I am going to take a break from milgramblr
[important please read]
ok now how do I start. Im going to take a break from tumblr for about a week. Things have been absolutely awful for me here since the very beginning of 2024, even if it may not look that way at times.
to retell the situation it happened with the new years gartic phone game, where someone made a prompt about a ship that made me heavily uncomfortable. To put it loosely it reminded me of an extremely bad experience with a fandom a few years ago when I called out a ship for being creepy and having a huge age gap but I was constantly dogpiled and harassed. It was probably the worst experience I’ve had on the internet and to this day I get really scared of people hating on me and I apologise for everything likely stemming back from the situation.
I tried to persist with the game but I got really upset and left. I expressed on my blog how uncomfortable I felt about the whole situation. Then this one person, who’s a prominent figure in the Milgramblr community, I won’t name them but I think you’ll know who, replied on my post saying that “it’s ok because…” in such an awful tone. It’s hard to explain but basically it felt really bad as they completely dismissed my feelings about the situation just to justify their creepy ship. And even worse, they way they responded was EXACTLY the same way that everyone else responded back in to at old fandom. At the point to I’d much prefer hate and harassment over that false positive attitude.
I freaked out and immediately blocked them and basically went into a panic attack. I was freaking out on my blog and just to make things worse I saw a post praising them and things got so bad. It was the start of the new year and I was on holiday and was supposed to do a bunch of things but because of that situation I was bedridden and couldn’t stop crying. I had so many nightmares about everyone here turning on me and the original incident and I still have them.
the way the person reacted to my situation was absolutely awful. After my breakdown they immediately went to their blog and started posting about how the ships good and you should praise it completely disregarding everything that happened. I’ve always been uncomfortable with them but this pushed me over the edge. And later on I got in contact with someone who was (presumably) trying to help me and we decided to see if that person could make an apology. But they took way to long to even think they gave any attention to the situation and the apology itself didn’t feel that genuine.
This person was still posting about it and didn’t change their pfp and title despite how bad it was to me and they did not do anything at all. Again I’m not naming anyone but I highly recommend you do not support them anymore. I said I’m going to be leaving for a while but if you want clarification on who it is you can just ask, I’ll check my stuff tomorrow morning before I completely shut off for the week.
I don’t know who it was but there was even a throwaway account hating on me and saying awful things. I didn’t care that much as things had already gotten so bad for me that I didn’t care about the opinion of an anon. But like I said, the sickly positive response that person gave was way worse than actual hate.
and that’s only one part of the story. Another thing happened much more recently with the person I mentioned who was trying to help me. They were the first person I followed on Milgramblr and the person who inspired me to join and make all these theories, so with this and them helping me I really looked up to them. It was a few days ago I think but they posted something on their account about that person and wanting attention to them. I expressed my uncomfortable feelings about the situation and they didn’t do anything about it. Instead they decided to KEEP POSTING about it, like constantly and me getting more upset at the situation and how they responded made it clear that they didn’t care at all. I blocked them and we were mutuals for a while.
It’s been a month and I’m still suffering very badly. I’m not constantly crying as I was when it first happened but it still pains me. I’ve been feeling incredibly distressed on this sight knowing that the original person hasn’t done anything about it and they’re still very close. No matter how much I block them or blog tags I still see them in reblogs or bought up. I had to exclude anything relating to the earbuds collab from my milgram archives as it gives me back really bad memories to the pfps involved. I just can’t feel safe in this place anymore and especially that no matter how I feel, nothing has changed since when it happened and no one’s even actually trying to help me or change things.
I’ve just been feeling so bad that I’ve been going days without eating. Just because I can’t be bothered to get out of bed. The only solace for me is sleep but even that’s not good enough as I might have nightmares and I often feel much more tired afterwards. Things are changing for me as I actually have to get up and do something now and it’s surprisingly going kinda well, but that has nothing to do with this situation.
just to note I will be continuing my milgram archives series, I’ve scheduled quite a few posts for this week so they’ll keep going. For me I’ll completely cut off all activity for this week, and may return on Wednesday.
it’s just. I hate how nothings changed. I want something to happen but no one’s helping
22 notes
·
View notes
Ride 703: The third years' gaze
Pag 1
1: In the same place as back then, in the same car.....
And also.... with the same feelings!!
Pag 2
1: There's already an 8 minutes gap
2: He has no chance if he doesn't increase his rotation of another 10 turns, sho
3: Raise your cadence of another 30 turns!!
4: Yessir!!
8: I wonder why I can't keep my eyes off Onoda now
Pag 3
1: Finally, the beginner Onoda....
He caught up to Naruko too!!
Hahaha
Onoda-kun is amazing.... he.... he passed five people...!!
2: This race got interesting...
3: People
4: Can grow surprisingly fast
5: I learned it from Naruko-kun earlier
6: Onoda stood up!!
Pag 4
3: Princeeess!!
4: Waaaaaaaagh!!
5: Waaaaaaaaaa
Amazing, sho!! It's a dream, sho!!
Hahahaha
6: Ohhhhh
7: That was a good race
Rest now, retire
Pag 7
4: Kakaka “that day two years ago”?
If Kinjou-san and the other third years were feeling like this while watching our race?
5: Yeah
6: In this car
Same as us!!
7: And looking at the same cours.... huh!!
Pag 8
1: Like our hearts are dancing now while watching the first years' desperate battle before our eyes
Kinaka!!
We got closer!!
Tch
2: That Captain Shades, and the old man, and Makishima-san, were worrying and rejoicing while watching us run? That what you're sayin?
Pag 9
1: Definitely!!
6: Yeah, they were extremely excited
Pag 10
1: That's right!! Kanzaki, you were riding the van that time!!
Well, yes
Ya!! That means Touji-san was driving the car, too!!
2: Ohhhh
3: His expression didn't change, but Kinjou was smiling
Onoda.... he said he couldn't keep his eyes off you
4: Huh!? Eyes!?
Really? Aaahhh...!!
5: Tadokoro screamed “amazing” so loud at your “sprint climbing”, Naruko
Kakaka, seriously!? Of course he did!! But the old man never said a word about it!! Why!! I guess he was shy!!
Pag 11
1: Imaizumi.... Kinjou kept saying until the end that you would be the one to take Minegayama's peak in the first years' race
2: Yeah
3: Kakaka but you lost to Onoda-kun
Shut up, you lost to me at the finish line
Ugh-!
4: Makishima-san....
6: He said that it would be impossible for Onoda-kun to catch up with Imaizumi-kun and Naruko-kun
Pag 12
2: But when Onoda-kun caught up, and Naruko-kun pushed his back and he ran up the mountain
3: And then he won against Imaizumi-kun at the peak
6: Goooo Onodaaa!!
Pag 13
1: He cheered for Onoda-kun the loudest
Pag 14
3: No no no, that's... Makishima-san did!?
Ahhh... really?
Waaaa I'm so thankful.... me!?
Kakaka
Yeah
The other side of that day's race, no, that's-
4: Oh.... oh.....
Kanzaki-san, are you exaggerating to encourage me?
5: Nah
It's just as Miki said
6: Don't be so incredulous, Onoda-kun
Ahhh...!!
Don't be shy
I'm.... I'm shy....
7: That race was so exciting
But they didn't talk about me....
But I was racing, too....
Pag 15
1: Three people are chasing Kinaka!!
2: They're filling the gap!! Now it's 2 or 3 metres!!
3: Will they be able to catch him!? Will they finally... pass him!?
Just a little more
4: Yeah
They're goal is to surpass Kinaka, that's why they joined the club
In terms of distance,they're already close
5: But....
Pag 16
1: Yeah
2: In road racing, you fight with the opponent right before your eyes
Only a bit more!!
3: But also
4: With the topography
7: You also have to fight with the “road”
Pag 17
1: From here on, Minegayama's slope becomes much harder
Pag 18
1: It's the steep slope!!
Pag 19
1: Wha- wait- Kei-chan, what's this
It suddenly became harder
A wall!?
2: This is bad, Kyou-chan
The slope it's steeper
Let's switch to a lower gear!!
3: There's no such thing in basket!!
4: Dammit, we only needed a bit more!! Wait, dammit!!
Kinaka is getting away!!
5: Alright, let's switch to a lower gear!!
Pag 20
2: Minegayama's nickname is Kabezaka*.... in this kind of road, where the slope changes, the difference in experience comes out
Before the the steep slope, Kinaka kept climbing by turning his legs and using inertia, and after that he stepped hard onthe pedals
(*NdT.: a word play with the words “kabe”=wall, and saka= slope)
3: The gap is widening!!
Ngh
It was incredible how they caught up, but those three might drop out here....!!
8: No.....!!
9: Yeah
Pag 21
1: Between those two, who are having an hard time
2: One person is coming out!!
4: To climb up the slope!!
Pag 22
2: It's Rokudai-kun!!
Teeeeeh!!
104 notes
·
View notes