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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh S2 Ep 44-45: Kaiba Hallucinates a Dead Woman and Then no One Talked About it???

So, for the record, I am writing a little bit to the future here because I did make a little bit of buffer. And this episode had a Hella Random Thing in it and I just want y’all to know I try to create an authentic reading experience--although it’s not like a blind riffing, I clearly watched each episode twice to make the caps and write all this stuff--and I do it one episode at a time so you get a somewhat close to a realistic live cap experience, but like, believe me when I say I did not see this coming.

At all.

And if any of you were watching this at home and saw this happening then you are lying OR you have been writing a very creative fanfic and this fever dream was also shared by that one guy on this writing staff who really really really stans Seto Kaiba. Lets dive into it, shall we?

Things start out pretty normal, as we are yet tucking another hospitalized person into Kaiba’s floating coma ward.

I’m starting to notice that this room also has sheets which just means when they got to Bakura, they just didn’t feel like tucking that nasty boy in. They looked at him covered in blood and grime and whatever other sweaty layers are all over Bakura and were like “None of us like Kaiba, but we don’t want to do that to his linens.”

And then the episode starts with Joey literally saying this

Now in the actual line of the show, Serenity stayed behind because she wanted to be strong for Mai, a lady she looked up to so much for all of 3 hours. She also said that her brother’s strength inspired her to have the courage to stay well below deck and whatever the hell nonsense was going on up there.

I mean courage is a word you could use to describe it, I would just call it common sense.

Also, look at this Christmas miracle.

I like that someone on the animation team was like “How else are they going to know that Mai isn’t wearing the disk? Draw it on the table. We have to.” and then bam there it is. That is one super random detail.

(more under the cut)

At the top of the blimp, they’ve decided to give Marik a little bit more space.

The Yuge crew must’ve looked at this situation and been all “I can stand next to Marik, or I can appear to root for Kaiba.” And they made their choice.

Below deck we get to see one of my favorite things, that’s right, it’s fake UI for TV shows.

these look like windows you pull up in Maya when you’re trying to find the right vertex or something. Maybe that’s what inspired all this? I dunno, it’s very silly that he would need the same image of a card twice, and that he would need one flipped and in wireframe. Especially since all they're doing is translating a language.

Or maybe he’s just been dogging Kaiba for half an hour before this episode started? Who knows, but honestly, I kinda have to side with Kaiba on this one, moving Mai would be a bad choice since there’s doctors--right there--but like...they should land the blimp though. Like the blimp with a murderer on it maybe needs to land at some point?

But never mind that, there’s cards to be played.

Or...not played.

It takes Ishizu so long to show up that Roland almost cancelled the game and I was so ready to not have to watch a card duel. I was so ready for that to be the canonical end of Ishizu but of course that didn’t happen.

PS, Marik is permanently glowing now.

Kaiba still doesn’t believe in magic and this guy has a constant third eye. So did Yugi all of last duel and Kaiba was just like “I don’t get your weird fashion” and tbh that’s a fair assumption to make.

To be fair, they probably only have once source of not cursed jewelry living underground, and it’s probably why their so matchy-matchy. Like, we all have that one Aunt (I was that one Aunt for a little while) with an Etsy shop and way too much inventory that they just give away to family every birthday and holiday. Judging by how much jewelry these two are wearing, their one Aunt isn’t doing so hot selling her merch.

Anyway, Marik’s good side makes an attempt to reach out and it doesn’t get him very far.

Honestly, when you look at it, there’s more people here from Kaiba’s extremely close school class than there is from the Ishtar family. And they don’t even know that Odion is also related. Sort of calling the kettle black here.

Again, ancient Egyptian Samurai with Yugioh cards would have been one hell of a spinoff with so many problems, where is that anime?

So, the game begins, between a mostly-neutral-antagonist and a protagonist who has done nothing but lock herself in her room in the dark for about 1/4 of a season. I have literally no idea who I’m supposed to be rooting for. Neither does anyone on the show.

Things went about as well as you’d expect dueling a psychic, because Kaiba has learned absolutely nothing from dueling Pegasus.

*Mokuba still has the whistle*

Anyway, because Ishizu can read the future, she knew she’d be going up against a dude who relies on very big strong dragons, so she straight up removed every strong card from his deck, leaving only six cards.

It’s at this point that he only really has one option, to play a Blue Eyes White dragon, which he had in his hand still, or to play the God Card Obelisk which I think was still on field? Again I don’t pay too much attention to the duels but the big thing is that he’s gonna use Obelisk, so Ishizu cursed it so it would hella kill him.

Much like any of the God Cards have done thus far. The worst cards. These are the worst cards and at this point no one should want them anymore. But youknow, hubris.

This is all pretty run of the mill since every time Kaiba duels, he gets hella dunked on, but then...this happens out of absolutely no where.

WHAT?

SHOW.

The least dateable guy in Yugioh!? How is it Kaiba--a past version of him mind you--but a shirtless Kaiba who’s got some lady draped across his arms like he’s gotta model for the cover of a Harlequin romance novel for old ladies? Which...I can arrange that.

Why--out of all of these boys, was it this one that has something the most resembling a fully formed relationship? More so than Tristan, more so than Yugi, more so than whatever was going on with Joey last episode.

What!?

WHAT?

This came out of no where like a jump scare!

And like, here’s the thing, if Kaiba was your slice of pie from the weird ass hair dessert tray that is Yugioh’s selection of husbands, that’s fine. Ship away. But like, imagine with me here, you have a boyfriend--and if you don’t like boys that only adds to this experience--you have a boyfriend and he has the most normal hair of anyone you know, and that’s really great. But his voice ALWAYS sounds like he’s announcing an NBC cop drama. Like you’re eating dinner and he’s like “Can we watch the food channel?” like he’s solid snake.

You’d kill him. You’d kill him way before you end up dead draped across his arms in some weird flashback. You’d straight up kill him.

Sorry, I just made him a lot more attractive for half of you. Whatever, my plan backfired.

But, despite...how...he is, now Seto has one of the most tragic of all the relationships on this show, up there with Pegasus and his dead wife. And so like, I turned to my bro and was like “WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED??”

Cuz this show that has very, very little dating in it. A show that has had no physical kissing unless you count that time Pegasus macked a ghost. A show where someone almost got married to someone they never dated in their life and they shrugged it off. A show that had Mai and Joey friendzoning the hell out of eachother rather than admit any sort of crush. A show where Tea and Yugi went on a date but then I guess forgot that happened 20 episodes ago and are now in permanent friend limbo. (Tea and Yugi so far having the most realistic dating experience tbh.)

This is just straight up here’s a picture of past Seto, and his dead wife is here too, no explanation! Have fun digesting that!

(wouldn’t have noticed they forgot to finish Yugi’s necklace if I hadn’t done the cap. hm. So fast I blinked and missed it until I wrote this copy.)

And like, I’m making it seem in these caps as if these characters talked about what I just witnessed in any degree and straight up they didn’t. Of course they didn’t. Kaiba didn’t want to discuss this crazy ass thing that happened. Just me. I am the only one that’s talking about this in 2019. Just me.

So I turn to my bro and was like “you have to tell me what just happened” and bro was like

“Sorry to disappoint you but...I’m pretty sure that dead girl never comes up again.” and then he kind of continued “I’m pretty sure Kaiba sacrificed his one true love in order to get his Blue Eyes.” and I realized “Bro, is this just a headcanon you made up? Are you telling me your spicy Seto Kaiba fanfic as if it’s true just like that one time you told me that Yugi’s Grandpa ate a guy in Egypt and I believed you for 30 episodes?” and bro was like “Mmmmmm It’s probably a headcanon. I’m pretty sure they dropped Kaiba’s dead girlfriend plotline completely off the face of the Earth. Like a LOT of plotlines from s2, Rach, don’t get attached.”

So, because Kaiba believes that his.......dragon.......told him to play a dragon, Kaiba sacrifices his Obelisk to play a dragon--thus removing the Obelisk curse.

So if it’s strongly suggested that Kaiba’s love for this dragon is youknow, an equivalent to the devotion you would have a for a dead wife you have cradled in your arms, then -- has Kaiba been dating this dragon the whole time? Is that what the show just seriously suggested to me with this juxtaposition? Because I am an illustrator and if I wanted to make someone look like they had an intense and complicated relationship with a playing card, that is how I would draw it. Just saying.

And like for serious, how is it that Yugioh keeps writing it’s own fanfic? Like, is this dragon infused with the spirit of his dead wife? Is that why his reincarnation has this weird fixation with the Blue Eyes White Dragon? OMG this is absolutely ridiculous, I can’t believe I’m considering that Kaiba was literally married to what is now his paper card of a dragon. Of which he has 3 of.

Clearly I am thinking way too much about this.

I mean to be fair, Kaiba did save Tea that one time. He also took out a helicopter and a crane at the same time but Tea was just fine.

Oh boy.

That was so freakin random. Well...I’m glad that Kaiba got back together with the dragon. They had sort of a breakup at the beginning of the season and now KaibaxDragon is back in full swing. Good for them.

This was the only guy smart enough not to play a God Card, PS. This guy. I guess if Seto fell in a plot coma the entire tourney would be essentially over, so...it had to happen this way.

But dead wife, amiright?

Here’s a link to read from S1 Ep1

And PS in case you don’t know about the Billionaires and Baby’s books that have--I swear to you, like 400 books in the series--please admire the billionaires and babies books. Never read them. But I like to spread the news of these completely insane and real book covers wherever I go.

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #s2 ep44 #s2 ep45 #seto kaiba #seto kaiba's dead wife #yugi muto #did I mention that seto kaiba has a freakin dead wife #joey wheeler #how do you just glaze over seto kaiba's dead wife omg #serenity wheeler #ishizu ishtar #tristan taylor #duke devlin #mai valentine #marik ishtar

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fipindustries · 7 years

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All the novels i (tried) to write in my life.

abecause why not?

K-404 (unfinished): written at 15.

a sci-fi thriller mainly inspired by me watching an out of context scene from alien 3. Set in a larger shared universe that i had been building out of short stories back then. The story is about a space prison where they would sent people who couldnt be sent to regular prison because their crimes were too ambiguous. The main idea was that this was a prison of intellectuals, rather than of violent criminals, and through the characters i would wax about my philosophical and political views, views that i had gotten as a teenager who read existentialism for begginers and watchmen and v from vendetta, you can imagine the quality of the text. At one point a nanite container would go haywire inside the prison and then a grey goo event would start consuming the station so the four main characters would have to find the way to escape the prison before it was consumed by the nanomachines. The main characters would be a robot who pretended to kill his creator so everyone would be afraid of him , a female serial killer with aids who killed by sleeping around with people, a guy who tried to kill himself by jumping off a building and just so happened to fall on the guy who bullied him in high school, and just some random douchebag with nothing interesting to him besides being the POV character.

Kratae (unfinished): written at 16.

imagine X-men mixed with avatar the last airbender. An ancient fantasy world where some people are born with superpowers and chased away because of it, the people with superpowers get together and fund their own nation, called Kratae. Hilariously this story was inspired by me reading eclipse, from the twilight saga. In this world if someone with powers uses their power on you then you also get powers, so there is this couple and the guy gets powers and then the girl rejects him so he decides to get revenge by using his teleportation power on her and she develops her own powers and becomes a pariah and looses her entire life. The story starts with her trying to find the guy so she can kill him but when she does find him it turns out someone already killed him before her and then the story turns into this crime mystery where she will try to find the person that killed the guy she wanted to kill. It had this huge ensemble cast that included a lesbian time traveling history teacher and her street urchin aprentice (AKA the next season of doctor who) , two gay war veterans who met each other fighting in opposite sides of the same war, a creep with a crush on the protagonist and many others. There was also on top of all this a giant conspiracy trying to stifle research into free energy, the history of the world and the political dynamics between the faction of the people with powers and the people without.

The Demiurge (semi-unfinished): written at age 17.

basically a huge rip off of sandman.

imagine if god was one of us. If god instead of living above us in a cloud decided to live as a human and to grow old and die as one and the get reincarnated and then start all over again all throughout history, and jesus christ was the one time he tried to tell the truth to anyone. And THEN in modern times something goes wrong with the reincarnation process and he only realizes he is god once he becomes 16, and he is a white, straight, cisgender male, and he just happens to share all of my opinions on life and the universe and religion?????

a lot of this book is just me having fun while creating a whole cosmology that fits my view of the world out of pop-christianity, there are things like yawhe being imprisioned in hell in a cage made out of logic next to calvin, there is a part when adam and eve turn out to be also death and mother earth, and also Time and Space AND ALSO cain and abel are lucifer and Yaweh, there is a part where we see the antropomorphic representation of the fine arts giving birth to a ninth brother: comics. At some point the story makes a 180 and changes focus from god, who dissapeared for mysteryous reasons, to his best friend, some teenage girl who dies in the middle of the story and then we see her ghost searching across the universe to find him and bring her back to life.

i say its semi unfinished because at the last moment i got bored of it and simply slapped together a sudden ending for it out of nowhere.

Eigen (finished): written at age 19.

Eigen is one of my proudest achivements in a way. Written right after gorging myself on Portal and QUBE and the cube, and particularly inspired by the bathroom in the cyber at the corner of my street, i decided to write my own story about a guy trapped inside a grid-like onthological maze with a robot voice as a companion and a weird old guy chasing him trying to kill him.

thing is, i was studying advanced algebra back then, you know, matrices, subspaces, eigenvalues, etc. and it was the second time i was doing that class because i had failed at it the year before. So in order for me to learn the subject better i would take everything i learned in class and use it as inspiration for the story i was writting, ortogonalization, matix multiplication, transposition, etc.

i actually passed the course at the end of the year and i was fucking stoked about that.

at the end of the story there is a bunch of epic twists where it turns out the maze had been built by the main character who suffers amnesia, the old man was the main character from the future and the robot voice was actually the MC’s partner who also suffered from amnesia and was convinced she was a robot, and was trapped in the surveillance room for the maze. they never escape the maze.

Bigender (unfinished): written at age 21.

now this i think was my shortest attempt at wrtting a novel which i was really dissapointed about at the time since i had spent most of 2013 working the story in my head but when it came the time to actually put it all on paper i could barely get to the end of the second chapter.

the story is about a young girl who one day wakes up and discovers she turned into a boy. She is ovbiously distraught about this but it quickly reverts. Afterwards she decides to investigate if she’s the only one who can do this and it turns out not, there is a documentary about a person that also had the ability to genderbend, so she seeks this person and ask their advice as to how to manage a life with this condition. The teacher turns out to be some antisocial jerk who’d rather not have any kind of human interaction with anyone so it’s up to our spunky protagonist to break this ol’ scrooge out of their shell.

thing is i had no real plot here, it was going to be mostly a slow burn character study about the relationship between these two people and how they deal with their genderbending each in their own ways. this didnt work out because back then i felt really inadequate when it came to writing the life of other people with different experiences from my own, the teacher was supposed to have a boyfriend, the girl was supposed to have a bunch of lady friends, etc. so that’s why i never went to far with it.

F.I.P. Industries (finished): written at age 21.

ah, my magnum opus. the first novel i ever wrote. my crowning achivement.

and all it took was for me to abandon my career and read the entirety of wildbow’s ouvre for me to complete it. and this is not a joke. I doubt that i would have ever written this had i not lifted wildbow’s style and structure wholesale. The basic premise of, ok, we have this largely inadequate MC, let’s drop them in an impossible situation and see how they manage, was what fueled the writting of this book.

The story is about a college student who cant finish his thesis and is desperatly looking for a job (fucking prophetic, goddamn) and so he unwittingly gets hired by a company that works as a front for a cabal of mad scientist who are using the power of synergy and networking to take over the world, working on a dozen different projects at the same time and trying to see what happenes when you combine them into bigger more complex projects.

what is so important to me about this story is that i came up with it when i was 11 years old and i promised my self that some day i would make that story real. You guys have no idea how many false starts i had with this story. there was a time this was supposed to be a webcomic but it never went beyond a couple of strips. again, very much like wildbow with worm.

Multiple story arcs, a sprawling ensemble cast, a bittersweet ending, this story has it all and is one of my proudest works.

The empire of tomorrow (finished): written at age 22.

oh shit, we’re leaving behind the one word titles, i must be finally growing up as a writer!

The empire of tomorrow was a source of guilt and anxiety for me on some level because i remember reading fun home and are you my mommy from allison bechdel and afterwards finiding a lot of “incredibly problematic” themes in the story and being really upset at this.

the story is about a dystopian world where there was some sort of apocalypse and there is this feudal lord that controls one of the last remaining cities with an iron fist, so ofcourse the plucky rebellion comes up with the following plan:

to steal some of his super advanced technology and hack together a device very similar to the one in eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and use it on the feudal lord to project themselves into the lord’s mind when he was a teen and try and guide him into becoming a better person. Throughout the story is made ambiguous if they are rewritting his memories or actually going into the past, there is a lot of wild speculation about how the time travel works in this universe.

the main focus of the story is the relationship between the woman sent to do the mission and the feudal lord, which is the classical “she is a tough, no nonsense, paladin/ he is the snarky, slimy douchebag with a heart of gold/ will they, wont they” dynamic (spoiler alert: they kind of do).

thing is, mid-way through the story i throw this weird tangent towards reproductive rights and abortion and transexuality and i get the distinct feeling that the conclussions to where the story goes on these topics are not exactly kosher, but im not sure, i’ve never really shown this story to anyone besides my grandma who aparently loved it.

fun fact, for those who read disregarding reality, this story was the first time i used the character of erik, i reworked him fro the comic of course but not as much as you’d think.

Fan.Tastic (unfinished): written at age 22.

this was the point where i started to actually write my works entirely in english and upload them to the internet.

the story is set inside the internet, where the internet would be a physical place, following the rise and fall of a blogger who recently became tumblr famous.

again, im sure if someone who really cares about social justice issues took a look at this work they’d probably find a lot of things to be upset about, suffice to say in arc two of this story i show my own take on gamer gate and end up the story with the main character using every single slur i could think of towards her once friend and fucking off to 4chan.

the story was supposed to have 4 arcs, each one based on a website or piece of internet culture that i was involved in. The first arc was Deviant art, the second arc was Tumblr, the third arc was going to be 4chan and the fourth arc was going to be LessWrong.

thing is i found i only had things to say about the first two, the third one i had already said all i had to say on my /co/nrad comic and the fourth one i was still experiencing and thus i couldnt properly make a retrospective about.

it kind of boggles the mind how much work i put into this, i wanted to make it a true multimedia experience so i would invent all of this fandoms about things that dont actually exists and photshop tumblr posts and fanart and rotten tomato scores about these things to make it feel all a little more real. i dont think i ever went that far for any other story i made.

WE ARE MAKING A GAME (unfinished): written at age 23.

this, more than an actual novel is more like a series of scripts about this hypothetical webseries i’d like to do some day filmed in the style of the fourth panel from penny arcade, or the office, or the thick of it, or nirvanna the band the show, or, you know what? i think enough people have done that style now i dont feel like doing it so much.

Any way the story is about this popular girl in high school who one day decides she wants to make a videogame and thus she teams up with the nerd kid to do it, as time goes on we find out there is actually a lot more behind the popular girls than we thought at first.

the whole plot is just the dialogs between these two (and evetually three) as they come up with the game, right there, in real time, in front of your very eyes. What’s fun about this is that the game (called Maxplosive) actually shows up in the story of Fan.Tastic, except there it is this cult classic children’s movie.

i managed to finish what would basically be “season 1″ of the story but then i just lost interest since i was busy making my own actual game for college and i hadnt progressed much beyond what the characters in the story had and so i felt i couldnt properly write from experience.

i wrote the first chapter from season 2 recently in what was an extravagant moment of nostalgia from my part. I swear i NEVER go back to work on a story that i abandoned and i truly dont know how that happened.

The harpsichord crew (unfinished): written at age 23.

a new first, first time i actually have my main character be black women, yes, i know, im the wokest, now bring all the pussy towards me please.

but joking aside, the harpsichord crew was supposed to be the sequel to F.I.P. industries and the logic was sound, i would grab all these disparate ideas that i had been acumulating for years and mesh them all together. My main inspiration behind it was Gurren Lagann, where we would have these people with no power come across this incredible device which would slowly allow them to grow bigger and stronger with time until they became the greatest super villains the world had ever seen.

The story is focused on patricia, an overworkd lawyer and Lilly, a pole dancer. one day lilly decides to become a supervillain after being inspired by the fallout that came from FIP industries technology going public and ends up draggin patricia long for the ride. As the went, in true anime fashion, the would acumulate this quirky supporting cast, each one with a fun and weird origin story.

i think the biggest downfall of this story is that, much like all of the unfinished stories on this list, it didnt have a particularly strong ending that i felt i HAD to get to and so i managed to get 3 chapters in and then i forgot about it.

There is a crack in the world (finished): written at age 24.

i think i wrote more than enough about this story.

suffice to say that a lot of horrible things happened to me during 2016 and it took me until may of 2017 to finally feel like i could process all of that and work through it in my art. There is a crack in the world is a miseable story filled with horror and despair and the feelings in the words are raw and bared straight from my heart.

this is something a never do by the way, to really use my emotions as direct fuel for the art that i make. ususally i use my art as a form of escapism but in here, well, i guess there were things that i was trying to escape from too, like the horrible reality of being unenployed in a city you just moved to, a different, more mundane kind of horror when compared to the one i went through the last year but a horror i wanted to escape from all the same.

point being, there is a crack in the world is weird in a lot of ways when compared to the other stories in this list and curiously the only one that resembles it in any way i’d say is Fan.Tastic for the cynicism and bitterness that fueled both stories inceptions.

Final conclussion.

well, there it is, i of course didnt include the myriad of short stories and comics that i made or tried to make, these stories hold a special place because i put some extra bit of effort in them, because every single one was a universe that i dedicated several weeks or months to craft and i’d like to think they say something about me. My therapist once said that the common thread between all of them is that on some level or another, they are all about someone feeling trapped and trying to escape from a situation. this was before WE ARE MAKING A GAME.

i wonder if the theme changed or evolved in some way.

#writing #me

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haunterrr · 7 years

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Because no one would ask anyways

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? 5'4" - 5'6" 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) A fox 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? A huge mix of goth and punk styles 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? LOZ OOT or Mario Kart 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Ghost, music, story ideas 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Isn't as shy once you get to know. Swears a lot. Like A LOT. 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? I have many opinions on many things like most people. This was meant to be sent by random people, but alas no one would actually ask me anything lol 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Results are in, I'm Melancholic by a landslide 9: Are you ticklish? Yeah, please don't :c 10: Are you allergic to anything? Seasonal allergies is about it. 11: What’s your sexuality? I like people. 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Depends on the mood I'm in and what kind each are. Turners Iced Tea, Dunkin Iced Coffee, Hot cocoa is better cold to me 13: Are you a cat or dog person? I like both, but I usually gravitate towards cats 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? That's a cruel question. Vampire I suppose. 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Not particulary anymore. My interests are too eclectic these days. 16: How tall are you? 5'8" so says the doctor, but I feel like a giant. 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? That's tough... Samantha is an ok name, so I haven't been too unhappy with it. Just too many people with that name. 18: How much do you weigh? I'm actually unsure of this currently. I've been told I look like I lost a lot of weight though. 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes. 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? They both intrigue and terrify me at the same time. I was obsessed with space as a child though. 21: Are you religious? No. 22: Pet peeves? I have misophonia so please do not chew and slurp and crunch food loudly. :c 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? I'm pretty nocturnal already and always have been. I prefer it. 24: Favorite constellation? Cassiopeia 25: Favorite star? Betelgeuse 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? They're kind of cool. Some dolls freak me the hell out. 27: Any phobias or fears? Well I saw final destination 2 in middle school and yeah fuck driving by those big ass trucks. 28: Do you think global warming is real? Yes. 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? It is interesting to think about, but eh. 30: Favorite movie? There are so many good movies out there. Fried Green Tomatoes, Interview with the Vampire, Spirited Away, Girl Interrupted, American Psycho, Dracula, Pride and Prejudice 2005, and more. 31: Do you get scared easily? Not usually, but if I do I try not to let it show. 32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? At least 16 and I'm not even going to try and count how many god damn fish I had. I shit you not they were all named Bubbles. 33: Blog rate? n/a 34: What is a color that calms you? Green 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? I want to see so many places. Traveling is in my nature. As for living... somewhere that isn't here. 36: Where were you born? Jacksonville, Florida 37: What is your eye color? Silver blue with bright gold rings around my pupils 38: Introvert or extrovert? Introvert 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? They're just a fun thing to look into 40: Hugs or kisses? Depends on how I'm feeling. I've been told I'm good with both c; 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? A few musicians I have in mind. It would be cool to just talk to them. Other than that an old friend that lives out in Arizona. 42: Who is someone you love deeply? I'm not sure. 43: Any piercings you want? A few I have in mind right now, but it would be pointless with my current job. 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Love, love, love. 45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? I used to smoke cigs, but I was a broke lady and also I like to smell good. 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Oh god. They are person of many talents. Their voice makes me so happy. 47: What is a sound you really hate? Chewing 48: A sound you really love? Page turning and also whispers 49: Can you do a backflip? I wish. I used to be able to when I still did dance. 50: Can you do the splits? Nah. 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I can't decide right now. 52: Favorite movie? This was already asked... 53: How are you feeling right now? I feel pretty good. I've got some tunes playing, so I'm happy. 54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Something different. Right now I've got inches of roots and the ends are red. 55: When did you feel happiest? I usually feel happiest at a concert getting lost in the music with the crowd. 56: Something that calms you down? Music or reading 57: Have any mental disorders? Anxiety and depression 58: What does your URL mean? Not much. I was having a hard time finding a url name I liked that wasn't taken. 59: What three words describe you the most? Heart, sad, passionate 60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Usually too much NSFW content or if their interests change into something I sadly do not care about/ 62: What makes you follow a blog? Similar interests... 63: Favorite kind of person: Passionate, kind, able to make me laugh 64: Favorite animal(s): Fox 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I like spookyloop, ringrose, and moralvirus 66: Favorite emoticon: idk 67: Favorite meme: I honestly die at memes of Ghost 68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ 69: What is your star sign? Sagittarius 70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? uhh 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? This pretty lacy cardigan kimino that buttons in the front on the chest and goes to my feet, black skinnies, black booties, and my black wide brimmed hat. 72: Post a selfie or two? ehh. they're already on my blog. 73: Do you have platform shoes? Nope. Like I need more height. 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I don't think I'm all that interesting sooo 75: Can you do a front flip? Probably not 76: Do you like birds? They're okay. Depends on the bird. 77: Do you like to swim? I love it. 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? swimming 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Being a slave to the man 80: Some thing you wish did exist: Unlimited money so I can go see my favorite bands... :X 81: Piercings you have? Industrial, stretched lobes, navel 82: Something you really enjoy doing: getting lost in music 83: Favorite person to talk to: Probably an old high school friend. We used to go to a park all the time and sit under the pavillion and just talk about anything and everything. I miss those days 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? It was a little intense, this was back in 2009/2010. It was hard to get started. 85: How many followers do you have? On this blog 32, on my old one 1500 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Yes, under that actually. 87: Do your socks always match? Usually. Can't go wrong when all you have is black socks 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? Not anymore 89: What are your birthstones? Topaz 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? A fox. How many times will I mention this animal lol 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Yikes, I don't think any represent me. 92: A store you hate? Probably Walmart even though I shop there 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? My caffeine intake knows no bounds 94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Flying would be pretty fucking cool 95: Do you like to wear camo? Not at all 96: Winter or summer? FALL! 97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don't know. 98: Least favorite person? That bitch ass Trump 99: Someone you look up to: I can't say their name 100: A store you love? I used to love going to the shops down in Southside that weren't chain stores. 101: Favorite type of shoes? Combat boots, booties, high tops 102: Where do you live? Pittsburgh, PA 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? No 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Emeralds are pretty 105: Do you drink milk? Nope. I don't like it much. 106: Do you like bugs? Depends on the kind. 107: Do you like spiders? They're okay 108: Something you get paranoid about? People not actually liking me and pretending to 109: Can you draw: I used to be decent at it, but after I broke my hand years ago its never been the same 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I guess intimate questions about my body and anything sexual 111: A question you hate being asked? "What's wrong?" my face apparently 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Yes quite a few times. Not a fan. 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Its calming 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy. I burn too easily. 115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: :X 116: Favorite cloud type: Cumulonimbus 117: What color do you wish the sky was? I love the night sky... so I think its fine how it is currently. 118: Do you have freckles? Yes. They used to be more prominent as a child though. 119: Favorite thing about a person: Physically: Eyes/mouth Personality: Watching them talk passionately about an interest and their humor 120: Fruits or vegetables? Both. Love me both 121: Something you want to do right now: Find someone to drive and listen to music with and talk about whatever. 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? I think they compliment each other quite well 123: Sweet or sour foods? For food I prefer savory but for candies I love sour 124: Bright or dim lights? Ah, that's gonna depend. Dim lights are super cozy though 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Not really. 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: How people attack one another and chase people off for simple mistakes 127: Something you love about Tumblr: Finding people with similar interests who share great content 128: What do you think about the least? I guess me getting old cause it freaks me out 129: What would you want written on your tombstone? I'm not sure I will have one, but I'm sure someone else could think of something better I could 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Not anyone in particular 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My daydreaming 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? I usually don't like to. I mean my teeth aren't fucked up or anything. I just have a weird smile. 133: Computer or TV? Computer 134: Do you like roller coasters? I love them. I dissociated on one at Six Flags once. It was an interesting experience. 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Not usually. 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed 137: Do you believe in karma? I don't know if its karma exactly. Its just more cause and effect. 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? 4 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Sam (not a fan), Sammie, Princess (mom), Sweet Pea (dad), Plum (uncle), randoms like to call me Red. I don't have many interesting ones. 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I didn't have any growing up. I just day dreamed a lot. 141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes. My childhood one was my favorite. 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? For the most part good I think? 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? I like to give gifts most. 144: What makes you angry? People that try to control me and take advantage of me. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently? Just one sadly - English. I was decent in Spanish years ago but never kept up with it. Today I helped a deaf man fairly well at work, so I want to pick up ASL again and maybe some other languages. 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? As I stated before. I like people. <3 147: Are you androgynous? I can be. 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: There is nothing I particularly like. How sad is that? 149: Favorite thing about your personality: My humor I suppose 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. ******, JT, and Amanda 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? It was definitely not a healthy era but the Victorian fashion was pretty rad. The OG punks and goths were cool too. 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? not really. 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? - 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? I'll kiss one friends cheek or top of their head, but usually no one else because I don't think a lot of people like that. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? I do. 156: What embarrasses you? Myself, oh also being put on the spot randomly 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: A whole hell of a lot of things. 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: "I'm fine." 159: How many people are you following? on this blog 329, my other blog is at 3000 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 664, other 40k 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 0 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 46, other 15k 163: Last time you cried and why: Today because of a beautiful song 164: Do you have long or short hair? Long. Its nearly to my waist 165: Longest your hair has ever been: As it is right now 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? Organized religion is bullshit. It causes more problems than it helps in my opinion. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Its interesting to think about for sure 168: Do you like to wear makeup? I do. 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Probably not anymore 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yep

#questions #about me

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miyu-hyperfixates · 4 years

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Train attendant!MDZS AU (part 1)

So I’m currently reading a C novel called Card Room. Which is basically the MC and ML having to go through several survival/puzzle/escape/mystery rooms. And the arc I’m reading right now is about murders occurring on a three-days trip train and the two main characters have to investigate and solve them. In real life, one is a forensic doctor and the other one is a police investigator, so it’s pretty easy for them. In the context of the room though they are impersonating train attendants.

And at some point after discovering the first victim, the forensic doctor rattled a bunch of medical facts and the witnesses around him where like “???” and one of them even went like “Are train attendants really that amazing nowadays? You know medicine?!”

So then a plot bunny emerged in my mind about an universe where aboard a train all staffs are actually hidden (or not so hidden) badasses... Like if you’re familiar with the TV tropes terminology they are all either Ambiguously Trained or Almighty Janitors. And because my mind always come back some way or another to MDZS nowadays.

So imagine the MDZS characters... It might be that after canon, all of the characters for some reasons miraculously came back to life and all the cast managed to reach immortality. Or that all of them are actually the reincarnation of the canon characters and remember their past lives (and got the same skills/abilities). Anyway, no matter the reasons, they are all chilling in the modern areas and for some reasons are actually all ‘working’ as staff members of this special train.

Except none of them actually bother to hide their skills or even try to appear normal... Some do try to at least do their jobs but well, with more or less success depending on the person ...So of course pure chaos and mayhem follow!

[Note, this is written in a sort of outsider perspective... So most of the time I use identifiers while referring to characters. The parts in brackets are mostly the thoughts/reactions of the passenger witnessing the general craziness of the MDZS’s characters....

Note 2: Also this is supposed to be pure crack, so please do note take anything seriously. ]

Coach 1 &16 - the Driver coaches

So one of the thing a passenger on the MDZS Express might notice that the driver carriages are actual very long compared to standard ones. They are like half the length of a passenger carriage, which can usually house up to twenty rows of seats. What does the driver needs such a huge space?

It is a staff only area so passengers are not allowed to access it. But periodically passengers sitting near the door would able to hear a loud “swooshing” and “thumping” sounds, as if someone was violently swinging a baseball bat in there.

Only few staff members are seen venturing into there. And the driver is hardly seen by anyone.

Most of the time it’s a very handsome man wearing all white clothes with a constant serene smile on his face, who’ll gentle knock on the door carrying foods into the driving carriage. The 1m90 driver will then open the door and welcome the man in, a very soft expression on his usually stern and scary face.

Occasionally a short attendant with a vermilion mark on his forehead, wearing a crisp and sharp uniform (he is probably the only one wearing the proper attendant uniform) and looking very aggravated will knock on the door. Compared as to when the man in white walked in, the atmosphere was definitively full of aggression and tension.

The few times the driver decided to leave his coach, his default expression seemed to be “I’m going to beat someone to death” scowl or something... and the passengers will witness this huge ass man carrying an equally huge ass fake (”It must be fake right? Who’ll allow a driver to carry such a weapon?!”) saber on his back strode down the aisle....the first time it happens all the passengers collectively froze in fear... Random passenger A: terrorist?! Is this a terrorist attack?! Are we all going to die?!

But after a while they got used to it and soon realized that they were always two outcomes to this situation. The terrorist driver will either disappear for forty to sixty minutes and then come back significantly less tensed. Or he’ll come back less than fifteen minutes later dragging with him a wailing man and muttering something about training. The door will close behind them with a huge slam and then screams of distress could be distinctively heard from inside. (”Is this a murder? Do we need to call the police?!!!”)

If you’re courageous enough to try to talk to him, when you see him walk by... Don’t ask him for the arrival times, or information about the stations and so on, he’ll just look blankly at you and say “How should I know? Go ask the short bastard.” (Aren’t you the driver of this train?!!!) [By the way if you ask him where the train is going, he’ll answer something like “north”]

Coach 15 - the staff coach

This is also a staff only areas, containing the staff’s offices and beds.

According to some staff members the cabines are soundproof. When asked why they would need such a thing, most of the attendants would shudder violently and mutter something about “everyday”.

What nearby passengers use to describe this coach is “excessively loud”, “occasionally explosive”, “might cause the entire nearby carriage to shake from the shockwave of whatever is going on in here” and “believe me you don’t want to know”.

So let’s keep it at that.

Coach 2 - first-class seat coach

This is actually one of the most low key coach? Apart from being next to the driver carriage (and the drama that comes with it) there isn’t actually much excitement there.

For some reasons this seem to be the less popular coach? Only first-timers (who can afford it) would usually buy those types of tickets.

Recurrent passengers would pick up other coaches, not because it’s too expensive but because this coach is “kinda boring”

Coach 3&4 - business-class seat coach

Those two coaches are managed by three persons: a married couple and another woman (who seems to be a close friend/sister of the wife?). All of them are wearing Tang dynasty clothes and they looked so classy in it! As if coming straight out of an ancient period drama.

The wife especially is very beautiful, she looks to be in her thirties but she’s actually the mother of the restaurant cook and the scary guy who is always scowling and whose job is unknown, and the adoptive mother of the bartender of the bar. She is also the grandmother of the two young waiters... which made her closer to sixty(”?!” “what is this witchcraft?” “Actually what kind of supreme good genes go through this family?!”)

By the way... the other female attendant, her close friend? She is the other grandmother of the rich looking waiter in the restaurant car. And of fucking course she looked to be in her mid-thirty. (WTF)

This coach is actually quite popular? One of the reasons is of course because the two beautiful ladies attracted a lot of admirers.

But really like 70% of them are here because they want to witness the show. This coach is known as the scums lashing coach. If anyone dares to do anything improper or is particularly misbehaving, the two kickass ladies will strike them down either with their sharp tongues or with their even sharper martial skills (if the person in question tries to use force) .

It doesn’t matter if the opponent is a 2 meter mountain of muscles, they will knock them down as if it was a troublesome fly.

Regulars with particularly scummy acquaintances would book this coach tickets hoping that they will act out of hand and be taught a lesson.

Misbehaving and very rude passengers from other coach will also be bumped up or down to the business class by the other attendants. Some of them are probably thinking that they are lucky.... but oh boy are they wrong.

Meanwhile the husband is just serenely drinking tea in the background... Occasionally he’d ask if they need help getting rid of the trash on the floor.

Coach 5 to 8 - second-class seat coaches

Those coaches’ attendants are probably one of the weirdest combination of personalities.

There’s one man dressed in white who looked super innocent and clueless about basically everything. He is very kind and nice... but don’t try to ask him anything more that the layout of the rows.

Everywhere this man goes, there is always going to be another man looming behind him. This man is dressed completely in black and looks very serious and sorta gloomy. However his face will soften significantly whenever the white dressed man looks at him.

Another attendant from this coach is a blind young girl, carrying a walking stick. She is irreverent sometimes downright rude with a huge potty mouth and for some reasons she’ll always manage to whack the legs of the people making fun of her with her stick. And no assholes she doesn’t care if you want to go complain to her boss.

And then there’s the psychopath. For some reasons right in the middle of showing you to your seat, or answering one of your question, he’ll randomly take out a knife a play with it, while smiling creepily and staring at you, as if he was picturing how you’ll look with your intestine out of your body.

At this point, the blind girl would smoothly walk over apologize, “I’m sorry he didn’t take his medicine yet.” and out of the blue she’ll whacked him hard in the head with her stick (hard enough that he lost consciousness). “here you go, please enjoy your travel.” Then for good measures she’ll kick him when he’s still down and walk away.

Also because those four coaches house most of the train seats, statistically speaking this is also where the vermilion guy will be. And so, more often than not, you’ll witness the train driver stomping forward and start a fight with the short guy. And whoa is it wild and aggressive. Despite behind a whole head shorter than the driver, he’ll still bite back without fear and words like “strangling to death” or “dismembering” would be throw around.

When it happens the blind attendant would heave a huge exasperated sigh and take out an electronic device before making a general announcement via the train speakers; “To smiley face, meat-head and his royal pain-in-the-ass dimpleness are causing trouble again, please come to couch 5 and deal with them before someone lose their heads because of their bullshits.”

Then less than five minutes later, the man dressed in white would stride in very peacefully, smoothly insert himself between the two fighters and then easily pick them up by the back collar, one in each hand, like particularly misbehaving kitten. (”WTF?!!!! How strong is that guy?!”) He’ll then proceed to walk toward the nearest cupboard and throw them in before locking it and placing a weird looking talisman on the door. (”.........” “Are you exorcising them? What the hell?”)

And for twenty whole minutes no sounds could be heard from the cupboard despite the periodic shockwave on the door as if someone was violently knocking on it.

Two minutes after the ‘knocking’ on the door stopped and then it was cut neatly in half. (”.....”) Allowing the two previously very aggravated people to escape from the cupboard. For some reasons though they looked significantly calmer (”Maybe they fought it out?” “Yeah, sure, that’s what happened”).

Of course before anyone could react, a youth wearing heavy make-up ran in and wailed, “Nie-zongzhu why do you keep doing this?!! Don’t you know how to use the door? This is the tenth one this week.” The so-called meat-head: Ah... My bad. His royal major pain-in-the-ass dimpleness: Don’t worry, Xuanyu, the cost of the door will be deducted from da-ge’s pay... Though to be honest, considering his destructive track-record... he’ll probably need to be working here for more than three centuries before he’ll actually get any salary. You’d think he’ll learn some restraint after a while. The meat-head: You - Smiley face, smoothly taking both their hands and dragging them away: Okay you two, let’s go eat something.

The non-specific coaches staff members:

As mentioned before there is exactly one (1) attendants wearing the attendant uniform. He is the most competent and proper staff member (not that it’s very hard, considering who are the competition) and probably the most reliable too (when he is not busy picking fight with huge saber carrying men or being locked up in cupboards). For that reason he is not in charge of a specific coach, but of all the passengers of the trains. His efficient and memory are kinda super scary... If you’re boarding the train in the morning, then rest assured that in the afternoon this attendant will know and remember your name, age, seat numbers, tickets numbers, Id number (from the ID Card that you showed him for like two seconds when he checked your tickets) and food preference.

The staff member with the serene smile and dressed in white doesn’t seem to have a specific carriage either. The most likely coaches you might find him in are the 2 or 14 coaches (depending on which is closer to the driver), the bar (where he’ll chat with his brother), the coach no.13 where you’ll see him drink tea with his uncle. (This seem to be a huge family business? What’s up with all the kinship between the staffs?! Are they all connected to one another?) Or alternatively you’ll see him accompanying the most perfect employee of the century.

He seems very idle and doesn’t have a specific job? [His official job description entails dealing with NMJ and JGY’s foreplay quarrels and to keep things from turning too R18 rated in the bar... because the bartender and the guqin player are not trusted to keep their wandering hands to themselves in public]

There is an attendant who is officially in charge of coach 2 or 14 (whichever is further away from the driver) but you’ll never actually see him there. Like he’ll stroll around in every other coaches except the one he is supposed to work in. And because he is dressing very casually you won’t even actually identify him as a staff member. He’ll smoothly insert himself into your passenger group and then happily chat with you. It’s only when the driver will barge in, dragging the attendant out to either “go do your fucking job” or “It’s time to train!” that they’ll realize that the one talking to them was a staff member.

So this attendant will come chat with you and somehow he know private information about you that he shouldn’t possibly know about and casually mention it the conversation, like “Oh, I heard your father got admitted to the hospital, is he better know?” or stuff that even you didn’t know about “Your boyfriend is such a dickhead for shitting on you with your brother.”

Afterwards it will lead to conversation like this: after the attendant had been dragged away “Oh I didn’t know your friend worked on this train!” “My friend? I thought he was yours? I actually never met him.” “Eh? Then how come he knew about your sister going to that concert tomorrow?” “I thought you told him!” “No I didn’t!” “...” “...”

So scary.

So words spread around about that MDZS Express attendant who seems to know a lot of things and that he can be found in the second-class seat coaches. And so some people specifically book a ticket there to track him down and ask him information.

But once they managed to corner him, his eyes would get very huge and he’ll frantically shake his head before hiding behind his fan, all the while crying “I don’t know!!! I really don’t know!”

His reaction was so intense that some would actually be taken aback... “Did we get the wrong guy?”

Then the attendant would flee and rush towards another one, “San-ge, please help me!!! Those passengers are bullying me!!!”

He got a very flat look from the ‘San-ge’ in question that seemed to say ‘Are we really still doing this?’, but even though this San-ge showed no sympathy whatsoever he still came to the passenger and told them “We are very sorry for not being able to help you. How about I bump you up to the business class coach as an apology? As a lot of passengers have sneakily tried to enter the business class areas by claiming to being bumped up by our staff members, we have established a password of sort. Once you reach the coach please make sure to find the lady wearing yellow and tell her ‘Don’t you think the dishwasher is an incompetent moron?’... She’ll take care of you. ”

------------------------------------

Right so this got way longer than expected, so you’ll get the rest of the coaches (restaurants, bar, infirmary, sleeper coaches) in another part.

Like I mentioned above I wrote this in an “outsider” POV so most of the time I didn’t mention any names.... But did you manage to identify all the characters?

Also a lot of characters ‘working’ in the second half of the train have already been mentioned obliquely before. So you know more or less in which coach they are. The only one I didn’t mention is the infirmary... but well I don’t think it’s hard to guess who work there haha.

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misskatstuff-blog · 7 years

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no.2

This is a story of context of who I am and where I come from, lets start on the day a star was born aka my birthday. My mom was 21, single mom, just trying to figure things out and she claims I cried a lot which is still a thing btw. Anyways she loved me a lot but trying to raise a newborn alone is never easy, so, in step my favourite people my nan and pop. My nan is super saucy and awesome she has a garden, she loves chickens, her catchphrase is “how about some fruit,” when asked whats for desert, her qualifications for becoming a doctor are pretty good because according to her gargling salt water can fix all your problems. My pop is the sweetest man ever, he's quiet and he cares so much about the people around him. He refuses to quit work at 73 years old because he claims “everyone I know who retires always ends up dead or in the hospital,” or “someones got to work so you can spend all their money,” (sorry pop). Either way when I think about how much I love them I start to cry.

So off I go to live with my nan and pop, which is great because I had a tree house and bunk beds and a German shepherd named duke and all was well except even at a young age I had horrible anxiety. I mention this because even though mental health is growing in recognition its still not discussed enough. Soooooo everyone always thought I was being over dramatic (which I am) but they just kind of thought I was soft, needed tougher skin etc. When I was 8 my pop was at work and my nan had to go to the grocery store she asked if I would be fine alone I thought I would be so she left, 15 minutes went by and thats when the panic started, why wasn't she home yet? maybe something happened? what if she was in an accident and no one remembered to call me? I had to call the grocery store and get them to page her because I needed to make sure she was okay. Events like this continued to happen as I got older, a memorable one was when I watched an episode of coronation street with my pop and it was the first time I had ever seen two men kiss or heard about people being gay, I was so terrified I was going to be gay that every night for a week I had to get my nan to tuck me in and tell me while I cried myself to sleep that even if I were gay she would still love me. It wasn't until after I got to university these feelings of panic became too much, between test anxiety and not even being able to sleep with people because I’d wake up the next day thinking I was pregnant and literally having fits of hysteria where I would punch myself in the stomach did I realize that I really needed help. If that was hard for you to hear, I apologize but I started writing this to share my truths. Don't feel bad for me, I know I’m sharing some personal and dark things but I promise you my life thus far has been far more good than bad. I have medication now that helps and puts me more at ease, sometimes are harder than others but I push through.

Going back again after living with my grandparents up until grade 2 I came to the notion that little girls should be with there moms so I moved to Edmonton in 2003. It made sense at the time but once I got there it was a complete whirlwind I loved my mom and brother but I was so extremely homesick that there were not many parts of it I enjoyed. So 6 months later I moved back to nl, I called my nan to ask if she would come up and get me in December. It wasn't until recently she told me the conversation her and my pop had about flying up to get me, she said “ray we can't really afford this right now, we won't be able to have much for Christmas,” to which my pop responded “I don’t care, we’ll slap a bow on her head and she’ll be our Christmas.” and I was, I’ve lived with them ever since and they truly are my rocks.

As for friends I’ve had lots come and go, my childhood and high school friends are mostly memories of the past but thats what happens when you grow up. I wish I could say I was better at friends, I have lots of acquaintances people I talk to every now and then but I’ve never been someone who really has close or best friends. I don't have a friend I talk to everyday or one that I see regularly but there are people I consider in my life to be extremely special to me and who I love very much. I like friends I can be myself around, the ones who think I’m funny and see beyond the facade of who I try to be sometimes, the ones that know what to say when I seem to think the world is crashing in on me, these friends are valuable and people to be treasured.

I know I have a lot to say but bare with me through this one, okay? My body, I say its mine because for a long time I refused to take ownership of it. Why on earth would I want something that seemed to constantly betray me? My mind was fighting me, my body for reasons still undiagnosed today gains weight at the mere sight of a chocolate bar, sprouts hair from random places, has eczema covering my arms and a hormonal imbalance that likely means I will never naturally conceive a baby, it always seemed to be plotting against me. So how does one love a body like this, a body like mine, thats the question. Well let me tell you some secrets, I try HARD, I put on my makeup, I wear clothes that make me feel pretty, and for one solid year before I’d get dressed in the morning I’d look in the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful even though there were people around me who tried to belittle that beauty by calling me nasty things. I am no master of loving myself I still have insecurities but I tell them to fuck off, this is the only body I’ll ever get (unless I get reincarnated, which please god if you exist let me be a princess) so I have to get along with it. For starters as a kid I didn't even realize that being bigger was an issue, I used to love my tummy cause it was soft and if I squished it all together it would kinda remind me of cake which was awesome, but as I got older and my nan would be in my ear telling me to sit up straight and suck my tummy in I began to realize that maybe in fact there was something wrong with the way I looked.. but now I'm just over it, hating myself or the way I looks takes up too much time, its tiring so I do what makes me feel good.

so maybe thats it for now, its a lot to process, you’re probably busy, I’m uncertain. However, if you actually took time to read this it means a lot.

Kat

#my story

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