#in my defense i'm kinda tired and not really 'feeling' the whole writing thing today

[yanderederee]

I want a yandere too. I want someone to love me even with my flaws, bc I tend to lose focus and I do things last min and I'm neurodivegent and I feel like most of my yanderes (especially baji) wouldn't judge me or see my as weird.

Just wanted to pit this out there bc I saw your tags on my last asks and I wanted to respond to that and ig start a discussion or suggestion?

I hope u accept.

For a while now, I’ve been shifting this ask through my head to conjure a proper response …

For starters, I forgot Yandere was part of the prompt I started writing; so I see this as headcanon in Baji’s actions/reactions in types of situation. I could write a whole separate indulgence piece on how yandere!Baji would develop past this:)

I find myself taking a realistic approach to it all. At first/in youth, I don’t think Baji has enough maturity to really understand other people’s neurological/psychological struggles. He’ll understand there’s some tension in those aspects, but I feel that Baji would be quick to frustrate.

Baji doesn’t understand why you’re suddenly giving him the cold shoulder, when in reality you’ve found yourself non-verbal. It wasn’t that fucking hard to place a food order?

Let Baji be dramatic at first. Let him pick apart what’s actually happening.

Once he sees the way you struggle and try to muster the courage to ask for a refill of your drink, he’s in awe with how relieved and proud of yourself you are after managing the small task.

He’d probably seem pissed off and go quiet himself, but it’s cause Baji is mulling the idea over in his head how you can’t to feel that way.

“What gets you so nervous about being in public anyway?” Baji asks blatantly.

You felt this question at the tip of his tongue all day, and while his actions were putting you more on edge, you noticed little details.

You would notice how his tone is lower, not scowling or rolling his eyes at you anymore. You could tell he felt guilty for his immaturity, after his own actions and choice of words.

Just, the way you were so quick to put up your defenses confused him.

“There’s a lot of … unknowns, I guess.. it doesn’t really make sense to me either, Keisuke… I just— my body reacts like I’m doing something, wrong. Like, I’m inconveniencing everyone around me. If I wasn’t standing here, If I wasn’t taking up someone else’s time, other people’s lives would be more… convenient.”

You could tell you were barely getting anywhere with him, but he was trying to understand. So you kept trying to help him understand.

“L-like even now… if I hadn’t dragged you out to hang out with me today, your time could have been better spent. Mikey and Draken invited you out right? But you declined on my behalf..” you smiled, but that same tinge of guilt hit hard.

“Yeah, doing the same lame shit I’ve done for the last week, no creative pass times with those bone heads sometimes,” he laughed. “You don’t think I’m having fun now?” Baji asked.

“Well, it can be hard to tell,” you chuckled back, weary of meeting his gaze. “I can’t really tell if I’m being entertaining enough, or when people get tired of my needless input. I’m.. kinda slow, I guess, I lose focus on what’s happening sometimes and suddenly I’m not on the same page as everyone anymore. But, like, with everything.”

“Does that make sense?” You sighed, heart palpitating in suspense.

It felt good to vent out all the things that made you anxious, especially when you can’t tell why most of the time. Maybe in time, it would.

Baji cycled through your words, silently.

“I… think so.” He mumbled, scratching the back of his head.

“That part of you’s kinda, what I like about you, though?”

Your eyes twitched, and with an unbelieving look, you eye him cautiously.

“Like yesterday, when you spaced out while Chifuyu and I were arguing about Gekijyo, you suddenly jumped right in with a whole other thing from left field. It was hilarious, but I just remember thinking, ‘who the hell thinks of stuff like that?!’ In-in a good way… you’re pretty smart, yaknow. I really respect the way you handle yourself when you’re caught off guard.”

“Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me, how you go through live so cautiously and worried all the time. But you make smart analysis out of situations that seem unwindable, and,” Baji held out his hand, and carefully pulled a stray hair from your face.

“I just can’t help but like you. You’re funny, and encouraging. When you’re comfortable, you shine. I see so much passion in you, and can’t help wanting to fuel that part of you.”

Baji gently pressed his palm against your cheek.

Sure, little things could sweep you up in thought, distracting you to the point of frustration. So long as he could keep quipping back and forth, laughing, and watching you smile so genuinely— Baji imagined he could take on some of those struggles of your behalf. Maybe, with just a little weight lifted off your conscious, he could watch you grow and eventually take them on with ease, with a smile.

꘏

Over time, Baji would pick up on any stims you had, if you had any.

Started picking up on signs that something was becoming too hard for you to handle, or perhaps comprehend.

He learned your mannerisms, and how to talk out down from any panics you may undergo.

Baji takes it upon himself to learn about the people he cherishes.

He doesn’t drop people because they’re too hard to deal with. Baji doesn’t break off ties, especially when he can tell you’re working through struggles. Physical and psychological.

Baji Keisuke would eventually become surprising attentive, but mostly only with his partner.

He doesn’t walk on egg shells around them, but he will reconsider if he’s acting too harshly.

#I may have went about answering this totally wrong but #honestly I just wrote what felt right #feel free to elaborate #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers x reader #baji keisuke #baji #baji x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #soft yandere #not really yandere #sorry #I hope I didn’t lose your interest

[lavenoon]

I gently collapse in here. It feels like longer than it probably has been but <3 hi hi Luce, I hope your day is going well.

Firstly, I love Robin and Moon scheming against Sun - poor guy <3 - and just the whole way your little Drabble was written. It really felt like things COULD’VE gone badly… if it wasn’t for the fact that they know each other so well. And that’s a tricky balance to get.

Secondly, I can’t believe you’re a secret Sleep Wizard. The necromancy joke took me OUT. I like to imagine I get good sleep… except I’m Remarkably bad at getting tired and putting myself to rest so I inadvertently stay up late hoping to get tired so that I don’t just. Lay in my bed for an hour. BUT! I don’t usually feel tired during the day at least which I find funny - one of my old profs got us to record our sleep schedule and then was very surprised to see mine since they figured it’d be like. Textbook ideal. Oops

-🌻 Daye

Rolls you up into a cozy blanket and gives you a lil forehead kiss <3 Hi!! Hope you're okay!! <3

I already sleep rambled and have a really really neat comic in the making, and will later go to a little winter street market and hopefully not just think Y/N and Sun market date thoughts GDHSJ But yea, it's going well!

It felt really tricky, too - Y/N was so frantic, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to have that happy funny ending I wanted. But then Moon just... ended up being a goofball, because that's his rival, and he knows them so well, and it worked. Hope the drabble of them telling Sun will also just fall into place like that, hehe <3 Have some thoughts already, and hope to write some later today/ tomorrow, with a posting for tomorrow or Monday!

You come back to my blog after a couple days and suddenly I'm sleep wrangling left and right, yeah I can see how that might come as a surprise gfhdjs In my defense, I kinda didn't plan on it? But I'm sure not complaining either, so!

(I love Sun and Moon both, and will project on and relate to both of them at any given time, but admittedly there's a special sort of kinship with Moon simply for the sleep jokes. That's why I'm also a crafty bitch, to balance things out)

Sounds to me like your schedule's a bit shifted, too - some people just get tired later. But even so, just lying there with your eyes closed already counts as rest, and is all in all better than nothing! Scared to ask how much sleep you're getting (/lh), but if you feel fine, I suppose it's okay? dghsfd your poor Prof though, just looks from your schedule to you like "Wait hold up, something doesn't add up". Their own fault though, no sleep is ideal and I stand by that assumption to feel better about myself

Hope your night's going well! Get your rest, and sleep, and later there will be. (: <3

#answer let luce #anonymous #Daye asks #'quick breakfast and sleep ramble' *spongebob narrator voice* 45 minutes later #okay okay comic time tho I am. god I hope I'm not overhyping it LMAO #im being a lil self indulgent (even for my standards) and hehehe

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday November 9th

6am Woke up really well rested! Good!

Got sad when I saw I didn't have any messages overnight. CBT: This is your anxiety plugging emotions into nothing. Nothing has transpired, there's no real reason to feel anxiety, the anxiety is only coming from inside you.

Why hasn't he texted you? He's sleeping and he's a POS you don't need that controlling your energy. You can't control what he does. Reclaim your energy.

What am I thankful for this morning?

- nights rest, stretches, soft blankets, cool fan, and the fact that I have no hw due tonight! Think about that! ❤️

630am I should buy another candle for the bathroom for my showers lol don't know why the last one went so quick

7am tumblr can be a really nice positive space, it's like the only positive social media like that's kinda insane.

8am about to get ready for class, I can't stop thinking about him. I would like to try to not text him today just to see what happens really. I'm afraid he won't notice or not care and just not text me either. Maybe that's what I need. Whatever this is, is clearly not working. Got to leave early enough to get a coffee bc maybe that will distract me. Drink for lunch too, I'm tired of gorging myself and wasting money on food. Just breathe oh yeah I'm going to take a benadryl and maybe that will help with anxiety.

830am I want to text him so bad but I really shouldn't lol. He doesn't care enough to change. I won't say he doesn't care at all, but he doesn't care enough for me to keep doing this. I got an iced coffee and an egg McMuffin :)

11am Daydreaming about traveling over the break. I need to be realistic tho. I know I am able to take off on a flight somewhere but let's be real I probably won't have the time off and money to do something like that. I'll keep it in mind, but I don't want another Disney scenario where I just go completely broke on one adventure, I'd rather do day trips, maybe an overnight if that even sounds like a good idea. I like sleeping in my own bed unless it's for a really good reason tbh. I want to focus on things around here that I don't typically have availability or mental capacity to do. I know I'll have fun regardless. Maybe even do the plasma thing some afternoons or mornings really to fund the adventures I'll have on my true off days. Just thoughts :)

1130am I passed my HIV patient counseling! It says satisfactory in the gradebook! For some reason I can't see my rubric so I started to panic and doubt myself, but now I know I'm not the only one who can't see their rubric, so I'm sure that part is a fluke/ irrelevant :) just breathe and enjoy the passing grades ❤️ if something is wrong, someone will let you know ❤️

12pm lunchtime! I'm getting curry chicken. Journaling is actually helping a lot and made me realize how intrusive and repetitive my thoughts are when I don't write them down. It's like I need a little vent port for these thoughts to fly out of my brain like steam out of a boiling pot of water. Crazy tbh lol.

1pm Ate lunch outside with some friends and it felt great!!

3pm lol I zoned out during the whole Verbal Defense (not mine!) But then he texted me good afternoon so I sent him a picture of my sweet tea, nothing crazy. I won't let him control my evening. I just wonder what is his motive lol. During class I was looking up free and cheap things to do and it's funny how a little googling can come up with a thousand things to do! So much fun to be had in the world :)

4pm he got me looking at my phone for a text back bitch guess what I'm taking a nap just like I planned lmao I'm not waiting around to talk to you wtf. Call me like I asked you to if you wanna talk, I hate this texting shit and he knows that. What am I a high schooler? Texting bs got you into this mess in the first place dumbass. I'm eating a cupcake and taking a nap.

6pm I have woke up from my nap. No messages lol I guess he just wanted to see if I was alive?? Don't know don't care. Nap was ok, cats kept waking me up or micro waking me up I think but that's ok too :) - There's really only one week left of this bullshit I am so proud of myself ❤️ I actually love the idea of NOT burning myself out the last week so that when I leave school I don't necessarily NEED to do that hibernating thing where I feel like shit for 4-5 days afterwards. I'd like to exit my verbal defense maybe take a nap just like I did today to refresh and then shit take myself out for a nice dinner and get dressed up. Instead of getting drunk and passing out, I can do that most other nights after a closing shift 🤣 I want to start my vacay right away with no need to "recover" in such a drastic manner. Let's see if we can make that happen :) I think that also includes NOT avoiding fun things the next week, bc I always avoid fun stuff when I'm stressed as if I'm going to jinx myself, but I think I'm ready to break that curse of "all work and no play." We shall see ;)

9pm A little tipsy but I'm getting my work done :)

11pm I keep wanting to text him because I'm in a GOOD MOOD but when he doesn't reply it puts me in a bad mood....... So solution is simply DON'T TEXT HIM AND ENJOY YOUR GOOD MOOD QUEEN 😂 he's stupid for leaving and he's missing out on this drunken chill fest tbh and one day, I'll have a fuck ton of friends I've acquired through the years of being myself that I can randomly snap my thoughts to and they'll actually reply and care 😂

12am I know I texted him some dumb shit but idc I still feel good and I love journaling and Tumblr. Getting tacos again for dinner bc JFC I did a LOT of dumb shit work today. He's such a loser he can't do shit by himself not even get a taco 🤣 tbh one day I feel like you'll find someone who's gone through what you've gone through and you'll have so much in common and everything will just be EASY. Yeah I'm fucked but I'm not the only one going through this so I know I have an army of ppl out in the world who would have my back in a heartbeat and THAT'S what matters and what keeps me going fr.

1245am What a weird day. I want to keep journaling so bad I think it'll help me alottttt. I texted him a little but it's like it doesn't matter as much as it did previously lol. It's different now. Let's keep it up :)

[peaxchymilk]

Food talk | Day 11/90

Today was an emotional day. For a start I could feel my period creeping up on me as I was ravenously hungry as soon as I woke up. I had breakfast for a difference which was a serving of Nestlé's wholewheat Fitness cereal with milk and a spoonful of chocolate spread.

Headed off to work still wanting to eat (even though I wasn't hungry). I had some bread at work as my snack and some gum. Had an extremely busy day as Saturdays equal a lot lot people so I could it took me 3 breaks to finish my food as I had to tend to people.

Lunch was a tortilla wrap with chicken, beans, greens peppers, corn, fresh tomato and nacho cheese sauce. It is heaven in a corn tortilla! I highly suggest trying it. I had one. After that followed a piece of dark chocolate, some coffee with cream and sugar and a savoury sticks snack.

The old me would probably believe I ruined everything and continue to eat whatever for the rest of day. I on the other hand decided to squeeze in a killer workout! 💪

30 minutes of hiit combined with pilates and another 15 minutes of abs. I felt so strong after finishing that as I hate cardio uggh. I was so tired but kinda wanted to do more... considering I could even walk around to room while listening to music (a habit of mine) I am glad I didn't overwork myself.

So back on track with my intake, feeling strong and the cravings went away. For dinner I wanted to make myself some savoury oatmeal with cheese and an egg as it is my new favourite combination. I was really looking forward to it but it turned to mush for some reason and I couldn't stomach the whole thing. Probably cooked the oatmeal too long...

I was surprised to find that I was really craving sugar after all the mush. I had a nectarine instead. Followed by a small piece of bread with some milk spread and an apple.

Now let's talk food. I got into an argument with a family member today who asked me why I was weighing my bread. I got extremely defensive about it, refusing to talk about it while being very rude about it. The question popped up after why I was being so secretive. Is it so hard to tell someone that I am trying to get in shape? I was once on the edge of slipping into an eating disorder but got out of it quickly enough. I know I still have some food rules (like only having one tortilla for lunch today) but I believe I'm much better regarding my food now. I think part of this challenge and writing is reflection on my behaviour, knowing I can be really rude some days.

So I guess that was it for the day.

End: 1674 kcal

Love,

Ro

#goal weight #fitblr #food #healthy #challenge #weightloss #lose weight #losing weight #workout #fitspiration #fit #health & fitness #fitlife #get fit #personal #gains