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#june is for handing in thesis
rapha-reads · 1 year
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I just finished A Curse So Dark And Lonely, by Brigid Kemmerer, and wow, it might be even better than The Beast's Heart. That's a fantastic twist on Beauty and the Beast's story, and, this time, I'm using fantastic in its literary sense of "a story that starts in the real world and then gets invaded by the magical". Harper is truly awesome and badass, and I would have loved to see Grey's POV through the story, he's so good and loyal. Rhen is interesting insomuch as he's different from what the character of the Prince usually is in these contemporary rewritings. He's much more pro-active in his life and passive in his curse, if that makes sense, while most other Princes linger in their resignation and frustration.
That was such a fascinating read, I can't wait to start writing my thesis on modern rewritings of B&tB and compare it with The Beast's Heart, A Tale of Love and Revenge, Uprooted or Once Upon A Time, Belle. If you guys know more rewritings in contemporary literature of the tale, please do drop recs, the more samples I have for my thesis, the better!
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morska-trava · 10 months
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Aughhhhh someone put me out of my misery already
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airenyah · 11 months
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update on my thesis: i STILL haven't written a single word for it, i'm STILL missing 4k words
buttttttt!!!!!!
i've gone through my literature and analyzed almost all my examples and done almost all the research i still needed and taken notes sooooooo
that means all that's left to do is to turn my notes into actual proper sentences
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mona-liar · 2 years
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jackleopard · 2 months
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Woke up feeling SO sick, like cannot get up sick, and I want to scream because I was finally handing in my thesis today or tomorrow
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saucerfulofsins · 2 years
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Please emotions don't have a full on breakdown till July I literally have no time atm 😭
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nieves-de-sugui · 11 months
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A Quick History of BL
As someone who wrote a thesis on this very subject a few years ago, here is the short version of how BL has evolved throughout the years. For the new comers ❤ 
a minute of silence for the original form of this post that tumblr decied to not save right after I saved it
I am going to go with a chronological approach. Unfortunately, I cannot put everything in one post so if there’s any questions about this or that aspect of the history of BL that you want to know and it’s not talked about here, you are welcome to ask me directly :)
Context and influences - Japan in the 60′s
Before the US forced Japan to open its borders to the outside world in the 1800s, homosexual practices were common place between budist monks, samurais and kabuki actors. During the Edo period (1600s to 1800s) there was a very rich amount of poetry, art, books (such as Nanshoku Okagami (The Great Mirror of Male Love) by Ihara Saikaku) and codes of conduct about how to have a good master/aprentice relationship, kinda like the greeks if you know what I mean. However, with the arrival of western influences, in order to become a more “civilized” country, it was all put in the closet. 
Yet, in the 60′s Japan started to pick it up again through literature about young androginous beautiful boys (aka bishounen). On one hand, in 1961, the novel Koibitotachi no Mori (A Lover’s Forest) by Mari Mori was published. It tells the story of a young and beautiful 19 year old worker and a half french half japanese aristocrat, and their tragic romance. On the other hand, Taruho Inagaki wrote Shounen ai no Bigaku (The esthetics of boy-love), an essay on aesthetic eroticism (of which he wrote a lot of). All this was know as Tanbi (lit. aesthetic) literature. It generally refered to literature with implied homosexuality and homoeroticism such as works by Oscar Wilde, Jean Cocteau, etc. And of course, Mori and Inagaki. 
In chinese tanbi is read as danmei (term used to refer to BL novels in china today, ie: The Untamed it’s all connected friends).
From the birth of Shonen Ai  to Yaoi - 70′s to the late 80′s
Around the beginning of the 70′s, shoujo was being revolutionized by the Year 24 Group, a generation of women manga authors (mangaka) who started to explore new themes. Among them, their interest in tanbi gave birth to a new subgenre: Shounen ai. 
Their most known manga were:
Kaze to Ki no Uta (The Ballad of the Wind and Trees) by Keiko Takemiya, and Toma no Shinzo (The Heart of Thomas) by Moto Hagio
Their stories are characterized by having suffering eurpoean bishounen in boarding schools, living an idealized perfect love (meaning passionate) that, despite the tragic end of one of them, lives forever in the other. 
As this genre starts getting popular, more and more fans of these stories start making their own self published manga, aka doujinshi, of the genre. It is around this time that the term Yaoi is coined. Meaning “YAma nashi, Ochi nashi, Imi nashi” (no climax, no fall, no meaning). Basically PWP fanfiction, for the most part. Doujinshis could be considered an equivalent of fanfiction in manga form.  It is also here that the term Fujoshi (aka Rotten Girl, for liking rotten things) starts being used to refer to women readers of yaoi. 
With this rise in popularity come the start of the commercialization of the genre. Which meant the publication of magazines dedicated solely to yaoi/shonen ai/BL. The most popular yaoi manga magazine at the time was June. The common trait of their stories being the therapeutic power of the love between the mains. The traumatized character would heal throught this newfound love.
Most of the stories at this time happened in the West (Europe or the States) as the exploration of these dark themes intertwined with homosexual romance and homoeroticism still feel safer to explore as a foreign concept. One example would be Banana Fish (1985).
Commercialization and Yaoi Ronso -  90′s 
As more publishing houses pick the genre up, the term Boys Love is used to include every type of manga about homosexuality made for women. 
The increasing amount of BL series sees a changes in its themes: 
the start of the “gay for you” trope where one mantains their heterosexuality despite being in a homsexual relationship, 
the uke/seme dynamic (mirroring hetero realtionships) also relating to physical appearence (one being more feminine, the other being more masculine), 
the use of rape as an act love (sexual violence has always been present but here it becomes a staple),
anal sex as the only type of sex, 
older and more masculine men start to appear 
they now happen in Japan
Good examples of the presence of these themes in manga are Gravitation (1996) or Yatteranneeze (1995).
However in 1992, Masaki Sato (a gay activist/drag queen) wrote a letter in a small scale feminist magazine attacking yaoi and pointing out how it “represented a kind of misappropriation or distortion of gay life that impacted negatively upon Japanese gay men”. The female readers of yaoi responded, defending the genre as a means to escape gender roles and explore sexual themes that was never meant to represent the realities of gay men. This is know as the Yaoi Ronso (Yaoi Debates).
The debate ended with both sides understanding more of each other, with mangakas starting to include queer views in their works. It also started the academic reasearch of BL. 
Yet, it is a debate that has been restarted more than once, as it is still relevant despite the evolution of the genre.
more on this on another post
Globalization and coining of BL - 2000′s 
By the beginning of the 2000s BL is being sold all over the world (like all manga), and has become a stable industry. We could say it has finally become it’s own genre. 
Some of the most well known manga series, to us (in the west), of the time are:
Junjou Romantica 2002 Koi Suru Boukun 2004 Love Pistols 2004 Haru wo Daiteita 1999
all of these have anime adaptations for the curious ones
We also start seeing short anime adaptations or special episodes of the most popular series, with questionable themes, such as: adoptive father x adoptive son  (Papa to Kiss in the Dark 2005), father x son’s friend (Kirepapa 2008), etc... 
However the themes remain more or less the same. Junjou Romantica’s love story starts with a non-con sex scene by the older one (masc, seme) to the younger one (more feminine, uke) addressed years later in the manga btw. Koi Suru Boukun’s love story is triggered by aphrodisiacs and rape. They’re still very present in the stories but slowly going away. A mangaka that represents this era could be Natsume Isaku (Candy Color Paradox 2010).
Change is slow in Japan. Even though the voices of LGBT+ people started to be taken into account in the genre it is not until later that we see it reflect in the mangas themselves. However, we can already see the start of this in Doukyusei (Classmates) (2006) by Asumiko Nakamura. Also Kinou Nani Tabeta? (2007) which is actually part of a more mature genre: Seinen.
It is my personal (subjective) theory that the BL of this era was the one that got popular outside of Japan, which is why we see lots of references to the themes, tropes and dynamics of this time in today’s BL series. 
The LGBTzation of BL and the rise of webtoons - 2010′s to 2020′s
Slowly but surely LGBT characters and themes enter the scene of BL. Existing simultaneously with the previous tropes and themes, we start seeing a shift in these stories. We now see:
characters that identify as gay or some type of queer
discussions about homophobia
more mature themes about life and romance
At the same time as we get the usual love stories with the usual themes, a new trend starts to take over. And we get simultaneously, cute, sometimes questionable but light love stories:
Love Stage 2010 Ashita wa Docchi da! 2011 Kieta Hatsukoi 2019
More profound stories and darker or more complex themes:
Blue Sky Complex 2013  Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai 2011 (mafias) Given 2013 (suicide) Hidamari ga Kikoeru 2013 (deafness)
And others that adress the queer experience in a more mature way (which might actually fall into the Seinen genre)
Itoshi no Nekokke 2010 (slice of life, queer characters) Smells like Green Spirit 2011 (two ways to deal with a homphobic society) Strange 2014 (relationships between men) Shimanami Tasogare 2015 (an LGBT group helps a closeted gay) Old Fashioned Cupcake 2019 (you know this one 😉) Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu 2020 (the end of the world)
As queer stories are explored, BL mangakas and mangakas from other genres start to consider more stories about queer people such as the Josei Genderless Danshi ni Aisaretemasu (My Androgynous Boyfriend) (2018) by Tamekou, or the Shoujo Goukon ni Itarra Onna ga Inakatta Hanashi (The story of when I went to a mixer and there were no women) (2021) by Nana Aokawa. 
Still, we can see two realities live side by side. Doukyuusei gets adapted into an impactful animated movie in 2016, meanwhile Banana Fish gets an anime adaptation that keeps the homoeroticism but not the homosexuality.  
For those who might be interested. Here are some of the authors that represent the first half of this era, where they start to include newer points of view:
Scarlet Beriko, HAYAKAWA Nojiko, KURAHASHI Tomo, OGERETSU Tanaka, Harada, KII Kanna (Stranger by the Sea), etc...
And authors that while keeping classical themes break the stereotypes in a subtle manner:
CTK, ZAKK, Jyanome, Cocomi, Hidebu Takahashi, SUZUMARU Minta, etc...
Mangakas also no longer stick to one genre only. They explore whichever of them they want, from BL to Seinen to others. 
ie: Tamekou, 
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or Asumiko Nakamura
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The curious case of Webtoons
With the digitalization of mangas, throught Renta and Lehzin, it has become easier (and more expensive) to access these stories. Korea makes and appearence with their webtoons. Through the lack of piracy protections and the majority of them being digital, manhwa (korean webtoons) sees a rise in popularity. Through the digital medium the influencee can be the influencer.
However, like many other East Asian countries they have consumed BL, without hearing about the conversations about BL. So they end up mantaining the older themes and stereotypes that newer BL is trying to leave behind. Therefore, we end up with a mix of old and new, ie:
Killing Stalking 2016 Cherry Blossoms After Winter 2017 Painter of The Night 2019
Additionally, it is also thanks to the easy access to internet that Omegaverse, with its higher dramatic stakes (that parallel hetero dynamics), enters the mangasphere in 2016. It has grown in popularity ever since.
With the Thai BL Boom of 2020, Japan rediscovers its own BL market and starts investing in it more. Which is why we get live action adaptations of BL manga that was popular years ago (Candy Color Paradox was a manga from 2010), the more recent ones (The End of the World With You) or new anime adaptations (Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai in 2020). 
more on this in my japanese live action BL post
What has it become now? is it BL? ML? or Seinen? Or is it all just gay manga?
It is clear that Shoujo manga (with BL, Josei and Seinen) is exploring queer themes such as gender and sexuality more and more. Japan is interested in this conversation, not only in manga (Genderless fashion). Which brings up the current question in BL studies: Does it make sense to keep these categories?
As a response to BL, ML (Male Love), which is made by gay men for gay men, started happening (around the 70s too). And Bara (gay manga porn) in response to Yaoi. However both gay men and women read BL and ML. We also see other themes being explored through BL, such as friendship (in BL Metamorphose), food (in Kinou Nani Tabeta), male relationships of all kinds (in Strange), and different queer views on life and its challenges (in Shimanami Tasogare). More and more what is LGBT and what is BL is merging, the line is blurred. 
Conclusion
BL has been in my life for longer than it hasn't. It is through shoujo and BL that I have come to understand people and romance.
It is flawed, like everything else this life, but it's flourishing in many ways.
The genre feels old and new at the same time. 
We can still find shounen ai/tanbi elements in more modern manga (All About J). Or the gay for you in a new light (Itoshi no Nekkoke). Or more educational manga on queer issues (My Brother’s Husband by Gengoroh Tagame). BL has around 50 years of existence but it is also being born anew in Thailand and Korea. 
BL manga will continue to evolve in acordance to Japanese tastes, as it is still a local market. Hopefully the korean webtoons that get popular will be the more daring ones in their themes. Who knows where it will go from here? The only thing we know for sure is that it will continue to change. Isn't it exciting?
A post on the evolution of live action BL in Japan is coming, to complement this post.  As well as a more detailed explanation of the Yaoi Debates and gay manga.
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copperbadge · 6 months
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Where My September Babies At
There's a scene in the novel where Eddie mentions that studies show children born in the first three months of the year have distinct advantages over their later-born peers. A reader pointed out some issues with the thesis, so it's a good thing I remember where I picked that trivia up, because maybe I got it wrong!
I can go back and listen to the podcast where I heard it, but I thought I'd google around first in case I could find something faster to confirm/disprove the thesis. I didn't find what I was looking for but I did find a BUGFUCK INSANE breakdown of what is likely to a happen to a child depending on their birth month.
I make no claims to this being accurate; they absolutely do not cite their sources and the whole page reads like bad clickbait, but anyway tag yourself, I'm gonna live to be 100:
January – Higher risk of developing Crohn’s disease, epilepsy, and Alzheimer’s.
February – Increased risk for death from lung cancer.
March – Higher risk for certain kinds of heart disease.
April – Increase risk for becoming an alcoholic or developing an eating disorder.
May – Lower risk for developing chronic illness.
June – Higher risk of developing vision problems.
July – Increased risk for developing autism and asthma.
August – More likely to be labeled as a problem student.
September – More likely to live to see 100 years of age.
October – Higher risk for insect bites, chest infections, and STIs.
November – More likely to be left-handed, the risk for heart problems and lung cancer.
December – Lower risk for allergies and asthma.
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ariakey · 9 months
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Obnubilar Masterpost : 💙💛❤️
Finally sharing this PIECE OF WORK! I had to work on this with a forever-going tendonitis but I'm so happy I could finish it in time for my thesis' deadline. 30th June 2023
This short can also be found on my Youtube: HERE
Obnubilar is a story I've been working on for 5+ years, it revolves around Heaven, Hell and its inhabitants.
READ 50-page trial comic HERE
check more art posts on my Artfol
more links and commission info on my Linktree CHARACTERS/STORY INFO BELOW :
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Main Cast (Left to Right):
Cupido ❤️ (protagonist)
Jacob 💙 (protagonist)
Ciro 💛 (protagonist)
Amalinder (Active Helper)
Ivory (Passive Helper / Motivator)
Lucifero (Planner)
Diamanto (Villan)
Narciso (Guard)
Teodoro (Guard)
Olimpo (Guard)
Amedeo (Guard / Gardener)
Link to all of my Obnubilar-related art on artfol, each piece has some descriptions with some fun facts or info about the characters (the oldest the piece the least updated the info is, some characters change over time) : LINK (follow me on Artfol to see even more pieces from me) STORY PREMISE:
"A story about angels and demons, blurry thoughts, sudden flashbacks and a strong sense of longing for freedom trying to escape the hands of a ruler full of hatred and jealousies"
how to support the artist:
Like, Share, Comment my posts and check my socials!
Support me on either Kofi or Patreon to help with my comic-making goals! (with funds I will keep my tech up to date, make trial prints, make merch, more art + it helps me support my general expenses as a freelancer, thank you!)
I hope you enjoy it! ✨️
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Note
Hey, remember the time you did the TFP Autobots learning about the human names. I just remembered the Human Factor episode where Rafael's mom barged in his room, yelling his full name. "Rafael Jorge Gonzales Esquivel!" What are the Autobots reaction to learning that some humans have long names?
Welp I couldn't resist, enjoy more made up lore.
Long Names
Technically every Cybertronian has a long name, however due to how they work the name into a singular or two part syllable word while still maintaining the deeper meaning, they often forget how long their names really are. Bumblebee's name alone would span an entire page if every small glyph portion and meaning had to somehow be put into English. And even then he is still very young and has yet to gain many nicknames and titles to tack onto his name glyph. With that in mind, a mech like Optimus who is both old as dirt and a Prime with all sorts of names, titles, and achievements under his belt would have his name be about the length of a short light novel when put on paper in English.
With this in mind when the bots learned that some humans have longer names than just the simple one they were given, that being the first and last name, they were slightly confused. It wasn't that they weren't capable of understanding why the humans had long names. They had long names too after all, no the issue lay for them in the simple fact that the humans didn't seem to simplify their names at all. Whenever they signed things they had to write their entire name, and for humans like Rafael, that was a bit of a chore. It made no sense to the bots, there was a reason they carefully and methodically crafted a unique glyph to encompass their entire identity, otherwise they would be writing whole thesis lengthened signatures.
Watching the human children write their full names out on papers every single time they did homework was almost painful to watch. To the Autobots it was far easier to write out their name glyph, an act that takes dedication and skill, than to write out their whole name. Which when looking at the sheer length of their names, even the human children had to agree. Having to methodically write out the most complex yet beautiful mess of lines and squiggles when signing papers instead of a whole novel seemed far more acceptable. Still, despite the human children's names being far simpler in comparison, the bots still tried to find a way to simplify the name writing process. The whole team ended up getting together to try and figure out a way to combine the English words that made up the children's names as they would with Cybertronian glyphs. However they swiftly found that English is both far simpler and far harder to work with than glyphs.
Optimus spent weeks during his freetime studying everything about English to better understand how to combine the letters and words. Arcee, Bulkhead, and Bumblebee sat around for the same length of time struggling to throw the letters around to make an odd English glyph thing that looked somewhat acceptable. More often than not they just fought about it though due to varying naming preferences. At the same time Ratchet went straight to June asking about how naming works to get a more practical understanding of the human take on the concept.
In the end the team came up with three glyphs made of English letters that they were all content with after weeks of effort. And so feeling very proud of themselves they carved the glyphs into three charms as would normally be done on Cybertron, and handed them off to the children. The children were of course happy at receiving the gift, but wildly confused as to what the heck they were holding. Even when it was explained, they still just stood and stared as their charms for a long while. Jack got himself a glyph that looked a lot like Norse runes smashed together in an odd geometric mix as the English letters had been simplified to the point of near nonexistence. Miko gained a name glyph that was more akin to Chinese in style due to how many letters had been jammed together into the strangely elegant yet still unreadable charm. And Rafael received a glyph that was strangely akin to old Latin writing, even almost being readable if it weren't for the odd disjointed but still pleasing design that the letters had been carved into.
In the end the children thanked the bots for their efforts but put forth the concept of shortened signatures as well, showing the bots that human names are often shortened to something like M.N in Miko's case. As soon as the bots saw this, most grumbled something about it not being nearly as thoughtful or pretty as their glyphs and wandered off a little sulky about having spent so long working on their glyphs only to find out short signatures are a thing.
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cowgurrrl · 9 months
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OKAY WAIT
late night talks with college!joel - how reader and him came to date. they were studying they got distracted talking about something and stayed up all night taking. now joel can get her off his mind. 😉
thank you harry styles <3
I’ll kiss you on the mouth dude I love this idea
UPDATE: I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END IT AND IF IT WASNT FOR MY MELATONIN KICKING IN I WOULDVE CONTINUED IT
She’s got a book for every situation
Pairing: college!joel x fem!reader
Summary: this ask
Author’s note: typed in tumblr and not proofread so god speed slayers 🫡
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, Joel being The Biggest Flirt, June your BA in English is showing, I think that’s it??
Working at the writing center on campus has its perks. You get unlimited printing, editing experience, and free coffee. Granted, it’s from a pot that had been simmering for several days but it’s free nevertheless. You’ve even managed to get in good with a few professors who would recommend their students come to you if they need help. Normally, they don’t take the advice until finals week and they all scramble into your office all at once. So, when a tall guy with curly dark hair walks into your desolate lobby, you’re a little surprised. He looks lost with a stack of papers piled in his hands and visibly relaxes when he sees you peek your head out.
“Hey there. Can I help you?” You ask, approaching him.
“Maybe. ‘M from Dr. Phillips class and she said to come to the writing center and ask for…” He trails off as he glances down at his paper before saying your name. “Said she might be able to help me with my paper.”
“Yeah, I think she can help you with your paper.” You say and hold out your hand to grab the red inked paper. It’s a paper on Kerouac who’s never been your favorite. In fact, you wrote an entire paper about how pretentious and privileged Jack Kerouac actually was but that’s neither here nor there. The bottom line is that you know how to write a paper professors are looking for. You feel his eyes scanning your face as you read his thesis and try to ignore the blush creeping over your cheeks.
“I take it you’re the brilliant writer Dr. Phillips likes so much.” He says. You smile but don’t take your eyes off his words so you don’t get distracted by his presence.
“Dr. Phillips doesn’t like anyone.”
“She seemed to like you. Told me all about how smart you are,” he says. “Never mentioned the pretty part, though.” Finally, you look up and meet his gaze.
“Technically Dr. Phillips isn’t allowed to recommend one student editor over another. It’s against our policy and makes things a little fairer for everyone. So, can we keep this little secret between us…” you let your sentence end, realizing you never asked his name, and he holds out his free hand.
“Joel.” He says and you shake his hand.
“Well, Joel, I’ll tell you what. I’ll agree to help you get your paper in order if you agree to not get me fired. Fair deal?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He says politely.
You spend the rest of the day walking Joel through essay structures, grammar mistakes, and thesis issues. His argument is strong but it needs to be more concise and punchier. When you try to explain it to him in those terms, he looks at you like you’re from Mars. Eventually, after a little too much flirty small talk, he tells you about his dad’s construction company and you learn to put flowery, over dramatic writing advice into clean, neat boxes that he understands completely. Unfortunately, you don’t end up finishing the actual essay before the center closes.
“You’re free to come back tomorrow morning so we can finish this.” You say as you gather your things and stuff them in your backpack. Joel stretches in his chair, his shirt riding up just enough to reveal a gorgeous sliver of tan skin and you have to force your eyes away from the sight.
“D’you live far from here?” He asks, standing and throwing his own backpack over one shoulder. You waffle for a moment, unsure if you want to tell this almost perfect stranger where you live.
“Maybe a ten minute walk. It’s not bad for Austin.”
“Can I walk you home? Since I kept you so late,” he asks. Once again, you hesitate. Joel doesn’t seem like the typical frat guy you’ve come to fear since your time at school. He actually seems gentle and genuine. You turn the thought over a few more times before he throws his hands up. “‘S just an offer to make sure you get home safe. I’ll even carry your backpack for you if you want.” He offers and you smile. You take another second before handing him your heavy backpack. He slings it over his free shoulder and walks to the door to open it for you, keys jingling in your hand as you lock up the writing center for the night. The humid Texas night suffocates you the second you step out into the fading daylight.
“You always carry girls’ backpacks home?” You ask as you start walking in the direction of your apartment. Campus is mostly empty this time of night, everyone crawling home after class to pregame or cry or both. Squirrels patrol the sidewalks for any students who may want to hand them a piece from their bagel or sandwich. Someone honks their horn in distant standstill Austin traffic, and the sun slowly slides behind the Capitol. It’s peaceful.
“Only when I make ‘em read my shitty writing.” He says and you laugh.
“Your writing’s not bad, Joel. It’s actually very good. Essays are just the worst to write.”
“You like ‘em enough to work at the writing center.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’s what I actually care about,” you shrug. “At this point, I’m a warm body with a clicky pen.”
“Woah there, Kafka. I think you’re a little more than that,” Joel laughs and you have to laugh too. Not only for the perfectly on brand joke but for the tone in his voice. The playful lilt makes your head feel fuzzy. “Alright then, if you don’t like essays and you don’t like Kerouac, what do you like? What do you wanna write?” He asks and you take a deep breath. It’s a question you’ve fielded more than enough times in your college career to know that not many people like your answer.
“I’m not sure yet. I like a little bit of everything.”
“Have you written anythin’ I would’ve read?”
“No,” you laugh. “Probably not.”
“Why’s that funny?” He asks and you shake your head.
“Because nobody wants to publish my work. It’s too… rough.”
“Rough?” He raises his eyebrows at you.
“Yeah. Publishers either want the next Great American Novel or nothing at all, and I am not next Great American Novel material.”
“How do you know?”
“Because nobody’s publishing me.”
“Maybe, you’re not lookin’ in the right places,” he says. “‘M just sayin’ someone as smart as you has to have somethin’ someone will wanna take.”
“Yeah, well, don’t go holdin’ your breath on me, cowboy.”
“Why do you do that?” He asks suddenly and you stop to look at him.
“Do what?” You ask.
“Try and play it off whenever someone compliments you.” He says with glaring honesty. It sets you back in your heels but you quickly recover.
“You’ve only known me for a few hours. How do you know I’m not just incredibly humble?”
“I guess I don’t,” he says. “Could I buy you a drink and figure it out?” It could be the way he, somehow, sees right through you already or the way his brown eyes look in the sunlight but you can’t stop the butterflies in your stomach. You purse your lips together and dare a step closer to him.
“Tell you what, if you get an A on this paper, I’ll let you buy me a drink.” You say.
“And if I fail?” He asks and you shake your head.
“You won’t fail.”
“But what if I do?”
“If you do, you have to…” you search your brain. “Carry my backpack home for me for a week.”
“You drive a hard bargain, ma’am.”
“But I take it Joel Miller’s a bettin’ man.”
“See, smarter than you think.” He quips and you roll your eyes.
“One thing at a time, lover boy.”
Joel ends up getting the highest grade on his essay out of anyone in his class. Dr. Phillips commends his dedication to bettering his first draft and tells him to keep up the good work. “Whatever you did to change this, keep it up.” She says when she places his graded essay on his desk. When he presents the A to you at the writing center, all you can do is applaud him and smile.
“I told you you’d pass.” You say, poking at his firm chest.
“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes. “Maybe I just needed a little motivation.”
“Oh, yeah? What was that?”
“I think I was promised a date.” He says cheekily and you nod.
“You were, and my mama raised me to be a woman of my word,” you smile. “Jenny, do you mind closing up for me tonight?” You ask the receptionist and she shakes her head.
“Not at all, darlin’. Have a good night.” She winks at you when Joel turns his back and you stick your tongue out at her.
Say what you will about the writing center but you think a date with a broad, tall, handsome cowboy is the best thing that could’ve come out of that hell hole.
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androgynealienfemme · 8 months
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"The main justification for invalidating butch-femme is that its an imitation of heterosexual roles and, therefore, not a genuine lesbian model. One is tempted to react by saying "So what?" but the charge encompasses more than betrayal of an assumed fixed and "true" lesbian culture. Implicit in the accusation is the denial of cultural agency to lesbians, of the ability to shape and reshape symbols into new meanings of identification. Plagiarism, as the adage goes, is basic to all culture.
In the real of cultural identity, that some of the markers of a minority culture's boundaries originate in an oppressing culture is neither unusual nor particularly significant. For instance, in the United States certain kind of bead- and ribbon work are immediately recogniziable as specific to Native American cultures, wherein they serve artistic and ceremonial functions. Yet beads, trinkets, ribbons, and even certain "indian" blanket patterns were brought by Europeans, who traded them as cheap goods for land. No one argues that Indians out to give up beadwork or blanket weaving, thus ridding themselves of the oppressors symbols, because those things took on a radically different cultural meaning in the hands of Native Americans. Or consider Yiddish, one of the jewish languages. Although Yiddish is written in Hebrew characters and has its own idioms and nuances, its vocabulary is predominantly German. Those who speak German can understand Yiddish. Genocidal Germanic anti-Semitism dates back to at least the eleventh century. Yet East European Jews spoke "the oppressors language," developing in it a distinctive literary and theatrical tradition. Why is it so inconceivable that lesbians could take elements of heterosexual sex roles and remake them?
*
It is June 1987, and I am sitting in a workshop on "Lesbians and Gender Roles" at the annual National Women's Studies Conference. It is one of surprisingly few workshops on lesbian issues, particularly since, at a plenary session two mornings later, two thirds of the conference attendees will stand up as lesbians. Meanwhile, in this workshop the first speaker is spending half an hour on what she calls "Feminism 101," a description of heterosexual sex roles. Her point in doing this, she says, is to remind us of the origin of roles, "which are called butch and femme when lesbians engage in them." She tells us the purpose of her talk will be to prove, from her own experience, that "these roles are not fulfilling" for lesbians. She tells us that the second speaker will use lesbian novels from the 1950s to demonstrate the same thesis. And, indeed, the second speaker has a small stack of 1950s "pulp paperbacks" with her, many of them the titles that, when I discovered them in the mind-1970s, resonated for me in a way that the feminist books published by Daughters and Diana Press did not.
I consider for several minutes. I'm well versed in lesbian literature, particularly in the fifties novels, and don't doubt my ability to adequately argue an opposing view with the second presenter. I am curious to see if she will use the publisher-imposed "unhappy ending" to prove that roles make for misery. I also decide I'm willing to offer my own experience to challenge the first presenters conclusions- though I'd much rather sit with her over coffee and talk. She is in her midforties and, although she claims to have renounced it, still looks butch. Even if she speaks of roles negatively, she has been there and I want to hear her story. Then I look around me. Everyone is under thirty. There are a few vaguely butch-looking women present who'd very likely consider themselves to be as androgynous as everyone else, and not a single, even remotely femme-looking women besides myself. I recall Alice Walker's advice to "never be the only one in the room." Quietly, I get up and walk out. I go to no other lesbian presentations at the conference."
“Recollecting History, Renaming Lives: Femme Stigma and the feminist seventies and eighties" by Lyndall MacCowan, The Persistent Desire, (edited by Joan Nestle) (1992)
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smallfrenchstudyblr · 10 months
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Finally finished Yellowface, and I have thoughts -overwhelmingly positive ones- but the main takeway is that... it was not what I expected?
I expected to satire, hate-able MC and satisfying ending that I can close and go "AH ! That's what you get!". And as far as I can see, it seems that this is how the book was experienced by most people?
But I found it way more nuanced than that. Not that I am surprised RF Kuang can write nuance -hell, that's really what she *does*, writing nuanced characters and morally grey plots- but I didn't expect it from this particular book. And yet.
Spoiler under the but - this is not a review, just some thoughts I had about it.
The MC is, indeed, a terrible person. But she is the particularly ordinary brand of terrible. She is not an evil genius, she is not a self-aware mastermind, and we know that because we are in her head. I personally started hating her, but somehow, at some point, it switch to pitying her. I found her pitiful. Perhaps because she is not happy. It's easier to be angry at a terrible person when they are happy ; but June spends most of the book drowning in pettiness, in insecurity, in broken dreams, anxiety and depression. And RF Kuang makes sure that it does not justify any of her decisions whatsoever, and that we know she is still a terrible person. So I both condemned her and pitied her.
The publishing environment described did not feel like satire, because I feel it hits too close to reality for this. The rat race, the twitter obsession, the tokenization of minorities, the marketisation of marginalisation... That's really not satire, that's just plain reality. It's too real to make me laugh, even bitterly - and instead it made me plain sad. You wonder what you can do, as a reader.
And the most terrible thing - in the best way- is that we will never know who Athena was. As I am writing, I am realizing that the whole book revolves around this - Athena's voice being silenced. In the story, this is through June's actions of course ; but in the very structure of the book, it's through us knowing Athena only through second hand accounts. How June describes her, how her ex describes her, how Candice describes her, how her mother describes her... We get different accounts, different descriptions, but we will never know what kind of person she was. And how she felt about her own identity, her own story, her how image. At the end of the story, you can make a case for her genuinely being a wonderful person or an absolute asshole. And like most people, she probably falls somewhere in the middle. There is more to her story that we ever know, but we don't know what this more is.
Narratively, it doesn't matter - her being a good person or not does not affect June being rotten. But as far as the thesis of the book goes, I found it quite powerful - and forcing myself to confront : why do I even want to know ? Why do I care, if she was a good person or not ? June is rotten regardless. I think it calls out or need to have clear narrative to make sense of things, we need the good person and the bad person - but once again, RF Kuang shows that this is not what it's about : we need to find a sense of right and wrong, even when there is no 100% good person and 100% bad person to be found - because that's not how life it, but we still need to find a moral compass to navigate it.
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airenyah · 11 months
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i keep seeing gifs from our dining table on my dash bur unfortunately my brain refuses to let me watch anything at all that isn't a gmmtv series until i've finished writing my thesis
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sylvia-forest · 10 months
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[CN] Shaw’s Know His Unrestrained Nature Date
⚡Warning: This post contains detailed spoiler’s for a Date which hasn’t released in EN yet!⚡
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[Released Date: 16 June 2023]
[This date was translated with the help of Google translate and by my lovely friend!]
[T/N]: Before proceeding further, it's very very important that you understand the hidden meaning behind his karma name!! 
知我疏狂 is an idiom, derived from a Chinese literature work 诗经
the term is used to describe a person’s uninhibited/unrestrained nature/ temperament, while it can also come from a pov of stand-offish and careless nature
The karma name is Shaw’s invitation to the MC to “know his unrestrained nature” as well as experience the color and youth of life!
[Section 1]
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Knock knock.
I retracted my hand after knocking on the door expectantly, heard the faint sound of footsteps, and quickly cleared my throat.
The moment the door was opened, I raised the small party popper in my hand, and the light-colored strips exploded and “snapped” between me and Shaw.
MC: Ding ding! Mr. Shaw, congratulations on being the only customer of "MC Birthday Customization", Happy birthday!
Amid all the colors, Shaw silently blew away the sticky ribbon from his lips.
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Shaw [snorts]: Birthday customization? What new tricks are you playing?
MC: Didn't I say last week that I want to give you an interesting and creative birthday?
MC: So after careful consideration, I’ve decided to do an openly private customization for your birthday.
As I spoke, I patted my backpack mysteriously.
MC: I guarantee that every part of the process will leave you with something you never expected!
Shaw: Unexpected?
Shaw looked at my "professional smile" for a while, and then at the bulging backpack behind me.
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Shaw: It sounds very attractive.
Shaw: But unfortunately, I have to go out for a while. For now, I can't see what kind of treasure you have stored in your backpack.
MC [horrified]: Right now?
I opened my mouth wide in surprise, and the curvature of my lips immediately collapsed.
MC: What's the matter this time? Did Professor Shen call you to do labor work? Is your thesis on deadline again?
Shaw: Don't make a fuss, your shouting will make me deaf.
Shaw: It's my private business.
I couldn't help but kick the ribbons under my feet as he tugged his ears indifferently.
MC: What's so urgent? Today is your birthday......
A soft laugh came from overhead, followed by a pop to my head.
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Shaw: I didn't say that today isn't my birthday.
Shaw: After all, there's someone who racked her brains for a week, and I have to show some sincerity to appreciate it, otherwise I don't know how many times this matter will be turned over by her.
MC: Who's going to bring up the old score ......?
Although I wasn't convinced, this explanation reassured me, and he opened the door completely as if he had seen through my mind.
Shaw: Alright, if you want to celebrate my birthday earlier, we should finish the work quickly.
MC [excitedly]: Huh? You're gonna take me there?
Seeing his "otherwise" expression, I grasped the straps of my backpack tightly.
This bag is full of preparations for his birthday, so it is safest to carry it with me. Thinking of this, I nodded firmly.
MC: I'll carry it on my back!
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[Section 2]
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String music surrounded the antique tea house, fresh smell filled up my nose.
I followed Shaw through the open-air Chinese-style corridor and tugged at the hem of his clothes in surprise.
MC: Are you here on business?
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Shaw: What is the problem?
MC: No, just a bass player who loves graffiti and skateboards doing private affairs in such a quiet place feels out of place.
Shaw raised his  "oh" tune a bit, and shook our clasped hands meaningfully.
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Shaw: And that's out of character? Isn't it more incongruous for me to hold a silly you?
MC [angrily]: Shaw!
Seeing me gritted my teeth, he smiled cheerfully and turned his gaze to the corridor.
Shaw: This place is opened by a highly respected old expert in the antique world. He is an old friend of the old man.
I froze for a moment, then followed his pace closely.
MC: Then what did you come to see him for?
Shaw: He contacted me this morning and asked me to come pick up an item.
I wanted to ask more but Shaw stood in front of a private room, knocked twice on the door, and walked in.
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I looked behind him, and the elegant private room was brightly lit, surrounded by exquisite mahogany shelves on three sides.
But there was no one in the private room. Shaw seemed to notice something and picked up a note from a tea table.
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Shaw: "Please help yourself"?
MC: What does it mean…
He shrugged, took out his phone, and dialed a number, and after a while, he put the phone back and raised his eyebrows with great interest.
MC: What's wrong?
Shaw: Ah? He told me to fetch the things myself.
MC: I guess the old expert doesn't plan to come.
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Shaw: The old man's character is perverse, and has an unpredictable style of behavior. I heard that he also likes to do some small inventions, in short, very strange.
MC: ... You mean, he's weird enough to call you and then stand you up?
Shaw: That's not the case.
Shaw raised the note again and looked at it.
Shaw: He has probably already put the things in this private room.
MC: What is it?
Shaw's nonchalant eyes froze for a moment, and the sunlight shone in his eyes as if swaying a certain long-term memory.
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Shaw: A jade bead.
I nodded, took a step forward and searched for the tea table and chairs, and inquired about this Jade bead's information while searching.
MC: Jade beads...is it one of your antique shop deals?
Shaw [angrily]: Do I look like someone who would temporarily stand you up for a deal?
Through the reflection of the window, I saw his sharp eyebrows raised high as if expressing his dissatisfaction.
MC [tries to smooth things out]: Hey, hey, of course not. I just can't figure out what the origin of this jade pearl is since you're in such a hurry to get it.
Shaw lightly grunted, and walked to the mahogany antique shelf, focusing his gaze on exploring the layers. After a while, he opened his mouth.
Shaw: In a sense, this jade bead is my master's thing.
I was dumbfounded for a moment, I didn't realize that what he came to pick up had such a deep meaning.
I walked up to him unconsciously and wanted to continue asking, but saw a bright light on the first floor of the shelf where several copper coins were placed.
My heart moved slightly, and I quickly poked my head in through the shelf, and I saw a delicate small jade bead in the corner.
MC: Found it!
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[Section 3]
The moment he held the jade bead, there was a faint mechanical sound in the air. The next moment, as if the mechanism was triggered, there was a huge "clang" sound from the mahogany shelf.
Before I realized what happened, a figure strode towards me and took me into his arms.
Shaw [shouts]: Watch out!
Crash—— something seemed to fall to the ground, I instinctively huddled in front of his chest and glanced out, and found that there were several cabinet doors hidden behind the antique shelf!
And densely packed jade beads fell from the cabinet to the ground, immediately flooding the small open space.
I couldn't help but lift the jade bead I just had picked up, and was surprised to find that these jade beads on the ground were exactly the same as the ones in my hand!
Shaw's expression also flashed a bit of disbelief, he took the jade bead from my hand and threw it in the palm of his hand, frowning.
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Shaw: Counterfeit, the weight isn't correct.
MC: Huh? What's the situation?
Shaw lowered his gaze, and after a while, he seemed to have figured something out, and let out a light snort.
Shaw: It is estimated that this weird old man is giving me a problem. He wanted to check whether I could bring back my master things.
I followed his gaze and fell to the jade beads on the ground, feeling like crying.
MC: So many beads ....... It'll take half of the day if we start weighing them one by one!
If it takes too long, then Shaw's birthday... I tried my best to swallow the second half of the sentence and looked at him steadfastly.
MC: Then you tell me the weight of the correct jade bead, me and you finding it together should save a lot of time!
As I said that, I was about to bend down, but he grabbed my arm.
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Shaw: That jade bead is priceless, how could he throw it into this pile of rubbish?
I blinked and understood what he meant.
MC: Are jade beads so expensive?
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Shaw [amusingly]: Of course, it was brought out from the ancient tomb.
His calm tone made a sound in my heart, and I stuttered for a while.
MC [nervously]: This, isn't this a tomb robbery?
Shaw gave me a funny look and sat lazily by the tea table with his legs crossed.
Shaw: Yes, but it wasn't my master who stole it. It's a long story. I only found out about it by accident after the old man left.
[T/N]: If you've read his bday R&S then you'll know about this “long story”!
As if reminiscing an old memory, his gaze fell unhurriedly to the tree shadow outside the window.
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Shaw: When a few foreigners who were selling antiques wanted to enter the ancient tomb to steal this jade pearl, my master and his friends took the initiative to stop it.
Shaw: After finally getting the jade beads, because the old man injured his leg, he was robbed in the end.
MC: …and after that?
Shaw: Later, the jade beads were resold abroad, presumably to avoid the limelight, and it didn't take long for them to disappear.
Shaw: Until today, this strange old man contacted me and said that he found it since he still has to fulfill the agreement he made with my master decades ago.
MC: Agreement?
Shaw: Yes. Whoever finds the jade pearl first will donate it to the museum under my master's name, so we can't let him suffer for nothing.
Hearing such a tumultuous story, I felt a little emotional.
MC: I can't believe your master was a sentimental person...... In addition to collecting antiques, he was also a pioneer in protecting cultural relics.
Shaw [snorts]: He was stubborn.
He smiled, and his voice lowered unconsciously.
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Shaw: He stubbornly believes that these cultural relics contain not only material value but also historical weight.
Shaw: And history must stay in a specific environment to be the most original, so cultural relics must stay in the local area.
He was talking about his Master's stubbornness, but there was no trace of negation in his tone, and there was even a bit of yearning in his eyes.
I couldn't help but raise the corners of my lips and go along with his words.
MC: I can tell that your master is very powerful, and his knowledge is very broad
Shaw: What broad knowledge, just a stiff old man.
Seeing him muttering, I wanted to laugh a little, when I accidentally glanced at the copper coins on the mahogany shelf out of the corner of my eye.
Something seemed to pop up in my mind, I blinked and remembered the situation when Shaw was doing divination for me during New Year's Eve.
MC: ….. Shaw.
MC: Do you think the "divination" can tell where the jade pearl is?
Shaw was stunned for a second, and the corners of his lips slowly curled up.
Shaw [teasingly]: You're something, wait.
He got up and took the three copper coins from the shelf, enclosed them in his palm, and threw them on the table.
After repeating this act six times, he looked at me sideways, and the conviction in his eyes was obvious.
MC: Found it?
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Shaw: If what the old man taught me wasn’t a jack of all trades and master of none, then it should be there.
Shaw walked to the southwest corner of the room, bent down, and knocked on the wooden floor which made a clear and hollow sound.
In the next second, he quickly pried open the floor and took out an exquisite wooden carving box, in which there was indeed a round porcelain white jade bead.
The sunlight outside the window reflects it brightly, and it wasn't difficult to see the subtle wear marks on it as traces of ancient years.
So with just one glance, you can see that it was completely different from those jade beads on the ground.
MC: So is this an antiquity? It's not the same as the jade I saw on the market.
Shaw: If you are curious, pick it up and have a look.
MC: Can I? This is a cultural relic......
I turned my head in surprise and met those willful eyes.
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Shaw: Although it is a cultural relic, it isn't delicate.
Shaw: It has resisted the erosion of a hundred years, and it is more tenacious than we imagined.
As he said, he picked up the jade bead and put it in my hand, and held my palm with his hand.
Shaw: And my master once said this— —
Shaw: “History is not as old as we imagined, as long as you see it, touch it, you will also become a part of history.”
Shaw: However, I don't think he's quite right.
MC: ….hm?
He chuckled and poked my palm with his finger.
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Shaw: Man does not become history, because man himself is history.
Shaw: And history is not the distant and obscure existence that people think it is.
Shaw: To an individual, where’s the need for so many heavy meanings -
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Shaw: Everything that happened in the past, present, and future has its own history.
Shaw: Unique and cannot be reproduced.
MC: ……
Looking at the heavy jade bead in my hand, I was inexplicably touched.
At this moment, this jade pearl, which has spanned countless years, has become one of my own histories.
Seemingly seeing me in a daze, Shaw gently pinched my cheek.
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Shaw: Well, with that out of the way, it's time to get started on your birthday plans.
His eyes flicked around my face in a joking manner, before landing leisurely on my backpack.
Shaw: For the sake of helping me find this Jade bead, I will fully cooperate with all your plans today.
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[Section 4]
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Shaw: Birthday elements?
After putting away the jade beads, Shaw looked at the notebook in my hand and raised his eyebrows.
MC [cheerfully explains her plan]: That's right.
MC: Now there are a lot of "birthday element" keywords in this book, you can pick any five.
MC: As for me, I will give you a customized birthday party based on the keywords you choose!
Shaw: Oh? Seems interesting.
He opened the "Birthday Elements" book and read page by page— —
With his subtle movements, different words such as "lively", "quiet", "campfire" and "music" flashed one after another.
It wasn't until the end of the last page that he raised his eyebrows and looked at me.
MC: Have you decided which five to choose?
Shaw: Nope.
Shaw: But I intend to make this random surprise even more unexpected.
He closed his eyes as he said, and tore off five pieces of paper blindly. I hurriedly looked over and found that they were— —
"Lively, indoor, party, music, formal dress."
MC: Ok!
Just when I was about to implement the plan according to these words, Shaw raised a familiar smirk again.
Shaw: Wait, I want to add another one.
He tore off another piece of paper with "private" written on it and shook it in his hand.
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Shaw [not missing a chance to make things difficult for her]: Make it a little harder for you. That's what makes it more interesting, isn't it?
Seeing his somewhat sly smile, I hummed softly in my heart twice, this man really underestimated me too much.
I have already imagined the preparation plan for all the permutations and combinations of this element book.
Yes ....... I need to contact someone to help me up!
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MC: Mr. Shaw, please~
Under my pretentious invitation, we both got out of the car and came to a hotel— —
The lines of the singular architecture were sharp and simple, the matte black definitely added a mysterious temperament.
Seeing Shaw's scrutinizing expression, I happily set my sights on his white shirt and black tie.
This is the costume I specially prepared for Shaw after he finished choosing the keywords.
MC: How's that? Did I mention that my preparation is foolproof? Even if you make it extra difficult, it's not a problem.
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Shaw: Well, it's a good start.
Shaw: Then, how can I cooperate with you next?
I smiled and held out my hand.
MC: Of course, hold my hand tight and don't let go.
Soon we walked into the lobby, through a long corridor, and came to the door of the banquet hall.
Listening to the rhythmic music coming from inside, my heart that was hanging in the air was completely relieved.
It seems that all the "preparation plans" have caught up.
I raised my eyebrows at Shaw, signaled him to take a look at it, and pushed open the door.
[Shaw's bgm started playing]
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The moment we pushed the door, music and many eyes with blessings came to us in unison.
?.?: Yo, the big birthday star is finally here.
Adam standing in the center raised his chin at us, and Jensen and Randal next to him also raised their glasses at us.
Jensen & Randal: Happy birthday Shaw.
Fitch: Happy Birthday.
Fitch put away his phone and nodded toward Shaw. Immediately afterward, other Live House employees also waved to us.
?.?: Shaw, Happy birthday!
?.?: Wish you to get more handsome! Extra handsome to the next level!
(LMAO whoever gave this blessing to Shaw sure has a good eye! This is one of my favorite blessings!)
For a moment, the blessings overshadowed the music, and they came towards us enthusiastically. Shaw glanced at me, with a hint of a smile in his eyes.
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Shaw: Well, it is really lively.
MC: That’s right—"lively, indoor, party, music, formal attire, private" nothing missing~
MC: However, the keyword "music" is more than just that.
I raised my chin toward the stage ahead, and three mavericks walked up with musical instruments on their backs.
One red-haired foreign man was extremely conspicuous, in addition to his thick smoky makeup, his lips were also painted with oppressive black.
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Shaw [the excitement in his voice]: You also invited them here?
The surprise in Shaw's eyes shone brightly, causing me to half-smile with pleasure.
It's a small indie band that he likes, and I had to do everything I could to get them.
MC: In order for the birthday boy to have a happy day, of course, we have to use our brains.
MC: Of course, the most important thing is that I have a heart for you~
Shaw: Oh? What if I don't pick up these elements, what will happen to them?
MC: Of course, the performance was performed as usual, but it was enjoyed by other predestined people~
Boom— the heavy melody of the drums beating swallowed my last note.
Shaw didn't say anything, just smiled and clasped my palm tightly, moving slightly to the music in a good mood.
The light swayed, and the lawfulness pleasure at the bottom of his eyes poured out unrestrainedly. I also raised the corners of my lips and secretly took out my phone to see the time.
There are three minutes left.
Hope to see a happier look on your face.
Thinking of this, I counted down the time in my heart and took a deep breath at the last second.
Click—
All the lights in front of the eyes were extinguished with the climax of the music, and the cheers of the crowd in the dark became more enthusiastic.
I held Shaw's hand tightly and pulled him to run quickly in the direction away from the crowd.
MC: Shaw, follow me!
The clenched hand seemed to pause for a moment, but soon there was a familiar chuckle.
In the increasingly intense music, we are like two lovers running non-stop in a movie, only feeling each other's heartbeat in the noisy world.
Finally, we were far away from the crowd, and I pulled him to squat down in front of an empty dining table.
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MC: Big birthday boy, now it's my turn to give you my blessings.
I smiled and took out a small cake box hidden in advance from under the tablecloth.
After carefully taking it apart, I held the palm-sized cake in my palm and lit the top candle.
The small shimmering light illuminated us, and his golden eyes were especially bright.
Looking at each other, Shaw suddenly smiled.
Shaw [there’s clearly a hint of amusement in his voice]: Oh, now it's time for the "private" element.
MC: Well, this shouldn't count as cheating, right?
Shaw: It does count, but it doesn't matter.
Shaw: You've managed to surprise me.
MC: Of course, you must know that I have made a lot of preparations that you can't imagine.
Shaw: What have you prepared?
Shaw: I'm curious as to what other interesting things I've missed.
I looked at the burning candlelight in front of me, and my voice softened.
MC: As for me... I have prepared countless possibilities.
MC: In these possibilities, we will sit by the sea, and watch the sunset around the campfire;
MC: Will have a candlelight dinner at a high mountain top restaurant;
MC: Or go to have a hot pot meal, after eating and drinking. Then, play games all night together.
MC: All in all, no matter which one you choose, I will try to make the day interesting. Be full of surprises.
MC: — Because you are Shaw, you deserve all the interesting and unique moments.
I looked at the person in front of me sincerely, and my heart was surging repeatedly, wanting to give him all my sincerity at this moment.
MC: In fact, when I heard you say today that people themselves are "history". I am even more sure that I want to make every minute and every second of the present moment unique.
MC: No matter how time passes in the future, no one can change this moment.
MC: Because this is the "history" that belongs to you and me.
After I finished speaking in one breath, I fixed my eyes on the person in front of me.
MC: Shaw, happy birthday.
He smiled recklessly, but the warm yellow candle seemed to blend the casualness and dash into the gentle light.
A rare strand of drowning poured from the bottom of those bright eyes, filling my heart with dots.
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Shaw [the softness in his voice]: Fool, that's why you try so hard to celebrate my birthday?
Shaw: If you want me to say, our present is already unique, and no one can match us.
He looked at the candlelight with a bit of softness hidden in his eyes.
Shaw: But I have to admit, this heart, these countless interesting "possibilities"...
Shaw [lowers his voice]: It really does make me more like myself.
I didn't hear what he said, and when I tried to ask, he smiled, showing his familiar joking expression.
Shaw: You know what? It's been said that people can often see through things as to what has happened in the past.
Shaw: It is also possible to see in people what will happen to them in the future.
He came closer to me, his eyes tracing me a little bit. Fragments of light faintly glow in the bottom of his eyes, only reflecting my face.
Shaw: So I see a lot of that in you too.
MC: So what do you see?
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Shaw [tries his best to hide his excitement]: Stupid and stubborn.
Shaw: But it often surprises me, and even makes me admire it a bit.
Shaw: This is the future I see.
I couldn't help but laugh and follow his lead.
MC: You seem to see quite accurately, then let me also take a look ~
But before my eyes could settle down for a second, he suddenly blew out the candle and we plunged into embers of darkness.
Shaw [whispers]: I won't let you see it.
Shaw: Wouldn't it be boring to let you know all about it?
MC: What's that?
The soft-touch passed over my lips, and all the feelings in the darkness were magnified and engraved in my heart together.
And his voice slipped out from between his lips.
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Shaw: However, one thing is certain about my future.
Shaw [lightly whispers]: And that you’ll continue to be interesting with me.
🎉 Call
🎉 Moment
🎉 Epilogue
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chickenstrangers · 4 months
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2023 in Review: Meta Edition
tag game: link your top and/or favorite posts/metas/gifs for each month of 2023
Since I already did this post just for my gifs (here) this feels even more self-indulgent but I was tagged by the lovely @ranchthoughts @troubled-mind and @lurkingshan so I will indulge myself and reflect on my writing in 2023.
I properly got started a bit later in the year, and it is interesting to look at my busiest months because I tended to either be in a gif mood or a meta mood, and often didn't overlap the two (in the fall, I made a lot of gifs, so wrote a lot less meta).
I often feel like they go hand in hand though, and gifs (like all types of fan creations) are a form of analysis/comparison/meta commentary. Either I have a meta idea that I can only convey visually, or the process of making a gif takes so much time I start to have meta thoughts about it, and sometimes I write those down.
May
May was my first meta month and my busiest.
top: Bad Buddy, Tragedy, and Queer Futures which is basically my Bad Buddy thesis statement and I loved making a scholarly bibliography for a meta
favorite: Wen as Observer in Moonlight Chicken which had ideas I returned to throughout the year in gif form (here and here)
honorable mentions because I wrote a lot this month: Pat's Shirts: An Extended Analysis (inspired by shirt analysis scholars like @dribs-and-drabbles, because I love taking silly things seriously and I made myself genuinely sad thinking about Pat's Hawaiian shirts); Conflict and Empathy in My School President and Kieta Hatsukoi (two shows very close to my heart for very similar reasons, and I love a comparative essay)
June
top: Metatextuality in Our Skyy 2 BBxATOTS (linking my other OS2 metas here and here because they were all part of the same conversation)
favorite: Ghosts and Hauntings in Moonlight Chicken which was a more experimental writing attempt for me, and I loved the tags from @firstkhaolesbian @ranchthoughts @pondphuwin and @akkpipitphattana. Followed it with this gifset later in the year.
July
top: Photography in Aof's Series again I love to compare shows
favorite: Time and Grief in Eternal Yesterday, my ode to one of the most impactful and beautiful and heartbreaking shows I watched this year
August
top: a comment on the set design for Sand and Ray's houses in Only Friends
favorite: Intertwined Discoveries in He's Coming to Me and the supernatural and queer story lines in parallel
September
top: a comment on ephemerality and wardrobe in Only Friends
favorite: parallels between Beam/Jim and Alan/Wen and why I think the relationships need to be considered in tandem (thoughts I had while making these gifs). I'm also fond of this He's Coming to Me post that was the thought process behind these gifsets)
October and November
no writing of the meta variety because I decided to write 50k words for NaNoWriMo and ended up with (half) a book instead
December
top & favorite: another silly meta! Not Me is About Earrings with an excellent addition by @ranchthoughts
Some no pressure tags if you feel like talking about your writing/any other types of creative work you did this year (does not have to be monthly): anyone I tagged throughout this post already, @twig-tea @slayerkitty @emotionallychargedtowel @dudeyuri @shannankle @visualtaehyun @airenyah @telomeke @waitmyturtles @kattahj or anyone who sees this, consider yourself tagged!
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