#kind of always. but especially lately

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

#struggling big time with questions of likability and popularity and school environments and social environments in general #and what it means and just feeling faint and sick at heart about it all right now #in many ways this 5th year has kind of …. idk solidified things at school for me? and also solidified my reputation #but with not flying under the radar anymore and not being someone that people can write off anymore #comes a whole host of new problems #and weights and difficulties #and I don’t know. there’s a wrestling I always feel internally between my (very great) desire to be liked #and my desire to be a good and fair teacher apart from that #and the ways that I fail #and then there’s other people’s insecurities opinions and jealousies #to contend with. such as they are. and then there’s just the way that I feel on the inside most of the time #which is actually not loved or liked at all! there is a deep loneliness in my soul #kind of always. but especially lately #but it’s contradictory to what it seems #I also just LIKE flying under the radar while also being someone who is drawn to occupying a space to speak #and be heard from #and it’s just all a lot and I am so very tired #idk just having some Friday night venting. it was a very tough week. I am tired and I am sad #I also for real just need to cry

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;; #hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

[shinidamachu]

You know what I always wanted? An episode where Kagome actually manages to give in to the Darkness in her heart and it would be up to Inuyasha this time to snap her out of it and bring her back to her senses (paralleling how she always manages to bring him back whenever he goes into full demon mode), kinda like the 1st movie or the Tsubaki arc but like better because this time it wouldn’t just be Kagome’s body under the control of another but her mind as well due to giving into all her insecurities regarding Kikyo.

Honestly? This is such a good concept that it deserved to be its own freaking arc. The potential for angst and character development is insane. The parallels with Inuyasha, the parallels with Kikyo.

"You really are my reincarnation, walking the same path I did" except Kagome is walking her own path, based on her own decisions, because of her own feelings and then dealing with the aftermatch of her own actions after Inuyasha manages to bring her back.

I think it's brilliant because Inuyasha was always so terrified of Kagome dying on him that he doesn't really worry about all the other ways he can lose her. Or rather, he does, but it's never really explored in a serious or satisfying manner.

And the irony of it all? Like, Kagome being the one constantly afraid Inuyasha would forget about her if he goes full demon, only for her to turn the tables? Cinema.

#I was always of the opinion that she deserved to go a little apeshit at some point #I thought the Infant arc would be it but Takahashi didn't deliver and the whole thing was just kind of forgotten #Coincidentally I've been thinking a lot about that concept lately #Kind of like when Elena from TVD turned off her emotions? #The more I think about it the more I love it #I've been playing a lot in my head with two scenarios #In the first one K!kyo survives and after everything is said and done Kagome decides to go back to modern era #In the second one she magically wishes her feelings for Inuyasha away #None of them are Dark! Kagome per se #But it's still very satisfying to me especially because I imagine a happy ending for them both #Anyway #Inuyasha #Kagome #Kagome Higurashi #Inukag #Sidmailing

[monabee-draws]

Been daydreaming my Tav and Astarion's backgrounds in the case where they meet before the events of the game and I had to draw some designs.

TONS of What-Ifs in here, which I will elaborate below and also hopefully in a series of comics one day!!!

Astarion is a junior magistrate a few years before the Gur incident, and is (as per usual) used as a jockey for the less appealing, more irritating cases by his seniors. Magistrate Waltzman, the insufferable, well-meaning fool (Astarion's words) often gives Astarion difficult or tricky cases to test his mettle.

One day he's given the application for a Lolthite temple to be built in the Upper City. Everyone else laughs it off and Astarion knows it is going to be a pain (because the patriars would never agree, religious zoning law is complex and takes forever to muddle through, and the drow themselves will probably eat him.) Instead he meets Phaerdril, who commiserates with his work situation, and they find a way to improve both of their situations by causing beaurocratic nonsense. The building of the temple is stuck in broken-ground limbo for several years, Phaer's commander loses face for bragging about progress that never materialises, and Astarion's higher-ups are repeatedly inundated by complaints from the patriars.

They remain friends (with occasional benefits) over the next few years, meeting whenever the drow envoy returns to see how construction is going. Astarion gifts her a sending stone, she meets his sister who (to his dismay) falls in love with and marries a gnomish man, and eventually Astarion is given a chance by Wilbur to take on a more serious charge - the Gur case. He makes a conservative ruling in hopes of impressing his peers. It is not taken well, and his backstory plays out as expected.

Phaer, who was speaking with him over sending stone when he is attacked begs for leave to find out what happened but Iimfryn refuses. She leaves anyway, but gets to the city far too late (without sanctioned magical aid it is a long, long trip.)

Something traumatic happens when she finally arrives (which I will eventually illustrate I hope) and when she returns she is given an excessive punishment. Instead of taking it, she abandons Menzoberranzan, and is saved from her hunters by a band of Eilistraeen duergar. She eventually converts, changes her name in honour of her rescuers, and years later meets Astarion again after being abducted from Waterdeep by the illithids. It is awkward and painful and they fall in love again even though they're such different people from those who met 200 years ago.

#tavstarion #bg3 tav #character design #astarion #tav x astarion #baldur's gate 3 #illustration #myart #I've been sitting on these for a while #One day I will draw this comic #I have so many different headcanons #also the implication of someone knowing Astarion's personal history when he doesn't #especially knowing his family (who are still alive bc elves) #would he ever want to return to that? or even know? #is it too late for him? #PLUS Tav being unsure with him #and how to approach him because he doesn't remember her #trying not to compare him to the elf she remembers #like he was always kind of an asshole but not cruel

[caitas-cooing]

Shining Nikki: Sanrio collab event! 💕💖

Shining Nikki: new story update has existential horror, body horror, and the death of many unnamed explorers, including a couple and their newborn child

Shining Nikki: get ready for Nikki's birthday on the 6th 🥳🎉🎂

Shining Nikki: I buy the new UR designer's reflection in the arena because I don't have any UR reflections for that color and It's about Modric's ability to steal sad memories from people if they want it, which is kind of messed up, but they do ask for it so idk, but it's still weird, because the first time he did it he was 16 and his mom became dangerously depressed after his dad died so like after months of having to take care of her he figured out how to take some of her memories and she went back to normal. So like I'm not saying it's the best solution, but what else is 16 year old supposed to do with that? Also the reason why Joy forgot about the whole thing where her father experimented on her at the end of whatever chapter it was in volume one where she forgot is because he took her memories so that's one mystery solved I guess

#the fact that he needs permission and leaves people alone if they refuse automatically makes him better than maruki though #shining nikki is always kind of like that but the whiplash is especially potent lately #shining nikki #shining nikki spoilers #p5r spoilers in the tags #this is a dress up game btw

[dentist-brainsurgeon]

Saw a Twitter thread about this and it made me curious

#for me personally I can smell them when they're squished #as a kid I could smell them even when they were alive ESPECIALLY when there was an ant infestation #but I haven't lived anywhere lately that's had an infestation so I'm just sticking to the first option #people always thought I was joking when I said I hated the smell of ants 💀 #to me it was always a gross ass combination of sweet and bitter. beey potent kind of smell

[northern-passage]

this video is wild. even if you don’t want to watch the entire thing, the conclusion is really good and really highlights some of the issues faced in game preservation and the failure to recognize contributions and properly credit artists that work on these games.

#this video is fun he really spirals after the first section #but im certain there are plenty of people like tommy tallarico out there that just arent as stupidly vocal as him #and the way tiktok uses sound effects or uncredited clips as well as games like fortnite stealing dances #so it's not just singular people but also entire companies and corporations that do this kind of shit #idk this is kind of gaming related so. here you go #i know it's like 2hrs but it is really interesting and again even if u just skip to the conclusion he makes some interesting points #basically this guy tommy tallarico is trying to claim he created the roblox oof sound #but he didnt. lol. and then he finds out that this guy has lied about a whole bunch of other gaming shit #and steals credit from a lot of artists along the way #and is just. A Liar and a weirdo #but again i think there are definitely far more tommy tallaricos out there particularly in the gaming industry #where crediting has always been..... questionable at best #and especially lately i feel. there has been a huge uptick in plagiarism in indie games and even IF games #and in book publishing. watched a video the other day that was a review of a book that was literally just #fanfic. and was NOT edited enough to remove the blatant plagiarism that comes with trying to publish literal fanfic lol #i mean publishing fanfic has always been a Thing but it definitely feels like it's gotten far more blatant recently #and it feels that people just. don't care? especially again in indie spaces whether gaming or publishing #i mean there's a whole genre of indie horror games that are just 'asset flips' #that are usually made in a rush to profit off another game's success #and there's nothing wrong with using premade assets if you.... Credit them. but these games dont do that lol #and again are usually stealing the storyline of another more popular game #and again. publishing fanfic... liike...... it's questionable and can easily just become plagiarism #anyways. just something to think about i guess ! if nothing else the video is funney #video #personal

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I'm just... so done with fandom shipping as a whole. Y'all are the worst and need to take a chill pill.

#three fandoms i'm in right now are driving me nuts. one worse than the others but still #and. i mean. these three fandoms are known as some of the WORST for shipping: like where shipping nearly tore the fandom apart and i knew #that. so i always knew it could get bad. but me being in all three fandoms and them all getting kind of bad again: why? #but the one is REALLY bad. the one that had a resurgence lately. i don't even know HOW you get that bad. but STOP #...i don't know why i'm being so vague. maybe i should just call them out. especially the worst one i'm talking about here #ffvii fandom you are the worst! doxing people over fictional ships is NOT okay!!! #and harassing the actual creators! #like (this was with remake i think) but nojima was worried the yakuza might come after him because of one person's threats? wtf?

[themyscirah]

My Suicide Squad review from locg ✌️

( 2.5/5 ⭐️ )

Last sentence got cut off a bit but I just said I saw a few similarities between Dreamer and the role Nightshade had in the Ostrander + Yale run in terms of powers & some team dynamics

#suicide squad #dc comics #tuesday spoilers #amanda waller #nia nal #sui sq #maybe i was a little harsh with the stars but i have a system and thats where it fell #i thought there were things that were definitely strong and things i liked i just... there were moments where the waller didnt feel like #waller. more moments where she didn't than she did honestly. especially in how others described her #like yeah shes The Wall but shes not gonna like. kill your whole family if you look at her wrong or smth. #and amanda waller IS the suicide squad so she is always the most important piece of a squad comic #which yes this is also primarily a dreamer comic but its a dreamer kind of semi outsider pov of the squad. so the amanda is still v #important and it just wasnt fully there. but still much better than many other attempts lately #at least she had some kind of attempt at coherent justification for her actions. even if she wouldnt do those things but still #blah #nicole maines

[gingerbreadmonsters]

gahhhh. im sure it doesn't sound like it most of the time, but wow my degree is so cool and fun 🥰🥰

#yes it is painful sometimes and yes it is lots of hard work and frustration #but like....... isnt it so cool to find out why the world became the way it is #how people in the past were like us and also so totally different #through the right lens human history is both the ultimate tragedy of a self-obsessed power hungry cannibalistic species #and also the greatest funniest soap opera of all time #stories upon stories #i will be very honest with u i was kind of scared when i started that i had chosen the wrong degree #what if its not as fun at uni as it was at school - what if its actually way too difficult and i end up hating it #but ykw?? im so glad i chose this #(for those who may not know i am a history student) #idk man i just wish more people knew how cool and funny history is sometimes #plus the sorts of ways this degree encourages u to think are VERY useful (esp nowadays) #'always question everything' is the motto and wow it is very enlightening to live like this #where has this info come from - can i trust them? why are they telling me this? what do they want? is it even true? how do they know this? #does this info fit with what i already know? why? what do other people say abt this? does this imply something about the wider context here #look me in the eye and tell me thats not the most important ingredient for being online nowadays #(except for block and move on. that one is supreme we all know that) #if u are not so into history i would encourage u to have a little look at some of the cool stories that are there i think u will like them #one of the funny (and very gory) ones that i would recommend is the life and especially death of maximilian robespierre #he was alive during the french revolution in the late 1700s and the way he dies is fucking hilarious when u know whats going on #i have actually talked abt this a lot on discord bc i think its funny - much to the annoyance of everyone else in the server lol #another one from that time is napoleon's coup and the removal to saint-cloud #the power struggles of the GMD and CCP in china in the early-mid 20th century are also v interesting if u like that sort of thing #this has all come about bc i was reading an account today of the marriage of alfonso vi of leon and castile and princess zaida of seville #and wow i have a lot of thoughts about it #theres no way to tell if they were really in love or not and if so how much #but idk something about it is very sweet and very sad to me #she the daughter in law of the muslim king of seville and supposedly falls in love with the christian king alfonso - she converts #to christianity so she can marry him but they are only together for a short time - she dies a few years later in 1093 giving birth to their #son sancho alfonsez (who is killed in 1108 at age 15) and she's buried at alfonso's favourite church (technically an abbey but ykwim)

[arolesbianism]

I am still not over the level cap thing what do you mean level fucking 10

#rat rambles #like do they not realize how fucking pathetically low that is? #like it is So easy to get a follower to level 10 especially late game #like in every playthrough of this game Ive done I always have at least one follower whos past level 40 usually several #Im glad they didnt retroactively lower existing followers levels but it still sucks #it just makes leveling them feel kind of pointless when theyre likely going to passively max out after a certain point anyways #like genuinely I dont even understand what the point of this change is #because its not like getting broke. high level followers is much of a concern early game #and mid game is usually only a potential issue balance wise if youve been putting in a stupid amount of effort since the start #and by the time you get to the late game I. genuinely dont think it matters. #like in early late game again youll only have genuinely broken high levels if youve been going hard at leveling followers #and by the end of the late game its like ok and. let ppl be powerful cmon man. #like theres So many things they could have done to adjust the balancing that wasnt this #like if theyre concerned abt faith generation then make a cap on that or make it not a one to one level thing #if theyre concerned about demons then they could again adjust the scaling slightly or simply make it harder to level followers #they could have even used the deciple thing to help with that by having it be a prerequisite to higher levels #like maybe you could have a couple rings of inner circles with each tier unlocking another ten levels #and they could even add a lower cap at like 50 or smth just dont make it fucking 10 #that might genuinely be the worst part of this update and Im not even joking when I say this just killed my motivation to play more #its one of the few things that you were able to keep working on and expanding after unlocking everything else #I genuinely really hope they change this because if not then I think Ill have to drop the game thats how bad it is to me

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"I, uh...I'd love to go to California," Randall smiled, having been particularly intrigued by her account of the Golden State-even from this small recollection, he found himself a little excited at the thought of visiting. He never was a big fan of the cold, and so a warm state full of lush greenery and beautiful sights sounded right up his alley.

"I wouldn't mind visiting Los Angeles, seeing the Walk of Fame in real life," he continued shyly. "Getting to tour the Hollywood backlots, maybe even see how movies are made...it sounds so exciting to me. I'd love to go to some of the film museums, and get to see the costumes and props up close..."

Maybe it was because of where he worked, but Randall had an affinity for great costumes-they said "clothes make the man", and that certainly applied to any number of characters on the silver screen, their outfits making them just as memorable as the actors who donned them. He had tried to study them as best he could in his film magazines, but to see them up close and personal? That would be even better.

"I mean, to see Scarlett O'Hara's gowns from Gone With The Wind, or Holly Golightly's dress from Breakfast at Tiffany's," he grinned a little at the thought. "That would be a thrill in its own right, but...to see something like the Red Death costume from Phantom of the Opera, or Dracula's cape? Oh...that would be incredible!"

#((it was a wonderfully appropriate name for him; he was our little vampire!)) #((and oof; i'm sorry you didn't enjoy the movie-the one movie you go to turns out to be one you don't enjoy)) #((nor did you have any investment in because you hadn't read the book when you were a kid!)) #((had your ex read it; and that's why you went?)) #((it sounds like such a surreal experience; reminds me of being the only one watching the second 'goosebumps' movie)) #((in the theater-i thought a gal who had a couple of little kids in tow would be seeing it too)) #((but she took them into the 2018 'halloween' instead-now THAT was a surreal sight!)) #((still; if you can hit up a mcmenamins; i recommend doing so; the food is really excellent)) #((and the restaurants; hotels; and theaters are always very beautiful and dreamy!)) #((it was kind of the perfect place to see 'wonka'; that was the last movie i went to see; on christmas eve no less!)) #((it wasn't the best movie i'd ever seen but i still had fun; especially at the grand lodge!)) #((also: sorry this is so late!)) #outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Dark Shadows

[deus-ex-mona]

#seiyuu ver is kind of a bop though ngl #never forget that this was the last gumi-miku lxl song (congrats on your lxl graduation girlies you’re finally freeeeee) #ok yk what since prolly no one reads the tags im just gonna get it out here: #santa (aoi crashkey from hit game 999) >>>>>>> santa (claus). change my mind #it’s been y e a r s since i played the ze 3logy but thoughts about it have just been lingering in my mind as of late #especially about that snail. ‘life is not fair’ so true #and that one ending where the dude time travels into the past to save his pals from doom only to be scolded for his poor choices instead #come to think of it. i always end up getting the annihilation endings whenever i play these games blindly huh… #knife ending in 999… luna ending in v lr… *that* one c team story fragment in z t d… #wait none of these have anything to do with santa oooops— #y yeah i should prolly get some sleep… gnnnnnnnnnn

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

bitches be like "i'm a fan of [band] but anything besides their first 2/3 albums is just pop trash and really forgettable and i hate every song on the first few albums besides [tiny list] and honestly they've overstayed their welcome as artists and need to stop producing and if you like their first few albums/[specific album that is popular/unpopular] you're a tiktok fake fan who's only posing and pretending to like them"

like honey you're not a fan you're a toxic piece of shit

like yeah don't consume anything entirely uncritically but at the same time don't become an asshole who does nothing but criticize yknow

#this is about the mods in the Mother Mother discord #they jump in with their fucking opinions every time anyone mentions liking an album and they're just so fucking annoying about it #this also goes for MCR fans but we all knew that anywa #it's probably why we're never getting MCR5 #but yeah so the MM fandom has become surprisingly toxic as of late #especially after Normalize and To My Heart dropped as singles #but they're starting to get really hateful about the earlier albums too... D&C and NC are starting to be hated #and VGBT opinions seem really mixed #then again this is a discord server and from prior experience in fandom discords #they are fucking nightmares. i don't know why the absolute worst of each fandom is always in the discords but #they are for some goddamn reason. #nothing beats the EW server but then again m*tt and b*ng kind of fostered that culture #as did the appointed mods - particularly with regards to LGBT hostility it almost seemed intentional there LMAO #like matt honey at some point it stops being 'but shipping and headcanons is offensive/disrespectful' #and more 'anyone who isn't cishet makes me uncomfy :(' #and you crossed that line so many times that honestly i'm giving up on b*yond entirely at this point #pay's ramblies #tw discourse mention #tw vagueposting #vagueposting #band fandom #fandom sadness

[stillcominback]

💖💖💖

#i know i’ve been quiet but *sees last post* life’s just been a lot lately! 🤪 #BUT i’m feeling a little better a day at a time #being in the office is rough but i’m hoping it’ll get a little easier as i kinda feel my feels and stuff #big thank you to all of you who’ve chatted with me or reached out or literally just been here at all #your support and kindness really means SO much to me #like always but especially right now when i’m probably the most overwhelmed i’ve ever been??? #🥺🥺🥺 #it’s still really hard but I’m starting to believe there’s a ‘future me’ who’s happier and more settled and onto better things #just THANK YOU to all of you for being amazing support and friends 🥺💖 #AND PLS i may not be at my best rn as far as reaching out but #plsssss feel free to hmu on IMs or discord because i’d love to still plot and chat!! i miss it! #I’m also happy to write on discord (or do little things on the ic wires I have!) #ANYWAY!! off to bed I gooooo 🛌💖 LOVE U ALL MWAH #00. // OUT OF AMMO ( OOC POST. )

[rinrinlovee]

need to be sent to the seaside for my health

#I have been soooo hypervigilant lately #It's killing me #every sound and creak and stranger coming too close is an immediate threat #I'm sure the random screeching yesterday didn't help with alleviating my feelings of always being unsafe #Even sitting on the sofa in the living room I am constantly looking over my shoulder #At this point I'm kind or scared that something did abuse/assault me and I've just suppressed it so well I have no idea #Because I know I had a kind of sheltered upbringing and was brought up to be dubious and aware of everything #especially when alone in public or with men #but at this point it feels so overkill #everything is very scary and I desperately want comfort yet there is no one here #The only person I've ever felt truly safe with in public is long gone #it feels like no one else takes my anxiety seriously enough #I'm just so very exhausted of always comforting myself through everything #i want my comfort person