#like fuck- I can't transition because I'll most likely lose my fucking job.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

That stuff about anime characters being trans always riles me up because it's such a confusing, stupid thing to say and I don't think they know what they're trying to say either.

Are they saying Tomo wants to transition to being a boy? Because she fucking doesn't. That's the whole fucking point of the series! She's a girl who wants to be seen as girly!

Are they saying Tomo was a boy who transitioned? Because once again that verifiably isn't true. It's not mentioned or implied or even vaguely possible to interpret that as being something that happened.

But it's worse! SO MUCH WORESE that they are either implying Tomo is some kind of poorly passing trans girl, because she's bigger and stronger, which goes absolutely against the whole concept of passing and gender identity and everything these people say they believe in and value... BUT I'VE ALSO SEEN SO MANY QUEER PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPER OBSESSED WITH THE IDEA OF GLORIFYING UGLY TRANS PEOPLE FOR BEING UGLY AND POORLY PASSING

Or or or..... are we supposed to think Tomo is a girl masculine girl that wants to be boy that wants to act girly because she's a trans boy that's gay? Because where the fuck is that coming from?

And I keep seeing this sort of THIS CHARACTER IS TRAAAAAANS stuff happened to so many characters like Deku and Bakugou and Link and Samus of course and Naoto (but not Chie I guess!) and all of these other characters that are just slightly outside of their gender roles and these people can't explain what they mean or what it's supposed to entail! They're just obsessed with the idea that breaking a gender stereotype in any way makes a character TRANS in some non-specific way and it drives me totally fucking insane because it doesn't make ANY sense!!!!

So for me specifically when it comes to calling any character trans, especially now a days, in any medium whatsoever, it denies and erases culture.

I'll explain. Japan specifically doesn't have a very large trans population. And it's not because they are "oppressed" it's because over there if you are believe you are trans rather than rush to transition you like lunatics, they do their job and put you into therapy. Why? Because being trans should not be a trend. Being trans should not be a fad. Being trans is what it's always been which is a mental illness stemming from extreme body dysphoria. As such being "Transgender" or as it was known previously, being "Transsexual". was a mental illness under the classifications of the WHO.

However in the last 5-10 years they rescinded that classification. Not because they no long view it as a mental illness. No. But because they wanted people who were trans to stop being, "Stigmatized". The irony behind this having been done was that for actual people who were trans, their insurance no longer covered their transitions. The WHO actually screwed over the entire trans population in one sweeping move.

But more than that, many people were also pissed, myself included, because removing something as a mental illness classification was damaging 3 fold. How?

The above reason about cutting off insurance.

It basically said, "If something is a mental illness we should actually continue to stigmatize it hence why we are removing it"

And it pushed an impossible standard, where now ANYTHING could be removed as a mental illness, just because it is, "Stigmatized". Like say Bipolar disorder. Or maybe Psychopathy. Extreme cases of OCD. Turrets. Literally anything that is stigmatized could be removed from classifications, AND be subject to the above two problems all over again. Specifically number 1. Losing the ability to have insurance treat it.

But my over arching issue with calling anime characters trans is again that it ignores Japanese culture. Hell it ignores most cultures on earth. Consider this. A girl is born and in the womb she was exposed to high levels of testosterone. And when she is born, she ends up taller and slightly more masculine than other girls. If you tell her that she is a boy you are doing 2 things.

You are telling girls that they are not allowed to act outside of YOUR definition of feminine. And you are saying that because she does NOT match your exact definition of feminine, she'd be better off as a man. Or maybe she sees that as you telling her unless she transitions, (a process including a life of body altering chemicals that you can never stop taking, but also likely a life of body altering surgeries and potential of many complications in the future, as well as the inability to ever have kids, or to ever actually enjoy sex.) she will never be happy or find someone who loves her.

People don't have any clue how damaging that is. And of course they don't. Detransitioners are growing in number by the day and the internet PURGES them. They are bad for Big Pharma of course they are purged. Can't let those, ugly, clearly bigoted detransitioners ruin your ability to sterilize the youth am I right? :D

My sarcasm aside, imagine how upsetting it must be for a girl growing up now. Imagine being like Tomo from the manga and anime. Could you imagine what it does to your psyche when everyone tells you that a character similar you isn't a girl. And not for any valid reasons. But because they decided, "Oh well she doesn't match what I PERSONALLY view as a girl, so she's a man actually". WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE to tell others what is and isn't allowed to be feminine and masculine?

Who the fuck are you to decide what being trans is?! Because I can tell you what it's not. It's not a boy that likes to wear makeup sometimes. It's not a girl that happens to like wearing jeans. It's not a drag queen. It's not a girl that likes to keep her hair short. NONE of those things MAKE you trans. You know what does? Extreme and RARE cases of gender dysphoria. And I'm sorry to tell you, that's NOT all of a sudden 30%-50% of the population. This new shit? It's social contagion. It's girls being forced to see only fans models other types of models all day every day on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and over platforms. And when you have to compare yourself to THAT all day every day? Yeah I can see how some girls would be like, "You know maybe life as a man would be better."

Never you mind that 70%+ of Females that say they are trans are either on the spectrum, OR later realize they are lesbians. Or both. Kind of makes me feel like modern trans activists are honestly just fucking homophobes. Because I guess it's not gay if you are trying to be the opposite sex.

Long story short, In the 90's and 00's there was a war waged on gender norms. People were tired of girls being called too manly or boys being called too feminine. And yet now that's not only exactly what we are telling them, but we are also pushing sex change surgery on them if they are those things. So we not only brought back gender norms. There is a radical sect of people ENFORCING IT through indoctrination and love bombing.

And I WILL be called transphobic for this post and you know what? I don't care. Because I know I'm not. And forgive me for not wanting my friends to be lapdogs and bitches to big pharma for the rest of their lives, because some moron on Tumblr told them they are not allowed to exist as they are, because they are not feminine enough.

FUCK YOU you homophobic, misogynistic piece of shit. (Not directed at you anon. Directed at the person that made the "Tomo is trans" post)

[fuck-customers]

LONG

I want to scream. I feel like this is a lose-lose situation no matter what.

I have open availability. I am cross-trained in every department. I do not have my own car, so to get to work, I either need to get a ride or take the bus. If I take the bus, I need AT LEAST an hour's notice, probably more depending on the time, in order to be able to arrive at work on time. (I live in a semi small city-for example, in order to be at my work for a 10:00 shift, I need to get on one bus at 8:40, get off that one and take another at 8:50 and arrive at work at 9:30- or else I'll be late, these are the REAL times straight from the local transit station) On the off chance that I can get someone to give me a ride, I obviously need to give them a head's up. It's incredibly rude to ask someone at 5:00 to take me to work right now for my 5:00 shift. Plus the bus always arrives at my work at a half hour. So if they want me to be at work at 2:00? Have to arrive at 1:30. If they want me to come in at 3:30? I can't chance the bus running late, so I have to be there at 2:30 with fuckall to do for an hour.

I've explained all of this many, many, MANY times and have pointed out that I've NEVER not shown up for my shift nor have I been late or called out, etc. I prefer not to have morning shifts, but even when I am scheduled in the morning, I show up...begrudgingly, but I'm there. All I ask is to TAKE ADVANTAGE of the fact that I have OPEN AVAILABILITY and am CROSS-TRAINED THROUGHOUT THE E N T I R E STORE and fucking schedule me!! (Not to mention the other ways they've tried to take advantage of me, like leaving ALL work for me to do, despite having multiple coworkers available to do the work, and trying to make me train new hires, but not promoting me to management status - the only people who are actually SUPPOSED to train new employees)

Not to mention that the last 4 times I went in when they called me, I got there and my managers were like "oops actually we already called [coworker] so we don't need you here" and tried to send me home. Not to mention the times that I've arranged to stay late to cover a coworker's shift only to get an extra half hour and then be sent home or not even get extra hours at all vs. the full shift I agreed to because so-and-so actually DID show up.

And when they do call me in, I always ask how long and for what times/hours and I've gotten a straight answer MAAAYBE once. It's always something vague like "a few hours" "come in when you can" "until the rush calms down" NO!! I need a REAL answer in order to make transportation arrangements!!

It's been 3 years with multiple management changes of this shit. I've had it. I'm jumping ship ASAP, but unfortunately my living situation and my personal life is extremely complicated. I guess this is a slight AITA post, since I only thought about this because my mom berated me for not going in when they called me the other day. For the record, I didn't go in because they called me at 6:00. The store closes at 9:00, even if we stayed half an hour after closing (sometimes we do, sometimes we don't-can you tell that Green Fabric Hell doesn't schedule consistently?) I would AT MOST get 3 1/2 hours. But realistically more like 3 hours, since it takes about half an hour to get dressed and drive over there. That doesn't even cover the cost of gas, plus I don't even legally get a break.

The AITA part is, am I being unreasonable? I feel like I've paid my dues, since I spent the first 2 years at my job coming in EVERY time they asked and staying late every time they asked (as for staying late, I'd work a full shift, but I had no food for lunch obviously, since it wasn't planned- so I'd either have to go without eating for 8 hours or run to the Clown Burger a block away and run back on foot and I'd have maybe 10 minutes of my lunch left to myself to eat) and after all that for 3 years, I have nothing to show for it. They've never promoted me. I've never gotten a raise. I don't get overtime or any bonus for working extra hours that I wasn't scheduled for. (Overtime is only if you work over 8 hours in a row, which conveniently never happens)

The closest thing I've ever gotten to a thanks was this pin for employees who go above and beyond that I mistakenly thought also included a bonus or raise. No. It's literally just a metal pin to put on my nametag. That's it.

So I guess, AITA/am I being unreasonable? Or have I at least have a few good points?

[i-appear-misssing]

I think I'm pre menstrual cause I lifted like 1/3 of the weights I usually lift and it felt nearly impossible and also I drank so many things and I am

So depressingly sober

Not even in like that melancholy way where I can't wait to leave the party and drive around in the dark and listen to music. I drove for ten minutes listening to favor and it felt even more sobering. I thought of petty things and I asked myself why I can't spend more than a week without thinking of a person.....I was about to say "I don't want to think about", and it's true, but it sounds callous. It's not that I hate them or whatever. I mean noticing certain things like a different profile picture taken by some third other person is still somewhat upsetting, but it's not like I spend my days picking at myself over her like I used to. It's just. Sometimes I dream of her and I wake up thinking that I'm so tired. I don't wanna know if she still thinks of me, I really don't. I want to be free and I try to. Not hard enough apparently.

And I'm going out with someone who's so......so nice and pretty and pure. And I don't know if we don't click on my side cause I actually don't click with her or because there's some deep underwater creature lurking inside of me preventing me from just fucking enjoying it. I can feel myself be distant with her, closed off....I can feel myself mask. And then so often I leave our dates feeling so good. And then I go home and I'm so confused

I thought I had a good grip on myself, the way i feel things. I don't, I know.

And then there's this huge fucking decision coming up. Where I get to spend my next four years, who gets to teach me the job I'll be doing for the rest of my life, supposedly. Some days I tell myself it's not gonna make that bug a difference, psychiatry is psychiatry, which school you attend can only change so much of the whole thing. But is it true? Do I want to go to a city far far FAR away from home cause I want to run away again or because.....why?

I'm so scared. And tired. I'm tired of things never being easy for me, wether it's love, interactions with friends and family, my job, just existing in my body.

I try to ignore the call but the heat makes it impossible. Sometimes I dare imagine how I'd look after top surgery, I call it to life with my hands. Letting go hurts my feelings like.....like my dad's comments about my body. I wear sports bras under my shirts and I just want to lose my sense of touch. I'm not sick enough to starve myself anymore so there's that too. The fact that my body and most of my mind cannot physically do that to themselves anymore. They want to eat and they want to be touched by this wonderful person, myself and my little pains be damned.

I can look at people and think to myself that I have all of their dynamics and inner workings perfectly figured out and then turn around and be a mystery to myself. Which I think is bullshit, neither is true. I can understand people pretty decently but at the end of the day I know nothing about what lies deep. And sometimes I do know some stuff. Just like with myself. I think I know what's going on, I'm just being messy about it. And sometimes I don't know shit, but I find out by just fumbling. I know all of this means mostly nothing.

I'm just tired of the constant struggle. Things feel easy so little of the time it's.....it makes me think, naturally, there must be something askew. In me. ADHD or autism or depression again or anxiety like always or maybe I'm just trans or it might be this small ass fucking town and I haven't found my people yet or maybe it's just my personality. It's always "something".

Idk. I think I'm just premenstrual and dealing with YET ANOTHER time of transition. Or I wish I was. Hah

I don't know where I'll be in a couple of months. I hope I make the right decision, I hope I don't hurt anyone.

I gotta go give blood in 6 hours. My god.

#lot of words to say not a lot of things #as per uj

[pendles-is-friendless]

a soft “please stop reblogging anti-transman content full of actual anti-trans sentiment in the comments and replies”

like, i get that some transmen suck but transandrophobia absolutely exists and you’re helping spread it. 

#little girls who are too silly-brained to have bodily autonomy' #or #Like... I'm normally quiet on the matter #but it's a case of transmen get told to shut up about our experiences no matter where we mention it #on our own blogs; in our own spaces; in relevant discourse... #of course some are going to mention it outside of those spaces. #But yeah transandrophobia is real- it mostly consists of telling us to shut up about our experiences because we're either #Men who apparently don't deserve to be treated like humans.' #Or somehow #despite the odd intersection of bigots viewing us as women and breeding stock #and people thinking that any relationship with masculinity automatically means you're somehow not LGBT+ and therefore not affected bybigotry #we're not affected or oppressed by any means. which is what the comments in that post says btw. #like fuck- I can't transition because I'll most likely lose my fucking job. #but no some idiot in some comment section somewhere means that all transmen are trash and that it's reblog worthy. #Our community needs fuckin UNITY #not this.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jude

Jac: I know this is probably weird Jac: or just an unwelcome sight, my name in your inbox Jac: but if/when you have some time to spare, I'd like to talk, if you're willing Jude: whatever you heard I didn't do it Jac: We could workshop that but no, that's not what it is Jude: 🗨 about what then? Jac: Um, if I've gotta summarize it in a message Jac: the past 2-ish years? Jude: bit late to start 🗨 now but if you wanna not be 🤐 Jac: That's okay if you want it that way now but I can offer you explanations, if you want that too Jude: 10/10 opener Jac: Thanks Jac: though if you're saying it's as believable as your 'I didn't do it' I take some offence Jude: ⚽️ 🏀 🏈 ⚾️ 🥎 🏐 🏉 in my court is top for novelty value alone Jude: power might go to my head 🤯 Jac: get your kicks where you can, honestly Jude: 😜✌ Jac: You'll let me know then? Jude: [lowkey ages later] Jude: 🗨 if you still wanna Jac: Okay Jac: I appreciate it, hopefully you will too Jac: that's all I want really, so, obviously I'm the one that owes you whatever you need to hear but if you wanna give me an indication of where to start, it might be easier for us both Jude: idk where it even started Jac: for me, I'd say when I started to be friends with Savannah, at the start of transition year, and it really got real at the end of that year Jac: but maybe before I was slacking too, that's definitely possible Jude: it ain't a job Jac: no, I meant that it is work though, maintaining good relationships and being a decent sister, work that I wasn't putting in Jude: I've always been hard work for you, soz like Jac: It certainly wasn't your fault Jac: or what I was trying to allude to Jude: 🗨 or not goes both ways Jac: Okay, you can think that, you don't have a lot to suggest otherwise, I see that Jude: you talk to Jess cos he does your head in less than me, since forever Jac: In general, me and Jess have more in common than we do, I think Jac: but I didn't talk to him for the whole first year either, and I only did at all in the second because he did me a favour in a way I couldn't Jac: but I might have to go back to explain that in a less vague way Jude: go where you wanna, it's your 📖 Jude: I'm 👂 Jac: I'm not telling it for me Jac: but alright, I'll just do it Jac: so, Amelia was in love with me, it wasn't reciprocated, and she couldn't be my friend any longer, I lost her Jac: then what happened to Isabelle happened and I lost her Jac: and also Savannah at the same time Jac: and what happened to Is fucked me up, as well as the shit people were saying about it, about me around it Jac: it all got on top of me, I didn't cope with it, I took that out on a lot of people, you were one of them Jude: nowt I don't already know Jac: Right Jac: well I didn't know you knew that, so I felt I should tell you Jude: everyone knows about the 😍💖 Jude: I missed Sienna too & there's no way what happened to Izzy wouldn't fuck you up Jac: okay Jac: well it was rough, for a time there, and I didn't really have anyone to help me deal so I did some bad and stupid shit that didn't just affect me Jude: yeah Jac: and I'm sorry about that Jac: for however that affected you, at all Jude: alright Jac: and I only talked to Jesse because something really bad happened and he was there so I had no choice, really Jude: what was it? Jac: I don't wanna make you feel bad Jac: just to say how bad it was, like I'm being dramatic or whatever Jude: you can't just drop that something really bad happened & then not tell me ?? Jac: I had to have an abortion Jude: fuck Jac: I know that's a lot Jude: idk what to say Jac: You don't have to say anything Jude: ??! Jude: yeah I do, we can't just leave that there Jac: You don't have to like, try to make me feel better though Jac: I can talk more Jac: it was last christmas time Jac: and yeah Jac: it was the hardest thing I'll probably ever have to do Jude: Christmas Jac: yeah, great timing, right Jude: who was it? do I know him? Jac: no, it was some guy at some party, complete accident Jude: I'm never hooking up with anyone ever Jac: I wasn't being as careful as I could've been Jac: I was on the pill, I am, but I was sick so Jude: if it happened to you, it could definitely happen to me Jac: no, I wasn't being safe at all, I wasn't like me Jac: you wouldn't do that Jac: not like you shouldn't be careful yourself, of course, but I'm not trying to fear monger Jude: why? Jac: because I didn't feel well Jac: or like protecting myself from bad stuff Jac: but it was a wake-up call Jude: are you better now or what? Jac: I'm trying to be Jac: I wasn't trying at all back then Jac: but I am now, and part of that is reaching out, so you really can ask anything Jac: if you want to Jude: I don't think you should go if you're not Jac: I think University will be good for me Jac: I have stopped doing a lot of the things I was already, and I'm trying to do more things that I should again Jac: the fresh start, getting to do what I want to do, that's been keeping me going Jude: but it's really far away Jude: what if Jac: I don't want you to worry about me like that Jac: I'm not about living like that now Jac: if I had to stay here, I'm not saying I would go back, but leaving is a good thing Jude: you were though & you're not gonna have anyone to help you deal there, that's why you said it got bad before Jac: I still don't have friends here Jac: I have a better chance to make new ones when we're all new, you know Jac: but it was all the stuff that was too much that made it all happen Jude: it feels like a 🥉💡 Jac: Why? Jude: cos you said it was the only thing keeping you going so if it goes wrong Jac: but it's not going to go wrong Jac: you know academics have always been where I'm most comfortable Jude: yeah but Jac: I worked really hard for this, and I've always wanted it Jac: I can swap Universities, if I need to do that Jac: and I would, if things weren't working Jude: promise Jac: I promise Jac: I don't know how I'll reassure you on this, apart from getting there, and then checking in Jude: then do that Jac: I will Jude: okay Jac: I'm not going to go back there Jac: I want to be better, and that's half the battle, right Jude: true Jac: I have to get out of here Jac: you'll feel the same when your time comes too Jude: it's not bad for me here Jude: I get why you wanna leave & Jess has gotta for the ⭐dom but I'm all good Jac: you want to see the rest of the world too though Jac: not stay here forever Jude: I'm not gonna 👀 sod all from a lecture hall Jude: & a basic bitch gap year ain't no mood Jac: I'm gonna be in Edinburgh, a whole new city to explore and make home Jac: you have to go somewhere you wanna be Jac: and then you'll have good money to see enough of the world and not have to do it with pretentious gap year people slumming it in hostels Jude: I just don't know where I'd wanna be Jac: you still have time to figure that out Jude: but I won't have my pick like you Jude: not 🤓 enough Jac: you can still pick a city, lots of bigger places have lots of different Unis Jac: even if the Uni isn't like ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Jac: the place can be Jude: you're right, I've slummed it on loads of school trips & it's still been 🥇 Jac: and I'm not calling you stupid, you can get into wherever you wanna, with the work Jude: tah, don't be calling me thick 🤣 Jac: just so you can't call me out later, of course Jude: probs won't be going to Spain though I ain't getting any 🏆 in that class Jac: you usually get a year abroad if you want it Jac: still chance for some sun, sea and sand Jude: 😝 Jude: can't be tamed, the teacher'd be fuming to find out I'm in Barcelona loving the 🎨 Jac: you can fluff your first year Jac: get it out of your system 😏 Jude: yeah? Jude: I thought that was a rumour to 🎣 out dickheads Jac: I think if you totally tanked it, they might wanna get you gone Jac: but I don't know if they technically can Jude: watch me test it 😏 Jac: 🙄 Jac: 🤞 you change your mind in these interim years Jude: they'll be like oi you piss off & I'll be like nah mate!! 😜✌ Jac: 😂 Jac: good luck with that Jude: I've got this Jac: No doubt Jude: you can still have kids later if you want, can't you? Jac: It shouldn't have had any effect, like that Jac: I don't think losing a baby does, usually, unless it goes really badly and that didn't happen Jude: yeah, you're not Amelia's mum Jac: yeah, I'm clearly fertile Jac: so unless the karma is I'm not later Jude: thank god Jac: I don't know if I'll ever want to do it again Jude: idk if I want kids either but we might Jude: like ages from now Jac: yeah Jac: It was just a lot to go through Jude: did they knock you out to do it? Jude: that must've been scary Jac: I took the tablets Jac: did it at home Jude: here Jac: yeah Jude: shit Jac: I told Jess, so he stayed with me Jude: I'm glad Jude: he's the one I'd tell too Jac: Poor him Jude: I do tell him stuff, I'm sure he's gutted about it Jac: I just meant it's a bit rude of us to put it all on him Jac: I'm sure he isn't gutted Jude: yeah but he won't be around for it soon Jac: you can still talk to him Jude: nah, he'll be proper busy 🤠🎤🎵🎸 Jac: you can still blow his phone up Jac: he'll get back to you Jac: beside, you have friends too Jude: I can handle it, I've got mates, mum & dad & obvs me Jude: he's earned a break Jac: yeah Jac: no doubt he'll be grateful Jude: for sure Jac: 👍 Jude: I mean from me, not you Jac: no, I know what you mean Jac: I've put him through enough Jude: nah, I have Jude: you were really going through something Jac: Are you okay? Jude: yeah Jac: Good Jac: like you said, you can handle it Jac: not going to start demanding you tell me things Jude: it was just a weird time Jude: is Jac: yeah Jac: I know Jude: I didn't know what to do & like I always know about myself Jude: things ain't usually confusing Jac: I'm sorry Jac: for making shit harder for you, you didn't need that Jac: a lot of it was too painful to talk about Jac: like, I couldn't Jude: & you don't have to, not to make me feel better Jac: I wasn't intending to make you feel shit Jac: but I also didn't do anything to go out of my way to do the opposite either Jude: you made loads of people feel shit, I'm not special Jude: or probs even top 5 Jac: I did Jac: it was easier Jac: than questions and concern Jac: for me though Jac: not you lot Jude: you can't be selfless all the time Jude: everyone's a selfish dickhead when they're 💔 Jac: I didn't have to be quite so selfish Jac: that's a lie, I did feel like I had to at the time, or I wouldn't have done it Jac: but that doesn't excuse it as alright Jude: it wasn't alright Jude: but none of us are saying it is Jac: it means you get to react how you wanna now Jac: even if that ain't alright either Jude: bit late to 🥊 Jac: you could try it Jac: you needn't think I'm just gonna take it though Jude: I got my own room out of it, if I do a OTT 🚪 slam you'll get the point Jac: you get your own room regardless now Jude: & this time I can actually chuck your shit out without mum or dad having a go at me Jac: if you want Jude: it'll be gone soon as you have 👋 Jac: that's fine Jac: I have the things I need Jude: I won't ask you to help me start the wall mural as a bonding activity, you're alright Jac: would be counterproductive Jude: yeah you'd only fuck up my artistic vision Jac: naturally Jude: if Amelia weren't so in love with you she might've bothered to teach you how to 🖌🎨 instead of being convinced you were 10/10 as you were Jac: I'd hate to steal your thunder Jude: the competition'd be a right laugh Jude: I wouldn't mind it Jude: how you get better anyway Jac: It's one way Jac: I've always been peerless so I wouldn't know but Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: when Sav left, she gave you a 🏃 for your 💰 before that Jude: 🤓🥇🏆 Jac: True Jude: I wonder where she's going Jac: Bath, probably Jac: unless she changed her plans Jac: or got into Oxbridge Jude: that 1st bit don't sound like something she'd do Jude: maybe her Catholic school was top notch though Jac: I doubt her dad was going to risk sending to another shithole Jude: I don't get why he sent her away at all Jude: there's gonna be lads like that at parties a few hours from here just the same Jac: Yeah well, it was a convenient excuse for what he probably wanted to do anyhow Jac: and I doubt she was allowed to go to many parties after that, wherever she was Jude: he's a twat for not caring what Sav & Sienna want, I wouldn't let him tell me nowt Jac: you wouldn't have much choice Jude: 😬 Jac: clearly their mum didn't argue loads for them to stay so Jac: that's that Jude: yeah but he could've stayed closer & still had them live with him Jac: well there's no point pretending he isn't a twat, for the sake of this convo Jac: maybe he had a job offer, I don't know Jude: 🤷🏼 Jac: anyway Jude: ?? Jac: I don't know Jac: is there anything else you wanna know Jude: does it get any worse? Jac: no, that's the worst Jude: then you can tell me if there's anything else Jac: I mean, it wasn't so much what I was doing or did Jac: you know the rest, the drinking and partying and obviously the sex Jude: it was a bit hard to miss Jac: yeah Jac: it was what it was Jude: I don't blame you for wanting to go, you won't get a fresh start here after what all that was Jude: you were my sister before far as the 🗨 went now I'm yours Jac: well, I want to go anyway, always have Jac: I don't care what people think Jude: good job none of us are that bothered, with Jess blowing up an' all Jac: you can't be responsible for what people say about anyone but yourself Jude: I know Jude: dunno if the other two have their heads round that yet though Jac: well I'm sorry for what people might think or say about you because of me Jac: we're all going to have to make changes, because of Jess' lifestyle now Jude: there ain't no might about it, they do 💭 & 🗨 Jac: then I'm sorry Jude: don't bother being, it don't matter if you are & people have always 🗨 bollocks Jude: if it ain't you it's Jess or mum being a model, whatever else there is Jac: well I still am Jude: I can't change your 🧠 Jac: just because people talk, doesn't mean I have to give them more to talk about Jude: you won't be, you'll have pissed off to do your psychology degree, getting to just be you somewhere else Jude: like I'll get to just be me if I go far enough away too Jac: Yeah, that's generally why people do it Jude: even if Jess gets well famous in the next couple of years, still a common enough last name Jude: I should be able to do my own thing Jac: exactly Jac: private profiles, the whole deal, it's just what you'll have to do Jude: not gonna wish he fucks it, that'd be a bit rude Jac: Of course not Jac: it doesn't mean it won't be hard Jac: people already know you're related, you've been at gigs and stuff Jude: something else I can handle Jac: doesn't mean you can't feel a type of way about it Jude: it's what he wants to do Jac: Yeah Jac: but how do you feel about it? Jude: idk nowt's really happened yet Jude: it might get weird Jac: Yeah Jac: I get you Jude: I don't wanna be famous & especially not just for being his little sister Jac: yeah, I'd hate that as well Jac: people speculating 'round here is bad enough Jude: but maybe it'll help with my 🎨 Jude: not being a total unknown Jac: maybe Jac: but you wanna know you earnt recognition for your ability, not who you're related to Jude: all I know is if people start asking for 📷 I'm gonna have to look 11/10 every day Jac: 🙄😂 Jude: even for school! oh my god that'll be knackering Jude: I'll have to get up early Jude: tah for that, Jess Jac: people at school already have loads of embarrassing pictures Jac: at least you'll know where they've come from Jude: my mates won't do that, so yeah I'll know WHO they've come from Jac: you never know Jac: it changes people Jac: and not just the person it happens to Jude: what so I've gotta keep my 👀 on everyone? UGH Jac: I'm not trying to be dramatic Jac: but you hear about it Jac: people selling you out, for their own fame or 💶 Jude: you're not wrong, I'm just not chuffed to have to walk on 🥚 Jude: be a right laugh that will Jude: but whatever I ain't gonna whinge to you Jude: that'd be a bigger pisstake after everything you've just said Jac: can't say I blame you Jac: you can talk about whatever you want Jude: to loads of other people, not you Jac: if that's how you want it Jac: not because you think you can't Jude: it's how it is, you've got a lot on Jac: You can still talk to me Jac: regardless Jude: changing the habit of a lifetime of you telling me to NOT, that's like another fresh start Jude: so nah, not really Jac: that is what I'm trying to do Jude: & I'm here for you if you want but I don't need it from you Jude: like I don't need Jess to rush back from gigging how we said earlier Jac: Alright Jac: that's how we'll go forth then Jude: 👍 Jac: See you later then Jude: 👌✌

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Ms Chen would be pleased

She said "the most peaceful way to demonstrate and protest and have your angriest voice heard is to vote and we are lucky in this country Because we are allowed to vote. Women and Blacks worked hard for the future of them -- you -- and i dont mean biologically i mean their heart and spirit and knowing well the people in front of them when they see the future must learn and learn well in order to protect the world. Because you see this country is very powerful as is China. While China is bigger, the United States has more power and I'm sorry to tell you that all the power in the world, relies on you to use your angry voice in that polling booth. My parents still in China can not vote. They are not allowed. (No matter how many times she said this speech some one always gasped. And it -- her words caused my heart to stop in fear for her family and China and it did for many kids. They became terrified for the citizens of China) Because there is No voting. None. Not allowed. It is not too far. It is not too boring. It just does not exist. So it is you to protect the people of China. Tawain. NE Asia. You the voters of the most powerful of nations -- the USA"

And some of us. When she said to protect China. We promised with our whole hearts and souls we would. There is now voting in China

It was not until 1988 that a Village Chief in a town in China could be voted for. And in 1989 it still hadn't occurred in hers.

She never lived to the day it would be before she was murdered by the Chinese Embassy in NYC that she was trying to work with to help China and it's citizens.

She was murdered on April 17, 1990. We were notified on 4-20-90 its never been a joyous holiday for me. I try to avoid the date. Sleeping through it usually.

So two days ago was her 29th anniversary of her death. And she will be dead 30 years.

Two days ago a castle was bought for me. Two days ago i helped solve 88 murders and 43 people were arrested.

Two days ago i cried a lot and it was a very difficult day for me. And I didn't know it was the 29th anniversary of her death 30 years ago

I think i did her wonderfully proud.

She was abducted on her way to work on a Tuesday morning. Friday morning we were told of the news.

We were worried. I told the office... They had been in tears for two days in a row i said "you better tell me what's going on because i know something is. I been down here every day this week to find out about Ms Chen. Y'all attitude aint right. So us kids have assembled a search party for right after school if er can't find her on this island by midnight tonight we will go home to sleep for at least 3 hours as Me Chen would say we need to rest, she is not that important. Then we will go to Brooklyn to search. So you as an adult better tell me. And then tell them what the fuck is going on with you emotionally. Other wise put a post it in each teacher box so have an adult to go with us. 5 am for the city ferry then on to Brooklyn."

Half the office was literally i mean honestly throwing up in trash cans.

Ms Pallen the principal came in with a small jewelry like box. And what was inside was mostly covered by a tissue. "Sabrina is -- this ring -- does this belong to Ms Chen, finger and all?"

"Well it looks like her rin--" i lifted the small tissue covering her finger "a finger! Where's the rest of her?! Did you get the hand?! What about an arm?! Where is her body?!"

I wanted to know more. The more missing body parts the less chance we had to save her. I knew -- she told us. So a finger? Just a finger?! We were looking good!! Of all her stories. She of all people was tough enough to lose a finger and keep on talking.

"Do i have permission to leave the building for one quick look just around? I'll be back swiftly i promise"

Our principal softly stroked our friends finger and nodded gently and sadly as tears dropped down ... If tears and throw up could bring her back we were doing well in this office.

"As bad as it pains you look in the worst place first. Here i would think it would be water. I can't swim. Well barely. But not too good for New York City's oceans" she had said. She said it was the worst to know we would think but in reality it was worst to question and hope when there was none.

So i took off to the seawall and ran up and down looking but i didn't see her... I didn't want to. So I ran all the way around the tiny military island. Then back. Then i rode the public transit bus looking far off in the middle not the edge then the outer edge at Brooklyn. I got off at the school. I walked directly to the sea wall and looked down.

There she was floating face down. Her skirt covering as much of her legs as possible. Her beautiful black hair covering much of the rest. She had on one heel, a white shirt and black skirts. One of her favorite outfits she said. Because she said it made her feel most business.

I walked slow back to the school.

Ms Pallen smiled "i knew you were onto something, did you find it?"

My eyes got huge because i had and i had been believed in and i looked up at her in her heels "i do. I need the police"

She was smiling all kinds calling it in. "She found a clue. No shes mute. You know how she gets. No not really happy. Oh she's thinking and her mouth is dropped. Not good? Oh it's a clue! Just hurry"

Ms Pallen kneeled down next to me I really worked st hiding what i saw. What i had did.

"So what is happening. What clue can you tell me?"

I looked down, with dead eyes. Glassy purposeful eyes and a stroked her head, starting at the tip top and down to her chin "I'm sorry"

"No" she started to angry scowl and cry at the same time.

I nodded "yep"

"No" she started crying again her face contorting different

"Shh it will be all okay. Come sit" i patted the seat next to me

"What's wrong with her eyes? She looks dead -- no im not going to throw up. I think"

"A clue" I held Ms Pallen's hand. I was the kid. But no one was gonna be okay.

"If she's dead im gonna get a new job. Remember i told you that. Her, too!"

"Then you better start" i hung my head. No Don't look down Ms Chen would say. Be strong for you and your friends "looking" i looked up cheerfully as if it were just a bright new day.

"Haha very funny kid"

I just smiled. -- show me you're happy. Show the world you can be And be free. She would say. I found her. The world could rest. Stop puking. Stop being afraid. Ms Chen would like me for that.

"Why so happy kid?"

"Cause... Life... It never ceases to exist. Its always inside me"

"Bright sunshiney day"

"Looks gloom and dreary if you ask me"

"Maybe that's why i didn't see her at first."

"Sabrina you have something for me? Did you see thr finger? They only had it since yesterday" i heard behind me, a male voice, "good mornin girls. Sabrina do you hear me?"

"She went mute again but shr was just talking. Let me get my coat"

"Sabrina do you need her?"

I nodded

"Don't nod. Speak. What do you need? You know you can tell me?"

"Every one clocked in in the office and at two chair or an ambulance. People will need to sit"

"Well uh how come?"

"Death"

"Well, come on it's just a finger."

"Chair. Ambu bed"

"So she's alive?"

"Morg--- just come on"

Halfway there he dropped the chairs. Just dumped them. The girls left a string of clues behind. Shoes. Coats. Jackets. They all knew. They all knew as soon as they saw my direct path was to the fence seperating the land from the water.

And they ran. Throwing all their unnecessary items behind. So they could get in the water. All three of them. 2 secretaries and a principal.

And the body of the world's greatest teachers floating stiff and face down, dead.

"Yeah it's her alright. But she's missing two fingers i guess her parents got the other one. Her two families most important things. Both index fingers or her pointer. Sabrina what's that mean? Im gonna sit in the water with her until the coroner gets here. I don't want her to be alone" said what had appeared to be the weakest Secretary but most determined

"I don't know if she's more beautiful dead or alive. Shes like a mermaid. And so pretty."

"Sabrina what's It mean? The one index?" Asked our police

"You're number one. Wait right here. One minute and I'll be back"

"She had them cut it off? I bet she did. She's a tough woman like that" she sat on a dry area next to our friend.

"Idk how much you know about biology. But that finger had no blood. Shes been dead at least since yesterday" Ms Pallen out of the water in a wool green plaid frock dress, her fur coat in the street at the stop sign.

"The moment they picked her up. She was never going to live past that" i sighed

"But sabrina why would she want them to cut it off?" She asked looking towards the school

"Reincarnation. She means it. She will be back. Or She will never leave at all"

"Sabrina she's not supposed to talk about religion with you. Seperation of church and state" she said looking out over the water send down.

"Chinese culture is not a religion to some people. Neither is American religion not a culture"

"Oh she loopholed. That is sweet. Now we know. Oh my dear sweet friend, here is your ride coming up" said Ms Pallen the principal.

"the most peaceful way to demonstrate and protest and have your angriest voice heard is to vote and we are lucky in this country Because we are allowed to vote. Women and Blacks worked hard for the future of them -- you -- and i dont mean biologically i mean their heart and spirit and knowing well the people in front of them when they see the future must learn and learn well in order to protect the world. Because you see this country is very powerful..."

And you are a part of that power.

So register to vote then vote in the November 2020 election.

Raise your kids right. Not only are they our future. They will take over the world.

I did.

#Youtube

[mama-ghostie-61542]

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rated M++ for language and themes

If you recognize it, IT AIN'T MINE.

Sorry for the OOC-ness

Chapter 4

Wolf--

"If I hear the word 'Mom' anytime in the next five minutes, you are, all three, gonna lose grandparent privilege's! Enough with the fighting. 'Kala, you need to get over there and do your homework."

"But, Mom," my younger son shouted. "I can't do it alone."

"Yes, you can, dear. All you have to do is write the words in the blanks."

Mornings here were always crazy. This year, they got worse, with all three kids home all day and me working three jobs from home, while taking a few classes to keep up my certification. But what would do my head in were the constant conflicts of scheduling the boys services around project deadlines. Especially when my childless brother was my boss...One of them.

A text came through ~'Hey, Bry, do you have those reports ready? I have to submit them to the bank this afternoon.'

Loveland Demolition was well known in the Midwest, and had been doing well before the pandemic, but now, we were expanding again. I dug around in my ever expanding pile of outgoing paperwork for the fax copy of the expense reports my brother wanted. Why everything with this end of the family business went through me, I would never know. Maybe it was because he had named me our VP of NE Operations. Like I didn't have a decent job already. I mean, I didn't get my Doctorate for it to look pretty on my wall.

Speaking of, I have a class in 15 minutes. Botany of Common Herbs.

I sent off a quick message, ~ I faxed them yesterday. Did you not get them before the boys did?~

My brothers pit bulls were notorious for grabbing the pages as they fell out of the fax machine and shredding them.

A few minutes later, he replied, ~Dammit, Pita! The Pain got 'em. Already in transit?~

~Yep. UPS grabbed it yesterday. Email?~

~Ok. No. Need hard copy. Will reschedule with the bank. Do good in class today!~

About that time I got a plastic cup thrown in my general direction with my oldest son yelling, "More water! Please, Mommy."

Thankfully, my Botany Professor understands me being a little late, as she has a Downie of her own.

I get his water, and as I am standing at the sink for a few seconds extra to breathe, I feel a cold spot on one hip and the pressure of a thumb on my cheek.

'You are amazing, my Queen. You've got this.'

I smile as the feeling, and the ghost of his smiling eyes fades. How does he always know when the stress is getting to me and just what to say; just what to do. It's like I don't have to say a word, he just knows.

Great....Now I am gonna be all giggly the rest of the day. Probably gonna get an email from my Professor, too; nosy old bat.

Kihyun PoV

It was almost 22:00 when I felt the wobble in thin silver thread that connected us. As I reached for it, I felt her stress and frustration start to bleed through and somehow, instinctively knew what to do. It bothers me when she gets this stressed, because she forgets to take care of herself. And then the tension lodges in her back, manifesting as a knot just to the left of her spine.

Settling myself into my meditation, I could almost see her standing at the sink, working on something. Always working, this girl; whether it's on her actual job, her side hustle, an Etsy store where she sells knit caps, or the boys' homework. She ALWAYS has something going on. Her brothers hare-brained decision to expand the family business does not help in the slightest.

As I settle in, I can hear the din of the kids yelling, a timer going off on something, and from some where, another louder ding. She is amazing, how she can just take it all in stride. Some how, I know, she just needs a second to breathe, so I imagine my hand on her hip; stopping her right where she stands.

I visualize my hand cupping her cheek, and whispering to her, 'You are amazing, my Queen. You've got this.' I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as I see her smile. That soft, sweet smile, that just borders on the verge of blushing. I send how I feel seeing her smile down that thread and, some how, just know that she will be smiling all day now.

Awakening from my meditation, I glance at the clock. Hmm. Time for bed. But first, I am curious about the next chapter. How in the hell, with everything else she has on her plate, did she find the time to write this.

I set back on my bed, my pillows piled up behind me, and start reading.

Still Joey

I couldn't sleep so I got up at sunrise and made coffee. Sis woke up a little while later. I heard her alarm go off and then, I heard her sniffle a little. As she stumbled to the kitchen for her morning coffee, her whole bearing was like all the wind had been sucked out of her.

My heart went out to her.

"Sis. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Joey. Just my own brain. Think I am going crazy. That's all."

I'm right there with you.

"Explain," I said.

Rather than use actual words, she put on 'Comatose' by Too Close To Touch. "This says it better than I ever could."

I set aside the story and brought up the song. As I sat there listening, I could almost feel how hurt she was. How she thought she was going crazy. I wanted, so much, to fly to her, where ever she was.

"Sissie," I sighed, "What is the matter?"

"I think I am losing my mind, Joey. I just don't want to remember, if remembering is always going to hurt. I'm afraid that it will cost me the one of the two things I am most afraid to lose; my kids or my mind."

"You aren't going crazy, Sis. Who told you that you were crazy for feeling like that?"

"Mom. According to her, I am. Apparently, it is all just a construct of my own mind. Can't be real because it's all in my head, but it is all that I could ever dream of. It makes me want to sleep until it is real. I want to forget the way his voice sounds, cause it hurts too much to hear it when I am alone. I want to forget the color of his eyes, but I see it everyday in my coffee. I want to forget it all, so it doesn't hurt anymore. There is no way he can be real. No way his smell can be real. The more I remembered, I guess, the more I want to forget."

"Bryn, tell me about him?"

"What does it matter? He is no more than a fantasy my own mind created," she said as she dug in a cabinet and added a more than generous amount of Jack Daniels to her coffee.

"Bry! Really??"

"What," she groused as she sipped on her coffee flavored whiskey.

"It is barely sun rise and you are already drinking. What would he say if he caught you?"

"Doesn't matter," she grumbled as her bottom lip pulled in a little and blinked rapidly, a sure sign she was fighting back her own tears. I could see her start to fold in around herself.

'No, my dear, I am very real. And very disappointed.'

"Bullshit," I yelled. "It does matter! I will prove you wrong. I'll prove to you that he is very real," I growled in my own temper, as I leaned over the table at her, "and I know him. He would be so disappointed in you, right now. Instead of working with the connection, you were trying to drown the memories in whis-," I came to a dead stop as I realized what was actually happening. "How long have you been fighting them? The memories, I mean."

'Told ya. Wait. What!? She'd been wrestling with our memories? Oh, my stubborn Wolf, you were never meant to carry them all yourself.'

She deflated and slid the mug away from her. Resting her head on her arms, she whispered, "I was 14 the first time I remembered anything. At the time it was no more than a whisper, a cold spot when I was upset or hurting. Which, lets be honest, was a lot of the time back then. When I was 16, I finally worked up the courage to talk to someone about my dreams. My mistake was telling Ma."

I cringed. I had heard nasty stories about her mom, but sat still and let her continue.

Is her mother really that bad? How much of this had she been keeping from me.

"She went off and let loose a litany of my supposed short-comings. I still remember it, to this day. 'You are so stupid. Why would any man, especially one like THAT, want anyone like you. Anyone else would be better than YOU; you stupid, worthless, ignorant, ugly, child.' After that, I went back to keeping it all to myself. This one," she said as she brought up Forest Blakk's 'Find Me', "Says it all."

I put on the song and knew how it had hurt her for years. My anger burned when the artist spoke of being told you were crazy. 'I want her, you Crazy Bitch. Good Mother, Please,' I started, before thinking better of the prayer that had been on my tongue a moment ago. 'Please watch over her, Grandmother.'

Hearing her own mother call her those things, was tough to listen to. But I could tell she still wasn't finished yet. I let her go, she had years of this pain to offload.

"As I got older, it changed. I was almost 26 when the burn of a kiss landed on my cheek. My ex-husband, at the time, saw the blister it left and went ballistic. Woke me up by kicking the end of the bed. 'I want a divorce. I don't know who he is, but I plan on making you pay for it. Now, get your stuff and get out.' And I paid for it, alright. Didn't even bother to ask if I had it the night before, just assumed I was sneaking out. I never did. Looking back now, maybe I should have left the first time accused me. The ink wasn't dry on the divorce papers when he got remarried. Literally, got them both done in half an hour."

"Are you kidding me? He wanted to accuse you, but he...," I will admit that I was finally starting to see just how messed up her life had been. "Did you love him?"

'Messed up,' I thought, 'No, Sir. Her life has been a craptastic shitshow of epic fucking proportions. Honestly, I would like to know what fucking moronic bastard ordered this shitastical fuckfest for my Queen! I'd like to fucking throat punch him.'

She shook her head. "No. My mother sat it all up. Literally walked into the house Friday afternoon and said, 'You are getting married on Monday at 9.' He was getting deployed and she thought he would be a good fit for me, that she would get grands out of the deal. She didn't find out he was fixed until he was already gone. That is where I learned to keep my hair really short. He used to drag me around by it and scream about all of the things I did. The next day he would scream and drag me around by it to yell about all the stuff I didn't get done."

"So it was more or less arranged?"

"Yeah. After that, I met the asshole. The day he left, I had just buried a brother, and I had lost my job; all on my birthday. After all that, I fell into a deep depression. To the point where I would wonder sometimes why I was still breathing. It was in that place that I saw him. It was no more than his eyes, the exact shade of my coffee, and that voice, but still; if not for him..." she trailed off, a haunted look in her eyes.

After a few minutes of her staring off into space, I prodded, "If not for him?"

She turned and looked at me, "I wouldn't be here. I would have cut ties with this world and willingly walked right into that darkness. I can remember him telling me once, 'Don't you give up. Don't you dare give up. Get up, keep moving.' It was those eyes though, watching them seem to burn in the darkness. They stayed with me so much that I drew them at least a thousand times."

"Really?"

"Yep. Dark eyes that burn," she chuckled. "Got called crazy for that one, too. 'Why do you always draw the exact same thing, ya crazy bitch? How about a tree or a nice mountain. Why is it always those damned eyes, Not that a worthless bitch like you can draw anyway.' So yeah, there's that."

"Hold it. She actually called you worthless?"

Bryn just nodded. "Multiple times, and ugly quite a few times. At the end with the ex, she told me, 'I hate that when I, and she stressed the 'I', put a block in your path, you seem to dance around it and go off into the woods and still end up on the other side. That you whip off of the beaten path, going God knows where, on some barely visible game trail, and somehow still come out on the other side, just where you meant to be'. She said nothing pissed her off more than my ability to adapt."

'That's my Ghostie,' I thought as I smiled proudly. 'Her ability to see things others miss, explodes lower minds.'

Now, I have seen pictures of her mom and old photos of Bryn when she was younger. Let me tell you, when she was young, Bryn was coltishly pretty before becoming ethereal. Not that you could tell it now. Now, she jokes that she traded looks for brains about the time she got her doctorate.

"So, how did you end up with Clark?"

"He was there and I was getting tired of waiting, tired of my Auntie's trying to set me up with whatever boy they could find. One tried to set me up with her ex-nephew. That was nothing but awkward. We are still good friends, almost family. He has said before, 'I love you to bits, but that is icky, you are like a sister to me. Now, please, go throw on a skirt, you have amazing legs and should show them off.' That boy can turn up the girlfriend vibe in 3 seconds...flat.

I know someone who can do that. Weird.

"In the end, I got tired of the pitying looks I would get at the family things. Truth be told, when I told him to either commit or get out, I thoroughly expected him to take off at a run, like he couldn't get away fast enough. Before I knew what had happened, he told everyone I had proposed and picked a Saturday. After that, it was a whirlwind and I almost took off."

"Took off? Eloped?"

She snickered. "No. Ran away. Far away."

"Oh. So you almost pulled a runner?"

"Oh yeah. Had my bestie stand up with me because I knew that if Haka showed up and objected, he would have knocked Clark to the floor to give me time to run."

'I very nearly did show up.'

I thought back to what I said when he finally left.

"What did I say?" I stood there, leaning on the doorway, arms crossed over my chest, fingers tapping on my bicep. The look on my face was thoroughly parental.

"That it would never work."

"And....."

"You were right, I was wrong, I am sorry."

"You gonna listen to me from now on?" My face was passive, but there if she had looked she would have seen the anger in my eyes. I wasn't mad at her, I was more than a little upset with him, though.

"Yes, Dear."

"Good Girl. I'll be home as soon as I can." I cupped her face, kissed her forehead, and said, "Don't do it again. Next time you won't get away with it, my stubborn Wolf."

"Next time?"

I was turning to head back to my body, "First one doesn't count. It was arranged. This one, you got swept up in. Don't do it again. Now, go to sleep."

I had to breathe a minute against the anger building in my chest. Then, I went back to the story.

"You call him 'Haka'? That's cute."

"Yeah, he's Heyhaka, the Elk. Haka, for short. Then there is Sweet Pea, and the occasional Assbag."

"And is he often a jerk?"

"Nah. Only when he is making promises he has no intentions to keep."

'Listen here, Lady! I fully intend to keep them when they are made, Woman!'

"I really don't think he would make them if he didn't intend on keeping them, Sissie. Sometimes, circumstance gets in the way, and then they don't get the focus they deserve. How does he phrase it?"

"All he says is 'Soon'."

I laughed. "The word 'soon' is not a promise. It's an open guarantee."

"What?"

"It's a half promise. He can't put a time on it so he just says soon. You know, sometimes you can be kind of dense."

'Exactly. You are kind of thick sometimes, Darling.'

Bryn's cheeks pinked. "Aww, shut the fuck up," She laughed.

"You've got a potty mouth!"

My jaw dropped. 'Naughty.'

"Like you didn't know or don't have one of your own. Has he not told you the extent of my sailor's mouth?"

"He doesn't know that I know you. I get to hear about everything from both sides. Kinda makes me wanna poke my ear drums out sometimes."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. You two are fuckin' perfect for each other."

'I guess we are, huh?'

About that time, the kids started waking up. Davidd was first, followed by Mattie, and then Darryn. I was sitting on the couch, getting the walkthrough of how to turn on the cartoon channels when Mattie climbed up next to me and curled up in my side.

"Morning, Munchkin," I said cheerfully.

She sagged against me and whispered, "Morning, Uncle Joey. Can I have some new milk?"

I was taken aback by the simplicity of the request. "Shouldn't you be asking your mom for that?"

"I would but Daddy called and him and mama got into another fight."

'And that just cashed out my good night.', I thought as I could have sworn I heard a knock at my door.

A-N:) Please don't shoot the messenger. Spirit put up some of the tags. Lol.

#my writing #original writing #past life #twin flames #soul connection #yin and yang #twin souls #soul mates #soul mate #soulmates #soulmate #monsta x fic #kihyun fic #fanfic #fan fiction