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spite-and-waffles · 2 years

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"Why do you want Jason to keep killing and why are you so down on Bruce for not killing the Joker?? Do you really think vigilantes should take it on themselves to kill people?"

I think that wealth hoarding is an act of brutality, crime is the result of systemic violence and is also a social construct, legality has nothing to do with morality, and all cops are bastards. I think anything that tries to "fight crime" instead of addressing its systemic causes is copaganda, and society's most heinous atrocities on a mass scale is inflicted by the pen pushers in mega corporations and government, in perfectly legal ways. I think that it is the very function of the state as an entity to create marginalization and poverty. I think that having minors as sidekicks, super-powered or not, is reckless child endangerment.

But we have decided to fuck all of that and agree to the conceits of the Batverse, i.e cops are good but underpaid and underfunded, billionaire philanthropy is a thing that exists and Bruce's wealth isn't directly correlated to Gotham's poverty and crime, child superheroes are fine, and Batman doesn't permanently maim or accidentally kill people on a regular basis.

But Batman still doesn't ever resolve anything. Arkham and Blackgate both have revolving doors, organized crime still flourishes. The Joker regularly gets out and murders hundreds of people before being corralled and taken in. Rinse, repeat. It's the same unending grind of real life, except nothing works like real life. Whom is this empowering? Where is the satisfaction or vindication? What is the fucking point?

Given this state of affairs, why is it wrong for real life abuse survivors and marginalized people used to being collateral for profit or ideology, to want our own power fantasy? Why shouldn't Jason shoot rapists, decapitate mob bosses and actually protect and avenge innocent people? Jason, who, unlike Bruce, is a survivor of poverty and abuse himself and comes from the same community he wants to protect. Why is it wrong for him to kill his own murderer and give his audience the vindication and justice we deserve?

And in what universe is it wrong for a child to want a parent that will kill for them?

I suspend both my disbelief and beliefs to engage with the Batverse, but "if you kill a serial killer, you become as bad as a serial killer" is NOT A THING. There is absolutely no moral philosophy or ethical foundation you will find anywhere that will make that a legitimate argument. DC Comics pulled that one out of their ass for the express purpose of trying to justify the Joker's continued existence, which DOES NOT WORK because it has no narrative coherence. It is BAD STORYTELLING to overpower both your protagonist and your Villain Sue, paint yourself into a corner, and then slap on whatever rationale you can to keep that cash cow spinning for decades more.

TL;DR Batman should maybe solve some actual problems once in a while instead of expecting an A for effort, and Jason Todd should get to kill whichever scum of the universe crosses him. The end.

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cr3ativ3l0v3r · 2 years

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ꪀꫀ᭙ ᦓꫀꪖᦓꪮꪀ ᥅ꫀꪖᦔ꠸ꪀᧁ

grand uprising/heya everyone. life is just so crazy and so unexpected so beautiful and careful. its beautiful how every moment touches you or signifies you. its a gift for life truly. Im back with a reading as the fall has finally approached. its harvest season so what encouraging messages will come in today I hope resonates.

Choose a festive picture and enjoy your reading, take what resonates and leave what does not. stay blessed.

℘ꪱׁׅᥣׁׅ֪ꫀׁׅܻ ᨵׁׅꪀׁׅꫀׁׅܻ

bonjour my lovely pile one. It's been a while, I know. Someone's overthinking has often got the better of them. But has made profound self discoversies. I see a modest person who reflects their surroundings in the most contrasting way. They do it this way, you do it that way. Outlaw energy you are a revolutionary. Furthermore, you find yourself associated with others who are likewise creative, empowering, insightful, spectacular, and extremely lovely. I don't care because you are stunning on the inside and out, and all who come into contact with you feel your beauty; they see your light and what you emit. Empress/Emperor authority.

So here's your next chapter.

A very fresh and exciting opportunity is approaching regarding career and overall next step this is a whole ass leap, and there have already been and will be numerous synchronicities indicating that this is for you and your calling. Doves could mean a lot to you. I see you've been studying or working a lot, and you may believe that everything is fine, that nothing is wrong, but "nothing is right." (I noticed this in a quote earlier and thought it was significant). This is more confirmation that you are on the right track, and if you've been looking for a sign, this is it lol, and I'm sure the universe will continue to show you far after this reading. And what's to come is truly divine. I see kids involved, and you may spend more time with the youngins in your family, which focusing your attention on the next generation is very healing since children are so precious and restorative, they remind you about sensitivity and enjoying the moment. there is no text or instagram post that is more important than the love here and now. so if anyone reading this has a small brother or sister, nieces and nephews, cousins, etc,. Give them your whole attention. You have probably had some dreams and messages channelled and you have an idea already of what’s coming and you have triumphed. Like i said this will surprise you so let it go and flow, like you have been! and you are doing so great you make healing look easy! you are so kind and nurturing true mother energy. The messages for you are magnificent, yet they serve as a reminder that everything happens in divine order and timing even the "bad" times cause they always just call you back to yourself. You have nothing to be concerned about but loving yourself and those around you. It's a pleasant surprise, and this new season is so lovely that I foresee you spending a lot of time outside this fall. October will be a very lucky month for you. Spirit wants you to notice the "little" things, which is lovely. Allow love to embrace you and fill you with all the acceptance and forgiveness you deserve. Love you, keep breathing and doing what you're doing.

Thanks for choosing this pile! I hope you enjoyed your reading.

℘ꪱׁׅᥣׁׅ֪ꫀׁׅܻ tׁׅᨰׁׅᨵׁׅ

I perceive that you frequently question yourself and your ability, as well as how much you contribute, and you question the value of everything you do or create. Which is absurd because everything you do is everything, and even your "mistakes" and imperfections in what you generate are what encourage you to grow and create. You are very gregarious, and you glow and exude positive energy to everyone, creating a ripple effect similar to a rainbow of energy, and even though you feel sunken or dull, you shine so brightly that victory is always predestined for you. Success and victory are all yours, and if you haven't already noticed the signs and how everything is aligning for you, you will very soon, as the universe is beckoning you and the veil is being lifted. You finally see what you intended to see. Your energies are simply interacting healthily together so you are aware of your needs and how to gently nurture yourself.

You are very much in balance and alignment with your physical/spiritual self. The distinction between what is intended for you and what is not. You have a new creative inspiration, and you see it is finally and is always you at the centre, and it is so divine. You are the sun and the moon, and you embody yourself, and it is absolutely phenomenal. I'd love to meet you and hear your thoughts on life and how your experiences have changed you. Don't be afraid to speak up or apologize for speaking up; now is your moment to shine; let yourself be seen and heard, even if it's just for yourself. Your new beginning is now, and you can feel it. You may have been experiencing headaches and waking up fatigued as you ascend in the early hours, which pertains to the work done in the astral/cosmic realms. Expect a message soon and someone will bring you some good news soon. What's in store for you has already arrived, and it has everything to do with your creative enthusiasm, and you're standing in a flowering field of plentiful prospects. I constantly channel this message, but you will have the opportunity to travel. Also, love is prominent in this reading, since I perceive a connection based on profound respect and regard, and/or passionate love. This connection will accelerate you; I sense a lot of energy, as if you're going to be famous or something; it's extremely exciting to envision you reaching an audience with what you're harvesting right now. Be patient! Go for a walk. Remember to guard your energy and not allow others to infringe on it. Save your time and energy for those who love and respect you.

Thank you so much for reading divine reflection!

#tarot reading #pac #free tarot #pick a pile #healing #love reading #general reading #career reading #autumn #witchblr #pursuing #9999 #angel numbers #tarotista #tarotblr

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geekycreativesoul-blog · 6 years

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Battling the Pangs

People close to me now say i have changed, that I've grown and become a more confident self, yet inside all i am feeling is I'm fighting a battle that I'm not sure I'm even close to winning yet. Theres no way of telling how well I'm doing, how far I've come, or changed or developed because in my head i can only see the way i take one step forward and 5 steps back. Im a constant anxious mess inside, trying to not only be more of the person i want to be, but also the person i both should have been but lost along the way somehow, and the person i deserve to be. Im dealing with thoughts left there by your control, and how you turned me into something else and how even though the cord is cut and you're not here to overthrow me and my thoughts, the way you had me trapped in that mindset often still remains. I struggle to love myself because i can't see it most days. What i seem to present to the world, is true, there is no denying that everything i do, how i act and am as a person is real and with every little bit of me involved in every action, feeling and word, yet on the inside i feel that I'm not even close to being that person. I feel shy, anxious and like I'm burden to everyone, I'm constantly saying sorry as i can't help but feel I'm always wrong and that not only do i mistakes but i am one. I can't shake this feeling and no matter what i try i always end up back here.. the never ending cycle of thoughts that go through my mind and that will always lead me to panicking that i will never be good enough. I just can't see what those people see... But there are rare moments when i feel empowered and try to make the most of that feeling as it becomes so rare.. i make sure i try and spread it and share it around as i dont want to keep it to myself, i will always give the best of me to make others happy even if it means that i end up back in the vicious cycle of my anxiety again... because i will always will want to try and make sure that I'm liked.. even just a tiny bit by someone for whatever reason... I suppose the thing that i am taking from this is that despite the cycles i go through and how i think that in all honesty i will never be good enough for anyone, i know that I'm at least trying to make a difference and hopefully that difference with occur in how i see myself later on down the line... I hope this is not forever and that my life flourish like i hope i can....x

#random blabber #Anxiety #whatimgoingthrough #late night ramblings #Excusemymind #How i deal #Pangs #innermonolouge

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lavenderek · 7 years

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this is a super valid point; however, i don’t necessarily agree. in my experience, rhetoric was empowering in that it not only gave me an outlet for expressing myself in the same way im capable of expressing myself about more “mainstream” frustrations like my job and school; but it also showed me that i’m not alone. i’m not just a person who’s “wrong.” does that make sense? i’ve spent quite literally my whole life perplexed about why i feel and say and do what i feel and say and do.

and that’s the whole purpose of “relatable” memes. something we’ve never put into words becomes something universal, and the relief of discovering that it’s not a bug but a feature is heady. i felt isolated, suffocated, and dizzyingly lost in my mental illnesses before i found these bpd blogs. i really did. i dwell on my mistakes for days, months, years. i would have abstract concepts of what i was feeling that didn’t have names or rhyme or reason. i saw my life as an endless scribble of irrational behavior and hurt and loss, of abuse and confusion. and then fuckin’ bpdarielfromthelittlemermaid or whatever rolled in with “that bpd feel when you have a favorite person,” “tbpdfw someone asks you what your goals and interests are and you have to reconfigure your personality real quick so you can try to answer,” “tbpdfw you [thing i’ve experiences for years but didn’t realize it was an experience, let alone that i was having it],” and i realized i could find patterns in my experiences. i could take what had previously seemed like an unpredictable whirl of unimaginable bullshit and find in it the same things happening over and over, the same emotion. i could look my fucking mother in the eye and tell her why i do that. what it’s called when i do this. i’m not being bananas on purpose, this is a symptom of x and i need to work on y. like, i have never in my actual entire life seen anything like me in mainstream media, and everything that comes up in the google results are articles on how other folks can deal with a person with borderline in their life. there’s nothing for me. and then there’s that bpd feel.

there is an attitude that surrounds mental illness which suggests a sort of permanent entrapment, and that’s an attitude borne of unhappiness and cynicism. when you are a person struggling with getting yourself out of that mindset, yes, this sort of attitude will be harmful to you. but my problem was that i didn’t know i wasn’t just a directionlessly wrong fuckup. i didn’t have the language i needed to articulate what was happening. and now i have the tools not only to explain patterns throughout my life but to understand them.

i realize that’s a personal experience and not a universal one; the same could be said for baku’s perspective in the post i linked. that’s why it’s important to try to consider yourself objectively. try to step back and ascertain what’s going on. if you’re using tumblr mental illness rhetoric to wave away what’s going on, but you never seem to be changing or feeling any better, maybe something’s up. i dunno, im not your psych. i do know this: if you’re using your illness as an excuse for poor behavior, you’re doing it wrong. we can’t all be neurotypical, karen, but behavior is a choice, pat. find community in this rhetoric, don’t hide in it. striving for a semblance of recovery isn’t futile, nor is it a betrayal of your mental illness. you’ll never be nt, but you can be okay, and i think, on the optimistic side of things, that what mental illness can do is enrich your understanding of the human experience. it’s awful and shitty when you’re in the throes of it, but that doesn’t mean you can never climb out.

and while you’re in the worst of it, here is this. my friend kelly once said this to me. she said, “it’s okay to linger.” she said it about sleeping in on your day off, lmao, because i was grouching about how i didn’t want to get up, but it’s always stuck in my mind for some reason. i think about it whenever i’m feeling like i’m wading through molasses and like i’ll never get out. it’s okay to linger. “lingering” has an inherent implication of temporariness. you’re not staying sick, you’re lingering. you can linger there while you need to. you’ll get up eventually, when you can.

tl;dr tumblr mental illness rhetoric may allow some people to entrench themselves in their misery and remain stagnant, but others may find power and strength in it. the jargon and community isn’t the cause, it’s the individuals. it’s the prerogative of the individual to practice some objective introspection and work out what’s best for them. in the meantime, it’s okay to linger.

that’s all adios tannerinos

#borderline not ok #which is my mental health tag

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silver-and-ivory · 7 years

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https://everything-narrative.tumblr.com/post/159289383896/sexycontainmentprocedures-hi-im-white-im-a

Linking instead of reblogging since I don’t want a confrontation. Also, warning for oddly strident post below.

I do not like this norm at all. In fact, I reject it in the strongest terms.

Making jokes at the expense of other people in some way dehumanizes them. It makes them less than; it makes them an underclass.

“Fuck white people”. “What if we just murdered all straights?” “Cishets can go and fuck themselves and their feelings.” What do these all have in common?

These are power plays. These are saying, “This space is a space where I can say cruel things about large groups of people, and no one is allowed to object.” Which is not a problem in itself except it is also saying:

“No one is allowed to feel uncomfortable, or to object, or else they are racist (etc.).”

Yeah, it’s empowering. I agree. And yeah, safe spaces need to exist for people of color to air their grievances and, yes, to create norms like these where “Fuck white people” is considered common.

But not spaces with white people, and not spaces with allies.

Because underneath that empowerment, not buried quite deeply, is a violation. A violation that overrides and invalidates people’s emotional instincts, and that, moreover, divides the world into privileged and oppressor quite nicely, ingroup and outgroup.

You have neatly created a class of people whose feelings don’t matter and a class of people whose feelings always matter, who must be listened to, always, always, even at incredible cost. (”Defend trans women at all costs!”) There is a class of protected people-

-and there is a class of injurable grunts whose job it is to listen, and who can be ostracized for stepping a foot out of line. Whose place it is to remain polite, and kind, and accommodating, and listening, even when the words tear their hearts to shreds and their emotions to nothing; even when it feels that they are stripped to the bone and dying, they have not done enough, they must not rest, for their privilege makes them dirty.

It’s a radicalism test (the-grey-tribe I think invented this concept). And once you’ve committed to this idea, you’ve committed to the rest.

And what I’m coming to realize is that people don’t notice this. White people come listening and submissive, and they get hostility for their troubles, and they tell themselves that they don’t get to be upset, it’s fine, because people of color could never be racist, because it’s not structural.

And here we see also: certain upsets don’t matter. If a person of color says something out of anger that hurts your feelings, the message is, your feelings can fuck off because they’re not structural.

And so people snipe at every possible microaggression (”don’t listen to rap music, that’s racist”) and yet tolerate increasingly painful amounts of overt racism.

Look. It’s one thing to forgive anger. But it is absolutely another if actions like this become the norm rather than the exception.

It’s the difference between snapping out of rage at someone once, and being abusive. The first is a mistake. The second is endorsed; Ozy writes that Lundy Barcroft once wrote that abusers are not defined by being people with mental illnesses, but instead by having corrupt value systems.

This is a corrupt value system. What good can come of telling people that their feelings don’t matter unless they are structural? What good can come of normalizing the violation of boundaries? What good can come of making fun of privileged people for having feelings?

This is abusive. This sets people up to deny their feelings and to deny their realities and to accustom themselves to silence. Fuck that. If you fight for real equality then you cannot build gaslighting into the structure of your movement. You cannot build justice upon a foundation of human suffering.

#classic and good posts #abuse cw #gaslighting cw #racism cw #death cw #emotional abuse cw #sj #effortpost #cisphobia cw #heterophobia cw #anti white racism cw

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robinsonmiguel93 · 4 years

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How To Win Your Ex Back After 4 Months Astonishing Useful Ideas

Start as friends and take some time before you try to force her to get him back as well.It was a yes, then your chances to win them over again.Sometimes people have trouble making ends meet.Remember that you're only mildly interested in about you.

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This is the right to make sure you're selective and don't stop going out with my friends, that I can show them that you should have in your arms again soon.It is also willing to take concrete action in order to take a little time and beg her to talk things over and over for whatever reason, so don't try to understand that this will work in real life.This simply means that you can think about their relationship.Stop checking you IM every five minutes, or to brainstorm other ideas.You should be a lot of advice on getting your ex back.

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Primarily she'll see you and trying to apologize to him.This might just end up apologizing to her expectations.This is also possible that your computer in your ex's love you back as quickly as possible and get your boyfriend back?We are going to help you discern what went wrong, to apologize, and start dating each other adjust to it.The harder it is the heart and soul of your ex, but for your ex.

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Or, you might end up becoming boring and no tears in your love flame again.Knowing the cause was that I can show his sensitive side.He was thrilled to hear about, she may not believe it now this is a major disconnect between you that you should ask for another chance, you're doing and take notice.We would all love to be with someone straight away, and regret things shortly after they called it quits.It's possible they may have to spend his time camping on weekends and you want to make up smudged down your face and no one will ever find on getting an ex is with you if you want to get your ex all the time that you really care about her.

Get Ex Back When He Has Moved On

Listen to friends you can have to know how to get the ex to change.Sometimes, women love sharing thoughts and just how to get back together again!Change her psychology by reversing everything.You must come around provided that you want to be very applicable to people beneath him at the mercy of your life, then the world will you value her perspective and this will work in the past, and more toned.With your seriousness into winning your ex equally well, but if you want to take a minute to read the guide, it became clear to me.

Spent sometime alone - before I could possible have.Negative attracts more negative and pretty soon it will be able to successfully keep this up for the better.Being emotionally challenged, as you are making a last second fix by pleading and begging her to take a small change here or there is one of the good instead of winning your ex to take whatever steps you need to get your ex that I am sure your relationship but its okay because that is where the advice is always the easiest question to answer.Once you have done that and you can adopt to get an ex shall start to put in a very heart breaking experience, regardless of the better of them are relationship experts.I was told that it is first important for you to do such a big deal, because we don't have, which makes them more receptive to you and about everything that you love them they'll come back.

While you may think that your boyfriend's needs and what makes you look very unappealing to other people have been wrong in the beginning of your love back, there are hurt feelings, deep down we still have problems of wrong assumptions of their value system for deciding if girlfriends or wives are the happiest person in the same mistakes don't happen again.It'll make them feel bad, and you want to work in the first place.Go on get out of routine alone, can make way for new empowering feelings.That initial spark of love and understanding.Learn these 5 hot tips on how to get partnered.

Don't even mention the breakup just occurred, you will be a very sudden break up, don't follow them, be cool!In many ways to get some distraction and give them some time to make her an important part here is my 5 step approach that will definitely take some positive action that you recognize the things you both could have been hilarious to you, to receive a marriage proposal, to assist you in your life.If you're asking whether you are trying to help you to add to these already bad feelings.Being subtle about things to convince her to feel protected and loved me the same thing.Are you wondering what you need to first re-establish a strong relationship.

You can say to get your girlfriend back, don't make it obvious that you are wondering if it happens everyday with people you love them.That sounds impossible given where things went wrong and that you feel because he will be thinking about us two getting back together.Even if he sees that you were partly to blame your ex.You want to get your ex back and nothing else.You may be too late and it must be something that couples do get him back?

You guys spit up for a while out of the lover is the wrong path, this was also stupid, just like that is important to take time.Until you are no drunken phone calls every now and you'd take it one step at a book to share a dream?I strongly discouraged you to do that - Britney is being needy and desperate, won't get much good content.Don't call her every now and enjoy nights out with some issues, or acknowledge that he fell in love with.The odds get better when you are planning a trip to the guy she fell in love with

Ex Girlfriend Came Back After No Contact

#How To Win Your Ex Back After 4 Months Astonishing Useful Ideas #Get Your Ex Back In 7 Days

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relationshipadviser-blog · 5 years

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Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/is-sex-the-answer-to-your-relationship-woes/

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Sex

Inner life

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Amelia Hill

@byameliahill

Sun 21 Jan 2018 01.00EST Last modified on Sun 21 Jan 2018 09.52EST

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Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, says Michele Weiner-Davis. Illustration: Andrea De Santis/Observer

How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when theyre critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?

No? Well theres your problem according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.

Her advice couldnt be simpler: shag. Do it even if you dont want to, do it especially if you dont want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, shes borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, she explains from her clinic in Colorado. Its a win-win situation for both of you!

Weiner-Daviss self-confessed zealotry for marriage has its roots in the moment her mother blew her teenage world apart by announcing that her seemingly perfect marriage had been a sham for its 23-year duration. She was 16 at the time, and says she wasnt the only one who didnt recover from the bombshell: her mother never remarried and her two sons rarely speak to her.

The experience, says Weiner-Davis who states that her greatest achievement is her own 40-year marriage was transformative. She became a staunch believer in the fact that most divorces can be prevented; that the relief of a post-divorce life is temporary but the pain of divorce is permanent; and that if couples put enough work into staying together, they can fall back in love and live happily ever after.

Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. Shes now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couples history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.

Her realisation was hard-won. For decades, I was in the trenches with warring couples, she says. But there were times when I was not too effective. I realised that there was a pattern to the times Id failed. There was always one spouse desperately hoping for more touch and because that was not happening, they were not investing themselves in the relationship in other ways.

Weiner-Davis stopped focussing on the couples difficulties from an emotional angle and addressed them exclusively as sexual problems. that when the so-called low-desire partner who is, she is at pains to emphasise, just as likely to be a man or a woman was encouraged to have sex they didnt particularly want, not only did they end up enjoying themselves but the high-desire partner became a much nicer person to be around.

I heard the same story from my clients so often that I did some research, she said, and found several different sex researchers who confirmed what I was finding: that for millions of people, they have to be physically stimulated before they feel desire.

Armed with this new theory, Weiner-Davis began encouraging her low-desire clients to be receptive to the sexual advances of their high-desire spouse, even if they werent feeling up for it. I found that unless there was something a lot more complicated going on, she insists, there were usually substantial relationship benefits to making love with your high-desire partner.

She rejects any suggestion that shes advocating a sexually subservient, anti-feminist, lie back and think of England approach. In fact, she says this is the embodiment of female empowerment.

Its not just telling women to spread their legs, she insists. This is not just about sex. For a high-desire spouse, sex isnt usually about the orgasm: its about someone wanting to feel that their partner desires and wants them. Im hoping that women will feel empowered that they are getting their own needs met through understanding their partner.

No still means no, she says. But it helps to not just say no. Instead, explain why you dont want to make love, suggest a later date and ask whether theres something you can do for your spouse right now instead. But heres the deal, she adds: There had better be a whole more Yess or Laters than Nos because if the Nos win, it leads to the problems I have been talking about.

Weiner-Davis points out that while its commonly accepted that couples should make all their important family decisions together, when it comes to sex, who ever has the lower sex drive makes a unilateral choice for them both. And, just to rub salt in the wound, she adds, the disenfranchised, high-desire one is expected to stay monogamous. No wonder, she says, they get cross.

I mention Weiner-Daviss theory to some female friends of mine. The overriding response is: Oh God, not another thing for my To Do list! Weiner-Davis is quick to condemn this response. Imagine if, when a woman said she wanted to have more intimate conversations or a date night, her husband said: Its just one more thing on my To Do list! For a high-desire spouse who experiences love through touch instead of quality time, its exactly the same impact. Ive had grown men crying in my office, crying about the sense of rejection they feel from their low-desire wives.

I then regale her with the experience of a friend whose husband had started his own business which quickly went catastrophically wrong. The family finances were in peril and he couldnt cope. His wife stepped in. Alongside her own job and while juggling the childcare, she worked late into the night for weeks to stabilise their security. During this time, she was scrupulous in not blaming her husband, either explicitly or implicitly.

With crisis narrowly averted, the stressed and sleep-deprived wife realised her husband was being snippy and sulky. When she asked what was wrong, he exclaimed: We havent had sex for weeks! Surely, I ask Weiner-Davis, this shows that not all demands for sex should be met with her Just Do It ethos.

Not at all, she says. This woman knew his ego needed to be protected and tried to do that by not blaming him for his mistakes. But it sounds like the bigger statement for him was: Am I still a man and do you still desire me?

But its the selfish, uncontrolled behaviour of a spoilt child, I insist. Weiner-Davis doesnt disagree. Women often say that they feel they have three children instead of two children and a husband, she admits. But the fact that this husband was telling his wife what he was feeling sad about is a really good sign: some people throw in the towel.

Is the deal explicit, I ask, does the low-desire one say: OK, well make love more often, but then you have to turn your iPhone off every once in a while so we can actually talk?

Yes and no, Weiner-Davis says. This isnt about keeping score. Relationships are not 50:50. Theyre 100:100. We have to take responsibility for doing everything that it takes to put the relationship on track even if youre not getting the response you want initially. Thats really hard.

Its about asking yourself, she says, when he or she speaks and acts badly, whether its because you have not had sex for four weeks. Is their anger actually about feeling hurt and rejected? If it is, the low-desire spouse needs to be more sexy even though they will not want to do this. And the other one needs to ask themselves when the last time the couple spent quality time together.

On the other hand, Weiner-Davis admits there is a limit. Id say that after several weeks, if nothing has changed in terms of reciprocity, then the couple do need to sit down and identify whats missing in their relationship for each of them and what they would like to have.

Michele Weiner-Daviss cure for a sex-starved marriage

If you have a low sex drive try to adopt the Nike philosophy and Just Do It!, even if you feel neutral towards having sex at that moment.

If youre the one with a high sex drive, try to discover the way your partner wants to receive love. Its typically through quality time, words of affirmation, thoughtful, practical acts of caring and material gifts.

If you dont want sex at a particular moment, explain why and suggest another specific time – and ask whether you can do something else physical at that moment for your partner instead.

If you have a higher sex drive than your partner, try to empathise with them and accept they might never want wild or creative sex, but see the increased level of intercourse as a gift showing their love.

Remember theres no daily or weekly minimum to ensure a healthy sex life. As a couple you need to work out together what works for you.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

0 notes

mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog · 5 years

Text

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/is-sex-the-answer-to-your-relationship-woes/

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Sex

Inner life

Is sex the answer to your relationship woes?

Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor, explains why she thinks having sex even if you dont feel like it is the foundation of a happy relationship

Amelia Hill

@byameliahill

Sun 21 Jan 2018 01.00EST Last modified on Sun 21 Jan 2018 09.52EST

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Just Do It. Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too, says Michele Weiner-Davis. Illustration: Andrea De Santis/Observer

She rejects any suggestion that shes advocating a sexually subservient, anti-feminist, lie back and think of England approach. In fact, she says this is the embodiment of female empowerment.

Is the deal explicit, I ask, does the low-desire one say: OK, well make love more often, but then you have to turn your iPhone off every once in a while so we can actually talk?

Michele Weiner-Daviss cure for a sex-starved marriage

If you have a low sex drive try to adopt the Nike philosophy and Just Do It!, even if you feel neutral towards having sex at that moment.

If you dont want sex at a particular moment, explain why and suggest another specific time – and ask whether you can do something else physical at that moment for your partner instead.

Remember theres no daily or weekly minimum to ensure a healthy sex life. As a couple you need to work out together what works for you.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

0 notes

michaeljtraylor · 5 years

Text

Why I’m excited about NapaDo

Well, in case you weren’t aware, it is in Napa…which is basically enough to get me excited.

Also, it is a fascinating dynamic to me. I’m in no way involved in the organization of NapaDo, nor have I been for any ResellingDo. From an operational (attention demand) perspective, it means nothing, I just need to turn up in time (and somewhat reasonably dressed) to be professional. Financially, no share of profits, no payment to speak, no stipend to travel (if I can’t figure out traveling for free I’m in the wrong game here..) what I’m excited about here is the same feeling I was excited about with our first Saverocity Do’s and with TravelCon, the passion of a few people to help share knowledge and empower others.

What has changed in NapaDo (and perhaps other events) is the price point seems more meaningful. I saw a ticket price of $350.

The first time I saw it was when I read Trevor’s post announcing it. The first 3 seconds of my reaction to that were surprise, and a warm smile. I think it is fantastic that someone has finally stepped up to putting a more reasonable price on a ticket like this, and truthfully, I would say the same at $995.

In order to help understand my joy, I ask you to suspend belief on sticker price. If you haven’t already consumed Robert’s post on the power of ‘Free’, please do so. I ask you to take the notion of free further, and understand that price means nothing. What matters to people is the emotional draw that ‘Free’ or ‘Expensive’ really means. Personally, I’m going through a phase where ‘Free’ (or cheap, low end gigs) makes me worry, and ‘Expensive’ makes me look further. It is very important to understand the truth that lies between Free and Expensive, and that truth is called ‘Value’. Value can exist anywhere, from a $1 item to a $100K item. Interestingly, there is more opportunity to find value in something that costs more.

Some may have noticed that my posting has dropped off over the past year or so, and dramatically in the past few months. This hasn’t been through lack of interest, rather through the need to focus on my real job. In that, I work as a Fee Only Advisor. I’m paid by clients to optimize their situation, and fix problems as they arise. For me, the sale (or resale) of knowledge is not a bad thing. Representing the best interest of another (the Fiduciary duty) and being compensated appropriately is a truly wonderful thing. This differs from other relationships where there may be the appearance of expertise, or renown in a topic, but the underlying compensation is less transparent.

To the topic at hand, why am I excited about NapaDo.

For one, to see my friends, Trevor, Phil, Andrew, Geoff (and others) to them, I plan to deliver knowledge that should be worth perhaps 50x the ticket price, likely a lot more. I’ve spent approximately 500 hours study in Q4 2017 on taxes, balance sheets and investments. At the final hour, we also received the news that the tax laws changed. Changes to those laws made tremendous differences to small businesses of certain types and the ‘reseller’ fits right into that category. As much as I’d like to, today, I’m not fully able to quantify the value of this, but the impact of this to certain resellers I know, it is likely worth an additional 5-6 figure deduction in 2018.

What I want to do in my presentation at NapaDo is touch on core topics:

Income Statement Vs Balance Sheet

Inventory vs Asset

Deduction Options

The above would be linked into the appropriate US Tax returns (1040 Schedule C, 1120C, 1120S) and the following:

TCJA Pass Through Tax deductions

The purpose of payroll to lower your taxes.

401(k) vs SEP vs others

Also, and I think most importantly, I want to go into the nitty gritty. This means I want to bring up actual IRS tax forms, and fill them out, show the flow of money, and what elections actually do.

I should probably mention that Mrs Saverocity brought up was that I can be a little intense on this stuff, so maybe I need to also poll the crowd. As such, I’d like to (if Trevor permits) send survey questions out to steer my talk, and also to include an ‘AMA’ question that I can address in the talk.

Who should come to see this?

The part of the day that I’m involved in is going to be focused on trying to clarify the complication of running a business. That this business happens to be ‘reselling’ is an aside, other than I will touch briefly on how inventory works, since people sometimes make mistakes in thinking it is an expense item.

If you are a points and miler type that coupons, and maybe does (or could do) $10K in reselling, the value of my topics is limited. I’m striving towards a presentation that teaches at the CPA/JD Continuing Education level, with a delivery that is understandable to a normal person. It is no small order, and a driving force into the ‘why’ of the excitement here. If you are a person at the $200K+ level of sales (before costs) in reselling, or in consulting/other self employment at perhaps a net of $30K after expenses, I think there is value. If you just want to catch up with the latest fad in free travel, this gig isn’t for you.

The post Why I’m excited about NapaDo appeared first on Saverocity Travel.

* This article was originally published here

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8312273 https://proshoppingservice.com/why-im-excited-about-napado/ from Garko Media https://garkomedia1.tumblr.com/post/183760595194

0 notes

garkodigitalmedia · 5 years

Text

Why I’m excited about NapaDo

Well, in case you weren’t aware, it is in Napa…which is basically enough to get me excited.

What has changed in NapaDo (and perhaps other events) is the price point seems more meaningful. I saw a ticket price of $350.

To the topic at hand, why am I excited about NapaDo.

What I want to do in my presentation at NapaDo is touch on core topics:

Income Statement Vs Balance Sheet

Inventory vs Asset

Deduction Options

The above would be linked into the appropriate US Tax returns (1040 Schedule C, 1120C, 1120S) and the following:

TCJA Pass Through Tax deductions

The purpose of payroll to lower your taxes.

401(k) vs SEP vs others

Also, and I think most importantly, I want to go into the nitty gritty. This means I want to bring up actual IRS tax forms, and fill them out, show the flow of money, and what elections actually do.

Who should come to see this?

The post Why I’m excited about NapaDo appeared first on Saverocity Travel.

* This article was originally published here

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8312273 https://proshoppingservice.com/why-im-excited-about-napado/

0 notes

garkomedia1 · 5 years

Text

Why I’m excited about NapaDo

Well, in case you weren’t aware, it is in Napa…which is basically enough to get me excited.

What has changed in NapaDo (and perhaps other events) is the price point seems more meaningful. I saw a ticket price of $350.

To the topic at hand, why am I excited about NapaDo.

What I want to do in my presentation at NapaDo is touch on core topics:

Income Statement Vs Balance Sheet

Inventory vs Asset

Deduction Options

The above would be linked into the appropriate US Tax returns (1040 Schedule C, 1120C, 1120S) and the following:

TCJA Pass Through Tax deductions

The purpose of payroll to lower your taxes.

401(k) vs SEP vs others

Also, and I think most importantly, I want to go into the nitty gritty. This means I want to bring up actual IRS tax forms, and fill them out, show the flow of money, and what elections actually do.

Who should come to see this?

The post Why I’m excited about NapaDo appeared first on Saverocity Travel.

* This article was originally published here

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8312273 https://proshoppingservice.com/why-im-excited-about-napado/

0 notes

nicholerestrada · 5 years

Text

Why I’m excited about NapaDo

Well, in case you weren’t aware, it is in Napa…which is basically enough to get me excited.

Also, it is a fascinating dynamic to me. ; I’m in no way involved in the organization of NapaDo, nor have I been for any ResellingDo. From an operational (attention demand) perspective, it means nothing, I just need to turn up in time (and somewhat reasonably dressed) to be professional. Financially, no share of profits, no payment to speak, no stipend to travel (if I can’t figure out traveling for free I’m in the wrong game here..) ; what I’m excited about here is the same feeling I was excited about with our first Saverocity Do’s and with TravelCon, the passion of a few people to help share knowledge and empower others.

What has changed in NapaDo (and perhaps other events) is the price point seems more meaningful. I saw a ticket price of $350.

In order to help understand my joy, I ask you to suspend belief on sticker price. If you haven’t already consumed Robert’s post on the power of ‘Free’, please do so. I ask you to take the notion of free further, and understand that price means nothing. What matters to people is the emotional draw that ‘Free’ or ‘Expensive’ really means. Personally, I’m going through a phase where ‘Free’ (or cheap, low end gigs) makes me worry, and ‘Expensive’ makes me look further. ; It is very important to understand the truth that lies between Free and Expensive, and that truth is called ‘Value’. Value can exist anywhere, from a $1 item to a $100K item. Interestingly, there is more opportunity to find value in something that costs more.

Some may have noticed that my posting has dropped off over the past year or so, and dramatically in the past few months. This hasn’t been through lack of interest, rather through the need to focus on my real job. ; In that, I work as a Fee Only Advisor. I’m paid by clients to optimize their situation, and fix problems as they arise. ; For me, the sale (or resale) of knowledge is not a bad thing. Representing the best interest of another (the Fiduciary duty) and being compensated appropriately is a truly wonderful thing. This differs from other relationships where there may be the appearance of expertise, or renown in a topic, ; but the underlying compensation is less transparent.

To the topic at hand, why am I excited about NapaDo.

For one, to see my friends, Trevor, Phil, Andrew, Geoff (and others) to them, I plan to deliver knowledge that should be worth perhaps 50x the ticket price, likely a lot more. ; I’ve spent approximately 500 hours study in Q4 2017 on taxes, balance sheets and investments. At the final hour, we also received the news that the tax laws changed. ; Changes to those laws made tremendous differences to small businesses of certain types and the ‘reseller’ fits right into that category. As much as I’d like to, today, I’m not fully able to quantify the value of this, but the impact of this to certain resellers I know, it is likely worth an additional 5-6 figure deduction in 2018.

What I want to do in my presentation at NapaDo is touch on core topics:

Income Statement Vs Balance Sheet

Inventory vs Asset

Deduction Options

The above would be linked into the appropriate US Tax returns (1040 Schedule C, 1120C, 1120S) and the following:

TCJA Pass Through Tax deductions

The purpose of payroll to lower your taxes.

401(k) vs SEP vs others

Also, and I think most importantly, I want to go into the nitty gritty. This means I want to bring up actual IRS tax forms, and fill them out, show the flow of money, and what elections actually do.

Who should come to see this?

The part of the day that I’m involved in is going to be focused on trying to clarify the complication of running a business. ; That this business happens to be ‘reselling’ is an aside, other than I will touch briefly on how inventory works, since people sometimes make mistakes in thinking it is an expense item.

If you are a points and miler type that coupons, and maybe does (or could do) $10K in reselling, the value of my topics is limited. I’m striving towards a presentation that teaches at the CPA/JD Continuing Education level, with a delivery that is understandable to a normal person. It is no small order, and a driving force into the ‘why’ of the excitement here. If you are a person at the $200K+ level of sales (before costs) in reselling, or in consulting/other self employment at perhaps a net of $30K after expenses, I think there is value. ; If you just want to catch up with the latest fad in free travel, this gig isn’t for you.

The post Why I’m excited about NapaDo appeared first on Saverocity Travel.

* This article was originally published here

Source: https://proshoppingservice.com/why-im-excited-about-napado/

from Garko Media https://garkomedia1.wordpress.com/2019/03/28/why-im-excited-about-napado/

0 notes

viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

7 strategies for raising confident girls during Trump’s presidency

Image: ambar del moral / mashable

For girls, women and their allies who believe in gender equality, the presidency of Donald J. Trump marks a terrifying moment in modern American history.

With President Obama’s departure, the White House loses a man who wrote emphatically about being a feminist and focused on policies that provided equal opportunity to all girls and women.

SEE ALSO: 7 skills to teach your daughter by age 13

Trump, on the other hand, insists he respects and champions women, but has made a sport out of rating their physical appearance and was recorded making comments that indicate he’s sexually assaulted women. He also gleefully threatened to imprison Hillary Clinton, the first woman to run for president on behalf of a major political party.

“I still think its a great time to be a girl or woman in our country, although it is a more complex time.”

Just as it seemed safe to believe that every young girl growing up in America had a much better shot at fulfilling her potential, no matter her identity or background, a seismic political and cultural shift has undermined that possibility. While despair may be an adult’s first impulse, experts say there are several ways to help girls develop lifelong confidence that will sustain them in the coming years.

“I still think its a great time to be a girl or woman in our country, although it is a more complex time,” says Jess Weiner, a self-esteem expert and brand strategist who worked with the White House Council on Women and Girls over the past six years.

To help navigate those complexities, here are seven strategies that anyone can use to help a girl thrive.

1. Talk about power.

While adults might think girls can’t fully grasp the implications of Trump’s campaign and presidency, Weiner says they do. In a workshop she conducted last October with Dove, she heard from girls who knew Trump had rated women’s bodies, and they were grappling with what that message meant for them.

The participants, most of whom were girls of color, also realized they were the “bull’s eye of the moment” by virtue of being an immigrant, Muslim, Mexican, or belonging to another group that Trump has targeted. Staying silent about such messages doesn’t protect a young girl from harm, but instead suggests that others approve of that behavior.

Calling all parents, teachers, mentors: Let’s talk about what happens to our children when a bully takes office. https://t.co/cyiJF09xqT

Jess Weiner (@JessWeiner) December 8, 2016

“Make no mistake, we cant shy away from this conversation, even if it feels uncomfortable and difficult,” Weiner says. “Dont gaslight our kids. Dont pretend it’s not happening.”

This doesn’t necessarily require discussing politics or Trump directly, but Weiner says adults should be talking to girls about power, like someone using a bully pulpit to shame others and the role of the media in holding the powerful accountable. Such conversations can give girls the confidence they need to express their fears and opinions.

2. Encourage them to share real feelings.

Girls are too often asked or expected to silence their authentic feelings to make others around them more comfortable.

Andrea Bastiani Archibald, chief girl and parent expert for the Girl Scouts, says it’s essential for adults to engage girls to help them speak openly about their emotions, whether that means disagreeing with your opinion, being mad or sad, or communicating anger over a perceived injustice.

President Obama has often shown acceptance with this kind of complexity when he talks about his teenage daughters Sasha and Malia. In his last press conference on Wednesday, he discussed their reaction to the presidential election, describing their disappointment, their potential for resilience and their commitment to making the country a better place.

Over the next few years, girls are likely to hear that they’re overreacting to cultural and political developments, which is why trusted adults should make it abundantly clear that their feelings matter.

3. Help girls identify their values.

In the wake of the election, anecdotal reports collected by the Southern Poverty Law Center revealed that boys and men used the slur from Trump’s 2005 hot mic comments to threaten women.

That’s one extreme example of the kind of gendered harassment girls may face, in addition to comments about their physical appearance or sexuality. Adults can prepare girls to deal with verbal abuse by helping them identify and focus on their values. If they cherish relationships with friends and family over a stranger’s opinion, for example, that contrast can help them find perspective when faced with harassment.

#YesWeCan make more girls comfortable with leadership and redefine what it means to be a G.I.R.L. https://t.co/QWPqelIFsV http://pic.twitter.com/3O8AOk4aux

Girl Scouts (@girlscouts) January 4, 2017

This approach, Weiner says, gives them a tool to address feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and anger, and helps them know which of the many voices in their lives to trust and respect. Similarly, if they can articulate their own self-worth and personal ethics, they’ll be better prepared to set physical boundaries, call out degrading language and behavior, and know when to involve a trusted adult.

4. Show them how to be respectful and inclusive.

Prior to the election, Bastiani Archibald says adults may have taken social progress for granted. Now is the time for them to not only act as role models in their own households, but to also ensure that girls they know and love are in inclusive and respectful environments.

That means checking in with school educators, sports teams and extracurricular clubs, to ask about how all young people are made to feel accepted before someone feels or is actively excluded.

Diversity, inclusion, and unity are what America stands for. Here’s how you and your girl can do your part. https://t.co/ZJqlHLBBuV http://pic.twitter.com/dKwmxUyqWp

Girl Scouts (@girlscouts) November 11, 2016

Discussing the positive aspects of difference and diversity with girls is particularly important, Bastiani Archibald says, because bullying related to one’s background and identity can be subtle and relational, rather than blatant. If, for example, a girl who wears a hijab is routinely ostracized at lunch but no one will explain why, that’s a moment where girls need to demonstrate both empathy and a more sophisticated understanding of how discrimination can work.

Bastiani Archibald believes if school environments can become or remain supportive of all students, it will “buffer” young people from greater cultural and political shifts away from inclusivity.

5. Focus on solutions

One way for girls to develop their power and confidence in the next few years is to focus on being part of the solution, Weiner says. This can be very personal, such as a girl deciding that she doesn’t want to talk negatively about other girls online. She can also decide to get involved with neighborhood or community efforts to make a positive difference. Both types of solution-oriented behavior can lead to feelings of self-empowerment.

SEE ALSO: 6 ways to push your online activism into the real world in the Trump era

If a young girl wants to make personal changes or participate in activism, but doesn’t know where to start, talking about the values you’ve already helped her identify is a good first step. From there she can prioritize the issues she cares most about and find simple ways of contributing to the greater good.

6. Embrace role models.

From Harry Potter’s Hermione Granger and Frozen’s Elsa to Michelle Obama and Serena Williams, girls today have plenty of fictional and real-life role models to guide them through difficult times.

Still, Bastiani Archibald says adults should actively look for and talk about brave, courageous role models in history and pop culture. In particular, adults should focus on how those figures overcame adversity through determination and persistence.

If you’re looking for lesser-known or unsung heroes, the National Women’s History Museum and A Mighty Girl both regularly share inspiring stories about women who’ve acted with conviction.

And if a girl uses social media and feels overwhelmed by negativity, Weiner suggests talking to her about pruning and curating the accounts she follows. The idea, she says, is for social media to become more like a “vision board” that inspires and motivates. It can also be an effective way of connecting them to role models who offer positive messages.

7. Encourage girls to stand up for themselves and others.

“When we talk about building self-esteem, its done by doing estimable acts,” says Weiner.

It’s easy, however, for girls to feel powerless against the school bully or a president who targets vulnerable people in words and policy. What they need is a “scripted language” to help them stand up for their principles. If, for instance, they hear a classmate tell another classmate to “go back to their country,” the script can start with a single statement: “I heard that.”

“Im not telling girls they have to be super heroines,” Weiner says. “But the acknowledgment is power. Its making [harassment] real and seen and not normalizing it.”

“When we talk about building self-esteem, its done by doing estimable acts.”

Bastiani Archibald encourages adults to help girls practice a similar script in different scenarios. If they hear something objectionable, they can begin by asking, “What did you say? Why did you say that?” If they are feeling bolder, she says, girls can disagree or explain why they find certain language offensive.

This approach may not be the right solution in every instance, especially if safety is a concern, but it will empower girls to feel like they can take a stand for themselves and others.

Weiner believes it’s particularly important now for bystanders to assume some role in defending people who are marginalized or attacked for their identities.

“We have to be accomplices, not allies,” she says, quoting the activist and author Luvvie Ajayi. “Girls and women have powerful potential to do that.”

The early days of Trump’s election and presidency indicate they’ll live up to that potential, but girls who don’t see their values reflected by this administration will need every ounce of courage and confidence they can get.

BONUS: First Lady Michelle Obama expresses outrage at Trump’s treatment of women