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sp0o0kylights · 27 days

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Wayne takes in a Beat to Shit Steve Harrington after Starcourt as n Owed Favor to Hopper Part 4

Part Three: link

First Chapter (parts 1-3 on tumblr) on A03: Link

The kid was madder than a wet hen.

Just as slippery as one too, when he got like this--music pulsing like a living thing to signal all his rage and upset.

Not like Wayne hadn’t expected it.

He just wished it wasn’t quite so damn loud.

The music had started up almost immediately after Eddie had stormed to his room, startling Steve awake and nearly making Wayne curse for it.

Normally it was a good thing--music meant Eds was willing to listen instead of heading for the hills.

Normally, they didn't have a house guest who looked like he'd gone ten rounds with a bear.

They had a routine for this, was the thing and the music was a key part of it. It worked all the edges off for Wayne, and he'd long figured out that about thirty minutes was a the perfect length of time for Eddie to stew before he could actually talk things through.

Given the hand Harrington put to his forehead, Wayne wasn't eager to give him that thirty minutes.

Not when Steve deserved little peace he could have.

Unfortunately, so did Eds.

Still.

Strutting through the door and demanding to talk right now was a bad move and so, with a sympathetic look given to Steve, Wayne did what he did best

Gave space.

Let Eddie rage, as Wayne got up and shuffled about the kitchen.

Pulled out the soft earplugs he pretended weren’t there for Eds to steal (playing that damn loud guitar all the time could not be good for his ears) and offered them to Steve, before making two cups of what Wayne privately thought was the Munson “chitchat” drink.

One cup of hot water, one packet swiss miss, a small amount of maple syrup drizzled in, topped with little marshmallows they reserved for these types of situations.

Wayne took his time with it, thinking through what he wanted to say.

‘I understand that this is a screen door on a submarine kind of situation...’

Nope.

‘Son I know you hate listening to anyone for anything but this is serious...’

Absolutely not--that would end up with the boy bolting for sure.

‘Ed’s, I love you but could we please turn Ozzy off while we talk? That man wails louder than any damn cat I have ever met.’

That one was purely self indulgent, mostly because the wall was starting to shake.

Wayne put the finishing touches on the cocoa before staring at both of them.

Perhaps if he stared the Garfield mug in its eyes hard enough, the right words would come through.

They did not.

He kept trying, standing there long enough for the cocoa to reasonably have cooled and for Eddie’s song to flip over to something with more screaming in it than singing.

Wayne supposed that this was the hardest part of being a parent. You just didn’t get to have the magical one liner. The right thing to say at just the right time.

The joke that would ease all the tension and let things progress forward nice and easy.

Instead, you got to fumble your way through the dark with a flashlight up your ass and hope you were going in the right-ish direction. Ideally without making things worse.

Wayne was here though, and that had to count for something.

(Knew it counted for something--because Eddie was still here.

They had cleared hurdles far higher than this when it came to trust. They’d get through this too, come what may.

Steve too.)

“Can I just ask,” Eddie started, aggressive as always when Wayne finally gave in and entered his room, feeling all sorts of awful for the migraine Steve had to have, “what the absolute fuck is happening?”

Sure as fire he was sitting on his bed, leg bouncing a mile a minute.

An unlit cigarette hung between two fingers, looking a little chewed on, but otherwise undisturbed--as it should be, because one of Wayne’s few rules was that smoke stayed outside the house.

“You could.” Wayne said loudly but agreeably, as he turned himself around and dropped down next to his kid.

Held out the Garfield mug, and was happy when it was taken from him.

“Figured you might have other things to say, though.”

Likely a lot of things.

It was as good an opening as any, and his kid didn’t disappoint, launching right to it.

“Why is he here and not at a hospital?”

‘Here’ was punctuated by Ed’s hand winging towards the door, and while it wasn’t the righteous fury Wayne expected, it was at least, an easy answer to give.

“Steve has some people looking for him. Bad people. Hospital makes him an easy target.”

Wayne was still talking loud. Could only hear Eddie himself because he was looking at the kid’s lips more than he was actually hearing his voice.

Eddie took that in, swallowing it about as well as he’d swallowed anything he hadn’t liked.

And thank the stars above, he finally reached a hand out and turned the music down. Not a lot--Steve wouldn’t be able to hear them over all this--but enough that Wayne didn’t have to struggle.

“We’re hiding him from the cops now?!” Ed’s spat.

“Cops know he’s here. Hopper’s the one who asked me to take him.” Wayne reminded him, because it was the truth.

Not the full truth, but given how Ed’s pissed off half the local PD on a good day, Wayne absolutely did not want to see his nephew take on Federal Agents.

(Particularly not the kind who were going ‘round killing kids.)

“So--what?” Eddie yanked hard on his hair, a gesture that looked less intentional and more like he was trying to fight his own anger down. “Hopper just called you up and said ‘Hey, we had a whoopsie with the rich kid, the hospital’s not safe anymore. Can we stash him with you for a few days?”

Wayne nodded once, slow-like.

Always remembered how too fast movements had made Eddie flinch and jerk back when was littler, and given the way Steve was looking, figured it was a good time to be cautious again.

“He did.”

“And you just--agreed? Just like that!?”

“I did.”

He pretended not to see Eddie boggle at him at the simple admission, so furious that he seemed to struggle for words when he normally had too many to say.

Wayne took advantage.

“We did talk a bit more than that, I’ll admit.”

Ed’s scoffed. “About the weather I’m sure.”

“‘Bout trust.”

Eddie blinked at that.

“Trust.” He echoed flatly.

“What have I always told you? People like to ask you to trust them, but you they don’t get to have it until--”

“They provide proof or a reason.” Eddie finished with an eyeroll. “So which did Hopper provide then?”

Wayne took a noisy sip of his coca. Smacked his lips a little before saying: “Both.”

Didn’t bother to say anything else, because he knew Eddie would finish the thought for him.

“One of them was me, wasn’t it.”

Eds didn’t say it like a question, but Wayne hummed in agreement anyway.

He wasn’t gonna shame his boy, but he wasn’t gonna sugar coat Eddie’s involvement in this either. Not when he’d already admitted that was half the reason Hopper had gone to Wayne to begin with.

“No one is expecting Steve to be here.” He said, seeing the chance to hammer home the most important part of this entire shitshow. “So long as no one finds out he’s here, he’ll be safe. Everyone will be safe.”

Steve from the Feds who were hunting him for while he was busy being involved in shit he couldn’t control and Eddie because he had a mouth that most people didn’t like.

Not small town people anyway, and absolutely not authority figures with guns.

“Who’s even after him?” Eddie was theatrical as always, hands waving away as he talked. “Did he make a deal with the mob? Piss off some other rich guy? I know it’s not anything drug related, I’d have heard about it by now.”

After years of experience, Wayne knew exactly how far to lean away to stay out of range, too used to his nephew talking with his entire body.

“That’s his story to tell ya, Ed’s. It ain’t mine. Same way it ain’t my place to tell him your story.”

That at least got the boy to think for a minute. Put down that frustration he carried with him all the time, and use the brain they both knew he had.

“How long is he staying here?”

Wayne shrugged. “Don’t know.”

Eddie sighed and mockingly mimicked Wayne, taking an obnoxious slurp of his cocoa. “The neighbors are going to notice if he’s here more than a few days. The trailer park isn’t exactly big.”

“They didn’t notice that time you decided to make fireballs with the cooking spray and about blew up half the driveway. Don’t think they’re gonna notice someone being quiet in the house.”

Eddie snorted, and probably rolled his eyes again, not that Wayne could see it given the kid was looking into his own mug as he thought it all through.

Wayne sat with him as he processed.

Eds worked at his own pace with things, and while life at large might be against that, Wayne was happy to let him do it. Found it easier that way, then trying to poke and prod and force him like so many father figures did.

Wayne’s patience was rewarded not even a full minute later, when Eddie turned to him and asked;

“What if he finds out?”

This in a quieter voice. An unsure one--words and body hunching in a way unlike the Eddie the world outside knew, but very much like the little boy Wayne had brought inside his home.

It took Wayne a moment to connect the dots--he’d been speaking out of the place parents and authority figures often do, and in doing so hadn’t thought much of the fact his nephew had a real secret.

The kind small town minds didn’t like--and would kill him over.

This all wasn’t about Wayne taking in Steve, he realized abruptly. It was that Steve being here meant Eddie couldn’t be himself.

Could not relax in a place he was accepted for who he was, because Wayne knew and made sure Eddie understood he was wanted here, had a place here, regardless of who he loved.

Now, Wayne had gone and removed it.

‘Shit.’

“He won’t.” Wayne said.

Knew that wasn’t enough, and so, promised: “But if he does, I’ll make sure he understands his safety here relies on your own.”

Ed’s chin jerked in a nod, the two of them sitting in silence for a moment before the boy did as he often did when he wanted a hug but felt too awkward to ask for one, and tipped himself into Wayne’s side.

“Thanks old man.” Eddie whispered into his shoulder and not for the first time, Wayne wished things were easier for the poor kid as he put his mug in one hand and hugged his kid with the other.

Hoped that in the future, it would be.

Even if he had to force everyone and everything coming after him--and now Steve--to do it.

(Wondered vaguely, how bad it was that he was already getting as protective as Steve as he was of his own kid.

Probably very, given his kid clearly hated Harrington.)

xXx

Wayne took the first night of Steve’s stay off.

He wasn’t the type to use his PTO lightly. Was used to rationing it for any possible thing Eddie might need him for.

A night up sick when he was younger, to a night spent chasing him down during some of their bad spots--but the last year or so Wayne had slowly realized he hadn’t had to use it much.

He was still careful with it though, precious as it was, and was thankful for it now as it ensured his nephew didn’t murder their house guest.

Or at the very least, didn't sit there pecking at him.

The kid might've failed English a few times, but he had a real gift with words and an even better one with insults.

(Wayne wasn't quite clear on what all the "King" jabs were about, and absolutely did not get why Steve looked far more hurt at the comment about his "sad ass floppy hair" but given the increasingly flat look Steve was throwing Eddie's way, Wayne figured it couldn't be anything good.)

Thankfully a pointed reminder about Steve's injuries had finally gotten them all some peace, enough for Harrington to drop back to sleep--and for Wayne to realize he looked a little too dead while he did it to be comfortable getting any sleep himself.

The kids chest barely moved, and that it ate at Wayne’s until he got up and shoved a hand under his nose.

Felt his breath, and told himself the poor sod was fine.

Hurt, absolutely, but alive.

Over and over again, until the sun had made its rotation in the sky, bringing the morning with it.

‘Better than nightmares, I suppose.’ Wayne figured, as exhaustion scraped at his eyelids.

Those Wayne knew, would come later. When Steve’s brain caught up to the rest of him, and stopping dumping survival chemicals through his battered body.

He'd given up on sleep entirely sometime around 1 am, and now he sat at his small kitchen table, writing out a medication schedule for Harrington so he and the kid both knew when he could have his next Tylenol.

Wasn’t even halfway through it before Eddie made his typically late appearance and blew through his door.

Had his back up from the moment he’d stepped a foot in the kitchen and it didn’t take a genius to see he’d worked himself into a snit again.

Unfortunately for him, whatever scenario that imaginative brain of his had cooked up fell flat to the reality that was the poor kid on the couch.

Steve Harrington was one a hell of a sight.

Didn’t help that he was doing his level best to make himself as small as possible, curled deep into Wayne's ancient couch.

The blankets covered the ribs and hid away most of the damage, but there wasn’t much Steve could do to hide the shiners on his face--or the marks around his neck.

Not when they’d grown worse overnight, practically inviting questions.

It was almost laughable how quickly Eddie ate whatever words he’d prepared, mouth awkwardly chewing around them as if they were tangible.

The less-than-sneaky looks he threw at the younger teen were equally amusing, and if Wayne wasn’t trying to peace keep, he’d have given in and chuckled when Eds split attention caused him to pour half his coffee into the sink rather than a cup.

Looked utterly lost when, after finishing putting his coffee together and grabbing some junk food thing that absolutely was not a breakfast item, he came to stand awkwardly at Wayne's shoulder, openly staring as Steve blatantly ignored him.

Eds didn’t know what to do, and Wayne couldn't blame him.

Seemed to keep thinking he was going to encounter a boy that likely no longer existed, and whose blood tinged specter just made things sad.

Shit like this, Wayne knew, took a man’s ego and warped it, shaping it to something else entirely.

At least for Steve, it seemed that getting wrapped up in whatever mess he had had shaped him for the better, instead of pretzeling him into something worse. That, Wayne thought, spoke to the boy's character more than anything he’d done prior.

(It helped to know what Hopper tolerated and what he didn’t. That he’d vouched for Steve in the same way Wayne knew he’d vouched for Eddie, even if Eddie didn’t yet realize the cop he antagonized so much would do that for him.)

That didn't erase the history his kid had with Harrington, though.

Wouldn't stop him from seeing the old Steve, first.

‘Don’t you got school?” Wayne asked when he decided Ed had stared enough.

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie waved him off, trotting out the door. “Bye old man, house parasite!”

It was clearly a jab, meant to nettle, but Steve barely acted like he heard it.

Wayne rolled his eyes.

“Goodbye, Eds.” He said firmly, much of a warning as he ever gave, and fondly watched his nephew scuttle out the door.

Turned to see how Steve was taking things, and was once again given a reminder that Steve wasn’t doing a hell of a lot other than feeling his injuries.

“I think I promised you a game, son.” Wayne said gently, startling Steve out of the distant, dim look he had trained on the wall.

It wasn’t a lot to offer in terms of a distraction, but it would have to do.

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heartbreaknow · 4 years

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😍😭💡

Thank you very much for the asks, anon! I appreciate you muchly!

I actually already answered the first two (favorite fic trope, and fic that left me inconsolable) over here. As for the last one…um.

💡 Tell me a headcanon (and who you wish would write it)?

The thing is, I…I kind of did it wrong. I accidentally wrote an entire blow-by-blow of the scenario I want. Which isn’t really what I was supposed to do at all. But now that I’ve written it I guess I’m gonna post it? Lol. So here’s one bit of Starker headcanon that I am wildly obsessed with:

Caught In The Act

I want to see Peter and Tony in a secret relationship where they’re desperately in love, but Tony is also a complete wreck because he is fucking his eighteen-year-old mentee, and it is the best, hottest, neediest sex of his life, and he can’t seem to stop, and oh my god he is a sick, awful person. And Peter is just taking every single thing Tony gives him, and trying to give as much back as he can, and trying not to think about the fact that when Mr Stark ends this, he is going to break. And they’re not really talking about things the way they should, because they’re both convinced they are inappropriately invested in this thing, in each other. And they’re still in that frantic, perpetually horny stage where they can’t keep their hands off each other, and whenever they’re alone together, level-headed decision-making goes out the window and they end up fucking in some random places.

Which is how they end up getting caught in the act by almost all of the Avengers.

I don’t know the specifics of how it would happen. The tropey version that’s easy (if maybe a little unbelievable) is that the Avengers throw Tony a surprise party, and they forget to tell Peter about it. So Peter and Tony think they’re alone in the Tower, and that everyone is away doing various Avengers things.

So yeah, maybe they start frantically making out in the elevator on the way up to the Tower, because they just can’t wait. And Peter is so busy trying not to come immediately, like he usually does, that his senses don’t pick up the presence of a bunch of people in the Tower’s main room.

Bonus points if they are actually fucking by the time the elevator doors ding open and reveal them there: Peter’s head thrown back, mouth gaping open, riding out the tail-end of his first orgasm, his naked legs wrapped tight around Tony’s waist—and Tony standing clothed between Peter’s pale thighs, pinning him to the wall, his dress pants pulled down just enough to free his cock so he can pound into Peter like they both need.

And there stand like six or eight of the Avengers (with noise-makers and party hats, if we really want to milk the horrifying absurdity of the situation), utterly speechless, in various states of shock, confusion, and dawning horror.

Extra, extra bonus points if Peter sees the others first, and gasps, “Oh god, M-Mr Stark,” to try to alert him that they’re not alone—so now not only do the Avengers know Tony is fucking his teenage protegee, they know Tony is fucking his teenage protegee who still calls him by an honorific.

But the crucial part that I’m really here for, is how Peter and Tony react. Because after several long beats of horrified silence, Tony just crumples. As soon as Peter unwinds his legs from around Tony’s waist and stands—a bit shakily—on his own, it’s like Tony withers. Like someone takes the spine right out of him.

As far as Tony’s concerned, he has no defense. Whatever they’re all thinking, whatever they think should be done with him, he deserves all of it and worse. At first he’s standing in front of Peter, shielding him. But one of the others tells him to step away from Peter, as though he’s a threat to Peter, and he hesitates but he does it, because maybe he is a threat to Peter. He honestly has no idea anymore.

Peter still doesn’t quite understand exactly how fucked up Tony is over what they’ve been doing together, and thus doesn’t have the context to properly understand Tony’s reaction. So for Peter it feels kind of like abandonment—the way Tony withdraws so completely, even while he’s right there. And Peter is just standing there in nothing but a geeky t-shirt, holding the rest of his clothes in front of him, still shaky from the orgasm he had literally a minute ago. Vulnerable as hell.

Then the questions start.

And not all of the Avengers are taking it badly, but a couple of them are. And Tony’s not defending himself at all.

Peter watches Mr Stark give these flat, horrible, wrong answers to the painful, awful questions the others keep leveling at him…and outrage begins to flare inside Peter, strong and fierce.

And okay, this entire thing is way too long already so I’ll try to truncate things a bit, but basically, Peter tries to interject, but it isn’t working. Everyone is really shaken up and reeling, and Tony’s complete refusal to defend himself isn’t making things any better. And it doesn’t take long before things get heated enough that one of the others gets in Tony’s face—angry and accusatory. (Let’s be real, it’s probably Steve. I don’t hate Steve, and it could totally be someone else, but let’s just say it’s Steve for now.) And there’s a moment of crisis where Steve reaches for Tony, probably not to hit him, but who knows for sure. And Tony, thinking he’s going to be hit, just waits for it.

But then suddenly, Peter is between them, and he pushes Steve back—not violently, but a little harder than he means to. Hard enough that Steve lands on his ass a couple of paces away. And Peter just stands there, squarely in front of Tony, like an animal defending its mate. Peter’s not even sure if Mr Stark feels for him half of what he feels for Mr Stark, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is the hollow, defeated, hopeless look on Mr Stark’s face, which Peter has to do something about, because he can’t bear the sight of it. So Peter stands there in front of Tony, like, Nope, we’re not doing this, I won’t let you keep doing this. And he’s either in his underwear or still naked from the waist down, but he isn’t even thinking about that. It doesn’t matter right now.

And Tony’s like, “Kid—” all croaky and awful, and tries to usher Peter back. But Peter won’t budge. He looks straight into the group of Avengers, and basically tells them as plainly as possible that he loves Tony, absolutely and without any doubt. And if they have questions, he’ll willingly answer them in a bit.

Then Peter turns to Tony, and touches him tenderly even though Peter himself is shaking. And for the first time with people around, Mr Stark touches Peter back, just a little—equally gentle and even shakier than Peter. And then, silently, Peter draws Tony back into the elevator.

After a second, Tony says, haltingly, “I don’t—where do you want to go, Pete?” And Peter says, “With you?” like it’s the simplest thing in the world, but also the least certain. So Tony tells FRIDAY to take them up to his quarters.

Gently, Peter holds Tony by the arms, front to front, and leans into him.

And for just a second as the doors close, Peter looks back at everyone in the main room. He doesn’t look angry or even challenging, but he does look determined, and strong in a way that none of them can quite define when they think about it afterwards.

END SCENE

All the details of this scene are as-yet very poorly thought out. A lot of it would probably change if I were to actually write it (and obviously a lot of elements would change if someone else did). This is just the general gist. As for who I’d want to write this scenario, or a version of this scenario with the details retooled—I’m sure it’s a surprise to no one that my first answer is Ride To Church Anon. I mean, who am I kidding, there are already elements here that are clearly inspired by both Covet and Revelations.

That said, “caught in the act” is, IMO, a massively under-used trope in this fandom, and I would love to see just about anyone’s take on this basic concept.

#starker #starker headcanon #starker imagine #ask meme #nff #peter x tony #this ship is begging for 'caught in the act' fics #where they at?#angst #they just love each other a lot okay #id fic #such such id fic

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ya-wah · 3 years

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Analysis: Just Hold On -- Louis Tomlinson & Steve Aoki

So, I’ve been thinking of doing something like this for a while, because I really enjoy analyzing song lyrics and finding meaning in them for myself. I think all of the 1D boys are spectacular songwriters and especially Louis writes some of my favorite lyrics; there’s so much depth and richness in them and I’m really looking forward to taking a closer look at them! My plan is to work my way through his discography whenever I feel like analyzing something, and then hopefully start doing the other boys’ music as well.

Just Hold On is Louis’ very first solo single (and in my opinion one of his most underrated songs), so this is going to be my starting point. Obviously this is all just my personal interpretation and I’m not stating that any of this is a fact, but I still hope someone else can take something away from this as well!

So, Just Hold On is one of those songs that I never really consciously go back to, but whenever it comes on shuffle I always think to myself, “Wow, I really need to listen to this more.” Even though it is a very different sound than what we ended up getting on Walls, obviously also due to Steve Aoki being on the track, Just Hold On is definitely a solid first release from him, and I wouldn’t have been mad at all if he had continued in this EDM, dance track direction with his music. It suits him very well, plus this song is one of my favorite vocal performances from him, especially the chorus. I also really like that even though it is a more dance-y type of song and you would expect the focus to stay on the production, Louis still manages to sneak in some incredible songwriting.

(Just a little aside, I know the lyrics are generally attributed to Johannah dying, but he has said himself that that meaning just sort of happened later on and it wasn’t intended to be about that, which is why I’m going to leave that aspect aside in this interpretation. I’m not saying that he doesn’t want people to interpret the song that way, because he has definitely talked a lot about that double meaning himself, but I just don’t really feel comfortable talking about his mother in a context where he has said himself that he didn’t mean for the song to be taken that way.)

In general, the song has a very uplifting and comforting tone to it. The speaker is talking to someone who seems to be at a watershed in their life, saying “Hey, I know this is scary, but the things you’re worried about aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. You’ll figure everything out and it’s gonna be okay.” For me personally, as someone who gets anxiety over the stupidest little things and is always fretting about making decisions and irrevocably messing things up somehow, this song feels very consolatory, and it’s a message that I definitely need to internalize and go back to more often.

Wish that you could build a time machine So you could see The things no one can see

This lyric could mean that the person the speaker is talking to in this song wants to go back in time to see the past, perhaps to find comfort in an earlier time where everything was easier and they didn’t have to worry about the things they do now. However, coupled with the “So you could see / The things no one can see”, it could actually (in my opinion more likely) refer to wishing you were able to go to the future, to see how everything is going to turn out, something obviously no one else can see, because it hasn’t happened yet. I can definitely relate to that -- I often find myself wishing that I was able to press fast-forward on my life and go to a utopian future where everything has already worked out for me, so I can skip the hard part of figuring things out and making mistakes, even though those things are essential to growing up and becoming your own person.

Feels like you're standing on the edge Looking at the stars And wishing you were them

The person being spoken to is standing on the edge, they’re at the cusp of something; perhaps they need to make a big, life-changing decision, or maybe something happened in their life that created a disruption of the status quo and now they don’t really know where to go from there. They look at the stars and wish they were them to be able to escape the uncertainty, another feeling I think a lot of people are able to relate to. Wishing you were a part of the stars, removed from all the hardships and hurt on earth, somewhere far away in the galaxy.

What do you do when a chapter ends? Do you close the book and never read it again?

Again, this lyric is referring to a turning point in the addressee’s life. When something happens to you or you make a decision that changes everything about your life (when a chapter of your life story ends, so to speak) what do you do with that? Do you go forward and never look back or do you continue to acknowledge the past, even if it might hurt?

Talking about closing the book after a chapter ends without specifying that it’s actually the last chapter of the book might also mean prematurely putting an aspect of your life behind you, when it might not be done yet. After all, who reads one chapter and closes the book? Even if it’s a chapter you don’t like, it just makes up a small part of the whole story and the best parts might be yet to come, however you won’t find that out unless you actually read the whole thing. Another interpretation could be that the person being spoken to thinks they’re done with their past, that they’ve closed that chapter of their life and have come to terms with it, when that’s not actually true and they still have a lot of work to do on themselves or on certain things they’re dealing with.

Where do you go when your story's done? You can be who you were or who you'll become

This one is pretty self-explanatory in my eyes. When your story is done, when you've closed a chapter of your life, you have the choice if you let your experiences shape you and make you grow as a person or if you cling to the past and want to go back to the way you and things around you used to be. I think it's important to note that even though the latter is generally regarded more negatively and seen as being stuck (even the way I just described it in the last sentence suggests that the correct decision would be to go forward and evolve) the lyrics don't issue any judgment. The choice is truly yours, if you want to become someone new and let yourself be changed, or if you want to stay the way you are now, and the speaker doesn't ascribe any moral value to one or the other.

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, darling just hold on

This is the most important part of the song, the part that Louis really wants the listener to take away from the song. It's repeated in the pre-chorus, the chorus and the post-chorus (going off of Genius here, I have no idea what these words mean lol), the song is named after this lyric, it's the phrase that turns up the most often.

It’s why I said this was a comforting song: yes, while there might be bad times in your life, times where you don't know where to go and feel like everything is going wrong and you would love to just give up, the speaker is telling you, the only thing you can do is hold on. You can apply that to a personal crisis, to your mental health, to a job, to creative struggles (I personally wouldn't really apply it to a romantic or platonic relationship, just because if everything in a relationship goes wrong the best thing to do is probably to let it end and not hold on). Again, an important point to make: if you hold on, there are no guarantees that it will actually get better, that life will become easier, but you still have to do it, because sometimes that's the only thing you can do.

The sun goes down and it comes back up The world it turns no matter what

This refers to what I said in the beginning about how none of the things that seem to be such giant obstacles and struggles in your life actually matter in the long term. The sun will still complete its cycle no matter what happens, the world will still keep turning. For some people, that might seem depressing; along the lines of “No matter what I do, it doesn't make a difference anyways”, but I think this... insignificance can also be comforting. You have all these issues and struggles that seem insurmountable right now, but when it comes down to it, you're just a small and insignificant part of history. For the tiny time span that humans have existed on this earth, for hundreds of years people have had to deal with similar things to you, very often with things that are much harder than what you're going through, so you'll be able to deal with this as well, no matter how daunting and scary it seems right now.

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong Darling, just hold on Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, darling, just hold on Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh

It's not over 'til it's all been said It's not over 'til your dying breath

Again, really driving home the notion of the book not being over, of sticking around and holding on, even if it’s hard and even if you don’t want to anymore. There have been so many times in my life where I messed up really badly, or where something so terrible happened and it felt like the whole world would just stop and my life would be over right there. But it never was, and, like it’s being said here, until everything has been said and you have actually taken your last breath, your world will keep going.

So what do you want them to say when you're gone? That you gave up or that you kept going on?

While I have personally not given a lot of thought to this (yet), because I’m in a phase where I don’t even fully know who I am yet, I know a lot of people place great importance on how they’re going to be remembered. At the risk of sounding like a huge emo, it’s like the song Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park: “When my time comes / Forget the wrong that I've done / Help me leave behind some / Reasons to be missed”. We all want to be remembered, we want to be missed, and of course we want to be remembered as a good person who did good deeds and who never gave up, even if things got hard.

What do you do when a chapter ends? Do you close the book and never read it again? Where do you go when your story's done? You can be who you were or who you'll become Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, darling just hold on

The sun goes down and it comes back up The world it turns no matter what Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong Darling, just hold on

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh Darling, just hold on Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh If it all goes wrong Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh Darling just hold on

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh If it all goes wrong, darling just hold on

(Lyrics are from AZLyrics.com.)

So, there’s not really much I can say to the rest of the lyrics, as they’re just repeating what I already talked about. I also want to add that while doing this I rewatched the music video, probably for the first time since it came out, and I have to say, it’s honestly not one of my favorite videos that he’s done. For one, he’s not even in it; I don’t understand the weird time travel thing they’ve got going on (I even checked the time zones for London, Las Vegas and Kuwait in the hopes to get a better perspective on the whole thing, but they don’t even match the numbers they showed on the screen lmao); and I also don’t really see any connection between the song and the video. The couple is cute though, and I like the theme of living in the moment and having fun without a care for the world, it does fit with the upbeat, dance-y nature of the track, even if it might not match the lyrics that well.

I guess this is it then! This was a lot of fun and I definitely gained an even deeper appreciation of Louis’ writing on this song. If you want to, you can let me know if you would have interpreted anything differently, or in what specific way the song resonates with you. Listen to it, if you haven’t done so in a while, and I hope I’ll be able to do Back To You soon as well!

#louis tomlinson #steve aoki #just hold on #song analysis #louis #mine

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crushedbyhyperbole · 4 years

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Promises - Chapter Six

Chapter Summary: Rules and red tape. Bucky and Izzy make the agreement that will redefine their friendship from then on out. Bucky thinks this is singularly the best and the worst idea he’s ever agreed to. It’s not like there’s a chance something will go wrong further down the line, right? Right?

A/N: Ok so I toyed with abbreviated text speak for the [text messages] but it annoys me so much I can’t bring myself to put it in there, authenticity be damned. Yes, I’m anally retentive, it IS a big problem, and no, I’m not currently seeking help ;)

I’m just going to apologise that this chapter is mainly dialogue, and probably not all that good dialogue either, but it sets everything up for Bucky and Izzy’s friends with benefits relationship. The next couple of chapters after this are going to be smut central so you have been warned.

Warnings: Tiny bit of angst - Bucky is feeling the stress. Mostly just fluff and talking.

PROMISES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | MOBILE MASTERLIST

Belated Prologue Part Five - The Rules

At a little after lunch time the next day, Bucky’s phone buzzed to life.

[Izzy] Morning Buckinator! This is your next morning sobriety text! X

So much for her forgetting, he thought ruefully. I guess I’m really gonna have to consider the options, now. Fuck!

[Buck] Good morning. You feeling rough? x

[Izzy] I feel like I licked the inside of a trash can. What did you give me to drink? Booty juice? X

[Buck] Hey, you asked for it x

[Izzy] I remember asking for something else too… so how about it? ;)

Euphoria. Fear. Anticipation. Dread. He felt them all and more each time he thought about the predicament that Izzy was putting him in. He made a promise to himself that he’d keep his feelings under wraps, and do whatever he could to keep her in his life. She was offering him something that he never thought he’d ever have but it was only half of what he wanted and it could ruin them if things went badly.

Rules were a good idea, they would help keep things in check and set boundaries. There were only a few things that Bucky really wanted out of this arrangement and that was to safeguard their friendship and for it not to be a drunken booty call thing. Oh, and safe sex.

[Buck] I dunno Iz we got a lot to lose if this goes bad x

[Izzy] It won’t. Pinky promise. XX

She had to go and say fucking ‘pinky promise’.

[Buck] What got you started on this idea?

[Izzy] Honestly? I’m horny and every guy I meet either comes with some amount of bullshit that I just don’t have the time or energy for right now. I need a friend, someone who understands and will share this with me. Guys I meet for 1 night are just there to get themselves off. I want a bit more respect than that. X

[Buck] And your 1st thought was me? xx

[Izzy] Actually no, my first thought was paying for an escort but that doesn’t get you over the awkwardness of sex with a stranger. X

[Buck] I dunno that can be fun :p

[Izzy] Fun but not what I’m looking for. X

[Buck] Fair enough. Why me? xx

[Izzy] Of all of the people I know who would probably sleep with me, you’re the safest option. I can’t ask Steve, he’d die of embarrassment lol. X

Steve would probably drop down dead if Izzy had asked him. As it was, Bucky wasn’t doing much better. His mouth was dry and he was almost shaking with nerves, skin pale and clammy. Panic was growing in his chest and all he could think about was losing her if this all went tits up. He registered somewhere in the back of his mind that Izzy had put him on the list of people who would maybe want to sleep with her. He didn’t know if that said more about her or him, and didn’t know if he should be offended or not. He let it slide.

[Buck] I’m pretty much dying over here too xx

[Izzy] You can say no, Bucky. I’ll not be upset or anything. XXX

[Buck] true story? x

[Izzy] True story. Listen, are you free in an hour? X

[Buck] Yep, I work at 6 though x

[Izzy] Come round to mine, we’ll talk ok? XX

[Buck] Ok doll xx

Jesus what was he doing? This had to be the worst and the best idea of all time. He was torn between protecting what he had and seizing this new opportunity. He might actually get the chance to sleep with Izzy, more than once too, and have it not ruin their friendship

Izzy answered the door in lounge wear; black leggings, novelty slippers and a huge white rolling stones t-shirt. There was no big showy seduction going down here which made him feel more at ease. He was usually confident when it came to sleeping with women but this was one of his best and oldest friends. There was a history there that he cherished as much as he cherished her.

“Drink?” She offered, shuffling off to the kitchen in her slippers.

“Soda, coffee, whatever. I’m easy.”

“Well I had heard that about you but I didn’t want to believe the gossip.” She quipped.

“I see my reputation precedes me. I presume that’s why I’m here.” It was half a joke and half serious.

He was curious as to whether Izzy had chosen to ask him because he slept around a little and had no problem with no strings sex. The problem was, with her, there were so many strings it was a tenuously strung web of feelings and memories. No part of this was going to be easy for him, but she had asked, and he would give her anything.

She passed him a chilled can of diet Pepsi before slouching on the sofa. She seemed comfortable with him, even in this awkward situation.

“I wouldn’t say it preceded you but I’m aware of it.” She smirked lightly.

“I do come with recommendations.” Bucky raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

She nodded, distracted, distant. The missed opportunity for a ‘your mom’ joke betrayed her nerves.

“Look, you can say no. I understand it’s not ideal. I just need someone reliable who gets me and won’t hurt me. Someone I connect with but who won’t make demands on my time or dictate to me how to live my life. You’re one of the most laid back guys I know and you’ve always looked after me, Bucky. I just need someone I can be with without any drama, you know, without any bullshit.”

Bucky felt like he was watching the scene from somewhere deep in his skull, too far behind his own eyes for him to actually be in control of his own mouth at this point. What she was asking for was virtually everything he wanted but he wanted love too. She was willing to give him almost everything he wanted other than a full-on relationship.

He decided it was as close as he was ever going to get and who knew, maybe the feelings would come for her later, just maybe she could learn to love him like he loved her. Or even part way to that and he’d be ok with it.

“I know I can, Iz, it’s just that I really cherish what we have and if this thing that we’re talking about here doesn’t work, and if it ruins our friendship I don’t know what I’d do. You and Steve, you’re everything to me. I can’t lose you, not for a few tumbles in the sack.” He was being as honest as he could without breaking his promise to himself.

“Then that’ll be one of the rules.” She said, regarding him carefully.

Bucky licked his lips absently as he thought about it. It could work, if they absolutely promised each other that their friendship came first, no matter what.

“Okay.” He said, blowing an unsteady breath out through pursed lips.

“Okay?” She jumped with anticipation.

“Yeah.” Bucky sighed right before Izzy threw herself forward to hug him.

“You’re awesome!” She breathed against his neck.

She felt different, all of a sudden. The giddy thrill of holding her with his feelings kept hidden had been replaced with the deep burn of longing. He had permission to want her now, permission to touch her more than he ever had, but yet he didn’t. They needed to set boundaries.

Pulling away, he stood up, turning his back to her as he collected himself.

“I have requirements.” Bucky said, after a few long moments of silence where they both just existed in the space, contemplating how everything was going to be different for them both after this.

“Okay,” she pulled out her phone. “Rule 1.”

“Protection. The sex always has to be safe.”

“Okay, yeah, good.” She typed quickly. “Rule 2.”

“Respect.” Bucky crossed his arms across his chest and frowned slightly as he searched for the right words. “No drunken booty calls, or making the other person feel shit for saying ‘no’. We respect each other as we always have and respect our other friends too.”

“Okay, got it.” She smiled softly.

“You do one or I’ll feel like I’m dictating.”

“Rule 3. No catching feelings.” She said after a long pause. “If it’s just sex it should be just sex. One person falling for the other will probably end in disaster so no feels and no jealousy.”

That was her first rule, no falling in love with him? Did it matter that he had already fallen for her? She said ‘no catching feelings’ but his were already caught. No matter how he looked at it, it still hurt to hear.

“Ok, in that case rule 4 should be no displays of affection. No kissing, no cuddling, no holding hands romantically, no gifts other than maybe the standard shit we’ve always done at Christmas or birthdays.” He clenched his jaw slightly. This was more difficult than he’d thought it would be. “Rule 4 supports rule 3. If there’s to be no chance of one of us catching feelings then avoiding the little things like that will help.”

“Right.” Her fingers tapped frantically over her phone screen. “Rule 5. We both have to get off. I’m about done with guys and their panda antics.” She said with a frustrated sigh.

“Panda antics?”

“You know. That joke? Why is a man like a panda? Because he eats, shoots and leaves.”

“Ohhhh, that’s witty.” Bucky smothered his smirk. “You know I’d never do that to you, right?”

“Let’s call this insurance.”

“What if I want to get you off but not myself?” He couldn’t believe he was even discussing this stuff with her.

“I suppose that’s your call.” She bit her lip thoughtfully. “Okay, so we both have to be willing to make sure we both get off, unless we choose otherwise for ourselves.”

“Okay, deal. Rule 6.” Bucky sat back down beside Izzy, the warmth of her leg against his was both comforting and alluring. “We only do this while we’re both single. And we’re up front about the people we’re seeing.” He wanted to know in advance if there was to be someone else on the scene.

“As soon as we think we might like someone we press pause.” Izzy was concentrating on getting it all down on her phone as Bucky watched her. The way she chewed the inside of her mouth, her minuscule frown. He couldn’t believe he was this close to having her.

“Rule 7?”

“Rule 7.” She mused. “We have to keep it secret.”

“Yeah, Steve would freak the fuck out!”

“Imagine the lectures? Oh god!” She laughed.

“No one is gonna understand this whole thing so yeah, keeping it to ourselves is a good call.” Bucky could do that. The only person either of them would have an issue keeping a secret from was actually Steve. It would be interesting to see if he could tell there was something going on.

“Rule 8. Just sex, no making love.” She sat back against the cushions as she wrote. “No sleepovers in the same bed either. And we should probably avoid using the word ‘love’ at all too.” She tapped her phone against her thigh as she mentally weighed the idea. “If we never say it, even to describe something, then it can never be misconstrued. Rule 3, remember?”

“Sure.” He said in absent agreement. “Define making love.”

“Oh, you know, slow and passionate, with kissing and holding each other. Staring lovingly into each other’s eyes, that sort of thing.”

“Right.” He had a significant downward turn to his excitement now. All these rules put in place just to stop either of them from catching feelings. Knowing when you were breaking rule 8 might be difficult but he supposed that if you left out the kissing and eye contact then some slow sex might get past unnoticed. “Rule 9?”

“No nudes.”

“Seriously?” Disappointment didn’t cut it.

“Seriously!” She chastised. “There’s no way I’m letting naked pictures of myself anywhere near your phone, that any one of your friends might see… Hell no!”

“What if I wanted to send but not receive?”

“You wouldn’t want to receive?”

“Well, yeah I would, but…”

“No nudes, Bucky.”

“Ahh come on, you’re breaking my balls here.”

“What would you want them for anyway?”

“You have to ask.” He laughed.

Izzy just shook her head with a bemused smile. She knew, of course she did. All guys liked to keep something to get them going with their personal time.

“Okay then, rule 10?”

The pair of them pondered in silence for a few moments.

“I got nothing.” Bucky shrugged.

“Ooooh!” Izzy twitched. “Rule 10 should be the all-encompassing friendship rule. Our friendship comes first, no matter what.”

How could he have forgotten that one? It was the thing that was most important to him. The first thing he’d said before they even started concocting rules and boundaries.

“That’s the most important thing to me, Izzy, I mean it.”

“Me too.” She smiled and squeezed his hand.

After a long pause, she read through the 10 rules they had drawn up. There were a few things that weren’t covered but they could go on for days creating red tape for themselves.

Red tape, hmm, I wonder.

“So is there anything you don’t like, or won’t try? Anything that’s a total turn off?” Bucky wanted to get some insight into the territory he’d be traversing.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I guess we just talk about it? Do the respect thing, no forcing each other and no guilt trips if one of us says no.”

“Sounds fair.” Bucky nodded. “And when exactly are you thinking we start this arrangement?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” She said calmly, like this wasn’t the most nerve racking thing he’d done since leaving the army.

Bucky just blinked. Was he ready?

Continue to chapter seven >>>

#bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #friends to lovers #bucky x ofc #bucky fanfic #promises #my writing #cloudy's writing

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