#cw intersex trauma

[lemursandsirens]

hrt story

I’ve been on HRT for 2 months now. It’s important to me to document what’s going on and maybe at the same time, talk about where I’ve been. For the sake of brevity, I’ll include the things I’ve since learnt/pieced together over time. cw/tw: medical trauma, intersex specific trauma, forced medical treatment, medical abuse, forced hrt, genital mention,

Tl;dr - I am intersex and was forced into HRT without my knowledge and I’m finally going back to who I was. At 26, I’m starting over with my body and it’s wonderful and scary and beautiful and painful and everything at once.  

When I was 18, my GP at the time did some blood work that included hormonal stuff. I have no idea why, I don’t remember complaining about anything, but he informed me that my results indicated that I had the “blood profile of someone with PCOS”. I very much didn’t know what that is, what that meant, or anything around this. I’ve since learnt this likely meant I had elevated testosterone in my results. I was then referred to a gynaecologist. Without discussing the weird and fucked up events surrounding the testing, the findings were never shared with me directly. The gynaecologist put me on a synthetic oestrogen to “fix my levels” and naturally, I trusted this doctor. I was being told something was wrong with me that needed to be changed, despite feeling fine. I was happy to be on birth control so I very much did not look into anything with more depth, not that I could really. I wouldn’t have known where to start. 

The last 6 years of my life have honestly been some of the hardest on me physically. My health has been progressively getting worse and finding a stable place has been really hard. I’m not there yet, not even close, but I’m closer than I have been for the last 6 years now. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome a few years ago, along with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. To summarise the relevant effects; EDS means I don’t produce as much collagen, causing thin skin and subluxations/dislocations in me, and MCAS means my mast cells, which control a whole lot of different reactions in the body, are hyperreactive. For me, that means I am hypersensitive to histamines/foods with histamines which causes allergies, inflammation, pain, throughout the body. Historically, this manifested in me mostly in my lungs for the most part but so many things have been added over time. 

Through all my time in online communities, I’ve learnt so much about my conditions. I’ve been utterly neglected since my diagnosis by the medical system so symptom management became my responsibility. I’ve learnt the ins and outs about the chemicals in my body, how different things feel, how it all interacts with me, and what I can be doing. I have learnt that oestrogen has an effect on your collagen. Whilst studies show that oestrogen can help collagen production, there is a significant amount of evidence that at elevated levels, subluxations/dislocations are more frequent. https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04055129

Fast forward to a few years ago, boom I’m trans and also in pain. So, 15th December 2022 I started HRT. I stopped the synthetic oestrogen immediately, started a progesterone only birth control, and began microdosing testosterone through testogel. The differences are truly mind blowing to me. Within a few days, my pain decreased significantly, my mind felt clearer like a veil had been lifted, my biologics (fortnightly injection for MCAS) work better, joints felt “tighter”. All I keep saying to myself is “I feel like I used to”. I’m back to who I was before being forced onto oestrogen. My subluxations/dislocations aren’t as frequent, though it’s harder to get joints back into place. My mental health is…different to say the least. I’m not like, no longer depressed but it’s changed from a confused and hazy depression to alert and aware. Trust me when I say for me, the latter is better. I no longer have painful orgasms, no longer have what felt like “too fast” orgasms that become painful spasms, I actually have my clitoris back which all but completely disappeared when I started the birth control back in the day. My skin everywhere just feels tighter, and whilst there’s barely any other visible changes (other than this tiny stache), I know those close to me can tell. Things are just a bit easier, just that little bit clearer. I’m not cured, I’m not able to get off meds or live my life very differently but to have this little bit of extra peace? It has literally saved my life. 

Where am I going with this? Not sure. Maybe something like, we know fuck all about hormones and people should be allowed to know about their own bodies a bit better than we currently do. I should have never gone through any of this. The last 8 years of this could’ve been avoided and there are things that I can't get back, nor repair. I am grieving and I am happy. I'm learning who I am again and it’s thrilling and stressful and awful and beautiful. 

#cw intersex trauma #cw medical trauma #cw non consensual medical treatment #testogel #hrt #hrt story #hrt testosterone #testostorone #intersex #intersex story #trans story #qtpoc #black intersex person #t gel #mcas #chronic illness #disability #eds #genital mention

[genderfuckyou]

Being intersex is crazy. Like i was put on hrt unknowingly in my late teens and had dysphoria bc of it for YEARS crazy. Like not a word of anything related to my chromosomes was said to me or my family from pre- birth beyond crazy. Like my family history with our intersex bodies was buried for DECADES crazy. Like my primary physician knew and didnt speak on it even when i got SUICIDAL crazy

#intersex #save for later #suicide mention #sui mention #medical trauma cw #personal vent #ok to reblog #gender dysphoria #dysphoria cw

[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Preview Image Description: A white person in a flannel shirt and jeans, sitting on a stone bench outside, looking at the viewer and smiling. ]

This article is a few years old, but it's a great perspective from an intersex adult, sociology professor Georgiann Davis.

#intersex #intersex positivity #medical abuse cw #medical trauma cw #intersex awareness day

[telumendils]

i really want to emphasize the fact that many of these recent bills aimed at denying trans minors gender-affirming care have special exceptions built in to allow for nonessential surgeries on intersex children. they want to make sure doctors can continue pressuring parents into putting their intersex kids through procedures that have no evidence of benefits and are well known to cause harm (cw on these articles for discussions of intersex medical abuse/trauma).

these bills are not designed to protect children, they're designed to eradicate sex and gender diversity. they want to force both trans and intersex people into their binary little boxes and it will do immense harm to both groups.

#bee.txt #trans #intersex #us politics #trans intersex solidarity #intersexism #transphobia

[ipso-faculty]

Proposing some intersex gender modality & transition terms

So there are a whole bunch of different ways that intersex people can be/identify as trans. I've been thinking about what names would be useful for articulating these differences and in this post I'll list what I've got so far. 🧑‍🔬

I'm hoping to get feedback on these, so if you have feedback let me know! 💛 I expect to edit this post, to incorporate feedback and further ideas.

CW: mention of IGM and forced HRT

Types of transitions

Distransition: a medical transition forced upon an intersex person, such as through IGM or forced HRT. Dis- to indicate the negative aspect of the transition being coercive, as well as to connote disability since this process is so frequently traumatic and/or disability-causing. In disability studies language it's a form of debility (disability caused through systemic violence).

Mistransition: a distransition (forced transition) that is not in alignment with a person's gender identity. Mis- to indicate the incorrectness of the alignment as well as to maintain a negative connotation because this is a coercive transition.

Entransition: a consensual transition done by an intersex person. Contrast to distransition. En- acts as an opposite to dis- and also to me indicates a level of intent (e.g. envision, enact, enliven). It also serves to indicate that transition is different for intersex bodies than for perisex bodies.

Retransition: an entransition done by an intersex person who previously had been distransitioned. I.e. when an intersex person does a second transition to undo, alter, or improve a forced transition. Re- to indicate a second transition, but also that it's a revision of the first one. EDIT #1: This term is not intersex exclusive, and may also be used by perisex trans people who have transitioned multiple times. EDIT #2: For an intersex-exclusive version, I suggest "re-entransition", combining re- and en-.

Retrotransition: a retransition that is done to undo the effects of forced transition. So an intersex person who, after being forced into a binary gender, then transitions their body towards a best approximation of what their body's natural state would have been without forced transition. Retro- for backwards to indicate undoing that is worth differentiating from detransitioning.

Laterotransition: a retransition done by an intersex person to a gender that is neither the gender externally imposed by a distransition nor what their body's "natural state" would be. For example, an AFAB AIS person who was coercively transitioned female, who then later transitioned male. Latero- as contrast to retro- (latero- is to the side, antero- is forward) as well as to indicate the turn away from the path set forth externally by parents/doctors.

Anterotransition: a retransition done by an intersex person that continues the direction set forth by previous forced transition. So additional transitioning done by somebody whose gender is in alignment with what was externally imposed. While this will probably be somebody's AGAB, it doesn't have to be - some times intersex people are forcibly transitioned to a different gender than their AGAB.

All of these transitions would have an analogous gender modality. So an entransgender person is somebody who has/is undergoing/intends to entransition. And a retrotransgender person likewise has/is undergoing/intends to retrotransition.

I see distransition and mistransition as potentially useful for intersex people talking about trauma and structural intersexism. I think entransition might be useful for talking about how being intersex and transitioning is frequently different than for perisex people, especially if it is a retransition. And perhaps distransition and anterotransition may be of use to exparium folks.

Personally: I was distransitioned as an adolescent and have recently started a process of medically retrotransitioning.

Feedback welcome! A list of revisions will go at the bottom of this post. Will make flags for terms once I feel satisfied with them.

Edits

2024-01-16: I've been informed by @chipbutbetter that retrans is already used by some perisex folks with complicated transition patterns, so I have edited to say this term should not be intersex exclusive. Thanks! 🏳️‍⚧️

2024-01-16: thought about an intersex-specific version of retransition and landed on "re-entransition". A little awkward but combines both retransition and entransition! Flexible on whether to include a hyphen (reentransition).

#intersex #intersex terminology #mogai #new mogai term #mogai requests #mogai coining #mogai review #cw: IGM #cw: forced transition #cw: forced hrt #tw: IGM #mogai peer review #actuallyintersex #actually intersex

[steddiemicrofic]

Steddie Microfic July 9th-16th Masterlist

Another week, another list of amazing submissions! Don't forget, you can absolutely post more than once as long as it is a totally new story.

If you've participated in the original submission already, and we've confirmed the word count and reblogged your post, feel free to participate in the bonus round, which is taking your original submission and cutting it down to 273 words without losing the gist of the story.

Please check under the cut for the masterlist of posts from July 9th-16th:

Special Treatment, V2.0 by @mrsjellymunson | Rated T | cw: feet (not heavily described), alcohol (mentioned in passing), suggestive language

allowance by @steddieas-shegoes | Rated G | no cw | tags: future fic, Steddie as dads

You Don't Swim by @thruheavenandhighwater | Rated G | cw: trauma from events in season 1 | tags: established relationship

untitled by @flowercrowngods | Rated G | no cw | tags: yearning (requited)

dead man's song by @sailors-ink | Rated T | cw: slightly creepy imagery

untitled by @tattooedbats | Rated T | cw: mention of scars

you're hot by @inairbinad | Rated T | no cw

My favorite sucker by @stardust-walker | Rated G | no cw

sippin' him like whiskey by @aliencamper | Rated E | cw: a/b/o dynamics, nipple and lactation kink, omega/omega pairing, intersex omegas, wet and messy

untitled by @laundrybiscuits | Rated G | cw: mild alcohol use, cussing

untitled by @izzy2210 | Rated M | cw: mention of scars

Fernando by @supervillainny | Rated T | no cw

untitled by @slavicviking | Rated G | cw: cursing, mentioned sunburn blistering

But what does it mean? by @zombiethingy | Rated T | no cw | tags: Eddie's hanky, pining, background Robin/Vicky

Take A Shot by @beenherewaytoolong | Rated G | cw: mentions of stitches and pain meds

Closer by @another-stranger-things-blog | Rated M | no cw

Slingin' by @vecnuthy | Rated G | cw: a little suggestive at the end

Deep End by @heartscoops | Rated G | cw: implied mild aquaphobia

Sink or Swim by @steddieasitgoes | Rated T | no cw

Skinny Dipping by @thruheavenandhighwater | Rated G | cw: suggestive themes at the end but no real spice

walking on sunshine by @cranberrymoons | Rated M | cw: drinking

#steddie #steddiemicroficjuly #steddiemicrofic #steve harrington #eddie munson #masterlist

[steddie-fanfic-recs]

what scares me the most

by Atleastwritingisfun

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson Characters: Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley, Argyle (Stranger Things), Jonathan Byers, The Party (Stranger Things), Corroded Coffin (Stranger Things) Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Eddie Munson Has Bad Parents, the exploration of bad parenting and wanting to be better than your own, and what it means to atone for sins that aren't yours, Pregnancy, Pack Dynamics, eddie and nancy friendship because they're important to me, stobin friendship-isms because they're also important to me, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, Alpha Eddie Munson, Omega Steve Harrington, Intersex Omegas, Alpha Nancy Wheeler, Omega Robin Buckley, Steve Harrington Has Head Trauma, Cunnilingus, Coming In Pants Words: 7,235 Chapters: 1/1

Summary

With a baby on the way, Eddie contemplates what that means for someone who didn't have the best example for a father and finds out he might not be fully alone in fearing his own capacity to be a parent. aka Snippets from Steve’s pregnancy about both of them having doubts about being a good parent cw: bad parenting award goes to the munsons and the harringtons, implied child neglect and abuse, anxiety around parenting and what that means DAY 6: Pregnancy/Pack Dynamics

#steddie #steddie fic rec #oneshot #5-10k #au omegaverse #hurt/comfort #alpha eddie #omega steve

[sapphic-horror]

SÉVERIN — HY / GORE — 19

a horror beyond your understanding <3

intro !!

my main pronouns are hy / gore but the full list can be found here; mutuals are welcome to use he / she; nh terms preferred! i'm a butch xenic transmasc sapphillean aro lesboy girlboy; i use more than just these terms but these identities are all very important to me i love horror in general, stardew valley, minecraft, analog horror/args, biology, forensic science, bones, & many other things

ask game here! (link)

byi !!

i use slurs i can reclaim positively, including other historic terms containing slurs. all reclaimed slurs will be tagged as '[letter] slur/word' or '[letter] slur/word reclaimed'. queer will not be tagged as a slur, DO NOT tag my posts as 'q slur' (you may tag them as other terms, just not as a slur)

i tag other triggers as '[trigger] tw' or '[content] cw'

i am autistic, have cluster b pds (borderline/antisocial), c-ptsd, did, & some other things i am not comfortable listing; i experience paranoia, dissociative amnesia, & low empathy— no pref. for singular or plural terms, DO NOT call us sysmates or headmates, i use i/we interchangeabley

disabled, chronic pain, & photosensitive— most flags should be eyestrain friendly but i make no guarantees; if something needs to be tagged as eyestrain lmk!

i id as alterhuman/non-human; i use nh terms as a way to cope with trauma & dehumanization

this isn't a syscourse blog, i reblog posts from both pro-endo & anti-endo blogs, DO NOT ASK ME MY OPINION ON SYSCOURSE

dni !!

basic dni criteria

terfs EXPLICITLY get blocked on sight

zionists, including neutrals

anti good faith labels; anti xenos or neos

demonize cluster b disorders (including npd & aspd), use the term 'narc abuse' (or similar terms), demonize people who experience psychosis, demonize people with osddid, or other heavily stigmatized disorders

anti-anti or proshipper

transx/transid (transspecies, chronosian, & folks with biid/bdd can interact) or 'radqueer' / pro/complex/neutral-contract harmful paraphilias (pedophilia, zoophilia, necrophilia, etc.)

heavy religious blogs (christian); personal comfort

i will. . .

good faith identities (lesboy, gaygirl, gaybian, etc.)

alt/new versions of flags

themed flags

extremely specific terms

xin (x-in-nature) terms

neurogenders

alterhuman/otherkin/therian/transspecies flags

terms relating to gore, horror, the undead, cannibalism, etc.

might do reclaimed transx/transid terms (i.e., transautistic meaning a trans person who's autistic)

if it's not on here, ask!

i won't. . .

tranx/transid terms (non-reclaimed)

nsfw/18+ or paraphilia terms

non-traumagenic terms

terms relating to slurs i don't/can't reclaim

flags for disorders I don't have or am public about having

flags exclusive to cultures I'm not apart of

intersex or tfem related flags (i'm perisex tmasc)

some religious terms

theme flags based on/of real people

extremely bright/neon flags (i.e., extreme eyestrain)

ANYONE (REGARDLESS OF IF YOU'RE ON MY DNI OR NOT) MAY USE MY FLAGS!

PLEASE CREDIT ME SOMEWHERE IF YOU USE MY FLAGS (VIA LINK, ALT TEXT, ETC.)

#queer #sapphillean #alterhuman #butch #girlboy #mogai blog #mogai coining #mogai safe #radinclus #radqueers dni

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

Let's talk about the MOGAI Community and Ableism.

(CW: discussion of ableism, bullying, use of slurs) For a community that claims to be "so inclusive", there's a lot of rampant ableism around it, isn't there? There's so much I want to talk about, but I just want to focus on three kinds in particular: -The unwillingness to tag/stop using ableist slurs and terms. -The unwillingness to make pages/spaces accessible. -Fakeclaiming. For starters, I noticed a huge amount of pushback whenever someone requests a slur to be tagged- especially when it comes to ableist slurs. Recently, I noticed a huge controversy around the word "freak", which, I will admit, I myself did not know the word was a slur. The word has been used against disabled people, especially those with deformities. And it's been used against other minorities too, such as intersex folks. I've had it used against me myself, primarily due to me having an overbite (which has since gotten better!), but it has also been used against me due to me showing traits of autism and me being a trauma survivor. However, back then, I thought of it as a regular insult. I even considered myself a "freak" myself (albeit in a more affectionate way). After hearing about it's history though, I see it differently. While having it used against me hurt then, hearing the history now makes it hurt even more. That being said, the fact that people are being so resistant and even rude about tagging one word is fucking astonishing. When someone asks you to tag something, YOU DO IT. It's not that hard. All it takes is some simple typing. On top of that, I've seen folks still use terms like "dumb", "stupid" (usually as an insult towards other people- and I'll admit I am guilty of this one), idiot (to an extent)- all of which have ableist history too. Same with the word "lame". All of it untagged. I don't know if it's because of unawareness or stubbornness (or both). Either way, it's incredibly concerning. On top of that, I've seen an issue with folks using the term "chronically online". Which is hurtful because, besides the fact it's a possible mockery of chronic illness, but because it ignores the fact many disabled people (and minorities in general) rely on social media for interaction- in fact it's probably the only way they can interact safely, too. Now with that out of the way, let's move onto the next issue: besides the issue with slurs, the amount of people that favor aesthetics over accessibility is fucking concerning too. At one point I saw a user get an ask that said, and I quote: "Accessibility ruins aesthetics". ...Like, what the genuine hell. If you seriously think accessibility is gonna ruin your aesthetic, maybe you shouldn't have an aesthetic or a tumblr blog at all. It's not extremely difficult to tag flashing images or eyestrain, it's not difficult to get rid of your fancy fonts, neon colors etc. It's (usually) not that fucking difficult to make a blog fucking accessible. Also, here's a small news flash: Your blog does not have to look pretty. It does not have to look cool. It does not have to be all sparkly or flashy just like everyone else's! *Gasp* Shocking! I know! Sometimes boring is just better (and safer). Okay but seriously though. A "boring looking blog" with a regular theme and regular text is better than a flashy blog and one that just looks "cool". (But if you really wanna make your blog look pretty, try finding one that looks more accessible! Or better yet, make your own!) Finally, we move onto our biggest issue: Fakeclaiming. It's actually equal parts ableism and equal parts anti-plural, but it's still a huge issue in MOGAI spaces, especially with the rise of "Anti-Endo MOGAI/"AEMOGAI" (the fuck is wrong with yall? /nbh) I've seen a *horrifying* amount of fakeclaimers in this community, especially towards systems (mainly towards endogenic systems, but also traumagenic systems too). I've seen people with DID, OSDD and other dissociative disorders get fakeclaimed, regardless of if they're endogenic or traumagenic.

Not just that. I've seen autistic folks get fakeclaimed, among others.

It's genuinely disgusting, and I could go into more detail on how that's bad, but I feel like the affects of fakeclaiming deserve their own post.

Seriously.

Whatever happened to being "all inclusive?" What happened to that?

Seriously. What happened?

#lets talk about stuff #fr slur #cw slurs #ableism #mogai #anti endo dni #mogai community #queer #fakeclaiming mention #fuck fakeclaimers #accessibility #tw swearing #just in case #no im not giving this a discourse tag this isnt discourse

[xxlovelynovaxx]

CW talk of privilege and bigotry, especially in the context of queer people. Putting it under a readmore, because I know several followers may not want to read this rn

Just thinking how a lot of people conflate

"unlearning the bigotry that runs deep in our society that nearly everybody is indoctrinated into is a lifelong process, and acknowledging your own privilege, bigoted views, and internalized bigotries against your own identity is similarly lifelong, especially as you gain new knowledge and words for and understandings of these things change"

with

"you have to spend your whole life atoning for any privilege you have and any bigotry you have internalized, ESPECIALLY if you move from a group viewed as privileged to one that is oppressed, despite having internalized the messages as someone who was always the oppressed identity, and the privilege we've decided you have is essentially a sin that you can never atone for"

and like, I know why that is. I know there are people that absolutely assign Privilege As Inherent Sinfulness to people on the basis of things like AGAB, gender, perceived proximity to whiteness (for both nonwhite people and jewish people), on and on.

But it's really important to divorce the concepts of privilege and internalized bigotry from the context of that trauma and bigotry, because when you don't, what you get is things like TMA/TME, gender essentialist trans people who say trans men/masc AMAB enbies have privilege over trans women/femme (especially afab) enbies respectively, the type of antisemitism that says white jewish people are just trying to escape privilege, the way mixed race people and white passing people of color struggle to find community or belonging...

Everyone internalizes the shittiness that our white supremacist, christo-fascist, colonialist, patriarchal, capitalist society (often violently) enforces that we learn. And yeah, there are people that have more responsibility than others to unpack and unlearn that shit. But there is no one that has no responsibility.

And it's not lifelong because you can't escape some intangible, ontological "Sin of Privilege", it's lifelong because our understanding changes and grows, we change and grow as people, as a society that way bigotry presents and the way it's taught and the way it's fought all change and we have to keep learning to stay ahead of the curve. Harm reduction is the goal, it's like fighting a cancer that keeps mutating so we have to keep updating our medicines and medical KNOWLEDGE to keep it from killing the most vulnerable parts of the body we call society.

It's not a sin to have privilege or to need to unlearn bigotry. It's also not a unique burden on any one person or group. I've seen both transfems uniquely expected to "unlearn male privilege" and transmascs uniquely expected to "become raging misogynists" because of bio/gender essentialism. Make no mistake, that is transmisogyny and transandrophobia.

To use an example using trans people, it's white trans people needing to unlearn racism and white supremacy, including the inherent gender essentialism, intersexism, and exorsexism that comes with it. There's more of a burden than trans people of color there. Or maybe it's goyim trans people needing to continuously learn what antisemitic dogwhistles have been put into play so they don't accidentally make neonazis feel safe and jewish people feel unsafe around them by sharing a meme.

But it's also cis people needing to unlearn the massive amounts of transphobia that are ingrained into every aspect of our society. It's cis and trans queer people alike needing to unlearn radical feminism's demonization of masculinity, especially queer masculinity, and not be butchphobic or homophobic. It's allo queers needing to unpack and reject enforcement of amatonormativity. It's queer people of all stripes needing to kill the cop in their head and stop policing labels and expression in their community.

All "it's lifelong" means is that bigotry is an insidious, adaptable beast, and we get to choose to keep learning how best to kill it. It may be a duty, but not in the sense that we're horrible harmful monsters if we don't constantly read theory and keep repenting. In the sense that we, ironically, have the privilege to just... listen to others, adjust our behavior where needed (whether that means stopping a harmful behavior or doing a helpful one more or stronger), and help other marginalized people in this fight. We get to help others, and there's a fierce joy I take in that.

Something I always say is "guilt is only useful for as long as it alerts you that your behavior may be harmful" (and guilt is not always rational, so analyzing if it's even right in the first place is important. My OCD likes to misuse guilt to fuck with me and I'm not about that). So holding on to and even outwardly performing guilt after that initial ping of awareness? Nah, say "thanks guilt, but I've got it from here".

And then go "what is it I can do?" Sometimes all that it is, is listening openly and actively and making sure you internalize what you hear. Sometimes it's taking action. Sometimes it's stopping an action. Sometimes it's sitting with discomfort. Sometimes it's unpacking stuff. Sometimes it's unlearning stuff. Sometimes it's asking "how does this apply to me differently?", as in "have I reapplied similar rhetoric elsewhere instead of purging the whole concept?" (as in the case of trans people sometimes needing to additionally unlearn gender essentialism or queer people needing to unlearn "masculinity bad").

And sometimes it's even nothing, because it's something you already did the work on or never needed to. All that really matters is asking yourself, as you're able to process it, and doing the work where it does apply.

I don't "have to" spend the rest of my life learning and unlearning, acknowledging where I have privilege and where I do not and where the answer is simply "it's complicated". But I do GET to. And I want to. I will hurt people in my life. That's just the human condition. But this is one way of lowering the chances of that happening. Maybe I wouldn't hurt any more people than otherwise even if I didn't do this, and that's great, but if there's a snowball's chance in hell of this causing meaningful harm reduction on my behalf, I'll take it.

I encourage anyone else to take that chance too, and to remember it's not a sentence we're carrying out, but just an opportunity to be a little better tomorrow than we were today.

#bigotry #privilege #transphobia

[axolotix]

re-introducing myself to tumblr dot com

i’m axol - an illustrator, musician, writer and editor. designated tag for the creations i conjure up: #axolotixsartworks

carrd . ko-fi

some stuff to know about me: i’m 19, a trans man (he/him), intersex, mixed (white + palawa/tasmanian aboriginal), bilingual (english and palawa kani) and disabled (autistic + intellectual disability + multiple mental illnesses). i’m also a father of two cats (bug + roofus) living in the seventh circle of hell (australia). * i don’t have a set dni system, minus basic criteria. anyone who is a decent person can interact with my original content. * my content is catered towards a mature audience (hence the "16+ recommended" text on my profile).

———————————————————————————

i’ll post and reblog a variety of things on here;

such as my artwork and music, media regarding my interests: (ie. vocal synth engines/databases - i am especially interested in vocaloid, ghost and pals, qualia automata by team 6x111, ena/dream bbq, older tech, web design), shitposts and experiences i relate to shared by individuals like me.

———————————————————————————

⚠ . content warning for most of my original posts . ⚠ the good majority my original work will portray an array of sensitive subjects and details: (ie. flickering/flashing lights, eyestrain/bright colours, volume warnings, childhood trauma, dissociative tendencies/unreality, delusions, blood/gore, non-sexual nudity). all sensitive contents will always be appropriately tagged - i use "cw subject" whenever tagging sensitive content.

#hi tumblr #axolotixsartworks

[mcytrauma]

― my body, me, and all the people in between

author - lightning_anon status - completed length - 5 chapters / 26.1k words dynamics - sand duo, sbi, wilbur & sally worldbuilding - foster au genre/tropes - hurt/comfort, angst / found family content warnings - self harm, medical trauma, near-death experiences, dysphoria, abandonment, feelings of betrayal, unplanned pregnancy, hypochondria, panic attacks, implied/referenced character death. police presence, grief, tics (briefly), bullying, ableism [check chapter notes for CWs] extra points - trans!intersex!wilbur, autistic!technoblade, adhd!tommy, autistic!ranboo, autistic!sally, trans!sally, autistic!fundy, trans!fundy

summary

Wilbur has never found it hard to describe himself. He's smart, funny, charming, anxious, prone to breakdowns, more than a little mentally ill, a brother, a son, scared, trying his best, proud of himself, intersex, trans, probably panicking.

Wilbur Soot's a lot of things. Sometimes he's not exactly sure how to put it into words.

But one thing is for sure, Wilbur Soot is in love.

-

Wilbur's encompass installment: a story of how we connect to others, ourselves, and our bodies.

thoughts - beautifully written!! this author just keeps one-upping themself! wilbur’s entire installment is hurt and healing and hurt and healing and it’s not too harsh in the hard spots and he just. lives his life despite things being hard, and it ‘s really wonderful to see. i really really like this installment, highly recommended.

#📖: my body me and all the people in between #💐: encompass #🌷: completed #🥀: 5+ chapters #🥀: 25k+ wc #🌺: wilbur centric #🌐: foster au #🌻: angst #🌻: hurt/comfort #🌼: healing #🌼: found family #☀️: good dad phil #☀️: adhd tommy #☀️: autistic ranboo #☀️: autistic technoblade #☀️: trans wilbur #☀️: intersex wilbur #☀️: trans sally #☀️: trans fundy #☀️: autistic fundy #🚫: cws in chapter notes #🚫: ableism #🚫: medical trauma #mcyt fic rec #dsmp fic rec #dream smp fic rec #wilbur fic rec #wilbur soot fic rec

[0mnimorphic]

wip intro [last edit: 07/03/2024]

MINORS / AGELESS / BOTS / 'PHOBES DNI

🌑 no designated name; call us 0mni if you must.

🌒 they/them pronouns as in nonbinary and plural. 🌟 if accessible, our pronouns page: [WIP]

🌓 25+ y.o alterhuman experiencing polymorphism since birth 🌠 (pun intended)

🌔 unsure if because of spiritual, psychological, or trauma reasons. 🌟 feels more intrinsic due to experiences prior to our trauma.

🌕 no definitive list of morphs, as they range across time and 'verse. 🌠 we use generalized/vague tags for this reason, see taglist below.

🌖 morphs also range per system member, indicated by an emoji. 🌟 non-specific example (without brackets and slash): (#/🌃)

🌗 currently, we aren't looking for those who knew us in another life. 🌠 due to various reasons, safety included; may change in the future.

🌘 otherwise, we are neurodivergent, disabled, mad, & survivors. 🌟 personal details will be omitted, but trauma may be mentioned.

DETAILS + BYF + DNI + TAGS BELOW:

⭐ Experiencing polymorphism since birth? Unsure of the reason?

your guess is as good as ours. we hope that, by having this blog, we will be able to finally figure out what these shifts indicate after all this time. until then, we don't fret over the details, and just enjoy our alterhuman and nonhuman experiences.

⭐ Switching between plural and singular language?

some of us feel more comfortable referring to ourselves as a collective, while others will use more personal language. this is for comfort reasons, as well as part of our self-acceptance plan.

⭐ Opinions on ___ following you?

as long as you're not on our dni, we (kindly) don't care and want nothing to do with any kind of fight or drama. we are only here for documentation and discovery, as well as pretty pictures and good feels. maybe a friend or two made, if possible and in the future.

⭐ Will you talk more about your plurality?

for safety and comfort reasons, no. apologies for the inconvenience.

BYF:

🌙 this blog is a massive wip by very nature.

🌙 there will be (tagged) trauma themes mentioned. 🌟 dehumanization, social & familial traumas, and death specifically.

🌙 there may be (tagged) suggest!ve & h0rny content mentioned. 🌟 tags pending; NO EXPLICIT NS.FW WILL EVER BE POSTED.

🌙 due to our disabilities, only common triggers are tagged. 🌟 tag examples: #trigger tw #trigger cw (best to blacklist both)

🌙 we are still relatively new to online communities.

🌙 we may get terminology wrong, and apologize in advance.

🌙 we do experience stress-related psychosis + avoidance behaviour. 🌟 for this reason, please let us know GENTLY if we messed up. 👁️‍🗨️ failure to do so will result in an immediate block for our safety.

DNI:

☀️ MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS

☀️ ANTIS, 'PHOBES, BIGOTS, TERFS, ZI0NISTS

☀️ RADQUEER, TRANSID & RELATED (uncomfy 4 trauma reasons)

☀️ DRAMA/CRINGE-FOCUSED BLOGS (incl. "shipping discourse")

☀️ FANDOM BLOGS (unless you're rbing to a secondary kin blog)

we block freely & without warning, and will do so if the vibes are off.

HATE MAIL/RBs WILL NOT BE MET WITH A RESPONSE.

DO INTERACT (AKA Safe Space For):

🌻 Trans women & femmes.

🌻 Intersex & GNC folks.

🌻 Good faith identities.

🌻 Alterhumans, nonhumans, otherkin, otherhearted, etc. 🌟 P-shifters, 'thropes, & species dysmorphic included!

🌻 Folks who experience neurodivergency, disability, personality disorders, madness, chronic illness, trauma, and other lived experiences that cause them to be discriminated against.

🌻 POC & indigenous peoples.

🌻 All underrepresented & disadvantaged communities.

please let us know GENTLY if ever we accidentally say/reblog something appropriative or offensive, so that we can apologize and delete it ASAP. we do our best to be vigilant and stay educated, but colonialism is insidious. it is never in our interest to spread bigotry, and we apologize in advance should this accidentally occur.

we also apologize if we accidentally follow/interact with you when we fall under your dni. we do what we can to double and triple check, but oopsies happen. feel free to block us in such an event.

GENERAL TAGSLIST: (WIP)

#/0mniposting - personal/blog posts

#/cosmic: celestial - space & paradise feels

#/cosmic: horror - abyssal & eldritch feels (horror tw)

#/cosmic: void - void feels

#/digital: affection - robot/android/computer feels

#/digital: infection - virus feels

#/digital: intelligence - ai feels

#/divine: love - yearning, obsession, & grief feels

#/divine: fallen - sacrilege, vice, and reclamation feels

#/divine: wrath - justice, vengeance, & justified rage feels

#/divine: wyldling - circle of life & the red hunt feels

#/paleo: claws - extinct sauropsid feels (dinos, birds, reptiles)

#/paleo: fangs - extinct synapsid feels (mammals)

#/paws: howls in the city - domestic canine feels

#/paws: howls in the desert - desert canine feels

#/paws: howls in the valley - tundra & taiga canine feels

#/paws: mustelid menagerie - self-explanatory feels

#/paws: snarls in the city - domestic feline feels

#/paws: snarls in the sand - desert feline feels

#/paws: snarls in the snow - tundra & taiga feline feels

#/the red hunt - hunting, ferality & gnashing teeth feels

#/the storm within - storms, seas, and subconscious feels

#/the stones below - ancient worship & primordial feels

#/the skies above - worldly disconnect & paradise feels

SPECIFIC TAGLISTS: (WIP)

#/🌿.tri - tw: substances, trauma, glitches, death & grief

#/🌃.lun - tw: death, themes of despair, suggestive themes

#/🍭.mar - tw: death, themes of loss and child death, violence

#/🦡.bli - tw: predation, violence, blood, animal death, grief

#/🦦.ynn - tw: implied relationship abuse, loss of freedom

#/🖥️.iki - tw: loss of freedom, violence, obsession & despair

#/🦉.ryk - tw: themes of loss and death, injustice, unreality

#/🐾.cat - tw: themes of loss and despair, grief, longing

#0mniposting #tag directory -> #cosmic: celestial #cosmic: horror #cosmic: void #digital: affection #digital: infection #digital: intelligence #divine: love #divine: fallen #divine: wrath #divine: wyldling #paleo: claws #paleo: fangs #paws: howls in the desert #paws: howls in the valley #paws: mustelid menagerie #paws: snarls in the sand #paws: snarls in the snow #the red hunt #the storm within #the stones below #the skies above #hope this isnt overkill for an info post but the paranoia and overexplaining is so real lol #paws: howls in the city #paws: snarls in the city #🌿.tri #🌃.lun #🍭.mar #🦡.bli

[rhetoricalsoapbox]

For Aurin, 🍝 🍸 and all the day to day food ones? 🥯 🥪 🍛

Ooo..

Putting a small cw for eating disorder discussion later on in the post. It'll come up with the second part of the ask, I'll mark it.

🍝 "what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?"

Aurin doesn't necessarily have a favorite food (which you'll understand with the rest of this post), but he absolutely adores the little things Malikye makes for him. He's particularly fond of sandwiches that Mal makes using tomatoes from his little garden.

----

🍸 "what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?"

Despite his other substance issues, alcohol is actually something Aurin stays away from! He doesn't like the ways he's felt both while drunk and after he's been hungover before. He feels much less in control of himself when he's drunk opposed to when he's been high or micro dosed LSD.

There's also a part of him that worries about the way he acts while drunk, and things that may happen to him when he's much more impaired or physically unaware. Trauma n' things.

---- cw from beginning of post, ed discussion ↓

🥯 🥪 🍛 what does your oc's typical breakfast/lunch/dinner look like? do they usually eat breakfast/lunch/dinner?

Aurin typically doesn't really eat much at all unless one of a few conditions is met:

Someone, such as Merriweather, is taking care of him and either helping him cook or is encouraging him to eat

He's under less stress or strain from his work and allows himself time for a break to eat

He's under less emotional stress

When Merriweather took care of Aurin and had him stay with her during Heartworm and the few chapters that followed, he ate more because Merriweather either cooked something or would bring him things and encourage him to eat. Heartworm and the chapters close after it were the height of emotional distress for Aurin after what happened to him, and that's the window of time when his eating disorder got worse.

Before any of his trauma stemming from Alcove or anything there, he still did struggle with eating but to a lesser extent. Usually it would just be because he "didn't feel like he needed to" or he'd become too involved in whatever he was working on and he'd either forget to eat or procrastinate over whether he should eat or not. He's been doing that since he was real young though.

Part of his emotional distress around eating is from his trauma shown in Heartworm, but part of it in general just has to do with still struggling to accept his body as it is. I've made it clear before but I'll say it again, the decade(s) his story is in aren't friendly to trans, genderqueer, or intersex folk, and his trauma surrounding a part of his identity he can't control has driven his eating disorder to become worse.

Both Merriweather and Malikye give Aurin a lot of love though, and Malikye honestly loves playing "housewife" for Aurin and cooking for him, so Aurin does have a support system there. But he doesn't (at least on his own) eat "regularly" to answer the question more directly.

If he's living on his own without Merriweather or Malikye helping him, he might only have a breakfast or lunch maybe two or three times in a week? And whatever he'd have wouldn't be much. He doesn't really even attempt dinner because of his work hours and how much time he puts in at the lab. Gonna throw out his poor excuse of a "sleep schedule" for now.

With Malikye with him, he always has something for breakfast even if it's just a little thing. Mal likes having a lil morning routine with Aurin bringing him breakfasts in bed or surprising him in the kitchen with stuff :] Lunch depends on how Aurin's feeling since his body gets weird if he's in a "normal schedule" of eating, but he'll still always have something.

And going back to what I said at the start, Aurin doesn't really have a favorite food for any time of the day because of everything previously mentioned. He just feels really happy whenever Malikye makes him something or puts in an effort to help him even make something on his own. Aurin's favorite things are whatever Mal makes.

#writing #bloodstained suits #Malikye bloodstained suits #Aurin bloodstained suits #oc asks #my poor boy

[everythingissomewhatrepaired]

Here's a comic about a creepy doctor. thanks as ever to the glorious patrons. If you're interested in supporting the comics and my other art practices, pat reon dot com slash tomor judy.

here is a text for accessibility: Everything is somewhat Repaired: The Urologist cw: Horrible doctor, Ru Paul, Slenderman, genitals

Health insurance wanted a written report on my junk before they would sign off on face hair removal. Sounds unrelated? yes, it is. It's so they can financially discriminate against intersex people.

So I went to see a jolly gay german urologist doctor man. He kept referring to my body parts as being male. He was wrong, but i bit my tongue. FYI I have a biologically female prostate and it's completely adorable. (here played by the insufferable Max Showalter)

When I lifted my dress and pulled my underwear down I was already not trusting this dude. He started making weird hand gestures, he couldn't remember the english word. Eventually I  figured it was "Why don't you tuck?"

I was taken aback for several reasons: 1. It's none of his damned business and has nothing to do with the examination I came for.  Making this nosy at best and sexual harassment at worst.

2. I was wearing a loose summer dress.

3. girls with crotch bulges are cute and I'm not in the least ashamed to occasionally be one.

4. people need to stop thinking they are learning about trans people when all they are doing is watching drag race, a franchise owned and operated by a notorious transphobe. (fun fact: under studio lighting slenderman looks uncannily like ru paul.)

At the time I muttered something inoffensive, let him touch me, and tried to get out of that office with as little delay as possible. I saved my email reply for after the health insurance signed off on my treatment and I knew I wouldn't have to go back.

Hi

Thanks so much for the report, and for the appointment that was much less intrusive than I was fearing.

Just to let you know, in case you have appointments with any trans women in the future, there were a few things you said that could have been phrased differently.

On several occasions you referred to me having male body parts. I have a female penis, female prostate etc. I am a biological woman, not a fake or synthetic woman. My biological body has a biological penis, it's a woman's penis. Easy! I don't have a lot of genital dysphoria, but for women who do, it can be extremely traumatic to be told that her genitals are in anyway male.

Also, please don't ask women about tucking. It's not important to the examination and your curiosity about it could be considered rude at best, sexual harassment at worst. When you inquired with surprise as to why I don't tuck, it suggested you thought I should be ashamed of being a woman with a female penis. Luckily I'm not. But if you're seeing a woman who did have existing trauma around this, it could be really awful for her.

I hope this advice comes in useful for you.

Kind regards, Judy

#Comics #queer #Queer comics #Trans #Transgender #Trans comics #LGBT Comics #Urologist #Trans Health Care #Max Showalter #Tucking #harrassment #Elephant #Felix the Cat #Betty Boop #Ru Paul #Drag Race #Slenderman #Gender Dysphoria

[trans-axolotl]

cw/ medical trauma + genitalia. sorry if i use any words or refer to something incorrectly, im trying to learn!

so, im unsure if im.. allowed to claim myself as intersex. i was hoping that, being so involved with the community, you could help give insight.

i was raised as a girl. im an adult & trans. i had a "normal" female puberty, albeit a little early. a couple of years ago, my mom mentioned (while she was intoxicated) that as a baby i had [fused labia] that had to be "corrected" with estrogen cream + "a procedure". since then, ive noticed i have some numbing and scarring around my genitals.

hearing this was.. extremely traumatic for me. she described the way i cried. its taken a long time to process all of that + what it could mean. im scared to pull up medical records, both for if they say anything or dont.

im scared i might have an intersex condition that is either undiagnosed/not recorded, and could be affecting my already poor health without my knowledge; or that i was born intersex and it was taken from me, and that i dont live with or have any evidence left in my body to prove that; or that im simply not intersex, and im obsessed with this train of thought and just *wish* to be intersex as some kind of dysphoric internalized -phobic trans-affirmation that im not a girl.

sorry if this is kind of heavy, i dont really have anywhere to talk about this and have been struggling with it on my own for a while. if you have any advice or insight id appreciate it 💜

hey anon 💜💜💜

I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you as a baby, and I can understand how upsetting and traumatic it would be just to learn about it now. whatever space you need to take for anger, grief, fear—you deserve to have time to process this information and your feelings. And you deserve to have support while going through this.

This sounds like an incredibly difficult way to find out the possibility that you might be intersex. While I can’t tell you anything for certain, I can tell you that the things you are describing are things that I have heard from many other intersex people. Your experiences do sound a lot like you might be intersex. Things like surgery, scarring, vague explanations—those are things a lot of intersex people have experienced. And I want to say that it doesn’t sound like you obsessed with being intersex for a weird reason or anything like that. I think your reaction to learning about your surgery at birth makes a lot of sense, and you are not being weird or intrusive towards the intersex community at all. Most of all, I want to say that it’s okay for you to reach out to intersex community and participate in these spaces without you knowing for certain whether or not you are intersex. The process of intersex discovery can be complicated and painful, and you don’t need to go through it alone. Your experiences you’re describing here are ones that a lot of intersex people can resonate with and help you get through them, and can help you with things like next steps or medical records if that’s what you want to do.

I can understand why it would be scary either way to discover for certain whether you’re intersex or not. And I can understand why it would maybe feel intimidating or complicated to be approaching intersex spaces or talking about the possibility of being intersex. But it is absolutely okay for you to reach out, to talk about your experiences, and to use the label intersex when you think it’s relevant. Feel free to send asks or dm me whenever you want. I am also totally happy to send you an invite link to an intersex discord that would welcome you if you send me a message off anon.

I’m so sorry for everything that’s been taken from you and for what you’re going through right now. You are not alone in this. I truly wish you the best 💜💜💜

Intersex followers, if you want to add on any words of comfort or advice for anon, please do!

#asks #intersex surgery tw #igm tw #anon I’m hoping you have a good night <3 #medical trauma tw