#im planning on using it in college

[boyplushie]

i feel so selfish but also im gonna start crying bc of this

#teddy vents #the university i plan on going to is offering gender neutral housing for the first time EVER. #like my first year of school is gonna be their first year of this #& i got really excited at first #& im on the list for it (there's a pretty low number of spots) #but the residence hall they're using for it has no single rooms only doubles #& it seems selfish but i was really looking forward to having my own personal dorm room. where i could be myself #i don't want to have to spend my first year of college in a new program rooming with a complete stranger #where the only thing we had in common was our transness. #& i know there's a chance i would get along with whoever i end up with. but there's no guarantee! #the housing department said i would get matched with a roommate based on the questions i answered in the housing application #but those questions were only are you willing to live with service/support animals + do you get up early + do you stay up late #+ are you okay/not okay with noise #like that's not enough! i don't feel safe or comfortable enough with that #but i don't know if id feel worse rooming with the floor that doesn't match my gender at all #bc in my original dorm choice i was going to be living with 3 or so other girls #we'd have our own rooms but i would still be lumped in with the wrong gender. #i don't know. would it be worth it? what would my parents think? #they're still helping me pay for a lot of college. they'll be there when i move in what will they think #when they potentially see visibly trans people that i would be rooming with. #that's a recipe for disaster right there. #i don't know. i don't know. #they're keeping me on the list until friday which is okay #im gonna see my therapist tomorrow so ill talk to her then about it & what she thinks. #i was so excited for this opportunity & now it seems like it won't even work for me. #i just want to live in a dorm where im happy & comfortable #damn. why did the affordable & scholarship granting school also have to be the most conservative and traditional one too #if you read this far thanks 👍 im kinda distraught #wish this hadn't happened in the middle of the school day im gonna be focusing on it until tomorrow's appointment now

[bitchapalooza]

Rome: What are you doing?

Little Romano: Teaching Vene to summersault! Duh!

Rome: Roma, *snickering* Roma, he can't walk yet, sweetie.

Rome: Just— no matter how much you do it, your brother isn't going to do the same. Nepos, please. He doesn't understand, lepus. Romano—*breaks down laughing as Romano continues to summersault and Veneziano chews on his fist*

#nepos: latin for grandson #lepus: latin for hare— ive seen mention that romans might have used it for terms of endearments along with other animals #hetalia #hetalia incorrect quotes #incorrect hetalia #hetalia rome #hetalia veneziano #hetalia north italy #hetalia romano #hetalia south italy #btw i use latin-dictionary.net for my latin translations and use what knowledge i have for the delcensions #in order to correctly choose which one is right #but as this is a mostly english sentence im not fully sure if my use of nepos(also nepotis) is correct #just a lil disclaimer #i only took 3 yrs of latin in high school but do plan at some point taking a college level class and kick ass at reading the aeneid in latin

[emi1y]

GIRL HELP I CANT STOP ONLINE PURCHASING

#i had to buy a bunch of tools for college which was very fun & came out of my 521 plan so it was all cool and a bunch of packages have been #arriving over the past two weeks with cool hardware and shit that im gonna use in my woodworking program #but now i HAVE all my tools so no more packages are coming D: so i started buying other fun treats just for ke #*me #but now they aren't school supplies so im actually paying for them with my regular money !!! ahhh!!!!!!!!! #emily.docx

[mortz-shorts]

Why is it every time I come back to my familys home for more than a day I end up wanting to cry?

#my stomach is fucking killing me too i hate this fucking feeling #like did i know my parents were against me medically transtioning? yeah #but also its been a fucking year since I came out and i'd have hoped they would of #come around a LITTLE #but no talked to them about it today and they are refusing to let me use their insurance to cover any sort of procedure because they #'dont support me hurting my body when i dont have too' you know whats hurting my body mom??? wearing a fucking binder 10 hours a day!! #anyways at least theyre covering me talking to a doctor and getting a gender dysphoria diagnosis ig #fr though hoping they do not bring this shit up to me again or I may have a meltdown and hit them with the #'what? do you want me to try and kill myself like every single one of my trans friends before you support my transition?' #also also i was planning on living with them a couple more years but ig im moving out the second i get out of college if i wanna b happy ): #anyways ignore this i just need to yell because i havent gone to therapy in years... maybe i should text my old therapist...

[20cm]

time to continue my room project ^_^ i'm getting rid of so much and it WILL be great

tl;dr i havent been in or slept in my room for just over a year for a lot of different reasons, and built up over the years. but im finally taking control and im happy:)

bc i kinda feel like oversharing rest is in the rest of the tags LMAO

#tw for abusive situations and stuff #---------------------------------------------------- #--------------------------------- #------------------------------------------------------------ #------------------------------- #when i moved to the US my stepfather had set up the room for me and stuff and it like. over the course of 6 years really became a prison #both bc i stayed in it a lot for my own safety bc the rest of the house felt unsafe and also because i wasnt allowed to leave + what i did- #was regularly controlled. but it was like.... also never MY space #like my room was regularly checked. i kept most of the things i cared about hidden as best as i could but theyd be found anyways #i used to keep stuff in my underwear drawer but itd be searched through too #all by my step father to be clear #and i mean like. writing. journalling. drawings. idk what he thought he'd find like i never left the house bc he didnt let me #the number of times he went through my computer or my phone. he'd check my phone to make sure the texts lined up to what the - #phone plan would say like. Inbox/Outbox. and all the numbers. to make sure i didnt delete texts i guess? #theeee number of friends i lost because of his behavior lmao <3 #anyways what im trying to say is that i couldnt have a lock on it if i wanted. i asked. and it was never my space despite it being #the only place i had a semblance of control. and even then it was regularly taken away from me #and then i went to college. so it became more like a storage room when i was away ... and i also have hoarding tendencies #birthed from the fact that i tried to keep everything i owned all the time because i was afraid of losing it all #so its become a mess to the point that it gives me claustrophobia and it was unlivable. so ive been sleeping on the couch #but ive been cleaning and working thru the trauma <3 therapy on my floor. throwing stuff out!! idk. we'll see how it is when i just like #get the floor cleared LOL im sure i should still be throwing out stuff i have in hte 'keep' pile #anyways <3 its a process and im proud of myself #if u read all this thank you i love u #caleb.txt

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

i have 2 things on my hand an among us and a lipstick stain and i feel like that says a lot about me

#no think head gay #it really do be like that sometimes #its a very gay but also a very love my friends dearly day #did 2 finals presentations today and!!! i think me n my friends did awesome my voice is totally shot rn tho bc of having to #present and like project my voice and be loud to get attention n whatnot (and it might be a little shot from making out with #a pretty boy after school but shhh we're ignoring that) #thank god i dont have to present anything for tomorrows finals stuff the only thing is tho is tomorrows stuff is so BORINGGGGG #i have a written thing just explaining improv games and then basically just a work day where im supposed to make a portfolio #of some sort like today was just all the remotely interesting stuff tomorrow is just boredboredboredbored go home (early bc #finals days are half-days) boredboredboredboredbored #other mentionable happenings of today would be my great uncle with awful vibes is here and im hiding in my room to avoid #interaction but also i finally found one of my beloved irls on here after a few weeks of us both looking for each other #ups and downs yknow. im gonna be getting misgendered all night and most likely tomorrow if hes staying and also #like having to participate in awkward conversation asking if i have a boyfriend yet or what my plans for college are or how #i should start growing my hair out long again bc im such a lovely young lady and blahblahblah and all that bs :/ #but also finals day 1 went well and also i got to be incredibly incredibly gay after school for a few hours so that was nice :D #just me rambling again #frogs down bad #DJSGJASGKS ALSO I FORGOT BUT i absolutely adore pretty boys main popular girl friend shes actually the best id die for her #i interacted w her a bit today and idk what it is but ive just decided that she is very important also the two of us are in the same #block 2 and we plotted and then did a scheme together that was just when we went out to busses we'd wait for pretty boy and #then throw kraft singles at him (dont ask why i had kraft singles its a long story it is finals related tho i swear)

[thewhizzyhead]

kinda maybe legit considering making a youtube channel for video essays and rambles, most of which will probably focus on musicals and video games. oh no.

#so um due to Circumstances (tm) #i kinda need to like have a sidejob or smth #to 1. get more money for savings since i'll be spending a shit ton on college if i dont get a scholarship #and 2. to put myself out there more which will prove very very useful for like future plans and stuff #because oh boy my near future stuffs is going off the fucking rails due to Circumstances Out Of My Control (tm) #sooo fuck it im forging my own path here #besides i'm getting a gaming laptop on my birthday so like I CAN FINALLY GET A LAPTOP THAT RUNS VIDEO EDITING SOFTWARE WITHOUT CRASHING #AFTER 4 YEARS OF USING A LAPTOP THAT CRASHES WHEN USING MS WORD #so um yea legit considering making the yt channel #ive wanted to make a video on the comvoluted history of six alts for like the longest time now too so like jfjdjd yay #AND ive wanted to like make videos on noli me tangere and el filibusterismo too ala Overly Sarcastic Productions #so um yay we'll see how this goes #personal shit

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

i think the biggest reason i like samjess is because of the potential. like it's SUCH an empty slate. there's just so much to speculate about, so much to come up with, so much space to project and self-indulge, and so much potential to be one of the healthiest, most loving relationships in the entire show (esp for sam!!!!) and since the best version of supernatural is the one that exists in our heads, it's therefore perfect. thank you and goodnight

#it used to be fanon that made me ship them at first!! just really cute samjess moments in the background of deancas fics #making me go 👀 #but it's also got the space to be a really interesting relationship in canon! #sam going from angry angsty runaway freak with a neglectful father and only one person who cared about him who sees monsters everywhere #to someone living with the love of their life and acing college and being normal to their heart's full ( #and throw in other college things and funny living alone things and NOT illegal ways to survive (on ramen) and let someone in!!!! #gosh there's just so much to think about #and the jess in my brain is so incredible. an art major. kicks sam's ass at video games cuz he's never played them anyway and she ROCKS. #big spoons sam one time and he lowkey starts sniffling. probably teaches him to be addicted (exaggeration) to coffee like a true collegeboy #helps him pick his major too. sometimes they stay up all night planning their life together and those nights are the only nights #sam doesn't have nightmares #around novembers sam has this really bad recurring dream where dean gets very badly injured/burned on a hunt and he keeps waking up #at least halfways to a panic attack #and jess soothes him down and since he still refuses to talk about it she doesn't push and instead suggests watching a movie #brings him cookies or something and they set up a disney movie and twenty minutes into tangled sam falls asleep with his chin on her head #oh my god i really really lost track of this post #or where i started #point is i love them because they are Very lovable in my head #not to say i don't like saileen!! #but you know. im thinking thoughts :) #sam winchester #spn headcannon #shey rambles

[yousaytomato]

recently every time I try and choose an outfit to leave the house in I end up in a spiral of hating every individual item of clothing and the way the clothes look on my body and the way my body looks without clothes and everything about myself and aaaaaa

#woes of emily #ive been trying to plan something for tomorrow for the last hour and theres been 1 outfit i liked but its not weather appropriate #and im so tired and dizzy today 😭 #i used to be like this with clothes during college which was like. the worst ive ever been mentally #but its been better over the last few years ! #but a combination of pandemic and gender stuff has really made it impossible again it seems #i just. hate everything i put on and hate how i look in them and i just. dont have any of the right pieces it seems #but I'm unemployed and can't exactly revamp my entire wardrobe #and that takes so much energy and time as a fat person too i 😭😭 #ok to rb #negative //

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

I’ve posted this several times but I’m on an indefinite hiatus until spring next year at the least, although I might reblog things now and again

This post is mostly to remind myself to get off social media and make sure I don’t feel bad for abandoning this blog for the time being haha

#i really want to be active again but every time i think this something happens that makes my soul shrivel and me realize i need to focus on #college applications #so i end up not being active #and then a while later i want to be active again and the cycle repeats #im still looking at genshin stuff on tumblr though... #i really want to do analysis or headcanons or fics because sometimes i think about the stuff i wrote before and that really snapped #but im also like i have no time for that #but i also want to spread my opinions to people. also because sometimes looking at the hetalia china tag makes me die inside #a) so little content b) not all the content caters to me so of course i have to make my own /this is in a tired but happy smile kind of tone #anyways if you see this i hope you're doing well! #i really hate college applications they make me want to die and question the pointlessness of life and the system because it really really s #sucks. it used to be that good test scores can get you anywhere which is unfair to many people but i honestly think its even worse now #you have to know what you're doing at 14 so you can start planning your whole high school experience around college if not you aren't useful #to any good schools #nothing's for fun anymore. all your hobbies need to be useful or monetized and you have to say you raised x dollars for charity and was on s #science team for all your high school career and got 1st place in x competition and built x device that would tie into x professor's researc #research on x at x prestigiious school and that you're really excited to apply there because you think it would be good for your future pros #prospects #i just want to enjoy life man. #and i KNOW everyone says that college doesn't matter but it does ok. it does and even if it doesn't it's not that easy to throw off pressure #from the outside and internal pressure either. please do not tell me college isn't a big deal right now because i will not listen i know it #may not be in my best interest but i am choosing to ignore that. #alright thanks for reading good afternoon #ramblings

[nostalgiaruinedme]

do you mind if i remake your dagger in the mirror playlist on youtube? i dont have a spotify premium account so i cant listen to it in order on there. (i also dont really like spotify)

i really love the fic!

Yeah I don't mind at all!! I've been meaning to make it on youtube too since I normally try to do that except I just,,,, forgot and got busy otherwise 😭 Feel free! Just if you do make it public just mention where it’s from/what it’s for. Aside from that you’re good, go ahead! 

And thank you!!

#Ill probably make one soon too #once I get the time #Because I add new songs to it all the time and Ill be using the same playlist for book 2 #which I have not finished plotting yet and so have definitely not finished finding songs for #But I got orientation and placement tests for college to do this week plus a trip plus friends to visit AND another trip Im planning for #AND im trying to keep up on weekly updates #so who knows when that'll be- #dagger from the mirror #asks

[elytrafemme]

wait naurrr but i should keep this piece centralized to my state but if it isn’t state specific enough and they want me to try pitching it nationally i could interview some of my internet friends who live in america and are still in the school sytem about this...

#nightmare.personal #i shouldn't have accidentally ghosted the reporter on education week #like for the record THAT WASN'T REALLY MY FAULT OKAY BUT STILL #comes crawling back to her with an ENTIRELY different draft than i had first planned to write for her #im sorry i took u for granted can u pls help me combat the US census and also college board pretty please

[bardicbird]

solution to wanting an androgynous title but not liking Mx. : just get a doctorate lol

#/j #me getting a doctarate just for that sweet sweet gnc title #and other things. obviously. #i cant believe im thinking of going through yearrrrrrrs of schooling on PURPOSE. #my brothers and i really said ‘lets go into college with totally different plans’ and tbh good for us #one theatre major who has an unpaid internship at my highschool. one liscensed personal trainer whos currently working two jobs rn #one of them unpaid btw 😑 which is ridiculous #and then im here planning to stay in school for years just to get up to at least a masters in forensic psych research #SIDENOTE. i didnt realize how like... little time it takes to become a liscenced personal trainer. like it only takes 3(2?) years?? insane #im gonna have to get like a doctorate or something if i want to be liscenced #🤮🤮🤮🤮

[kingdom-dance]

ok but thinking about my established relationship K[ent] and Button where Glitch is filming Button drunkenly sobbing about Kent assuring her that if she were turned into a worm,he would still love her and make sure to put her in a safe little enclosure and make sure the soil was moist enough 

it flips between Button just weeping and trying to get a coherent word out after a weak “c-can worms even fe-heel lo-ove?!” and Kent very seriously consoling her and talking in intense hushed tones about his plan for a wormkeeping and back to Glitch who is trying so hard not to lose it  

#my button is bigtime me-at-that-age and has much of my stupid personality infused in there so she's a very emotional drunk #i watched so many tiktoks and i just know Glitch would have like a bazillion subscribers #Yeah i never post about my Button but her name is Juliette and she and Nick are two peas in a pod and use humor and false bravado #to cover up any kind of insecurity :)))) #I need to post about her because since she's just me in college she's the fucking funniest person in the world is that narccisistic #K is probably tipsy enough to go along and im sure they would have a very detailed plan regarding having a worm girlfriend #Glitch would not post this video rather keep it to send Juliette the next day and probably Nick because they're for sure bros #and sally if shes not present #mind blind

[pansyfemme]

hey :) any recs for cute/not boring packing underwear? im looking into getting a few pairs but like most of the stuff i can find is like.. plain black and grey and im a cutesy kinda guy so idk if it would work for me. and like. also it doesnt have to be FOR packing but like if it would work as packing underwear (like has a compartment that could be used as such) that would be fine too! thx!

#rodeoh seems to have some cute designs but thats all ive found so far #im researching bc im planning to hopefully save up and buy my first high quality prosthetic so i dont have to be as dysphoric at college but #like packing underwear is pricy esp for eveyday use so i want it to at least be cute yknow

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

think i FINALLY taught my old ass nikon how to take photos without exiting live view....introducing new references pics: now with 200% less breakdowns!!

#its an old ass d3200 from 2015 that i had to buy for college and i use an hdmi to connect it to an old monitor and $10 remote to shoot pics #that way i can pose for a full body shot and also see the camera view in real time to pose in real time #HOWEVER the camera would previously stop showing me the live camera view after taking 1 photo and i would have to reset camera view #pose-> take photo -> stop pose physically walk over to camera to put live view back on -> walk back into frame -> pose -> take photo -> walk #-> have mental breakdown after 4 reps of this!!! #ANYWAY those flippy screen camera i think are worth however much extra if you dont have camera but im not made of new camera money #i use photo refs like 20% of the time BUT 90% of that time im fresh off the drawing planning failure stage n ready to freak out✌