn't as cool as I thought he would.” Peter said to himself as the blue man laughed. “How 'bout this kid?” Yondu asked. “How about I teach you the ways of my gang, the Ravagers?” The boy looked up at him in excitement. “Yeah, I guess!” he exclaimed.

“Wow, that Yondu sounds like a pretty cool guy.” Steven said. “You bet he was!” Peter replied as they finished up the fry bits. “He taught me everything he knows, transforming me into the badass you're hanging out with today.” The two looked up at a nearby clock to find that it read 3:10pm. “Say, think we should head back to your place?” he asked. “Yeah, let's.”

Walking back to the beach house, they found no one else except Lion napping. “Hey, where did Garnet and Connie go?” Star-Lord asked. “Oh yeah, must be time for swordfighting practice.” Steven replied. “Wait, what?” his older companion wondered. “Pearl has been training Connie on fighting with a sword for a while now. I think you should come along and watch.” Steven explained as he woke up Lion. “Hey Lion, wanna come with us to the Sky Arena?” he asked his furry friend. Roaring as it yawned, Lion licked its lips and guided the two to the Warp Pad.

“So what do I do to activate it, just click my heels a few times while saying 'There's no place like home'?” Peter asked standing on the pad. “No, you just need to think about where you want to go and then poof, you're there.” Steven replied. “Okay, now watch this.” Putting his hands to his head and closing his eyes, the Gem-human hybrid began to concentrate until the three of them disappeared in a beam of light.

Meanwhile deep in space, another ship had touched down in Pink Diamond's human zoo, a yellow and blue one bearing the symbol of the Nova Corps. The pilot exited the craft, revealing himself to be a white furred leopard-like creature wearing a black & yellow bodysuit, but his most unusual trait was his cybernetic eye and machine gun arm. This was Titus, former Nova Corpsman and ally of the Chitauri. He was currently hunting down the Guardians for crimes against the Nova Corps and was led here.

“They had to have been here, I just know it.” he said to himself as he walked up to the two Amethysts guarding the door. “You there, I request an audience with Blue Diamond!” he announced to them. “Sorry furball, but she's out right now.” one of them stated. “Who are you calling a furball?!” Titus barked. “I was an esteemed member of the Nova Corps and I demand your respect!” As the two Quartz soldiers summoned their weapons, Titus prepared to fire from his arm, until the three were put to a halt.

“Stop right there!” a voice commanded. The Amethysts stood in attention as Holly Blue Agate stepped forth, coming face to face with Titus. “Holly Blue Agate.” the former Nova Corpsman said as he lowered his weapon. “I've heard stories about how terrifying you were, but I never realized we would meet one day.” The Agate rolled her eyes and angrily turned to the Amethysts. “I've told you once, I've told you thousands of times! Never disrespect our visitors!” she shouted at them. “We apologize Holly Blue Agate, please don't have us executed!” the two Amethysts saluted while looking nervously at one another.

“Now then my good sir, what brings you here?” Holly Blue asked turning back to Titus. “Very good question,” he replied with courtesy as he brought up a hologram of the Guardians. “I am searching for a group of miscreants known as the Guardians of the Galaxy, and a tracking beacon I've placed on their ship has led me here. Though it seems I was misled.”

“Oh, those rogues.” Holly Blue said. “You've already missed them. They've left on a mission to search for a renegade Peridot for the Diamonds but they haven't called back yet.” She took the hologram from Titus's hand and zoomed in on Rocket specifically. “We have quite a history with this rodent after he stole a batch of Rose Quartz gems from here for Tanaleer Tivan and he returned to us to seek redemption by taking this job.”

Titus was about ready to shoot up the human zoo, but he contained his rage and put on a smug grin. “I have an idea.” he calmly said. “How about we form an alliance? I redeem myself by capturing these Guardians while you get to shatter that rogue Peridot along with imprisoning any other beings with her.” Holly Blue was unsure of the idea, but anything to please her Diamond. “Alright then, it's a deal.” she replied shaking his hand.

The Guardians and the Gems didn't know yet, but they are not ready for this deadly alliance.

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