#interpretation of what they'd actually use. and also the closest to what they'd most (< for lack of better words) agree with

[flockrest]

hey what are your pronouns

funny you should ask!

transcripts, from top ("[actually answers]") to bottom ("why. what are you saying about me"):

penn: has been referred to with a BUNCH of non-rito pronouns in his travels around and beyond hyrule. finds he prefers he/him or they/them in hylian. masc-presenting

tulin: defaults to he/him, but won't explicitly say anything if assumed otherwise. masc-presenting

molli: can't be super manipulative cutesy with these pronouns :( she/her but will give you "i (hatchling)" at first if asked. fem-presenting

kido: does not care! defaults to he/him for ease of reference but really, it's any/any. masc-presenting

dineli: "what should we call you" -> "my name??? (or elder.)" labelled he/him and shrugged about it. masc-presenting

revali: he/him only (and not in a cis way). masc-presenting

#quillheel #* roosting / ooc. #wow thank you for this question i definitely did not ask to have sent in #asfjdlksg no but really thank you captain!! <3 #i have yet to figure out a way to satisfactorily describe the ri.tos' view on gender (as interpreted by me) #because what they have ingame is like uhhhh i'm Not Here For Those Implications. Sorry! #BUT i need y'all to know i only use the pronouns i use for my birdies when writing because it is the simplest and easiest #interpretation of what they'd actually use. and also the closest to what they'd most (< for lack of better words) agree with #even rev.ali who i use 'not [...] cis' with is like....that's not the term they'd use but it's about the same concept slkfjld #the kinship terms system is my best worded post on the topic so you'll have to excuse me for plugging it again! #* arrowhead / study. #* plumule / study. #* powder down / study. #* field notes / study. #* wisps / study. #* vanes / study.

[butchdykekondraki]

ik you don't speak toki pona (i think) but choosing headnouns for characters is actually so cool . in toki pona there are proper adjectives instead of proper nouns since a name is taken to be modifying a noun so instead of Alex you'd have jan Alex so a person that is some way 'alex' or modified to be that way, for example in pu there's meli Sonko as in a woman from china but now the most common interpretation would be a woman named Sonko

so most use jan as in person but you can also use like soweli (mammal), akesi (reptile), kasi (plant), waso (bird), meli/mije/tonsi (woman/man/enby), so basically all animal words + m/m/t + ilo/ijo (tool/object respectively) also i have heard some systems use kulupu but idk since i have a browser extension which makes everyone's headnoun on discord soko (mushroom). o soko e nimi ale!!!!!!!!!!!! even people who don't have a headnoun in their username. anyway i think making a toki pona version of your character's name is a cool and fun exercise

also also you can see whether or not they'd tokiponize their name or keep it the same, ALSO ALSO ALSO you can choose which words they'd use to symbolize themself in their sitelen pona cartouche (i'm sure there's an article on this - okay figured it out so you have a different glyph for each letter of your name (not syllable as i thought although there is nasin sitelen kalama which is a different system to this) so i could be . give me a second to tokiponize my name

Toki (twiggy -> no consonant clusters so tiggy -> y is a vowel, reason i kept it, it sounds like i so tigi -> remove g bc in toki pona there is no g, closest to k so tiki -> change i to o bc i feel like it -> toki) so i could use like toki + open + kule + ilo or anything else) and this is another cool exercise because it's like what do they think their most important aspects r

AUGH THIS IS SO COOL OH MY GOD????? :-000

#[ren] #oh im so fucking enraptured abt rhis #do u perhaps. know any sources for learning toki pona. #<- cant promise ill retain most of it but ill certainly try ^_^

[sapphim]

so as for the timing of the deep roads expedition, as a follow-up to this post

before they embark, bartrand says "It'll take a week for us to get to the depth we need."

also, once they find the primeval thaig, and varric asks "How did you even know it was here?" bartrand replies "Old scavenger tales. After the Third Blight. A week below the surface, they said, but nobody believed them... Looks like they were right."

so that's pretty conclusive. at minimum, best-case scenario, they'd be expecting at least a two week round trip. Unnamed expedition hirelings on the surface also comment "Two weeks in the Deep Roads? How bad could it be?" and "A few weeks in the Deep Roads won't be that bad, right?"

note that we know that they did have to find at least one detour before they arrived at the primeval thaig, and we don't know what their actual travel time ended up being, just that the thaig seems to be around where they were expecting it to be.

now! bartrand barricades hawke and co into the thaig, and they have to take another, extended detour to find another way out. we don't know how much actual time this detour takes, but it eventually leads to another cutscene

Varric: Hmm. I'd say this is our way back. Hawke: How long to get back? Varric: If we're unlucky, maybe a week. Hawke: And if we're lucky? Varric: We stumble over Bartrand's corpse on the way.

after a time skip, if bethany or carver are in the party, we have this exchange

Hawke: This part of the Deep Roads looks familiar. Varric: We're back where we started, and in only five days. Not bad, eh?

these are less straightforward to interpret than earlier statements, but here's how I see it: when varric says "our way back," and later "back where we started," he's referring to the entrance to the thaig, before they got barricaded in. otherwise, surely they would have been retracing familiar ground before that point, and "back where we started," would imply the surface, as would have varric's "maybe a week" estimate, no?

"back where we started, and in only five days," is also unclear. did the entire detour take five days? or is it five days from the previous cutscene? I lean toward the latter interpretation, as otherwise how would varric have come up with his pessimistic "maybe a week" estimate, unless they'd had to detour an equivalent distance out of their way already? so I think the full detour must have taken longer than five days.

most optimistic best-case scenario, they were in the deep roads for aboooout 20 days total. realistically, it definitely would have been longer. also, if a sibling is taken to the wardens, that adds an additional detour of unknown length. although since the wardens presumably would have come in through the same entrance (anders' stolen warden maps reveal, as bartrand remarks, "Three... four entrances into the Deep Roads, all in the Free Marches," which is not high density), they may not have been far out of the way. and then speaking of the entrance, you also have to factor in travel time to and from kirkwall, since we don't know where it's located. bartrand says of selecting the entrance, "We just pick the most promising one and go!" which does not necessarily imply it be the closest.

#my FAVORITE thing about the deep roads that REALLY doesn't come across in gameplay is that you head in #and then nobody sees nor hears hide nor hair from you for like a MONTH #DELIGHTful #hawkeposting #canonical texts

[nothorses]

How do you differentiate, between atheist, agnostic, and anti-thiest? I've been reading your past posts about atheism, and I found it interesting how you defined atheism as an active belief in no higher power (might be misspeaking, please correct me if I am). I would call myself an atheist, but my atheism is not an "active" one - the label I find closest to what I am would be an agnostic atheist, where I can't say if there's any higher powers or not, but I live my life as if there aren't/don't ascribe or follow any particular religious guidelines. Would you consider this different from your atheism or idea of atheism? Why do you consider atheism an active belief versus a passive one (given that we're born without any beliefs in higher powers and pick that up later as part of how we're raised or choose to believe)? Sorry this ask got so long but I am very curious about your thoughts, I haven't read or had a discussion on atheism in ages.

There are a couple of asks in this ask, I'm gonna try to get into them individually if that's cool!

1. "How do you differentiate, between atheist, agnostic, and anti-thiest?"

Short answer: I don't! (With the exception of "anti-theist", which is a much more defined ideological position, i.e., being actively opposed to theism.)

Long answer: I think there is a difference between commonly-understood definitions of identities and related labels, and personal use of said labels. "Queer" is a great example: it's a super useful catch-all in academic and broad-discussion contexts, but it has a lot of (often conflicting) definitions. Lots of the people you're referring to in those contexts don't identify with that word at all, even if they fit the definition you have in mind to a T. Sometimes, you'll also be using the word to describe some, but not all of the people who could be described by it- and sometimes, people you wouldn't typically include in the word are included in it anyway just based on the way you're using it.

I think "atheism" works a similar way. There are a few commonly-understood definitions, but even those are very context-dependent; what I mean when I say "atheist" in a conversation about my specific experiences with atheism and how it has shaped my life/values is very different from what an evangelical Christian means when they say "atheist". And both of those are very different from what someone in a completely different, non-Christian-dominant country means when they say "atheist".

Lots of people interpret or use the word differently, and that's fine! Lots of people do or don't identify in ways that contradict use of the word in academic or broader discussions, and that's also fine! It's okay if terms are flexible and vague; like "queer", that can actually make them much more useful than they'd be otherwise.

Which brings us to:

2. Why do you consider atheism an active belief versus a passive one?

I think the "active" vs. "passive" differentiation is actually kind of counter to what I'm getting at when I talk about this.

I think people tend to conceptualize atheism as a "lack of belief" because "atheism" is usually understood to mean "lack of belief in a higher power"; which is (broadly, not always) true. But the conclusion they reach from this point is "so atheism does not, and cannot produce any unique or original ideas".

That is what I'm arguing against.

The piece I see missing from "cultural Christianity" discourse is, imo, that people see atheism as a kind of "blank slate" state. The idea is that atheism is a Lack of something; it's a Void. It's Nothing. Therefore, other things (Christianity) will naturally fill that void. Unless you actively fill it with a different (religion-originated) belief system, you will just naturally "default" to whatever is most dominant in your surrounding culture (Christianity).

But that's not really true! Everything you believe or don't believe about the world influences the way you think about it, how you form your values, the rest of your beliefs... etc. Religions often have a set of values and an internal logic because when you believe one thing, there are lots of other things that necessarily follow from, and support, that one belief. It's just not that simple!

I talk about it more here, but atheism has influenced my own beliefs and values a lot.

I grew up atheist, raised by atheists, who were also raised by atheists. I grew up in a culture where a lot of things were taken for granted that I did not have any reason to believe, and because I had no reason to believe them, I questioned them. I interrogated my own ideas about the world constantly, from a very young age. And from that, I developed an internal set of beliefs and an understanding of the world around me.

I came up with my own answers to questions like, "what is the meaning of life?" and, "what is our purpose?" and, "how should we treat each other?" and, "why should we treat each other that way?".

All of those answers were based in atheism, even if I wasn't really thinking of it that way at the time. All of those answers stemmed from the core understanding that there was nothing, and nobody, to give life meaning, purpose, or rules for me.

It might be technically a "lack of belief" (in a higher power) (depending on context and who you ask), but like... it's not a void. It's not nothingness, it's not emptiness, it's not a lack of purpose, value, morality, ethics, kindness, and unique, original thoughts about the world.

This one idea creates other ideas, because that's how these things work. It's unavoidable. The idea that all of these things must come from religion- and simply do not exist without it- is frankly dehumanizing. Not to mention very culturally Christian, ironically.

#cultural christianity #atheism

[giantchasm]

A while back I drew my headcanons for various Mirror World versions of different Kirby characters that don't canonically have counterparts, and I figured I may as well finally post them.

Like I said in my recent Kirby species headcanons post, I interpret Mirror Worlders as embodying whatever a person dislikes most about themself. It doesn't have to be objectively considered a flaw. As long as they're insecure over it in some way, their Mirror World counterpart has that trait but amplified.

As such, Shadow Bandee is a coward. Whereas the actual Bandee feels afraid a lot but has the bravery to overcome it, he runs from just about every potential fight. Poor thing doesn't even have a bandana, perhaps representing Bandee's fears of being seen as unremarkable or just an average Dee.

Shadow Susie is an literal wreck. The real Susie resents both her feelings and her mortal flesh, and so her Mirror World counterpart is an angry, weepy, needy and extremely emotional loser who both consistently acts out and was never mechanized like she was.

Shadow Susie also managed to kill her version of her dad. Whether that represents deep regret on the actual Susie's part or mere inevitability is hard to tell.

Dark Magolor is effectively a caricature of who Magolor was in Return to Dreamland, which is to say a conniving manipulator with no heart. He's pretty much always scheming and has no real care for anyone around him. He's everything that Magolor is terrified he was and is terrified of being again. Strange to think that someone who seems so unbothered by his evil deeds on the surface is haunted by them in actuality.

Gooey, for a long time, didn't have too many insecurities. He generally has a healthy view on life and a lax demeanor. But the confrontation with Void in Star Allies reopened a lot of old wounds for him. He thinks... more than anything he's just afraid of being a mindless monster like the rest of his kind, and so that's what Dark Gooey is.

Dark Joronia once upon a time represented the judgemental nature, stubbornness and vanity of a ruler who looked down upon almost everyone at least a little, even her closest friend. But it seems she no longer exists. In fact... if you were to ask anyone in the Mirror World about her, they'd say earnestly to your face they have no idea who you're talking about. There never was a Shadow Sectonia, was there?

Seems whatever curse was laid on the actual Sectonia destroyed her in the process as well. Perhaps her life is what was used to corrupt Sectonia in the first place. Either way, now nobody even remembers her.

Then Dark Marx is just some guy. Idk what to say. Everyone else is over here being fucked up and killing people and he just wants to grill for god's sake because the actual Marx prides himself on being a loud insufferable asshole and secretly has a fear of coming across as ordinary.

...They're a wacky bunch. I'd love to design/come up with ideas for mirror versions of the rest of the Kirby cast at some point.

#kirby #kirby of the stars #hoshi no kirby #hoshi no kaabii #flashing #glitch effect #(only slightly. but i figured i'd tag it anyways) #sack’s kirbyverse

[twistyprefect]

Could I request Pillow fight headcanons for Scarabia, Ignihyde and Fish Mafia? ♡

(what are you talking about, I totally know how to spell octivinelllele without googling it first, pshh...)

{listen...you'd be surprised how many spelling mistakes i constantly make slhgbaelrbgel- i interpreted this as like a ~group exercise~ so i hope that's ok lshgblereth}

Octavinelle

None of them have ever had a pillow fight before; merpeople use different pillows from land dwellers, after all

so when MC invited them over for a sleepover and asked them to each bring a pillow they don't mind being destroyed, they were very confused

Floyd gets the most excited to play, immediately smacking Jade with a pillow

Jade gets into it immediately after, making sure to keep a tight grip on his pillow

Azul takes his glasses off and places them to the side before dramatically cracking his knuckles before he joins in

by the end of the fight, there's pillow stuffing everywhere and four laughing, smiling students sitting in the middle of the 'battlefield'

Azul offers to replace MC's pillow if they'd like, but also tells the twins to fuck off when they ask for new pillows too

Scarabia

Kalim is incredibly hyped for their upcoming sleepover, even more so when MC mentions a pillow fight

the two of them are horrified when Jamil asks what a pillow fight actually entails

he vaguely knows what they are, and has had to clean up after them

MC immediately agrees to team up with him against Kalim, who whines about it being unfair

still, Kalim is laughing and grinning the entire time as his two closest friends absolutely beat the shit out of him with pillows

by the end of the night, the three are exhausted and laughing, with MC ensuring that Jamil doesn't have to clean up

Ignihyde

Idia is a bit nervous when his closet friend asked to have a sleepover of some kind

Ortho is incredibly excited since he's never gotten to have a sleepover before

he and Idia offer to host, surprised when MC shows up with several pillows

they explained they wanted to have a pillow fight with the two of the, offering their pillows

Ortho immediately bonks Idia with it, grinning and exclaiming how hyped he was

Idia gets into it after a bit, treating it more like one of his video games than anything else

they managed to fight for a bit without anyone getting hurt, MC thanking Idia for loosening up a bit to play a sillier game with them and Ortho

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #twst scenarios #twst x you #twst headcanons #headcanons #twisted wonderland #twst imagines #octavinelle headcanons #octavinelle x reader #scarabia headcanons #scarabia x reader #ignihyde headcanons #ignihyde x reader #platonic headcanons #platonic

[beepboop358]

You know, my main problem or concern with the fact that the cast keeps praising the 4th season that much and saying it's gonna be the best one is that at least one fandom , since they'd obviously all get their hopes up , will end up being heavily disappointed and I don't want this particular fandom to be us Byler and/or Will Byers truthers.

I'm just worried that they're talking to those who are part of a hyped and popular fandom, just like the mi/even one. Like: "it's gonna be the best season. You will love it cos there's gonna be so much fan service and we don't wanna lose you so we do the things you expect of us and would like to see in the show..."

We are just a small fan community after all. I'm aware that the Duffers expressed how they wanna do their own thing whether the watchers will like it or not, which would be awesome, but you know, in the end it's money that makes the world go round.

hello anon!

I can totally understand where you're coming from with this concern, We unfortunately are a smaller group of the entire fandom, so worrying that when the cast says it's the best season yet, etc. etc. is panning to the mass audience and not our smaller part of the larger fandom and total audience, is reasonable. I have worried about this too before, that the Duffers will be under extreme pressure from Netflix execs to sacrifice quality & original plans for views, but since they don't seem to be pressuring them to pander to hetero-normativity with Mike & El, I don't think this is going to come into play... ALSO, not pandering to Mike & El, and moving forward with byler, is probably going to benefit them in the long run. Think of the headlines there will be praising them for telling Mike & Will's story, about how great it is there is a gay teen romance in the 80's during the AIDS crisis in a mainstream piece of media... I mean, talk about a smart marketing move. EVERYONE will be talking about it. And ultimately, the hardcore toxic Mike & El Stans are also a small group of people, they're just really loud about how they feel. Most people who watch the show are adults who don't care what relationships the kids are in, that's not why they or most viewers watch the show, so byler or Mike & El being endgame won't make a difference in how they view and like the show.

I don't mean to gloat too much or seem to prideful or vain, but our little group of byler truthers and Will byers has powers truthers, and all the other stuff we advocate for, seem to be some of the more evidence based interpretations of the show, that are actually the closest with what we see in the show. With that being said, again, we are a small group. But I think the Duffers are actually part of this group with us :)

You're right that ultimately most things come down to money. I also don't think anyone expected the show to get this big. But Netflix is doing better than ever right now, topping record after record, meaning they are *rolling in money* LOL. If Stranger Things fails, obviously it will be unfortunate for Netflix, but it won't destroy the company by any means. When s3 came out in 2019, it set Netflix records for the most households having watched it, but since then several other shows have topped it, making Netflix even more money, so they can afford to lose some, even if they don't want to LOL. In the industry sometimes people talk about the 8-1 ratio (it might be 7-1 I can't remember rn LOL), where you expect and budget for 8 films to "fail" and lose money, while one succeeds, making back the money for the other 8. So while Stranger Things may have been acting as that "one" that was making back the money before, because of Netflix's success with shows like Squid Games, Bridgerton, etc, and all their movies like Don't Look Up, ST doesn't critically need to be that "one" anymore, because now they have others to fill that spot. And that's not including product placements, most of st3 was paid for by product placements, so Netflix spent little money on it, but made a lot in return.

source

thanks for the ask! Hope you're well xx!

#byler #st4 #byeler #stranger things 4 #stranger things season 4 #stranger things

[mc-critical]

How do you think Şah Huban and Ibrahim's relationship really was? We've never been given insights about it and while I would have loved flashbacks, the way it is also fits well imo. Şah has an air of mystery around her, part of why I love her so, because I love unravelling ambiguous yet clear characters with hints but not insights to their backstory. I've always been drawn to them and Şah Huban is another one of them.

Personally, I can see why they would be drawn to each other at first. They are both shown as appreciative of art, very intelligent and pragmatic and have a similar personality, but in the long run I can't see them working as both prefer to be the dominant partner and Şah is very prideful and always maintains a power balance with those not from the family, whereas Ibrahim is quite insecure. They'd clash.

Even Hatice's reminder of his status hurt him so much that he started an affair with Nigar. According to him, it was a loss of innocence between them and for sure Hatice's innocence, purity, and nativity is what I think drew him to her, and I can see why. Among all the darkness of politics, power plays, his own insecurities and early loss of innocence, Hatice would have been the one ray of light to him..Their entire early interactions and love was so pure and free of darkness and I don't think he ever had that with Şah, who I don't think was ever innocent.

Şah also told Hürrem that Ibrahim is quite difficult to control and I thought that was maybe hinting at the past. It always seemed to me that she was the one who ended things with Ibrahim, judging by her and Ibrahim's interactions ( I really wish we had more of those ) and I have many theories why.

Also, my personal interpretation is that she did move on from Ibrahim and only had vestiges of her feelings for him, his memories to be more precise, left by the time we see her. Unlike many people, I don't think her unwillingness to be with Lütfi sexually or romantically has anything to do with Ibrahim. I just don't think she loves him or wants him and I can see why tbh. While he is a decent enough politician, he doesn't have much personality to be attracted to nor demeanor lmao. even the way he read her that piece of poetry was quite dry, and he is visibly much older than her.

What do you think?

{I also love Şah's character for much of the same reasons you do. Her lack of a backstory and more simplistic design that isn't put through a deconstruction for a character arc in the way Hatice's was during S02/3 bring us one of the most unique characters in the whole franchise. These aspects of her personality complement her motivation and I find her motivation to be the most fascinating element about her that makes for an interesting, contrasting duality in all her relationships. Revealing more backstory for her risks throwing all this out of the window, that's why I'm usually okay with that the show not delving deeper into her past.}

Still, in the case of Ibrahim, I agree that we could've seen a few more flashbacks. I feel Şah's distance and tiny resentment of Hatice stems from her previous feelings for Ibrahim and more flashbacks would put that distance and resentment into more context, which I don't think would harm her character all that much. It would actually help flesh out Şah's relationship with Hatice on a deeper level and that's always welcome for me, since I found their relationship to be the epitome of where Şah's character shines the most. All these delicious contrasts, the way her ambition goes with the care she has for the people she's closest to.... I love it! sorry for the blabbering

I also pretty much agree with your view on Şah and Ibrahim's relationship. They definetly wouldn't get on all that well - their ideals would clash right out of the gate and Şah isn't a person that would pull rank out of ignorance, it's not something she wants to detach from, no, she's living with her position and she's proud of it. Anytime Ibrahim would disagree with Şah, I feel she's going to pull rank instantly. And that's not something that Ibrahim would bear - Hatice did it one time and that one time was enough to make him doubt his whole relationship with her, I believe with Şah it's going to be an even more reccuring conflict and it's going to make things even worse.

I believe that in Manisa, in their past, Şah didn't have hopes for so long when it came to Ibrahim. Maybe she learned very quickly that he didn't have any feelings for her. Maybe Ibrahim didn't pay all that much attention to Şah and if she tried to give him subtle hints, he didn't catch on them at first. If Ibrahim and Hatice indeed had tiny crushes on each other that just hadn't had the chance to flourish yet in Manisa (as the flashback from E58 implied) and Şah became aware of this? All these factors could've contributed to Şah moving forward, along with her ambitious personality. Even her older self isn't a person who would fight what she views as a pointless battle (she didn't want to fight Mihrimah, she didn't get why Hürrem was such a problem at first, she could hold her part in the decisions SS made for Hatice off for so long) and her love for Hatice was apparently present even when they were kids (the whole horse situation), so these would be decent enough reasons for her to want to step out of it.

Her getting to know Ibrahim more personally after he could've gotten the hint is very likely, too. Her "he's difficult to control" line is definetly something to ruminate on: maybe she decided that they wouldn't get along despite of all, because yes, she would like to be on the more controlling side of the relationship. Not only is Ibrahim very insecure and wouldn't handle it when someone is pulling rank on him, this line could hint that a part of Ibrahim has had that ambitious side of him back in Manisa. Not as much in terms of power, but rather as in his sharp mind and dreams he had together with SS to conquer more than Alexander the Great and maybe Şah felt this aspect of his ambition whenever they've interacted. That means he could have exerted some amount of control in the relationship, and maybe Şah wouldn't be so okay. Both could be very dominating and that could very well show even earlier. There wouldn't be any innocence in their relationship, it would only result in clash of personalities and philosophies and probably both of them got aware of this. While with Hatice it was possible for both of them to get over their extremely idealistic delusions, because they both were able and willing to reason with one another deep down, you wouldn't get that with Şah. It's probable she would consider herself right and not realize what's wrong, especially in terms of pulling rank, because well, that's what the tradition and law stands on and for her, Ibrahim's only role is to fit the mold.

Yup, Şah definetly had some of her feelings for Ibrahim remaining, because that's what moved a lot of her conflict with Hatice. Maybe she felt some jealousy that Hatice succeeded to make this work and that could be also a part of why she wanted to stop Hatice from grieving and didn't tell her where Ibrahim's grave was, but on the other hand, she had accepted it to an extent, as seen by her reaction when she learned about the infidelity. One could argue that she got irritated because of her own feelings, but I feel she felt bad for Hatice, too, and was really surprised that he pulled something like this. Yet both circle back to her own feelings anyways. Another reason why I think she didn't get over her feelings for him completely is that (most of) what she does is driven by personal desire and attacks directed to her personal bonds and attachments. It's Hatice's suicide attempt that drove Şah to act against Hürrem, but it's also Ibrahim's death that made her at least think whether should she act, in my opinion, because of something so surprising happening to a personal attachment of hers, seemingly all of the sudden. (in E84, she also said in front of Ibrahim's grave that she wouldn't let his blood stay on the ground) Şah's actions are driven by feelings more than anything else, but she tries her best to mask these feelings and only use them as fuel to her more pragmatic plans, if that means letting go of them or discarding them completely. She puts mind over emotion not because she doesn't have emotion or vulnerability or feelings lingering from the past, it's more because she considers pragmatism and careful planning the better, more effective way to achieve her goals. Just like the dynastic views and the elitism, it's something engrained in her she's proud of, but in the case of her feelings, when she's alone or with Hatice she can open herself a bit more. But because she has gotten over Ibrahim, she would never admit outright she has something for him in front of him or Lïtfi later.

I also don't think Ibrahim has ever had feelings for Şah to begin with. I don't think he forgot their experiences and memories completely (the "did your love turn into hate?" line) , but he has definitely left them behind him, even more than Şah herself.

While I think the love for another (Ibrahim) was a part of Şah's distaste for Lütfi, especially because the first hint of conflict between them, as far as I recall, was him sorta shading on Ibrahim in E82, it's definetly not the only factor. He just isn't a guy she could fall in love with, no matter how much he seemed to love her (more like tough love, but still), I'm sure she has gotten to know the more shadier aspects of his character, since they've lived together for so long. (even though the situation around the prostitute surprised her, since she hasn't ever seen such amount of disrespect, Şah may have seen other skeletons in his closet. He seemed to be very authoritarian in the relationship. She also said in E101 that the divorce was a long time coming and I don't think it all originated from the show, the situations there were simply the peak of previous issues.) It being a forced marriage made things even worse, no one would like a forced marriage. I actually admire Şah for keeping up with this marriage for so long and finding advantage in it, being as composed as possible. (when she is) Their daughter is most probably what kept them together all these years, on a personal level outside of Şah's ambition.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #sah sultan #ibrahim pasha #ask #illusorybeing #i know I detracted from the topic quite a bit more than usual here and I'm sorry #but Şah is just so interesting

[ageofevermore]

the full moon is coming videos here , here

other miscellaneous irl blurbs here

enjoy 6k+ words of me getting carried away, then abruptly ending this blurb

Emma was slightly uneasy, fueled with maternal anxieties as she sipped on a chilled water bottle. She had swiped it from Sprayberry's clutches minutes ago, and the poor boy had yet to realize it. They were all severely jet-lagged, hardly awake yet but managing with their ever growing excitement. Her hand was clutched in Ellery's, a grin on her face as the two of them chattered endlessly. They had caught the same flight over to France, but even spending so many hours in a confined space proved to do them no harm. Dylan had tuned them out hours ago, using the baby as an excuse to be distracted. Emma hadn't fought him much on that, thankful to have a few hours to herself while her best friend and Dylan fussed over the five month old.

To say that luxury was short lived was majorly overlooked. The minute they landed Dylan and Ellery were ushered off to another section of the airport, Emma and Logan being led to customs. The baby had been fussy for hours after that, and despite Logan tagging along to help out, nothing had calmed Everly besides her mothers attentive touch. Emma was officially running on four hours of sleep, and she wasn't sure how her eyelids even managed to stay open.

She had left Logan and Everly in the hotel room just a few blocks from the convention center earlier that morning, pre-ordering her friend a coffee as a gesture of thanks. Not every twenty-year-old jumped at the chance of taking a fifteen hour flight to France only to be a babysitter.

"Makeup did a good job." Ellery teased, laughing when Emma dug her fingertips into her sides, a taunting grin on her face that had them both in fits of delirious laughter. They pulled apart quickly after, rummaging through the pile of French candies and snacks.

When they got the two minute signal, both girls grabbed a handful of hard candy, letting it fall into their mouths without much care. Dylan had witnessed it occur, rolling his eyes at his sister and his best, maybe more then friend, friend.

They had a steady thing going since well before Everly's birth, but only after did Dylan truly prove he wasn't just in it for the chase. He had stayed over on nights when Emma had begged him to just go home and be a normal kid on her behalf. He had changed diapers at three in the morning, and sat through breastfeeding's at four without complaint. He had been her rock for months now, and steadily both of them were craving more.

"How are you late?" Emma asked Holland around a mouthful of pastel candy, "Isn't your hotel the closest?" Holland wrinkled her nose at the sight, painfully accustomed to Emma's delirious habits.

"We got lost." Holland exclaimed, "Took a left when we should have went straight, and then when we should have made a right we went straight."

Emma rolled her eyes, swallowing the mouthful of candy before bringing Holland in for a tight hug. She hadn't seen much of the redhead in recent months, being cooped up in her apartment with Dylan and occasionally her friends from back in Jersey. She was taking her time settling into the whole parenting routine, but she would never miss an opportunity for fan interaction.

When they were lined up to start heading out, Sprayberry had finally noticed Emma clutching his water bottle, the sharpie painted cap rubbing off on her fingertips as she fiddled with it. He snatched it back, taking a swig, before handing it back.

"Could've just asked." He teased.

"That wouldn't have been as fun. Besides, you're oblivious when your tired." Emma concluded, cheekily taking another sip of the water and finishing it off. She threw it out, having just enough time to smooth down her shirt before they were being called out on stage.

Ryan went out first, then Dylan, Ellery, Megan, Emma, Crystal, Holland, and Shelley. It was a line-up of one badass women after another, which didn't happen very often in the land of teen wolf conventions. The show wasn't totally male dominated, but the numbers were slightly uneven when it came to promotion.

Emma took her seat between Crystal and Megan, smiling widely at the two. Crystal gave her hands a few squeezes before dropping them and grabbing the water bottle given to her by a stagehand.

Emma pulled out her phone, sending Logan a text as the moderator asked Crystal, Megan, and Ellery about their experience and exposure to France. She was answered immediately with a picture of her munchkin. The bright blue eyes of her baby were slowly earning speckles of darker blue and brown, but her large gummy grin was still the same even behind a pacifier. Her tan onesie decorated with skin tone colored rainbows was undone at the bottom, a recent habit Everly was getting into.

Crystal had leaned over just in time to see the picture, cooing in Emma's ear as she typed out a response before putting her phone away, giving the fans her undivided attention. She looked up at Crystal with a grin, glad to be reunited with the girl.

It wasn't long before they were getting into fan questions, and the interpreter was listening intently. "She wants to know what you miss the most."

"The long hours of work. I miss that, seriously." Dylan exclaimed after a moment of his drawn out um, "I miss having purpose." He joked, Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes at him, although she did miss the long nights. Anytime you created relationships on set and then put them to the test during fraturdays or fifteen hour shoots was always exhilarating.

"People." Holland sang, "I think you miss the people, I miss JR and Ian acting like they're an old married couple." Holland paused when the crowd erupted into screams, a smile breaking her lips. "Right, you know what I'm taking about? I genuinely actually miss that."

Emma grinned, nodding her head at the many memories of JR and Ian's bickering.

"I miss school. During night shots, taking math tests at three in the morning. It sounds like absolute torture, and it was, many tears were shed in that room, but it was always unofficial crackhead shit. I think I gave Spray a concussion one time." Emma grinned, biting down on her bottom lip when laughter arose at her answer. Sprayberry didn't miss a beat though, having been waiting for this moment for at least three years.

It was nearly four in the morning during season six, the both of then were slowly finishing up their senior year, and through delirium they'd decided yoga would be a good idea. They had gotten half way through the first pose before Emma slipped off of his shoulders and the both of them tumbled to the ground. Jeff hadn't let them in the room together for nearly a month after that.

"You did! I was out of choreo for a week." He fed into the microphone.

"It wasn't a life threatening injury, you're fine." She rolled her eyes, before looking at the crowd who. The majority was teenage girls, and they were all collectively giggling at the banter. "He's fine."

Emma turned her head, sticking her tongue out at Sprayberry before she fell back in her seat laughing. Their dynamic had never changed, though being surrounded by old friends had brought out a spark that had been slowly fading with time and adulthood.

"Shelley, would you like to say something?" The moderator questioned, taking Shelley's elaborate hand gestures as her wanting to say something. Emma grinned at the shocked expression on her face before she covered it up.

"The people." She mused, "I miss the people, I miss catching up with them. I miss you guys." Shelley smiled earning cheers to go around the room.

Emma looked down at her phone, seeing the screen light up beneath her leg. From the way it was positioned she could see that it was Logan sending her pictures, she could only assume Everly was being a little shit and using her time away from Emma to meet new milestones.

"Hi, um, what was your favorite scene to film?" A fan asked. Emma had missed this, it hadn't been too long since she'd had this kind of exposure, but it wasn't as painfully frequent as it once was. Emma could never find a medium she liked, always bending more towards a side then a middle.

"My favorite scenes to film were also the worst scenes to film, whenever we had huge ensemble because they would take forever. But it was also fun because everyone was in the scene, so there was a lot of goofing off and having fun. But you would shoot certain scenes for weeks, it felt like, at least days, but your at least having fun with the same people, just like up here. We can all have fun when we're not being professional."

Dylan leaned over the look in his blue eyes gleaming as he knew his voice wouldn't be carried far into the audience because he didn't have a mic, "Do you know how to be professional?"

It was a joke from years ago, one that hadn't been brought up in at least a few months. Emma grinned leaning forward just the same, the glint in her eyes dangerous with energy, "I'll cut your balls off."

The both of them laughed as they leaned back. They weren't sure why that had been so funny, but filming season four had lead to it's creation one morning between Tuesday and Wednesday. Emma was pretty she had been nearly asleep with her head in Sprayberry's lap when he made the joke, and her groggy response had been a tad violent.

Megan was still laughing when she started explaining her answer, being handed a microphone from Holland so the audience could hear her. Crystal glanced over at Emma, sharing a meaningful look with the girl. She was always very put together during panels, the least likely of the cast to go off on wild rants of what happened behind the scenes.

"Yeah that being said, I love to do all my own stunts. Although, that being said, I don't do all my own stunts, my stunt double was amazing, but I kind of love being physical especially because most of those scenes are at night, so it wakes you up it makes you be very aware. But, yeah, those were my favorite scenes. The stunt work, and also, so this question comes up a lot and were asked a lot, and every single time that I'm asked I feel like my scenes always change, and I just thought about the scene in the pilot Holland with you and Emma, at the lacrosse game?" Crystal smiled, at the memory that resurfaced. The pilot was so long ago, filmed nearly nine years ago, but memories were still so vivid.

"Oh yeah." Holland grinned, Emma smiled at the memory.

"You were so brilliant in that scene." Crystal grinned, "But it was the first time that we got to hang out as like normal people. I don't know, it was a great scene with you guys." She grinned, making heart pumping motions with her hands when the crowd awed.

"During that scene about lacrosse I was just talking about getting fired before i had basically even been hired, like, i just hope i make it for a second season, you don't understand, you don't understand. So that's what we were -- that's what I was complaining to Crystal and Em about in the bleachers during that scene." Holland laughed, "But yeah that was a fun scene."

"It was cold too!" Emma added, "Holland and I were in mini skirts and booty shorts."

"It was so cold." Holland agreed, "And, this is a zinger, Atlanta hadn't had a lot of production at that point so there's certain tricks when your filming in cold weather to wear like under lays, and we didn't have those under layers. So we were so bitterly cold during our pilot." Holland looked over at Crystal who was nodding along to her story, a smile breaking her lips when another memory struck Holland, "And our trailer caught on fire, hair and makeup, so we had to get the hell out of dodge."

Shelley grabbed the microphone from Holland a blank gleam in her eyes, "Shit, I was listening to you guys I haven't been thinking. I really enjoy, I'll say since it's who I basically started working with, Dylan O'Brien--" The crowd went up into cheers at just the mention of his name and Emma grinned, "Yeah, that was really my first taste of Teen Wolf and he was just a great scene partner, and obviously we had so much fun, to much fun. I think we laughed, you know,  mostly when you're not supposed to. But you know, our scenes always turned out different then I think either of us expected, and there was always some cool, weird thing that would happen, I don't know." Shelley waved off her answer, clearly having initially pulled it from her ass with being on the spot.

"Ellery, Emma, do you have anything?" The moderator asked so she knew if she could begin translating what what already been said.

"I like the scene in Motel California with Ro, Posey," Emma stressed, she had referred to him as Ro, or Rosie multiple times before, but it wasn't an obvious give away that she was referring to Tyler and that often slipped her mind. "When Ellie says she loves him, that was a sweet moment. I don't know that's the only one I can remember, I blocked the first three seasons out and then season six was overrun with spiders."

Ellery had started talking before she was even offered a microphone, her soft voice picking up when Dylan shoved on into her hands. "We had to do a scene in my episode, where we were like fighting. We had to like, get in each others face, I don't think you got it, but it was like really funny."

"Like real life." Shelley interjected.

"Yeah. Exactly! Cause we don't really fight," Sprayberry shrugged his shoulders, and Ellery rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Maybe a little bit, maybe sometimes. It was fun though, cause we actually felt like real siblings."

Dylan grabbed the microphone from Ellery, his lips pinching upwards in a smirk. "We never feel like we're siblings unless we're on a TV show." Emma rolled his words, knowing full well that Dylan adored his little sister more then anything else in the world, although she had an itching suspicion that her baby was beginning to take Ellery's place. "Yeah that was fun because they let us improve a lot which was cool. Um, my favorite scenes are the easy ones. No, uh, the i fell in a hole scene is really popular, I guess. That's one of my favorite scenes that i did film because that started a whole new part of my character, and that opened up the comedic side of my character because before that I was just playing angry, and emotional all the time, and it got kind of tiring, and if by doing that it allowed people to see my character in a different light..."

Emma had tried to follow Spray's words, but she drifted off in thought when he phone buzzed again. Was it Everly? She was sure Logan would have called or gotten into contact with her PA for the day, but she couldn't help but worry. She had taken Everly all over, but never had they been separated in a foreign country. Mom guilt was beginning to eat her up inside, but she forced a smile onto he lips and took a peak down at her phone. She breathed out a sigh, seeing that it was just a picture of Everly, her hands and knees pressed to the floor as she mastered the art of crawling.

"If there had been a season seven, would you have wanted to be in it?" The moderator translated. It was a unanimous answer instantly, heads bobbing and yes's being mumbled into the microphones.

"Do you have any new projects?"

Dylan looked around, seeing that everyone was busy in their own little side conversation so he began to mumble before finding an answer, "Do you guys know Hulu?"

"Light as a feather!" A girl yelled from the audience, attempting to do an American accent but sounding overly southern. Emma giggled, pushing a few strands of hair from her eyes before looking over towards Dylan.

He went over what it was, looking between Ellery and Ryan every few words. He never was good at press, which made Emma wonder why he ranted and raved about it after every convention.

"Anybody else?"

Emma accepted the microphone from Shelley, "I have a movie called After out next year. That's all I can say."

The stage went silent once more, the remaining actors around Emma all either happily our of work or actively looking. "Anyone else have new projects they would like to talk about?"

"No." Shelley exclaimed, "We're retired."

The moderator began to translate when Emma pinched her eyebrows together, turning towards Megan with a small frown, "You have a project." She nudged her gently, her lips turning upwards into a smirk when Megan began to fiddle with her fingers.

Megan had collected a rainstorm of applause for her new gig on Charmed, and Emma smiled, poking at the girl with a taunting grin. Megan laughed and the two fell into each other, whispering about nonsense while the panel moderator directed attention to Shelley.

"Ryan just reminded me about a role I've been on hold for, um, but it's to play a former beauty queen and former addict, so fingers crossed."

"True life story." He mumbled into the mic, watching Shelley's cheeks heat up.

"Miss Teen USA 2004." Emma projected, grinning widely when Shelley flipped her off. That had been a constantly running joke between them for years, she couldn't help but break away into little giggles and grins.

"It's based on my life." She admitted, "I'm not a former addict though." Shelley mimicked downing a glass of alcohol and Emma laughed loudly, mumbling an apology as she giggled into her knees.  

The next question was about their preferred favorite season, and the audience had gone into a fit of sadness after Crystal answer 3b. Emma frowned as well, recalling the hardships they had all went through while filming and bringing to life such a traumatic event. Her own character, Ellie, had been a wreck for nearly an entire season to follow. It was an arc Emma loved playing out, having been in that position one to many times before facing the death of a multiple loved ones, but it had also put a pause on the independent women her character was becoming.

She had answered with season four, for that exact reasoning, and than handed the microphone off to Megan. She laughed when Megan answered with season 3b and 4, and then went on about how those seasons were the tipping point when the fandom hated her for taking Derek away.

Dylan grabbed the microphone from Ellery after she answered season 6b by default. "I swear to god, if you don't say season five!" She warned.

"I liked doing 6A and 6B." Emma gasped at his answer, leaning forward to grab at the the small multi-colored hard candies, pelting them towards him aggressively. They showered down on him and Ellery, and the latter of the pair laughed loudly.

Dylan threw the candy back at Emma, his smile wide and taunting as the girl flipped him off with a playful glare. "Why season six?" She demanded to know. "It was literally full of spiders."

DAY 2

Emma had gotten more sleep tonight, thankfully. She hadn't gone to the party with the rest of the cast, instead turning in for a quiet night in her hotel room with her baby and best friend. Logan had been more then happy to have Emma with her as the two of them watched Disney movies, hardly caring that although their excuse for watching children's movies was the baby in the room, Everly was more interested in her feet then she was Tinkerbell and Elsa.

She was in between Holland and Sprayberry for the group panel that morning, sipping on a Starbucks refresher while the moderator asked about the party. Logan had gotten up with Everly just before six thirty, surprising Emma with a few extra minutes of sleep and a refreshing wakeup call.

Dylan reached for the cup, eyeing the light pink liquid. He had ordered for Emma many times before, usually supplying the younger girl with a strawberry lemonade but her drink was evolving by the month it seemed. Emma rolled her eyes playfully, handing the cup to Dylan and watching as her quizfully took a sip. He scrunched his nose up at first, but went in for another gulp and decided it wasn't as bad as he initially thought.

When asked what their favorite line was, the answers were immediate without any need to think, "Deer." Shelley exclaimed.

"A girls gotta eat."

"I fell in a hole."

Emma couldn't help but giggle at the memory, grabbing the microphone from Dylan's hand, "Always." She turned to give the microphone to Holland, sending the redhead a wink considering that line was almost always directed towards her.

"What the hell is a Stiles."

"We protect those who cannot protect themselves."

Ellery's answer was lame, but in the blondes defense she had only made an appearance in one episode. Emma just grinned, to busy making weird faces at Dylan through her impressive fit of energy. She had slept great considering the three am feeding, as well as being in an entirely different country and a hotel bed.

The two of them weren't paying as much attention as they should've been, breaking out into grins when they finally pulled their attention from their moment of weird expressions to listen to the moderator.

Froy had answered the question first, not missing a beat when he lifted the microphone to his mouth and claimed that in his free time he liked to do auditions for other projects. Shelley praised his efforts, her and Emma sharing a mutual distaste for the audition process. Most actors hated auditioning, feeling unnatural and like a ridiculed prop, but it was a necessary evil most times. Emma was convinced there was no better news then when her agent calls and tells her about a role she would only have to chemistry read for.

"What we like to do?" Ryan asked, "I like to get drunk and play with cats." He easily shrugged at the answer and Emma had to hide her grin. She had witnessed a hungover Ryan playing with animals on many occasions, and the sight never failed to be adorable.

It was no shock to Emma when Ellery answered wrestling and Crystal answered cooking. It had been a few weeks since she'd managed to take the drive to Crystal's place, but almost every night she was sent a new recipe that she said she would try and almost never did. Crystal knew this of course, but she also knew although Emma lied through her teeth about commitment, she enjoyed the texts and thought of somebody having her on their mind.

"Reading, hiking, I like the outdoors, the mountains in particular. So, I'll do a lot of audio books when I hike, and I camp. I love camping, so that's usually where I am." Holland grinned before handing the microphone off to Emma.

"I love sleeping." She exclaimed, a goofy grin on her face at the idea. "Usually, I'm hanging out with my baby, or this goon. Sometimes I'll take a random dance class." She nudged a thumb at Dylan, the two of them practically roommates. It wasn't often that Emma spent the night alone with Everly, having to force Dylan back to his own house so there was at least a small reason for him to be paying monthly bills and utilities.

She handed the microphone to Dylan, smiling softly at him before taking another sip of her drink. The way Dylan was sitting looked either genius level comfortable or completely horrible for his joints. She wouldn't be surprise if in a few minutes he'd start complaining about his tailbone or his back, but for the moment he was completely spaced out thinking of an answer.

"Um, I like doing Muay Thai, and wrestling, and I like reading. And um, spending time with this goon." He returned the favor, his grin sheepish when he snapped his gaze to Emma who was playfully rolling her eyes and kicking at his leg with her vans covered foot. Neither one of them missed the way Shelley excitedly gasped at their answers. The pair couldn't go a day without Shelley asking if they'd made it official yet.

Emma was sure she wouldn't say no if Dylan asked, but the guilt of tying him down with a kid at twenty-years-old was a lot of process. She was still only nineteen, they had so much life to live.

Megan took the microphone from Dylan, "Exercising. I just got into yoga, I also just got into Barry's bootcamp which is some intense stuff, and I also just also, also just also, I'm really tired, um, I got into cooking as well, I got into hors d'oeuvres, just getting all into that. And yeah, auditioning. I hate it, but it's what I do in my free time."

"Lucky." Shelley exclaimed when she grabbed the microphone, Emma laughed, shaking her head at the girl. They'd spent many nights curled up on Shelley's bed, or in Emma's, just talking about what the future held for them creatively. It wasn't like their opportunities were limited, rather the work offered way dry. It was either to far fetched from themselves, to boringly similar, or a role to close to one they'd played before. "I love to dance, and uh, I mean, Spanish, duolingo my app."

Emma and Dylan were once again in their own world. They were energized on sleep, Dylan getting an extra boost from the coffee he sipped tenderly. Emma had never really gotten into drinking it, though Holland had tried on multiple occasions to pass her an americano while on set. Kicking at him a little to hard, Emma flinched when she missed his leg and instead rammed her foot into the leg of his chair.

Sprayberry doubled over in laughter whilst Emma pouted, attempting to nurse the ache in her toes but distracting herself with the Starbucks refresher in her hands. She hadn't been kicking him all that hard, just little taps that would become annoying, which was her goal, but apparently the chair had other opinions of her pestering.

The next question was about what era they'd like the live in. Emma's answer hadn't changed since she was seven years old, the nineties being a time she would have liked to experience, or at least remember, because she couldn't deny that she did technically live during them, although it was as an infant.

"The sixties." Shelley answered.

"Considering my ancestry, right now. For free." Megan exclaimed and Emma couldn't help but giggle, though the weight of her statement weighed true and was something Emma thought about too frequently. She was a person of color living in America, but despite her mixed heritage she wasn't called out as often as her dark-skinned colleges and friends, but that didn't mean she was free of any racist interactions.

"Now might be the best time." Dylan agreed, "Um, I would say the nineties, what no! Like the early nineties, when nirvana was a big thing. Like I wish I lived in Seattle when those bands were all around because they were all friends and I would have liked to be apart of a band like that. Now all music is shit. Let me know how it was, yeah." He laughed.

"Is it cool if I say the nineties too? I don't have good reasoning, I just want to know what the hype was about Blockbuster."

"Did you never go to a blockbuster?" Ryan asked, leaning forward in his chair so his voice traveled to Emma.

"No, it was a, here's Netflix, kind of thing."

"When were you born?" His eyes were wide in shock now, clearly interested in the upbringing Emma had considering she hadn't even visited a blockbuster.

"End of ninety-eight." Emma grinned at his exasperated face, "So I have probably been to a blockbuster, but not that I can remember."

Holland had a blissfully teasing glint in her green eyes when Emma turned towards her and offered her the microphone. It was a given to be picked at because of her age. Being twelve and working with twenty and thirty-year-olds just came with the teasing territory. She didn't mind though, usually because Holland always came to set the next day with random products from the nineties, claiming it was to further educate Emma, when really it was just to give her an excuse to buy them on amazon at two am.

The next question wasn't as light hearted, a girl standing up and asking what advice they had for somebody that's sad. Emma had figured out from personal experience that when a question like that is asked it's never for somebody else or conspired out of the blue, it's somebody that's going through a hard time and needs to hear something other then their own internal monologue.

Froy and Ryan had given inklings of advice whilst Emma was in her own head, trying to find words that could soothe. She had faced depressive episodes that lasted weeks and months, and she had felt sadness that lasted days. The two wore different faces, but often they were confused and shoved into the same category. It was a category that not many social outlets or people liked to touch upon.

"I think it is important to realize it is completely fine to feel sad, it's not a bad thing, in fact it only feels really bad when we try to actively push it away. Some of the most beautiful literature, and poetry, and art, and exploration has come from people feeling sad, and in fact if we didn't feel sad we wouldn't know what it would be to feel happiness. If we didn't have heartbreak we wouldn't know what extreme love would feel like, sadness is apart of our human experience and it's something we need to experience, and I think that when you accept okay, I feel sad today, and you don't try to actively push against it lightens it. I think it's just important to realize we actually need it, and it can provide great perspective if you let it, and learn from it."  Crystal spoke, her words hitting Emma deeply. She knew the feeling of denial all to well, and pushing aside what she was actually feeling had been a default reflex since before she could remember. It had gotten so bad at one point, there had been a time when she couldn't even name what happiness was. She had pushed everything away to the point where she felt numb.

Emma accepted the microphone from Holland after the girl shared, her heart heavy at the topic they were touching at, "I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was eleven and depression when I was thirteen. I think what helped me the most was looking at it from the perspective that shit happens. I think it's so ignorant when people assume you're incapable of functioning with a mental illness, or being medicated is the only way to deal with it. Letting yourself feel anything that's not happiness has such a negative stigma in society, and you're fed bullshit by so many outlets. I just take a step back from it all. When I have the time to stay home, I stay home. Sometimes I sit in silence for days, and I don't talk to anybody. It's just about finding what works for you."

Emma didn't think twice about handing the microphone off to Dylan. She had never been opposed to talking about her own struggles, but it was a conversation controversial to some, and her emotions were so heavily guarded it was hard to express them at times. Sprayberry offered Emma a genuine smile before he tried to find his own remedies at the tip of his tongue.

She didn't really listen to much to what her other former cast-mates said, busy picking at the skin around her nails and starring off into the audience. Miniscule details were catching her attention, her heart beating in her ears. She wasn't good at being vulnerable, or listening to other people being vulnerable. She had gotten better at it, but it was still able to make her antsy.

That was the last question of the panel, and happily Emma accepted Dylan's hand when he helped her down the stage stairs. His touch had brought her out of the distracted daze she'd fallen into, but the topic still weighed heavily on her. She pulled her phone from the waistband of her pants, frowning curiously when she noticed that Logan hadn't sent her any messages.

When they rounded the corner to a green room, Emma was slightly taken aback to see Logan smiling sheepishly. Her baby was wide away, suckling on a pacifier and playing with her fingers, no sign of a nap in her wide blue eyes.

"You left with my phone." Logan held up the phone in her hands, proving to Emma that the phone she'd been checking all morning hadn't been her own. She hadn't even realized that the case and background was different, to caught up with everything else going on. "And I couldn't get into yours, because you changed the password, again."

Ellery and Dylan both made an advance for the baby at the same time, glaring at each other childishly. Everly didn't mind the attention though, soft coos falling from around her pacifier.

"Did she nap at all?" Emma sighed, switching Logan's phone for her own when she came close enough to the blonde. "I swear if you leave me with an overtired baby later, I'll have your head."

Logan rolled her eyes, "Princess here decided she wanted to sleep until ten this morning." Emma gaped at the news, looking over at her baby with a betrayed gleam. Dylan had her cuddled up into his chest, hands softly caressing's her thin and fragile hair.

"Ten?" Emma whined. She was lucky if Everly slept in past seven. She had quickly learned how to do basic house chores with a baby on in her embrace. "You going to head back to the hotel?"

Logan had mentioned a trip to the shops yesterday, so Emma wouldn't be surprised if she came back to the hotel later and her daughter had an entirely new wardrobe. Logan didn't even need to answer for Emma to roll her eyes. "Don't buy all of France, please." She bargained.

"I'll try not to babes." Logan reached for Everly, hardly bothered by the teary gleam she received. "Say bye to Mommy." Emma pressed a kiss to the babies head before Logan and Evie were gone again, off to spend too much money on tiny shoes and clothes.

Her mood had improved greatly, turning to give Dylan a wide grin and pull him over to the large stack of sweets. Shelley was already rummaging through them with Froy, extending a chocolate covered wafer to Emma the second she approached.

This was exactly the place she wanted to be.

#teen wolf #emma james #give me your all miscellaneous blurbs #give me your all #ellie mccall #emeline james #emma sprayberry #everly james