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inktae · 6 years

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I'd love for you to share your own story! No pressure ofc, but you're such an inspiring person, I can assure you that no one would find it too long or boring

ohh thank you for showing interest ;; I do have something written down, which I shared with the lovely @4evermerle and it kinda helped her, so I might as well go for it. I’m not embarrassed to showcase this because I don’t mind people knowing, but rather embarrassed for the length haha. but it helps anyone out there.. I’ll be more than happy!

I battled my chronic illness, a thyroid disease, for 5 years, from 2011 to 2016. it started right as I began university and let me tell you, it messed up my journey in school, as well as my relationships and my way of living in general. the thyroid gland controls the hormones your body produces, and the hormones are directly related to your body and mind’s stability. if your hormones are unbalanced, you will be emotionally unstable, and your body will experience uncomfortable changes (in my case it was feeling hot all over, anxiety attacks, quick heartbeats for no reason at all, random weight loss and random weight gain, etc)

my illness is not considered dangerous (many people have it and live with it, actually), and it was supposed to get better just by taking a few pills for a few months. I remember my doctor clearly telling me that 90% of patients got better after 6 months, dropped the meds and moved on with their lives. fair enough, half a year passed and my results seemed okay, so I gave up the meds, but it only took a couple more months to find myself sick again. I went through this never-ending cycle of getting better and getting sick again for five years. every time, my hormones found balance through the meds, and every time they got unbalanced again when I dropped them, so you can imagine how crazy those years were for me. my parents could barely handle my mood swings and I lost a lot of friendships over something I couldn't control. people thought I was exaggerating. I also did really bad at uni and even though I should have graduated 2 years ago, I’m still studying and trying to finish because those years were very hard for me to handle (among other struggles).

all that time I thought why me? why do my parents have to go through this? I felt guilty for my mood swings, and angry and frustrated at the world. then 2016 came, and I found myself in the lowest of lows - my illness came back for the 342839th time, and it did it with a bang. it was worse than ever, I had never felt so unbalanced, so out of touch with the world, and even my doctor was surprised with such terrible results. let’s just say that 2016 was very hard for me, definitely the darkest time of my entire life, and I was very close to ending my life. I had a date set and everything.

I don’t know what changed for me, later that year - but I just remember, one day, just thinking “I can only go up from here. I’m so, so low right now, that I cannot go lower than this. I need to go up. it is time to go up” so.. I did. I went to a therapist (who I stopped going to a few months later because she wasn’t the right fit for me, but she did help me during my few visits, and gave me a lot of important tools for life. her help was not all that adequate, but honestly, just getting the chance to talk my heart out already made me feel better), I talked to my best friend after avoiding him for 4 months, I explained everything and was as honest as I could, which I never really did before (I made him cry so much, but he was also glad that I spoke up, and I wanted to slap myself in the face for not realizing how much he really cared about me), I reached out to friends, who I've tried not to blame for not noticing my mental struggles because I realized that we are all facing our own demons, and I can’t hold a grudge against them for not seeing how low I was feeling (I was good at hiding it, after all).

I took a very important decision, then: I chose to see things differently. I chose not to let my illness define me. I chose to look for a new doctor, someone that could give me a new perspective (and he did - I am way happier with my current doctor). I chose to take matters into my own hands and began meditating, I began taking long, slow walks during the sunset to see how beautiful the sky got, I began appreciating my friendships more. I started appreciating the little things, like how nice a sunny day feels on my skin or how much I love certain songs. I started nourishing my body with healthy foods, which I never did before (nutrition can do so, SO much good! believe me).

and I honestly don’t know what exactly happened, or why, because my doctor assured me that I was going to take meds for life, but after months of healing myself and making changes to my mentality and way of living (I currently eat plant-based only) my results just.. naturally got better. this is probably related to my chronic illness in particular, which is so tightly related to your mental wellbeing (the more stressed you feel, the worse your thyroid can get, and the same can be said the other way around - the less stressed or overwhelmed you feel, the less overworked your thyroid will be) but this helped me see that things can get better even if you believe they won’t, because I certainly thought my illness would only get worse with time, and that I would have to carry it forever. but I didn’t give up, and I found ways of making myself happier.

I went from taking so many meds a week to absolutely none. I went from wishing to step in front of a bus everyday to looking forward to the future and all the things I have yet to do. and no, my life is not perfect (hell, it’s still a mess in so many aspects haha) but all it takes is making small changes to your perspective. to live in the present, to be more mindful, and to care of your mind and your body like you would to a tending wound. so many people who are in a bad place right now say that it is just not possible for things to get better, but see - I thought exactly the same way. it is possible, and the change starts within yourself. it’s hard at the beginning, but once you take that first step, things go up naturally from there

#trigger warning #messages #Anonymous

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raggywaltz1954 · 5 years

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Born on this day 98 years ago in 1920, David Warren Brubeck has the rare honor of truly having revolutionized jazz while at the same time writing part of jazz’s songbook. Although Brubeck died a day shy of his birthday in 2012, his legacy will live forever. The ways he revolutionized and altered jazz -and to a larger extent, Western music in general- are many, but perhaps his most famous contribution is his championing of unorthodox time signatures in music. The best-known example of this is Brubeck’s mega seller album ‘Time Out’, recorded in 1959.

For his birthday this year, Raggy Waltz again decided that a post about ‘Time Out‘ just wouldn’t suffice. The man is so much more than that. That and the hipster in me just won’t let me do that. ‘Time Out‘ was an artistically great album, but not necessarily their best album. So, in the spirit of Christmas, the Raggy Waltz staff decided to honor Mr. Brubeck with a “12 Days of Christmas” type of series where I feature Brubeck Quartet albums that I think are just as great if not better than ‘Time Out‘. Because if there’s one thing that Raggy Waltz likes more than anything is a blog series. Disclaimer: These albums are not in any particular order of greatness. Also, this is a highly personal list. Brubeck fans may disagree with my choices. Now with that out of the way, here’s an album that’s kinda like ‘Time Out‘, and it satisfies my inner hipster. Music, to the!

The Music

https://raggywaltz.files.wordpress.com/2018/12/audio-track-3.wav

The Tune: “Cassandra”

Recorded: 20 September and 13 October, 1965

Personnel:

Dave Brubeck: Piano

Paul Desmond: Alto Sax

Eugene Wright: Bass

Joe Morello: Drums

Recorded six years after ‘Time Out‘, Brubeck’s final time-themed album has been called his most musically adventurous. I agree. While there’s nothing crazier than 2 against 3, which was child’s play to Brubeck’s group by 1965, the music itself is compositionally mature and interesting with catchy hooks and harmonies. All of the tunes on the album are Brubeck originals, some written in tandem with Brubeck’s wife Iola. Many of tunes were rather uncharacteristic for Brubeck’s group and are drawn from a variety of sources, making for an eclectic album that proved that the Brubeck Quartet still had plenty of mileage in it.

The group gets down to business on the very first track, “Lost Waltz”, so named because although Brubeck begins the tune as a slow waltz, when the rest of the group comes in, the slow waltz is given up for hard-driving 4/4 straight ahead jazz. It’s a great opener, and they never do find that waltz again. It’s tempered with the second song, “Softly William, Softly”, a wistful ballad written by Brubeck for a special musical adaption of a book. Desmond is his at his plaintive best, staying in the upper register of his alto sax to create a mournful mood that Brubeck takes up and develops before taking the tune out.

This being a Brubeck album, there are in fact some tunes that don’t stay in four the whole time. Or part of the time. The title tune “Time In” is another waltz, sans Desmond. The closing tune is “Forty Days”, an example of Brubeck’s religious compositions. The song was written as a musical depiction of Jesus in the wilderness during His time of temptation, and was part of a larger oratorio work of Brubeck’s. Written in a driving 5/4 time, familiar to all by now, its inclusion on the album is natural. By 1965, 5/4 was as natural for Brubeck and his group as breathing, and they flourish in this setting.

The second side opens with an easy-going blues, this time from Brubeck’s “Real Ambassadors” project and originally sung by Carmen McRae on another Brubeck album. “He Done Her Wrong” is probably the most gimicky thing Brubeck ever recorded, and Desmond plays a perfunctory solo to match. It’s a fun little tune all the same and just another example of how adventurous Brubeck got on this album. The next tune, “Lonesome”, is another ballad but with an interesting melody line and song structure. Brubeck gets a great solo in with some muscular piano.

It’s the last song, however, that gets all the honors, accolades, and awards. It may be the most un-Brubeckian tune on the album, yet it’s fully Brubeckian at the same time. How sway? The song sounds more like something a hard-bop group like Art Blakey or Horace Silver would play, not a tune that would come from the pen of Dave Brubeck. At the same time, the tune features the most rhythmically complex time signatures on the entire album. When the song starts, it sounds like Brubeck is in 3/4 but then the group jumps into a fleet 4/4 as they play the catchy theme. At the bridge, the group goes into what feels like a leisurely waltz again, but it’s still a quick 4 as evidenced by Morello’s brushing on the drums. Brubeck described it as “2 or 4 against 3-almost”, a cheeky description about what’s going on. It’s an interesting tune, and one wishes the guys spent more than a single chorus each soloing over it. Brubeck’s solo is streamlined and light (and brief). Morello gets some eights in before Brubeck takes the tune out with the catchy melody and coda.

Brubeck rarely revisited the material on this album outside the studio, with “Forty Days” becoming the sole ‘standard’ in Brubeck’s book during the rest of the quartet’s career. Released in 1966, Time In was Brubeck’s final ‘Time’-themed album, but was a fitting final album in that series. It displayed how far the group had come and how much Brubeck’s composing had developed. “Cassandra” alone makes this album better than Time Out.

The Cover

Raggy Waltz Rating: C

There isn’t much to say about the cover art. It’s merely adequate. It isn’t bad, it isn’t stellar. They usually threw modern art on the covers of Brubeck’s ‘Time’-themed albums. I’m no art connoisseur but I’m pretty sure that this is not a modern art painting. Correct me if I’m wrong. It’s an aesthetically-pleasing cover just the same, with pleasant colors, font choice, and title placement. Merely adequate.

The Back

This album was released as a sort of 15th anniversary tribute album by Columbia, celebrating the Dave Brubeck Quartet’s 1951-1966 run. In celebration of the event, Columbia tried to get different jazz critics/writers/luminaries to say something about each tune on the album. Emphasis on “tried”. Most did. Some didn’t even bother. For instance, George Wein, of Newport Jazz Festival fame, stated outright that “[t]he tune I have been asked to comment on, “Lonesome”, you can judge for yourself by listening.” Other people tapped to contribute to the liner notes include Jimmy Lyons (“about the oldest Brubeck fan extant”), Ralph Gleason (with the slightly back-handed compliment), Leonard Feather (who wrote the absolutely scathing review of ‘Time Out’ in ‘Down Beat’) and Goddard Lieberson (president of Columbia Records and person responsible for putting ‘Time Out’ out despite resistance from within his own ranks). I’m sure all the lovely things people said had Brubeck and his group blushing.

The Vinyl

Columbia’s studio albums always sounded great. Always. Sure, sometimes the bass was boosted tremendously at times, or the stereo separation was rather extreme, but hey! It still sounded pretty audiophile-like. Columbia rarely recognized their sound engineers on their albums the way other record companies did. I assume Columbia’s legendary Fred Plaut was the engineer in the control room, but then again, I’m not so sure. There are numerous edits throughout the album (Teo Macero was famous-or infamous- for his liberal and sometimes painfully obvious edits), and some of these edits sound like a completely studio was used. For instance, on the opening track, “Lost Waltz”, Brubeck’s intro and subsequent melody statement sounds warm and cozy. Just before Desmond comes in for his solo, there’s an audible difference in the piano. When the rest of the group comes in, the music sounds airy and more spacious. Just as Desmond ends his solo, it changes back to the warmer sound for Brubeck’s re-entry and closing statements. Could it be that the spacious sounding recordings were made at Columbia’s 30th Street Studio while the warm-sounding recordings were taped elsewhere, like Los Angeles?

If that’s not enough intrigue, here’s another one, albeit a less pressing one. The label sports Columbia’s classic two-eye logo, used from the early 60’s through to the 70’s. That’s the consistent (ish) part of the label. The red color of the label seems to differ from pressing to pressing. Sometimes it was a deep blood red, other times a rosier red, and still other times a salmon pink like this label. Based on my own collection of Columbia albums, the red variants seemed to have been consistent in their inconsistency since the 1960’s two-eye label was born. At least they were consistent?

The vinyl itself has a healthy amount of Rice Krispie factor to it, with some delicious snap and crackle at the beginning of the record.

The Place of Acquisition

Lucky for me, my grandpa has been a jazz fan for decades. Also lucky for me, he held on to some of his jazz records. Even luckier, he liked Dave Brubeck and had a few Brubeck albums just collecting dust. Naturally, I was glad to take his records off his hands, including all the Brubeck albums, this album being one of them. This record and the others I received from my grandpa are among my more meaningful records in my library. Why? It’s a neat thing to pick up an album and know that my grandpa bought it 50-plus years ago. And best of all, it was free!

Happy Birthday, Dave Brubeck! Time In // Dave Brubeck (Columbia CS 9312) Born on this day 98 years ago in 1920, David Warren Brubeck has the rare honor of truly having revolutionized jazz while at the same time writing part of jazz's songbook.

#Columbia #Dave Brubeck

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