#just showed up that I'm still alive

[morningstarinwinter]

Drew after awhile

Sketchy for my daughter and kinda self portrait

#just showed up that I'm still alive #mns art #danique winter #self portrait #sketch

[uncanny-tranny]

If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀

#art #crochet #honestly the closest thing i feel to love when crocheting is this feeling that this is bigger than me if that makes sense... #...i think it'sthe feeling of knowing how old the craft itself is and knowing that millions of people have done the same as you... #...millions of people have stabbed their crochet hook into the yarn because it's stubborn but so are you... #...millions of people in the past have sat and devoted their time and effort into all of this... #...millions of people have passed on this knowledge and kept this thing alive... #...and it's the feeling of knowing that humans across millenia aren't THAT different #to our core we are more or less similar - across the ages across the colours across everything. that really comforts and humbles me #have you looked up ancient textiles? because that also sparks these emotions in me #it makes me think about the tupes of people to make the textile but also about who wore it #and so many of them are still beautiful and colourful and it shows you SO MUCH about the people who made them #even the ones that are tattered and faded and stripped of colour still feel beautiful... #...because it has SURVIVED. it is evidence of a people who made it and a people who had technical skills #and THIS is why i HATE HATE HATE the idea that ancient people were just 'dumb' and 'uneducated' #that is so unfair to them and cruel and just. wrong. (and often it reeks of white supremacy) #i'm sorry i rant and rave about this so much but i canNOT be normal about this. i can't be normal about humanity #i am learning to love humanity and learn about us and learn everything and it'll never be enough - i will never know enough #i will never know everything about everybody and it will be the death of me #okay the only thing i liked about the greatest showman movie was Never Enough because that is me thinking about all this

[candyredappledragon]

"what's your favorite flower?"

daffodils

'Daffodils are flowers that are often associated with unrequited love, loneliness and a longing for something that cannot be obtained'

#art tag #// a drawing to show THAT I'M STILL ALIVE. #//was thinking about this for so long. #// the language of the flowers is my most favourite thing everrrrr #// just a small art before I post the whole thing and wrap things up nicely!!! #// im dying squirtle. #// THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED 8 HOURS AGO BUT I'M SO BUSY. IM SORRRRYYYYY #// SCRATCH THAT 10 HRS AGO. HEEELP. #// I AM ACTUALLY ALMOST DONE WITH THE WRITING I SWEAR. I'M LIKE AT 2.7K WORDS HELP ME.

[gregoftom]

TO ME, THAT’S CINEMA

#tomgreg #so i've seen this around a lot and ppl have already made points but like holy fuck. hoooly fuck lmao where do i begin #TOM THOUGHT THE ROOM WAS EMPTY FOR UH ... FOR WHAT BITCH?? #empty for what. you two just going in there ALONE. what for. strategizing? ok but then why was greg showing you tonight's selection. #even if it was girls it's still sus bc like who tf goes specifically to a room to show that shit. #oh by the way i listened again and tom says first ''why do we have to...'' so GREG asked for the room? #greg asked them to go to an empty room. slut. #anD THEN AFTER SAID ''I WANNA GIVE YOU'' BITCH!!!!!!!!1 #are we sure it's girls though...... like does it say later. i'll keep watching but Christ. LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK #how am i supposed to read this other than an affair lmfao and then he says ''go on'' and sends greg off away like a little pet #sick to bastard death of them god #so it's like. greg says can we go somewhere private and tom says why do we have to #greg says i wanna give you... and tom says what do you wanna give me annoyed like #girl we are at work and we are trying to stay alive can't you wait til we are at home for me to clap them cheeks #and then greg says a preview of tonight's selection... of what? could be alcohol could be sexy stuff could be mf. clothes idk #and then they look up like O FUCK the room is in use and it's fucking SH*V and immediately tom is like GO ON and greg #doesn't even stutter or say anything like usual he's just like SORRY and leaves immediately bc he KNOWS he gotta gtfo #sorry i'm just. poetic cinema indeed

[remythologise]

2023 fujoshi wrapped

you got baited 24 times

you debated the difference between queer-coding, queerbaiting and censorship in the comments section 4 times

you revisited fanfiction for 7 hit ships from the 2000s

you got blocked 5 times for tagging paragraphs of old man yaoi ship meta on unrelated text posts

you played 585 hours of video games for a combined total of 10 minutes of gay subtext and/or sex scenes

you judged a BL manga or light novel by its cover 948 times

you told 39 friends to watch 3 gay tv shows that are 'actually really really well written and enjoyable and not just gay' and 0 of them did

#respectively: 1) my new boss is goofy. and I enjoyed it. 5 stars. would get baited relentlessly again #2) literally like. is anything queerbaiting but supernatural and maybe parts of sherlock. up for debate. anyway I still can't believe #someone called GAME OF THRONES queerbaiting. I'm still reeling from that. #3) Oh You Know. #4) I can't believe I found out paragraphs of tags annoys people. sorry for being alive on the Paragraphs of Tags blogging website I guess. #(this is because they now show up in notifications I know. I have been trying not to post like. Personal Lore as much like I used to. #trying to keep it related!!! :( sorry for annoying people... it's just how I've always blogged...) #5) disco elysium is the joke here but the hour count really. let's be real. bg3 #6) I do have a pretty good accuracy rate on whether a BL is going to be good based on the front cover art alone honestly. you can just tell #7) AND THIS IS ONLY ABOUT DEADLOCH AND IWTV WHICH I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SO MANY OF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED #do NOT get it twisted. 6) is about THOSE two shows. and also black sails eternally #kira for ts #bored at work. ama

[keeps-ache]

I JUST FOUND OUT ALL MY FILES WERE BACKED UP. REJOICE !!!

#just me hi #SICK COOL VERY AWESOME !!!! #i never fricken manually saved anythign so i THOUGHT oh it's all dead now. just gone #but NO it's still there!!!! god bless the world it's great n light n airy !!!! #my palettes!!! my wips!!!!! my written wips!!!!!!!! my unfinished refs!!!!!!!!!!! oh my darlings you're alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #YEAHOOOOOOOOOO YIPPEE YEHAW !!!!! #i'm also listening to music rn and i can't look excited so i'm just throwing it all out here hfbvshfscd #VERY cool and awesome and sick #every now and then my fortune blows up and takes out 15 surrounding blocks and then turns around and shows so much grace i have to take a #minute HFVBHSd #LIKE. HOW AWESOME ???? #good luck and other such things to you!!! it's a christmas miracle Lmaodhbsd :DDDD

[magentagalaxies]

one of the absolute funniest moments on scott's tour that i wasn't able to capture on camera (for obvious reasons) was at the meet and greet after the nashville show these two older gay guys mentioned they were reading scott's wikipedia page before the show to find out more to chat about at the meet and greet and like. idk if this is just because i am very familiar with scott's wikipedia page but you could tell that was the extent of their scott knowledge (which is valid not everyone is researching a documentary on the guy)

but then they asked about the poster for the lowest show, which they'd never heard of before their wikipedia reading, specifically this quote:

"The posters—featuring Thompson lying supine on the ground with a big wad of semen dripping down the side of his face—went up around the city on September 10, 2001"

and they were like "wow we'd love to see those posters hahaha" and i immediately jump in like "oh i have that photo on my phone give me like 2 seconds"

to be clear: these guys had not interacted with me or acknowledged my existence the entire conversation. they had their backs to me when they were talking to scott, i did not introduce myself as directing the documentary since i wasn't filming and they didn't ask who i am, etc. but my brain was like "oh someone wants to learn more about scott? my time to shine, let me pull up that folder in my camera roll". even scott was like jfc here they go again.

anyway i barely had to scroll back in my doc research folder so i immediately held out my phone to the guys and showed them this

it's a photo taken days after 9/11 of scott in front of the posters for his show which was supposed to open the following week

so i hold out my phone and explain this thinking like hey i'm being so helpful these guys wanted to see this aspect of scott lore and i gave it to them!! meanwhile these two old guys are like i can't even focus on the poster anymore i am standing next to scott thompson and also WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD AND WHY DID THEY JUST HAVE THIS ON THEIR PHONE?

another one of the funniest tour moments was after meeting up with some gay guys in their 70s who were friends-of-a-friend-of-scott and immediately befriending both of them we were about to leave and i asked for their phone number and scott just rolled his eyes and was like i'll give you his phone number in the car as though he was saying "jfc jessamine this is ridiculous even for you". he never ended up giving me the old guy's number

#i just love old gay men so much lmao #and they seem to love me (or at least the ones in the second example did lmao) #also one of the other indicators that the first guys only knew about scott's personal life from his wikipedia page #is that they assumed the last boyfriend mentioned on there was someone scott was still dating to this day #and they were like ''oh i'm so happy to hear you have (boyfriend's name)'' meanwhile scott is like ''uh sorry we broke up 21 years ago'' #meanwhile i'm like SAME NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN ALIVE SCOTT!! #to be fair scott hasn't had a serious long-term relationship since then so we have joked about my birth somehow being the antichrist #but just for scott thompson's romantic life. like there's some curse that scott can't be in a serious relationship until i am #which is very funny bc both of us did in fact have a date we were looking forward to when we got back from the tour #in my case mine is with a hot nonbinary person who works at the venue where scott did his boston show and that's how we met lmao #this is also why i was pissed off that my instagram locked me out bc i have hot nonbinary person's instagram but not their phone number #and i said i'd message them when i got back from the tour. which i cannot do #tempted to just message them as mouth congress (the one account i can still get into) and send them my phone number #maybe i'll do that if i don't get my instagram back by buddy's birthday #anyway maybe this is oversharing about both my love life and scott's love life but i just find it very funny #like i was never someone in high school who went on dates and gossiped about it with my friends #and now i get to have some bizarre version of that where my peer group is goddamn scott thompson???? #between this and me pulling up the lowest show pic in like 2 seconds yeah maybe we are weirdly close lmao #but i wouldn't have it any other way

[shieldsurf]

out of the big 4 het/canon fairy tail pairings jerza is by Far the worst imo like. he needs to leave her alone i'm so serious and the fact that mashima wrote in a 7 year age gap for no reason is Not helping... erzas ass is NINETEEN the first time jellal makes an open pass at her i don't care that they used to be the same age it is fucking weird. gruvia is a close second though because while yes we objectify men here sir and i live to serve women juvia's creepiness is really just too much like at a certain point it starts to feel really gross and the fact that gray seems to fall for her by the end of the anime/manga just reeks of coercion. not even bringing up how genuinely awful juvia's character writing is she gets like 5 minutes of being interesting before getting instantly reduced to a creepy stan who completely revolves around gray and has less depth than the average bossfight of the week. i guess its equality that erza and mirajane are some of the best characters in this story (which is admittedly a low bar considering half of their personality is being subjected to the most voyeuristic shots possible) so mashima had to balance it out by making juvia one of the worst

#the other two pairings nalu and gajevy are honestly fine. i'm more pilled on gratsu and lucana or luli but gajevy is actually a decently #sweet redemption relationship if you forget that gajeel was genuinely the worst person alive in his villain arc before mashima decided to #fast track him to the most likable character in the show. #on top of that while gajeel and levy become a Unit pretty fast after tenrou island they do still have like #unique personalities and things about them that help them stand apart from the other. unlike juvia with gray. #nalu might not be my pairing of choice for either natsu or lucy or even my favorite big 4 pairing but it is pretty good. i really don't hav #any notes they have their own personalities and have chemistry. i think they're sweet together. they work fine. #the moral of the story is don't read or watch fairy tail it's just shittier one piece #tender age of 11 and it gave me incurable brain fungus and now i live in my wonderful little made up world where everyone in fairy tail is #gay and trans and the women aren't treated like meat half the time. this is my trash of choice and my defining character sin dont be like m #but if you're that curious read the manga the anime is insanely drawn out #and the animation is aaaawful #the only reason im watching it is as background noise for when i work #im gonna tag this as #fairy tail #for people who want to blacklist #in the future

[perereiii]

wow, [insert hilariously obvious symptom] was actually a symptom for [insert disorder] this whole time??? I would have never guessed!

#me today #might delete this later. will probably not post/interact much after this still #just wanted to show that I'm alive hehe and currently going through the age old identity crisis #what do you MEAN my hilariously specific way of describing a symptom is actually a very real symptom of #drum roll please #osdd. wow *jazz hands* #turns out if you dont notice the switch/you just dont switch for a while the denial ramps up like no ones business #not gonna go into specifics but thats how its been today and honestly the past few weeks •^• its fun here #well. I'm off to hopefully sleep. hope those I know are doing well despite my absence ^^ #(not that happiness is intrinsically tied to me but still hehe)

[hidefdoritos]

.

#disordered eating and PTSD stuff in the tags #I think that eating is maybe a safe strategy for me #like I can assure myself that I'm at ease and my basic needs are met #problem being that now as I'm getting counseling and digging everything up #I'm having all kinds of nightmares and flashbacks and sleeping like garbage #so I've been eating. uh. a lot. #some days are better than others #but I've had some legendary binge days lately #which is starting to show on my body #got a pair of jeans that isn't buttoning atm #and I feel fan-fucking-tastic abt that tyvm #and the body image issues bleed into the trauma #(maybe if I was *ugly* he wouldn't have touched me) #(maybe if I'm *uglier* they'll never touch me again) #(and maybe if I'm the *ugliest* then I'll just die alone) #lots and lots and lots of body image issues #desperate to be attractive enough to be loved BUT repulsive enough to be feared #anyway I'm lying awake after a nightmare eating thin mints and noticing the handfuls of fat on my body #which I think is incredible and captivating on anyone else but still judge myself so harshly for #maybe this is a testament to how badly I want to be alive.

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps. #you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown? #that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes? #that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old? #im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed. #you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out? #I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt. #i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years. #i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best. #I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything. #any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic' #so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden. #i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door. #sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems. #that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too. #ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day. #therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed. #emotions are so hard to figure out.

[shiningstages]

finished story update in hsr finally...my brain hurts so bad

#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc ) #me seeing ratio in it and kicking my lil feetsies (and then he doesn't show up again) #the way i wanna pick up firefly and robin but i also need so much more info on both of them #himeko is alive so far and that's actually what i care about most #ACHERON TOO AAAAAAAAAA my wife...that's my wife that i trust right there i promise i just had to go with the ipc for story #i can't wait for the disney vibes to turn film noir...i'm ready #me looking at sam like “i can't fuck this robot (yet)” #sunday is just so There rn; but i pray he will become more important later #me also shaking like WHERE ARE THE MANSION CHILDREN FROM THAT ONE VID WHERE #aventurine...sparkle...*gestures to my lack of care yet somehow still interested in them* #black swan hot...i love how vague yet helpful and hot she is... #i think those are all my base character thoughts yee #edit: GALLAGHER i want him...as a muse...as a man...yeah (forgot about the one bit he was in but wowow)

[k1rishiki]

it's soooo fucked to think about how everything that's ever happened in your life is connected, no matter how mundane. what do you Mean my 5th grade teacher's seating arrangement is the reason i lived past the age of 13

#it goes. have to sit next to the girl who's really into animal jam > get REALLY into animal jam bc of her > discover wattpad through animal #jam youtuber fanfic > spend all my time on it > discover those marysue appraisals that used to be so popular > read all of them > run out #of generalized ones and end up stumbling across one specifically for kuroshitsuji ocs which is titled in a way where i don't think it's #media-specific until i'm already reading it > find it really funny > go to the library the next day > figure 'what the hell. i'll check the #dvds of this show out.' > the dvds are checked out > 'well in japan the adaptations better match the source material' (<<< no idea where i #got that from but it's HILARIOUS that i tried to apply it to kuroshitsuji of all franchises) > take out the entirety of the manga > go #insane over it to the point where i had brought like. 5 volumes to school and started fr Crying over the fact that i finished reading them #and still had hours to go before i could go home and start a new one > make a tumblr account bc i'd been possessed w a love of 2 characters #from the weston arc and no one on wattpad was making content that wasn't centered around the anime or musicals > my phone breaks in 7th #grade and it gets replaced w a new one which works better and thus i can't get around parental controls which means no more wattpad > #tumblr works wayyyy better on my recently acquired school ipad than on my phone so i start using it more > summer between 7th & 8th grade i #consider throwing myself out of a third story window > 'wait. who will tell my tumblr mutuals that i'm not ghosting them. i just died. #no one knows my password and i don't want to be rude' > i close the window > i'm still alive to this day #romeo.txt

[rainliler56]

Creepy crawly demon, it's a... meh, art peice but better to have something than nothing right? A nostagic throwback collab with my brother

#gosh it's been awhile tumblr #still dead here just looking at art #throws up random gf art to show I'm alive #byeeeeeeeeee... again #gravity falls #bill cipher

[unproduciblesmackdown]

and i draw parallels solely on the cinematographic basis of “when my man is no more than a millimeter away from perturbation at all times but you give the Whole Right Half Of The Screen 3/4 Closeup of Harrowing Recontextualizations” like that’s right. we’re living it up

#i mean i guess it counts lol. said generally similar cinematographic approachs for said very generally similar scenarios #(a) when a guy shows his hand (shit) & the Team Experience is in shambles & you're two sec away from shooting him for real.... #nemik not even being around for said ''oh so this guy is like that then apparently'' but Insisting on giving cassian his manifesto when we #all knew like oh f you're gonna get it lol. unsurprised but not unmoved that nemik's manifesto is the source of that Quoteth.... #paraphrasing closely from memory the frontier of the rebellion is everywhere even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward #the imperial need for control is so desperate b/c it is so unnatural tyranny requires constant effort it breaks it leaks.... #(b) when against all odds you busted out of island forever factory labor electric containment torture execution jail and made it to a phone #make a risky call home to relay to your mom that you're alive and all only to be informed that she is not #and both still like serving as [major turning points] naturally. end of ep six; end of ep eleven of twelve.... #love some drama. even on top of ''oh we knew you'd die but now we know you're dying'' and then like escalation on escalation like umm what's #our bestie here talking about. oh i see. oh he's getting quickdraw blown away right on really at this point; makes sense in this position; #still what a surprise lol truly....that we Aren't surprised maarva dies not only b/c it's heavily cued but also We find out at the ep start #like the one guy dying in prison while we Know that's coming but heaping drama on drama as the doctor tells them what happened on floor two #and we get yet more Acting Wins as andy serkis (lino?) #(nah looked it up & i spoonerized that lol. kino loy. i Only Just Now have one name per each of that heist team down i think lol) so anyways #andy kino loy serkis is getting to be the king of Harrowing Recontextualizations in that moment. ugh just great shit going on throughout #there was a Lot of great [i'm perturbed to harrowed] acting all across the board. its being by and large a cast of characters who are all #like wary and continually endangered with varying degrees of urgency. like the rec abt this series as [tfw depiction of police state life] #star wars /// #andor #truly cassian my [he has the face of a friend] cassian #he really does have this key energy of like your insta new best friend and comrade....nemik's delivery w/''i wrote abt you last night.'' Fun #again like also unsurprising he'd already land on cassian out here like ofc i'll give my crucial legacy work to that guy who just showed up. #and And I Insistingly....and he's right

[plaidpyjamas]

sorry I'm just ajfklerjafoire I can't stop thinking about this stupid Dark!Tony Stark fic (it's spiraled into two potential books lordt help) and I wanna get more attention on it so i have the motivation to keep writing *stomps foot* Anyway here's the last thing I wrote

___________________________________

‘Liar’ he thought.

Still…he couldn’t stop the hopeful tug at his heart. It made him want to pull back, escape the crushing weight of Tony’s arms and look him in the eye and hear that lie again. He wanted to hear Tony Stark tell him he missed him and was so worried he hardly ate or slept anymore and – above all else – Desmond wanted to believe that Tony had been worried over him. He wanted to believe that Tony Stark wasn’t the monster he remembered.   He prepared himself for Tony to prove he was.

#dark fic #dark!tony stark #dark!bruce banner #dark!avengers #writing wip #ao3 writer #anyway I keep making myself cry over this stupid thing #idk how the hell I'm gonna write a coherent narrative #or even how tf i'm gonna get the right emotions across #i keep circling back to and getting stuck on just how much Bucky loves Desmond #like when he's looking at Des there's practically a halo of light around his head - Bucky's convinced Desmond is perfect #and damn those bastards who tried to dirty him. who tried to break him - look! look at him! he's still here! still alive despite it all #he wants to hold Desmond up high #proudly showing him off because he can't fathom how someone could look at Desmond and not see an angel #he's pure and full of light and love and despite all the dirt and blood he's been encased in #his light still leaks through #and it blinds Bucky. like staring into the sun #he'll die before he looks away #or something like that jfaklfjlafje