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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 3 years

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Back at it again with my self-indulgent comic posts. This time! It’s Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #3, perhaps the most tonally-distinct entry yet, with shades of The Twilight Zone.

Spoilers!

So, as mentioned, this issue is the most deliberate in terms of both its pacing and its tone, IMO.

What is that tone, you ask?

To quote Alex Danvers, from “Midvale”: Hello, darkness.

THE STORY:

Kara and Ruthye are still looking for Krem Clues in the alien town of Maypole.

(Which is actually just Small Town, USA, complete with vintage 50s aesthetics.)

But the locals are clearly hiding something! So Kara and Ruthye continue to investigate, and they eventually discover what it was that the residents of Maypole were so keen to keep hidden.

Genocide, basically.

As I said, this issue struck me as very Twilight Zone; a genre story involving the build-up to a dark twist, all set against the backdrop of an idyllic small town. (Think, like, “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street” but instead of focusing on the Red Scare, it’s classism and racism.)

The wealthier blue aliens kicked all of the purple aliens out of town, and when space pirates showed up to pillage and plunder, the blue aliens made a deal with them: the lives of the purple aliens in exchange for their safety.

Which is where the episodic story connects to the larger mission; it was Krem who suggested the trade, and then joined up with the Brigands (space pirates) when he was freed by the blue aliens.

The issue ends with no tidy resolution to the terrible things Kara and Ruthye discovered, but they do have a lead on where to find Krem, now, as well as Barbond’s Brigands.

KARA-CTERIZATION:

Ironically, it’s here, in the darkest chapter yet, that we get the closest to what might be considered ‘classic’ Kara.

Which I think comes down to that aforementioned deliberate pace--this issue is a little slower, a little quieter. It gives the characters some room to breathe.

That’s not to say Crusty Kara is gone. Oh no. She is still very much Crusty. XD

But anyways. A list! Of Kara moments I loved!

I mentioned a few of these in a prior post when the preview pages came out: I like the moment where Kara blows down the guy’s house of cards, and I like that the action is echoed later in the issue when she grabs the mayor’s desk and tosses it aside. A nice visual representation of the escalation of Kara being, like. Done with these creeps. (Creeps is an understatement but you get the idea.)

Another one from the preview pages: Kara explains to Ruthye that her super hearing won’t necessarily help her detect a lie, especially if she’s dealing with an alien species she’s not familiar with.

It not only reveals her level of competence and understanding of her super powers, it also shows that, you know. She’s a thinker. She’s smart.

Amazing! Showing, rather than telling us, that Kara is smart! Without mentioning the science guild at all wow hey wow.

(Sorry, pointed criticism of the SG show fandom.)

Anyways.

I dig the PJs!

And Kara catching the bullet! Not only are the poses and character acting great, it’s also a neat bit of panel composition:

We start with Ruthye’s POV, and then move to the wide shot of the room. The panel where Kara actually catches the bullet is down and to the side of the wide shot panel--we move our eyes the way her body/arm would have to move to intercept the bullet. Physicality in static, 2D images!

Also, like. It’s a very tense moment, life-or-death, but. Ruthye’s wide-eyed surprise at the bullet in Kara’s hand? Kind of adorable.

I was pretty much prepared for the page of Kara shielding Ruthye from the gunfire to be the highlight--it was one of the first pages King shared and I was like, ‘yeah, YEAH.’ But, shockingly? The TRUE highlight of the issue?

Where do I BEGIN?!?!

EVERYTHING. About this moment. Is lovely.

From Kara holding Ruthye above the bench to explaining the concept of a piggyback ride, to telling her:

“I’m going to hold my hands here, and these hands can turn coal into diamonds, so they’re not going to let go. I’m going to keep you safe.”

HNNNNNNNNNNNG.

Ruthye’s narration--about how Kara had avoided flying as she was concerned it would freak Ruthye out--just adds a whole additional layer of YES, GOOD, YES, and her line on that splash page is great: “You see, all that time, she was worried about me.”

HNNNNNNNNNNNG. AGAIN.

To say nothing of the STELLAR ARTWORK.

And SPEAKING of that stellar artwork, Evely and Lopes continue to knock it out of the park. Each issue is distinct and beautifully crafted, a true joy to look at.

Before I jump into more of the art, a few final notes of character stuff in general.

Ruthye is the one most affected by the experience in Maypole, as she can’t comprehend how a society of people that look so nice and gentle and peaceful could have been party to such a horrible act.

One of the big criticisms of the book thus far is that Supergirl is not the main character, and I guess I can agree with that observation. Typically, in Western media, the main character is the one who goes through the most change in the story.

And, yeah. That’s Ruthye.

As I was reading the end, where Ruthye sits on the curb and Kara hugs her, I was imagining how the scene would’ve played, had King stuck with the original idea for the series: Kara as the one learning to be tough/experiencing all of this for the first time, and while I think that could certainly work...

I continue to appreciate that King literally flipped the script; that Kara, especially in this issue, is like, ‘I’ve seen this, I know this,’ as opposed to being the one going through a loss of innocence.

*Marge Simpson voice* I just think it’s neat!

Because Kara’s been a teen in DC comics for so long--ever since she was reintroduced to the main DCU continuity, actually--so this is all brand new territory, here. Having an older Kara who’s SEEN SOME STUFF.

(Alsoooooo, since Bendis made the destruction of Krypton not just inaction and climate disaster, but rather, genocide, and the subtext of a Kryptonian diaspora text, the waitress’ derogatory comment regarding the the destruction of Kryton, as well as Kara picking up the bad vibes the entire time, suggests not just a broad commentary on discrimination in all its forms, but specifically allegorical anti-Semitism. The purple aliens being forced out of their homes and into substandard living conditions, then the blue aliens--their neighbors and once-fellow residents--essentially allowing the space pirates to kill them, making them literal scapegoats, Kara discovering the remains of the purple aliens, and Ruthye’s horror at the ‘banality of evil’...yes. A case could be made, I think.)

(Which would probably require a post unto itself and a lot more in-depth discussion, nuance, and cited sources.)

(Should mention that King has brought up that both he and Orlando--the other Supergirl writer he talked to--are Jewish, and for him personally, that shaped his views on Kara’s origin story.)

I guess my point is that this issue is perhaps not as out-of-left-field as some might think, and just because there isn’t as obvious an arc for Kara, doesn’t mean there isn’t some sharp character work at play.

(I could be WAY OFF, of course, and I’m not suggesting it’s a clear 1:1 comparison. I’d actually really love to hear King talk about this issue in particular.)

Anyways.

Here’s the final page, which I think works, because as I mentioned before, there is no easy answer/quick wrap-up to the story of Maypole:

THE ART:

I mean. How many times can I just shout ‘ART! AAAARRRRRRRRRRRTTTT!’ before it gets old?

I dunno, but I guess we’re gonna FIND OUT.

There are some panels in this issue that I just. Like ‘em! From a purely artistic standpoint! Because they’re so good!

Like, I just really love the way Kara is drawn in that top panel. Her troubled, confused expression, the colors of the fading light, the HAIR.

Evely draws the best hair. I know I’ve said this before. I don’t care. I will continue to say it, because it continues to be true.

The issue I find myself running up against when I make these posts is that I really don’t want to post whole pages, as that’s generally frowned upon (re: pirating etc.) but with something like this, you just can’t appreciate it in panel-by-panel snippets.

(Guided View on digital reading platforms is a BANE and a POX I say!)

Anyways.

LOVE the implied movement of the cape settling as Kara speeds in and stops.

And, obviously, Kara flicking the bullet away is just. A+.

And the EYES, man. LOPES’ COLORS ON THE EYES???!?! BEAUTIFUL.

Also, should note the lettering! The more rounded letters for the ‘WOOSH’ of Kara’s speed (and, earlier, the super breath) work nicely, and contrast with the angular, violent BLAMS of the gunshots.

And, I gotta say, the editor is doing a really great job of not cluttering up the artwork with all the caption boxes. Which is no small task.

(I assume the editor is placing them, as editors usually handle word balloon/caption box placement, but I suppose it could be Evely? Sometimes the artist handles it. Either way, whoever’s taking care of all the text, EXCELLENT WORK! BRAVO!)

Okay I think that’s everything.

Ah, nope, wait.

MISC.

Just a funny observation, more than anything else: Superman: Red and Blue dropped this week, and King had a story in there, “The Special” (which was very good, btw.) Both Lois and the waitress swear a lot so I’m beginning to think that this is just how King writes dialogue for any adult character who isn’t Clark. XD

This is absolutely a personal preference but when Kara was like, “And my name IS Supergirl,” I was like nooooo. I know King is trying to simplify all of the conflicting origin stories and lore but I LIKE KARA DANVERS, SIR. XD

It’s almost assuredly a cash-grab/an attempt for DC to get all the money it can out of a book they don’t have much confidence in, but I like the cardstock covers! Very classy, much Strange Adventures.

(OH my gosh, can you imagine that issue 1 cover with spot gloss???? Basically the only way you could possibly improve on it.)

Okay NOW I’m done. For real. XD NEXT TIME: Kara and Ruthye go after Krem and the Brigands!

#supergirl: woman of tomorrow #long post #dc comics #supergirl: woman of tomorrow spoilers #kara zor el #comic thoughts #comic opinions #just occurred to me I should be crediting the creative team in these things #I think thus far I've included every title page?#still #will try to be better about that going forward

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poorreputation · 4 years

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Undertaker: The Last Ride

When I say I've been waiting years for this, I'm serious. Ever since Undertaker's loss at Wrestlemania 30, and shortly after that the news he would be on the Stone Cold Podcast, I've been eagerly anticipating seeing Mark Calaway speak as himself. Many fans have been hesitant to watch Calaway out of character, worried it would ruin the mystique of the Undertaker, but I've felt for years that the work put into these characters behind the scenes is just as fascinating as the fiction.

I watched episode one soon after it aired, and want to do a rewatch/reaction post before episode two drops tonight. Join me, if you wish.

If you've not seen the episode, a little content warning: there is blood, gore in a surgical setting (very, very graphic, but only there for a couple seconds at a time), needles, and implied injuries, including details of Mark's concussion at WM30.

CHAPTER 1: THE GREATEST FEAR

The series, all five episodes, takes place between 2017 and 2020. Chapter 1 covers Wrestlemania 33, and his match with Roman Reigns, which was intended to be his last.

This is the first time Mark Calaway's really opened up about his work, and himself in general. There's other instances of him being interviewed, even mixing fact and kayfabe, but never on a platform like this, certainly not with WWE.

Mark: You know they call me Santa Clause, now, right? Because I only come out once a year.

Jimmy Hart, being the sweetest: That's all you need to. You look great.

These backstage segments of Calaway with his coworkers are honestly some of the best parts of the episode. A transcript can only do so much justice.

Roman Reigns, upcoming opponent of the Undertaker, signs in at the lobby desk right next to Mark, being a smartass. Screw your camera guy, indeed.

Mark meditates on the struggles of working only once a year, and throughout the episode, chronicles the moments and injuries that make an already challenging schedule nearly impossible. Chasing the dragon that is the perfect match has lead him to a stalemate with himself and his character: if the Undertaker can go out in a match fitting of him at Wrestlemania, Mark Calaway will be happy.

Gah, baby 'Taker at his Survivor Series debut always gets me. No one could've called the run that boy was about to go on. I see other people call this portion of the episode the mythologizing of the character, building him up to be this big deal, and it's so funny to me because I wouldn't be watching if I didn't already think that of him. Like, y'all are just preaching to the choir, at this point. That, and so much that's been said here has been consistent with what Mark's peers have told about him in the past, it just feels like catching people up rather than building an image from scratch.

Say what you will about Vince McMahon (and there's a lot to be said), but there's something special about his comments on Mark Calaway. You rarely get to hear the guy talk candidly as it is, so when he does, you know it's important.

Calaway describing the weight, the prestige of Wrestlemania... and then the sneer he makes after that statement. I ain't a journalist, so I'll freely speculate: 'Mania's for the best of the best, and he just doesn't see himself as deserving to be there, not right now, at least.

Other wrestlers, from Orton to Edge to Batista, talk about what an honor, and mark of trust, it is to work with Undertaker, period. To work with him at Wrestlemania? You've arrived. The implication of what this would, or should, have meant for Roman is clear. It's a wonder if this image that his coworkers built up of him affected Mark's own expectations of himself. I mean, it's more or less spelled out in the episode, and it is the pro wrestling way to go out on your back, losing to someone who can use the rub, but, just throwing it out there, 'Taker had more pressure on him than most. That legacy, 'Mania, and the worry of managing to physically move during a match? It's overwhelming.

For those confused about why working once or twice a year would be so much more difficult than working hundreds of shows in that same time span, Steve Austin sums it up best: the road keeps you calloused and bruised. Ring rust from inactivity, due to being away or rehabbing an injury, gets you both mentally and physically. Knowing Mark's doing this process every year in his 50′s is insane.

During this, Steve plainly states that to go through that, and the many surgeries as Michelle McCool, Mark's wife, mentioned, it makes him a tough son of a bitch. It's an interesting note, considering we start this episode with Mark referring to that toughness as a thing of the past. His perception of himself, and what his peers see, is another fascinating aspect of the documentary.

Calaway talks about how nerve-racking the final workout before 'Mania is. The worry you'll hurt something while trying to train. Later, when other wrestlers talk about how calm, cool and collected 'Taker always seems... it's like they've built him up to be superhuman; Invulnerable to the same things and fears that plague all athletes. They talk about the physical decline, of course, that’s inevitable. But the mental side of things is where the biggest differences are.

Hoo boy, WrestleMania 30, the cause of my first major bout with depression. After that match between Undertaker and Brock Lesnar, not only was I crying and distressed, but there was then the news of Mark Calaway's hospitalization that was the numbing cherry on top. I remember registering how much more important the man's health was, but it was like I couldn't get any more upset.

After that, I'd read up on so many rumors, that the only new bit of information here in the documentary is about when Mark's being rushed to the ER; how Vince infamously left the arena before 'Mania was over just to make sure Mark was okay, and, in new info, Brock was in the car with him. I cannot stress enough how humanizing that is to hear, especially considering how closely guarded Brock is about his persona, and how the man and the character are often so blended together. Time heals all wounds, but I really appreciated hearing that.

So, the injury for the uninformed: during the match with Brock, 'Taker got concussed. No one knows when it happened, much less Mark, who can't remember anything from after 3:30 PM that afternoon. To say I, and many others, were convinced this was it, he'd retire, would be an understatement. Many people felt he should retire, I did too, at one point. But, I could also tell Calaway wouldn't want to leave on such a note, because frankly, the match sucked. That's what happens when one person gets knocked the fuck out, and the other guy's gotta improvise. The fact 'Taker's going on muscle memory while he's out is nothing short of a miracle.

With WM30 in the books, 'Taker was at a low point, his confidence shot and a lot riding on his match with Bray Wyatt at WrestleMania 31 (or Play Button, if you prefer). Bray himself recalling how nervous he was, but how chill Undertaker appeared, in comparison.

Triple H's pep talk with 'Taker backstage is another gem, and I just love their friendship. I love the raw vulnerability this series is providing, both when it comes to 'Taker, and everyone else around him. I hope it's a constant through the rest of the docuseries.

WM31 was an ego boost, and leads into the superior Brock-Undertaker program in 2015. It's not highlighted as much, but it's fire, and I think allowed Calaway to redeem himself a bit, in his eyes. Not too much, since he didn't retire, but it made fans really start to come back 'round.

Now, I liked WM32 because I got to see it in person, and it was the first time I'd ever seen Undertaker live, so I'm a biased bitch. Anyone signing up to work Hell in a Cell is a ballsy move, and considering how old both 'Taker and Shane McMahon were going into that is no small feat. I liked it, it was a spectacle, and I was sports entertained. There is the implication, between showing clips of WM32 and 'Taker's appearance at the 2017 Royal Rumble, that Calaway wasn't satisfied with how the former turned out. It becomes fully fleshed out he's talking about entering the RR, and feeling intense regret, but that he was also disappointed with the former. Again, if he were happy with it, he'd have retired, but that's again the difference between what the fans see and what the wrestler sees. I, and I imagine roughly 100,000 others, had the time of our lives; Mark Calaway was, and still is, chasing perfection.

With RR 2017, Mark freely admits that he had no business being there. It sounds truly like his thought process in the moment, and not just the regret of how WM33 went down, and that the build for that match began when he and Roman went toe-to-toe at the Rumble.

Back to WM33 weekend. 'Taker's finished up the final workout, and is talking about his place on the upcoming card:

Mark: Regardless of my injuries, regardless of my age, regardless of everything that has happened, if I'm on the card, there's some young guy that's making a lot of the shows through the year, you know, that may not be on that card. So, it's my duty to make sure that it's worth putting me on the card. No one would probably say it to my face if I stunk it up, (but) I would know, and that's one of my biggest fears, and um, is becoming a parody of myself.

This is someone who's also been reading the rumor mill, the comments, general fan reaction. It's neat he's so receptive to fan interaction, and makes me wonder if he's actually been doing this for years, but it's also sad to watch him only see the negative sides. The Undertaker, as a character, wouldn't have worked for so long without innovation, so being open-minded is important. And, I'm all for Mark Calaway doing what he wants with his life, but, for him, will anything, any match, ever be good enough?

It's the night of the Hall of Fame 2017 and we see Mark and Michelle backstage greeting people. We get a shot of Mark saying hi to the likes of the late Bruno Sammartino, inductees Sean Waltman and Kurt Angle, and I just love how dolled up Michelle looks, whereas Mark's just in jeans, a dress shirt and a cap. I love their dynamic, so so much. Also, Mark and Kurt's friendship, that's adorable. One of the good things to happen when I found out about kayfabe was thinking how these characters who normally hate each other on screen, were really besties backstage. It's a thought that still tickles me to this day, and watching that in the episode on several occasions is a joy to behold.

Kurt's talking about 'Taker's role as locker room leader, and Mark mentions how it wasn't ever something he actively pursued, it just happened. Being locker room leader just seems to be yet another thing added to the legend of the Undertaker. Makes a bit more sense why Mark's peers put him on a pedestal.

Wrestlers are talking about how, very early on, Undertaker set the benchmark, the gold standard, of work every night. John Bradshaw Layfield goes on to say, "(Mark) was the yardstick. And if you did well, then pretty much you were in, if not, then you were out, because you knew if you didn't do well, it wasn't the Undertaker's fault." That explains why it hurts so much for 'Taker to not be at his best. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but it's fascinating to see all of these elements come together. It's also interesting to hear JBL build up 'Taker as the greatest of all time, and then plainly say he's never seen Mark in worse shape than he was heading into WM33.

On a lighter note, it's real funny to hear Mark and Roman talk about the latter's new twins (from 2017) considering he's got another set of twins on the way, now. Just in general, Roman going on about how much he loves talking to Mark about work, but mostly family and to hear the stories Mark's got to tell, you can see how much this match means to him. The prestige of working with 'Taker at any point, let alone 'Mania, he knows this is the highlight of his career. I can't help but respect Roman for that, and couldn't help but feel that way going into WM33. It's a stark difference from how I felt about Brock post-WM30, and I honestly thought I was prepared to watch Undertaker take his rumored loss at this show.

It's the night before 'Mania, and they're doing entrance rehearsals. The stage setup for this show was so cool, guys, it took inspiration from the theme parks that are littered throughout Orlando, and was a beauty to see live, especially when it got dark. And 'Taker's entrance, even in practice, is a spectacle.

Cuts to the day of WrestleMania 33. General nerves are felt, and the start of a very long day begins.

Mark: People say, "All you gotta do is go out there and chokeslam somebody, make your entrance, and everybody's gonna be happy." No. I'm not gonna be happy. Like when I say, and this isn't stupid man pride, or cliche stuff. I'm either gonna go out in a match that's befitting the Undertaker at WrestleMania, or I'm going out on my shield, one way or another.

And there we have it, the subject of this docuseries.

Roman talking about the weight of potentially being the last person to work with the Undertaker, it just makes you feel bad for him things didn't work out quite the way they planned. But, it's as JBL summed up before, no matter the outcome or if it's really 'Taker's last match, this is the biggest night of Roman Reigns' career. I know episode 2 will focus on the aftermath of WM33, and Mark's reaction, and what gets him to come back to wrestling, but I hope they get Roman's take as well. Is he as disappointed as 'Taker? Does he blame himself? Or, did he actually like what they did, flaws and all?

Content warning: they show the botched top rope dive from WM25, the one where 'Taker goes head-first into the mat. It's during the segment where Mark explains how he comes from the era of 'if you can move, you can make it to the ring'. He's okay, and we know he's okay, but it doesn't make it hurt any less to watch. They also mention the time he was severely sick and still worked a match with Big Show, and how he caught on fire in 2010 on the way to the Elimination Chamber match. Like, they actually show him engulfed in flames, then narrate how he went on to work the match. I love you, Undertaker, but JFC.

And now we're at the medical portion of the episode. Warning for needles.

Actual showtime for the match, and even now, 'Taker's entrance gives me chills. That feeling of happiness is indescribable, and is that precious something that never fails to make me smile.

So, everything else in the match is framed as great, brutal, well-done, and then that damn botched tombstone reversal comes up, and it's honestly the hardest thing to watch in the entire episode. I swear, it's the only bad thing in my eyes, and seems to be enough to make 'Taker dissatisfied. Again, I'm biased, with others saying his whole mood was off during the match, and that affected the overall performance, so what do I know? But, I will say this, ending 'Mania on such a grim note will always be a strange choice to me. I get it, if not the main event, where else would you put the Undertaker’s retirement match? Still, it completely changed my perception of the whole night, from riding high to finding myself depressed, once again. And maybe that’s exactly what all those wrestlers, namely Vince McMahon, were talking about. Instead of this being Shawn Michaels going out on a high note, it’s far more dour.

Mark: We'll see what tomorrow brings.

And with that look, and the fact he's had a match as recently as March/April of this year, he won't be gone for long.

Preview for the next episode contains intense surgical imagery. Just a heads up.

Post-episode thoughts:

I learned very little new information, but that's not the the hook of this series for me. Undertaker's the first character I ever truly loved, long before the likes of Supernatural came into my life. An interesting dynamic is potentially seeing both the Undertaker retire, and Supernatural come to a close, in the same year. I don't find myself mourning either, because I've already been through that. Now, I just want to indulge in behind-the-scenes tales, and watch two of the most influential stories in my life come to a close.

I greatly look forward to Chapter 2 of The Last Ride, and the rest of the episodes to come.

#WWE #Undertaker #Undertaker: The Last Ride #Mark Calaway #documentaries #docuseries #pro wrestling #or if you prefer #sports entertainment #graphic imagery #violence #notes #long post

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evakuality · 5 years

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Episode Ten: the last one!!! (and just in time for s4 to start!). Previous episodes can be found here:

Episode one Episode two Episode three

Episode four Episode five Episode six

Episode seven Episode eight Episode nine

So here we are at the business end of this venture. Our two boys have grown and developed and while their stories have been similar, they’ve diverged quite a bit by this stage. I said way back at the start of this thing that the opening shots/songs kind of summed up the journeys each of them needed to take: Isak’s into being real and not using social lubricants to hide behind a mask, and Matteo’s into being fully present in his life in a way he wasn’t then. And I think we see these two contrasting things in the first clips of each of these episodes. Isak’s is very quiet and soft, and he’s real in a way that he doesn’t often let himself be. His kindness, which he has in spades but hardly ever shows, is out in force in this scene. With Even, with Sonja, just in general. There’s nothing brash or cocky about him, which he often uses when he’s feeling vulnerable with and around people. Instead, he’s quiet and calm, he asks for guidance from Sonja and he applies that guidance to Even. He’s ready and willing to stand up for what he wants, too. There’s no deference to Even’s experience (eg: ‘yeah okay Even, you know best, we’d better break up now in case it’s all bad later’) as he has so often done in the past. It’s ‘no you have no idea what’s going to happen in the future and I’m refusing to let you go without a fight.’ This is a moment for Isak to reconnect with himself, with who he truly is and what he truly wants.

Matteo, on the other hand, has been working up to this. He’s been getting stronger in terms of who he is and being able to articulate that to others. He’s actively tried to be more present for people and for himself even when he’s been feeling bad or something has gone wrong. The last week he’s been holding back, unnaturally waiting and having to be inactive. He’s chafed against it the whole entire time, even while doing it fairly willingly. Having sex with someone is a very vulnerable thing, and it does require (when done right) for you to be fully present and engaged. It requires openness, and that’s where these two are at this point. They did most of the soft, quiet reunion stuff off screen via instagram, but we know it happened. But what we have here is really Matteo fully allowing himself to feel and to be. Sex has been a difficult topic for him the entire season, from the boys’ constant talk about it through Sara’s constant attempts to get him to do it. So it’s really fitting that here he gets to experience that in this way with this person who he loves. It’s not something he has to hide from anymore. It’s something he wants and is engaged positively with. Which he genuinely hasn’t been for the rest of the season. It seems right that he’s doing this now when everything is secure and he has a firm commitment and he’s totally comfortable being actively engaged in his life. Isak, I think, needed that connection when he got it because it was at a time when it cemented who he is and helped him be properly comfortable in his identity. Matteo has always been more comfortable with, and accepting of, his sexuality.

Both boys at this point in their seasons are getting what/who they want and taking active control of their own destinies, but each is showing it in different ways. Isak’s quiet intensity is a powerful reminder of how ‘fake’ some of his other personas have been, and Matteo’s active engagement from the start of this scene is a powerful reminder of how disengaged he was at the start.

Again the differences in how they got to this point are highlighted in what comes next. Isak continues his trend of being kind and caring and thoughtful (which he always was, just hiding it), as he talks to Vilde and agrees to host the next kosegruppa meeting/party. He knows she’s caught up in it and while he really doesn;t care, he agrees to do it because he wants her to be happy. Then he has his reconciliation with Emma, which is much briefer than the one Matteo had with Sara. Partly because the history is less intense and so he owes her less. But again, it’s a kind thing to do. He wants her to know he cares about her as a person, and even though she doesn’t accept his offer to go to his party she clearly appreciates what he’s doing. Matteo now gets his ‘morning after’ scene with David which Isak got so many weeks ago with Even. It’s a quiet bonding moment, interspersed with their own brand of affection: teasing and physically irritating each other. One thing that’s always been true with Matteo is that he doesn’t tend to talk a lot, but here we see him talking more and again being fully engaged in the conversations. Of course, it’s always been like that with David; he’s always had the ability to bring Matteo out of his shell. But even with Laura, and despite being still fairly quiet overall, we can see Matteo is taking an active part in this conversation. He’s no longer on the sidelines. On another note, at this point both boys are far more comfortable just giving in to their desire to touch their partners. Isak caresses Even through almost all of their previous conversation, though a lot of that is for comfort as well. Matteo is now taking every opportunity to drape himself all over David as much as possible. The fact that he’s very tactile comes out now. It was there before, and we saw hints of it, but now that he’s completely secure in David and what they have there’s no stopping him at all.

This of course, spills over into the next clip with the boys. Matteo starts out with the boys and actively engaged in the conversation, though quieter and more laid back than the others. The thing with this is that, while he’s much more animated in general and has managed to get over his apathy and the way he was checked out at the start, he’s still an introvert and he still will have some of the issues that affected his mental health at the earlier parts of the season, and so he’s still going to have times when he feels like being less energetic and less active in engagement with other people. But now, instead of choosing to completely check out or isolate himself, he chooses to stay with his friends and be part of things, taking as active a part as he wants to. When David arrives, he chooses to snuggle and again take part when he feels he has something to say, knowing he’ll be respected and listened to. This continues his easy way of leaning all over David whenever he can now. He’s not insecure or afraid at all of what people might think and he’s absolutely rock solidly sure of David’s feelings and so he’s able to be as open and loving as he’s always wanted to be. This is such an intrinsic part of who he is and it’s so lovely seeing him able to be like this now. In fact, he never stops - hasn’t stopped yet even though the break and on all his social media. Isak, too, has become much more comfortable when he hangs out with his boys. His interaction with the boys and the dancing girls is filled with a confidence and ease that he has often lacked. Gone is the cocky bro guy and in his place is one who can be cheeky and send out put downs but in a more gentle, teasing way. He’s happy to talk about who he’d ‘bang’ and even admit to it being Jonas, so he’s settled into his sexuality in a much more definitive way. Even when the girls are quite disrespectful about why they want him to come to their party (‘it’s insanely cute with two guys together’), he takes it in good spirits and basically plays with them, and with the boys. He has fun with his ‘no, sorry, I’m going to the kosegruppa gathering’ and again when the boys are horrified that he denied them ‘the gates to paradise’. He’s very comfortable being open and having fun with who he is. In the past he’d probably have gone with the boys and helped them get the girls but now he’s happy enough to tell them to do it themselves.

It’s interesting that Isak’s conversation with Eva happens at the end here rather than earlier like it does for Matteo and Hanna. Isak hasn’t really needed this, but it’s a bonus for him, knowing that he can properly reconnect with her and that he hasn’t completely destroyed his friendship. The tone is happy and while Isak is apologetic, he’s in a good place and is able to explain to her why he feels secure in who he is and why it doesn’t matter what’s going to come. For matteo, this conversation was one that was needed to start drawing him out of his deep slump. The connection he got from Hanna (a much less secure character at this point than Eva is) is a sense of companionship, of someone who knows how he feels and is just as lost as he is. It happened when he needed it, and Isak never needed a similar conversation in that way at that time. And now the reunion he has with Eva is when they, too, are on an equal level. But in this case they’re equally happy and secure in who they are and how their lives are going. Had this happened earlier, it would not have been the same sort of meeting of equals and it wouldn’t have the same power as a rekindling of this friendship.

So, by the time each of them gets to his final party, he has come a long way from the start of the season. They’re both surrounded by the people they love, celebrating a moment of joy, and they’re both at peace with themselves and those around them. Isak’s mask is completely gone and in its place he is relaxed and comfortable with who he is, with no desire to be playing a role or trying to please anyone else with being someone he’s not. Matteo has the confidence to be able to express himself and be a little sarcastic (like when he told Abdi he’d sleep with him, then took it back), he’s actively participating in his own life in a way he’d never have been able to imagine at the start of the season, and he’s happy and content. He’s not struggling with the fear of not knowing what to do in the future anymore, content just to live in the now with the people he cares about. Isak, too, is happy where he is. He’s finally real in a way he’s not allowed him to be in the past and he, too, is living in the now. Day by day. Minute by minute.

#druck #skam #my meta stuff #my isak and matteo comparison stuff

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diminuel · 5 years

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Thank you so much for your response, and all the points you made! Especially for mentioning Sam teaching Cas to hug!! I will never, ever, ever x 1000 be over that. (Also Sam sitting on the table and trying the peanut butter! That’s one of my regrets in not seeing some Sam and Cas moments, because while I love Sam and Dean’s dynamic, I think they both tend to perform a little bit with each other to maintain that dynamic. Not in a bad way, just that it’s a thing that’s part of it for them. And sometimes I think we see sides of Sam come out to play a little more when Dean is absent - which is typical for siblings, I think, even when they’re as close as Sam and Dean. I would have liked it if Cas could have been another person Sam could be himself with, because sometimes it feels like Sam’s world is very small, and I wish he had more closeness with people who didn’t die shortly after; I feel like Cas is one of his best friends, and I want to see that, but in the show it feels like there’s a barrier, and if we get some of the nice non-case moments/references you talked about, like you said, they’re Dean-centric.) I definitely agree about the ‘this was a case of trying to wrap character actions and reactions (and abilities) around a plot, instead of working the plot around the characters.’ For me, that spot on identifies (what I feel like is) one of SPN’s biggest issues lately. I’m missing character authenticity and organic development? I feel bad, in hindsight, I made it sound a little like Sam and Cas’s relationship has become antagonistic in some way. I didn’t mean to suggest Cas doesn’t love Sam (I agree that he absolutely does!), or that Cas, the way I see him at least, would ever deliberately let Sam get hurt. The moments we see where Cas is affectionate with him and vice versa are, in my opinion, the truth of their bond, but lately I’ve felt bad about how - because it’s not a focus - the show tends to handle it. Rather than there actually being anything wrong, sometimes it feels to me that the writing sort of suggests things that aren’t there, and kind of creates a false narrative where there’s either some tension or apathy between them? Not that there aren’t the other moments, too, but it seems inconsistent. So maybe it’s more - I’m grouchy about how the show represents it lately, out of plain carelessness, because in light of everything they’ve been through together, I don’t feel like it’s an accurate reflection of where they’re at. I was glad to hear your thoughts on Peace of Mind! There were so many great moments - that was not meant to be a judgment on the whole episode - and I love Sam and Cas team-up, since we don’t get a lot of it, and I would prefer to assume I’m projecting things that aren’t there than that what should have been a positive bonding moment ended on a sour note. I just worry about the profound bond overriding another important relationship in TFW (to clarify, I don’t want less profound bond, I just want more of all of it and yet I feel like I’m getting less -.-) As to your last paragraph - I apologize for deviating from your specific point about Cas being angry at Sam over the Jack issue. I realize it sounded like I misunderstood what you were saying - I didn’t mean to extrapolate in weird ways, mostly it just made me think of some of my other bad feelings about how the show handles them (i.e. their relationship gets sacrificed for other plot things). I am also curious to know what Cas’s feelings are on that (and if Cas will ever get to talk about his feelings and have them acknowledged on screen, heyyy); but I particularly like this: “Sam didn’t like it but he went along with it. He didn’t take Cas’ side for Jack (though he reacted sort of disapprovingly to Dean’s treatment of Cas). Maybe Cas wouldn’t be angry, more disappointed maybe?” because for me, it sort of points to one of the biggest problems for Sam and Cas; Sam and Dean have been through so much, and they’re brothers, so even when Sam’s not entirely in agreement, he’ll side with Dean. And likewise, Dean and Cas do have that profound bond, and I think that tends to take precedence for Cas. It’s not either of them saying, “I care less about you,” so much as, “Dean occupies this space in my life and that’s where my loyalties have to lie,” but I think sometimes their unique relationships to Dean, respectively, can create accidental conflict. I don’t know. That MCD rant has some - maybe a lot - of shade for Dabb’s writing, so if you’re not here for that (I totally understand) I can leave that part out of it! But yeah - thank you for talking it through with me! I’m sorry I did a bad job explaining, originally. As you may have noticed, I tend to go on and on and I was trying to keep it short, but I fear I didn’t do a very good job.

–

Oh, good point about Sam and Dean performing for each other to uphold their dynamic. I think that’s true and I’ve thought about it before. Of course, I mostly look at it from the vantage point of how different Dean is with Cas when Sam is present or when he’s absent. We’ve seen a lot of how Dean acts when Sam’s not around, i.e. he doesn’t feel the need to perform. I think that’s mostly because a) Dean thinks he has to live up to a certain idea/ ideal and b) Sam also has certain expectations about how Dean should behave. I can’t think of a good example right now, apart from Sam acting surprised when Dean has specific book knowledge. From Sam, on the other hand, we get less insights of how he is outside of the brotherly dynamic. Or maybe there’s simply not too much of a difference? I don’t know. But more Sam and Cas scenes would certainly highlight it. Sam definitely should have more relationships with other people!

I think you’re right that SPN has that issue where it forced through a stupid plot point to the detriment of the story telling and characters. I’m not sure if that’s a recent development. I know I’ve been internally screaming since S9. But I do know that my complaints regarding characters doing something stupid that makes no sense has increased. (Maybe I just got grumpier, who knows! *lol*)

And to come back to the Sam-Cas relationship, I totally agree that the writing does seem almost careless. They apparently don’t see the need to delve deeper into their friendship and just let us assume that they are best friends without putting much effort into it. Sam and Cas getting into a discussion or even a conflict regarding Jack should have happened. But somehow Sam was relegated to the position of bystander on a topic that should be very dear to him (once upon a time we were led to believe that Jack’s their kid, does Sam no longer feel like that?). And due to Sam’s inactivity and not getting into contact with Cas, he also accepted that Cas - as Jack’s surrogate father - doesn’t get to have a say when they decide Jack’s fate. I mean, I’m a bit projecting now, because the blame lies mostly with Dean and Sam merely didn’t offer any substantial resistance…

I would also love more TFW and the profound bond definitely has overshadowed anything else. Before. But now with Jack thrown into the mix there’s even less time for the original TFW. (And I don’t like that. Sometimes I like the addition of Jack and at other times I’m jealous of all the attention he diverts away from the things I’m most interested in.)

It’s not either of them saying, “I care less about you,” so much as, “Dean occupies this space in my life and that’s where my loyalties have to lie,” but I think sometimes their unique relationships to Dean, respectively, can create accidental conflict.

Yes, totally. Dean is the core of TFW, their loyalties do lie with him. When Sam wants Cas to do something he doesn’t agree with, he just has to say “for Dean” and Cas will do it (see S10). Likewise, Cas is closest to Dean for a variety of reasons and I don’t want him to come into a position where he has to choose, but he is loyal to Dean. Or he was, for a while, before Jack came into the mix. I don’t want to know what would have happened if Jack didn’t throw Cas away (…!!! I really dislike how careless Jack acts around Cas. Also when he still had a soul. Come on, dude. That’s no way to treat Cas.) when he got inbetween Dean and Jack. Would Dean have shot Cas? Would Cas have attacked Dean to defend Jack?

I’m here for the whole MCD rant, shade and all. I don’t think Dabb’s doing a bad job, but I haven’t really thought much about it and I’m not opposed to different points of view!

Also, you didn’t do a bad job explaining at all, I just babble about whatever sort of related things come to mind when I answer stuff. I don’t edit my thoughts all that well unless I’m writing academic papers and have to *lol*

#Anon #submission #Diminuel replies #Supernatural

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quercussp · 5 years

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Favorite phanfics of 2018 (pt 2): oneshot edition

You can find part 1 here.

Oof I finally got through most of my reading and here are my favorite short (under 10k) phanfics of the second half of 2018. They are ordered by publication date, from the middle of June to December. They also don’t include any of the phandomficfests secret santa fics, there were just too many for me to go through in time and I’ll just make a list of my favorites later. Also, because of the incredible amount of works published this year (yay!!!!) I am absolutely sure I missed a lot of stuff, please let me know if you think I missed a fave of yours.

alone and together (M, 1.8k) by @symmetricdnp - a 2010 fic that captures that feeling of a still new but incredibly important relationship, when you know this is something big but are still a little bit afraid of it, or afraid of not being afraid of it. Made me feel all the feels.

matte black (G, 1.4k) by @waveydnp - a 2018 tour fic about nail polish and also everything else. So beautiful I want to cry just thinking about it.

you're the ultimate high that i'm tripping on (M, 7.2k) by @onedirectionticketss1 - the type of d/s fic I love to read. It is about people and communication and love for each other, not about fitting into roles assigned by the dynamic. The level of communication and nuance described in this fic is absolutely phenomenal and I love every word.

and i'll admire your expensive taste (G, 1.4k) by @legdabs - a fic about how much clothes can say or not say and about self acceptance and identity and breaking down boundaries. So beautiful!

high maintenance machines (T, 1.4k) by @alittledizzy - I love fics about family dynamics and the level of complexity and nuance in this one is astonishing. I love Mandy’s interpretation of Dan’s family. It’s difficult and full of different kinds of pain and of different kinds of love.

21 thoughts I had today (M, 2.3k) by @agingphangirl - a fic about bad days done in an absolutely amazing way. Dan’s internal process is frighteningly relatable and the entire fic is just stunning.

corazón tú sí sabes (love me like I like it) (M, 1k) by @babethepig - this is the type of fic that is so atmospheric it feels like you are actually visiting the place. It’s also full of love and adoration for each other and just makes me feel so happy.

give you my heat (E, 700) by @alittledizzy - a short but absolutely brilliant fic about sex and about being happy.

(not) Fair Game (E, 1.7k) by @i-am-my-opheliac - another fic about sex, with a totally different vibe, but such incredible dynamic exploration. It’s hot and beautiful and original and just brilliant.

a world alone (T, 2.2k) by @waveydnp - a fic about Dan and Phil as women. It’s amazingly in character, but with also all the things that would be different taken into account and so delicately explored. I loved it so much.

sleeping in a spotlight (E, 1.1k) by @alittledizzy - a wonderful fic about kink exploration, which is one of my favorite things to read about. It’s full of communication and acceptance of each other and is just a wonderful read.

Hands (E, 4.4k) by TooAttachedToDelete - if you know me, you know I have a thing for hands. And for power dynamics. And for d/s. And for communication. This is basically the perfect fic for me.

when the sun goes down (M, 1.4k) by @alittledizzy - first sex done in a way that makes my heart ache with love for the both of them. It’s an AU but Dan and Phil are both so in character and so them. Absolutely brilliant.

nothing but my smile (T, 2k) by @templeofshame - this is the type of fic that just makes me think about things for hours. An incredibly deep dive into exploring what certain actions or inactions mean, with thorough research and a lot of thought. I loved it so much.

Double Ended (M, 1.1k) by @auroraphilealis - a fic about a double ended dildo, and also about how amazing sex can be in all of it’s different manifestations.

one star (M, 500) by @alittledizzy - by this point, this is an absolute classic. I’m not even gonna say anything, if you haven’t read this, than just go do it right now, you’ll thank me later (actually thank Mandy instead).

where the trees we planted grow (T, 2.4k) by @alittledizzy (at this point, just go read Mandy’s entire ao3) - Japan and talks getting married, with so much love and familiarity with each other, it fills my heart with so much love.

10,000 emerald pools (E, 2.9k) by @kay-okays - a fic filled with so many visuals, you almost feel like a painting is being painted before your eyes. It’s beautiful in a way I can’t even properly describe.

Plus One (NR, 3.4k) by @tortitabby - a dive into Phil’s life before Dan, but also a deep exploration of Phil with Dan. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but this is an absolutely brilliant fic you have to check out.

d&p (G, 1.1k) by @waveydnp - this is the type of fic that shows how much depth and emotion fics labeled as “fluff” often have. I absolutely love it.

ooh you make me live now honey (M, 5.7k) by @onedirectionticketss1 - a fic about sex that’s real and honest and honestly hilarious. I love it so much and I just wish this type of sex was shown more often in mainstream media or films.

Would love to spend a day in the clouds (G, 2.2k) by @det395 - an outsider POV (which you know I’m an absolute sucker for) done absolutely amazingly. It’s full of nuance and detail, and is done from a very interesting point of view.

starving (G, 2.6k) by @waveydnp (again, what am I even doing here, just go read all of Sarah’s stuff) - introspection into the feeling of missing a person who is right next to you. Or missing the routine you are used to. Or missing home. Or comfort. As always with Sarah’s fics, this filled me with this deep ache and a whirl of different emotions.

Looking to the Sky to Save Me (NR, 2.4k) by @tortitabby - another thing I absolutely love reading about is conflict, and this is a perfect example of the type of fic I enjoy reading. The level of nuance is incredible and there’s so much exploration of Dan and Phil’s connection. I absolutely love it.

campfire (E, 4.4k) by @waveydnp - I love 2010 phanfics. It’s such an interesting time in their relationship to think about, and this is a perfect example of it. It’s all about young love and learning each other, and also about that settling feeling of “this is actually happening” and “this might be the biggest thing in my life”.

Clavum Nitorem. (T, 1.7k) by @phansb - an incredible exploration of gender roles and self acceptance and all the pain that comes with it.

averagely enough (G, 1.5k) by @watergator - a very interesting take on Dan’s relationship with his dad, done in a very careful and nuanced way.

even while the dust moves (G, 2.4k) by @cityofphanchester - a fic about depression and family and having a support system. It fills me with so many different feelings.

let our bodies make memories (E, 3.4k) by @symmetricdnp - sex-centered fic with intimacy and realism and which just is bursting with their love and their friendship.

a little bit of something else (E, 1.2k) by @danisnopeonfire - this is a take on their florida vacation, and it’s full of happiness and joy and being with each other.

Turn and Face the Strange (NR, 2.1k) by @tortitabby - Kathryn’s POV of 2009 Phil. A brilliant take on a mother’s love towards her child and on coming out.

Times Of Change (T, 2.4k) by @phantasticlizzy - a dive into Phil’s mind and aging and change and growth. It’s absolutely brilliant, and Lizzy’s portrayal of Phil makes me love him even more (which I wasn’t sure was possible).

soft silence / softer lips (NR, 1.1k) by @floralandrogyny - this fic is filled with so much adoration that it makes my entire soul soar. I loved it so much.

A Green Menace (G, 500) by @megiaolf - an AU where Phil makes plants. It’s really short but it paints an incredible universe in which both Dan and Phil fit so organically. This is definitely one of those fics that will surprise you.

old hat, new hat (T, 1.3k) by @iihappydaysii - a very interesting take on Phil’s relationships with his friends and how they changed with the appearance of Dan in his life.

Hungover but Sober (T, 3k) by thesassykels66 - this fic portrays the type of anxiety and tiredness that I can physically feel while reading, and also so much understanding and support a partner can offer. Just a brilliant take on being very tired and overwhelmed.

we got the north lights (E, 1k) by @alittledizzy - a snippet of the tour and their time in Australia, filled with familiarity and love for each other.

make this feel like home (M, 6.1k) by @onedirectionticketss1 - conflict and tiredness done in an incredibly realistic and nuanced way, with so many different emotions and themes. So brilliant.

even if (T, 5.4k) by @thelesterhowells - so technically this isn’t a one shot, but it’s too short to go into my long fic rec list, and I really want to share it with you guys. It’s an amazing fic with a really interesting alternative universe, but done in a way that really highlights the differences and parallels this universe would have with the canon. I think it’s a brilliant idea and it’s done really beautifully, so check it out!

for a better tomorrow (G, 7.7k) by @cityofphanchester - family is so difficult. Dealing with your loved one’s relationship with their family is difficult. Dealing with depression is difficult. This fic just includes so many different aspects of their lives and is extraordinary and beautiful.

Insight Between Black and White (T, 4.6k) by @tortitabby - a very interesting take out outing, and on how both Dan and Phil would react to it. There’s so much to unpack in how differently they would react and how they would support each other. This is such a brilliant exploration of that.

for you are not beside but within me (E, 6.9k) by @obsessivelymoody - this is a story filled with so much love for a place, it really makes you feel like you are in Vancouver with Dan and Phil. I really really loved this story.

say your confessions (T, 2.3k) by @watergator - a beautiful fic about Dan and Phil being in India, with an incredible atmosphere and some interesting insights into the last time Dan was there.

running you with red (T, 6.3k) by @waveydnp - the infamous nurse AU by Sarah that is just an amazing piece of art. The universe is incredible realistic and vibrant and the whole fic with all the comfort and love and urgency it has leaves me breathless.

someone that I forgot to be (G, 1k) by @capriciouscrab - a wonderful take on Phil coming out, and how scary and complicated it is, and what it means to him and to Dan.

paint it on your face (M, 500) by @onedirectionticketss1 - a very original take on the concept of soulmate marks. I love it so much!

wanna run away (but i won't) (T, 1.1k) by @capriciouscrab - this fic hit me like a ton of bricks. Dealing with depression is really difficult, but dealing with someone else’s depression is also a very painful and difficult thing to do, and this fic explores it wonderfully.

two eggs, lightly beaten (G, 1k) by @alittledizzy - a fic about Dan and Phil taking care of each other and the back and forth any relationship has when one person needs some extra support.

all your thoughts running through your head (M, 2.2k) by @onedirectionticketss1 - a beautiful exploration of gender identity and gender roles, both individually and in a relationship.

between two lungs (G, 860) by @uselessphillie - an exploration of Dan’s relationship with his family and with Phil, full of comfort and intimacy.

archive of his own (T, 1.6k) by @velvetnautilus - a fic about outing and about the breaking of the fourth wall and also just exploration of what fanfiction means to people. I’ve never read something so meta and so realistic at the same time, an absolute masterpiece.

back to those tokyo nights (M, 3k) by @waveydnp - relationships grow and evolve, and there is something incredibly romantic about being in that point of a relationship where you are sure about what’s going to happen next. This is a brilliant exploration of relationship growth and coming to terms with it.

ellen (G, 3k) by @watergator - being a parent is incredibly scary (I imagine), and I really loved this take on that fear and that uncertainty that comes with it.

into your glow (E, 3.8k) by @kay-okays - have I mentioned somewhere here that I absolutely love kink exploration?:) Well I do, and this is no exception. The level of communication and depth that goes into kink exploration is so amazing to read about, I just can’t recommend this enough.

zig zag boy (G, 1.4k) by @velvetnautilus - a magician AU that shook me to the very core. This universe is incredible and unexpected, and their relationship is so so interesting to read about.

make it out when the sun is ruined (E, 6.1k) by @waveydnp - seeing your loved one in danger definitely brings out some of the biggest fears and a lot of pain. This fic really dives into what it means to love someone in a way that you don’t know how to even live with the thought that they might not be there. It’s brilliant and beautiful and very nuanced.

Get drunk on the good life (T, 2k) by Midgetphan - a take on Dan and Phil on vacation. It’s so bursting with love and companionship and intimacy, really makes me so happy.

Because you and I shine (G, 1.9k) by Midgetphan - a fic about the pure adoration that Dan has for Phil which just makes my heart soar because of how beautiful and emotional it is.

You fit me tailor-made, love how you put it on (M, 600) by Midgetphan - a take on threesome dynamics but not really. I love this because it’s a very interesting thing to think about and a very interesting dynamic to explore in a relationship, something that requires very deep trust and communication.

nod my head (don't close my eyes) (E, 2.5k) by @alittledizzy - Mandy’s take on Phil’s mind always leaves me breathless and in love with him, and this work of art is no exception.

In my arms (T, 2.7k) by @phantasticlizzy - this is the purest hurt/comfort fic I could have ever asked for, a fic that feels like a hug, full of love and emotion and support and fear for your loved ones. I love it so much, I have no words.

Conjuncture (M, 6.9k) by @yikesola - a 2013 fic about Dan’s depression and the ways that Phil tried to help. It’s filled with the sense of helplessness that comes with seeing your loved ones struggle but not knowing what you can do about it, but also filled with hope for the future.

some kind of magic (E, 2k) by @alittledizzy and @waveydnp - another very interesting time period - 2011 - done in a very delicate way. The fic is all about insecurities and newness and excitement for what’s yet to come, and it just fills me with so much emotion to read about all of that knowing what their life was after all of this, what it is now. So beautiful and brilliant, truly a treat for all of us.

let the jameson sink in (T, 1.1k) by @alittledizzy - a drunk Phil is something that I would absolutely love to see in real life, and this is almost better. Phil having a conversation with Marianne, with his inhibitions lowered and just being himself. I really really loved this.

not a social monster (G, 2.3k) by @templeofshame - Phil’s relationship with his brother is something that I absolutely love reading about, especially when it’s done so thoughtfully and carefully.

discourse (G, 450) by badbadnotgood - a short but lovely take on that now iconic bath scene in PINOF 10.

december 9th: you worry me something stupid (G, 1.6k) by @watergator - a fic about family and about missing each other and trusting each other to know how you feel, and it’s just an absolutely wonderful read.

like (T, 3.8k) by @iihappydaysii - reading this broke my heart in the best way. Parenting is really really hard and this is so heartbreaking and realistic and emotional. I really really love it.

fringe check (E, 2.6k) by CoffinWeaver (politely_ironic) - it’s amazing how much hair can affect us. I love fics exploring Phil’s new haircut and the emotions behind it, and this is no exception.

sweet dreams (T, 1.9k) by @waveydnp - I love exploring dynamics in an established relationship, and this is definitely one that really interested me. I love the differences between how Dan and Phil treat the same things in a relationship, and how they mean different things to them.

Old Habit, New Setting (E, 3.5k) by @yikesola - kink exploration and communication done in a very interesting way. Also it’s a very interesting kink to explore. It has a lot of nostalgia and a lot of acceptance of one another, and it’s just beautifully written.

the moon is right (T, 2k) by @alittledizzy - Dan talking with someone from his old life is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine, and this is just a wonderful take on that.

december 22nd: a mothers secrets (G, 3k) by @watergator - this is such a brilliant take on Dan’s mother. I really really love her character here, it’s unexpected but so realistic and so vibrant.

A Christmas Tail (T, 9.2k) by thewakeless - an incredibly cute fic from a dog’s point of view. It’s happiness in pure fic form, so adorable and so warm and happy. Just treat yourself to this amazing fic, it’s really worth it.

changes (turn and face the strange) (T, 3.9k) by happy_hufflepuffle - a very interesting take on Kath’s perspective and a very beautiful coming out moment. Family is difficult and Kath is no angel, but there is so much love in this fic, it really makes me emotional.

not what i asked for (G, 2.8k) by @capriciouscrab - this fic really captures the exhaustion and vulnerability I associate with therapy, and it has a brilliant insight into Phil’s mind.

Ok, I’m done for now. I really hope this is useful for someone, because it took me a really long time to make:) Thank you so much to all the writers who spend their time and energy creating amazing works of art for us to enjoy!

You can find the list of my other recs here, as well as a list of my own fics. Thank you so much and I hope this isn’t too long:)

#phan #phanfiction #fic rec #fic rec list #i would love to see other people's favorites #everyone has different tastes and it's so interesting to see other people's fic recs #again thank you to everyone who has made 2018 such a wonderful year in this fandom #it's been absolutely amazing #i really hope you guys enjoy this list #please let me know if any of the links are broken #or if i tagged someone incorrectly

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