#it makes me feel like im going to lose people that way and i dont want to be annoying and ask stuff like do u hate me etc cause i know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flareboi · 15 hours

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ok yeah here you go!!! vicagent angst

so like. when victim first arrived in the outernet she wanted to start a new life. she didn't want to think about alan at all so she just shoved it all away and decided to forget about it.

she started a company and soon afterwards smith joined as one of her first employees. they became friends pretty quickly, staying in touch even while others left their jobs to move on to better places and new people joined. they got pretty close, i imagine a year or so in started to fall in love but didn't say anything (despite both knowing the other probably liked them)

then news comes on of tco and tdl causing chaos around the internet and victim figures out pretty fast, they've got the same creator. they quickly spiral into jealousy, realising that they were the only one alan made who never had powers, never had a chance to live, and decides to turn rocket corp towards a new goal of getting revenge on alan through the only leads she has.

xir obsession gets more unhealthy over time, staying up late at night just overflowing with anger. smith stayed with xem through most of this; frankly they were a little worried. at some point vic and agent start dating, and agent swears to do whatever it takes to make sure his partner's happy.

when vic asks him to assemble a team to track to chosen, capture them and find out where alan is, agent agrees without hesitation. he's a stickfigure, so of course he knows how to fight (it's something they were all raised to do). they reason with themself by saying tco is a bad person anyways, so it doesn't matter what happens to them or their associates.

throughout ava6 (season 3. man the change is fuckin me up) vic gets worse, losing her temper faster, with mood swings between ecstasy over getting closer to her goal and anger over things not going her way. xe clings to agent more than ever, and agent feels extremely sad for xem.

eventually the rest of color gang get properly involved, and vic is downright reckless, hurting all of them without abandon, torturing tco beyond reason and locking up tsc (who's like, a young adult at most). agent begins to feel bad for what they're doing.

fuck it's 12am uhh. whatever the Final Fight in ava6 is, the mercs are on vic's side and cg/tco/kingduo (and tdl i hope) on the other side. all the mercs get downed and vics on her own. agent's getting up and reconsidering their alliances as vic uses any tech it can get its hands on, destroying everything around them just to get a chance at hurting alan and his sticks.

tsc goes like, broth beam mode, and suddenly the fight flips, and vic is scrambling to get away and into the box where she has the power. she looks to agent for help but agent Hesitates. because in the past (week??? months) theyve seen their partner get worse and worse and hurt people without abandon and it's. Scary.

and that one second is all it takes for orange to fucking Blast vic to oblivion.

unlike tdl, vic has No chance or surviving. he's simply not built like that. he has (had) no power, nothing. agent is left alone to deal with the fact that they condemned their life's love to death. aw man. aw fuck.

okay yeah i hope this is Something. i dont even ship them so this might b extremely ooc idk hope you like it ♠️

OH MY GOD??????????????????????????????????????? im going to make art based off of this just give me a bit

#spade anon #<youre gettin ur own tag buddy.#fett rambles #ava #ask box #vicagent #SCREAMING ?#goign to throuwp

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yuhenglesbian · 11 months

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Thinking once again somehow of how important it is to me that when Wei Wuxian came back to life in Mo Xuanyu's body, the only two people who recognised him were Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng.

Nothing is more proof of the fact that Jiang Cheng cared deeply for Wei Wuxian. Yes, he was hurt and there was anger but the fact that he held onto his rage and grief for years doesn't read to me as, "he hated Wei Wuxian so much he never forgave him for anything." Rather it reads as anger being the manifestation of Jiang Cheng's grief around losing his brother and closest confidant.

#i think about it a lot actually #but my lord #jiang cheng's hate and anger are all so closely tied to his love for people and his feelings of failing them #rather than “jc hates wwx” its “jc hates (the fact that he couldnt be there for) wwx (when wwx needed him)”#and like that's ok!! he was dealing with losing everything he knew and grew up with #and the circumstances made nothing easier #its actually been years so i cant go into a full analysis bc i dont rmbr a lot #but understanding grief and anger and how close they are are so central to understanding jc #mdzs #cql #fari's all-time faves #i think that's a better way to tag stuff like this #but god urgh. i love them all so much #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #not chengxian let me make this clear #this feels so incomplete but i dont want to go indepth bc if im wrong about details that'll be very embarrassing for me and i'll have to die

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toastsnaffler · 7 months

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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent #.diaries

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beelzzzebub · 5 months

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oh my god. i just got an ad that said that you can lose weight better if you let out your pent up emotions. once you have a good cry you can finally start 'slimming down.' someone fucking help me. what in the pop psychology. like. ok. i don't really have anything extremely articulate to say right now but i just. come on. that's like a whole new level of just blatantly taking advantage of people's poor emotional state and body image. because at this point people are at least a little more aware of how harmful diet culture is, so now we're hiding behind this veil of being wholesome and self aware. we're not like the other diets because we care about you, so now we're weaponizing this culture of mindfulness and surface level mental health to take advantage of you and get your money. i. like maybe i'm reading too much into this but ohhhh boy did that make me angry to see on my dash just now. anyways i hope you're doing ok and i love you and please i hope you are loving yourself as well in the new year <3

#boink #look im not gonna claim to be an expert on health and shit #but i just think that that's a horribly malicious and intentionally manipulative thing to be putting out #like oh your exercise isn't making you lose weight the way you want #so buy our program and cry and then you'll lose weight?#it's healthier for you?#fuck that #ive always been self conscious about exercising and stuff bc im not small #im not thin and im not athetlic and i feel like thats not for me #and its taken me a long time to sort of be ok with and love my body #and its still hard for me to engage in that bc i still feel like i dont fit #i want to go to the gym and i want to do sports but bc people are shitty a lot of the time #ive sort of spent a lot of time being in those spaces and just not feeling super comfy there #and you know what #what's helped has been acknowledging that im doing it for myself #not for anyone else #not for people to be more comfortable looking at my body #but because i want to take care of myself and that is independent of my weight #and of others perceptions of me #i can go for a run bc it makes me stronger and i dont care if i lose weight or not because thats not what its about #and just #like a lot of people i know what its like to be in a very emotionally charged state #and to have that be connected to the way i perceive myself and my body and my worth #and again. it's just so shitty to take advantage of that #so openly i think too is why this was so. fjjs idk.#you know #anyway #sorry vent over ig lollll

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dbphantom · 16 days

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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

#so really this is all your fault /lh /j #i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy #VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP #i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud #CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST #i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw #that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly #desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around #like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT #his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me #how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil #and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it #like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her #i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him #the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why #when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past #once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber #i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over #zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik #like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove #RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up #big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home #like i kind of feel bad for him in a way #but i feel bad for everyone #i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row #especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again

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widevibratobitch · 1 month

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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

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hecksupremechips · 1 month

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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

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toruq · 2 years

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#i dont like this lol #the art of it looks so fucked i dont know why #its gotta be that first panel #i dare say that the words arent quite right either #man im losing literally every part of myself now #;_____;#i lost dignity and trust and self love bc #i just found out how people i used to call friends were saying about me #either innaproppriate comments or calling me crazy #it makes me feel really betrayed in a way #feels like a life i was living was a lie #its amazing how little consideration people will have for you and jump to conclusions to make you as insignificant as possible #i have someone who loves me though #and i have a family who loves me #but besides a s/o who is busy with school and a family i live hours from.....#the world seems very lonely #and after losing these 'friends'#its hard to want to reach out again i guess #i am just comfortable being lonely not even gonna lie #i guess i feel sad that the life i had been living of feeling like i was this type of person who enjoyed going out and having fun with ppl #was just one big facade #im tired of my life being like a masquerade #sso #ssoblr #my art #sso anne #anne von blyssen #sso concorde

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floorpancakes · 2 months

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its about perspective dont look at me

#LISTEN #we used to be a real country #i say knowing tsuba was always the favoured sister series #but COME ON NOW....#i suppose they both got iconic spots #they should make clamp in wonderland 3 that is just douwata #im joking i love the variety but i want to eat up more holic content yum #unless the holic content is a weird plot twist in rei or something #if the continuation after all that hiatus time ends up being a tsuba fetch quest or making watanuki clow im going to start #punching people #and hitting clamp with large hammers #i love clamp but i have one eye open at night imagining the things that could go wrong with rei #it has to be said #this isnt what this post was about OOPS #xxxholic #i know 99 percent of the few clamp fans there are left are tsuba mains #and that it has always been this way #dont question my actions its ok be not afraid #its clamp i have beef with lol #but also clamp r so cool #but also i have beef iwth them #such is being a clamp stan #twitter repost #rambling dont mind me #**meant to say 99 percent of the holic fans are tsuba mains #makes me feel kinda awkward cause im not a fan of tsuba altho im down to give it another try later #and i feel. mixed feelings as to clamp has handled their connection #especially cause it feels like holic is the 'losing side' and was always less favoured #but thats old news by now it just makes me nervous to bring that up now i actually follow a lot more fans Lol

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aashiqui-aashiqui · 3 months

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so many little things i don’t have a habit of doing compared to everyone else and im contemplating this

#this is inspired by that one post i see going around asking for everyones go to coffee ordee or tea #and i drink neither…everyone is saying something in coffee language but i don’t understand what theyre saying #similarly when people on here say stuff like ‘how do some people live without music’ im part of those people #i just…..dont care..? i don’t know how to explain it but listening to music is not something i can do easily it’s like something i have to-#actively focus to do because i just start thinking about something else and lose interest #whenever people are like ‘whos your favourite artist?’ no one i dont think i can enjoy music the way others do #makeup is another thing but i don’t feel guilty about that one like im not wasting my money there lmao #but yeah so many things i don’t do that others do and its making me think perhaps i lack ambition 😭⁉️#or maybe (and more likely) i just never cared enough

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thedevotionaltour · 1 year

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had an insane moment tonight where i just got repeatedly shamed by friends multiple times within minutes but it's ok now bc i don't have to see these people until next semester :) the minute you repeatedly make me feel bad within a matter of minutes and after i realize every time i hang out with you i feel bad you get put into the realm of "our friendship has a timer" ^___^ no more of this lol

#it was not like directly aimed at me but every single thing. applied to me :') and you kept going not to rag on comics majors BUT #for the next five minutes. in the worst way possible. and then kept saying how sex bad how heavy content bad. and frankly i am over it!#i was surprised by the friend who mainly did this but the other one has. done this so many times. and im just kind of sick of it.#im sick of feeling bad every time i see you. every single time.#i just think some people must remember. nothing wrong with discomfort. but your discomfort is not the be all end all correct moral opinion.#just doesnt work that way. at all.#vent.txt #also as someone who has an identity extremely important to them that at the end. is so directly tied to sex and pleasure and eroticism #for me personally at least. well. i hate to be in an environment where even the mere concept of sex is constantly shamed.#it makes me feel bad. and ashamed. and gross. and dirty. and like a fucking creep pervert. in all the worst ways #and it really is. genuinely. painful. it is painful to me.#because i am being told i am just wrong for having feelings that i do. and that im gross. and it has taken me a really long time to be ok #with this part of myself. and i still struggle with it constantly despite my ability to be more secure in myself #but i am constantly trying to remind myself. im not gross or disgusting for having wants and desires and needs. and that it's ok #and im not going to let that be taken away from me by people meant to be my friends.#granted yes i could do more to advocate for myself when this happens. but i know it would be a losing battle. so i just dont.#whatever! whatever! im done and im shutting up now!

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depresseddepot · 2 years

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the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person