#it shouldnt feel like this

[sakebytheriver]

When someone ends a friendship with you and they clearly think you're the toxic one and they were the innocent that never did anything wrong, while you were the bitch that had to constantly over apologize for the smallest thing or else they'd end the friendship and the way they end it is through one text message where they hit you with a 'im done with second chances' whereas you ate so much shit with a grin on your face and the concept of 'chances' in friendships in general never occurred to you and now as you go back over the friendship you realize how onesided everything was and how much work you put in to receive absolutely nothing back and how you got so lost in the toxicity of it all and just how bad a friend they actually were and now you regret saying you'd 'fight for this friendship' because ultimately they were not your friend the same way you were theirs 🙃

#ignore me #personal #five years of friendship ended in one text message #and now as i go over everything #im like wow #what a bad friend #insecure immature child who could never accept a dollop of blame and could never have a confrontation face to face #like the longer i look at it the more exhausted i feel #ive felt for months like i was waiting for this moment #like she was just waiting for me to screw up so she could hit me with that fucking 'im done with second chances' #like fuck you bro #do you know how 'second chances' i had to give you without ever once brining it up to you #chronic insecurity mixed with her inability to handle confrontation and any kind of negative emotion #meant i had to be perfect or else i would get cut off #the way i told my therapist about it and she was like friendship shouldnt feel like youre on probation #and i was like omg thats exactly what it was #i was on probation for fucking months and i couldnt be a human being and mess up or else shed be ready to end everything #like i really did feel so on edge and like i had to walk on eggshells with her #and its like weve known each other for 5 years #it shouldnt feel like this #and shes going to go through her life thinking that i was the problem and that it was me who was the toxic one who couldnt change enough to #be her firend which is just the most frustrating part of it all #like im not a petty enough person to go and text her all of my grievances and make her feel like shit for how she did me dirty #but if i could go back in time i wouldnt say i wish i could change her mind #id tell her that i worked so hard to be perfect for her and she never once put in the same effort for me and that im sorry i wasted so much #of my life on trying to be her friend when it was obvious she didnt want to try and be mine

[andyridgeley]

me everyday

#personal thingys #i didnt think at all today i just focused on cooking and baking and it was nice #i need more days like that where i just focus on ONE THING #and that thing shouldnt involve a laptop #i feel so drained but so amazing

[haunted-xander]

Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either

#sooooo fucked up being a teenage boy just messing around with friends one day #and the next weird monsters are after you #and suspicious guys youve never met before start telling you you shouldnt even exist #and even the gentle girl who seems to know SO much that you met #says you have to disappear #all for the sake of this one boy youve never heard of #who apparently everyone loves and wants back #even if it means essentially killing someone else(you) #and youre expected to just. follow along and sacrifice yourself for him #even though you are also a real perosn with real friends (or so you believe) #and at the end you do it #because youre tired and confused #and part of you feels like it should do it #that its the right thing to do #even though you still dont know anything bc no one will tell you #except for the girl but everyone always goes out of their way to stop her #anyway im rambling the kh2 prolouge is so fucked up when u think about it #roxas #sora #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 2 #kh #kh2 #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[araneapeixes]

in the bathroom at the gay clubbbb

#a less edited version added for plausible deniability that its not a mirror selfie #bc i know astarion shouldnt be visible in the mirror. but the vision was too strong #anyways on the dancefloor shadowheart is doing those goth girl dances from tiktok #and astarion is doing the fork in the garbage disposal #they dont get any btw bc they get too drunk on tequila and end up throwing up outside and #astarion has to call wyll to pick them up. he does of course #at the same time laezel and karlach are getting into a bar brawl someplace else #and gale is going snork mimimi at home:) #i really like how the shading came out here. adding highlights really helps with 3d shapes #and the way ive shaded shadowhearts torso had me feeling like pygmalion ngl #bg3 #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #shadowheart #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 modern au #i NEED to draw shad in more outfits

[cracklewink]

Harmony Syndrome Part 5/5

The last chapter of my mlp infection AU! Thank you to everyone who followed along. Some final thoughts on my twitter @cracklewink if anyone's interested : )

#mlp #my little pony #mlp infection au #mlp infection #twilight sparkle #Sorry for leaving the ending open ended but I genuinely couldnt decide on just one way for things to turn out and I liked the idea of #leaving it open the most #in my mind sunset's final message is like we found a recording from the later days of the infection and we dont know what happened in the #end because the recordings stopped/ended #In any case I think they were able to put twilight and the others to rest #but who knows who survived the “final battle” and who didnt #also yes Twilight created harmony syndrome but not on purpose lol #it was the result of her botched attempt to create a spell that makes ponies immortal #obviously it backfired lol #and the irony is that twilight ends up dying before any of her friends #if they didnt want me writing my little pony horse tragedy they shouldnt have left mlpfim off on the note that all of twilight's friends #were growing old without her #ending thats been haunting me for five years #if anyones seeing this this is an open au btw so feel free to adopt any of the ideas if you like! : ) #tw thanatophobia #thanatophobia

[wuntrum]

loose photostudy (ref)

#my art #this is olddd. its from like september i think #in such a weird art space right now. though it IS past 4pm during the winter #so. i really shouldnt trust any of those sorts of feelings 😭

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

#hobbies #writeblr #what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog #although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person #i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally #writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like #it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing. #which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like #i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me #bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely. #it HAS to be a job. it must #also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself #to make it RIGHT #and im like ... idk i only have an hour #so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing

[idolomantises]

i really want to draw sera and lili going to church together. however, churches are a pain to draw. i'm tempted to use 3d assets if the task feels too overwhelming.

#txt #i actually used a 3d asset in one of my earlier comics and i think nobody noticed #or maybe they were too polite to say anything which i hope is the latter bc there's a lot of stigma towards using 3d assets #but if you can blend them in decently i feel like it shouldnt matter too much #there's a character at the church i really want to introduce as well

[kana7o]

[I used to know my place was the spot next to you]

#obikin #sw #yeah ive been listening to speak now (Taylors version) all day can you tell #this ones my favourite from the album its so *chefs kiss #anyways i like thinking of force ghost obiwan hanging out with vader and watching him with sad eyes #but maybe also a little happy? bc he can finally be close to anakin agan after all this time? #or i shouldnt say happy but im not sure what that feeling is #anyway im glad i finally drew this bc its been pingponging in my head for probably a month now

[azirafuck]

some of you forget aziraphale actually pulled the trigger to murder adam and it was madame tracy who changed aim last second and it SHOWS

#you SHOULDNT trust this angel with your child #is he a sweetheart? yes #but crowley will keep your kids alive for longer and wont feel like he wants to die as he does it #good omens

[felsicveins]

I just pictured Otto awakening from a somewhat spicy dream about Bruce, realizing “oh shit…this may be a problem” and deciding that the only way to fix this is by getting Bruce to snap at him.

However, it is VERY difficult to make Bruce angry to the point of trading insults (unless it’s John Dory lol) because he’s just that smooth. Plus having 13 children has honed his patience to be the level of a fucking saint.

I got news for you, sometimes when hot people are mad at you .... They are still hot. Sometimes it makes them hotter

#you can make bruce mad real quick if you targey his brothers 🤔 #trolls #ask #trolls oc #trolls oc otto #bruce trolls #trolls bruce #brozone #i feel like i shouldnt even tag it as ex husband cause jd aint even here!!! #trolls 3 #trolls band together #dreamworks trolls #yeesh .... well ..... #this should be it for otto and bruce for a while!!!! its been really fun drawing both of them #i have some julien stuff sitting around that i might post soon #and bass and barley #and patty #i got drawings of all of em #just gotta .... finish them ... 💀 #its so sad that these two cant be together #hes the only one who can handle otto .. #oh also idk what otto was doing maybe he was bullying floyd or branch #saying some mean out of pocket shit as he is known to do

[la-ro-ki]

their dynamic will never not be hilarious to me

#my edit #roier #q!roier #jaiden animations #q!jaiden #qsmp #quackity smp #bobby qsmp #qsmp eggs #still dont know their duo name #also v sad bc idk if theyll continue doing stuff together #once bobby... #moves out #i rlly hope they do bc they seem to get along well #ALSO #ENTIRELY PLATONIC #feels like i shouldnt have to clarify but #i am #if the ccs are uncomfortable being referred to as marriage partners than pls lemme know #and ill edit it to say like coparent or smth

[sh0wbagz]

What the freak Bloodborne x Aardman au??

#i love mixing hyperfixations #bloodborne #aardman #chicken run #wallace and gromit #chicken run dawn of the nugget #dr fry #dr mark fry #melisha tweedy #willard tweedy #i feel like i shouldnt even tag this #fanart #art #aardborne #idk whatbto call it LMFAO

[bogkeep]

every time i read an autobiographical comic about a transfeminine person practicing putting on makeup as a visual metaphor for the difficulty of Performing Womanhood i can feel my whole heart vibrate with sympathy. like. one of the absolutely most common Girl Experiences is feeling like you're never girling right or enough. there's so many rules and expectations and there's fucking makeup. i could never wrap my head around makeup!! not even for gender reasons, it's just this whole culture i don't understand. trying to grasp makeup feels like being a street urchin at an extremely exclusive high end restaurant crying because i don't know what fork to use and they won't let me eat with my hands. my seventh grade classmates tried to help me be girl by taking me shopping for nice clothes and mascara and i couldn't even wear it for a week. not only do you have to go through the intricate rituals of application but you have to remove it at the end of the day??? and everyone acts as if this arcane knowledge is something inherent to girlhood that you're just born knowing and feel naturally inclined to do??? i don't understand!!! i don't understand!!!!! people treated me as if i was being rebellious and making a statement but i just do not understand all the powders and inks and pencils and gunks and creams and brushes!! they feel bad against my face and i'll flinch from anything getting too close to my eyes. it doesn't matter how many offers for help i get or how many tutorials there are, i never wanted this for myself! i shouldn't have to do this! i can be a person without it just fine if you let me!

watching anyone trying to learn how to do makeup from scratch is like watching someone learning a new language. if you think it's hard it's because it is hard and don't let them tell you it's not, just because they've been speaking it for a long time

#'you don't need a full face just five products-' #and every step will feel like a thousand knives #ultimately my relationship to makeup has very little to do with whatever my gender turned out to be. it's an absolutely baffling practice #u dont gotta wear makeup if u dont wanna!!!!!!! #but i also know society can be hostile to people who dont wear makeup when theyre percieved as someone who Should #so its not like im gonna tell anyone what they should or shouldnt do

[mywaywardcupcake]

Bakura: Due to some horrible, traumatic events in my life I am living without my family.

Jou (living a different but equally valid traumatic life): nice!

#jounouchi katsuya #joey wheeler #ryou bakura #I feel like we shouldnt say that #but like I get it

[mrpsychokiller]

this is how people talk about you online when you dont use they/them pronouns

#getting really soooooo sick of getting they/them'd and so many of my friends who dont use they pronouns also getting they/them'd #paradoxically its like people have been taught that using they/them is best bc its neutral so its better than assuming someones pronouns #and potentially misgendering them #but just forget that youre supposed to use they/them when you DONT know the persons pronouns and once you learn them you change to the #correct pronouns. it really shouldnt be that hard to take a second to check someones bio for their pronouns and use the correct ones #its like people dont take into account that they/them may be ''neutral'' but not everyone identifies with them or likes being called them #or that it might still feel like misgendering even if its not he or she #sigh...