#intersex medical abuse tw

[genderkoolaid]

medical literature about intersex people be like "there are problems that can be caused by forcing surgery on babies. luckily we are solving this by forcing surgery on even younger babies. it is vital that this baby CANNOT be left alone to develop normally. here is our 36 step guide on which surgeries you should force on which babies. also some people have said that forcing surgeries on babies might be "harmful" so consider that too I guess"

#m. #intersexism #igm tw #medical abuse tw

[trans-axolotl2]

I've been reading Cripping Intersex by Celeste Orr and one concept that I think is absolutely crucial and one of the best resources I've found for understanding my own experiences as an intersex person is the term Compulsory Dyadism.

Dr. Orr coins the term: "I propose the expression 'compulsory dyadism' to describe the instituted cultural mandate that people cannot violate the sex dyad, have intersex traits, or 'house the spectre of intersex' (Sparrow 2013, 29). Said spectre must be, according to the mandate, exorcised. However, trying to definitively cast out the spectre via curative violence always fails. The spectre always returns: a new intersex baby is born; one learns that they have intersex traits in adulthood; and/or medical procedures cannot cast out the spectre fully, as evidenced by life-long medical interventions, routines, or patienthood status. And the effects of compulsory dyadism haunt in the form of disabilities, scars, memories, trauma, and medical regimens (e.g., HRT routines). Compulsory dyadism, therefore, is not simply an event or a set of instituted policies but is an ongoing exorcising process and structure of pathologization, curative violence, erasure, trauma, and oppression." (Orr 19-20).

They continue on in their book to explore compulsory dyadism as it shows up in medical interventions, racializing intersex + sports sex testing, and eugenic and prenatal interventions on intersex fetuses. This term makes so much sense to me and puts words to an experience I've been struggling to comprehend--how can it be that so many endosex* people express such revulsion and fear of intersex bodies and traits, yet at the same time don't even know that intersex people exist? Why is it that people understand when I refer to my body in the terms used by freak shows, call myself a hermaphrodite, remember bearded ladies and laugh at interphobic jokes--yet do not even know that intersex people are as common as redheads? Understanding the term compulsory dyadism elucidates this for me. Endosex people might not comprehend what intersex actually is or know anything about our advocacy, but they do grow up in a cultural environment that indoctrinates them into false ideas about the sex binary and cultivates a fear of anything that lies outside of it.

From birth, compulsory dyadism affects every one of us, whether you're intersex or not. Intersex people carry the heaviest burden and often the most visible wounds that compulsory dyadism inflicts, as shown through often the very literal scars of violent, "curative" surgery, but the whole process of sex assignment at birth is a manifestation of compulsory dyadism. Ideas entrenched in the medical system that assign gender to the hormones testosterone and estrogen although neither of those hormones have anything to do with gender, a society that starts selling hair removal products to girls at puberty, and the historical legacy of things like sexual inversion theory are all manifestations of compulsory dyadism. For intersex people, facing compulsory dyadism often means that we are subjected to curative violence, institutionalized medical malpractice that sometimes includes aspects of ritualized sexual abuse, and means that we are left "haunted by, for instance, traumatic memories, acquires body-mind disabilities, an ability that was taken, or a 'paradoxical nostalgia....for all the futures that were lost' (Fisher 2013,45)." (Orr 26).

Compulsory dyadism works in tandem with concepts like compulsory able-bodiedness and compulsory heterosexuality to create mindsets and systems that tie together ideas to suggest that the only "normal" body is a cisgender one that meets capitalist standards of function, is capable of heterosexual sex and reproduction, and has chromosomes, hormones, genitalia, reproductive system, and sex traits that all line up. Part of compulsory dyadism is convincing the public that this is the only way for a body to function, erasing intersex people both by excluding us from public perception and by actively utilizing curative violence as a way to actively erasure intersex traits from our body. Compulsory dyadism works by getting both the endosex and intersex public to buy into the idea that intersex doesn't exist, and if it does exist then it needs to be treated as a freakshow, either exploiting us to put us on display as an aberration or by delegating us to the medical freakshow of experimentation and violence.

Until we all start to fully understand the many, many ways that compulsory dyadism is showing up in our lives, I don't think we're going to be able to achieve true intersex liberation. And in fact, I think many causes are tied into intersex liberation and affected by compulsory dyadism in ways that endosex people don't understand. Take the intense revulsion that some trans people express about the thought of medical transition, for example. Although transitioning does not make people intersex and never will, and the only way to be intersex is to have an intersex variation, I think that compulsory dyadism affects a lot more of that rhetoric than is expressed. The disgust I see some people talking about when they think about medical transition causing them to live in a body that has XX chromosomes, a vagina, but also more hair, a larger clitoris--I think a lot of this rhetoric is born in compulsory dyadism that teaches us to view anything that steps outside the sex dyad with intense fear and violence. I'm thinking about transphobic legislation blocking medical transition and how there's intersex exceptions in almost every one of those bills, and how having an understanding of compulsory dyadism would actually help us understand the ways in which our struggles overlap and choose to build meaningful solidarity, instead of just sitting together by default.

I have so much more to say about this topic, and will probably continue to write about it for a while, but I want to end by just saying: I think this is going to be one of the most important concepts for intersex advocacy going into the next decade. With all due respect and much love to intersex activists both current and present,I think that it's time for a new strategy, not one where we medicalize ourselves and distance ourselves from queer liberation, not one where we sort of just end up as an add on to LGBTQ community by default, not even one where we use a human rights framework, nonprofits, and try to negotiate with the government. I agree with so much of what Dr. Orr says in Cripping Intersex and I think the intersex and/as/is/with disability framework, along with these foundational ideas for understanding our own oppression with the language of compulsory dyadism and curative violence, are providing us with the tools to start laying a foundation for a truly liberatory mode of intersex community building and liberation.

*Endosex means not intersex

Endosex people, please feel free to reblog!

#personal #actuallyintersex #intersex #curative violence #compulsory dyadism #intersexism #interphobia #medical abuse tw #h slur #igm tw #disability studies #actually disabled

[intersex-support]

Something I really want to say: Intersex people, it is not your fault if you have faced medical abuse. I know for a long time after I faced the worst medical abuse I went through, I felt very ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like I must have done something wrong to be treated that way, and that I was just somehow broken. But absolutely none of that is true. It took me years to start speaking about what I had experienced, and took me a long time not to feel ashamed about what had happened to me. The medical abuse I experienced as an intersex person still affects me--going to the doctors is incredibly challenging for me, and the trauma made it difficult for me to feel at home in my body. And it's okay that I haven't gotten over it yet, and okay if I never get over it.

Intersex people, we are so much more than the things that they have done to us. Know that you do not need to feel ashamed about being harmed by doctors, and know that it's okay if you don't feel like you're able to be proud about being intersex. You are worth so much, and fuck doctors who treat our bodies like we need to be saved from ourselves. We deserve love, respect, care, and safety in all aspects of our lives, including the doctors. If you've faced medical abuse, know that you are not alone and that you did not deserve it, and there is absolutely nothing you could have done that made it your fault.

#mod e #intersex positivity #intersex #actuallyintersex #intersex pride #medical abuse tw

[identitty-dickruption]

you guys need to stop falling for the “cis kids are prescribed the same healthcare we reject from trans kids” bullshit

it’s not a privilege when “cis kids” get prescribed hormones or are “allowed” surgery. these kids are often (if not always) intersex. they often are not given a choice about going through these health procedures. intersex kids deserve body autonomy, and sometimes this means letting them NOT take hormones if that’s what they want

#intersex #intersexism #tw intersexism #tw medical abuse #queer

[intersexfairy]

intersex people are not rare and the medical & scientific communities are not authorities on intersex people. intersex people are fairly common and the medical and scientific communities are our oppressors.

they're the ones who created the illusion that we're rare. they pathologize our existence, abuse us, lie to us about who we are, prevent us from being born, and from having children of our own. they call us disordered and defected. the list the of awful things they do is very long.

so, few of us know we're intersex. few of us know we can be intersex. few of us accept we're intersex. few of us are out as intersex, and if we are, people hardly know what that is. again, the list goes on. we are made invisible, and we're right in front of you. always have been.

#istrauma #medical abuse #intersexism #igm tw #igm #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #lgbtiq #lgbti #lgbtqiia+ #medical abuse tw #abortion #abuse #abuse tw

[epic-and-kitty]

Some actual refs of Hue and Bee. These are old but are still pretty accurate aside from Hue's tail and facial scars

#splatoon #Agent 8 #Agent 4 #Oc Hue #Oc Bee #Agent 32 #Fun fact Bee is intersex! #Not so fun fact their family is shit and tried to fix him to her 'real' gender and they need to take hormones now #To fix their parents mistake because they weren't even done with squid puberty when she was 'fixed' #tw medical abuse #tw intersexism #Just covering the bases #i'll add alt text later #Sorry still exhausted

[skelejon]

Hi! Genuine question because my sibling is intersex. Also if you don't have the spoons to answer that's okay. Take your time or feel free to ignore me. :)

She said H*rmaphrodite is a specific type of intersex in which one has both sets of genitalia which one or both may have full function.

She never called it a slur around me, just a specific term that should not be replaced with Intersex, as Intersex is an umbrella term, and it's inappropriate to call all intersex people that when it only as a medical term applies to a small subset of intersex people.

Is this correct? I try to stay up to date and informed but when different intersex people give different answers, I don't know who to listen to and trying to research the topic leads to a thousand different answers on what the issue is or isn't.

Thank you for your time!

So this is a weird one. Your sibling is kinda right in that there is an intersex condition medically referred to as 'true hermaphroditism' which involves having ovotestes, which are essentially just made up of both ovarian and testicular tissue in varying amounts.

However, people are moving away from that and using 'ovotesticular syndrome' or 'ovotesticular DSD' as the name instead because of the issues surrounding hermaphrodite as a term. While there aren't enough studies to truly say its very unlikely that someone with ovotestes will produce both viable sperm and viable eggs, you'd need the perfect amounts of tissue and to have external gonads to prevent heat killing off sperm, and then somehow the right levels of hormones to produce either in the first place. Which isn't to say it's absolutely impossible, especially with advancing fertility treatments, just that the chances are astronomically small. A large majority of people with ovotestes are infertile as a result. The term 'hermaphrodite' would imply otherwise and actual true hermaphroditism like is observed in certain animals is considered something that cannot occur in humans, and as a result the term is being phased out of medical literature.

There's also the issue of the implications that people with ovotestes are somehow 'more intersex' than anyone else, which is obviously not true. You can't be more or less intersex than any other intersex person.

To try and sum it up, you shouldn't be calling anyone a hermaphrodite, ovotestes or not, unless they tell you it's alright. Anyone who is intersex can call themselves a hermaphrodite if they wish, as its historically been used to refer to and dehumanize all intersex folks (including calling many 'close-to-female' intersex folks, especially those with clitoromegaly, 'pseudo-hermaphrodites'). It is unfortunately still used in some medical practice and is often used as grounds to perform non consensual surgeries and hormone treatments and so it can be incredibly distressing to have to hear for some folks.

I should add there are also a number of 'dyadic-passing' (for lack of a better word. This is NOT me saying being 'dyadic-passing' is bad or inherently leads to this kind of thinking.) intersex folks that are actually fairly intersexist and will use terms like this to go "oh I'm just normal intersex, not an Actual Hermaphrodite like (insert group of 'less desirable' intersex people)" a little bit like how some gay men will throw more flamboyant gay men under the bus to try and seem like 'one of the good ones' etc.

#also im speaking as someone who reclaims the term for myself and has ovotestes due to mosaicism. aka i was meant to be twins and then Wasnt #also not mentioned in the main post but calling some intersex conditions 'pseudo'-hermaphroditism is just so abhorrent to me. it feels like #someone saying 'well youre not NORMAL but you're not as much of a freak as those others'. both incredibly invalidating and still also used #as an excuse to perform medical abuses. #anyway if you read all this im sorry. #i have to over explain everything because this is tumblr and if i dont someone will accuse me of some unhinged shit #i use a lot of medical terms but im very anti-medicalisation and think the normalisation of intersex folks in society is important. #h slur #tw h slur #h slur tw #intersexism

[theforesteldritch]

Reading about how intersex athletes have been treated is so fucking horrible. The countless lies and human rights violations. The discrimination and how it's ruined the lives of so many people is so awful. There has been no apologies from any athletics comptetions or organizations. They have blood on their hands. Just a tw for intersexism and mental health issues and suicide in the next paragraph because it can get pretty heavy.

Annet Negesa, who was a middle distance runner. She was suddenly barred from competing due to her hormones. No one told her why. She was then told she needed to take medication to lower her testosterone, then what she was told was switched. She was lied to about a surgery that she was told was like an injection and would let her compete again. She woke up with scars and had had a gonadectomy. That violation of basic human rights and medical ethics combined with inadequate postsurgical care basically ended her career. She deserves justice. She deserves apologies from the Olympics and everyone single doctor who was involved in it, and compensation and the promise that it should never have happened and will never happen again. She. Needs. Justice.

Pratima Gaonkar needs justice. She was a rising track and field star. After forced sex verificatiom she killed herself. The way media and news treated her after her death was disgusting. She deserves and needs justice. Her family deserves justice.

Santhi Soundarajan had her medals stripped and was treated as an outcast after forced sex verification showed she had androgen insensitivity syndrome. She was treated as an outcast, her gender was mocked. She's spoken out about how much discrimination she's faced, and how badly she's been treated. She now works as a coach, but was barred from competing. She deserves justice.

Caster Semenya deserves justice. Francine Niyonsaba deserves justice. Margaret Wambui deserves justice. Barbra Banda deserves justice. Beatrice Masilingi and Christine Mboma deserve justice.

The racism and intersexism and horrible human rights violations and medical abuse these women have faced for the supposed crime of being intersex and good at a sport is horrible. They deserve justice, but the organizations that perpetuate these atrocities don't seem to care. It's so fucking horrible.

#intersex #intersexism #lgbtq

[genderkoolaid]

im being genuine but im an idiot so forgive me if asking this sucks, but for doing surgery on babies, aren’t those for when like the um. parts won’t function to keep the baby alive? that’s all i’ve heard of,, if they’re forcing cosmetic surgery to affirm the sex binary that’s so horrid, i don’t know how to think about it

Oh they are absolutely forcing cosmetic surgery on children to enforce the sex binary.

There are times where surgery on children is necessary for healthy functioning, but when talking about intersex children, surgeries are regularly done for no other reason than making the child "look normal." Medical literature regularly tells doctors it's vital to pick a sex & perform whatever surgeries they deem necessary to make the child's body fit that sex, often including forced HRT at puberty. They often argue that not forcing them into the sex binary could result in trauma– but that trauma only exists because they will live in an intersexist society that tells them they should be ashamed of their body. It's a real "being trans will make you depressed because of how I will treat you" type situation. & a lot of people are lied to about surgeries performed on them as children, because doctors tend to be weird about admitting that intersex variations exist & act like they are doing people a favor by not telling them.

That's why being against forced surgery is such a big part of intersex activism. If you want to know more check out advocacy groups like InterACT:

#m. #ask box #intersexism #igm tw #medical abuse tw

[intersex-support]

Hello! I've been nervous to send in an ask for a while now. I've recently discovered that I'm not hormonally intersex despite how much I thought I was, I was born "pseudo-male" and was operated on as an infant to appear female. This has given me a feeling of distress that I haven't been able to shake. It all started when I was reading articles about IGM and people who found out they were intersex and had these surgeries done to them. The further I got into it the more worried I got because it was familiar. Constant doctors visits as a child, having your privates being deeply examined and pictures being taken, I was told by my parents that those things were normal they are just making sure there's nothing wrong that I am functional and all kids go through this. What I didn't know is the wrong already happened. I started to look deeper, stunts sexual pleasure? Got that. Causes nerve pain? Check. Infertility? Found that out when I tried to donate eggs for rent money they also told me that my body just wasn't "capable". I remember all throughout my childhood how much my parents forced me to be feminine, the skirts I was required to put on, the dresses that were for every Sunday, the plethora of pink and just pink. I'm terrified to confront my parents because these are people who believe that trans people should face a mass genocide, but I already know they know and they kept it from me and they've silently used it as a reason to abuse and neglect me as a child. After finding this out so much more makes sense, how much my brother's births are celebrated vs mine, how much they are appreciated vs me, I can now put a label to the face of disgust they make when I wear anything but feminine clothes. I can hear what they think in their heads 'went through the whole process and you still aren't a girl what a waste'

I just wanted to share. I've been suspicious of being intersex for a few years now but I had always thought it was pcos. I got my big confirmation that it wasn't just a few days ago and I'm trying to heal trying not to feel like if I didn't dig my nose into it all then it wouldn't feel violating and I wouldn't have this dread. I want to be closer to my community and I want to find someone like me but that's another thing I'm struggling with because I know there's not many like me who have found out. I just want someone to talk to, someone who knows and who can tell me I'm not alone that this isn't a horror I'm facing alone that they lived through it as well and that I can keep living through it and that I can be proud of my body. I can say all these things to myself and they mean nothing.

Thank you, for reading, answering, even just considering and deleting this ask. I love your blog and I cannot express enough how much it means to me. How much I need this sense of community that you provide.

Hi anon <3

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry that you had to go through IGM, uncomfortable and traumatic doctors appointments, and dealing with your family's judgements. You deserved so much better and any rage, grief, and anxiety that you're feeling right now is so valid. It can be such a big shock to finally get the confirmation and then start to look back through your whole life, putting the pieces together and looking at past events through a new light. You're not overreacting and you deserve all the time, space, and support you need to process this new understanding. And you are absolutely not alone. There are mods on this blog who have survived IGM, many of us who have survived other forms of correctional medical abuse and we really get what it's like to find this out and deal with the aftereffects. I know for me, there's been certain times during my intersex journey where I found out new information and it felt like my world had ended, and I couldn't understand how the rest of the world just kept moving when it felt like everything I had ever understood about myself was different. I thought I would never be able to get to a point where I could feel anything about being intersex besides dread, shame, and fear. And there's still a lot of shame and anger that I carry--but that's not the whole story for me anymore. There are days when I can say intersex is beautiful and actually believe it, days when I can feel proud of my intersex body and it's not a lie.

Anon, I'm sending so, so much love and solidarity your way. Nothing that happened to you was your fault--not the IGM, not the doctors appointments, not your parents' reactions and not doing more research and finding out all this about yourself. I really believe that you will survive this and get through this, and that there is always that room for hope that someday, you will get to a point where all of this feels less raw and painful. That doesn't mean that you need to pretend that everything's okay right now if it doesn't feel okay, but just know that being intersex and surviving IGM and medical abuse does not mean that you are destined to feel this amount of overwhelming grief for all of your life.

It's absolutely okay if you don't feel ready to reach out to intersex community yet, but if that is something you want, I want to share some options for you. If you want to join the intersex discord server we run, send an ask off anon and I will send you a link. If you're under 30, Ispace is a Facebook group for intersex people to connect. Interconnect is also an option that has a support group, and also conferences to meet up with other intersex people in person. I'm also going to link this collection of personal stories from other intersex people that was really helpful when I read it early in my intersex journey, but I do want to give a warning that many of them talk about medical abuse and surgery and I know that can be overwhelming.

We're here for you, anon, and please feel to reach out again if you need anything, even if it's just to vent.

Best wishes 💜💛💜

-Mod E

#actuallyintersex #igm tw #medical abuse tw #so much love anon #intersexism tw

[identitty-dickruption]

Hello, I'm very sorry to bother you. I am about to ask a long and possibly ignorant question. If you don't feel comfortable answering or you simply don't want to (it isn't your job to educate other people, I know that) I totally understand it. Just know that I'm coming from lack of knowledge, not lack of respect.

I just saw this post (couldn't find the original one, sorry) and I wanted to clarify. What exactly do you mean intersex people shouldn't been brought up during debates about gender and sex? I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that I don't understand.

Everything else in the post, I'm clear about, but when transphobos say shit like "you are biologically either a man or a woman and you cannot change that because you cannot change your chromosomes," I do consider it worth mentioning that biological sex isn't as easy of a topic as they think it is. Human bodies are not always clearly, unquestionably either male or female. And sometimes a person is sure she is clearly, unquestionably female and then, one day when she's 25 years old, she takes a sex verification test for the Olympics and turns out she has XY chromosomes, like María José Martínez Patiño, so chromosomes clearly are a lame excuse for transphobos to use. I'm not gonna give more examples because you probably have heard many at this point and I'm sure you understand intersex topics better than I do, but I think I made clear my point.

If we don't expect all intersex people to live as multigender or nonbinary, then why would someone expect all perisex people to live only as their agab, when we know that everything regarding biological sex (chromosomes, gonads, reproductive system and hormonal production) means nothing when we talk about gender identity?

Again, I'm not trying to say that you're wrong, I just want to understand. Why using an argument like this would be wrong?

hello. out of all the points on that post, this is the one I get challenged on the most, for exactly the points you make — biological sex isn’t binary, it’s bimodal, so talking about intersex people makes sense to a lot of people when they enter these debates. I stand by what I said though

firstly. TERFs, on the most part, don’t see intersex people as intersex. they already have a standard response to this and it’s, “those people just have disorders of sex development, they’re still predominantly either male or female”. TERFs know the cases of intersex athletes very well, and they have ways to talk around it. so, like. this argument doesn’t even work nine times out of ten. it just forces intersex people to see yet more people label them as defective for the sake of a debate

secondly, being used as a gotcha in debates is a microaggression when you consider that it’s usually the only time I see people talk about me and my community. dyadic queer people + allies will acknowledge intersex people exist so they can win a debate, and then never talk about us or think about us again

this is particularly true when these same people will make incredibly intersexist arguments within the same debate

they’ll say things like “nobody’s forcing HRT onto children!” when hi! that happens to intersex kids and teens all the time. they’ll say “cis kids with hormonal disorders get approval for HRT, what’s the difference?” when, again. we’re not “cis kids with hormonal disorders”, we’re intersex people who are forced into unwanted medical treatment all the time

I don’t want my existence used as a debate point if you’re only going to think about me when you can frame it as a zinger or a takedown. I don’t want support because of my position in “the trans debate”, I want support because people actually care about me and my struggles

#to be clear. fuck TERFs. I’m 100% team trans #I’m just sick of these back and forward debates that don’t actually do anything #asks #tw medical abuse #tw intersexism #intersex

[mogai-reblog]

(tw genocide and intersexism)

i think more perisex ppl should know and understand that there has been a genocide going on far far longer than the past few years. For decades, no, over a century

on intersex ppl

Genocide is the intentional destruction of a group of people. This can include killing members of the group, causing them serious bodily or mental harm, imposing living conditions intended to destroy the group, preventing births, and forcibly transferring children out of the group. All bc of their real or perceived membership of the group.

All of these, except for the last one, happen to intersex ppl in some way.

We are subjected to abandonment, neglect, infanticide and murder due to being intersex. We face genetic de-selection along with sterilization. We also, as a lot of people know, are usually mutilated, SAd as newborns, and receive involuntary and coercive treatment. We are treated like we're inherently disordered if our intersex aren't taken away, purposely making parents afraid and accept whatever abusive treatment and surgery the doctor suggests. We do not get body autonomy. Many of us purposely avoid care for fear of medical discrimination and due to medicalization and few receive adequate care, as many lack understanding about our bodies and examinations that may cause physical harm. Then ofc all the hate crimes, including the idea that a conbination of "male and female brains" (which obviously dont exist) would produce a sex criminal. 60% of intersex ppl have thoughts about suicide, 42% have thoughts about self-harm, and 19% had attempted suicide on the basis of intersex discrimination. We are not taught about our own bodies then shamed for not knowing. In 2013, four elite woman athletes were subjected to sterilization and genital mutilation after testosterone testing revealed they were intersex.

Even within the queer community, we are only used as human shields against people who want us all dead and by Perisex trans people admitting that they lie to people who want us dead that they're just like us for the false hope that they'll love them. That they're the exception.

But of course, we were never really human, right? We're all just a bunch of freaks.

#tw genocide #tw intersexism #tw fr slur #ask to tag #mogai #liom #actually intersex #intersex #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer #dont tag as q slur

[lemursandsirens]

hrt story

I’ve been on HRT for 2 months now. It’s important to me to document what’s going on and maybe at the same time, talk about where I’ve been. For the sake of brevity, I’ll include the things I’ve since learnt/pieced together over time. cw/tw: medical trauma, intersex specific trauma, forced medical treatment, medical abuse, forced hrt, genital mention,

Tl;dr - I am intersex and was forced into HRT without my knowledge and I’m finally going back to who I was. At 26, I’m starting over with my body and it’s wonderful and scary and beautiful and painful and everything at once.  

When I was 18, my GP at the time did some blood work that included hormonal stuff. I have no idea why, I don’t remember complaining about anything, but he informed me that my results indicated that I had the “blood profile of someone with PCOS”. I very much didn’t know what that is, what that meant, or anything around this. I’ve since learnt this likely meant I had elevated testosterone in my results. I was then referred to a gynaecologist. Without discussing the weird and fucked up events surrounding the testing, the findings were never shared with me directly. The gynaecologist put me on a synthetic oestrogen to “fix my levels” and naturally, I trusted this doctor. I was being told something was wrong with me that needed to be changed, despite feeling fine. I was happy to be on birth control so I very much did not look into anything with more depth, not that I could really. I wouldn’t have known where to start. 

The last 6 years of my life have honestly been some of the hardest on me physically. My health has been progressively getting worse and finding a stable place has been really hard. I’m not there yet, not even close, but I’m closer than I have been for the last 6 years now. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome a few years ago, along with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. To summarise the relevant effects; EDS means I don’t produce as much collagen, causing thin skin and subluxations/dislocations in me, and MCAS means my mast cells, which control a whole lot of different reactions in the body, are hyperreactive. For me, that means I am hypersensitive to histamines/foods with histamines which causes allergies, inflammation, pain, throughout the body. Historically, this manifested in me mostly in my lungs for the most part but so many things have been added over time. 

Through all my time in online communities, I’ve learnt so much about my conditions. I’ve been utterly neglected since my diagnosis by the medical system so symptom management became my responsibility. I’ve learnt the ins and outs about the chemicals in my body, how different things feel, how it all interacts with me, and what I can be doing. I have learnt that oestrogen has an effect on your collagen. Whilst studies show that oestrogen can help collagen production, there is a significant amount of evidence that at elevated levels, subluxations/dislocations are more frequent. https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04055129

Fast forward to a few years ago, boom I’m trans and also in pain. So, 15th December 2022 I started HRT. I stopped the synthetic oestrogen immediately, started a progesterone only birth control, and began microdosing testosterone through testogel. The differences are truly mind blowing to me. Within a few days, my pain decreased significantly, my mind felt clearer like a veil had been lifted, my biologics (fortnightly injection for MCAS) work better, joints felt “tighter”. All I keep saying to myself is “I feel like I used to”. I’m back to who I was before being forced onto oestrogen. My subluxations/dislocations aren’t as frequent, though it’s harder to get joints back into place. My mental health is…different to say the least. I’m not like, no longer depressed but it’s changed from a confused and hazy depression to alert and aware. Trust me when I say for me, the latter is better. I no longer have painful orgasms, no longer have what felt like “too fast” orgasms that become painful spasms, I actually have my clitoris back which all but completely disappeared when I started the birth control back in the day. My skin everywhere just feels tighter, and whilst there’s barely any other visible changes (other than this tiny stache), I know those close to me can tell. Things are just a bit easier, just that little bit clearer. I’m not cured, I’m not able to get off meds or live my life very differently but to have this little bit of extra peace? It has literally saved my life. 

Where am I going with this? Not sure. Maybe something like, we know fuck all about hormones and people should be allowed to know about their own bodies a bit better than we currently do. I should have never gone through any of this. The last 8 years of this could’ve been avoided and there are things that I can't get back, nor repair. I am grieving and I am happy. I'm learning who I am again and it’s thrilling and stressful and awful and beautiful. 

#cw intersex trauma #cw medical trauma #cw non consensual medical treatment #testogel #hrt #hrt story #hrt testosterone #testostorone #intersex #intersex story #trans story #qtpoc #black intersex person #t gel #mcas #chronic illness #disability #eds #genital mention

[sunlitmcgee]

Hey guys. Finally filled Angelito's bio out enough to wanna share it. Major TWS for themes of intersexism, medical abuse(dehumanization, doctor making Awful remarks about a child's genitals), parental abuse (controlling food, forced physical exertion, limits on socialization, guilt tripping), sexual abuse, manipulation, financial abuse, and general Shittiness towards an intersex person's body.

I really hope to give Angelito some comfort as his story develops, but for now, they are Vibing and Surviving as best one can <3 oh my sweet little spider I prommy I'll give ya a happy ending.

#setting: estea #angelito jaimes

[aroaceking]

I literally cannot tell if you actually want me to answer any of the things you asked but I'm posting the entire comment and I will answer it. I'm going to be very honest and address that I am autistic so if I've taken the fact there were questions too literally I am actually sorry, I have no intention of requesting engagement from you if you are not actually trying to discuss it with me.

Reblogs are off because I don't really feel comfortable with reblogs when I'm going to address some of my trauma, but you're free to reply to this or send an ask (I think ask word limits are lower now?) if you wish to reply.

tw because I don't know how to explain any of my things without addressing a lot of this: transphobia tw, transmisogyny tw, intersexism tw, homophobia tw, racism tw, csa tw, cocsa tw, childhood sexual trauma tw, medical abuse tw, ableism tw, idk like literally it's just my life idk how to give it enough labels to give fair warning.

under a read more because it's long

@fite-club

okay. there’s a lot to unpack here. i’m gonna first address the “stop sexualizing asexuality” thing— asexuality is about sexual attraction, it is inherently a sexual topic in nature. but you’re alarmingly wrong about something here, and it’s the “recognizing ways I was different from my peers” part as a 14 year old, you WEREN’T different from your peers for not experiencing sexual attraction. MOST 14 year olds don’t. you mention trauma in your past— this is extremely relevant. why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual, who told you that? ike, yeah, hypothetically someone who identifies as ace at 14 and experiences sexual attraction at age 18 can change their label from asexual to allosexual. but will they ACTUALLY do that, though? or will they just call themselves a sex-favorable asexual? when you make lacking attraction a part of your identity, what happens to your sense of identity if you DO experience attraction? also i need to point out that there are literal biological functions that are not done developing until you are over 18. your body and brain and hormones are still growing. you definitely cannot say with any certainty that anyone below the age of 16 knows they experience sexual attraction or not finally i need you to understand that by emphasizing “hey, it’s actually completely fine and normal to not be interested in sex at all when you’re in high school” it actually helps prevent teens from being sexually abused. “most teens are allosexual” is NOT the message you want to be spreading.

"asexuality is about sexual attraction, it is inherently a sexual topic in nature."

this is part of what I feel most uncomfortable with. it is innately a conversation about sexuality, but that, too, to me, feels simplified to state as 'sexual' when people are constantly equating sexual with 'having sex' or 'having sexual desires'. developmentally it's a lot more complex than that, especially when you don't use a split attraction model or thoroughly separate/classify all aspects of orientation. I understand why people may break down their identities into the tiniest boxes they can imagine, but I actually don't navigate it that way at all.

I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea that discussing sexuality is sexual. I know I'm repeating myself, I just am not sure if I'm clear. It's also deeply unsettling to me to see people, of any orientation, act like it's sexual for a child to state if they like boys or girls or whatever else. Or how people act like it's sexual for a child to have a gender identity separate from their assignment.

I will acknowledge the assignment I was given had impact on my feelings on this matter, I was hypersexualized throughout my childhood for being intersex, for publicly going also from 'boy' to 'girl', for my race. I understand that these add to my experiences and are part of why I was reacted to the way I was. That it was a catch-22 because if I had liked boys, I would've been performing gender wrong and if I had liked girls, I would've been performing gender wrong, and that no matter what space I took up, it would be 'incorrect.'

But this experience is mine. I was doomed to be sexualized no matter what I did in the environment I was a part of, and part of that relates to this idea that gender and sexuality in children when 'off the norm' is innately sexual. That if a child expresses a relationship to gender or orientation outside of boxes defined for them that it's somehow sexual.

I tried to define it to an anon earlier also but developmentally I am including things like how children will play-roles as well. A lot of my friends learned gender and orientation through how they wanted to do pretend games or how they felt unfulfilled by them. This isn't sexual, this isn't weird, it's a normal part of development. This includes children picking and pointing out fictional characters or celebrities to admire or joke about wanting to marry/have as a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever. This includes the way children will also explore themselves through putting claims out like 'so and so is my boyfriend now' or whatever.

"you mention trauma in your past— this is extremely relevant. why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual, who told you that?"

I know the trauma in my past is 'relevant.' I'm sure if I had not been further sexualized by adults and children alike for being intersex and the WAY I was intersex that I would not have the same relationship to any of this. As I stated, it's why I feel so strongly about some of it. I don't know who I would be without trauma, I can't just take my trauma aside and yes, I've gone through therapy, multiple attempts, some forced and some me trying to approach it carefully. It's why I tried to study developmental psychology.

I really dislike the statement 'why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual'. I believe a majority of 14 year olds weren't and aren't asexual because a majority of the population is not asexual. It's a minority group. So is being gay. So is being trans. So is being intersex. If they feel strongly enough to identify as asexual, it is probably because they have an experience where it has made them feel othered, or at the very least uncomfortable. I don't even see why it matters if they're wrong about it. Nowadays they're constantly seeing people misidentify it as rooted in action, as in if you have sex or not, and some of them are probably very scared of the expectation of sex, and so they may label themselves incorrectly because they want to feel like they have support in language to communicate a perfectly normal boundary to have and when they get older, hopefully they recognize that.

That's part of why I dislike the fixation on if it's about sex or not! Or even the fixation people have on labels staying stagnant! Lots of people identify as straight or cis or whatever before realizing they're not, and it's okay also for them to have gotten it wrong the first or second or fiftieth time around idk. I have friends that still don't exactly know where they sit on both gender and orientation. I think that's normal! We have our whole lives to navigate!

But also 'who told you that'. Almost everyone around me except maybe some of the xtians (I'm not xtian) and mainly the xtians were more focused on telling me that 14 year old girls weren't interested in those kinds of things, which is why they must be 'protected' from 14 year old boys who are entirely too interested in it and my biology would make me unsafe even after I had, against my will, been medically altered due to complications with my hormones and body.

I don't know. I don't know how to explain what I grew up in. I don't know if it's different cultural expectations, I don't know if it's the ways I was seen as a threat by white people, I don't know. It's not 'who' told me that because 'who' was nearly everyone. But even if they weren't telling me that, even if they were telling me I was 'smart' for not dating or that I probably shouldn't date anyway or that no matter who I dated it would be weird, they also thought it was weird I had no actual interest at all. That I didn't admire celebrities or had crushes or expressed any future interest in it. People thought it was weird as hell I thought the entire construct of it was kind of fake, and yes, I was also autistic and so there was a level of them just thinking I was stupid and developmentally challenged because I was autistic, but that's also part of why they tried to 'fix' it, because my presentation was one where I could 'try' to fit.

But also I know lots of people who were raised xtian and expected to be girls who also got really messed up by the confusing explanations and expectations around it. That hurt themselves because they thought there was something gross or wrong with them as they hit perfectly normal developmental milestones. I was also the outlet for a lot of weird guilt and self-loathing from both boys and girls who viewed me as innately sexual for my relationship to gender. That viewed my medical changes as something somehow for them.

I know it's perfectly normal to not date at 14, I don't know how to be more clear about that, I don't know how to say 'yes I am aware plenty of 14 year olds are figuring themselves out, plenty of them don't know or fake crushes or even will explain they don't know if they've had them yet, I know plenty of them are definitely not interested in sex or dating' and also state 'this is why I'm saying it's not about sex! the ways I was othered and hypersexualized and desexualized are about all the tiny other ways I did not fit into the boxes I was supposed to!'

I was trying to express how having 'asexual' as a term helped me cope. Helped me be more compassionate to my peers. Continues to help me now. That's what labels are even for. That's their use. I was upset seeing someone say "#you’re 15!#you don’t want to have sex! that’s fine!#it’s not an identity!" about a niece identifying as asexual on a post discussing how the op's relationship to crushes/attraction has changed from having a lot of them as a teen to mellowing out a lot as an adult (which is normal, which is why I'm so! fucking confused! on the fucking pushback!!!! on me stating that it was othering! to be a child outside of that and attacked by adults and other children over it!!! and now I'm being told 'nothing about ur experience was abnormal' then why!!! was I constantly!!! told!!! it was!!!).

I mean I can tell you part of why. I am not fucking stupid. I am aware I was 'abnormal' also for my body and my brain and my race. Normalcy is socially constructed and upheld. Something can be atypical but not treated as abnormal, and something can be common but socially classified as abnormal for structural purposes. Like we say 'minority' for nonwhite people as if white people aren't actually STATISTICALLY globally the minority. (Yes, I know, that depending on your country, they are statistically a majority, but they only became the 'majority' in the country I'm in through horrific violence and even in countries where they are statistically the majority it's violently upheld as they push back against nonwhite people moving in blah blah blah, ie still socially upheld through structures).

Like I feel like somehow I'm having entirely different conversations about this.

"like, yeah, hypothetically someone who identifies as ace at 14 and experiences sexual attraction at age 18 can change their label from asexual to allosexual. but will they ACTUALLY do that, though? or will they just call themselves a sex-favorable asexual? when you make lacking attraction a part of your identity, what happens to your sense of identity if you DO experience attraction?"

Okay but I don't CARE? The stigma around changing your orientation label needs to go but also I don't care if they're wrong. It's irritating, yes, and often derails these spaces and discussions, but also like it's their life, I can't make them change their identity. I can just share information on how other people have expressed attraction and learning to navigate it and offer solutions and pose questions on how their relationship may have changed and give examples of people coming into it deeper in adulthood.

There are people that think they aren't ace because they don't care if they have sex, even though they aren't attracted to anyone, and eventually reach a point in their life, sometimes late in it, where they learn about it and go 'oh' and suddenly have a word for this thing that helps them better define their experiences. And I don't mean 18, 18 is so young.

What happens to people who identify legitimately as a gender or orientation they later realize doesn't fit them? I can't control them. I had a friend who thought she was straight and it took a lot of self-reflection for her to realize she was bisexual. She had to be out of an environment where her attraction to women was dismissed, desexualized, and recognized as equal and not diminished by her attraction to men.

I've had friends who had been neutral on men in their lives, who realized they were lesbians only in their 20s because they had been neutral about men they tried to date due to expectations. I know women who transitioned and tried to like men out of gender obligation, who had to work through those feelings and the root of them to actually understand their relationship to orientation.

If we allow space and discussion for the myriad of ways it presents or develops or can be defined, then this becomes less of a fixation point. The fragility of people's identities rooted in NEEDING to strictly define them is not helpful for many, especially younger people. I'm still younger people. I know people who've changed their identities in their 50s. I know there are people I don't personally know who have changed and played with their identities even later in life.

I use language the way I use language because I'm autistic and descriptionist. I can't stop people from being prescriptionist with theirs.

I understand the harm people experience when they cling to identities that no longer suit them. But I can't constantly stop people from harming themselves, I can't control them! I ALSO can feel uncomfortable or out of place when people try to relate to me and utilize the same terms I do but in completely different ways. I don't know how to interact when someone my age comes to me identifying as ace but then also being alarmed when I do not relate to the ways they categorize attraction or lack thereof. It can be very strange to do so. A lack of something is even harder to define than the existence of something.

"also i need to point out that there are literal biological functions that are not done developing until you are over 18. your body and brain and hormones are still growing. you definitely cannot say with any certainty that anyone below the age of 16 knows they experience sexual attraction or not"

Okay, and again, they can just change how they define it. People biologically change their whole lives. Menopause biologically changes people but it doesn't mean that for the period of their life before they may utilize labels to describe their experience before that point, or that those identities may still be important to them after that point.

I didn't say they always know or correctly define if they experience attraction or not? I don't think people can really say with any certainty until they have reason to feel certain. I think people can be 16 and not know and 25 and not know and 52 and not know.

As stated before, I'm intersex. I was also medically altered in a way that potentially is part of why I do not experience attraction idk. I know people who were medically altered similarly who do experience attraction. Idk. I would say 'I don't care' if it would have been different otherwise, but I do care actually, I care a lot, but my reality is what it is now and it has been incredibly harmful to me to try and 'treat' it. If something changes, I will change my identity, and not feel ashamed that I utilized language the way I needed to while it was relevant to me.

I'm autistic and intersex. I don't. I don't know how to phrase this but like. I have never been developmentally categorized as in the position of 'normal.' Because normal is socially defined and enforced. There are stages and ranges that are categorized as 'normal.' People who do not fit those stages or ranges are treated differently. Sometimes they utilize language for it. I don't. Like that's all it is to me.

"finally i need you to understand that by emphasizing “hey, it’s actually completely fine and normal to not be interested in sex at all when you’re in high school” it actually helps prevent teens from being sexually abused. “most teens are allosexual” is NOT the message you want to be spreading."

It is in fact true that emphasizing to children that it is their right and completely fine and acceptable and a boundary they can uphold to not be interested in sex in high school, this is good and useful and helpful. Giving them language for that is important, regardless of why they need it.

It is also important to help prevent abuse by giving them better language and resources on how they may be developing sexually and that they do not need to be ashamed of interest or engage in unsafe sexual practices as a way to explore that. I had friends literally manipulated by the idea that there was something shameful in their development that was only suitable for adults to 'manage' for them and it was part of their exploitation. This is in fact an aspect of abstinence-only education being a failure.

Children also need to be taught even if they ARE developing sexual interest, they can also develop boundaries around it anyway! Shame, confusion, hiding, whatever about this literally directly leads a lot of teenagers into the arms of predators. It alarms and concerns me this topic can somehow shift into statements that may further confuse these lines, so I want to be very clear.

And I want to also state I don't. Ugh. I don't think children by and large actually are easily defined as 'majority straight' or 'majority allosexual' or anything like that. I think that obviously the majority of people meet that, hence my earlier statement of noticing a kind of othering, but I don't actually think that means it's fair to label hordes of children as either straight or allosexual or even cis because it is in fact typical that they wouldn't even know or have a definitive enough relationship to it.

Feeling drawn to describing an experience you have with language that is about how you've felt othered doesn't even mean no one else involved could later define themselves with those terms. Some of the people who were cruel to me found out later they were boys or found out later they were girls or found out later they were gay or found out later they were intersex in a different way from me even.

I AGREE that children should be taught they are allowed to have boundaries??? I agree that children should be taught it's acceptable and valid and completely within their right to not have crushes or interest in dating or interest in sex or be more focused on their other experiences (like poverty, like disability, like race, like trauma, like education, like gender, like media interests, like whatever else??) over defining themselves and their gender and their orientation?

I think we should in fact encourage that it is okay to not know or not need to know yet. I think we should encourage people to realize they don't have to rush experiences they aren't ready for. I have friends whose first relationship was 25 and they never identified as ace or aro, they just were never in a position to get into that part of themselves for a variety of reasons. I don't. I do not understand the reaction to what I've said.

I was upset because an individual child individually defined themselves and some adult in their life was alarmed by a fairly simple identity that was not in any way some permanent or damning aspect. I'm upset because in 2020 I saw some adult literally tell a middle-grade child who identified as asexual on the internet they were 'attracting pedophiles' by identifying publicly as ace. An adult thought it was appropriate to define it that way and say that kind of thing to a child because of the child's identity. A whole lot of other adults agreed with it and kept going on about the inherently sexual nature of the term meant to describe an orientation.

It's just weird. When I told my mom in high school, she became fixated on the ways she might have broken me or made me that way. She became focused on listing all the possible other explanations and getting me to counseling and then devolved into belittling me for it, when all it was was an explanation for how I felt I was experiencing the world. It helped my friends be kinder to me. It helped me be kinder to my friends. It still helps me navigate the ways I may be unable to relate to others.

#idk #acephobia #idk I just feel like ppl need this tagged bc it's very upsetting??? #other trigger warnings listed before read more

[antiterf]

TW: Interphobia, Intersexism, medical abuse

"I'm going to shave down your clitoris, and I'm going to create a cavity inside of you." Is one of the few things Sean mentioned in this video as he talks about his experience as an intersex person.

The video has less than 6000 views. The top comments are all shitty.

I found this video off of InterACT, a group that's taken after the Intersex Society of North America. If you can I would suggest donating or at least going to look through their website.

I know that a lot of my followers here are trans, and if you're perisex and trans, please know that the transphobic backlash against us impacts intersex people a lot too, they simply don't have the same visibility.

If you're intersex, whether trans or cis, hello! I hate when I'm treated as someone who "definitely doesn't exist" in the room yet still talked about. If you want to add your own experiences please do so, or look into this stuff yourself if you're not too sure either.

And honestly if you know any other good intersex organizations, grassroots groups, or even websites and blogs run by intersex people who talk about intersex advocacy and their life experiences, add them.

Like I'm still doing research on intersex prejudice and discrimination and it makes me sick knowing that there's little to know visibility or support from the rest of the LGBTQ community.

#notaterftip #not sarcasm #intersex #lgbtq+ #lgbt+ #lgbtqia+ #lgbtqia #interphobia #intersexism #medical abuse #its seriously so sickening #Youtube