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#like sorry?? that’s literally the ocd creature in my head actually. like that’s LITERALLY my ocd ???
zurko48 · 5 months
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starry-lemonaid · 8 days
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Hiiiii so this ended up so so much longer than I meant it to and I didn’t even write most of them 😭 Sorry im physically unwell about your au lol. Some are definitely only your au specific others are really any teenager au :>>>>>
Team Bolas would carry around a tamagotchi and pass it off every so often. Rn Carre has it >:3
Since you have it canonized that Pac and Mike are neighbors in this, and in canon they were in an orphanage: Adopted and fostercare pac and Mike. (Pac eventually adopted by his foster dad and mom — who happens to be pals with Cellbit’s mom — and Mike still in foster care, but more in a permanent sense)
Like. Have you seen Alexa and Katie? That’s how I picture the two of them with being neighbors. 
Team Bolas will go to roller skating rinks with the sluttiest and most fabulous outfits known to man
I don’t know the status of Skeppy in this story but he’s the kid that everyone on the team (soulfire) knows about without ever having actually met him because of Bbh
Like in canon, Carre almost never talks in the gc (despite being present a ton of the time), but when he does it’s a fucking *hit* (aka he’s amazing) (aka holding out for a Carre mention in either fic /j /lh /t)
One time all of Bolas’ spirit days for their respective schools lined up and they all collaborated to wear gas masks. They do this for Halloween too. 
(I’m a scare actor) Team Bolas goes to Haunted Attractions together every Autumn and each of them are little babies about it in different ways (I have ideas about what types of customers they’d be for the scare actors omg)  
In the Bolas Minecraft server they have builds that relate to Jrwi and Ordem Paranormal (like Cellbit’s castle in canon) (I have no idea how that’d work with Bagi) 
BBQ’s with Foolish and his big family just. Are chaos incarnate 
Slime and Baghera once got really really into karaoke at a hotel and got a noise complaint 
Somewhere in his lore: Child actor slime who used to work with Niki (as well as a buncha other people). The two of them got extremely screwed over by the company — Showfall. (Like, them exploiting Slime’s hypermobility to the point where it genuinely hurts him, or scaring Niki with gunshots just because she’d sit there and take it so’s not to ruin her “nice” cover with skating) (genloss)
I’m still not quite over BAGI AND MIKE being the two to see Cellbit and PAC first after their fight. The two people who care the most about them being the ones to see each other bloody and sobbing and Jesus Christ. Not really a headcanon but. Omg. Trauma? 
TW PARANOIA: Cellbit gets really really bad psychosis and paranoia sometimes that his friends have learned to help him down out of (you’ve written him so so ocd. It’s lovely — not for him, but for us) 
Bpd q!cellbit 🤝 Bipolar q!Pac (in your au) (someday I’ll go into depth about this. That day it’s over for the rest of y’all)
Adore that Tazercraft prankwarring each other is canon in at least one of your series’ fics. I don’t know how their mind link would translate in this buttttttt I think it fits them very well
I also think they’d have a little collection of crap they’ve stolen from different rinks they’ve traveled to 
The seven of bolas have matching friendship bracelets 
(Sorry most of these are just Tazercraft and Bolas. I’m so insanely unwell about them in your au) 
i’m literally right about to go to bed so i apologize if this isn’t coherent but i love all of these so much!
-in thr chat fic Bolas actually has smth like that! it’s name is iris (like their creature from purgatory) and you’re correct in the fact rn carre has it in the irl fic! :D
-that’s how i imagine it to be in the chat fic au! idk how it translates into irl one but in my mind it’s a similar situation!!
-you’re so right for this actually i will be drawing this
-skeppy lore! he’s a hockey skater at the soul fire rink :) i might make a one shot about him and bad soon :)
-THERES A CARRE MENTION IN THE NEXT TO CHAPTERS I SWEAR (/lh)
-i see your head cannon and raise you: they made their own gas masks one year out of monster cans because Phil raised the point if “our actual ones risk breaking if we wear them to school” (i made my own bolas mask out of monster cans lmaooo)
-(that’s so cool omg?) the way i would read the hell outta that- (i’m such baby when it comes to those things so i’ve never actually gone but i’ve always wanted to participate in it)
-BOLAS MINECRAFT SERVER!!! IRONICALLY THATS CANNON!!!!
-Foolish and Phil’s families at fourth of july BBQs? the fireworks are crazy
-lmao i almost put that in the 10th chapter and then didn’t 😭
-I FORGOT ABOUT GENLOSS LORE OMG *notes that down to use later*
:P no regerts (i had to tone it down when i was writing it )
i feel like the fact i’ve written him ocd when i wrote him similar to me says smth…(my psychiatrist said i have ocd tendencies lmaoooo)
im so intrigued about this because i didn’t realize they lined up with that- ngl they’re just me if i got to go feral a little more when i was 11
you know those online friends that you message like every sing,e thing about your day to? like you liveblog your life to them? that’s how pac and mike are! :D
its cannon to the irl!!! if not stated otherwise all oneshots are irl universe (i’ll say what chapter it correlates to if it’s a chat fic one) and they absolutely have stolen things- especially cuz for a while people would bring tradables to comp so the two of them absolutely stole each others trandeables when they were younger
THEY DO!!!! they have multiple!!! rn they all have hand made beaded ones that say “BOLAS” on ‘‘em!
(you’re so right tho i love them and i didn’t even write abiut them that much
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kobblefort · 1 year
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Rushsly: The Early Days 4
Welcome to the last pre-caverns episode, sorry I've been dragging my ass on that!!! Sorry about the slow update in general, I was busy all day. It will either disappoint or relieve you to know that I didn't think about kobbles at all until after I got home and took a nap.
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I could kill them. You definitely shouldn't think things like that. But I could pull the lever and just crunch them up. The wagon, the guards, the buffalo, just take it all to fucking crunch city. Shut Toastsdrip and Rarsa Tightnesstrusses would be smashed in an instant ok nah because I am not physically capable of doing violence to a guy named "Shut Toastsdrip" that just ain't in me!!!! That's one guy I don't want to even entertain the thought of killing!! But I still do. But I won't do it if you were wondering. I have all sorts of intrusive thoughts because of severe OCD that I have never actually acted on, besides maybe within the safe confines of a virtual space like Counter-Strike: Global Offensive where I can throw a flashbang right at my team's spawn at the start of the round or ping my squadmate in the head just as he settles in to the perfect camping position, get kicked from the server, and go on about my day. I've been getting Instagram ads telling me that people would like to pay me to do some experimental medicinal treatment that's supposed to make the intrusive thoughts go away, but despite the fact that I spent my 20s taking any drug I was ever offered with wild abandon and that includes freebasing bath salts I have grown into the kind of guy who is not actually enthusiastic about the prospect of testing weird new drugs. But this series isn't about me it's about Dwarf Fortress the greatest simulation game of all time.
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Oh shit I didn't know Ace Steel was in my fort. Actually I'm literally going to rename this guy "Ace Steel" because that's funny to me.
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This is going to confuse the fuck out of me in 4 hours when I've completely forgot about it and just see his job title pop up somewhere. Well anyway let's talk about traps shall we? Not the music genre unfortunately (though if you have a girlfriend I highly recommend putting on this classic of the prototypical genre or maybe this one to frighten her) I mean the serrated iron disc kind.
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Across 5 Z-levels, this is the general layout of traps. Let's start from the bottom because that's where invaders will hopefully think it is a good idea to enter the fortress from, via an unassuming little ramp down into the ground while thinking "those idiots really left their back door open!" So just to start things off we have the old faithful, cage traps - they don't always work, but when they do work, they always work. It alternates in rows with sets of sawblade traps, which I've never actually used in a fortress before, and the first two levels are just that. The third level is where things get interesting - stonefall traps are, for the most part, completely fucking useless unless you use them in tandem with environmental hazards. For some reason they are incredibly easy to dodge, but the successful dodging of our literal rat-bastard invaders is exactly what is being banked on, in order to plunge them into deep, deadly little puddles of water. You can kill real rats kind of like that using a bucket that they fall into to drown them, but you shouldn't. If you're going to kill any kind of creature drowning is obscene and cruel. And also remember that when you die and go to purgatory you will be killed just the same way as everything you have killed, down to the last little bug, so if you ever must kill anything be absolutely sure to make it quick, merciful, and painless. The rats in Dwarf Fortress aren't real though and they also like to kill my cute innocent little kobbles so I feel fine about finding the humor in them barely staggering through four rows of sawblade traps just to fall off a tiny precipice and drown. Anyway after that there's a little "reprieve room" for the bastards who survived to regroup - I might add more traps later, but everyone having to haul around the big iron mechanisms and boulders was really cutting into productivity, so we'll see about that. Finally there's the piece de resistance - still being constructed because the coal is very far away and heavy, but either way it is exactly what I said it was, a paved road made out of bituminous coal that will (hopefully!) be ignited by pockets of magma when the floodgates are opened by an unassuming little lever posted over by the tavern. At the end are doors which will bait the invaders as long as they remain unsealed, which works for now, though ideally something more reliable like a retractable bridge over a big-ass hole would make a far better final bulwark than just some literally glass doors. But I'm choosing to believe this stuff is all glass in the "Morrowind glass armor" sense not the "Headshop guy dropping a perfectly good bong on the tile floor to try and prove a vaguely Sinophobic point" sense. But why go through all this trouble anyway? Let's answer this by digging into the minds of some more kobbles, we haven't done that for a while - I think we'd do well to start with our glorious leader Acl Controlledown.
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We see him working on the same drudgery as any given peasant must, intricately engraving every single tile of the three-space apartments.
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He draws monkeys (I highly approve) trees and plants all over the bedroom of a random archer as selflessly as any kobble with 1/10th of his stature. He performs religious rites and makes friends and gets scared thinking about dead bodies. Anyone should be proud to toil under such leadership as would literally carve a drawing of a monkey into their bedroom wall just to make them a bit happier! When's the last time you saw a politician in the real world do any actual work? They hardly even make phone calls for themselves. They don't even drive their own cars! And whose bedroom does he do this for?
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A mother who left both her lovers and her child behind to strike the earth here, who likes poetry and music and pangolins and turkeys for their snood!!!!! and will gladly fight for peace, will gladly kill for Rushsly, has already killed for Rushsly, might one day die for Rushsly.
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A few stories up Kody Inkblighted comes under a fey mood, and begins weaving away an artifact of sheep wool, bristle cloth, and... jet blocks?
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Its artifact is completed just as the fire-road is, just as the winter ends, just as a brand new year begins. The year 253, our fourth year in the fortress - a good enough fortress to be certain, not a great or terrible fortress - but good enough is never really enough. As anyone who's spent a little too long with an opiate habit can tell you the only such thing as "enough" is too much. And so with above-ground defenses mostly taken care of (though we could admittedly use some more bird towers) it's time to break into the cavern layers.
The plan for now is to just keep digging down the main 3x3 stairway, starting at -10 and cutting out "vents" every 5 floors. I'd very much like to not accidentally dig out onto the ground level, since that way we should be more-or-less protected from any forgotten beast that can't fly, but in Dwarf Fortress you don't really choose what happens. The simulation ultimately doesn't care about you or what you want and in a world of overwrought games where characters yell out the solution to puzzles before you're even finished looking them over that kind of agnosticism is refreshing. Even RimWorld, a very similar game to DF (and quite a good one, greetz fly out to all the RimWorld fans 🤝) there is an AI narrator system in place that tries to algorithmically tool the experience to a satisfying, demanding but fair level of challenge. Dwarf Fortress has no such pretense, things just happen and YOU have to be the one that adapts. But it's historically been quite easy for me to play this game by just ignoring my kobbles entirely, barely spending a second on the Personality tabs and just treating the game as a purely mechanical exercise. I guess that's the point of this whole blog, to rediscover the fun over 250 hours into the Steam release by letting the game and I write a story together instead of just being just a game. I also like to dot this story with absurd and far-too-long asides and anecdotes because I am an insane person, and there is a certain kind of catharsis in randomly telling strangers on the internet stuff like "I was haunted by a vision of straight-up biting a guy on the bus for sitting in this weird sideways manner right in front of me that made me have to keep making awkward glancing eye contact with him" though I do apologize if you were just here looking for normal Dwarf Fortress content. I am not a normal person and have no interest in making normal things. I would recommend "Kruggsmash" and "hoodie hair" on YouTube if that's what you were looking for because I find their videos to be particularly high quality, though I can't imagine anyone who wants to get off this fucked-up ride is actually still here, especially not at the end of this fucking barely-relevant run-on nightmare of a paragraph.
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Well that was fucking easy, didn't even have to deviate from the staircase at all. However, we can barely actually fucking see any of it - the height of this cavern layer is -15 but the little bit of floor we can see is at -71. Jeez
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We're going to carefully dig down to -60 without exposing ourselves, then punch out just a small hole to get a better look.
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Zhag Gillpoker forges fearlessly ahead into the great unknown - not just fearlessly but all-around emotionlessly, actually. Provided nothing fucked up happens to him in the immediate future he's definitely getting transfered over to the military - breaching the caverns should get at least some kind of reaction, even from an admittedly "cheerless" kobble. Oh well, down we go!
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Up on the surface, bunys arrive with a wagon, and I think about how I really need to move the trade depot a couple tiles over so that I'll stop being so tempted to smush whoever's sitting on it, or more likely, won't accidentally smush whoever's inevitably on it when the next invasion occurs.
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The metal/glass production floor got all cleaned up just in time for the mold to start showing up :\
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Kobbles have started doing my least favorite thing, leaving piles of meat/meals on the floor even though there's tons of empty barrels. I think they'll stop if I dig out more space and make the stockpile bigger, and I had the good sense after like 10 forts whose denizens inevitably started doing this to start making sure my kitchen/butcher/raw food stockpiles are walled off, but it never gets any less annoying. I mean look at the empty pots and barrels right fucking there, mere steps away! Do not come crying to me when it starts giving off miasma, this is your own fault!! I think I get so instinctively mad at this because it reminds me of roommates leaving dishes in the sink so long they got moldy or started to stink, then acting like I was somehow contributing to the problem when I literally only owned one pan, one pot, one bowl, one plate, one fork, one spoon, one butter knife and one chef's knife and washed them every single time I used them and also had to hide them in my room because I didn't want them being used and left in the fucking sink with the expectation that I would clean up after their lazy bum bachelor asses like I was their mom!!!!
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The problem is mitigated, at least in part, by gifting a frankly astoundingly valuable pile of prepared food to the bunys, because they are cute and I like them so I want them to have a nice little lunch on their way home. We relieve them of all their cheese, all their leather, and most of their cloth. A couple lucky kobbles will also be receiving new socks and shoes.
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A diplomat meets with Acl to tell us all about the latest developments in buny civilization and I'm so smitten with how adorable these guards are. Look at those cute little wooden spears!!!
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The diplomat, amusingly known as Minefield, checks out our temples approvingly, particularly enjoying the doors, before heading off on his way. I love these guys. I want all bunnies to be happy.
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Making more room for the stockpile only made things worse. If those meals in the tavern start rotting I'm about to flip the fuck out
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Way down below, we've finally got a good view into the cavern, and have found... absolutely no beasties at all, to our pleasant surprise.
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Up on the surface we've QUADRUPLED our peacock numbers!!! You can't see because the screenshot isn't animated but a couple of those tiles hold TWO lil homies. In addition to that we also bought a live goose off the bunys, so we are in absolute bird business. Just as an extra bulwark we're also going to put up some random statues as a secondary alarm system. If you're not in the know, you get a notification when a building is toppled, and rampaging bastards like were-beasts and raiders love to destroy statues. This means that you can get a general "radar"-like sense of where enemies that haven't been revealed yet are, because the game will show you where a statue was felled, even if it's not allowed to show you who felled it yet. Since green glass is basically just free to us at this point we may as well dot the entire edge of the map with statues. This is kind of a lot of work just to weasel out of having a squad patrol outside but I just don't want to take that risk!!
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A single migrant arrives, and with him, the realization that we have no siege weaponry. He should make a good fit for the military at least, though I fear I have already begun thinking about ballistae and catapults and the kinds of fun that can be had with them...
But I'll have to figure that out tomorrow because it's 4 in the morning and my computer has been on too long so it's starting to lag. I'm considering this "the end of the first arc" even though it doesn't seem like things will be all that different from this point on. Forgotten beasts can show up from the caverns now but they could always show up on the surface too, I think this world might just generally be chiller than what I'm used to. Hey wow this might be the first entire update I went without almost talking about David Cage
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cookinguptales · 2 years
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So uh TIL that my relationship with failure is not normal and there's actually a word (acronym) for it, thank you for that (sorry I don't know how to make that not sound sarcastic!), I'm gonna go read all things ever about RSD now
[cw: frank discussion of mental illness and its symptoms]
Being absolutely real with you here, anon, RSD is fucking terrible. It’s a terrible symptom of a frustrating disorder and I’m sorry that you’re dealing with it. Like I say this as someone with a variety of mental health issues (maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s PTSD) who’s struggled with suicidal ideation since about age seven or eight -- RSD is one of the absolute hardest things I deal with. It’s more than just feeling broken or fucked up or unlovable; it’s an absolutely physical, devastating reaction that can be impossible to logic your way out of.
It is not normal to fixate on perceived rejection, faults, or mistakes. It is not normal to hate yourself every time you make the smallest error or don’t succeed at something you’ve tried. It is not normal to make a tiny error or get in an argument and then spiral over it for days, weeks, months, maybe even years. I definitely disobeyed once when I was like eight and worried about my mom finding out and not loving me anymore for... I wanna say about seven years. I finally told her like three years ago (I WAS STILL NERVOUS) and I am thirty-two now. She... was not mad. Because I was a child who didn’t even do anything that bad. But that’s RSD. It’s like niggling at a scab that you just can’t leave alone, even though you know it’s only going to hurt you. (And yes, skin-picking and hair-pulling are also symptoms of ADHD. Dermatillomania struggles are so real, lmao.)
Like friend, I get it. I get the way that you make a mistake or you get in an argument or you think someone is upset with you and it is an actual physical clenching of the chest. The spiraling. The panic attacks. The anxiety. The intrusive thoughts. The way you literally cannot fucking breathe. None of that is normal.
I didn’t know that it was weird, either, until just a few years ago. I knew I had bad ADHD that couldn’t be safely medicated (I believe my doctor’s exact words when he looked at my test results were “I can’t believe you graduated high school”) but no one told me that obsessive thoughts and RSD were symptoms of that. I knew that sometimes my ADHD felt like I was batting a thousand racquetballs around a court at the same time, but I didn’t know that sometimes my dumbass brain would direct every one of them right at me.
It’s kind of like hearing the Jaws music at all times... You don’t know what the rule is or how you broke it but you know you did and that very nebulous consequences will happen. And if you haven’t fucked up yet, you will soon! That Jaws music is warning you!
There’s a lot of overlap between ADHD and autism/OCD, and I think RSD is where you really start to see a lot of OCD-esque symptoms. The obsessing, the fixations, the compulsive physical actions and thoughts. The way you spiral over things that you know aren’t serious, that you know aren’t real, but that doesn’t ease the pressure on your chest, the buzzing in your head. You can’t logic your way out of RSD and it really fucking sucks.
I really, really recommend going to see a doctor if you can, anon. I can’t take ADHD meds (I got a shit-ass heart lmao) but I’ve heard they really help with the RSD for some people. If they don’t help you, therapy might. 
In the meantime, what helps me most is breaking the spiral before I get in too deep. When I feel the panic coming on, I do something that I know will distract me. This can be something physical (like going for a walk or dancing (poorly) to some music or making food) or something that will force me to focus on another living creature (like playing with my cat or calling a friend) or, if I have to pull out the big guns, purposefully invoking a known hyperfixation so I get focused on that instead. Just something that will make you think about literally anything but the trigger and your own panic response to it. Once you’re deep in the spiral, it’s very hard to get out.
Mindfulness exercises can also be useful here. I don’t mean meditation as much; that doesn’t empty my mind enough. Grounding exercises help me more. Focusing on tastes, smells, feels, sensations. Strong smells (I keep citrus essential oils on hand), strong flavors, a texture that you find interesting or comforting. Sometimes I go outside and touch trees lmao. Just find something that works for you. Focusing on a purely physical stimulus can be helpful in breaking a mental spiral.
This is a rough, rough road that you’re walking, anon, and I’m sorry to hear that you’re on it. But millions of people walk it every day, and we muddle through. There’s definitely hope and you’re definitely not alone. 💜 
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ladysstardust · 3 years
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I understand that actually so I’ll explain. Buckle in kiddos. Back in like, 2014 I somehow found an art RP blog dedicated to Leviathan Cas. Now I know tumblr has a range of art skills so this is technically hearsay, but the art was really REALLY good. It was spooky yet still possible to recognize the characters as themselves, with a touch of body horror that made it fun to process. Anyway I was in love with the blogs version of leviathans and decided to watch spn to get to the source, so hype was I on the fan content. At the time I had the beginning of sever and unmedicated OCD so I convinced myself it wouldn’t be “right” to skip to the leviathan arc: I literally insisted I had to watch every episode until I reached them. That’s 35 discs worth of content, which I decided to speedrun because the arrogance of teenagers is the blight of the ages. It took me about two months of watching from noon to midnight to get there and when I did… I was SO disappointed. The flair of the art wasn’t there, which made sense in hindsight, but I was so crushed when the creatures of legend turned out to be some white mfs who looked like they’d been drinking ink 😔 but yknow. Absence makes the thirst grow deeper so I’m still in love with Dick Roman in a way tho it’s the hyped up eldritch version in my own head. Anyway thanks 4 reading ✌🏼
TL;DR: Dick Roman penetrate my esophagus when 😔🍑💦
i see i see. sorry that spn (hilariously and obviously) disappointed you. justsomeguynatural strikes again :( for what it’s worth it sounds way sexier than what we got in the show. I am legit curious about the art, sounds like it fucks.
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hellsbellschime · 7 years
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there is literally a scene where caroline admits she wouldn't turn back human if she had a chance, it's right there in the canon, why do we have this discussion??? (i'm talking about the "we all want the cure!" "do we...?" scene with klaus)
Yes Caroline is not a lover of the supernatural that is why she admitted it herself that Katherine did her a favor by turning her into a vamp. This is why every major relationship she had after she turned was with supernatural creatures. This is why everyone considers her a prime example of how a vampire can control their nature. There's a difference between having OCD and holding on to habits because of it especially if your surroundings point your focus there than not being pro-supernatural
Dear anon there is persistence and there is wasting your time. If you are so set on this why don't you go on a blog that actually shares or cares for your opinion? People can agree to disagree you know and this is not a public forum. It is a personal blog and Hillary had made it obvious that she is not sharing the same perspective over a fictional character like Caroline Forbes. This is getting annoying really. Your point of view is not set in stone. People can interpret canon differently.
Your anon cannot give it a rest LOL. Anyway let us focus on the important. Hillary do you think Klaroline will be endgame? .... Sorry I could not resist ha ha. Anyway thank you for this awesome blog and for sharing your opinions. I always read your posts and most of the time I agree with most of the things you publish. Keep being awesome!!!
Perhaps I'm coming late to the party but they were really setting it up in canon that Caroline was going to grow out of this small town girl mentality and embrace her life as a vampire. Embracing who she was as a vampire didn't mean erasing her humanity. They were setting this up via Klaus and I think that's something that drew the audience to them because they both had things to learn from each other. He could teach her to embrace her vampirism and she could teach him to tap into his humanity +
+ I mean their very first scene that launched the ship was revolving completely around that specific point. Her adjusting her perception and no longer being tied down by human conventions and low and behold, it was after he gave her this little speech she says she doesn't want to die after she had been brooding and feeling down all day. The rest of their relationship was littered with these moments. Canonically speaking they were setting up Caroline to grow and move past the human girl she once+
+ was and to embrace her vampirism and we saw glimpses of her beginning to accept the fact. They started her on this journey and then dropped it out of nowhere because it was no longer convenient to the plot. We didn't just make this stuff in our heads because we ship KC or don't ship SC. These writers are as subtle as a frying pan to the face and everything was pointing to her making this growth prior to Klaus leaving which was a total disservice to her as a character but babies and whatever.
Well I should have made it more clear, but I think the last two messages in that chunk were from people other than the first person. With that said, it’s fine for people to just not agree with my or anyone else’s opinion, and I think if it takes a lot of convincing to see someone else’s point of view then maybe that perspective just isn’t for you. I’m basing my perspective on the Caroline in TVD that I’ve seen, and that’s just my interpretation of the character. And I think, given the number of anons I’ve gotten saying basically the same thing, that it is a pretty valid interpretation of the character. And if no one is going to change their minds then maybe we should all just leave it at that. And yes, I think Klaroline is endgame.
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