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krashoutluv · 3 months

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Imagine if, to save on the water bill/ they're just tired/etc, Jason (AK or comic really) and his S/o take an innocent shower together for the first time, yet the entire time Jason's trying his hardest to stay respectful and not stare, but at the same time wants to admire his S/o because he just loves how much they look. And possibly gets the shampoo in his eyes while distracted.

bear with me as ive been sick since wednesday and ive been writing this throughout my sick days. #fighting4mylife

Showering with Ak!Jason (SFW FIC)

ig their naked but its not ak!jay being horny just like in love so maybe nsfw nothing sexual happens mostly indirect tension soo??😭😭 ((tw: writing might suck))

JASON came home a little early from a bar. He went there for information on Penguins weapon deals. Jason would say something like, ‘it got a little messy,’ but a little messy to Jason was being covered in mud, blood, and clothes drenched from the rain that started on his way back. It was around 12 AM when he came back way earlier then his usual so you were hoping in the shower getting ready to go to sleep, not expecting him. You two saw each other just as you were walking into the bathroom.

“You look like shit—“ You turned your head into the bathroom so he couldn’t see your face; trying to bite back a cackle because of the words that slipped from your mouth,, “—I mean you can go first.” you looked back over at him,

“Well aren’t you the sweetest thing.“ He started taking off his gloves. “Go ahead.” He huffed.

“No seriously its fine, ill grab you a towel-“

“— The more you talk the longer it takes for the both of us.” He sighed, pulling off his jacket and folding it in a neat little square.

“Right, sorry.” You turn into the bathroom and pause. It was pretty obvious he was tired and wanted to get comfier then his muddied clothes let him; Thats when the thought hit you. “Unless.” You felt your face burn. You weren’t sure if Jason be comfortable with it, but it wasn’t sexual and it’d save you money from your water bill.

“Unless?” Jason questioned flatly, his back was turned to you and he was taking off his bloodied boots.

You slowly turned towards him, “You’d like to.. join me.” you had tried to sound as casual as possible. He paused completely, only getting half of his boot off before freezing. He looked back at you, like he wasn’t sure if he heard you properly. “LIKE—“ You raised your voice a little too loud on accident,”—Like, not like, you know. THAT. But like.” he took off his boot and started walking over to you as you rambled about how you didn’t mean it sexually it’d just be easier n’ y’know obviously he didn’t have to— You didn’t even notice the brick wall of a man making its way over to you until Jason stood in front of you.

”Yeah. Sure.” He replied flatly, your eyes meet his face, he was staring at your face completely stone cold. Maybe if you didn’t turn around to move to the door handle, maybe, just maybe you would’ve seen how his cheeks and ears were lightly dusted with red. But you didn’t.

You awkwardly shuffled to the side to let him in, closing the door behind you two. Back facing each other as you two undressed, you weren’t wearing a full outfit so you took everything off faster then him, yikes, awkward. You didnt wanna just stand there so you slipped past him with your head down at the floor to get the shower water running. Running your hand through the burning water just to push away the sound of him unbuckling his belt in the deepest part of your mind. “Uh, first-aid under the, uhm, fuckin- sink.” You stammered, still facing the shower waiting for the water to now cool down.

“You can get in first, i’ll patch myself up.” You did a little thumbs up behind your back, as if he saw, and made your way in, closing the curtain behind you. But he was totally lying. He should’ve patched himself up after you two had gotten out so he didn’t worry about anything washing into his cleaned wounds. But he needed to buy himself time to calm his nerves. You were so fuckin’ pretty, your skin brushed his as you passed him earlier and—its crazy how the Red Hood is single-handedly fighting for his life more now then when he was dealing with twelve grown men earlier.

After taking a purposeful three minutes longer then his usual, he stands up. He almost backs out as soon as he reaches for the shower curtains, he inhales then exhales, brushing his finger tips against the thin veil of cloth that just separates you two. “I’m, uh,-“ his voice cracks “-comin in now..”

“Hold on,” You quickly stepped out of the water stream, and leaned onto the back wall of the shower. “Alright, front of the shower where like, the, uh- water is, is all yours.” Jason cleared his voice just before he stepped in, being sure to keep his back turned to you. He let the water run over his marred skin, trying to ignore every scar on his back burning. After letting the water wash off the pieces of dirt that it could, or him finally succumbing to the sensation of getting the soap to scrub at his mangled flesh;

Jason turned his head to grab the soap— FUCK, he whipped his head back around into the showers stream. Scrubbing his face to try to wash the burning image of you out of his mind. The mixture of water and light highlighting your skin like an portrait. You’re staring down towards your feet playing with the water droplets on your crossed arms- fuck he needed to stop thinking about it. Jason pulled his head out of the water, croaking out ”Soap.” Yes, yes, wise words I know.

The next thing he knew, right by his shoulder was your hand holding out the soap. “Here, hope I’m holding it in the right spot.” You softly chuckled to yourself. He turned enough to see you covering your eyes with your other hand out of his peripheral vision. God he needed to stop looking. He took it from you and skimmed his face against the water before he grunted out a thanks.

He was questioning himself as he washed his blemished skin. He wasn’t a creep, he wasn’t staring at you because it was sexual. So what was he doing? What was this feeling? Why did he want to look at you anyways? Why did it remind him of the way he looks at marble statues? Was it because of the way your fingers dented your arms skin while you glide water droplets along your skin? Was it the way your head slightly tilted? Was it the was your body was effortlessly posed? Like you knew, like you were ready for every detail of your body was going to be eternalized into marble? Was it because of the urge to trace every part of your skin? Maybe to just get a feeling of what your sculptor felt? Was he being a fuckin creep?

He wasn’t sure, something he suddenly did become sure of was the fact you were probably cold as shit and he needed to hurry the fuck up.

guys idk how to feel abt this fic tbh

rq / inbox is closed

sorry i got like 12 i needa get done

#arkham knight x gn!reader #arkham knight x reader #jason todd x gn!reader #jason todd x reader #red hood x gn!reader #red hood x reader #arkham knight x reader #skullkidwithsunglasses #krash responds to u

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wormdebut · 5 months

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Hello! How about 21 for your Spotify wrapped? 👯

HI! I am so fucking sorry this took me forever. This one was a massive challenge for me because 21 on my Spotify Wrapped is Counting Worms by Knocked Loose. For any of you that know, Counting Worms is thirteen words long so I had to process how I wanted to handle this. (And work fucking sucks and I'm exhausted as hell but that's beside the point.) I hope you enjoy this. I actually love it a lot more than I thought I would. 🖤

----

'I wrote a song about getting better, it's a feeling I don't remember'

Steve stares at the words on the page, looking up to cock an eyebrow at Eddie, "What comes next?"

Eddie stifles a laugh. "Nothing does, Stevie. That's it."

Steve scrunches his nose, confused. "Thats--the song? That like ten words."

Eddie grabs the paper from him and smiles down at it. "It's thirteen words, big boy. And its--sometimes it's not about the amount of words. It's about feeling something."

Steve tries not to blush. Big boy certainly did a number on him. He would never fucking admit that--but, it is what it is.

He shakes he his head, to try and clear his thoughts, "Sure."

Steve watches as Eddie's smile widens, eyes crinkling in the corners. Christ.

"Did you?" Steve asks.

"Did I what?" Eddie questions.

"Did you ever get better?"

Eddie's smile softens then. "I'm working on it."

----

Steve always knew he was something--something not straight. He just didn't really have a word for it, and he tried not to dwell on it. Didn't get caught with drifting eyes in locker rooms, made sure Tommy wouldn't tell a soul about what they got up to. He didn't. Tommy might be an asshole but he wouldn't out himself or Steve…

Anyway, Steve always knew. He always knew and he had told Robin a few months after Starcourt. She helped him find the words for it. Bisexual. So Steve knew what he was, but he was fine ending up with a woman. That's just what he always figured would happen

But Eddie? Eddie changed everything.

Robin had told him just to fucking talk to him. She said that he was being a hypocrite because he had helped her get her shit together enough to talk to Vickie after everything and it had worked out--at least for a bit--but that's beside the point. The point is Robin had asked Vickie out and Steve just stared at Eddie talking, at Eddie playing D&D with kids, at Eddie writing music. He just watched.

He was scared because Eddie? Eddie was loud and confident and interesting and important.

Steve was just…Steve.

What would he even say?

----

It'd been a few months since Steve had found the song. Thirteen words.

He couldn't stop thinking about it.

'It's about feeling something.'

He still hadn't said anything to Eddie, but he needed to…Well, he wanted to.

There's only a couple of days left until the kids have winter break, and Steve is expecting them to invade his home as per usual so he has been cleanly all fucking day listening to Abba and thinking about Eddie Munson's stupid fucking hands.

He was feeling impulsive--he could talk to Eddie--he could. Eddie had said it wasn't about the amount of things he had to say it just had to mean something…right?

Steve grumbles out a sigh before stomping over to the phone. He dials out the number--has it memorized by now. It's late, he listens to the line trilling as the clock turns. 10:12 pm.

"Thanks for calling the bat cave." Eddie rambles off.

"Yeah, hi batman. It's Steve."

Eddie laughs over the line. "Stevie! To what do I owe the late night call?"

Steve steels himself. "Listen, I--can I come over?"

"Uh--yeah? Are you okay?" Eddie asks and Steve shakes his head, not that Eddie can see it anyway.

"I'm--I just--I'll be over in a few." Steve breathes. He can do this. It's fine.

"Okay, S. Just be safe--alright?"

Steve mumbles out an affirmative before hanging up and grabbing his keys.

----

He only paces outside of Eddie's door for a minute or two before he knocks lightly. Eddie is quick to answer, looking ridiculously hot for a man wearing worn out sweats and one of a thousand old band tees. He looks worried and Steve feels bad about that but--he's just gotta--

"Can we go to your room?" Steve asks and Eddie lets out a shocked laugh before nodding and heading back through the apartment. Steve follows behind.

He stands frozen in the bedroom doorway, watches as Eddie sits on the edge of his bed with head cocked to the side.

"What's going on Stevie? Was it the nightmares again because--"

Steve shakes his head, and swallows before just--going for it.

"Look--I've been--running so many things through my head. I've written speeches and songs--which is sort of your thing. So, I stopped that. But--I have thought over and over again about how to say what I need to say.

And you--you told me 'it's not about the amount of words, it's about feeling something.

And when I look at you? I feel everything--

And I just--I just needed you to know."

Eddie blinks up at Steve, eyes wide. Great. Steve fucking scared him. Awesome this is great. This was a really fucking awesome idea Steve. Nice--

"That was a lot more than thirteen words, sweetheart." Eddie smirks at him and Steve feels his heart stutter at the name.

Steve breathes, "Yeah well--did I fuck everything up?"

Eddie moves from his bed then, quick to meet Steve in the doorway. Steve is quiet. He watches as Eddie's eyes move from Steve's own, down to his lips and back up again.

Eddie brings a hand up to cup his cheek and Steve can't help the soft noise that escapes his throat. The other man swipes his thumb over Steve's cheekbone. "No Stevie, I really don't think you did. I'm gonna kiss you now, okay?"

Steve can't do anything other than nod.

----

#steddie #steddie fanfic #steddie blurb #steddie ficlet #yall this one was TUFF #Worm Spotify Series #I AM STILL ALIVE--but I'm barely breathin #have u ever run a business in the middle of chrimas cause ten this is year ten and im TIRED #anyway thats enough of that #Don't think that I didn't want to include the ARF ARF in here #but unfortunatley there is no puppy play featured--this time #worm brain #hellfiredemon

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sideordertheories · 9 months

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i HATE to insinuate that marina might be the villain of side order but like,,, i dunno guys...

ok so in this one developer interview (which was translated by rassicas) that i'll link at the end of this post something was mentioned about marina that was very interesting to me.

i'm not fully sure what this implies, but it shows that marina has the ability to go to a 'mysterious place' through 'mysterious connections' which when i saw this for the first time a while ago it immediately reminded me of side order. i know this is a direction that some people would hate for the dlc to go in,, but i really do think marina is in some way a villain. or at least her actions lead to something bad happening.

in the marina + marie + big man interview that comes with Splatune 3 (i'll link the wiki page at the end), marina says this:

which. is really. weird?

first of all, pearl & marina had an argument?? pearl LEFT HER??? & marina couldn't get in touch with her?? damn that sucks? why did pearl do that. like actually thats so sad to me cuz. isnt that what marina is terrified of? & now she just laughed it off? i imagine that maybe this put marina into maybe a bad mental state because it would do the same to me tbh. & then marina starts talking about a world of order beyond our comprehension?? marina what are you talking about !!!!

at the very least, all of this is foreshadowing. but its just stated by her in a way that makes me think she doesn't just THINK that there is another world, but that she knows there is. she's been shown to have "mysterious connections" to a "mysterious place", she speaks of a world of order (the dlc is called side ORDER & has basically been confirmed to have something to do with team order iirc) , she wants to construct a new frontier with the power of art? i think it's also worth mentioning she once said something about designing her perfect world in the final splatfest from splatoon 2

why would marina be evil? i actually don't know. but she for sure has SOMETHING to do with the inkopolis square seen in the trailer for side order. also the whole reason she chose order was because she didn't want pearl to leave her, because they might fall apart, because pearl might get bored of off the hook. guess what happened!!! she did get bored. they did fall apart, even if just for a while. & while its never said how marina felt about this, i don't think it could've been good. i think she thought that if they were falling apart, maybe the world would too. maybe she thought she could design her world of order, & if she did that, everything would be fine, pearl wouldn't leave her again. maybe the world she designed is the white inkopolis square. maybe in her pain she was also manipulated by a much worse villain (i'm really hoping its not tartar. i would prefer lil judd seeing as if he isnt the villain the whole thing of him taking over grizzco & wanting to kill judd would be unresolved.) but marina is definitely morally grey in this dlc at best & the more i think about it, marina being the villain would be kinda cool? also i could be fully wrong & marina isnt evil she just thinks a world of order would be interesting but i like the villain marina theory

sorry if this is less organized & more rambly i am throwing my thoughts out into the void without polishing them

links:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RBzlMSuG_vWv1isjQ6EJdXBp_uXTpogEc2rrGd2BM30/mobilebasic

#side order #splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon side order #splatoon 3 dlc #sideordertheories

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splatoon-edits · 3 months

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Garlic anon here,

Got any predictions or hopes for Side Order since it's releasing in just 2 weeks?

(Personally I'm hoping other octoling DJs like Paul and Warabi show up somewhere somehow, also hoping for an Agent 4 cameo)

OH MY GOD YEAH I DO!

HI GARLIC ANON NICE TO SEE YOU THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE BECAUSE I AM GOING TO EXPLOSE IN ANTICIPATION OF SIDE ORDER

Agent 4. First and foremost this is the top of my list. I would love to have them appear in full 3d (and be available to see/have their own dedicated place on the map like captain 3 is cuz i want to take pictures. but thats less important) but honestly at this point ill even take them just being mentioned. it would suck if they were the only agent to not show up at all in 3 but like PLEASE JUST LET ME KNOW THEY ARE OK AND WELL WHERE DID YALL LEAVE 4 ARE THEY JUST STATIONED ELSEWHERE ARE THEY FOCUSING ON PERSONAL/NON NSS STUFF PLEASE MENTION MY DARLING BABY- ahem sorry im very normal

No dedf1sh villain :( i mean i ould be fine with it from a storytelling point if its good. but like. i want to imagine acht being ok after all this. pls let her be fine and ok. like on one hand it would be cool. but on the other hand... thats my baby pls dont make her evil :(

NO MARINA VILLAIN EITHER. well like. this is more subjective. but like. no like intentional "i wanna take over the world and do harm" kind of villain. if shes responsible for the bad stuff in an indirect or unintentional way id be ok w that. like idk she tried to do smth and it got out of hand? but if its just "ooh isure do hate the splatfest results so now im gonna turn evil >:(" kind of thing i just dont think it would fit her character.

some kind of reward. beyond just beating the dlc obviously. like. its meant to be played over and over and over again, right? i want some sort of reward(s) to work toward to incentivize that. idk i just want smth else to work towards besides just salmon run scales or playing pvp.

im also really looking forward to seeing pearl and 8 together again. i just feel like pearl being the one giving the advice and guidance, potentially without having a voice of reason like marina, is going to be very fun. she says the funniest most unhinged stuff. i adore pearl and i cannot wait to see her.

IM ALSO RLLY LOOKING FORWARD TO FIGHTING ALONGSIDE PEARL. it was SO much fun having little buddy in hero mode. like just having a lil companion who helps u in video games is the best.

at this point i think its time to retire the octoling enemies unless we have a reason for them. they barely made any sense at all in 3, and unless they do something creative with them i just dont think they have a place as enemies again. luckily none of the trailers show enemy octolings, so fingers crossed we don't have to beat up poor mind controlled octolings for a third time.

ok i know not everyone agrees with this. and given how side order looks so far, i dont think/actually want it to happen. but it would be nice to get more deep cut content. we didnt get to actually spend time with them in story mode. they were just antagonists the whole time and then once they joined the players side we got immediately thrust into the final parts of story mode. they didnt really get a chance to shine as friends rather than foe. but ig we already get tosee that on the splatcast. and the story mode is rlly just to show the other side of them we dont get to see on air. so at this point from what we know about side order, it wouldnt make any sense for themto be there. they dont know 8. but early on before we got any trailers and all we knew was that there was going to be a dlc with off the hook,,,, i was hoping for a deep cut cameo... now we have no way for deep cut and off the hook to meet after this. like deep cut and the squid sisters know each other and get along(?). and we know marina is a huge squid sisters fan, and pearl at least knows of them. Plus pearl and marina have met capn cuttlefish and made friends w him. so were probably able to infer that off the hook and the squid sisters have hung out more since octo expansion. i think there is even official art of them together in multiple pictures? so they are obviously friends now. but deep cut and off the hook dont know each other.... SO HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET A DEEP CUT, SQUID SISTERS, AND OFF THE HOOK CONCERT. I NEED INTERACTIONS WITH THEM.

honestly i hope they lean into the like... vibes of it all. but this is splatoon. the art and music always gives 130%. like its always good. theres nothing to rlly worry about there.

ok so im hopeing this isnt going to be some fully disconected alternate timeline where none of this affects the normal timeline or characters. im still partial to my own theory of the whole thing being a simulation built by marina in her hopes to see what a world of order would look like. but marina got stuck in it (or is refusing to leave maybe?) it would be unclear to 8 and pearl where in the simulation she is or if she is even here of her own free will or not. so u know 8 also goes into the simulation. and pearl probably doesnt go in, but is able to control the pearl bot from outside the simulation so that she can still interact with the real world. i mean pearl can cover for marina, but if both famous idols suddenly went missing it would be a pretty big panic. or maybe theres some other reason why pearl cant be in there fully. or she is in the simulation fully but for whatever reason she is in the pearlbot form. anyway this would allow us to have the fun of an alternate timeline while the characters are still from out timeline.

SPEAKING OF. if we do get the whole "our version of the characters AND alternate version of the character" thing. i want alternate marina to be the villain. like maybe marina in the simulation/alternate world didnt mean to be a villain, but in her quest for order and safety she ended up hurting others sel expression and creativity and all that. but our marina finds her and is like yo maybe this is... not a great thing. but alternate marina doesnt listen. this would be interesting cuz then pearl and 8 could get messages from marina that seem out of character but nope its just alternate marina boom big reveal. idk man.

ive realized im more theorizing than talking about what i want to see at this pint. so i should uh... probably end it here. cuz i can theorize all day but no ones gonna know whats right till it comes out. anyway yeah my biggest thing i want is probably an incintive of some kind to play over and ver.

also it 5 in the mornaling and i have not slept. so if you see grammar/pselling mistakes? no you didnt. dont ask why im awake(couldnt sleep so i figured id come check tumblr and try and get more requests done but i only actually ot one thing done before egting sidetracked by this ask)

#mod shiver #mod speaks #side order #garlic anon

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svquence · 2 years

Text

⋆ ★ “cat shaped clouds”

✿ pairing! lee minho x gn!reader ✿ genre! fluff ✿ wc! 0.7k ✿ warnings! none

❀ A/N ! another req! sorry for the inactivity i kinda lost motivation and things have been happening lately. hope you guys enjoy! love u. (i rushed this im at school as im writing this bare w me) (this sucks so bad oh my god)

———————————————————————

College wasn’t the most fun thing for you, not that it was bad or anything, but it was boring. It can’t be so fun to learn so much information at once and to sit down for so many hours on end without talking to anyone, can it?

It’s not like you can leave either because you have absolutely nothing to do anyway, so might as well sit down in your class and pretend you understand what’s going on there. Your friends were also busy with college themselves and especially your lover, Minho, had his schedule packed. So, you really had nothing else to do.

As you sat in your seat, tapping your fingers on your desk, you noticed that your phone started buzzing with notifications. And so you checked, thinking that you’d have some random notifications popping up, you notice that your boyfriend’s name sat on your notification screen. You missed him, which is why you didn’t waste a single second on checking his messages. Quite literally, he was spamming you.

Minho 🤍

hey

wyd

hey

okay bye

You giggle as your eyes lay upon the “okay bye” message, he was clingy and he hated admitting that. So cute, you thought.

heyyyy

sorry i was in class :(

don’t ignore me now

You quietly chuckle at you both and the childish behavior you two have. It’s what makes it fun! Overall both of you are still young.

you finally answered

are u still busy?

i mean i am in class so..

but what’s up? i can make

some time for you

great come outside

im waiting for you.

WHAT???

HELLO?????

Your mouth formed an “o” knowing that he was busy yet he was outside? You were in the middle of a course though. Still, you wait 5 more minutes until the course is over, take your bag and sprint outside excitedly yet kinda confused. The shock hit harder when you saw your boyfriend waiting for you outside. For some reason, you really thought he was joking.

He takes your hand in his. “Hey, sorry for stealing you, but i have something prepared for both of us, if you don’t mind, of course”

Without even letting you speak, he starts dragging you somewhere. “Not so patient are we?” you say. He laughs.

Stuck in your thoughts and feelings, confused and yet very excited, you didn’t even realize that you reached a park, more specifically one that was mostly grass, and that your boyfriend already laid down a blanket for the both of you.

He pulls you to sit down and you do. Surprisingly, your lover also pulls you in his arms. He’s not the romantic type usually, but its been a while, he missed you and you did too. He used his actions to show you how much he really did miss you.

However, you were kinda hungry and he knew that, which is why he prepared some food for the both of you. It’s adorable how considerate he is of you. Thats why he started laying down the foods from the picnic basket he carried all the way there.

As you both were eating the foods he prepared, you were talking with eachother, until it all fell into comfortable silence. After you finished eating, you laid down together, staring at the clouds. He was so excited when he spotted a cat shaped cloud! To you, it was so adorable. And so he started rambling about his day and mostly about what his cats did for the time being you two weren’t together.

He was honestly most comfortable with you and you loved that. You loved him. And as he was speaking, you were just staring at his features, those you loved so much. This day alone showed you how much he cared. And you appreciated that, a lot.

When you had to part ways, you really didn’t want to. But he promised you that tomorrow would be another day for you two together, if you didn’t mind the steal, of course.

#stray kids imagines #skz #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #skz x you #stray kids #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x gender neutral reader #lee know #stray kids minho #lee know x y/n #lee know x reader #i hate this

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frenchfrywrites · 8 months

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I am GENUINELY curious to know more about emeto, like this is 100% positive and I'm excited to hear abt it and learn abt it. Atm I'm completely neutral abt emeto stuff (I don't actively look for it but I also don't get grossed out by the topic or purposefully avoid it either) and that was my position on piss kink stuff as well before actually getting to read and learn abt it from people who do enjoy the experience. I very quickly came to like piss stuff so I would love to know more abt emeto as well, if thats smth you would want to talk about?

Like I am really really interested to hear an explanation or breakdown of why its so appealing and sexy, because thats what got me on board with piss kink stuff and I am genuinely curious to know more kinks and see what else I might feel like exploring. If that makes sense?

Ooh I love asks like these. It's very fun to ramble about kinks I enjoy so thank u for letting me indulge in your curiosity.

I'd love to give you the reason as to why I'm so taken with emeto....... the only problem is I myself don't know lmao!!! It's definitely not a kink that I've always been into like piss lol.. I got into it after reading a fic where a bottom vomited from sucking cock and I was smitten from then. I guess there's a couple of things I really enjoy about the kink. I typically write about subs vomiting, and I think I like that so much because the act of puking is like... not having control over your body? It makes them vulnerable and weak in a very unique way. In that sense, I like that it can easily be paired with sickfics, pregnancy fics, and whump fics. It's an easy way to make a character miserable- and to then be able to take care of them, coddle them, and pleasure them. I like how you'd be able to feel someone's stomach churning and lurching if you touched their stomach while they puked (so maybe it's got something to do with my feederism kink?). I like the way it'd make someone feel a bit of shame (ofc no need to overdo it, but a nice blush or weak "sorry" is sooo good). I like that it takes such a hard toll on your body, so there's usually sweat and stomach cramps and nausea (again, pairs really well w whump stuff). I also like that it's gross as fuck.

That's really just me rambling about what came to mind. I hope I was able to help a bit!! Perhaps ppl will agree w me or have their own reasons (if so, feel free to add). I really do appreciate that you are looking at people who enjoy this kink and instead of coming at it with disgust, you're curious and open. That's very lovely and refreshing <3

#any time i get the excuse to talk abt a niche kink you knoooooowwww my ass is gonna ramble #this was a very delightful ask. i get similar asks occasionally and they make me very happy :))#im curious if theres others who like emeto for different reasons than the ones i named so plz feel free to add ur own thoughts #french fry replies #spice #tw emetophobia #emeto #cw emetophobia

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bluewinnerangel · 1 year

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right back at ya cowboy

Omg ella I'm so sorry I was gonna do this "later" and then it got buried. OK. I clicked. EDIT: I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS IM DOUBLE SORRY lol imma expose my ramble draft

[So in case someone's reading this thinking ???? we sometimes throw a spinning wheel of songs at each other and then just go rambling yelling analysing whatever it gives back. I've kept track with this tag, feel free to copy any of them wheels links and go off or bug someone with it actually pls do]

Oh you mean that song I for some reason like some total idiot put on first thing in the morning and just bawl my eyes out, you know when its so early you're just so vulnerable and everything feels raw and there's no thoughts just something primal happens and it's me drowning myself in this song and then the day can start I guess am I fine nobody knows. It's now my Saturday morning ritual where before coffee I see some sun and I just bawl there's something therapeutic about it. I'd recommend it. Just some sun some coffee brewin some confused pet wondering if you're OK yeah.

Anyway. The song I can place extremely easily in like "1d ended and it sucked" context, but it works with a lot. whatever I can think of him, or anyone, writing about, whatever it means to me. (general Louis' songwriting ramble incoming:) I'm looking at FITF differently compared to Walls and previous work and he's approached it differently, I feel like what he's been saying about his discography fits that as well. I think (this is a mash of what i think to hear in his lyrics and in interviews, so heavy paraphrasing:) before he had this idea he should be writing where the whole thing makes sense to be about this one situation/idea and it has to be about him too and sure perhaps a context might have been written around it, but i think in the past hes been pretty perfectionist on having every single line fit the thing he was thinking of what that song is, and now thats no longer the case. Now it's whatever works, whatever hits, feels, does it. It doesn't matter one thought/situation flows into another.

I guess that was a long rambley way of saying I wanna do line by line lyric analyses of his stuff but I don't know how to make that work as it did previously, for me at least. But on the other by temporarily running with one interpretation and seeing what you can find in the lines can really help see more angles, bring more depth to the line, and consider other meanings and stuff so.. idk not much wrong with it. I wanna do that too I think. This is I guess A Promise I'll do a Holding On To Heartache lyric breakdown. At Some Point. :D

But I think his choices of words and soundscapes and perhaps all them being little references are just wonderful. I cherish it so much. I'm slightly afraid he did the same in Perfect Now (like after seeing a web of possible perfect now lyrical referencing that song did become one of my favs as I love that idea like it gives so much more body depth meaning whatever to a song to me even if not on purpose lol its not even relevant at that point anymore anyway) and long term didn't value it much so now I'm afraid my new little more poppy fav will be his new neglected child but time will tell. Just... have an itch. Rip. EDIT yeah that itch got worse because of the track by track we got now.. it's got that bit about HOTH being a poppy one and the way he's talking about it sigh i feel him but sigh also hes sigh i dont wannt start that discourse over that shit so no. but itch. I uh... luckily don't let how I interpret his reactions to his own songs affect the way I feel about his own songs haha brainpayne this.

ok ok ok last ramble it sounds so fucking liquid? so wet?? how do I explain this why does it sound w e t EDIT: help me he said the sound is like a guitar under water like he's drowning it's flooding we're in a puddle of tears this song, it's what makes me bawl I think, because the song sounds like bawling, and your cheeks are puffed up and we,t and you find a moment of quiet and stare up at the sky with your wet lashes exhausted defeated but you're still here you're still breathing. Also the bridge with the "space between us just comes FLOODING back" at the end of it, it's not the bit that hits the hardest in an obvious way, instead it kinda gets overlooked a way, theres no moment to sit and waddle in the SHIT FLOODING BACK RIGHT THERE it just goes right into the quiet bit again,there's no time given to recover from getting crushed by the wavesm and it just does something to me... I can't leave that bit as the little end of a big thought it sounds like, but the way its sung... time just keeps ticking and we're at the end. I'm almost sure that wasn't intentional and like @ me why focus on this of all the overwhelm that's in this song, but that just feels like a reflection of the feeling I get from this song, you're just fucking sitting there in the middle of this overwhelming ache these waves of hurt and shit just moves on and youre just there stuck there with but i wasn't done? But I guess I should be? Like there's no room for me drowning in this even more but I feel like I need to still?

ramble out.

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abimee · 9 months

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I appreciate you saying that so bad because it really is true how detrimental the obsession with youth is for so many teens (who are so impressable, making it a recipe for disaster) and young adults. Cause as someone who sometimes struggles with that sentiment still for having had BORING teenage years and still being so socially stunted as a young adult having felt for so long I had failed something along the way, making me feel worse abt myself but like... Truthfully, being young is so boring. I'm thankful for older people in my life constantly telling me that really wanting to hurry up so much is pointless - what do we even expect to do?? Stuff that looks cool in movies? I may be a loser for some, I may think I am a loser sometimes, but according to what and who lol. And I'd rather face these things as a mature adult rather than a pressured, impressable teen... Idk. Sorry if this is just rambling really. But it being pointed out makes me feel better and I hope it makes others feel better too. Especially with the loneliness epidemic of right now :(

no absolutely i get it. as someone who so said had an ''interesting'' highshool/teenager years i can safely say that it really sucks trying to cram so much experience into such little years because like

okay the way i see it is trying to make tyour teenage years jam packed with interesting experiences sucks for when you hit adulthood because adulthood is VERY SLOW and BORING as well. youll get to habe more interesting experiences but thats also because you have like 60-70 years and a lot of power in getting to make those experience, while as a teenager you only have like 5 years of this supposed ''golden time'', and then youre just not prepared for how slow and boring adult life is and you get caught up in nostalgia of the ''old days'' and entirely forget how much it fucking sucked to be a teenager because you only remember the glory moments. like ive done so much as a teenager i wish i could nowadays like drink heavily or break into abandoned houses with friends but those high moments often gloss over my memory of how powerless i felt as a teenager with my problems. so like theres nothing good to come of trying to see your teenage years as the most interesting time of your life and that if you didnt make the best of them youre ''boring'' or ''a loser'' because it just doesnt matter to people except for those who peaked in highschool and can only live caught in their past and their former glory.

its so so so so so SO okay to be a slow grower. the idea of needing to get all your experiences out as a teenager is sooooo stupid and theres no timer on anything in your life that dictates it has to happen before X year, thats just the obsession of youth talking and its tootally normal and okay to not have or do things until way later in life. like for me personally i still get caught up with how many people in their 20s are all getting married and i fall down this sinkhole of ''everyone younger than me is MARRIED but i dont EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND'' before remembering that it doesnt matter. it doesnt matter if i get married age 22 or age 62 they dont have goddamn timers on when its acceptable or cool to have your first kiss or get married ITS THE OBSESSION WITH YOUTH TRYING TO KEEP US DOWN FROM. REJOICE IN DOING THINGS SLOWLY AS AN ADULT

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yourfavoritehouseplant · 1 month

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You work in an arachnids lab?? Thats so cool!! Can you tell me about the research you're working on or the study organisms you're working with??

Oh absolutely!!! I’m gonna try not to doxx myself any more then I probably already have on this account though, so sorry if some things are kinda vague. Also keep in mind I’m just an Undergrad hired on as part time help!!

Also this is going to be long oh no

We technically work with Chelicerates, the subphylum that contains arachnids! The lab has a focus on phylogenetics and development, so our projects usually alternate between:

- trying to more densely sample the genomes of underdocumented chelicerate groups to create more accurate phylogenetic trees (we get weird samples in the mail of like. Sea spiders and horseshoe crabs for this). I usually don’t help with this kinda stuff.

- Knocking down genes of chelicerates we keep in the lab to better understand their genetic development, and how that may have changed over evolutionary time. (Out of convenience, all of the guys we have are just arachnids lol). Eyes, chelicerae, and legs especially have been really popular targets for this. These are usually the projects I help with (peeling and fixing embryos, micro injections, that kinda stuff)

I also take care of the little guys we keep in the lab so!! Here’s some fellas:

We mostly use the European Harvestman (a daddy longlegs!!) called Phalangium opilio. They’re easy to keep, have fewer genome duplications than true spiders so their genes are easier to knock down, and if we run out we can collect them off the side of a wall somewhere. Unrelated, but it was recently discovered that these little dudes have been hiding four secret additional eyes from us!

(I am not joking about the collecting off the walls part. I get paid to do that all summer. This is a picture I took on one of those walls.)

For spider stuff we keep the Common House Spider Parasteatoda tepidariorum. From what I understand they’re a pretty standard arachnid model.

These guys have tiny annoying embryos that suck to work on, so one of the grad students also tried to use tarantulas for a while. Apparently they suck as a model but we still have one as a lab pet.

Other past grad students have done work with pseudoscorpions, the sister group of scorpions. We have two species from two major orders:

For amblypigi we had Phrynus marginemaculatus. They move like freaky little crabs. They also kinda look like freaky little crabs. We don’t keep them anymore though :( I miss them.

For Uropygi we have the Giant Vinegaroon Mastigoproctus tohono. These little dudes are dumb as rocks and regularly miss crickets I’m trying to feed them at point-blank range. Fun fact but they get their name due to secreting acetic acid (vinegar) when they feel threatened!

Both pseudoscorpion models have what’s called antenniform legs, where their front walking legs are modified for sensory use. The genetic distinction between walking and antenniform legs during development have been a focus of a lot of research out of our lab.

We keep a much larger variety of model organisms than most other labs do, mostly because so many arachnid groups are super underrepresented in research. It’s something I really appreciate about working here. Anyway, that’s the end of this insane ramble, thanks so much for asking!!

#I LOVE TALKING ABOUT LAB WORK RAAAGH #Please look away if you don’t like spiders though #tw arachnophobia #tw arachnids #tw spiders #tw scorpions

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mammoneythegreat · 2 years

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Everynow and then i be reading obey me fics then realise that if i were to like actually date any of them it would be really shitty caz theyre all like- literal demons yk? As much as i love mammon and wojld love to date him i feel like it would just suck after a while?? Some examples:

(Relationship hcs i see or have with him)

>him stealing your shit n selling them, it might be endearing at first but after a while it would just- be annoying

>he is the litterally the living embodiment of greed, he is greedy for all your attention,is possive and gets jealous when you hang out with others, again this might be cute at first but after a while its just?? Im allowed to have friends bro

>bestie is traumatised like sheesh, even if he doesnt act like it or show it but he is and he will end up snapping some day and we’re just humans bro the second most powerful brother going apeshit? We cant survive that

>he cant express his emotions and that would make communication, something we need for a healthy relationship, impossible. Thats not his fault but would make dating him hard, like we get that he loves us but bestie cant say it

> he shows his love in different ways yes but dating+marriage iisnt just love??? There will be arguments and hows that gonna span out? He cant communicate and will end up going gambling and probably leaving us deeper in debt

> also lets say we got into an argument and hes in the wrong, he wouldnt be able to say sorry, he wojld give us gifts but that wont end up solving shit in the longrun, sure the puppydog eyes might help rn but the same argument js gonna happen over n over again until we sit down and solve it yk?

>dont get me wrong i love this man but we are just humans after all, mammons brother lit up the sun- theyve been here before us for whoknows how long and will be here after us for again whoknows how long, shaped our very beings and m o r e

> also its canon that they ate human meat before(if im not mistaken) and thats like- a red flag i think?

> AND demons constantly kill each other, the brothers could easily rip apart anyone and they have, they fought in a literal war agasint fucking god bro, they could and have kill us in one shot

> idk about yall but personally im not into being one shotted

This was a longass ramble, its 2 am and i just needed to say this

Thank u for coming to my tex talk

#mammon #mammoney #obey me mammon #obey me shall we date #mammon x mc #mammon x you #obey me angst

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formula-fun · 7 months

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(This was timestamped October 12th 😱 when I found bits of my always too long ramble in my notes; I was mostly talking about your answer to my ask on the 12th.)

Good morning! (This was really what I started with!)

Good gawd I totally forgot the other omegas on the grid🤣🤣 when I jumped down the rabbit hole of “ABO universes must be more patriarchal than real life” and “my poor baby being the one suffering the most on the grid for being an omega” and of course the waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too much talking about what I like in ABO fics.

It’s quite refreshing to remember that in your story Japan is less “only boys/alphas are deserving of the throne(literally and figuratively ”. (Still can’t believe I totally forgot about it yesterday, and it was mentioned in Capri too! One of my favorite parts!😱😱) Even though technically (please correct me if i’m wrong) ABO was created so Dean Winchester could logically get pregnant in English fics, I sometimes love the more Asian take on it: as in even in the real world, as soon as men can produce children too, the ones who could do that (like omegas in ABO) would immediately be degraded in the social hierarchy to becoming “women”. It’s a very widely used background in fics from Asian writers thus making me love a lot of fics with very strong omega characters, the whole “I am an omega but I am as strong as you(his future magnificent alpha mate). ”

“male can present as alphas or stay betas ;people born female can present as omegas or stay betas” So there is no female alphas. But if the world consists of male alphas + male betas +female betas+ female omegas, Charles is a male omega?

it’s indeed true we think very differently because half of the time is you amiably disagreeing 🤣 and I’m like nodding and pushing more into the same subject or different subjects and we just continuing on politely disagreeing. 🤣🤣🤣

The mating I do understand, since the actual “registering” happens ON each other and in bed hhahah! Do mating trigger heats and ruts for alpha/omega pairings? Since the whole biology of ABO is practically “let’s make two men having a baby as logical/easy as possible, and they should has they just mated!”.

As for spoilers! I am all for them lol, I have always been the type to want to know whether the end would be happy or sad/bad for movies or stories, and then I would decide whether I would read them (I am still on the life sucks so I shall only read stuff that makes me happy and my best friend is a lover of angst, and we bond alot over angsty stories I was “tricked” into reading that I end up recommending to her, so me reading WIP is totally growth 🤣)

——

I just checked the 2024 calendar so if the baby (yeah!) is conceived in June 2024, it looks like it’s going to happen in Austria? (June races are in Canada, Spain and Austria) At first I thought it was going to be in Monaco(late May) at home? (Why am I sticking to the real calendar when talking about characters in fiction having babies lol). I suppose too much is happening for them in Austria seriously hahahha.

You also mentioned that their baby was born early, the amount of stress for Max??? Did they speed all the way to the hospital in their Ferrari with Max “threatening” Charles their baby girl is most definitely not to be delivered in a Ferrari of all cars? Hahahhahahha

Wonder what kind of reaction the tifosi had finding out their prince/king is having a Ferrari baby?

Thank you so much for entertaining all my way too long explanations of “what I think”.

A very lovely Wednesday to you~~~~

Xoxoxoxoxooxoxo

ahhh hi hi!! Glad you found it! ill answer under the cut in case it gets long!

hahahah yeaaaaah sorry, im definitely breaking the a/b/o form a lot in this fic!! i think it's really only loosely an a/b/o fic in the first place tho--im using that as a way to explore gender, and it's become a pretty good vessel for that! there are a lot of expectations in a/b/o about how different genders are supposed to act and i KNOW thats why people like it.....it's just really fun to flip that on its head and poke at how at the end of the day they're all just people and biology doesnt dictate who they are dfjkdfkjdfjkdfk like am i doing it right? no. am i having fun? yes

and definitely! Im not asian so i can't really speak for that, i just knew from the start that certain countries would have different ideas about gender than others (just like it is in our world) and japan happened to be one of them. i do like the way it flips the script though, and you're definitely right about that meaning omegas can be stronger than alphas. it's kinda emphasizing that there's really no one truth about who anyone is and everything is fluid, especially the dynamics between two people. that's the whole bottom line with that scene with yuki, too--he thought alphas were super different but they're really kinda the same as anyone else. As for the bit about dean winchester, I have no idea if youre right but it doesn't sound wrong ;)

"But if the world consists of male alphas + male betas +female betas+ female omegas, Charles is a male omega?" charles was born female, he identifies as a man tho! same with his brothers, all the other omegas on the grid and a handful of the betas. there are also women who are alphas, who are biologically male. Gender and sex have nothing to do with each other in this universe, gender is just a form of self-expression and identity, so this is pretty common

and iiiiii do not knowwwwww to be honestttttttttt. not sure how mating works yet. We'll see! I think it can kind of be done whenever but there are probably some sort of requirements about hormones or some shit like that, like it probably relies on oxytocin or something so if there's not enough happy calm hormones being released then it wont take?? or something like that?? cause its basically the ultimate oxytocin bond right? its possible im getting too scientific about this but idk. cause in a lot of a/b/o it basically works like magic to the point people can start reading minds after and idk if thats really the direction im going to be going with this, but it's not just a bite either. we'll see we'll see, i need to figure it out still

Same with the calendar--not sure, we'll have to see. i had a plan at one point but i honestly do not remember now. I do think their first baby is conceived in a really dumb place like a sauna or a storage closet in the ferrari hospitality or the passenger seat of Max's valkyrie right after charles smacked his head on the roof and then whined for like six minutes straight while refusing to let Max look at the wound (spoiler: there was no wound. there was not even a bruise). idk why, it just feels like it adds balance to the narrative if the whole thing is dumb and ridiculous and literally not romantic whatsoever. im rejecting the 'uwu conception is beautiful and pure' notion, it's a million times funnier to me if charles gets pregnant because he tried to open a condom with his teeth but bit a hole into it instead and didn't notice or think about it until 6 months later when andrea looked at his most recent blood test results and immediately passed out

that's all i have for you!! no more spoilers, i have to go to sleep!! thanks for the ask and happy wednesday!

#xo anon #if i had words #writing tag #should i start tagging long posts??? lmk

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marciabrady · 2 years

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Hi marciabrady, I just wanted to pop in and say how much I appreciate you standing up for classic Disney films. I love Sleeping Beauty so much everything from the artistry of every frame, the music being from the ballet, Mary Costa's wonderful voice in Once Upon A Dream, all the voices were wonderful I can't imagine anyone else especially Philip he adds a lot to Once Upon A Dream, to the character animations being just so inhumanly elegant and smooth especially for Aurora, how kind and dutiful and romantic and gorgeous she is, how maternal and proactive the fairies are, how strong and determined and charming Philip is, how deliciously evil Maleficent is, its simply one of the greatest films of all time period. It makes me so sad to see the studio that is built on stories like this go back to "fix them" and in the process tarnish the story and their reputation. It feels like nowadays people can't appreciate fairy tales and try to suck the charm and magic from them. Not every women has to be a rebellious warrior or go "screw the patriarchy" because she doesn't need a man and is an independent girlboss. Some characters have a quiet strength to them, and thats okay. Sorry this got really ramble-y but thx and again, I love your blog!

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate receiving this and getting to hear from someone who enjoys the multitudes of artistry that went into crafting the original movies.

I completely agree with you about how the studios have given into hating on their own works because of bad-faith criticisms from people who will never like these movies. Like they are not the audience to pander to. Ngl it was a little gratifying to hear Elle Fanning repent in some of her interviews for the second Maleficent movie and say Aurora was her own person and had her own personality and she didn't have to be a warrior to be strong, and she actually spoke about the value Aurora had (unlike the press for the first film where she just kept saying Aurora was nothing but a pretty princess and her job was to deepen that. It's too bad Elle's Aurora was so inferior to the original). Unfortunately, this is not only affecting the production of these cursed live action remakes, but I feel like it's greatly contributing the homogenization and the commercialization of art. Which, I understand all films to some extent have always had an element of being commercialized, but...it's just getting so bad and I feel like it's really desecrating what was once the American artform. I think the Disney Renaissance really, if it continued with the same creative team, could've gone on to produce Walt-era level worthy films, and I'm genuinely hoping we can return one day. Walt wanted animation to become a genre, not just "for children" and I think over the past twenty years, we've literally made these films only for children.

I'm hoping to make a difference with the appreciation posts I do so that people out there can see the values these original characters have and see how nuanced and different and unique they are and return to that form, or at least vary their own style a little bit instead of sticking with the same thing. I know responses to criticisms used to garner a lot of attention, but I think I might stick with making appreciation posts from now on. We'll see. Whatever it is, like I mentioned I think this is an issue that's affecting so much of our life and how we see each other, and I'm not content with just writing about it on my personal anymore. I'm hoping I'll be able to write an article somewhere, to garner new audiences and hopefully change the minds of many people or at least spark a conversation. I just genuinely am horrified that this redundant rhetoric is persisting and I really hope I can make a difference.

#ask #anonymous #thank you so much though seriously #my ims are always open for you <3

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lepidopterann · 1 year

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ramblings about self ship fic idea between me n faust guilty gear [part one, pre story stuff + doodles ]

so . my plan is , i am a mortician at the hospital where baldhead (and i think i might go w the name jian ? for him prior to the serial killer stuff. ive seen it used a few times and its cute. and dr baldhead sounds more like a name given to a serial killer. like how jack the ripper ? yea) works, and im. a little salty bc jian is Such A Good Doctor that i never get anyone to process except people who died like days or weeks ago or the elderly. but jian is so sweet and polite, great with patients and especially kids (he does little magic tricks to cheer them up or distract them, reads to them in his spare time)), but is a little timid w large group of people. and good lord is he a workaholic. so i , as a coworker, ensure he doesnt overdo it. which he does. sometimes he has to get dragged out of the office, and i (not having as much to work to do as others) take him out to dinner! bc this mf cannot cook. he subsists off of leftovers and ready to eat meal type stuff. at some point prior to story, jian does my back surgery. as someone scared of going under the knife, but who has had really bad backpain for a long time, its like. very trusting. when recovery at hospital is done adn i can go home, he helps out around the place, justifying it by goin like “well you help me out with stuff so naturally i should help you! its only fair” and he fucking sucks at cooking and orders takeout a lot and helps clean up and . if he spends the night thats not anyone elses business

[at this point we both consider eachother friends, but jian harbors a minor crush bc most people only talk to him for his abilities, and here i am, asking how his knitting is going or telling him funny stories about bodies ive embalmed]

and then we get to The Girl. if u are reading this and dont know, the reason that jian snaps in the first place is because a patient of his, a little girl, dies on his operating table. [later its discovered that he was sabotaged. but he assumed it was his fault]

and this doesnt go well.

jian has never had any mistakes as a doctor in all the time hes been one. hes cured so many people.

when that girl’s heart moniter flatlines, he just. nothing makes sense anymore. hes never failed once. how could this have happened? how could he have done this? because it was his fault, no one elses, and if people keep saying it isnt his fault, he might throw up. he does but not because of that specifically.

hes not seen for a week after, and then another. word spreads fast, and a coworker asks me to go check on him. [they assume we’re dating already, and after evrything goes down-- well theres a lot of pitying looks and im sorrys]

i find him but. well , this is where we start the story.

because theres jian there, a seven foot long scalpel in hand. and surrounded by at least five- six- seven bodies around, the specific number hard to tell because theyre so mangled (every cut is precise. he never makes mistakes), and hes laughing-wheezing-panting, glasses glinting under the street lamps.

when he looks over to me, and i see the unfocused, almost drunk look in his eyes--

i start to think its not even him. smeone wearing his skin, some other nine foot tall doctor--

but it most certianly is. because he doesnt kill me, not right away. (he doesn t . kill me in this fic but gets close here. hes goin thru it <3 its okay forgiven)

see the way i write fics w f/os is like. heres some drama. heres a complicated history and relationship that eventualyl blooms into a deep love. bc thats how i be yknow?

i dont know yet whetehr or not im gonna write faust as system bc theres a lot of stuff in canon that points towards that. but i do know i write him as someone who dissasociates. bc me too bestie <3 . also autism bc. yeah.

doodle time!!

#im gay i love men #real bones hours #dr baldhead #faust #i need a tag for him for my braining abt him but shrugs #my art #selfship stuff

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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#21

I took like 750 earlier and my days on days of constantly popping pills has brought some kinda shitty side effects. This is a a bit tmi but i figure it would be something that I'd wanna keep track of now. But uh I can now go a whole day without taking a piss. I really gotta work keeping hydrated. I was already chronically dehydrated when I wasn't taking dph but my already not enough water intake with pills that slurp up any and all moisture is definitely not helping. It got so bad that I physically couldn't cry. I'd be in the motion of it but no tears would come. Tho if I'm being real I'm prolly gon do another 500 once it gets a little later. I'm stressing stressing and I just want to pretend nothings wrong for a while. I'm gonna chug hella water in the meantime tho

Warning in advance this post is really long. Both the aftermath and notes are extremely extensive due to me fr fr going through it rn. I figured I'd rather have an overly detailed note that most'll skip but might help one person feel normal than a vague/quick explanation that doesn't give enough info to be of use to anyone genuinely struggling

This is gonna be a long aftermath section cause there's actually a lot I need to explain but if you don't need/want specifics the tldr would be

AFTERMATH

-I think I'm jaundiced rn. I'm not entirely sure as if I am or I'm just looking too hard but I've had previous issues with excess bile so it's a real possibility

-Hella dehydrated. Excessive crying and a high dose has made it a lot worse in a shorter amount of time. I can't cry again due to how little water I have in me

-Appetite has been hugely varies day by day but lately I haven't really been wanting/remembering to eat. It has been damn near 24 hours since I've ate last and even then I didn't eat much. I feel sick cause of it

-I don't feel overly sickly tho. I feel pretty much normalish considering everything that went down last night

The rest of this is a lot of rambling but those points are the general jist of it. Definitely read if you're curious about how all that happened.

....or if you wanna see me whining about R's partner for the probably 50th time now.... T^T

Soo I ended up taking 600/650 (dont remember which) after I was crying for so.. sooo long. I was crying so hard that I gave myself a headache and my stomach/chest kinda hurt from me trying to hold back from sobbing too loudly. I eventually stopped once I had to go upstairs for some toilet paper cause my nose... yuck.. I literally never cry for long enough where that's an issue but I was sulking one second and that SPRINTING up the stairs the next. The shit was threatening to fall out my nose and like... it was either gonna fall on me or my bed or my floor... basically my snot was tryna play flee the facility and while I was in a shitty mood, I was not in a bad enough mood to chill with snot all over me

Though I don't know what possessed me in that moment but I took a video of myself while I was up there. You could clearly see my red ass eyes and my puffy eyelids. I will confess I do kinda like how I look after I cry cause of the puffy thing but I mean. Usually I would have the common sense to know no one else is gonna see it that way so there is literally 0 point to try and take pictures like that.

Sorry slight tangent. I bring all that up cause when I rewatched the video, I noticed that my skin looked a little off. I've been breaking out for a few reasons lately and I was picking at my skin for a bit out of stress. So when I watched the video and it was like.. smooth looking I was kinda like ?? my camera must suck ass. Thats weird

But today I looked at it and I feel like I looked glowyish which was strange. I was just sitting there like, it aint even like shiny glowy I'm just lighter looking.. then I noticed I was weirdly yellow. I was just sitting there looking like.. am i tripping? so I go to the bathroom and I ofc, looked sickly. I mean. That's a given. I took 1.5k in a single day, I haven't taken any since I woke up, barely slept, barely ate, dehydrated, sobbed for hours... I am a hot mess. God. Anyway. I looked way different than I ever had before. I know how I look when I'm withdrawing and this was worse. Usually if I feel like shit, I look like shit but I really wasn't expecting what I saw. I looked yellowish and with my lips being dry it made them look paler/ashy so the combo wass just kinda shocking

Content warning: specifics on stool junk. Skip the green section if you don't wanna hear it

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I've had this one symptom for quite a while now but I felt like it was a bit tmi but at this point, I want to be entirely transparent. When I stopped for that week and relapsed tryna do dxm, I basically felt the sameish as I did before the break and I thought nothing of it. But as I started ramping up my habit again, I noticed that I would need to poo like RIGHT after I took my pills. It was so weird. 10-20 mins after without fail, I'd need to go. Then once I started taking it multiple times a day, I'd also need to need to go multiple times a day. It was so fucking annoying as I'm a person that needs to go a few times a week. Depending on what I'm eating, i'd prolly go 3-5 times a week. So going from that to every single day/multiple times a day drove me nuts.

That in itself was already so annoying but I would've accepted it if that's all it was. But during that time, anytime I had those pill induced shits it would burn so bad. It was the weirdest sensation. I'm sure everyone has experienced eating a spicy food and then immediately regretting it once it's time to pass it. And I mean with that, yeah it hurts but it mostly dissipates once its out. But this shit... oh my god. The burn of it was different from anything I've ever had before. It'd literally hurt for so long after. Not to where it's excruciating but it was just odd to feel my junk burning off some junk I passed 10 mins ago. When I did it multiple times a day however.. that's when I couldn't take it. It'd burn damn near everytime as is but not getting a long enough time inbetween this junk made it sting worse and worse.

Around this time I started to google junk cause it was getting out of hand. My stool was always green during that time so I looked into that first. I saw mostly people talking about it's harmless most of the time and probably diet based but I knew I had to be a special case. So I kept looking when I found out about the possibility of having bile in my junk and it all made sense. My acid reflux has been worse, the burning would make perfect sense, and plus I saw that if your body digests the junk too quick there's sometimes an excessive amount of unabsorbed bile. I irritated tf out of my stomach with all the pills so I would not be shocked my stomach would just want whatevers inflaming out as SOON as possible.

After a while, I just was tired of being in pain and I'd just ignore my stomach whining to get that mess out of me. It was getting to be entirely too much and I knew it'd probably reopen my ulcer but I couldn't be bothered to care

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Anyway I explain all that because when I was looking into jaundice causes all I was seeing was mentions about liver shit and excessive bile can leave you looking yellow/green. With my excessive bile thing happening before, I knew that was probably what it was. I'm gonna hope that the combo of me taking hella pills without drinking much water is what made my liver play me this time. I don't want that to be an actual thing I have to be conscious of.. I don't want my parents to drag me to the doctor's office and if they saw me like that it's basically guaranteed. Honestly, they probably wouldn't even bother they'd prolly go straight to urgent care. I can't even imagine all the explaining I'd have to do.. All the issues the doctor could point out. God. What if they see all the benadryl floating around my system and know I'm abusing them without me even saying anything?? What if they tell my parents behind my back?? I know they can't afford to put me in some fancy ass rehab shit. Where th would you even find that..

So in order to not have my minion-esque skin be what gets me found out, I'm gonna start going out my way to chug water where I can and start tapering off again. I've noticed I haven't really had that sickly out of it feel when I get into the 500+ range so I'm guessing if I lower it from that I should probably be good? I dunno. For now I'm not saying I'm quitting as I have no clue how long it'll take to get used to lower and lower amounts but at the very least I won't be going back to my peak doses. That 750 I took was the most I've had since pre relapse and it'd be so easy to slide back into my everyday 750-1.25k range atp but it really isn't worth it. I'd have to drink so much water to accommodate that and if I do now gotta worry about jaundice I'm sure giving my liver even more meds to process would be a extremely poor decision.

I am exhausted though.. Now that I'm done writing this I'm honestly bouta take a nap

R and her girlfriend are going through a really rough patch right now. To the point where she thinks her partner is going to leave her. She's been real focused on working and stuff and i guess with that she didn't notice that she was going through something..?

NOTES/EMOTIONS

The funny part is she was working that hard so that they could move in together next year. Something they both were really set on. It's kinda sad. R must be so confused.

The thing is like.. this has been a CONSTANTT on and off issue for them. I fully get wanting to hang with her but this is what... 5th? 6th? time that they've had strain because of how much they hang. And that's only the times that my bsf has told me about. It just like.. what else can she do? They still talk everyday and she still doesn't really play/talk to many other people to give her her for the most part completely undivided attention. But at the same point, this is R's first time having a job where she has hours hours. I'm sure that shit can be tiring as is but she literally aint used to it yet. She only started working long long shifts 2-3 weeks ago. She be exhausted. I feel like her partner wants her to just sit there and talk to morning to evening like she did when she didn't have all too many time commitments and it just aint realistic. I don't get why they're still fighting on that

They fight a lot in general. It feels like every few days she'll seem off and I'll be like oh I'm sorry and try and comfort her and junk. But then theyre just "back good" by the next day. I don't think either of em are addressing the real problem if they need to argue so damn much

Plus, I don't see how R doesn't see it but she said it herself she brought up them feeling distant, her girlfriend didn't change literally anything. She said it for herself and still ended up blaming herself by the end of it. She thinks that she was neglecting her and it was her fault for not knowing about her struggles even though she has literally brought it up multiple times... plus she focuses focuses on her once she gets back. SO it's just like.. I dunno. I just feel like her partner just.. aint it

That sounds so harsh but I mean. God. She made R feel like she had to drop all her damn hobbies and "grow up", she makes her feel like shit for STRUGGLING with multiple addictions because R said she'd quit and apparently her relapsing means she was lying the whole time, gives her the cold shoulder whenever she feels like knowing damn well R is terrified of abandonment and'll go nuts and do whatever to get her back whether its right or wrong to, plus like my bsf LOVES weed and her partner wants her to quit by the time they move in together.

To me, I think that the two need to breakup. My bsf's partner clearly wants a whole different person and I don't think R should feel bad for not just forcing herself in the perfect partner mold.

The thing that's been irking me the most is her giving R the cold shoulder when she gets high with no fucking thought on context. She has literally been escaping through that shit for damn near 5 years at this point. I fully get not understanding that shit cause you don't do that sort of thing. I'm glad she doesn't honestly. It'd be one more thing for R to stress on plus she can be her voice of reason.. Well okay if she actually gave enough of a fuck to be a voice of reason she could be. But that's the thing. She just parrots out the "right thing" and get mad that my bsf can't just poof into sobriety. I'm so tired of R coming to me in distress cause her girlfriend is icing her out cause she smoked a single cig. or weed to help her sleep.. Just like. Stupid shit. She gives 0 positive reinforcement whatsoever. How does she not see how damn far R has come??

When I first met her, she'd causally take dxm day after day and get so messed up on that shit she'd actually blackout. She used to stay high or drunk. Didn't matter that it was hurting her. She just wanted an escape. But now?? She is so much more responsible. She actually googles and researches instead of just doing whatever with no concern with her health. She doesn't take dxm anymore cause she saw that it could possible heighten her blood pressure. She doesn't really take dph anymore... tho there has been a few occasions these last few months. She smokes like.. 2-3 cigs a dayish when before she could go through an entire pack within a single day. She only smokes weed every once in a while vs when before she'd CONSTANTLY going through pen after pen

LIKE?? I just. I hate that she makes R feel so shitty for not being 100% with that stuff. I feel like she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm proud of her for all the changes she's made within the last few months but hearing it from her partner would mean the world to her. How hard is it to just support her?? So fucking selfish.

Plus some of the time she does that shit, she ain't even doing it cause she wants to and her partner NEVER CONSIDERS THAT.R's heart has been being weird for months now. Doctors ain't really been helping too much as far as solutions go and with her liver being fucked beforehand she has to just take it at times. The medicine she has available to her has they own pros and cons. Which leads her to sometimes smoke to not feel that shit so much.

I remember this one day me and her didn't talk much the whole day so I freaked out and tried to get through to her through damn near every form of contact I had. I damn near texted her mom but I thought that would be too much for day 1 so I had a draft written up for if she was gone. I was terrified. She never just dips like that.

...Only for her to text me back about an hour later. I was slightly annoyed at first but once she explained I bout cried. She was in so much pain that she oded on dph so she could sleep it off. She started opening up about how much pain she be in and how the bp pills have so many side effects and she can't really take tylenol anymore cause of her liver. A lot the time when she smokes weed/take dph its to dull the pain of that. It's why I try to be as vocal as I can about supporting her on that shit. I don't want her to be dependent on ANYTHING ofc but I can't imagine having to sit there in excruciating pain with little to help you.

To have your own partner just... disregard that cause she doesn't like her being on anything just grosses me out.

But despite all that, I am still.. so fucking sad for my bsf. She really loves that girl and even with their severely unbalanced relationship I know her partner has her good qualities. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes rn. Feeling like all your accomplishments and growth was for nothing cause at the end of the day you lost the reason you were pushing yourself so hard.

This is honestly the worst case scenario. I've been dreading this day so much. On one hand, if they do end up breaking things off, at least she won't have to deal with all the stressors of being stranded in a completely diff state. I knew being around each other 24/7 would eventually force a lot of their issues to the forefront and seeing how they respond to disagreements as is I couldn't imagine that arrangement lasting for too long. But at the same time.. R is not gonna see their dynamic for what it is until she is long long over it. There are no positives for her in this you know? She's not gonna see it as a lesson to only put your all into relationships once you see the same from them. All she's seeing it as is a another person abandoning her. Another person she isnt good enough for.

I wish I could pull her out that pit myself. I hate that I have to just sit there and watch for now. I remember how hurt I was over a 2mo relationship with a fucking groomer. I didn't accept that shit for yearssss. I can't imagine having someone you have so many memories with possibly leaving from your life

I hope to god she doesn't do anything too rash. I know she's going to spiral.. She's probably passed out drunk rn tbr. And she's prolly gon be hurting herself for a looong long time. It makes me so upset. I hate that she's gonna treat herself like dirt because she wasn't able to transform into the picture perfect partner her girlfriend expected her to be. I wish I could just say a magic word and she'd just be over it.

I don't know how I want to approach comforting her if things do end up ending. On one hand, we used to talk alot more and she was a lot more open about her feelings pre treating-her-girlfriend-like-she-treated-me mode so would it be good for me to try and get her back to that? Does that come off as me trying to replace her gf? Will she think I'm just tryna make her like me back and I'm just rushing to steal her partners spot? And plus like.. I know how this shit goes. No matter what I say or do she's still going to hurt. Will me trying to distract her just annoy her? Is that actually helpful?

God.. I feel like I've been writing forever. I'm sorry. First time in a while and I just started going on and on. But that ll is a pretty thorough breakdown of everything on my mind right now. I am so scared on what R is going to be doing to try and cope. And I'm scared that her possible ex is gonna be a sore spot for her for a while. I'm not really hoping they get back together but I kinda am at the same time. I wish that they'd break up on R's terms. I know the after stuff would be a lot easier on her that way. She would've already come to the terms that their relationship aint feasible for one reason or another which is a huge step as is.

Buuut. nope. Well. Ig it aint guaranteed. They might not breakup at all. I'm gonna hope they do tho. She doesn't need someone that'll sit there and purposely punish and hurt her cause they don't get their way. Sorry again for the long ass notes section. I'm just really scared

#dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #dph addiction #trip reports #vent #excessively long

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m0mmyracc00n · 1 year

Text

Okay so... Imma ramble.

https://youtu.be/ZqbbNoy7zIE

I watched this and I have so many words to say.

OKAY SO hes complaining that 'miranda shows up at the end, the writing is so fucking dumb, we barely see her during the show, so why does she wait until all of her 'children' are dead to show up and create her kid?'

DID YOU EVEN PLAY THE GAME?!?!?!? They literally say that she hated all of them, she just used them and she knew that Ethan would get rid of them for her!!!

ANDDDD

'Oh ethan killed himself uselessly, it was a remote detonater bleh bleh bleh' He is made of mold. HE IS MADE. OF THE MOLD. THAT HE IS DESTROYING. He wouldnt have survived the Megamycete being destroyed, and knew that seeing him die would destroy his fucking wife. He literally gave his own life up because, with him alive, the fucking megamycete would carry on.

GOD he compares it over and over again to RE4, and yeah its similar. It's less horror than 7, which is one of the main issues that had people not being able to finish 7 (i should know, i am one of them). But its not resident evil 4! Its not! Yeah, its referenced and yeah its compared a lot, but its not 4. Its a good game. The story is good when you put effort into figuring out the lore. Yeah, Ethan fucking sucks. Everyone hates ethan. He's a horrid fuckin dude, hes boring, hes so so fucking stupid. But hes connected. His 2 games link the entire franchise in a really amazing way! It's the best way to appeal to a new generation! the first re game i played? Biohazard. And that game, even though i couldn't finish it, made me go back and play others! Comparing a game like RE8 to game that came out in 200fucking5. GOD.

He's a dude who puts effort into perfecting the game mechanicals, specifically the fighting. He didn't search for the hidden things, he didnt look for the detail, he made comments on the fact that lady d is hot and apparently thats bad writing? Yeah, she was overused for advertisment for how long she was actually in the game, but she fits! she has a backstory!

She is based off the fucking original vampire, Carmilla! She has backstory, as do the rest of the lords, if you bother to fucking look.

Lady D was raised as nobility, but she has a blood disease. She travelled the world with her jazz band, because she was ignored by her family. She met miranda, and believed she found a place where she wasnt going to be ignored. But then she was, so she was given her daughters. She, out of all of them, have something to lose.

Beneviento lost her family and, when she was infected, took out parts of herself to put into her dolls because she didnt want to be alone anymore. She asks you to take care of 'our Little Rose' because she understands what its like to lose those you love.

Heisenburg was taken from his family as a child, experimented on, and told that the people who helped torture him were now his family. Hes trying to destroy miranda, but his mind is so twisted from that torture as a child that he has no empathy for children. he tries to use rose, because shes a child who can do what he couldn't.

Even Moreau is so fucking sad. He was sick, riddled with cancer, and getting infected extended his life, yes, but it didnt get rid of the cancer. Hes riddled with tumors, is in constant pain, and hes so thankful that he doesnt care. he wants to be loved, he wants to be useful to the woman who 'saved him' but his brain is so messed up from an illness he cant control that he struggles to speak, to plan, to do what she wants right. He watches tv with happy families, and wishes he has that.

You won't find any of that fighting the zombies, or trying to speedrun the game. If you dont look at the story, you dont get the right to complain about the 'lack of story'.

Sorry for rambling but GOD

#resident evil village #re8 #resident evil 8 #re village #rambling #video games #retrospective

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