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nyangibun · 7 years

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Jonsa Week, Day 4: Modern AU

Only the Best Things Happen at 3AM [Ao3]

@jonsa-week sorry, it’s super duper late again!

Summary: When Jon wakes up to Ghost's barking at 3 in the morning, the last thing he expected to see was a beautiful redhead sobbing while cuddling his dog.

Jon likes to think he’s a fairly level-headed guy. There isn’t much that really fazes him. He’s had to grow up fast due to his mum dying when he was young, so life really has already thrown its worst shit his way. At twenty-five, Jon is confident he can handle everything else, so when he wakes up to his dog barking loudly at three in the morning, evidently not in the house, Jon is only a little concerned. Ghost is a big Husky with red eyes and most people tend to take one look at him and run the other direction.

Except it’s three in the morning and those barks don’t sound angry or territorial.

It’s not quite a cause for concern, but it does make Jon apprehensive when he unlocks the backdoor to the garden. He’s not sure what he was expecting, maybe a burglar or one of those annoying students from the nearby university that like to play pranks on the hard-working local residents. But he’s sure as shit wasn’t expecting a drop dead gorgeous girl in a plaid shirt tied in a bow just below her breasts and cut-off denim shorts that are far too short to be appropriate attire anywhere. Not to mention the even more absurd fact that she’s sobbing uncontrollably while cuddling Ghost like he’s some lap dog instead of the guard dog he’s supposed to be.

Not wanting to startle the girl, Jon clears his throat. Instantly, her eyes snap up to his, watery and startled like a doe before the slaughter. He feels guilty for it, like he’s encroaching on something he shouldn’t be, but goddamnit, it’s three in the morning and this is his house. “Are you okay, miss?” he asks because his mum did raise him to be polite. “Are you lost or something?”

She blinks, wipes the tears away with the back of one hand, while the other remains circled around Ghost, who just sits there wagging his tail, tongue lolling out like a bloody traitor. “I –” she hiccups. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” And then just like that, the girl starts sobbing all over again and Jon immediately rushes to her side despite the warning bells in his head saying that maybe this is all a ruse and she’s one of those rare female serial killers.

He places a hand tentatively on her shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m not… I won’t call the police. It’s fine. Do you need anything? Do you want me to ring someone for you?”

“Lady!” she wails loudly.

“Pardon?” Jon has to ask because he’s not entirely sure what she’s trying to say.

“Lady,” she repeats, the tears still flowing quickly down her pinkened cheeks. She wraps both arms around Ghost again and nuzzles her face into his fur. “Lady.”

“Uh… is your name Lady? Or do you want me to call someone named Lady?” He is so thoroughly confused right now, Jon can’t help wondering if maybe this isn’t just some really elaborate dream he’s having.

The girl’s head tilts upwards as she glares at him. “No! My name is Sansa.”

Sansa… A pretty name for a pretty girl. Too bad she seems completely insane, Jon thinks.

She exhales loudly, a shuddering sound, but at least the tears have stopped. He also realises then that there is a distinct stench of alcohol on her breath and she probably is one of those annoying students from the uni as well. But she’s here on her own and that can’t be good. Either, she really is bad news or she’s running from something or someone. Maybe Jon should call the police.

“Let me ring someone for you, yeah?” he tries again. “We’ll get you home, I promise.”

“No!” she shouts now, blue eyes panicked. She lets one arm fall away from Ghost to reach out for his hand. Her skin is cold, like she’s been out here in the night dressed in barely anything for hours. Jon makes a decision then, a stupid decision, but there just doesn’t seem to be a way around it at this point.

“Okay, how about this… Let me help you inside. I’ll get you something warm to wear, brew you a cup of tea and you can tell me what’s going on, yeah?” Jon says. As she mulls over his proposition, he scans her for any sign of something sinister, but the smooth expanse of skin reveal she is in perfect condition. More than perfect, Jon is ashamed to think, because really, he should not be checking out the poor girl. She’s clearly in a vulnerable emotional state.

Sansa finally nods and Jon quickly helps her up. Together, they walk into his house and he immediately goes to grab a hoodie and sweats from his wardrobe for her to wear. He also actively tries not to notice how his clothes dwarf her slender frame or the way she’s just pulled her red hair from its bun, its long waves flowing past her shoulders.

Get a fucking grip, Snow.

Once a mug of tea is placed into her hands, Sansa looks a little more put together than she did only moments before. She’s still cuddling his dog, who is lapping up the attention, and eyeing him with suspicion in her eyes.

“So uh… I don’t think I said this before, but I’m Jon,” he says, as a way to break the ice. “Jon Snow. I live here. Well, okay, you probably guessed that.” He swears under his breath. “Do you go to the university?”

She nods. “I’m in my final year.”

“Cool. That’s… cool. What are you studying?”

“Politics and International Relations.”

“Fuck, that sounds intense. Not what I pictured you doing, to be honest,” Jon tells her.

Sansa blushes and something oddly possessive rushes through him. “I know. Most people don’t. I did start with Fashion and Business, but… both my parents are in politics and I guess I just want to follow in their footsteps.”

“That’s nice. Do they approve?” he asks. “My mum was a waitress, so I don’t think she would’ve wanted me to do the same.” He laughs, a little self-deprecatingly.

“Was?”

“She died when I was seventeen,” Jon says, shrugging.

She looks uncomfortable and she turns her gaze back to Ghost. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so nosy…” She lets out a long breath. “My… um, my dad has cancer. It’s not terminal, but the doctors say the chances of survival isn’t very high.” Tears begin to form in her eyes again and she blurts out the rest of the story without his prompting. “And my dog died yesterday. She was hit by a car and I wasn’t even home to say goodbye!” Sansa then snorts. “As if that’s not bad enough, tonight, I went to this fancy dress party and saw my ex-boyfriend making out with my friend. And I know it’s stupid but I just need to get away so I ran out and I just kept on running till I spotted your dog and…” She hugs Ghost tightly. “He looks so much like Lady!”

With all of the puzzle pieces finally fitting together now, Jon’s heart lurches in his chest. He takes a risk and moves to the sofa she’s sitting on. He doesn’t touch her, doesn’t even sit beside her, but he turns his whole body to face her. “That’s shit, Sansa,” he tells her. “I don’t know what else to say, but that is fucking shit and I’ve known you for five minutes and I can already truthfully say you don’t deserve any of that. But fuck your ex-boyfriend and fuck that driver that hit your dog.”

Sansa sniffles, her lips twitching slightly. “What about my dad?”

“Fuck cancer,” he tells her emphatically.

“Yeah,” she laughs suddenly. “Fuck cancer.”

He lets silence fall between them for a moment. “So here’s the thing, you’re probably still drunk,” he begins. “And you’re in no shape to walk home so just sleep here. I’ll take the sofa. You can cuddle with Ghost in my bed all you want, okay? Tomorrow, I’ll drive you home and you’re going to get through this.”

She stares at him for a long moment before she says, “you should be an inspirational speaker.”

Jon laughs, a loud deep belly laugh that surprises him. “If you really knew me, you wouldn’t say that.”

Sansa pouts. “Why not?”

“I’ve been told I’m a broody bastard,” he tells her, smiling. “I’m not really the rallying type of guy.”

“You are to me,” she says instantly, but before he can really register the weird fluttering in his stomach, she yawns.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

After Jon gets Sansa settled, which he is silently thanking the gods that he just washed his sheets a couple days ago, he makes himself a little cocoon on the sofa to fight against the chill of his lounge. It’s bizarre, almost downright absurd, how he could care so deeply for the welfare of a complete stranger in the span of an hour, but he truly, truly wants Sansa to find only happiness in her life. And maybe if she wants to include him in that life for the foreseeable future, he wouldn’t object, but Jon is convinced she’s not going to remember their conversation in the morning anyways.

Sunlight streams through the half-drawn back curtains and Jon groans into his pillow. He is cursing every deity he can think of for his forgetfulness over the curtains when his floorboards creak and Jon bolts upright. For a second, he’s unable to grasp where exactly he is, and then in the next second, he’s staring somewhat slack-jawed at a sleep-tousled Sansa still in his hoodie and sweats. She’s in the doorway, Ghost by her side, and there’s a small, shy smile on her lips that makes that weird surge of possessiveness run through him again.

“Hi… um…”

“It’s Jon,” he reminds her.

Sansa chuckles softly. “I wasn’t that drunk.” At his speculative gaze, she rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

Jon laughs and stretches out his limbs. Sleeping on the sofa is not so great on his back and he turns this way and that to roll out the kinks in his muscles. When he glances back up at Sansa to ask if she wants breakfast, he finds a peculiar sort of expression on her face that he can’t decipher, but then it’s gone as quickly as it came and he wonders if he imagined it altogether.

“Coffee? Cereal?” Jon asks, pushing aside that strange moment. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything else. Eating for one usually means a really shitty diet.”

“I really don’t want to impose,” she says. “You’ve already done so much for me and I… I should probably head home.”

Jon nods, disappointment pooling in his stomach. “Right, sure. I can drive you.”

“That would be great, thank you.”

He turns to reach for his keys on the coffee table when he abruptly blurts out, “you can visit anytime, you know?”

“What?” she asks, startled.

Jon stands up, the duvet falling from his lap to the floor. He rubs a hand over his neck. “I mean… for Ghost. He seems to really like you and if you need company, he’s here for you. I’m sure he’d appreciate the company.”

Sansa blushes again. “That would be nice.” She rubs the dog in question’s forehead, a fond smile on her lips. “It might make missing Lady hurt less.”

“I didn’t think I said this last night, but…” Jon swallows. “For the record, I’m really sorry for everything. You don’t deserve that.”

She inclines her head. “You said that last night too. What do you mean by that? I don’t deserve it. You don’t even know me.”

Jon shrugs. “I have a good feel for people and you’re one of the good ones.”

Sansa laughs before she steps towards him, that expression he couldn’t decipher before returning to her face. He sees it now for what it is though. It’s mischievous; it’s coy; it’s downright fucking seductive. “Would I still be considered one of the good ones if I took advantage of my host?”

“The opposite. You’d ruin my good opinion if you didn’t.”

Wordlessly, they crash into each other, a tangle of limbs, as they both hold tightly onto the other. Jon runs his tongue over her lips, pushing for entrance and being deliciously welcomed when Sansa matches him hunger for hunger. How they had gone from strangers to this in a matter of hours boggles his mind, but Jon is not going to question it out loud. He wants this, wants her, in a way that doesn’t quite make sense. It’s just Sansa. Even broken down and at her tether, she exudes a beauty that goes far beyond the physicality of it. He doesn’t know her and maybe she could still turn out be a really hot serial killer, but he does know himself and he’s never felt this kind of passion before in his life. It’s so wholly uncontained, so consuming that if he even tries to stop this, he’s sure to be burnt.

“Is it still considered a one night stand if it’s in the morning?” Sansa murmurs against him as they stumble into his bedroom, clothes flying off in every which direction.

Jon laughs into her neck as he continues his exploration of every inch of skin he can find. “It’s whatever you want it to be, Sansa.”

Nine months and six days later, it turns out what they both wanted it to be was a longstanding commitment to never letting that night (morning) end.

They try denying it for a long time, pretending it’s just casual and that it didn’t really mean anything but them trying to satisfy an itch. It might’ve worked too if they’d actually acted like normal friends-with-benefits, but Sansa basically moved in a month into their ‘thing’, citing that her department building was a ten-minute walk from his place in comparison to the thirty-minute walk from her flat. It’s just logical, she’d said.

It became even harder to deny when Jon was invited to spend Christmas with Sansa’s family three months later and her siblings all started to regularly text him about their lives. Or when her father was four months into remission and they all decided to go away together to celebrate, including Jon.

But maybe the moment when it becomes clear that what they’ve had has always been serious comes nine months and six days later on the day of her graduation when Jon scoops her up in his arms and tells her how much he loves her for the first time and she says it back with tears in her eyes and that shy breathtaking smile on her lips.

Yeah, he thinks as he kisses her, he’s in this for the long haul.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #actuallyjonsa #jonsaff #jonxsansaff #jonsaweek #jonsa week #my fics #jonsa fic #jon snow #sansa stark #game of thrones #super late #whoops

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metalmusingmoments · 7 years

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I read your scenario about TFP Knockout, Smokescreen, & Optimus Prime realizing their feelings for potential human s/o. If it's ok with you, would you mind a continuation? If not, said human crush likes them back but never confessed before so they try to figure how to confess properly. The mechs accidentally heard them say to themselves " I'll just say I love you romantically, (said mech name)!". They're confident until they realizes the mechs were behind them. The mechs' reaction to this?

I’m going to post thesein different replies so be on the lookout for the other two. Optimus goes firstbecause we all love our boss bot. I’m putting a spin on this one because I can’tsee the reader being caught like that. Not in front of OP at least. Here’s thefirst part of the story so you can refresh your minds. And because it is 3amand I want to get this out there, it’s a cliffhanger. Sorry not sorry ;)

TFP Optimus

You met team prime after you noticed Raf, one of your smarteststudents was missing more and more class. You had followed him out to the curbone day after school where he waited for his ride to pick him up. You tried tomake conversation but he was becoming more and more nervous as time ticked by.The real reason you were out here was because you were hoping to snag a momentto talk to his mother or father about his increasing absences. When a yellowCamaro pulled up with tinted windows and no driver you weren’t letting Raf getin concern for his safety. Long story short Raf and “Bumblebee” managed to getyou into the car and soon conned you into being an after school teacher for himand two other students. Base life was easy enough, the bots came and went onmissions and you got along well with Ratchet and the Autobot leader Optimus.You pretty much became “Den Mother y/n”. You would make snacks and meals forthe kids and pick up anything that could possibly help the bots. You did mostof this without being asked and not expecting any thanks. But of course as youwent about your business someone was watching you from afar.

After a long Saturday sessionof tutoring the kids he decided that would be a good time to approach you. Thekids had already taken their snacks and moved on to play their video games outof ear shot. You were leaned back in a chair both arms over your face in anuncomfortable position. When he called out to you you startled awake.Apologizing, he asked if you were ready to return home for the day. He watchedas you looked back at the kids, frowned and then said you were ready to go.When you started making your way to Bumblebee, he stopped you and told you he wouldbe driving you home today. Your face morphed into one of concern as hetransformed and popped open his passenger door. As you both barreled throughthe desert he began to express his gratitude for what you had been doing forthe kids and his team. When you finished he noticed your face had grown into asmile that stopped his spark for a second. You told him not to worry about itand that you didn’t mind doing the small things. They know he works hard andthat he shouldn’t have to worry about everything. As he pulled up to your homeyou didn’t reach for the door and he didn’t move to open it. You awkwardlymentioned how nice it was outside and he took the hint. He started up hisengine and was on the move again. With no destination in mind he moved alongthe outskirts of the town. He would keep his new feelings to himself. Hewouldn’t risk this new budding relationship.

Continued…

Months have gone by since you began your after school tutorsessions with the kids. So many months in fact that now it’s the last daybefore school is out and summer begins. You’re sitting at your desk now supposedlybeing on the lookout for anyone who may be cheating on their final exams. You can’thelp but zone out as the silence in the room gives you time to think. The otherteachers had been gushing in the faculty room about their vacationsout of this hell hole, too far away paradises with less desert. As they hadprattled on the gnawing feeling of anxiety settled into the pit of your stomachagain. With summer starting the kids wouldn’t be needing a tutor anymore, or atleast till the school year started up again. So when Kathy, a fellow teacherasked what your plans were for vacation you came up with the lame excuse of visitingyour parent’s home in “___”. The loud ringing of the last bell cut off yourthoughts as students lined up to hand in their exams. One by one the studentshanded off their papers to you at the door until none were left and you were surroundedby the droning noise of kids out in the hall. Truth be told you were waiting for someone, anyone among “Team Prime”, to ask youabout your summer plans. Fishing to drop the sad bomb of “nothing” with a nonchalantair about yourself. Pitiful. You thought to yourself as you shuffled the papersand let out an exasperated sigh as you flopped into your chair. If you werebeing really honest with yourself, you were more miffed that Optimus hadn’t askedwhat your plans were. Though as soon as the thought entered your head youquickly pushed it out. Optimus had more important things to worry about then your sadexcuse for a summer. Like a civil war.

You and he had become closer over the past months. Ever sincehe took it upon himself to drive you home that one day it had become a happy ritualafter almost every tutoring lesson. But of course that had come after theattempts to stay at the base longer after the lessons ended. In the beginning youtwo would only discuss in a casual manner. How the kids were doing in school,how the war effort was progressing, theweather. Though as time moved on so did both of you, and the effects of thebattles Optimus fought began to show more than ever. Throwing caution to thewind you had asked him how he was feeling, as himself and not as the leader of the Autobots. He had stared at youfor a long time after you asked that. Probably weighing if it was even worth tellingyou at all, but in the end he did. So much pain and grief was unloaded thenthat your head had trouble wrapping around just how he or any being could keepthis to themselves. When he finished he had apologized, an annoying trait youhad come to realize was a habit of his. You waved him off saying it was fineand that if he ever needed to talk, you would be there for him. He had agreed tothose terms only if you would speak to him in the same manner. You knew there wasn’tmuch you could do in a sense of actually “helping” Optimus defeat the Decepticons,but if you could help him stand a little straighter, so the weight of the worldwasn’t crushing him, you’d do it in a heartbeat. You’d also found out in thisshort amount of time that Optimus had a somewhat dorkish sense of charm to him.In the rare occasion that he did make a joke you always laughed, and thatseemed to make his optics brighten slightly. Speaking of his optics, you letout a shuddering breath. He always seemed to be watching you. Just blatant staring or side eyeing you. You weren’tsure why, but you could never turn to meet his stare because you were afraidwhat he might see. You had contemplated trying to amp up the flirtatiousbehavior between you to, but chickened out at the last minute when the opportunitywould arise. A thought came to you just then. A bold thought. To just tell him how you felt. What did you have tolose? You and the kids had planned a small end of the year party tonight at thebase, you could tell him then. And if you made a fool of yourself, you couldjust hide away for the rest of the summer.

“Perfect” You said aloud as you placed the exams into yourbag. Now just to figure out how you were going to do this.

“Hey Optimus, I’d like to get to know you better” No.

“Hey BossBot! You and I should spend some more time alone moreoften” Definitely Not.

“Optimus, I like you more than just a friend”

“Who do you like more than just a friend?!” came thetelltale shout of Miko in the doorway giving you a minor heart attack in theprocess.

“What?” You gasped with your hand to your chest in startledpanic.

“You were talking about how you like someone more than afriend!” she exclaimed slamming her hands on the desk. “You gotta tell me Ms/Mr.(Y/N)! I can keep a secret!” she grinned over at you. And as much as you lovedMiko, you knew that was horse shit. Composingyourself you raised up out of your seat grabbing your bag.

“I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about Miko. You musthave misheard me.” You clipped in your “teachers” voice. Which only made Mikosquint her eyes and pout.

“Whatever” She threw her hand out as if brushing it away. “Justhurry up! Bulkhead is picking us up today, we’re gonna listen to all of my favorite songs!” she saidgrinning wickedly.

All you could do was cringe at the thought of the hour long journeyahead of you as you shut off the light and closed the door behind the both ofyou.

A dual ache had settled in your head as the night droned on.The drive had been more than excruciating. Between the loud music and the constantbickering between Miko and Jack, the whole ride had been painful. Now you satwith your head hanging and arms dangling over the railing of the upper level.The loud metal music still blaring in a far corner of the room was not helpingeither. The night had not been going as you planned.

“Are you alright (Y/N)?” The rumbling baritone voice thatalways seemed to shake you to its core asked. You gripped the railing andwhipped your head up so quick you thought you may have given yourself whiplash.

“Optimus!” you exclaimed face turning red at earlierthoughts. “No! I’m fine really, ride here was just a little more unhinged themI’m use to” you said smiling up at him.

He gave a rumbled “mmm” of his acknowledgment, followed bysilence and that unnerving stare. Then continued on with “Now that the children’seducation is finished for the year, I would assume your lessons are no longerneeded”.

Ouch, you thought and it must have registered on your facebecause Optimus was now backpedaling on his words. Hard.

“I meant no offense” He hurried on, “I only meant that youwill now have more free time to endeavor in your hobbies”.

Double Ouch. If it didn’t feel like you were being kickedout before, it did now. And now the pieces of your haphazard plan werecrumbling before you. The internal battle you were having on whether or not totrudge on or bail out were flipping back and forth in your mind. And the blueglow of his optics boring into you were not helping.

“(Y/N)” He said letting out a long vent. Just the way he said your name made the decision.

Fuck it. You saidto yourself and stared into his eyes straight on.

“Optimus, I think we-“ and was abruptly cut off by Mikosscreech of lyrics.

“SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER” She sang and threw, what had to be,every piece of homework and schoolwork she had in yours and Optimus direction.

Asit rained down over you and over the balcony you let out a long sigh and closedyour eyes trying to rein in your frustration. In the distance you could hear the raspy yellfrom Ratchet about the mess and Miko’s gleeful laughter. It was then youdecided that this was fates way of saying this was a horrible idea.

“What was that (Y/N)? Optimus had broken eye contact toobserve all the papers flying with a straight face.

“I think I should go home” You muttered placing a hand overyour face and moving to grab your jacket. You could hear his foot fallsfollowing you as you went.

“Then I will take-“But you cut him off with a wave of yourhand as you shrugged on the jacket.

“It’s alright” you breathed as you placed your bag on yourshoulder. “I’ll ask Ratchet. God knows he needs to get out of here before heblows a fuse” you said laughing a hollow chuckle as you made your way down theladder, and with one last look you met Optimus’s optics

“See you around Optimus” you smiled a smile that you knew didn’treach your eyes. And with those last words you turned on your heal and walked briskly in the direction of Ratchet. All while those blue optics seared into yourback.

#optimus prime #optimus #tfp #scenrio #part 2 #transformers #readerxtransformer #im so tired help

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allhallows-art · 7 years

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WRITING REQUESTS

So, I’ve decided to redo this shit I did a while back. A long time ago, I compiled a huge list of AU’s and I’ve decided to repost it. If you want a bit of writing done for the following people:

SuperMega Game Grumps Markiplier ( and crew including Tyler and Ethan ) HatFilms Sidemen Cow Chop CancerCrew Then all you have to do is pick from the list below, send the number to me along with who you want it to be about. I’ll try and get through them as soon as I can. They’ll probably all be shit and jokey bc that’s my writing style but I hope you enjoy Thanks to @apocalypto-12 for rekindling my love for writing and feel free to pick some Au’s and I'll write them for you babe

1. ‘my parents are rly religious and forced me to this meeting I hate everything the entire world is against me what the actual fuck did a stranger just send me nudes’ 2. I’m passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I must shove it down your throat 3. all our friends are drunk 4. it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost 5. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances 6. You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf 7. I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today 8. my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me 9. it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay 10. you’re the fucker who set off the fire alarm with your awful cooking (or) I’m the fucker who set off the fire alarm with my awful cooking 11. dude your headphones are loud like I can make out most of Kayne’s lyrics and I’m sitting across the fucking room 12. you live above me and I’m going to murder you if you don’t stop throwing parties Sunday night 13. ‘me and my roommate decided to decorate our house for Halloween but got really into it, and ended up re-enacting several scenes from nightmare on elm street so loud the neighbours called the police to investigate screams’ 14. I broke your nose at a mosh pit 15. “You were chased by the cops, got in my car and just yelled ‘Drive!’” 16. “You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friend’s house and I should call the cops but my cat kinda likes you so we’re good” 17. “You saw me reading the same book you did and we got into a heated discussion on how much it sucks 18. “My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back.” 19. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh, shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry.” 20. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.” 21. “I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting.” 22. “I’m watching The Lion King on my phone and I’m trying to hide the fact I’m sobbing uncontrollably but you notice anyway.” 23. cat person and dog person meet at petco and their pets won’t stop hissing and growling at each other 24. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust 25. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me 26. ‘I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when I asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night’ 27. 'last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us’ 28. 'i found you sleeping on my balcony when I went out to water my plants why are you here and more importantly how did you get here we’re eighteen floors up’ 29. ‘I called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after a few a few minutes of me revealing some pretty personal stuff and now your invested in my life troubles’ 30. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last person’s apartment together’ 31. ‘I’ve had a really awful day so I started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car I’m so sorry’ 32. I always see you doing weird shit at ridiculous hours of the night and it makes me feel better because I do weird shit in the middle of the night too 33. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else." 34. “So why did I have to punch that guy?” 35. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.” 36. "That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.” 37. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?” 38. “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.” 39. I asked you to babysit one time and now my child keeps asking when you will spend time with them again 40. “I’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually never mind I agree, that shirt is horrendous” 41. “You’re drunk and walked into the wrong apartment and fell asleep on my couch oh god you’re going to be so confused in the morning” 42. “I’m at work and my son needs to be picked up from school do you mind?” 43. “Okay well it turns out you’re really good with kids and my son has started calling you daddy and insists we move in so ‘we can be a real family’” 44. “Our dogs whine whenever they’re apart so we spend pretty much every day together” 45. “I walked in on your ex yelling at you so you grabbed me and kissed me so she’d go away and I’m kind of freaked out I literally just met you last week” 46. I’m giving out candy for Halloween and you brought your little sibling trick or treating and I think that’s sweet 47. I accidentally egged the wrong house and I’m trying to apologize but it’s one in the morning and you’re pissed off and I’m so sorry 48. “I live below you and I was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW” 49. “our Christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt I never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 50. You’re allergic to cats but my cat really likes you my bad 51. You caught me having a Barbie movie marathon and now I’m trying to keep you from telling anyone about this! 52. met at a family reunion but not related to each other 53. your kid hates my kid 54. Accidentally “parkoured” through your window and I must pay you back but I’m dead broke 55. It’s a rainy day and I see you get side-splashed by a car and I’m laughing so hard until I get hit too 56. Drunkenly sold my soul to a demon and now I’m their bitch but this might be not so bad 57. Work at the same shitty restaurant and have all the same shitty shift times 58. 'What the fuck are you doing its midnight why are you playing 'My Heart Will Go On' on the piano' 59. “I came up to your apartment to ask you to turn down your music and have quieter sex, but it turns out that you’ve just been jumping up and down on your bed in your underwear listening to music alone 60. 'I heard you singing backstreet boys at 3am and decided to sing along oops’ (other old boybands can be substituted) 61. 'I was walking by the roller coasters and SOMEONE’S SHOE FLEW OFF AND HIT ME IN THE HEAD 62. you’re the drummer for my brother’s band and I find you hot (bonus: the band is really shit and the drummer doesn't want to be there so uses the other person as an excuse to get out of practice) 63. we go to the same coffee shop every evening to do homework but we never speak to each other until today 64. I’m only your friend because we smoke weed and get high together 65.

66. “I want to blame my young child from accidentally breaking your window with a baseball, but it actually was in fact me, and I was aiming for your roof I am sorry 67. we have apartments next to each other and sometimes you’re blasting shitty music but other times you’re jerking off and that’s even louder than the music please quite down 68. “I’m a biker and one day I was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute I accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” 69. “I’m at a karaoke bar and I’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit" 70. “it’s 2 in the morning and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping” 71. “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk" 72. ‘I walked into the public bathroom at a mcdonalds and you’re dangling halfway out of an air vent do I even want to know what you were doing’ 73. ‘I found you on the roof of my house passed out with a black eye holding a fire extinguisher’ 74. I accidentally texted the wrong number with a cat meme and you replied back with a different one unexpectedly and we just kept going ‘till I was convinced I would marry you 75. I’m best friends with your brother and when we were face-chatting you walked past in your boxers and bent over to pick something up and I tried averting my eyes but that ass 76. Detective partners 77. Reincarnation 78. Childhood friends with adjoining houses/rooms 79. This is the end of the world and we’re all we’ve got 80. I keep calling tech support because you’re helpful and your voice is cute 81. Competitive buskers who eventually for a band 82. Pen pals who vent to each other every week 83. Working at a theatre together during midnight premiere of a blockbuster 84. Meeting while waiting for hours in the a&e 85. Panicked yelling in unison because of lost baggage between connecting flights 86. Book store 87. Reluctant team mates who save the world together 88. Stuck in an airport because our flights were very delayed and it’s like 2am 89. Pretending to be siblings because of reasons 90. Teaming up to rescue respective abducted children 91. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 92. I’m pretending to be your bff bc you look very uncomfortable with that person at the bar 93. New fbi partner is hot 94. You accidentally shipped this weird thing to my apartment 95. Inappropriately timed confessions 96. At a ski lodge somehow got stuck outside in a storm hey look an abandoned cabin logically thinking go inside for warmth 97. Oops friend looks like the only place to sleep in this house is this small twin sized bed guess we are sharing 98. Inappropriately timed proposals 99. Called the wrong number while drunk 100. Hitchhiker 101. Arranged marriage 102. Fallen angel 103. Fashion designer 104. Zombie apocalypse 105. Backpacking across Europe 106. Mermaid 107. Band on tour 108. Small town lovers 109. Ice skaters 110. Dancing partners 111. Singing partners 112. Lawyers/ detectives 113. Writer and editor 114. Photographer and model 115. Stuck in a lift together 116. Phycologist and a patient 117. Partners in crime 118. Dystopian 119. Utopian 120. We both got kicked out of our rooms bc our room mates are hooking up and we are now avoiding each other 121. Laser tag 122. Walked by a rollercoaster and got hit in the head by a shoe 123. Swim team 124. Got mistaken for a celeb by their biggest fan 125. Sorry I set the fire alarm off for like the forty ninth time I tried to cook 126. I’m a werewolf but I’m embarrassed to tell you bc my wolf form is more like a Chihuahua 127. We both tried to rob a bank at the same time 128. Mistaken identity 129. Trapped on a desert island 130. Lab partners 131. Runaway royalty and a confused commoner 132. Android ad human 133. Immortal and non-immortal 134. Detention 135. Time travel 136. Came to the wrong Halloween party 137. Pranked the wrong person 138. Accidentally scared a kid and their adult is angry at me 139. Rival super heroes trying to save the same small town 140. Neighbours who only met because “I cannot get this stupid jar open can you help?” 141. We made a bet at the beginning of laser tag guess who won pay up 142. I’m on the FBIs most wanted for killing a ton of people but dw I just wanna date you bc your face is smoochable and you give me butterflies 143. Life sized version of clue in an old abandoned manor 144. Reunited after surviving zombie apocalypse 145. “are we both robbing the same house?” 146. Kissed them as a distraction to steal their wallet 147. “you know you’re singing out loud to your headphones, right?” 148. “I think my dog likes your dog” 149. Little kids getting way caught up in make believe 150. Lives alone in the woods next to a waterfall finds a confused lost person walking round 151. Fighting a squirrel 152. Spy 153. Private security 154. Angry biologists 155. Historians 156. Crazy cat hoarder and frustrated allergic to cats neighbour 157. Modern royalty 158. Got up at 2am for snacks at the store and found you trying to sleep in the hallway bc your roommates have his fiancée over and I guess I’ll lend you my couch 159. My cat went into your apartment through an open window and likes to piss everywhere and ruin furniture and now your back home from the store and you found me in the middle of your living room but I promise I’m not a burglar 160. Its 3 am and as much as you have a great music taste people are trying to sleep 161. My best friend somehow broke me to and tonight it the season finale of my fav to show and no internet streams are working can I watch it on you to please I promise I’ll go back to my apartment once it’s over 162. “I moved into the apartment next door and its totally haunted crash I crash here tonight” 163. “I may or may not have just robbed a bank and please help me get away I will pay you in sexual favors also cash” 164. “I don’t know you but you were at that party last night and long story short I now have your name tattooed on my ass2 165. “my friends dared me to go on this rollercoaster and now we are at the top and it looks hella scary and hello hot person next to me careful I might puke” 166. You thought you were alone at the bus stop early this morning so you started singing fall out boy loud but your Patrick stump impression could use some work and I’m not afraid to point that out 167. We’re rival up and coming singers and every time one of us releases a song the other covers it to try and make it better. We’re also always trying to out cute each other and top each other but half our fans ship us; our agents use this to their advantage and decide we should do a duet bc it would be popular but now we are in the studio together and I know and I kinda wanna know how your lips feel 168. Help I cannot find my cat and I know its 3 am but me and Neil cat rick Harris would appreciate the help 169. I’m a computer hacker trying to hack government systems but accidentally hacked your computer as you were searching up sex positions and looking at questionable porn 170. I’m a fandom blogger and you’re an aesthetic/fashion blogger and I accidentally followed you through that Tumblr radar thing but you’re too cute to unfollow 171. I sent you one of those ask memes Reponses saying that I would date you but we’ve never talked and you live half way across the world but now you’re interested whoops 172. You started banging on my door at 3 in the morning bc you got the wrong apartment and now I’m inviting you in for tea to bitch about the person you thought lived here 173. Person A accidentally falls in the pond trying to reach something and person B is a bystander who can’t help but laugh 174. Person B must grab person A from falling into the t6raintracks because they did stay behind the yellow line 175. you’re a store clerk and oh no I just spotted my ex can I hide behind your desk thingy 176. We’re neighbors and we’ve never talker but your cat may have gotten my cat pregnant guess we’ll have to raise a kitty family together. 177. A toddler broke your nose and I may or may not have snapped my thumb n an intense game of Mario kart and now we are sitting next to each other in A&E 178. I tried to rescue you from being robbed but got knocked out and you had to take me to the hospital after getting your wallet stolen 179. I purposefully get your coffee order wrong so you will talk to me again 180. I work at the checkout ad you are clearly not old enough to buy that 181. We are both con artists scamming each other 182. My hamster escaped and I think he went under your door 183. “Hey we hooked up last night and it turns out you’re my child’s teacher” 184. “we are neighbors and every night at 3;14 you start yodeling?? Why?? Is that you yodeling?? Its been two months??” 185. “I woke up this morning to find you in my living room with a goat wearing a poncho who are you?? Why is the goat wearing a poncho?? How did you get the goat here I live on the 12th floor?? 186. “I was playing beer pong with a coin and accidentally threw it in your eye at a party” 187. “okay I get that you’re a good thief and you don’t want to go to jail but I’m the tired af detective sent to catch you I stg if you let me bring you in I can get you a good deal” 188. “We’ve been nothing but friends our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now I think I’m in love with you” 189. “My guitarist quit the night before a gig that could be my bands big break and apparently, you are really good but if you screw this up for us I will hunt you down and slit your throat” 190. “it’s the middle of the night and I’m walking in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s gaining on me and I found a phone booth with a lock on and tried to call my sister but my hand was shaking so now I’ve ended up calling you and I don’t know who you are but please help” 191. They captured you and put you in a room with me because I can suppress other people’s powers so you hate me but I’m just lonely and bored and want to talk to you 192. Esteemed rival chefs who find each other shamelessly buying ramen at 3am 193. “I know it’s the apocalypse but please can we keep this stray dog” 194. We’re at a murder mystery party and I’m sure you’re the killer 195. Your grandma is forward even though we are just friends 196. “We got into a really heated Wii tennis match and the rec and now I wanna bang you” 197. “you are literally the last person I would expect to see at Disneyland but hey wanna ride space mountain” 198. “YOU LIKE GAME OF THRONES TOO?!” 199. “in interviewing you for a newspaper can you please stop flirting with me and we can get coffee afterwards” 200. “we’re enemies by day but league of legends allies by night” 201. Ancient gods 202. Whoops I accidentally summoned a demon 203. Co captains who always argue 204. “I didn’t mean to throw the water balloon at you I meant to hit my friend behind you” 205. There was a food fight and I accidentally threw spaghetti at the scariest kid in school 206. “I happened to glance in your window when you did some air guitar and then you caught me looking” 207. “I live a block away from the pizza place that’s open until 2 am and you’re like always here which is nice because I get to see you but, um is you sleeping here because you’re literally always here” 208. “I swear to god if I hear you taking a shower at 3 in the morning I will fight you, the pipes in this building are right above my room WHY are you taking a shower at THREE IN THE MORNING” 209. 210. “I can literally hear you sneezing through the walls and I bought you some chicken soup because I have exams to study for and your sneezing is seriously distracting” 211. “Im the poor loser you lent your umbrella to yesterday and my cat scratched through the fabric I’m sorry” 212. “we were partnered for this project and both forgot to do it and now have to pull an all nighter at my house” 213. “I came to this Halloween part as Frankenstein and you came as frankenstein’s wife and now everyone thinks we are dates” 214. We’re the only ones at this tiny bus shelter and you’ve been crying for the past ten minutes and id give you privacy but its pouring down with rain outside so “do you want to talk about it?” I guess 215. You’ve just moved into my apartment and I want a drink but you’ve been in the kitchen for an hour and you will judge me for drinking whiskey at noon on a Sunday 216. We’re both in the brass section of the marching band and you won’t stop making ‘horny’ puns 217. You work in construction and I walk by every day to give you a bagel 218. I sit behind you in lecture and bio1102 is not the place to watch porn 219. We were the only idiots who showed up to ballroom dance class without a partner 220. We are in class and you keep throwing paper balls at me why 221. Its 2am and I’m knocking on your window, wake up let’s go on a late-night walk or something idk can we hold hands already 222. Our kids got paired up for a project and I meant just drop my kid off at your house but now we are at the end of a three hour talk 223. Battle of the bands 224. Our grandparents are in the same nursing home and hate each other whereas we don’t. 225. Arrested at the same protest 226. How do you keep getting my name that wrong on my coffee cup? 227. Only two people who bought tickets to this movie 228. Our manager is making us push this crappy item no one needs but you thought my campaigns was funny so you bought it 229. I desperately need you to fix my laptop but please don’t judge me for my browser history 230. My kid’s hamster died while she was at school and I don’t know how to tell her 231. I made a dumb science joke in class and you’re the only one who laughed 232. Everyone in our dorm has gone out but I have the flu and hear you coughing pathetically from the next room wanna share my stash of cough drops and have Netflix marathon 233. Got into a seriously heated argument in the comments of a mutual friends post 234. Rival street performers 235. My kid shoplifted from your store and I marched her right back to apologies 236. Why didn’t you tell me this place was haunted before I rented it from you? 237. My band plays at the same restraint every Friday and you always make obscure requests and I know you’re trying to stump me but you have rally underestimated how much of a music geek I am 238. m the caterer and you’re the florist for this wedding and we bond over talking about how bad of a person the bride’s mother is 239. We’re chaperoning these kids at an ice skating rink and that last couples skate was pathetic how about we show them how it’s done? 240. We both work at rivalling gossip magazines and keep trying to outdo each other ridiculous stories 241. I accidentally caught the neighbor’s yard on fire and I didn’t think it could get worse but the volunteer fireman reprimanding me is gorgeous and probably thinks I’m an idiot 242. I didn’t mean to get you arrested I thought I was helping 243. Your pizza keeps getting delivered to my house and I need to talk to you about your choice of toppings 244. Graffiti artist/ mural painter 245. You’re the only major film critic who’s hated my movie and I need to talk to you about it because I agree

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