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ladystoneboobs · 8 months

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Lord Tywin did not, in the end, shit gold.

so, let’s talk about the recurring motif of shit concercerning the lions of casterly rock/king’s landing. the tywin connection is perhaps strongest and most obvious, yet the appearence of either literal poop or poop talk comes up with all the other lannisters too, barring only myrcella and tommen.

i counted at least 9 mentions of the joke about tywin pooping precious metals. (8 in the main series plus 1 in the world book) this includes the title joke in his death scene, and then there are over 10 more references to tywin dying in the privy.

we’ve also got:

one of our first descriptions of joffrey’s bad personality is jon snow’s summation of him as “a little shit”. not literal poop in this case, but i thought the choice of insult was interesting. (in fact, i believe this is the only time that term is used this way. no non-lannister could ever be so shitty.)

tyrion’s first job from tywin being putting him in charge of all of the drains in casterly rock, presumably including the ones from the privies.

tyrion asking “why does a bear shit in the woods?” in response to cat’s question of why littlefinger would lie to her

bronn telling tyrion he won’t “m'lord you every time you take a shit” in the same chapter where tyrion tells the vale mountain clansmen that his “father’s smiths shit better steel” than their weaponry.

walder frey deeming tywin and stannis “both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit” (”think” meaning walder knows better, that tywin does shit and it’s probably just as gross and stinky as frey poop)

tyrion listing “magnificient destriers shit everywhere” as a reason his battlefield days were done (or so he thought)

tyrion telling varys he should wear his rugen disguise to court and that it would make cersei “soil her smallclothes”

tyrion choosing to poison cersei with laxatives so that she’d be too busy shitting to bother him during court business.

tyrion deeming his predecessors, lords arryn and stark, “too honest to live, too noble to shit” (in this case i think he’s using “too noble” in a different sense than walder frey did, implying that shitting is practical and immoral, like any competant lannister would like to be)

the king’s landing riot on the day of myrcella’s departure starting with multiple clods of dung being flung at joffrey.

joffrey’s crown then being “dung-encrusted” as tyrion attacked him after they escaped the riot

tyrion telling varys and bronn that joffrey was not fit to sit a privy, let alone the throne

catelyn comparing jaime’s honor to the contents of the bucket where he’d been forced to piss and shit in his dungeon cell. an implied shit-for-honor metaphor which he returns to several times, twice in that last chapter with her and repeatedly (at least 7 times, the magic number!) in his own pov.

tywin’s horse taking a shit in the throne room right before he made his grand entrance post-blackwater

tyrion being trapped in a room smelling of “blood and shit and burnt flesh” when he was warehoused with all the other wounded and dead/dying immediately post-blackwater

tyrion saying cersei treated him like a mushroom on his sickbed post-blackwater because she “keeps me in the dark and feeds me shit”

tyrion thinking of the upcoming royal wedding and its pie, believing that doves especially love to shit on him, a sentiment repeated on the wedding day

a king’s landing urchin trying to throw manure at tyrion, and later tyrion telling sansa they must keep the curtains closed on his litter to avoid those fecal projectiles. (the kingslanders seem to be very fond of dung-throwing since tyrion was told they also threw it at his vale clansmen as they were sent home)

jaime recalling that the mad king shit himself in his last moments (meaning jaime’s kingslaying and tyrion’s kinslaying came with the same odor)

jaime noticing the abundance of horseshit in the stables of the outlaws’ inn he and bri and cleos visit

jaime recounting that brienne had to clean him when he soiled himself in the saddle post-mutilation

on jaime’s first return to harrenhal he notes “Someone had dug a privy trench in the very spot where he'd once knelt before the king to say his vows.” (gotta love all the obvious symbolism in jaime’s pov. “it was that white cloak that soiled me, not the other way around.”)

tyrion wishing the father’s statue would fall and “crush joff like a dung beetle” during the royal wedding ceremony

jaime explaining the stink of the capital to his northern escort as “Smoke, sweat, and shit. King's Landing, in short.” (kl being a setting associated with the lannisters, perhaps even moreso than never-seen-yet casterly rock.)

jaime correcting a man at the gates of kl who thought tywin shit silver instead of gold

the hound saying sansa “shit on the Imp's head and flew off.” when learning of her escape

jaime seeing a crow shitting on blessed baelor’s statue as he and cersei spoke to mace tyrell at tywin’s funeral

tyrion seeing a pile of horse dung on the old valyrian road and thinking of his father down in some hell

tyrion telling duck and haldon "Pissing is the least of my talents. You ought to see me shit." as his means of introduction

even kevan gets into the poop game telling jaime "I was hanging outlaws and robber knights when you were still shitting in your swaddling clothes”

cersei then tells jaime that kevan will have his hands full at darry “teaching Lancel how to wipe his arse.”

cersei dreaming of keeping tyrion’s severed head in her chamber pot to pee and poop on

tyrion describing the smell of old volantis: “There's fish in it, and flowers, and some elephant dung as well. Something sweet and something earthy and something dead and rotten.”

tyrion thinkling the mud in the poorest part of volantis was the color of “a baby’s nightsoil”

tyrion noticing dung carts pulled by dung-tattooed slaves and almost walking into elephant dung until jorah snatched him aside

jaime meeting shitmouth on his 2nd return to harrenhal

cersei being disgusted by all the sparrows befouling baelor’s plaza “with their pigs and goats and nightsoil” (nightsoil = human poop euphemism)

jaime recalling merrett frey being branded by wenda the white fawn and “the kettles of shit his fellow squires made him eat once he was returned” (presumably in a figurative sense)

genna telling her husband he could wipe his arse with the deed to riverrun for all the good it did while the blackfish still held the castle

edwyn frey’s plan in jaime’s riverrun war council involving shit-smeared arrows

jaime describing the freys’ messy siege camp with “raw brown mud, mixed with horse dung and torn up by hooves and boots alike” and only “flies, horse dung, and Ser Ryman's gallows, standing forlorn” left after their departure

tyrion thinking the people laughing at his fall in his and penny’s show on the ship would “have laughed hard enough to shit their breeches along with him[tywin]” if they’d seen him kill his father

then tyrion and penny being trapped during the storm with her dog and ever-shitting pig (and the ship’s creak sounding like “a constipated fat man straining to shit”)

tyrion again experiencing the “stink of blood and shit” in the slavers’ camp amid the bloody flux

tyrion thinking the yunkish supreme comander looked “as formidable as a loose stool”

tyrion and penny having to clean yezzan’s pools of slimy, bloody shit after he contracted the bloody flux

doing all that in “a miasma of sweat, shit and sickness inside yezzan’s pavilion”

one of the second sons offering to behead tyrion and toss his corpse in the latrine pit upon his arrival in brown ben’s tent

cersei smelling the essence of kl upon her release from baelor’s sept: “the scents of sour wine, bread baking, rotting fish and nightsoil, smoke and sweat and horse piss. No flower had ever smelled so sweet.”

cersei later slipping, during her walk of shame, in “something that might have been nightsoil”. which was probably not so sweet

cersei walking on, after she could see the red keep ahead, through mud and dung, bleeding and hobbling

brown ben plumm telling tyrion he’d have to shit into a bucket bc of too many eyes at the latrines

tyrion telling penny “Fight or hide or shit yourself, as you like, but whatever you decide to do, you'll do it clad in steel."

some of these are just turns of phrase or everybody poops situations included for the sake of comprehensiveness, but i do think the sheer amount of lannister-related poop references is meaningful. does it mean anything that tyrion, as tywin “writ small”, (and tywin’s most unfavorite lannister) is the child of tywin with the most shit references (or is just that he also has the most pov chapters?)? or that cersei, tywin’s other heir (and tyrion’s other abuser) ends up trapped in a privy after being dosed with laxatives by tyrion, and then tywin dies in a privy after being shot by tyrion? or that myrcella and tommen, the most innocent lannisters, are not so associated with shit?

this imagery does have different meanings with each character. for tyrion it’s usually about his father and society at large shitting on him, for jaime it’s mostly about his solied honor and the dishonorable characters he interacts with, for joffrey and cersei it’s about the common people they disdain reacting to them, bringing them down by dirtying their bodies, human waste connecting the lannisters with those they rule, not so different after all. and for tywin, poop regularly ruins his moments of glory whether it’s his entrance to the throne room, his death failing to shit gold, or his very smelly funeral. but for all of them it is a humanizing element, showing they are just as gross and vulnerable as anyone else. jaime is no golden god, he’s a disabled knight at one point too weak to wipe his own butt in the immediate aftermath of his injury. perhaps that is the real lasting legacy of tywin lannister: a load of reeking shit which can be gilded like gold but never truly mistaken for perfection.

#valyrianscrolls #asoiaf meta #asoiaf #tyrion lannister #cersei lannister #Jaime Lannister #Tywin Lannister #Joffrey Baratheon #kevan lannister #lancel lannister #genna lannister #Pride of Lions #ive had this sitting in my drafts since pretty much the start of this blog #inspiring to finally finish it by the last season of suck session and all the talk of logan's piss motif #(c)lsb #didn't lj-cuts have an endpoint so you could put a visible conclusion tl;dr below?#anyway i wish tumblr readmores worked like that #long post #sh1tpost

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atomic--peach · 10 months

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Her Grace's Handmaiden Pt 23

(Cersei Lannister x Fem Reader, brief one sided Lancel Lannister x Fem Reader. Disclaimer: While Lancel's age is unstated in the show, in the books he is canonically 17. However, since the show ages everyone up by 2-3 years and we've been going by Show ages instead of Book ages so far , Lancel in this fic would be 19-20.

SMUT: male masturbation )

AO3 version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48276340

Lannister Reign over the continent seemed to be solidifying with every passing day One Baratheon brother dead, the other cast back into the sea. Jaime was off fighting for control of the Riverlands against the Stark pup. Joffrey on the throne with his grandfather as Hand to the King, and Cersei looming over all shoulders, waiting for something to do.

She needed a distraction. Something to take her mind off the thoughts barreling through her brain.

There were the usual concerns, of course. Her dreadful little brother. The Stark Girl, who was more use to them alive but sulked around the keep like a kicked dog.

Speaking of dogs.

She shook her head.

Don't think on that, there's no point to it.

And yet she couldn't stop herself. She pictured you that night, standing in the darkness of your quarters with knowing eyes that looked almost eager for the Queen to get closer. Cersei couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had forced you into the Holdfast with the other ladies.

You'd still be here, of course.

But that look you gave Cersei. A look to chill the blood of even the most hardened of warriors. It was the look of a predator just waiting for its prey to move into the perfect position.

But that was nonsense, Cersei knew that.

You were devoted to her, even in anger. Each time Cersei sent you away, you had always come back. You never would have left her Queen's side if you hadn't been forced to.

This was the delusion Cersei labored under for weeks, even now despite the idea being brushed off by everyone else.

She brought her distress to her father and Joffrey, and both looked at her like she had grown a second head.

"Forgive me." Tywin squinted slowly as if he didn't understand. "But it is my understanding that upon marriage, a wife becomes as one with her husband both spiritually and legally. Lady Clegane is the man's wife, therefore there can be no issue of kidnapping."

"All the same" Cersei fumed, outraged that they would not see sense. "He should be found and hanged as a deserter. If we find him, we find Lady Clegane."

"We are at war" Joffrey scoffed, "We do not have the spare men to send after a stray dog and his bitch."

Cersei wanted to pull his ear for that. She had been unprepared for the harsh change in her dynamic with her son. He no longer listened to her and did not seek her advice or her counsel.

When he discovered the truth of Robert's many bastards, he sent the city watch to slaughter them all, grown and babes alike.

When Cersei heard of this, she was stunned. Yes, it solved the issue of the truth Jon Arryn discovered, but it also gave those who resented Lannister presence a rallying cry against Cersei and her family

"The Queen Slaughters Babies" Tyrion had said with a dark smirk.

Tywin insisted Cersei at least try to keep some kind of control over her son, but the boy king resisted with every attempt.

That made it sting all the more when Tywin himself succeeded where Cersei had failed with her child.

Tywin had him settled, more willing to thin before acting, and betrothed to Margery Tyrell, whom Cercei resented and watched carefully.

If you were here, Cersei thought, you would know what to say to cheer her. You would call Margery a snub-nosed little girl and laugh with Cersei at the very idea of such a welp replacing her.

"She could never hold a candle to you, Your Grace" you would say, cheeks rosy and eyes smiling. "Rose or not."

Why had you left? Cersei knew why, she wasn't stupid.

She did regret what had happened. You had wanted that baby so badly. I should have just had that dog put down, Cersei thought to herself, that would have been enough.

Yes, it would have hurt you, but you would have gotten over it. You would have had your baby to look after, and Cersei by your side.

Cersei allowed herself to linger on this alternative path, as it was so much more pleasant than her current reality.

Cersei would have moved you closer to the royal quarters, perhaps even into her rooms. The babe would be attended to by a nanny and wetnurse, as all highborn children were.

I could have given them more, Cersei frowned.

A head start for the boy, he would have been set to be someone's squire. Perhaps Jaime's. From there he could take on the role his father had taken, sworn sword to the King's children. Or, on the off chance the boy had been small, unfit for the battlefield, he could have even been sent to Oldtown to be educated.

Would she have loved him? Cersei wondered. Not as she loved her own children, surely. But, he would have been the apple of his mother's eye. I would have cared for him, Cersei decided firmly, not loved, but cared for.

And how well you would have thrived as a mother. You were so good with little Tommen and Myrcella, it would have come naturally.

After The Hound died, what would be done with you?

You could remain forever a widow, that would be the preferred route. You could not be trusted not to love, and in Cersei's view, it was only natural for everyone to fall in love with you eventually.

If the silly fool had been smart enough not to fall for her first husband, none of this would have happened.

If you did remarry though, it would have to be a weak man. One who did not ask questions and did not interfere.

She had thought the Hound good at not interfering. Perhaps Cersei had been blind to it, but he had never seemed resentful of your affections for your Queen. But why else would he have stolen you from the Keep in the Night like a common thief?

you must be so worried, Cersei realized.

Did you know they had won? That they were still alive?

The poor dear was snatched up and swept away like a maiden in a story, she thought fretfully, you must be so confused and frightened.

Enough of this. Cersei slapped her palm to the smooth table top she sat at, nursing a goblet of wine. If they would not do anything, she would.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"You asked to see me, your grace?"

"Yes, come in." Cersei eyed the sell sword up and down. To consider this man a knight would be an affront to the very notion of chivalry, regardless of the "Ser" they put before his name.

"I find myself in need of some help." She began. "I have a problem, and the crown has made it clear they will not intervene, so I am seeking outside assistance."

Bronn nodded understandingly. "May I ask as to the nature of the problem?"

"My favorite, The Lady Clegane, do you know her?"

"Know of her, the uh…" He tried to find a word he could get away with in the present company, "the pretty one the Hound married. I saw her."

"She was kidnapped by her husband from the keep the night Stannis attacked the city. I want her brought back, and I want that barbarian's throat slit."

Bronn considered this. "That can be arranged. It'll take some asking around though, not many men would be willing to track down a man that big and that good with a sword. And they'll be asking for a pretty penny to do it."

"Money is of no object, I assure you," Cersei smirked. "I want her brought back alive and unharmed."

"I'll find the man for the job, your grace." Bronn smiled coyly, "Of course, there is a matter of a finder's fee…"

"Find me a man who can do the job. If he comes back alive with Lady Clegane unharmed, you will be rewarded handsomely." Cersei assured him.

Bronn's grin widened at this, "I will start straight away, Your Grace."

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Lancel stared at the ceiling over his bed blankly.

His wound still burned with infection, and his brow was damp with feverish sweat.

The Maester said he would have died if not for the quick dressing of his wound. He had you to thank for that, he thought fondly.

He made good his vow to Clegane and told his father to find him a wife that could get him out of King's Landing, and Kevin Lannister acted swiftly, glad to see that his son was finally taking adult responsibility seriously.

But while the Frey girl Kevin had betrothed him to was kind and plain-faced with noble intentions, Lancel's mind could not help but stray.

He hated himself for it. It was an affront to the gods, disrespectful to the man who had covered his crimes, and dishonored the very lady his affections yearned for.

His soul was still wracked with guilt, how he had been the one to summon you to Cersei's chambers that night. He had no way of knowing what would happen, he told himself, no way at all.

And even after what happened, when he confessed before you and your husband the Queen's crime and his unintentional part in it, though he might die, and if he did it would be well deserved.

But instead, you bore him no ill will, neither of you did. You had even taken valuable time to tend to his wounds when he was injured. "Come with us" you had urged him, and he wanted to follow so badly.

But his honor would not allow it, nor his pride.

And in the end, they won, despite everything.

When the battlefield cleared, Lancel found he could not judge Clegane for what he had done. Win or Lose, nothing would have changed for you. You would still be trapped, your son would still be dead, and you would have to look into the face of your child's killer every day.

He could still picture the beach, war raging only a few hundred yards from them as you held his hand in yours.

Even in plain wool, stripped of any court finery that might have disguised you for a snobbish highborn, you were still so beautiful.

Had Clegane not been there, had they been alone on that beach, would Lancel have dared to kiss you as he had so wanted to in that moment?

It was horrible to think, he knew that. You were a married woman, with a husband who not only loved but respected you. And you were his senior by ten years or more, what could you ever want with someone like him? Little more than a boy in tin armor with a toy sword when compared to The Hound.

As he pondered in the darkness, the arm on Lancel's good side began to move over his hip to rest on his lower stomach. Absentmindedly his long fingers played at the edge of his waistband.

He wished you were here. You had been so kind, so attentive when you nursed his wound as he sat on your bed. Even in the midst of the pain and the noise of the battle still ringing in his ears, the touch of your hands on his body was startlingly gentle.

He imagined how soft your touch had been on his face, all those times you had cupped his cheek gently, in the cellars by candlelight, in the garden surrounded by flowers. How those soft hands would feel against his bare chest, nursing him still with those sad eyes. How you'd press a cold cloth to his brow to soothe his fever.

"My poor Lion" he could hear you breathe, "Let me take care of you."

He gasped as your small hand gripped the length of his shaft and stroked him slowly but firmly. He did not protest, only whimpering with need as you leaned over him to plant a kiss on his brow. Your chest hovered just out of his reach until you drew him close and laid his head on your breast.

"Sweetling." You coaxed him gently, "You must rest, let me help you."

He nodded in agreement and very nearly cried out as you picked up the pace, lavishing tender attention on his sensitive tip each time your fingers pumped his cock.

"Please" he whined, face buried in the warm softness of your breasts as the sensation overwhelmed him. The beckoning smell of your hair, the musical tone of your sweet voice. "Please. I need you; I need you; I love you. Please."

You laughed lightly at his gasping chant, watching his hips buck against your hand.

"I know, darling, I know. Just breath. You're doing so well, so close."

His release came quickly, and just as soon as you were there, you were gone. Your warmth replaced by a cool pillow; your small soft hand replaced by his own nimble fingers.

Even as he traced the sensitive tip of his cock, drawing out more jerks and whines, Lancel felt a wave of shame wash over him.

But more powerful than shame was desire. The desire to sleep, the desire to dream. Perhaps you would visit him again tonight if he was lucky.

#cersei lannister x reader #her grace's handmaiden #game of thrones fanfiction #lancel lannister #game of thrones smut

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blackbyrenflowers · 2 months

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“You think I care about a cup of wine? Lancel is my son, Cersei. Your own cousin. If I am angry with you, that is the cause. You should have looked after him, guided him, found him a likely girl of good family. Instead you—”

Kevan is definitely not a good person, but props to him for thinking what Cersei did to Lancel was wrong and being angry about it.

#he probably wouldn't call it rape #but its a step #tw rape #asoiaf #house lannister #cersei lannister #kevan lannister #lancel lannister #valyrianscrolls

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the-fiction-witch · 2 months

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Don't pout my little doe, you can have your lion later

Media Game Of Thrones

Character Lanncel Lannister

Couple Lancel X Reader (Baratheon - Daughter of Robert and Ceresi Dark Baratheon Hair)

Rating SMUT AF

I sat inside the litter, on the soft silk pillow the curtains closed at the sides to keep concealed from passers-by. The sweet fabrics and cushions around me as I sat in my little shoes and sweet yellow and black dress. The litter moved and bustled a little as it slowly moved through the king's landing streets as the caravan of royals moved from the sept back to the red keep. It was far too dangerous for any of us to be walking these streets so the litters kept all of us hidden and safe.

I looked across the litter where the familiar body sat, thin and tall with long Lannister blonde locks, his fine lion-littered clothes red and gold clothes with his sword by his side his hand on the hilt as if he was prepared at any second to use it. I blushed slightly and looked away before he noticed me looking but I saw his own eyes flick to me. Lancel Lannister, he had been squire to my father King Robert Baratheon, and my father had insisted that in the event of his death his squire was to become my protector. Which was sweet of him, I unlike my siblings had a decent relationship with my father even if that meant my mother despised me. I suppose that's why my mother never protested about it, I think she knew Lancel had never seen battle and while skilled he was not really up to the level a princess' protector should be but I think it was her way of keeping us both out of her way.

We met eyes for a moment across the litter and we both tried to hide our smiles, we both knew something... was between us but we knew such a matter could not be pursued. He was my protector and nothing more even if I wanted him to be. But I knew our families would rage at us if anything was to be revealed about us. We were technically second cousins but by Westeros law that meant very little as even first cousins can marry in Westeros without much of an eyebrow being raised. But still I knew my mother hated me and would not allow us to be together even if we wanted to be.

He looked at me as I looked away his eyes lingered on my Baratheon yellow dress, on my dark hair. I looked like my father like a Baratheon which I assume was part of what my father loved and my mother hated about me given I looked nothing like my blonde slender siblings, joffery, Marcella and Tommen. I suppose they looked like Lannisters and I a Baratheon. But Lancel's eyes lingered but he shook his head away as if shaking off his thoughts.

But as we stopped I briefly looked out the window seeing we had not yet returned to the red keep I'm sure we must have stopped for one reason or another so I didn't ask, but as Lancel and I met eyes again I blushed and hatched an idea to occupy our time.

"Lancel?" I spoke up,

"Yes, princess?" He looked at me with a sweet smile,

"could I?" I innocently asked,

"Could you what princess?" He raised an eyebrow looking at me curiously but with a sly smile as he knew what I wanted but enjoyed the tease,

"What I usually do," I blushed, "When we're alone..."

He bit his lip a little but nodded, "As you wish my princess."

I giggled and quickly hopped over to his side I sat myself on his thigh as he moved his sword to the side, I wrapped my arms around his neck and nuzzled my head onto his shoulder and chest feeling his warm body and the softness of his clothes, he quickly wrapped an arm around my waist to bump me closer to him, I giggled and plaid with his hair as he stroked my back I rather felt naughty to be doing such a thing I knew I shouldn't and because I knew this position was what many girls would do to a lord of higher born then themselves which... asmused me in my own way.

"Hi lancel," I giggled as he pulled me so our noses touched,

He smirked and stroked my dress whispering against my lips "Hello princess."

"I like when you look after me, it means I get cuddles," I giggled,

"Humm I like cuddles with you very much princess. really I like anything we do together, but especially when were... alone together."

I smiled and gave his neck some small kisses, "When we return to the red keep, will you come cuddle in my room?"

".... I think that would be an excellent idea, Princess." He cooed as he stroked my jaw and held my chin to prevent my kisses, "I would love to have a cuddle alone in your room." he whispered against my lips,

I tried to kiss his neck again but he pulled on my hair to stop me and gave my ass a firm smack making me only giggle more.

"Lancel?"

"Yes, princess?" He smirked kissing my neck softly,

"When we cuddle in my room..."

"Yes?"

"Will we play... the quiet game?"

"Humm the quiet game? you know I want to play anything with you princess but are you sure? you always lose the quiet game." he smirked nibbling my neck,

"I know, but I like to play."

"I know you do," He smirked, "How about... we play hunt instead?"

"We can?"

"I think so, I think you'd love a game of hunt." He whispered in my ear, "Are you ready princess?"

I nodded and he bit his lip his hand on my hip,

"Close your eyes." he demanded his tone breathy,

I giggled and closed my eyes he then pressed little kisses down my chest towards my dress but I peaked opening one eye, he saw me and growled

"ah ah ah, you took a wrong step now the lions gonna bite the little doe," He smirked as he sunk his teeth into my neck tugging at my skin making me squeal and kick my feet,

"Noooo! I didn't mean to,"

He pulled back and fixed some hair behind my ear, "Open your mouth princess." he demanded, I blushed but opened my mouth as wide as I could his thumb moved to stroke my bottom lip, "Tounge out." He demanded so I playfully forced my tongue out as far as I could, He smirked and ran his hands over my dress as I sat on his leg keeping me sat for a good while like this, "Humm getting tired yet princess?"

I shook my head even if my mouth was tried, he moved his fingers close stroking my lips,

"suck." he demanded so I did as he asked and took his index and middle finger into my mouth sucking them and licking them making sure to keep eye contact as I did, which forced a low groan, "ummm such a good little princess," he cooed his palm resting on my chin to hold my face as his fingers moved to thrust inside my mouth leaving me to have to move my head to keep his fingers in my mouth and to keep sucking until he pulled his fingers out completely. "You know, Princess, I think that you are just a bit too tightly wound. I will loosen you up... I think your outfit is too much, and I want it off of you. What do you think, Princess? Should I take off your dress?"

"Lancel.. someone might-"

"No one will see," he smirked as he unlaced my dress front, "Keep quiet for me princess,"

I nodded as he tugged at my dress gently at first but the more he unlaced the more eager he got almost ripping my dress until it was unlaced to my waist and he pushed back the soft yellow fabric to reveal my bare breasts but keeping it on my shoulders he bit his lip hard as he looked at my exposed body his hand came and stroked my neck and down my chest fondling my breasts as he went, "How does that feel princess? Do you like the feeling of my hand against your skin?" he smirked and I nodded, "Hummm such a good little princess. such a good little doe for her lion," he cooed, as his hand came to my breast still slick from my sucking a she rubbed on my nipple to harden it moving his index and middle finger back and forth over my right nipple forcing it to get hard for his attention as well as causing me to whine and squirm on his lap,

"Uhhh Lancel..." I whined,

"Ah ah ah I said quiet princess." he smirked biting my neck harder than before grabbing my breast in his hand fondling and groping me as I sat on his thigh, "Ummm I love playing with your fucking tits." he smirked, moving both hands to grope and squeeze,

"Ahhh Lancel!" I squealed,

"Humm what about quiet don't you understand?" He smirked biting my neck even harder as he did I whined and stroked his clothes as I squeezed my legs together feeling myself get wetter for his rubbing and groping, "oh. That's why?" He growled forcing my dress up to stroke my bare thigh he slapped my ass again before he stroked my pussy, "Awww so wet princess."

"Uhh Lancel..." I whined,

"This what you want? this what you want princess?"

"Yes..."

"Humm really? Is this what you want? Do you want my fingers inside you? You want me to finger your cute little pussy princess?"

"Yes. Please lancel..."

"Awww you are adorable," he cooed, "say it."

"I-"

"Say it my little doe."

"I want your fingers inside my pussy lancel... please... devour your doe my lion."

"That's better." he smirked forcing my dress off me completely leaving me naked on his lap tapped my thigh and I happily opened them," Aww such a good princess," he cooed as his hand moved to slip his index and middle finger inside me his thumb rubbing my clit making me squeal and scream as he kissed me to keep me quiet as he thrusted his fingers hard and rubbed on my clit the same pace as his other hand rubbed on my nipple, we kissed making out heavily often moaning into each others mouths as his hands pleasured me endlessly. I knew I was close but he didn't stop instead He pulled back with a groan and smirked at me, "On your knees. suck my cock. Now princess." He demanded, I blushed as he moved his hand back but I did as he asked moving to my knees and unlacing his trousers taking his hard cock in my hand and sucking it as mercilessly as he had fingered me I could feel the litter below my knees knowing we were moving again but I didn't care to stop he threw his head back and often tugged my hair until we felt the unmistakable feeling of the litter being set on the ground, we quickly pulled back and peaked out seeing we had now returned to the red keep, "Shit-" He muttered fixing himself,

"Lancel..." I whine in desperation,

"I know princess, I know." he muttered clearly desperate too but he handed me my dress and helping me to relace it, "Come on, we'll deal with the nonsense and continue up in your room, alright princess?"

"Alright," I pouted,

"Don't pout my little doe, you can have your lion later," he said,

"All of my lion?" I begged,

"Every single bit of me my princess." he cooed biting my neck playfully before giving my lips a kiss and my ass a slap so we both sighed and climbed out to return to business like nothing had happened.

#eugenesimon #eugene simon #lancellannister #lancel #lancel lannister #house lannister #game of thrones fanfiction #gameofthrones #game of thrones #game of thrones fanfic

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maid-with-sunset-in-her-hair · 1 year

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I’m completely sure that Lancel Lannister will not only survive to the end of the series, but also inherit Casterly Rock after Cersei and her children die. She always wanted to be Tywin’s heir, and resented Jaime for getting that by virtue of his gender, so what better narrative punishment than the inheritance she always wanted going to the cousin she sexually abused? Lancel looks like Jaime and only wanted to be like him growing up, so it makes sense if his endgame is becoming the Lord of the Westerlands, becoming what Jaime could’ve been if he hadn't given up his lands and titles for Cersei.

Not to mention that GRRM will probably want to resolve the conflict between the Lannisters and the Starks before the series’ end, and unfortunately for all the pedo shippers who wanted Sansa’s forced marriage to Tyrion to become the cornerstone of peace, Lancel and Sansa being the ones that sign the armistice is more thematically coherent. She saved his life during the Battle of the Blackwater even though he was her enemy, and a Lannister always pays his debts. Peace will be born from an act of mercy, not from Tywin’s attempt to steal a girl’s inheritance and subjugate the North.

#make a guess what triggered this whole rant 😂#asoiaf #my meta #valyrianscrolls #lancel lannister #sansa stark #anti cersei lannister #anti tyrion lannister #anti sanrion #anti tywin lannister

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holb32 · 5 months

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The Hound and the Lioness

Sandor Clegane x fem!reader - Smut -

Part One!

Summary - Gianna Lannister is the youngest daughter of Tywin Lannister from his second wife Lynnette Stark. When Gia rushes in to help Sansa Stark, after her nephew humiliates her, the king suddenly has a 'brilliant' idea... or so he says.

A/N - This is only the second time I've done something like this... so bare with me please.

WARNINGS - If you are UNDER 18 then DO NOT read! Forced marriage, loss of virginity, blow job, blood, PIV, maybe breeding kink and size kink, literally has no plot just doing this coz I had an idea! If I've missed anything that should be added as a warning then please let me know!

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Gianna watched from the crowd that had gathered in the throne room, as Joffrey terrorised poor Sansa Stark, again.

"You're here to answer for your brother's latest crimes. What do you have to say?" Joffrey aimed his armed crossbow at the Stark girl as she kneeled before him.

"Your Grace, whatever my traitor brother has done, I had no part in it!" The poor girl began to sob, "You know this, Your Grace. I beg-" Joffrey had cut her off before she could finish, Ser Lancel, tell her what her brother has done!" Demanded Joffrey.

As Ser Lancel stepped forwards, so did Gianna. She always knew something wasn't right with her eldest nephew. He was evil, one of the evilest beings she's ever come across. Gia was appalled with his actions and about the fact that no one could make him stop, not even his mother.

"Using some vile sorcery your brother fell on Stafford Lannister with an army of wolves." Lancel announced. Gianna couldn't understand how people actually believe this stuff. So she rolled her eyes and mentally face palmed herself, ridiculous fools, she thought to herself.

"Thousands of good men were slaughtered, after the butchering, the Northmen feasted on the meat of the slain." This made the crowd surrounding them gasp and whisper in horror. War was a dreadful thing, Gianna knew that, but she really couldn't see that happening. At least not on Robb Stark's orders or his mothers. When she first met them, when she went with her older sister Cersei and her family to Winterfell, she'd gotten on well with the Starks.

"Killing you would, mayhaps, send your traitor brother a message." Gianna snapped out of her thoughts at that, surely he's not really contemplating that? The poor Stark girl began to weep, "But my mother insists on keeping you alive, unfortunately. Stand." Sansa stood at the king's orders, ever the obedient Lady Stark. Gianna's pity for the girl grew day by day. She didn't deserve this, no one did.

"So, we'll just have to send your brother a message some other way." Gianna took another step forward, just so she stood slightly out of the crowd, as if she might run towards young Lady Stark, she was family after all, distant but still family. "Meryn." The unspoken order was spoken and Joffrey's favoured Kingsguard stepped towards Sansa, "Leave her face, I like her pretty." And with that Sansa was punched to the stomach.

Gianna gasped and tried to step forwards, but before anyone could truly notice, her handmaid Dalia grabbed her arm, "No, my Lady. I do not think it wise to step in." Gia didn't take her eyes off Sansa. Meryn took out his sword and struck the backs of her legs, so she fell to the floor.

"Meryn, my dear lady's over-dressed. Unburden her." The Knight stood behind poor Sansa and ripped the back of her dress open, "If you want Robb Stark to hear us, we're going to have to speak louder!" Ser Meryn took out his sword again, swinging it over his head, "What is the meaning of this?"

The crowd split to allow Gianna's brother, Tyrion Lannister, to make his way through along with his man Bronn. "What kind of Knight beats a helpless girl!" Snaps Tyrion. "The kind who serves his king, Imp!" Meryn Snapped back. Gianna hated that man, he was just as vile and cruel as her nephew. "Careful now, we wouldn't want to get blood all over your pretty white cloak." Bronn, even though he irritated Gia sometimes with his crude words, managed to shut the Knight up.

"Would someone get the girl something to cover herself with." Gianna and Sandor 'The Hound' stepped forward towards Sansa. "It's alright sweet girl, Tyrion will handle Joffrey." Whispered the young Lannister Lady as the Hound grabbed his White Cloak over her shoulders.

"She's to be your queen. Do you have no regard towards her honour?" Questioned Tyrion, "I'm punishing her!" Tyrion gaped, "For what crimes? She's not fighting her brother battles you half wit!" Gianna helped Sansa stand, wrapping the girl in her arms.

"Your behaviour is despicable, Nephew! She's done nothing wrong!" Gia shouted. The Stark girl shook in the Lannister Lady's arms. "Neither of you can speak to me like that! The king can do as he likes!" Again Lady Lannister rolled her eyes, "The Mad King did as he liked! Look where that got him! Killed by his own guard, his people rebelled against him. Is that what you want to be done to you? For people a hundred years from now to remember you as the king who beat helpless Ladies?" Snapped Gianna, turning to her brother, "Perhaps they'll title him 'The Half-wit King', brother?" The people in the room sniggered and gasped. Gia swore she heard The Hound huff amusingly behind her.

"No one threatens his Grace in the presence of the kingsguard!" Meryn rushed towards Gianna, threateningly. "I'm not threatening him, Ser. I'm merely giving my nephew some... advice." Gianna didn't bother to look at Ser Meryn. "Bronn the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him." Tyrion said in a bored manner, turing to Ser Meryn, "Now that was a threat... see the difference?!" Gia chuckled at her older brother, they'd always been close, even since she was a little girl.

Tyrion walked towards his little sister and Sansa, leading them away. "I apologise for my nephew's behaviour. Tell me the truth, do you want this wedding to happen?" Spoke Tyrion softly, "We could try to get the engagement broken, if you'd like?" Gia rubbed the girls shoulders and they walked, "I am loyal to king Joffrey-" Stated Sansa, pulling out of Gianna's arms, "He is my one true love." With that she walked ahead of them, her ladies maids following her.

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Gianna was summoned back to the throne room, a couple hours later. As she walked in she realised that the crowd had only gotten bigger. At the throne sat her nephew, on both sides of him were his mother, Gianna's only and older sister, and the hand, who was Gianna's father. At the bottom of the stairs to the throne stood the kingsguard.

"You summoned me, Your Grace." Gianna stood before her family. She had changed into a more comfortable dress, since she was planning to go horse riding after. "Yes, I did." Signed Joffrey. "Tell me, Dear Aunt. Do you think the way you spoke to me earlier was appropriate? Especially of a Lady." Questioned the king.

Gianna looked towards her father at that moment, his face was emotionless. So she looked towards her kingsguard brother, he looked nervous for her. "I said what I thought to be true, Your Grace." She wouldn't lie. He needed to be told. Cersei scoffed, "You're king deserves more respect from you." Gianna rolled her eyes, "DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME!" Screeched Cersei. "My apologise, sister."

"You know, I'll have to punish you." Gia's heart began to race. Surely her father wouldn't allow that. She was his daughter, and she knew he favoured her out of all his children. Looking towards him again she saw that his face was still, emotionless.

"You see, I've had a few hours to... come up with your punishment. Mother helped me." They both chuckled. "You're young, unmarried, pretty. What better punishment is there than to marry you to a... hound." The crowd gasped at their king's words. Joffrey laughed hysterically. "Mother's always calling you a bitch, so it seems quite fitting! Don't you think?!" I glanced towards 'The Hound' . He stood tall, but you could tell he was angry.

"Your Grace I don't think that's-" Tywin tried to reason with his grandson, he didn't want to drag his house through the mud again. "Silence!'' shouted Joffrey. "Hound stand by your bride to be!" Sandor reluctantly moved to stand beside Gianna. "The Hound and his bitch. He's so massive I'm sure he'll split her open when he takes her maidenhead!" Gianna looked down in shame at being spoken about in such a way.

“Your wedding will be the day after tomorrow.” With that Joffrey excused everyone. Gianna quickly left the throne room, rushing to her chambers. Tears were dripping down her face as threw herself on her bed; her head buried in her arms.

#sandor clegane #cersei lannister #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #tywin lannister #house lannister #joffrey baratheon #meryn trant #sansa stark #lady #GoT #game of thrones #the hound #hound #robb stark #lancel lannister #forced marriage #maidenhead

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knightsickness · 6 months

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Who do you think from the main series would be canonised, if anyone?

!! thank you for this one i had to think about it. this is assuming the organised faith persists in westeros past the end of ados

it’s been said but cat is a nobrainer dutiful wife and mother pious had a sept built at winterfell died trying to protect her son saint of the mother immediately. that time she prayed in the sept and then tried to settle the stannis renly clash by appealing to their fraternity is basically already a sermon on the Love of a Holy Mother. i will say lady stoneheart’s riverlands reign of terror IS damaging her campaign idk what the seven’s stance on revenants is but the medieval church thought specifically that saints’ bodies were purer and couldn’t be puppeted by demons as a lesser person might be + saints’ souls go directly to heaven and would not be bothering the living

brienne joan of arc figure maid of tarth etc. doing riverlands charity work with clergymen famously chaste and good does depend how her story ends but she’s a contender. unfortunately the church would definitely depict her conventionally attractive saint brienne patron of maidens oathkeeping and the isle of tarth would not look like brienne

massively depends how the sparrow storyline ends but if cersei blows up the sept with a lot of them inside that’s a literal martyr explosion i could especially see the high sparrow with his Eating Sparingly Out Of Love For The Poor. also the last high septon cersei had killed. lancel contender i’m not sure the faith is too hot on lannisters rn but there’s something there w him he’s got the born again convert and aceticism. being a lann traitor might work for him

related + also massively depends how she dies and how the trial by seven goes but i think marg as a saint of the maiden could be fun. married three times never consummated once (officially), cruelly slandered as a whore by the most significant enemy of the faith since maegor but all the testimony against her was false. she doesn’t have her physical maidenhead apparently but it’s said multiple times most noble girls don’t bc horseriding can easily break it. beloved by the smallfolk prays in the public sept very into giving alms. even if the faith can’t get past the maidenhead could definitely see blessed margaery. consider sansa for similar reasons esp assuming organised faith still exists after cersei’s death being a pious long-suffering maiden personally victimised by cersei lannister feels like a canonisation fast track

davos has a lot going for him as a saint esp if you polish the onion knighting into a parable instead of savvy business (you can charge starving people whatever you like) but his blasphemous allegiance to noted heathen stannis makes it less likely. unless he kills stannis in which case his saint cred shoots back up. a troubled youth then refinds the seven to combat a wicked heathen sorceress because he knows it to be right despite his love for stannis etc the faith could spin it

the idea that after joff died cersei immediately tried to have him canonised bc he’s her specialest boy is very funny. it’s also fun bc even though i’ve seen some people pull for saint robb robb is wayyyy too much an old gods pagan worshipper despite having every opportunity to follow the faith so saint joffrey the just is significantly likelier. robb is a sad footnote in the Life of St Catelyn

#not exhaustive list but some of the first i thought of #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #catelyn stark #brienne of tarth #lancel lannister #margaery tyrell #sansa stark #davos seaworth #joffrey baratheon #robb stark

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