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Across the Frozen Sea ch5

Star Wars the Clone Wars, Ahsoka/Barriss/Riyo

Across the Frozen Sea summary: Ahsoka, Barriss, and Riyo find themselves stranded in the Pantoran Taiga. They must get back to civilization, but the wilds are more dangerous than they realize. If the cold doesn’t get them, the locals will.

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Chapter 5: Mafoo Manor

Mafoo Manor is built out of dark hardwoods, and is bedecked in sigil tapestries woven with yellow and purple threads. The stone fireplace is tall enough for Riyo to stand in without slouching, and over the mantle are displayed a few elk carvings placed around a painting of Count Mafoo. Sheer, red fabric has been draped over the painting, somewhat obscuring it.

The dining table is draped in exquisite cloth, and features a magnificent spread of cooked fish, roasted meat, and other Pantoran dishes. Barriss eats a reindeer soup out of a finely-made bowl and hopes that she isn’t committing some social faux-pas. If she was asked if her table manners were impeccable yesterday, she would have answered ‘yes,’ but she’s no longer sure of anything after the raw seal debacle that they ate with their hands. At least the food is cooked now. She didn’t have the appetite to eat much of her share of the seal after she watched Ahsoka tear into the literal heart.

Next to her, Ahsoka eats in silence, content to leave the talking to Riyo. Riyo is all practiced grace and poise, emanating an air of power and confidence despite her wrinkled and blood-stained suit. Thankfully, she attracts most of their hosts’ attention, and most of the conversation is held in Galactic Basic.

What’s left of the Mafoo family sits with them at the dining table. Dowager Countess Xola’s gray hair has been twisted back into a bun, and her sad gaze has been steadily trained on Riyo for most of the meal.

Her second son, Count Mfuneko, sits at the head of the table, and he asks Riyo all sorts of questions about Coruscant and her life as a galactic Senator. He can’t be more than a couple years older than Barriss and Riyo, if he’s older at all. On the other hand, her daughter Thandi stares determinedly at her plate.

“My condolences on your loss, Count, Dowager,” Riyo says. “When is the drowning ceremony?”

“It hasn’t been scheduled,” Xola says. “Mfuneko is arranging everything, but he hasn’t decided on a date.”

“I entrust most of the arrangements to Paki.” Mfuneko gestures to a young man standing at attention in the corner of the room. His dark blue hair is short and spiked, and his yellow tattoos streak down over his jaw like a beard.

“You must remember Paki, don’t you, Senator? One of my father’s last acts was to promote him to the head of the guard.”

“I remember. The both of you are close friends,” Riyo says.

“We go back to the same wet-nurse. At any rate, my father’s drowning won’t be done until my brother Dumi comes home. He’s gone and fled in his grief and we can’t find him. Until he returns, it falls to me to act as Count in his stead,” Mfuneko says. He shrugs and slouches in his chair. “It wouldn’t be right to hold such an important ceremony without him, would it? It’s what my father would have wanted.”

As this, Thandi grips her fork so hard her fingers turn white, but no one else seems to notice.

Mfuneko continues. “He went so quickly; none of us expected it. I wasn’t even raised to inherit the title; that was Dumi’s burden to bear, but it can’t be helped. I must continue in their place.”

“Yes, you are the Count. I’m used to talking business during meals, but we could adjourn to the study if that’s preferred,” Riyo says. Mfuneko’s eyebrows go up.

“Of course, Senator. In due time. I’ll admit I have a favor to ask of you as well.”

“Oh?”

“I find myself tasked with finding Thandi a suitable match. No doubt you are well-connected. Perhaps you could recommend a few candidates for me to pursue on her behalf.”

Thandi lowers her fork and knife. Riyo’s eyes flicker.

“My Lord, your sister is only fourteen years old.”

“All the better to be interested in her future. I am determined that she be well taken care of.” Mfuneko’s voice becomes hard and cold. Ahsoka perks up at the change in tone, and Barriss is tempted to Mind Read him through the Force.

Xola sighs and busies herself with her napkin. “I’m curious about your friends, Senator. We hear of the Jedi, but we don’t truly know of them.”

The tension breaks as Riyo turns to Xola. “They’re humble creatures, my lady. The closest equivalent I can draw are the Mother Moon Priestesses.”

After lunch, Mfuneko, Paki, and Riyo shut themselves in the study, leaving Barriss and Ahsoka to Xola and Thandi. The four of them take a tour of the manor.

Mafoo Manor is located in the outskirts of Bravado, on top of tall sea cliffs. It used to be a castle until most of it burned down in a horrible fire almost fifty years ago, and the lavish manor was built atop the remaining ruins. Xola shows them the stables where they keep their prized elk, the conservatory, the ballroom, the music room, two different parlors, and the library. More tapestries and wood carvings are hung on the walls alongside traditional weapons made from whale bone and shark teeth.

In the entrance foyer hangs a three meter-tall calligraphy painting on canvas. It resembles the sigils that they’ve seen everywhere on Pantora, except this one is painted in a deep purple.

“You must have seen this when you arrived, Master Jedi. Chairman Cho started this trend when he had a similar one done for his palace, only his was six meters tall,” Xola says. She frowns up at the canvas.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is blood, isn’t it?” Ahsoka asks. Xola nods.

“Elk blood. I believe the artist mixed the medium with a stabilizing agent, then varnished the entire canvas to keep it from decaying. It’s terribly expensive to do. I must confess that this is the end of the tour, Master Jedi.”

“Of course, Lady Mafoo. You must be busy,” Barriss says.

“If you need anything, feel free to ask one of the staff.” Xola turns and disappears into the house.

Ahsoka looks back up at the painting. “We’re being followed,” she whispers. Barriss looks around, but sees no one else but Thandi, who’s busy looking at a intricate tapestry on the other side of the foyer.

“I saw three guards during our tour, which means that there must be at least nine in total around here,” Ahsoka continues.

“Do you think we’re in danger?” Barriss asks.

Ahsoka shrugs. “I’ve decided that it’s easier to just assume we’re in constant danger until we get back to Defiance, but I’m open to being proven wrong.”

“These guards are very good at hiding themselves,” Barriss mutters.

“Yeah, but I can still hear them moving and I can smell them too. One of them uses too much cologne.” Ahsoka wrinkles her nose.

Barriss lowers her voice even more. “Have you noticed that a lot of these things are new?”

“How can I not? It’s all Xola has been saying. ‘Mfuneko commissioned this, Mfuneko commissioned that.’ This painting alone must cost a fortune,” Ahsoka whispers back.

“It does. My brother’s going to run us into the poorhouse,” Thandi says. She’s standing right behind them.

“My apologies,” Barriss says, but Thandi shakes her head.

“It’s all right. He started burning through our credits as soon as he became Count. My mother tells him not to spend so much, but he doesn’t listen. He wants to marry me off because he wants my dowry.”

Barriss regards the skinny teenager before her. She’s small for her age, with thin shoulders and deep black hair that cascades down her back. Her skin is also a dark blue, making her yellow eyes pop.

“Do you want to get married?” Barriss gently asks.

“No way! I’m training to be a uhadi musician and I want to tour the moon someday. But I don’t have any choice, like Dumi didn’t have a choice when Mfuneko chased him away,” Thandi says.

Ahsoka waves her hands to stop her. “Wait, wait, wait. Dumi, the brother you guys were talking about earlier? That Dumi? He didn’t ‘flee from grief?’”

“No, he wanted to stay, but Mfuneko and Paki threatened him, so he ran away instead.”

“If I may ask, Thandi, how did your father die?” Barriss asks.

Sadness flickers across Thandi’s face. “I don’t know.”

“Where is he interred?”

Thandi shrugs and looks away, blinking furiously. Barriss and Ahsoka share a look. ‘Yikes,’ Ahsoka mouths.

“Does Senator Chuchi know nice people at least? If I must be married, then…maybe it won’t be so bad,” Thandi says.

“Let’s go talk to her now. Can you show us to the study?” Barriss takes Thandi’s arm in hers and lets her lead them through the mansion.

In contrast to the rest of the mansion, the study is paneled from top to bottom in dark wood. Pantoran constellations are carved into the ceiling, and the bit of walls that aren’t covered in shelves feature landscapes. There are two windows on either side of the desk, but despite the copious amount of light they let in, Mfuneko switches on the lamps and places another log in the fireplace. All of the chairs have fur pelts draped over them, and over the floor is a plush rug.

Mfuneko invites Riyo to sit, and she makes herself comfortable in the guest armchair. Paki softly closes the door behind himself and goes to stand in the corner.

“Please excuse the mess, Senator. I must rebuild my father’s network.” Mfuneko gestures to the stacks of flimsi and data cards scattered over the top of the desk. “Your arrival is a blessing; I understand that you were one of my father’s business contacts.”

“I was. He was one of the first to donate to my initial campaign. He was a good man. A generous man.” Riyo pauses. “I would like very much to pay my respects. Where is the body kept?”

Mfuneko looks to Paki, who smirks.

“Alas, he’s still at the embalmers,” Paki says.

“There, see? Never fear, Senator. You’ll receive an invitation to the drowning,” Mfuneko says.

There’s a sinking feeling in Riyo’s gut, but she presses on. “To business then. I’ll admit that my visit is motivated by my recent visit to Bravado proper.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I was astounded to learn that the public waterfront was closed, and that the only hunters allowed were those directly in your employment.”

“You wish to hear an explanation. I’m sorry to confess that the waterfront has been poisoned. My men have secured the piers for the safety of the people while my hunters investigate the cause.”

“And this investigation requires a sample size of a hundred seal? That sounds excessive, your grace,” Riyo says.

“It is unavoidable. I find it best to leave these things to the experts of course.” Mfuneko says.

“Of course. I only ask out of concern.”

There is a long moment in which nothing is said. There is only the crackling of the fire. Mfuneko and Riyo stare at each other from across the desk.

“My sister requires a husband,” Mfuneko says. “I’ve only just announced it yesterday, and already I have five offers for her hand. But surely you must know at least one young man you might be happy to recommend. In this house, your word as a trusted associate is held in such high esteem.”

Oh, how crafty. Riyo leans back in her seat and considers her answer. The late Count Anathi was a good leader for his people, but he wasn’t quite the political animal. It doesn’t matter who Riyo recommends, what matters is that she recommended them, thereby implicitly giving her blessing to the match. If Mfuneko followed through with her recommendation, which he will, then it would become known that he was in good standing with the Pantoran Senator of the Galactic Republic, thereby boosting his reputation and opening new venues for networking previously closed to him.

All he would have to do is use his fourteen year-old sister to get there.

“I know many suitable people, your grace. I could offer a match for you too, if you wish.”

Mfuneko’s eyes grow hungry and he leans forward in interest. “Would you? That’s very kind, Senator.”

“Matchmaking is such a delicate art, you understand. I cannot just drop their names here and be on my way; I’d be betraying their confidence. I must send them flimsies first.”

“Of course! But what can you tell me now, Senator?”

“I can tell you to expect my message in two week’s time,” Riyo says. Mfuneko cracks a smile.

There’s a knock at the door.

“It seems that’s all we have time for. Enter!” Mfuneko says the last bit in Basic.

The door opens, and Ahsoka pokes her head into the room. Barriss and Thandi are with her, the both of them glancing curiously around the study.

“Hi. Riyo, can we talk?” Ahsoka asks.

Riyo nods and rises from her chair. “Of course. Please excuse us, Count.”

Mfuneko waves it away. “Enjoy the grounds, Senator.”

The four of them leave the study and follow Ahsoka to the conservatory. It’s an odd choice until Riyo notices the dark shapes of guards beyond the glass. The guards can observe them in here, looking as if they are gawking at the exotic plants, and so won’t feel the need to follow them in, but they also cannot hear what they are saying if they keep their voices low enough, nor can they read their lips through the foggy glass.

Impressive.

Barriss and Thandi sit on a wicker sofa and tell Riyo all that they’ve learned. Ahsoka walks the small path around the conservatory as if she’s a casual observer, but Riyo opts to stand behind the last chair and crosses her arms over her chest, listening.

“Has your brother made any trips to the drowning shipwright?” Riyo asks. Thandi shakes her head.

“He only goes out to drink and to hunt, and that’s if he isn’t having a party in the music room. I don’t think he’s ever talked to a shipwright.”

“I see. Perhaps there isn’t any shipwright because one isn’t needed. Ahsoka, do you remember when we went to the Trade Federation ship?” Riyo asks.

Ahsoka grins. “I sure do. Do you want me and Barriss to look around?”

“Yes. Thandi, you and I will distract your brother and give the Jedi time to investigate.”

“How?”

“Why, by playing music. Barriss said you were practicing, yes?”

Thandi smiles and her eyes light up.

Riyo and Thandi leave for the study, and one of the guards follows them. There’s a painful tug on Ahsoka’s heart as the door shuts behind them, and she resists the urge to go after them. Beside her, Barriss also watches them go with a thinly-veiled glare.

“Perhaps this is a bad idea. We’re supposed to be with her,” Barriss says

“Mission parameters change all the time. Riyo will be fine. We won’t be apart for long,” Ahsoka says, even though she still watches the place where she last saw Riyo. Barriss sighs, but doesn’t disagree.

After a couple minutes, Riyo, Thandi, Mfuneko, and the guard pass by again on their way to the music room.

“How are we going to conduct a search while we’re being shadowed?” Barriss asks. “And don’t suggest knocking them out.”

“Okay, but that’s the easiest thing to do,” Ahsoka whispers.

“It’s too messy, the rest of the squad would throw us out.”

“Not if we do it quietly.”

“Quietly?”

Ahsoka strides to the door and yanks it open. She gestures to the guard. “Hey. Come here.”

The guard starts, then points at himself. He’s dressed in dark clothes, and has a sword hanging from his belt.

“Yeah, you. Do you speak Basic?” Ahsoka asks.

“Yes. Little,” the guard says. He turns to face her, wary.

“Where’s the kitchen? Can you tell me where the kitchen is?”

“Yes. It’s there.” The guard points down the hallway, and Ashoka looks, but she turns to him again, confused.

“I’m sorry, where?”

“There, there! Down, then you turn.” The guard comes closer and continues to point.

“Uh huh. Interesting. Thank you.” Ahsoka reaches out and wraps her arms around the guard’s neck in a headlock, then pulls him back into the conservatory. She’s almost half a head taller than he is, so it’s really easy to do. The guard gurgles and scratches at her, but Ahsoka tightens her grip and keeps moving backwards through the conservatory until he goes limp in her arms. She puts him on the couch and makes it look as if he’s taking a nap, then looks at Barriss, who gapes at her.

“Quietly. Although I expected more of a fight, so maybe he wasn’t formally trained,” Ahsoka says.

“You just snatched that man off his feet,” Barriss says in astonishment.

Ahsoka laughs. “I guess I did. Come on, let’s go.”

They sneak through the house, looking around corners to make sure they’re alone before moving forward. When they do see guards, they duck out of sight and Ahsoka uses the Force to knock over something in a different part of the house. When the guard goes to investigate the noise, they sneak past.

At the study, Ahsoka tries the door handle only to find it locked.

“Should I unlock it?”

“No doubt there could be valuable information in there, but I can’t read Pantoran. I felt so useless when I tried to help Riyo with the Kortzeer flimsies,” Barriss says. “Can you read Pantoran?”

Ahsoka’s lek stripes burn. “Uh…no. I didn’t think of that.”

The corners of Barriss’ mouth twitch. “Perhaps we should take Xola’s suggestion and ask the staff what happened.”

The kitchen is tucked away in a different part of the house, only accessible through a nondescript door. Unlike the rest of the house, the cabinets and the counters are done in light-colored woods and stone. Plain tiles cover the walls. In the middle of the stone kitchen floor, atop a tarp, is a half-butchered seal that’s much larger than the one Ahsoka caught the night before. A large, well-muscled man wearing an apron kneels next to it, but he pauses his work to look up at Ahsoka and Barriss when they push through the nondescript kitchen door. A woman in an apron is lining up empty glass jars on the counter, and she looks up too.

“Uh, hi.” Ahsoka waves. “Thanks for the meal. It was delicious.”

The man turns to the woman and speaks in Pantoran. She says something back, and the man turns to them.

“She says ‘you’re welcome.’ My name is Alack, she is Ila. Are you still hungry? Do you want more food?” The man asks in a heavy accent. His voice reverberates in his deep chest.

“We were actually wondering if there was anything odd happening in this mansion as of late,” Barriss asks. “Have you noticed anything strange?”

Alack translates between them. “She says that this entire week, Paki orders her to cook an extra portion of food every meal. He comes to pick it up, but he doesn’t eat. He takes it and goes.”

Ila says something else and Alack grunts in agreement. “It’s a tray. She puts it on a tray for him, and he takes it somewhere else. We don’t know. He doesn’t tell us. He orders us not to follow him. When he returns it, everything is gone.” He pauses again to listen, then, “If there is a knife or a fork on this tray, he leaves them on the counter.”

“That is incredibly odd, thank you. You’re very observant, Ms. Ila,” Barriss says.

Alack translates, then chuckles when Ila replies. “Yes, she is very smart. Ila has actually prepared the next meal already.” He points to the counter next to them, which has a plastoid food tray set upon it. On the tray is a wooden bowl full of soup, a spoon, and several cuts of dried fish.

“Haha, no way. It can’t be that easy,” Ahsoka says.

“It appears that it is,” Barriss says. “Mr. Alack, we would like to investigate this mystery for you and Ms. Ila, but in order to do this we would need to follow Paki. Is there anywhere in this kitchen we could hide?

Alack hums and reaches up to stroke his beard, but stops short when he realizes that his gloved hand is covered in blood. He talks to Ila, and she points at a door at the other side of the kitchen.

“The pantry,” he says. “But hurry, he’s coming soon.”

Ahsoka and Barriss pick their way cross the kitchen, careful to avoid the seal carcass, and go into the pantry room. Ahsoka pulls the door closed so that it doesn’t swing open, but holds it open a crack, so that they both can still see into the kitchen. She and Barriss are crammed together within the small confines of the pantry, and Barriss ends up holding Ahsoka round her waist to keep from falling out.

“At least nine armed men,” Barriss whispers.

“Yeah,” Ahsoka whispers back. She hopes that she isn’t crushing Barriss, but Barriss doesn’t seem uncomfortable at all.

“And if the one you snatched happens to wake up, then he’ll warn them all and everyone will be on alert.”

“Yeah.”

“And they could all be gathered in one place as a result, and would probably be guarding the place where we’re about to go investigate.”

“Yeah. Piece of cake,” Ahsoka whispers. She smiles when Barriss gives her a look of disbelief.

The two of them fall silent when the kitchen door opens again. Paki walks in and scans the kitchen, but his eyes slide right past their hiding place. He talks in Pantoran with Alack and Ila for a little bit, then takes the tray and leaves.

Instead of bowling Barriss over to get out of the pantry, Ahsoka simply scoops her up and carries her out. She crosses the kitchen and, after peeking into the dining room and finding it clear, goes into it and gently sets Barriss back on her feet. Ahsoka puts her hand to her lips and sneaks to the hall to see Paki, still walking down as if nothing is amiss. They don’t move out of cover until he turns a corner and disappears. Ahsoka and Barriss follow him through the mansion until he unlocks and opens a door. He goes through and closes the door behind him, and there is the faint scraping of a key being turned. Ahsoka ducks behind a huge, taxidermy Snow Bear. Barriss hurries to join her, and they wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

Eventually, Paki comes back out, still with the tray. The fish is gone, and so is the soup. He locks the door to the stairs, then makes his way back to the kitchen. Ahsoka stays absolutely still, and only turns to Barriss after the sound of his footsteps fade. She straightens and offers a hand to help Barriss up.

“Think you can unlock that?” Ahsoka asks.

“Of course. Please keep an eye out for me.” Barriss goes to the lock and inspects it, then closes her eyes to concentrate. The Force ripples from her hands.

CLICK.

Barriss’s eyes snap open and she opens the door, revealing a stone flight of stairs going down. “This must be a part of the original castle,” she says. She picks up her skirt and leads the way down. Ahsoka closes the door behind them and follows her.

The stairway opens up to a stone cellar. Segmental arches lead to different compartments within the cellar on either side, and in each compartment and along the center hallway hang simple electric lamps. Within the arches and the floor, stuck in the stone, are embedded iron where the bars were cut away and the remnants were ground flush with the surrounding surfaces.

Further down the hallway, however, are a couple cells that are kept intact. Ahsoka and Barriss run towards them, but another guard comes out of one of the open compartments. He yells at them in Pantoran and draws his sword, but instead of stopping, Barriss and Ahsoka rush forward even faster.

Ahsoka pushes with the Force, slamming the guard’s sword back into its sheath. The guard swears and tries to draw again, but before he can, Barriss leaps at him and slaps her palms into his face.

The guard crumples to the floor, unconscious.

Ahsoka slows to a stop and looks down at the guard’s form in awe. “What? What was that? What did you do?”

“I appropriated a Force-healing anesthetic technique to make him sleep,” Barriss says.

“Kriff, that’s scary,” Ahsoka says, still staring down at the guard. His mouth lolls open as he begins to snore.

“It’s efficient.” But all the same, Barriss’ cheeks glow with the compliment.

“Hello?” A voice comes from one of the locked cells. “Who are you?”

Ahsoka and Barriss go to the cell. An old man stands at the bars, his forehead pressed against them to better see. His gray beard and hair are disheveled and wild, and his clothes are wrinkled. He stinks, and Ahsoka resists the urge to pinch her nose shut. In the cell with the old man is a thin mattress and a chamber pot.

“Count Mafoo?” Barriss asks.

“Yes, I am Count Anathi Mafoo. Who are you? What brings a Mirialan and a Togruta to this place?”

“Senator Riyo Chuchi brought us here,” Ahsoka says, and the man’s bloodshot eyes widen.

“We’re here to investigate your disappearance, your grace,” Barriss says. The Force ripples again as she scans him for injuries.

“Thank the Gods! Thank the Gods. I do not even know how long I’ve been trapped in here.” The man, Anathi, wipes a tear from his face. “You must have seen my family. Are they doing well?”

“They’re mourning you. Your Grace, why have you been locked in here?” Barriss asks.

Anathi’s bushy brows knit together in pain, and he looks down. He says nothing.

About five men, including Paki, run into the hallway from the staircase, yelling in Pantoran. Ahsoka growls and goes to fight them, but they barrel into her and tackle her into the ground. Ahsoka lands hard, the air whooshing out of her lungs. She’s able to grab and throw only two of the guards off of her before they shove her into the closest empty cell. Ahsoka rolls over the floor, then reaches out to catch Barriss when she’s thrown in after her. Paki slams the door closed and locks it, and the guards around him cheer and give each other high-fives.

Paki drops the keyring into his belt pouch, and steps away from the cell bars. “Alive, unharmed. Good.”

Unbridled hot rage wells up within Ahsoka’s chest. If it weren’t for Barriss sitting in her lap, she would throw herself against the bars right then and there.

“You imprisoned the Count?” Ahsoka shouts. “You traitor! He trusted you!”

“You think it was my idea? You think I could do this myself? I’m flattered, Jedi.” Paki turns to the guards and says something in Pantoran, and waits as they pick up the unconscious guards from the floor, then leads the way back out of the cellar. Their voices echo through the cellar and abruptly stop when the door to the staircase shuts. Barriss crawls out of Ahsoka’s lap and watches them through the bars.

“They didn’t take our lightsabers,” Barriss whispers. Sure enough, their lightsabers still hang untouched from their belts.

“Are you complaining?” Ashoka asks. She really shouldn’t be so testy, but her annoyance still eats away at her. It really should have taken more than five fighters to bring her down. A kit could do better than that.

Barriss shakes her head. “I’m just surprised. I didn’t expect them to be so incompetent. They probably didn’t realize what they were. Jedi aren’t well-known on this moon.” She gets up and dusts herself off. “How did they know we were down here? Were we spotted by one of the guards?”

“There is a holocam. There.” Anathi points a small device that’s bolted to the ceiling next to one of the lamps.

“I see it,” Barriss says.

“Then summon it.” Ahsoka stands and unclips one of her lightsabers from her belt. The bile rises in her throat and her lip rises from her teeth in a snarl. It’s only at the sight of Barriss that Ahsoka realizes that she’s broadcasting her loathing through the Force. Barriss’ eyes are wide, and she hesitantly reaches out to touch her arm.

Ahsoka struggles to reign in her temper. It’s not Barriss’ fault, and she doesn’t know. How could she know when Ahsoka’s never told her?

“Summon the holocam now. The longer we’re in here, the more chances Paki has to confront Riyo about us.” Ahsoka ignites her lightsaber and swings it at the bars, chopping through them with ease. She swings again, and pushes with the Force, making the cut bars fall out and onto the floor with a satisfying clatter.

Kark yeah. Ahsoka steps through with a deep breath.

Barriss summons the holocam, plucking it out of the stone brinks, and catches it in her hands. Bits of stone crumble off from around the durasteel bolts.

“Ahsoka? I talked to Riyo yesterday, about…about your mission. You don’t have to tell me what happened, but if you ever do want to talk, I will listen,” Barriss says.

“Thank you.” Ahsoka helps Barriss through the bars with her free hand. Even if she wanted to tell her, what would she say? How could she even begin to explain what happened during that mission?

Barriss gives her hand a brief squeeze, but when she tries to pull away, Ahsoka doesn’t let go. She really hoped that she would take this to her funeral pyre, because it fills her up with hot shame and she doesn’t think she’s ever going to truly get over it, but it can’t be helped. Barriss offered to listen, and she wouldn’t judge her the way other Jedi would.

“They put me in a cage,” Ahsoka manages to say before her throat closes up.

Barriss staggers back, her mouth open. “A cage? Ahsoka, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. You had nothing to do with that.”

Barriss lowers her head only to eye the discarded, still-smoking bars lying at their feet.

One day, Ahsoka will be able to tell the rest. One day. But right now, she needs to focus on the task at hand. She turns towards Anathi’s cell. “Please back up, sir.”

Anathi’s eyes widen and he retreats to the back of the cell. Ahsoka swings her lightsaber again.

KRRRSH. BVOOSH.

Ahsoka yanks the sliced bars away and tosses them to the floor, then puts away her lightsaber. “Let’s go.”

“Eish!” Anathi mutters under his breath as he steps out of his cell. “I admire your enthusiasm, young lady, but Paki and his men locked you and your friend in here not more than five minutes ago. How do you expect the next fight to be any different?”

“Because this time, they won’t catch me by surprise.” Ahsoka leads the way through the cellar and up the stairs. “Doesn’t matter how many men they throw at us this time.”

“Please don’t kill them. I must deal with them myself,” Anathi says. “The Blizzard God demands that retribution come from the wronged.”

“Cool. Stand back, sir.” Ahsoka raises her foot and push-kicks through the door, ripping it off its hinges and cleaving the deadbolt through the doorframe in a shower of splinters. The door flies out and crashes into a guard standing across the hall, knocking him unconscious. The door and the guard drop to the floor with an unholy crash.

The two other guards standing on either side shout in Pantoran and draw their swords. One of them pulls his arm back to swing down, but Ahsoka catches his fist and punches him in the face. His head snaps back and a tooth pops out of his mouth.

Barriss ducks under Ahsoka’s arm and reaches out for the second guard. She uses the Force to bat his sword away and closes the gap between them, grabbing his wrist and locking her elbow so that he can’t swing the sword anymore.

Ahsoka disarms her guard and lets the sword fall the floor with a clatter. She takes him by the throat and lifts him off the floor, then slams him into the wall. The guard slumps, and she lets him go. Past him, further down the hall, are more guards. They run towards her with their swords out. Ahsoka growls.

The second guard’s sword slips from his fingers as Barriss renders his entire arm numb, and she steps onto the hilt with her boot to keep it from being picked back up. He punches, but Barriss swats his fist away and begins rapidly slapping him where he’s open: across the neck, the stomach, the chest. With each movement, she’s grabbing on to either his sleeves, or his wrists, to control him until she tugs on both of his arms to bring him in. As soon as his head is within range, Barriss grabs his face with both hands, putting him to sleep.

Ahsoka picks up the door and flings it down the hall at the oncoming guards. They shout and some of them duck out of the way, but the ones at the back don’t see it until it’s too late, and they’re hit.

The rest of the guards slow to a stop, wary. They retreat when Ahsoka takes a step forward.

“Surrender,” she says, and they stare at her in confusion. “Ah kark, I forgot. They don’t speak Basic.”

Anathi steps out into the ruined hallway, glaring at the remaining guards.

“Kunika!” He bellows. The guards glance at each other, then fall to their knees.

Thandi is a wonderful musician, although her best instrument isn’t the uhadi. She’d make a lot of credits if she got better at the uhadi, as traditional musicians are a disappearing kind, but not as many credits as she would make playing the stringed batanga. Thandi switched to the batanga after playing just one piece on the uhadi, and she’s played complicated song after song since, her fingers flying up and down the instrument’s neck.

Riyo sits in one of the chairs set around the room, watching. She’s didn’t take to music as a youngling; she never really had time to pursue the art, but she admires musicians just the same.

Halfway through the first piece, Xola came into the room. She gave everyone a tight smile, sat in the chair next to Riyo, and listened to Thandi play. She hasn’t moved much since.

Then Paki comes in. He silently crosses the room and leans down to whisper in Mfuneko’s ear. After a few seconds, Paki straightens up and goes to the back of the room, leaving Mfuneko stone-faced. He turns to Riyo.

“Are you a spy?” He asks. Thandi falters and stops playing, and Xola looks at them in confusion.

“No, and I’m insulted at the accusation,” Riyo says.

“Do not lie to me, Senator. Your associates were caught in the cellars, which are off-limits to guests. They were snooping; you are all spies.” Mfuneko’s voice takes a dangerous tone.

Riyo meets his eyes with an even gaze. “We aren’t spies, your grace. What we are is investigating the alleged death of your father, Count Anathi.”

Thandi and Xola gasp.

“If you required proof, all you needed to do was ask! This is a grievous breach of trust and etiquette. We did not elect you so you could come into our homes and pry into our sensitive business,” Mfuneko shouts.

“Mfuneko, wait,” Xola says. She puts a hand on his shoulder, but he shakes it off and stands up. He looms over Riyo, who doesn’t move.

“The people shall hear of your duplicity, Senator. Your political career is over.”

“I strongly disagree.”

“How are you so calm about these accusations?”

CRASH.

A commotion erupts elsewhere in the house, and Paki runs out of the music room.

“That’s how,” Riyo says. She and Mfuneko glare at each other for an extra moment, then they both scramble to follow Paki. Riyo slips and almost falls, but Thandi grabs her arm as she runs past her.

“Come on, Senator! Let’s go!”

They follow Mfuneko down to to main hallway, right next to the foyer, where they find Ahsoka and Barriss fighting off the guards. Ahsoka picks up a door and hurls it at the attackers as if it weighs nothing, while Barriss slaps a guard into submission, her hands a blur.

“Whoa. Senator, your friends are really cool,” Thandi says.

“Surrender!” Ahsoka shouts, but when none of the guards obey, she sighs. “Ah kark, I forgot. They don’t speak Basic.”

An old, disheveled man steps out behind Barriss and Ahsoka. His gold eyes blaze with anger. “Surrender! Surrender now!”

There’s a pause as the guards hesitate, then one by one, they toss their weapons away and kneel, revealing Mfuneko and Paki. The two of them gape at the old man in horror.

Thandi’s grip on Riyo’s arm tightens. “Baba?” She asks.

“Anathi,” Xola whispers, her eyes wide.

“Run!” Mfuneko and Paki turn and sprint to the front door. They trip over discarded weapons and over the kneeling guards, but they manage to keep upright.

Barriss gasps. “They’re going to get away!”

“No, they won’t! Get down!” Ahsoka picks up a sword and pitches it at them as hard as she can. The blade flashes in the light as it whips through the air.

“Ahsoka, no!” Barriss moves to stop her, but is too late. Thandi and Xola scream.

But the sword misses Mfuneko and Paki entirely and embeds itself through the doorframe and into the door itself, jamming it closed. Paki grabs the sword handle and tries to pull it out, but it’s stuck fast. He staggers back and falls to his knees.

“We’re done.”

“No, get up!” Mfuneko frantically tugs at the door in vain.

“We’re done! Stop!” Paki’s shout echoes through the silent house.

“Mfuneko. What have you done?” Xola asks.

Mfuneko turns to face Anathi, his face all purple. “Ruling Bravado has long since overwhelmed you! Your foolish insistence that we not industrialize keeps our people poor! You think I’m still a child?”

“Are you mad?” Anathi screams.

“I am not mad! You should have made me the heir! I know you’ve never liked me! Which one of you have ever cared about me? Which of you has ever thought about me?” Mfuneko starts crying halfway through his speech.

Xola sobs. “He is your father!”

“And I should have killed him!” Mfuneko thunders. “I hate him! I hate you all!”

A deafening silence follows. Ahsoka and Barriss lean down to whisper to Riyo.

“What are they saying?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Riyo absently whispers back.

Xola draws herself up, enraged. She goes around Thandi and Riyo and slowly crosses the foyer towards her son, her footsteps filling the silence. The guards shuffle to the side to let her through, and the closer she gets, the more Mfuneko backs away until he is pressed against the front door. Even though he is head and shoulders taller than his mother, he cowers now before her.

Thandi buries her face in Riyo’s shoulder, and even Paki and the defeated guards look away.

Xola slaps Mfuneko across the face.

Barriss, Ahsoka, and Riyo stay put as Anathi orders Mfuneko and his conspirators to be locked in the cellar, in the remaining prison cells, and the staff escort them down. Thandi waits until they are out of sight before running to her father.

“Baba!” Thandi envelops him in a hug, crying. Anathi laughs, then kisses Thandi’s forehead and murmurs something to her in Pantoran. Xola watches them with tears in her eyes.

Barriss smiles. While they weren’t supposed to come here at all, it’s difficult to consider this wasted time. She could think of worse things to do other than returning a man to his family.

“Senator, Master Jedi, you have my deepest thanks,” Xola says in a thick voice.

Riyo smiles. “It’s the least we could do, my lady.”

“Please, please come with me to the parlor,” Xola says.

Along the way, she gives gentle orders to Ila, Alack, and the rest of the staff. They bring out brooms, dustpans, and other tools to help clean up the aftermath of the fight. Alack goes to the embedded sword and grunts as he tries to pull it out.

In the parlor, Xola sits in the armchair and gestures to the couch. Riyo sits down, followed by Ahsoka and Barriss, who flank her.

“What can I do to repay you?” Xola asks.

“Live well. “My job is to serve the Pantoran people. Your happiness is reward enough,” Riyo says. Both Ahsoka and Barriss turn to stare at her. It’s astounding how gracious she can be. How effortless she makes it look.

Xola shakes her head. “There must be something more.”

“Perhaps access to a comlink. We need to message Defiance about urgent matters.”

“Alas, we don’t have a comlink strong enough here.”

“Isn’t there one in the local college?” Barriss asks.

“No, they tore the comlink tower down to build a more advanced one. It won’t be ready for another month.” Xola stands up and goes to the door, where she beckons to one of the staff. After a whispered conversation, they leave and return with a tray of supplies. Xola takes the tray with thanks, then sits back down in her chair. On the tray are flimsies, a handheld embosser, a stylus, and a small, velvet sack.

“All Galactic Senators are equipped with the latest portable comlinks, yes? You would be able to com Defiance from here if you had yours,” Xola says.

Riyo flushes indigo. “I might have been robbed, my lady. You’re rather perceptive.”

“Once does not become a countess through ignorance, Senator.” Xola takes up the stylus and begins writing in elegant script. “No identichips, no comlink. We must fix that.” She finishes the letter with a flourish and embosses it, then folds the flimsi and puts it into an envelope. She embosses flap of the envelope too, then seals it. Ahsoka whispers to Riyo.

“Was your letter of rec for Sanele supposed to look like that?”

Riyo sighs. “Yeah.”

“Please take this letter to vouch for your identity, and these five hundred credits with our thanks.” Xola holds the envelope and the velvet sack out.

“My lady, it is too much. The letter will do,” Riyo says.

“All Snow Walkers need basic supplies, and it won’t be the first time this house has funded you. It won’t be the last either. Now take these gifts.”

Riyo takes them and slips them into the interior pockets of her suit jacket. “What will you do now?”

Xola puts the tray to the side with a sigh. “There is much to do. We must auction off all of the tacky decorations Mfuneko bought, and then we must clean up the aftermath of that little skirmish. I must send messengers into town to muster the Bravado Security Force, to call back the hunters and open up the piers, and also to the records office to revoke my husband’s death certificate. I must also send word to Dumi that it is safe to come back. And then…and then perhaps I might have dinner with my family. Will you stay the night?”

Riyo glances at both Barriss and Ahsoka, and Barriss must have looked uncomfortable, because she says, “We must be off, my lady. Snow Walkers have long journeys.”

Xola gives them a warm smile. “Of course. Defiance is but a ferry ride away. Should any of you come back, this house will always be open to you.”

Want to read this on Ao3 or on FF.net? Click here for the links.

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #Ahsoka Tano #barriss offee #riyo chuchi #fanfiction #fanfic #artillery writes

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robbyrobinson · 6 years

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Happy Sugar Life is a psychological horror manga series that had received an anime adaptation that had just recently concluded. Despite the innocuous sounding title, the anime is actually set in a Crapsack World. The series concerns a high schooler named Satou Matsuzaka who —after "mingling" around with several boys had apparently ceased this after finding her "true love." With that being said, Satou is very obsessed with preserving her "happy sugar life" even if it involves amoral conduct.

For starters...there's Satou herself. To get this out of the way...she doesn't count for a plethora of reasons. For a Freudian Excuse, well it is explained in flashbacks that she had lost her parents at a young age which caused her to live with her aunt who was clearly unfit to raise her. Her aunt was someone who loved everyone — well it's more that she was a raging sadomasochist who derived pleasure from being abused — and it was ultimately her aunt that was responsible for molding Satou's perception on love. With that excuse....I personally don't think it holds up much. Especially when Satou tries to use that backstory to justify viewing others as being below her. With mitigating factors, there is her relationship with Shio Kobe - a young girl she met in the streets one time. Okay, let's get this out of the way: there is nothing indicating that Satou felt that way about Shio. The one recurring element that constantly presents itself firmly establishes that at the end of the day, Satou's relationship with Shio is one of maternalistic nature. Shio met Satou when her mother abandoned her on the streets one evening (I'll get into the why later on), and she latches onto Satou as a mother figure. Initially, we are given the indication that Satou only viewed Shio as an outlet for her emotional needs, an accessory, in other words. However, this view is proven incorrect in episode 10 when Shio calls Satou out for always keeping secrets from her, and from there, Satou treats Shio more as an equal. In the final episode as the two were trying to escape the burning building, they both jump off the roof. In her final moments, Satou realizes the meaning behind love, and shields Shio, taking the brunt of the fall for her.

As for the heinous standard...I don't feel she meets it. In total, she had a body count of 4 people. The only issue with this is that three of the victims Satou had murdered were assholes; the first was the original owner of the apartment room she and Shio live in. He was an artist who tried to kill Shio because he was enraged that Satou was now "complete" him initially liking Satou because of her incompleteness. The next two were of some thugs that were trying to use Shio as bait to lure her older brother Asahi to the park. But the issue with those murders is largely that they're mentioned in passing. We do have somewhat of a Gory Discretion Shot with one of the perps, but the aftermath is only mentioned by one of Satou's coworkers. Now, Satou does Jump Off The Slippery Slope halfway in the run of the series with her murdering her best (and only) friend Shouko after she had taken a picture of her and Shio and texted it to Asahi. With this murder, what also adds onto Satou's mitigating factors: while she considers it a case of I Did What I Had to Do, it becomes apparent that Satou felt remorseful for killing Shouko. Her lower lip was also seen trembling as if she were about to have an emotional breakdown (which is different from the manga version where it's more an Ignored Epiphany).

So, lastly there is her get away plan. Said plan involves burning the upper room of the apartment and passing off Shouko's body as her own. Clearly, she would be putting the other inhabitants in the level in danger, and she obviously doesn't care either...but the problem with this? Largely, the news mentions that there were multiple casualties from the fire. But they only mention two: Shouko and Satou. As such, these massive casualties are in reference to those two bodies that were uncovered from the arson incident. What makes this even more problematic is that it also runs under Offscreen Villainy. As such, there is no approximate number of people who otherwise perished in the fire.

On another note, Satou has several moments where she could've done worse, but she chooses not to ala Pragmatic Villainy. For instance, when she realizes that Asahi had a connection to Shio, she contemplates bludgeoning him with a crowbar only to relent upon realizing that it would be hard to hide the evidence. Even when Asahi was proving to be more problematic, she instead chooses the least lethal option of deceiving him into thinking his sister had gone to a different district. There are other examples of instances where she could've been worse, but you get the idea.

As for other characters:

1) There was Satou's boss from a restaurant called the Princess Imperial who became envious of her when she learns that one of her employees — Mitsuboshi — had asked Satou out for a date only to be turned down. So, as her way of fixing that? She kidnaps Mitsuboshi, keeping him locked in a cabinet in her room and repeatedly raping him as a means of forcing him to love her. As for excuses...there are none, unless you consider her feeling bad for her age as one. I was contemplating on suggesting her on the grounds that no other antagonist (major or minor) had stooped to this level of depravity, and that she was obviously over the Moral Event Horizon at that point, having raped Mitsuboshi for a week. This was also seen as horrific by the setting with Mitsuboshi himself being deeply traumatized by his experience.

2) Auntie: Satou's Aunt is the one who starts the fire, but the same problems plaguing Satou's involvement also fall on her due to there being no approximate body count to draw from as well as her only being charged for arson and the murder of Shouko. Individually speaking, she isn't heinous enough with only having one count of rape and attempted rape. Beyond that, Auntie also has some forms of mitigating factors such as making it clear that she loves Satou in her own warped way as well as being truly Affably Evil. She could also be seen as being too insane to consider particularly for her happily taking credit for starting the fire.

3) Shio and Asahi's father: He was a posthumous character having died before the events of the anime. For the most part, he is your generic take on a Domestic Abuser with him yelling and hitting his wife. His one unique form of cruelty is shown in a flashback where he rips Asahi's fingernails off out of morbid curiosity at seeing how much pain he could take, and it is also stated that he had always done things like that to Asahi when he chose to live with him for five years after his mom and sister escaped his household. He was ultimately the reason as to why Shio's mom left her on the streets because she feared that she would become like her husband. She later poisons his sake, and he died. The father does commit more crimes in the manga that were Adapted Out when it received an anime adaptation, so I am kind of contemplating on whether that's worth mentioning.

4) There were a few other minor antagonists that I would list, but they ultimately have little merit on the plot of the series.

Overall, those are my thoughts on the series.

Now as for the one I think could count as PE...

The Manager’s CM EP

Who is she?

The nameless manager of a restaurant named The Princess Imperial in which Satou becomes an employee of in order to make more money. At first, the manager was seemingly benevolent...but she was someone who was really self-serving and wanted all of her employees to love only her. However, when one of her employees — Taiyo Mitsuboshi — asks Satou out on a date and she overhears if from her other employees...that doesn't sit well with her. Not one bit.

What has she done?

As Satou was heading back to the apartment building after work, she notices the manager talking with Mitsuboshi about whatever, making Mitsuboshi follow her to her office. Afterward, Mitsuboshi disappears the next day which is attributed to him "quitting." As Satou continued to work for the restaurant, she received more and more work, oftentimes her co-workers would sabotage her efforts. Soon, Satou had to work longer hours, which gradually ate away at her sanity.

Eventually, paycheck day arrived, and the manager hands out the checks for the employees. Satou notices that her check didn't cover the hours she had to work, and she goes to talk to the manager to sort it out. The manager admits that she was punishing Satou with longer hours as revenge for her catching Mitsuboshi's eyes. She then goes onto explain how her restaurant was her castle, and that the employees would flock to her. When Mitsuboshi strayed away from that intended purpose, this unsettled the manager. Satou tells her that it was immoral of her to try to go after underaged employees, and reaffirms that she would get her full pay if she obliged. Satou then glances at the cabinet across the room, and correctly guesses that Mitsuboshi never quit; rather, the manager kidnapped him and repeatedly raped him as her way of forcing him to love her. The manager confesses to this...only to realize that Satou had filmed the entire thing on her cell phone. To this, Satou threatens to inform the authorities about her "discovery" lest the manager gave her the full amount for her hours. Satou then opens the cabinet door, revealing a bound ang gagged Mitsuboshi within it.

Mitigating factors? Freudian Excuse?

Nay for any excuses. The reason as to why she felt that her employees should love only her is partially because she is insecure about her age. Yeah. There isn't any tragic about it in the slightest: the employees were there to serve her only so that she could feel better about herself. When Mitsuboshi asked Satou out on a date, that bruised her ego to the point that she tried to rectify that by kidnapping and repeatedly raping Mitsuboshi to the point that he suffered trauma from the experience. As for the scenes regarding that, they are played seriously unlike with many other uses of the trope.

And I need to emphasize this: her feeling bad because of her age does NOT excuse her repeatedly raping a teenage boy and traumatizing him. The anime gives no sympathy towards her with Satou herself calling her out for going after underaged workers. In this case, any insecurity that she had is completely blown out of proportion because of her actions.

Heinous standard

Happy Sugar Life is a dark series with the Villain Protagonist herself being the least morally grey of the cast (that isn't to say that there aren't any morally upright characters; there are). Despite this, I feel that the manager does have some factors that could make her count. While she had raped one victim, what sets her apart is the fact that she repeatedly raped Mitsuboshi for a week, thus being way beyond the Moral Event Horizon at that point. The whole reason as to why she did this was especially disgusting; it is Evil Is Petty at its finest. She also has that personal tie with Mitsuboshi as because of her, Mitsuboshi developed a pathological fear of older women, an is very blatantly psychologically suffering because of her. No other antagonist in the series had stooped to this level of depravity before.

Conclusion

I feel that she does enough for a minor villain, but I otherwise feel indifferent towards her counting or not. I may go into discussing Shio and Asahi's father next since like I said he did commit more actions in the manga that were left out in the anime adaptation, but probably at some later point.

#complete monster #tropes #TV Tropes #austindr #robbyrobinson #happy sugar life #HSL #happy sugar life anime #happy sugar life manga #Mitsuboshi Taiyo #Taiyou Mitsuboshi #pure evil #heinous standard #YMMV #Satou Matsuzaka #Sato Matsuzaka #Matsuzaka #Sato #Satou

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kartiavelino · 5 years

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Are ‘The Masked Singer’ stars Donny Osmond, Rumer Willis and Cee Lo?

What in Gritty’s title did we simply watch? That’s the query we will’t shake after watching Wednesday’s premiere of FOX’s infectiously entertaining singing competitors, “The Masked Singer.” It’s so convoluted and corny — and we will’t wait to tune in subsequent week together with the opposite 9.2 million viewers who watched final evening. This revamp of the favored South Korean actuality present “King of the Masked Singer” incorporates a dozen “celebrities” clad in loopy Gritty-like garb warbling tunes earlier than a studio viewers. Hosted by former “America’s Acquired Expertise” escapee Nick Cannon— sporting what seems to be Samuel L. Jackson’s afro-sheen wig from “Pulp Fiction” — the present incorporates a surreal panel of judges: Robin Thicke (recent from his $5 million payout to Marvin Gaye’s household), Jenny McCarthy (billed as a “popular culture guru”), humorous man Ken Jeong (“Loopy Wealthy Asians”) and the vocally gifted Nicole Scherzinger, who appears decided to increase her run of actuality TV slumming, I imply judging, on either side of the pond. For the file, none of those judges do any judging. They’re too busy doing an entire lotta guessing — largely of the clueless selection. McCarthy is very susceptible to shouting out the names of A-listers (Hugh Jackman, Justin Bieber, to call two) who would by no means stoop to showing on this sequence — but. Nonetheless, the singers’ identities are saved refreshingly secret (btw: arduous to imagine they haven’t leaked, seeing as how this taped in June) because of beastly disguises — and their disspeaking voices are distorted. The way it works: The studio viewers votes for his or her fave singer in every face-off, whereas the panel of professionals determines which celeb from the underside three goes house on the finish of every episode. Performances by the Peacock, Hippo, Monster, Unicorn, Deer and Lion immediately lit up the Twitterverse — with the present’s official Twitter account dropping clues and viewers throwing out doable names behind the masks. Listed here are a few of the high guesses for the hidden identities, beginning with the primary contestant to get the hook: THE HIPPO: This massive fella carried out an brisk model of Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative,” however since he couldn’t actually sing (Thicke known as him out for singing over a monitor), the judges panel instantly pegged as an “athlete.” [embedded content] Guesses ranged from Deion Sanders (due to his iconic landing dance strikes) and Odell Beckham Jr. I believed for certain it was Von Miller due to these distinctive eyeglasses. Alas, it was Antonio Brown — capping a high-profile week for the Pittsburgh Steelers huge receiver. Brown reportedly had a dramatic falling out with teammate Ben Roethlisberger, one which is reportedly irreparable sufficient for him to request a commerce. Certain, Brown was the primary to get the boot — however not earlier than whipping off that hippo head and flashing these pearly whites and washboard abs for the thirst-trappers tuning in at house. [embedded content] “And girls, I imply, how good-looking is that this man?” Thicke hyped. “You gotta see him with out his helmet extra usually, proper?” Cool down, sir. Did you be taught nothing from all that “Blurred Strains” backlash? The Peacock: This colorfully costumed contestant teased himself as a showbiz veteran from the age of 5 (“it’s been some time since your mother had a poster of me on her bed room wall”), one who knew Michael Jackson and stands 5-foot-9-inches. The Twitterverse thinks Donny Osmond is a no brainer — however was the King of Pop actually his pal? (And does Donny have the pipes to bust out that soulful model of “The Biggest Present” from the hit Hugh Jackman/Zac Efron flick?) [embedded content] Alfonso Ribeiro is likely to be a greater match. Lengthy earlier than he danced the Carlton on “Recent Prince of Bel-Air,” he was a toddler star who bought his massive break in Broadway’s “The Faucet Dance Child,” circa 1983. The aforementioned King of Pop was even his mentor for a sizzling minute — Ribeiro co-starred within the notorious Pepsi commercial-gone-awry that ended with Jackson’s hair set aflame. Plus, Ribeiro is a veteran of this type of factor after 2007, 2015 and 2017 stints on ABC’s related however not almost as enjoyable “Dancing with the Stars.” One peacock-eyed viewer proffered Neil Patrick Harris since he does magic. Sure, sleight of hand was name-dropped as half as a facet ability on this contestant’s in depth repertoire. [embedded content] The Unicorn — Rising up in one of many richest neighborhoods (Beverly Hills), Unicorn at all times needed to be a singer — however her goals have been silenced by neigh-sayers. “I haven’t seen this kind of stellar efficiency from a horse because the Kentucky Derby,” Jeong mentioned because the Unicorn struggled sweetly by means of Rachel Platten’s “Struggle Tune.” Armchair pundits’ high decide: Tori Spelling — this tracks. The spawn of legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling talked overtly about her mom, Sweet, criticizing her appears as a small little one, and critics have been unkind to her continuous actuality TV rotation and well-publicized cash woes. Full disclosure: We hope it’s Tori. There’s one thing oddly transferring about wrestle for acceptance. Plus: Unicorn mentioned her nickname is “Chicken,” and Reddit says Tori means chook in Japanese in order that settles that, proper? Resort heiress and DJ extraordinaire Paris Hilton is one other sizzling take. Yeah, plenty of individuals have mentioned she will’t do plenty of issues properly, however she went proper forward and did them anyhow, so — not one of the best match. A darkish horse guess: Rebecca Black of “Friday” infamy. Nicely, phrase is she is searching for a comeback. [embedded content] The Lion — Earlier than launching right into a strutting rendition of Fergie’s “A Little Occasion By no means Killed No person (All We Acquired),” this contestant supplied this pre-performance tidbit: Lion comes from “Hollywood loyalty” (she later admits “there are loads of girls in my delight.”) This sparked the highest on-line guess of the evening: Khloe Kardashian, in fact. “Her posture was excellent, her legs have been in entrance, she shook her hips proper on time. I’m telling you that that’s a well-trained skilled,” Thicke raved “Robin, cease hitting on the livestock,” Jeong mentioned. Certain, long-legged Khloe suits — however there are two different intriguing breakouts: Rumer Willis — she’s leggy, she sings (FOX’s “Empire”), she dances (“DWTS”) — and she has a litter of sisters and one very well-known Mama in her “delight.” “One of many Braxton sisters” was one other guess tossed on the market, however Aubrey O’Day was the opposite guess that grabbed our consideration. The previous Danity Kane frontwoman could possibly be an excellent match. She has actuality TV expertise from Diddy’s “Making the Band” — and with all her tabloidian distractions, individuals neglect she truly has a giant voice. After all Jenny McCarthy saved making dumbass guesses like “Woman Gaga.” Get it collectively, Jenny, you’re a Pop Tradition Guru now! You understand a soon-to-be Oscar nominee just isn’t going to let the likes of you being the choose of her anytime quickly. [embedded content] The Monster — This top-heavy, one-eyed ball of fur narrated his intro-package with a aptitude for the dramatic: “I’m a monster as a result of that’s what the world labeled me. I used to be on the high of my recreation, however the recreation turned on me. So I retreated into my cave to take a break from the general public eye.” As manipulative maudlin music swells in to underscore The Monster’s hard-luck story, Jeong quips, “I believe he’s completed a while.” We’re drawing a complete clean on this one: Who would truly go on TV and cop to being a monster with belting out Queen’s “Don’t Cease Me Now”? This dude truly can carry a tune. Oh, it simply dawned us: That is Cee Lo Inexperienced. The “F*** You” singer ticks all of the packing containers. He was a pop-culture juggernaut who burned vivid — then burned out amid a sequence of controversies, from an exploding cellphone to accusations of sexual assault. [embedded content] The Deer — This engagingly goofy critter crooned “Thunder” by Think about Dragons. Gridiron guesses ranged from Ben Roethlisberger to Peyton Manning (“he was a COLT AND A BRONCO!,” one fan tweeted) — however NFL legend Terry Bradshaw got here out on high. Terry is an effective match: Social media warriors say he runs some type of a horse farm, he’s one a number of Tremendous Bowls (a clue within the intro bundle) — and that Southern twang sounds oddly acquainted to anybody who’s watched “Failure to Launch.” Oh, and the Deer and Terry each stand 6-foot, 3-inches tall. Tune in at 9 p.m. Wednesday to catch the subsequent installment of this responsible pleasure. Missed the primary episode? Meet up with it any time on FoxNow or Hulu. 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