#last life specifically but consider—

[astro-inthestars]

*Looks at Gem's Secret Life Ep 7*

......sooooo. anyone feelin Curses by Crane Wives by any chance–

#rennikorambles #secret life #geminitay #secret life episode 7 #im just saying yall. its perfect #i know curses has already done for the life series before #last life specifically but consider— #WAIT ACTUALLY THATS PERFECT #IT MIMICS THE BOOGEYMAN CURSE FROM LL #SO A REMIX WOULD BE CRAZY oooooh imagine #i can already see it #VOID BLOOP COPPER LESLEY MY FELLOW NERDS #DO YOU SEE MY VISION

[sunshades]

One thing about canto VI is like. I see so many people predicting it'll be about Fighting Evil Wife or Breaking Codependent Toxic Relationship and I just kinda think that would suck? If the major theme isn't grief AND love and the way both are seen as like Kinda Weird/inappropriate in the setting of the city. Then I'll be very sad.

#bell.txt #not putting it in the tag i dont wanna spam but yes limbus posting yes girls will be thinking about mortal regret #LIKE. LIKE. remember the discourse on twt about how like it was bad writing that yi sang didnt mourn dongbaek etc #and like that was the thing right. thsts not a thing you do in the city. that was part of why roland (who takes lots after wh's themes) #was so exceptional. that is the whole thing about the sickness of the city #to say it in comedia literary criticism terms: sins are split between wrongly-directed love and excess of love with sloth (lack of love) #being an outlier. i think heatho and generally og wh is about excess of love and not wrongly-directed love. it is the thing that lasts #all the way to the other side. it is the shared coffin and meeting again in the next life #i think itd be AWFULLY disappointing to get some boring boring 'they make each other worse' take. being APART due to societal pressures #makes them worse and horribly lonely. death makes them worse baby. so in my mind thats it #we get to see cathy die or still be unreachable in some way and then in very roland style we get furioso mode #and then the ending is about recognizing the love that has in fact been there all along and carrying it with u. and hoping to reunite some #where some other time. NO more slander of that awful girl. YES to the comfort of the memories. #me typing over my foscolo notes like i can surely post about heathcliff really fast and not write a novel in the tags (unaware) #i have more thoughts about this in regards to ruina with xiao and some stuff from leviathan but in the meantime. listen to my ramblings boy #ALSO. considering that implication. he feels for her what queequeg feels for ishy. ARGHH. RIPPING MY HAIR OFF #ok actually its been enough hours to not spam ppl I'll tag it now for blog org. i should maybe have a tag for posting specifically #limbus company

[quaranmine]

Honestly I'd love to know what kind of comments you'd be adding to the fic for your mother. Very curious :0 (also I'm terrible at knowing what information an outsider would and wouldn't have and/or would need)

Sure, I'll add a few. (Redacted since my google account is my full name.) Also remember that y'all also got the benefit of my author's notes, but I'm not giving my mom the AO3 copy because over my dead body does she look at that account. I'm giving her a document copy. So a lot of the comments will likely be details you guys already got in either a post or author's note.

^^^ This one is written specifically because my mom, like me, has been going to Big Bend National Park since she was young. A member of my family has gone there nearly every single year since....1965? lol. So it's a fun tidbit for her to know I was thinking of it while writing this. (There will be a similar note when the Pinnacles trail comes up, because I named Pinnacles after a trail in Big Bend.)

me trying to explain Scar's general dramatic flair (i also have a comment somewhere explaining that Scar is dyslexic and that is why he occasionally mispronounces stuff in the fic, and why he says the scientific documents the rangers let him borrow were difficult to get through)

nicknames

My mother and I are both Gary the cat stans. Trust me she knows Exactly what I am picturing here.

^^ a few other comments on the story, ranging from "background character details" to "research details" to "totally unecessary personal opinions"

it's also fun for little self-aware asides:

She already knows a significant amount of the plot, including the ending, because I talked to her about it. That is also why she gets to read it, because the moment I opened my mouth about writing it I basically had to. I don't always talk about my writing with her but I really wanted to talk about this one. So! By talking about it I just made the decision for myself that I'd allow her to read it. She is....very excited haha. And I am too? I mean I think I am going to send it to her and then just immediately go back to my apartment so I don't have to be in the same house as her while she's reading it LOL. The embarassment of people who know you too closely reading your things etc etc. But I'm very proud of this story and I don't think she realizes how good of a writer I can be. She knows I'm good at it (like, she's read my essays and newspaper stories) but not how I handle fiction.

#quara asks #hc_firewatch_au #i considered making ANOTHER copy for general friends/family/other audience as well #since i know at least one friend asked to read it back in december #i wonder if she still remembers she wanted to read it. i may not remind her LOL #i'm picky about real life people seeing my work. it's so much more intensely personal than showing them my other creative stuff #it's also just a deeply unhinged hobby to write fanfiction in general #i'm not saying that to denigrate fanfiction. yall KNOW i love it deeply. #but you gotta admit there's a level of derangedness to showing Normal People(tm) something like this #hi yes i spent a large portion of my last year writing deeply researched & angsty fiction about minecraft blorbos. here go cry while u read #anyway the reason it'd be a whole new annotated copy and not just the same as my mom's is that i've got a specific relationship with my mom #that will influence how all these annotations are written #we're besties btw. #i'm not even worried about killing her at all on our upcoming 16 day trip together! #i feel like that reads sarcastic it wasnt meant to be

[imflyingfish]

.

#i have no idea how to respond to the whole qsmp situation right now #i mean. i dont watch it or interact with qsmp ITSELF #only the fans around it #I have made fanart for it but not really because i have any particular attachment to specific characters but just because #its a very good springboard for character design and inspiration #Im very involved with the fanbase though as the QSMPnews discord is one of my main discords #and I mainly use the fandom space as a way of practicing/getting into foreign languages #although i dont watch qsmp it still has impacted my life massively in the last year #this clusterfuck of project management is difficult to unravel and know what to do with #and its difficult to know exactly where to turn your attention #or who to blame #since theres so many levels of miscommunication that hasnt been helped by the sharing of it online #i think. even if QSMP doesn't survive #it would be ludicrous to state it as an inherently harmful server #since there has been an evident change in the minecraft gaming space because of it in multiculturalism. #heck IM direct proof of that as someone who does not reguarly engage with the server itself via streams #the fact that as a result of a 21 year old kid deciding to start a sever I can end up with a group of spanish speakers trying to explain #various concepts to me in my language while i respond in theirs is. insane #so do i think that the qsmp will survive? #um. look i dont see how it can. #I've never thought that it could #but i dont think that im going to demonise fans or avoid content relating to it #considering how integral the fanspaces around it are to me and my personal quest for language proficiency #however I will attempt to keep qsmp posts on my french/spanish blogs #well that was. long-winded #idk this is a very self-centred look into the qsmp and this whole situation #obviously I hope that the staff get paid but. I really have no idea where Quackity Studios might get that money from or how the #server should either end or continue

[binders-and-beanies]

Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess

#I’ve been. thinking abt bottom surgery again after having accepted for a while that I would probably never get it #for context early on in my transition I was dead set on phallo but then T and my other surgeries satisfied me enough to not need it #+ for phallo I would have had to keep an arm or leg free of tattoos and I just did not want to wait on that #not considering it would probably be at least a decade. tattoos were and are more important #+ the more I started to enjoy using what I have I was like. it is simply not medically necessary anymore #like would I like to have a **** yes. do I need one to live a happy life no #being bi complicates things for me too bc it depends a little bit who I marry #don’t want to tailor my body to a specific relationship esp if it doesn’t last forever but it does make a difference #current partner is nonbinary and wants phallo so that does not make things simpler lol #I want a body that allows the most affirming possible relationship w the person I intend to marry #I also don’t want to end up hindering things w future partners should that not happen #anyway I say all this to say. I had never considered meta as an option bc I didn’t think it would do much for me #lot of effort and money and healing for not as drastic a change. wouldn’t solve my biggest bottom dysphoria issues #however. starting to think it could be the middle ground I’m looking for as a gnc/genderfluid person #it would be less surgeries. less complicated n expensive. less changes to my current anatomy #esp if I don’t do everything you Can do w meta. I could do like half of all that or less #I don’t wanna risk giving up the things I can do now without knowing if I’ll enjoy the new possibilities #but this could be a way to just kinda feel more affirmed without it changing my life all that much #I think just the act of undergoing bottom surgery would be affirming. like I’ve done Everything I’m a binary male thru and thru. transexual #and I wouldn’t have to keep wondering if I’ll do it someday or if I should #not that I can any time soon I’m uninsured. insurance prob wouldn’t even cover it #but just. the more I look into it and think abt it + the more serious my relationship gets the more I lean towards it #my partner talking increasingly abt wanting bottom surgery asap is influencing me too ngl not even in a jealousy way #just. I can’t deal w the possibility of a partners phallo fucking up my relationship w my body Again. I would need to know what I want #man. I can’t even go to therapy to talk thru it. on account of being uninsured #mine #txt #personal

[themonsterunderthebed]

guys it's time we all talked about your use of the words "young" and "old"

you seem to think. that this is a binary. a person is either young. or a person is old. i am here to give you the joyful news that there is a whole swath of time - the majority of your life, even - where you are no longer young but are also not yet old. something in the middle, so to speak. a..... middle age.........

but seriously the reaction to people calling a 38 year old (which is ridiculous) does not need to be insisting that 38 year old is young (ridiculous in the other direction). like. they're not. sorry. they are nowhere near old but they are no spring daisy anymore either

in summary life does not exist on a strict binary where you are Young until one day a switch flips and you are Old and perhaps it is a minor quibble but i think it would do people good to realize and recognize that

#age discourse #am i gonna regret that tag? probably #i'm in my late 20s. i don't consider myself particularly young anymore #when i consider the amount of life i've lived and experiences i've had and maturity i've gained in the last 5 years or so #it feels like doing myself a disservice and discounting all that growth to group myself with people who are just starting out on that path #like yeah i'm not old or even middle aged but friend i don't think i'm a young adult anymore either. and that is so okay #i don't need to be Young(TM) i'm happy just existing along the axis of maturity+experience inching my way along #without needing a specific word for where i'm at right at this moment #themonster

[therighthandofvengeance]

shoutout to The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari, everything about The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari is excellent. I love The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari.

#babylon 5 #b5 #for once it's not an incorrect quote #s05e02 #the very long night of Londo Mollari #one of my friends said I was an English teacher in a past life #and my love for this episode supports that claim #considering that JMS’s 5-season story was given 4 seasons and one more at the last second #the fifth season slaps #I specifically love the scene with Delenn as the fortune teller #she asks Londo if he wants to live. but she may only ask three times. #and of course she tells him that his past is too bloodied #as if she wasn’t the one to be a war criminal before being an ambassador #I also love G’Kar’s “now Mollari. now we end this.” #*chefs kiss* #and Londo’s conversation with Sheridan? wonderful

[getosugurusbangs]

gojo has appeared in my dreams on 3 separate occasions now. send help.

#the first time he appeared it was teenage gojo #he was sitting on a couch and doing nothing. just sitting there #and i don’t know how or why dream me was so bold #but i essentially just nuzzled up to him and rested my head in the crook of his neck?.? #i also in that dream felt how soft and fuzzy his hair was and let me tell you. #i would like to go back. #anyways. manga spoilers for the second dream #in this one i wasn’t actually there in the dreams happenings #i was just a spectator in it #so in dream number 2 the happenings of ch 237 and 238 hadn’t happened #and i don’t really know how but gojo just… somehow came back to life? #i guess he wasn’t cut in half or anything #but he was just somehow put back together and also not dead/dying so #third dream. this was last night #this time as far as i remember gojo himself didn’t actually appear in the dream. BUT #he was still very much present because this time around #it was me cosplaying/trying to cosplay him #but specifically him in the toji outfit post unsealing and all #which…. considering how buff and generally handsome he is with that outfit and all doesn’t really work with me and my body #because i am. scrawny and overall petite #anyways if mr gojo continues appearing in my dreams i’ll reblog this post and continue to share my new dreams #me.txt #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

[sysig]

Tainted batch (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #Fine nevermind >:( #It's so weird to be posting vent-adjacent stuff while I'm doing so well currently haha #I started this months ago and have significantly improved my mood since then pfft ♪ I'd hope! #There wasn't anything specific at the time anyway just a thought circling around that I figured Charm would be more affected by #Considering most things for her are heightened in comparison haha <3 She'll get therapy someday #She also deals a lot in sublimation through art! And sometimes that means literally taking the materials and using them elsewhere #Honestly it's pretty cool that she can reconstitute her art :0 Drawing is a little different haha #I hadn't realized it'd been as long as it's been since I last drew Cirrus :0 #Oh yeah Cherry Shortcake actually has a first name now lol #A few residents do! If you remember my mention of Aria from a while back - Marshmallow Fluff - I think those are the current three? #Still haven't really pinned down a naming convention haha...I've been thinking about three-letter last names for what feels like forever now #She was also an early contender for Digitally Rendered Resident huh... I could at least stand to name the others that have gotten that lol #So many things I wanna do with her - really want to finish her Biased Narrator fic sometime just dunno how to end it hrmngh #Anyway lol she gets a one-panel cameo and takes over the post pft no! Charm time! #Evil Time Charm time - kicked up her pulse as soon as she remembered #She kinda sorta remembers what happened but more than that remembers the Emotions - feeling Laughed At #And clearly it's [this specific thing]'s fault that she feels foolish! Avoid [this specific thing] and never feel foolish again Guaranteed!* #*Not actually even remotely close to a guarantee lol instead she's just avoiding something that at one point made her feel good #So easy to turn a positive memory into a negative one with just a change of framing huh? #I can't think of anyone in her life who would exploit that fun little feature in her outlook not even one!

[rodismancave]

. wanting 2 write stuff for bad ending rodimus but it scares me soooo bad

#i love writing him as being self destructive. however #its like. a specific kind of self destructive yknow? #i don't really share in on the sentiment that he'd completely let himself go to the point EVERYONE can tell he's let himself go #but mostly those who spent a long period of time around him would absolutely notice the change. #roddy's the kind of guy to be self destructive in private. i think he's always had a bit of a drinking problem but always managed #to keep it well hidden. extremely high-functioning alcoholic ykno #i think he haaaaates being in tc's ship and i seriously dont think he ever tried to keep in touch with anyone. #hes very much the kind of guy who doesnt really talk to people if theyre not present or text him first #and after a while hed think texting them would be too awkward and sort of intruding in the life theyve made for themselves #i think ratchet's funeral is the 1 time he lets himself go enough for it to be clearly noticed that hes devastated #and i think him putting meg's rodimus star was both sentimentally charged and a way to rid himself of the last thing he had #that kept him stuck in that life #i still sort of think Drift asking him abt the jump is a tad bit cruel. seeing he's the one guy to notice rodimus is in that state #but theyre both stranded. they dont rlly know each other anymore. #also to add to the funeral: rodimus 100% waited for the ceremony to be over so nobody else would get around seeing him in that state #i highly doubt he even wanted drift to see him like that considering he didnt even spend that long before trying to dip #anyway #those r my 2 cents. i guess. oops #ooc / misty forest

[thatonecrookedsmile]

More progress being made. I finished re-reading The Illusion of Living this past Friday. It's a nice book. 👍 This was the last of the Bendy books in this "marathon" that I'm doing which I had already read previously and now I'm rereading, meaning that I'm kind of up to date when it comes to rereading all the books that were released until December 2021. But the race is not over yet. Soon I'll start Fade To Black, and (technically) I'll finally be up to date.

Just to continue my chain of posting about the books I finished (at least, the main ones that I really wanted to read) here it is…something I did at the beginning of March, on the night when shit went down. (I hope you know what I'm talking about). I saw the tweets first hand, I was there! Right at the damn moment. And it was..something reading those tweets alright. If the image above doesn't show it, my mood that night and the next 1-2 days wasn't so… great. You might read this and think I'm exaggerating, but that night especially I, uuhhh, I didn't feel good! And this image (and maybe 2 more posts I made that night) are the results of that. (And to think that a week before this happened, I had finished rereading DCTL after a long time. Talk about better/worse timing than this)

At least, if you want the bright side of this, it's that even after that day, I decided to continue with my book marathon, and I don't regret it. I was down that day, but I wasn't out yet damn it!! and I'm still not. (I don't know if this sentence makes a lot of sense, but you get my point)

As a bonus, here's something I did the night I got to the part where Henry is first mentioned in the book (you can consider this as a representation of my reaction when he's first mentioned, both for when I read TIOL for the first time in 2021, as now in this rereading)

Feat. canon Henry design and my fanon design for him (I wanted to include him here + I still read this book with my fan-designs in mind)

#bendy and the ink machine #batim #crookedsmile open his mouth #crookedsmile open his mouth;bendy #ABBY LAMBERT; IN MY HEART YOU ALWAYS BE CANON TO THE GAMES; I DON'T CARE WHAT THE OTHERS SAY #also;i'm a Henry Stein fan;could you tell #re-looking at the first image and realizing that I will probably have to change my Abby design eventually;specifically; the hair. #I'm sure this hair doesn't match with what was described in DCTL or TIOL; #It's going to be a little strange; I'm so used to drawing her like this; but hey; every now and then we have to make sacrifices #To summarize my thoughts on TIOL: it's a nice book! Although it is not my favorite among the other Bendy books written by Kress #It's great to see more of Joey; delving deeper into his character and seeing how he thinks and seeing more of his life before the studio #is an interesting read! but I still prefer stories like DCTL and TLO; you know;especially because these two also have the horror factor in #which;considering what TIOL is; it doesn't have it. It's still a good book tho. It's just not my favorite #and re: the whole book canonity thing: I was not happy! Wow; what a surprising thing to say #as someone who enjoyed the books;I was disappointed with what I thought was expanding the games universe;In the end;just wasn't doing it #like;ok;sure;that doesn't mean the books aren't worth reading; I'd say they are! but still;*points to the last tag* #Maybe; one day; in the future; I can even accept this decision and move on with life; you know. understand the why of this. #but in the current present? yeah;no. I will continue to ask myself why #I would say more; but Tumblr has a tag limit apparently so I'm running out of time. as a last message: read the books #regardless of what the devs say; I still think these things should be recognized. #that's all; peace

[yngai]

sad to report i've gotten to that scene in succession & thus have to induct it into the larger ada wong cinematic canon

#* file // : OOC — ( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐄 . ) #this scene specifically not succession as a whole though i am always a fan of portraying the inherit pathetic-ness of the rich & powerful #making ada a mother is my worst & most inspired decision (nobody does it like me) #kind of plagues me how good of a plotline it really is #burdening her with the guilt of project ada without implying her fault or participation #(since her campaign is spent as you the player and her figure out answers none of the other characters are given) #(the reason she was down this path is because she was investigating the family in the first cutscene of her campaign) #(as her own words say after wesker's death her focus moved onto simmons as he was the next obstacle towards her true purpose) #it allows ada to evolve as a character past her selfishness & need for self-sufficiency/autonomy #& it does tie a nice knot between her last appearance in 6 & my verse for her role during village #something that feels like a personal ending for ada & yet her story goes on as the world isn't done with her quite yet #where she goes after village i haven't yet decided but i do think the BSAA is no longer an obstacle to consider in her movements #in the eight years of her exile the family itself loses its grip on the US government due to internal investigations into simmons' conduct #while he was replaced i assume the new leader is a bit too young & malleable to external forces beyond the family's interest #& the resulting power struggle is another nail in their coffin #she has some freedom #& seeing the desperation in herself through ethan & miranda to reunite with their children does make her consider what to do with it #she's past the halfway point of her life with someone to care for & the decision to settle is less daunting twice over #we'll see - i suppose

[burger-goblin]

.

#girl help i'm romanticizing a relationship that i was in over a decade ago that left me emotionally bruised and stunted #a very toxic relationship in which i was abused in every way a person can be abused #i always would tell myself that i wouldn't take him back after he would cheat on my and i would be tricked into it because i really thought #that i could change him and he could be better #but i realized much later that the reason i was so easy to win back wasn't just because i was in love with him‚ but also because #i really loved his family. i loved the love they gave me‚ and how-- despite how poor our relationship was-- they were on my side #and always cared for me. even when we weren't together‚ his mom was always checking in on me #he and i reconciled years after our very‚ very messy final breakup and maintained a good friendship #however he started getting radicalized and was leaning further and further right‚ so i distanced myself and removed him from my socials #last year‚ around this time‚ i started having dreams about him over and over‚ so i took it as a sign to reach out to him and check in #turned out that his mom had been hospitalized and it wasnt looking good. i reached out to her as well. thankfully‚ she went home #and he asked me how i was‚ like he wanted to keep in touch‚ and i never replied. i wanted to keep that distance between us #but i would still be near if they needed me‚ and for some reason‚ i just assumed the family knew that #fast forward to now. his mom is gone and it's weighing heavily on me. he's told me he never wants to talk to me again #and that's also weighing on me. i wish i just knew the direct reason why he feels that way #like if it's specifically something i said‚ if it's that i remind him of all the wonderful times we spent together with his mom‚ or #is it because of his new wife #i don't think i was that much on an influence on his life considering how often he used me and cheated on me-- i'm not a threat #like to their marriage. so i'm inclined to think it's because i remind him of his mom #but not knowing for sure is the worst part of this‚ i think. i know he's hurting‚ and he knows i know what it's like to lose a parent #i want to give back to the family that gave me so much‚ but now that he's shut me out‚ i'm not sure how to do that anymore #ah‚ flea. you'd know what to say. i wish you were here to tell me.

[twilightarcade]

I wish there were some like really quick procreate mass upload thing

#wordstag #[throwing my hands in front of me again] as you may know #procreate is currently talking up um. Half of my storage. About 32GB of our 64 #this is typical considered what I like to call: Not Good #I might get a huge flash drive or something then back everything up over there.... #but then I need. A flash drive. And to keep track of that thing like it's my life #like if you think about it I never REALLY look at old art but I'm gonna need it eventually man. I do enjoy having a tangible record of #my progress.. not that I have anything older than like 2021 on here #but like. Procreate doesn't have aforementioned super convienietn image upload so either #a. I'm saving them all manually. Or b. I'm just going to throw the entirety of procreate in there #THEN I need to delete everything. Come On Man..... #like ok everything before like. Last year is kinda dead to me. But that means we're deleting SPECIFIC chunks #and unless this is made easier in storage. Um. Not doing that.

[thehardkandy]

Politely explaining to the medical intern at the doctors office that, yes, I think about dying but,like, not in ways that matter. He gives me a disbelieving expression

#i specifically mean in non actionable contexts #cause he asked 'do you think about death or self harm' to which i respond 'not meaningfully' which of course begged a follow up #like no sir i usually just tell myself i will die in my sleep if i have high anxiety and it usually helps me sleep #and then i wake up feeling more normal #SEE. fool proof #of course then he asks what causes me anxiety and i just broadly gesture at the world #'have you considered medication? #girl last time i was on medication i could barely function i was so fuzzy snd tired all the time #like obviously i should be investigating better options #but in many ways my best option os usually keep a vrry consistent and predictable life #and adding additional medical visits snd medications does not lend itself to that

[athenasdragon]

I think the most interesting thing about those polls that are like “who’s your favorite detective” “which detective would you trust to solve your murder” are what names any given person comes up with when they sit down to make a list of ten fictional detectives.

#detective fiction #feel free to rb and add your list IN THE TAGS #I think I would probably start chronological through what I consider the classics #so Dupin. Holmes. Poirot. Marple. Wimsey. Spade. Marlowe. #and then with the remaining three. knowing this is tumblr. #uhhh Blanc #Scooby do gang. and then who’s a relatively modern tv detective #mulder and Scully? see in the last 3 it’s falling apart and becoming super specific to me again #anyway having L and Batman on your list isn’t Wrong or anything it’s just interesting 2 me as someone who enjoys the genre #OH. ok. final 3 are Blanc Scooby gang and Dale Cooper. final answer #my life