shmeemsy

[shmeemsy]

Hitting my patients with “you good?” is never not funny to me like me with my 80 year old grandpa like “you good, bud?” and 90% of the time they’re loving it

[shmeemsy]

“What’s your default customer service word?” Mine is actually several sentences: I understand that you want a snack but it’s 2:00am and your sugar has been over 300 for days. Yes I know that’s “normal” for you but it shouldn’t be. Try to get some sleep.

[shmeemsy]

I need to get on my living will shit bc if I ever have to be trached I’ll rally and rip that shit out myself goodbye

[shmeemsy]

butch lingerie

[Terfs dni/18+]

[shmeemsy]

in the club doing unspeakable things

[shmeemsy]

HILDA

Homage to the 50’s pinup Hilda with my beautiful friend María, who is damn proud of her body and is never scared to show it.

©2021laurabfernández

#tell Maria I love her

[shmeemsy]

i'm so glad i don't have a dick because i would constantly be hard. one sip of my fav warm beverage? brother i am ERECT

[shmeemsy]

Link in bio. What will he learn?

[shmeemsy]

Told a patient about “pits tits and slits” tonight lmao so… successful night at work 👍🏼

#context: she told me she took a whore’s bath earlier #which is a sink bath #and I was like heheheheh you wanna hear another thing to call it 😈

[shmeemsy]

My little man friend at work is convinced we’re like twins bc we were choir (me) and band (him) nerds in high school and listen to a lot of the same music and both find women hot

#is that all is takes for a straight man to make a best friend

[shmeemsy]

hairy dyke save me….save me hairy dyke…

[shmeemsy]

Accidentally matched my crocs to my nails lmao

[shmeemsy]

Palestinian activists get their message across on Londons iconic Tower Bridge landmark- one of the cities most historic buildings. We need a ceasefire now.

[shmeemsy]

One time I brought one of my rocks with me on a plane to touch to calm me down during the flight, but it fell out of my pocket on my way back to the bathroom and then as soon as i realized this they actually announced “did anyone lose…… . A rock” over the loudspeaker system.

When I went up to claim it the plane man, clearly unable to throw off the shackles of his training in the procedure of asking for people’s full names and birthdates when they come to claim wallets, said “wait no, first tell me what color it is so I know it’s really yours”

He seemed to realize this was stupid directly after saying it and kind of smiled like to make it a joke but the joke was on him bc I Described the fucking rock to him for like 30 solid seconds

…anyway. that was an interaction I had once

[shmeemsy]

why is pride always in summer. what about the dykes that can't tolerate the heat huh. what about us. I mean them.

[shmeemsy]

I don't trust anyone who hasn't acknowledged their capacity for evil.

#I absolutely understand that I am capable of horrid things

[shmeemsy]

The Princess Bride (1987) dir. Rob Reiner