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chirp-a-chirp · 6 months

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Clavis Lelouch • Clavis x Emma • Tags: Fluff; Crack; Pranks; Mischief; Cat-puns • Word Count: ~1900 • Triggers: None • Brief appearances by Chevalier, Cyran, and Sariel

Title: Cat-astrophe

Description: It’s Clavis. Of course there’s chaos! This time, in feline form 😸

For @katriniac as a part of the Ikemen Prince Exchange hosted by @ikemenlibrary and @saeyoungs-sunflower 😊

Cat-inspired Clavis drawing (aka Catvis) done by @aide-falls

…

“This doesn’t look like a good idea.”

“You’re right, my dear. It’s a perfectly wicked one!” Clavis flicked a finger at the glass bottle he was holding. The bottle contained a light purple liquid that bubbled and fizzled like champagne. It appeared benign, even pleasant looking, until one looked directly above at the ceiling and the soot that covered it. Emma opened a window to let out the plumes of smoke that lingered.

“Most liquids don’t spontaneously burst into flames.” Emma coughed pointedly, moving her hands in a fanning motion to push the smoke outside.

“Unless Licht is cooking, haha!”

“Will you tell me what it is you’re trying to make at least?”

Clavis put down the bottle. “And where would the fun in that be?” He smirked, a look of utter delight on his face. “I DO have the antidote to this—well, most of it.” Clavis gestured to a second glass bottle with a light bluish tint to it. Emma’s eyes widened.

“Could it be that my lovely lover is worried for me?” Clavis tweaked Emma’s nose playfully. “It’s not as if this liquid will make me disappear or anything!” His eyes flashed, with a hint of challenge to them. “And even if it did, I’m sure you’d find me.”

…

The next day, Clavis was gone.

His disappearance had not been noticed until late morning, when a terrified palace butler was forced to wake up Chevalier instead of Clavis. None of the princes seemed particularly bothered at this development. As Emma made inquiries, their reactions were varied—relief from Yves (Licht and I can have a tea party uninterrupted!); mockery laced with pity from Nokto (you’re getting a day off from him; isn’t that a good thing?); and the equivalent of a princely shrug from Leon (I haven’t seen smoke since yesterday, so I’m sure he’s fine.). But, they all agreed on one thing—they hadn’t seen Clavis.

Emma entered Chevalier’s private library hoping he’d know what was going on. She placed a rare romance book from Jade on a side table near where Chevalier sat reading. There was an approving nod as elegant fingers picked up the book. He offered a rather unusual hint.

“My fool of a brother lost one of his nine lives today.”

Emma tilted her head. “Can you elaborate on that?”

“Do you have the next installment of this book?”

“It won’t be published until next month!”

“Then our conversation ends now, Simpleton.” The corner of Chevalier’s mouth lifted as he placed the book in his lap. As Emma left the room, she heard Chevalier say one more thing.

“He’s not complicated. He needs something from you, but cannot bring himself to admit it.”

Chevalier’s words echoed in Emma’s head as she headed toward Clavis’ bedroom. She took out a key from her dress pocket, heart lurching at the breach of privacy.

The room was virtually the same as it was when she was with Clavis yesterday. Emma knew he saw this place as a shrine to his failures, a testament to mediocrity. But, she saw much more—it was a place of studiousness, ingenuity, and childish delight. Books on law, pharmacology, science, and philosophy were neatly arranged on his bookshelf. One of the middle shelves held a cup with the phrase #1 worst emblazoned on it—a gag gift Emma had bought Clavis when they first became a couple. She grabbed a book at random and noted with a smile that the book was highlighted in numerous colors, with notes in the margins about various herbs that could be used for different smoke traps.

Emma placed the book back on the shelf and glanced at various pieces of paper attached to the wall above his writing desk. The papers contained lists with the number of traps discovered by other people. Various palace staff and princes had tick marks next to their names, each tick mark indicating a trap they had fallen into. Yves encompassed one entire sheet of paper by himself, and to Emma’s surprise, Chevalier had one mark next to his name. She’d have to ask Clavis about THAT story.

But Emma had to find him first. She sat at his desk chair, feeling lonely. She looked down at her hands—Clavis had held her hand so often in their adventures; she now felt empty without it.

I know you feel like you’re not enough Clavis. But you are. Where are you?

“Meow?”

Emma turned her head at the sound. A beautiful long-haired cat emerged from behind Clavis’ couch. Its paws, the tip of its tail, and its chest were light grey while the rest of its body was purple. The cat’s eyes were golden and sparkling with mischief.

“Are you lost little one?” The cat jumped in Emma’s lap, nesting between her thighs as if it thought it belonged there. “You’re not the only one who likes that spot. Though your touch is gentler.” Emma chuckled, scratching the cat behind its ears. She then noticed the cat wore a dark purple necktie that looked remarkably familiar. Embedded in the center of the necktie was a tag containing a name—Catvis.

Catvis leaped onto the desk, its tail bristling (Emma corrected herself…the cat was decidedly male). He pushed a drawer open with a paw and fished out a gold-chained necklace with his teeth. The necklace held two golden medallions—one reading “Catvis” and the other “Accomplice”. Emma swore she saw the cat smirk as he dropped the necklace in her lap.

A notion so absurd it bordered on ludicrous flitted into Emma’s head. She reached out her hand and patted the cat on his head. “Clavis, is that you?”

The cat practically pranced with joy. He head butted Emma’s hand, leaning into her touch, before jumping deftly onto her lap again, exposing his belly.

Emma shook her head in disbelief. “The things you do for attention are ridiculous Clavis.” The cat nipped Emma’s finger, causing her to pull her hand away. “Oh, excuse me. Do you prefer to be called Catvis while in this form?” Emma’s words were dripping in sarcasm, but the cat purred contently and licked the finger he bit.

Emma recalled the pharmacology book she glanced at earlier. “You were working on a polymorph potion, weren’t you?” Catvis beamed and extended his body so that he was standing on Emma’s lap, his front paws on her shoulders. He rubbed both sides of her cheeks affectionately.

“You really are ridiculous. Ridiculously amazing.” Catvis blinked, not expecting to hear that. “A polymorph potion has never been successfully made until now. A mere Chevalier would not—could not—think to do this.” Emma blushed at her words—expressing her honest feelings was easier with him in this form.

Catvis nuzzled against Emma’s face. He craved this attention, this affirmation. Needed it. Emma’s heart trembled at the realization. She held him in that standing pose in her lap for a while, letting her guard down. After a while, her eyes drifted to the bottle of blue liquid Clavis mentioned yesterday on a table. “We have to change you back eventually, you know. What ingredient is missing from your antidote?”

Catvis jumped back on the desk, finding a pen and fitting it into his mouth. With his head at an incredibly awkward angle, he wrote out two words on a piece of paper: Black rawhide.

“Wow, I can READ this!” Apparently, Clavis’ eighth wonder was legible handwriting without opposable thumbs. “There’s no rawhide here, so we’ll have to look for it. Come here, let me carry you as we search for some.”

Catvis went back to Emma’s lap, his head pushing the necklace into her hand. “I am NOT wearing a cat collar.” Catvis pouted. Emma felt a pang of guilt at his expression. “Well, maybe just this ONCE.”

A few moments later, Emma came out of the bedroom, with Catvis perched on her shoulders. As Emma walked down the palace stairs, she spied a familiar plume of fiery red hair.

“My Lady!” Cyran ran to Emma. “What news of our missing charge?”

“You’re not going to believe this.”

“Try me. Nothing about him surprises me anyone.”

“You MAY want to reconsider that statement.” Emma turned her shoulder and gestured to Catvis.

“I didn’t know you owned a cat.” Cyran sniffed loudly.

“WE own a cat. A very naughty one at that.” Emma smirked and bopped Catvis on his nose.

AAAAAAA-CHO!

“I’m highly allergic to cats. Especially naughty ones.” Cyran’s eyes watered. “So, no, I do NOT own a cat.”

Emma gestured to the “Catvis” button on her feline companion. “Actually, we do. Clavis created a polymorph potion and here are the results of THAT.” Catvis grinned broadly—it was a grin Cyran knew all too well.

Catvis’ ears twitched at a sound down a nearby hallway. He jumped off of Emma’s shoulders and sprinted away.

“Catvis, wait!” Emma began running after him, but Cyran erupted into a violent coughing fit, one so strong it made his cheeks blaze as red as his hair. A maid was tasked with fetching him a glass of water as Emma slapped his back.

“I-I’m fine!” Cyran collected his breath. “Were you serious when you said that cat was—“ A shriek from the maid carrying Cyran’s water interrupted the conversation. A furry purple and grey blur darted past her. Catvis ran up the stairs, carrying a black rawhide whip in his mouth. The whip crackled in the air as Catvis flew past Emma and Cyran. Sariel came bounding from the hallway, violet eyes narrowed with rage. “It is enough to have one Hellcat among us. I did not think we had a second living in the palace.”

Emma looked apologetically at Cyran, her hand pointing at Sariel. “Cyran, can you handle this?”

“I…do not get paid enough for these shenanigans, My Lady.” AAAAAAA-CHO!

“At least you get paid.”

…

With a piece of Sariel’s whip, the antidote was now complete and consumed by Catvis (he lapped the potion from Emma’s #1 worst cup). The antidote would take a few hours to be effective, so Emma laid down on Clavis’ couch, a blanket covering her legs and Catvis perched in his proper spot—between Emma’s thighs.

Emma couldn’t remember falling asleep, but she must have done so, for she woke up to the pre-dawn hours to a heavier weight on her body and something touching her face. Emma’s eyes slowly opened as she felt an arm—a human arm!—encircle her waist, and roaming hands caressing over her clothes.

“Ah, you’re awake my lovely lover. How wonderful.” Alluring golden eyes shone brightly in the darkened room as Clavis’ lips traced a trail down Emma’s neck.

“Hmmm,” Emma’s fingers carded through Clavis’ hair.

“Are you so delighted you’re at a loss for words? Cat got your tongue?” There was a purr to his voice as Clavis leaned forward and presented a cheek to be kissed.

A cheek was not enough. Emma pulled Clavis down for a kiss, her lips capturing his. “You’re an absolute cat-astrophe, darling.” As she pulled away, Emma’s quiet laughter tickled Clavis’ ear.

“But you’re my cat-astrophe. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

#clavis lelouch #ikemen prince clavis #ikemen prince #ikemen prince chevalier #ikemen prince sariel #cyran rose #otome fanfic #ikepri #ikepri fanfic #fanfic fluff

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malachiexists13 · 1 year

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Would I Punch This Character?: Ikepri Edition

Alas, we are onto our final installment of the punching series: ikemen series edition. But I will continue to do this for my other interests. Maybe establish some other opinion formats?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chevalier Michel

Similar situation as before with Kenshin. The question is not “would I punch Chev?” the question is “do I want to die?” and the answer is NO.

Leon Dompteur

He hasn’t pissed me off, so no

Yves Kloss

This is a difficult one- At first, I thought he was a pompous asshole. ..Then I played Licht’s route and learned that Yves is actually nice. So no, I wouldn’t

Nokto Klein

Begone WHORE. Bonk

Licht Klein

Nooo baby D: I would never! I’d shamelessly smack the shit out of Nokto, but will never lay a hand on Licht 😤

Jin Grandet

I’m inbetween saying no because he’s not that bad, but also saying yes because go to horny jail

Clavis Lelouch

.. :) I’d just like to thank the person who suggested a bat with nails on the ikevamp post. Surely Clavis won’t mind being a test subject of many for the metal bat with nails...? (it’s all affectionate, don’t worry. I don’t hate Clavis <3)

Luke Randolph

I don’t really care for him? Like, not enough to say I would punch him but also not enough to say I wouldn’t.

Sariel Noir

..Are you crazy? Me, a weakling with noodle arms? Smack the Court Devil? Ya’ll, his preferred weapon is a WHIP. I AM NOT RISKING THAT-

Rio Ortiz

He reminds me of Tubbo

Gilbert von Obsidian

Ok. Hear me out. He does not seem like a worldwide disaster to me. He looks too soft to me, like the bunny that he constantly compares Emma to. BUT- I would smack him.

Keith Howell

Which Keith we talkin’ here?? Normal Keith is a no. The other.. Alter!Keith? it depends on what that bitch says to me that day. (Feels weird to say this. One of my irl friends is named Keith :’D)

Silvio Ricci

He’s my third test subject for the new bat.

Emma

Surprisingly, no. Out of all four MCs, Emma is my favorite and (imo) the prettiest and most tolerable one.

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mahi-does-some-art · 7 months

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Oh damn everyone living in the same house would be chaos, but hey Sakuya is happy he gets to live with Mahiru, and Licht gets to see Mr. Fox and Mr. Cat more

Sakuya is SOOOOOOOOOOO happy he gets to live in the same house as Mahiru! He's not so happy that everyone else is there. Team M has made it an infuriating habit to bother the both of them when in common areas together. Sakuya wants to strangle his stupid family.

Licht is a menace. The Servamps all try to avoid being in their animal forms at first but Licht starts kicking them and demanding the animals so they have no choice sometimes.

Ildio is Mahiru's worst nightmare because he keeps eating more than Mahiru would make and forces him to completely readjust his grocery budget and fucks up all his pricing planning sheets and shit. After Mahiru adjusts to his appetite, its a nightmare because Ildio insists on trying to cook everything he sees that he thinks would taste good and makes a mess Mahiru will have to clean up the majority of. Niccolo helps expand Mahiru's budget as apology.

Kuro now has to get the complete Sibling Experience as an older brother and his siblings keep coming into his room so often to mess with him that they had to call C3 in to install locks on all the bedroom doors. It barely helps.

They have a music room! It has a piano for Licht and a lot of other instruments that some of the servamps know how to play + a violin for Mikuni. Sakuya sometimes scopes the place out to make sure its empty to practice his guitar because it sounds better in this room than his bedroom.

They do karaoke sometimes. Enough said, really.

Sometimes Tooru visits. He visits far more often than he would to his apartment because C3 needs someone to go check up on them and Tooru is least likely to get into a fight with anyone there. It makes Mahiru happy to see him more and he even stays the whole day sometimes and has dinner with them. Sakuya is a bit more nervous around him bc of the whole C3 and "I memory fucked your nephew in order to shimmy a spot in his life and you know and I know you know" thing.

That being said, Tooru has gotten into a fight with one of them before bc it was a particularly shitty day for Hyde and he thought he could pull it off. He could not. He got his ass handed to him and now he has a crush on Mahiru's uncle.

They end up living there for a very long time, all going about their individual lives but coming back to live together now that things were mended. So long, in fact, that the teenagers are no longer teenagers and everyone got to watch as Mahiru and Tetsu grow up to be hunks. Misono ages into an adult beautifully, of course, but he barely grows any taller. He's extremely mad about it.

Now, a tibit of the drama that i love especially:

Lily and Belkia would constantly, and I mean constantly, be at each other's throats. They are throwing shade at each other like nothing else and bitching and insulting each others fashion sense and choice of shades of pink. Everyone there is very lucky they don't have to share a bathroom.

Once, Tsubaki hid one of Jeje's wip ship-in-a-bottle and got shot when Jeje found it and found out he hid it.

Sometimes Ryuusei and Koyuki come over to visit Mahiru and everyone they dont know gets insulted hardcore at first before they get familiar. Freya really likes Koyuki bc he's interested in plants and loves her apples. Ryuusei once asked to work out with Ildio and Tetsu and... well... Never again. Lawless and Tsubaki are the ones that get subjected to Koyuki's rare verbal smackdowns and they sulk for like a week because of all the things said. They behave a little more around him. Sakuya has both of these incidents on record.

Kuro and Sakuya warm up to each other enough that Sakuya gets to bother Kuro without concequence (Sakuya and Kuro are like cats in a very similar way so they chill together mostly) and Kuro's siblings think its so unfair the first time they catch them cuddled up together playing their video games. Mahiru loves it.

Tsubaki and Team M play so many fucking pranks its insane. They prank Mahiru at a distance after the one time they scared him and Mahiru punched Tsubaki square in his face and broke his nose.

Higan hit on Tooru once and almost got jumped by Mahiru.

Speaking of Higan, he and Hyde are feuding, and he avoids Lily when he can.

Sometimes Tsurugi visits for Mahiru and causes some chaos.

And sometimes he drags Touma with him and many fights have to be stopped each time he sets foot the front door. This is why they send Tooru.

Mikado visited once but got so intimidated by all of the vampires that he swore he'd never visit again. Tries to get Misono back in Alicein Manor but it doesn't work and he sulks about it. Boohoo bitch.

Thats all I got for now.

#servamp #im not tagging everyone

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meret118 · 10 months

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GQ magazine publishes, then removes profile of Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav: "based on his performance to date, he's only good at breaking things"

David Zaslav, boss of Warner Bros. Discovery, set out to remake the media empire he controls. He flooded Discovery Channel with cheap reality TV. He installed Chris Licht at CNN to turn it into a more Republican-friendly news channel (oops). He killed HBO and wrecked Turner Classic Movies. He shelved completed movies without releasing them, to use as tax writeoffs. He certainly warrants a critical profile of the sort that GQ magazine just published. But you can't easily read it, because only hours after publication, it's disappeared.

. . .

The copy at the Wayback Machine is truncated, but the one at archive.is seems to have it all. How Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav Became Public Enemy Number One in Hollywood [archive.is]

. . .

Update: Apparently they removed the criticism from the article before taking it down completely. The best anyone's come up with so far is that GQ's owner, Condé Nast, has a stake in Warner Bros Discovery.

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scorchieart · 7 months

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I just wanted to say that I love your writings. Do you have any new ideas brewing? Fics that you're currently working on? Suitors that you'd like to write for?

Hello kindly Anon! That's super kind of you to say, thanks for stopping by! 💖💖 And I'd be happy to answer those questions:

The latest new idea I've got is the Magic AU I started for the In A Flash CCC. I've got some ideas for future installments, but I'm not planning on it to be super long, I promise! Just enough to keep me occupied for the rest of the year, hehe.

Ehhhhh...... let's just say the ideas listed here are all in various stages of WIP-iness, and leave it at that for now 😅

So, it's no secret I adore writing for the Rhodo-bros (can't help it, they gave me a great deal on the biggest birdhouse at the palace, and it's right outside of Licht's room, he sings every morning, even if he doesn't realize I'm there listening cuz his curtains are always closed, still, it's perfect) but I'd be interested in writing for the others more in the future. Particularly Sariel. I recently finished both of his ends and 🤯 the lore is just 🤯🤯 I need to explore it more 🤯🤯🤯

Stay awesome, Anon and friends! ✨

#ask scorchie #but for real Sariel's double end epilogue 🤯#still thinking about it 🤯 I can't look at him the same way anymore 🤯

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lordhelpme0-0 · 2 years

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Pregnancy and Period machines

Me: so Uhm……

Yuu: we’re waiting.

MC (OM): yep. *waddle over cause sheep*

Me: okay…so long story short. I dared them that they can’t last a whole pregnancy and horrible period cramps…

Mitsuki: and?

Yuu: now I install the one who think they can and one who think they deserve pain. So now, they’re all screaming.

Mai:

Mai: why?

MC: arrogance.

Emma:

Emma: Valid, turn it up one level will you?

Me: you guys aren’t mad?

Yuu: call it revenge. I still pissy at them for the stress. Is Crowley doing it too?

Me: ..yes..?

Yuu: turn it up all the way.

Me:

Me: valid. Aight.

Meanwhile

Arthur: OH BLOODY MURDER ON WINSTON CHURCHILL CIGARS!!!

Isaac: *holding both Arthur and Dazai hands* how much longer?

Me: uhhh……3 more hours? We’re halfway through though.

Vincent: it’s okay broer, just push. *tending to a screaming Theo*

Sariel: …more water?

Clavis: YESS DAMMIT!! GAAAAGGGHHHHH!!

Chevalier: this is idiotic. *holding Nokto and Clavis hands*

Me: might as well practice holding the hand of extreme strength when your beloved queen give birth.

Chevalier:

Yves: push! Just push!! *tending to Jin, Leon, and Licht*

Jin: FACK! THIS FOOKIN HURTS!!!

Me: lol

Lucifer: out of all things. Why?

Mammon: SHUT UP LUCIFER!! JUST COMFORT- AHHHHHH!!!

Solomon: HOLD ME TIGHTER SIMEON!!!

Simeon: I am..???

Satan: pfft-!

Napoleon: just breath Jean! Just breath!

Jean: hgghnnh!!!

Mozart: *stuck holding his hands* …why???

Hideyoshi: *tending to the daredevils and Nobunaga*

Leyasu: *not amused at patting cold cloth on Masamune*

Keiji: HOLY-! THAT HURTS!! MY STOMACHE!!!

Yukimura: M’lord?!

Shingan: must..PUSH!

Kenshin: *regretting every choice he made* too…much..hgnnnh!!

Kennyo: *reciting scripture as Kicho stuck on holding both Motonori and his hands*

Kicho:

Kanetsugu: I got water m’lord!!

Me: ah yes…

Crowley: *screeching*

Leona: *regretting* SHI-! THAT HURTS!!!

Malleus: *silently suffering*

Lilia: Fufufu~!

Ace: THIS HURTS! IY HURTS! TURN IT OFF! OFF!!!

Riddle:

Deuce: *screeching 2*

Kalim: water! Water!!!!

Jamil: *sighs* here.

Azul: I REGRET THIS!!!

Floyd: TURN IT OFFF!!!!! I SWEAR ILL SQUEEZE YOU!! *unholy screeching*

Jade: *smiles silently*

Idia: *looking at the screaming men while watching the monitors as the *doctor**

Ortho: *casually scanning them for any health needs*

Rook: *enjoying as he tends to Vil*

Epel: *more intrigue on watching Ace and Deuce suffer*

Grim is nowhere, hiding so he won’t be next*

Crewel: *holding Crowley hands with a scowl*

Trein: *helping out cause man had help his wife pregnancy giving birth before*

Vargus: *not found*

Me: anyway…they told me to turn it up one more level so bear with me. Crowley…your gonna have a painful all levels lmao!

Everyone *beside the people not doing it*: WHAAT!!!

Crowley: NOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!

Me: music to my ears. Lol

Comte: *sighs*

They learn their lesson after that. The one who didn’t do the pregnancy one is now forced to period cramps low to extreme|:

Comte: *on the ground, curling up*

Leonardo: *dead*

Theo: *feeding Vincent sweets and water*

Vincent: *crying while smiling silently*

William: *crying on Vlad who is eating a lot of sweets strawberries and warm milk*

Riddle: *having a heating pad as a jacket*

Lucifer: how much longer?!

Me: ..2 hours.

Napoleon: I have whole much respect now…how do you deal with this??? *wincing as he walks with a tampon in his ass*

Me: meds, experience, practice, and also! Years of silent suffering. I told you to get a pad.

Napoleon:

Chevalier: I feel bloated…I can’t do anything without curling over.

Yves: *crying on Leon shoulder who is passed out from staying awake from the pain*

Leon: —(X-X)—

Jin: *rubbing Luke shoulder* more honey.

Luke: Yes. *death glare*

Jin: …

Jake: *exercising*

Trein: *holding Lucius tighter*

Basically just chaos:

Me: ah yes…music 030)

#twisted wonderland #ikemen sengoku #ikemen vampire #Ikemen prince #obey me #crackpost #chaos #shenigian

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unibofficial · 1 year

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What Under Night spinoffs can we expect?

We here at French Bread are hard at work perfecting the next installments in the UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH series! Here are some that you can look forward to in the near future!

Under Kart In-birth, a racing game through the Hollow Night

Under Cook In-birth, a cooking simulator starring Hyde Kido

Post-Licht Kreis War Divorce And Invention of Sexism Simulator (self explanatory)

Dancers Under Night, a rhythm game

#in-births #under night in birth

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craft2eu · 2 years

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EXPONATE 2022 Absolventenausstellung der Fachschule Keramik: Höhr-Grenzhausen bis 04. 09. 2022

Eine spannende Ausstellung der Abschlussklasse der Fachschule für Keramik Fachrichtung Gestaltung/Design in Höhr-Grenzhausen. Die Arbeiten der fünf Absolventinnen überzeugen durch Qualität in Technik und Gestaltung und sind in ihrer Vielfalt und Einzigartigkeit ein überzeugendes Beispiel für die unzähligen Möglichkeiten der Keramik. Mit der Ausstellung beenden die Keramikgestalterinnen ihre…

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#Brand #Design #Exponate 2022 #Fachrichtung Gestaltung/Design #Fachschule für Keramik #Feuer #Gestaltung #Glasur #Handwerkskunst #Höhr Grenzhausen #Innovation #Inspiration #Installation #Kunnst #Licht #Steinzeug #Technik #Ton

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bauen-haus-garten · 2 years

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So kommt Licht ins Grüne

Die passende Beleuchtung verleiht dem Garten mehr Ambiente (djd). Licht ist ein echter Stimmungsmacher – im Haus ebenso wie draußen im Grünen. Im Garten erfüllt eine individuell geplante Beleuchtung gleich mehrere Funktionen. Sie schafft ein behagliches Ambiente auf der Terrasse, setzt mit Flutern die Hausfassade oder prächtige Bäume in Szene und sorgt für mehr Sicherheit, indem etwa an…

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#Accessoires #Beleuchtung #Dekoration #Design #Exklusivität #Freizeit #Garten #Gartenausstattung #Haus #Installation #Lampen #Leuchten #Licht #Lifestyle #Selbermachen #Technik #Wohnaccessoires #Wohnen

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dearfuturehusbandblog · 9 months

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Hope Is A Stupid, Useless, Worthless Thing To Have

Dear Future Husband,

What did I ever do to God to deserve this life?

I really, truly want to know.

Who was I in a past life? Some kind of rival god? A murderer? What could I have possibly done that is so godawful that I am deserving of all the petty crap God throws my way every single frickin’ day?

You know what today is?

Day 21.

Day 21 of no air conditioning.

And you know what the “real feel” temperature was 12 hours ago? 99°. With humidity between 55-80%.

Yesterday was supposed to be the day they fix the air conditioner. Well, really that was Friday but after scheduling that day for the repair like two weeks ago, they updated with “we wouldn’t be able to come until the afternoon.” Ok, well, Shabbos still starts pretty late, so that shouldn’t be a problem, right? “And it’s an 8 hour repair.” Oh, and our building has a rule that unless it’s an emergency (which shockingly this is not??) all construction can’t start until 8am and has to be done by 4pm. Well, except when that construction is something our building manager is in charge of like the repair of an elevator that is right next to our apartment and set to start today at 5:30am. Kill me now.

But what happened with the repair yesterday? Oh, just that the replacement compressor they were supposed to install is ALSO broken. It took them like two weeks to get in THAT compressor, which means it’ll probably be another two weeks before they get in the replacement for the replacement.

I’m just so done with all of this.

The problem with no air conditioning is more than just no cool air to temper the insane heat. It also means nothing to condition the humidity out of the air, which means my bedroom is a swamp.

I know I’ve referenced it in at least one of my recent posts, but I don’t remember if I actually shared the story about why my bedroom is a swamp, so let’s do that now.

We moved into this apartment in 2019. We actually knew before we moved in that there was an issue with the a/c unit. We had come for a couple of Shabbos meals to the family that lived here and there was major paint peeling on the ceiling throughout the apartment, in particular near where the ducts run. One of the biggest problem areas was the smallest bedroom - the room that was designated to be mine.

And so, before we moved in, we had a contractor go through and make some modifications and repairs, one of which was the whole vent/insulation issue in my bedroom.

And guess what repair didn’t really work out well, after being assured that the issue was taken care of. Yeah.

So in July/August of 2020, less than a year after we moved in, I started to notice water spots on my ceiling in my closet and near my vents. We told the contractor and figured when he had time in his schedule again, he’d come and figure out why there was still an issue. Shortly after that a bubble formed on my wall. It turns out that the built up condensation from the duct in my ceiling had made its way through the insulation, through the drywall, and was coming down behind the paint on my wall, creating a water filled bubble.

Of course, this happened on a Friday.

I showed a picture of it to MotherLivelyHeart and in all her genius and wisdom, for the first time pretty ever, she called the contractor and demanded an immediate response. So while I was in the kitchen finishing up cooking for Shabbos, and less than an hour before licht benchen, despite my protestation and request that it wait until Monday, two of the contractor’s guys came over and ripped open my ceiling. Oh, I’m sorry, they didn’t just rip open the ceiling, they shoved everything that had been alongside that wall out of the way first, covering and blocking my bed with everything that had been under that entire section of ceiling. So when I finally got a chance to get into my room like 10 minutes before candle lighting, I couldn’t access my Shabbos light to turn it on, my bed was covered in muktza and a mountain of other stuff I didn’t have any place for, there was debris all over the floor from them pulling down the drywall including shards of wood (one of which I had to remove from my foot with a pair of tweezers a couple of months later), and they had put down a sheet of plastic, so with the water dripping freely, it was now splashing all over the clothes in my closet.

I told my mother I was just alerting her to the issue and it could wait until Monday. She didn’t listen. I told her it would affect my Shabbos and my life and she didn’t listen. No, she instead went off on me about how this is her home and her insurance and the damage would be “on her” and she called and demanded they come immediately, so they did. And you know what? It affected my Shabbos. It affected my life. It’s affected my every day life since that day three years ago and nothing has changed. The ceiling is still open to the elements and my room is still a swamp when it’s humid.

You know what being overtired feels like? Like at some point you’re so tired that you don’t feel tired anymore, but if you lay down you’ll crash for a day and a half? That’s basically where I’m at with my anger towards my mother about this. I’m so mad that I’m not even mad. But if you let me get mad, I will fall swiftly down the rabbit hole of “my mother is a raging narcissist and cares so little about me.”

About a month into having my torn open ceiling face me every day and the contractor not doing a thing about it because apparently he was waiting for my mother to contact her insurance company about it, but suddenly she can’t act swiftly about anything, I was mad. I was seething.

I was raised on “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” and so I didn’t. I was so mad that I reverted back to what I was like as a kid when I was mad and I shut up. I wouldn’t talk to her. I avoided meals with her and kept my communication to “I’m going to work” and “I’m going shopping, if you need anything.” And because of the fun way the air moves through our apartment, when I closed my door one day and it slammed instead of closing nicely, she flipped out on me and threatened me with the same thing my father used to threaten us with when I was a kid - find a new place to live.

To say that’s an inappropriate thing to say to a child is an understatement. We were made to feel like our house wasn’t ours. We never had a home. It was just a house we were being “allowed” by our parents to live in. We lived under the threat that if we did anything to piss them off, we were no longer welcome. We never had the safety and security that comes with having a home.

God, I’m such a frickin’ mess.

So there I was again, a broke adult, being threatened with the same thing. All because I was upset that she couldn’t care less about how I felt because of her impulsivity. She was all “this needed to be dealt with immediately” and I was all “yeah, immediately after Shabbos when I have a chance to move things and deal with this properly.”

My mantra for that first month was “IT COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL MONDAY” and hers was “THIS IS MY HOME AND I’LL DO AS I PLEASE”.

So, the door slammed accidentally, she flipped and she demanded we talk. And I broke. And said things I didn’t want to say, but that she forced out of me. I still kept things as civil as possible, but I cried, which is something I never do, especially in front of people. She was relentless and I told her (not in these words, but) what she was doing was extremely crappy parenting and that she was being extremely inconsiderate towards me and how all of this was affecting my life. I couldn’t move in my room, my own space. I was sleeping in a swamp every single night. I had debris all over my floor and all over my clothes that kept getting in everything. The entire path to the door was covered in plastic sheeting that had pools of water on it. Water was splashing into my closet and my clothes were getting wet. Yes, the wetness in the ceiling was a problem, but at least it wasn’t an everyday inconvenience when it was just happening inside the ceiling. And it was understandable that at some point the ceiling would have had to be opened so everything could air out and not create a mold issue, and for the problem to be assessed and solved, but things could have been handled better on her end. She could have actually cared.

I have gone through 4 DampRid containers in the last two weeks alone. FOUR. It’s been three summers since my ceiling was ripped open and every single one has been miserable, but this one more than the previous two because of this a/c debacle with the humidity we've been having.

Let me show you what the basic issue is. I’ll use some photos of a mockup I made in the Sims4 so you can see what I’m talking about, but basically this: the closet in my bedroom shares a wall with the room that houses the a/c unit. And although each room has its own ceiling, the space above them both is a shared space and not insulated. So, any heat, any cold, any humidity, any anything that comes in through the little a/c room basically makes its way directly into the crawlspace/bulkhead/whatever and enters my room. So whatever the temperature is outside, you can bet it's around the same in my room. But honestly, the humidity is worse than the heat.

And because of the layout of the rest of the apartment, my room is kind of at the end of a small hallway and essentially an appendage that is not connected with the rest of the “flow” of the apartment.

So we were able to borrow two portable a/c units - one in the kitchen and one in my mom’s bedroom, which means the communal spaces of the living and dining room get cooled off, my mother’s bedroom and the kitchen get cooled off, and none of that cool air makes its way to my room.

I have my ceiling fan going nonstop and it does practically nothing to help. It just spins the hot and humid air around and around.

I tried setting up a blizzard fan in front of my door to pull the air out and it barely worked. So I tried turning it around and pushing cool air into the room and it barely helped.

I’ve been sleeping with ice packs, but because the heat and humidity have been so extreme, they condensate as they rapidly melt and my sheets get wet, which is disgusting, and they don’t stay cold through the night.

I am so damn miserable.

But I shouldn’t complain, right? There are people in the world who have it worse, right? And now I know how people who live in third world countries must feel, right? So I can learn compassion, right?

Except I was raised with a/c. My body isn’t acclimated to the heat and humidity the way anyone raised in a third world country’s is. And it’s not like this ever happens during the Spring or Fall. This crap always happens in the hottest part of the summer.

And to make things worse, I take care of the electric bill, which is over $330 for the last billing period. I used to be on budget billing and pay $191 a month, but stupid me thought it would be nice to help save the planet and I switched energy companies in Feb, which took me off of budget billing (which I didn’t know would happen) and then because the pricing wasn’t actually better as I’d been assured it would be, my bills went way up, so now that I cancelled that energy contract and want to be back on budget billing, my average bill (which is what budget billing is based on) is like $100 more than it used to be.

And the windows in this apartment aren’t normal sized/shaped windows, so to even have the portable a/c units in, we’ve had to tape up the windows with cardboard, but because of the heat and humidity, the tape keeps coming undone and there are constantly bugs in the apartment.

Oh, and speaking of bugs, have I mentioned we have an ant problem in the car? Yeah, apparently some species of tiny ants has created a nest somewhere in the hood or the engine or the undercarriage or the gaskets around the windows or something, and they’re all over the car. Not inside, weirdly, but all over the outside. I’ve tried ant traps, I’ve tried carwashes, I’ve tried spraying them with cleansers, I’ve tried squishing them one by one and hoping they get the message and vacate the vehicle, I’ve tried blowing them off with compressed air, I’ve tried so many things and I still can’t figure out where they’re living or how to get rid of them. The issue is that having them on the outside of the car means they can easily get into the car which we discovered the second week of the ant problem, when they were all over the dashboard and console and freaking me out every time I drove, because MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis always eat in the car and the ants were attracted to the bagel crumbs. Once we got rid of that, they seem to only be an issue on the outside of the car with the occasional one inside, but I’m still constantly on edge when I drive.

And I’m just so sick of all of this.

Honestly, how am I supposed to have faith that Hashem will send Moshiach “today” when I can’t even have faith that Hashem will get the a/c repaired in a timely manner?

It should have been yesterday. It should have been done already.

How does a brand new replacement part come broken?!?!

There’s no way this is not God spiting me.

MotherLivelyHeart has a cool room. BigSis has a cool room. It’s been THREE WEEKS. And I’M the one affected most by this crap. I’M the one dying.

I’ve been trying to spend more time in the living room and at work and other places that are cool, but my back is starting to hurt again and I think it’s from that frickin’ office chair. So I’m in physical pain and I’m physically exhausted from the heat and I’m emotionally exhausted from dealing with all of this all of the time.

I’m just so done with it all. When will this crap stop?

I’ve had other things I’ve wanted to write about, but I abandoned those because even my computer is overheating from everything and I just haven’t had the energy for anything.

So I can't hope anymore. I had hopes we would have cool air in here again. I've had hopes my ceiling would be dealt with already. I hoped the ant traps or diligently cleaning would get rid of the ants. I've hoped my back issue was a fluke and not due to my stupid office chair.

I've hoped and I've hoped and I've hoped, but this is why we can't have nice things. Because hope is a stupid, useless, worthless thing to have.

Can I even hope you're out there? Doubt it.

-LivelyHeart

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