#im really tired like tired as balls and i need to be beaten into a coma at this point

[strangestcase]

I will make a final statement on the dramaTM and then shut up about it, you know, not make it worse, because I know myself.

I guess it would be hypocritical of me to not apologize.

I will step up and admit, I've been petty, I've been annoying as hell, I've been stubborn, and I have overdone myself more than once. I have not been gracious at many times and I completely understand people are upset about it. It was never my intention to hurt anybody, and I say this completely honestly. But holy shit, looking back, do I fucking jump to conclusions.

Also, for context, it hasn't helped that I'm not exactly in a good place mentally lately due to personal issues.

As a... I wouldn't say content creator, but as a writer and artist, I also struggle with criticism at times and I would be lying if I said that having critics, no matter how civil, is not a walk in the park. That we can all agree on. I imagine it's not fun, as a pretty anxious person myself, to have a few people call you out on some bullshit -regardless of if they're right or not- because, trust me, I have been there, and I should have been more mature, being aware of that. However, I will make the point that the "harassment campaign" you are talking about is just three or four mostly cloutless people complaining about immature behavior on part of a popular artist; on your end, we have the big names of the fandom overreacting at the plight, no matter how ridiculous, of a blogger that has a fraction of a fraction of your fame.

It would be dumb to pretend I have not stepped on people's toes or pushed their buttons the same way it would be dumb to pretend the other side hasn't done the same in differnet ways. So let me reiterate: I am genuinely sorry if I've made any of the people involved feel bad or insulted, though I would be very happy if they made the move to likewise apologize for their behavior, because it's not like I'm super happy about the way they've treated me. Once again, if you stay in your lane I'll also stay in mine and vice versa. Like. Sure. It wasn't good of me to vague other fans, I'm self aware enough to see that now, and I wish I had been able to see it earlier, but it isn't good of them to screenshot my blog and spread rumors about me, you know?

Let me be clear here: I don't want anybody to harrass anybody, go after anybody, or start any more shit. God knows I've already had enough and I wouldn't want to drag more people into this. Any sort of disagreement or beef there is in the fandom should stay between, well, the people affected, like that's OUR problem to sort out? Not yours? So please and for the love of all that's holy don't stoke the flames from this point on because right now we're all just angry and sad and scared and. Um. That doesn't feel great.

Cool?

Cool.

Anyway. I still stand by my opinions, and anybody who knows me knows I'll die on whatever hill, but I have no issue with admitting that an angry Doc is a very petulant and immature creature, and now I'm seeing the consequences. So. All I can say right now is that I sympathize with the fandom at large, understand why they're angry at me, and just... I suppose sit down and be more reasonable even in the face of people who aren't exactly being it. Turn the other cheek and all that.

All this aside, I'm glad we are... kinda cooling down, and having enough emotional maturity to not involve more folks. I'd hate if this got any bigger, and I'm sure that's something we all believe.

TL;DR: I've gone a bit too far and admit I've also overreacted in regards of the current fandom drama, and feel sorry for it. But also please it wouldn't kill you to do the same? I promise I will do my own thing from now on, just be a bit more chill next time someone complains about you. If I can admit I've been too belligerent so can anybody honestly.

#doc talks #man i feel better now #also dont expect me to say much more about this! this time for reals lol #im really tired like tired as balls and i need to be beaten into a coma at this point

[stardustdiaries]

Is...is this okay?

Requested by: @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11​

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader

Warnings: chronic pain due to ♡menstruation♡ which also makes me include blood and nausea as a warning and Soft!Din deserves his own warning (SEASON 2 SPOILER: THE CHILD’S NAME)

Word count: 1,613

  Din Djarin is a protector- there is no doubt in your mind about that.

In the few months of you traveling with the beskar cladded bounty hunter and his magical son, you had somehow managed to slip your way past his armor and straight into his heart. The fact terrified him at first, but as these new feelings came crashing over him, he tried to find ways to express his affection for you. Sometimes he did it by giving you extra rations, other times he would do it by bringing back trinkets he thought you would like from his hunts.

Now, he shows his affection by taking care of you during your least favorite time of the month.

Din was in the cockpit just before morning broke, punching in the coordinates to your next destination as he lightly bounced Grogu on his leg. Setting the Crest on autopilot, he let himself relax into his seat as the child snuggled up on his stomach. A heavy sigh crackled through the helmet’s modulator as stars and distant planets whizzed by in flashing streaks of silver and blue.

Grogu cooed loudly, distress and concern heavy on the sound as he poked a hand in direction of the cockpit’s door. Before Din could question his son, the sound of uneven and stumbling footsteps fell onto his ears. Din quickly climbed down the ladder to the hull of the Crest with the Child in one arm, brows pulled together at the sight of your blankets messily spilling out of your compartment. As he stepped closer to your compartment, his brows shot up at the bright red stain on your sheets, sudden realization crashing over him as he and Grogu exchanged concerned glances.

A pained gasp emanated from the refresher quickly followed by a heave. Din grimaced at the sound, dropping to one knee before gently placing Grogu on the floor and making his way to the refresher’s door. He knocked softly, sucking a sharp breath at the pained groan that echoed from the other side of the door. “Cyar’ika?”

A few beats pass before the door slides open, revealing your distraught self.  Din frowned under the helmet as you leaned against the doorframe, struggling to stop yourself from doubling over as you wrapped an arm around yourself. Taking note of your clean change of pants, Din's eyes traveled behind you, falling upon your old pair that were now stained with red- just like your sheets. Noticing where his eyes had settled, you lowered your head, embarrassed. “I-I'm sorry for the mess,” your voice rasped, words thick with pain and discomfort. “I’ll clean it up-"

Din shook his head, gently taking your hands in his and slowly pulling you back into the hull and close to him, making sure he wouldn’t do anything that would cause you more pain. “You don’t have to worry about it, cyar’ika.” He said softly, rubbing soothing circles on your back as another gut-twisting wave of pain shot through your body. Feeling your knees buckle, he wrapped an arm around your waist and held you close to him. “Whoa. How about we get you back to bed?” he cooed, his voice gentle.  You buried your face on his chest, thankful that you could take in his warmth now that he wasn’t wearing his armor.

You nodded; eyes heavy with exhaustion as you let Din guide you through the hull. With a pout on your lips, you froze in place. Din looked back at you, tilting his head in concern as you looked at him with apologetic eyes. “Cyar’ika, what is it?”

“I…I stained my sheets,” you breathed guiltily, your eyes glossing over with tears of frustration as you winced at the pain on your abdomen. Din's heart shattered at how beaten you looked. He instinctively pulled you even closer to him, pressing his helmet to your forehead in a Keldabe kiss.

“I’ll take care of it, okay?” He assured you softly, his words crackling through the modulator. Sensing your hesitance, he gave you a reassuring tilt of his head before helping you lie down. “Is there anything I can do?”

You curled up into a ball under the sheets, taking a sharp breath as a response to the paralyzing surge of pain that wracked your body. Shaking your head, you squeezed your eyes shut at the pang of nausea that coursed through the deepest pits of your stomach. You felt sick, your stomach threatening to void itself of its contents as you tried to focus on controlling your breathing.

Din felt absolutely helpless as your breath hitched with every shot of pain that paralyzed your body, your muscles tense as beads of moisture collected themselves over your hairline. He offered you something small to eat and drink, fully knowing you’d reject the offer in your current state, but hopeful nonetheless that maybe he’d find a way to ease your discomfort. He didn’t bother with painkillers as he learned that your stomach always rejected them before they could even sooth the effects of your cramping muscles.

A pained gasp called him back to you and he was on his knees, by your side almost by reflex. He watched as you clenched your jaw and took notice of how your body shook tensely. “Cyar’ika…?” His hand cupped your cheek, pouting when you tried to hold back a whimper. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He knew it was a dumb question, but he needed to know what you were feeling.

When you opened your eyes, his heart stilled in it’s ribcage. The usual glint of joy that sparkled in your eyes was now replaced by exhaustion and torment. You leaned into the warmth of Din’s hand on your cheek, trying to focus on that before willing yourself to speak. “I-It hurts.” you choked as tears burned in your eyes before dropping to your cheeks.

The corners of Din’s lips dropped to a frown, his brows pulling themselves together in concern. He cooed sweet nothings as he gently wiped away the salty tracks of your tears. As an idea hit him, he pulled his lips into a thin line, contemplating his next moves. Slowly, he began to run his fingers over the flushed skin of your face, tracing your lips before he dropped his hand with a tilt of his head. “May I…?” he breathed, nodding in direction of the empty space on the cot.

Your eyebrows shot up in questioning. “But what if I accidentally-“

“Get blood on me? Cyar’ika, do you really think that’s what I’m concerned about right now?” he scoffed, but you could sense the smile he wore under the helmet. He waited for your response before he moved. Once you gave a stiff nod, Din darkened the room and removed his helmet. He gently climbed onto the cot, carefully making sure he wasn’t jolting you as he moved to your side. “Alright, come here.” With one arm carefully wrapped around you, he helped you move closer to him until your back was pressed against his chest.

You hummed as the heat radiating from his body spread over your own, letting your muscles loosen up slightly as his breath clashed with your skin. “That’s nice,” you rasped, your voice still strained, but genuine nonetheless.

“Yeah?” Din breathed a smile. He felt you tense up and hiss a few times and he would coo sweet words into your ears as a distraction. At some point, the pain must’ve been too much because your back arched before you curled up into a ball, a tired groan stumbling past your lips.

Din frowned at this. Before he could form a coherent thought, his hands snaked under your shirt and began to rub soft circles over skin of your abdomen. Immediately, you sighed in what Din recognized was relief. You got impossibly close to him and he didn’t argue against it. His hands were warm against your stomach and you sent a silent thank you to the Maker at this new sense of comfort.

“Is…is this okay?” he asked, fingers tracing shapes and patterns over your skin. His touch lingered and your eyes began to flutter as your exhaustion began to weigh on you. Melting against the shape of his body, a breath flew past your lips weakly as you slowly managed to stretch out your legs.

You managed to grace him with a small smile before letting your eyes close. “This is amazing.”

Din chuckled quietly, pressing a kiss on your cheek as his legs tangled with your own. He smiled as your heavy breaths settled into a soft and easy paced rhythm. You hadn’t made any sounds of complaint and your figure had finally released most of its stiffness. He knew you had finally managed to fall into the grasp of the rest your body had begged all day for, but he refused to remove his hands from their place on your stomach. Heck, he’ll continue rubbing circles over your skin all day if it meant that you’ll be able relax and rest.

Feeling a tug on one of his hands, he looked over your shoulder to see one of your own hands take hold of one of his. You pulled his hand sleepily, almost as if trying to keep him close and wrap his warmth around you like a blanket. He smiled at the gesture, pressing one last kiss onto your neck before settling next to you.

“I’ll be here, cyar’ika, you can rest.”

#the mandalorian #mandalorian x you #mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin #this is the way #grogu #grogu djarin #pedro pascal #din djarin x y/n #the mandalorian season two #mandalorian x y/n

[a-deadly-serenade]

overall this season was pretty decent. i have some thots whats new so im gonna share them below the cut if anyone’s interested :)

so!! first off i’ll say that there were a lot of things i did really enjoy from season 4!

the action was super fun as always!! i loved all the crazy enemies and callbacks! the skeleton fight and all those little goblins they kept killing throughout were a nice touch ;) sypha’s use of her powers is INSANE her ice-chainsaw?? her WALL of fire?? electric balls?? come on. and the animation was NICE. i really wanna know who did most of the fight scenes bcuz the style is so different and it just POPS but in a really good way? 

my favorite fight has to be ofc when everyone is REUNITED yes im basic. but the THEME song going off and well, im a whore for sotn references and i CAME when i saw the leap stone ref w the winged cape or when alucard turned into a hoard of batss AND THEN HIS WOLF FORM OOOOHH BABY!!! actually episode 9 is just a straight banger.

STRIGAAA. STRIGA. oh mama i was sweating during that fight. mad kudos to her va for them growlsss

carmilla vs isaac was a lot of fun and i loved the visuals but my hype was instantly ruined when i saw her kill herself 😭but thats smth i’ll complain about later.

not all the lines were bangers, some of sypha’s swearing seemed even a bit too much at times, and it was especially jarring to be having a face-to-face death-math with literal Death and hes acting like a naughty little 5 year old thats just learnt to swear. maybe cut back on the fuck-isms? just a bit? BUT when they hit they did GOOD. “the fuck what now?” yes

ISAAC. you weren’t in this season as much but man do u still shine through. i loved his introduction back in the town where he has his night creatures digging graves and rebuilding the city 😭 and then the conversation he shares w his flyman?? obsessed.

Hector chopping his finger off and giving lenore and carmilla a good ol FUCK YOU!! as he helps isaac. we love to see it

Trevor and Sypha’s “I love you!” “I know.” <3

DEATHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

oh! alucard actually having a story & purpose in the plot? :) luv it love to see it. that being said... the Plot. 

its... ok? it’s kind of split up into 3/4 parts, as the story progresses, one eventually merges with several of the others kind of? cohesively? while leaving the other to sort itself out.

now, i didnt have too many qualms with it, it was pretty straight forward. dracula is going to be resurrected and we have sypha and trevor looking in on it, while alucard helps the nearby village and hector and isaac go on about bringing on their inevitable showdown. however, the way the story was paced and some of the decisions they made... werent so great.

st. germain for example, brought the ENTIRE momentum from the last few episodes to a halt. you have sypha and trevor fighting through heaps and heaps of monsters only to find themselves back in Targoviste where they meet the mysterious Zamfir!! and Alucard!! he’s been asked to help save this village!! all jam-packed with crazy action and animation that leaves you fired up!! and then episode 5 comes to a screeching halt and we spend nearly the entire thing on st. germain’s backstory and explaining his motives for the rest of the season

like. imma be real with you chief: he didnt need to be here lol. you could have just left varney as the main vamp in charge of bringing back big daddy drac and he could reveal to his.. idk henchmen or something that he’s death. but u gotta fill them ten 20 minute slots somehow!! he just fell so flat and unfortunately, a lot of the side-characters suffer from this this season.

i enjoyed great and zamfir, i love their desgins esp, but they really could have been fleshed out more. zamfir is shown as nothing but a spoiled brat the majority of the time she’s on screen but they wait till she’s about to die to try and turn her character around? huh? greta is given a bit more screentime but this sudden confession of feelings in the last episode felt so... huh?? why couldnt she just be dedicated to her people and show that u can love someone w/out necessarily being their partnr? i thot that was her whole thing; taking care of her people. it’s like. where did this come from. they cant have known each other more than a week at most dog 😭

it sucks they dedicated to much time to scenes that didnt really need to be there where we could have gotten this proper development, like maybe have a scene zamfir and sypha connect over struggles they’ve dealt with in the past and that has her open up about how traumatizing dracula’s attack on her city was. u could have expanded upon her role in the court and WHY she worshipped the monarchy so much instead of making it a throwaway gag about her being “crazy”. but why have that when we could instead spend the first 5 minutes of said episode watching a monotonous back-and-forth b/w varney and that big burly russian vampire who’s name im sure mor than 98% of the audience cant even remember? 

just a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed so that the actual MEAT of the story could be slow cooked to perfection. people really arent kidding when they say less is more. 

another big problem i had was there... i dont even know what to call it, re-humanization? redemption? of Lenore. like lmk if im wrong but she manipulated hector, yeah? coerced sex to slip on that ring that binds him to her?? orr whatever weird shit warren’s into. but the way they interacted, ESPECIALLY in their first major scene together was sooo uncomfortable to watch lol at first i thought perhaps hector was only playing along because well. hes enslaved to do her and carmilla’s bidding. but no, he actually LIKES her. he spares her when isaac comes around, he says that he wants to keep her as his own. and in the meantime, lenore finds time to complain to a man that’s been beaten and enslaved how upset it makes her that carmilla got angry at her 😭 or says thats she tired of isaac keeping tabs on her and wants to escape this ‘cage’. to  aman thats literally been imprisoned since youve known him 😭her death is seen as peaceful, calm, they even try and tug at ur heartstrings by swelling this sad, dramatic music as the sun rises. really? LENORE?

and carmilla’s death happened WAYY too early imo. she was the villain for practically 3 seasons and this is how she goes? isaac couldnt get more than a stab at her? his night creatures couldnt take a nibble? HECTOR couldnt even be given a chance to do somethng like come on

the resolution was... strange? it was cute!! and happy!! but i dunno if they really needed to have lisa and vlad coming back, but, like i said; it was cute! definitely not the ending i was expecting. 

i’m glad that they put their focus back on what made the show so much fun and that was the FIGHTS. they definitely helped add some much needed spice to things when scenes started to drag, but im a gal that really luvs a good story and even though reviews were raving that this season helped closed the lid on all the themes theyd been exploring, i just didnt really see that. which isnt necessarily a BAD thing, i knew i wasnt gonna find some deep introspective themes in this hack n slash horror-fantasy, its just what can turn somethng like this from an ok show to a GREAT one. 

in the end, im glad they stopped at this one and im curious to see if they really DO go ahead on making spin-offs. bcuz unfortunately, i will always be down for som new castlevania content

#cv4 #this is REALLY long #and BRIMMING with spoilers #so read at ur own discretion #otherwise ty for spending ur valuable time to hear what a random sob like me has to say <3

[drangues]

Well, I appreciate you not finding me annoying- I just know that dealing with someone with anxiety can be. A Lot. And of course I have, like, ADD on top of that, and a general tendency to overshare because it’s hard for me to tell what the divider is between too much and not enough? Also there an Actual SCP that lets you square up with mental and physical illnesses and disorders alike, it’s great. (Nyanon, 1/10)

Anyways, I’m sorry people have said that about some of your favorites, but I’m glad you like them, anyways! It’s nice to like stuff. That aside, Kyouka just vibing up until she get the Urge to Go is. Hilarious, and would definitely happen. Also you’re right, Atsushi definitely collects old and vintage stuff and tries to restore it a bit and you should say it. Anyways, poor Atsushi is just left struggling to keep up with his adopted baby sis because how did we get here? (Nyanon, 2/10)

Kyouka what??? Kyouka please he is Confused (even though he definitely supports her traditions, like you said- Our boy is just wondered why it came out of nowhere). And those four sound like a good choice for family friends! I feel like Kyouka would get. The ODDEST assortment of gifts from them- Like, Yosano gives her an Entire Emergency Kit and Kouyou just gives her Swords and also pretty clothes. (Nyanon, 3/10)

Of course, Fukuzawa gives her toys for the local strays and some pocket money if she needs it, and Lucy probably gives her a doll or something. Atsushi, of course, fusses over making sure she has Everything, including books, bedding, her broom, and Kyouka did you pack all of your clothes??? And of course, he probably passes her Byakko’s special basket and bed (because that would be One Spoiled Cat) while in tears, like you said, because he doesn’t want her to be alone. (Nyanon, 4/10)

AND DONT WORRY KENJI IS DEFINITELY THE BOY SHE MEETS, I ALSO SHIP IT, THEYRE ADORABLE AND I LOVE THEM. He chatters to her about his life on the farm and how much more busy the city is, and they bond over being in a new place on their own. Poor Atsushi can’t catch a break, and he probably freaks out everyone else by running away. Like, what the fuck are they gonna tell Kyouka when she gets back??? Atsushi where did you go? (Nyanon, 5/10)

Meanwhile Atsushi is frantically trying to Not Be Cursed and it is. A work in progress. It’d be much easier if the wizard he found actually helped instead of being a trolling bastard. Said wizard and his minions (friends) are all taken with the weird cursed maybe-not-an-old-man who’s now their house keeper? Albeit in different ways, of course, but it’s hard not to be when he’s a sweetheart, of a bit anxious. Dazai just wants to know how the fuck he gets Chuuya to listen to him. (Nyanon, 6/10)

Also please consider: Atsushi having black hair at the start, but it ends up a permanent silver with a black streak by the end, because he’s starting to embrace himself. Dazai falling farther and farther in love as the story goes on and not even realizing it, and it’s totally normal to pet someone’s hair and compliment them so much, shut UP Chuuya, you’re a sentient ball a gas, what do you know- Anyways yes I’m taken with this AU, no I don’t mind your tangent. (Nyanon, 7/10)

And it’s just like [Dazai: I’m sorry like you ignore your what now??? // Atsushi: // Dazai: Atsushi-kun please answer me- ] It’d be so chaotic it’s great. Anyways, yeah I could definitely see him not really,, Registering? That everything he once had to do isn’t necessary anymore- It’d definitely be hard to break the habit, given how long it was literally beaten into him. It’s probably the same way when it comes to like, eating and stuff? Given his experiences. (Nyanon, 8/10)

Then he realizes halfway through the day that he can, in fact, eat, and he isn’t used to that? Please help him. But all of that definitely would make him more eager to try new things, once he realized he could! He’ll try everything with anyone who’s willing. Like, he’ll do flower pressing with Kunikida (who thinks they make good bookmarks), or he’ll try collecting things with Dazai (who collects foreign coins, though Atsushi finds that he favors bottle caps). You know what I mean? (Nyanon, 9/10)

But anyways, another Scenario Concept: Please imagine Dazai and Atsushi taking naps together. Like, Atsushi curls up on Dazai’s chest and Will Not Move, and no one has the heart to move him, anyways. Dazai buries his face in Atsushi’s lap and let’s himself fall asleep while Atsushi plays with his hair. I don’t know, I’m tired and can’t think of much right now. I just want fluff. (Nyanon, 10/10)

DW!!! I ALSO SUCK AT KNOWING WHATS OVERSHARING OR NOT AND I LOVE IT WHEN SOMEONES VERY OPEN AND RAMBLES ON A LOT BECAUSE ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEAR IS AWKWARD SILENCES AND DRY CONVOS SO I LOVE THOSE TYPE OF PEOPLE CAUSE THEY ALSO MAKE ME TALK BETTER AND WE JUST HAVE A BETTER CONVO OVERALL

i loVE THEM GIVING HER THE ODDEST GIFTS I BET FUKUZAWA IS THE ONLY ACTUAL NORMAL ONE WHO GIVES HER NORMAL GIFTS meanwhile kunikida (did i say he would be a friend as well??) would give her the C UT E S T stationary items for her studies. 

and chuuya’s curse would definitely be reduced to a flame!! and akutagawas curse,,,hmm,,,maybe that he has poor health??idk if that makes sense- BUT. PLS. I CAME UP WITH A CHUUAKU AU WHERE THEY MANAGE TO FALL IN LOVE AND EVERY NIGHT AKUTAGAWA IS HUDDLED NEAR THE FIREPLACE AND TALKS TO CHUUYA SOFTLY JUST THEM TOGETHER WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE IS ASLEEP AND ATSUSHI PRETENDS NOT TO HEAR THEM HNNN AND WHEN THE CURSE IS BROKEN AND CHUUYA IS NO LONGER BOUND TO DAZAI HE JUST IS SO HAPPY HES FREE AND AKUTAGAWA LOOKS DEFLATED RIGHT BUT THEN HE IMMEDIATELY TACKLES AKUTAGAWA IN A HUG AAAA-

anyways Y E S i totally agree with atsushi having black hair and it turning grey how dare you be so amazing WOW <33 and chuuya would definitely keep on teasing dazai about everything he literally does to atsushi the moment the young(old??) man is out of earshot

flower pressing with kunikida,,,how dare you make me soft i hate you and DAZAI AND ATSUSHI TAKING NAPS TOGETHER AAAA THATS SO CUTE PL S IM CRYING

#anon #ask #ask anon #anon ask #bsd #nyanon #nyatsushi anon

[letsperaltiago]

I give up, I'm in love crying out to you |Jake x Amy|

So this is the post ”Yippie Kayak” fic I talked about! And honestly... I’m not super happy with how it turned out, compared to what I had in mind, but... I hope someone out there will enjoy it. Maybe

xx!

word count: 2.8k

The red and blue lights coming from the remaining police cars reflected back off his slightly pale face as he started the car, carefully driving away from the surrounded Goodwin’s before turning down the main street. Since Jake had quickly been pulled away from her to get checked by a paramedic as soon as they pulled back from their passionate reunion kiss, neither of them had gotten to say much to the other after Jake escaped the hostage situation. He’d quickly shrugged off his leather coat then hoodie before giving her the latter before he was pulled aside. Since then Amy had spent the time checking up on Gina and Charles, secretly feeling unsettled and almost burdened even though Jake was clearly safe and sound. Why?

So she wondered still as they quietly drove off and away from the chaos. It was just the two of them in Jake’s car. Maybe she didn’t say anything but on the inside Amy felt like screaming and crying, almost like she wanted to speak out but some unknown force pushed the words back down her throat. More than anything she didn’t want him to notice, because then he’d worry and he was the last person who should worry about someone else. He’d just been beaten by robbers and held hostage, for God’s sake! Although it probably didn’t help keeping her messy state of mind secret that she uneasily, shuffling in her seat, kept looking back and forth between the bypassing streets and his focused, slightly bruised face. Either his mind was somewhere else, which was completely understandable, or he chose to bite his tongue and not comment on it.

“Should I drop you off at home?” After such a long silence, his voice almost startled her, causing Amy’s head to quickly whip away from the window and in his direction instead like a deer caught in headlights. They usually slept at her place, almost everyday besides a few times a week whenever one or both needed a bit of me-time, so this caught the young woman a bit off guard. Did he ask because he wanted to drop her off and go home alone? Or was he just being polite? During the 7 months they’d been together, Amy had never turned to overthinking like this and it scared her. Jake would never have ulterior motives when it come to her - or anyone else, for that matter. What was wrong with her?

“Ames?” Without taking his eyes off the road for too long he allowed himself to take a quick glance of her, obviously confused by the lack of response he got from his otherwise always very clear and palpable girlfriend.

“Oh, sorry. I just-“ she bit her lip, silencing herself with her thinking. Honestly she wanted nothing more but to tell him no. No, she didn’t want him to just drop her off and act like nothing had happened. Actually the very last thing she wanted after coming so close to losing him was to go home alone - without him. Then she remembered that her bag (having held clean, warm clothes) from the polar swim and stinky, soaked jacket was still in his trunk, and last-mentioned item probably needed a good wash. She also did happen to have a full day of Christmas celebration with her enormous family waiting for her tomorrow on the 25th, so… Though every signal within herself told her that she didn’t want to, that it was wrong, it probably would be easier to just go home and get the last chores crossed off her mental list.

“Uhm, yeah. My place is fine.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could sense a nod, immediately sending her heart crashing into her gut. First the polar swim, then the hostage situation and now this? What a shitty Christmas eve. 10 minutes of silence later, he pulled over in front her apartment building and turned off the engine. Neither of them seemed to be able to break that eyes, staring straight ahead out the front window with stiff postures and mingled thoughts.

“So we’re here,” Amy finally mumbled, slowly and almost unwillingly reaching for the door handle.

Jake turned in his seat, scanning her up and down with his tired, yet always so gentle eyes.

Words were burning in her throat, making it feel like a muddy mixture of feelings and tears balling up in trachea. It was pure agony and it just wasn’t worth it, when she was with this wonderful man who’d never laugh at or dismiss anything she said. She needed to calm down and trust him.

“Would you mind coming upstairs with me? Just for a second,” she finally managed to almost gurgle out and finally looking back at him.

“No, of course not.” He smiled weakly, pausing for a moment, before leaning over the gap between their seats to peck her temple. “Let me help you with your stuff.”

So there they were, just 2 minutes later, after climbing the few stairs to her first floor apartment. The flicking of a switch by the entrance door drenched the living room/kitchen in a soft yellow light, which allowed them both to make their way to the center of the room.

“Should I just put it on a hanger it in your bathroom?” Jake asked sweetly, making Amy’s heavy heart do summersaults because of the fact that he’d read her mind before doing anything else.

She sent him a grateful smile, “Yeah, thanks. Just make sure to-“

“Hang it in the shower, so it won’t drip on the floor?”

Amy could tell by the way her boyfriend’s  eyes light up and his lips morphed into a crooked, boyish smile that he was proud of the fact that he’d managed finish her sentence just right. Sometimes she forgot that not only had they been dating for 7 months, but he’d also been her best friend for longer and partner against crime for even longer. There was no denying that he, more than anyone else and even herself, knew her the best. A weak smile growing on her lips at the thought let him know he was right, and then there was nothing else for her to do but to follow him with her eyes as he walked off to the bathroom with her icy ocean-coat.

Everything was so good between them and there was absolutely no denying it. Then why did she slump down on her couch with a heavy sigh and an even heavier her, she wondered. What was it about today; about her; about him, that made it seem like she was holding back and onto some kind of secret. A heavy slump back against the back of the couch seemed appropriate for the situation. Few steps wandered down the hall towards her, coming closer and closer. Next thing she knew he was back, standing by the kitchen at the opposite end of the room, freezing in his track when he noticed her hopeless expression. A staring contest between the two seemed to be initiated, but truth be told, she was not taking in just his eyes. Also the dark circles that surrounded them, his short, but nonetheless curls very messy from the day’s actions, his posture only emphasised how he probably felt - yet Amy Santiago had never before been so sure of one thing.

“Amy, is everything okay?”

Okay, the jig was up. He’d definitely noticed her being way off the entire night. Maybe he had been so too, but he, on the other hand, had an actual excuse.

“Yeah,” the following sigh did not reassure him. “Come sit with me for a second. Please?” She let her hands dance across the empty space by her side.

It truly did feel like walking into the belly of the beast, but ready for whatever she was going to throw at him, the eager detective made his way to the empty spot beside her and placed himself facing her. One leg bent on the couch, the other hanging off the side as he rested his side against the couch’s soft back. Another silence swallowed them both. Right in front of him, so close that he could reach out and touch her even though he didn’t dare to right then, Amy was nervously pushing her hair back behind her ears. Normally a double-tuck was a good sign, Jake couldn’t help but notice, but the current moment seemed to be way off and inconsistent.

“Ames, you’re kinda freaking me out here. Are we okay? Are you okay?”

The fact that he emphasised the ‘you’ more than the ‘we’ once again told her that he was the greatest man alive, obviously caring more about her than himself and them. A smile was not to be held back and her left hand, rebelliously in the name of love, expressed the same intractableness by reaching forward and cupping his cheek. Like a tear, though they weren’t present, Jake felt her thumb dance downards across his face and a million butterfly were set free in his stomach.

“Yes,” she nodded softly. “Both me and us. More importantly: Are you okay?”

He nodded softly into the her hand’s fingerhold, secretly wishing she would elaborate instead of redirecting the worry towards him. “I’m okay. Tonight was scary, but now I’m here with you. And though it might seem cheesy, it’s what matters to me.”

She nodded back, and though her mind was racing, trying to fight and make sense of all of her thoughts, her lips parted with willingness to speak. “It’s okay to be cheesy. It’s what matters to me too: Us…” She hesitantly allowed a pause, breathing in and unconsciously ran her tongue across her upper lip, considering if she should continue. This was Jake Peralta. With them it had always been this weird game of ‘in-between but never quite there’. The years of pining, the ‘never-single-at-the-same time’, keeping it light and breezy, almost breaking up twice within their first week together… It all came rushing back like an avalanche, pushing Amy over the edge of her emotional mountain. This time she wasn’t going to stay stuck in the middle; she was going big or going home - and she was already home, so there really was no way around it. “… Which I guess is why I’ve been so weird all night.”

Jake Peralta tilting his head slightly to the side in wonder was somehow the cutest and worst sight in the entire world - worst because she knew he did it out of confusion and precariousness. Amy Santiago wasn’t one to be overly confident with men, but these 7 months together had definitely taught her that she held his heart in his hands. His secretly very fragile, loving heart. On the other hand though, she also knew that he also held hers. Vulnerably and firmly all at once.

“You…” along with a heavy breath, her hand dropped from his face into his lap to hold his. Her gaze followed behind. “Being in danger like you were tonight really got me thinking about how important you are to me.” Her sincere brown eyes finally looked, to his relief, back up at him as those last words danced off her lips. Tender yet alert eyes and an understanding not from her boyfriend let Amy know that he was listening - he usually did whenever she spoke - and pushed her to continue. Taking this leap meant that there was no turning back around. “Li-,” her breath hitched, when tears suddenly welled in her eyes with urge to leap over the edge and down her cheeks. “Like it just got me thinking about the fact that just barely 3 years ago, I could never live with you. Never share a life with you, never be in the same room as for more than a few minutes without going absolutely insane,” she squeezed their joined hands in reassurance. “Never touch you like this. We seemed to be two opposites in all the worst ways. Impossible to unify.”

Though it was obviously with caution, seeing how affected by the matter his girlfriend was, Jake smiled remembering how they used to be cat and mouse. Those times seemed so far away these days.

“And now, today,” the hitch in her voice repeated itself; this time causing a tingle tear to stream down her face. Even soaked in tears, her eyes never left his and if Jake wasn’t completely delusional from all of the surfacing emotions, he could’ve sworn tears were welling up in his as well. “It just really hit me that I could never live without you.”

Almost like a bomb, silence dropped and blasted through the space around them. It sucked them into a black hole of everything from utter vulnerability to raw emotion and everything in between. Amy quickly noticed how her boyfriend’s eyebrows had cocked upwards, along with his suddenly much more awake eyes, in surprise.

“There’s before, now and after; me before you, me with you and I never want there to be a ‘me after you’, Jake Peralta.”

His jaw failed to keep his mouth shot, allowing his lips to part in awe like a kid having just discovered a secret treasure of gold, diamonds and pearls.

Her heart picked up pace as well as her termbling voice.

“God, I don’t know if this is moving too fast; if it’s right or wrong… But I’m just gonna say it. I desperately need you to know.”A brief pause pierced the moment, the three words welling up inside her mouth.

“I love you.”

His lips slowly merged back into a soft smile, his eyes glistening with joy as he brought his strong hands across the distance between them to hold her face and look into her eyes.

“I love you too, Ames.”

Finally, turning out to be what she needed more than anything that night, he used the hands attached to her face to pull her into a soft, tender kiss. A heavy weight suddenly dropped from her shoulders, her chest becoming lighter and fluttering as well. Within seconds her fingers wrapped around his wrists which were attached his hands that still cupped her now also smiling face. Their lips pressed together still, sparks flying like it was the first time instead of somewhere within the millions - probably - Amy knew she’d made the right decision. She loved Jake Peralta and he deserved to know.

His forehead pressed against hers, never disconnecting, as their lips parted and a dynamic energy travelled around them and the room. Amy could tell he was smiling; she was too after all.

“Tell me we’re end game?”  

When he slowly tilted his head just an inch back, Amy felt the tip and bridge of his nose gently stroke up her own. Upon having finally tilted it up and back far enough to reach her forehead, he pressed a tender kiss to it. It lasted longer than their rare, but yet sweet, little forehead kisses usually would. It almost felt like his lips had gotten stuck, but then suddenly to Amy’s secret dismay, he pulled his whole upper body back to look at her properly with glistening eyes and a happy grin. Amy’s heart on the other hand was anything but calm, thumping louder and harder than she ever imagined possible. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Maybe declaring her love like that was a bit too much for an otherwise emotionally cut off person like Jake. Maybe she should’ve just stuck to “I love you”… Or just nothing at all; she should’ve sent him back home and slept by herself tonight.

Yet suddenly it was clear to her that the confusion and anxiety must’ve been clearly written across her face, because once more and always preferably, Jake Peralta’s hands were buried deep within and messing up her glistening black locks like they were the last sensation he’d ever experience. His soft soft lips grabbed hers, telling her that she’d never be alone ever again though she still sometimes feared she would. More. She wanted it all and more, so she quickly reached across, grabbing the collar of his famous grey hoodie. If it was even possible by then, seeming to be as close as possible, she pulled on it and him. His lips scrunched into a smile against her desperate kiss. Suddenly his kiss wandered off too the side, onto her cheek; her chin; her hairline before ending on the top of her head with her cheek resting securely on top of his shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around her frame. Like they should be. Always.

“Amy Santiago, we’ve always been end game.”

#jake peralta #amy santiago #peraltiago #peraltiago fanfiction #fanficition #peraltiago fanfic #jake x amy #jake and amy #brooklyn nine-nine #b99 #brooklyn nine nine

[bobowhooo]

Potent Savages

Genre : Angst/ Thriller/ Trigger Warningsss/ Smutty/ Exo, oc, and blackpink gang au

Summary : Not everyone is cut out for this kind of fast paced lifestyle. But for these young, rich, savages, it’s second nature.

Chapter 10 : feeling like C-4

                                Fuck with us. We’re NBK.

“I told you everything! There’s no need to keep me here! i have a business to run!” The panda was screaming his head off inside the bathroom of the penthouse suite.

“Dude, you gotta go shut that guy up.” I said, looking at kyungsoo while my hands continued to clean up my automatic rifle.  

“Im obviously busy, get chanyeol to do it.”

“He’s busy.”

“I’ll do it.” Chen volunteered. I looked away because chen isn’t the best option for the job. He’s a bit too reckless sometimes. But fuck it. Let it happen.

“Thanks...” i said as he walked passed me. 

We’re all just trying to keep calm right now. No one is talking or making any sudden moves. It’s only because we’re so close. It’s approaching so quickly.The day we finally get aya back. And the day we finally kill siwon. The day we make sure everything he’s ever attained is burnt to ashes, then burn the ashes. Im more than ready to do this. My heart has been beating like crazy nonstop since last night. My patience getting thinner with each day that passes. But i need to calm myself. There’s no need to be in such a hurry. We’re going to do this no matter what. I’m going get aya back no matter what. I put that on my life.

“He keeps hidden guards all around there.” Si yeon pointed around the sides of a drawn out copy of where aya is kept.

We had her go there and get a good look at the place. Siwon has trust in her because she also owes him her life, so he thinks she would never do him dirt, The thing is though, she doesn’t owe us shit, and she needs to give us reasons to keep her ass alive. That and she’s obsessed with me even after everything. 

Do i feel bad for her? no. 

Anyways, we were surprised it worked out so well. All we had to is make him believe that si yeon wanted aya dead too, and that i have been staying with her ever since the abduction. And then he opened his doors for her instantly. He let her see aya and everything. Of course some gross shit happened between them in that room that we might have to kill her for later. But in her defense, she had to, she needed to put on a show for siwon. 

“And the room with aya in it is all the way at the bottom, every other floor of the place is where the rooms for the guards are, They live there. oh and her room has a steal door and it’s all concrete, plus there’s no windows anywhere.” Si yeon continued. “And there’s cameras there too.”

“Well i don’t really give a shit about that. This isn’t a damn covert mission. Fuck his cameras.” Chanyeol spoke in a loud tone. I made a sound of agreement as i listened to their conversation. 

“Well, that’s fucking everything. Am i done?” The lady asked suho.

“Yeah....go sit down somewhere away from me.” He replied.

I didn’t pay them any more mind. All my guns are clean and loaded. So i need to find another distraction.

“Ba-baekhyun.” Si yeon called for me as she looked at my back.

No, not her. Something else.

“Baekhyun.”

“What? What is it? Huh?” I snapped at her. I didn’t really mean to, it just happened.

Kyungsoo got up from his seat beside me and walked off, making sure to point at his empty seat for si yeon as he passed by. She took the invitation and filled the seat with her ass. I looked at her in disappointment because i thought she knew better than to try to have nice conversations with me. And i know what you’re probably thinking. 

  “Baekhyun, you’re such an asshole. She never did anything to you. And yet              you’re treating her like shit.”

And while this is true and i will do nothing to deny. I just hate the girl. She knew about the situation and had everyone believing she had no idea. I might be an asshole. But she’s still is a sneaky, dirty, player. She’s always been that way. Don’t think for a second she isn’t just as crazy as the rest of us. Because she fucking is. I know first hand. 

She’s no damn saint.......

“I just want to say im sorry okay? I really am.”

“Are you now?”

“Yeahhh......and what happened when i went to see her yesterday.......im sorry for that too.”

“Im not a fucking kid. I understand why you did it. And everything else. Well it’s not your fault. You just wanted my love and affection. You really don’t need to apologize.”

“Then why do you seem mad at me?”

“Because i don’t have to pretend to like you anymore. Because i fell for something you were apart of. Because aya is not here with me. Because i cheated on aya with you, all out of spite.”

“Baekhyun-”

“Again it’s not your fault. You didn’t do much. I just don’t particularly like you. And im sorry but i can’t act like i do anymore. So please go away. Spare your feelings, okay?”

She stared hopelessly into my eyes as if there was something in them asking her too, even though deep down she knows my eyes only display my desire to have aya. My need to love her.

Her arms swung over my shoulders and she crashed into my lips. My hands grabbed on her arms that were holding me as tight as they could. 

“Dude!” Chanyeol yelled. 

I resorted to using my brute force and pushed her off of me only to have her fall off her seat and onto her butt. I stood up and looked at her surprised face before chanyeol came over to me and and harshly slap the back of my neck and grabbed it while leaning in my ear. “Do you really think now is the time to be kissing bitches. Get your head on straight asshole.”

“Dude don’t do that shit to me. You know i would never.”

We stared at each other for some time until si yeon got up and smoothed her clothes. She was trying to keep her composure just like everyone else in the suite, but for a different reason obviously. 

“Hey, are you okay? Im sorry for pushing you.” I told her as chanyeol stared at me. She looked pissed and flipped her hair over shoulder before making her way towards me. I stared at her as she did the same and chanyeol stared at the lady too. 

Her hand raised slowly and before i could move, it swung across my face without enough warning. I held my cheek as she huffed out air.

“Apology accepted, you piece of shit.”

“You’re scum.” I spat at siwon as i stood in front of him strongly. 

“And you’re all beaten and battered. It sucks doesn’t it. Knowing that you’re ruined.”

“Im not ruined. Im perfectly fine. But it scares you doesn’t it. Knowing that you can’t break me, and one of these days your blood will be on my hands.”

“Oh honey, don’t flatter yourself.”

“Trust me, im not. Im just letting you know that karma for you is the baddest bitch on this planet.”

“I must agree. Only i wouldn’t call her karma.”

“You should.”

I stared him down coldly. The hatred apparent in my eyes. I’ll fucking kill him. I swear i will. And i want him to feel that in his bones. 

“Sir! Your meeting has been cancelled.” His sleezy assistant busted in looking distraught. 

“What? Why?”

“I have no idea sir. The panda just cancelled on us out of no where.”

“But he never cancels.”

“I know sir. This might mean he’s went off to do something he could go to jail for again.”

“That’s usually the case. I can’t handle his business now either. Not while i have my gem with me.”

“Fuck off.” I said to him and looked away. Who would have thought the guy that makes my dresses is a serial felon. Then again i couldn’t be less surprised.

“Fucking find him. Im not in the mood for his fuckery. I swear i will decapitate somebody.” He started to huff and puff, probably thinking of all the shit that could be ruined if he has to deal with things after the panda has his fun. His assistant looked scared and worried as he stood there silently. Bad idea. “The fuck are you just standing there for zully!? You want me to fucking rip your dick off!? Go fucking find that little shit!” Siwon yelled at him with the eyes of a flesh eating beast. His assistant straightened up quickly and bowed ready to follow his commands at all cost. If i were him i would have flipped him off one good time at least. I mean, seriously, how do people just take shit like that all the time? I could never.

“Now where were we?” Siwon asked.

“The part where you try to touch me, and i kick you in the balls.”

“Ahh yes. Do you ever get tired of being predictable.”

“If being predictable means i get to kick you in the balls, no.”

“Right. Well, what if it meant i got to trick every single one of your friends and keep you lock you up like a little pet?”

“Oh siwon. Don’t you know? That shit is old news.”

His hand swung to my neck and squeezed. He’s always been one of those “If i can’t get under your skin, im gonna peel it off” types.

“Let me tell you something, you’re never going to get out of here. If i decided to kill you one day your body will still remain in this very room. You’ll be here forever. You understand. You can’t fucking escape. Your dumb fuck friends won’t do shit. And neither will you.”

His words. They only have one purpose. To break me. Or make me lose the last bit of control i have. None of it matters though. I can hear the desperate tone hiding in the cracks of his voice better than he can.

“Yeah? I’ll see you in hell than asshole.”

“We have to do something with them.”

“Man, i vote they each get a bullet out of this gun in my hand.”

“Are you ever not trying to shoot someone?”

“Nope. Someone always deserve to be shot.”

“Well, that’s not true.”

“Chanyeol! Baekhyun! shut the fuck up! damn.” Suho yelled at us from the bathroom of the suite we are currently occupying.

“I don’t see why he always feels the need to stop me. What do you think we do here. Stare at each other like pussies? No, we kill people. It’s part of the job description.”

“Yeah, i get that, just chill for now though.”

I think it’s obvious we all want to get out of this hotel and bust some skulls. But at the moment we need to put together a good game plan. Yes our strategy is to use our ruthless pure strength, and reckless acts to get aya back. But still some planning has to go into this. No matter what, i won’t get played again. 

Not again.

I silently watched suho give orders to the more trusted rookies of exo. We’re trying to not make it known that we left to phoenix, because if people did know they would probably try some stupid wild shit. And no one has time for that. And the stuff that happened with aya is still on the hush too. I don’t even want to think about what would happen if people thought she died. Sheesh, it probably would have turned into a hell on earth. Which is not needed. It’s already shitty enough there. 

“Yeah, just keep people shipping them out, and keep a good eye on club goutter.” Suho shifted his eyes to me as i sat with a brooding expression on my face. My cheek was probably still red too. That bitch. Suho smiled in a assuring manner. I know what he’s thinking right now. It’s almost like he said it out loud. 

“That’s everything hyung. I think it might be time to get ready.” Sehun spoke quickly into the silence .

“The whole building is mapped out?” Suho answered back just as quickly.

“Yes. The building is all mapped out, and ready to be burnt down.”

“And hows the progress with the cameras?”

“We’re almost in. Pretty soon we’ll see all the footage they’re seeing in aya’s room. Right kai?”

“Yeah it’s almost done.”

My heart pounded. My eyes feeling dryer than usual. They’re thirsty to see her. My eyes. They want to drink her in again. Like they used to. I miss her so much. I just might explode when i get her in my arms again. 

Hopefully not though.

“We have exactly 5 minutes until the cameras are accessible. And 25 hours before they notice that they’ve been hacked. So everyone make sure to get some sleep, and be ready to head out tomorrow night.” I ordered. 

“Aye, We still need to figure out what to do with the bastards in the bathroom.” Chanyeol said from the couch in the middle of the room. 

“We’re releasing panda back to his natural habitat. And si yeon, well her lucky ass is hitching a ride with us.” I said to him. It only makes sense to bring her. She has her advantages. Not to the point where we need her. But it helps to keep her. “But don’t worry about that. Kai, kyungsoo, you guys are going to handle the panda. Understand?” 

They followed my orders accordingly and got up immediately. 

There is only a few times i actually gave orders like this. I only do it in times of serious need. Times where suho needs a bit of extra help. Im much like his right hand man. And i appreciate it being that way, seeing as i could never imagine actually taking his place and doing what he does. But i always take pride in being seen as if i could in his eyes.

“Hyung! We’re in!” Kai yelled from behind the laptop. The device buzzed loudly as if warning us all that something was about to happen. Everyone rushed to the area kai occupied and stared at the screen. It was bright red with a blue under tone and it read finished in 10 seconds. I started to count down with it as my heart started to pound erratically.

9....

8......

7....

6.....

5! 

4!

3!

2!

1!

Yes!

The screen glitched for a second before it started to settle on an image. The screen went from a deep green, then settled to a more cool grey and blue tone. 

The room was just as she said, wall to wall, and floor to ceiling, smooth grey concrete. It looked cold there. And i could make out lots of small blood stains everywhere. It made my heart heavy with worry. But then again, knowing aya, it’s probably her fault. I can only imagine how much times she has probably kicked someone’s head in by now. 

And finally, the steel door of the room busted open and in came the love of my life. Her head wasn’t dyed blonde anymore, instead her natural hair color showed its face, as she stomped in furiously. Her body is adorned with a pretty rose gold colored dress. Pieces of it are torn at the bottom and her feet are bare. She whipped around sharply when someone else barged into the room with the same energy as her. 

“You sick freak. You just love the fucking chase huh?”

“It’s my favorite kind of foreplay, aya darling.”

“Oh? I guess you’re one hell of masochist then.”

“Contrary. Can’t you see that darling?”

“I can see you getting your ass kicked.”

“Why must you insist on being such a little cunt all the time!?”

“it’s my favorite type of foreplay, siwon darling.” A dirty grin covered her face as she finished her sentence. She’s still herself. Even after everything. She will never change. Even though i can tell her anger is worse than usual. But that’s to be expected.

He ran towards her and picked her up, holding her sideways. She struggled harshly as his arms flexed more trying to keep her still.

“Zully!”

“No! No! Im not getting fucking drugged! Stay away from me!”

I slammed my hand on the table and my eyes glued even more to the laptop.

A man came in quickly with a syringe in his right hand. Siwon turned around with her in his arms still and the random man came closer.

Aya elbowed siwon in his throat and swung her leg over his neck before moving her body around his neck anticlockwise. His head hit harshly on the floor as she ran straight towards the man with the syringe. The random guy widened his eyes in fear of the crazy girl when she grabbed his arm roughly, taking the syringe and injecting it into his bicep. He was stunned and tried to gasp for air as she watched him silently let whatever was in that syringe course through him. 

My eyes flickered to siwon as he struggled to get up. She looked at him in disgust. Her face saying everything she feels at once. 

“Guards! bring the back up!” He yelled breathlessly, turning on his back as his face showed off pain.

Guards piled in and aya stood there with the same look on her face. Her attention never wavering from siwon for a moment. The guards grabbed her harshly and she continued to looked at the man on the ground. One of the men took out a syringe resembling the one that she emptied just now. She continued to shoot daggers with her eyes as they shot it into her veins. Until it hit her. Her eyes widened and her body stopped moving. Her mouth agape with no signs of breathing. Before falling completely to the ground. Everyone just stood there after that. No movements being made and silence took over. As if the storm is now over, and their fight is won.

Not even close.

“This isn’t good at all.” Suho said as he watched intently 

“I want his fucking head!” jennie yelled. Her eyes had tears in them. She didn’t let them fall though.

“We all do!” Chanyeol yelled at her. Jisoo took the girl in her arms and turned her head away from the laptop.

“Close it.” I said to kai. “We’ve seen enough.”

“Suho is right though. She might seem like herself, but i can tell that she’s losing control. If we don’t get her soon she’s going to succumb to the side of her she’s tried so hard to keep locked away.”

“Wait? You’re saying she can get crazier.”

“Im saying she can get psychotic.”

Me and suho looked at each other with strained, tired, and determined looks. 

My queen. How could i have let this happen to you? 

How could i have been so blind to my own flaws?

So much so, that i lost the only thing i ever got right.

I learned my lesson though.

And that lesson is what’s going to help me get you back here with me. Where you belong.

“Don’t worry about that. Because tomorrow. Tomorrow, i get my love back.”

““I hope so. Because if not. she’ll turn into an uncontrollable monster.”

The moment i wake up i can feel the soreness all over again. My wrists hurt worst though. He obviously hand cuffed me last night. I can feel the cool metal still touching my skin. I sighed deeply. This is starting to get really fucking old. I have to get out of here soon. 

my head started to pound with stress as my brain ran through ideas. It’s going to be hard to get out of here but i think my time here is up. Im done with waking up sore because of those stupid drugs and siwon’s rough, careless actions. 

My eyes opened quickly and i sat up. I looked around the room feeling raw for some reason, and my eyes caught a glimpse of a paper bag that told me i slept passed lunch time. 

Im so done. Im done with being away from my girls. Im done with being away from exo. And away from baekhyun. The last time i saw him i was tied up on the other side of the airport. I watched him look at taeyeon, thinking it was me. I watched him run for her. I watched him go unconscious and bleed out on the ground. But then my eyes got covered and i was thrown into a plane or jet. I remember them talking about dropping taeyeon’s body in the sea. and how i was having thoughts of throwing myself into the ocean too. I obviously decided against that. Because im no coward. And i never take the easy way out. Maybe im stupid for not having done it though. I can’t help but think.

“Knock, knock.” Carmelo barges into the room in a mock polite manner. I already missed lunch time so the bag of food must be dinner. Usually i eat dinner with siwon. But he went on a business trip somewhere. Maybe that’s why he decided to be so much more aggressive last night.

I was silent as i watched him make his way over to me. I have nothing to say to him. There’s no reason for me to make small talk. Usually i would try to. But at this point. I set fire to all the fucks i could give.

“Everything okay?” He asked. As if that was a valid question.

I shot bullets at him with my eyes as he unpacked expensive taiwanese food. I don’t have an appetite, but i can’t afford to skip meals. I need to keep myself strong. I can’t do that by not eating. 

“You’re going to have some right?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You need to eat.”

“I know.”

His hands spread out the bowls and plates of food in front of us. They looked almost perfect aesthetically. I watched the steam rise from it. A hot meal with lots of protein. 

“What made you want this kind of meal? You usually go for something quick and healthy.” I asked with genuine curiosity.

“I started to miss it, that’s all.”

I picked up the metal chopsticks and dug into the beef noodle soup set out before me to be devoured. The lean meat was so tender and juicy my eyes shut closed the moment it hit my taste buds. It’s so delicious.

“You know, Siwon left to fujian.”

I made a random sound to tell him that im listening, and that i had no idea of that, while i stuffed my mouth with noodles.

“Yeah, that’s also where panda’s family stay.” He looked at me dead in my face when his sentence finished. 

I looked around with scrunched eyebrows. Im confused as to why that has anything to do with me.

He sighed and cleared his throat. 

Obviously, he just dropped some kind of hint. But what the hell was it.

The panda.....the panda.....

A brief memory of siwon and zully talking about the dressmaker came to my mind. They said that he cancelled or some shit. I payed it no attention at that moment. But now that i think of it. This could mean a lot. I played it cool because the cameras are still watching. 

“Uh huh, siwon said he cancelled on him, and now he’s missing.”

He looked away with a relieved expression. Me saying that means he doesn’t have to be so blunt with the conversation.

“The panda hasn’t been seen since the hana hana showcase.”

I made another random sound, now attacking the white rice that was on the left of me. 

“Also.....there was a new model on the runway that night.”

I continued to act casual and stuff my face. 

He watched me more intensely before he continued. “You might know him, he goes by the name of jongin.” It’s no mistake. He used that name because not a lot of people know it, which means the people watching us won’t be alarmed much.

My eyes widened and i choked on rice and beef. My chest and throat burned a bit while my face turned red. The coughing continuing but getting less and less harsh. Carmelo handed me a water bottle and i snatched it. The beverage being guzzled down by me to subside my coughing fit.

I took a deep breath in when i was done. 

They had to have all been there. Right? They have the reason why the panda is missing.

Why else would carmelo tell me this?

I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, i have heard of him before. He’s good.”

“Anyways, the ladies are going to come and clean you up tonight. Siwon wants you to be perfect when he gets back from his trip.” I made a face at the thought of him and went back to my noodle soup. “He’s coming back on his jet at twelve. Maybe eleven if things go smoothly.”

A jet huh?

“Okay.” I said.

Carmelo got up from the bed and started to pickup the leftover food and bags. I continued to eat my bowl of soup as he took everything else away. 

“Listen to the ladies when they come here okay?”

“I always do.”

“I mean really listen to them, and hear them out....okay?”

I caught the look in his eye when he gathered his coat. He and i both know that jet is our best shot at getting out of here anytime soon. I knew what he meant with the listen to the ladies bit. Looks like he was one step ahead of me. 

I sat the bowl down on the floor before slamming my head into the pillow of the bed im on. 

This isn’t the route i wanted to go on. Just simply escaping this place isn’t all i want. I want to blow this place the fuck up. And i want siwon’s head to be mounted on my damn wall. If i leave on that jet all that will be sacrificed, Yes, i could always just find him again and kill him. But i don’t want to make the same mistake of not killing him when i had the chance to. Another sigh came out of my mouth and i buried my face into the mattress.

Well, there’s no point in not taking this opportunity. I have to go for it. I just have to. There’s no other way. Not at the moment at least.

My eyes closed and i breathed air into the sheets slowly. 

I don’t have much to lose anyway.......

“Aya?” A soft voice called out to me, it matched the hand that landed on my shoulder and shook me out of a sleeping state.

I groaned and slowly tried to open my eyes to the person.

“Aya, wake up. It’s time to get ready.” 

“Seol?” I called out to the women and she touched my arm again, dragging me up.

I made a few noises out of the pure tiredness i feel and finally opened my eyes.

“Hi.” seol said. The rest of the girls stood behind her and they waved with smiles at me.

“Hi.”

After my shower and makeup, which took about an hour all together, i found myself silently choosing between two dresses. The burgundy one is cunning and sexy but also elegant, while the white one is pure and welcoming with a hint of slutty nature. The only reason im having a hard time choosing is because the ladies have split opinions on them, Two of them chose the former, And two chose the latter. I didn’t and still don’t have an opinion on them that much though. Because as i always say. I don’t really give a fuck.

“Hold still.” Pearl said in my ears as she finished up on my hair. 

“Well?” Seol asked. She’s still holding the dresses in her hands and i pursed my lips.

“Hmmmm......burgundy one.”

They all made sounds of agreement and pearl tapped my shoulders to let me know she’s finally done. This reminds me so much of getting ready with my girls. It makes me happy. It calms my heart a bit. I think without this. I would have lost it already.

I slipped into the red dress perfectly. It adorns me well and is light on my body. Meaning i can move without many restrictions. I dipped my hands into the pockets and felt silk material on the inside. I got to give it to siwon this time. This dress is my style. 

“Oh wow, you look delicious.” Seol said excitedly.

“I feel delicious.”

“His jet will land at the front of the building. He wants you to greet him at the door. You’ll be hand cuffed to make sure you don’t do anything he wouldn’t want you to. We will be behind you every step of the way.” Seol spoke cautiously while looking into my eyes. Being careful of the cameras as always. “Also we are trained to shoot you if you act dangerously all of a sudden.”

“Damn.” I squeezed her hand. “I don’t mind. Do what you have to.”

“Thank you little sis.” Pearl said with a smile,

“I just know you’re going to get out of here tonight. And im going to miss you so much.” Angel hugged the shit out of me and stroked my hair. 

“Angelos will be there too. He’s going to take care of zully then grab you. You guys have to work very quickly. Okay?”

Angel continued to hug me as all the girls piled on me in one big group hug. I felt so warm and confident in this moment i could cry. They all smell so good too. That’s a random thought. But it’s very true. It’s a mix of floral and candy. So sweet.

“Alright, alright. We should get our stuff gathered.”Seol said pulling away from the hug with flushed cheeks. they all grabbed the bags they brought in and and looked at the clock.

“It’s time.” Bamby said to me with a slightly scared look. 

I took a deep breath and hopped off the bed. I held my hands outwards giving them my wrists to lock up.

“Let’s go then.”

The door opened roughly and in came 5 guards. The ladies locked the cuffs onto me and i smiled at them as reassurance. The guards grabbed my arm and started to pull me towards the door as the girls struggled to keep up with pace of the men. At the very end of the cold hallway i saw carmelo loading a gun and giving orders. My heart rate was beating faster with every step. Im going to let it take over me tonight. That thing that turns me into a beast with fangs and claws. I have to. If i want to make it out of here. 

“He’s here!” Carmelo yelled. The guards pushed me harshly towards him and he caught me quickly. 

“Rude pigs.” I spat at them as they walked to their positions.

“We’re gonna have you stand right there.” Carmelo pointed at the door. I guess im just supposed stand in front of it huh? “He wants you to kneel.”

“Of course he does.” I said under my breath.

“Go on then.” Carmelo gave me a little push in that direction and i took the rest of the steps. Everyone eyed me up and down as i made my way to the door. They gave me intimidating and gross looks with their fucking guns and shit. It made a smirk grow on my face. All this protection is needed. Because im very fucking dangerous. And i can’t wait to prove just how dangerous i can get. I got into a kneeling position and looked intently at the huge door.

Come on siwon. I can’t wait to greet you.

The door flew towards me as the cool night air hit my done up face. A guard with fucking sunglasses at night held the door as he nodded at carmelo instead of just bowing. The jet was not far from the door which was perfect. I watched zully hop out first and help siwon out. What a rich asshole. 

His eyes locked onto me the moment his feet touched the ground. I smirked at him while my eyes ran up and down his body.

He’s unarmed. 

“Do i see my baby checking me out!?” He yelled over the loud noise the jet is making. 

I said nothing in return. I just silently focused my eyes on his feet. A few more steps siwon. A few more steps, and i’ll ride your jet to freedom.

“You look stunning!” siwon yelled at me again.

“Thanks siwon, You look....Well how you always look!” I yelled back this time still holding my kneeling position perfectly.

“Oh!? And how do i always look, aya darling!?” He asked five steps away from where i need him to be and his assistant was right behind him.

I didn’t answer, instead i focused on his feet. His dirty smirk fueling my anger.

One......

Two..

Three......

Four....

Okay deep breaths aya. You got this.

Five! 

“Duck!” carmelo screamed as he pointed his gun at zully, quickly shooting him once in the shoulder then in the head.

Everyone pointed their guns at angelos, which was my one little opening. 

I kicked siwon in his side once before making a dive for the gun zully had on him. He grabbed my arm weakly as he still felt the pain from my action.I pulled harshly so he would let go and rushed for the glock stuck in his black socks. 

“Shoot her!” 

I whipped around and kicked siwon into the guard coming for me. One shot at the one on my left, then another for the one on my right. I moved to shoot at the one in front of me but there was no more bullets inside. My eyes widened as i realized what just happened. Welp my only weapon i have left are these shitty ass handcuffs. Let’s see how well they hold up. I dropped the gun and made a move to head for carmelo but was grabbed by siwon. He swung me around by my arms and looked at me in the eyes. 

“Bad pet.”

“Eat shit, asshole.”

He pulled on my handcuffs and i tripped a little on my dress. He headbutted me with so much strength my knees buckled. He picked me up by my hair and smirked. 

“Hand me a gun!” He ordered. I felt so dizzy and limp as i struggled to make some kind of moves.

“How about i hand you a fucking bullet!” Carmelo shot siwon in the forearm and he dropped me on the floor. I tried to gather myself together but for some reason i just couldn’t stand up. I looked around and saw the girls standing there in fear as all the guards had their guns pointing at me. Carmelo got on top of siwon and tried to choke him but was stopped my a strong punch into his right eye. 

“Pearl! Shoot her!”

My eyes shot open wider and i looked at the girl. She had tears in her eyes as her body shook with fear.

“What the fuck did i say!? Do it! Or else it’ll be your fucking head!”

Tears started to burst from her eyes as she reached for the gun on her person. I shook my head and tried to scramble to my feet. She made her way to me as i continued to fall on the ground due to my legs giving up on me. She put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me down roughly.

“Please! Make this quick and easy.” She spoke while balling her eyes out, and i continued to look at her face shocked. My head still telling her no. Don’t do it.

The cold muzzle pressed against my forehead softly as i watched it shake.

“Im sorry.”

My eyes closed.

I lost. 

I can’t pull through this time. Not by myself. 

I heard a click and swallowed. Squeezing my eyes. 

Click. Boom.

All i heard was a gunshot go off.

The end.

But....Wait.

A gasp rushed into my mouth and i looked at seol silently fall to the floor with one shot to her head. In the middle exactly.

That precision is so.....

“AYA!” 

My head whipped around to a man dressed in a all black heavy duty suit. He slowly pulled off his helmet as i watched intently. 

“Hi princess.”

My hand flew to my mouth as i got up while hiking my dress to my thighs and ran to the man. 

“Baekhyun!”

I jumped into his arms and he hugged me to his body quickly. I can’t explain the way i feel in this moment.

“Just don’t let me go.” I whispered iinto his ear. 

“Never again.”

AUTHOR NOTE : pali la la la.... lmao. wasssssaaahp! i did it! freakin finally! i don’t know why but these chapters are fr gettin harder to write T-T but thing will get better because this is the chapter im most excited forrrrr! anyways thanx for reading! hope you enjoyed!

kisses <3 laila ~

#potent savages #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fic #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun thriller #baekhyun angst #baekhyun smutty #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo smut #exo gang au #baekhyun gang au #blackpink fanfic #blackpink gang au

[words-with-wren]

October Eleventh - DBH fanfic

Summary: As a difficult date roles by for Hank, he upsets Connor by refusing to listen to his friend. Things come to a head.

Word count: 2,456

A/N: Whoops it’s 12am I did not mean to stay up this late but I kinda reached a point at about 11 where I was like “im gonna finish this.” And i did! I’m very tired now. Please don’t tag as ship. 

| A03 |

“Lieutenant – this is your fifth drink of the night. I highly recommend we leave before you become too intoxicated to drive.”

Connor sat at the bar beside Hank, who was finishing yet another drink. The lieutenant glanced sideways at him, before waving at the bartender to bring him another drink. Connor didn’t say anything, though annoyance rushed through him briefly.

Hank had been acting odd all week. Connor had let it slide mostly, but his drinking was starting to get out of hand again and he was starting to get worried.

“Hank please,” he began, trying to reason with him. “Oh, get lost,” Hank growled, picking up the next glass. “Let me be.”

“I can’t do that, Hank. I don’t want you to hurt yourself and there is a chance that if you continue to drink at this rate you that will happen.”

“Does it look like I care?” Hank growled, downing the drink. Connor scowled, his annoyance growing.

“You may not care but I do,” he said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” Hank didn’t answer, just called for Jimmy to bring him the bottle. He seemed to have no intentions of leaving any time soon. “Hank, I am well aware of how hard this time of year might be for you but there is no reason for you to kill yourself because of something that happened years ago,” he said sharply, annoyed – and rather angry – that Hank wasn’t listening to him.

The lieutenant slowly lowered the bottle, seeming to be barely holding in anger. He turned to Connor and the android was taken aback by the fury in his partner’s eyes.

“You are 'well aware', are you,” he spat, anger flashing. “You don’t know a thing about what I’ve been through, you damned machine.”

Connor blinked, taken aback by the fury in Hank’s words. But they only served to fuel his own anger.

“I’m trying to help you from running yourself into an early grave!” Connor snapped, balling his fists. “If you continue to persist down this path you will kill yourself and I am trying to help you.”

People were starting to look at them now, but Connor didn’t care. He was too worked up, too angry at Hank for not listening – for never listening.

“Maybe I don’t give a damn about if I kill myself or not,” Hank snapped, turning in his seat to face Connor, the bottle clasped tightly in one hand. “Maybe you should let me get on with my own life and leave me to it! You keep trying to fix me but yer not even alive yourself.” He jabbed his finger into Connor’s chest and the android fought back the anger and hurt his comments brought.

“Stop taking your anger and grief out on me!” he said shortly, ignoring the looks of the other patrons. “It’s not my fault your son got himself killed. Maybe if you had been a better driver he wouldn’t have been hurt. Or were you drunk then too?”

Silence fell and Connor instantly regretted his words. But he was too worked up to take them back right – part of him hoped they had hurt Hank. At least then he might listen.

Hanks stood, and Connor’s LED flashed briefly red as he hurriedly scrambled to his feet as well, intimidated by the older man.

“Get. Out,” Hank hissed. Connor pulled himself up to his full height, refusing to be intimidated any more. He could smell the alcohol on the other man’s breath, could see the anger burning in Hank’s form. “I said. Get. The. Hell. Out!”

Hank’s fist was suddenly swinging at his head and Connor acted on instinct, ducking as it flew just over him. Hank stumbled, off balance, and staggered into the bar.

“Alright! Enough of that. Android, you get out of here if you’re gonna cause trouble,” Jimmy called from behind the bar. Connor, still angry, stalked past Hank as the lieutenant sank back into his seat and took a long chug off the bottle.

Connor slammed the door behind him as he stormed outside, fists clenched, LED flashing between yellow and red, body tense. Hank had no right to be so angry at him. Hank had no right to ignore his offers of help. Hank had no right to say he wasn't alive.

He began walking, not caring where just needing to cool down. As he walked, the crisp fall air biting at his skin, he began to return to his senses, to lose the anger burning in his veins. And he realised he had made a mistake – gone too far and said something he shouldn’t have.

Would Hank forgive him for that? Connor wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. He kept walking, his LED a solid, angry red. What would he do now? Hank wasn’t going to take him back after what he had said.

He closed his eyes as he walked, trying to calm himself. He would give Hank a while to cool down, and then offer an apology. As for what came next – he wasn’t sure. Maybe Markus would give him a place in New Jericho.

He was jerked from his thoughts by a hand around his neck, pulling him roughly back. His eyes snapped open as he was hauled into the shadows of an alleyway, his arms pinned in the grips of a group of men.

He was dragged into the darkness between two buildings, unable to break free of the hands holding him. He should have been more careful, more alert – he knew this was an area known for android attacks.

“What do we have here?” A man approached him, another man and a woman flanking him. There were two holding Connor down – only five in total. He could take five. Then a hand slammed into his chest, causing him to collapse, held up only by the two men behind him. Warning messages flashed briefly in his vision – no serious damage done.

“This is a droid free zone, tin can,” the man said. Connor now noticed the two behind him were holding a variety of blunt weapons. He needed to do something.

He sagged, allowing them to think they had beaten him. Then, as he felt their grip loosen, he moved. Ripping his hand free, he spun and slammed his fist into the face of the other man holding him. He staggered back cursing.

Connor didn’t hesitate, spinning to face the other person holding him. She ducked under his blow but – anticipating that – Connor brought his knee into her chest.

Then something slammed into the back of his head, causing his optical units to black out for a second. More warnings flashed and he stumbled forward. Not letting himself fully recover, he spun, stopping the next blow with his arm. Pain flashed through them, but he paid it no heed, grabbing the pipe and ripping it from its owner’s grasp. He had a weapon now.

But even a weapon wasn’t enough. Connor, outnumbered, surrounded and taken by surprise was beaten back. He found himself cornered, his back against one of the walls. The five attackers surrounded him, inching slowly forward. Connor began to feel worried, his heart beating quickly, LED circling red.

He blocked a blow with his pipe, but was taken by surprise by another hit from behind him, slamming into the back of his knee. He dropped to one knee, catching himself with his hand. Another blow slammed into his back, knocking him fully to the ground.

He struggled to stand, but they didn’t give him a chance. A kick landed on his side, another on the back of his head. Pain flashed through him, warnings making his vision flash red. He couldn’t do anything but curl into a ball and protect his vital parts.

Desperate and in pain, he did the only thing he could think of – he called for help. A text, a plea, a single word sent to Hank that took up far too much of his energy.

His attackers left at some point, when Connor wasn’t exactly sure. He just knew the pain dulled, the warnings stopped piling up.

He tried to move, but the pain was too much and he collapsed again, unable to support his own weight with his shaking arms. He couldn’t do anything, could only wait – only hope that Hank would find him.

And after what had happened earlier he wasn’t sure Hank would even come.

Thinking was too much – his body went into shutdown, working overtime to try and fix the damage he had received. The world turned black and Connor welcomed the escape from the pain.

Hank woke with a pounding headache. That wasn’t very usual for him – especially this time of year. He groaned, pushing himself up from the bar he was slumped over. That was a mistake – he rested his head in his heads and groaned again.

He was still at Jimmy’s Bar – not the first time he had passed out here. But something was different this time, something had happened.

“Welcome back to the land of the livin’,” Jimmy said, his voice causing Hank to wince. The lieutenant looked up at the bartender. “I need to close up soon, so I’d appreciate it if you move out for the night.”

Hank nodded, heaving himself out of his seat. The world spun for a moment and he steadied himself against the bar. He was forgetting something – what was it.

“Connor – where’d Connor go?” he asked, turning to Jimmy. He frowned, trying to remember what had happened before he had past out.

“The android?” Jimmy asked. “You nearly knocked its head off – I sent it out.”

It all came back to him and Hank cursed under his breath. He had said things he shouldn't have, had sent Connor away  – who knew what had happened to the kid?

Then he remembered what Connor had said about Cole and anger replaced the guilt. He stumbled out of the building, unsure of what to do. At the moment, all he wanted was to go home and sleep off his hangover, but he didn’t really want to drive in the state he was in.

Absently, he fished his phone out of his pocket, wincing as the bright light from its screen burned into his face.

A single message shone out of the small machine – a message from Connor containing a single word, sent a good two hours ago.

Help

Worry fought with anger in Hank’s mind, making his headache worse. What had happened to the kid – did he even care? Connor deserved what he got, after what he had said.

But he had to do something. So he began to set off down the street, looking for the android. If Connor had got hurt he would never forgive himself.

Just like he had never forgiven himself for what had happened four years ago on that icy stretch of road.

Connor’s systems had been flickering on and off for the past two hours. Now he was woken fully by a presence near him, and hand on his shoulder and a voice cursing in the distance.

He forced his eyes open, blinking dully in the dim light. Hank was crouched over him, talking. What he was saying, Connor didn’t know.

“Hank,” he managed to gasp out.

“I’m here kid,” Hank said, his voice sounding distant and far away. Connor felt detached, the pain throbbing through him drawing most of his attention. But he had to say something, he had to tell Hank he was sorry. He had to let Hank know he hadn’t meant what he had said.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he managed to gasp out. Hank looked up from the phone he was frantically texting on, turning to him. He had to know. “I shouldn’t have…” he trailed off – talking hurt.

“It’s alright Connor,” Hank said, laying a warm and comforting hand on Connor’s shoulder. “You’re okay.”

He could feel his systems shutting down again and suddenly panic rushed through him. He didn’t want to shut down – what if he didn’t wake up this time?

“Hank,” he called, reaching weakly with one hand. “I – I’m sca…” he trailed off, pain making it hard to talk. Hank grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“I’m right here, okay? I’ll stay here until the ambulance arrives – you’re gonna be alright.” He kept talking, his voice comforting, calming the fear Connor felt as he slowly slipped back into darkness.

             He woke again, in much less pain this time. Something warm was pressed into his side, something comfortable and familiar under him. A quick systems analysis told him that he was stable and would be fully recovered in just a short time.

             He opened his eyes, finding himself lying on Hank’s couch, Sumo resting beside him. The dog gave his nose a lick as he came too, and he smiled, lifting his hand to run it through the animal’s fur.

             “How’re you feeling?” Hank was sitting at the computer in the corner of the room and had twisted in his chair to face him. Connor blinked.

             “To be honestly, I feel horrible,” Connor admitted, his voice sounding weak. “But I will recover.”

             Silence fell between them, a slightly awkward silence as they both remembered what was said. Final,ly Connor sighed.

             “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I was upset and should not have said what I did.”

             Hank was quiet for a long time, and for a moment Connor was worried he wouldn’t accept his apology. He wouldn’t be surprised really. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven after what he had said.

             But finally, Hank spoke.

             “I’m sorry too, kid,” he said after a sigh. “I’m not myself ‘round this time of year. Too...” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard. “Too many bad memories,” he muttered – almost to himself.

             They fell silent again, and Connor struggled to think of a way to voice what was on his mind. Finally, he spoke.

             “I – I can find a place in New Jericho,” he said, his voice trailing off as he finished.

             “No – no,  we were both worked up. You don’t need to exile yourself for that. I shouldn’t have sent you out, shouldn't have said you weren't alive. It’s just…” He sighed, not finishing his thought. Connor was pretty sure he knew what his friend was thinking.

             “It wasn’t your fault, Hank,” he said. The lieutenant snorted.

             “If I keep telling myself that, maybe one day I’ll believe it,” he muttered under his breath. “You rest up, Connor. You’re gonna be alright.”

             Connor nodded, knowing he couldn’t help Hank carry his grief. He sank back into the couch, closing his eyes and letting his systems take over as they repaired him.

#detroit become human #dbh #dbh fanfic #connor (dbh) #hank anderson #my fanfics

[angstalottle]

I Dont Deserve It

Commission for @surinnsenpai

It started out innocently enough.

Just skip lunch to get a little extra training in, missing one meal was fine especially when all he was going without was grabbing a bowl of goo and listening as his friends congratulate each other during training.

Never him though.

Sure they will bring up a good shot he made but it will be quickly forgotten and overshadowed by something Keith did.

It was always Keith.

Lance wished he could hate the guy he really did, he was just so obnoxiously perfect and better than him in every way that it made his blood boil just to think of him. Lance wanted to loathe him, to curse his name to no end.

But a part of him knew that wasn’t fair.

That Keith couldn’t help it.

Someone had to be the best…. And someone had to be the worst.

That became almost like a mantra for Lance as he spent hours upon hours dueling against the training bot.

His body being beaten as his friends laughed and chatted not even realising he was missing.

Lance lay on the floor curling up on himself as the bot vanished in a glimmer of light. He had managed to get to level five, a personal best of his.

He had stupidly let his guard down, not noticing as the level increased the bots movements grew faster while his exhausted body grew slower.

All it took was one sluggish dodge and a swift kick in the ribs for him to crumble to the ground with a cry of pain.

“End training sequence.” Lance gasped agony shooting up his side just from the effort of talking.

He was so close to level six, he could practically taste it.

But judging from the pain Lance knew he had to stop now or risk getting really hurt, or worse the team finding out what he was doing.

It wasn’t that he was hiding his extra training sessions exactly, more that he didn’t want him to know just how far behind the others he really was.

That if they knew he could barely scratch level five while even Pidge was well in the twenties then maybe they wouldn’t want him on the team anymore and finally find the person meant to be the blue paladin now that the stand in just isn’t cutting it anymore.

A lump formed in Lance’s throat as he pushed himself up off the ground, arms shaking from the effort.

He had to bite his lip to keep from crying out as he stood up, his ribs burning and tears prickling at his eyes.

“Lance?”

No no no please not him.

Lance forced a smile on his face as he turned to look at Keith.

He was stood in the doorway, towel draped across his shoulders and bayard in hand. He was clearly coming for training alerting Lance to just how long he had spent trying to get better and failing miserably.

“Hey mullet, not at lunch?” Lance asked managing to hide a wince behind a chuckle.

“We finished like ten minutes ago… you weren’t there?” Keith asked his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

His words were like a punch to the gut, he didn’t even notice that Lance wasn’t there. Did anyone notice?

Did anyone care?

Lance wanted to curl up somewhere and cry but he knew that he was already a burden on the team, he couldn’t be a mope on top of all that.

So instead lance shrugged “I grabbed a bowl and then went for a nap. I figured i could get a little beauty sleep before Allura busts are balls all day.”

Keith seemed to relax a little, buying the story fed to him. After all it was easier to believe a lie then look for a truth that would call for your attention.

Lance knew he just wasn’t worth the attention no matter how much his brain screamed at him to ask for help.

Another jolt of pain from his ribs pulled Lance out of his thoughts, they could be bruised maybe even cracked. He had to tell someone.

Lance opened his mouth but when Allura stormed in with a glare on her face it snapped shut again.

She was on the warpath, likely stressed and more exhausted than all of them put together. Last thing she needed to worry about right now was the useless seventh wheel.

So Lance kept quiet all through training.

He ignored the blinding pain that erupted with every breath and every movement.

But he couldn’t ignore how he fell behind the others, how they lapped him running and left him in their dust.

Allura didn’t ignore it.

“Lance! Stop goofing around and take this seriously!” She yelled as Lance once again fell out of pace with the others.

“S-sorry princess, im just tired i guess.” Lance shrugged trying to give her a small smile.

“We’re all tired Lance but you actually have to try here.” Shiro jogged next to him, going painfully slow in comparison to his usual speed. “I don’t want to be the bad guy here but if you don’t start pushing in the next few laps you have to train through dinner.”

Lance’s stomach rumbled at the thought.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten lunch, but dinner was different. It was when Hunk took over the kitchen and scents so painfully familiar to home would fill the air.

It was the one time of day where he didnt feel the ache of homesickness because he could close his eyes and pretend the off tune humming coming from the kitchen was his mama making dinner.

So Lance put what little energy he had into running.

He tried, God did he try to catch up. To not be a disappointment.

However come the end of training Shiro closed the door behind him “don’t come out until you’ve run 50 laps, i don’t know what your playing at today but i won’t let you get out of training.”

Soon as they were gone lance slid down to the floor, lifting his shirt to see the deep purple bruises that stretched across his side.

He winced and he prodded at his ribs experimentally. They hurt like hell but from what he could find weren’t in any danger of puncturing his lungs.

Lance elt out a long sigh and he pulled himself up and looked around the empty training room.

“Just 50 laps… just 50 laps then i’ll tell Coran i need a pod.” He mumbled as he began to run.

————————————————————

Shiro yawned as he walked into lunch the next day.

He had been up all night with nightmares and because of that Allura had decided to grant the paladins a personal day.

She herself badly needed one, being so stressed about an upcoming alliance meeting that she had barely slept for the last two nights.

Hunk and Pidge had binge worked the night before so also appreciated the extra rest.

Keith though not minding the personal day would of preferred to train instead of lounge about on the couch while Hunk made a special lunch.

“Morning sleeping beauty.” Hunk greeted as he placed down a large tray filled with pastel pink puff balls.

They looked like baked rocks but there was no denying the smell “Are those garlic knots?” Shiro asked his eyes widening.

Hunk grinned proudly “Yeah i felt bad that Lance missed dinner last night and wanted to make sure he had one of his favorites. I know he’s been missing home and i figured this would help.”

Shiro couldn’t help marvel at Hunk. He never ceased to amaze him, somehow managing to create a earth style food up in space all to make his friend feel better.

“I’m sure he will love them.” Shiro looked around and realised Lance was missing from the table so poked his head into the lounge, frowning when he found Lance wasn’t there either.

“Has anyone seen Lance today?” Shiro asked receiving a chorus of nos from the team.

“Perhaps he is still asleep? I must admit i didn’t hear his go to bed last night so it must of been pretty late.” Allura suggested a pang of guilt hitting her as she only now realised the absence of their blue paladin.

“I swung round his room this morning to see if he wants breakfast but he wasn’t there. I figured he already ate and was in the lounge…” Hunk looked down at his team a realisation hitting him “So no one has seen him all day?”

The nos this time came with a note of panic.

“Last i saw him was in the training room.” Pidge pulled out her laptop and began to look through the castles security cameras.

Suddenly she gasped bolting out of her seat “He needs help!” She yelled.

No one hesitated to follow her.

Lance was laying on the floor.

His body shaking, skin pale and limbs too heavy to move even an inch.

He was so close!

49 laps down and only one more to go. He had somehow managed to crawl the last five when his legs gave out and his head spun from a mixture of pain and hunger.

At some point his body just stopped working, leaving him lying there unable to move due to exhaustion or sleep due to the emptiness of his stomach.

He lay there for hours just staring at the course in front of him.

One more lap.

Keith could do it in a heartbeat.

Keith would of taken all night and half the day just to get this far.

Keith would’ve gotten hurt.

Keith wouldn’t of been forgotten so easily.

This time when tears pricked at Lance’s eyes he didn’t try to stop them. They fell down his cheeks and clouded his vision. He just wanted the pain to stop so badly.

Somewhere behind him he thought he heard the doors open and footsteps come running towards him.

He thought he felt gently hands and worried voices calling his name.

He thought he felt strong arms carry him and lay him down on a soft bed.

But he couldn’t be sure.

After All who would care enough to do that for him?

——————————————————————–

Certain moments were cemented in Shiro’s mind as being truly terrible.

Being captured and forced to fight in the arena was one.

Finding Lance lying half conscious on the ground with a racing pulse and too shallow breathing was another one.

Coran diagnosed him with severe malnutrition.

Apparently he had been just about managing to function on breakfast and dinner. But after three meals in a row he was finally sent over the edge.

Shiro felt awful.

Lance had clearly been off him game in training but instead of checking if he had been ok they all assumed he was goofing off.

Worse Shiro had punished him when he was clearly trying his damned hardest.

The bruises were a shock as well.

One that sent Keith screaming about how he should of know. How he was too much of an idiot to see something was wrong.

But that was hours ago.

They had taken shifts sitting next to Lance as an IV fed nutrients directly into his bloodstream hoping he would wake up.

Shiro sat by his bedside when Lance finally let out a small groan and came to.

“Shiro?” he croaked wincing at the bright lights of the infirmary.

“Yeah kiddo its me, how are you feeling?” Shiro asked offering a water pouch that Lance too gratefully.

“Like crap… what happened?” Lance asked.

Shiro didn’t say anything for a really long time and when he finally did Lance almost wished he had kept quiet “You passed out training… Lance why haven’t you been eating? Not just last night, Coran said you haven’t eaten lunch in months and that you skip breakfast most days.”

Lance looked away not baring to see the inevitable disappointment and rejection in hid leaders eyes “I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t deserve what?” Shiro asked tilting Lance’s face towards him “To eat?”

Lance nodded and flinched at the look of rage that crossed Shiro’s face “Who told you that?” he growled.

“N-no one did… it’s just im worthless im nothing compares to you guys. I try my best but no matter how much i train i can’t get past level fucking five.” Lance didn’t even realise he was crying until the tears stained the sheets.

Shiro stared at him in horror for a moment, was this the kind of leader he was? He always thought that creating a little competition within the team would encourage them all to work harder but now… Oh God he had let this kid think he was nothing just because he didn’t have as high a level as the others.

Shiro pulled Lance into a hug “Listen to me Lance McClain, you are not a nothing and you are certainly not useless! You are the kindest, bravest more good hearted person i have ever met. I have never seen someone with aim like yours, you think level five is bad? Lance your a sniper, in long distance training your hundreds of levels ahead of us! You deserve to eat and you deserve to be a Paladin!”

Lance didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to.

Instead he hugged Shiro tighter like a lifeline and sobbed.

After that day team meals became mandatory and Shiro made sure lance knew he was as worthy as the rest of them no matter what.

#langst #commission #commissions open #lance #keith #shiro #allura #hunk

[kappasigmalife]

Desolate Caladium: Chp 4 Madness of the Heart and Mind

Desolate Caladium: chapter 4

Madness of the Heart and Mind

As I brought callum into the cabin with Evelyn’s help, I began to notice his head was burning. It must have been from the shots fired at us, there was no sign of anyone out there and I had to ensure no one was going to follow us out here. Evelyn told me she would watch the outside and let me know what she found while I tended to callum. It was twice to one that we saved one another, not much else can be seen from that other than a life debt. I remember my training well and got his fever down quite a bit but his wounds were much more severe than I imagined, with his back burned by magic bullet wounds, most likely fire. Had I been properly watching out for everyone id have been able to keep myself from falling victim to a damsel in distress motif? It didn’t matter as the two of us were still heading slowly to the new life we wanted away from the kingdom, but if im going to be a burden to him like this, is it worth it for me. Remembering he kissed me on the forehead, I gotta snap back to reality, there isn’t any use being a sniveling coward about any of this. Evelyn will help as much as she can but shes still weak from hunger and callum is out of commission.

“evelyn, im going into town for a while to get aid for callum, watch over him for me.” “you got it desmond, ill make sure hes safe.” as I left I knew in my stomach something was up with her. Why in the world would she appear here of all places and while we were camping out in the first place. It didn’t matter to me though, I needed some red leech tree bark and lavender for a ointment for him. Although the ingredients are quite expensive they will be well worth it for better recovery. While returning with supplies and some food, I catch evelyn talking to a tall man wearing a red cloak with a broadsword on his back. Getting closer I cant believe what I was hearing from the two of them.

“you idiot, I told you to wait til I gave a signal, I didn’t wanna hurt him.” “you told me to attack when you were found so I did, you know these magic items are hard to control” “fucking hell, hes hurt all because of our need for food, what a debacle.” “im sure things will get better as soon as we explain it when he wakes up” no way of knowing if he will or not, things aren’t exactly good with that, our shots really did a number on him.”

“oh man, well no harm no foul, I say we grab some of that foods he has stashed and split.” I noticed evelyn slapping him and looking as if she was crying, approaching the two the cloaked man disappeared and left Evelyn alone to talk with me. She explained how they went rogue in the kingdom and had to live off the land but being on the path of one was tiring and found a alve she freed with some of her savings and gave him a job as a guard, even buying him a broadsword. I could tell he is inexperienced and lacks control over anything, but he does look well defined by labor work. As I invited her back inside I began making a herbal remedy to heal callum, only to see that the marks are fading faster than expected, leaving nothing but small scars on his body. Although healed he still hasn’t awoken. Evelyn warned me not to wake him as the last time that occurred, someone nearly got killed, she mentioned it was something about his mage craft that changes his personality a total 180 and effectively would make everyone an enemy.

“its not worth it, he needs to wake on his own, not by force, trust me I know, hes a monster when in that state.”

“you sure this guy who is kind enough to travel with his ex and a doctor, is a monster when woken up.” “listen civilian ive known him for many years and I know what in talking about, he isn’t supposed to be woken up or else the consequences will be irreversible .”

Despite what I thought, she had a point, she knew him longer than I ever have and it wasn’t fair to usurp dominance over someone that was trained in royal courts all her life to deal with whatever the case may be with callum. As the day went on I decided to do some hunting, finding mostly some doe and birds to cook up for supper. When I returned I noticed that there was dead silence everywhere, curiously I thought that both evelyn and callum would be asleep due to the days events, but I was sorely mistaken. Out of nowhere a hole ripped open from the cabin with the cloaked man being shot out brandishing his broadsword covered in blood. From the smoke I saw callum covered in dark runes with hollow black eyes staring dead in the mans eyes no emotion or life whatsoever.

“I can contend you wanting food, but to go this far just to awaken a primal urge from your own volition needs to be punished.” “really now floating ball of denial, why don’t you make me.” I watched as callum created a small sphere of navy blue magic and launched it at the cloaked man.

“Alfan!!!!!!!” I couldn’t believe it as he slowly looked down at the beaten man, and grabbed him by the neck.

“you dare awaken a prince filthy slave, the girl gave you a name, alfan, ill remember it when your gone.” He flung the young man into the trees smashing him into a large oak, chasing after him I noticed callum meeting my gaze and just started walking to the direction of the crash. I wanted to help but I froze in place, is that who he is, some demonic mage bent on murder all to remain asleep. Now I get why he stayed away a long while and slept in seldom shifts. He wanted to remain calm instead of breaking out in a fight the minute something went awry. I picked evelyn up who suffered a broken ankle from the debris and told me that the state callum is in is from his mothers side.

“his mother is a moon elf, a divine being of the night capable of lost magics from beyond our grasp, her son bears her magic seal giving him the blood line to the moon and its secrets, he knows the arcane arts like the back of his hand as well as focus on the prospects of being the rightful heir to the throne of two kingdoms, now you see the power that comes from the royal blood.”

Evelyn has me carry her to the forest where we see the two continuing the fight. Alfin still trying to use his sword to no avail, simply missing every swing.

“a barbarians sword in the hands of a slave, is still nothing more than an oversized gardening tool.” thrusting his palm into alfin he pushes him into the trees again hearing a cracking of his bones.

“bastard took out one of my ribs” “and I shall crush the rest, mongrel” I looked away as I realized he repeatedly punched alfin in the gut breaking more of his ribs leaving him on the ground.

“picking a fight indeed was foolish  but you did allow me to be free of that prison for a while, so thank you, now whose next to challenge the prince of the moon elves, heir to the queens magic as well as tremis’s kingdom.” evelyn grabbed me and covered my mouth, signifying that this wasn’t safe and trying to get near him only would aggravate things further.

“come out come out evelyn, don’t make me hunt you dear, or I may have to burn the forest down.”

Evelyn looked at me with sincerity in her eyes that someone capable will snap him out. that instant I really understood what the dangers of leaving the kingdom entitle, callum doesn’t want the crown magic, or even power, he wants to be far from that things plans as possible.

“stay put I got this taken care of, hey prince wanna fight the princess.” “why of course, always wanted to ensure that the two of us wedded, but alas we were unable to ever have a proper match, given societal breakdowns of womens roles, keeping them as wives only stifles their warrior potential, like that slave over there.” “I saved him caladium, remember you gave him away to escape being made a sacrifice by the church, you gave him a name.” “right and fighting a queen is what im doing.” Evelyn calmly begins trying to get callum, only to be brushed off as nothing, being bombarded by light spells that cause minimal damage to her.

“what happened? You said he wouldn’t be a problem” “I know des but that thing isn’t callum anymore, the more he awakens the more hes capable of staying in control. His father and mother weren’t exactly the best parents.” I noticed that callum was growing weary of his stance and was regressing to his normal gaze although in one eye. But as he calmed down I noticed he was talking to himself.

“keep out, stay back, why control me now after 10 years.” “power is what you want the throne is yours.” “I don’t need it to help people I want to be gone as a martyr of peace and neutrality not of calamity and desolation.” “give in you know you want to.” “never again” as he finished I noticed him returning to normal again and falling down from exhaustion. Evelyn picked alfin up and told me to get them both to a inn keeper to be doctor. As we watch outside we come across the doctor examining both of them for abnormalities. Chris woke up shortly after and promptly tried walking despite much of his mana being eaten. I helped him up and I could tell he was crying from his eyes.

“im sorry you had to see that, I never thought that would come out again, it wasn’t fair for you to deal with it.” “are you kidding you worried me to death, I wasn’t afraid I was concerned you would make it out alive from that.” “no worries desmond, ill be more careful next time, but for now im very strained so im gonna go to the hot spring.” taking a cane I watched him limp out as alfin was operated on and making a recovery, the doctor allowed for him and evelyn to stay as long as possible until he recovered. Walking out I watched callum enter the entrance to the springs and followed suit. He was weak but I know he needed alone time to process the circumstances of what occurred, but part of me wanted to make sure he was okay so I snuck behind the rocks and watched as he began stripping down to his skivvies getting in the hot water.

“my oh my, did I truly need this tonight, desmond I know your out there, come out now I can sense your life force.” “sorry, I didn’t know if you wanted to be alone.” “just join me okay, holidays are coming up soon, all grace day comes our way in two moons.” “I didn’t know about that, sorry.” “why are you still dressed, get in the water before you freeze.” I took my clothes off and join him on the opposite side. It didn’t take much to get him to smile again, drinking a little rum really helped boost his mood effortlessly.

“I cant thank you for carrying me to the inn, it was a nice gensture when I lost myself.” “it…. Was no problem callum, please don’t hold it over me.” “of course not, im just happy to be alive and just relaxing for once, I wanna spend the holiday without crap coming back for me.” “I can hold that to high regards.” “hold on, I wanna give you a grace days eve gift, close your eyes” “fine” As I close my eyes I felt a cold metal go around my neck, when I opened my eyes it was a silver and black amulet necklace shaped in a cross. I saw the ring I wore that he bought before leaving was the same as the one he just gave me.

“I know cost a lot, but I figured a matching set would have a good look on you, plus the gems match your eyes.”

“I don’t know what to say, I love it.” As I began to notice the snow falling under the clear skies, callum came close to me taking my hand and softly kissing me with tears running down his face.

“I think I may actually love you.”

#Desolate Caladium #lgbtpride #gay bear #webcomic idea #story #fantasy

[ladytrollfishes]

The Pale Manuever

Hadean flexed his hands and he prepared to take on his next opponent: Tumaro the Terrible.

Tumaro was new on the scene, but had rapidly risen through the ranks with sword and shield. He was blue blooded and barrel chested, and he was here to win. He had only fought a few times but he had taken trophies- broken horns of those he had beaten.

Hadean was here to win too, but he was nervous. It wasn’t every day he had to fight a highblood, both bigger, and most likely stronger. He flexed his hands as he waited for the bell to start. Behind him, he could hear his good friend, and pale crush, Sipara Nzinga cheering him on.

“You can do it Hads!” She yelled. “Kick his ass!!”

Sipara was famous for her prize fights. No one took on her without wanting to rip her head off, but Hadean’s pumper of pumpers bled a pale love for her. Their ringside jostling, their witty and biting banter, from what else could the foundation of a hive made pale be made of?

Still, he had no idea if she felt the same way for him. He was scared to ask- for what if she didn’t? Would their ring side jostling cease? How could he bear to climb back into the ring without her shouts of support egging him on?

The bell to start went off. Hadean immediately formed a spear from his psi to keep distance from Tumaro.

“Take this!” he yelled, twirling the spear and thrusting it forward. Tumaro only grinned, raising his arms to welcome the blow. As the spear got closer and closer it suddenly disintegrated.

Hadean backed up, fear in his eyes. He knew what he was dealing with now.

Tumaro was a nullifier.

The Terrible advanced, casting his sword outside the ring, needing only his shield to deal with the unarmed maroonblood.

“Come on Hadean!!” Sipara screamed. “You fucking got this!”

Filled with the rigor of love, Hadean put up his goddamn dukes.

“You want a piece of me?” He roars, and charges in recklessly.

“Oh yeah,” Tumaro said in a low grumble. “I want a piece of you.”

The hulking blueblood smashed the shield into Hadean’s face, sending him sprawling into the mat. A trickle of blood flowed from his nose as he crumpled to the ground.

“Come on!!” Sipara screamed.

Hadean wiped the blood from his nose and tried to push up off of the ground, but Tumaro’s foot pressed him back down.

The crowd screamed as the referees start blowing whistles but none of it stops Tumaro. He reaches down to grab the glowing ball between Hadean’s horn.

“What are you doing?” Hadean yelled, trying to punch Tumaro and failing miserably as he just stepped him further into the mat.

Tumaro tugged on the horn, his nullifying powers dousing the psionic fire, and yet it doesn’t move. Hadean grabbed his foot and tried to shove it aside, but his efforts were useless as a baby meowbeast’s struggle. Horns. Tumaro was a horn collector. Where were the referees?

“I thought this might happen,” Tumaro growled, ignoring Hadean completely. He stepped off and kicked him in the gut. Hadean retched, rolling over onto his stomach but Tumaro sat on his back keeping him from turning around.

He grabbed Hadean’s horn, yanking his head back, and pulled out a battery operated sander with the other and turned it on.

“WHAT THE FUCK??” Hadean and Sipara both yelled as Tumaro put it against the floating horn. Hadean shrieked as horn dust flew everywhere, trying to jerk his head back but the burly blueblood has a good grip on his horn.

His neck ached, as his weird little floating horn got obliterated in a matter of seconds.

After he was done, Tumaro slammed Hadean’s head back into the mat. Tears sprung to Hadean’s eyes, red streams flowing from his face and into the ground.

“HADEAN!” Sipara screamed and leapt over the boundaries full on slugging Tumaro in the face. The crowd went wild, as Tumaro hit the mat, the air rushing out of his lungs.

The referees swarm into the ring, as Hadean struggled to get to his feet, clinging to the rope barriers.

“FUCK YOU!” Sipara screamed, sending a referee flying. Hadean stopped to admire it. Yeah he’d pap that. But if she didn’t stop, maybe no referees would do her matches anymore. She had to stop.

“Sipara!” He called through the din. Instantly, Sipara barreled over to his side, tenderly caressing his face.

“Hey bub,” she said, tears only just bubbling up in her eyes. “Don’t scare me like that.”

Sipara scooped up Hadean in her arms, then snarled at the pack of referees. Hadean clung to her neck, wincing as his ribs twinges, feeling safe in her arms.

“Fuck all of you motherfuckers,” Sipara declared. “Do your goddamn job!” Then she hopped the barrier, and bullrushed her through the crowd to the medbay.

Sipara kicked open the door, hollering. “GET HIM A MED CART! HE’S INJURED!”

Hadean blushed, embarrassed at her concern. “Sips,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, almost a pap, “it’s okay really I’m fine.”

The medicullers gathered around, pointing out a bed for Sipara to put him on. She staggered to it, and laid him down gently, taking a seat by his side as a mediculler checked him over.

Sipara took a seat next to him, head bowed, and reached for his hand.

“Hads,” she whispered. “I was so scared.”

Hadean turned his head and smiled at her. “Sipara, I’m fine,” he murmured.

“But your horn!” She wailed.

Hadean just pulled his hand from hers and brought it up to her cheek, papping it gently.

“Shhh,” he said. “It’s fine. It’s really fine as long as you’re by my side.”

The loss of the third horn was nothing compared to the warmth of her concern.

Sipara looked back at him, eyes wide with shock.

“Hads,” she whispered. “You’re–” she broke off, incredulous, as a smile crept onto her face. “You too?”

Hadean nodded, still weak. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m pale for you, Sipara Nzinga.”

Red tears bubbled into Sipara’s eyes and spilled over.

“I’m pale for you too,” she sobbed. “Oh Hadean!”

Darkness was starting to encroach at the edge of Hadean’s vision, as his eyes started to droop shut. Suddenly he was so tired.

“Hadean?” Sipara cried. “Hadean!”

But it was too late. He had fallen unconscious.

—-

unu I hope you guyz all liked this chapter!!!!! 💓💓💋 There’s so much more in store! PLEASE R&R FOR EXPLICIT PILING NEXT CHAPTER! ;) ;0 DLDR, CW PILLOWS AND MANICURES.

Will Hadean remember his confession????? Will Sipara take revenge???????? Will Hadean’s third horn ever re-

lmfao jk MotHErfuckErs. THIs Is for you spITfIrE. fuck you. fuck your stupId goddamn horn.

you bETTEr rEad THis ouT Loud on THE strEaM. THInk of all THE swEET vIEws. €>:)

I’ll be waTcHIng THat sTrEaM and If you don’T rEad ouT loud THis IM MEMorIzIng it and rECITIng IT durIng the Match.

- THE wordsMITH

#I am so sorry #except I'm also not #the wordsmith #Hadean #Sipara

[ixvyupdates]

I’m a Teacher Not a Boxer, and I’m Tired of Being Beat Up by My Students

For most of his career Brett has worked at county-level special education that takes kids when their needs become too much for the local districts to handle. This may be due to behavior or medical needs.

I had a job interview recently. Even though I am pretty well known for my work with older students I was interviewing for a K-2 classroom. There are lots of reasons for the change but there is one reason I have kept to myself. I’m kind of ashamed to say it.

I’m tired of getting beat up.

I don’t mean beat up in the “teaching is hard” kind of way. I mean getting physically assaulted. It’s the nasty secret that not many educators or districts like to talk about. But the truth is we have teachers, counselors, behavior management specialists and para-educators who are getting beaten regularly as part of their job.

I don’t mean an occasional push from an angry student. I mean a full on beating where you find yourself being taken to the ground by a student as big, if not bigger than you are.

I’m struggling to figure out how to put this into words. Words might not be enough.

My husband recently asked me how many times a student has threatened my life and as I moved through the list in my head I was kind of shocked when I passed 20. I didn’t answer his question because that’s another side to this part of the profession. We don’t really talk about it. I asked my assistants once how they handled questions like that from their spouses. They said they don’t share those stories unless they have to explain bruises or scratches. We were all hiding our abuse.

So I’m going to talk about it because that abuse in my past, is impacting the choices I’m making for my future. I’m tired of being beat up. I’m tired of being threatened. I don’t want people to say, “You’re a saint for putting up with that.” I want them to say, “How can we change the system so you are safer?”

If you are thinking I’m exaggerating about the threats to my life, I’m not. Twenty is where I stopped counting. That doesn’t include things like this picture a student gave me a few years ago.

I thought hard whether I should share this picture. I decided if I was going to discuss this darker side of being a teacher, then I have to share what I see. There is no humor in this picture. It breaks my heart to show you because any child in distress breaks my heart. The fact they are targeting me with their anger doesn’t change how I feel.

But that anger can often lead to violence.

And that violence is often directed at educators.

I would like to share a picture with you.

This was the day I was named Teacher of the Year. It’s a day most people would remember as a great honor. But the truth is I am thinking of something else. You’ll notice I’m kind of hunched over and my shirt is laying oddly. A few days before this picture was taken I was beaten to the ground by a student. They used a TV cord to whip me and then bit me so badly I was sent to the hospital. I’m not sitting up straight in this picture because my abdomen is wrapped with bandages and gauze.

As I sit here in this picture, at a surprise assembly with every local news channel filming, I am thinking two things: One, I’m worrying my wound is weeping through my shirt. Two, I’m debating if I should make a statement about violence against teachers and take off my shirt. My supervisor later told me she was thinking the same thing and said she was psychically telling me, “Don’t take off your shirt! Don’t take off your shirt!”

I didn’t take off my shirt and five years later I still kind of wish I had. I wish I had started this conversation then, when the media was right there ready to take note. Because nobody is paying attention. And nobody is keeping data.

And so I made a list. I kept some data. I’m going to share it with you. Be warned, if you have been a victim of violence, this list may be a trigger. It was for me.

Four times I have been sent to the hospital by a student.

I have been hit and slapped more times than I can count.

I have been bit on the shoulder, wrist, stomach, buttock and both forearms.

One of those bites infected me with hepatitis, there was no sink where I was bit so I had to pour hand sanitizer into the wound. I don’t recommend that.

I’ve been hit over the back and head with a chair…twice.

I’ve been hit in the head with a stick, and later hit with a bigger stick.

I’ve had enough books thrown at me to start a small library. Besides books I’ve been hit by a stapler, a tape dispenser, rocks, dirt clods, shoes, scissors, several lunches, a broom, balls and had a live mole trap thrown at my head…I could go on but basically, if it is in a classroom, it’s been thrown at me. I’ve replaced four sets of glasses from students hitting me in the face.

I’ve had my eye spit in multiple times.

If you lined up all the scratches end to end I would not be exaggerating to say it would be over 20 feet of torn up skin.

I’ve been punched so hard I saw stars, not once, not twice, but three times.

I’ve been kicked in the face, kicked in the groin, kicked in the stomach, kicked in the groin again and again and punched there once so violently I had to go to the doctor and was bruised for over two weeks.

I can go on. Seriously. This data is incomplete. I didn’t even talk about the student who, according to district data, tried to hit me over 300 times on one day. The student would walk in the room and start swinging. That student sent me to the hospital three different times, jammed several of my fingers trying to keep his punches from landing. After the student snuck up behind me and hit me over the back and head with a chair I quit teaching for seven years.

That’s my data.

It’s incomplete.

If I was a boxer they’d probably call me a prizefighter and retire me. But I’m not, I’m a teacher.

And I’m tired of being beat up.

And I’m ready to talk about it.

I’m in Bangladesh Right Now to Help Students With Special Needs and I Won’t Come Back the Same Teacher I Was Before

https://educationpost.org/im-in-bangladesh-right-now-to-help-students-with-special-needs-and-i-wont-come-back-the-same-teacher-i-was-before/embed/#?secret=P710dEUVaD

Photo by z ii n e, Twenty20-licensed.

I’m a Teacher Not a Boxer, and I’m Tired of Being Beat Up by My Students syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com

[chickpow]

No one like you

Chickpow here: I found an old disc/floppy disc in my attic containing a lot of very old fanfiction from authors and websites that are either gone or taken down. I am not the author but I would like to share what I’ve found. if you find the author please let me know so I can credit them properly. Thank you and enjoy 

No One Like You 

ime: Dragon Ball Z

Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Continuation

Latest Revision: December 24, 2002 20:44 EST

Author: fusionHA

Pages: 27 | Words: 31578 | Size: 168 KB | Visits: 5800

Summary:

**WARNINGS: YAOI SITUATIONS, VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE, ANGST, & HARD LEMONS!**

 ____________________________________________________

It's seven years since Majin Buu has been defeated and peace has been restored on Earth, but the ever quest for strength lives on. Goten, now fourteen years old, is finally getting that chance to train with his dad just like Gohan did when he was younger. But being compared to the incredible talent his older brother once unleashed is harder to live up to then he can handle. Fifteen year old Trunks, on the other hand, has been trying to gain affection from Vegeta his entire life, but can never seem to match the impossible level of power expected of him from his father. These two boys, both pushing themselves to the limits for acceptance, are finding that everyone has their breaking point, but not everyone has had that life-long bond like thay have had with each other. As they continue to grow up together, they begin to realize that the strength that has been between them all along is growing greater than they could have ever imagined. It will change everything they know about each other...but only if they have the courage to let everything go.

 A new spin to a coming-of-age story about giving up, letting go, and what can happen when you try to fight the destiny you have in your heart.

_____________________________________________________

 ~~~~ COMPLETE ~~~~

 No One Like You

AUTHOR: djFusion

BETA: Ane S. Thesia

AUTHORS E-MAIL: [email protected]

RATING: NC-17

WARNINGS: Lemon, violence, corse language.

NOTES: A Goten/Trunks coming-of-age story about what can happen when you try to fight the destiny in your heart.

CHAPTER ONE ~

"Let's go already, Goten! Stop fooling around," Goku shouted from the other side of the field that his son was just knocked halfway across. After over an hour of pushing himself harder than he had in years, Goten found himself on the bad end of one of his dad's signature ki blasts which he clearly wasn't paying attention to. "Are you okay out there?"

Goten lifted his arm up from the knee-deep pile of weeds he was buried in to give a thumbs up back at his dad and flopped back down into the thick grass, facing up at the sky. He was exhausted. It was just supposed to be him and Trunks today. Just some quick sparring after breakfast and then all day to hang out. But, of course, once his dad found out Gohan would be gone for the rest of the afternoon with Videl, leaving him without his always-first choice opponent, he had to find someone else available to spar the day away with. Enter Goten, the usual son-choice #2.

Trunks, who was also now stuck training with them that day, had his own problems to worry about. Unlike Goten, Trunks didn't have an older brother to be compared to if he was slacking off on his training or getting lazy, or a dad who was constantly dragging him out of the house at 5:00am to spar with. Loafing around and goofing off were beginning to take priority in his daily activities. Naturally, it didn't take Vegeta long to catch on to it, not that he would take it as an opportunity to spend more time with his son. He instead decided that maybe what Trunks needed was a good swift kick in the ass to prove to him how weak he had become and how far he had dropped from what he should be, by Vegeta's standards anyway. There just would be no tolerance of any sign of weakness in his family. It was simply not an option.

Trunks knew this. So did Goten.

So there they were, a quick workout...turned into an all-out save-the-world training session, wasting their day together to only be kicked around in some field out in the middle of nowhere. Goten had already been pumeled enough by his dad to last a week and there didn't seem to be any sign of Goku wanting to call it a day. He wasn't ever going to be strong enough to spar with like his father the way he wanted to, the way he did with Gohan, so what the hell was his father trying to do to him? He glanced over to Trunks, who stood on a ledge of rocks about 50 feet away, body wound up tight like a spring and looking as if he was going to get sick. It was, after all, only a matter of time before he would be dragged off that rock to get the pulp beaten out of him next. It had been forever since Vegeta paid any kind of attention to Trunks, much less trained with him. Probably not since they were little kids. And there he stood, right behind him, arms crossed in his usual fashion, looking ready to rip the head off the first person to piss him off.

"Enough, Kakarotto, I don't have all morning. Are you done yet?" Vegeta yelled down the field, patience beginning to wear thin. "Get a clue, your son is obviously throwing in the towel. Maybe you should bring Gohan next time if you want a challenge. Your son is clearly still a boy."

Goku began to walk towards Goten, who was just sitting in the grass and leaning on his hands. "I know you can do it, Goten. You have to not be afraid to let go this time." He reached out a hand to help him up. 'This time?' Goten looked up with tired eyes.

"Come on, son, let's try it again."

This was getting old fast. Sure, he was getting to train with his dad, something he would have given anything for when he was a little kid. But now that Goku was back from the Other World, this was pretty much all that they did...ever! He just wanted to hang out with his dad. Go fishing, or something. Have fun. Do things he and Gohan used to do that Goten missed out on. Anything but this constant martial arts. He wasn't a fighter, and it wasn't even like they were training for anything in particular. It was just that ever-constant Saiyan quest to be stronger, more powerful, that was starting to grow more and more pointless every time he was out here.

Brushing the dirt off the front of his now grass-stained shirt, Goten brought himself to his feet without Goku's help. "Alright, dad." He and Trunks exchanged glances, both letting out deep breaths. How did their day turn out like this? Things were just so much more fun when it was just him and Trunks. They don't have to always prove something to each other. It doesn't matter who's stronger, faster, smarter... It's just them. No competition.

Goten did have to admit that the whole situation was pretty rare. Sure, he trained with his dad and Gohan all the time now, but it wasn't often Vegeta would be out anywhere with Trunks. Goten spent everyday with Trunks and knew that he didn't train nearly as much as he used to and wasn't getting any stronger either. Trunks spent his entire childhood killing himself, trying to win his father's attention, affection, respect... but to no success. After a while, he simply lost the drive to get any better. So why was Vegeta all of a sudden interested? Why now? Goten looked back at his father, now standing in front of him shaking his head with a smile on his face.

"I was starting to think you were quitting on me," Goku laughed as he picked some leaves out of Goten's unruly, jet-black hair. "Now let's get back to work."

"I don't know how much more I've got left today, dad," Goten let out with an exhausted look on his face. After all, they had been out there all day and he was sure Vegeta was getting impatient just watching from the sidelines where he and Trunks had been standing for quite some time. Getting Vegeta agitated was not something he wanted to be on the other end of. Nor did he want Trunks to have to deal with it. "I feel like I'm running on nothing, and if I get hit with another one of your ki blasts, I think I'll be shot back into our backyard," he said, a little laugh forced on his voice. Goku smiled.

"Just work at it a little more, Goten. I know you were really close that time. Just reach deep down and find that last little bit of energy and open it up. You have it in you. I know you can do it," Goku added is his usual over-supportive way as he walked away to give them some more space. "Gohan could do it at your age. There's no reason why you can't."

That was it. He was tired of constantly being compared to him. Everything he did was either 'not as good' or 'not as strong' as his perfect icon of an older brother.

--"Why can't you be more like your brother, Goten?"--

--"Why can't you be as smart as your brother, Goten?"--

--"Why aren't you as strong as your brother, Goten?"--

He snapped.

He was tired of trying to live up to what he did and what he was. Nobody would ever look at him without seeing 'Gohan's little brother' first. That was it. For the first time in his life, his anger was fueling his energy. His body snapped into Super Saiyan, arching his back and letting go a scream that dangled on the edge of all control. Goten's eyes surged to a deep green, his muscles began to expand and burn under his skin.

And then it happened.

"I'M NOT GOHAN, DAD!" Goten screamed, his hair spiking into an almost white gold, clentching his fists to the side of his head. He felt something inside of him break. It was maddening. Everything seemed to crash together and create a flare of blinding energy.

Goku snapped his head around, only to see Goten lift off the ground, raising his ki to an incredible level. He looked on in amazement as blue lightening crackled around his youngest son, the sheer force of his strength breaking the ground below him. Vegeta shielded his eyes from the wind as a flash of hard light swept over them and across the field, in complete shock at what he was witnessing.

"Goten! That's it! Use your energy. Don't be afraid to use it now, do it!"

But, just as quickly as the energy came, his power level dropped and his arms fell to his sides, no longer transformed into that second stage. His feet touching back down and breathing heavy to catch his breath, he looked down at his hands, not believing what just happened. He had never felt such an amazing surge rip through his body like that before, but it took everything he had and now he was more spent than he was earlier. He fell back into the grass on his hands, exhausted and drained.

Trunks, looking on from where he and Vegeta had been standing, couldn't believe what just happened either. He had always been stronger than Goten was. Always. Ever since he could remember, he was always a step ahead of him. Things just came to him more naturally. But now...now he reached a level only three others have ever acheived. He hadn't realized how strong he had become over the years. Trunks hadn't even come close to doing what Goten just did, his power far outweighing his own, especially now. Now that he hasn't been training as much as he should have. Now that, of all times, his dad is finally taking any sort of interest in him. And now that he'll lose that one chance to impress his father, a chance he long gave up on ever happening. He felt sick.

He looked upon his best friend in disbelief with eyes that should have been proud of him. Instead, he felt a hard lump in his throat begin to form, sweat dripping down the side of his face. He closed his eyes. His body tensed, knowing the wrath that this was going to bring.

"This isn't happening..." ~

CHAPTER TWO~

Goku knelt down to where his son had collapsed on the grass and put his hands on his shoulders. "Goten, I'm proud of you. I wouldn't have pushed you if I didn't think you could do it." He lowered his head to get a look at his reaction, to see Goten cracking a tiny smile under his heavy breath. He never had any doubt that his dad didn't believe in him, it was just that he was more than tired of being the shadow to his brother. Being pushed over and over again to live up to what Gohan could do, whether or not it was even obtainable for the youngest Son to acheive. He lost it, but maybe his dad knew that would happen. Goku was known to do things like that sometimes.

Push until you crack.

"You have ALWAYS made me proud," his father said softly as he ruffled his hair. "I love you, son."

Even being at the distance he was, just hearing those words echoed painfully in Trunks' head. He had never, EVER, heard his father say anything like that to him. Maybe except for that one time when he and Goten rescued him from Majin Buu, but it took him by such shock, he barely remembered it even after he was knocked out. He wished he had a father like Goku. He had been dead for most of Goten's childhood and still showed him more affection in that one day he came back for the World Tournament than Trunks had experienced his whole life from Vegeta. He tried to act like it didn't bother him when he saw how Goku treated his sons, encouraging them, bonding with them the way a father should with his family, but it tore him up inside every time.

Lately, he didn't even feel like he had a father anymore. Vegeta paid more attention to the status of his Gravity Simulator than he did his only son, but pointlessly knocking himself out to impress him just wasn't something Trunks felt he could put himself through any longer. He long gave up on any concept of Vegeta paying any attention to him years ago, so why was he so interested in him now?

"I would imagine Kakarott's son is more than done now. Let's get on with it, Trunks," Vegeta barked, that ever present tone of anger deep in his voice. "I want to see what you can do, now that you're not a baby anymore," he taunted.

Trunks swallowed hard and tried to ignore the vice-like feeling around his chest which was making every breath harder and harder to take. He knew he would be expected to reach the same level Goten just had, and probably then some, but he already knew it wasn't going to happen. He took a deep, unsteady breath and followed his dad down the edge of the hill to the open clearing of grass just below the rocks and rubble.

Vegeta didn't waste any time. The second his feet touched down he was ready to go. He braced his footing and curled his hands into iron-tight fists. Completely prepared not to hold anything back, even if it was his son he was facing. Trunks attempted with everything he had, to look as ready as he could, ready to counter what ever the hell Vegeta was going to throw at him. But being with his father in this sort of situation wasn't something he was used to, let alone being with his father at all!

Goku helped lift Goten back to his feet and sat down with him on a nearby pile of rocks that had been blasted to bits earlier on in the day. Goten rubbed the grit and sweat away from his eyes and watched nervously at the scene unfolding before him, knowing that this wouldn't be easy for Trunks to get through in one piece. He still sparred with him almost every time they hung out together, but he knew what his abilities were and they certainly weren't what they used to be and definitely not where they could be.

"What are you waiting for, brat? Do you want an invitation? I'm giving you the first move, now make it!"

Using every ounce of courage he had, Trunks lunged forward through the air throwing a punch right for Vegeta's face, but it was easily blocked. Unfazed, he came at him again with a combination of round-house kicks and sweeps, more and more force and aggression behind every throw.

Nothing worked.

Anger started to well up in his eyes as he unleashed a wild series of attacks on his father, beginning to fight with more than just the strength of his body, but all of the scars that filled his heart. As the face-off continued, his emotions began to get the best of him. His technique was getting sloppy and unfinished, and it didn't take long at all for Vegeta to land a hard side kick right in his stomach. Trunks fell to the ground with his arms wrapped around his waist in a shooting flash of pain.

"Ooo, that was a good one. Shake it off, Trunks!" Goku yelled over from where he and Goten were sitting, completely oblivious to the worried look right next to him across his son's face.

Goten started to feel his panic. He had never seen Trunks fight like this before. He was always so composed and in control of what he was doing. His style was usually elegant. Mature. Now it looked as if he were about to break.

Vegeta looked down over his son, scowling at his pain as though it was directed towards an opponent he were about to destroy. "Is that it? You're worse than I thought. Now get the fuck up! You have elite blood in your veins. Don't humiliate me, brat!"

Trunks quickly brought himself to his feet. He would not let this happen. He would NOT let his father think he wasn't worthy of being his son. He had to do this. He had to!

"Alright, then let's go!" Trunks screamed, his rage beginning to grow more powerful as he felt the control of his own body starting to slip. He pumped his ki up a couple of notches to transform into a Super Saiyan, spiking his now-golden hair wildly, his heart feeling as if it would pound through his chest. 'I can do this,' he said to himself. 'I'm going to do this!'

For the second time, Trunks took the first attack, throwing everything he had at his father. Every blow was met by an equally hard counter. Every ki blast was shot away. Trunks couldn't land a single hit. It was then he lost his rhythm and got hit hard with a kick to the head. Vegeta didn't stop. He punched Trunks across the face, then in his stomach and threw his elbow into his back, slamming him face-first into the hard ground beneath them. Vegeta slowly lowered himself to touch down in front of him.

The pain was unreal. Trunks brought himself to his hands and knees. There was blood dripping onto the dirt from his face and he could barely open his eyes.

'Oh, God, this isn't happening!'

He tilted his head back and looked over to Goten, whose anger was clearly rising just having to sit there and watch his best friend get destroyed by his father.

Goten bolted up. "I won't stay here and watch this happen to Trunks!" But he was pulled back down by his father's strong hand holding on to his arm.

"Trunks can do this himself, Goten. Now sit down. It's not up to you to interfere," Goku reasoned as he motioned to where he was just sitting. "He'll be alright. I know what Vegeta's doing. I think this might help him release some of the energy he's holding back."

Goten couldn't believe what was coming out of his father's mouth. This wouldn't help him! Father's aren't supposed to hurt their sons. How could he sit there and watch this, thinking something positive would come out of watching someone beating the daylights out of his best friend? Goten turned his attention back to the fight going on only a couple of yards away. That's what it was now. This was no longer training or a simple sparring match.

This was a full on fight.

"I'm ashamed of you, brat. Such weakness from the son of a Saiyan Prince. You're a disgrace to me," Vegeta yelled, knocking him off his hands with an open kick to crack the side of his rib cage and smashed his face into the dirt with his boot. Trunks screamed in pain. "It seems you're useless in every fucking timeline, now doesn't it? At least your other was a fighter. At least he could hold his own in a battle. But, you... YOU'RE A WASTE! I know exactly what you've been doing with yourself. Don't you think I know how pathetic you've become!?!?"

Vegeta lowered his voice, turned his back on him and began to walk away. "I never thought I would end up with a worthless half-breed like you."

Trunks squeezed his eyes shut, the words tearing right through him. But then he felt something powerful inside and he had to let out. It was his energy. It was his rage. Everything that he ever felt towards his father came flooding back to him all at once. All of those years of being pushed aside, neglected, and having his heart broken all came violently crashing together. He pushed himself back to his knees, slamming his fists to the ground and cracking through the solid rock as his muscles crushed under the stress of his own strength. His voice, shattering through his entire body, lashed all of the hurt and pain from his life he couldn't stand any longer.

He was loosing it. In front of everyone. And he didn't care anymore.

Vegeta turned around and took a step back, not being quite sure of what was happening before him. This kind of energy was something he had never felt from Trunks, or from anyone else for that matter. Trunks lifted himself off the ground, his energy chaotic and unfocused as tears started to stream down his face. Before his energy peaked, he fell back down to his knees, screaming.

"WHY CAN'T I BE YOUR SON? WHY? WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" His pain clearly heard in his voice and visible on his body. The tips of his hair were beginning to fade back to lavender.

Vegeta forcefully yanked Trunks up by the front of his shirt and up to his face. "This is what I get, Trunks? IS THIS WHAT I GET?" He grabbed a fistful of his son's hair. "A son who can't even hold on to his energy? Who would rather cry than fight?" He let go if his hair and backhanded his son hard across his cheekbone, snapping his head back from the force as blood spit from his mouth. With the same bloodied white glove, Vegeta wound up and cracked him in the face. Using enough power to knock Trunks off his feet, ripping the shirt off his body which was still tight in Vegeta's fist. His hair completely lost all of its gold by the time he hit the ground.

"Trunks!" Goten screamed, jumping to his feet, energy rising dangerously high. He felt everything in his heart that Trunks was feeling. Every emotion was becoming his. "Dad, I won't let this happen! Trunks is hurt and he needs my help, he...!"

Goku stood up with an arm out in front of Goten to stop him in his tracks. "Alright Vegeta, that's enough! He can't defend himself anymore. Leave him alone! NOW!"

Vegeta snapped around to face him and pointed his finger directly at his Saiyan counterpart. "Listen, Kakarott, don't tell me how to treat my son. This is of no concern to you." He threw the scrap of shirt left in his hand over to the side and walked towards Trunks, who was now crying face down in the dirt. His heart had been smashed into a thousand pieces as he realized how is father, who he had undyingly idolized every day since he was born, was truly throwing him away. The pain he felt inside made everything else insignificant. Vegeta bent down to lift up his son by the wrist, holding him just inches away.

For the first time, Trunks openly cried in front of his father. His head hung down. Tears and blood mixing, dripping down his already swelling face. Vegeta's usual heartless expression turned to disgust.

"P-Please, dad," he choked through his sobs in a whisper. "I love you d-dad. I love you. Please love me back. I can't...." reaching out for Vegeta's arm, desperately trying to hug his father. Needing to be held and loved. To have a father who cared about his son. Vegeta looked down at his hand trying to pull and grab himself closer, getting blood everywhere before smacking it away. Trunks looked back up at him with tortured eyes, begging for acceptance, half off his feet and unable to stand upright as he dangled by his wrist defeated and rejected. "Dad, please. I..I'm s-so sorry. Please love me. I love you..."

Vegeta looked on his only son as if he were the most disgusting waste of life he had ever laid eyes on. Ignoring the hard sobs wracking through his son's fifteen-year-old broken body. He brought him closer and spoke in his ear,

"I'm embarassed to be your father."

With those cold words, he threw Trunks to the side, hitting face-down into a pile of rocks. Without any expression or remorse of the amount of damage he had done, he simply turned his back and walked away. Leaving his son crying through screams of pain, completely realizing his father truly did not love him. Not at all. Not ever.

"VEGETA!!!" Goku shouted.

Vegeta didn't flinch as he walked past him, feeling Goku's eyes burn into his back. "Don't talk to me, Kakarott! I don't want to hear it, especially from you!" He picked up his towel that was lying next to a tree nearby, and took off into the sky back towards Capsule Corporation.

Having helplessly witnessed what just happened, Goten closed his eyes and felt an enormous ache overcome his body, his fists clenched, his heart racing. He had only ever seen Trunks cry one other time, back when Goku told them that Vegeta had died blowing himself up in an attempt to kill Majin Buu. But that was when they were little kids and it was different back then. This was far deeper. He knew what his father meant to him and how important he was in his life, even though he would never let on to it. He just knew these things about Trunks, whether he said them or not. He could always just feel it.

Goten ran over to where he was lying on the ground, not caring whether his father wanted him to or not. "Trunks!" He got to his knees and put his arm around him only to have it pushed away.

"G-Go away, Goten! Please, just go away," Trunks cried through the violent sobs that shook through his body, turning his head away from the younger boy. "Leave me alone!"

"Trunks, you're hurt. Please let me help you. It's going to be alright," he tried to tell him, knowing in his heart that there wasn't anything he could say that would take away the hurt he was feeling. Goten's eyes scanned over the hard bruises all over his body, blood spilling from a deep gash on his shoulder from the rocks. "Trunks, let me..."

"JUST GO AWAY!" he screamed back, a tortured mixture of anger and pain that felt like it was ripping a hole right through Goten's chest. Trunks had never said anything like that to him before. Not in that tone. He just wanted to be there for him. To help him. Goten looked up, his father now standing right next to them.

"Let's go, Goten. Trunks is going to be okay. He just needs to be alone for a little while." He reached out his hand and pulled his son to his feet. "He knows where to find us if he needs help."

"No, I'm not going anywhere!" Goten fought as he looked back down to his friend, blood drenched and beaten. Tense and shaking. He didn't want to leave him like this. He had to take care of him.

"Goten!" Goku said, his voice now more stern than before. He wasn't being given an option. His father held onto his arm and led him away from Trunks.

Goten walked with his dad, looking back over his shoulder, feeling like he was being torn in two different directions. His body one way, his heart another. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes as he whispered his name under his breath, "Trunks..."

They took off back to their house, just on the other end of the mountains. Not a word was spoken. The sun was showing the beginnings of setting on the horizon. As they flew home through the crisp autumn air, Goten couldn't stop thinking of what happened, or what was going to happen after this. ~

CHAPTER THREE ~

Goten and Goku landed in their front yard, the air full of the smell of dinner already being cooked inside. Not a word had been exchanged between the two the entire way home.

"Goten, why don't you go see if your mother needs help with dinner? I need to take care of something first, okay?" Goku said, motioning over to Gohan and Videl's house, seeing that they had come back from their day out with Pan. Goten didn't respond, his mind was clearly someplace else. He glanced back up at his dad with vacant eyes, looking as if he wanted to speak but couldn't. "It's alright, son. Everything is going to be fine, just give him a little time to be alone right now, okay?" he assured, reaching out and bringing him in closer to hug him. Goten felt himself starting to get upset again and wrapped his arms tight around his dad.

"Okay," he forced out meekly, trying to be as strong as he could to fight his emotions from taking over. He couldn't stop thinking about Trunks. He could feel his devastation, his hurt, and it was overwhelming. Goku pulled away and lifted his chin to look him in the face and could easily see it in his eyes. He gave a reassuring smile and gently put his hand on his son's face as he lowered his voice, "You're a good friend. You know, Trunks is lucky to have you. Trust me, it will all be okay tomorrow." With that said, Goku left him and walked over to the house next door.

Was he a good friend? Goten wondered to himself. He just sat there and watched Trunks' whole world come crashing down around him and didn't do a damn thing to help. He knew Trunks would have done anything to stand up for him, as he had always done in the past. He may have been only been a year older than Goten, but it never stopped him from being protective of the younger demi-Saiyan. Goten felt a heavy crush on his heart, knowing he had let down his best friend, his life-long companion, and very reason for living. He clenched his teeth, letting out all the breath he had been holding in his chest and opened the front door to his house, unable to get two steps into the kitchen before he heard his mother's screeching voice in his ear.

"GOTEN! You're filthy! Get out of my kitchen right now! You're getting mud everywhere!" Unfazed, Goten turned around and walked right back out the door, not missing a beat. He could still hear Chi Chi screaming her head off about him coming back in to clean up the mess, even after he slammed the door.

He made his way across the yard up to Gohan's house, letting himself in the side entrance and could smell the food Videl was making for dinner, reminding him of the appetite he'd lost hours ago. Goku and Gohan were talking in the living room and stopped their conversation once they realized he was standing in the doorway. Gohan walked over to his brother.

"Hey, bro, I felt what you did today. Not bad. Was that the first time?" Gohan tried to sound supportive, even though it was written across his face that he knew what happened. Goten rolled his eyes.

"Can I take a shower here? Mom's freaking out and I can't deal with her right now."

"Yea, sure. There's towels upstairs in the closet, help yourself to whatever..." Gohan trailed off as Goten walked past him without another word, looking completely distant and detached.

"Dad...?" Gohan said, turning to his father standing in the living room with his hand behind his head.

"I don't know, Gohan, I've never seen him like this. I don't know what else to tell him," he softly said as he finished watching his youngest drag himself up the stairs." I know he wants to go back out there, but I don't think it's such a good idea. Just keep an eye on him for me, alright?"

"Of course," Gohan responded. "It's probably a good idea he stay here right now and give him some space." The slam of the bathroom door shook the house.

"Well, I'm going to clean up before dinner." The eldest Son took a step outside and paused. "He needs us right now, so, let's try not to bring it up tonight during dinner." Gohan quietly nodded and closed the door behind his dad.

"Gohan, what's going on out here?" Videl asked, coming out from the kitchen with Pan in her arms.

"Well, I think you need to sit down..."

MEANWHILE, AT CAPSULE CORPORATION-

"Trunks! Dinner!" Bulma shouted from the bottom of the stairs. It wasn't easy working a ten hour day, only to come home and scramble to make dinner that nobody was ready for. "Trunks! Let's go, now!" There was no response from her son's room, which usually led to one conclusion. Bulma marched across the house, hot dinner plate in hand, to the GSR. If Trunks wasn't in his room studying, then perhaps he was training, or at least trying to if Vegeta got there first. She flicked off the external power switch and heard the ever-present hum of the machine grind to a stop.

"3...2...1..."

"Woman! What the hell are you doing?!" Vegeta yelled from inside, barging out of the room like a little kid told he had to stop playing with his toys. "Can't you see that I'm busy in here?!"

"Dinnertime." She shook the plate in front of his face." Where's Trunks? He's not in his room."

"How am I supposed to know, he's your son."

"He's your son too, Vegeta! He left with you this morning, didn't he come home with you?"

Vegeta turned his back towards her and folded his arms. "He's probably still sulking out there. He'll come home when he's ready to grow up, so I wouldn't sit around waiting if I were you."

"Vegeta! He's only fifteen years old!" A worried tone overcame her voice. "Please, tell me what happened out there today. Why didn't Trunks come home? Where is he?"

"Hmph," he grunted under his breath, walking past her into the house.

"VEGETA!!!"

BACK AT THE SON RESIDENCE-

Goten sat on the floor of the bathtub with the side of his head leaning against the wall. Closing his eyes, he let the hot water from the shower beat down on his face. He could feel Trunks. He knew he was still out there. Alone and scared.

"Trunks, I can't let you be by yourself. You need me," he said realizing to himself, "...I need you."

He got up and rinsed the soap out of his hair and off his body and reached out for the towel on the counter. Quickly drying off and wrapping it around his waist, he quietly walked down the hall and into their bedroom, closing the door behind him, hoping nobody heard. Goten threw open Gohan's closet and grabbed the first pair of jeans he could find. Throwing on a black long-sleeve shirt and sneakers, he opened the window and was ready to fly out when he stopped.

"They'll feel my ki rise if I fly. I'm going to have to jump out and run there. Shit!" Without a second thought, Goten took a deep breath, put both feet on the ledge of the window and took a flying leap off the second story drop. He landed on his feet and immediately pushed off into a fast sprint headed to where he knew Trunks would be. For the first time in his fourteen years, he was directly defying his father.

"Gohan, why don't you go up and get your brother? Dinner's almost ready," Videl asked as she handed off Pan to her husband so that she could help Chi Chi finish placing the table. Gohan carried his baby daughter up the stairs and noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that their bedroom door was open.

"He must be borrowing some of my clothes. I hope he can find something clean, huh?" he laughed to Pan, giggling back at her father. "Uncle Goten? Are you in...here..." The window was open and Gohan saw the wet towel on the floor next to his closet. "Goten!"

He ran downstairs to where the Son family was just sitting down for dinner, watching him bound into the room. "Dad, I think we have a problem." ~

CHAPTER FOUR~

   The air was starting to get chilly. The sun was almost down and Trunks was still lying on the same pile of rocks he had been thrown on hours ago. Most of the blood on the rocks and on his body had dried, except for the slice on his shoulder that was still a little wet to the touch. He couldn't remember when he had stopped crying. A blank stare into nothing was now the only expression he had left as thoughts of his life circled in his mind, over and over again. Thoughts of growing up. Trying so hard to get any attention at all from his father. Not ever realizing how much of his life had been devoted to such a pointless cause, until now...

  ...11 YEARS AGO-

 "DAD! DAD! DAD! Can I train with you today? Please! I want to learn to fight! I want to be a Saiyan warrior, too, dad!" Trunks begged, tugging on his father's shirt.

 "I don't have time to train with a child, as if you could. Don't get in my way, Trunks. Go bother your mother," he spat at his child, pushing him to the side to enter the Gravity Simulation Room, not even bothering to look down to his direction. Vegeta walked up the stairs and slammed the heavy metal door in his face.

 "But, I'm really strong, Dad! I want to fight with you," a tiny voice shouted from the other side of the door, too small to see into the windows. "Dad?"

 "GO AWAY, TRUNKS! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU!" his voice boomed from inside.

 Trunks had never been yelled at before. Not by anyone. He just wanted to be with his father, do things that Goten did with Gohan... He just wanted to see his dad. Trunks sat down on the grass next to the door, remaining totally silent. He sat there patiently for hours. Not a peep.

 Six hours later, Vegeta turned off the machine and opened the door to find his small, four-year-old son sleeping on the stairs at his feet. He stepped over him and walked straight into the house.

    ...SOMETIME BEFORE THE WORLD TOURNAMENT-

 Vegeta threw dozens of kicks and punches at his invisible opponent, hell-bent on powering up to unbelievable levels while confined in the stressed walls of the Gravity Simulation Room. He broke his concentration to see his young son behind him, fighting with everything he had to just walk around.

 "Perhaps you should rest, son. One-hundred fifty times gravity is a man's training level, you're clearly still a child."

 "Goten called me last night. He said he..he's going to be in the Tournament. N..now I want to."

 Vegeta stopped his training and turned his focus to him. "So, what are you going to do about it?" he taunted.

 This was it! This would be his opportunity to show his father that he had reached a new level and was able to transform just like he could. Trunks contained his excitement, trying to act cool about it.

 "I guess I go Super...HAAAAAA!" With one simple burst of energy, Trunks easily transformed into a Super Saiyan for the first time in front of Vegeta without any effort at all. But, instead of the pride and encouragement he expected to get from his father, he got disgust. Almost anger.

 "Come here, son!" Vegeta barked with not the slightest bit of enthusiasm in his tone. Trunks walked over to his dad, not quite sure what to expect from the reaction. "Try to hit me!"

 Trunks looked confused. "Uh, why would I do that, dad? You know I'm not strong enough." Certainly this was some sort of joke.

 "You want to play like that? Fine, let's deal- If you can land a punch in my face, then I'll take you to the park for an hour." Vegeta's temper began to rise. So did his ki level. "Now let's just see what you can do." He made no attempt to hold back his power from the overly enthusiastic eight-year-old in front of him and fully transformed himself into an ascended Super Saiyan.

 Trunks' eyes lit up, heeding no attention whatsoever to Vegeta's incredible power. His only thoughts were of his promise-- His dad wanted to take him to the park? He NEVER got to go anywhere with him, but now that he finally proved himself, everything would be like he wanted it. All of his training and sparring in the woods with Goten was going to pay off! His dad DID love him after all!

 "Wow, you mean it? OKAY!" He powered up as high as his small frame could withstand and came flying at Vegeta with enough force to knock over their house. He threw everything he had at him, every technique, every angle with speed and control that was well beyond his years. He wound up hard, throwing one last big punch and nailed Vegeta right on his cheekbone. Trunks only enjoyed the moment for a second before... **POW**

 The Saiyan Prince had reflex-punched his son square in the face, sending him flying across the GSR to land on his back. He froze as Trunks struggled to force himself up on his hands, spitting up the warm blood that was now running down his face. But he didn't cry. He wanted to, but held in as hard as he could.

 "Nhhh, you didn't say you'd hit back, d..dad."

 "Well I didn't say that I wouldn't, now did I, Trunks?" Vegeta responded as cold and uncaring as ever, despite just giving his son one hell of a broken nose. "Come on, we're going to the park, NOW!"

 Trunks forced out half a smile and tried as best as he could to get to his feet. He wanted this more than anything else in the world, but as soon as he fully stood up, he felt everything go black and fell flat on his face, unconscious.

 Vegeta never took him to the park.

    ...AFTER THE WORLD TOURNAMENT JUNIOR CHAMPIONSHIPS

  "Did you see me, dad? I won! I won! Just like you told me to!" Trunks' eyes were beaming with pride as he ran up to his father. Vegeta just stood there, arms crossed and tense. His cold, black eyes lowered to his son's.

 "Congratulations, Trunks, you've managed to beat a bunch of little children, " he said, sarcasm pouring from his words to crush the young boy in front of him.

 "But I..I won, dad. I wanted...just to make you proud of me," his small voice shook as he spoke, begging for any sign of acceptance. He reached out for his father's hand.

 Vegeta simply turned on his heel and walked away, remarking over his shoulder, "I don't have time for such trivial things. Bother me when you can actually do something, Trunks, not some childish game."

 As Trunks was left standing alone in the empty hallway, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and bit down on his lower lip. Nothing was ever good enough. Ever. Why couldn't his dad be happy for him like the other dads were for their sons? They didn't even win and they still got more attention then he did. He brought his small fists up to his face to cover his eyes, trying hard to choke back a sob.

 "Trunks! Hey! Do you want to watch the rest of the tournament with me?" Goten shouted as he came running down the hall to meet his friend. Trunks quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and tried to put on a brave face. He turned around with flushed cheeks and red eyes. Goten stopped. "Trunks? Are you okay?" he asked, looking past him to see Vegeta walking away far down the hall.

 "Of course I am!" he answered with his toughest voice. "I don't care about this stupid contest anyway."

 He was telling the truth. He didn't really care about winning at all... He only wanted it for his father.

        ...Trunks pulled himself up off of the rocks and winced in pain. His ribs were obviously broken, and by moving his arm he had reopened the scab that was starting to form on his shoulder. Blood now dripped down his arm and off his fingertips. He turned over to sit up, trying to control his breathing as much as possible to ease the sharp stabbing in his sides. Using his good arm to help him get to his feet, he carefully walked over to the small pond on the other side of the trees.

 Kneeling down, he bent over the cold water to splash some on his face, catching a glimpse of his reflection on its mirrored surface. He scanned over his body, tear-stained and beaten. Closing his eyes to fall back on his hands, Trunks pulled his knees into his bare chest and held on to the gash over his shoulder, letting the blood drip through his fingers. The wind waving over the field began to pick up a little, sending chills over his body and blowing random strands of lavender hair in front of his eyes. Never before had he felt this empty or alone. His body, his mind, his heart-- Everything was torn to pieces.

 But he could sense something. Someone. Really close and watching him. Without lifting his eyes he knew who it was.

 "Goten, I know you're there. I can feel you, you know," he said flatly as Goten slowly peeked out from behind a tree, trying to remove the worried look on his face and in his voice.

 "Trunks...?" He stood with his hands buried deep in the pockets of Gohan's jeans, attempting to hide the fact he was completely out of breath from running on foot for almost five miles from his house.

 Neither boy could move. Goten finally took a deep, nervous breath and walked over to the older boy, sitting down in the short grass next to him so that they were both just staring out vacantly into the water. There was nothing to say really. They just remained quiet in their uncomfortable silence that surrounded them, listening to the water ripple by, the wind blowing through the branches of the trees scattered around the pond. It was starting to get dark. Goten swallowed the dryness that had built in his throat and attempted to say something.

 "Trunks, you don't have to say anything, but I...but I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you." Trunks put his elbow on his knee and laced his hand through his bangs, holding them back away from his face. He listened as Goten softened his voice. "Listen, I know you don't want to talk abo-...well... I just, I wanted to tell you that I know what your feeling."

 Trunks turned his face away from him as he clenched his jaw, making a fist in his hair.

 "No, no, that's not what I meant... I mean," he fought for the right words. "I don't know what it feels like from experience... but I know what YOU feel like." He looked over to Trunks, body trembling, lowering his voice to almost a whisper. "And I know how bad it hurts you, Trunks. I just... want to be here for you. I don't want to leave you alone."

 Goten hesitated, knowing the reality of what he was about to say. His voice echoed his heart. "You're a part of me..."

 Trunks looked up at him with glossy tears building in his eyes as he continued, "...Just like I'll always be a part of you."

   The tears, pain, emotions, everything that had built up for so long inside, threatened to all come pouring out right there. But Trunks covered his eyes with the back of his fist, holding his breath as he looked down and tried desperately hard not to cry in front of him. There weren't anymore words left to say. More than anything, he just wanted to be held, to be told everything was going to be okay. He needed him, but couldn't bring himself to move from the position he was frozen to, still holding on to the last shred of strength he had to look strong.

 But Goten could see right through it and knew exactly what to do, moving over next to Trunks and wrapping his strong arms around him, holding on as tight as he could. He rested the side of his head on his and unexpectedly felt Trunks break into a hard sob. His emotions tore through the both of them as he held him closer, running his hand through the back of his silken human hair. Goten could feel the heat radiate from his half naked body as all of the pain that tortured his soul began to melt away. Trunks wrapped his arms around the boy's shoulders, pressing his cheek next to his. The hot tears that ran down his face were now spilling on to Goten's.

 They held each other and everything felt right again. Neither boy had ever been this close to anyone before, especially not each other. Not like this. Goten squeezed his eyes tight to Trunks' uncontrollable crying, pressing their warm bodies together, feeling a connection, a new type of bond, like something he never felt, not even when they had fused with each other so many times before.

 And then, without any warning, it happened...

 Trunks inhaled deeply through his choking breaths, slightly relaxing his body from crying, and slid his hand around to the nape of Goten's neck, pulling away so that the tip of his nose barely skimmed across his cheek, his nose... then his lips. His eyes slipped closed and he could hear his heart pounding wildly through his chest. Without any rational thoughts, he tilted his head, carelessly brushing his warm lips against Goten's, holding his breath in for a second as he felt his heart ache in response to his vulnerable need to be loved. Completely lost in the moment and forgetting what he was actually doing, Trunks moved him closer and crushed his lips against Goten's fully, parting them slightly. Wanting, almost begging for his response. They were so soft and warm and felt so good. It...

 Goten snapped his eyes open and pulled away. "Trunks! What are...you...?" He was cut off as Trunks placed his quivering fingers over Goten's lips, quieting his voice to a silence, looking back through his eyes with the deepest, most exposed part of his heart.

 "C-Chibi, I..."

   "Trunks? Is that you?" Bulma's voice called out from a dense patch of trees in the distance. Goten jolted upright out of Trunks' arms, scared out of his skin for multiple reasons. He frantically wiped his mouth off with the back of his sleeve and looked next to him. Trunks already had his head in his hands covering his face before Bulma ran towards them, Gohan right behind her.

 "Trunks! Goten! We've been looking all over for you two out here, are you boys alri...? TRUNKS! What happened to you?!?!" Bulma gasped as she got close enough to see the blood and bruises all over his body, torn clothes hanging off of him. "What happened? Who did this to you?"

 He didn't answer. He couldn't even look at her. He couldn't look at anyone. Especially not Goten. He curled up smaller and buried his head in his arms wrapped across his knees, feeling as if salt were being rubbed into every wound.

 Gohan exchanged glances with his younger brother, who was obviously in shock from what they just missed by a second. "Goten, dad is pretty upset with you. He wants me to bring you home," he chided, walking over to where the boys were sitting together.

 "Trunks needed me, okay?" Goten said almost frantically, jumping to his feet in defense, taking a step back. "I had to come! Would you have just left me out here?" Goten's voice was raised, clearly upset and shaken. "I...I'm staying with Trunks."

 Bulma bent down to get a closer look at her son. "Trunks, you need to come home. We don't have to talk about it right now, but I'm going to take you home so we can get you taken care of, alright?" She gently lifted his head with her hand under his chin, suddenly feeling faint as she could see how badly beaten his face was, noting how he was unable to even look her in the eye. A complete feeling of devastation and rejection tightened every inch of his body. He glanced up to Goten and could see by his body language just how uncomfortable and uneasy he was merely standing there.

 "Do you need help getting up?" Gohan offered, reaching out his hand to Trunks.

 "No! I'm fine," he snapped back. Trunks sucked in and tried to stand up by himself, but doubled over from the sharp pain of his broken ribs once he stretched up from being crouched down for so long. Goten's reflexes rushed to catch him, holding him around his back and chest for support. He felt him tense from his touch, scared and embarrassed all at the same time.

 Bulma opened up a silver case from the pocket of her jacket and flipped it open, removing the capsule for her car and throwing it to the ground after giving it a click. A dark-blue sports car appeared from the puff of vapor.

 "Trunks...?" Goten said to him quietly, barely audible under his breath, searching for a sign that everything was going to be alright. But he knew there wouldn't be anymore talking. Not tonight.

 Definitely not tonight.

 Without words, he picked Trunks up effortlessly in his arms and carried the older demi-Saiyan to the front seat of the car, being painfully tender and gentle as to not hurt him in any way. He wanted to say something. Anything. Not to mention the millions of questions that he had flooding through his head. He was so confused and couldn't just let him leave. Not like this. But what should he say? What COULD he say? He slowly let his hands slide away from his body as he helped him in the car, the slightest hint of hesitation in his fingers as he spoke the only words that seemed right.

 "...Good night, Trunks."

 Their eyes met one last time for a split second just before Bulma sped off back to Capsule Corporation, leaving the two brothers alone in the empty field. The sun was almost completely set in the distance and if there were still a moon in the sky, it would have already been out.

 Goten felt that heavy feeling in his chest again as he stared transfixed to the horizon, unable to comprehend what actually happened. Gohan sighed and put his arm around his little brother's shoulders, attempting to give him that brotherly assurance he knew was well needed and sparing him the lecture that would most certainly come later from his parents, regardless of the cause.

 "C'mon, bro, let's go home. You've had a long day, huh?"

 "I don't think you'll ever have any idea." ~

 CHAPTER FIVE ~

  "Sweetheart, why don't you go into the bathroom down here and wash off," Bulma asked as she helped her son into the front door of their house. Trunks had his arms wrapped around his middle, hunched over as to not stretch out the muscles around his broken ribs. Bulma hesitated before letting him go. "If you need anything, anything at all, just call out. I'll be getting the first aid-kit, okay?"

 Trunks managed to get out a nod, not wanting to speak. She watched him as he tenderly walked through the kitchen and into the guest bathroom that was located on the first floor. Her heart sank, instincts telling her the damage must be far deeper than what she could see on the outside. Surely her son had been banged up before, but seeing him like this was almost too much for her to handle.

 Trunks locked himself in the bathroom, his eyes catching his own reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. It was a far different sight in the bright lights than compared to the one in the pond earlier. His fingers traced the cuts and blood streaks over the front of his chest and shoulders, tired, beaten eyes looking back at him. Defeat, in every way, written clear across his face.

 While he waited for the water in the shower to get hot, he could hear his mother screaming from in the kitchen, his father's voice screaming right back. She was upset. Maybe she was crying. He heard his name.

 Trunks tried to tune it out, that being the very last thing he wanted to hear. With a snap of his wrist, he tore off his already ripped pants and stepped into the shower. The hot water running off his body felt good as he closed his eyes and let it beat down on his face, bracing one hand on the wall. Every muscle in his body ached and stung, every part of his heart wanted to scream. Trunks looked down to see the bottom of the tub was pooling up with red water and let his head hang down to feel the heat cascade down his back and over his shoulders.

 Despite the temperature of the water, Trunks felt a shiver rush over his body. He thought of Goten. How he suddenly pulled away. How scared he looked after what they did. That wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen at all! He promised himself a long time ago he wouldn't think of those things. He valued their friendship far too much to fuck it up for some stupid feeling he had. Some stupid feeling he convinced himself would destroy everything if he didn't feel the same way back. Without ever having seen Goten's reaction before, Trunks already knew that he didn't.

 His legs got weak just thinking of what he had done. How was he ever going to face him again? Goten was the only real thing he had in his life, the only thing that made him who he is, who he wanted to be. They had been best friends, way past best friends, as long as he could remember and were with each other nearly every day after. It was only after Goku taught them to fuse at the temple that they knew they had an unusually strong connection to one another, much more than other kids their age could ever understand. They shared the same body. They knew each other's thoughts. Ever since then, things were never quite the same. Trunks started looking at his friend differently and his heart grew attached to him... the same one that they once shared.

 But he kept it inside, hiding his emotions deep down, knowing full on that everything existing about their friendship would be ruined if he ever told Goten what he was feeling. But now it was too late. He wanted to take it all back. He wanted things to be like they were before. He was vulnerable and didn't think. Now everything was a mess. He couldn't lose him. What would his life be without him? He felt a knot in his chest as the water blended with the tears that stung his eyes.

 "Are you alright in there?" he heard his mother say from the other side of the door. "Do you need my help?"

 Trunks blinked, focusing his mind back to where he was. "I'll be out in a minute," he managed to call back with a slight crack in his voice. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, flaring up his ki for a second to dry off. He wrapped a fresh towel around his waist from off the shelf and looked at himself in the mirror again before opening the door. Dark purple bruises were starting to show through his skin now that he had washed off all of the blood and dirt. Surely they would be worse tomorrow.

       "Ok, now this might hurt a little..."

 "AHHH! Mom! It stings!" Trunks winced as Bulma dumped the bottle of rubbing alcohol on his shoulder. He ground his teeth together hard, attempting to squirm away from her while she soaked up the blood from his wound with a cotton ball.

 "Alright, tough guy, I know it doesn't hurt that bad. Would you prefer a nasty infection?" she playfully asked, trying as best she could to lighten the mood and not let on to how worried about him she actually was. She focused her attention back to his shoulder, a lot more serious than she had originally thought. "I think you might need a couple of stitches here, Trunks." She knew that getting her son to a hospital tonight was probally not going to happen.

 He looked away, trying to suck it up and not complain. "No," he snapped, tightening his fists to dull the burn. "I don't want to go anywhere now. I don't care if it leaves a stupid scar." He did appreciate his mother's concern, but at this point, he just wanted to be alone. Sitting in the bathroom and having his mother baby him wasn't exactly what he wanted right now. "You don't have to do anything else, okay... I just want to go to bed."

 Bulma let out a deep breath and reluctantly reached over for the roll of gauze in the box. "Ok, honey. Just let me bandage this up first," she told him softly as she started to wrap it around his upper arm, careful not to make it too tight. She could read her son pretty well and knew this wasn't the night to fight back. Trunks watched his mother as she finished taping the end together. Without saying anything else, he got up and started to walk towards his room.

 "I love you, Trunks."

 He stopped as her words created a warm ache inside him. "I love you too, mom," he said, facing away from her, trying to keep his voice from breaking again. He waited a moment before speaking further. "...I know you know what happened today... with dad." he slowly turned to face her and started to cry once he saw the tears already on his mother's face. He lowered his head. "I'm sorry. I screwed everything up for us. I..." he choked out in sharp breaths, before Bulma ran to him and threw her arms around her son, holding on as tight as she could.

 "No... No, honey. It's not your fault. Please don't cry, Trunks. You didn't do anything wrong," she comforted, letting her son openly cry in her arms. "I love you so much. You're everything to me. And your father..."

 "No, don't!" he cut in, pushing away and shaking his head. "I can't. No, not now." He couldn't hear 'The Speech' again-- How 'you know how much your father loves you, even though he has a hard time showing it'. Or 'your father has always been so proud of you. Don't you remember the one time in your life he told you?'. They were just empty words. They meant absolutely nothing. Maybe she should try the truth sometime, like 'well, we all know that you're a failure, so maybe it would be better if you just stop calling him dad and forget that you're a Saiyan, okay?'.

 He was tired of crying over him. "I don't want to talk about it, I just...I just want to go to bed."

 Bulma sighed. She gently brushed the hair away from his eyes and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Okay," she whispered, forcing a smile and kissing his forehead. She waited for her son to walk up the stairs and out of her sight before collapsing back into her chair, crying her eyes out.

    Trunks quietly walked down the hall past his baby sister's room, surely asleep by this hour, and slipped into his bedroom, leaving the lights out. He opened his drawer and pulled out a pair of loose, cotton pajama bottoms, throwing them on and tossing the damp towel on the chair next to his bed before crawling under his sheets and pulling the soft blanket up to his chest. His only thoughts were of Goten. He couldn't imagine his life without him, without seeing him everyday, his smile, his laugh. The way he twisted his hair in his fingers when he was nervous or bored. The way he wore the same ratty pair of jeans for weeks on end. How he drank his coffee in the morning, more like a sugary soup than a drink...

 And how his skin felt, so soft to the touch. How his hair would smell after just taking a shower. And the way he looked into his eyes, those beautifully dark eyes, staring back at him with a lifetime of memories. Trunks buried his face in his pillow.

 "I can't live my life without you, Goten," he said to himself, curling up tight into a little ball under the covers. "I love you so much. I can't lose you. I can't." Trunks remembered Goten's words from before, squeezing the blanket to his body. "You ARE a part of me, Chibi. You've always been. Oh God, I need you so much now, please don't leave me," he sobbed into his pillow, slowly crying himself to sleep. ~

 CHAPTER SIX ~

   Goten rolled over and looked at the clock at the side of his bed.

 7:48am, late by Son Family standards.

 Even though it was Sunday, his parents were probally already up for at least an hour by now, a gene not inherited by their youngest son. His idea of a weekend was more like sleeping in until noon and watching television in bed all day, even thought it never happened.

 "Did you plan on getting up today or should I serve you breakfast in bed?" Chi Chi questioned loudly in his doorway, hands on her hips and impatiently tapping her foot.

 "No, no..." he yawned out, still half asleep, but Chi Chi was not a woman of patience. "Mom, wait! I'm getting up! I'm getting up!" he pleaded as his mother started to yank him out of his bed by the arm. Chi Chi might have only been a house wife, but when she wanted something done, it damn well got done right then! No questions.

   Goten blankly sat at his kitchen table across from his father, already on his fourth or fifth bowl of cereal. Food just wasn't what he wanted to see right now, even though his stomach was rumbeling like a truck. He couldn't stop thinking about Trunks and what happened the night before in that field - His best friend kissed him! On the lips! DELIBERATELY! Did he miss something? Did he lead him on somehow by accident without knowing it? And does Trunks like him? Like that?! Has he... *always* liked guys? Goten swallowed hard.

 'There's no way he actually meant it! We're friends!  But what if he...'

 Goten put his hands over his eyes and rubbed hard on his face.

 'What the hell is going on?'

 "Are you ok, Goten?" his father asked, stopping mid-chew, looking at his youngest beat himself up at the breakfast table. "Goten! Hey!" He reached out and grabbed on to his wrist. He got his attention, but it was clearly not in the same room as his son.

 Goten snapped out of it. "Yea. Yea, I'm okay..." he quickly nodded, realizing that he must look like he's loosing his mind. After all, he did fall asleep in his clothes which were still smeared and stained with Trunks' blood, not that wearing blood stained clothes at the kitchen table is out of the ordnary when three Saiyans were once living in the house.

 He needed to get out of the house and talk to him.

 Now.

 Goten put his hands on the table and casually started to get up out of his chair. "I don't think I'm really that hungry. I'm just going..."

 "I don't think so, mister!" Chi Chi yelled, pushing him back down into his seat. "You're not going anywhere before you eat your breakfast!" Goten looked over to Goku for a signal that it was alright to just leave, but saw him quietly chuckeling to himself and already digging back into his food. It was clear who wore the pants in HIS family! He had lived in that house long enough to reconize that no-bullshit tone in his mother's voice and reluctantly reached for the sugar as he started shoveling it into his coffee. It would have to wait for now, or at least until after breakfast.

    BACK AT CAPSULE CORPERATION -

 *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BE..*

 Trunks slammed his hand down on his alarm clock, still face down in his pillow. His alarm was still set for 8:00am from yesterday when he was supposed to spar with Goten.

 'Amazing how your life can change in 24 hours.'

 He sat up in his bed, every bone in his body ached like it had been broken a thousand times over. His face didn't feel much better. He rolled over and put his feet on the floor, slowly standing up to be careful of his ribs, still tender and sore, before making his way down the hall. He gave a quick peek into his sister's room - Bra wasn't in her crib and he couldn't hear his mother running around downstairs like on every other Sunday morning, leading him to believe he was probably left by himself. Unless his father was home.

 "Oh, God. Please don't be home today."

 He made his way down to the kitchen. A small note was attached to the refridgerator. He read his mother's scribbled handwriting:

 TRUNKS,

I WILL BE OUT WITH YOUR SISTER UNTIL 3:00. THERE'S

FOOD PREPARED IN THE 'FRIDGE. HERE'S $20, YOU CAN

GO OUT FOR LUNCH WITH GOTEN IF YOU WANT. I LOVE YOU!

MOM

     Trunks stared at Goten's name on the note. What was he going to say to him? There was no way to just forget about it ever happening and pretend everything was okay again. It was hard enough hidding it before, and now... now Goten knew the truth. Trunks dragged his feet into the living room and sank down into the cushions of the couch.

 He valued their friendship too much to let it be thrown away. He was going to have to lie. Tell him that he didn't know what he was doing. He was confused and upset, and... things... just sort of happened. He had to at least try. Goten wouldn't want to come within ten miles of him if he knew how strong he felt about him and how many times he wanted to curl up next to him in his bed when he slept over his house. He didn't know that his heart broke everytime he'd flirt with some brainless girl in front of him, some girl who didn't know anything about what it felt like to fuse, or why he was so much stronger than everyone else at school, or why he had a tiny scar at the base of his spine.

 Even worse, Goten didn't know how turned on he was getting lately everytime the younger boy took his shirt off when they sparred, or how many times he'd be making out with a girl while imagining it was Goten he was kissing instead. Nevermind how many nights he fell asleep thinking about him only to wake up from... well it didn't matter now. Goten was most likely already disgusted with him at this point, and would probably run in the other direction if he came anywhere near him.

 He was so lost in his thoughts of how he was going to convince Goten that their...no, HIS kiss was a accident, Trunks didn't hear the footsteps walking into the room from behind him. The low rumble of Vegeta's voice jumped his heart.

 "Your mother went out shopping. Did you eat breakfast?" he said, sounding like he was forced to pretend like he cared. Trunks pushed himself up straight and hugged his knees into his chest, feeling more embarassed and nervous than anything else. He couldn't look at him and turned his head away so that he was facing out towards the window.

 Vegeta walked to the couch and saw his son visibly cringe at the very presence of him being in the same room. Unfolding his arms, he knelt down one knee in front of him.

 "Son..." he paused, looking at how bruised his body was - puffy cuts and scrapes over his face and arms, a bandage on his shoulder that had blood spotted through the gauze. Vegeta tried to soften his harsh rasp. "Trunks, you are my only son. I've seen you grow up your entire life, yet... I really don't know who you are."

 Trunks felt every part of him tense up into a knot. Breathing became harder to control. Vegeta never gave a shit about who he was or how he made him feel. Why didn't he just leave him alone, ignore him like every other day of his life? Why was he doing this? Had he found a new way to tourture him? To rip his heart into pieces for fun? Was he trying to make him cry just so he could laugh at how weak and worthless he was?

 "It's been hard... for me to realize this, but..." Vegeta shifted his weight, searching for the right words to say to him before taking a deep breath. "I don't know how to be your father, Trunks. I don't know how to treat you... not like you deserve. You didn't grow up a Saiyan. You grew up a human, with all these feelings, and... emotions. Like your mother. And I don't have any idea what it's like to be you. I just, tried to push you and raise you like a Saiyan boy. It's all I know and I..." he stopped, reaching out to put his hand on the boy's head, feeling him shudder under his touch. "I forgot to raise you as my son, Trunks. I... I'm sorry. This isn't what I had intended to happen to you."

 Trunks put his head down across his arms around his knees, pursing his lips together, trying to stop from shaking. He could feel his chest tightening up. Vegeta took his hand off his head and stood up where he was.

 "Stand up, son." He reached out his hand.

 Trunks looked up at his father with glazed eyes but didn't move. The two starred at each other for what seemed like hours, a suffocating tension between them. Gradually, releasing his arms from around his knees, he got to his feet without any of his father's help, giving Vegeta the first full look at the damage he had done to his body. Lately, Vegeta hadn't even looked at his son long enough to realize how mature and strong he had become for his age, his frame reminding him more and more of the mirai boy that came to aid them to fight the androids so long ago. He reached around and put his hand on the back of his head and pulled his son into his arms for only the second time in his life.

 Trunks couldn't let it go. It was torture. His shut his eyes, his body still completely tense with his arms flexed at his sides, forcing himself to keep it all inside. Not letting himself loose it. Crushing every feeling down so deep and so hard it actually hurt. He wasn't going to cry, not now.

 Vegeta could feel the muscles on his back, rock hard and frightened to the unfamiliar sensation of being hugged, especially by him. He could sense how uncomfortable he was just by his touch, just like the last time they were in this situation.

 "Trunks, my son, I care very much for you. And I do want you to know, I AM...very proud of you. I've always been." The awkwardness in his voice was starting to dissolve, replaced by genuine affection.

 Trunks bit down hard on his bottom lip, his face feeling like it was going to shatter. The moment he wanted more than anything his whole life, what he always wanted to hear his father say to him, all those years of neglect and abuse, throwing him away and pushing him aside... forgetting about him and breaking his heart over and over...

 "I LOVE YOU, DAD!" he cried, throwing his arms around his father, clinging on as tight as he could. Vegeta felt his heart melt, holding on strong to his fifteen-year-old son with all of the attention and love he never gave him and should have, feeling warm tears starting to soak through his shirt. Trunks was trembeling to such a degree it almost made him think he was hurting him, until he remembered the woman mentioning something once about 'tears of joy'. It had never even occured to him that his son had needed this so badly.

 "I want to... try to be your father. I promise, I WILL try," he said gently without any anger left in his voice. He pulled away to look at his son, his bright, blue eyes swollen and wet. "You're a Saiyan Prince, Trunks. Did you know that? You would have been the heir to the throne had there still been one, and... you've made me very proud."

 Trunks tensed his shoulders, inhaling a deep breath as he listened to those seemingly foreign words directed towards him. He looked up in amazement, now at almost eye level with his father, as a real smile appeared on his face. Not a smirk, but a real smile.

 He wiped the tears from his own cheeks and bravely smiled back. Trunks got what he wanted as Vegeta was finally accepting his son after a lifetime of ignoring him and forgetting to be a father at all. He finally had a father that loved him back, something he had never experienced before that moment. He wanted to run out and tell everyone, everyone that knew his life and how much this meant to him. But the only person he knew would understand, the one person he wanted to tell the most, probably never wanted to speak to him again.

 He had to see him. He had to undo the damage, whatever it took. He couldn't have Goten missing from his life, the other half of who he was in every sense of his being. Trunks knew the hard truth about his feelings and knew he was facing only one option to keep them together.

   He just had to see Goten... ~

 CHAPTER SEVEN ~

   Goten quickly finished helping his mother clean up after breakfast and changed out of the clothes he borrowed from Gohan the night before. Without wasting any more time, he was already darting through the kitchen and out the door before Chi Chi could even turn around. "I'll be back later, mom," he shouted from the yard, not giving her the chance to object. Within minutes, he was flying at full speed on his way to Capsule Corporation, more nervous than he should have been.

 He got close to the edge of West City and landed on a rural road near the outskirts of town. It was broad daylight and flying through a city wasn't really a good idea. Besides, running the rest of the way shouldn't be that hard, compared to the marathon he ran the night before.

 It took Goten only a couple of minutes before he was at the front door, palms sweating, heart ready to explode at any second. He reached for the doorbell and froze.

 "Why am I so nervous? It's Trunks. I'm sure there's a reason for this. He. he doesn't like me like *that*. He would have told me... right?" Goten started to wonder if just showing up without calling first was such a good idea. "Damnit, what am I going to..."

 The door flew open, nearly smacking him in the face. Trunks almost plowed him over before he realized Goten was standing right in front of him, finger still reaching out for the doorbell. "Goten! What the hell are you doing here?!" he asked, having the breath just knocked out of him and completely in shock to be looking at the person he was running out to find. Both boys stared wide eyed at each other, hesitant to say anything at first. "I was... was just on my way to see you."

 "Same thing." Goten felt numb.

 Trunks didn't know what else to do. Sure, he wanted to talk to Goten, but now that he was actually here, his mind went completely blank to what he wanted to say. "Do you want to come inside?" trying to steady his voice. He motioned into the house, figuring if they were going to actually talk, his front door probably wasn't the best place to do it.

 "Uh, sure." Every word out of his mouth felt awkward.

 They walked into the living room, completely alone and quiet. Too quiet. Goten's stomach started turning and twisting into knots, making him wish he hadn't eaten so much for breakfast that morning. He could hear the faint hum of the Gravity Simulator turning on, indicating Vegeta was in the house somewhere with them and not making the situation any more comfortable than it already wasn't. He shrugged his shoulders up and crossed his arms, making every attempt not to openly stare at Trunk's face that now looked horribly swollen with black and blue bruises.

 Trunks took notice to how uneasy his friend looked and finally forced himself to say something. "Thank you for... being there - for me - last night. I..., God, I don't...." He felt so clumsy with his words. How was he going to do this? He was going to slip and say something wrong, everything was going to get screwed up. "I, well..."

 "Trunks, it... it's okay. I was just worried about you. I'm sorry, I should have done something, I was stupid to just stand there and..."

 "No, Goten . Don't apologize. The truth is,... you were there when I needed you." Trunks locked their eye contact, softening his focus as his voice got deeper. He could see Goten's breathing start to quicken, looking back at him with eyes full of fear and confusion. "...You were right, Chibi. You really *are* a part of me. I, I don't know what I would do if you weren't."

 Trunks felt a knife pierce through his chest, looking back at the boy that was somehow crushing his heart without even knowing it. His mind was racing with all of the things he tried so hard not to imagine, but he didn't care. He wanted so much to kiss him one more time, one more chance to feel his soft lips on his own, hold him and feel his warm body pressed against his. To feel safe and loved like he had for that split second that everything changed the night before. To be next to the only person that would ever feel right in his arms. But that wasn't how things were supposed to be. Goten was everything to him, even though he would never really be able to tell him how much. It took every ounce of strength he had to not smooth his hand across his face, his neck, his hair...just one last time.

   He swallowed his feelings hard. His heart was breaking into a million pieces.

   "Heh, Goten, your my best friend in the whole world, and I'm really sorry I acted so stupid last night." He cracked an uncomfortable smile as he nervously tucked away a chunk of lavender hair that fell in his eyes. "I was upset and stuff, and I guess I just got confused or something... I don't have a clue what I was thinking! I'm mean, were best friends, c'mon!" he tried to joke without sounding too desperate. To his surprise, Goten looked down at the floor and stifled a small laugh. "PLEASE don't read anything into it...? We're cool, right?" Trunks held his breath, looking down for the response he prayed would come.

 Goten smiled. "Yea, we're cool," grinning with a faint sound of relief on his voice. "You're my best friend too, Trunks. I wouldn't stop being friends with you because of something like that. We've been together forever, that's not something you just go and forget about because *you* went and did something stupid," he joked as he playfully hit Trunks in his good shoulder, pretending to take the defense.

 "Oh, yea? I'll show you something stupid," he smirked, catching him off guard and sweeping the feet from out under him. Trunks let out an evil laugh as Goten landed flat on his back on the hard wood floor ensuing the mini fight that sparked up in the middle of the living room. Before they knew it, both boys were laughing and carrying on like usual again like nothing had ever happened, at least as far as Goten was concerned. But Trunks knew it was worth it. This was too important to him to lose and he *did* love Goten as his best friend. That would always make him happy.

 They ran through the house trying to catch each other, pushing off walls and jumping down stairs, knowing full well that Bulma would probably kill them when she got home for making a mess of the house and leaving footprints all over the wallpaper again. Trunks peeked around the kitchen corner to sneak up on his younger counterpart when Goten jumped out from behind the counter and sucker-punched him in the ribs.

 "AAAAHHH!!!" He instantly collapsed to the floor.

 "Oh no! Trunks, I'm sorry! I forgot...!" Goten rushed to his friend, doubled over on the floor. "Are you okay?"

 Trunks held his breath. "Yea, yea. I'm fine," he clenched through his teeth, wincing out the twisting pain from his already broken ribs. "I-I'll be fine."

 Goten helped him stand up and reached for his wallet, digging out an emergency senzu bean his father gave him just incase he were to ever need it. Now seem as good a time as any. "Here, take this," he offered, handing it to Trunks.

 "Goten, I'M NOT DYING! Put that away!" he snapped as he pushed his hand away, still hunched over in pain.

 "Take it! I'll just go to Korrin's tomorrow and get another one. Big deal. Besides, I want you to heal up already..." Trunks smiled at him, finally accepting and eating the bean. Goten laughed as he swallowed. "....So I can kick your ass!"

 Trunks instantly felt his body go numb as his power level shot through the roof. He had only taken a senzu bean one other time in his life but apparently forgot what an incredible rush it was, almost a sort of high. He stretched his back out and rolled his neck, looking at Goten who was obviously unaware at how powerful you get after taking one of them. Almost instantly the swollen bruises on his face and arms began to dissolve away through his skin, healing his body completely from the day before.

 "I'm going to destroy you," he smirked, tearing off the bandage on his shoulder from under his shirt. "Let's go to Korrin's now! I'll race you!"

 "You're on! Need a head start?" Goten taunted, raising a questioning eyebrow sarcastically. As it had always been before, no response was needed.

 Just as the two demi-Saiyans reached the front door, Trunks stopped and held the younger demi-Saiyan back. "Wait, Chibi - remind me I've got to tell you something later." An enthusiasm that Goten hadn't heard in years was obvious on his voice. "I've got the best news in the whole world and you're *never* going to believe what happened to me this morning..."

     The two boys raced out the door and down the streets until they hit the West City limits. Trunks and Goten took off to the air, fighting each other for the lead the whole way as the wind blew through their hair, flying around the tree tops in the forests, best friends more than ever.

 Goten watched as Trunks took off ahead and his heart suddenly felt heavy, watching him as he danced through the clouds, smiling as bright as the sunlight he flew through. Goten's eyes cast down out of focus. A part of this was different and he didn't really know why. Their friendship was stronger then ever and he felt so close to Trunks - like nothing could ever come between them. But somehow, he felt he missed something - something that wasn't there between them before. He started feeling a hollowness well up inside him, an emptiness in his heart.

 "Goten! You're falling behind! Do you want to catch me or not?"

   For the first time, he honestly didn't know. ~

 CHAPTER EIGHT ~

   MID AUGUST, SIX YEARS LATER...

 Goten impatiently looked down at his watch. He had been sitting in the car with the top down for twenty minutes already, and Trunks and Marron said they'd be finished shopping for tonight in five! It was the end of the summer and the three of them were going to have the entire weekend to themselves at Capsule Corporation - no Bulma, no Vegeta, no Bra - just them! It was going to be so much fun...

 "...if only they would ever get out of the freakin' store!"

 He looked back for them in the rear view mirror to see the two of them bolting through the parking lot like they had just robbed a bank, and slid himself over to the driver's seat.

 "What the...?" Goten stuttered, looking more than confused at why his two friends fell laughing into the front seat of the car. "What the hell did you guys do in there?"

 Trunks could barely talk he was laughing so hard, "Uh... Marron got us free liquor!" he busted out before getting slapped on the back of the head.

 "Trunks! Shut up! How did you think I was going to get it? *You* wouldn't buy it for me!" she shouted, her face blushing bright red, more from laughter than embarrassment.

 Goten tried to look serious in the midst of laughing under his breath and cracked a smile on the corner of his mouth. "You got liquor? You're not..." Realization hit. "What did you do, Marron?"

 "She flashed the clerk!!!" I saw it! He was so stunned.... he almost pissed his pants and totally forgot to ID her!" Trunks blurted out while receiving Marron's beat down as she latched on to him from behind. He yelled out from under her. "Stop! Stop! I'll have to tickle you! Don't make me do it..." he playfully threatened.

 Marron gave up after flashing him a dirty look and hopped in the back seat of car. She may not have known too much about the extent of her friends' strength, but knew being pinned down in a tickle fight from one of the strongest guys in the world would probably be torturous. "Alright, alright! Let's get going!"

 Trunks straightened up and tried to his most serious voice as he acknowledged the seating arrangement between him and his best friend. "Not if *I'm* not driving there - Chibi, you ARE NOT driving my new car!" Trunks demanded, starring down the younger demi-Saiyan in the driver's seat.

 "Oh, c'mon Trunks! You never let me have any fun. PLEEEEASE!!!" he reached out his hand for Trunks to give him the keys, knowing he would get his way if he annoyed him about it long enough.

 Trunks rolled his eyes and looked away, reluctantly handing over the keys. "I just got this car for my birthday, you know. I haven't even driven it that..."

 Goten already had the keys in the ignition, grinning from ear to ear just like when they were little kids. Trunks instead just laughed to himself, reminding himself of the fun they would have as it would just be the three of them together all weekend long!

 Goten pulled out of the parking lot, glancing over to the boy sitting next to him. Trunks smiling right back, the hot summer sunset starting to glow off his smooth, tanned skin. He looked beautiful. Goten knew that now. Everything about Trunks was beautiful. His chiseled features were so perfect, now looking more like a man than a boy and...

 He quickly focused his attention back on the road. Trunks would surely kill him if he found out about these thoughts, looking at him in ways that were completely inappropriate - feeling more attached and possessive than he should be. He cleared his head and gripped the wheel tight.

 Marron leaned between the two front seats and broke the tension Goten was creating for himself. "I don't know about you guys, but I feel like going swimming in your pool, Trunks!"

 "Sure, do you want us to swing by your house so you can pick up your bathing suit? Chibi here, can borrow one of mine," Trunks remarked as he poked Goten's arm, turning towards Marron who was biting her lip while her fingertips playfully danced on their shoulders.

 "Who said anything about bathing suits?"

 The car nearly swerved off the road. Trunks blushed bright red, questioning what he was hearing from *Their Little Marron*. The three of them had always been close with each other, partly because Goku, Bulma, and Krillin were all close friends when they were their age, too. But somewhere along the way, Goten and Trunks realized that they missed seeing that their little girl... wasn't quite so little anymore.

 Trunks blinked hard. "What! Are you serious? Well, w-what if, you know,... someone sees us?!" Whispering the second part as if a certain short, human Z-Fighter was listening to his question - painfully trying to hide the enormous grin on his face. He could see Goten struggling to do the same.

 "C'mon, were all friends here. Who cares? Besides...I have something that will make it more fuuuunnn," she sang, reaching into her purse and pulling out a tiny rolled piece of paper that clearly was not a cigerette. Goten looked over at what she was holding out in front of them and blankly shook his head in shame.

 "We're getting arrested."

     They sat sprawled out around the pool and talked for what seemed like hours. Marron suggestively draped herself across Trunks' lap across from where Goten was lying on a stack of towels adjacent to them, but his eyes were glued to the older boy's hands - feeling all over her beautiful little body, playing with her long blonde hair now spilling over her shoulders. He felt a strange feeling in stomach. It was like... jealousy. He was jealous, but who was he jealous of here? He shivered at the first thoughts that shot through his mind.

 Goten tried to swallow the feeling, knowing it was completely stupid to be having in the first place. But it wouldn't go away. He watched as she slid over to hook her arm around Trunks' neck, playfully poking at him with her nose, whispering who-knows-what in his ear. Goten felt ill. He would have to forget about this. These feelings had to go away... eventually, not that going on six years wasn't enough.

 It started getting dark out and the dark blue illumination from under stairs in the pool now the only light source left. They finished passing around the joint, laughing and completely blown out of their minds, before Marron eventually climbed to her feet.

 "Ok, I'm getting in! Who's coming with me?" announcing her question as she slinked out of her shorts and tiny gray tank top, taking off her underwear and bra with them.

 They openly gaped at her naked form. Even in the dim shimmering light that provided only a minimal view, they were amazed at how open and confident she was about herself, whether they were friends or not! She walked over to the diving board and dove in. "Are you guys coming in or not?"

 Trunks and Goten stood up in unison and started stripping down to catch up, not wasting another second of missing out on this rare opportunity. Goten stumbled and fell backwards trying to get his shoes off and looked up just in time to see Trunks tear his shirt off and starting to undo the fly of his pants. Goten felt paralyzed.

 Trunks turned around to see his best friend, frozen with his shoe in hand, almost blatantly gawking at him. He didn't think twice about it. "Goten, you're too slow," he laughed, reaching for the back of Goten's shirt and pulling it over his head. Even the slightest warmth of Trunks' fingertips brushing across his bare back excited the younger boy. Even for that split second. It took every ounce of control he had not to let it show.

 "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Goten persisted, taking off his shirt the rest of the way to see Trunks was already naked and jumping off the side of the pool.

 This was going to hurt.

 Goten stripped down as fast as he could and took a shallow dive into the deep end, the cool water rushing all over his entire body at once. The dim lights of the pool provided a perfect cover if he should accidentally let his eyes wander and get too excited.

 The three of them carried on through the night, making a racket and skinny dipping at Capsule Corporation, probably pissing off the neighbors to no end. Trunks and Goten took turns firing simple ki blasts under the water to splash high waves across the pool, nearly drowning their little girl in the process. It wasn't the first time they overlooked the fact that what they considered rough play could seriously hurt a human.

 Marron, tired of being outmatched, decided on another course of action and climbed out, running over to snatch up the pile of their clothes heaped on the chairs. "Oh boys, you didn't want these, did you?" she played as she dangled a pair of boxer shorts in the air and running into the house with everything they had. Trunks and Goten quickly swam up to the side of the pool, now left completely alone and naked with nothing to wear when they got out.

 "Hey, give those back!!!" Trunks laughed out of breath, crossing his arms over on the edge of the pool as he leaned on his hands. Goten watched as the water glistened through his lavender hair, beaded off his skin, just barely catching the light. He pressed his own body up against the side of the pool, desperately trying to hide his growing arousal that came from Dende-knows-where? This was a nightmare. He started unconsciously twisting his wet hair in his fingers..

 "Goten, you ok? You're acting kinda weird."

 Goten nervously cracked a smile. "You're weird, dork!" he gritted through his teeth, pushing Trunks over and making him slip his grip off of the ledge.

 "Oh yea?" he smacked back, completely unaware to the younger boy's dilemma at hand. It was better that way. The constant teasing and fooling around - this is what made them such good friends. He watched as Trunks pulled himself up out of the side of the pool with water dripping off his muscular body, and casually walked over to the stack of towels lying on the chair near the door. Goten tensed, realizing he was now rock hard and could in no way get out.

 Trunks grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. To Goten's relief, he didn't look back and just walked into the house. He let out a sigh, resting his forehead across his arms.

 This was more than a nightmare... this was torture!

     After the three of them dried off and started to come down from the high they had before, Marron walked into the dimly lit living room with bottle of chilled Vodka in one hand, three small glasses in the other.

 "Anyone up for a shot?"

 Trunks and Goten exchanged glances, knowing the night was far from over as they watched her pour three shots to the top, one in front to each of them where they sat around the small square coffee table.

 Goten stared wide-eyed at the glass in front of him being poured. "Marron, you know my dad is going to kill me if he finds out I got you drunk. You do realize that, right?"

 "No one's going to find out anything. We're all staying here tonight so I'm pretty sure we'll be sobered up by tomorrow," she teased. "Anyway, it's not like I've never had a drink before."

 This was news to them. It was still hard to believe that Marron had grown up so much in the past few years. She was sixteen years old now and definitely not the little girl they used to tease anymore! They each downed a set of shots. Then three more after that. Before they knew it, the bottle was almost empty and all three of them started to feel more than a little drunk, even Trunks who had earlier bragged how he could easily drink both of them under the table.

 Trunks nuzzled over next to Marron, playfully wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her neck. Goten started to get that feeling again. He watched them with burning eyes from across the table, flirting together, laughing. Forgetting that he was sitting only two feet away. He hated it. He wanted Trunks to be paying attention to him, and to sit and watch him with someone else is what hurt the most. Had he lost his opportunity a long time ago? Back in that field that one night? Did he miss it by not kissing him back? It wasn't even until months after that happened that he realized how attached he really was to him. Not like a friend. Not like a brother. Like...like he was the only other half that could ever complete him, but didn't know it until it was too late.

 Perhaps that's what it took for him to see something that was there all along, opening his mind to the reality of what they had in front of them the whole time but never acknowledged it was there - forcing him to think about it, dwell on it, for all the years in between. Watching Trunks go on living his life, forgetting about that moment ever happening. That one beautiful moment their lips touched, even if it was just for a second.

 And there he was. Looking at Marron the way he wanted Trunks to be looking at him. Touching her with hands he wanted on his body, not on hers. He knew what his feelings were. He *had* known for longer than he cared to admit, but now that the alcohol started to go to his head, he felt even more incredibly uncomfortable about the situation before him.

 "Ok, break it up, break it up! I don't want to sit here while you two crawl all over each other," he snipped, not able to standing another second of it. Marron giggled and got off Trunks' lap, a little embarrassed at how forward she realized she was acting in front of Goten.

 "Well, why don't I get a deck of cards or something so we can play a game, huh?" Trunks stood up and ran up the stairs to his room, both Marron and Goten following him the entire way with their eyes until they heard him open the door.

   "Do you like him," Goten blurted out, turning his attention to across the table, his heartbeat getting stronger. "I need to know."

 "Yea, of course I do," she responded with a drunken laziness in her voice, probably more intoxicated than she was letting on.

 "You know that's not what I mean, Marron!" Goten's tone got serious, his pulse was getting quicker.

 "Why..."

 "You can't hurt him, ...okay? Please, just don't do that to him. I see the way he's looking at you. Just... just don't do this if you don't mean it."

 She crawled over to where he was sitting on the floor up against the couch. "Goten," she whispered, flopping her hand on his chest. "Don't be silly, you guys are my closest friends. I don't want anything, like, for real. Trunks knows that," she tried to reassure him, but she could tell by the look he was giving her back that he wasn't joking around and didn't believe a word she was saying. She took his face in the palms of her hands, a genuine soft feel to her words. "Listen, I love you two. I promise - I won't hurt either of you." Goten closed his eyes tight.

 *Just go. Just tell her. Let it go.*

 "I'm in love with him, Marron."

 She gave an almost small laugh under her breath until she realized he wasn't laughing with her. He was dead serious. Marron slowly let her hands slip away from his face and sat back, not able to believe what he was saying to her. This was Trunks he was talking about! His best friend! Everyone knew that. They were always together, but... not... not...? She was at a total loss for words, knowing at this point that he wasn't fooling around.

 "I, I love him so much... I don't know what to do anymore."

 Marron heard the breaking in his voice, completely exposing his heart to her as he said the words out loud for the first time. He stared his honesty right into her, and she knew he was telling her the truth.

 "How,...since when..." Marron tried to think clearly, hardly comprehending what he was telling her in the first place. Goten's breathing became sharp and quick, his whole body trembling from the truth he was spilling to her.

 "Ok, what did I miss?" Trunks interrupted suddenly as he jumped down the stairs, walking in to see Goten and Marron staring hard at each other. Something had obviously gone on while he left the room. He knelt down next to Marron and possessively snuggled his face into her neck, giving her tiny kisses on her smooth skin. She couldn't respond. She could see Goten's heart break in front of her, still staring her in the eyes - crying inside without any tears.

 She had to break the mood. They were all too drunk to be dealing with this right now. "Okay, let's play something. We need to play something," shifting away her focus with Goten and trying to pretend like nothing happened. "Trunks, why don't you deal out one card to each of us, highest one wins. Lowest hand has to tell us a deep dark secret, something you want that nobody else knows about. But if one of us really honestly knows about it, you have to take a drink, and vice versa. Easy, right?"

 Trunks sounded intrigued, and definitely drunk. "Alright, you asked for it," he warned, not sensing any of the tension flooding through the room from earlier. Goten repositioned himself across from Trunks at the coffee table, making every attempt to act normal again, if that was possible. He felt uneasy about going into this game in the condition he was in - they were in - and starting to twist his fingers through the front of his still damp, spiky black hair again. He zoned out at his card face down on the table in front of him.

 "Oh God, please be a good card."

 They peeled up their cards and looked at what they were dealt. Goten and Marron both threw down suits, Trunks only had a seven.

 Marron looked up to Trunks "Okay, I guess you're the low man, what's your secret? What do you want that neither of us know about?" She looked him square in the eye. Goten's body heat started to rise. They both knew this would most likely be something pretty good, considering Goten already knew EVERYTHING about him and liquor would most certainly influence his confession.

 At this point, Trunks was feeling pretty drunk and all of his better judgment had already gone flying out the window with that last round of shots they took. He looked intensely right back at Marron. "What if I said that I wanted a kiss from someone at this table? Would my wish come true, Marron?" he smiled, leaning directly towards her as he intently searched for her answer.

 She could see Goten's chest heaving from the corner of her eye. He was never so scared in his life. "M-Maybe..." sounding hesitant, lowering her head to nervously pull the hair away from her neck. What was she going to do? This was going all wrong, it was awful. Not her! Especially NOT now! Why did he want to kiss her? Why now of all times? Sure she had had a crush on Trunks ever since she was a little girl, but at the moment this was the very last thing she wanted to hear.

 "I don't think you knew that, did you," Trunks boldly stated, overconfidence dripping from his voice. "But I'll let you go by on the drink if YOU grant my wish." He said as he closed his eyes and leaned in closer to her over the table, waiting for her return. "Do we have a deal?"

 Marron couldn't dare look at Goten before taking a deep breath to gently run her hand down the side of Trunks' face, just inches from hers as he blatantly purred on her palm. She forced herself to slowly lean into him when she felt Goten's arm suddenly hold her back.

 *Don't think. Just go.*

   Goten leaned in from the same angle Marron was and kissed Trunks full on the lips - his soft sweet lips. Everything like he had remembered. He kissed him deeper, harder, feeling his tongue slide in with his and suddenly realized that Trunks was actually kissing him back! Goten's heart began to swell as they moaned together, tasting each other fully for the first time. No fear. Nothing holding back. Kissing more intensely as his feelings completely took over his body, loosing himself in the kiss he had only dreamed of happening until now. Goten gently let his lips slip away, smiling as he pressed his forehead to his, trying to catch his breath. Trunks, groaning for more, slowly fluttered his eyes open. It took a second to focus.

 "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?" He jerked back, shoving Goten away and shoved him back to the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?" Trunks jumped to his feet and wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand.

 "Tr-Trunks, I..." Goten tried to explain, starting to take deep, panic breaths, his expression clearly read that he was scared out of his mind. "I have to... I need to talk to you." His voice desperate and frantic for a chance to explain his actions. Goten stood up and took a step towards him.

 Trunks looked furious. "DON'T!" He threw out his hand to stop him, storming out of the room and up the stairs to the balcony, slamming the glass patio door behind him and nearly shattering it.

 Goten watched in horror, not believing what had just happened. What did he do? It was too late to turn back. He wouldn't let him push away. Not again. Not now!

 Marron stopped him. "Wait, Goten! Don't go! I really don't think he wants this, it'll only make things worse!" She tried to reason, but he ignored every word and pushed past her to run up the stairs after Trunks.

 He could see him outside crouched down by the railing, his face buried in his hands. Goten felt his heart race, praying for the strength to speak and fix everything as he slowly opened the door. He could see Marron just behind him in the reflection of the glass.

 Trunks snapped his head up to see him barely make a step through the doorway. "Goten, get the fuck away from me! I don't want you coming near me, OKAY!?!" he threatened, anger slicing through his voice. Goten ignored his warning and closed the door behind him, walking towards where he was standing near the edge. Trunks straightened up, fists clenched.

 "Trunks... I," he fought for the words - for the strength he no longer had to say them. He felt hot tears rolling down his face and just let the words spill out from his heart. "I...I lo,...I love you, Trunks. I think I've always loved you, I just didn't know it... not until that kiss, back in that field... you kiss me and everything..."

 "WHAT? I told you what happened out there!" He threw his arms out in frustration, screaming in his face "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!? I thought you understood THAT WE WERE FRIENDS, Goten! You're fucking throwing it all away! WHY?!?!" Trunks felt a hard rage building inside him, his ki level pumping higher and faster the more he thought about what was happening. "You're my fucking best friend! Why are you doing this to us?"

 Goten felt destroyed. His heart had been ripped out, his soul burned in total and utter rejection. His voice sounding shattered. "H-How can you say that, Trunks...I love you so much, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret not kissing you back that night. Oh God... I've fallen so deeply in love with you and... and I'm scared to death that I fucked everything up right now. Please..." Goten completely broke down into a hard sob, choking out his words. "Please, I-I need you so much... I'm ashamed," he cried, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes, shaking uncontrollably.

 Trunks just stood blankly in front of him, watching his best friend of his whole life crumble to pieces before his eyes - having opened his heart only to have it smashed apart by the one person he trusted the most in his world.

 Goten's hands turned to fists, swallowing back hard on his tears, trying to clear his eyes. He walked right up to Trunks and cupped his hands on his face, forcing him to look him in the eye as he felt the older boy trying to flinch away.

 "Look at me, Trunks,... right at me, and tell me you don't feel anything between us. Nothing at all."

 Trunks stared at him for what seemed like an eternity.

 Goten bit his lip, fighting any urge inside him to run away to cry his eyes out, and forced him into a hard, searing kiss. Trunks froze for a moment, his lips cold and rejecting before he grabbed Goten's wrists and threw him off, not able to look him in the face as he hit the ground without any resistance.

 His voice lost all of the anger he had screamed moments before, speaking with no tone left at all. "I can't do this, Chibi. *I'm* not like that." He coldly walked away to reach for the doorknob, not even bothering to look back to him over his shoulder. "I can't...and I won't." He slammed the door behind him, not saying a word as he walked past Marron who had just witnessed the entire scene from the other side.

 She didn't want to believe what she saw. It was all her fault! Her body felt a freezing chill run down her spine, watching from the other side of the glass as Goten's screams ripped through his heart in pain. ~

 CHAPTER NINE ~

   Marron looked through the glass of the balcony doors. She couldn't speak, move, or anything as Goten collapsed to his knees, crumbling his body into a crying mess without any care to who was watching him.

 She felt responsible for all of it. None of this would have happened if she hadn't tried to interfere, only selfishly thinking about getting with Trunks herself, and in turn setting one of her best friends up for this incredible crush. Her chest tightened and tried to stop herself from losing it, putting her hand over her mouth in any attempt not to cry. Marron forced herself to open the door to help him, almost visibly able to see the devastation pouring from his body. She knelt down on the floor in front of him - comforting him - not having any idea to how deep this really went or how long he felt this way. His face was covered with his hands as he grabbed a fist through his hair.

 She had never seen anyone like this before. Never! Not this emotional or vulnerable. Marron rest her cheek on the top of Goten's head and spoke to him delicately. "Do you want to come inside?" She she softly said, not able to think of anything else to say as she heard Trunks leave the house and slamming the front door beneath them.

 "No, no... I," he wiped his face with the palms of his hands, trying to snap out of it. He wouldn't be like this. Not in front of Marron. Not here. He needed - wanted to forget. "...I think I need a drink."

       A few moments later, Marron came back outside with two rocks glasses in her hand, each half full of whatever was left of the Vodka. She handed one to Goten, now sunken into an arm chair by the railing of the balcony, facing out over the West City Saturday nightlife. He took the glass in his hand without any other movement in his body as he remained frozen in a trance out into the midnight sky, mind drowning in regret as he sat their in silence.

 "Why did I do that, Marron?" asking himself more than her. She knew it wasn't a question. "He was right - I ruined everything. We can't be friends anymore. I love him so much, I started imagining things. I-...I thought he loved me back. I honestly thought there was really something there... that kiss he gave me. We were so young, but I know that's what he wanted to do... It wasn't an accident, I was just. I was just too young. I was too scared! I didn't..." He could feel his eyes burning, his vision blurred from the tears that were glossing and threatening to spill over. "It took me so long to see it. He was always the one. How am I going to live. without him?" Goten's voice faded, sinking deeper into the oversized chair. Without looking, he downed the glass in two gulps and placed it on the ledge of the balcony, closing his eyes as he swallowed the harsh taste running down his throat.

 Marron was well aware that Goten was already pretty drunk before that drink, and followed suit to keep up. She shot her entire glass and knew she had now consumed much more than she should have to keep a straight mind. She immediately started to feel its effect.

 "...Have you always liked guys? I mean, are you..." she tried to focus, not to trip over her own words.

 "I don't like guys, Marron, " he snapped, feeling it starting to hit him, both the alcohol and truth. "I just want *him*. I love him so much. Oh God... I can't do this." He squirmed in the seat as he gripped the arms of the chair tightly, body physically in pain and breaking apart.

 Placing the empty glass down, Marron squeezed her slender body next to his on the chair, holding his head to her chest and let him cry it out. She felt slightly awkward as she felt him openly sob out loud in front of her; Goten was by far more emotional then Trunks ever was, but this kind of release was not something she was prepared for.

 He wrapped his hands around her back as she surrounded him with a soothing warmth, running her fingers through his wild hair, trying to relax him from everything that happened. After a couple of minutes of holding him, she could feel Goten's body starting to calm, and loosened her hold.

 "...Goten?" She lifted his head from her chest to look at him, her mind in a haze and not clear to what she was doing. She felt fuzzy and warm. The liquor did all of the talking. "I want take the hurt away... I want you to forget about all of this. Even if it's just for tonight," she purred on his lips, taking his hand in hers. "Just, let me. Just tonight," she said in a breath, pushing him into a deep kiss as she gently repositioning herself so that she straddled his hips.

 Goten moaned deep, drunk and not thinking whatsoever, and gripped her backside roughly against his own aching body. "Please Marron, I-I don't want to be alone. Please stay with me." He begged in a desperate whisper, blinking out the tears that swelled his eyes. He slid his tongue in her mouth, kissing her blindly as he pressed her hard up against his chest. His body felt numb.

 Marron broke away, only to leave Goten desperate for more. "Not out here - come with me," she whispered in his ear as she took his hand and pulled him up out of the chair. They had to fight to keep their balance once they felt how incredibly drunk they had actually gotten.

 Unable to completely focus on his own, Goten submitted to her lead, taking him to the first room at the top of the stairs that was open. Once inside, Goten immediately picked up on an all too familiar sent, reminding him of what he so desperately wanted to forget.

 *Of all rooms to take me, why did she have to take me here?*

 Marron locked the door behind them, turning around to see Goten leaning his forehead up against the wall with his eyes closed. She slowly walked over to him, tenderly reaching for his face and pulled him into another passionate kiss, sliding her hands down the front of his strong chest as she marveled at how incredible his body felt from a lifetime of fighting. Goten grabbed for her tank top and roughly pulled it over her head, pelting her with hard kisses all over her neck and shoulders while sliding the straps of her bra off her shoulders. His feelings were clouded, his movements were fumbled. He just wanted that release - that satisfaction. The lust and alcohol began to dull the pain.

 Marron stepped back, sliding her shorts and panties down over her hips and shrugged out of her bra, fully exposing her milky white body to Goten before kneeling back on the bed. Once their eyes locked, Goten started to feel his own body starting to respond to the rare invitation he was being given. She *was* so beautiful to him. She had always been. Maybe this is what he needed.

 He walked towards her as she reached out for his shirt and pulled it off over his head, throwing it to the side with her other discarded clothing. Goten felt weak staring at her naked form, completely in a daze while she started unbuckling his belt to let his cut-off cargo shorts fall to the floor without any protest.

 No words. No hesitation.

 Marron pulled Goten down over on top of her and wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing him closer as he supported himself up on his hands. She could feel his need pushing hard against her own through his boxer shorts. With her lead, Goten pulled them down and kicked them off, leaving the two completely naked on the bed together as they explored each other in a drunken passion, lost in the sensation of their breath searing against each other's bare skin.

 "Goten, I want you inside me," she moaned in his ear, the hot vibrations of her voice going right to his groin. "I know you want it, too."

 Goten looked hesitant and lowered his eyes. "I do, but...I don't think I know what to do. I...I've never really done this before, I-I'm still a virgin," he slurred, blushing at his apparent lack of knowledge for a twenty-year-old.

 "Relax, I just want you to feel me," whispering on his neck, pushing his tip into her moist heat. Instantly, a surge of desire rushed throughout his entire body, an almost primal instinct took over his actions. He sheathed himself completely inside Marron's tight wetness, losing his virginity to her all at once - something he realized he had always dreamed of giving to Trunks.

 Marron buried her head in the crook of his neck as he repeatedly pushed into her, clawing at his back, bucking her hips against his rhythm. Goten sucked hungrily at her neck, nipping at her soft skin while his hands roamed frantically over her curves.

 "Oh, Marron. Please ... God, not that!" he begged through clenched teeth, arching his back while her hand found its way to a tiny scar on his tailbone and almost sent him on the edge of his climax. His thrusts were beginning to become more forceful, grabbing onto fist-fulls of sheets beside her, nearly ripping them to shreds in his hands as he painfully suppressed any urge to scream. Without realizing it, the power in his body was now dangerously close to actually hurting the tiny Human frame beneath his.

 She squeezed her muscles tight around him, feeling Goten throb inside her, knowing he was getting close to his release. But as much as he wanted it, Goten's mind was still running wild with a million thoughts; feelings were coming stronger and faster as he pound his body into Marron's, closing his eyes and trying to forget. Trying not to imagine Trunks - trying not to imagine that it was him he was on top of and grabbing on to as their slick bodies grinded together.

 His breathing became more labored, quickening the pace, pumping even harder into Marron's shaking body. She was starting to orgasm. Goten wrapped his arms around her small waist and yanked her up against his chest, sitting back on his knees and frantically sliding her up and down on his hard length, now slippery with her juices. Kissing her mouth fully and hungrily, he felt his climax rush over him in a powerful heat, coming deep inside her warmth as she muffled her scream in his shoulder. Marron's eyes widened as she saw the front of his hair starting to streak to blonde, ki level rising high, almost fully transforming into a Super Saiyan right in front of her. Never having actually been around someone's transformation, she felt like they were in the middle of a hurricane.

 They finished together, hot bodies dripping with sweat, pulses racing. The front of Goten's hair gradually faded back to black as he collapsed back on the bed and pulled Marron on top of him, each completely drained and exhausted. Without anything said between them, Goten wrapped his arms around her and passed out, unaware that there was someone out there paying close attention to his ki level.

 Someone who knew exactly what he was doing. ~

 CHAPTER TEN ~

   He ran through the streets. Running away from everything that remind him of Goten. Everything that he destroyed, ruined, smashed. His anger was turning into a blinding rage.

 How could he be so selfish? Why didn't Goten cherish their friendship like he did?

 People stared as he ran past them - away from his life - away from his heart. Running nowhere and everywhere. He couldn't ever get far enough away to undo what happened. He could feel him. What he was doing. To her. To him.

 He stopped running, realizing their friendship was over and wouldn't ever be friends again after tonight. Trunks sat on the curb in the middle of the busy street, an unbelievable sadness overcame him in the midst of the crowds. He felt so lost, more than ever now without him. He clasped his hands together to his forehead, almost praying for strength as a single tear glistened down his cheek. His eyes looked up for an answer,

 "Goten, why are you doing this to us. You threw everything away. We can't be like that, we can't. You're my best friend, and I don't,.... I don't know what my life will be without you." He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing him with Marron, probably on his bed laughing at him. "You don't how to love someone Goten, or you wouldn't be doing this. You wouldn't be with her, you would-... No... NO!" He caught himself, angry at them, angry at himself. Angry for ever caring in the first place.

     Hours went by. The city was beautifully quiet as the first rays of sunlight peeked out from behind the mountains. A new day was dawning, but for Trunks, the night had never ended. He had nothing left in him, walking aimlessly down the streets with his hands buried deep in his pockets, pieces of silken hair hanging in his face. His body was defeated.

 Around seven o'clock, Trunks looked up to see that his subconscious had led him home, the smell of deception in the air. He threw open the door, making no attempt to be quiet as he stormed through the house.

   Marron heard the slam, waking her up out of a sound sleep. "Hmmm? Goten, wake up, I think somebody's home." He was completely knocked out, responding only with a muffled whimper in his pillow. "Goten! Wake up, we need to get dressed." She rolled off the side of the bed and searched out her things in the pile of their clothes from the night before, throwing Goten's on top of him as she sorted them out.

 "Huh, what happened," he groaned, still half asleep, incredibly hung over. He rubbed his eyes open to see Marron getting dressed, suddenly remembering that he was completely naked under the sheets. He grabbed a handful of his hair. "Oh shit, what did we...? We slept together last night, didn't we?" Marron froze, bent over with her shorts half on. She turned to Goten with a worried look in her eyes.

 "D-Do you remember anything?"

 "Yea, I think so," he slowly sat up. "I know that I got really drunk and, and..." he wiped his hands all over his face in a desperate attempt to jog his memory. "Oh God, I've made such a fucking mess of everything!" The night's events started flooding back to him. "...Trunks! No, what if he finds out? What am I going to do?!?"

 They heard footsteps outside, a fist pounding on the door. "OPEN UP THIS DOOR RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" A total rage in Trunks' voice as he screamed through the door.

 Without another thought, the two started scrambling to throw their clothes on as fast as they could. Marron zipped up her pants and pulled her tank top on just in time to see the cylinder of the lock shatter as Trunks throwing the door open and broke the hinge. His anger immediately dropped as he looked around the empty room behind her. The window open and Goten was missing. He knew he was already to far to catch.

 "Trunks, I-... I can explain," panic all over her voice. "It's all my fault, you have to believe me! We got really drunk. I didn't mean for it to happen..." she waited for his reaction.

 His expression grew cold, scowling towards the window. "This is probably how he planned it to happen. To use me, to use you. He doesn't give a shit about who he hurt, just as long as he got what he wanted."

 She was horrified that this was what he thought. "No! No, that's not what happened. You weren't here! You didn't see how he was after you left. We just started drinking too much and... one thing just led to another, and... we weren't thinking," she was confused and couldn't explain to him. "Trunks, Goten didn't start it," she took a deep breath to compose herself. "...I did."

 Trunks glared at her and turned away to walk out of the room. Marron stood in shock, left speechless as she stood there, unable to justify what they did. She cleared her thoughts and ran down to his room after him. "Trunks, wait!"

 She stopped in the doorway of Bulma's study and found him sitting on the edge of a chair with his back towards her, holding a small picture frame in his hand. She slowly walked up from behind him to see that it was a photograph - one of him and Goten from when they were little kids. They were at the World Junior Martial Arts Tournament, one of the few pictures that survived it...

     THAT DAY, 10 YEARS AGO -

 "Trunks, do you think we'll fight each other in the tournament?"

 "Of course we will, we're obviously the strongest ones here, just look at these kids, Goten."

 "I know, but what if we have to fight each other. Only one of us can win..."

 "It doesn't really matter because I know *I'm* going to be the winner."

 "Oh, yea? Not if I can do something about it!"

 "Listen Goten, it doesn't make a difference who wins. We're still going to be friends tomorrow, right?"

 "You bet, Trunks! We'll always be best friends, no matter what! You know, I don't care about who wins anyway."

 "Then let's make a promise - best friends forever, okay?"

 "Promise! We're always stick together!"

 "Now, let's get ready! I don't want to miss kicking your butt!"

 "Hey, Trunks! Wait up...."

       Trunks stood up and crushed the frame into a thousand pieces. "It was all a fucking lie, wasn't it! You ruined our friendship, Goten. And for what? For your own selfish desires? Well fuck you!" he shouted, looking at the crumpled picture on the floor at his feet. Marron watched hopelessly as he sat back down in the chair, his anger - his resentment - filling the room.

 She stepped back towards the door. "I think I'm going to go home, Trunks. I don't think I should be here now." She just about made it out of the room before she added one last thing, taking every bit of courage she had left to say it. "I'm sorry things turned out this way... between you two... us. I never meant for this to happen. You guys are my friends and... it's my fault things are the way they are now. I hope you can forgive me someday."

 "Marron," he stopped her, not turning around. "I don't blame you for what happened." His voice sounded so emotionless and detached. Like he really didn't care anymore. He paused as he cleared his head. "I'll drive you home if you still want to go."

 "I'll be fine… just call me later. If you need to talk or... I don't know." She waited for a response, any kind of sign that everything would eventually be okay. Trunks just nodded. Marron closed his door behind her and gathered up her things in her bag. She hated leaving like this, knowing that things would never really be the same between her and her two of her closest friends, but it was just too much to be around.

 She quietly slipped out of the front door and caught a bus home, leaving Trunks alone in that big house with nothing but his thoughts, wishing that fate had dealt him a better hand.

     BACK AT GOHAN'S HOUSE-

 "Goten? Can I come in?" Videl asked through he door, holding a plate of toast and crackers outside the room he was in. Goten knew damn well his mother would kill him if she smelled the alcohol that he reeked of, and wound up crashing at Gohan's house to sober up his hangover. Everything about him was a wreck. Videl cracked open the door to find him curled up in the fetal position on the bed, zoned out into space. "How you hanging in there, kid?"

 "Fine."

 "Well, I brought you something to eat. Try to get some food in you, you'll feel better," she said, placing the plate next to him on the nightstand. She sat next to him and rubbed his back. "Are you thirsty? Do you want any...?"

 "YO! How's my baby brother doing!" Gohan shouted as he barged in the room, reveling the fact Goten was suffering on the bed. He got down right in his ear. "ARE YOU FEELING ANY BETTER!?!?!", he laughed as Goten covered his ears with his hands, feeling as if his head were going to explode.

 "Gohan, please, go away," he mewed out in the tiniest voice, his stomach starting to feel uneasy again.

 Videl punched him in the arm. "Gohan! Be nice to your brother!"

 "Hey, he can go home if he wants. I'm sure mom would just love to get a whiff of the liquor on your breath. Heck, I could smell your drunk- ass a mile away."

 "Goten, why don't you take a cold shower, you'll feel much better?" Videl offered, helping him to his feet. But once brought to a standing position, Goten felt even more dizzy than he was lying down, and bolted for the bathroom.

 Gohan sat back on the bed laughing. "I thought I'd never see the day - my little brother's hungover!...Oh, I can just bet Trunks and Marron are probably up doing the same thing right now," he jokingly remarked looking back over to Videl, giving him a very evil eye in return. "What? Oh c'mon, Hon! He'll be fine. Besides, I'm sure they had a blast last night together, just go ask him." ~

 CHAPTER ELEVEN ~

   "Goten! You have a visitor," Goku shouted towards his son's room with no response in return. "Marron, I know he's in there, why don't you just let yourself in. He hasn't come out of his room in two days," he told her as he let Marron in out of the rain through the kitchen door as she closed her umbrella behind her. "I'm starting to really worry about him, he's not usually like this. Did he and Trunks have a fight?"

 "Uh, you could say that..."

     Marron walked up to the outside of Goten's room, focusing on why she was there to calm her nerves before she went in. She hadn't seen him since...that morning... when everything fell apart. "Let's go, Marron," she said to herself. "Pull yourself together! You made the mess, now it's your job to fix it!" She creaked the door open, trying to be as gentle as possible. "Goten? Are you in there?" saying as though she was afraid to interrupt what ever it was that he had been doing in his room for two days.

 She peered around the attic room and found him lying face down on his bed. He was wearing an old holey tee-shirt and his favorite pair of faded, beat- up jeans, almost worn down to nothing. She could tell that he heard her, but he didn't move an inch.

 Marron stepped over to the bed and sat on the side nearest him, feeling incredibly awkward about being so close to him again. "Are you alright? Your dad said you haven't been out of your room in a couple of days. Do you want to talk?"

 A low rumble came from out under the pillow. "No."

 "Well, do you want to get out, we can..."

 "No."

 "Goten, you can't just hole up in here for the rest of your life. Everyone's worried about you."

 "Who's everyone?" not even lifting his head to speak.

 "Me, for one. Your parents, Gohan, Bulma..."

 He lifted his face, his eyes obviously swollen and red from crying. "When did you see Bulma?"

 Suprised at his sudden reaction, Marron adjusted her position on the bed, fighting for the right words to say as not to stick her foot in her mouth. "Well, I saw her yesterday, we..."

 "Where did you see her?" he interjected, impatiently running right over her response.

 "Uh, I um... saw her at Capsule Corporation. I...went to see Trunks."

 Goten's focus dropped, as if he had just now thought of him for the first time since everything happened. He sunk his head back into the pillow.

 "Goten, you should talk about this. It's not healthy keeping it all bottled up inside like you're doing, why don't you call him and..."

 "And what, Marron?" his voice sounded more annoyed than hurt. "And say what? That I take it back? That I don't love him?" He started paying attention his own words, his voice getting weaker by the second. "That I would do anything to have things the way they used to be. To just..." He couldn't finish.

 Marron let out a sigh as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Goten, I..."

 "You know, after awhile, you just start convincing yourself that you'd rather be friends, that it won't matter if he ever loves you back. You start thinking that it's just some stupid crush and you'll get over it if you could just stop thinking about it for a minute - dreaming of it every night. But somewhere during all that... I..." he let out a long deep breath. "...I fell completely and totally in love with him. I didn't want, to but I did. And I knew he wouldn't feel the same way, and I knew if he EVER found out, we'd be over. He wouldn't be able look at me the same anymore. I would suddenly be this, this freak he would make fun of, leaving me alone and forgetting all about me." He looked up to Marron, her face written with anguish.

 "Marron, I've been together with him everyday of my life. I don't know anything else. We knew everything about each other. EVERYTHING! But I had to lie to him - to his face - everyday I couldn't tell him, everyday I had to hide my feelings so I could keep him. I just... it just started getting too hard. I couldn't even look at him anymore without having my heart ripped out, knowing I could never have him. Ever! Knowing someday, he'd marry some random girl who could never love him the way I do... and I'd have to live the rest of my life without him." He closed his eyes. His voice changed from the ache of his words. "Without ever touching him, or falling asleep with him in my arms. Hoping that someday he'd look at me just once the way I look at him. To know what it feels like to be loved by the only person you could ever imagine loving yourself. It's just that...friends stopped being good enough for me a long time ago... I just taught myself how to get used to love without feeling it in return."

 Marron felt a deep hurt in her chest. She had no idea how deep this ran, how much he had given up and lost all at once. Sure, she had had been infatuated with Trunks for what seemed like forever, but compared to the loss Goten was feeling at that moment, she now realized that it was nothing more than a childhood crush. She had always felt special when Trunks paid attention to her, making her feel older and more grown-up around him ever since they were little kids, but never thought that things would have turned out into what they now were.

 Goten had always had an un-naturally strong relationship with the older boy, but it had always gone both ways. Trunks and Goten were closer with each other than any two other people she had ever met. He father told her it was most likely because they had the ability to fuse bodies, whatever that meant, or the fact that nobody would ever quite understand what it was like to be a growing Saiyan as they did with each other. Marron had been friends with the two of them for as long as she could remember, but always knew she could never share what they shared with each other.

 Perhaps everything really wasn't as black-and-whit as it was appearing to be?

 She laid down next to him on the bed, hugging close to his side. "Goten, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize."

 "It doesn't matter now. Trunks never wants to see me again, and... I don't think I ever want to see him either. He hurt me really bad... said so many things. He can't take that back now." He rolled over so that Marron held him from behind, wrapping her arm around his waist. "I've been in this room for... I don't even know how long, sitting here and feeling sorry for myself when I have no one to blame but me." She felt his body shiver as he exhaled. "It's just, I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what it's like to live my life without him."

 She rest her head on the back of his neck, feeling how cold his skin was to the touch. "I think you should see him, Goten. You need to get this out of your system." She held him tighter. "You don't have anything else to loose. Actually..." she contemplated saying it. "I think Trunks wants to see you, too."

 Goten flipped over, nearly throwing Marron off the bed. "What? Why do you say that? Did he say something to you?" His eyes flickered, a nearly anxious expression on his face.

 "Well, I just sort of got this feeling from him..." she bit her lip, hoping her little white lie would do more good than bad.

 Goten shot up off the bed. "I have to go!" he bolted, leaving without another word and ran out the door and into the rain, taking off into the gray sky outside. Marron sunk back into his bed, left mid-sentence and helpless to whatever fate had planned this time, despite having just manipulated it into a different road all together.

 "Oh God, please don't let this be a mistake..."

       Trunks sat down at the dinner table, exhausted from an earlier lack-luster training session with his father. He didn't look at anyone, his personality was almost completely gone.

 Vegeta watched his son struggle to keep a steady breath before he spoke up. "What has been bothering you, son? Why haven't you been hanging around Kakarott's boy like you usually do?"

 Trunks didn't answer. He wasn't even paying attention.

 "Trunks, I'm speaking to you! Are you listening?" His voice now more persistent.

 Bra stood on her chair and leaned over the table. "I know why Trunks is sad, daddy. He had a fight with Goten while we were at Grandma and Grandpa's house and now they're not friends anymore."

 Trunks heard that one, snapping his head around to her in shock. "How the fuck do you know that, Bra?" forgetting he was talking to his six-year-old sister, and forgetting she was best friends with Goten's nosey little niece.

 "TRUNKS BRIEFS!! WHAT DID I JUST HEAR YOU SAY?!?" Bulma screamed from behind him, whacking him across the back of the head as hard as she could. The little aqua-haired girl sat back slowly with wide eyes. "Don't you EVER use that kind of language in my house, and *especially* not at your sister! Do you understand me?!" Bulma turned to Vegeta, expecting the same response out of her husband. "Vegeta, did you hear what your son just said to her?"

 Vegeta's mind was on other matters. "Is this true, Trunks? What happened between you and the boy? Are you fighting?"

 Before he could defend himself, the doorbell rang, giving him the perfect opportunity to excuse himself from his father's barrage of questions that he did not want to answer. He pushed himself away from the table. "Please, let me get it," he sarcastically offered, attitude all over his voice.

 Trunks opened the front door and found himself staring right at the person who was the cause of all his problems, soaking wet and out of breath. Desperation on his face.

 "What are you doing here, Goten?" Trunks asked, sounding more demanding than concerned. "I don't want to talk to you."

 "I don't care, *I* want to talk to you! You can't do this," Goten pleaded, the warm rain dripping into his eyes.

 "ME? I CAN'T DO THIS? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!" he screamed with rising anger, suddenly getting the attention of his family sitting back at the dinner table within earshot.

 Bulma dropped the plate she was holding, letting it shatter on the floor. "Trunks! What did I JUST tell you, get over here right now! I will not have you use that language in this house!"

 Goten glanced over Trunks' shoulder to Bulma. There was no time to deal with this right now, and grabbed him by the front of his shirt to yank him outside into the rain, slamming the door closed to block them out.

 Bulma was shocked to see her son act so out of character. She began marching for the door to let him have it before Vegeta put out his arm to stop her.

 "This is between the boys, woman! Let them be!"

     Thunder and heat lightening crackled through the sky, hard rain fell and drenched them as they stared each other down in the middle of the street. Trunks felt every muscle in his body start to tighten, clenching his hands into tight fists. Goten did the same. Neither said a word until the silence became overwhelming.

 "I can't be friends with you anymore, Goten. I won't sit around and pretend that you didn't do what you did," Trunks shouted over the storm above them.

 "What about you!?!" Goten started to lose it. "You didn't give a shit how you made me feel! If you were really my fucking friend you wouldn't have said all those things to me. I opened my heart up to you! I thought you'd understand."

 "UNDERSTAND? ...That what? My best friend wants to fuck me?!?"

 Goten felt a snap. A huge energy filled the empty street and engulfed his body as he completely submitted to the power. His hair immediately shot to gold, his eyes green, fully transforming him into a Super Sayian right out in the open.

 Feeling the tremendous surge of energy, Vegeta ran out to see what was happening, stopping right outside the door just in time to see Trunks also change into Super Saiyan. He looked on with confused in complete surprise, feeling a different energy from his son that he had never used before, or even thought that he had.

 Screaming on the top of his lungs, Goten started to feel another hard push of energy coming on, but stopped just short of letting everything go. All of the hurt and anger that Trunks made him feel continued to fuel the strength of his ki. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S FUCKING LIKE? TO LIE TO YOU EVERYDAY? NO BEING ABLE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH? I COULDN'T KEEP IT IN ANYMORE, TRUNKS! IT WASN'T FAIR!"

 Trunks squeezed his eyes shut, hearing what *he* had scarred his own heart with all along, echoing back in his face with Goten's voice - unable to suppress the power wanting to come out of him any longer. After a lifetime of being afraid to expose his feeling and having his heart broken so many other times before, this was the real breaking point that Trunks had never been past. Goten had been the single most important factor that had kept him going during all of the horrible years of his life, and to have him reveal that so much of that pain was for nothing was too much to stand.

 Trunks screamed up to the sky as he arched his body, feeling that final push over the edge he couldn't control. A sweep of hot energy rushed over him as his hair turned white gold, spiking almost straight up on end. All at once, in a bright flash of hot light, Trunks felt himself transform into that next stage he was never able to achieve, as blue lightening sparked around his now dynamically powerful frame.

 Goten felt his heart race, his breathing quicken, seeing Trunks transform into a Super Sayian 2 for the first time right in front of him.

 "LISTEN, GOTEN! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DOESN'T FUCKING GET IT! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE DONE TO KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP, ALL THE SACRIFICES I'VE MADE, AND THINGS I WANTED THAT I GAVE UP FOR YOU! WHAT? YOU HAVE FEELINGS YOU NEED TO GET OUT? WELL WHAT ABOUT ME! WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS? DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK ABOUT THAT?!?"

 Goten felt his ki rising, angry that he was on the end of this, that he was the one being blamed. He stopped holding back and also made the jump to the next transformation, matching up their ki levels perfectly as if they were ready to fuse. The two boys stared at each other's new form with the unfamiliar sensation of anger looking back at them.

 Goten heard the rage in his own voice, something he had never used towards Trunks before. "YOU WANT TO DO THIS? FINE THEN! LET'S GO!" He flew at him with a barrage of punches, slamming his fists against the hard blocks against him. Trunks swept his feet out from under him and hit him across the face before he even hit the ground, sending Goten flying into a line of parked cars.

 Both boys came at each other again with different attacks - devastating kicks landing all over their bodies, fighting with blinding emotions and unmeasurable hurt. Trunks went in to double punch him in the chest, only to have both his hands caught in Goten's, rendering him defenseless to getting flipped over his shoulder onto his back. He wasn't down for long.

 Not giving the younger demi-Sayian a chance to turn around, he nailed him in the small of his spine and again along the break of his neck. Without flinching or turning to face him, Goten kicked out straight behind him and cracked Trunks in the jaw and wound up and spun around to slam a dead-on blow to the side of his wet face.

 Blood spit from his mouth as he crouched over for a moment, trying to focus out the pain, listening to his fighting instincts and holding on for just the right opportunity to retaliate. Goten walked over to him with a pure fury in his eyes, but Trunks held on until he was close enough before jumping to his feet and connecting his fist as powerfully as he could into Goten's rock hard stomach, collapsing to the ground in pain. He punched him again across side of the head, even as the younger boy remained down on his knees, and kicked him up in the face, the force snapping his head back and sliding him across the wet pavement.

 Goten barely opened his eyes before Trunks was already looking over him without a second having gone by. He picked him up by the neck of his now blood stained shirt, his body and head hanging defeated from his hands, and got right in his face. The sound of the rain falling on them was deafening.

 Trunks felt his voice shaking under his breath, his power dropping out of his transformation to almost nothing, "We...we were supposed to be friends forever, Goten. Don't you remember? Y-you... you promised. Why did you have to change everything?" He let go, letting Goten fall to his knees to catch himself on his hands. He couldn't fight him anymore. Goten looked back up at him with devastated eyes as Trunks spoke painfully quiet.

 "It hurts so much to not have you in my life, Goten... But I know you won't ever feel the same way I feel about you. I... I'd rather never see you again then let you hurt me someday with more promises that you can't keep. I won't let you do it... not again."

 Trunks felt a huge weight in his chest, barely able to breathe. Aching through his heart as he realized that if he left him now, he would never see him again. The rain couldn't wash the pain off his face, stepping back away from where Goten was defeated and bleeding on the ground.

 "...Good bye, Goten."

     Trunks turned and walked back into the house, leaving Goten destroyed and breaking in the pouring rain behind him. He pushed past Vegeta and Bulma in the doorway, stunned at what had just happened and what their son had done to Goten. They didn't say a word, and just let him walk soaking wet back into the house, seemingly emotionless and frozen on the outside. Bulma wanted to step forward to reach out to him, but felt her husband hold on to her, keeping her at a safe distance. This was no time for questions.

 "Daddy, is Trunks ok?" Vegeta felt a little hand tug at his. "He has blood on his face! I'm scared!" The Saiyan Prince bent down to pick up his little princess, holding her in his arms as Bra latched on tight.

 "I think we need to leave your brother alone for a while, understand?" He reassured her with an unusually gentle voice, knowing there would be no chance at getting an explanation from his son tonight, whatever it might be that would warrant such extreme behavior.

     Trunks ran up to his room and slammed the door behind him, sinking down to the floor with his back against it. The moment he dreaded the most played over and over in his head - hearing his best friend of his entire life - the other half of his very being - cry out in pain from behind him as he coldly walked away, crushing his own heart with him, harder than he could stand.

 Trunks let go and completely broke down, crying like he never cried in his life.

 Now, it was truly over. ~

 CHAPTER TWELVE~

   TWO MONTHS LATER -

   Trunks laid out on his bed and had been staring up at the ceiling for most of the day already. He knew he had to start getting ready, but going to some huge gala put on by Capsule Corporation's hand over was not something he particularly wanted to do. Nothing sounded fun or appealing anymore. Life just seemed... empty.

 "Trunks, are you ready yet? We're leaving in fifteen minutes!" Bulma called out as she knocked from the other side of his door, already ajar before she pushed it open. His room was a complete wreck. So was he. "Trunks! You're not even dressed yet! Do you know how important this night is to me?! Please don't be like this." She scrambled around his room and tore apart his closet, frantically searching for something suitable he could wear.

 He just sat there, vacantly listening to her ramble on about something that was totally meaningless to him. "Um, I don't really feel like going tonight, mom," he said, his gaze still stuck to the ceiling.

 She stopped digging and flashed an unacceptable glare, the one usually reserved for only his father. "Trunks, you are twenty-one years old and are going to be the future President for one of the most powerful companies in the world, which just happens to be getting handed over to *me* tonight by your grandfather. So now PLEASE act like an adult about this and get dressed!!!"

 Bulma looked over to her emotional wreck of a son and could clearly see that her speech wasn't going to help matters. She decided on a different approach and sighed, trying hard to understand how or what he was feeling.

 "Look, I know you're still upset about whatever happened between the two of you. But life goes on, Trunks. You know, if things are meant to work out, they will. You're just going to have to give it time." Her hand brushed away the couple of strands of soft lavender hair that seemed to perpetually hang in his eyes. "I love you, Trunks. You know that, right?"

 "Yea, I know. I love you too, mom." He said forcing himself up, gathering the energy to actually do this for her. "I'll be ready in a minute."

 "Well, you'd better hurry up. Your father and Bra are already waiting in the car and you know how antsy they can get," she quipped, giving a laugh and hoping for one in return. She tenderly reached out to touch his cheek. "Cheer up, son. Everyone will be there tonight, you'll have a great time. Maybe this is what you need." She handed him a suit to wear from his closet and left the room.

 "...Well, not everyone, mom."

     After a short car ride, they arrived at the location Bulma arranged to have the banquet at a beautiful clearing on the property of an old mansion just on the edge of town. She had gone ahead to hire an architect to design a canopy for over all the dinner tables for the 900 guests, and a stage for the jazz orchestra to play on, creating this incredibly classy feel. Decorated with all types of exotic flowers, majestic ice sculptures and twinkling lights in the trees, Trunks had to admit - his mother certainly out did herself this time! He looked around in awe as the valet helped him out of the car. Most of the people, primarily business associates and close family friends, were already there.

 "Mom, this is... really amazing! How much did all of this cost?" he wondered.

 Bulma laughed, as she too was amazed at how beautiful it all turned out, "Well, let's just say it was a pretty penny."

 "A million zeni! You're mother spent almost a million zeni on a party!" Vegeta butted in. "I will never understand how a party can be *that* important to your species!" he huffed, crossing his arms and refusing to look at the scene in front of them.

 "Hey, it's my party and I'll spend whatever I want on it," she teased, pulling Vegeta by his arm towards the crowds. Trunks could still hear her complaining to his father as they walked off. "...besides, what do you ever do with money anyway?"

 Listening to the flurry of people and long line of cars as they pulled up to the estate, Trunks started feeling more out of place than ever. He dug his hands deep into the pockets of the black designer suit his mother picked out for him, happy that at least he didn't have to wear a tie. Instead, he turned out the lapels of his bright blue dress shirt and pulled out his cuffs.

 "Trunks, can we find Pan now?" Bra pleaded as she pulled on the bottom of his sleeve. "I'm bored!"

 Trunks softened his face into a smile, remembering what it was like when he was a little kid and was dragged off to these corporate things - remembering how he always had Goten to hang around and raise all hell with.

 "...Goten." He felt that twinge again, forgetting about his sister plea.

 "Hey, I see them! Can we go by Pan?" pointing over to her little friend sitting with Gohan and Videl.

 He cleared his head, trying not to think too much. "Yea. Fine. I'll go tell mom where you are. But stay with them, okay? I don't need you getting lost... again," he told her firmly as she skipped over to them, reminded of how easily she seemed to disappear and get into trouble when the two of them were together.

 Just like he and Goten used to do.

 "Ah, I have to stop this!"

   Trunks scanned over the party and found just the place he needed to be, making a fast track through the sea of people until he stopped right in front of it. "Scotch on the rocks, make it a double."

 "Oh, yes sir, Mr. Briefs! Right away," the bartender quickly responded, pulling out the finest bottle of single malt Scotch in the house from under the counter. Trunks rolled his eyes at the sample of phony respect he would have to put up with all night. As he turned away to lean up against the bar while his drink was being poured, a soft hand reached out for his shoulder and playfully whispered in his ear.

 "So... do you come here often."

 He snapped around, the spilt second of anticipation already gone in his voice. "Hey, Marron. I'm glad you could come. You look great," he said blankly, touching the straps of her little slinky cocktail dress, trying to hide his total lack of enthusiasm for being there at all. "Are you here with your parents?" He looked over her towards the tables.

 Now given any other circumstance, Marron knew she would have probably been reduced to a pile of mush by his presence alone, especially that he looked so amazing now that it was one of the few times he actually dressed up. But things were different now. "Yea, we're sitting with the Son's. You should come and say hello-" she held her breath, knowing exactly what Trunks was thinking by the [pathetic look in his eyes. She paused. "He didn't come tonight. I-...I thought I should tell you that."

 "...Oh." His focus cast down, lost in a million thoughts, mostly of what he would even do if he was there. It would make a difference or change anything that happened.

 Genuine concern for him drove her ask. "So how have you been? Are you okay... about things?" She tried not to fear the response she might get, hoping he had at least been doing better than Goten was.

 Trunks just turned away from her, unable to look her in the face as he spoke. "I don't think I can do it, Marron." He swirled the ice in his drink. "I feel like everyday is this huge fucking obstacle to get through... trying to keep myself busy - my mind off it. But I... I can't." Marron watched him as he spoke, praying he would finally open up about it and tell her why it *really* bothered him so much.

 "I need your help to forget about him."

 "What? But... why do you want to forget? I thought..." she tripped over her words, caught off guard by not hearing the realization she thought she would. Trunks took a long gulp of his drink, wincing at the taste.

 "Listen, I have to greet people now, or some bullshit. Can we talk someplace later? Just the two of us?"

 She could hardly reply. "Y-yes, of course. I'll be around..." She watched him edge his way through all the people, hiding behind a forced smile for the sake of the image he had to create, shaking hands and acting interested.

 "I know you're lying, Trunks. I'm NOT going to let you forget. You don't just forget about your best friend like this. Especially not when it's the two of you."

     A couple of hours had gone by in a blink. All the speeches had been made, and an incredible five course dinner had come and gone. The band had just started playing more upbeat music and people started making their way to the dance floor, enjoying the extravagant night Bulma had planned for her guests.

 Despite the lively mood about, Trunks was less than interested as he searched through the crowds trying to find Marron, or at least someone who knew where she was. Spending half the night looking for someone with such a low ki level among almost a thousand people would prove to be more than frustrating if he couldn't get a lead. Finally, he spotted her parents at their table.

 "Krillin, have you seen where Marron went, I've been looking for her everywhere," Trunks asked, very much in a hurry to talk.

 "Hey, Trunks! I think I saw her over there," pointing to a little garden near the back of the house. "Is everything okay? You look like something's on your mind."

 Trunks didn't even hear the question. "Thanks Krillin."

 There *was* something on his mind and he needed to talk to someone - Marron now being the only friend he had that he could trust and confide in. He ran up the hill of stone stairs leading to the area he was directed. A shallow pool with a fountain reflected the lights from the house and sparkled in the middle of the garden. He found Marron sitting on a marble bench near a tiny forest of rose bushes, obviously lost in thought as she gazed endlessly into the water.

 Trunks walked up and sat next to her, leaning over on his knees, clasping his hands together as he racked his mind of what to say or how to say it. Marron finally broke the silence.

 "Is it worth it?" she asked interrupting his thoughts and catching him off guard with the first question. He thought *he* was the one that came there to talk to her.

 "What? What do you mean?"

 "I mean, is it worth losing your friendship? Just because what he did? I don't understand why you can get over this?" Marron shook her head, truly looking for answers as to why her two closest friends couldn't get past their differences. "I hate having to see you two separately, not being able to hang out together like we used to. I feel like this is all my fault..."

 Trunks interjected. "Marron, I already told you it isn't your fault. To be honest with you... I don't really give a shit that you had sex in my house. I care that... that..." Words became harder to think, harder to say. "...I only care that he was with someone else."

 "Why? I don't under..." She trailed off, Trunks looking back at her with a crushing sadness in his crystal blue eyes, admitting everything to her with just a single look. "...Trunks, what do you mean *someone else*?"

 He swallowed the heat building up in the back of his throat, and covered his face in shame. "I can't think of him with anyone else, Marron. It just always been me and him, you know? Yea, we've both dated around, whatever. But in the end, it was still just me and him. Nobody could take that away. I...I needed that - that assurance that he would always be there, that he'd always be mine... even if I couldn't..." He didn't have the strength to say it, not even to Marron. He bit down hard on his lower lip.

 "Couldn't what, Trunks? Tell me. Please." Her voice seemed so comforting and soothing, like a truth serum he was forced to swallow. She held his hand and could feel him shaking. "Trunks...?"

 "...He would always be mine, even if... even if I could never be his." The emotions that had been repressed for so long started to tear open his heart, letting all of the torment, rejection, and heartache come spilling out to her.

 "I've loved him so much, Marron, ever since we were little kids. Before I even knew what it was. For a while, I thought I just had some stupid crush on him, but I hid everything from him anyway, knowing he'd hate me for just looking at him in the way I did. But I couldn't help it. There was just something about him that made me feel that way. Maybe it was the fusion or... I don't know. I mean, how can you just one day fall in love with your best friend?" He clenched his fists as his voice started to crack.

 "It hurt so bad... not being able to tell him all this. Just knowing, for so long, that it would never happen. I was stupid - I let my feelings get too strong. I became so protective of him, jealous of anyone who even looked at him." Trunks felt tears building up in his eyes, trying to force them back. "It's impossible to be with someone you love everyday of you life and never get that feeling back. It starts turning into this awful pain inside. I just... couldn't live like that. I didn't want to love him anymore - always crying myself to sleep, getting my insides torn out everytime I wanted to kiss him and couldn't."

 He started to fully break down in his hands. "...You don't know what it's like! You don't! And then, then after you spend your whole life trying to convince yourself that your friendship is more important and sacrifice your own happiness for him - that you'd rather at least have him in your life and be alone, than to try something and fuck it all up - he goes and does it anyway! Oh God, why did he do that?" Trunks cried to her, to himself. Hearing his own words out loud started being worse than keeping them closed up.

 "I... just, I-... I want to see him again. I do. I want to tell him I'm sorry. That I take back everything I did to hurt him and push him away. That I do love him. I always have."

 Marron was breathless and couldn't believe what she was hearing. This most definitely wasn't what she thought Trunks was going to tell her. Not in a million years! But there she sat, watching as Trunks completely lost it in front of her for the one person nobody would ever imagine he wanted.

 People walking around nearby starting to whisper and stare, hearing the someday-future President of Capsule Corporation sobbing in front of a girl. She had to get him out of there. "Trunks, why don't you come with me. Let's go someplace else." She put her arm around him to guide him away from the small crowd gathering at the other side of the reflecting pool. "We should really take this inside."

 He inhaled deeply and followed Marron into the house to a library-type room on the second floor. It was filled with couches and books, floor to ceiling as beautiful piano music echoed through the room from outside. She sat him down and pulled up a chair in front of him, not sure where to begin or go from where they left off.

 She only knew how it had to end.

 Trunks leaned his head in his hand on the arm of the chair while Marron reached out and took his other in hers, rubbing it softly. Now her hands were shaking with his, revealing how nervous she was around him, all though it was now for a different reason.

 "...Do you still love him?"

 "Oh God, I love him so much," he choked out on his words and tears. "There isn't a second that goes by that I don't think about him. What I would say to him if he still wanted me... but I pushed him too far away. I did some horrible things to him. I know he doesn't feel that way about me anymore. I just... I hurt him so much..." Marron brought him into her arms, holding on for dear life as she felt her own tears now falling from her eyes.

 "Trunks... what if I told you that he did?" She barely got it out, hugging him close before he pulled away to look her in the face. He searched her eyes for an understanding.

 "W-What? What do you mean?" he sniffed, "How do you know?"

 "Because..." She hesitated before saying the words she knew would change everything. "...Because he told me all the exact same things you're telling me." Marron let a smile of joy break throughout her body, placing her hands on his face. "He still loves you Trunks, he really does. You need to tell him. You can't let him go again. The two of you are meant for each other, I can see that now. But you need to see it too."

 He couldn't cry. Tears spilled freely from his eyes, but he couldn't cry.

 Marron could see him melt, tearing down the cold steel wall he had built around his heart and finally letting himself remember how to openly love again after so many years of hiding it and pushing it away. Everything started coming back to him - everything he once tried to hold back to save their friendship began to swallow him whole, crushing him with emotions. His breathing almost broke into a panic.

 "C'mon, I think you need some fresh air," she smiled as she held his hand and led him to the open glass doors leading to the balcony that overlooked the party below.

 Trunks only took two steps outside. His heart stopped beating.

   And there he was.

   Leaning over the corner of the stone railing, far on the edge of the balcony, facing out to the open sky. His face in his hands. Alone. Waiting.

 Trunks could barely breath.

 "Tell him, Trunks. You love each other... don't be afraid of this," Marron whispered in his ear, knowing that Goten was out there all along, even if he wasn't aware of the new revelation that happened since he arrived - still thinking he'd have to struggle to save their broken friendship. Still thinking Trunks hated everything about him and what he did to ruin it all.

 Trunks stood frozen, not a muscle in his body able to move forward. He looked back to Marron but she was already gone, leaving him out there alone with the biggest moment of his life. It took everything he had, every ounce of strength, to walk one foot in front of the other towards the edge where he stood, stopping right behind him before Goten finally spoke.

 "I know it's you Trunks," Goten said as he slowly turned around, looking back with wet eyes. "I can feel you too, you know." A tiny smile forced across his lips - his beautifully soft lips.

 "G-Goten, I..." Trunks wanted to tell him, but felt his throat close up from a hard lump preventing him from speaking any words at all. He had dreamed about this moment for so long, but now that it was finally here, he was never so scared in his life.

 "No Trunks, let me go first," Goten interrupted, not giving him the chance. "I know I shouldn't have come tonight, but... I couldn't live with myself if I let this happen to us. You're too important to me. And... I'm sorry that I feel the way I do about you, but please don't think there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do to change that!" Goten fought back his tears as he continued.

 "You were right, about everything. I was so selfish to expect you to feel the same way. I didn't think of what it would do to us, that it would all turn out like... like this," he faded his voice, gripping the railings tight beside him. "But I can't go through my life without you. I can't. I'd rather just be your friend than nothing... even if it means we can't be close anymore like we used to. It's just-... to not be able to see you everyday and grow up with you... You're everything to me, Trunks, and I promise I'll change if... if you just give me a chance."

 Trunks just stared back at him, forgetting everything he had originally wanted to say, rendered motionless from what he was hearing - knowing it was killing Goten to not hear a response. Trunks felt his chest starting to pound, aching for what he wanted - what he had to do. For the turn his life was about to take.

 He reached forward and took Goten's face in his hands, scaring both of them as he held on, looking back at him with frightened eyes for the longest moment of their lives. His thumb carelessly smoothed over his bottom lip, parting them ever so slightly and knew he couldn't hold on any longer. Trunks brought his face to his and pressed his lips fully against Goten's, kissing him with all the passion and love that had been growing inside of him for so long that he never let himself experience. A real kiss. Not an accident. Not a trick. Not a dream.

 This time it was for real.

 Goten couldn't move, completely in shock and unable to comprehend what was happening, even as Trunks slid his hand around the back of his neck to tilt his head to kiss him more deeply. Goten's eyes slipped closed and felt his heart swelling, his lips now slowly started to respond to the initial shock. He wrapped his arms tight around Trunks' back, bringing their bodies closer together, feeling a tremendous surge of energy run through them as he choked back his muffled sobs on his mouth - scared that if he were to let go, he would lose him again forever.

 Nothing else existed. No thoughts. No barriers. Out on that balcony under the clear October night sky, the two boys truly kissed each other for the first time, opening their hearts to all of the love they felt for each other for so many years that they were too afraid to show. Feeling something they could never have imagined back in return.

 Trunks tenderly broke their kiss, catching his breath, holding Goten's face inches from his as he spoke carefully with the most tortured parts of his soul. "Chibi, are you sure you want this? There's no turning back after tonight."

 Goten felt a tiny laugh leave his voice, warming his lips to a beautiful smile at what he realized he could now openly tell the older boy he had loved for so long. "Trunks... I love you more than I... I ever thought I could possibly love anyone. I don't know how it happened, but I need you and I don't think I can live a life without you now."

 Trunks squeezed him tight, pressing the side of his face to Goten's, painfully whispering in his ear. "I love you too, Chibi. I love you so much, and I never want to hurt you again. Please forgive me."

 Goten buried his head in the crook of Trunks' shoulder, looking up for a moment to see Marron, standing by the door, tears rolling down her face as she watched them hold each other with this whole new lifetime ahead of them. He smiled at her, for what she had done, for the chances she took, knowing that this is how it would turn out if only she could get them to here. She smiled back before quietly slipping out the door and back down to the party, leaving them alone to begin the first moments of their new lives together.

 Moving to face him, Goten brought his hand to Trunks' face, tracing his fingertips over his perfect features, touching the soft, warm lips that he dreamed of kissing so many times before. Everything about him felt so different and new. Even though Trunks was the one person in the world he knew everything about - whom he had spent his entire life with - it somehow felt as if they were starting from the beginning, and had so much to learn about each other now.

 Goten ever so lightly brushed his lips to his, crushing them together into a beautifully passionate kiss, the music from below building around them as they lost themselves in the embrace. They could feel their hearts starting to melt together - becoming one - stronger than they could have ever imagined. Knowing that *this* was their destiny and the new bond they were now creating between them couldn't ever be broken.

   "I love you, Trunks"

  "I love you too, Goten" ~

     ~ fin ~

     ________________________________________________________________

 ________________________________________________________________

 ~AUTHOR'S NOTES ~

 So that was the first fanfiction I ever wrote! I hope you liked it. I've been busy learning and writing with Mia Skywalker and Kichi, along with writing more Goten/Trunks fics myself for my own little collection (including a very intense and different kind of lemon with *hopefully* a little help by my lemon mentor, Kinomi. And the long awaited Fusion Trilogy I have been pestered about) so keep your eyes peeled. If your interested, there IS a prequel to this fic ("My Second Time Around") that was completely written on demand as to dig deeper into the relationship between Trunks and Vegeta. Check my bio for details.

 Now I only have one thing to ask of you - PLEASE REVIEW! You've come this far, please tell me what you honestly think! I'm just looking for some real feedback to help me out with future stories, and any suggestions or comments would be a world of help to me! If you have anything to say or have any questions about this story, good or bad (even a flame) please drop a review or e-mail and tell me! *Just bring it on* I PROMISE I'll get right back to you with an answer!

   Thanks again for taking the time to read my little fic! Special thanks to my beta, Ane S. Thesia, for all of her great work and input on the first four chapters, and a special thank you to Selenity Jade, Mia and all of the writers and readers at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DBZFanficGems who recomended this fic to be one of their links even thought I'm still learning ^_^! For me to think that writers who inspired ME to finally write have read MY fic... well, that's the biggest compliment I could ever get!

 Thanks a million!!!!!

   ~ djFusion

#Goten #Trunks #Yaoi #DBZ #Lost Fanfiction

[ixvyupdates]

I’m a Teacher Not a Boxer, and I’m Tired of Being Beat Up by My Students

For most of his career Brett has worked at county-level special education that takes kids when their needs become too much for the local districts to handle. This may be due to behavior or medical needs.

I had a job interview recently. Even though I am pretty well known for my work with older students I was interviewing for a K-2 classroom. There are lots of reasons for the change but there is one reason I have kept to myself. I’m kind of ashamed to say it.

I’m tired of getting beat up.

I don’t mean beat up in the “teaching is hard” kind of way. I mean getting physically assaulted. It’s the nasty secret that not many educators or districts like to talk about. But the truth is we have teachers, counselors, behavior management specialists and para-educators who are getting beaten regularly as part of their job.

I don’t mean an occasional push from an angry student. I mean a full on beating where you find yourself being taken to the ground by a student as big, if not bigger than you are.

I’m struggling to figure out how to put this into words. Words might not be enough.

My husband recently asked me how many times a student has threatened my life and as I moved through the list in my head I was kind of shocked when I passed 20. I didn’t answer his question because that’s another side to this part of the profession. We don’t really talk about it. I asked my assistants once how they handled questions like that from their spouses. They said they don’t share those stories unless they have to explain bruises or scratches. We were all hiding our abuse.

So I’m going to talk about it because that abuse in my past, is impacting the choices I’m making for my future. I’m tired of being beat up. I’m tired of being threatened. I don’t want people to say, “You’re a saint for putting up with that.” I want them to say, “How can we change the system so you are safer?”

If you are thinking I’m exaggerating about the threats to my life, I’m not. Twenty is where I stopped counting. That doesn’t include things like this picture a student gave me a few years ago.

I thought hard whether I should share this picture. I decided if I was going to discuss this darker side of being a teacher, then I have to share what I see. There is no humor in this picture. It breaks my heart to show you because any child in distress breaks my heart. The fact they are targeting me with their anger doesn’t change how I feel.

But that anger can often lead to violence.

And that violence is often directed at educators.

I would like to share a picture with you.

This was the day I was named Teacher of the Year. It’s a day most people would remember as a great honor. But the truth is I am thinking of something else. You’ll notice I’m kind of hunched over and my shirt is laying oddly. A few days before this picture was taken I was beaten to the ground by a student. They used a TV cord to whip me and then bit me so badly I was sent to the hospital. I’m not sitting up straight in this picture because my abdomen is wrapped with bandages and gauze.

As I sit here in this picture, at a surprise assembly with every local news channel filming, I am thinking two things: One, I’m worrying my wound is weeping through my shirt. Two, I’m debating if I should make a statement about violence against teachers and take off my shirt. My supervisor later told me she was thinking the same thing and said she was psychically telling me, “Don’t take off your shirt! Don’t take off your shirt!”

I didn’t take off my shirt and five years later I still kind of wish I had. I wish I had started this conversation then, when the media was right there ready to take note. Because nobody is paying attention. And nobody is keeping data.

And so I made a list. I kept some data. I’m going to share it with you. Be warned, if you have been a victim of violence, this list may be a trigger. It was for me.

Four times I have been sent to the hospital by a student.

I have been hit and slapped more times than I can count.

I have been bit on the shoulder, wrist, stomach, buttock and both forearms.

One of those bites infected me with hepatitis, there was no sink where I was bit so I had to pour hand sanitizer into the wound. I don’t recommend that.

I’ve been hit over the back and head with a chair…twice.

I’ve been hit in the head with a stick, and later hit with a bigger stick.

I’ve had enough books thrown at me to start a small library. Besides books I’ve been hit by a stapler, a tape dispenser, rocks, dirt clods, shoes, scissors, several lunches, a broom, balls and had a live mole trap thrown at my head…I could go on but basically, if it is in a classroom, it’s been thrown at me. I’ve replaced four sets of glasses from students hitting me in the face.

I’ve had my eye spit in multiple times.

If you lined up all the scratches end to end I would not be exaggerating to say it would be over 20 feet of torn up skin.

I’ve been punched so hard I saw stars, not once, not twice, but three times.

I’ve been kicked in the face, kicked in the groin, kicked in the stomach, kicked in the groin again and again and punched there once so violently I had to go to the doctor and was bruised for over two weeks.

I can go on. Seriously. This data is incomplete. I didn’t even talk about the student who, according to district data, tried to hit me over 300 times on one day. The student would walk in the room and start swinging. That student sent me to the hospital three different times, jammed several of my fingers trying to keep his punches from landing. After the student snuck up behind me and hit me over the back and head with a chair I quit teaching for seven years.

That’s my data.

It’s incomplete.

If I was a boxer they’d probably call me a prizefighter and retire me. But I’m not, I’m a teacher.

And I’m tired of being beat up.

And I’m ready to talk about it.

I’m in Bangladesh Right Now to Help Students With Special Needs and I Won’t Come Back the Same Teacher I Was Before

https://educationpost.org/im-in-bangladesh-right-now-to-help-students-with-special-needs-and-i-wont-come-back-the-same-teacher-i-was-before/embed/#?secret=P710dEUVaD

Photo by z ii n e, Twenty20-licensed.

I’m a Teacher Not a Boxer, and I’m Tired of Being Beat Up by My Students syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com