#ive been crying for like. an hour and i cant stop

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

.

#i cant ever tell if im just really sensitive or what #like objectively if ur called a name then yeah u have a right to be hurt but if ur used to being called names should it rly be that bad?? #all my life ive been called variations of fat and stupid and u know what?? i AM fat and im not smart so i mean its true #but idk i dont NEED to be reminded of these things #idk man i was already not having the best day and now its just worse #im trying not to let the 🐳 comment get to me and not go into a super dark headspace but its hard :( #ive been crying for like. an hour and i cant stop #ive been called worse so why am i letti g it affect me so bad?? #im just so embarrassed and ashamed rn and angry bc i keep crying #i need to go eat soon too bc i havent eaten since like 8 am besides a few granola bars #which is the whole reason why this was brought up. i guess apparently i ate too many of them (there is still some left tho??) #i even offered to pay for some more?? no need to resort to name calling imo its not a big deal like we'll just get some more? #again there is still some left!! we can easily buy some tmr but. i guess not #🐳🐳 #the only reason i ate so many is bc i was on my period and it was one of the only things that didnt upset my stomach tbh? #like damn if this is what is said to my face i cant imagine what ppl say behind my back #ignore me

[cult-of-the-eye]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHG

#feeling like ive been run over by a lorry #partly cause i woke up this morning after a horrific nightmare #so i tried to be nice to myself and sort of just keep going with my day #and then i feel so shit after doing a bit of studying that my arms start to stop working #and my brain feels like its melting #and im like ooh those are warning signs right #that means i need to take a break and do some self care #so i go into my siblings room and try and do some work there #and then it doesnt work cause i just cant concentrate and im shutting down #then i realise im on my period #so then i have a 2 hour nap #and now ive eaten something and drank something and taken paracetamol and have a heatpad and am not alone #so we're getting towards better 👍 #maybe ill try and do some maths or maybe ill do something else to make me feel better #i want to cry and possibly explode #but its fiiiiine #anyway #rambles #cult rambles #tw vent #vent post

[coridallasmultipass]

Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.

You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.

#i hate that i let that get to me lmao just ruined my fucking day ive been sitting here sobbing for like an hour #i cant tell anyone just how much i dont even want to try any more bc i dont see the point #medical issues and mental issues dont pair well and i dunno if im even gonna be able to survive the next flare up #i dont need fandom spaces telling me to die when im already telling myself that every fucking day #also why does my age always get brought up lmao i didnt choose to be born 30 years ago stop telling me im old #my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru #30 was just a formality and serves as another reminder of how ill never meet societys expectations for a 30yo lmao #my point is. you should try showing a little more kindness if telling someone to die comes so easily #ive literally never once told anyone to die in my life. you just dont fucking go there. what if they kill themself right after that? #can you live knowing they did so on your command? #i couldnt #thats just like beyond fucked up #anyway im gonna go try and stop crying #ill prob stay off tumblr today idk i feel real sick lol #delete later / / #i hate that i cant exist as myself either in person (too queer and closeted in a rural area) or online (too queer and weird ships) #anyway

[bl00dinfecti0ns]

#i nee d help i tjink . yeah. #someone help me i cant stop i cant stop #ive been listening to these two for like what almost an hour straight. what the fuck is wrong with me #(plenty. but thats beside the point) #god i need to shut the fuck up and go to bed but i need to cry all my tears first #sleep token

[aropride]

one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????

#text #IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS #LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big #like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant #do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem #like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my #broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting #a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it #like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess #regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it #in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially #but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again #because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee #ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_- #okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d #down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE? #cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting #thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense #THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist #what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth #NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️

[knbposting]

guys. i've nearly finished knb. you dont get it YOU DONT GET IT I WAS THERE WHEN THEY RELEASED THE MANGA I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just never watched s3 bc i'd get bored in my rewatch before i got there............ like not even the sub.............this is IT..............

#anime commentary #im going to be honest i have been watching it for an hour today (its 8am) but i have to stop #im not at home rn so if i start BAWLING bc i finished knb for the first time EVER i think i'll do something drastic out of sheer shame #aomine hasnt started crying yet he's fine #i need to see him stand up in the audience like gabriella does to troy #no bc i cant believe ive nearly finished it

[solcarow]

.

#ITS TAKING US HALF A FUCKING HOUR TO WATCH 1015 OH MY GOD . #ARE YOU KIDDING ME #RESUS FUCKDIGN CHRIST #WERE 10 MINUTES IN HALFWAY INTO THIS EPISODE AND ITS BEEN 30 MINUTES #update its been an hour #a full hour #IM LOSING YHE IDGF WAR SO BAD #im getting atummy ache it is causing a physical reaction i.n me . #never once did i ever cry while watching this show which says . A Lot since im a big crier . you cant do this to me #AFTER 1000 EPISODES . youre kidding me . somehow i no longer feel like ive wasted arnd 400hrs of my life #the feeling wont last long but still #yamatos voice axctor i am IN YOUR WALSLS #this color script is making me sick who directed this its stunning . #this arc actually had the proper build up to Hit i am . impressed #it wasnt just this episode it really did feel like the dominoes were Falling for once in this shows lifetime what the hell #i am . floored . #maybe they Were right . it Does get good at the 1000s . kicks dirt #we started watching 1015 at 11 thinking we’ll sleep after this one but its 1am now . this needs to stop #solar-talks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#feelin weird. feelin real weird. in a bad way? no i guess not but more like im a haha wtf is happening here? #like i should maybe track my mood just so i can be like wtf is this? more bc i think its interesting #bc like i mean im spending ~11hrs in the lab and the stress has been real high and ive not been sleeping well #but like currently? i feel like i wanna run a mile. like i wanna run around in circles and scream and laugh until i cry #too much energy. too much energy. but y? where is it coming from? its weird #its like the edge of a headache. the cusp of turning. it doesn't quite feel bad yet but like i woke up at 4 #and was insane until 6 when i had to get up and then i was in the lab all day until 6.30 #and immediately i went for a run like empty stomach. i need to run now. and i still feel like that. like i need to run and run and run #but like y am i not exhausted? im not even tired? im vibrating #i watched the new successi0n episode twice and im losing my mind abt it #so its weird and i dont understand. but its not bad. it feels out of control like it feels fucked up but im not being like irradic #like if i was standing beside someone i dont think theyd notice. except maybe my sister bc i think if i talked id be noticeable #energetic. idk maybe im just exhausted and brain is pumping me with stress hormones so i csnt stop but i also csnt feel it #but i suspect its something to do with estrogen and progesterone levels changing which isnt great bc ive got a cycle that borders being #concerningly short but like idk rn its fun. im sure itll break and ill split apart but rn everything feels hilarious #its also weird bc im always like: y do i have so much energy after i dont sleep? is not sleeping thr answer. and today i was like hm #maybe i cant sleep bc i have too much energy. hm. idk its not bad. it doesn't feel bad #it just feels interesting and notable so im noting it. weird stuff. hopefully it pulls me thru tomorrow #bc my back fucking hurts lmao and its monday so ppl r back in the lab as i stand around for 11 hours #unrelated

[gibbearish]

the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email #ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown #at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in #and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm #m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚ #(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say) #n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna #keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time #so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool #and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said #or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚ #then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i #need anything‚ thank you' #and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case #i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only #acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard #keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before #and still my sentences prevail

[luci-hemwin-evanson]

one of the things that will forever hunt me and make me feel bad about myself its the fact that I know the whole fcking backstory of the "I dont fit in and I dont wanna fit it, Im weird, Imma weirdo, have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on?" scene

I feel so bad, like I cant believe it, like people dont have to know I watched it when it came out but I know it and I feel sorry for my soul

it really gets me down

(sorry for the multiple missspelled words in the tags, Its late and I didnt doble check and Im tired and I dont think I cant re write all of that)

#like Ive been watching fcking tiktok compilations on youtube which is sad enough but everytime that clip comes out I feel such sorrow #I want to die #I mean cry #I want to cry #I feel so bad for myself #I cant believe I liked that #riverdale #jughead jones #being a riverdale fan back in the day its my biggest darkest secrets #it will haunt me forever #if someone ever gives me the chance to erase something from my brain I will not hesitate Ill beg them to delete any detail of riverdale #thats coming from someone who stopped watching after episode 3 of season 3 maybe #like you know that scene from stranger things where theyre burning the upside down tunnels thats what I want them to do in my brain w river #“i wish I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things” but its riverdale #its not a break up its just deep deep regret and hours and years of my life I'll never get back and will haunt me forever #like that episode of Sonny with a chance where they go to public school #thats how riverdale memories make me feel #one of the scenes that will haunt me forever its Betty seeing her mom and sister about to burn her niece and nephew for a ritual #and thats bc I decided that was my last straw and ran away as fast as I could from that show and now I'll never know what happens afterward #trapped depressed ansious thats how that Sonny w a chance ep & Riverdale make me feel #also strime cringe #like Cherryl pigblood Josie stalker ???? WHY DID NOBODY EVER TALKED ABOUT THAT EPISODE AGAIN???? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?? #THAT LET ME DEEPLY DISTURBED STRIMLY SCARED #AND THE GUY NEVER HEARD BACK FROM JOSIE BC CHERRYL TOLD HER HE DID THAT? AND SHE KEEP BEING FRIENDS W CHERRYL #The fact that they used to air this episodes at the same time that in the US but in my country it was between 12 & 1 am #I HAD TO GO TO BED AFTER THAT!

[kirishwima]

my friend: yeah i believe non-binary isn't a thing and it's dumb and bs

me, non-binary: :) okay

#i wanna cry lol #im kinda. actually nauseous #shes SO open minded i never thought thatd be an opinion she has #i told her u dont have to understand it just. respect it #and she just changed the subject #its been an hour since then and i still feel gross idk how to explain it #im her ride home too so i cant even tell her im leaving #ive only recently slowly began to come to terms w it #and i still feel confused over gender in general #but hearing a friend say that makes me wanna punch a wall and scream #all i know is being adressed w they/them makes me feel. safe?? comfortable?? #and that i can tolerate an occasional she/her but i dont LIKE it #and idk i wanna scream i cant stop thinking about it #burrito talks #not fandom related #delete later

[canyonroads]

I'm litterally so depressed and idk how to keep going lol

#can not sleep more than a few hours at a time #was overeating now ive swung back around to undereating #dont even get me started on how hard showering has been #but every single simple task is just a nightmare and i keep freezing up #can barely be present to help my partner function let alone function personally #i cant stand it i just want it to stop #i feel it too physically. not sure if thats always been true but #its like an actual weight on my chest like someone is sitting on me and I cant breathe and I cant function #and i wanna kms not even necessarily suicidally but just so this will stop #litterally crying in the bathroom at 4am cuz Im so tired and frustrated #also if we are friends and you want me to reply to you?? lolol good luck im so sorry youre gonna get it the worst

[gonfrees]

seems like we are at the crying part of the illness.

#we can postpone cjristmas #gonna talk in da tags for a bit because a post full of perosmal info feels so gross #ive been crying on and off for hours. km so upset being atuck in my fucking room with covid while nobody else is sick at all #and im glad nonody is sick im just so fucking lonely #started symptoms on friday #twsted neg fri and sat. didnt test sundah cause i dont have a lot. tested monday and was psorive #literally slept with my bf all of those nights #shared weed pen on sunday with ofher roommate #nobody else is sick #i just feel so sad and tired. im used to himan or cat affection daily and ive had none. i feel so lonley and trapped #i did everythjng right to avoid being sick and my bf was also with me that whole day and he didnt get sick #i feel stupid weak and pathetic for gettinf sixk. i dont have symptoms anymore but atill positive #im so fucking sad and i can hear people hanging out and they are havjng fun and im glad but im jealous #im so sad and lonely. i want to wrap things for christmas and do more stockjng sruffer shopping. i want to watch movjes with people #i love holidays because i love to hang out with my friends and i fucking cant amd today especially its really tearing me up #my bf is upset that im no communicating and hes trying to cheer me up but everything is making me misribke and i dont know how to stop it #i like to do things for people when theyre sick and i know everyone isnt like me but it hurts to not have that done for me #offering to order food is nice bjt j want skmething made for me but nkbody is as good as i am at making things and i dont want to ask #i dont want to bother people but im literally breakkng down today. cant atop fucjing crying and i feel weak and pathetic. stupid #i tried so hard not to get sick and they are saying o dont want to fucking do that #id rather everyone open stockjngs and do presents without me because im tired of not saying what i got people i want tk show people #i like wrapping gifts and nobody wants me to toich anything because of cocid so others are wrapping things from me for me #i dont know its all very stupid but i feel very alone but also dont want people joking at me to make me feel better. im just mad and sad #ok im done now:) ill post a drawing later #nap time #text

[hearties-circus]

I cant keep up with this

#gamer txt. #vent #i guess? thats my intent anyways #im just. so tired all of the time #im stressed to the point of wanting to cry nearly everyday now #and i know thats not good to hold in so i keep telling myself 'ill cry when i get home ill cry when i get home' #as if that isn't multiple hours from then when i wont feel like crying again #when id have to make myself cry #but i cant do that i know how i get it'll go too far and I'll spiral #but i cant keep holding it in #and i cant just cry in the moment because im in public #and it keeps happening. everyday #i get so stressed out and upset and i cant do anything about it #and now theres been a sudden role swap and ill be essentially performing in front of my whole class first thing in the fucking morning #and because im babysitting tonight ill only have 3 more days to work on the sonic plushie #if i have the motivation to work on the sonic plushie #and theres the prelims next month and all my teachers telling me study study study as if ive always been able to do that #as if i have the free time currently to do that #and i just i cant keep doing this i need to stop i need to take a break but im not going to get one and i dont know what to do

[bhalspawn]

I SPILLED PEPSI ON MY COPY OF THE STOLEN THRONE THIS IS A NIGHTMARE

#ITS THE DELUXE EDITION #its stupidnhow upset i am ive been crying for almost an hour #im always so careful with my books the smallest scratch or tear drives me crazy #so a SPILL. on my HARDBACK COVER. of a DRAGON AGE BOOK #i really i cant. this never happens to me im so careful with my books #and THESE!!!! ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME #i ordered a new copy. i have $48 and i just spent $30 for a new copy of yhe stolen throne #i have to stop reading it now bc i want to read the new one and i dont want the pages to be uneven #i stg they get darker as you read like you can always tell how far someone gets #idk if they get spaced out a little more and there's more room so they dont close all the way or what but i KNOW its true #also its alright i think bc the front right corner got a bit dented in the move and the side if the pages has a little scratch #not really noticeable to someone who's actually normal about books but for me yyyy #its autism :) #i sat perfectly still for maybe half an hour just staring at the spill on my desk #wytxt

[iholli]

bruh...

#send help lfls has me SO fucked up rn #ive been crying for like. two hours #my heart cant take it #I WAS REALLY HOPING IT WAS GONNA GET BETTER BUT NOW ITS GONNA BE WORSE NOOOO </3 #chapter 13...like i fr have to stop reading for now im so distraught rn #rottmnt lfls