#like i almost feel guilty

[ohitslen]

Intrusive thoughts

#nothing like thinking about how it’d be to murder your homie. we all do that aaaall the time right #a passion of mine is writing dialogue in a way that you could interchange who says it and it’d still make sense when it comes to Vashwood #they both get insane intrusive thoughts and that’s a matter of fact #they are turbo traumatized so it’s even worse at times. this is what I would say one of the tamest instances if that means anything #Vash would feel so guilty abt them too. bc they don’t feel like his thoughts. it’s almost as if it was someone else’s #they have pointed their guns at each other but never shoot. the thoughts have lost another day <3 #Vashwood is: having thoughts and rarely do anything abt them (positive and negative) #everybody who has intrusive thoughts say hell yeah. HELL YEAH!!! #gentle reminder that intrusive thoughts are just that and don’t define you as a person. they are. I’m fact. intrusive #intrusive thoughts #cw intrusive thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #for those who may need to filter those out #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #lenssi draws #lenssi writes #because I wrote the lines first and THEN I did the drawings #still fixated on Vash’s eyes btw if you didn’t notice

[iwonderwh0]

More like a headcanon, but I like this one

#dbh #dbh connor #dbh hank #detroit become human #dbh headcanons #dbh memes #Connor for obvious reasons #Hank for Cole's death #(even if it wasn't his fault I feel like it's typical for people in his position to blame themselves even if it's just for staying alive #and keeping living after what happened) #although I suppose there are def also other reasons to feel guilty about #in relation to more recent events #for being so blinded for not realising thimgs earlier #for not stopping helping DPD catch deviants earlier #or (what I think shouldn't be forgotten) almost blowing Connor's brains out in a drunken state #this *would* leave a mark and it *will* resurface sooner or later (I think) #it's not really one of those things you can just take back #as if it never happened #haconk

[the-dragon-girl-27]

this is one of those things where it was funny in my head but now that i drew it i realize it was probably not worth the effort  but no point in not posting it i guess i find watching the Mu saga unfold extreamilly funny for some reason i wish i had a quality pic of the % being even lower

#milgram #mikoto kayano #muu kusunoki #milgram project #meme art #i was one of the people who with the first trial video was like aww i fweel so bad for muu im glad shes voted innocent #then second trial vid drops and imediate NOPE NOPE NOPE #i think the only people voting muu innocent are just haruka fans and not people who actually forgive her lmao #tbh i thought haruka was also guilty from the start and the second trial reienforced that so #oh yeah also mikoto is here people who know me from discord or watched that one stream i did must find that funny #i have a long rant agaisnt why meme is overrated and how dumb i think mikoto looks but i think he looks less dumb when i drew him #also i just noticed the way i drew his hair literally almost looks like a recolor of one of my ocs.... oh god #i made that oc in like 2018 or 2019 tho so i dont have to worry about the implications of that because there are none #fr mikoto's hair looks like it has the texture of wet mud #oh god that was a lot of tags for a drawing i feel so incredibilly netruial about

[just-null-cult]

IS THIS DAY 8 OR 9

IDK I FORGOR

LET MARRY UR NORITOSHI RN

or so you thought. i really like the number five and you skipped that day. all your efforts have gone down the drain and im annulling this marriage.

#cult leader cameo #suiana #marry me! #YOU WERE GOING FOR DAYS BUT YOU FUCKING FORGOT DAY 5 #IM IN SHAMBLES. BUT BC I LOVE ALL MY CULT MEMBERS.. i'll still spoil you #the dedication.. even when almost forgetting. #was it petty of me to make you all wait 30 mins bc this lovely cult member of mine forgot day 5? probably. yes. #did i feel guilty abt it? no. but if any of you put the pieces together before i told you. congrats you get a pat on the head #pat pat #this is super a joke btw youre not being exiled or anything #but i do really like the number five as much as i liked stamping declined on your marriage certificate #so youre getting executed instead #anyways hello. i got really busy so i died for a bit. tysm for doing this though. it was really fun #im really flattered and happy that you like my interpretation of noritoshi to take time out of your day to remember to do this #if anyone was wondering. yes this was spread out through actual days and im appalled. sorry i have to execute you. i wont forget you

[skeletoninthemelonland]

Seeing mouse man for first time i thought for a sec that you un-rabbitfied William tbh xD

Everyone un-rabbit that man

yeah!!!!!! un-rabbit that man!!!!

oh but that is so cool actually. i've seen artists drawing their favs differently every time until they're completely apart from the original character. they are so sexy for that tho

#my bsf said Hunter (my oc) looked like a version of springtrap and uh. #in a WAY. oh wait #IN MANY WAYS- he ressembles William Afton #not in personality though. (i think) #Hunter is a smart motherfucker but he is also a huge dumbass. #he's 99% robot boy. the other 1% is his human brain. (canon) #oh and i guess u could say uhhh that he died BJKAHJSHDKKWEL #[[[[[[ALMOST DIED]]]]] he was poisoned and to save his own life he became robot boy................ #oh but he did not kill kiddies. no no #he just kinda helped the government of his city on creating a series of high-tech androids to be sent to war............. #BUT THAT'S OKAY one of the androids he helped create is against the war and now she's part of his team. #(she has no idea what he's done but lets pretend i didnt say that) oh and said android is the only war survivor #(and yes Hunter is definitely feeling guilty about not telling her the truth okay. and yes he already has issues going on) #(one issue is that Hunter's machine parts are programmed to annihilate androids when his human self isn't consciousS AND I SHOULD STOP NOWW #SORRY FOR RAMBLING UIFGWEUIHJDKFGKERHJSDGH #starbstalks #inbox

[littleeyesofpallas]

Bleach’s Issue with Queer characters (3/3)

So then there’s Giselle (and to a less canon extent Shutara) who I think Kubo erroneously categorizes as similar to both eachother and to the above gay men stereotypes.  And I think understanding Kubo’s approach to Giselle hinges on what he set up (but didn’t follow through on) with Shutara.

I’ve mentioned before, but I’m pretty certain think Shutara Senjumaru is meant to be a kabuki onnagata*.  Not in-world, mind you; I don’t think she is somehow employed as an actor in a literal kabuki theater. (i would hope that was obvious, but one can never be too sure...)  Just like Tier Harribel isn’t literally a light skinned, dark haired person doing gyaru/ganguro fashion, her presumably naturally tan skin and blonde hair is based on the general aesthetic.  Shutara likewise is channeling distinct look and feel that draws from a mix of oiran, geisha, and kabuki aesthetics. (granted all three are closely related in influencing one another’s aesthetics in the first place)

But while the look and even the demeanor tend to play all three ways, I think the particular fixation on clothes, costuming, and the somewhat adjacent theme of “disguise” that Kubo has shown to put emphasis on in this kinds of situations, as well as the fact that he gave her a distinctly masculine name, Senjuumaru, point to her being some form of queer, albeit something Kubo seems to pretty clearly lack the understanding to better articulate himself.  Is she a trans woman?  Gender fluid?  A male identifying transvestite?  There’s not enough real material for us to draw that particular line, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to conclude that she’s not a cis woman.

*Kabuki is traditionally an all-male theater form, and “onnagata” refers to actors who specialize in playing women roles.  Generally all actors train in the delineated masculine and feminine styles, but an actor’s career sticks to just one or the other...

...There is a whole big thing about how cultural institutions like kabuki and takarazuka theaters’ creation of socially acceptable and even celebrated, public and professional genderqueer spaces creates a myriad of gender dynamics that just don’t exist in the West, and it’s something that has made the attempt to adopt a globalized understanding of queer identity a little trickier in Japan:

In the West the gender binary was rigidly enforced such that to explore alternatives was basically uncharted territory (that’s an oversimplification, but you know what I mean; There’s a lack of contiguity with those who came before) but with japan there were already nonbinary spaces in place, and the lines around those don’t neatly line up with the ethnocentric western ideas some people try to pigeonhole those into.  In general, it gets dangerously close to just flat up colonizer rhetoric.

(forgive the outdated reference image, but honestly I don’t know what even counts as a recognizable example of a “““trap”” character these days.  And I use that term with GREAT reluctance, but I want to differentiate the exploitative cliche usage of a trans caricature from any actual representational trans character.)

Anyway...  That all just leaves Giselle.  And let’s be real, there’s no excuse for this one.  Maybe that seems like a weird anticlimactic place to take this series of posts... like, after all this, maybe it feels like I should’ve had some equally obtuse logic to explain this one away as a matter of escalation or as a Rule of Threes.  But no, not really.  I just think it’s a little unreasonable to treat the massive screwup that was Giselle’s portrayal as part of some sort of bigger ongoing trend, when it’s really more of an unrelated outlier in a bigger umbrella subject.

She is in fact a bad case of the long standing anime/manga fetishization of transwomen as a concept, as a spectacle to be gawked at and made the butt of jokes or to be included specifically as an anomaly.  And in Giselle’s case her specific depiction as a depraved, physically/sexually abusive villain on top of that is an explicitly toxic combination.

In spite of that, I still don’t think Kubo actually meant for it to reflect poorly (not that that matters or diminishes its harmfulness) I think he genuinely just has no real grasp of what that kind of characterization means.  I say that largely because of the way he treats a lot of her role in the plot.  Not that she’s integral to moving it forward, but that she occupies space and survives in the plot as long as she does, even when she could've been conveniently (and frankly more neatly) written out;

He seems to like drawing her and gives her a range of expressions and gestures (something he doesn't afford all his characters, even some of his major ones)

He likes to expand on her powers and gimmicks beyond what was necessary if he'd been aiming for minimum effort

He even paired her off against his personal favorite character, Mayuri.

Point being, Kubo seems to personally like Giselle as a character, but he took a horrible insensitive and ignorant path in writing her character.

But an undeniable fact is, she’s not alone as this kind of villain, she’s just the only one that happens to be trans.*  Mayuri himself, Aaroniero, Szayelaporro, Zomarri (just a little bit), Tousen (at the very end), Tsukishima, As Nodt, Gremmy (a little), and Askin all to some degree dip into this shtick Kubo does where his villains aren’t just sadistic but ecstatically so, to the point of intoxicated, gleeful derangement.  Yet in spite of that, those characters are all usually meant to be “cool,” not detestable.

Remember, Mayuri was initially written as, hands down, the most despicable characters in Bleach —he was abusive and sadistic, misogynistic, actually physically grotesque, predatory, dishonorable sneaky & underhanded, complicit in a genocide, just in general a clearly communicated mad scientist villain, and he was all of this in direct and deliberate contrast to Uryuu’s chivalrous personality type(already established in his defending Orihime from Jiroubou) as well as Nemu’s noble stoic subservient victimhood— and yet he’s also Kubo’s favorite character in the series.  Kubo doesn’t actually write Giselle any particularly worse than the others, BUT he also doesn’t disassociate her being trans from her being villainous, and again, even incidentally, that manages to perpetuate a harmful narrative in the overall.

*(Actually, I’ve kinda touched on it before but I sort of suspect Mayuri could be trans, in which case; OOPS, that makes two, and that doesn’t make it better....)

[1][2][3]

#bleach #bleach meta #KUBO TITE #senjumaru shutara #giselle gewelle #geez this thing is so old that bridget wasn't even reintroduced to guilty gear yet #in fact strIVe wasn't even a thing on the horizon this far back #also weird that preupdate drafts still adhere to outdated formatting #because typing these tags now and editing these drafts #is working on weird janky tumblr formats that i kind of forgot existed #anyway like i already said in the tags of part 2 #im kind of super not satisfied with the wording on a lot of this #feels muddled #and i think i sort of lost track of the root of things #where someone was calling kubo ''obviously'' transphobic #and i think that's not entirely accurate #even if the bottom line almost doesnt make any difference #but there's a difference between ignorance and insensitive #and just outright malice #but the former is very much fixable and even reclaimable #the latter is absolutely not #again tho i get why to a lot of people that doesn't really make a difference #even this far out i dunno how i thought i was gonna end this #or how id do it any differently if i tried now

[kacievvbbbb]

The thing is that Dean and his abandonment issues wants Castiel to stay, despite the fuck ups and the blame and the anger, he needs him to stay as proof that he’s not toxic that he can have good things and not break them

But Castiel, and his guilt chose to leave because that is his penance. Why does he deserve to be happy when he has caused so much suffering? How can he look at Dean smile at him when he’s fucked up so much? He needs to leave because how could he be around Dean like he isn’t a living monument to all the ways his fuck ups hurt the ones he loves.

Cas wants to help the brothers, so he leaves. He’s caused them so much pain what right does he have to be around them, when he can be out there getting them information, finding things they need, helping fix their problems. This is his penance. Because no matter how hard he rebelled or how far he fell Castiel has an innate, almost primal need to be holy, to be absolved of his mistakes and sins. And he’s made so many mistakes where else can he find penance but in misery?

And in almost every episode Dean is in some way or form asking Castiel if he'll stay this time, and every-time Cas says no. And Dean can be mean, he’s s a deeply angry man, and so every no seems like proof that he’s pushed him to far that this is it this is when Cas says he's had enough. He's not gonna stay and be screamed or laughed at anymore. Dean’s finally succeeded in driving him away as he does anyone that’s ever given a damn about him. That this is proof of how toxic he is; after all Castiel is a creature with wings, all he wants to do is fly, and here Dean is trying to keep him in a cage.

The more Cas leaves on his own, the more Dean feels the need to give him a reason too.

The ways in which we punish ourselves; depriving ourselves of the ways in which we love.

The narrative’s doomed them from the start.

#throwing thoughts to the void #the narrative is not on your side but on the side of the story. #it will always do what is most interesting #Chuck’s not evil he’s just bored. #I swear I was only going to write a sentence then an essay came out #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #dean x castiel #supernatural doesn’t so much have good ideas as it trips and stumbles into the occasional earth shattering concept. #supernatural #spn #deancas #honestly Cas has a lot to feel guilty about isn’t he like atleast half the reason his species is almost extinct? #no wonder the angels hate him I’d hate him too

[broken-clover]

It's eternally a little funny whenever I see someone say something along the lines of 'everyone in Strive is so happy now! Everyone's stories are getting resolved! It'll be hard to make a new game when everyone's retired and living peacefully and resolved their problems' and then there's a haunted semi-sentient mecha corpse in the corner constantly screaming from being trapped in limbo

#nothing against the character reworking it's just funny in a fucked up way #everyone get a happy ending!* #*(except for you Romeo) #when I go back and rewatch Xrd vs Strive it's kinda jarring since you have a whole fleshed out character and now he's just kinda conceptual #like sure obviously he's dead but he himself is just sorta mentioned in passing by a couple of people #they didn't even go with the interpretation of 'oh his spirit passed on in AS/story mode' #and based on the character theme it really just reads as 'I'm trapped in neverending hell and my sister's presence is the only distraction' #half the cast is retiring and Romeo is reenacting I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream #idk I could be overthinking it but that whole segment of plotline bugs me in the weirdest way #wish it was more conclusive. wish it had more continuity from xrd. wish more than like two people in universe acknowledged it #how it's presented and how it's treated feels like it has a schism where things don't quite match up #bleh. at the very least there could have been a special intro with Axl #the ending of arcade mode is so abrupt it's almost a little silly #'ahh okay your brother's ghost/a lingering fragment of his soul is desperate to kill himself let's not touch on that much further' #maybe it'd be better if everyone had outtro dialogue like in xrd...? #guilty gear #bedman #delilah #op back on her bullshit

[fluffalpenguin]

Happy Shun Duel Links Day!!! (party popper emoji)

#yugioh arc v #yugioh arc-v #arc-v #shun #yuto #comic #duel links #sorry for the long format but OOH it looks so clean when its all in one line!!! #this almost didn't make it out of my wip jail cells because i spent 30 mins on one of the panels #using references and everything but it just looked super duper odd and it was a waste of time overall #and don't even get me started on the toning (clenches fist) nothing was looking right at one point #but enough about the process i want to talk about the comic itself #part of the motivation for drawing this was seeing all the fluffy shunyoot celebration pics during his roaming event #they ARE cute but also i really really wanted so badly to see shun's visceral reaction that didn't reduce him to mere comedic fodder #(something i'm also guilty of) #so anyway like we always say in ygos we make our own food #wow im rambling anyways the last line of dialogue i had most trouble with but also the most proud of #no shade to the writers of the show (ok maybe like a LITTLE shade) but with this comic i really wanted to reflect the feelings of both #fans of the show as well as fans that left after the ending because that was something i saw floating on jp twitter during the roaming even #and it really made me Think #also can we talk about how in the event yuya was just like hey shun i have a surprise for you!!! haha :] #he was THERE when shun said never appear in front of me ever again did he think shun would just be omg yuto :) #this is why youre my favourite (yuya) #anyways last but not least #the final yuto panel is a healthy mix of guilt + existential dread and doubt about his own existence i hope that was obvious enough

[cloudyvulpine]

i hate it here how tf am i supposed to violently hate valentino to the point of watching episode 4 will raise my blood pressure but then ship him and vox like there's no tomorrow 😭 h e l p i can't be the only one

#i literally hear the voice of angel in my brain and if he finds out i enjoy vox/val i don't know if he'll forgive me 😭😭😭 #like seriously i want to rip valentino to shreds but put vox in the room and i start chaning my mind lik eNO #GRRRRRR I WANT TO KILL VALENTINO STOP MAKING HIM CUTE WITH VOX #fighting for my life ong #HELP I PUT THIS IN DRAFTS BC IT WAS LATE AND I DIDN'T KNOW IF I WABTED TO POST IT OR NOY #BUT THEN ANGEL CAUGHT ME LOOKING AT VOXVAL SHDSDBDJSBDVF #my to-do list for today is literally draw; write why i think i need therapy; and write an apology to the angel dust that lives in my head #voxval #help their so cute together but their so awful #hazbin vox #hazbin valentino #cw valentino #doing this for angel's sake bc he doesn't like seeing any positive valentino content 😭 love him for that #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #voxval is my guilty pleasure and by god do i feel guilty #staticmoth #STOP CAUSE THEIR SHIP NAME IS CUTE #I ALMOST SAID SHIT NAME SJHDBDVSBXHDN

[bunny-heels]

all i ask for from hl2vrai is that Baaulp enjoys playing Tommy this time

#the bun talks #hlvrai #half-life vr but the ai is self-aware #half life vr but the ai is self aware #tommy coolatta #aside from being the biggest gman enjoyer on the planet i genuinely loved tommy before he was revealed to be his kid #he was really funny and silly and admittedly adorable #and it makes me really sad when i remember that baaulp hated him. like it almost makes me feel guilty #but not in the way of 'oh but how could you hate the character you play'. more of 'i hate that the guy behind him didn't have fun' #i mean clearly he still enjoyed being around his friends and having stupid silly fun together but yknow #idk i hope baaulp will have fun i love the guy

[moe-broey]

One thing they don't tell you about the Senshi tulpa that WILL inevitably manifest in your mind to tell you to eat better is that. Every time I make myself a coffee via kuerig instantly, I can hear him. Lamenting the fact that I have become so accustomed to convenience and ease that even a standard coffee machine has become foreign to me. I am thinking about how to make coffee without use of a machine in the first place, I am wondering where my french press went, I can see him. In my mind. Showing me how to make coffee in The Dungeon. Dungeon Coffee.

#dungeon meshi #i'll allow this one to be set free into the wild. i think the world needs to know. #i really love senshi's character too how like. it's easy to feel guilty too if you aren't doing something 'the right way' #and despite him being very set in his ways he manages to alleviate that specific guilt #just by being senshi about it. i have never wanted to learn how to cook. too much work/too many steps #i like instant/ease bc that means i can devote myself completely to the things i AM passionate about #but senshi will manifest in your mind to tell you. you need nourishment to do that #he is just as passionate and detailed about it as i am my art. all i ever want to do is art. esp traditional art #which i think almost feels similar. to magic (digital) vs non-magic (traditional mediums) #each takes a very specific set of skills. one 'feels' easier than the other but a lot Does go into it (digital) #and there is an ease of access esp sharing wise. but i am autistic about the medium itself #yes sometimes i have to wait a day to even share my stuff cause the sun went down #yes there's less ways you can take shortcuts. you have to do Everything by hand #but that's what i love about it. espppp blending my pencils. #but going back i do not have that same level of interest (not even NEARLY) for anything that Isn't related to art #it's like. i really don't WANT to .... but senshi ...... makes me think about it. #senshi

[locusfandomtime]

[struggling to find the image source but the model is Francois Verkerk]

am I right in saying that everyone who draws mumbo uses this image as a reference or is it just me

#i almost feel guilty when i reference this it feels too perfect like its almost cliche #locus fandom time #hermitblr #mumbo jumbo #hermitcraft

[hailsatanacab]

look I want to write and I know what I should write but do I want to write it? No

so I'm making a poll! you get to choose for me! please dear lord choose for me

(some links to snippets)

#dpxdc #wip wednesday #(tis almost wip wednesday tuesday) #please help 🙏🙏🙏 #also like. i KNOW i should be cetbwa-ing but i am feeling SO intimidated by this chapter #its a big one guys and i gotta get it right 💪😤 #so the perfectionist in me is telling me not to do it haha #not all the wips but all the ones i want to work on!!!! #ngl the gala twin reveal is feeding me rn #ive recently reworked it all so it reads much better #and there's plenty that im feeling guilty about not working on so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #idk please just help

[hawkinsunderground]

byler college au in the works? mayhaps??

#well more like canon divergence until s5 comes out lmao #byler #byler fic #byler fanfic #mike wheeler #will byers #i love how i have motivation for this but not my other wip #almost done with the next chap on that one too tho #so i don't feel too guilty about starting another lmao

[nowimhaunted]

i don't know if anyone is awake yet but please keep midnight in your thoughts, i am so worried about her because she hasn't eaten in a few days so i took her to the vet and spend like $400 on tests and fluids and they still can't figure out what's wrong with her :( they gave me something to stimulate her appetite, but she still isn't eating. they told me if she doesn't eat at all today then my options are to take her to emergency or considering putting her down because she turns 17 years old this year and she's diabetic. I want to continue to fight for her, but I literally spent all of my money on her tests yesterday and I have nothing else left to take her to emergency. so my options are to either take out a predatory loan or just check myself into the mental hospital if she dies <3

#i would make a post on here asking for help but i feel deeply guilty about it #its just like whenever she dies i literally will feel like i have zero reason to live anymore i am not kidding #tw animal injury #tw animal death #just bc i mentioned it #she was the only member of my family who was there for me when i was being abused and i am not ready to let her go #in the past 6 months i have spent almost 2k on vet bills for her