#im sure i have some good memories

[abirddogmoment]

A compilation of some of my favourite Mav moments ❤

#dogblr #maverick #mav memories #im sure some of you have seen a lot of these before #most have been posted on this blog through the years #im so grateful that i have such a good record of mavs whole life #just going through the blog archive you know? #anyway #i miss mav #he was the coolest dog in the world #Youtube

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

what the hell is happening on this site some asks are Completely gone from my desktop inbox, but on mobile they're there???? mf i just spent ten minutes trying to find asks i was SURE i had received

#it was like Oh Fuck Have I Already Answered These???? #starting to think that my memory is Worse than i thought #i still feel like one or two are missing... #i combed my archive and they arent there either #i Realized Something Was Off because some of them gave me the perfect set up for one of my favorite bits!! #now im very worried that some asks people have sent are just. gone. #maybe it was a reply...? i dont know.... #oh to have a brain that Functions #cant remember jack shit!! #absolutely unprompted #im trying to answer some non-art asks #since i'm not sure if i'll scribble much of anything tonight #too much happened! vaccumed! readjusted my room after the Cleaning! watched a show with a good friend! played with cats! killed a spider! #formulated a response to a response! ate a salad! showered! #see: too much happened and now its almost 4 am #plus i just dont know if im feelin scribbly tonight #which happens it Happens #if i spend too much energy i simply don't have it in me anymore #tomorrow! tomorrow i will doodle! #i will do more laughingstock and make some ask responses and also draw more greaser au for my Friend <3 #unless something happens and i run out of energy again. ill try to be careful about it

[seariii]

Que horror

#THE EMOTIONAL BACKLASH DAMN LMAO #okay so lately in my mind has been floating a small story i made like... 6-7? maybe 8 years ago for a literature class #the teacher was kinda weird and i didnt really learn anything on that class but so be it #he also made us write some sort of journal? okay and this story i was talking about i have the vivid memory i wrote it on a sheet of paper #not on the journal. so now im here like shit am i sure about thwt? where could i have put it? so i tried to look for it and didn't find it #and thought okay ill take a look at that journal AND WHEN I TELL YOU SEARI WASN'T ON A GOOD MENTAL STATE THEN IS #OVERSIMPLIFICATION. DAMN I DIDN'T READ ANYTHING BECAUSE JUST THE PAGES EMANATED SUCH HORRIBLE ENERGY #DAMN GIRL CHILL- it's okay it was something very necessary to pass by it was an important character arc but damn was it a lot #sigh so... ill probably have to re write that story.... i remember i made it in such a way that would make sense in both Spanish and english #i was really proud of myself heh... and i think its a cute concept that would be good to touch again... #heh mi pequeña Sol va a volver #so yeah ill write down the littke bits i remember and hopefully get to draw it soon... #i dont have high hopes on myself tho #seari talks

[kn11ves]

emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something? #i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 #ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????????? #those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT?????? #oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍

[girl-bateman]

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting! #and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective #bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers #so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting ! #but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me' #and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT #like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what #like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything #and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up #i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis #so maybe its just not worth it ? #bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means #what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is #i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me #and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory #but idk if i can trust anyone else either #i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe #what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me #which i dint love tbh #personal

[pl4n]

#my art #ive been so jsvgjsnsndjbdjks #just a big ol jumble of kahsjdbskdhi #and i wanna draw more but im so uninspired aahhaah #i kinda wanna do some studies or smth but ahhhh idk i also just wanna lie in bed when i can #i so tire #but being lazy and bored is also so exhausting haha it feeds itself #so yeah itd be good to try to push myself a bit in my free time to do smth kinda fun chill engaging #its crazy bc theres so much that i could be doing but i have such a hard time being self motivated... #so outside motivation like work or friends is the only reason i do literally anything #which sucks bc i have a lot of things id like to be able to do on my own but yeah. idk why its so hard to do things for myself #that being said if anyone sees this and wants to do lil drawing challenges or trades or smth together that might be niceee #im sort of painfully shy online haha tho im not so much irl #i think the thing abt it for me is the feeling of creating these lil digital footprints #like if i send a message or make a post its just preserved like that... forever.. actually i recently looked at emails from my childhood #and its really cool to see a slice of the past like that but still. idk why it bothers me tbh. i just never got used to it #memories fade and warp over time right? so it really feels like existing in the world and talking to people is just a passing moment #it doesnt really feel that way w the internet. as small and insignificant these small imprints might be #and im really just being neurotic but yeah. maybe i dont like the feeling of taking up space and slowly widening it with every little step #yea thats neurotic fr LOLL #anyways im really rambling away in these tags haha but if ima post this art anyway its such a good excuse to ramble into a void :D #and a good way to practice existing on the internet. im sure ill get used to it

[gontagokuhara]

tale as old as time

pointy objects chapter at 1k words: oh god this is gonna end up so short its gonna be WEIRD and out of place oh god

pointy objects chapter at 3k words: hmm. perhaps not

pointy objects chapter at 5k words and climbing, less than 50% of the way through the outline:

#pointy objects #i never learn. happened with the kaemaki And saiou chapters……and thats just Recent memory #its fine. it will be fine. it just makes PLANNING WHEN TO WRITE STRESSFUL……especially when i have a job w no set hours now too. gulps #whatever Its fine i got some done today and now jts bedtime so i dont stay in bed until NOON again….. #i have Much research to do tmrw for the next portion to write…..exciting but also daunting bc this is uncharted territory #we’re still looking good for the 20th KNOCK ON WOOD so its fine. im sure. im done looking at the doc now

[mxdotpng]

best part abt having an ff14 oc is creating side content for ur wol's character development, completely unrelated to the msq going on

#.text #lately ive been thinking about how the 'traitor' nonsense in stormblood never gets addressed. #like how the garleans found rhalgr's reach and zenos can just waltz in. #so i used that to finally FINALLY fit in something ive been trying to put into the story for YEARS #upon walking into rhalgr's reach for the first time. the undercover traitor. a scientist who works for garlemald. like instantly #recognizes adaline. because he was one of the scientists who helped create her - and one of the ones eventually punished for her escape. #so he took it upon himself to complete his assigned task And bring their wayward expiriment back. #originally in one of addie's very very first drafts. when i first played the game. and when she was like still a human and not #some sort of fleshy robot clone thing. lol #she had a brother named beau. i think im going to bring him back as sir scientist here #he gets caught for recognizing her and thinks quickly. he could use this. so he pretends to be her long lost brother #(a lie) who has been searching for her ever since she disappeared (the truth). and since addie doesnt have any memories #nor does she even know she was Created rather than born. not yet. its not like she can say hes lying. #even if she knows something is wrong... #need this. so a) there are Seeds there for his 'i was created' event and b) so he finally has a reason and an ending to her sudden #'who was i' thoughts. like lately shes been wondering what his life was like Before the amnesia. and this is like #a very sudden and very convenient thing for her to happen. so shes suspicious. and honestly is a little too willing to let it happen #even if his default nature is distrusting. #but it also gives an easy out for trying to figure out When the twins find out addie is a weapon. bc i was never sure where to put that #but here is good. here is good #im literally a genius. smartest writer ever. ok maybe not but also yes #adaline rozovy

[osomatsusanki]

maybe i love ruikasa so much because i know what it's like to be secretly gay in high school. the thrill of making the most of it while minimizing the risk of getting caught, making out in the locker room instead of going to p.e., sharing a single bed on a weekend school trip, endless inside jokes...

#man those were some good times #i have changed a lot since then in terms of wanting a relationship irl (i don't) and yeah homophobia is horrible #but the high of having that secret only the two of you know... i loved that #parents being like 'sure girls have a sleepover :)' and then boom we're doing gay stuff. it was so funny #so yeah maybe this post isn't really about ruikasa actually lmao #more like me projecting my memories onto them #but like im not bitter or anything #everything was fine the way it happened and i'll forever remember her as my super cool gf who made me really happy :) #and i want these gay ass boys to be as happy as we were

[elibeeline]

This weird time travel show is super funky. The main character now has DID, with widely different headmates, and it's a super interesting watch because even tho this is from the 90's its not seen as a bad thing?

#a temporary plot point im sure will be 'cured' by the end of the episode #and the sidekick is being an ass and totally dismissive of it #but its super interesting!!! #the bg character is super accepting tho! understanding of she/her pronouns for samantha and easily using the right names #and no-ones being all 'theres only a matter of time before he becomes violent' #there's also a jesse!! #and the headmates have different memories!!!!!!!! Jesse's having flashbacks to a granddaughter the body doesn't have #this is fascinating #the show is called quantum leap btw!! it draws me in every time i catch it #ah nvm!!!!!! researching the episode he's 'cured' with elecro shock therapy 🙃 #media portray systems in a good light please i beg of you #and treat them with some normalcy?? wtf is this lmaooo 😭

[pheonix-inside]

Decided that one day I'm gonna get the Undertale piano book bc I wanna get back into playing piano anyway and I wanna learn how to read sheet music better. Both for theater/choir stuff and my own music endeavors. What better way to do both things than use my special interest as a motivator.

Also I like showing off and knowing how to play a song on an instrument is really satisfying (I know this both from the few songs I do know how to play on the piano and my recent attempts at playing the ukulele).

Plus my family owns like three pianos at this point it's not like I wouldn't be able to learn.

#we have a cheap but decent electric piano my parents bought for my brother and i to practice with when we still took lessons #and my dad like a year ago either got for free or for really cheap a secondhand piano that's a little out of tune but still good #and my dad made sure to get my grandma's piano after she passed away which i have a lot of emotional attachment to so im very relieved #it's not at our house yet but he's gonna get some piano movers to bring it sometime #that piano is the first one i ever remember playing on. the first song i learned to play my grandma taught me with that piano. #there's a lot of memories #oh also fun fact my stepdad got me a ukulele for christmas so i've been playing that a lot recently #it's awesome #i love music #i /gen wanna be a musician one day in some kind of way. not necessarily as a career but for fun and as a nice outlet #i already write song lyrics so it'd be awesome to have instrumentals for them #who knows maybe i'll release music some day #hopefully #ramble in the tags sorry

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i don’t like. the irrationality created by memories

#ive spent enough time pouring over information and reading studies and making sure i know damn well how this disease works so that at least #it’s not some unknown enemy and becomes something i can understand #which is fine until im crying and shaking in my bathroom over it potentially being in this damn house once again and at this time of the #year where specific anniversaries of horrible milestones come back to haunt me #and i haven’t been fully present in going on two years now but these last two days have passed obnoxiously quickly and none of it feels real #it’s been a long time since i haven’t known the hour much less what day it is #and i can tell you about blood vessels and symptoms and all the ways this disease can function in and destroy the body but it doesn’t make #any difference when nothing feels real and i had to check what day it was and got the date wrong for the first time in years #I’m also defaulting to hyper-rationality which hasn’t happened since middle school and isn’t. a good sign #it’s just a replay of a lot of memories i can’t forgot but this time it’s not just memories and has a very much physical component which is #worse. I think. by far. #and then there’s the repercussions of this where I have to see if my brain will allow me to anything #i can hope i can still go to work and everything because i do love it but last time this happened i wasn’t able to walk into any building #without having to leave #so. I don’t know. not to mention things that don’t have to do with school or careers? #and rationally i should be asleep at the moment because sleep is so so necessary right now but that’s the one thing I’m really struggling #with right now #i don’t know. it’s just a lot and I don’t appreciate the added layer of ‘time is a circle’ #there’s other things I have to deal with and work through that are more irrational than research vs trauma response but will probably be #harder to work through because man does my brain love latching onto a grudge but. for lack of a better term. whatever #im most upset about things pertaining to a career has been messed up and that i can’t celebrate chanukah with my family #because everyone else can think about christmas but im losing my winter holiday #im just. anything that isn’t empty is scared and angry and bitter just a little bit #vent tw

[bornsexyesterday]

YAY I MADE FRENCH TOAST AND DIDN’T BURN THE HOUSE DOWN 

#it tasted good surprisingly. #we.....didn't have brown sugar or vanilla extract #I also did it all from memory because im a stupid bitch butttttttttt it worked #that being said I'm not sure if you would like to have some

[fellwhite]

It's happening

Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life

This is a vent, you have been warned

#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out #I don't know what happened nor what to feel #up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely #yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before #im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored #i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't #im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess #thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar #I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it #thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end #atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times #...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before #like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life #i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart #ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed #again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep #anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little #vent

[arolesbianism]

Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy

#rat rambles #lisa my beloved <3 #her brother also exists ig. #I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that #which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary #exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off #scary because red mist boss fight 😔 #I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am #I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear #and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet #in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold #I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk #what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned #I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story #mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight #I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still #now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility #rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss #cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good #now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys #because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches #it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage #again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think #but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run #the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info #collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing #now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons. #so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two #tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead #stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad

[mxdotpng]

ive been playing tales of arise lately and hmmm im not sure how i feel about the game. i think i could summarize my thoughts as "just okay" but i dont think thatd be right either

#.text #tales #its like ummm. the first few hours of the game are rlly boring to me ❤️ #i got out of calaglia and the game felt a lot better to play. i tended to play abt 90 minutes at a time while still in calaglia and #it took forever to get out of there bc it was just ummm. boring. #and i cant say cyslodia is much better tbh i feel like its generally the same but also no its not? it feels more fluid and #i think the characters feel better in this part. its weird. im not sure how to describe it #when i looked up the game to see how people thought of it it was more or less just a lot of 'has anyone even played this game' and 'no' #which isnt bad u know but i think its RLLY fuckin funny. ive seen some people say it gets rlly good but also i just dont see it yet #i mean i bought it so ofc im GONNA finish it. like the idea they have seems rlly cool... a guy who's memories are seemingly #sealed away inside the indestructable mask hes forced to wear and who can feel no pain. & a girl who inflicts pain upon everyone #she touches. i think shionne suffers a bit from her character writing but she has moments that make her really shine so #im not gonna judge her too hard for it yet. emotions also might be tied to her curse so u know. like i said. not judging yet. #and tbh i think id say the exact same for alphen. sometimes hes really interesting and fun and other times he feels really #stagnant and emotionless. ray chase is doomed to play the exact same character for every role hes in #he was at his best when he played brother nier in replicant and i can see pieces of that in alphens character as the game goes on so #im willing to wait for him as well. rinwell is really cute even if her and shionne's relationship is annoying. i see where its coming #from but i also just hate it when women in media Hate Eachother. what i have against those 2 is literally JUST me so u know #like i said 'just okay' isnt. Accurate but it also ISNT accurate. i dont know how to describe it. #i feel like what they wanted to go for in terms of story and themes was missed for the first part of the story by like a lot #not sure what my feelings are for that one but they arent positive. but like i just think calaglia overall sucked #its weird. like the writing REALLY feels like they just started Actually Caring once we got to cyslodia. its strange #but like whatever. ill See. ill see. eventually. probably. #summary: noctis lucis caelum is in this game.