ghostprinceiii

[ghostprinceiii]

with you by my side!

#honkai: star rail #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

#loz #botw #videogames #god i wish that were me #or something to that effect

[ghostprinceiii]

#loz #age of calamity #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

Going insane about Revali again <3

#Have y'all heard 'Revali Ace Archer & Aviator' from AOC?? #Still losing my fucking mind about it days later god I love music #ghostprince posts

[ghostprinceiii]

What's it gonna take for me to go to Eden? An oven apparently

#sky: cotl #videogames #saaame

[ghostprinceiii]

Some recent aggie arts!

I adore nesting guide a lot.. I like to call them Nellie 👉👈 Bonus Journey, Rain World and Death's Door fanarts from same aggie session :]c

#sky: cotl #journey #rain world #death's door #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

yummy pomegranate

[ghostprinceiii]

writers and artists will go "this isn't good enough." my brother in christ, you're creating something new out of nothing and expressing yourself creatively. your productivity and unrealistic standards of perfection do not define you or the worth of your art. you're doing great.

[ghostprinceiii]

GUYS I FINALLY FINISHED IT OH MY GOD.

#hollow knight #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

:) season of flight area as a way to practice backgrounds

#sky: cotl #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

I'm just gonna start putting these under a read-more

Making tentative plans to actually leave the house next month, and it's just,,, Compounding Autism.

I want to go to an anime convention.

I want to go in cosplay.

We are already not off to a strong start here.

In order to pull this off I'm trying to plan out what accommodations I'd need to make for myself.

Bringing my cane, obviously, but to further reduce how painful this'd be I've been planning my costume/clothes around being more comfortable, but still attempting to make them character-relevant (getting super nitpicky about this since the autism demands everything be perfect). I would bring a backpack that includes snacks, water, earplugs, mask, hoodie, ability-to-remove-cosplay, etc, plus a ton of other shit I probably wouldn't need but would make me feel better to have. My latest idea also includes knitting a little cross-body pouch to bring my Spearmaster plushy with me (very portable size) (also another increasingly elaborate idea that's making me more nervous, like the ideas I had for decorating my cane).

And then I think 'wow, I'm gonna look really weird and awkward, even among people literally dressed as anime characters' and get more anxious.

As if just leaving the house in the first place isn't way too much for me.

So I think 'If I bring my dad with me, I wouldn't have to be alone in an unfamiliar city surrounded by strangers, and I could have someone there for when things inevitably go horribly wrong'.

But then the next issue that creates is 'oh my god I can't bear the idea of looking/acting like that in front of someone who knows me, especially my dad, I'd rather die.' and I'd spend the entire time masking and overextending my joints to keep up with someone taller than me and just generally the whole thing would be stressful and painful and I wouldn't be able to use my accomodation ideas and neither of us would have any fun because I'm the only one interested in this anyways.

'Okay, so I'll just go by myself and hope it works out'

But then I'd have to take the bus/train/whatever to get there and back because it's too long of a drive to make someone just drop me off, and I Cannot Do That. I can barely do that with other people.

So then I'm just stuck in a back and forth of two horrible options that are making me anxious and depressed, but I want to find some way to make this happen because not only am I a little sick of bedrotting this month, but if I quit on this after I already mentioned the idea of me going to my dad he's gonna make me feel like shit about it (more than I already would).

It would probably solve a ton of problems if I just,, had friends. But it's just been Me since mid-2020 apart from my brief stint in university where I had one friend who's not even from this country let alone the same province or town. And the barriers to making new friends, especially irl, are not something I can currently surpass. So, I'm kinda just stuck being made to feel bad by my family constantly bringing up how poorly I'm doing but not being able to actually fix anything.

Had this idea like two weeks ago to try and go to the convention because it was 'not too far away to seem unreal or forget about it, but not so close that I couldn't prepare', and initially I thought I'd try to take it in stages

Putting together a costume as its own project (for the first time in like 7 years! Trying desperately to reignite old interests and passions!), with the goal to finish it by the time the con was set to happen, at which point I'd decide whether I'd go or not, plus whether I'd go in costume.

Even ordered the wig(s) I was planning to use and looked up tutorials and came up with ideas and plans and was hyping myself up!

But due to the general way my brain works, coupled with awful interactions with some members of my family since then, my enthusiasm for the matter has been waning, to say the least.

At the cusp of Yet Another Mental Health Spiral, as usual, and there's still like a faint bit of enthusiasm and hope in me that still wants to try and have fun and go do something cool, but it's buried under the heaps of mud filling the rest of my brain day-to-day.

So, idk. Shit sucks I guess. On top of this as today's most prevalent dilemma I've got dysphoria, physical disability, allergies, potential additional mental illness(es), the borderline torturous sleep conditions and overstimulation caused by living with my cat, and my fucked up relationships with my family-members to contend with. People wonder why I so often just want to go back to sleep.

#ghostprince posts #vent #delete later

[ghostprinceiii]

Are there any fictional characters you headcanon as autistic?

[ghostprinceiii]

lunch timee

#loz #totk #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

🍁🍃

#loz #totk #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

#rain world #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

so glowing

#sky: cotl #videogames

[ghostprinceiii]

#hollow knight #videogames