#ive watched enough that i dont feel left out which was mainly the problem | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ofstaffs · 6 years

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rey: rey will be like 'ah..... so UR the one my best friend is fucking but like not right'

steve: or peggy

rey: rey will be like 'wait is that a mirror nope ur a different person ok hi'

steve: u know vision could pick up the mjolnir so why cant rey

steve: she got the force

rey: REY SHOULD DO IT WITH EASE AND STEEB AND TORE WOULD JUS T BE THERE LIKE '........wut'

rey: and then shes like 'hAH tricks on u ive got the force, bitches'

steve: can rey and ben join the avengers thx

rey: rey would ruin all the undercover stuff

steve: GUYS http://www.cinemablend.com/new/An-Avenge...

rey: she cant work the sweatshirt, sunglasses, and hat

rey: bYE

thor: the instant steve announced the challenge, thor tore his way through the ballpit and lunged after him, mere seconds behind. the very first tunnel proved to be a challenge in and of itself, however. huffing out a frustrated breath, thor awkwardly half-shimmied, half-crawled through. "these tunnels weren't made for asgardians, that much is clear." by the time he finally made it through the other side of his fifth tunnel, his chest was heaving with exertion and the sides of his arms were bright red from squeezing through the tunnel walls. "i surrender," he called out grudgingly. without warning, he collapsed onto his back in the middle of the tunnel, thankful that this one was at least made up of some type of rope rather than the hard plastic of the others.

thor: rip thor

thor: CROSSO VE R OH MY GKSL

steve: rey drag him with ur jakku junk dragger™

thor: LOL nah she can just climb over his corpse it's ok

steve: I WAS TRYING TO FIND A PIC OF THE JUNK DRAGGER AND I FOUND THIS http://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/...

rey: rey immediately got into competitive mode as soon as steve brought up the challenge. within moments, she was crawling through the holes and squeezing past crevices with ease. scavenging in small areas helped with that, along with her tiny body. unfortunately, an irregular diet helped with /that/. but finally she slipped through the last tunnel and came out victoriously, holding her arms up. "i win!" she grinned happily. then she laughed as she saw that thor was stuck, and moved quickly to him, placing her hands on her hips. "maybe if you weren't so strong, this wouldn't be happening," she teased.

steve: LIKE OMF

rey: no shell just go cuddle him

steve: IT LOOKS SO REAL

rey: WTF I THOUGHT THAT WAS REAL AT FIRST

thor: OH DANG WTF

thor: IT DOES LOOK REAL

steve: steve took a seat in the cube area that connected two tunnels, letting rey pass him up. even for a super soldier it was really hard. he got a glimpse of thor laying in the center of a rope tunnel. as soon as rey announced her victory, steve found a slide by the next tunnel up. he even slid down it defeatedly. "i'm too old for this." the avenger mumbled as he got to the bottom of the slide, which ended a few feet from rey. if laser tag included narrow passages, then he would be on his way to the area where the parents sat earlier.

steve: cap is #done

steve: i love how thor and steve can beat the fuck out of huge robots and space dragons but fail at playgrounds

rey: LOL I LOVE THEM

rey: ok i think kayla passed out and im about to too rip

rey: well def continue tomorrow tho omg

steve: same

steve: night!!

rey: night fam

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steve: im lowkey here

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rey: I'm low key here now omg

rey: i should be around for a little while

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steve: hello!!

rey: HELLO

steve joined the chat 7 hours ago

rey: HI

thor joined the chat 6 hours ago

thor: I PASSED OUT LAST NIGHT RIP ME

thor: thankfully, thor recovered swiftly. he had no intention of navigating his way through the godforsaken tunnels to get out, however. "my strength is not the problem," he informed rey, eyes glinting as he realized exactly how he could escape this monstrosity. rolling over onto his stomach, he grabbed hold of the ropes directly below him and forcefully pulled them apart. they surrendered easily to his strength, the tunnel giving out underneath him in a matter of seconds. landing in a crouch, he shot rey a grin. "see? these fragile midgardian materials cannot hold the mighty thor."

thor: thor has no chill tbh

steve: im dying

thor: don't die omg what will america do without u???

thor: RAI WHERE R U

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rey: IM SO SORRY I WAS AT A GAME RIP

rey: IM MOBILE FOR A BIT

thor: IT'S OK OMG DID U HAVE FUN

rey: YAS SO MUCH

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thor: WAIT WHAT KIND OF GAME WAS IT

rey rey giggled in admiration as she watched thor literally rip the ropes apart, and land in a crouching position. then she met up with steve and shook her head. "no..." she complained dejectedly, reaching her hands out to him. "we-we still have the trampolines. and-and laser tag!" she grinned, hoping to get his spirits up.

rey: I MANAGE FOR BOYS VOLLEYBALL AT MY SCHOOL

thor: OMG REALLY?? THATS SO COOL

rey: YA ITS FUN

thor: i suggest a rey/thor laser tag team-up against steve

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rey: YES PLS

rey joined the chat 93 minutes ago

rey: iM HERE ON A COMPUTER BLESS UP

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thor: NICE 2 bad steeb's missing :////

rey: fml ik

rey: i messaged mia tho

thor: gosh does she have a life or something?? RUDE

rey: yA WTF IS UP WITH THAT

rey: IM GETTING TO THE MEME U SENT ME NOW RIP

thor joined the chat 87 minutes ago

thor: OMG OK BUT DONT KILL ME WITH CUTENESS AGAIN THANKS

rey: NO PROMISES THO

thor: OH GR8

rey: brb dinner ayy

steve: HEY BITCHES

thor: aYYYYY IT'S STEEB THE DWEEB

steve: steve hoisted himself up from the slide, joining rey and a crouching thor. he had no idea what a laser tag was or why they'd let children play it, but he proceeded to agree anyway. the laser tag facility was unlike anything he had ever seen. the room was pitch black, aside from the various neon obstacles and graffiti on the walls. there were staircases leading to ramps above the floor. there were guns, presumably 'lasers', lining the wall next to the entrance. steve grabbed a laser, before tossing two to rey and thor.

steve

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8pmB7nlC9mI

i watched this shit

thor: omfg i admire ur devotion sm

thor: thor caught the weapon effortlessly, though he held it slightly away from himself in wary consideration. it appeared to be of the same style as most other midgardian weapons, yet they were used for games? reminding himself that steve was the one handing them over – so it couldn't be /that/ harmful – he wrapped his hands more securely around the gun in preparation for battle. leaning close to rey, he murmured, "join forces with me?"

thor: rip steve

steve: https://49.media.tumblr.com/e0a9dce6eefe...

thor: LMFAO

thor: get out ben, this ain't ur battle

steve: if ben found out this was happening he would be like http://66.media.tumblr.com/a95daaf244c20...

thor: LOL BEN OMG CALM DOWN

rey: IM HERE

rey: IM H ER EE

rey: FCK

thor: FIN ALLY

rey: HUSH

thor: NO

steve: HI

rey rey followed steve up the stairs, making sure thor was there behind her, then giggled excitedly at the pitch black play area. she carefully caught the laser gun he tossed her, grunting slightly at the force, then looked up as thor leaned down beside her. she giggled silently, hand going over her mouth, and nodded her head swiftly. "let's do it," she whispered back, then winked and moved to steve. "okay, let's spread out first. i'll start our guns with the panel on the wall. then we go. agreed?"

rey: HI BABE

steve: steve caught a glimpse of the two whispering out of the corner of his eye. he was too busy trying to scope out the area to realize what was going on. "okay." cap spoke as he zeroed in on the perfect spot. as soon as their guns were activated, the avenger was bolting up the stairs to the first hanger. the ramp was dark so soon enough he lost sight of the two. he kept his gun on the rail in true assassin fashion, ready to shoot at the friends.

steve: steve learned his moves from bucky ))

steve: wtF IS THAT THING

rey: thE EMOJI OMF

rey:

thor: tHE EMOJIS LMAO

steve: steve, finding out his friends are t8rs:

steve: tr8s***

rey: t8r tots

thor: "agreed." thor slid his finger over the trigger, readying himself. it didn't surprise him when steve was the first to take off as soon as rey gave the signal. considering his history as a soldier, thor had opted to take on an ally against him for that very reason. with one last nod at rey, he began navigating his way after steve as quietly as a man of his build could manage. it was much too dark, however, and thor soon found himself using one of the several odd glowing pillars for cover as his gaze scanned the area for signs of movement.

thor: T8R TOTS

thor: delish

rey "okay, ready? go!" rey shouted to them once they were all dispersed, using the force to start up the panel that gave their guns power. she began running along, mainly for cover at first, and ducked expertly behind walls using her stealthy silence. soon, she saw steve on the second floor and grinned to herself, running up the back stairs. she stayed ducked behind a wall, but stuck her gun out just enough to zero in on her target, and shoot rapidly at him, the sound effects going off.

rey: LOL

thor: GET HIM REY GET HIM

rey: if ben and rey ever played laser tag, shed get v emotional bc she tried to go after him with a gun on takodana rip

thor: sudden feels

steve: steve caught a glimpse of someone shuffling behind a pillar below. his finger snuck down to the trigger, slowly but surely ready to shoot the target. alas, his grand moment was ruined when laser beams sounded off behind him. he expected thor to be the one behind the shots, but he was faced with rey crouching behind a wall below. "rey, you traitor!" the super soldier exclaimed, surprisingly offended by her actions. he took off down the stairs determined to take her down.

rey: feel trip

steve: pft ben wouldn't go into the laser tag room, the darkness is too ~tempting~

rey: 'Does Rey call you Daddy ' riP

rey: the darkness works with his aesthetic tho

steve: wtF

rey: YEP U GOT US SHE SO DOES

steve: i don gettit

thor: the commotion from nearby, quickly followed by steve's shout, brought a grin to thor's face. remaining in place, he cocked his head and listened closely for the careless series of telltale stomps down the stairs as steve searched for his victim. alas, thor fully intended to protect his ally. as soon as he heard the other man moving passed his pillar, thor lunged out from behind it, sound effects deafening the quiet as he unloaded a series of shots directly at steve. "hide, rey!"

thor: oMG i saw that ask & i screamed

rey rey couldn't stop laughing as she ran as fast as she could away from steve, tripping over her own feet every now and then, though she allowed herself a break as she heard thor's gun go off, meaning he found steve. now was her chance. she ran up the stairs steve had been on earlier and crouched behind a wall again, then fired her gun... at thor. she fired shot after shot, right when he least expected it, then turned her gun on steve as well, continuing to laugh as she nailed them both. "sorry, i had to trick ya!"

steve: the confusion on his face was absolutely priceless as rey shot at them both. he was unbelievably aggrieved that the two had teamed up against him, but then this? steve didn't spare the laughing girl a look before lifting his laser and shooting it at her. "number one rule of war, skywalker: never get distracted on the battlefield."

steve

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-i99TPwXSoM

steve rn

rey: HAHAHAHAHAH

rey: OMFG

thor: his own ally had turned on him. when steve turned his own weapon on her in return, thor used it as cover, swiftly moving to circle around rey. it would have been a prime opportunity to shoot her again, but she deserved far worse than that. throwing an arm around her waist, he lifted her off her feet and draped her over his shoulder. "no more fun," he announced in a cheerful tone as he casually made his way back to the captain. "rogers, how do you punish traitors on this planet?"

rey "hey!" rey gasped as steve shot her, moving to run away again, then shrieked and laughed hard as thor picked her up and laid her across his shoulder, kicking her feet playfully. her gun slipped out of her hands in the midst of all the fighting, and she was laughing even harder as they approached steve, crossing her arms stubbornly. "not fair!"

rey: i shouldve had her say 'spank me, daddy'

steve: NO

thor: oMF G

rey: o ya

thor joined the chat 20 hours ago

thor: http://images.idakoos.com/B0220000BL0000...

rey: oh my og od

steve: "well, it usually goes something like.." steve pretended to stroke his chin in thought, before deciding on a torture method. "tickling. lots of it. it worked on the nazis every time." the captain joked lightly, letting his gun clatter to the floor beside him. "tickling on a trampoline seems pretty brutal to me."

steve: pcE

steve: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236...

rey: nO RAI IS SO TICKLISH SHE WILL START CRYING

rey: stop

rey: SOTP*

steve: can u imagine derek walking in one two burly blonde dudes tickling tf out of his gf

rey: ON A TRAMPOLINE

steve: can u imagine thor and cap on a trampoline like girl

rey: yum

rey: ive gotta go yeet to the shower after i do this next reply

thor: "tickling it is." tossing his weapon onto the floor as well, thor then turned on his heel and began making his way for wherever the 'trampolines' were. eventually, he managed to find them – and stepped onto the closest one without even hesitating. instantly the unstable, bouncy terrain threw him off-balance, and his grasp on rey loosened as he fell onto his back. as soon as his head stopped spinning, he spoke dryly, "/this/ is supposed to be fun?"

thor: prepare 4 me 2 randomly pass out again as soon as u shower xoxo

rey: omg ill try 2 hurry rip

rey "no, no, no!" rey protested and shook her head swiftly, knowing how ticklish she was, and laughed again as thor carried her to the trampolines, though she gasped as well as he fell, allowing her to break free from his hold. "yeah, it's so much fun! look!" she giggled and began jumping up and down, reaching her hands out to steve.

thor: if u guys would just move to the superior east coast this wouldn't be a probLEM

rey: OK BRB

steve: ive never been to the east coast i am down

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rey: I AM BACK

rey: WAS THAT FAST ENOUGH

rey: OR NO

rey: WHERE DID U ALL GO

rey: WHAT

steve joined the chat 19 hours ago

steve: im heeree

rey: friEND

rey: I LEFT FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES DID THIS PLACE DIE OR SMTH

steve: steve's left angle gave out beneath him on the canvas of the trampoline. he stumbled a bit before finding his footing. as soon as rey approached him, he reached his hands out to attack her ribs. he began to tickle her, seizing her jumping movements

steve: idK YOU LEFT AND THEN KAYLA LEFT SO I WAS LIKE OK PCE

rey: i tolD U WEHRE I WAS GO ING

steve: MAYBE SHE FELL ASLEEP IDK

rey: GDI

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thor: I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN IM S ORRY

rey: LAAAAME

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rey: ayyyy

thor: ayyy hello ur fav sleepaholic is here

rey: LOL

thor: upon carefully finding his footing (which proved immensely more difficult when rey was bouncing all over the place) thor stepped over to join the pair engaged in a one-sided tickle fight. bending his knees a couple of times in a test bounce, he glanced down at rey with undeniable smugness. "i would help you, but this is your rightful fate after betraying me." and if asgardians were good at anything, it was holding grudges.

thor: i love how we're all rarely on at the same time lmao

rey: thats so tru

thor: REY MEETING LOKI THO

rey "no!" rey shrieked as steve began tickling her, causing her to completely lose her footing. his hands were the only things holding her up now, and she was laughing so hard it was almost silent. and thor wasn't helping. time to pull the guilt card. "ow, steve. /ow/," she winced, hand going to her ribs, where he had bruised her from hugging her too hard. "it hurts, stop..."

rey: rey u bitch

rey: I K NOW

rey: WE PLOTTED SOME THINGS MWAHAHAH

thor: YOU WHAT OMG IM AFRAID

rey: BE AFRAID

steve joined the chat 3 hours ago

steve: WAS GOOD

steve: steve withdrawled his hands with a mortified look on his face. how could he forget? that bruise was bound to be there, and worse than it was before. "i'm so sorry," the avenger gushed. his apology was a little humorous due to the way he swayed back and forth on the trampoline.

thor joined the chat 2 hours ago

thor: hOW DO WE ALWAYS MISS EACH OTHER WTF

thor: thor's earlier amusement quickly turned into a whirlwind of confusion and concern. while steve withdrew, the asgardian lowered himself to a crouch beside rey, his hand tentatively enveloping her shoulder. "what happened?" his eyes scanned the girl for injuries before snapping to his fellow avenger accusingly. "did his tickles harm you?"

steve: im here

thor: SUP

thor joined the chat 41 minutes ago

rey: riP

thor joined the chat 13 minutes ago

rey: IM SRY

rey rey bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. the bruise was already almost gone, and she wasn't hurt at all. she just liked to mess with her boys. as thor asked his question, the smile finally spread across her cheeks as she shook her head, easily rising to her feet and bouncing up and down a bit. "actually, i'm feeling a lot better," she giggled and winked before bouncing away as she laughed even harder, knowing they'd want to get their revenge. "gotcha!"

thor: thor picked himself up off the ground, reaching up and patting the back of his head in the process. the bun still held. huh. it really did hold better thanks to rey's superior method. "if anyone attempts to arrest us, i'll stop them," he replied with confidence. narrowing his eyes in rey's direction, he added, "besides, i don't wish to ever come back here again. it will only remind me of betrayal."

rey at the mention of getting arrested again, rey's smile immediately disappeared as she stopped her bouncing, fidgeting with her fingers nervously. she felt slightly more relieved at thor's promise of keeping them out of jail, nodding her head. then she moved to thor and couldn't help but wrap her arms around him, still overall grateful that he would even think about stopping people from arresting them. she couldn't do that again. "thank you..." she whispered, then reached a hand out to steve.

steve: "don't worry about getting arrested." the captain shot a smile to rey. "rey has the force. she can get us out of everything." he spoke highly of the girl, grasping her palm in his.

thor: though thor was supposed to be annoyed with her, he couldn't help but soften as her small arms wrapped around him. he enveloped her in one of his own in return, rubbing one of her shoulders. "the force?" he repeated, brows furrowing. "she is tiny. what force could she have?"

rey "...if snoke doesn't get in my way..." rey replied quietly in a pessimistic manner, glancing shyly up at steve. then she clasped onto his hand before looking up at thor, smiling softly. "the force surrounds us all. it controls... basically everything. watch," she whispered then turned to the ball pit, lifting her free hand up. but nothing was happening. "...no," she breathed out, shaking her head as she tried again and again to at least make one of the small, colored balls levitate. "no, no, no..." she could feel its absence in her mind, in her heart. with snoke so strong now, it was hard to keep in touch with it. "steve, i-i can't- it's gone..."

steve: snoke. he had heard that name before.. it was the sith lord who invaded rey's brain. the captain moved closer to her, bending down slightly to get a better look at her. "are you alright?" he pressed. at times like this, he wished wanda was here to help.

thor: if the force surrounded them all, thor had no idea how he'd never sensed it before. he watched, captivated, as rey seemed to be attempting to do something –– but failed. "what's gone? the force?" thor looked back and forth between steve and rey, faintly irritated over his lack of understanding. instinctively, his arm tightened around her shoulders, pulling her in closer. "we will help you find it."

rey rey looked into steve's eyes nervously as he ducked his head down to look at her, much like derek did when she was upset about something. "it-it doesn't hurt yet, but i can't... i can't focus on doing it," she whispered, wrapping her arms around thor again as he hugged her. then she nodded her head and stepped back as she took a deep breath, thinking about the hope that both steve and her new friend, thor, had for her. she closed her eyes and held her hand up again, focusing as hard as she could. when she opened her eyes, only one ball had popped out of the pit, and rolled a few inches on the ground, then stopped. she sighed heavily and buried her face in her hands, hoping she wasn't losing touch with the force for good.

rey joined the chat 2 days ago

ur favorite grandpa joined the chat 2 days ago

ur favorite grandpa changed name to thor

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steve: steve smiled gently as the ball rolled forward. he knew it must have took a lot to persevere with snoke inside of her mind. "don't get upset." the avenger chastised the girl. "you just need to.. find the force again. is there anyone who can help you?" he knew that rey had multiple family members in magnolia. they had to be able to help her, someway or somehow. "could we help you?"

thor: a ball levitated in midair, seemingly doing so as a result of rey's concentration. thor barely heard steve as the man spoke, too busy gaping at the ball in newfound fascination. an amazed laugh escaped him. "did you move that with your mind?" he turned to face rey, eyes dancing with enthusiasm over what he had just witnessed. "is this the force? i did not realize you were capable of something so incredible." after a pause in which the solemn mood washed over him, he added, "if you could do that, then the force is still within you. you haven't lost it."

rey rey turned sheepishly towards the two again, nodding her head to steve. but then, noting thor's reaction, her own expression lightened slightly, her shoulders straightening. "r-really...?" she whispered, feeling more reassured by the way he was so interested in her force skills. "as-as long as snoke's here, i don't think i can get any better..." she mumbled to steve and stepped back. in fact, she could feel him coming now. she opened her mouth to explain it to them, but just turned and moved off the trampolines onto the floor, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

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steve: "don't say that." steve called after rey as jumped off the trampoline. he looked at thor before following after her. surely this snoke guy could be stopped. they've dealt with aliens before, what made this one so different? "what can we do to help?"

steve joined the chat 43 hours ago

thor: the mention of snoke nearly drew a low growl from thor's throat. the idea of an unseen opponent harming someone like rey right beside him while he was powerless to do anything to stop it was beyond upsetting, to say the least. "there must be a way to track him," thor added as he trailed after steve, worried gaze on rey's back. "if i know where he is, i can put a stop to this. even if he has armies, they will not stop me."

rey rey buried her face in her hands now and sniffed, trying to push him out of her mind as much as possible. but it wasn't necessarily simple. at the first small pain, she winced and jumped slightly, hands dropping to her mouth. "no, no, no, no..." she murmured under her breath as she began to tremble, pleading for him to leave her mind. then there was another, sharper pain and rey tucked her knees to her chest, beginning to rock back and forth.

steve: steve dove to his knees as soon as rey fell. "hey, hey," he cooed, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. he knew whatever she was feeling or seeing was much like what they went through when wanda brainwashed them. if not worse. he felt a intense need to protect his best friend. "it's gonna be okay, rey. i love you. stay with us," he cooed, rubbing her back as his heart hammered in his chest.

thor: it appeared steve and rey were even closer than thor originally suspected. the revelation did little to ease the tension in his muscles as he began circling restlessly around the pair, hands curling into fists as he itched to summon his prized weapon and smash something, anything. "we must help her," he finally said, stopping to glare at steve. "there must be a way. think of something."

rey rey clasped her hands over her ears and began to cry as she buried her face in his chest, but managed to murmur, "i-i love y-you too..." through her sobs. just so he knew how appreciative she really was of his kind, caring heart. her hands moved about until they landed on thor's chest, curling her fingers into his shirt and holding it tightly, tugging him closer. another sharp pain caused her to shriek and weep even harder, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

steve: "you're the one from space." steve gritted his teeth, trying to focus on the girl falling apart before him. she was in excruciating pain by the looks of it, and it killed him not being able to stop it. "rey, listen to me. is there anything we can do? what makes it hurt less?" the usual put together soldier was now stumbling over his words in an attempt to help his friend.

thor: thor allowed himself to be pulled closer, teeth grinding together as he fought to keep his rage against an invisible foe in check. his temper wouldn't help, especially not when the likes of even steve rogers was losing his cool. "i could take her to asgard," he said slowly. "our healers may lessen her pain while we search for answers." assuming everyone on asgard cooperated and sought to help her as much as he did.

rey "d-derek..." was the first thing rey choked out. he usually helped her after a snoke episode. by... doing exactly what steve and thor were doing now. holding her. talking to her. maybe things would be okay. she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on clearing her mind, like anakin and ben taught her, attempting to push out all thoughts of anything dark. instead she focused on memories of derek. of ben, of steve, of thor, everyone. and slowly, gradually, she calmed down, eyes finally fluttering open. he was leaving. he was smart enough to pick his battles, rey was sure, and probably couldn't fight this one.

thor joined the chat 41 hours ago

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steve: steve's jaw clenched at the mention of derek, but he quickly shook his rage off to focus on rey. her body noticeably let up moments later. he retracted his arms once he knew she was alright. "how often does this happen?"

thor: the unfamiliar name made thor frown, glancing at steve for answers – only to find an odd expression awaiting on the man's face for a split second. dislike? mentally tucking it away, he refocused on rey. where steve moved back, the asgardian leaned forward, slipping his arms beneath rey and lifting her effortlessly into his arms. steve already asked the question on his mind, so he remained quiet, merely looking down at her with expectance.

rey rey's arms slid easily around thor's neck, noticing how he didn't even flinch when lifting her small body. she really was curious to know how strong they both were. "it's-it's been happening more often than not lately..." she admitted in a whisper, rubbing at her eyes with her fists then returning her arms around thor's neck as she looked into steve's eyes. "i-i'm okay, though... please don't tell derek, i don't want him to worry. please."

steve: "do you know how to get to this snoke person?" his tone was firm and assertive, much like the one he reserved for the avengers. he ignored her question about derek and continued with the questions. "can your family help you at all?"

thor: there was that name again. derek. thor's eyes narrowed in annoyance over not knowing yet another piece of information in the rapidly developing mystery of rey. at least the captain was back in action, a small silver lining. "if she knew where snoke was or if her family could help, i'd wager she would have already said as much by now." looking back and forth between the pair, he added, "who is this 'derek'?"

rey "/no/," rey snapped in frustration, mostly at herself for not being able to rid of the sith lord. "just-just forget it, he's gone now..." she mumbled, then closed her eyes again at the mention of derek. now she really missed him. she took a few deep breaths to keep the tears from filling her eyes, then rose to her feet shakily, one hand still in thor's, and the other in steve's. "i-i don't wanna dwell on snoke anymore... not tonight... please? i need a break...'

steve: "her boyfriend." steve answered curtly as rey let out her frustration. he couldn't understand how she could try to move on from something like that. his grip on her palm was loose. "what do you want to do?" he looked around, mentally checking off everything they had done. ball pit, check. playground, check. laser tag, check. trampoline, check. "i saw a game room near the front?"

thor: for a long moment, thor didn't move, only staring hard at the captain. if derek was rey's lover, why was steve so visibly displeased by the very mention of him? thor had only ever seen one reason for that type of behavior. as a fresh understanding dawned, thor wordlessly tightened his grasp of rey's hand and began leading her in the direction of the game room. when they arrived, he stepped passed several brightly colored loud machines until one in particular caught his eye. "captain america and the avengers?" he read aloud, amused in spite of himself.

rey "yeah, can we do that?" rey whispered as she took out her pigtails, trying to let the smile appear on her face again, though it was still shaky for now. she let go of steve's hand, knowing the reason behind his sudden closure, and instead held thor's with both of her own, stumbling along behind him. "whoa..." she whispered in amazement at all the machines, her eyes widening. once at the machine thor stopped it, she began giggling and moved to sit down on the floor in front of the game, knowing from experience to not be on her feet for too long after a snoke episode.

steve: "sounds about right." steve laughed under his breath, leaning against the side of the arcade game. he stared at the giant, cartoon version of himself for a few beats before moving around again. he wandered off toward a skeeball machine where he grabbed one of the basketballs. the avenger stood there, absentmindedly dribbling the basketball. the first time he shot, it went in effortlessly even though he hardly paying attention.

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thor: thor watched rey settle down onto the ground before glancing once more at the machine. uninterested in trying (and likely failing) to figure out how to toy with it, he shifted his attention to steve and the ease with which he tossed a ball through a hoop. "how long have you known each other?" he finally asked, looking back and forth between them. he could have asked more about derek, but keeping the peace felt like a better idea right then.

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rey: \

rey rey watched steve as he moved to go shoot a basketball, still staying where she hd sat on the ground. then she glanced up at thor and shrugged a shoulder. "i-i don't know... a month or so...? maybe longer?" she asked steve, smiling shyly to herself and resting her chin on her knees. "i used to have the biggest crush on him."

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steve: steve nearly choked on his tongue at rey's confession. instead of replying, he merely shot the basketball into the 100 point section. "you might not want to tell derek that." the soldier muttered as he collected the tickets that spewed out of the machine. he handed them over to rey, seeing that he had no use for them. "go get a prize."

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thor: "yes, go get your prize," thor agreed, pushing at rey with gentle but insistent nudges toward the area with several objects scattered along the wall that he assumed were prizes. as soon as she was out of earshot, he turned to steve, arms folding over his broad chest. "where i come from, we settle these situations with duels. have you considered fighting derek for her heart?" he kept his voice low, lips curving to betray his amusement. then, just like that, his features turned solemn. "if not, you must let go of her, friend. this pining is not easy to watch."

thor was timed out 5 hours ago

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rey rey looked up hesitantly as steve handed her the tickets, collecting them all into her arms and rising to her feet slowly. she didn't move immediately, but at thor's gentle persistence, she finally made her way to the counter, oblivious as to why they sent her away. she was too excited about her prizes. the worker there, the only one left, seemed less than thrilled about accepting the tickets, and told her to pick out three things. she looked over her shoulder at steve and thor, seeing them still talking, then glanced at the shelves to pick her prizes.

steve: steve scowled at thor's proposal. he wasn't entirely subtle about his dislike for derek, but he didn't think it was that obvious. "i'm not fighting derek." his gaze followed rey, who was eagerly awaiting her prizes. "i'll get over it. i always do." he shook his head, eyes falling down to his fidgeting fingers. it was a total lie. he wasn't even over peggy yet �� and that was seventy years ago. he couldn't even close his eyes at night without thinking of her or bucky.

thor joined the chat 5 hours ago

thor: "no, you will not." thor knew an overly-attached lovestruck fool when he saw one. he himself had been on the opposite end of that sort of infatuation more than once, in fact. "these things do not simply fade away. they grow stronger, along with resentment, until you find yourself saying something you will regret." throwing rey a glance, he then dropped a hand on steve's shoulder, squeezing more tightly than truly necessary. "do not destroy your friendship with her. take some time away, if you must –– but let go of this before it harms both of you." thor released him and, without awaiting a response, strode over to join rey.

rey "thank you," rey gasped as the worker handed her her three items, hugging them close to her chest. then she turned towards her friends as thor made his way over to her, showing them the three bears she'd picked out. ( http://www.buildabear.com/ProductImages/... , http://www.buildabear.com/public/images/... , http://www.buildabear.com/ProductImages/... ) "aren't they so cute?" she giggled then moved to steve, wrapping her arms around him the best she could with her new toys. "thank you so much, steve."

steve: the crease between steve's brows tightened following his words. he knew thor was right, but the thought of distancing himself from the girl brought a sharp pain to his chest. he knew he would have to get over his schoolboy crush or else it'd cause damage. the soldier managed to muster a smile at rey as she approached. the stuffed animals tucked under her arm were cute, indeed. the cap and thor bears coaxed a laugh out of him. there was another one that strangely resembled darth vader. "you're welcome." his voice was distant, but the smile gracing his lips still remained. "where to now?"

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thor: thor cast a disapproving eye at rey as she embraced steve, but resigned himself to trusting that the captain would take his advice and move on. if not, thor would do his best to help pick up the pieces when things made a turn for the worse. "is this supposed to be me?" he took hold of his lookalike bear's paw, feeling the soft plushness of it. "hm. we should get ice cream." his eyes met rey's with a wink. in his experience, mortals loved their ice cream.

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rey rey grinned softly at steve's laugh, wishing he would do so more often, then looked between him and thor. "of course it is," she giggled, holding up the thor-themed teddy bear she'd chosen. then she gasped before nodding swiftly. "yes, yes, yes!" she begged, and didn't even wait for an answer before moving to the exit, but not before scooping up her captain america figurine that steve gave her, and holding it with her three teddy bears. "c'mon, you two are so slow!"

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

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coming out (six) ⇾ camren

Authors Note: HI GUYS! I’m really sorry for being so shitty in keeping up with this book, a lot has been happening lately. My fiancée’s father died about two weeks after New Years and she’s been really torn about that because we are still arranging dates for our wedding and she was really excited for him to walk her down the aisle and be the first daughter of his to get married but everything happened so fast.

He had a seizure at dinner, ambulance and everything came, it was very sudden. Basically at the hospital they tell us that he has a basically inoperable brain tumor which none of us knew of. He’s been complaining about sharp pains and headaches for basically all of 2016 and we’ve all been urging him to go and have it checked out but he hates hospital more than anything and absolutely refused. The tumor was intact cancerous. He was placed in the hospital overnight for many nights and it basically got worse and worse each day. He had a series of seizures the night he died.

I’ve taken a break from writing to be there not only for my fiancée and her family, but for myself as well. Her dad was pretty much my dad in my eyes. If you haven’t already known, I’ve been in and out foster care systems for a big portion of my life because both parents had died due to drug addiction. I was in fact adopted later on in my life and I have the worlds best adoptive parents who are pretty much my own parents even if we don’t have the same blood but her father was there for me when my adoptive father wasn’t. He travels a lot and was gone for so much that i pretty much only had my adoptive mother to rely on as a parent figure until I met my fiancée and her dad. So when he died, it took a toll on me as well.

I focused mainly on reading and kind of chose to forget writing for a little while. This week my fiancée is in Canada going over funeral arrangements with her mother and other extended family and I’m home alone basically so I’ve found some spare time and decided to start this series up again considering it doesn’t have many chapters left since it is a short series. Its basically a one shot with many parts so I decided to give it a go again.

I’m really sorry though for being so M.I.A. I promise to update as much as I can, as I said before I’m ready to start some new fanfics and I can’t wait to share those with you.

I’m not usually one to share all my personal problems for fear of coming off attention seeking but you know what, fuck it. I kind of feel like you guys deserve an explanation. I’ve gotten many dms asking me to continue so here I am.

Also, TODAY IS MY 20TH BIRTHDAY! Its also the one year anniversary of me asking my fiancée to be my fiancée lmao. Hopefully we can get married for real though this fall when everything simmers down. But wow, I am no longer in my teens. I’m an adult dammit. Lmfao.

Anyways, enjoy this chapter and thank you for those of you who didn’t remove this story from your library.

Camila|

Watching Lauren walk away from her was almost harder than feeling herself walk away from Lauren. Her chest felt tight as her eyes sprang with tears. If only she’d let me explain…

Sighing softly to herself, she retreated back to find Lola as her attempt to slowly begin to mend things with her former band mate had failed miserably.

Coming to a stop in front of her girlfriend, Camila sighed. Her head throbbed the minute the girl had opened her mouth, “Why’d you chase after her?” Lola asked immediately.

“I just wanted to see how she was doing Lo-” she cut herself off. Lo was Lauren’s nickname. “Lola.”

The hazel eyed girl huffed as she pouted her lips slightly, “You don’t still have that stupid… Camren thing with her, right?” She asked. “I mean, I’m not really sure why that was even a thing. You’re way out of her league. She’s like a negative two hundred on the scale,” she scoffed.

Camila ground her teeth together as she looked down. Lola really knew how to piss someone off. “Lets go home,” she mumbled. She didn’t have time to deal with her shit.

Lauren|

Its been two days since she last ran into Camila. Its been two days since she was reminded of all that went wrong in her life. Seeing the successful singer made Lauren’s blood boil but heart throb all at once. She didn’t understand anything her body was telling her. All that was the least bit comprehendible was that Camila was bad news and Lauren stayed away from bad news no matter what.

She sighed softly to herself as she stood from her and Lucy’s bed. Lucy had gone off for coffee with an old friend Lauren didn’t know of until about a week ago but she didn’t question it. Lucy wasn’t obligated to share everything with her.

She has the day off and wasn’t really sure what to do with it. Normally she’d be spending it with Lucy but that was clearly out of the picture.

She stretched, hearing her back pop with several satisfying cracks before making her way up to her dresser to check her phone. She had the usual several too many text messages from friends but the unknown number caught her eye. She raised an eyebrow as she read the message. It was a simple “hey” to which she replied with a “Who is this” she grabbed her phone as she made her way into the kitchen, reading over the rest of her messages and replying to a few every now and then, being sure not to open the ones she didn’t want to reply to.

The moment she entered the kitchen, her phone vibrated in her hand. The unknown number. Her stomach dropped at the next words, “it’s Camila” she thought she may have misread as she blinked a few times. Seconds later, the bubble with three dots appeared indicating her former bandmate was typing.

C: dinah gave me this number

L: What the hell do you want Camila

Her blood boiled and heart pounded as Camila began typing. Didn’t she get the memo the last time they ran into each other? She wants nothing to do with her! She tapped her fingernails impatiently on the kitchen counter as she waited for the next message. Her anxiety was going through the roof. What was she writing? A college essay?

C: i dont want to fight with you lauren. I just want to explain. ive explained to everyone but you. please just give me the chance to tell you things my way and if it still isn’t enough, i’ll leave you alone forever. i promise.

Lauren reread the message over and over, her eyes burning from never blinking. This couldn’t be real. A small chuckle of annoyance fell from her lips as she began typing out her simple reply.

L: You can shove your explanation up your ass.

Her heart twitched as she hit send. She ignored the guilt from her sudden outburst of harshness and forced herself to prepare for anything Camila threw at her when the three dots in a bubble popped back up. What she read next shocked her. She expected old Camila. She expected Camila to be a bitch back at her. But she wasn’t.

C: okay. but if you happen to change your mind, i’ll be doing a little fundraiser for women’s right and lgbt rights in Miami Beach from 10am-6pm. ive invited the girls. mani, dinah and ally will be there. i heard you were with lucy, feel free to invite her as well. im really sorry for everything lo and i hope you can forgive me someday. have a good rest of the day.

Camila|

She willed the tears to go away as she hit send and threw her phone across the table. She never knew why even the thought of Lauren brought so much emotion into her. She could feel her ex bandmate’s eyes on her. It was silent for awhile before Dinah reached across from her to pick up the disregarded phone. Camila sat in silence as she read over the short conversation.

“She’ll come,” she finally said.

Camila looked up, a long sigh escaping her lips as she struggled to compose herself. “I doubt it,” she mumbled quietly.

Dinah shook her head, “She’ll come. Deep down, under all that hate and hurt, she still cares Mila. I promise,” the blonde haired girl sent her best friend a small smile.

Camila nodded, her face contorting into weird different expressions as she tried not to cry. She’s been doing that a lot lately and she wasn’t up for ruining her makeup the fourth time that week.

“So how are things with Lola?” Dinah asked.

Camila laughed, shaking her head. She didn’t even know what to say as she rolled her eyes over and over. She probably looked possessed. “I don’t even know why I’m dating her anymore Dinah,” she said truthfully.

“Just dump her,”

“I can’t,”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like hurting people,”

“You had a fine job doing that when you left the group,” silence fell upon them. Camila looked down at her lap, Dinah shaking her head. The blonde sighed softly, “I didn’t mean that Mi-”

“Its fine,” Camila said as she cut her off. “Lets just, lets just get ready for the fundraiser.”

***

Disappointment. That’s what Camila felt as she watched the last man pack up their belongings for the fundraiser. It was going on 8pm, it had gone a little over time with how many people had showed up, Camila was truly amazed. She loved every minute of it, meeting fans all while helping spread awareness on both women rights and LGBT rights but she couldn’t help the overall sadness as it came to an end. Lauren didn’t show up. She even had two guards waiting up front in case she did show up to escort her over. Nothing happened.

It was really hard for her to be happy in such an amazing environment when the one person she was hoping with everything in her to show up, didn’t show up.

Lauren|

“Babe you should go,” Lucy encouraged as she sat up slightly from the couch.

Lauren shook her head, walking over to her girlfriend a bowl of warm soup. “You’re not feeling well. I don’t have to go to the stupid fundraiser,” she mumbled.

Lucy gave Lauren a look as she accepted the soup, “First of all, you love fundraisers that tie down to those specific matters and you know it. Just last week you were saying how you wished it happened more often. Plus Fifth Harmony will basically be reuniting for the first time as a group in a while.”

Rolling her eyes, Lauren plopped down next to Lucy. Playing with the ring on her thumb she sighed loudly, “Why do you even care so much? You do know Camila invited me, right? You don’t really like her,” pausing she glanced at her girlfriend. “Besides, who’ll take care of you while I’m gone? The stupid thing is over anyways. She said it ended at 6 PM. Its like 7:45 now.”

“I don’t not like her. I just wasn’t fond of what she had done to the group,” Lucy shrugged. “And so? Weren’t you the one social media stalking her and saw she was spamming on Snapchat with videos just from like five minutes ago?” Lucy raised a knowing eyebrow at her girlfriend. “I can invite Kandee over if it’ll make you feel better about who’ll take care of me.” Kandee was Lucy’s longtime friend Lauren had recently learned about.

She sighed to herself as she thought over it, “What if it goes bad?” She mumbled quietly.

“She’s just asking you to hear her out, right? If you don’t like what she has to say, just leave,” Lucy reached over to rub her finger tips up and down her girlfriends arm, “It’ll all go good baby. I promise.”

***

This was a mistake. Lauren could feel it as she approached the empty area. I bet she’s gone. God I’m such an idiot. It was around 8 PM and the place was pretty much a ghost land. She saw a few people left but that was it. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stopped in front of the location Camila had texted her.

There stood a man who had his back turned toward her with “SECURITY” writing in big white letters on his black T-Shirt.

Clearing her throats softly, she proceeded to tap him on the shoulder. The man sighed before turning around. “Ma'am this even is over please-” the man paused himself before eyes widening. “I am so sorry Miss. Follow me this way,” Lauren felt confusion settle within her as she followed the man through the black curtains. Something in her told her not to, it could be a trap but she ignored it. She was always unnecessarily paranoid. “Miss Cabello!” The man shouted.

The ashy brown haired woman turned around, along with three other obviously familiar faces. A sense of nervousness washed over Lauren as the room went silent for a few seconds before an overly excited Ally ran straight toward her former bandmate along with Dinah and Normani. She felt overwhelmed with happiness as the three women bombarded her with questions and hugs. A couple years escaped her eyes. It felt so good to be in their presence again. But everything went just as fast as it came.

Suddenly they all realized the reasoning behind them all being there and a silent Camila. Pulling apart from each other, Normani spoke first. “We’ll give you guys some space.”

By then, the security guard had already left and the three ladies had found their way out. Lauren’s heart pounded as she took in Camila’s overall presence. The whole situation felt even more overwhelming as her former bandmate directed her toward a set of chairs to sit down. It was silent between them for quite some time, neither really knowing how to start off.

“I didn’t think you’d show,” Camila breathed out, deciding to speak first.

Lauren pursed her lips, looking down for a second then back up with a small head nod. “I wasn’t,” she answered honestly. “Lucy made me.”

She didn’t miss the small twinge of hurt in Camila’s features but tried her best to brush it all off. “You look nice,” Camila then said.

Lauren sighed, rolling her eyes. “Thank you but I didn’t exactly come to be complimented. I’m here for my explain so I can be on my way back to my perfectly unproblematic life,” she didn’t mean to come off so harsh. It kind of just happened and she did regret it when Camila paused and every feature in her face twisted into one of pain before looking down and clearing her throat.

“Okay,” she croaked. “Where do you want me to start?”

“The beginning. Why you left, why you feel I should pity you in anyway, etc.”

Camila clenched her jaw, “I don’t need your pity Lauren, that’s one,” sighing, she looked down as she attempted to collect her currently scattered thoughts.

“I left because I couldn’t do it anymore,” she started. “It was a decision I had already planned for months before the day I left. I left mainly because of you though,” she kept her eyes down as she felt herself relive those few earlier months. “You weren’t happy with me in the group. I could feel it, the fans could feel it, everyone could. It was like days that I wasn’t there, you shined the most. You seemed the happiest and most carefree. Obviously me being there was taking that away. My intentions weren’t to break the group as a whole, no. I was hoping if things played out well, you guys would continue as a foursome. I didn’t mean to fuck up everyone’s lives, I swear Lauren.”

“I couldn’t do it anymore. Not even just with you, I was taking away everyone else’s happiness. Normani wouldn’t, hell couldn’t even look at me off camera. Ally was always torn on who to side with, at one point she even hated me. I was breaking Dinah’s relationship with everyone in the group because I’d always make her feel obligated to be on my side. I was fucking it all up. I wasn’t happy anymore in it… you guys weren’t happy anymore with me in it. My solo music started to take off, everything was screaming at me to get out. So I did.”

“I didn’t mean for everything to go downhill so fast. I didn’t want you guys to find out the way you found out. But life has a fucked up way of playing out for you-”

“That doesn’t answer shit Camila. So basically you’re new skit is, you left the group for our happiness? My god you are full of so much shit,” Lauren laughed humorlessly as she stood up. “You left because you’re a selfish self absorbed idiotic fucking cunt who cared more about fame than the actual fucking gr-”

“I left because I was in love with you! Okay, I fucking left because I was in love with you Lauren!”

Everything went silent, Lauren stopped, Camila stopped, the girls who were eavesdropping behind the curtain even stopped. The atmosphere suddenly felt thick and heart to breathe in. Lauren sat back down and stared at Camila in disbelief.

Camila gulped harshly as the tears started to come, “I couldn’t take it anymore Lauren. I couldn’t. I couldn’t take knowing every fucking day you hated me, our friendship would never ever be the same. I could handle you not feeling the same, I could handle keeping it a secret forever. But I couldn’t handle knowing you hated me so fucking much. I couldn’t handle it. When you came out, and I was a complete bitch to you about it, it was like everything got worse. Your hate for me grew, everything was just a mess. Imagine… being head over heels in love with someone who hates you more than life itself but you have to work with them every fucking day. Imagine it.”

“I wasn’t fucking happy. I was sad, everyday, every night. My life was just sadness. And I hated that, because I loved what we did so fucking much. I loved making music with my best friends. I loved the fans. I loved everyone and everything. So basically feeling trapped and miserable was the worst thing ever for me. I’m sorry Lauren, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me as a friend, I’m sorry for putting a stupid solo career before our friendship, I’m sorry for putting anyone and everyone before you. My intentions were never to hurt you. You’ve always been one of my closest friends and to watch you grow such an intense amount of hate for me killed me. I wanted out, I needed out.”

She finished with a face full of tears and a shocked and frozen Lauren just staring back at her. Neither women knew what to say as the tension got thicker and thicker.

All Camila could think about was how she possibly fucked things up the most in this moment and there was no ever going back.

***

a/n: wow i actually cried writing this last part. damn. lol, im so sorry i did not edit. im really tired and im about to go out with friends for my birthday but i hope you enjoyed this over due chapter. i love you lots and thanks so much for reading.

to my tumblr readers, make sure to check out my wattpad @wthbello for faster updates and overall better reading format lmao. thanks so much for reading as well.

have an amazing night/day/afternoon, etc. wherever you are. make sure to always be kind to yourselves and always love yourselves because if you don’t, i can assure you no one else will. no one can love you better than you can love you. with that being said, i hope you enjoyed this chapter lmao.

ellianna (elli), xxxxxxxxxxxx

#UPDATE #series #non AU #AU #slash #camren #angst drama #romance fluff #submission #coming out

14 notes · View notes

inadeepanddarkdecember · 7 years

Text

[[ this is kinda rambly and piecemeal and out of order since its an edited convo off of discord from before cy’s heart got replaced, but i decided i wanted this Extra Large thalassemia infodump on my blog. go read this primer first for basic info on thal; cyrus’s form is beta thalassemia major. ]]

even with a perfectly healthy and functional heart, cy'd still have a too fast pulse and likely have arrhythmias; that comes with the territory of his anemia, and he could still develop heart failure again later in life. the problem with cy's current heart is that its been scarred to shit by the extra iron in his body from his blood transfusions and hes developed cardiomyopathy as a result, which at this point is virtually guaranteed to kill him before he turns 30, even if he takes perfect care of himself and never develops any other complications from his thalassemia ever (which aint fuckin likely). this failing heart just deals worse with arrhythmias he already has, especially under stress, and already struggles to keep up enough blood pressure.

bone marrow transplants are currently the closest thing to a cure for thalassemia we have and hellll no he has not had that done i doubt hes even on a waiting list. with his shit in the state hes in, its questionable if he'd even survive the process its pretty intense, nevermind the finances and healing and finding a match and even so much as qualifying to have it done.

cyrus goes in for a blood transfusion every three weeks. when transfusion dates get close, within a few days, hes more tired; he doesnt go out; he can be moodier; he can get headaches and dizzy spells. he feels best after a transfusion, then its just a slow decline till the date rolls around again. i tend to rp him within a week or two of being transfused most of the time simply bc its easier to get him out there interacting with people.

sometimes they coincide with transfusion dates, sometimes they don't, but he has longer appointments to check up on his other bodily functions every so often. theres general stuff, looking at his counts, then more specialized appointments to keep an eye specifically on his heart or check up on his liver and other organs as needed.

thalassemia by itself kills a person through not having enough blood to get oxygen around the body; this is solved through blood transfusions. chronic anemia means chronic transfusions. which would be fine! except chronic transfusions cause a build-up of iron in the body, and that shit is toxic and where the more fatal complications tend to stem from for thalassemia patients. also, being anemic means your body thinks it needs iron, so it's prone to absorb more from food than the average person, an added bonus. consequently, there are certain foods cyrus avoids. legumes, dark leafy greens, etc. look up any list of iron-rich foods, and thats a list of shit cyrus ought to be avoiding or indulging rarely. (funnily enough, these lists also are often advertised towards anemic people because those who arent transfused have the opposite problem.) part of his tea drinking habit is because tea inhibits iron absorption, along with he just likes it. coffee works too and he doesnt object to it, but he prefers tea.

another consequence of chronic transfusions is that you end up with a lot of old shitty dead blood cells in your system, and your spleen is left to clean it up. unfortunately, when faced with that much to clean, it can enlarge (splenomegaly) and become overactive (hypersplenism). so it starts removing healthy blood cells too quickly and too early, which can cause the anemic patient to need more blood when being transfused, which risks more iron, and not to mention its generally uncomfortable for the patient with the enlarged spleen. in short, this happened to cyrus, so his spleen has been removed. spleens, however, also play an important role in the immune system, so he was already kinda vulnerable as an anemic, but having no spleen makes him doubly at risk of infections. he takes antibiotics as part of his daily pharmaceutical regime.

during cold and flu season, docs tend to strongly suggest he wear surgical masks during school and whenever hes around a lot of people in public places, but he almost never does. he doesnt like the attention it gets him esp in school, but sometimes he'll do it when hes on public transit or anything. he does carry hand sanitizer with him a lot of the time tho

bc his immune system is fragile, he often goes in-patient for what would be minor sicknesses for us, esp if theres a fever. he tends to be hit hard by them, and being sick can make his counts plummet as his body tries to fight off the disease.

coming back around to iron related bullshit, iron overload is treated by iron chelation, for which there are mainly two medicines, deferoxamine and deferasirox, and cyrus uses the latter because i have never been able to find out enough goddamn information about deferoxamine. deferoxamine is the more common and cheaper of the two medicines; its injected subcutaneously over the course of 8-12 hours and has its own list of side effects and the process itself tends to be kinda painful from the accounts ive read. its done at home, often while the patient sleeps bc... well, when else are you gonna get a child to sit still for 8-12 hours. its definitely the one cyrus was on for a while, when he was younger. bc ive had a hellish time finding info on the pump used for deferoxamine and more about that medicine generally, cy’s currently on deferasirox. slightly different side effects, but otherwise does the same job in pill form.

thalassemia patients who've been cared for properly should be healthier than cyrus is. most patients his age havent had a heart attack already and arent dealing with heart failure, not yet. his parents have always struggled financially to keep up with his medical bills, but there was a time when he was still young that they still thought they could manage if they just worked hard enough. they were too proud to accept help, and he suffered for it. they eventually gave in but even then still struggled to keep up. sometimes a sudden unexpected change in insurance policy would fuck em for a while finanacially. so sometimes they'd not fill a perscription for a while or wait longer than they should to take him in-patient, hoping he might just tough out a cold or smth. sometimes he'd manage to do that and have abysmal blood counts next time he went in, and a couple of times he got so sick he was legit on death's doorstep by the time he got to the hospital and needed way longer to recover. sometimes cyrus would be too fussy about the deferoxamine and they didnt have the energy that night to force him to accept it or he'd turn off the machine himself after they left. not too often, he was pretty good about just accepting it and did most of the time, but it def happened more than a few times. and if it had already been activated, they couldnt reuse it and had to throw the dose out, in which case that was it he skips it no replacement they cant afford it not in the budget.

and because the effects of iron overload are long-term ones for the most part, it was easy to be like "ehh he seems fine for now". like, they knew the risks, but it was hard to see them as anything but so far in the distance as to be irrelevant. cyrus himself isnt great about the whole self-care thing either; his depression has helped nothing. he's been known to just flush or toss pills in a small spiteful act of rebellion, all his parents care about is that hes still alive and their money, and medicine's expensive, so wouldnt it just piss em off to throw it all away. he'll eat foods he shouldnt for similar reasons, along with just the pleasure of it. and sometimes he hits the sort of suicidal low where he just.... doesnt see the point. each dose he takes is a choice to keep living, and sometimes that choice isnt one he wants to make.

no one quite realized how bad he was tho till his first heart attack. he was so young; the docs dont rly know when hes skipping, so they werent watching too closely for the effects of it. and the damage his body took over time was amplified by his frequent stress. the heart and liver are the ones most affected by iron overload; his liver is somewhat damaged too, but thats not too bad yet, not as bad as his heart.

other little thal things: hormone levels can get super fucked. cy's puberty was a bit delayed, and his testosterone levels remain kinda low compared to average, so hes not as hairy as his genetics might otherwise dictate. he will never be able to grow a proper beard; it'll always be way too patchy and uneven. and despite what his touch aversion and other factors like stress and said low testosterone might lead you to believe, hes got a pretty strong sex drive, though he suppresses the hell out of it.

he was homeschooled for his first few years of elementary bc health concerns, but that couldnt be sustained bc of cost. so he rejoined public school since then. i wouldnt be surprised if his peers used his puberty delays against him, but i'd expect they were making fun of him less bc he was a late bloomer and more at his general girlishness, esp since this would also be around the time he was growing out his hair.

he has had people do the "lookit me ive befriended the sad disabled kid arent i good <3" schtick (which esp pisses him off bc its similar to shit melinda pulls) and hes met the people who try to be nice to him for three days then turn a 180 on him when he doesnt immediately cheer up and get all buddy buddy with them. and hence he now treats kindness from strangers with extreme skepticism, suspicion, and aggression. (thomas also feeds into this but ye) it scares off plenty of legitimately nice people who he could have befriended, buuut.

Oh, a couple Fun Facts I forgot to mention. bc anemia, he bruises easy and injuries generally take longer than normal to heal. And in part bc depression and in part bc meds are prone to fucking with his appetite, either killing it entirely or just making him nauseated, he tends to not eat enough and is kind of underweight. Melinda put him in charge of dinner most nights as part of a genuine good faith effort to ensure he's getting at least one good meal and get him home when he's supposed to be.

#meta #fun fact #medical #there are so many little ways his disorder has shaped his life #even if they dont appear too obviously when im writing him in actual threads #suicide mention #thalassemia

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ravings-running-rampant-blog · 6 years

Text

Wtf m8....

So one thing i know i could talk for days about is people. I watch more then i ever chose to interact. I dont know if it was fear of not fitting in or knowing i dont fit in and hoping desperately to be able to relate anyways. Recently ive felt a strong desire to write something that will outlast and outlive my life on this planet. Ive been trying to figure out what would still be usefull in terms of knowledge i can pass on and ive only come to one conclusion, my experience. After im no longer a part of this physical world i can still share my mind with many others. Ive gone through some rough shit to get to where i am today and id like to preface this by saying im still a work in progress and hope it stays that way.... Throughout the entirety of my life one thing has remained true, i wake up and i try each day to be better then i was the previous day. No matter how big or small, i wasnt satisfied till i thought i was doing something to better myself. Hindsight 20/20 i can honestly say that even though the path was treacherous i wouldnt have done things differently, i like where my head is and i like whats ahead of me. That doesnt mean it didnt start out rocky. Before the age of 5 id known the loss of a father figure and id lost close relatives as well. Id seen my mom deal with life-changing events, i got to watch how she coped with it all and i got to understand growing up in the 90s without a positive male rolemodel. I had a abusive childhood, no real dad so i kept trying to find something i could learn from and someone to look up to. Everywhere i looked i saw deadbeat dads... my own father i cant even be sure is my father cuz he was on too many drugs to impregnate my mom, she was sleeping with a sperm donor at the time. Honestly the man i call dad is who i believe to be my dad....weve got too many things in common. Ive got too damn many of his bad habits i need to break and its wierd but ya know when you wear a hat on your head long enough it smells like you? My hat and my dads hats smell the same, he smells like me. He wasnt much of a dad to begin with but he was definitely my dad... he drank excessively, smoked way too much weed, did one too many lines of blow and smoked cigarettes like a chimney. He used to recycle his own shells, for target practice, so he had a smell of gun cleaner and lubricants attached to him no matter where ya found him but if he wasnt workin then youd find him at the billiards hall playin pool or back home sleepin. He owned an old airstream trailer that he had renovated and added onto, he had two lots to begin with, one was an enclosed workshop mainly for his carpentry and the other was the trailer and addons. I remember when i was still very young and we would take trips in the old chevy from Vancouver to squamish and back. I remember how i would curl up between my mom and dad and sleep the whole trip, i remember when that changed and my father became the one who looked at me as a waste of his time too.... It was progressive, it wasnt like anything happened quickly, but it was noticeable. One week hed be excited and mostly sober, hed have something for us to do and then one week id be forgotten...id have to get to the house on my own because he forgot where he was picking me up. The less i saw of him the easier it became. I could forget i even had a dad, i would forget too.... by the time i was two years old my mom had nearly gotten herself and me on our feet without dad. Got a place for the two of us and liked her job, blah blah blah. I was an independent individual even at that age. Ask my mom and she will tell you stories of my intelligence even at a young age. She will tell you how i knew 100 words at the age of 1, how i used to recite everything i heard as i fell asleep, How when she opened the fridge id start listing everything i could see and knew the name of. I dont believe it....it could be possible but likely? I leave my momma to her stories, all mommas got em. After we moved into our new second floor appt things calmed a little, until the car accident, it changed everything for everyone. My mom was in the back passenger side i was up front and my grandma was driving, it was supposed to be bday dinner for me to clelebrate with my family.. i was supposed to be turning 4 that year. We collided head on with an oncoming vehicle, they drove on the wrong side of the highway so there was no avoiding it. After the initial impact we were battered on all the remaining sides by 4 other vehicles and found out that we couldnt move. The firefighters had to use the jaws of life to peel the roof off just to get everyone out safely. My mom suffered 12 fractures on her left side which was damn near crushed and my grandma died in a coma six months after the accident. I remember my moms tears, i remember grammas passing was right after my mom came to see her in the icu. My mom had 6 months of PT and when she could move again she went to see her mom and tell her its ok and that she was safe. I was mute for 6 months while i stayed with my dad, said nothing. I still feel for that little kid, if i could remind him life isnt always comfortable i would. While my mother was staying at the hospital i was stuck at my dads and i hated it. I hated feeling like it was my fault, i hated how he didnt know how to talk to me or even check on me at all. I did more for him then he really did for me, i fed myself and cleaned up after myself. I wanted him to be my dad, i wanted to be taught how to be a better man. I didnt wanna have to run to my mom to get all those questions answered...moms and dads do shit differently, different timing and scheduling. A moms idea of whats best for a boy to learn while becoming a man is different then what dad thinks and i was lacking alot of the male side of things. When i needed a role model it was already too late, i needed alot of guiding. I needed someone who would have been able to call me on my shit and make it difficult for me to get away with whatever i wanted. By the time i was old enough to understand that sometimes we grow up too fast most of what still made me innocent was no longer important to me. I had just uprooted my life to move half way across a country to live with a family i barely know and to start over in a place we would be able to get the help my mom really wanted. I felt out of place and i truly havent felt belonging since we landed on july 16th 2001... turns out even tho they call themselves family they are just related acquaintances.... we were closer before moving and when we actually needed help from them well it was always conditional and instead of handling it like family everyone dealt with it like their opinion matters most. We dont talk anymore, i havent heard from them in at least ten years. Its always just been me and my mom on our own and instead of turning that into what it could have been we caught ourselves up in what the 'Right' thing to do or the best thing to was and we were wingin it. Its hard always knowing what the best or smartest choices are but its not hard to figure out which choices will benefit you short-term/long-term. In all honesty we came at a time when things were changing worldwide, we saw the worst things bringing out the best and worst of everyone. I remember walking into my private school on 9/11 and being utterly confused at the importance of those buildings and why this was even on tv let alone holding up everyone from daily curriculum. I remember the way everyone kinda huddled together, as if the proximity to more people would make em stronger. Like if we shared in this moment we could instantly bind our fears and strengthen our resolve, together. It actually worked for a little while too but the thing about fear is that its always there somewhere, lurking. We became bound as one nation, bound by an act committed against not who we are but also what we stand for. Bound by such as weve never seen, my heart goes out to all affected and those still suffering, god bless you. 9/11 was trying to undo everything this country stands for and everything that makes america great, 9/11 was fed to the dissolutioned masses as a way to unite the people under a single banner. We needed a cause and used it to fuel a fire that spread fast and far. We were in need of a leader whos decisions were for the betterment of our country, we got a daddys boy playing whitehouse instead. I dont have many nice things to say about the way this country was and is run nor do i have anything bad to say about it either but one things for damn sure.... i think everything is coming to a head.....an ugly ass greygreen mess of a whitehead ready to pop and spew its poison deeper into the world as we know it. I think things have been leading towards an upheaval of some sort, a revolt of some kind, for at least ten years now.... we live in a pocket of reality where its easier to buy and own a gun then it is to keep food in your family's bellies. We live in a country whos figurehead is a man made famous by broadcast television and whos admittedly a womanizer and racist..... immigrants are what made this country and now these people we made it so easy to accommodate for have run out of their own usefulness. I cant possibly be the only person whos eyes are open enough to see the truth, im not the only one who is experiencing things like this am i? Now i understand that because im not born here you may think my opinion means less and i understand that if i have a problem i can just go back to canada but what if i dont want to? What if im so far from what i know that everything has started to look to me like this shit is just the new normal? Anyone else seeing the problem there???? I guess our idea of what is and isnt normal is so skewed now everything just seems....caddywompus... its gotta be easier to ignore what they feed you when it looks like something your used to eating.... Every day is designed to break down our barriers and make us search outside ourselves, we are simultaneously pushed into finding someone to use and sacrificing them for our own personal benefit.... we meet new people each day and somehow we understand that these people are supposed to mean nothing, they are replaceable...somewhere along the line the message got skewed tho cuz not a single person alive right now is replaceable and everybody has meaning to someone. This country will chew ya up and spit you right on out if ya aint watchin.... at the worst of times life keeps growing like a tumor and at the best of times its flooding the halls with the scent of fresh cut flowers. Am i the only one who can see just how convoluted the future is going to be? Almost like the farther along we go in this pregnancy, the more likely the kids gunna pop out with a vestigial tail or some shit. This is america, im learning you either embrace the change or get thrown out with the rest of the trash. Till next time. =)

#wtf #america #truth

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