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Illya: *angrily presses Napoleon against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!
Napoleon: ...
Napoleon: Are we about to kiss-
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Napoleon: sorry I’m late, I was doing things
Illya (slams open the door, panting): he pushed me down the fucking stairs!
Napoleon: push is such a strong word, I prefer to call it giving you a little nudge
Ilya: I’ll give you a little nudge when I shove my foot up your ass!
Napoleon: Hey! Watch your fucking language in front of waverly
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*Napoleon and Illya looking after a child during a mission or something*
Napoleon: So … you want a beer?
Illya: He’s FOUR!
Napoleon: Well I don’t know what to do with him!
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Napoleon: Okay. So what do we do when someone is trying to provoke us?
Illya: Kill them.
Napoleon: No. No we do not. Try again.
Illya: Lightly stab them?
Napoleon: ...
Napoleon: So I can see we're gonna have to keep working on this one.
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Gaby: This food is delicious! Compliment the chef for me
Illya: OK
*goes to the kitchen*
Illya: Napoleon, you are beautiful
Napoleon: 🥺💕💕
(Based on the comic https://theghastlyordealofcorey.tumblr.com/post/55396298270 )
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Napoleon: Scientist have found that men say ten thousand words a day while woman say about twenty thousand.
Gaby: It’s because we have to repeat everything twice to you idiots!
Illya: What?
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Illya: No, no, that’s a bad idea.
Napoleon: There are no bad ideas, Peril. Only great ideas that go horribly wrong.
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Napoleon, picking up a call from a unknown number: hello.
Murderer: I can see you.
Napoleon:...
Murderer:...
Napoleon: Do I look good?
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Illya : I am this close to punching you. 👌
Napoleon : Why are your fingers touching?
Illya : Exactly.
Napoleon : … *runs
Illya : *runs after him
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Illya: Why are you so petty?
Napoleon: I think you miss pronounced “pretty”.
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Illya: Napoleon can't go to Russia. He is too pretty. Russian man would make wife of him.
Napoleon, staring into Illya's soul: I wish one would.
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illya kuryakin: [to napoleon] you’re trash
later
illya kuryakin: WHY WONT HE UNDERSTAND IM TRYING TO FLIRT WITH HIM
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illya: you fainted! do you remember anything?
gaby: only the ambulance ride to the hospital
illya: there wasn’t an ambulance, i carried you there
gaby: .. but i heard a siren?
illya: yes, that was napoleon
napoleon: sorry! i was nervous!
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