#its not so much as a vent post as just a bitching post btw im happy this month is ending

[bamsara]

Also why did July become of the most busiest, hottest and most expensive month of my life

I need August to become boring as shit. No more shit happening to me, no more emergencies, no weddings, no birthdays, no health scares, no more heatwave, no more social obligations, no nothing I just want to stay home, make stickers for my life blood aka patreons and write fanfiction in an air-conditioned space PLEASE

#due to multiple things i had to take a large chunk out of savings and there were several social obligations and i am so tired #there were like planned expenses like bills and the $400 monty pin order which im excited for #and then sudden stuff like an emergency health and family thing and friend could not pay for something so $300ish that way #which is FINE im alright and thats what savings are for and i can always rebuild it #but its also like IM TIRED!!! I WANNA STAY HOME #I DIDNT GET TO DO NEARLY AS MANY ARTFIGHTS AS I DID LAST YEAR #also the heat killing my health but like thats kinda universal rn kdlghlsgds #ON THE UP SIDE #MONTY PINS ARE COMING i am so excited im biting the drywall #its not so much as a vent post as just a bitching post btw im happy this month is ending #actaully theres a lot i wanna talk about let me boot up a stream #sara shush

[huebris808]

trying to break out of my shell and post madcom hc shit aka Look At My One Of Many Weirdass Hank Ramblings, Boy

hank you know them. they're six-foot-something and wanted to try volleyball. they dont get sarcasm and refer to stuff as "thingys". they're the autistic power fantasy of throwing bricks at those who view you as subhuman. their bedroom's apparently just a mirror to practice cool poses with and a blanket and their favorite drink is eggs now according to the streams. and they are your new nonbinary president

im constantly fluctuating between Animation & MPN Are Two Different Timelines/Universes or They're The Same, But He’s Testing Which "Hank" Is More Favorable/Useful To Others

wasian hank truther baby. (jp+filipino-american)

this guy would probably use わたし/私 (ive seen a lot of artists use オレ/俺 for him though but i feel like its a bit?? much)

definitely had to pick up sign-language after [Vague Gesturing] All That

has autism in the way that they have No Clue they got it. like "damn i got [Specific Autistic Issues]. sucks that im so so normal and yet i must endure The Problems everyday"

speaking of autism, enjoys confined spaces sensory-wise. vents and boxes and shit like Come On Man. Do You See The Vision.

gonna be honest like half of the shit (Understatement) i got for hank is projection but what's madcom without that in some aspect!! that's the POINT man!!! [ON KNEES WAILING] that's the POINT

working in real estate and as a mercenary since The Incident made their self-worth go to SHIT; in a world that dehumanizes you, you are quick to dehumanize yourself. this is where the power of lesbian friendship comes in

subconsciously puts doc on a pedestal over time, leading to (See Bullet 1); this dissipates after they somehow reach a conversation of Bitch We Are Both Equals And Fighting For Our Fucking Lives Out Here THEY SOLVE SHIT TOGETHER MAN!!! THEY SOLVE IT

sorry. sorry. im trying to delete it

out of nowhere maybe its the Autistic Projection maybe its cause im allergic to Sadstuck Shit i dont dig negative stuff with 2bhank it just feels Wrong :-( i wish i could word this better but like. i need these little chesspiece fucks to learn to communicate

what i will refer to as the Newspaper Era (aka the time before we got doc characterization from arena mode) caused people to make some weirdass depictions of their relationship and im glad its phasing out. The Horrors

main 4 are all butch lesbians btw. not sorry about that one

also POLYCOMBAT TRUTHER this dude would HATE how vulnerable these three would make them feel at first. they're the first to actually treat him like A Guy and that fuck him up a bit initially

i think eventually they all reach a point where they're able to do stupid shit together like fireworks or breaking chairs over each other heads. you've seen how doc is don't exclude him from doing dumbass shit

"erm… actually they wouldnt be friends or have fun or date theyre ruthless criminals and madcom is cruel :/" L + ratio + the rule of The Funniest Thing Is The Answer in madcom prevails + That's The Devil Talking, Boy

shit at technology. if they had a blog their lack of skills would loop back around to make them the most powerful shitposter on earth

there's definitely more that im missing here and takes that Don't Suck (for example people need to put out more hankford content. Cmon Man) but my brain has this shit Queued Up in a way so. Yeah

#my ass is NOT maintagging this im Too Scared

[its-a-coffin]

4,5,9,11 for the ask meme!! 🥳🥳

HIIIII :3

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw hahahah NONE!! because if something becomes my fav ill draw it until i can draw it with my eyes closed... .. . . . but probably latex

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself ahhhhhh.... id say like half of my art is completely kept to myself (vent art/nsfw) and 20% posted on tumblr. or some that wont get on tumblr but just on discord servers im in.. with my friends.... sorry...

9. What are your file name conventions uh.....

dont ask. it used to be keysmashes.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what yes! even though i could be sitting in complete silence listening to brain music. its pretty strong. its usually just one song on repeat or an entire album or playlist. for now ive been on a SOAD kick and cant stop listening to toxicity:

awesome music video btw

link to the ask game post!

#ask

[yuukei-yikes]

Ok after your whole “shintaro misogyny” “shinaya?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!,!,?,?,?,?,?,,,” rant (loved btw, Jin stop making ur female characters rely on male counterparts, stop making your male characters hate women or believe they are incapable challenge), how do you feel about Kanoshin. I know you have talked about it before but like, idk, talk about it again lol.

Kano “I can fix him” Shuuya? Or Kano “I can make him worse” Shuuya.

JQKEOEKDWODIEID MY WHOLE "SHINTARO MISOGYNY" AND "SHINAYA?!?!?!?!?" thats so funny i didnt MEAN for it to be a rant. i was just venting 💔 BUT THANK U FOR LOVING IT BC I FUCKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY BOTTLED UP FEELINGS.

man. kanoshin. i dont think they're an i can fix him or i can make him worse duo. i dont think they are together FOR each other, they're together for their personal gratification if that makes sense??? at least that's how it starts. like they rly feed off of each other's worst coping mechanisms and validate themselves thru that. but through doing this obviously cant help to get to know each other and shintaro is pathetically laughing at kano's jokes and kano is pathetically kicking his feet and twirling his hair at shintaro groaning pathetically on the ground abt god knows what (NEVER forget this novel 7 moment)

also its so funny how often in the novels shintaro just physically throws himself on the ground to start moaning and groaning whenever he gets embarrassed. he's such a fucking freak. like who the fuck does that

shintaro and kano in the seventh novel are so insanely gay it's SO fucking good. THE BIT WHERE SHINTARO SMILES AT KANO AND KANO'S LIKE HUH...THAT'S HOW HE USED TO SMILE AT AYANO... HE ALWAYS HAD THIS SPECIAL SMILE FOR HER, AND NOW HE'S SMILING JUST LIKE THAT TO ME... like GIRLLLL *EXPLODES THEM WITH MY MIND* there is seriously no heterosexual explanation for any of that. god the seventh novel is so so so good. all of them are so good i wonder why it's the least consumed kagepro media they're SUPERIOR. the novels my #1 forever i fucking love them.

anyways. im normal erm kanoshin hehehehehehehhehe i think they're both far too terrified and disgusted abt their feelings for each other to consider stuff like "i can fix him" or "i can make him worse" YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING??? on this subject specifically, shintaros self hatred comes from well everything bitch hates himself but if we're talking abt kanoshin. 1. its ayanos brother. even if we dont even look at shinaya ever being romantically involved in the first place, THIS IS WEIRD TO HIM. 2. internalized homophobia arc☝️☝️☝️🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍👍💯💯💯

the fic i drew fanart of a couple days ago is SO *EATS IT EATS IT EATS IT* or also a soulmate au that i havent read in aaaages and also never finished but in that one shintaro was already out as bi... sadly both are aus WHICH DOESNT make them bad, aus are awesome but the things I'd do for content like that set post str. please. *bite bite bite bite bite* srry i bring these fics up cuz hehehe internalized homophobia shintaro is so good

maybe kano would eventually set for i can make him worse but it's in an attempt of scaring shintaro away. he's like im gonna self sabotage so much to make sure he stays away from me but shintaro is STILL here looking pathetic and kano's like god DAMMIT. erm. yeah.

btw now for me being crazy (tw me using shintaro as a stress toy to make me laugh): i think post str shintaro is not AS BAD with being absolutely fucking insufferable abt his whole guys rule girls drool thing because my man's had a little time to grow (ignores shinaya chapter in the eighth novel so i don't go insane with anger). i think post str shintaro makes 1 sexist comment and the entire mekakushi dan just fucking freeze for a moment. and give him an intervention and force him to say im sorry women and ever since then is more mindful of his actions. sorry i have to be delusional and believe this or else I'd just fucking hate his ass. im sorry shinaya i love you but *burns novel 8 shinaya chapter*

shintaro's messy relationships post str is my favorite stress toy btw. relationship with ayano crumbles. starts WHATEVER THAT IS with kano. in the self hatred confusion and internalized homophobia and etc the situation causes him (situation being gf dumped me bc im selfish so i hate myself / i kissed a boy a couple times so i hate myself) he desperately turns to the next closest Female(?) Counterpart with the following thought process "Pfff well i am so straight and SO capable of holding a normal relationship and i can PROVE IT there is one person who is 1. girl enough 2. apparently okay with me being a selfish asshole and consuming all their energy with my bullshit". so the solution is obvious to shintaro. just date takane.

turns out hitting on your best friend who also happens to be ur other best friend's gf is not good for either one of these relationships. so his friendship with not only takane but also haruka crumbles too in response and its so awkward. takane bc 1. i dont feel this way abt you and I'd treat the situation sensibly if i didnt know you well enough to know you dont actually like me that way and ur just taking me for granted like youve been doing all this time which WAS pissing me off and on its way to eventually explode but THIS....??? and haruka 2. YOU JUST HIT ON MY GIRLFRIEND?? (shintaro would be like maaan why did you tell haruka. and harutaka are like *slam door on his face*) situation drives shintaro to possibly end up kissing kano again. 🤨

its so hilarious. to me at least. ITS FINE he will get over it and makeup with everyone but i like making him suffer 👍 this is what you get shintaro. What do you have to say to the women in the world. apologize. say im sorry women. say it. say it and I'll leave you alone. sorry i went a little crazy in the end

#ask tag #headcanons #sorry. shintaro in agony bc ayano dumps him and in agony bc he likes kano desperately hitting on takane is A HILARIOUS CONCEPT #ayashin divorce

[crowtechs]

hey. uh, sorry about this post... i dont mean to like post vents a lot recently, but things just been so difficult and hard for me to even talk about and then i get so scared that im going to be judged or hated... its been a lot. so. im sorry in advance.

this post is very long btw

hi, not sure where to really begin with this but i guess its better to just say it and let it be said then not i suppose...

summer is usually the worst season for me in general, i hate summer anyway so no surprise. so im sorry for not being up to par on being happy-go-lucky or whatever, i try to do things to help myself and be like ok, i can handle it. i can take that for a while. but theres only so much i can take before its overbearing to a point it wont quit.

im not good at explaining myself so ill try to keep this as concise as possible.

i suffer way too much from social isolation and sure, i try to talk to people and i try so *so* hard to like throw myself out there, but its difficult and im scared on messing up and making a huge fool of myself. its gotten progressively worse and mentioning it to someone only added to the feeling of feeling like a complete chore to even interact with . . .

im like the most socially anxious person you could ever meet but i would do absolutely anything to socialize with others and be friends with people if it wasnt for the multiple negative experiences ive had during my life.

this goes hand in hand with the fact i want to talk about my own things, but fear of being judged and hated upon heavily affects me. theres a lot of things i want to share on this blog, but i cant out of fear of talking way too much or its just unnecessary information or its not what everyone was here to see i guess . . . which is stupid, i know.

i am not good at like expressing myself or my interests at all, but i get so excited upon talking about them and then in return the excitement is unrequited (majority of the time), sometimes it is and im so *so* utterly grateful for that because it means the absolute world to me.

tldr because im talking a lot: social isolation is a bitch and it has affected me my entire life to a point of feeling chronic loneliness, i want to talk about my interests with excitement but i have a lot of fear upon doing so. i just want to enjoy myself and not feel like a chore on a daily

to add: this isnt on selfship almost at all, i feel like i can actively talk about it and enjoy it a lot, i just have so much fear of being weird or odd and what ive stated earlier does not help

again, sorry for the long post and sorry for constantly venting lately. my brain feels like its in a constant fog and ive stared up at the ceiling like multiple times today

hopefully things will get better ... hopefully

#going to try to not immediately discard this post #because this has been eating me up to a point that its hard to function properly as of late #again thank you for ones who say sweet things or offer support you are so special to me and mean the absolute world <3 #+ i need to just say things to say them because if i dont theyd eat at me even further and idk how much longer that would take lol #anyway sorry (again) on this long post #kaden txts

[mak1lol]

(Mini vent,not really)

Im feeling tired recently, like really tired

STORY TIME

yesterday i had to go to my hometown but problem is that as soon as i wake up i admitdetly been told to get off cause were going. Now the trip wasnt bad actually (i stopped by to my fav resturant, really good) but ones we made it to my hometown, FAMILY MEETINGS as soon as i came, ppl were there. And since i dont like ppl physicaly, i just watched anime in a room BUT ppl go in the room when i was at, and i dont want to tell them to leave cause i feel really bad so there were my aunts and cousins (who was really loud btw). by the time afternoon came i was feeling decent ig,my cousin asked me to join them to go shoping, i was unsure but my mom said there going to my grandmas house first then go home, i just chose the going to mall option (one reason why im tired)

Now some yall know this, but the one who dosent i go home i fell asleep my dad was buying burgers (for himself btw) he got back, i had sign of crying and then we went to a drive through and buy burgers, BUT THEN HE DROPED MY DRINK so i was even sadder

When we got home i was tired, but it was 2am i told that im not going to sleep cause i wasnt tired anymore. 3am and my dad force me to turn off my tabpet and go to sleep, and im like "WTF ITS 3AM, I CANT SLEEP AND 3AM AT THIS POINT" but then when i go to sleep. Wake up AND IT WAS 12PM ALREADY (which is today)

And the part really wanna make me make this post because i was going through my chats, and my irl bestfriend made a post about her favorite friends to play roblox, and i wasnt in it (i play roblox btw but not that much) my friend asked why wasnt i there,and this bitch said "because she dosent play roblox"

Fucking piece of sh-

Anyways umm sorry if it just me rambeling, this is mostly a story time but yeah umm pls, can i pls talk with someone, i need mental help

#darkcaca190talks #small ish vent #story time #pls if you have discord can we pls call (mutuals btw)

[the-travelling-witch]

hi so uhm; i'm just here to vent, and you might find swearing, verbal abuse, talk of depression, and other possibly triggering topics in here. this is your warning!! you can totally just skip over this btw, you don't need to put yourself through the misery of reading through this whole thing.

so lately my life has felt like crap. my mom has self diagnosed herself with depression, but it feels more like pent up frustration. instead of the mom i feel like i knew, she's turned into... something i don't know anymore. she's insulted me, my dad, and my brother (who's her favorite child, by the way) countless times. to set an example of what she says, it goes along the lines of: "rabid dog," "computer addict," "when your dad dies, you'll become a beggar," among others (i'm trying to translate from chinese, which isn't great bcs... well im not 100% fluent in it, even if i can speak it lol). and to top it all off, she says what essentially means that i have a resting bitch face and never smile at home [what is there to smile about when all that ever happens at home is arguments and unhappy things??] and fatshames me. i know, i know, it sounds like a lot to drop but i guess its my own fault for not paying attention when she did these sorts of things in the past.

i'm just curious, is it bad to want some verbal affirmation that you aren't crap, or a piece of shit? is it bad to want a shoulder to cry on, a person to comfort you? because my mom and grandma used to fill those roles, but now my mom is the cause of my emotions and my grandma is, well, in china. and i can't show emotions anymore. at least, when your home feels like a war-zone. sorry about venting so much in your askbox aha, i just needed to get some feelings out

hi there, i’m so sorry you have to go through this and i hope my reply isn’t too late but i wanted to take my time answering this; feel free to read or skip however much of this as makes you comfortable ♡

i’ll be sharing some of my thoughts and experiences under the cut, so again, to everyone who might feel uncomfortable or triggered by this topic, this might not be the post for you

since you said you just needed to vent and because i don’t know enough about your family, circumstances or even culture to give valuable advice and don’t want to risk saying something offensive or harmful, i won’t; but know that i’ve read everything you trusted me with and i’m here to listen and support you

as someone who has spent the majority of the last decade fighting with her mom on the daily, i can feel your pain even if our situations aren’t necessarily the same; she’d come home stressed from work and i would take every comment or sigh personal, which led to lots of passive-aggressive fights and slamming doors; i’d get in a bad mood the second i’d hear her car pull into the driveway and this was also the time i’d cry almost every day, from stress or guilt i don’t know, and i bottled all of those feelings up and never told anyone, even though i just wanted to be comforted

so, let me say this, you’re never wrong for wanting someone to confide in or someone to comfort you, especially when the place you should feel at home in has become a source of stress for you; for me, what was hardest about this was, having the person that has loved me so dearly all my life and has always been a safe space become the person i want to be ‘protected’ from; the fact that this isn’t black or white and that both sentiments can coexist at the same time and are both valid took a while to process

nowadays, we’ve finally stopped being at each other’s throat all the time and yes, i can find comfort with my mom again, but this doesn’t mean everything is sunshine and rainbows; she’ll still come home with a passive-aggressive attitude sometimes and i’ll still take it to heart, however, it’s considerably less common than before and doesn’t result in a full-blown family fight every evening

i’m not sure if reading about my experience has made you feel less alone or was helpful in any other way but i really want to tell you how strong you are; i know it might not feel like that to you but i assure you it’s true

i always thought i had to shoulder everything on my own because i didn’t want to burden anyone with my troubles or because i didn’t want to appear as weak but i was so wrong about that

also, it’s absolutely not your fault for not noticing! when living with someone and seeing them every day, noticing gradual changes is extremely difficult and you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s behaviour, even if it might be harsh to hear

if your family can’t provide the support you need, look outside your own home; for me, my best friend was the first person i confided in because i trust her with more of my personal life than my family and that’s okay; i can almost guarantee that if you reach out, your friends won’t dismiss you and they’ll gladly help you or give you positive affirmation

however, if this seems like something you’re not quite ready for yet (again, this is a very personal topic, so nobody can blame you or force you to open up about it), you can always come talk to me, even if i’m only a stranger on the internet (maybe that’s exactly the kind of distance you need) ♡

for the fact that i didn’t want to give any advice, i’ve been rambling a whole lot, i apologise for that; i hope i could help at least a little bit or make you feel like your not alone in this ♡

#coffee & tea break #letter from: a mysterious sender ❁ #again you’re so strong nonnie #and your feelings are valid <3 #don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

[mieczyhale]

.

gonna be completely honest: “character walks by a doorway and overhears other character say Bad Thing completely out of context, then walks away before they hear that the rest of the thing wasn’t actually bad” or plots along those lines, the misunderstanding that leads to hurt that leads to comfort, gotta be one of my favorite things in fiction. 

a character (especially the kind who is insecure / has trust / abandonment issues) getting hurt emotionally by something they heard or saw, double when it involves someone they love/trust that they thought loved/trusted them in return?? reading about their pain?? and then the person they overheard not knowing whats happened and being worried about the person because they’re acting different or avoiding them or whatever?? actions??? situations?? emotions?? everything involved with the concept - all the possibilities - that then end with the resolution / misunderstanding being fixed and the comfort and love and reassurance-

it’s good shit

the hurt/comfort of it all. the drama of it all. the hurt/comfort of it all. 

idc if people think its a “lazy” trope (which btw what the fuck is a lazy trope?? shut the fuck up lmao) or that “miscommunication plots are dumb / make me mad” okay well that’s entirely a /you/ problem, its got nothing to do with anyone else, so maybe control the content you take in and leave writers alone you can enjoy your healthy, communication filled, conflict-less* story (”but there are other conflict options!” DONT CARE. “lack of communication isnt a good conflict” TO YOU. it isn’t a good conflict to you) but i wont. TO ME that sounds dull. “they just need to talk” yes but they wont!! because they’re (probably) human beings!! who are flawed and fucked up and strong but fragile and full of love and miscommunication / misunderstandings / accidentally hurting the people you love are all very real life things!! and i wanna read about it happening to my favorite characters, just as much as i wanna read about them involved in physical pain or end of the world problems.

 *again: i don’t care that there are other conflict options, i KNOW they exist, i read a lot of them. love me a good conflict. but as this post is about a specific KIND, because y’all are shitting on it and hate when people write it, the lack of it is what i meant by ‘conflict-less’ (i feel like i’m not explaining that well AT ALL but whatever. i fucking know what i mean)

(but also like.. y’all really do sound like you hate all unhealthy things when you bitch about this topic. like you want your story to be Pure and Lacking Conflict or whatever. the same vibe as people who bitch about “unhealthy / toxic” ships and the “if you write it you must endorse it” crowd. y’all sound the same)

this is exhausting

irritating too, yes, but also just.... ughh?? not just the bitching about it part, because that’s on me, but reading that kind of stuff. those kinds of takes.

i’ve been in fandom too long for this (which means you’d think i wouldn’t care about opinions anymore, and normally i don’t - not enough to post about them anyway - but i’m in A Mood so *gestures at whole post*)

anyway

note:: if none of this actually makes sense, bc i absolutely kept losing focus while typing, then sorry. but im not trying to make this nice, this is more about me needing to vent and less about you getting my opinion. that’s just a bonus - or a negative. your choice.

#venting. rambling? ranting?? renting?? vebling?? #maison speaks

[sukirichi]

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ] 

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ] 

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs 

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ] 

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them. 

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !! 

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #besties #series ( broken records ) #tw: physical assault #tw: toxic #tw: toxic relationships #tw: adultery

[armouredgoblin]

Im fucking angry

Its been a long time since i have actually posted anything on here. But now I need to vent Ive seen so much shit going on that it makes me want to scream for some common sense

I dont care about your Identity. I only care if you are a good person Once you force your identity into the conversation and make it litterally only about that, its not “Oh it doesnt mean that X and Y dont matter” its “My Identity comes first before anything that might counter that argument” Right now I am seeing people attacking each other PURELY over racial skin tone ON ALL SIDES.

Im seeing history being wiped out for something that we thought was normal 100′s to 1000′s of  years ago but then the west took it upon themselves to remove as much as possible. If you havent guessed its slavery btw Im seeing people litterally creating a lawless part of a city and cry when they cannot get their extremly priverliged food “Vegan and soy products”. Congratulations people you are so privilage you have the CHOICE of foods you can buy, but now you put yourselves into a situation where you cannot get more of it thanks to the systems you have derailed completely that worked fine until you fucking idiots.

The Media is so baised its now just stupid. Claiming that the stabbings in scotland would have been provented if we had given the “asylum Seekers” more free shit? They openly Dox people who dont just take the narritive that they try to spoon feed to us. Good morning britain had a person saying that they should have translated the warnings in Lester into other languages because of their highly Diverse population. Im pretty sure that the main language in Britian is English. Ive also noticed that the places with the most Diverse Populations have the worst issues (cough cough London)

Speaking of Diversity. Shut the fuck up Khan (The london mayor). During your time london has become a cesspit of bullshit and is no longer an English city. Its so bad that the Native population of the country is out numbered in our own capital city. It is not a strength when more and more issues are coming up because you dont have the balls to deal with the issues because WACISM. I have seen better Mayoral canadates in my toilet than you and your Divesity is our strength PR bullshitter. You can also take that fucking internet police you keep pouring money into because people are getting offended on the internet with “non crime hate crimes” Also fuck Hate crime laws they are over reaching and too vague to be any use.

People are being Cancelled left right and center because of things that they have said over 10 years ago in some cases. like Fucking hell give them some time to learn from their mistakes or is it a case of that they can never change, Because if you watch/ read some of their latest stuff it shows that they are different people now.

Anyone who disagrees with the current bias as well is labeled as “Far Right”, how about go fuck yourselves. That means the majority of the normal thinking world is far right by your own standards including some of those who think even a iota out of place.

Im going to say something now I do not agree with the current movement. Its no longer about what it was origonally, its now a completely Marxist and Maoist movement bent on changing the free fucking western world into a bullshit 3rd world. Sure things are not perfect but you lot creating more divides based on your ever increasing Identities and numerous labels you give yourselves and others are causing more problems than they solve.

Did you know that silencing anyone that disagrees with you can force and opinon that could be massively seen as negative can cause more underground movments to spread. Sunlight is the best disinfectent, keeping things in the light allows debate and the chance for people to understand what the others are saying instead of out right deleting them.

Did you know that slavery is happening in africa? or dont they count? ON another note did you know that the Irish were also persecuted and treated like shit? Did you know that Islam the religion which is protected by fucking everyone on the left will activly erode your freedoms and throw you off of a building for being anything but straight? also it is in their text that slaves are a thing? Its also a point that their Prophet is a bloody pedophile.

Did you know that the most rascism we see in history is happens to be visable now because we think FAR FAR differently to back then? Did you know that Communism no matter what form it has taken has claimed 10′s of millions of lives? there is no such thing is not “real communism”.

Did you know that not everything is Trumps or the Conservatives (uk) fault? in fact a good number of the counsils or the cities run by labour(UK) and the Democrats(US) are the worst run of them all with the highest crime and allowing something like CHAZ or CHOP to happen. Now people are just roaming around stealing and harming others within that zone because the police are being ordered not to enter by the fucking Mayor of the city that this “Socialist Haven” resides in. YOU EVEN SEGREGATE WHOLE ZONES JUST FOR ONE RACE IN THERE SO WHATS THAT ABOUT BEING RACIST ?

Did you know that Defunding the police will be a bad thing ? For example, who is going to stop a mean son of a bitch from stealing your shit or causing harm to your family? because outside of america we do not have that many rights to defend our own property (Specificly the UK) and we can be arrested for defending ourselves. Did you know a peacful protest does not include going onto privet land and then crying when someone pulls a gun on you? We have seen what a “ most peaceful protest” is by the standards that things are getting set on fire, homes and businesses and lives are being taken.

I honestly hate all this shit that is happening. So here are my suggestions Fucking sit down and learn some history

Know that the Majority do not think like you and your repulsive hive mind.

Stop dividing yourselves into groups with more and more oppression points

and try to be good people.

Don’t harras, dox, cancel people.

Hate crime laws have been stupid for a long time.

I know there are bad things in this world but all you are doing is adding to the problems and in a lot of cases ignoring others that do not follow your narritive.

Love from The Llama

Ps I have saved this as a document because there is going to be at least one person out there who will want this silenced. I will not be silenced

#blm #defund cops #fuck everything #i am angry #you are wrong #listen to others #you all know what i'm talking about #History is a lesson #Marxist #maoism #common sense #dont give up #Dont bend the knee #Dont listen to everything #this will get flagged #this will be the death of me #this will be deleted

[tysabrewing-s]

Thoughts on Lena?

Wow anon u rlly just asked my number one actual fave™ as always prepare for one big post hhvhvhjvn 

Like ive always liked edgy teen characters I think they have a nice charm to them and I like the conflict they cause for other characters ( best example for this is besides Lena is needletail from warriors tbh!! Theyre rlly similar in cool ways) 

Lenas like different for me tho she isnt just some dumbass teen messing shit up and everybody be like "broooo stop being so immature :\\" I mean she is that but she means more to me as a character again abt to get super personal ( what can i say my favs are my favs cuz I relate to them personally or wish I was like them lmao) but I relate to her like a lot haha I dont have anybody in my life like magica is to her in all but I can relate in a very toned down way of how controlling she is and how she doesnt get a bit of space ik that isnt the main aspect of it but god I still felt that u know I also relate how magicas keeps being like "u cant have friends lmao its only to get scrooges dime stop getting attached" again not exactly the same but a certain person in my life is always telling me friendships are dumb they never last blah blah blah shouldnt bother to pursue any for this reason and its just annoying okay anyways tho enough abt me im srry this is so long its basically me just venting :') 

One of the best things abt her tho?? How she sasses pack at magica and isnt shown to be in the wrong pretty sure everybody and their mom has talked abt this but like srsly not all victims of abuse are super nice wouldnt hurt anybody type of person hell most arent its just such a breath of fresh air for once to see a character go thru this shit especially one of those edgy™ characters ( srry to describe her as edgy like 5 times but idk other ways my vocabulary sucks fhchcjvhv) and isnt shown as just being rebellious or whatever magicas literally treating her like dried up cat piss and audience KNOWS this we literally cant deny it and when beakley apologized to her for being rude I wanted to explode from happiness??? Ive never seen a show do that have an adult admit they were wrong okay I dont watch a bunch of cartoons but even when i think abt other stuff i like like books movies games etc ive still NEVER seen this 

Basically lena is an absolutely AMAZING representation of abuse victims is what im trying to get at ( btw if im in any way wrong abt this pls someone dm me!! Ive never been abused so I get I can never get it like know how that experience feels if im wrong pls educate me on this!!) 

Also I adore her dynamic w webby like my short answer is im a big old softy for nice bubbly girl\emo gal trope and I eat it up like somebody who found a bit of water in a desert 😔👊 

But like its also rlly heccing epic cuz most likely before her nobody ever treated her as like a person so just an extra cherry on top with it 

I see their dynamic as like finding comfort in each other and helping each other with it and idk its very endearing and sweet to me to think abt 

And on top of this?? Shes still a dumb as FUCK teenager!! Like beagle day massacre is basically just her taking a 12 yearold to crash a party lmao and forget the eps name but when her huey and webby just went underground for whatever reason?? Absolute horrible inlfuence and im all for it babey 

Anyways even tho ive written a book by now heres some headcannons djvjvjvjb

She likes an ironic shitposter basically just think of those cant see the haters thru my tears or is crying until 4 am badass stuff haha 

Cusses like theres no tomorrow 

When she gets older ( if she like ever ages that is lol) her and louie get rlly close like their buds and do dumb stuff like stealing a police car 

I hc her as a non binary lesbian!! She goes by she\they but mostly she 

She makes a tik tok ironically but then it actually got popular 

She used to steal a lot while living on the streets so shes rlly particular on what she spends her money on and she rarely shares anything 

Everyday she needs at least a while to herself to listen to some music and stuff like that she hates being around ppl all the time 

Idk if this even counts as a headcannon cuz ik everybody agrees with but shes touch starved af she rlly only accepts hugs and stuff from webby tho 

She actually doesn't think violets is a knock off of her or anything like that shes just a jealous bitch haha like shes actually rlly impressed that shes good at controlling magic 

She wouldnt tell anybody this but she actually kinda likes how she looks she isnt super confident abt it but she doesnt think shes ugly and is like "huh u know what my dyed hair is kinda dope" 

Shes like totally in love with lemon demon 

Alrighty pretty much done with this post!! Srry if im rude or its to long I just can never shut up abt my fav characters once u ask me yknow jghfjfghj

#CRAP FORGOT TO TAG THIS LMAO #ducktales #dt #lena de spell #asks #text post

[heartsoftruth]

1/Hi, I apologize in advance for this long message but I just wanted to ask you if you had ever received insults or criticisms or even guys who harassed you because you're a girl who loves football? I'm asking you this because I live this constantly. Yesterday when Barça won the CDR I was so happy so I shared my joy on my social media and I commented on some FB publications related to the match and the majority of ppl on these pages are men so I have only received insults degrading messages.

Anonymous said:2/I was told to go back to the kitchen, that I should go back to clean, that I loved Barça only for cute players or that I probably didn’t know anything about football and was probably repeating what men around me were saying to look smart,.. I will not tell you everything they told me but it was really degrading and mean, I absolutely did not say anything bad, there were comments from guys who writed bullshit on the post but no one answered them but under mine there was like 100 replies.

Anonymous said:3/And I just wrote “I’m so happy and sad at the same time, I will miss Andres so much, it will not be the same without him..” On my other comments also I received insults like "Come suck my c*ck, you will be more useful” “oh a girl trying to make herself interesting by loving football” “shut your mouth bitch it’s a page for men here, go back to cook” And all that just because I’m a girl, if it had been a man who had commented the same thing they would have agreed with him.

Anonymous said:4/It’s unbelievable that a woman can’t love football as much as a man do without being looked at or asked to justify why she really loves football because if a girl likes football it’s surely because she’s in love with the players or wants to fuck with them or that she invents it to have the attention of men, because it is impossible that a woman can really love or understand football, so when it happens I have to justify myself so that they are convinced that I really like this sport..Anonymous said:5/It’s sad that in 2018 for a lot of ppl women = cooking, doing housework, pleasing men and keep quiet. Usually I avoid going into the football debates of my male friends or those of my family because they automatically make fun of me and my opinion is irrelevant. So if you have a vagina your brain is too stupid to understand football and enjoy it? I’m tired of having to hide my passion for football because I risk being insulted. It’s sad because I know I’m not the only one who suffers this..

Anonymous said:6/I discovered football when I was a child, I quickly became a big fan, I even played it many years but growing up my dad start laughing at me and telling me that I should be more interested in girls stuff and he asked me which player I was as much in love to continue to love football like that and the men around me told me that women’s football was not real football so I should stop playing it, my mother also agreed that I should stop because she was afraid that her daughter become a tomboy.

Anonymous said:7/I was stupid enough to believe theses bullshit and I stopped playing at my club. Yes I am feminine in general, I also like makeup, dresses, shoes and stuff like that but sometimes I like to wear my Barça jersey or football outfits too and when I walk in the street with it I get glances, guys who come to talk to me or say that I’m ridiculous with my jersey, one day 2 guys even come to ask me questions on the club to see if I really know about Barça and that it’s not just to get attention..

Anonymous said:8/It’s tiring and exhausting, I’d like to love this sport without suffering all that, what’s the deal with that, it’s a sport among many, why it’s impossible to let a girl enjoy this sport without belittling her? Why is it so difficult for men to believe that we really love this sport too without necessarily wanting to fuck with players? I’m tired, it’s getting depressing and with all the insults I received yesterday I feel like I’m going to be crazy, I really wanted to cry because of my anger..

Anonymous said:9/If you or the followers of your blog undergo this too, can you tell me how you do to support it or to finish with that please? And if there are guys who follow your blog I’d like them to explain to me, if they do these things, just why ? Why a woman who loves football should deserve so much hate and criticism and why it’s as difficult for guys to accept that women can love football too? I’m really sorry again for this long message but I’m really fed up.. 😫

Heey girlie!! OMG dont apologize for the long message! I feel like you needed to vent a little and then it’s 100% better to just write it all down instead of keeping it in. and DAMN you had all the reasons to vent, because what those neanderthals wrote to you MAKES MY BLOOD BOILLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK!!!

BOOOOOILLLLLL!!!! 

Im gonna reply to the parts in parts because otherwise the answer will be an unstructured mess. 

½/3: I dont even know where to start with my first off all comment with this ask! But pffff. It;s so so soooo sad that in 2018 people like that put comments under just a very normal and very correct post. It’s also really sad because probably right now you will think twice before commenting something under a footy Facebook thing. 

AND PLEAAAAASEE! Let me know what kind of FB page that is? I am literally fuming and almost on the verge of making a Twitter account for my Tumblr page to post it on here. It’s not fucking normal that when a girl says something about football guys talk like that. It’s not and it’s not ok. 100 replies under your comment? And all like that?? Pfff. Damn. FUMINGGGGG. 

I can understand you feel bad about it bc of all these people jumping on some kind of bandwagon behind their PC’s. Insecure bunch of dicks! 

4/5: Indeed we women have to know WAAAY more about football then men, because if we dont then we’re not serious about it or only watch it for the guys. “YESSSSS!!! THATS TOTALLY TRUE!!!! I watch 90+ minutes of football just for a few close-ups of the football players I like!!!11!1 Makes total sense” said no women who watches football ever. 

6/7/8/9: aaawhh… That is so sad… :( I can’t imagine how that must have felt as a child to be doing something you love but your parents make it out to be as if it was wrong. Not every girl likes pink and barbies just like not every guy likes blue and cars/football. Indeed I also love make up and getting dressed up etc etc. But I also love sitting in a cafe and watching football with a beer or something haha. 

I never wear a football shirt on the streets - unless im going to a match or watch in a cafe - today was the first time actually in my yellow PSG shirt haha. But no one said anything to me (other than a few hey girl). But it’s sad we have to prove something to these idiots… 

I think we’ve sadly all have had an experience like that. When I was younger and asked my friend at her party (or whatever it was) to see the football score a guy was like “what??? You dont watch it? Well then explain to me what off side is?!” That was the first time some guy asked me it and I did do it, but when someone would ask me it now I said: “You would ask a guy that too who says he watches football? Nope huh? So I won’t show you either!”

In Paris also on the way to the hotel the Uber driver was talking etc etc. And we spoke about football and I said how excited I am to finally see Neymar and hope he’s not injured anymore (because at the time he was stil injured and unclear if he would play) and all that blabla. And in one moment he said (in a joking way) oh you’re only here to see Neymar other than that you dont watch it. And I gave him a reality check real quick. My friend wanted to interfere and talk over it and I was like no no noooo. Lemme say my peace. 

Or at work people know I also love Neymar and then one new colleague thought it was funny (and maybe cool in front of the other guys) to say I only watch football for Neymar. And I gave him a reality check too. 

I used to bite my tongue when it came to that, but nowadays I’m like nope. I dont watch so much football for some insecure dick to be talking like that to me. 

But theres also many guys who you can just have a normal convo with about football. Like yesterday I had one with a guy I didn’t know and he was so chill. Or when I’m in the bar watching you also have guys normally coming up like are you also this nervous etc etc. During the Euro’s too. Met many friendly people who just spoke to us about football. Ok and s

What I also think is one of the problem is because many girls indeed just wear a shirt because it looks cute (which they of course can), but it makes it more difficult for us to be taken serious. Especially with tournaments like the Euros and WC many just watch football bc it’s fun with everyone in a cafe but they have no idea what they’re watching. And end up only confirming some of the thoughts by these neathertals. 

Can I ask you where you’re from btw?And please do tell which bs ass fb page you posted this one. I would be a good thing to create all these accounts to back you up or something. 

And indeed I’m curious too how other followers react to stupid comments like that?

And keep watching the sport you love girl! I know its tough at times being doubted to often for just watching something you like but lets hope that someday no one will question why we watch the sport we love. 

#very long reply #but yeah... haha #anonymous

[princess-of-embarrassment]

Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!). 

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it???  so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet. 

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other. 

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

[onelovewonderwoman]

okay so lemme tell yalls as my first storytime with mel about these two bitches that get on my god damned nerves ouuuuu hoes you gon be hearing more and more about them. so, i’m friends with these two girls, let’s call one clutch and the other windmill cause it has to do with some sort of characteristic (and my actual close friend @traxgedy came up with the name clutch cause that girl’s on crutches, but like no disrespect to people who give crutches it’s just a nickname and it’s kinda apart of it)

SO today, as i’m still in high school, had a huge chance of being a snowday (where buses are cancelled and there’s technically no school cause no one shows up) and it didn’t end up being a snow day. so me and my other friend (let’s call her brit) brit has taken to twitter as a joke and started tweeting at our school board’s transportation twitter and told me to “unite” so we can protest [literally as a joke, you can see that]. i said “we have exams coming up, we need this snow day @ username of school board transportation” and literally left it at that

so i go to school, feeling good as always cause i got a bunch of friends and aquintences at school, ngl and i go to see clutch and windmill. the moment i go to them and say “hi” clutch didn’t even let me speak before saying “why would you post that on your twitter?? you know universities see that type of stuff” and windmill literally goes after, “you’re gonna be homeless and never get anything in your life because of this” so sure of her words

my eyes popped out of my socket and i’m just thinking in my head ‘are you both fucking stupid??’

and like i’m just like wtv in my mind and turn to look at my other friend, who is @ traxgedy (i’m not gonna yah her twice cause it’s just annoying on both ends, oh and let’s just call her recal) so i just turn to recal and start to mind my own god damn business and another friend, let’s call her desert, comes in with this big ass shakespeare book, saying she’s read ahead, and i go “i haven’t even started the act we’re reading” and this bitch windmill just kinda turns in her chair and mutters under her breath, idk if she wanted me to hear, and goes “cause you have too many distractions”

oooooo and this bitch is taking about my my close ass friend recal cause she’s called recal that before. LIKE BITCH DID I ASK YOU FOR YOUR OPINION

and lemme just prefasis that these two literally never want me to be friends with anybody else, and like they make me feel bad if i go hang with recal and her much more fun and freeing and nice friends.

usually i stay, but i was so fed up this time i just told recal and i was like “i wanna go hang with the other guys and stuff”

and recal knows how these girls are cause i’ve told her and stuff about how they treat me and stuff, and she HATES the hell out of them so the dumbass (and i say this in the most caring way possible cause she’s freakin awesome i can’t even says f*** when i talk about her cause that’s just disrespect) just fucking smiles and turns and is like “k, cmon let’s go”

so we go

when class starts, i’m in class with clutch (who is the worst of all btw) and literally is trying to act so chill with me when she’s just so ugh (and lemme just tell you, ik the thing that happened in the morning is so small and stupid, but there’s just so many other things that i’ll get to in another thing because this is a story and i’ll tell you guys another time how the feelings are on every part and stuff) but yeah so i just barely talked. and i barely even talked to anybody! like it was like one of those days where i was down and i didn’t feel like going around and being like myself and everyone has that, right???? seriously, correct me if i’m wrong, please.

so fast forward to lunch, recal is tellin me that i have to spend it with her instead of windmill, clutch, and brit (which i felt kinda bad about, but not because of guilt with windmill and clutchbecause i’m so done with them by this point, but i really love brit cause she’s awesome) she’s saying like “you can’t let them control you” and it’s true ya know?

like it’s like they think they have this control over me and who i hang out with. if i don’t hang with them, everyone else is a distraction. if i don’t do my homework, everyone else is a distraction. if i don’t listen or watch something they send me, ITS BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS A DISTRACTION. (and this bitch clutch is obsessed with Maroon 5, and no hate to the band, but she’s always trying to get me to listen to their stuff and sends me stuff to listen too. i’m like okay i’ll listen to them but i don’t have all the time in the world to do so! and this bitch thinks i do!)

but like whatever. lunch is good. i spend it away from them and it’s kinda awesome cause i get to spend my time with actual good friends who don’t try to put me down (clutch always seems to think that if her mark is lower than mine, then there’s something wrong. in english tho cause that’s the only class we have together and lord help me if next semester i have more than one class with her and windmill imma cry)

but after third period, i’m going down to fourth cause my school has three god damned floors, i see clutch. this bitch just gives me that one face with squinted eyes and it’s like that wtf face and i’m just thinking ‘what the hell is she so mad about’ so i’m just walking past her while i say to her, cause we don’t have much time to get to classes, “what’s wrong??” she doesn’t answer and brushes me off and goes on her way

brit just taps me while we’re walking and goes, “she’s just mad that you didn’t talk to her this morning and stuff, don’t sweat it. just don’t tell her i told you, she’ll get mad.” (brit’s a sweatheart just so you know she never wants anything bad to happen)

but i go off on her (not on brit but like i start venting-ish about clutch)

i go “i don’t have to talk to her every waking day, i have other friends too i’m allowed to talk to them and stuff like she doesn’t control me”

it kinda ends there but i went on to tell recal the same things i’m bouta tell you. this both clutch is always ALWAYS in a bad mood. the normal thing for people not talking to you or something is because they’re in a bad mood and sometimes pissed off at you, but not even all the time. she may not think she pissed me off (which she did, but it’s not just with something that tiny from this morning, but she’s just always so rude towards me and trying to put me down and it’s just for something tomorrow, i’ll tell you guys tomorrow morning about the feelings part and stuff) but just like people are allowed to be in a bad mood. this bitch acts as though she hadn’t said on multiple occasions “don’t talk to me, i’m in a bad mood” and stuff like that! she’s always complaining about school and mostly her knee and doctors to me. like she’s always pissed off and it’s suddenly not okay for me to be. like it’s not okay for me to be happy with other people and it’s not okay for me to be pissed off at her or windmill.

but the thing is also that i talked to the bitch in class too, i wasn’t even rude or any of that shit! i was just normal but not as hyper and shit like i usually am (like making dirty ass jokes and shit like that) but it’s just ugh.

like im trying so hard to shake her and not have a relationship with her, at least not a close one, but it’s so hard especially with how i have really nice and good friends who are friends with them. and like i know from personal experience how much shit they talk. like they’ve talked about people who they think thought they were “too good for them” and left their group to go hang out with other people. and okay the time i would be “yeah that’s really douchey man i’m sorry” BUT IM NOT SORRY ANYMORE BITCH THIS IS WHY THEY LEFT

my friends now, not the bitches, are so sweet and fucking care about me as a person and don’t try to deliberately tear me down as an individual and turn me into someone that i’m not

WOOH i’m done jeez that was long as fuck

more to come hoes more to come

#two bitches sitting in a tree k-i-l-l kill me please #storytime with mel

[benjaminhunter]

wow dont read this if youre gonna unfollow for me speaking a bit abt my life situation btw even if the whole thing sounds so much like a 15year old narcissistic cunt’s post venting about their emo problems and their ‘i hate my fucking life’ stick like i used to vague about on scattered fanfic french blogs; look ill get over myself ! sooner than you think ! but i havent made a really personal post on this blog in a while cos it felt.. useless and self pitying in the wake of the really upsetting suffering i see on my dash, from the mutuals i consider friends and the political situation that i kinda want to escape from? but even then. that feels self pitying. and also its almost 8 am so no one will see the bs im posting. so  anyway an update on my thrilling life ! my moods have been flickering between extreme anger and complete exhaustion ! obssessively checking social medias of artists i really looked up has transformed the feeling of admiration i felt into complete beatdowns of myself, always comparing myself to them and rejecting everything decent i made.. getting angry over ship content for absolutely no reason when ive always been the type to be ‘oh fuck it live and learn’; now my anger is making me feel like im expecting ppl to draw content for a f/f rarepair and when this rarepair is overshadowed by huge het or m/m popular pairs i get pissed off, storm and brood about it, feeling like im a child throwing a tantrum ! so thats fun !!!!!!!!!!! lol !!!!!!!!! all my insecurities flooding back because the dam is damn broke when ive been taping it the best i could over the past years. so im feeling intense jealousy at talented artists finishing their projects and starting new ones, and w/ mikus 10th bday coming up and everything- it feels like when youre following your multiplayer guild’s quest in a mmorpg but with bad internet. theyre accomplishing so much and im. here? what? what achievement do i have for myself? oh yeah. i played dr:ae at least ten times. and yet i still couldnt find the energy to make decent dr:ae fanart. its awful. its terrible ! and my asshole dad feels like he can strut all he want because i chickened out on calling the cops on him that one time and hes been even more verbally abusive, although the good side is hes not hitting me or my sis anymore. i guess pulling a knife on him once when hes done so on me so many times impressed him a bit, yknow, the snake that comes back to bite you in the ass? you reap what you sow bs? yeah. so no more slaps or punches, which is good. i guess he yells more and lashes out at the dog, which is terrible, but he hasnt been a complete ass to the rabbit, mostly because hes too lazy to come upstairs and kick chaussette’s cage or smash stuff off the shelves i guess. still the wifi is Very bad cos obvs my parents are hogging the bandwidth, the weather is bad, my sis and i dont have money to fish out of our purses to go to the pool, the library is closed & friends are either working or on holiday away with their families, also our teacher just confirmed that there will be an entrance exam at the start of year2 and i need to get stellar grades to get into the teacher course,so im wasting my eyes frantically speedrunning japanese grammar basics from year1; while my moms accusing me of being selfish for not wanting to go on a stupid 2week trip when i want nothing to do with her and my dad. my ex’s situation is still hanging over my shoulders, that bitch is still cursing me beyond the grave shes been digging and the shit morons that are her friends are still trash talking me, make ‘triggerd memes ;)))’ about me which is fine i guess :)) at least im not lurking their every tweet & post they do so my head is mostly clear on that, the trick is not to think about it or else it WILL fuck me up.. u got other worries like im worried about getting a job even and im worried about celeste’s job and while i know she definitely can handle herself im afraid of drunks coming into her store, have been ever since i started living with one, so theres that lel. 

im glad i got to spend some time with suke and yura and manon before we parted ways two weeks ago, and celeste i ever so sweet.. its been 1 (one) whole year since weve been together although it feels like ive loved her for .. way longer than this so. like if i could get one wish rn, it’d be to get to leap across the ocean so i could be physically close to her and enjoy some time w/ her. get you a girl who gives you butterflies like that, man. shit. wow wow chica bow wow this is long winded and whiny and ill probably regret ever writing that

#shut up paru #text heavy/ #grades/

[violenceeisgolden]

Tmi/tw/an update

Had such strong cravings for alcohol/such strong urges to say "fuck my health, I'm already fucked, lets fucking lose all this weight you gained in recovery, buy some adderall and vodka and allllll the opiates in the world and at least enjoy however many shitty yrs you have left" except like ???? Okay, so my private insta kept !! Getting !! Fucking deleted !! Idk why, like yeahh i bitch about my drug problems and my mental illness but i have never shared a triggering picture? Meanwhile all these accts with people fkn shooting up are still up? Huh what a concept So anyway, i was thinking of making a side blog. Or i could just vent on here i guess but posting on my side blogs sounds safer. Damn. Been out of the Tumblr world for a while now. Anyway, since it's quite clear that I don't care about a fkn thing anymore... lemme give you all a lil update on the joke that is my life. This one's gonna be EPIC. So. Uh. First things first... I made it five days without any form of any opiate in my system. I did not eat anything in those 5 days. (Wanna lose weight?! Just get addicted to painkillers and develop crohns, then quit your painkillers cold turkey!!! You'll drop 10 lbs in a week!) I did not keep many fluids down, aside from the days when i was in the hospital. I was shitting and puking blood by the fourth day, because my body had nothing left in it to get out. I still smell like the stench of withdrawal - aka, overpowering body odor, desperation, sadness, guilt... etc. On the fourth day, my "stool" was nothing but black and blood.. I knew my potassium was low, not including sodium, etc. Was starting to get chest pains. Blah blah blah. IST was acting up. Whatever. I knew I had no choice but to go to my shitty hometown clinic (and... yeah i hate NOTHING more than that fucking place). Luckily, I got this cool 1st shift dr who appreciated my extensive knowledge of my esophageal and colonic conditions. She also gave me morphine. But I mean, 4mg through an IV is like... nothing. But.. that fucking rush. Whenever I get IV narcotics in hospitals, it's a nice reminder for me to forever stay tf away from needles. Anywhoooo Moving along. So i got some fluids/potassium, two of my veins are dead now (not even bc of drug use, as i stated above.. legitimately because I've had one too many IVs placed or wtf ever) so they had to stick me a million and one times and i was like :))))) yeahhhh keep causing more pain guys because ya know. I can just fucking take it obviously!!! And then.. this bitch drops the bomb that i realllyyyyy have been hoping was NOT true for like... ya know... a fucking year... that... okay fuck it, you guys all know i am a shit person anyway, lets add onto it.. anyway yeah. I have herpes. And my HPV is progressing. Still dunno about those cancerous cells bc no one tells ME ANYTHING but she said i have a severe pelvic infection that is travelling towards my liver. So they're like "lets do a REALLY intense course of antibiotics" and im like ??? Fucking a man im getting mad just writing this all out. Anyway i was like uhm. How tf am i supposed to keep down antibiotics when i CAN'T EVEN KEEP DOWN WATER THAT IS WHY I'M FUCKING HERE JFCCCC. And they were like "yeah we're aware but you legit do not have a choice" bc yeah, don't want my liver to go downhill (I've been such a lil fuck to my drs lately.... could not care less tho bc they deserve my bluntness) so i called my new case worker (she is super chill, super gay, lets me swear and call my drs fuckers as much as i want, which is dope) and basically explained, she said she's gonna try and get me back on subs legally so i can at least nourish myself and keep my health up (ill still be in pain but I'm learning that id rather have my body not slowly dying and be in pain... what a cool sacrifice. I also was like... "Hey yeah no hospital is gonna admit me rn... and my health is worse now than it was in '14 when i weighed 60 lbs less so like... I'm going to use street subs. Or opiates in general. For a few days. So i can get my electrolytes back somehow... also did i mention i have herpes? *bawling ensues* anywhooo... Just thought I'd let you know." And she was like "Fair enough. You need to eat." And i was like okay cool tell my dr and his bitchy nurse that usually replies to my messages bc i do not need anymore fucking stigma rn .. okay? Tyvm" so that was.. that i guess. So yeah. I used. On day 5. And... i didn't even truly fucking want to. That's the worst fucking part of this whole fucked up bullshit... I WANT TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG AND SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO THIS. And i could have. If it wasn't for my poor health... i fucking could have. And I'm gonna tell that to my pdoc when I see him. But you know what? I fucking ate. I kept down a loooottttt of liquids. Opiate wds technically cannot kill you. And the thing is... I've been through the "near fatal" ones (booze and benzos)... but I always caught my alcohol dts super fast, got treated and then away i went. But no. Opiate withdrawals will not be dangerous~~~..... to a person who is in decent health. I say decent bc lbs if you're using them either legally or illegally, something is already prob wrong lol. I remember a story that my ex sponsor who is now a good but distant friend (who relapsed, and when she relapsed, we became close lol shes sober now tho dw) told me once about opiate dts... she said one of her friends was so dehydrated, malnourished, etc... that he almost did die. And it took him almost dying for anyone to take him seriously. And, as I was laying in that miserable hospital bed... I remembered that. Opiate wds cannot kill you, but you're gonna wanna a) kill yourself, because it's honestly fucking easier that way (or so your mind will tell you) and b) if you're in poor health... try and find a detox center/hospital that will take you. ASAP. On tuesday... fuck i lost my train of thought... (in other news, i now have a promethazine script and... boy oh boy lol probably the best non naroticc/not scjeduled drug I've ever gotten my grubby lil hands on)... yeah idk that's all I publicly got rn. If you actually read all this... 👀 @ you, Ashley, bc ik you're the only one who reads my shit on here anymore (love you for that, btw 💜)... but yeah if you read this all, you guys are the real MVPs... I'm gonna start using one of my private blogs on here. Mainly because..welll...its fucking private and also really enjoy the fact that i saved the URL "clonqz3pain" so... yeah that's all I got. Hope you all are doing better than me.

#me #tl;dr #tw drugs #tw numbers #opiate withdrawal