#it's all so. terrible. hopeless.

[scorndotexe]

i need to get top surgery as soon as possible

#im not looking forward to doing this whole thing again but. im really gonna need to #im gonna have to. i cant live like this #i can't fucking live like this #i don't know how else im going to get out of this #i feel so hopeless constantly #i shower and then i have to do my best not to burst into tears #and i end up crying anyway #it's all so. terrible. hopeless. #persimmon's rambles

[imminent-danger-came]

*sigh*. So. 3x03 right. "You rigged this table so that no matter what plate Monty was under, he would drop down from under it just as your contestant made their choice!" and how that works with the game motif in 4x10, "Ugh, again? Remind me how this 'game' is supposed to convince me I'm not destined to turn into an evil demon monkey thing again!? Cause every option I pick takes me to this same screen!" "Hey you're finally getting it! No matter what options it's giving you, you're always gonna end up in the same spot." And it's like, losing being inevitable, the game being rigged, the only option being to find a different choice, yet still "every choice has consequences—for someone." Overall I just kinda feel like this:

#I hate game motif I hatteeee herrrrr #LMK stop having thematically relevant games challenge (impossible) (super hard) (unachievable) (hopeless) #Actually all of 3x03 hurts me #MK *LITERALLY* wagering his friends to win (and for more power) #Like okay. Okay sure #Okay #uhuhhuhuhuhuhuh #''There's no way I can lose if my friends are on the line!'' #Oh okay. This is terrible this sucks #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk rant #lmk game motif #God like of course. OF COURSE MK get's one of his powers back in s3 by playing a rigged game #Of course he fucking does #Because fuck me and fuck everything #I also hate exchange theme did you know that #whatever #''you don't want to fight Azure cause people might get hurt—you don't want to not fight Azure cause people might get hurt— #so do something else! Only you can decide who you are kiddo.'' #Okay but who is MK did you ever think about that #Did you consider that question #''I just want to be me. To be MK!'' ''Yeah well. We all know exactly where that leads don't we.'' #Like god whatever #Sorry I remembered. LMK is a surreal experience #it's a lego breakdowwwnnnn da da daaa do. da da da do dooo #these tags are illegible and that's okay

[chainofclovers]

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death

#(i'm fine) #(personally) (mostly) (really) #this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals #and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that... #...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once #including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that #and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died #and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal #which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting #and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing #desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird #always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/ #and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were #so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile #but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had #and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair #to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly* #and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful #i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why... #...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating #it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible #and feeling that way is 100% sane #and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple #for meaning and for ideas of what to do #so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things #and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days #often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control #and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being... #...at least a sliver about ME and my little world #about me

[thesundanceghost]

just gonna be honest i probably will end up rewatching black sails after i finish the wire again

#never watched them back to back but I Get It #the game. the humanity. #the hopelessness. the capitalism. the brutality. #havent watched the wire since i watched black sails for the first time but i think it would change everything #i get so much why black sails was inspired by the wire #its taking these terrible acts and shoving humanity back into the mix. shoving love back into it #i will say thats something so many other shows-- even like brba and bca-- didnt really do in the same way #not saying they're better #i mean the wire is better than everything but #its just about forcing all of this into a unique lens #ughhhhh goddammit this is my kryptonite

[silenthillbunni]

🐰🩹🧸🏨

#i hate being in pain like this #bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else #im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain #it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly #im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it #idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr #im dramatic i know but ​it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again #im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know #im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :(( #i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life #i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain #i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit #getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up #i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked #which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for #i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :( #and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues #im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong #idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this

[quillsink]

Struggling to stay alive another day was a form of resistance. Escaping from the ghetto or hiding in a bunker was resistance. Resistance was giving birth to a child in the ghetto, sharing food with others, praying in a congregation, singing in a chorus, studying the Bible, planting flowers in the ghetto, keeping a diary under the shadow of death.

— Chaim Lazar, a young resistance fighter discussing the hope and resistance of Jewish people forced into ghettos in Poland with terrible conditions under the Nazi regime during WW2

#this. god #this quote always fucking sears itself into my brain #so many of us #are filled with despair. completely hopeless #and we look back. to the not even so distant past! #this was the 1940s not even a century ago #and in some of the most terrible times. in sone of the most terrible conditions #in some of the most hopeless times possible #humans found HOPE #in the fucking NAZI REGIME #during WORLD WAR TWO #people found hope. #god. i hope i can find some too. i hope we all can #i hope this person survived the war #i hope they had a good life after this #aryan talks #w #on hope

[nylarac]

suffering

#god #the first part of today wasn't so bad #got v lost multiple times and was horribly sweaty but it mostly seemed like. manageable #but the online speech class... #i am dropping that thang #i was wanting to switch to all online classes but was swiftly reminded how much the website sucks #also realized that i may not actually need to take this new student course #there are no advisor appointments available until next week and the last day to add/drop classes is this week #also hardly any classes have slots left #or are online only or the professors have terrible reviews #am full of dread and feeling v hopeless #idk what i will do if i can't get myself through college

[rewritingcanon]

my therapist fr just asked me if in asexual. gagged and gooped, sitting across from her on that dumbass couch like a fool.

#LIKE #CLAIRE IDK 💀🙏 #i dont think im asexual i just think i have trust issues ⚰️ #like i cant ever imagine myself happy in a romantic relationship. what does that say abt me 🧍‍♀️ #nah i need to fall in love with someone bro i cant be a hopeless romantic for nuthing!! 😭 #actually. controversial opinion thats not going to help me beat these ace allegations BUT #in an ideal world romance wouldnt exist. bc like. who needs it? lmfaoo just have friends or sumthing. we all just do our own lil things- #-seperately and live cool eco lifestyles and no one is in poverty or fighting in wars and everyone is funky fresh #like why u gotta be in love for? doing too much 💀🙏 #marry ur bsf or something and let it be platonic. why u gotta invest so heavily in ur feelings for 💀💀 #nah. im not abt to tell claire this bc shes gonna truly suspect im asexual or a very bitter single person LMAO #romance is good for one thing and that’s fictional shipping and making fun of ur friends TERRIBLE taste in men 💪 #(im aware this post might age badly. if i ever lose my mind and start posting abt someone on here yall humble me with this) #(probs bc i view falling in love too seriously. i cant even think of dating someone w/o thinking of marriage and THAT FREAKS ME OUT 😭😭) #not hp #rewriting

[tortademaracuya]

Everyday is the same wake up look for jobs eat look for jobs talk with my friends who are also looking for jobs apply to a job get rejected look for a job get ghosted get ghosted a driend has shared a job they think I would like I share one for her back we get ghosted look for jobs we cry together

#we want to work so badly it doesnt matter to us anymore #we just want a job. ideally art related but we are so desperate we dont care anymore #an art job is a distant dream unreachable for us #no professional experience no entry level if theres a remote or low level job its ONLY for europeans and usamericans #because fuck the rest of the world i guess #i cant even cry most of the time its just emptiness. absolute hopelessness. if i could cry i would feel better probably #icant do anything else because my depression doesnt let me enjoy anythinf #and even if in lucky and i feel some semblance of emotion i instantlyget crushed byguilt #i should be looking for a job. i should be bettering myself. i should check all over for somewhere to apply. to get a following #its starting to make me question was this really not kiling myself worth it? i should be dead. i should do something #everything is terrible i cant even fucking eat or sleep in peace #haunted.txt

[professorabacus]

*sigh*

#is anybody else feeling hopeless and depressed and apathetic abt all things you liked #can’t tell if cuz I woke up late or smth or cause my midterm grades are disappointing but man #everything just feels so bad lately #I just feel terrible #need lock in after spring break god #college #vent

[sunspira]

theyre destroying that terrible person i hate on youtube this week

#again #not terrible in a small way i mean #ruining lives for undeserved reasons in underhanded ways to feed their own ego and its all crumbling down #the fact that it was creepshowart the first time and now its hopeless peaches the once pals #yes the lore is extensive #very cruel abusive people tho like actually and I need to see them lose their image built on agony and falsehoods #for closure heehee #you could call it 'cancel culture' I call it when gaston leads the hoard to get what he wants for SO long he gets thrown off a bridge #and its a good song we love that part

[realness-remade]

T_T i told my mother and she just laughed at me for "not using my legs enough" (Not even true???) man i dont even have an ID or a bank account or literally any sense of independence you haven't taken me to the doctor in like 5 years. Can you fucking man up and stop neglecting meeeeee

#sorry vent on main whatever im feeling kind of terrible right now tbh #only orher partd of my family are my grandmothers and 1 will literally just tell me to do it all myself and not help at all #and the other is my Dads Mom.and i dont trust her at all right now #So yeah i feel kind of hopeless right now honestly. But uts ok guys

[racingmiku2018]

i like my job and i like having money but remembering that i have to work makes me feel like a baked good deflating immediately after being removed from the oven. work takes up so much of my energy that i barely have enough for the things i like to do outside of it like drawing and crafting and reading and gaming and i need to spend like 90% of my weekend just recovering from the work week and by the time im up to doing literally anything i have to go to bed bc i have work in the morning

#racing! #its so fucking twisted. an endless cycle of being exhausted leading to being sad youre tired and then being exhausted bc ur sad #what am i even doing all this for #the cycles endlessness leads to hopelessness and it becomes very difficult to be optimistic #keeping my chin up has become a necessity bc if i drop my head for too long it gets impossible to perk back up #and im SO DAMN LONELY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I MISS MY FRIENDS #i miss my partner and i miss some of my old coworkers #im so sick of being alone with myself this bitch is terrible company to keep #its really awful. the worst #i know im just tired in general and maybe in the morning ill feel silly for rambling #but right now i really feel terrible and i need to get it out somewhere or ill go to sleep and itll fester and result in weird ass dreams #id rather not have goddamn eldrich horrors and skinbeasts in my dreams again tonight thanks

[thebeautifulfantastic]

.

#i usually do everything in my power to Not think like this but i have to get it out of my head #there have been so many times recently where i think about my acting and my life goals and i just. want to give it all up #i am so tired and i have these moments of incredible hopelessness #and i feel like nothing has ever worked out for me & i’ve always had terrible timing with reaching my goals… #i think about even the one big goal that i HAVE lived and achieved through hard work (last year’s internship that i’ve mentioned a couple ti #times on here) gave some incredible memories but it also wreaked havoc on my mental health and my studies #now i’m burned out a lot of the time. i have undiagnosed adhd and probably autism as well — which i would never use as an excuse for not bei #being able to do something but it is HARD because my mom won’t believe that I’m neurodivergent #and it is difficult to be productive #Also Christmastime always makes me sad so there’s that #but point is. sometimes i want to give up #and i have never been someone to quit on my dreams so i feel pretty shitty for even entertaining the idea #i know that acting and every other art form that i love is what i WANT and i can’t think of much else that would make me happy #but sometimes i am just so tired i… don’t even want to try anymore #disappointment and the fear of more disappointment just becomes too much #i just want to get away from my past and start over #belle speaks #stories of my life #adventures in showbiz

[junkyardromeo]

vent in the tags

#once again my parents are at it about college #like. how am i supposed to pull 30000 dollars out of my ass when they won't even let me get a job?? #why am i being forced into this when obviously i don't want it? #i have come to the realization that there is no reason that i am alive right now other than spite and music #everything in my life is so hopeless and terrible and i have no energy for anything #i can't even eat without immediately feeling sick #and i can't even escape it with sleep because i can't fall asleep #and my parents won't even notice anything is wrong.. all they do is ask if im on drugs and harass me about schoolwork #i could look like a dead man walking and all they would say is 'ARE YOU VAPING' and immediately tear my room apart #there is no solace #i feel sick and exhausted all the time and if i try to tell them then they say i am making excuses #i would be better off if everyone just forgot me #its all just so fucking tiring and i can have no rest #i wish i wasn't such a goddamn coward but i am

[plinkcat-gif]

i fucking HATE all “dystopian society” media

#granted most of the ‘classics’ were written in the 50s so it fits the time but like #why are we still reading that. we could be reading idk. myths and legends. #i read religiously for my entire life up until high school when we started reading dystopian media #i stopped reading altogether and sparknotes-ed all my assignments :/ #what i’m saying is hey we are constantly in a terrible world and the later generations are feeling hopeless and reading ab this isn’t helpin #g #and btw i haven’t read a book since #i read f a fiction a lot tho so i still consume reading media but not in physical form