#like i would lash out

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[redneckangelsdrinkmoonshine]

there's this one girl i keep trying to push away but she continues to tell me things that are pretty much cas's love confession and i'm not okay

#like i would lash out #and she'd be like #ure not angry ure hurt #ure angry because nobody took care of u they hurt u instead #ure not emotionless ure too emotional #and im like #GIRL #FUCK OFF WILL U #but also don't leave me #dude i can't

[worstloki]

AU where Loki doesn’t interfere with Thor’s banishment at all and it takes Thor years to prove himself worthy and when he returns to Asgard everything is just. The same. Nothing seems to have changed at all and everyone greets him like his absence was a minor obstacle that didn’t fundamentally change Thor and the worst part is Loki stepped down from the place as regent without any delay and Thor can’t help but feel there’s something underlaying the way his brother looks at him now and won’t let him touch him and Thor doesn’t know what he could have missed because he doesn’t think he would have found anything wrong with the things around him and how everyone behaves if he hadn’t spent time on Earth reflecting.

#the warriors 4 not being interested in anything Thor ‘learnt’ at all #and making it clear that Thor was punished unfairly and the AllFather’s decision had been harsh #Loki saying he’s happy for Thor and Thor sees the way the smiles are forced and he sees the way Loki avoids any touch #Thor hating the way Frigga talks about Loki’s short regency and Thor’s absence like it wasn’t two whole decades or something #like she’s so grateful to have her other son back without ever addressing why he was gone #Thor just. growing during his time on earth and being much more aware of the behaviour around him #he learns to be critical and assess why people around him may act a certain way #once he realises that it’s possible for him or anyone else to be fallible and make mistakes it’s over for Asgard for him I think #Thor returns and Loki gives him the throne and everyone expects him to obviously have the throne #and Odin is sleeping and Thor isn’t comfortable with the way everyone accepts him as king regent after the banishment #Loki who either never lashed out against Jotunheim or did and it was brushed away and no one thinks about it as anything #but Loki is still deeply affected and acts the way he always would have but Thor can feel it’s not the same #he knows something is wrong and Loki won’t say anything about it and Thor doesn’t know how to bring it up #Thor sees Loki metaphorically receding into the shadows to become a nonpresence so loud Thor hears it even after returning from decades away #Thor goes to Earth and gets his priorities in order gets a new worldview learns not to take what he has for granted #and finds out he actually despised Asgard #he’s been back a week and he can’t stand it

[uncanny-tranny]

I've talked before about how the way people treat suicide can be unintentionally devastating to the suicidal person, but I don't think I really ever said how to avoid that.

Speaking about suicide in how selfish it "is" ("think about how you'll transfer your pain to your loved ones!") might seem like a way to put logical sense into the suicidal person, but, honestly? It runs the risk of massively increasing their shame and guilt about being suicidal. Suicide is not inherently a revenge fantasy or a way to "get back" at someone's loved ones, so when the suicidal person is treated like a criminal of a "crime" they haven't even committed yet, you can imagine how unhelpful that can become.

Instead, if you want to point out how cherished your person is, frame their relationships as something they can keep fostering.

"Your cat will miss you :(!!!!" becomes "you and your cat seem close, right? I'm sure it's beautiful having a close friend like that!" and maybe include ways that they and their cat are close and meaningful to each other, tailored to that relationship.

That's only one example, but when you shift the focus away from why that person should repent and feel guilty for being suicidal, you can instead focus on why they would live for that reason. See how you can frame that as a positive? Whatever is keeping that person tethered should never be used as a bludgeon, I think, because then you're taking away why they're living, the positivity of why they are here. Whatever they are here for should be remembered often and honoured.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #mental health support #suicide #suicide tw #(after this i'm going to rant about being told the unhelpful narrative i included above) #when i was younger the thing i was told the most was that suicide would only transfer my pain to others... #...and is that true? maybe. was it helpful? no. #why was that unhelpful? #because i started using that as yet ANOTHER reason to feel guilty and to lash out against myself... #...because that didn't magic away my suicidality like it 'should have'... #...and that was ~obvious~ proof i didn't care enough about my loved ones to keep them out of harms way... #...and it can be really hard not to do that (give advice like that) because if you're not the suocidal person... #...you have the luxury of thinking without the burden they are labouring under... #...you can see 'logically' and make assumptions about what the other person 'needs' #it's just frustrating because i know that people like this want to help but i worry about *how* they are helping... #...in the sense that i want their efforts to actually help their person and bring them closer

[samarecharm]

People who really like shuake also seem to write themselves into a corner wrt Akechi and his relationship to Akiras team. Contrary to popular belief, the team, including Haru, does not hate Akechi. At worst, they tolerate him and deal with his attitude. Hes a good teammate and respectable fighter and the team recognizes that at the end of the day, he was a teenager who was manipulated and abused by a man who saw him as disposable. Just about every thief understands this intimately. They have the same mindset wrt adults who take advantage of the people beneath them. Under different circumstances they wouldve been friends. And if u approach it from that angle, it becomes less about Akechi being the sole person who ‘gets’ Akira, and more about the thieves being the only people in the world who ‘get’ Akechi.

When you expand your thoughts to include the thieves as members of his Team and not roadblocks that get in the way of your ideal shipping dynamic, you allow urself to give Akechi and Akira more depth and nuance to their own relationship.

Akira and Akechi are wildcards; both of them struggle with the face they choose to display to the world. Its the first time Akira interacts with someone who is, at a literal, technical level, his ‘equal’. But Akechi is one of many firsts for Akira yeah? Every thief has their bond with Akira thats completely unique and personal. Akechi will never be the person who witnesses Akiras Awakening, hes never the person who watches Akira have his restless nights alone in the attic, and hes never the person who realizes in real time that the teenager hes housing is just Some Kid, not the delinquent hes been warned about. Hes not Ann or Yusuke, or any of the thieves; he doesnt have the time or experience that they have with Akira, and I think its interesting to explore that part of their relationship, shippy or not.

Akechi is someone who is incredibly lonely and self depreciating despite his cockiness and attitude. He has no positive bonds to speak of save for his connection with Sae. To have him see a team that works together and cares for each other, how do you think he would feel? Out of place? Inferior in some way? Angry about how hes been alone for so long in this single minded quest for revenge? Wouldnt that be a point of struggle between the two of them? I think what makes shuake good for me is knowing that Akechi needs alot of time to heal, and the thieves would want to help with that process. They do it bc they care, bc Akira cares, and bc they trust Akiras opinion (and he trusts theirs in return); if Akira feels like Akechi is someone who can be trusted Now after everything thats happened, then the thieves would do their best to help. And how would Akechi feel about that? Angry about the show of pity? That even now, he has no real say in what happens to him? Or begrudgingly grateful that they are cordial with him? Because they do care, he KNOWS they care, they care TOO MUCH actually; but the one thing he values over brawn and wits is honesty- fighting for what you believe in without having to use soft words to justify it.

#chattin #also like. as an aside #my hcs regarding these two is like. they could not date. theyd kill each other lmao #and like TOTALLY by all means i am obsessed w unhealthy dynamics for shipping #let ur boys be toxic. let them be messy and loud and violent. its like crack to me #but just like fandom as a whole; fanon interpretations are prevalent and LOUD #and so trying to interact with it is like pulling teeth #personally. i think too many of them think of Akechi as like. the Rude one of the bunch #when i like to think of Akira as rude and full of himself when its deserved #and man. being able to outwit Akechi makes it Fully deserved #and i like to think Akira would remind him of this when he tries to intimidate or degrade his team #like. i have a short wip i never finished (basic sketches) #of Akira pulling him aside and grilling him #‘youre here because I Want you here. youre here bc i Allow you to be here’ #‘if youre going to stoop low and play petty i can do the same. if theres anyone on my team whos a fucking idiot; its you.’ #‘dont make me reconsider having you on the team.’ #and akechis like okay great does ur dick feel big trying to pull rank on me? #but really hes fuming. hes MAD. like feral dog mad. bc akira is RIGHT. like he is most times as akechi starts to see. #he has enough of a mind to recognize that hes lashing out bc of his own shortcomings; even if he refuses to admit it out loud #its beyond infuriating. its degrading. its a little 😶. #never had to deal w anyone that rivaled his own brawn and wits. and now theres a TEAM of them #just humbling him time and time again. it sucks. he stays bc he cant help himself 😭 #he needs to see more… #also #shuake #for blacklisting

[knightingale]

Not that it really matters but the thing about the Darry Trial™ in AGoT that I think so many people get wrong is that Sansa was protecting Arya when she said she didn't remember what happened by the Trident. Lets say Sansa told the truth in that scene; she'd necessarily have to include that Arya hit Joffrey with a broomstick, because he was cutting Mycah's cheek for hitting Arya, and that's what led to the fight that had Nymeria biting Joff. But if Sansa said this then Arya would be wrongly seen as the guilty party.

Like, these people didn't care that Mycah was killed, so why would this room full of nobles and mostly Lannister knights care that Joffrey cut him on the cheek? They'd most likely view the situation as their Crown Prince chastising an impudent peasant for hitting highborn Lady Arya Stark. So Arya attacking her "defender" over this could be seen as an unjust (or even an irrational/crazed) assault on the future king. Don't get me wrong, I think Arya was totally right to beat Joff, just like Dunk was right to beat Aerion for the same reason, but their classist and sexist nobility isn't going to view the situation like we do.

And as we learn later, the punishment for striking a royal is to lose the hand that struck them. Do I think Robert would've cut Arya's hand off? No, of course not, but I'm sure that Sansa thought her sister would be punished in some way if she confirmed that Arya had hit a royal. We don't actually learn that Robert thinks the whole affair is no big deal until after Sansa has spoken and with further context we know that Sansa is frightened by Robert... so ya'know.

#plus we have multiple cases of sansa covering for arya in agot so i dont think its ooc for her to do it again in a high stakes situation #nor is it ooc for arya to bad faith sansa/not understand that sansa is covering for her and lash out like she does here too #you could also make the argument that sansa was drunk and genuinely didnt remember what happened #which would help explain why she changes her story multiple times later on #but i wont get into that here #old hat i know - sorry if im not making sense its late #ive just never understood fandoms majority opinion on this scene

[soren-apologist]

i’m fascinated by the people who claim “ike deserves better than soren,” because ignoring how nonsensical of an argument it is, none of these people ever have a strong enough understanding of ike as a character to decide what type of relationship he should have; specifically, if anyone tried to argue this to his face, they’d very likely come out of it with a minumum of a few teeth missing

#i mean the degree of violence would depend on the version of ike they’re talking to #post rd? he’d be angry but less likely to lash out physically #mid-por? bruh you’re fucked #ikesoren

[mattzerella-sticks]

I think what makes Antony Starr's portrayal of Homelander such a great villain is that his motivation throughout the entire series has always been love and it SHOWS. It's twisted and warped but all Homelander wants is love. He wants to be loved and season 3 did a great job of pushing this to the forefront, as well as showing us that - despite how tall and old he is - he's just a kid. He never matured emotionally because he never received the proper love and attention as a kid, so his whole moral system is warped. That smile at the end, where the crowd cheered for him straight-up murdering an innocent civilian, was so much like the kind a kid gives after doing something funny for a crowd where you can see the wheels turning, going "this will earn me attention." Soldier Boy read him correctly that he was needy, which is why his perfect defeat isn't death but total irrelevance.

And, on the flip side, Billy's anger at the world - which has been such a common motivator amongst villains - is his driving force to combat Homelander and be the 'hero'.

The usual motivators between heroes and villains have been flipped and presented with so much care it's amazing.

The Boys put so much intention and thought into all their character choices and that's what makes the end product not only a masterpiece, but one of the most brilliant satires of our generation.

#the boys #the boys s3 #homelander #billy butcher #like Homelander's true character is also why i think he always bluster about the scorched earth stuff #in fact i think RYAN would be the one who goes scorched Earth because of his teen angst and how easy it is for kids to lash out at that age #homelander always RUNS AWAY when things get tough he was too pampered and fed too many lies #whereas ryan is more like his grandpa #maybe ryan frees soldier boy at the end of season 4 to learn from him and ryan kills mallory? #getting too in depth in the notes...

[kareenvorbarra]

i'm forever caught between scylla (agamemnon stans who think he's a better-than-average mythology guy who only has fully consensual sex with the women he's enslaved) and charybdis (agamemnon haters who think he's the worst person ever and that achilles is much better)

#can we get a smidge of nuance??? perhaps????? #he's truly no worse than any other iliad character and there are mythology guys i hate a lot more (mostly for personal/subjective reasons) #but i saw some fanart where he was assuring a captive cassandra that he wouldn't touch her and like. please #you remember how much of a dick he was about ransoming an enslaved woman he was particularly attached to? #he's extremely possessive of chryseis and lashes out at his allies when he has to give her up #literally nothing about his behavior makes me think he would be super respectful of cassandra's feelings/boundaries #one or both of them feeling affection or pity for the other does not mean they have a loving relationship based on clear communication! #fandom musings

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #man yosuke really? more scared than when your own life was in danger in the tv world when your shadow was lashing out? #when you didnt have a persona and you didnt think anyone would do anything to help you? #(i believe it. it's just like yosuke to be like that.) #chewing glass at how invested hes become in nanako and in yu's family I'm honestly just #of course everyone wss terrified for nanako but yosuke describing it as the most terrified hes ever been is really just #also man i wonder what he was going to say when he started trailing off #i bet he was going to say something about how devastated yu was but thought better of it #and im #I feel like for yosuke in that moment when nanako was missing and his partner was emotionally distraught #he must have felt so helpless too #throughout the entire year yosuke took each kidnapping really personally he kept seeing it as a personal failure on his part #when he said he wasnt smart enough or good enough to prevent it even when he knew it was coming #and then to have it happen to someone close #i think yosuke definitely felt all of yu's pain #but he also felt the pain of not being able to do anything more for yu while yu was emotionally falling apart #like hes not just let nanako down but also his best friend too and IM JUST #ok im shutting up now bye #he's good with his queue

[wickjump]

shaking like a wild animal because people in the wc fandom can not accept that a female character, even one that you don’t like, maybe isn’t at fault for everything and maybe just maybe she is indeed a victim of other characters’ mistreatment and maybe just maybe you need to take a step back and stop being an apologist for every mediocre male character out there, and your personal hatred of this character shouldn’t be a determining factor in how valid you view their mistreatment

(this is about like 5 different characters and can be applied to most fandoms)

#if you hate a female character over fucking thistleclaw (canon pedo) dni like you’re gross for that one lmfao?? #do not say ‘i agree except for xyz’ that means you’re wrong and don’t get it because chances are i’m talking about xyz #i deadass saw someone say yellowfang abused raggedstar i am so done #so so so SO done #rainflower is the one female character i actively dislike #because she abused a child. #‘What about mapleshade?’ i like her #‘she killed people!’ yeah my favorite characters tend to do that. guess what villain means guys #‘squirrelstar?’ her number one fan #she did nothing wrong oh my god #‘nightcloud you gotta hate nightcloud’ no i would kill for a plushie of her warrior cats pls hear me out #‘she lashed out at crowfeather’ and crowfeather lashed out multiple times at their teenage son who was being groomed!!! lol he deserved that #no 1 crow hater i’m so sorry #never liked him even b4 i started adoring nightcloud #i want a nightcloud plushie :( she’s one of my faves #dirtynoodles… dirtynoodles save me… give me a nightcloud plushie…. #warrior cats #BE NICE. #squirrelstar #nightcloud #mapleshade #BE NICE…

[hootiee]

friendly reminder

#aoex #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #yukio okumura #yes hes esoteric but i feel like if u cant at least understand WHY he lashed out then thats a You problem. #friendly reminder ur hating on a suicidal/mentally ill teenager. sorry he displays REAL mental illness and not ''uwu im sad'' mental illnes #did he fuck up? yeah. obviously. doesnt mean its right to tell him to kill himself tho. #you ppl will be perfectly okay with irredeemable villains but then draw the line at a mentally ill teen lashing out from years of bottling- #his emotions #his mental illness does not wave away all the bad things he did obviously. #but it DOES help you to understand WHY he did the things that he did. and understand his perspective. #any kid in his situation would do the same. #i will Always defend my boy idgaf #so many people have said this way better than me but yeah. just crazy to me how heated people get about him #.txt

[deusluxuria]

idk why but i feel like jotaro and abdul are the most immune to the "bystander effect" than other jojo characters. like they see someone doing something unforgivable in public and they're the only ones who are like "hey y'know what??" and cause a scene

#jotaro by far #i feel like abdul is probably more sensitive and not as good at handling people lashing out at him #but jotaro oooo one would only hope someone like him would be there in a situation #mohammed abdul #mohammed avdol #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #headcanon #jotaro kujo

[stuffyflowers]

*massaging my temples with an irritated expression* I am soooooooo tired of people misunderstanding starlos character

#his lawman persona is literallyyyyyy a persona it’s spelled out in the game itself he’s not a “real sheriff” guys plea #a lot of people specifically seem to not understand how he can’t fight you in vengeance but WILL in pacifist + neutral and even talks abt #wishing he killed you when he had the chance if you killed ceroba #when like. it makes perfect sense when you actually think about it for more than three seconds. the wild east is all roleplay. even vengeful #virgil. his greatest adversary is just roleplay. it’s completely believable to me that when faced with the situation in vengeance he would #hesitate. we know in pacifist/neutral that he’s aware of the fact he’s a fraud #and this would weigh on him HEAVILY in that situation #especially when the human he’s supposed to gun down is not only a human child but the cutting image of the very people he idolised all his #life #I think it’s soooo interesting that the only times he fights/talks about fighting clover is in moments of selfishness and desperation. #his boss fight is a result of losing all his friends bc of his own ego and taking it out on a kid he dragged into everything to begin with #in flawed pacifist he wishes he shot clover before they even did anything wrong bc he lost his best friend. and while we know there are very #ain justifications that can be made (including that ceroba herself wanted to die) the law stops mattering to star the moment clover shot cer #oba #and I love that about him. I looooove that he can be selfish as fuck and not think things through and lash out in a way unlike what you’d #expect from a figure that supposedly embodies justice and the law

[alaynestcnes]

It's 2024 and there's still those who feel the need to tell people who ship Jonsa that all the evidence is a reach. Why is that? Why are they so preoccupied with a ship that they think is delusional?

I think Sansa and Sandor is delusional, there's zero chance of it happening but I'm not sending anons to the people who ship it saying it's never going to happen.

The antis just need to admit that they're terrified that Jonsa is going to happen. GRRM has subtly sprinkled Jonsa dust and it's the critical reader who sees it. That's why you have people who don't ship any of the characters and aren't interested in any of the fandom ships who see the links between Sansa and Jon and wonder what it's about and why it's there.

we got that modern day cassandra curse. no matter how much evidence we have, the greater fandom will ignore it. but that’s ok, half the takes this fandom comes up with are terrible so i would rather keep them away from jonsa as long as possible.

#reddit’s silence on jonsa suits me very well i won’t lie. i don’t respect them and i do not want to know what they would have to say on it #like i am very comfortable with jonsa’s odds that if twow was announced tomorrow i would happily put money on it being partially confirmed #i want to live my jonsa life in peace. if they don’t see the vision then they are missing out on some of grrms best work #you can’t force a horse to appreciate a monet 🤷🏻‍♀️ #but yeah i agree abt the antis just lashing out bc their own ships have scraps while we are very active with all our fun theories #it’s very sad that their own ships are not even interesting enough to keep them engaged. they have to peek over at us all the time #asks

[good-beanswrites]

I’m thinking about the angst of the restraints headcanon again. There’s the two with the least physically violent crimes, and they rank relatively low in strength. There’s the child who was violent but had to be really crafty about it; she’s the weakest of all of them. And the most dangerous of the guilty prisoners cannot be restrained.

This makes me so emotional!!! All three are the smallest of their circles. Two of them are extremely ordinary people who have never experienced/expressed physical violence before. One hadn't even fathomed the idea of someone dying until they actually did. And yet, they're subjected to the type of restraints you'd expect to see on someone who is uncontrollably violent. The fact that prisoners who committed very gruesome murders can walk free (including Mikoto) just adds insult to injury. I still couldn't everything into words, but here's a Mahiru-centric drabble featuring the same thoughts. It takes place after T1 closes but before the attacks.

“Where are our rights?”

Fuuta’s shout caused Mahiru to wince. She perched on her bedding, watching the two prisoners she’d invited to her cell. It hadn’t been the fun kind of invitation, though. Back in school, she always wanted to have parties and dates back at her place. Moving to the city, she imagined what it would be like to make university friends and take them back home with her to talk, eat, and have fun. 

Sitting in her dim gray cell with Fuuta and Amane, all of them held fast by complex sets of restraints, was not what she’d had in mind.

Amane knelt in the corner. Her arms were crossed, as if pouting, though the opposite was true. A moment ago her eyes had lowered in prayer, but it was difficult to find any peace of mind now. Fuuta snapped and shouted as he paced the length of the cell bars. They were unlocked, but like the others, he didn’t feel like being out in front of everyone. He’d give his uniform a violent jerk every now and then, but it didn’t do any good. Between his strides and growls, he made Mahiru think of those poor wild animals they keep at the circus.

“Take it easy, Fuuta.” She mustered up a smile. “Come rest with us.”

“I can’t believe you two. You’re just gonna sit here and take it? I didn’t do a fucking thing! They’re acting like I’m some big danger to society,” he yanked his arms again, to no avail. “All I did was type some things onto a screen. I’m not gonna go around stabbing anyone or anything. And you, you didn’t hurt anyone either!”

He nodded his head to Mahiru. If her arms weren’t already folded over her chest, she would have hugged herself anyway. 

“Well… I did hurt him in the end… I broke his heart badly enough that… I mean, he…”

Fuuta made a disgusted sound. “That’s all stupid romance stuff. I’m saying, you never stabbed him. Never strangled him. Never poisoned his food, or –”

“Oh god, no! How horrible…”

“Exactly! From what we’ve heard, it sounds like Haruka killed someone with his bare hands. I think Muu had a knife or something. Shidou had a whole arsenal of grisly doctor tools. Kotoko has openly talked about how she beat that guy to death. Why are they allowed to walk free while we’re tied down like wild animals?”

Mahiru was glad she hadn’t mentioned the circus.

“And Amane! It’s not like she did anything violent, and here she is!”

“That is not true.”

Both paused as Amane spoke up for the first time. 

“Eh?”

“While I disagree with my verdict, the restraints make sense.” The others still stared blankly. As matter-of-fact as always, she continued. “I killed with my own hands. I used the amount of force I was instructed to. Just as the sinner fears the wrath of heaven, I can understand how the godless warden would fear my justice.”

Fuuta’s passion wavered, but Mahiru could feel her heart ache for the girl. “Oh Amane… I had no idea. To be pushed to the point of violence at your age…”

“I am not to be pitied. As I said, I am dangerous, and proud to be. I am doing god’s work. All heroes must be dangerous.”

Fuuta grunted, but said nothing. Mahiru gave her a gentle smile. “It’s not pity. Even if you were dangerous, it’s horrible to restrain someone like you. You’ve already had to brave so much, as the smallest of the bunch.”

She looked between the two. A sad laugh escaped her. “Now that I think of it, I guess we’re all the smallest here, hm? Aside from maybe Muu, we don’t have much height or strength on the others…”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Fuuta cried. “The fuck do they think we’re going to do?” Mahiru was just glad he’d focused on that rather than the fact she’d just called him weak. 

Voices raised in conversation down the hallway. Mikoto’s laugh echoed faintly into the cell.  

It warmed Mahiru to hear. Things had been so hard on him here. Though it had been frightening to hear him shouting at the restraints til his voice was raw – well, it wasn’t him shouting – it had been a relief when he appeared free and relaxed the following day. He seemed sheepish that he wasn’t able to help the others, having no memory of his escape. Mahiru just kept telling him how happy she was for him.

Fuuta didn’t share in the sentiment. “Meanwhile, Mikoto gets to stroll around free, and he beat the shit out of Es! He could snap and kill any one of us here, and they don’t even give a damn. But ooohhh, god forbid the guy who’s never been violent a day in his life is allowed to use his own two hands!”

The harshness of his voice wasn’t doing his argument many favors. Still, his words were beginning to get through to Mahiru. 

She’d worked so hard to be a model citizen. She was supposed to have a perfect life. She could cook, clean, sew, and take care of children. She did herself up every day; she was never a slob or a slut. She was generous to everyone she met. She showered the world around her in love. Wasn’t it unfair that her hands were tied like some common criminal? What was all that effort for – being patient when people upset her, being kind even when she disagreed with someone, all of that – if she was going to end up in the same place as someone who had stabbed another out of sheer malice?

Amane didn’t seem to be whirling with the same doubts. She closed her eyes once more. “It is simply a trial from heaven. We may be small, but all of us have an internal strength that will carry us through the ordeal.”

“I don’t think it’s any sort of religious thing, but you’re right,” Fuuta puffed his chest out. “Trials like this only make people stronger!” 

“Do you think so?” Mahiru wasn’t sure if she was asking either of them or just musing to herself. It was a nice thought. This was all part of destiny, something meant to be that would make her stronger in the end. 

But she wasn’t so sure she believed in destiny anymore. It hadn’t quite worked out the first time. 

“Hell yeah!” Fuuta must have assumed she was in fact asking him. He gave a wide, toothy grin. “It’s not like we can get any weaker, right? The warden better watch out next trial – they’ve got a big storm coming!”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose #and then we had a big storm coming 😔 #thank you for the ask pal!!! im not sure if the drabble is what you had in mind but it was really fun to write lol #mahiru canonically being really tiny and trying to be the model nonconfrontational woman... #fuuta being so small and specifically saying hes never been violent toward anyone and never wanted anyone to get physically hurt... #(and something about fuuta being the closest to the average milgram fan) #amane being very small and weak and only killed a specific person for a very predictable reason... #and theyre all treated like wild animals that could snap at any time :(( #meanwhile the actually unpredictable one who Did lash out and hurt someone just strolls around free #not that its anyones fault hes free -- it wasnt on purpose -- but still it makes the situation that much more painful #it makes me crazy!! i thought putting it into action would help communicate my ideas but idk #drabbles