#its just true im just so good

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[chloesimaginationthings]

im sorry but your mike/fnafsb vanessa dynamic reminds me vaguely of the fuckass deviantart hot yaoi base so i wasted like 30 minutes of my time doing this

my brain loves to continuously shit out horrible ideas and for some reason i decide to do them

This is a greater compliment than you can even imagine

#ask reply #fanart #I’m .. #IM IN tears over this #this is true art cause it’s completely stopped me in my tracks #I just have to witness it #DYNAMIC SO GOOD ITS STRAIGHT YAOI? #if it was the other way around I would have failed yall #but the fact Vanessa is the big buff one W we did it babes #images I added is for comparison the evidence speaks for itself

[densewentz]

i think the turning point in my life both academically and professionally was realizing that. If you Go First, be it a presentation or an interview or whatever. If you go first, you are being judged based on NOTHING but yourself. They aren't comparing you to anyone else, you don't have an act to "follow". You are the Bar. You can literally just do the best you can and at that point it will automatically be the best they've seen so far. And once you're done you're done. You can mentally and emotionally check out.

Game changer insofar as being stressed about presenting because now I just bulldoze over everyone else to go first like a feral hog.

#its true though #all my anxiety about presentations got reduced SIGNIFICANTLY once I started fighting to be first #its Good Advice #this actually especially applies to people with unfinished work like #girl you do not want to watch 9 people with complete presentations go and then give your speech #just jump on that grenade early before they've had time to be impressed by anyone #and the fallout wont be NEARLY as bad #and then its over right away #also if youre a smug petty bitch like me #you can absolutely blow the performance out of the water #and bask in the absolutely traumatized expressions of everyone who has to go after you now #if im gonna be the bar im going to set it at the ceiling #sorry #so i guess the next lesson is you have to fight to be before Me and those Like Me #rip

[sillylittleguyinatrenchcoat]

IN HONOUR OF CAT DROPPING here’s a compilation of some old kazui memes bc i’m too lazy to make more <3 i love one man!!!!

#GAY KAZUI TRUTHERS WE WOONNNNNNN #i dont wanna hear anyone call that theory dumb. we were right all along. like his vd almost outright confirms it #i CRIED while listening to it his va did such a good job #BUT I DIGRESS. THE MV???????? INSANEEE #legit my favorite mv ever? like fr? its def in my top 3 #ive been waiting for so long and im not disappointed at all. the song is a bop #and the visuals!!!!! KAZUI EATING A DOVE!!!!! SMOKING!!!! #deco actually made kazui just for me btw. not many ppl know it but its true #aaaaa i fell even more in love w/ him after the vd and mv…. his philosophy abt lying is so interesting and understandable #but anyway. at some point ill make more of these im just lazy!!! but i love kazui sm. #also yuno/kazui father/daughter dynamic>>>>>>>>> they are fambly….. #milgram #milgram memes #kazui mukuhara

[sugared-violets]

holy shit please listen to Sherlock & Co i'm fucking wheezing

W: "you built... a hugging machine?"

H: "yes, the deep pressure is quite to my tastes... self-regulation, you see"

W: "i mean... i can just give you a hug. if you want."

H: "you can? excellent."

W: "well... come here, then"

😭😭😭

#sherlock & co #genuinely almost dropped my pasta i was laughing so hard at this bit #so fucking good #if u havent heard of it its a modern sherlock retelling where watson has a podcast. (it's the podcast ur listening to. very meta i know) #and sherlock is just the most autistic little guy you ever did see #the characterization is absolutely wonderful. very true to ace #*acd #and the voice actor for sherlock sounds a lot like benedict cumberbatch if ur into that #dani.txt #and yes im paraphrasing slightly to make this exchange more understandable to people who've never heard it

[unexpectedbrickattack]

experimentin w shit heehee

#fake peppino #arts #mine #horror #eye strain #guh #body horror #a lil tho but i just think thats a more commonly blacklisted tag than 'horror' #spooky month is the only time im like. i guess i should TRY to draw spooky shit #i always feel like my style is too loose and roumnd to convey it in the way i want to #but spooky month is like okay u can fuck around and fuck up and itll still be good. the spirit of spookyness n all that #i love horror so much but it feels so hard to grasp. like what is ACTUALLY scary yknow? #its very easy to say whats not scary but then its also so hard to stop urself from doing the same things lol #to be fair. stories and 'motion' (through the use of comics or animations) are far easier ways to convey things like suspense n stuff #still art is like. well that is an image alright lol #not entirely true tho; theres an artist i dont know the name of that did trailcam images that were photorealistic #and theyre sooooooooo fuckin creepy #like when i get around to doing more fp art i wanna use that and the lighting in it as practice #okay thats it i think; gonna draw furry shit bc i need comms yay yippeeeeeee

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

SO. TO KICK OFF THE WEEK OF SPECULATION BEFORE THE UPDATE DROPS.

last night i had a bit of a Revelation. literally. i borderline woke up in a cold sweat with this realization. the way i lunged for my laptop to scream at friends... ough. lets get into it

so. i do believe I've made a couple of theory posts about Barnaby not being quite as receptive to his and Wally's "forced" best friendship as Wally - since the show wrote them to be friends instead of it happening naturally. i thought it might be a point of tension for Barn. i thought a lot.

YES SO I'M TOSSING (almost) ALL OF THAT OUT THE WINDOW!

the bios state Barnaby as Wally's best friend multiple times over. it had to be regularly reinforced. their colors were chosen to mark them as friends.

but Barnaby - presumably - can't see the bios, he wouldn't know the scripts. the friendship would be natural from his perspective. how would he know otherwise? even if the relationship started out synthetic, i don't doubt that it became genuine. in the context of their world and perceptions, realistically speaking Barnaby probably wouldn't sense anything wrong.

the reminders to be best friends weren't for Barnaby.

they were for Wally.

i'm starting to suspect that Wally is Barnaby's best friend, but Barnaby isn't Wally's. i think that Wally's "best friend" is Home - or at least Wally has a closer connection to them / Home is more important to Wally than anyone else is.

i remember reading this livestream trivia (from theneighborhoodwatch's doc, if you haven't their resources yet what are you even doing?):

and i assumed it was for Barnaby's side of the relationship. but it's not, is it? it's Wally's? and it makes too much fucking Sense! it fits! i can see it perfectly! i can feel things slotting together in my mind due to this shift in perspective, and i'm scared

Barnaby probably thinks the relationship is natural, just like how he thinks he's a real person in a real world. Wally probably knows that the relationship is a role, just like how he knows he's a puppet in a false reality.

that leaves me wondering how much of it is genuine on Wally's side. i don't doubt that they really are friends, but how deep does that connection go? in the interview, Wally sounded excited/proud about having a best friend, but how much came from a place of feeling, and how much came from a place of Fulfilling The Role? how much of it is performative? how much of it is a mask?

i've been seeing everything differently. Barnaby poses for Wally the most because he has good balance and is good at staying still, not because of favoritism or because he's Wally's best friend. in the 14 (15 including the hidden halloween) audios, Barnaby consistently seeks out Wally and checks in on him. Wally seems more casual about their relationship than Barnaby is.

i'm worried that Wally values Home & You/Us over Barnaby. that Barnaby is second or third place in Wally's heart. that Wally means more to Barnaby than he means to Wally. after all, only one of them needed their relationship to be reinforced on a seemingly regular basis.

i'm confident that Wally cares about / loves Barnaby, but the question is how much? to what extent?

#IM SO FUCKING ILL. #and by worried i mean Frothing At The Mouth. that would hurt so good. it would be delicious #i mean. it makes so much fucking sense. it feels Right! #and oh the ways this could hurt barnaby #i already suspect he has some Internal insecurities and shit but. oh man. if this is true it would break his heart wouldnt it #he has his hearts on his palms but wally's hearts are hidden on the soles of his shoes.... #god. no this. this. i cant start ranting and raving about what this means for barnaby and how i think it might affect him #the picture all the pieces of What We Know About Him So Far paint #all i'll say is. comic relief characters are always a tragedy under the mask. #wh speculation #homebogging #wh theory #welcome home speculation #welcome home theory #the way i was losing my absolute shit in discord. Man. #i am continuously in premature mourning over barnaby. #eddie might be doomed by the narrative but barn is Screwed by the narrative #poor guy just can't catch a break #also the idea. the Concept. that wally might consider you/us a closer/dearer friend than barnaby #is. its. well its devastating and juicy as Fuck! #there's. there's so much to unpack here im gonna be honest #for the first time since getting into this project im feeling like im starting to see a cohesive picture #the implications. the connections. the way it ties into themes. man... oh man... And It Makes. Sense. #barnaby knows wally better than the other neighbors - Besides Home - but how much more? #does he think he knows more than he does? i mean absolutely. wally is still hardcore masking around him. #wally doesn't confide in him not really #but man. Man. oh i understand why completely. at least i like to think i do #oh boy this is gonna kill me and im gonna like it #i had this realization and i felt my neurons shift just a little. just Enough. FUCK #barnaby b beagle. baby. i am so sorry but you're gonna have a hell of a fucking time

[harbingersecho]

grif's surgery but just a little more... obvious?

I actually rly rly ADORE frankengrif but I don't have an in-show reason why he'd have extensive long-term allogeneic skingrafts on his face 😔

#rvb #red vs blue #dexter grif #grif #*24 #mine #art #cw wounds #Look I love biology stuff like this so I like researching what would be at least semi-plausible even if it's just for a dumb halo show that #makes 0 sense where CPR cures a headshot but i cant help it!!! and like the 'lazy' reason for it would be sarge is just crazy like that but #its not a good reason imo. and like the things he lists needing replacement are mostly internal and body parts which makes sense #considering how grif got injured by sheila like I could 100% see that rupturing organs and crushing his hand and there being burns etc #but like nothing points to grif needing any surgery above the neck and i dont think anyone mentions his face being different? i could #make up injuries for him but nothing in the show actually supports that he'd need grafts for anything but his body.. #I'm SOO ready to be convinced otherwise btw like I said I want an obvious frankengrif to be true so bad !! #AGH would it be too insane of me to make like a surgery/injury overview thing for grif just so i can convince myself abt this idea... #i can bend to some fun stuff tho im not a total joykill u know! thats why i give his body the mismatched donor skin look despite allogeneic #grafts not being permanent w/ current tech. like it really doesn't matter if it's realistic or whatever but also Yes It Does. #and like during/after chorus would grey offer to 'fix' it? i imagine the feds could mesh a skin so they could use grif's own skin.. #or like during rats nest when they got reassigned?

[literalite]

in case i can't think of an actual good way to edit them this is the eragon cast in the sims as i envisioned them as a kid

#ts4 #inheritance cycle #i can't do nasuada justice i need to go cc shopping i think #murtagh and angela have GOT to be trans im sorry theres no other explanation. i know it to be true #tbh as a kid i was like orik's a ranga right... he is not. the wiki says brown hair not red. okayyyy sure i can adapt #i need a good adaptation i'll even let lmm into it just to bless it so its good. ple as e #'eragon getting slightly more slanted eyes from the blood oath celebration is problematic' well i always saw him as asian anyways. so . #seph.txt

[cali]

darkraiiiiii

#art #i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to #feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood #and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am #and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept #so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently #smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno... #and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic #so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say #but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain #i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually. #also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely) #+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight #pokemon #darkrai

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

#i still dont really understand how they got away with this kind of thing honestly #female VAs i get that - but first m/m kiss in an anime in episode THREE????? #theres also the maraich/thomas episode where they are *Both* voiced by women....advanced yuri #patalliro #i love how bancorans gender expression is pretty much explicitly to attract only bishounen #you blushed - so you must not be a girl #etc #i also love how joyful it all is #theres never anything sad or tragic about being gay - only that bancoran is forced to kill the bishounen spies/assassins/etc #when bancoran finds out that gay sex feels good after demian; in the manga he is elated. its basically a positive thing #he awakens to his true power...lol #also notable is that while bishounen youth is glorified maraich is still 18. #besides making the show more palatable; this means it portrays being gay as an adult as normal #according to the NYT japan's psychiatric body called homosexuality a mental illness until 1995 #im not going to say patalliro changed that or anything lmao but its just significant to me that banmara get to live their lives happily #especially contrasting that with kaze to ki no uta and other manga of the time (no shade intended) #yaoi #<- for tagging purposes #obviously it also got away with a lot by being a gag manga. but still!

[cleromancy]

"tim needs to get a new mantle he didnt steal from his siblings" wrong. Say hello to the new huntress

#🙅nuclear family 'wayne' posters dni🙅 #but honestly. why do you even want him to make his own identity #because itd be 'establishing his individuality'? because itd be 'healthier'? what are you a cop #honestly like its so boringgggg give me tim who crawled into dicks old uniform and stayed there until he got kicked out and then dragged+ #Jason's out of the literal garbage or I don't want any #genuinely its really difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of using TIM of all people in an arc about like. what. #establishing yourself as an independent new thing in an actually interesting arc that rings true for him bc. #hes always been pretty independent for all that he was the Team-Up Robin like #if he didmt have that connection in the form of taking on someone elses discarded mantle hed just up and float away man 🤷 #dc #like he doesn't need to have... like nightwing but for tim drake #hes not dick lol. #however i do not want him to just be robin any mote #more*. Thats no good #in fact its horrible and im puking blood all over everyone involved #in making that decision #blergheejfggegh oh im puking blood on yuo <- pov you put tim drake #back in the robin suit

[icyheart-and-friends]

Please, for the love of gods, allow yourself to consume content/media uncritically

You can be aware of issues a show/game/movie/etc has but you don't need to be aware of it *all* the time, you shouldn't have to justify yourself liking it every time you go to talk about it.

You shouldn't have to feel like you're the worst person in the world just because you like something that happens to have problematic stuff in it.

And you're setting yourself up for failure if you go into something immediately looking for all of the bad in it, you're setting yourself up to be unable to enjoy it! And if you do manage to enjoy it it'll likely just feel wrong because of that!

I'm begging y'all not to consume *everything* critically and to sometimes enjoy things uncritically.

#its so fucking easy to end up demonizing yourself just because you like media thst isnt deemed “good” #i only just recently realized how fucking guilty id feel admitting i like watching helluva boss to other people outside of my circle. or #feeling thr need to warn people about the heavy racism in baldur's gate 3 for the fear of being seen as an awful person for praising the #game despite thst in it. fuck i even feel bad admitting i like watching law and order special victims unit bc of its content and how often #it just goes- *wrong* but like- i realized a lot of that is bc my brain and my ocd are constantly trying to take content in critically. #trying to always shame it bc its “bad” either bc of its content or its creators and thus my ocd has a field day of turning thst around to #meam that *im* bad because i enjoy it. which isnt fucking true. i enjoy iy #which isnt true. i can know stuff is not good/great for various reasons but i can still enjoy it without that inherently make me bad #anyway bc this is tumblr im already expecting people to try to twist my words and intents to make this seem like s horrible thing #idc atm bc my head hurts from trying to just exist and relearn how to enjoy stuff without fucking purity culture and my ocd shame watching #me lile a fuckin hawk #cant wait to see how freeing it feels tho once i stop giving as much of a fuck/worry

[51ft]

i keep thinking about the one line dark justiciar shadowheart says when shar returns all her memories right before she kills her parents

and u can be like, do what u think is right!! (even though u probably picked all the worst options for the nightsong to die)

and she

she acknowledges and is aware of how messed up her whole situation is but shes in too deep to stop!!!!!

and im

ooOOOUUUUGGGHHHHH

#bg3 spoilers #THE SELF LOATHING!!!!!!! #anyways then she loses all her memories again and has a grand evil shar time #but i like to imagine that deep sense of unease whenever she even thinks too hard about those huge gaps in her memories #which ofc dark shart will cope with by simply not thinking about it and following her faith #BUT BUT BUT shes still the same person with the very charitable reading of shar's doctrine #so naturally those deep seated misgivings will never go away #probably #my brainworms wont free me #im also just thinking how cool it wouldve been to have gotten this scene with a genuininely good character #but its most likely u get it on the murderhobo runs.. #can i just say if i were shadowheart it doesnt even make any sense not to stab the aasimar #like shes just goading her and shittalking her the whole time?? #AT LEAST TELL HER ABOUT HER PARENTS FIRST?? #also that scene is the only time she will actually acknowledge herself as jenevelle to her parents... #when she screams shes not jenevelle its not bc she believes it but more like she wants it to be true #mmm the angst...

[becauseplot]

*returns to yours* I HAVE THOUGHTS! NOT COHERENT ONES TOO SLEEPY AND NEED TO SAVE COHERENCY BUT THOUGHTS!!! MOSTLY ABOUT ISLAND TEAPARTIES AFTER THE KIDS ARE ASLEEP WHERE CELLBIT AND PHILZA DRINK TEA AND PHILZA TEACHES CELLBIT ABOUT STARS AND CELLBIT SLOWLY GETS BACK INTO HIS ENIGMAS AND THEY BOTH BITCH ABOUT TEA BUT DRINK IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT HAS GOOD STATS

YEAAH!! YEAHHH!!! Okay okay okay so I meant to ramble more earlier when you initially responded to my ask and then I got sleepy and conked out and now it's super early for me, nailed it lmaooo. so anyway just like a couple things i noticed abt this scene *rolls out a scroll of notes, the bottom hits the floor and bounces out the door cartoon-style*

Chayanne gives Cellbit a rose!! Idk if Rose still has influence here (I'll have to sift through Phil's VOD to see if he says anything abt Rose, yesterday I mainly watched Cellbit's POV) but he's protected now!! That kinda folds him into Phil's "closer" circle of friends/family since it's primarily them who carries the roses for protection so!!!!! I'm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE TEA!! Yes the tea the way the tea immediately broaches the topic of purgatory, and yeah the audible wince in Phil's voice after Cellbit says the tea triggers him and Phil agrees. Yeah it's so shit and they're both so sick of it but it's so OP. Phil survivalist (hardcore) :handshake: Cellbit survivalist (hunger games/"The War"), do and use what is necessary to keep yourself alive.

And AAA!! Yes, okay okay so like you remember that idea abt Phil and Cellbit having late-night convos at the Order pre-purgatory? This is basically that!! It's late at night, they're getting caught up with each other, they've both got the shitass tea and it's going cold and!! In my head this scene goes on for a full night and they just sit and talk and talk and talk, eventually conking out when it's late, just like old times EXCEPT THEY HAVE THEIR KIDS NOW WHICH IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER, THEIR DESIRE TO FIND THEIR KIDS, AND THEY FOUND THEM!!! (I should write a fic i NEED to write a fic, me vs the 754389 wips in my brain; in my head they still had late night convos in purgatory when their "play time" timers lined up, phil waking up early enough and cellbit staying up late enough for them to talk while the others slept)

The way Cellbit still minces his words abt what he and Bags did post-purg 1 "we had our fun...bolas...style..." is it because he thinks Phil will think less of him? because there's children present? because his SON is present? idk how much Richas knows abt what Cellbit did in purgatory, Richas *did* rescue him while he was fighting eye workers but does he know about Cellbit hunting fellow players for sport? what Cellbit did to his pai Pac? I NEED ANSWERS

Phil's "Dude! No! Oh my god... D:" to when Cellbit says Roier was better off without him. PHIL WAS AT THEIR WEDDING. HE TOOK THE GODDAMN PHOTOS OF THEM AT THEIR WEDDING. HE SAW HOW HAPPY THEY WERE, HOW HAPPY ROIER WAS, WHEN THEY WERE REUNITED IN PURGATORY. Phil isn't close enough to Roier nor speaks to him enough to really understand the full extent of Roier's grief after purgatory 1, but it's gotta be hard for Phil to imagine Roier happy with Cellbit gone. Whether he believes it when Cellbit says "yeah Roier told me he was better" (doied WHEN I GET YOU---) is up for debate but I think about this constantly.

Phil fucking laughing when Cellbit admits he ate some of the eye workers fhdjsk. I can't get over the combo of Cellbit POV (in character thinking: "I'm terrible I'm a cannibal I'm a monster") vs Philza POV (cc who laughs at everything that is even remotely cursed) honestly, taking this as in-character (bc ccPhil doesn't mute his mic to laugh and he...usually does that for ooc bits while in the middle of rp), it says a lot abt qPhil that he's able to just laugh abt an admission of eating corpses. ethics who? geneva convention who? qPhil doesn't know her. munch on those eye workers king they're dickheads. (fuck, DOES qPhil know that Cellbit is a cannibal, as in, he has eaten not just workers but other players?? hmmm...)

"I'm sorry I couldn't do much as bolas leader" "It's better that you didn't see us...I think you'll be disappointed" "oh I could never be disappointed what do you mean shut up *laughs*" GODDDDDDDD also Cellbit trying to say he got worse after purg 1 and Phil saying "nah bolas is already at ground level" (either not understanding or indirectly reiterating that he won't condemn Cellbit for his actions, I can't tell) and then Cellbit just,, going with it. because it's not worth it to argue and he's trying to move past all of that now anyway. (QCELLBIT PROCESS YOUR TRAUMA CHALLENGE LEVEL IMPOSSIBLE)

watching Phil's POV now and HFDJSK you can't hear it on Cellbit's stream but Phil catches Richas as they're both leaving and says quietly, "Take care of your dad, Richas, n' take care." I'M 💥💥💥💥 (<-banging table)

Anyway!! This is what happens when the two characters I'm obsessed with interact for the first time in months. Over-analyzing a 5 minute convo. Sorry, it will happen again :] Praying they stay as neighbors I'd love to see archivists have more interactions!! And yes yes yes yes the tea parties with the kids!! Phil routinely chatting with Cellbit and watching him slowly "regain his color" as he settles back into peaceful life post-purgatory, falls in love with enigmas again. They've always trusted each other when they don't trust themselves, and they're both a Stable Point for the other. I'll miss what we never got to have with the leaders-of-the-Order-having-meetings ideas (timezones, wails) but I'm so excited for new island mysteries!! :D

#qsmp #archivists #asks for curly #istg the bulleted list was actually supposed to be short but uh. yeah. im nothing if not long-winded. #see the issue is that i know a good amt abt qphil #and a *pretty* decent amt abt qcellbit (language barrier *is* still there so i can't claim to fully understand his pov without help from- #-community analysis/translation) and so i can just kinda. talk abt them both. a lot. #there's fs details and nuances im missing but im trying!! #stream live translation is soooo helpful omg. alsocellbit streams for so long so frequently so its hard to catch every detail myself #also side note: is it still fanon that cell ate pacs leg? saw a post a while ago saying that it's technically fanon. idk if it's true- #-and i have no source so. shrug.