#vent.txt

[h-doodles]

i need to bite. I NEED TO KILL.

#GRRRRRRRR BITE BITE BARK BARK GRRRRRRRR #vent.txt #edit: context is local lesbian was working outside in 32°C heat w/ humidity levels making it feel like 39°C #not to mention wearing a heavy cotton shirt and thick pants bc she was anticipating going into office but well. field work day apparently!

[clockworkblogs]

People viewing aspd as this evil awful abuser personality disorder Sucks because in reality for me it feels more like “I’m missing something intrinsically human about me and I also am snowballing to meet up to everyone‘s expectations and am ultimately failing”

But also if I fit a stereotype too much or don’t fit a stereotype too much then I must be an obvious faker

#ghost.txt #vent.txt #log entry #aspd #loathe ❤️

[thestarseersystem]

Trauma is...

Remembering your abuser's face so clearly, even if you don't want to.

Remembering the things they said to you. Some nasty, some kind.

Being haunted by dreams of them.

Past people trying to make amends, although they never stopped the abuse in the first place. Whether they were bystanders or not.

Trying to get emotional closure, but people continue to shut you out and deny the harm that they have committed.

Your emotional connections to your abuser, and feeling grief that they're gone.

Being unable to form relationships after the abuse, no matter how hard you try.

Feeling drawn to emotionally unavailable people, and getting hurt again.

Struggling to move past what you went through. No matter how much people tell you to move on, it doesn't help.

Being so angry at everyone and everything. Just to fight the urge to forgive them, so they won't come back in your life and abuse you more.

Feeling sorry for your abusers, because you wanted a better life for them.

Feeling betrayed for even trying, because they never cared.

Feeling like everyone is out to get you and feeling like they'll abandon you without a second thought. Because that's what happened.

Having paranoid thoughts of your loved ones lying to you, even if they proved to you over and over again, that they wouldn't do that to you.

Feeling dirty, because a part of you loved/cared about that person, and they were too old for you. And you didn't even know.

Unsure if you should throw out old belongings and items and gifts you shared, because they used to mean so much to you.

It still hurting. Even if years have passed. Still being stuck on what happened, despite things having changed.

I miss them, but I don't. I hate them, but I wish they were truthful.

Trauma is when time doesn't heal, even when time changes you and everything around you.

#post.txt #vent.txt #okay to reblog #trauma #tw abuse mention #emotional abuse #trauma healing

[lur1d1llus1on]

#renri no eda #vent.txt #ventcore #horrorcore #vent.mine #mangacap #horror manga #psychological manga #can queue feel my heart?

[fellhellion]

I’m so. so tired of being exhausted. I come home from work and I’m too tired to read or write or play video games or really chat to people. The weekend barely feels like a rest. Can’t help but wonder if I’m just. Insanely lazy since this kind of work is something everyone does and yet I’m utterly exhausted every single day.

#I’m so SO tired and so tired of being tired #up at 5:30 and bed at 8:30 or sometime before 10 if force myself awake to play on my phone a bit #even my break at work I can’t even do any writing because I feel too tired and need that hour to recover energy #and the work isn’t even hard! it’s not like I’m doing hard labour or some shit #I’m just. so tired. and so tired of having no energy to do the things I want to do outside of work #vent.txt

[cosmic-kaden]

fingers crossed my lame ass can get to sleep- ugh, istg I better feel better by tomorrow...

night everyone, love your faces /pl

#I hate hate HATE this- #fucking hell #vent.txt

[scrawnytreedemon]

I'm so tired of everything. Please, I don't want to be filled with hate. I wish it would all stop.

#vent.txt

[thedevotionaltour]

i cannot wait to go talk to my therapist about this feeling tomorrow and be told again the most unhelpful useless crap in regards to it where i dont feel any better i just further solidify the feeling of well im wasting my time and taking on a 6 digit loan for the rest of my life for no fucking reason and if i wanted to even think about pursuing what my "back up" career was i would have to go into even further debt for it and i would still be in the realm of who even fucking knows.

#guys should i walk into traffic. yes or yes at this point like genuinely why even bother. #I WILL GET OVER IT i just have to be so so soooooo upset about it first. WHATEVER. #vent.txt

[flanphiptere]

Everything repeats and yet I still keeping missing the signs

#vent.txt #I want to be able to handle things better but I don't know how #I'm constantly fucking up and ruining things #I think I have what it takes to do something special but I know in the end I'll just be stuck at some grocery store or fast food place #Graphic Designer? Game Developer? Lead Artist? Yeah fucking right #I barely have motivation to draw anymore. all I ever want to do is play games #I'm a worthless nobody that no one would miss if I was dead. #I need a break

[h-doodles]

hi yeah i think im developing a lactose intolerance bc lately milk products have been. hard to stomach. AND JUST NOW I. well. i had a tall glass of milkshake and another 22oz of milktea and ough. my throat hurts from vomitting them 3 hours later,,,,, and im like. naur :((((((

#but will this stop me from consuming milktea and cheese? ofc not <3 #fuck it we ball #vent.txt

[clockworkblogs]

Cw cult abuse talk

I really wish people talked about cult/isolation trauma more. I don’t know how people work. I don’t know how society works. Everyone who has surrounded me at some point in my life has been affected by my abusers because the extent of the coercive control they have held over me. I don’t know proper development and I don’t know how the world is, but im *trying*, trying so hard when the only blueprints for the world and how to be a human being was layered with twisted levels of abuse and abhorrent, borderline delusional excuses.

Don’t repost/reblog please

#ghost.txt #log entry #vent.txt #cult tw #cult abuse #ramcoa

[thestarseersystem]

Sometimes, being a system is like, everything is grey, the world is hazy and I can't see the sun and then doing a 180 next month where everything is fine.

Being a system is being unstable emotionally.

Being a system is sobbing crying, thinking you're unloved and waking up the next day not knowing exactly why you felt that way.

Being a system is being completely in love one week, and disconnected and confused the next.

Being a system is being front stuck with your persecutor for two weeks and having both suicidal and homicidal thoughts at every inconvenience.

Being a system is having no energy to socialize, because a part of you just doesn't know them and doesn't care. Being a system is missing people and feeling regret when you remember how you ghosted them last week. Being a system is not being in control of your relationships, and feeling guilty when they fall apart.

Being a system is forgetting those close to you and not remembering why you were close in the first place. Being a system is forgetting. Being a system is waking up being someone else, feeling your other self left behind.

Being a system is being exhausted all the time.

Being a system is having a hard time saying anything because you don't feel real, because you don't feel human.

#post.txt #vent.txt #didosdd #actually did #sysblr #i want to have inspiration but I don't #a system's life is being unable to see the future. i don't know why.

[i-restuff]

I think getting copped up alone for these past 3 months finally gets me. I was watching these funny videos and had breakdowns afterward for no literal reason lmao

#anyway for context #I'm currently freelancing online #but I'm also @ a city where I barely know anyone (did I also mentioned that I'm alone? oh poor me) #which leads to- me not socializing much #even when I know someone it's hard to do meetups #doing 4 hours calls w/ friends doesn't help much either #in another word I'm pretty dang lonely pf #so ugh #vent.txt #ramble.txt

[an-emerald-bay]

theres this urge that follows me as a consequence of not being treated like an actual person where i fantasize about like doing some crazyyy self-destructive thing in art class like slicing one of my fingers clean off in the metal cutting machine . in front of everyone, while making it very obvious i did it on purpose. but i dont do it because im a pussy and being institutionalized would suck so bad for me

#vent.txt

[fellhellion]

saddest autism moment fr is realising that you’re the joke. that ur being laughed at instead of with.

#funny how I don’t even feel hurt by it at this point #just tired and bone deep rage lmao #vent.txt

[cosmic-kaden]

Today is hide under the covers from Kylo day.

I washed my hair and when I wash my hair it goes back to its natural waviness and it's super poofed up. My hair looks like a good damn cats tails when they're spooked. My bangs aren't straight either and no matter how much I try to straighten it, it won't stay.

On-top of that the body image issue is happening again...

I feel very unattractive :)

so I'll just hide today. If I have to go out I'll be wearing my beanie and baggey clothes.

#I hate my natural hair and with it being collarbone length now it looks even worse when its first been washed 😫 #but washing my hair was a necessary evil ;-; #it's an avoid mirrors type of day... #vent.txt