#jeans talks

[haejeans]

haejeans is live !

jeans talks ep 128: a take on love

"Uh, eu não estou bagunçado, você é terrível. Eu estou… em meu estado natural, ok? Vamos mudar de assunto; o tema de hoje é amor, como vocês devem ter visto em algum lugar da tela… Então me digam como estão e o que acham sobre...". 

O pacote de pepero aberto e a mesma camisa que havia usado para dormir no dia anterior deveriam ser indicação suficiente de que iniciar uma live não estava em seus planos, mas era pouco mais que o meio-dia e como ele não havia conseguido dormir depois do curso, decidiu que era uma hora tão boa quanto qualquer outra para bater um papo com seus amigos.

Como alguém que havia crescido no interior com pouquíssimo acesso à tecnologia atual, Haejin teve que passar por um longo período de adaptação para entender e aprender a usar a internet. Ele possuía um medo – não tão irracional – de que hackers descobririam seu endereço e ele teria seus dados roubados. Além da certeza de que a exposição online traria milhões de haters e por isso, seria odiado para sempre por todas as pessoas do mundo. Ele precisou ser convencido por seus amigos em Gangwon-do a abrir uma rede social e iniciar sua vida online. Os vídeos foram uma questão à parte e apenas com tempo e o apoio deles que percebeu que grande parte de suas preocupações eram infundadas. 

Primeiro porque mesmo após todo esse tempo, Haejin sequer tinha uma centena de seguidores no Instagram, e menos ainda na plataforma de vídeos; duvidava que seus números chamariam a atenção de vigaristas digitais. E segundo, por ter a sorte de encontrar gente boa de verdade na internet. 

...

@jeansgotnojams are you mad? are you going to cry???????

@bunnyboy @jeansgotnojams lol stooooop he did cry last time you complained about his t-shirt 

@proudnina hey jeans! love to see you! did you finish that paper? i'm: struggling with finals 

@paperhearted i adopted a cat! mom hates her but she's the best, I totally love her!

@jeansgotnojams i love you, jeans but your wardrobe is hopeless 

@bobothebob love sucks, man. my boyfriend broke up with me i’m never doing this shit again 

@proudnina @bobothebob oh no, babes! everything is going to be fine! we're here for you! 

@bunnyboy yeah. we got you. wanna get wasted? 

@jeansgotnojams shut up, bunny

@jeansgotnojams @bobothebob what did he do? want me to have a conversation with him? *knife emoji*

@yeasul i live to love the goddess kim chungha 

@bobothebob thanks guys, it's fine. just hurts like crazy

@killbilllson there's a girl in my class, we never spoke, but I am head over heels for her.

@killbilllson she smiled at me once, and I think that was when it started. we're going to get married.

@kwangiant you're all losers. the only person I love is me that's why I'm never disappointed

...

Haejin enfiou outro palitinho de pepero na boca e sorriu. Adorava que havia conseguido criar um cantinho onde todos se sentiam confortáveis para dizer qualquer coisa sem medo de repressão ou preconceito. Era realmente como se os conhecessem há anos, e qualquer dia desses, iria sugerir que todos se encontrassem. Inclusive por ter certeza de que Jamie e Bung-so estavam apaixonados. “Eu vou considerar que todos estão bem, então...” Ele sorria ao ler um comentário e outro em voz alta – uma mania adquirida nas lives mesmo – e só parou quando viu a conversa sobre o término de Brian e seu namorado. Todos ali haviam acompanhado a história desde o começo; eles eram bons amigos desde a infância, mas as coisas começaram a ficar estranhas quando Brian percebeu estar apaixonado. Além do peso dos costumes tradicionais do país, havia ainda o medo de perder alguém tão importante se os sentimentos não fossem correspondidos. Haejin lembrou imediatamente do quão difícil foi para Brian aceitar os próprios sentimentos, e pior; confessá-los ao melhor amigo. Quando ficaram finalmente juntos, Haejin fez uma live de comemoração e todos os costumeiros participantes desejaram as maiores alegrias para ambos.

Ver que algo havia dado errado no meio do caminho partia seu coração. “Você está bem? O que aconteceu? Da última vez que nos falamos, as coisas estavam ótimas, não é?”, ele observou outra enxurrada de comentários e os leu com olhos apertados, estava sinceramente apreensivo e não conseguia esconder. Ele viu mais mensagens de apoio, outras com perguntas parecidas às suas e então, depois do que pareceu uma eternidade, Brian respondeu. Haejin começou a ler seus comentários imediatamente. “Things were good. Perfect, really.” Haejin suspirou, certo de que as coisas certamente não estavam perfeitas ou então eles não teriam terminado, mas manteve aquela observação para si mesmo. “But I guess I was the only one feeling like that... He came up one day, all nervous and weird, and said... Well, he said that he loved me, but not really like that, and wanted to get back to what we were before. Like, like being best friends and all that”, seus próprios olhos já estavam marejados, e pela quantidade de emojis tristes que estavam aparecendo, ele não era o único a se sentir daquela forma. “He said that it was not because we're guys, just... he tried, but doesn't see me like that. And, that’s that. I said it was okay, and we're friends, but I’m never going to do this love thing again”. Haejin procurou qualquer outro comentário de Brian, qualquer indicação de que havia mais para falar, mas quando as suas próximas mensagens foram respostas a outras menções, Haejin deu sua confissão por encerrada.

Quando selecionou o assunto para aquela live, Haejin imaginou que teria atualizações sobre a vida amorosa de todos, mas desejava, principalmente, falar sobre algo que gostava. Embora parecesse brega – e ele era, indiscutivelmente, brega; não havia nada que ele admirasse mais. E gostava do amor romântico, aquele de dar um friozinho na barriga e de arrepiar o corpo; mas havia tanto além dele,tantas pessoas e tanto no mundo para amar, tantos jeitos diferentes de enxergar o amor... Que imaginou ser o tópico perfeito para discutir no meio da semana, numa sexta-feira sem graça. O que faz seu coração bater mais rápido? Você abraçou alguém hoje? Lembra de algo que já não existe mais e que te deixou saudades? Viu seu reflexo e se apaixonou por ele? E ele sabia que iriam encher a caixa de comentários com piadinhas sobre seu coração mole, mas responderiam... alguma coisa. Ele ficaria satisfeito mesmo se terminasse a transmissão de bochechas vermelhas e nenhuma resposta correta.

Não contava com aquela situação, e sentia-se terrível por Brian... Principalmente por saber que nada que pudesse pensar, nem as palavras mais bonitas, nem o melhor dos conselhos, remendaria os pedacinhos de seu coração. Ainda assim... Haejin sabia que precisava oferecer seu apoio e, mesmo contra o senso comum, implorar que ele não perdesse as esperanças. 

Ele passou os dedos entre os fios de cabelo, e inclinou-se no sofá para ficar o mais próximo possível da câmera. Precisava ser ouvido e não se importava se vissem seus olhos cheios de lágrimas. "Eu sinto muito, de verdade. E espero..." deixou um sorriso tremulo escapar por seus lábios e sentiu a primeira lágrima escorrer em sua bochecha. "que você chore, quando estiver muito, muito triste. E que tome todo o espaço que precisar, tudo bem?". Ele tomou um segundo para olhar os comentários e sorriu outra vez ao notar que enquanto uns concordavam, outros estavam rindo de seu momento Oprah Winfrey. "Mas, desejo- não... Torço, para você não fechar seu coração completamente no futuro, ok? O amor, ele quebra nosso coração aberto, e... machuca. Mas, machuca porque é real. E lutar contra não vai diminuir a dor ou fazer com que você não sofra no futuro só... te privar de todas as outras coisas que o amor faz conosco, que são tão boas, e que fazem a vida toda valer a pena". 

...

@ proudnina he's cringe. but i love him

@bunnyboy this made me weirdly emotional 

@kwangiant i'm out. see you, people

@jeansgotnojams shut up, bunny

...

Haejin usou a manga do pijama para enxugar o rosto e leu os comentários com o peito apertado, procurando o user de Brian entre eles. Eles continuaram a conversar e a sorrir, o assunto transformou-se em algo completamente diferente e os minutos correram despreocupados com o crescente desconforto de Haejin; decerto que havia ultrapassado seus limites e odiava que havia feito alguém com quem se importava desconfortável. 

Quando não podia mais ignorar seu sono e as obrigações da realidade, Haejin despediu-se e como sempre, perguntou quando estariam todos disponíveis para outros minutos jogados fora conversando. A maioria respondeu, e como a maioria ditava as regras dos encontros, Haejin concordou em estender a próxima live para depois do período de provas da maioria. Mandou um beijo - que nunca deixava de fazer todos rirem - e se esticou para encerrar a transmissão. O pequeno thanks, i'll promise to try que conseguiu ler antes que a tela fechasse completamente foi o bastante para aliviar o peso de seu coração. 

#╰ ⭒ ❛ conv: but you ain't ever seen my mind #jeans talks #fiquei pensando se postava ou não #e decidi que sim pq é bobinho e eu amo o jeans #pq ele é velho emocionado #deixei em inglês os “comentários” do vídeo #pq na minha cabeça era o jeito mais fácil de separar #o que era fala do que era comentário #yeasul sou eu falando da rainha em qualquer oportunidade #pov? #EU BOTEI UNS @ QUE EU ACHEI QUE NÃO EXISTIA KKKKKK #EXISTE MDS

[shouts-into-the-void]

I feel like the aftg fandom has just swung hard from one mischaracterization of Neil to another.

Yes, Neil is not an innocent little soft-boy like a lot of fans made him out to be pre-TSC, but he isn't some cold, calculated badass either.

He took out a hit on Grayson over Thai food. He doodles fox paws in his notebooks and hates vegetables. He insults FBI agents' parking jobs and he spent a bus ride staring over the back of his seat making heart eyes at his boyfriend. He manipulated the agents while eating takeout in the interrogation room. He canonically internally panics and overthinks the entire time he's attempting to manipulate anyone. He uses people's family trauma to manipulate them. He misses his mom.

Neil Abram Josten is a multifaceted character

#he literally offers to delay meeting the FBI because he sees that Jean is having a breakdown #he only took out the hit on Grayson because he saw how scared Jean was! #he is not just some cruel asshole of a guy just because Jean's perspective of him is skewed #thanks for coming to my ted talk #aftg #all for the game #neil josten

[goescribe]

ONCE IN A LIFETIME ★

#goescribed #jjba #stardust crusaders #noriaki kakyoin #jotaro kujo #jean pierre polnareff #muhammad avdol #joseph joestar #talking heads

[standardlovers]

neil josten went to LA to hang out w his mafia uncle & an ex raven, put a hit out on someone, then lie to the feds. babygirl i missed you sm

#aftg #neil josten #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #jean moreau #ted talking

[mor3au]

you cannot tell me jeremy wasn’t turned on when jean casually handled both him and the scrimmage

#yeah jean verbally eviscerating the trojans is hot and all but can we talk about this #best backliner in ncaa class i exy for a reason #tsc #the sunshine court #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court spoilers #jean moreau #jeremy knox #*

[bisexualchaosdemon]

Implying that Neil's immediate reaction to hearing that Jeremy is on the phone is to ask if Jean is okay?

#i am not okay #dont talk to me #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #tsc #jean moreau #neil josten #kevin day #all for the game #aftg

[quiescentdestiny]

Getting Jean's perspective of Neil has casually reminded me that Neil really was out here in tfc acting like Andrew was insane for thinking he was a mole for the Ravens.

Like the man was so offended that Andrew would assume that, even though he spent every moment before that being completely fucking feral, having a literal shrine to Kevin and Riko in his bag at all times along with $250,000 in what amounts to cash, knew french well enough to not only yell at Kevin with no context, but say something that got Kevin to throw him against a wall in retaliation....

This is the man who had the audacity to act like Andrew's assumption that he was hired by the Moriyamas was completely unreasonable.

#my posts #like.... my man. #you are the most suspicious motherfucker in the state rn. #God. Jean's pov of this feral man was just amazing. #And that's AFTER he's been domesticated a bit LMAO. #tsc #tsc spoilers #well sorta there aren't really any spoilers since I'm mostly talking about tfc but #Neil Josten #Jean Moreau #Andrew Minyard #Kevin Day #aftg

[chrisbangs]

Bang Chan Doing That Move

#chan #bang chan #stray kids #skz #cb97net #createskz #*gifs #*m #flashing tw #i really hate this <3 #it did not turn out how i wanted it to but whatever #i honestly like only like....... 5 of these gifs #the other 4 make me wanna cry <3 #middle one is a flop but this was the extent of fancams and i had to even steal seungmin's fancam to make the top right lol :sob: #anyway this was inspired by my entire twt tl being clips of this #and so <3 #for the stayblrinas... a gift #its ugly but #i wanna stare at him all day oh man #also lets not talk abt how he tugs at his jeans because mgnnnfnjjfjf #1st and 3rd make me want to . #i dont even have words anyway . #enjoy i guess.... even tho i #hate it

[wy-mackk]

jean: if you must speak to me, please do not speak in gibberish. the sun has clearly addled your brain-

#aftg #jean moreau #jeremy knox #jean: 85% sure californians don't really talk this way. but haunted by the possibility of the remaining 15%... #(i couldn't think of good mean frenchman dialog for jean. womp womp) #my art #also i think jeremy should get to be annoyuing sometimes. as a treat

[megumisgirl]

making out with them as the kiss gets more rough, more fast. tugging and pulling each other more and more even though there is barely any space left. panting in each other's mouth, as you grind on their kness, your movements getting ragged and unsteady as his hands grip your waist tightly.

"stay still other wise we might have a problem."

— 𖦹. megumi, eren, gojo, jean, daisuke, geto, kageyama (i can also see a few book boyfriends doing it... maybe cardan, dante russo?? )

#𖦹. artemis talks #megumi smut #jjk smut #smut promt #gojo smut #eren smut #jean smut #aot imagines #aot smut #geto smut #daisuke kambe #daisuke smut #kageyama smut #haikyuu smut #book boyfriend #cardan greenbriar #dante russo #smut #nsfr #notsfw #not sfw

[nothatsmi]

On my computer I titled this Neil's sanity.

Don't you hate it when your reflection tries to murder you.

Anyway here's an animation I spent the day doing, it's Millport Neil and his Guilt :)

Also thank you so much for all the replies for the animatic! It means so much!! Tbh I would draw and animate more but each time I do so I gotta catch on the school work and I'm getting behind already.. But yeah today I was like meh what's work anyway.

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #neil josten #the reflection is named nathaniel #also are we gonna talk about the fact that there's gonna be a fourth book #the sunshine fucking court??? #i cannot wait for this shit i am oh so excited #i'm gonna draw jean moreau next time #noah's aftg series

[flowerytale]

James Baldwin, from If Beale Street Could Talk Florence and the Machine, from Various Storms & Saints Simone de Beauvoir, from a letter to Jean-Paul Sartre Fernando Pessoa, from The Book of Disquiet

Heart imagery by Andrea Zanatelli Eye with Tear (oil paint and resin tear on canvas) by Nancy Fouts Douleur d'amour (detail) by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

#art #parallels #web weaving #james baldwin #florence and the machine #fatm #simone de beauvoir #jean-paul sartre #fernando pessoa #if beale street could talk #the book of disquiet #andrea zanatelli #typo #typography #*

[secretmellowblog]

Another reason I dislike Les Mis adaptations that make Jean Valjean constantly openly angry/violent is because they miss that Jean Valjean is not allowed to be angry. The fact he is forbidden from expressing anger is, I argue, actually a very important part of his character in the novel!

One of the subtler political messages of the story is that some people are given freedom to express anger, while others are forced to be excessively meek and conciliatory in order to survive.

Wealthy conservatives like Monsieur Gillenormand can “fly into rages” every five minutes and have it treated as an endearing quirk. Poor characters like Fantine or Jean Valjean must be constantly polite and ingratiating to “their superiors” at all times, even in the face of mockery and violence, or else they will be subjected to punishment. If Gillenormand beats his child with a stick, it’s a silly quirk; if Fantine beats a man harassing her, she is sentenced to months in prison.

(Thenardier and Javert are interesting examples of this too. Thenardier acts superficially polite and ingratiating to his wealthy “superiors” while insulting them behind their backs. Javert, meanwhile, is completely earnest in his mindless bootlicking. But I could write an entire other post on this.)

The point is that….Jean Valjean has to be submissive and self-effacing, or he puts himself in danger. He can’t afford to be angry and make scenes, or he will be punished. The only barrier between himself and prison is his ability to be so “courteous” that no one bothers to pry into his past.

Jean Valjean is excessively polite to people, in the way that you’re excessively polite to an armed cop who pulls you over for speeding when you secretly have a few illegal grams of marijuana in the your car trunk. XD It’s politeness built on fear, is what I mean. It’s politeness built on a desperation to make a powerful person avoid looking too closely at you.

It’s politeness at gunpoint.

Jean Valjean has also spent nineteen years living in an environment where any expression of anger could be punished with severe violence. That trauma is reflected in the overly cautious reserved way he often speaks with people (even people who are kind and would never actually hurt him.)

So adaptations that have Jean Valjean boldly having shouting matches with people in public and beating cops half to death without worrying about the repercussions just make go like “???”

Because that’s part of what’s fascinating about Jean Valjean to me? On one hand, he is a genuinely kind compassionate person, who cares deeply about other people and behaves kindly out of altruism. But on the other hand, he was also “beaten into submission” by prison, and forced into adopting conciliatory bootlicking behaviors in order to survive. And it can sometimes be hard to tell when he is being kind vs. when he is being “polite” — when he is speaking and acting out of earnest compassion vs. when he is speaking and acting out of fear.

The TL;DR is that I think it’s important that even though Jean Valjean is very (justifiably) angry about the injustice that was inflicted on him, his anger is harshly policed at all times— by other people, and by himself. He has been told his anger is wrong/selfish so often that he believes it. His anger takes weirder more unhealthy forms because he has no safe outlet for it. His rage at society becomes a possessiveness towards Cosette and silent hatred of Marius, but primarily it becomes useless self-destructive constant hatred of himself. And while I might be phrasing this wrong, I think that’s what’s interesting about Jean Valjean’s relationship with anger— the way his justified fury at his own mistreatment gets warped into more and more unhealthy forms by the way he’s forced to constantly repress it.

#les mis #les mis letters #jean valjean #don’t mind me just Valjeanposting #you know I’m doing okay when I’m Valjeanposting #but yeah I can’t remember the first person who started talking about this concept with me #(it was years ago) #but now I think about it constantly #when you read the book looking through that lens #of certain charcaters being forced to act conciliatory and polite ‘under threat of violence’ #you notice it constantly #it’s such a running Thing #and you could write tons of posts about it on www.tumblr.com

[kevinsdsy]

the trojans social media au (pt. 8): jean moreau collects smiski figures he told me himself actually also y’all should definitely to florence + the machine and keep the aftg characters in mind it will change your life

#the trojans social media au #jean doesn’t talk about his feelings he just sends song recommendations instead #all for the game #aftg #the sunshine court #tsc #jean moreau #jeremy knox #kevin day #laila dermott #catalina alvarez #cat alvarez #shawn anderson #jerejean #kevjean

[andrewminyardslawyer]

I know everyone wants Jeremy to get a red card for defending Jean but at this point I feel like it will be Cat. Girl is ready to throw down with anyone who hurts Jean and I love it

#the sunshine court #tsc #tsc spoilers #jean moreau #jeremy knox #cat Alvarez #catalina alvarez #the tree talks

[notacluedo]

[kevin day voice] some of them u like

#He <3 #Also can’t believe Kevin just called jean gay like that like what do u mean sir #🤨🤨 what are u talking about sir 🤨🤨 the implications #Also discovered my bestie lasso tool #Jeremy knox #tsc #the sunshine court #my art #aftg #all for the game