#it is also necessary not to allow disappointment over that fact to make you complacent

[lucy-moderatz]

#tv: star trek: deep space ine #ds9edit #trekedit #kira nerys #kira x odo #kiraodo #kira nerys is so important guys #okay here we go #this is true #it is important that when you give people the freedom to choose #you also give them the freedom to choose wrong #however #this episode also points out that it's important not to allow that to rob you of your will to act when it's necessary #winn is a very manipulative corrupt and immoral person determined to collect and viciously defend any power she gets her hands on #kira knows this #her lover was sacrificed for winn's ambition and for the fact that her reach often exceeds her grasp #kira shakkar and most of bajor spends this episode fighting against her growing fascist attempts to impose her personal sense of order #so while yes it is important and necessary that people be allowed to make the wrong choice #it is also necessary not to allow disappointment over that fact to make you complacent #when you can you still need to stand up for what's right #and fighting fascists is always right #things i made

[cinematicnomad]

Possible controversial opinion time - I can't help but see parallels between Buddie and Destiel. The writers spent 11 years showing how much Dean and Cas meant to each other, and yet it culminated in whatever that abomination of an ending was. I'm still so disappointed and hurt. I feel Buddie is headed that direction. I just don't think the show will ever follow through. It's hard to stay invested when I'm pretty sure I'll just end up sad again.

prefacing this with my usual i'm-a-pessimist-at-heart-and-won't-believe-buddie-will-go-canon-until-it's-happening-on-the-screen-right-in-front-of-my-face:

as much as i love destiel (and oh man, anon, i FUCKING love destiel), i don't think these ships, or shows, or dynamics, are comparable. bear with me for a minute as i provide some really necessary context that i think people tend to forget when making these comparisons:

supernatural was a bush-era (white, straight, cishet) male power fantasy tv show. like, not even the tail-end of the bush presidency, it started airing in 2005 right around the start of bush's second term. we were pretty firmly in the middle of the bush presidency. queer characters on tv were few and far between (usually relegated to one off guest stars or premium networks like showtime or hbo etc etc), gay marriage wasn't even legal yet, don't-ask-don't-tell was emblematic of the ~*coexist*~ ideology, and in the realm of tv even if they weren't overtly homophobic or anti-gay, they were culturally complacent. tv writers felt v comfortable making derogatory comments about queer people just for the ~*laughs*~ (please go back and rewatch gilmore girls and just....wait for the homophobic jokes to pour in, bc holy shit, there are a lot of them) and supernatural fell in line with that pretty squarely (haha everyone thinks sam and dean are gay, the motel owners are always offering them a single queen bed, dean's totally compensating for ~*something*~, isn't it funny).

and supernatural, despite growing and evolving over 15 years, really did hold on to that demographic. supernatural was one of those random shows that appealed to both democratic and republican viewers, and the network, the producers, the showrunners, the writers, WHATEVER, were not going to alienate their conservative audience. because: money.

9-1-1 just?? isn't comparable. the show started airing in 2018 and despite all the terrible things in the world, there HAS been progress in society and we can see that reflected in the show. we have several named main and regular queer characters on this show, who have plots and storylines that aren't just about their sexuality, who aren't used for the very-special-after-school-episode, but exist as fully rounded characters. hen is a main character and has been since e1 and we've gotten such beautiful storylines about her relationship with karen and their family and it is a jOY to watch on my screen compared to the types of (v limited) representation i saw as a teen in the mid-00s.

i mean...i think there are arguments to be made that bisexual representation still has far to go, and i have serious doubts that a ry*n m*rphy project will be the place to see any of that happen (he's biphobic af and i'm not talking about "oh there were some questionable plots in glee"), not to mention i still think that show creators have an easier time getting greenlit when pitching defined characters as queer from the outset compared to arguing for a character who was envisioned as straight-presenting at the start be allowed to evolve/grow/discover themselves through the course of the show (off the top of my head, characters who started out straight and came out several seasons after the fact...callie on grey's, willow on buffy, and marissa on the oc?). like i agree with you there! again, i'm a pessimist, so like i'm not telling you to be more positive or whatever?

but i just think that arguments that destiel and buddie are going to follow the same path lack a lot of nuance and tend to overlook some really important distinctions between both shows and the world writ large, and??

speaking of ship dynamics on their own, i'd just point to the fact that supernatural, for all that i loved about it, genuinely seemed to want to constantly run away from dean and castiel's dynamic? they spent entire seasons coming up with contrived ways to keep the two characters separate or to force them at odds with each other. like, ACTIVELY wrote plots and character arcs that undermined dean and castiel's bond at every turn bc the show didn't or couldn't address how much they mattered to each other. they'd give you like...breadcrumbs and then try to pretend like none of it mattered. (also this is when i plug that if you're not already you should 110% be watching bob weiss's destiel deep dive series on youtube)

on the other hand, whether or not buddie goes canonically romantic (which again! i doubt will happen!), 9-1-1 HAS canonically made their bond central to both characters and has repeatedly underscored just how much they matter to each other and just how involved they are in each other's lives. like, whether or not you think the writers will ever let them confess their romantic love for each other, the show DOES routinely center plots for both characters on their relationship with each other and repeatedly goes back to the same well to define just how much they matter to each other. s4 literally ended with eddie revealing that he made buck christopher's legal guardian like....they are doing the opposite of supernatural tbh.

this ran away from me so i'm just gonna publish this ask as is sorry

✨sleepover weekend✨

#ask #anonymous #I DON'T KNOW ANON #i don't know if any of this makes sense i just kind of typed forever

[zerobotic]

Well, you asked for it and you can’t say I didn’t warn you :3

First off, the usual disclaimer that I did enjoy DH2. I thought it had some very interesting level design ideas with the clockwork mansion and crack in the slab, the new powers were very cool and fun to use, and it polished some of the rough edges from the first game’s mechanics. It’s just the story and such that disappointed me after how much I loved the first game.

So to start off here’s some of the things I found disappointing or frustrating (and keep in mind these are all just my personal feelings on the games):

“Spoiled rich person learns a lesson from poverty tourism” is a plot that gets on my nerves in general and that’s more or less what happened here with Emily’s story

Like, not to disagree with an anti-rich-people story but the first one did a much more poignant job of highlighting greed and corruption and letting you be the one actually fighting it, rather than putting you in the position of perpetuating it. It felt like the first game showed it, while the second game just preached about it.

Boy this sure did feel out of character for both Corvo and Emily. Emily watched her mother be murdered at ten years old for the sake of political power, and then was held hostage for six months while being told her father was executed for her mother’s death. She got a firsthand view of how much the people of the empire were suffering during this time, and then when she finally got rescued she was immediately kidnapped and used as a pawn again by yet more schemers after her mother’s throne. You cannot tell me that’s a person who would grow up to be spoiled and carefree and complacent with their position, or someone who wouldn’t give a shit about their people. Yes, I know that she was a headstrong, rebellious kid with an adventurous streak, and I’m not trying to claim she wouldn’t probably still prefer, on some level or another, to escape to the rooftops with a sword rather than being stuck in court. I’m just saying that kids grow up and change and whoever wrote the second game seems to be stuck on taking ten-year-old Emily at face value for her adult self’s personality too, instead of considering how the first game’s events might have actually influenced her. She’s got more than enough firsthand experience to know to be wary of scheming nobles. (Also I definitely got the feeling, playing the first game, that at least a bit of how Emily behaved at the Hound Pits was her trying to cope with what was happening.) You also can’t tell me that Corvo, father and royal protector of the current empress, man with the most reason and justification to be paranoid out of everyone in the whole damn empire after everything he’s been through, would be so negligent in paying attention to a coup that the first mission claims pretty much everyone in Dunwall knew was happening. 

Building off of that, in general it felt like the first game wasn’t allowed to have much of an impact. It pays lipservice to Jessamine’s death, and acknowledges Corvo having been a badass back then, but that’s....about it? Like I said in the other post, the first game felt so saturated in grief, both for Jessamine and for everything else going on in Dunwall, that it really influenced the overall tone of the game. The second one kinda feels like the first one never happened, or at least didn’t have any lasting influence on the characters or world, and it’s kind of jarring going from one to the other.

So with all that said, here’s my idea for a different DH2. Still using Karnaca as the setting and Delilah as the primary antagonist, just...different. 

"Delilah wants to use a reality-altering painting to change the world into her vision of it” is still a plot point. Except, instead of the end of the game, it’s the beginning. It’s a logical extension of her actions and powers during the Daud DLC - the plan to use Emily’s painting to take over almost worked til it was stopped, so there’s clearly potential there. She’ll just think bigger, more direct this time.

The game starts on a ship. Emily and Corvo are en route to Karnaca for some sort of diplomatic mission. We get to know them a little bit during this opening trip: Emily isn’t an absent, complacent ruler, she's a young woman who inherited a difficult throne as a child, after a series of traumatic events, and now she's trying hard to live up to her mother's legacy and prove herself worthy to an empire that still seems to only see her as the child she was during the interregnum. She’s doing her best, but she’s insecure about all of that, and spends a lot of time frustrated with the back and forth scheming of the nobles, trying to please everyone instead of putting her foot down and getting things done. Corvo is trying to keep her safe where he failed Jessamine, but court still isn’t his preferred arena either. 

The night before they’re due to arrive in Karnaca, we start getting hints that something is...off. Strange dreams, maybe?

They land in Karnaca and things are different than expected. But they don’t get time to look around, because there's guards there to arrest them, claiming they’re wanted criminals. They’ve got music boxes or something that can strip Corvo of his powers, and only one of them gets away while the other is taken. The one that gets away is stuck alone, disoriented, and hunted in an unfamiliar city - even if you play as Corvo, things are different than he remembers. More different than can be explained by just time. 

They meet Meagan Foster. She takes them to meet a group of ex-whalers (the player character doesn’t know who they are). They’re a group that got back in touch with each other in Karnaca after Daud left and the whalers split, and they still do shady shit, but these days it’s generally more smuggling type stuff and they’ve put down the assassin blades. They’re the equivalent of the loyalist home base in this game. Meagan is still the Samuel stand-in, taking the player places and narrating things as necessary. 

Information is shared and the player finds out that somehow, the world is changed from what they remember. Delilah is the empress, here, come by it what seemed like legitimately at some point in the 15 years between Jessamine’s death and now, and Emily and Corvo are wanted criminals. No one seems aware of the change except for the player and the whalers (who only remember it because of their experience with magic, though the player character doesn’t learn that til much later). 

Clearly it’s Delilah who did something, because she has magic, and she’s the one on the throne now. 

The Outsider shows up in their dreams that first night in the new world, but something is clearly wrong in the void, too, and it seems like he’s barely capable of reaching out and communicating with them. He offers the mark, but disappears before really getting a chance to explain anything. 

The player goes through the game now with the goal of finding out what happened, how it happened, and how it can be fixed. DH2 and DOTO explained a lot more than I felt they should’ve, at times, and I preferred how the first game balanced worldbuilding with mystery. So, let things be explored and figured out along the way. 

Things are real bad in this universe. From Emily's perspective as she goes through the game, we get commentary questioning whether or not she was doing a good job, and comparing it to how things are in Delilah's world. There’s lots of corruption and poverty and people suffering, and the question "is this just Delilah's world? How much of this going on in mine too? In trying to navigate court instead of putting my foot down, was I failing my people in the end after all? Would it have been better if my mother was still the empress?" The difference between this and what DH2 did is that she was trying, there was just a lot hindering her, including her own doubts. In this one, those questions aren’t preaching, they’re a sign that she does care and is pained by the idea of her people suffering like this again, by the mere possibility that it might not be just Delilah’s world. 

Corvo and Emily have distinct perspectives, not just the same lines very slightly altered. 

The bloodfly infestations are either 1) a natural thing that wasnt supposed to turn ugly like this and has been affected by Delilah’s magic, or 2) wholly the product of unnatural magic. None of this "we need them and they’re always like this, just not this bad" stuff. if you're gonna repeat the plague motif, make it actually horrifying, like the rat plague was. In fact, there’s obvious magic influence here and there in general - maybe not quite as thorough as at Brigmore Manor, but it’s present enough to give you the creeping feeling that things aren’t right, here, visual confirmation of Delilah’s influence, that things have been changed and twisted from their normal state of things. Hell, maybe this is where the hollows from DOTO come in, the original world and Delilah’s altered version of it trying to bleed through each other in some spaces. Maybe that’s a different explanation for the crack in the slab mission, even. 

Actually, if you’re gonna repeat the plague motif, lean into the similarities between the rat plague era and now. Have them be reminded here and there by things they see, recount what happened and how terrible it was, compare it to now. Give NPCs lines about the comparison and how some of them left Dunwall only to be stuck living through something like this a second time. Let the first game have happened and had an impact, folks, cmon.

On a similar note, if you’re gonna keep Delilah's backstory the same when we finally learn it, let Emily and Corvo get mad about it. They lived through the first game - what right does Delilah have to talk like she's got a monopoly on suffering and that's why she should have the throne?

Delilah's mistake was assuming Emily was a sheltered child who wouldn’t come for her, rather than someone who's already been through a lot and come out on top. That was almost a satisfying thing about the second game but they messed up the execution of the whole concept and I want it to actually pay off. 

I’m not sure if the targets in this one should be the same or how much should change there. Honestly, except for Breanna, the targets in DH2 felt a lot less relevant to what was going on than the DH1 targets did, like...why are half these people even at this ritual? But for simplicity’s sake let’s keep it as close as we can, while also adjusting for the fact that this reality has been tailor-made for Delilah and her buddies. Perhaps the Duke is only the Duke here because things were rewritten to put one of Delilah’s allies in charge, and it was supposed to still be his father. Hypatia isn’t the crown killer (what even was that plot point honestly), she’s the doctor they found to help Delilah recover after her time in the void, and now they’ve rewritten things to imprison her in the institute to keep her quiet and out of the way, and you get wind of it and go to see what she knows. Etc. Is Sokolov involved in this version of things? I dunno! But speaking of Sokolov I want some sort of explanation for where the other surviving loyalists are, damnit. 

Delilah did something in and to the void, just like in canon, but it actually has a visible impact here (beyond just a total aesthetic redesign of the void between games that never gets commented on). The void is struggling under her influence when you find shrines, and you never know what you're gonna find at one of them, or what the Outsider is gonna be like, if he even shows up. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of the way DH2 gave him a human backstory, because I liked the mystery there behind what he was and what the void was, but this is open to go either way, either with Delilah finding his death site like in canon, or some other way she found to influence it. I’m not sure how the progression would go of how the void changes over the course of the game, but it would be cool to get to help/save the Outsider in some kinda way. 

Finding Corvo's childhood home should have more impact. Let it be like when you find the saferoom in Dunwall tower, in the first game. A temporary refuge in a dangerous place, full of obvious memory and grief - not so much for the time spent here since that's so long in the past, but for all that's been lost, everything they've been through and are in the middle of going through. Especially if you're playing Emily - this is the home of the father she just lost.

Let the heart be vague and ominous again, and let our interactions with it be sad, especially as Emily! I’m still messed up about the first time I heard "the doom of Pandyssia has come to the city" in DH1, and the lines about the floodwaters and the plague victims, give me stuff like that! Especially in a world that isn’t meant to exist the way it currently is, where things have been twisted almost beyond recognition. And give me lines that remind Emily of the mother she lost and how this is the first time she's heard her voice since she was a child!

Give us more on citizens and how they're suffering in this world, the way the first game showed us plague victims who died in each other's arms, journals from the desperate and dying, living people sent to the flooded district. Let it be a reminder to Emily why it's worth it, why she has to change the world back and what she wants to be fighting for when she gets her throne back. Another reason to question - has she been doing all she can? (Alternatively, a source of righteous fury for high chaos Emily.)

This is a journey of self discovery for Emily, either low or high chaos. It's about realizing she hasn’t been doing all she could, despite her intentions, because she's been trying to please everyone and in the end it still wasn’t good enough. She needs to stop living under her mother's shadow and come into her own (and the heart plays a role in this epiphany, probably. This might actually come to a head when she has to let her mother's spirit go, if we're gonna keep that plot point.)

High chaos Emily is similar but in a more "alright no more nice empress" kinda way whereas low chaos is more about conviction to put her foot down to do what's right.

You meet people during the game who in a good ending become part of her new council. Common people, who are more in touch with what needs to be done. It pisses nobles off but she's determined to do better, after everything. It helps both her and Corvo come to terms with the whole safety thing, because you can't ever make sure you're totally safe but you can try to make sure the empire can keep going should something happen to its ruler.

In fact, part of Corvo's perspective on this game probably would involve him still wanting to keep Emily out of things for safety's sake, and wondering if sheltering her from knowledge of magic and such contributed to this situation.

When it's revealed who the whalers are, it's late in the game after we've already come to like them a lot. They don't betray you like the loyalists did, but it should still feel like a punch to the gut for Emily and Corvo.

They don’t know where Daud is, haven’t seen him since the whalers disbanded .

Billie talks about that whole thing, and it's complicated. She decides maybe she should try to find him, after all. Cue DLC, which is about finding Daud, and helping/saving him, and the two reconciling and Billie finding some kind of...if not redemption, then absolution. A parallel to the first game’s DLC, Billie getting an arc like that in Emily’s game the way Daud got that arc in Corvo’s game. Y’know, instead of DOTO going and undoing all of Daud’s character growth. 

I know I’m kind of handwaving the actual mechanics of who the targets are and how you actually go about uncovering what happened and how you can fix it and take down Delilah in the end, but this is all just. Concepts. If I were to try to write this as a fic or something I’d have to actually sit down and work out all those details, but for now this is something that’s just been living in my head since like an hour after I finished DH2 for the first time a couple years ago.

(I did warn you it was gonna be long lmao)

#turnabout rambles #mvtk42

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Cant find a fitting title ???

I have not blogged much of late, mainly because I feel like a stuck record and also I don't think people have time to read blogs much anymore, and my topic is rather depressing to say the least. I hate to always sound like I am complaining, but somehow writing about what goes on in your head allows it to make sense for yourself so you don't think you going mad, and maybe sometimes it hits home for others, and they can look at things with a different view and have a little bit more understanding.

So my question is this. Imagine you were told you had a terminal disease, and there is no cure. And the only thing that may extend your life (for no guaranteed time), is medication that you have to take daily. That's not too bad you might think, I mean most people are on some sort of medication for a chronic condition and the meds may be life saving. But add to that, that this medication has no guarantee, and hellish side effects! You also have to go for monthly injections, monthly blood tests, and three monthly scans, and oncology visits to hear the outcome. I'm on my 16th cycle now so its been just over a year that this has been gone on. I cant count how many times I have been poked by needles and how many pills I've swallowed, and how many scans/tests I've had and how many times I've had to sit at the Doctors rooms waiting for results. The worst is I've done it all pretty much alone, because of Covid I've not been allowed to take anyone with me. And yes on top of all this you have Covid to worry about. You are high risk and so as if you don't have enough to worry about there is a virus going around killing people also, and guess what, it affects the lungs. 

So my cancer has spread to my lungs and in the beginning they said spine, ribs and right femur. They have since ruled out spine as what they saw on the scans was a life long issue with my discs, even though I told them that in the beginning, they are more likely to assume its cancer. They don't comment on the ribs anymore - I am assuming since they haven't responded to the treatment that it is not cancer and the right femur we don't know about because they have not done another full body scan to actually check that.

I've made peace with the fact that I have to take the pills daily, it is after all a small price to pay for extended life. Although sometimes when I have a few wines in, (yes I drink), I get really annoyed with it and have violently thrown the tablets around some nights spewing out some vulgar language about how much I hate taking them. I have to diarize each time I take them, so obviously I do take them and at the same time everyday, 6h30 each night to be exact.

What I cant seem to make peace with is for starters, the monthly injections. Mostly because they are painful and its not a pleasant experience being jabbed in the stomach each time and you left with a nasty bruise. Sometimes the bruise from the month before is still there and then you get the next bruise. I have the decision of having my ovaries removed, that way I wont need the monthly jabs anymore, but again that's surgery, and now with Covid I don't really want to go to hospital unnecessarily any time soon. But I do get dreadful pains in the ovaries, much like a period and that just makes me mad, I mean, why do I need to put up with unnecessary pain? But its something I will do before the end of the year I think. That will sort one issue out at least. Well two, considering the pain.

Also I have not made peace with the scans and the results.... it really is a difficult thing for me. Its called in cancer terms, scanxiety and yes it exists its not something I made up. And the thing is because its every three months, its like you in a never ending cycle of anxiety. I never relax. I can never sit back and be complacent and think ‘everything is ok’, because with cancer you just never know. I mean 7 years ago I was stage one, it didn't go to the lymph nodes where it apparently goes first if it does spread, and I had a mastectomy and chemo and radiation and and and - and I thought back then that its all over. But it wasn't was it. It went to the lungs and I found out myself because I could not stop coughing and went to see a new GP who suggested bloods. Funny that my oncologist never did bloods - she said they just don't do them and a physical examination is good enough. Well clearly its not. Clearly. If anyone is ever in this situation demand blood tests.... at least every three months. I think its very necessary to keep a record of your cancer count. I mean how the hell else are you supposed to know what's going on it your body? Had they picked it up 3 years ago when I had a normal chest x-ray and started me on treatment then, maybe things would have been different. Who knows.

And that brings me to the anger. That on top of the anxiety. Its the anger that I cant deal with. I thought I had dealt with it but every time I hit a wobbly, its very evident to those around me, especially my husband who gets the brunt of it, that I have not dealt with the anger. But then again, how can you? How can you make peace with the fact that you did everything you should have, and then this nasty disease still decided to come back. How do you make peace with the negligence on the doctors side? And how do I make peace with the fact that this is my lot in life and nothing I do can change it. I mean I love the fact that some people can become NED (no evidence of the disease) after being stage 3 or 4.... and apparently they do so with various things. But its not the case for everyone. Some peoples bodies just don't respond to any diet, any miracle pill, any exercise, and it just keeps spreading elsewhere. And trust me its not for lack of trying. I do follow a reasonably good diet, I do try exercise and drink water, I do take vitamins and constantly searching for new things. I do take cannabis oil, and I'm forever trying to incorporate natural things that have proven to have good results for cancer like turmeric, ginger, bicarb and lemon blah blah blah. The only thing I have been consistent on is the cannabis because it took me from being on 3 patches of morphine to almost no pain in a matter of months so I truly believe in its benefits.

And so far after about 14 months (or more I don't know) I have had good results. Meds and all. There has been about 40% shrinkage and there is no new cancer so that is great news. But I'm at a point now that no matter the results, even though they have been good and I'm very grateful, I still feel so defeated. I cannot get excited and jump up for joy, purely because A) I am anxious about what lies ahead and B) because I've been disappointed before. I've been misdiagnosed and been through so much already that even though its good news I just cant find inner peace, happiness or joy right now. The anxiety outweighs everything, and I wish I could shake it off somehow, but I just cant. I am constantly reminded of cancer, and I'm constantly going for scans and bloods and tests that one never gets to a point where you can forget, even for just a little while. Why cant I just be happy and forget about all this, just for a little while?

I've tried to hand things over to God, I talk to him daily. He knows my struggle. I so hate people who say you don't have enough faith... gosh, whatever. Some people just need a kick up the arse for their insensitivity. They don't know my relationship with God and let me tell you if you were in my shoes you would be quivering in your shoes also, and trust me faith is hard to find when you got all this going on!

So I wake up scared and I go to bed scared and the anxiety is just the pits. And I just try to the best of my ability to function like a normal person, wife, mother, friend, daughter etc. But this thing has seriously taken over my personality. Most of the time I'm faking everything and its so exhausting. So so exhausting. This Covid hasn't helped because that in itself has presented new challenges and has made life rather depressing on top of everything else. But here we all are, trying hard to keep our heads above water and plod on despite the horrible stuff happening around us. 

I am however exceptionally lucky to have a very understanding husband and some really awesome friends. There are a few people in my life that truly understand and never judge me. There are also some who have no clue and they judge me for sure behind my back. I'm not too worried about the judgements because you know, none of us are perfect and if you think you are then you have a big surprise when God Almighty comes down one day soon and tells you what a terrible person you have been.... (eeek, I am judging now too). But I am very grateful to those who have stuck around despite my Wobblies, who genuinely care and love me despite my craziness. You know who you are and I love you so so so very much. And of course my daughter who keeps me on my toes. Without her I would be locked up in an asylum pleading with the nurses to let me go!

To anyone and everyone who is going through a similar journey (I hate that word) , I get you, I totally get you. I love you and I pray for you. And most of all I wish I could make everyone’s pain go away. 

Blessings and love always

Shelley

[nonsensicalobsessions]

A Symphony without Strings, Coda

Author’s Note:

In music, a coda is a passage that brings a piece (or a movement) to an end.

Charles Burkhart suggests that the reason codas are common, even necessary, is that, in the climax of the main body of a piece, a "particularly effortful passage", often an expanded phrase, is often created by "working an idea through to its structural conclusions" and that, after all this momentum is created, a coda is required to "look back" on the main body, allow listeners to "take it all in", and "create a sense of balance."

(Charles Burkhart is an American musicologist, theorist, composer, and pianist. He holds the title of Professor Emeritus in the Aaron Copland School of Music, Queens College, and the Graduate Center, City University of New York.)

The above has been lifted shamelessly, word for word, from Wikipedia. It explains succinctly and gives authenticity to my decision to not give this last* view into Merry and Tom’s life as an epilogue.

I thank every one of you for reading, commenting, reblogging, and privately reaching out to me, letting me know how this idea of mine connected with you. Saying “thank you” is so inadequate, but it is all that I have...

Thank you-- NonsensicalObsessions.

You know the musical drill by now.

Trigger warning: Leukemia

Selection the First: https://youtu.be/6n5YH1Y0rHE OR https://open.spotify.com/track/4iFjfJGjqh6ixgy6vFCjAk?si=3p7hx-6jTeq7vKiA4PHZaQ

Merry celebrated the first official anniversary of her remission by finally giving in to Tom’s quiet but persistent pleas to marry him:

“Tom, you know I love you, and that’s never going to change. I’ve added your name to Liam’s birth certificate, you are legally his father. He is now William Thomas Skye Hiddleston. Why does this mean so much to you?”

“Why do you keep refusing me?” Tom countered, as they walked hand in hand, following Liam who still wanted to feed the ducks, although he had grown so much he was no longer as concerned if they were greedy.

“Because I don’t understand! You have me. You have Liam. What difference does it make?”

“Because I want to make you mine, in every possible way I can. Because I want to tie you to me with another string, my darling. Yes, Liam now carries my name...and I want the world to know Meredith Yvette Skye, renowned musician, conductor, aspiring composer, and leukemia—”

“Stop,” Merry interrupted him sharply, and placed her hand over his mouth. “I’ve told you, Thomas! You simply cannot say things like that! I know what you were going to say, and you just...can’t.”

“Is that what this is all about? You’re afraid to marry me because you’re afraid of a relapse? Merry.” His face was reproachful. 

“I don’t want to make you a widower, Tom.”

“Merry. Whatever the future holds, we can’t change a thing...but we can be happy now. In this moment. Darling, please...will you agree to be my bride? Say you’ll be my wife.”

When she didn’t immediately refuse, as she had done countless times before, Tom stopped in front of her, and saw her torn expression. Slowly, he got down on one knee, and pulled out of his pocket the box he kept on his person at all times, in readiness for the moment when he finally wore her down.

“My sweetest Mozart...will you marry me? Please say you’ll honor me, and be my wife.”

The sun caught her hair, short, but still a riot of curls, a much darker red than before, but still created a halo around her head. “Yes, Tom,” she answered with a smile at last. “Yes, I will marry you.”

“Papa? What are you doing?”

Liam watched his father slide a ring onto his mother’s finger, oblivious to the crowd of onlookers that had gathered and were taking photos, cheering and shouting out congratulations.

“Something I should have done a long time ago, son. Are you ready to go home?”

“Uh huh. I ran out of bread. Greedy ducks.” 

The three of them walked home, Papa Bear, Liam, and Mama, animatedly discussing what would be for supper.

“We need to text Luke,” Merry sighed.

“Why bother? I’m sure he already knows,” Tom replied cheerfully.

Merry sighed, and reached for her phone, but before she could even reach it, Tom’s began to buzz like a hornet.

“See?”

Merry celebrated the second official anniversary of her remission by holding a small benefit concert in New York for Sloan Kettering, to benefit leukemia research. She hand selected the musicians, and was surprised by the interest generated. She had to find a larger venue twice.

Merry celebrated the third anniversary of her remission by being the soloist for Aiden’s wedding to Catherine Walsh. Aiden never expected to fall in love. In fact, he never had moved out of the small, unusual family home, even as Tom and Merry’s relationship became more solid, her health continued to improve, and she and Tom even wed in an very small, private ceremony. He was simply too bonded to Liam, and Liam to Aiden. Both Merry and Tom would never have countenanced trying to weaken or break their tender connection, and would have fought anyone who would have attempted to do so. 

As Liam was now in school, Aiden was free to do as he liked during the school hours, and decided he wanted to pursue teaching at the same school Liam was attending, as there was an opening. Once there, he fell head over heels—literally—when he was knocked over by a choir director who was overloaded with stacks of music. 

Liam was too old to be a ring bearer, but just perfect for standing alongside his beloved mentor and handing him the rings at the appointed time. The best man, Tom Hiddleston, thought this was completely appropriate.

Merry celebrated the fourth anniversary of her remission by forcing her beloved husband into taking a much needed vacation. He had been working a crushing schedule for the past year, and she had had enough of being apart from him. While she was very understanding and patient, and wanted to see him take the roles he desired, the projects that meant the most to him, and was fiercely proud of the honors and awards he achieved, she was also very frustrated with seeing how depressed Liam was with his Papa’s continual absences, Tom’s persistent weary appearance on their frequent video calls, and her trying to juggle Tom’s schedule with Liam’s schooling and her occasional guest appearances with different musical groups and working on her own compositions. Tom was aghast when he realized how badly his son was missing him, how thin Merry had become trying to keep everyone happy as well as worrying about everyone but herself, and even how he wasn’t taking the best care of himself in the absence of his doting wife. When he saw how wan Merry was, he actually became frightened and insisted on her scheduling an appointment with Kelly as soon as they left their island retreat. Kelly saw through Merry’s new tan immediately, and ran every test twice.

To Tom’s immeasurable relief, Merry still showed no sign of the leukemia having returned...but he felt Kelly’s eyes on him, mutely judging him for allowing her to become so worn down. A few casual statements about “the price of success” and “the value of family” and he could scarcely lift his head from the shame.

When the appointment was over, Merry teased Tom, “I told you I was fine, worry wart. I was just tired, that’s all.”

“That flu you battled didn’t help. You dropped weight you could ill afford to lose,” Kelly mildly reminded her, and Tom winced imperceptibly, even as he turned to face his wife. 

He smiled, and kissed Merry. “You are worth everything to me,” he answered honestly. “It was worth the peace of mind, to have Kelly take a look at you.”

“Merry, why don’t you stop by the music room, and I’ll let everyone who is ambulatory know you’re around for a quick few pieces, if you’re amenable,” smiled Kelly.

“Of course,” agreed Merry. “I’ll go freshen up and meet you there.”

Once she was gone, Kelly dropped the affable expression and simply...looked at Tom.

“Music room? That’s new,” Tom said, hoping to stall the inevitable.

“No, it’s been around for about a year now. You didn’t know about it?”

“Should I have?” 

“Considering it was your wife’s idea, she spearheaded the fundraising, organized the purchasing, and wrote the philosophy and goals behind it, I would think so, yes.” Kelly stood and looked at him, her face blank. “I’m disappointed in you, Tom.”

He reared back as if he had been slapped.

“Do you have any idea how lucky you are? How phenomenally blessed? That woman is a walking scientific breakthrough. They are citing her case and will be for years to come. Do you know what the average survival rate was for adults with ALL? Only 25% to 35% of adults were able to live five years or longer. And when she came to you, Tom, she was already at year four...on experimental trial, conceivably her last chance. Do you even remember what poor condition she was in, or have you blocked that out already?”

“I remember,” he answered tonelessly.

“I would almost rather you had forgotten. It would make the condition that she is in now easier to understand.” Kelly sighed. “I know, I know you have amazing opportunities. I know too that she makes it easy for you to forget. But I didn’t think you’d be this complacent. I truly didn’t.”

Tom remained silent, just ran his fingers along the underside of her desk.

“Just stop and think about what success really means, Tom. And what you really need to be happy.” Kelly stopped. “But I’m up on my soapbox again. Come see what your wife has been up to while you’ve been away. I am not denigrating your work. I know you make millions of people happy. That is important. Please don’t think I am unaware of it.”

She guided Tom to an area he had never had a reason to visit, and as he approached, he heard laughter, music, and squealing of children.

“You know Merry, she’s never happy if she can’t be making music,” Tom remembered Aiden saying once.

He walked into an area that looked like a scene from...well, a movie.

The walls were a combination of windows to let in natural light, and whimsical murals of sheet music, with happy, smiling quarter notes, half notes, rests and treble clefs and sharps... there was a piano, and stringed instruments hanging carefully from the walls, with sign up sheets for lessons...headphones with beanbag chairs and recliners, for anyone to just lie back and enjoy listening...Merry was seated in the center, with a cello, and a group of children running the gamut of ages, with a handful of adults, some clearly patients, some visiting family members.

Merry was being hit with a deluge of questions, but as Tom looked about, he saw a plaque on the wall that simply read, “The Music Room” and underneath in a smaller font “Where words fail, music speaks: Hans Christian Andersen”. 

Tom deliberately remained in the back of the room. He did not want to be noticed. This was a place where people, young and old alike, came to find some healing in music. His beloved wife had arranged for this temple to be erected, and now, she graced it like the goddess she was. Far be it from him to distract the devout.

He smiled as he heard the clamor for her to play, and she laughed and agreed to play for awhile. He leaned against the glass, angling himself so he could watch her in the reflection as she tuned the cello quickly and began.

Not surprisingly, her first piece was a rollicking jig that set the youngest set dancing if they were strong enough, and those that felt they were either too tired or else too grown up just laughed and clapped along. Tom smiled as he looked at his shoes, wishing for his spoons. Such was the joy she inspired.

Her second was a waltz. He actually turned and caught her eye, surprised. His heart and conscience tugged at him, as he wondered when was the last time he had danced with his wife. He’d forgotten. Listening to her lilting notes, he was drawn with the strong urge to whisk her up and begin dancing with her himself, remembering how he would do so as Liam would laugh and laugh as he did so.

The third was soft, and gentle, but not melancholy. He saw where she deliberately chose selections that would not leave anyone’s spirits feeling lonely, or anxious. A wave of love crashed over his heart. She knew grief, abandonment, and weariness, and was making sure that in this place, she would not add these burdens to her small audience.

“All right, last one,” she said. There was a small outcry of “awww”s and she rested on her cello for a moment as she confided, “I don’t know if you are aware of it, but I was treated here too...just down the hall there. Yes, it’s true,” she added when there were a few that expressed their surprise. Merry was not in the best of shape, maybe, as Tom looked at her with his eyes newly opened with guilt and a strong resolve to make sure she became stronger and sleeker under his loving, watchful gaze...but she was here.

“Like all of you, there were days I felt sick to my soul...so tired, and just over it all...but then I would hear this song, and I would find enough encouragement to pick my head up, and keep on keeping on. I’m going to share it with you, and I hope it helps you when you’re feeling like you need a pick me up. If you know the lyrics, sing along, all right?”

Tom was intrigued. Merry had never mentioned any of this to him...

Before she started, she dragged over a wooden box that held a collection of musical toys, and winking at one of the kids, quickly rigged it into an impromptu...foot powered drum?

Merry, what are you up to?

Once again, he caught her eye, his eyebrow lifted in blatant curiosity. She simply gave him a small grin, and began.

He fell in love, all over again:

Selection the Second: Reader’s Choice: Instrumental--https://youtu.be/rYQLXeDZ3lw OR https://open.spotify.com/track/3eAYt2sZZSyqBM2LllwPJg?si=Px-xv-uPTHyAq7LbiucFwQ  

OR Vocals https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc OR https://open.spotify.com/track/37f4ITSlgPX81ad2EvmVQr?si=shhYva9cQUmuIjMWJn_igQ

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Her voice started off alone, quiet but sure, but then another voice picked up, and then another. Her foot was keeping time fiercely with her makeshift drum. Children were jumping and dancing. Adults were standing and swaying, some with their hands over their heads. Some had tears on their faces, others were laughing, still others were singing with triumph written all over their faces. By the end, Tom saw everyone was singing, including Kelly, who was taking turns dancing with different patients and family members. The music was more than just notes, it was a manifestation of the spirit of everyone present, refusing to bow to the odds, defying weakness and pain and suffering. 

She turned to Tom once when she sang, 

And all those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time?

He saw the memory of the pain in her eyes, all the nights she couldn’t sleep, and her mind must have gone round for round, all the words she wanted to say, but never had, second guessing herself, playing the “what-if” game...he mouthed, “I love you,” to her, and saw a smile fill those same eyes, and promised himself he was going to make sure tonight her eyes held nothing but joy.

When the singing stopped, Merry looked at everyone present and repeated, “Cause I know I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me...and so do you.”

Oh yes, my Mozart. You do. And I’m not going to be complacent anymore.

Selection the Third: https://youtu.be/8L-Bk28Ra6Q OR https://open.spotify.com/track/1iyMfyCRzkcW3x7CGEckgY?si=rIf8VY5BQiislFRKsJ3Z8g

Merry celebrated the fifth anniversary of her remission by participating in the third annual benefit concert for Sloan Kettering. What she had begun to celebrate her second anniversary had grown so huge she was unable to continue it on her own, and gratefully turned the entire thing over to the New York Symphony’s auspices. 

It was an extremely emotional experience for her. Not only was it what many saw as a coveted milestone, (although there was a lot of debate as to whether five years was the milestone or ten, to be considered as “cured”), but Merry, absolutely quaking and gripped with stage fright for the first time in her entire life, stepped in front of the New York Symphony Orchestra to conduct her own composition, A Symphony with Strings, in C.

She was repeatedly asked about the quirky title, “Don’t all symphonies have strings?” which led her patiently answering, repeatedly, how “strings” referred to a metaphor about connections, and how certain themes began in the opening, then changed, grew and matured throughout the composition, just as in a relationship.

The fact her main “string” had a name—William Thomas—she kept to herself.

Tom was the only person that asked what she considered the real question:

“Why C major?”

It was after the performance, and the after parties. Merry was lying down on a massive hotel bed, hair (glorious once more) spread across a sinfully decadent pillowcase, a cool cloth across her eyes. Tom had all the lights off, and the drapes open, so the lights of the city skyline were visible. Aiden had Liam with him and Catherine two floors down, so they could enjoy being blissfully, unapologetically nude after enjoying their own after-after party.

“Because I wrote it.”

Merry’s voice was lazy and content.

“That is...as clear as mud.”

“Well, darling husband, I guess if you had written it, it would have been in the key of E...? Or maybe G...” she yawned. Her head was aching as she was coming off all of the champagne she had consumed. “Drink more water,” Tom ordered her as he refreshed the cloth, “and try explaining that one again, please?”

Merry rolled over to her side, arm extended, as she gratefully accepted the facecloth.

“C for Chai, Tom...rather than Earl Grey.”

Merry celebrated the sixth and seventh anniversary of her remission quietly. She and Tom had settled down in a lovely neighborhood in London. Tom had decided he was going to do more theater, and if and when a project came along he simply could not turn down, he did his level best to either take his family along, or else manage his time away so there were plenty of opportunity for visits. Gone were the months and months of time spent apart. No one was happy, and Tom recognized no role, no award, was worth losing so much time with his family. He would never forgive himself if a movie, or a play, caused his family so much grief. Nothing was worth it.

Liam, like his mother, was an extremely talented musician. Merry never pushed Liam beyond his capabilities, nor beyond his passion. She also did not try to teach her son, rather acted as his confidante, advisor, and above all, his doting and loving mother...who still would take no excuses for rudeness or poor behavior.

Aiden and Catherine remained in the States, and it was a painful wrench when the odd little family separated themselves by an ocean. However, between daily video calls, incessant texting, and frequent visits, the pain was eased. Aiden knew he and his family was always welcome at the Hiddleston home, which was really by extension his home. He remained close to Liam, and his role segued into that of a loving older brother, rather than father figure. Liam kept in daily contact, as did Merry. Tom also blew up his phone on a daily basis. Aiden never felt as though he had been cut off or evicted...and when his own family began expanding, Liam was thrilled to finally have little “cousins” to love and boss as often as he could.

Merry never again went back to conducting. She knew in order for her to regain her edge, she would have to put in massive amounts of time and practice. Even six and seven years after her battle with leukemia, she still revisited Sloan Kettering on a regular basis. Every time she bruised, Tom’s face paled, and any illness, weight loss or fatigue meant an immediate trip to the doctor. Merry’s love for music was still keen, and she played the cello, the piano, and the violin more often than she did anything else. After her symphonic debut, she was approached to compose for a variety of reasons, but she refused most of the commissions, choosing to write only when she felt moved to do so. She was just as focused on her music, and as unfocused on anything else that wasn’t her family. She still needed to set multiple alarms at times, and while she didn’t need as many sticky notes around the house as she did as when Tom first met her, both Liam and Tom knew frequent reminders were often a good idea.

Merry celebrated her eighth anniversary by making the conscious decision not to celebrate her remission anniversaries anymore. Rather, she would celebrate every single day as exactly for what they were: gifts she would enjoy and cherish, for the rest of her life, however long it may be. Counting days was restrictive. Who did that?

Encore:

Tom had just won his first Academy Award for Best Actor.

He was frozen in his seat. Cameras around the world saw his stunned expression, how his PR agent and longtime friend, Luke Windsor, physically grabbed and pushed him towards the stage.

He accepted the coveted trophy and hugs from the two presenters, and stood by the microphone.

He licked his lips, the ran his hand through his hair repeatedly.

“Um, wow,” he managed, to applause and laughter.

Finally, he opened his glasses as he took a folded piece of paper form his sharply tailored tuxedo jacket and began:

“In light of my history of speaking of the cuff for long periods of time, you will be happy to know that my long suffering agent, Luke Windsor, stood over me and made me write this out in advance, even as I whined it was unnecessary, because there was no hope of my winning. He timed me and everything...and my son, Liam Hiddleston, is currently tracking me with a stopwatch. Keep me honest, Liam.”

Cameras panned to a handsome young man, who smiled, rolled his eyes as only a preteen can, and made a, “get on with it,” hand motion as he kept his eyes trained on his watch. More laughter erupted throughout the famed theater.

Tom was perfect. He thanked everyone, in his precise and eloquent fashion: the cast, the crew, the writers...he then thanked his mother, and his sisters.

“Doing all right, Liam?” Liam gave him a “thumbs up.”

At this point, Tom tore his notes up, and Luke audibly gasped. “No, Tom. No. Nononono...”

“Liam...I’ve done a lot of things before I saw you for the first time...and while I am proud of them, they don’t hold a candle in my heart compared to that one moment. The best thing I can hope to do with my life is make you proud of your old man, because the best and most important role I’ve ever gotten is being your Papa.” Tom’s voice was becoming markedly thicker, but he was still able to continue speaking. “I am going to stop embarrassing you now...No I’m not. I love you, son.”

Cameras flashed back to Liam, who was blushing, and grinning, even as he kept making his, “keep going,” hand signals, faster now.

“And now...to my beloved Merry. My wife.” Tom took a deep breath. “Darling...words cannot begin to say how much I love you, so I am not even going to try...” Tom’s voice failed him for a moment. “You are always in my heart...I knew this project was going to be challenging, filming half a world away, but I had no idea, I couldn’t know, Mozart, I didn’t...” Tom’s voice failed him again. The silence in the theatre was so complete, the microphone picked up his intake of breath as he tried again. “You made me into a better man, just by being in my life. You showed me what success truly is. You set the standard for grace, courage, and strength...I could go on and on, but our son is letting me know I’ve run out of time, and that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? So, all I can do for now, is this.” He pressed his lips together into a thin line as he looked upwards from the podium, then blew a kiss out into the sea of lights and faces, because the one face he wanted to see was not there. His voice cracked as he concluded, “You have my heart tonight, tomorrow, and for all time. My God, how I love you, Merry. Thank you.”

The theme music for his film that accompanied his exit off the stage seemed less brassy than usual. After the world, let alone the entire auditorium, witnessed Tom Hiddleston break down so profoundly as he professed his love for his wife, it would have seemed somewhat in questionable taste, even for Hollywood.

Luke was pulling his hair as he was waiting for Tom behind the curtain. “Why, Tom? Why did you do it? You had a perfectly good speech...why did you tear it up?”

Tom was wiping his face with a damp cloth someone had handed him. “Because it didn’t begin to say what was in my heart, Luke! It felt wrong! It was wrong!” As he spoke, his eyes kept darting around wildly. “What’s wrong with speaking what was on my heart?”

“Because, my dearest, you kinda made me sound like I was dead,” Merry answered apologetically. She wrapped her arms around her husband, resting her head against his chest as he firmly gathered her into his embrace. “Between Luke grabbing you and pushing you onstage before I could even give you a kiss, and then another person taking my hand and rushing me backstage...I feel as though I missed the overture and the finale!”

“Darling, I had no idea this film was going to stress our family as badly as it did. You never even told me how ill you were with the flu...Kelly just looked at me, and I realized how far I strayed from my promises, to you and Liam both...Christ, Merry, if I’d lost you? No award would ever make up for that. It would all be ashes in my mouth...”

“But you didn’t lose me. You finished an important work, Tom, with an amazing cast, that is all waiting to celebrate with you...now go on, you silly puppy. You worked so hard. Go play. Meet with everyone who is waiting on you.” Merry stood on her tiptoes and kissed her husband on the lips, her eyes shining with love as she patted his chest.

She was unaware their photo was being taken as she did so, his arm around her waist, her hand over his heart, and the captions all were a variation on the theme:

“A tender moment shared by Academy Award Winner Tom Hiddleston and his wife, classically-trained musician Meredith Skye-Hiddleston. Hiddleston sang praises to his wife, affectionately nicknamed ‘Mozart’ in tribute to her many musical talents, in his acceptance speech. Later in the evening, Skye-Hiddleston wryly commented, “There is a reason Tom needs to stick to the notes as they are written. He’s not ready for cadenzas just yet.”

So Merry, Liam, and Papa Bear?

They lived happily ever after.

TAGGING: Lifetime Memberships @hopelessromanticspoonie​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @just-the-hiddles​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @winterisakiller​ @theheartofpenelope​

Symphony Season Ticket Holders: @jessiejunebug​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @scorpionchild81​ @tinchentitri​ @theoneanna​ @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi​ @blacksuitofdoom​ @mishaandthebrits​ @wegingerangelica​n @rjohnson1280​ @ms-cellanies​ @noplacelikehome77​ @villainousshakespeare​

* simply because Aiden has quite politely asked his side of Chapter 7 be told. We shall see.

Dedicated in loving memory of Christine. Your fight song will never be            silenced in my heart...but my God, I miss you so much.

#tom hiddleston #a symphony without strings #tom hiddleston rpf #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston angst #tom hiddleston x oc #look Christine I did a thing #Nonsensical Writes

[rnufharose]

Chapter 21

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: Some suggestive themes and mentions of kidnapping.

︻デ═一 ♥

After a successful day at work, Sehun had picked Haneul up from work, the dress he had bought her well hidden in the backseat. He couldn't wait to show it to her, but he had to tell her she would accompany him to the social gathering Junmyeon had spoken of. And now, here he was, in the living room sipping on a glass of whiskey while Haneul had busied herself with giving Vivi his food. She seemed happier now that she was working again, but something else wouldn't leave the back of his mind.

"What if I actually end up falling in love with you?!"

Her voice echoed in his thoughts, and though Sehun had come to terms with the fact that he was so in love with her, being even several feet away from her felt unbearable. He recalled just this morning when he had her standing between him and the counter, and he caught the beautiful pink flush that graced her cheeks. Her scent was so intoxicating--a sweet blend of vanilla and apple blossoms that calmed him yet drove him crazy.

As she stood up to brush off her jeans, he mulled over her appearance. Her long, silky brown hair which he wanted to tuck away from her face, those eyes so sweet and innocent he wanted them from milk chocolate to dark, and her lips so pink, he wanted to make her breathless with each kiss he gave her. Her shoulders were small, her body petite and slender, her skin soft and creamy--she looked so elegant, and he wanted to make her a mess. He imagined tasting her candied skin, her small, perky breasts fitting perfectly in his hands, listening to her gasp and mewl lewdly while he ground against her. He wanted to grip her slender hips as he moved toward that delectable prize, lapping at the arousal pooling between--

"Sehun?" Haneul broke him out of his dirty reverie. "Are you alright? You've been staring at me like I'm some intruder..."

She had found him looking at her just behind his glass of whiskey, completely still, his eyes cold and piercing, and Sehun put down his glass, clearing his throat and turning his head to hide what little red had colored his cheeks. "Mianhamnida..." He apologized formally, his hand in a fist as he felt her looking at him with those doe eyes. Fuck, he thought, slightly frustrated. Don't look at me like that, Neullie... or I might just pounce on you right now. And he didn't want that, even if the girl before him held so much power over him.

To make sure that wouldn't, he stood from the couch and reached for something over one of the arms, pulling out the bag that had her dress, "I have something for you. But... I have to tell you why this is necessary. Come here, sit with me."

She hesitated slightly, afraid of the unnatural palpitations that would take over her heart if she was anywhere near him, but she knew she couldn't decline. Haneul closed the distance between them slowly, taking a seat beside him. "What is it you want to tell me?" She asked carefully, her hands gripping the edges of the couch.

"Well," Sehun began, running his fingers through his raven hair, brows furrowed. "Junmyeon hyung is holding a social gathering soon, and I was told to take you as my plus one. All of the crime syndicates will be attending..."

"A social gathering?" She parroted, not too thrilled about the idea nor being his plus one with all the other clans attending, but Junmyeon had a good reason, so she pressed forth, asking him once again. "Won't the FT Syndicate be there? They'll take the opportunity to kill me..."

"If they did, they would be starting a war with all of the clans," he explained, giving her an assuring smile. "If you're there, the syndicates will know you're alive and not to mess with the Cho Clan since your family's name still holds weight in the underworld. EXO will be demonstrating their power over FT and we will establish that you are under our protection and that we won't tolerate any assassination attempts and the like." He could tell by the look on her face that she was anxious. Her shoulders were tense and her grip on the couch wouldn't let up. Her eyes remained on the coffee table before them and he understood why. She would still be in harm's way even if she was being protected. "I understand you're scared," Sehun spoke, trying to appease her. "but I'll be right by your side the whole night. I'll protect you no matter what..."

"But will that be enough?" Haneul wondered, lifting her gaze to meet his dark one. "Who will protect you?"

The raven-haired hitman chuckled a bit, smirking, "Don't worry about me. I've been through worse and I'm still living. Right now, you're my top priority."

The brunette moved her hands toward her lap, clasping them gently, "I just don't you getting hurt trying to protect me."

"I won't, I promise," Sehun answered, looking over her side profile. "I'd teach you how to use a gun, but those pretty hands of yours shouldn't have blood on them. Those hands are meant to bring comfort."

Haneul gave him a soft chuckle, looking up at him with a smile. He sure has a way with words, she thought. "I also promise not to do anything reckless like last time. I won't want you to worry like that ever again."

"Really?" He tilted his head slightly, and then, swiftly, he moved closer to her, and Haneul couldn't pull back. Just like this morning, she was looking into his eyes again. She could smell his musky cologne and milk bubble tea, his large frame shadowing over her, and Sehun raised his hand, caressing her cheek.

"Sehun? What is--?" She tried, but he interrupted her.

"You always make me worry," he rasped, looking at her with such intensity, she felt like she was his target, and he would treat her like one--without mercy and with all of his ability. "You sure love to cause trouble for me, Neullie... I didn't know the innocent ones were the naughtiest."

"I--" She stammered, but she didn't pull away from him or protest to his close proximity and unlike this morning, her heart was beating so quickly, she was afraid it would burst in her chest.

"You broke that promise long before you made it," Sehun continued, his face inching closer, lips parting slightly. "Look at you, running away and making me come after you... you have no idea what it does to me."

"Sehun, I don't think..." She pressed her hands to his chest as if she was going to push him away, but the fact of the matter was, she didn't want to. Haneul wanted him to stay. She wanted him to come closer. "I..." She could feel his breath on her lips, her eyes becoming half-lidded, and without much thought, she was gripping the material of his buttondown.

"Easy on the goods, Princess," he smiled complacently when she fisted his shirt. He wanted her so bad. He wanted to hold her and kiss her, hear her breath go ragged as he worshipped her. She was becoming his whole world and he was afraid she would be a dream if he didn't kiss her right now. The bedroom would have to wait another time. "I'm not going anywhere," Sehun wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer until she molded into his frame perfectly. "and you're not either."

Haneul's eyelashes fluttered, her eyes closing, and she was about ready to meet him halfway. She wanted him to hold her like this. She wanted him to stay as close to her as possible, but that would be short-lived.

There was a vibration coming from the kitchen counter, and Haneul opened her eyes, stopping Sehun from coming closer and bringing her attention toward her phone. She was slightly disappointed that this had to end, and Sehun even more so. He groaned deeply, pulling away and pouring himself another glass of whiskey. "You should get that," he spoke coldly, and she gave him a slow nod, standing from her seat and fixing her shirt before making for the kitchen counter. Haneul was still flustered from that ordeal, grabbing her phone and finding Bella's number on the screen, and she brought it to her ear.

"Yeobosaeyo?"

"Neullie?!" Bella's voice came from the other side, her town quivering and frantic. "Please... can you get Sehun on the phone?! It's Taehyung!"

"What?" the girl asked, eyes wide with shock. Bella never called her sounding like this before. She suspected something had happened. "Is he hurt? Where is he?!"

"I--I don't know! Put Sehun on the phone, please!" She begged, and Haneul turned toward the couch once more, and he was still drinking.

"What's wrong?" He asked, and she handed him the phone, allowing him to talk to Bella.

"It's Taehyung," Haneul said. "I think something happened. Bella wants to speak with you."

#romance #eventual fluff #eventual romance #eventual smut #eventual happy ending #exo #sehun #exo sehun #bts #oh sehun

[rwby-party]

I love Blake for what she’s trying to do, and I really love RWBY,  I really do, but man that speech she had was bad.

At this point I’m dreading every time something about the Faunus comes up. This was “The final straw” if you will.

While I love the Faunus’s designs and have clinged onto them, I’ve always hated any sort of racial/marginalized person allegory in any story because they always get it wrong. The reason they do usually is what Blake said in that speech.

I really feel like she was putting the blame on the other Faunus.

With that speech she’s literally doing what she was condemning Ilia for; blaming innocents. 

(To a degree, I know she’s more upset about HURTING innocents but it also comes off that way to me) 

Blake’s push of peace just feels preachy as hell at this point and she’s almost annoying me. She’s one of my favorite characters and I hate to dislike what she’s been saying as much as I have been lately. While I feel like I can get what they’re trying to do with her (I feel like the speech is supposed to be a “Hey if we let Radicals run thing without saying anything than that’s bad and looks bad on us” rather than what it feels like.) However it’s poorly written and comes off as blaming the faunus and that they NEED to risk their lives to prove they aren’t “the bad ones”

“We’re just as capable as hate and violence as the humans.” (yes I know the other half makes this a little better but still) “And if we’re not proud of the choices they make, than we have no one to blame but ourselves.” “All of you are looking for simple answers to a very complicated problem.” “I know that asking you to go and protect Haven Academy is putting your lives at risk, but that’s what’s at stake.”

This feels like she��s basically saying that they have to go do this in order to prove themselves. That the blame is on them for Adam getting as far as he has, and that the Faunus as a whole are “lazily” sitting at the island instead of doing anything. Instead of them being forced to stay there and afraid to go for other reasons other than the fact that THEY COULD BE KILLED.

They’ve said that it’s the only place hate free. Of course they don’t want to be exposed to racism. I feel like instead of that they’re being painted as letting this happen and that THEY are the problem for not fighting instead of the Humans being the main problem. We haven’t seen much blame towards humans besides from the radicals.

The whole thing story wise feels so contrived and dreamy too. After her big heroic speech about blaming everyone and that they should risk their lives, suddenly everyone wanted to help instead of literally no one like before. No one batted an eye or had a complaint. That kind of thing would’ve been okay if it didn’t have the discrimination element to it and was just about defending Haven Academy, though it would be cheesy. (However I don’t mind cheesiness every now and then lol) 

I love Miles and Kerry and the rest of CRWBY but I really wish they would’ve gotten some outside help with this considering most, if not all of them are white and in M and K’s case, are cis male. (I feel like the Faunus are sometimes an allegory for all marginalized people rather than just race)

Not to say there are POC or Nonbinary people out there who feel like this, but from my personal opinion it just kinda reeks of  “I’ve never experienced marginalization in my life and I’m talking like I have and know about it.” 

Blake is a character who’s experienced that. She’s seen it herself. And writing a character who’s experienced and lived through things that you as the writer haven’t, you need a lot of research AND input from people who have, and it really doesn’t feel like they did. Things started feeling off to me when I started to agree with a lot of what the Villians were saying. I feel like some of the points that the bad guys aren’t really as bad and terrible as the show can make it seem like they are.

Ilia isn’t right about hurting innocent people, but there are innocent “humans” who just stand by and don’t do a thing about it and never want to get involved. There are Innocent “humans” who are inherently benefiting from this and could help so much more than a Faunus could. They are also ones that need talking to. They are the ones that need the blame that Blake’s trying to put on the table towards the faunus. They’re the ones that need to be more responsible, yet we never hear about that or see that.

I feel like the show has been doing nothing to show what the humans have done towards the faunus and 100 percent focuses on what the WF’s been doing. And while we know that Adam’s WF is a splinter group, it’s rarely treated as such in the sense of the blame. I even forget that it is because it just seems like the Entirety of the WF, THE ONLY FORCE KNOWN SO FAR TO BE FIGHTING FOR FAUNUS RIGHTS, is corrupted and bad in some way. Blake and her family are the only “Good” ones we’ve seen so far besides others who are in the background.

and I feel like that’s really bad. I feel like saying these people are discriminated against yet not show no discrimination and having way more Bad people than good ones being shown is BAD. And instead of the writing being a good example for the argument of peace and what peace can achieve, everything they’ve been saying just feels like this hamfisted preachy mess from people who don’t really know what they’re talking about.

It’s doing the “Both sides are in the wrong” thing yet showing little evidence of wrong on the human side. It’s pushing the “peace is the only way” rhetoric so much it feels like they’re saying that even defending yourself is wrong. It’s wanting to have the cake and eat it too. 

For this I bring up another sore spot for me in RWBY, Sienna Khan.

“I was one of the first to suggest violence where violence was necessary. Peace bred complacency and acceptance of our place in the world. I will not allow Humanity to push us down without pushing them back.”

What “Violence where Violence was necessary” means may vary from person to person, but we can all agree this doesn’t mean to blatantly attack humans, especially with what she said about Adam and the Attack on Beacon Academy.

“You have justified humanity’s claims against us.”

This doesn’t sound like she’s down for just any violence here and there and definitely knows what too much violence from the Faunus looks like to humans. While there may be more “non-defensive violence,” this sounds a lot more defensive than aggressive. This isn’t something that is extremely radical, yet she gets lumped in with Adam when they refer to these things. She’s just as bad for wanting Faunus to defend themselves when necessary. 

Sienna isn’t perfect but god damn she had one of the the most compelling arguments for being a “bad guy”. She wasn’t nearly as radical as I feel like the show makes her out to be (and to be frank the only really radical thing I feel like she says is that she wants the humans to fear the faunus and has this “I’m the Queen do what I say” attitude.)  I’m so fucking disappointed she’s dead and it doesn’t seem like they’re ever going to go back to her or go over anything she said. I feel like she got robbed and that entire argument got robbed. it doesn’t feel like she’s supposed to be seen as a morally grey character. It feels like she’s being condemned for it and being blamed as the reason the WF has spiraled down this extremely violent path. that she’s the reason Adam has gotten this far in the WF for introducing any violence whatsoever to the WF.

and with the fact that the show’s been too scared to actually show us any real discrimination against the faunus besides a few things here and there, and the fact that this has become the second MAIN plot to the show, it just makes them look MORE radical because I mean what are they even fighting for?

You don’t see anything. I see more racism on a daily basis now than I do in the show, and we’re supposedly way before we are regarding Faunus rights with the “No faunus” sign being an acceptable thing

and even then is that acceptable worldwide? Is that just okay in Mistral/Anima? It mentioned in a WOR that faunus relations are different around the world but we haven’t seen anything to suggest that. 

Way more often that not, we see Faunus being the bad people. We see the ones asking for basic civil rights as the bad ones. The show is condemning them more than the humans and it feels like they’re trying to put the blame off of them and on the faunus with writing like this. 

It just feels like they never really delve into it until now and made a minor thing a huge plot point. It feels like they wanted the huge plot point without putting the effort into making a huge plot point.

It’s really depressing me because it’s something I feel so strongly about, and I just disagree so much with what they’re doing with it and I just want this plot point to wrap up so I don’t have to hear about it again. 

I really don’t think Miles and Kerry are intentionally racist or mean it that way by any means but it’s definitely something I just can’t ignore anymore.

Even then, if it was done how I wanted it, I’m still 100 percent more interested in Salem’s plans as we’ve heard practically nothing about them at this point.

I’m not saying we need to know everything but as of right now we only know that she’s bad and needs to be stopped. From doing what? Why? What is she doing this for exactly? I really hope they give us some more info soon.

another thing I’m gonna ramble about here despite it being not relevant to the  rant (I don’t feel like making another post) is the pacing in the show, like what is going on right now?

Blake and Sun are saying the attack’s in “2 weeks” yet the attack’s going to be “Tomorrow” with Ruby and Qrow and them. Is there just wrong information/communication error? Have we been 2 weeks behind in Blake and Sun’s plot this entire time? We don’t know. The pacing in the show has always been bad and it’s hard to tell. I don’t feel like it’s a mistake because man that’d be such a HUGE oversight but only time will tell.

But anyway to go BACK to the other thing, to be honest one of the reasons I like RWBY is because it’s an escape. It’s a fun fantasy thing. To see it tackling such a serious issue that I have to live with daily the grace of a Rhino is just really tedious. It really tests my patience, especially with the fact that I like the other half of the show. I’d honestly stop watching at this point if it wasn’t for that because it’s the other half of the show that I like. It’s the action scenes and even the silly moments like Team RNJR cooking or even the times when nothing is happening plot wise that I know a lot of others don’t enjoy. 

However it ain’t this.

I guess this ends this rant lmao

#Rwde #This is probably one of the only times I'm gonna tag this directly as RWDE because MAN. #I don't always like or agree with what I see in the RWDE tag but this is one of those things I agree with #I really hate to post in here though because of the dipshits that go around harassing blogs that post in the tag #I've dealt with them before. #But I also understand if people don't wanna see this on my blog or on the RWBY tag because I haven't been this negatifve on the show #in quite some time excluding the Sienna rant I went on. #I feel like for all the Good this show can do Right now there's an equal amount of bad #and I don't even agree with a decent amount of complaints about RWBY

[pope-francis-quotes]

4th August >> (@VaticanNews By Sergio Centofanti) #Pope Francis #PopeFrancis writes to priests, recalling the 160th anniversary of the death of the Curé d'Ars, Patron Saint of parish priests, and expresses his support and encouragement.

Pope Francis writes to priests: "Thank you for your service"

Pope Francis' letter on the 160th anniversary of the death of the Curé of Ars, St John Vianney: support, closeness and encouragement to all priests who, despite their hard work and disappointments, celebrate the sacraments every day and accompany the people of God.

By Sergio Centofanti

Pope Francis has written to priests recalling the 160th anniversary of the death of the Curé of Ars, Patron Saint of parish priests around the world. It is a letter that expresses encouragement and closeness to "brother priests, who without making noise" leave everything to engage in the daily life of communities; those who work in the "trenches"; those who confront an endless variety of situations in your effort “to care for and accompany God’s people.” “I want to say a word to each of you, writes the Pope, who, often without fanfare and at personal cost, amid weariness, infirmity and sorrow, carry out your mission of service to God and to your people. Despite the hardships of the journey, you are writing the finest pages of the priestly life.”

PAIN

The papal letter opens with a look at the abuse scandal: “In these years, we have become more attentive to the cry, often silent and suppressed, of our brothers and sisters who were victims of the abuse of power, the abuse of conscience and sexual abuse on the part of ordained ministers.” But, Pope Francis explains, even without “denying or dismissing the harm caused by some of our brothers, it would be unfair not to express our gratitude to all those priests who faithfully and generously spend their lives in the service of others.” “Countless priests make of their lives a work of mercy in areas or situations that are often hostile, isolated or ignored, even at the risk of their lives.” The Pope thanked them "for their courageous and constant example" and writes that "in these times of turbulence, shame and pain, you demonstrate that you have joyfully put your lives on the line for the sake of the Gospel ". He invites them not to be discouraged, because "The Lord is purifying his Bride and converting all of us to himself. He is letting us be put to the test in order to make us realize that without him we are simply dust.”

GRATITUDE

The second key word is "gratitude". Pope Francis recalls that "vocation, more than our choice, is a response to a free call from the Lord". The Pope exhorts priests to "return to those luminous moments" in which we have experienced the call of the Lord to consecrate all our lives to his service, to "that "yes" born and developed in the heart of the Christian community.” In moments of difficulty, fragility, weakness, “the worst temptation of all is to keep brooding over our troubles”. It is crucial - explains the Pontiff - "to cherish the memory of the Lord’s presence in our lives and his merciful gaze, which inspired us to put our lives on the line for him and for his People. Gratitude "is always a powerful weapon. Only if we are able to contemplate and feel genuine gratitude for all those ways we have experienced God’s love, generosity, solidarity and trust, as well as his forgiveness, patience, forbearance and compassion, will we allow the Spirit to grant us the freshness that can renew (and not simply patch up) our life and mission.”

Pope Francis also thanks his brother priests "for their fidelity to their commitments". It is "truly significant" - he observes - that in a "ephemeral" society and culture, there are people who discover the joy of giving life. He says “thank you” for the daily celebration of the Eucharist and for the ministry of the sacrament of reconciliation, lived "without rigor or laxity", taking charge of people and "accompanying them on the path of conversion". He thanks them for the proclamation of the Gospel made "to all, with ardor":

Thank you for the times when, with great emotion, you embraced sinners, healed wounds… Nothing is more necessary than this: accessibility, closeness, readiness to draw near to the flesh of our suffering brothers and sisters.”

The heart of a pastor - says the Pope - is one "who has developed a spiritual taste for being one with his people, a pastor who never forgets that he has come from them…this in turn will lead to adopting a simple and austere way of life, rejecting privileges that have nothing to do with the Gospel.”

But the Pope also thanks and invites priests to gives thanks "for the holiness of the faithful people of God", expressed “in those parents who raise their children with immense love, in those men and women who work hard to support their families, in the sick, in elderly religious who never lose their smile.”

ENCOURAGEMENT

The third word is "encouragement". The Pope wants to encourage priests: "The mission to which we are called does not exempt us from suffering, pain and even misunderstanding. Rather, it requires us to face them squarely and to accept them, so that the Lord can transform them and conform us more closely to himself.”

A good test for knowing how to find the shepherd's heart," writes Pope Francis, "is to ask ourselves how we are dealing with pain. Sometimes, in fact, it can happen that we behave like the Levite or the priest of the parable of the Good Samaritan, who ignore the man who lies on the ground, other times we approach pain intellectually, and taking refuge in clichés ("life is like that, we can do nothing"), ending up giving space to fatalism. " Or else we can draw near with a kind of aloofness that brings only isolation and exclusion.”

The Pope also warns against what Bernanos called the “the most precious of the devil's potions", that is "the sweet sadness that the Fathers of the East called acedia. The sadness that paralyzes the courage to continue in work, in prayer", which "makes sterile all attempts at transformation and conversion, spreading resentment and animosity". Pope Francis invites them to ask "the Spirit to come and awaken us", to "shake our torpor", to challenge habituality and "let us rethink our usual way of doing things; let us open our eyes and ears, and above all our hearts, so as not to be complacent about things as they are, but unsettled by the living and effective word of the risen Lord”.

"During our lives, we have been able to contemplate how joy is always reborn with Jesus Christ. A joy, the Pontiff points out, that "does not arise from voluntary or intellectual efforts but from the confidence to know that the words of Jesus to Peter continue to act".

It is in prayer - the Pope explains - that "we experience our blessed precariousness which reminds us of our being disciples in need of the Lord's help and frees us from the Promethean tendency of those who ultimately rely solely on their own strengths". The pastor's prayer "is nourished and incarnated in the heart of God's people. It bears the signs of the wounds and joys of its people".

An entrustment that " sets us free from looking for quick, easy, ready-made answers; it allows the Lord to be the one – not our own recipes and goals – to point out a path of hope. So "we recognize our frailty, yes; but we allow Jesus to transform it and project us continuously towards the mission".

The Pope observes that for one’s heart to be encouraged, that two constitutive bonds must not be neglected. The first is the relationship with Jesus: It is the invitation not to neglect "spiritual accompaniment, having a brother with whom to speak, discuss, and discern one's own path". The second link is with people: "Do not withdraw from your people, your presbyterates and your communities, much less seek refuge in closed and elitist groups…a courageous minister is a minister always on the move".

The Pope asks priests to "be close to those who suffer, to be, without shame, close to human misery and, and indeed to make all these experiences our own, as eucharist.". To be " builders of relationships and communion, open, trusting and awaiting in hope the newness that the kingdom of God wishes to bring about even today.”

PRAISE

The last word proposed in the letter is "praise". It is impossible to speak of gratitude and encouragement without contemplating Mary who "teaches us the praise capable of lifting our gaze to the future and restoring hope to the present. ". Because "to look at Mary is to go back to believing in the revolutionary power of tenderness and affection". For this reason - concludes the Pope – “if at times we can feel tempted to withdraw into ourselves and our own affairs, safe from the dusty paths of daily life. Or regrets, complaints, criticism and sarcasm gain the upper hand and make us lose our desire to keep fighting, hoping and loving. At those times, let us look to Mary so that she can free our gaze of all the “clutter” that prevents us from being attentive and alert, and thus capable of seeing and celebrating Christ alive in the midst of his people.”

"Brothers - these are the final words of the letter - once again, I continually give thanks for you... May we allow our gratitude to awaken praise and renewed enthusiasm for our ministry of anointing our brothers and sisters with hope. May we be men whose lives bear witness to the compassion and mercy that Jesus alone can bestow on us.”

Topics

POPE FRANCIS

PRIESTS

SAINTS AND BLESSED

ANNIVERSARY

04th August 2019, 11:02

[recommendedlisten]

Album Review: Open City - ‘Open City’

The members of Open City will have left an impact on the scene either way even if they had never formed this band. Lead singer and lyricist Rachel Rubino is primarily known for her role in the great Philly punk band Worriers as well as Bridge and Tunnel. Guitarist Dan Yemin’s reputation precedes itself, having been an institution in various seminal post-hardcore acts over the years such as Lifetime, Kid Dynamite, and more recently, Paint It Black. As their bassist, Andy Nelson is practically everywhere on both sides of the coasts as the four-string stronghold for CEREMONY, Creative Adult and Dark Blue, and probably a few others being missed or burgeoning, while drummer Chris Wilson plays in Ted Leo & the Pharmacists.

These artists have put their time in already, but as is the calling of the punk, the plight never stops, and so with that, Open City was born out of a mutual admiration for community DIY ethos born out of the tri-state basement scene, and a necessity to scream in these truly fucked times of American politics. We basically need Open City to exist as much as they do a new outlet for expression, but sweetening the deal is the fact that the four-piece’s self-titled debut is also a victoriously furious flurry of cross-pollinated punk and hardcore influence not heard of since Nelson and his bandmates in CEREMONY emboldened that patternwork on 2011′s immaculate social deconstruction Zoo.

To pull this off, it seems as though Open City could not have done so without anyone but Rachel Rubino. Before joining the Philly-centric outfit, Yemin, Nelson and Wilson had already began fleshing out the band’s sonic body in advance -- a Frankenstein of sorts stapled and stitched from all their musical limbs -- and with the addition of Rubino up front, a necessary changing of the guard from their past lives where despite their efforts to inject thoughtfully righteous aggression into the world, you still ended up with a lot of pretty, gym-swollen bros from suburbia abusing the music as a means to unleash their unrighteous hostility inside a pit. You don’t get that with Open City, because Rubino is already calling it out before you even have a chance to react.

Her screams cut in and out of every street corner carved out by caffeinated post-hardcore riffs and a windstorm of whirring reverb barreling against rhythmic propulsion, allowing her a clean line of sight to throw daggers into the heart of sexism, misogyny and gendered inequality. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? / You’re goddamn right! / I don’t have the patience to tell you anymore / I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man how to act,” rips open her opening statement on “Hell Hath No Fury.” On “For Shame”, she issues further warning. “Hey man, I got my eye on you / Don’t you know we all do? / Go right ahead / Tell us all the things you know we want to hear / Learn the language like business and fake the progress.” It’s well warranted pressure against the dudely bullshitters of the world, and being blunt sharpens her point.

Wondering how not to be a part of the problem? “Brother, I’m Getting Nowhere” directs some simple advice on that, but even Rubino is aware of the perils of passive activism and vents her disappointment for when it becomes immobile complacency. “I am tired and you are right / We’ve given up the fight / Trading my cards in for other efforts / Find a place / Where I can / Be more effective / What a fucking joke,” her frustration boils over on “Nerve Center.” This polarity of emotions -- a strange place stuck between a relentless need to stand up and the tired sigh for when others’ inaction makes you want to sit this one out -- runs through the circuits of Open City, and is the source of its restless aggression. Rubino, Yemin, Nelson and Wilson may not have all of the solutions to the ailments inflicted in our communities, but they’ve figured one thing out: To cure the diseased, one mustn’t stay silent.

Open City’s Open City is available now.

#albums #open city