#im on birth control but I will still experience things unfortunately

[postvampirism]

I can’t believe this. I have been wondering why on earth I’ve been feeling so lethargic and having hardly any appetite lately and ofc it was my period

#so many timesss my body will just be extra fucked #and Im surprised when it turns out to be my period AGAIN #im on birth control but I will still experience things unfortunately

[poohwhin]

|| My Ocs From Different Fandoms

tagged by: @fruit-of-infidelity

tagging: no one bc my friends have all already been tagged >:( but if you see this: DO IT 🔫

HI HI HI. I HAVE MILLIONS OF OCS THAT I CARE FOR AND LOVE VERY VERY MUCH, EVEN IF I DONT HAVE DEDICATED BLOGS FOR THEM! (and those that have been forgotten bc i’ve become unhappy with them, bUT THATS NOT THE POINT! ANYWAYS!)

Also this art I’ve found is OLD. eat my ass /lh

Also (x2)! A few of these were made in sort of a story I’d sometimes talk abt with a friend! But since we don’t talk much anymore, I’ve kind reworked my ocs into their own thing. (or made an attempt to without just completely redoing them).

(I won’t ramble too much these it but I want to pls enable me to do so)

I. Virek Sutcliffe (Diabolik Lovers)

Are: 18

Species: Human

Pronouns: He/Him

Desc. AHHHH MY SWEET BABY BOY. Probably my most known oc idk. BUT YEAH. he acts as an alternate protagonist after you complete all the contact in the More, Blood game :D He’s a former experiment, who ended up in Kaminashi completely by chance. It’s the similar case of “wrong place, wrong time”, except with Virek comes a lot more chaos than usual. My entire purpose for him was to incite more animosity between the families, and indirectly cause Karl’s plans to absolutely fail. (which in the end he’s happy about bc he hates that guy).

but yeah. he’s a silent, odd, and downright IRRELEVANT and MISSABLE character, but so much so that he attracts chaos and eeriness and just freaks some of these guys out in the worst way. yeah :) (no art bc im still redesigning him).

II. Rowhin (Diabolik Lovers)

Age: 19

Species: Questionable!

Pronouns: They/Them

Desc. It’s a self insert imma be so honest. Its a s/i for richter bc i am down TREMENDOUSLY and delusional 😞 They act as a servant for them bc they met him at a convenient time. Technically they’re supposed to be helping him advance his plans to reunite with Cordelia. But you know. things don’t go that way and those two silly fucks end up catching a tiny teaspoon of feelings. (In which Richter will never actually admit bc it’s RICHTER. but i’m delusional and greedy so i can do what i want 🙄🤷)

(no art bc i hate my previous designs; drawing myself makes me so picky).

III. Avard (Genshin Impact)

Age: Not specific (between 20 and 30)

Species: Human

Vision: Anemo

Origins: Khaenri’ah (birth), Monstadt (raised)

Desc: Yes ik I said his vision is anemo but in the photo is cryo. there’s a reason for that its bc he’s faking that’s not his. ANYWAYS. Bro’s technically from Khaenri’ah, but remembers absolutely nothing (and probably never will)— So he doesn’t consider it home since he has no connection to it.

Instead he was raised by a father and son in Springvale. But unfortunately after getting in between a father/son quarrel and trying to prevent it from escalating, he obtained a vision ‼️ and ofc nothing goes right and he couldn’t actually gain control over it, so he did de-escalate it. his adoptive father and newfound best friend died 🤷

so he ran away, changed his appearance and his name, and became sort of a scholar?? not really. he just wants to find some kind of answer as to why he feels out of place. he’s one of those characters that’s on the road with traveler a lot, but doesnt actually get involved unless it’s useful for him.

IV. Khalid (Genshin Impact)

Age: Not specific (mid 20s — early 30s)

Origins: Sumeru

Vision: Electro

Pronouns: Hey/They

Desc: Bro’s a ghost. Okay not like. Fr a ghost. But he’s like. NEVER SEEN?? He had one terrible day during early akademiya days and said “guess i’ll die” /j. He’s technically a Haravatat scholar, despite his methods of doing things being more fitted for Rtawahist; he just joined the former bc it had the least amount of students to worry about.

He keeps to himself mostly, rarely every actually being seen at the Akademiya. (he’s there he just. doesn’t wanna be noticed 😭 people do NOT like this man). People also refuse to believe that he’s the author behind all of these genuinely well done and thought out articles bc they think he’s a wacko, whatever. 😭 Bro refuses most of his summons unless he feels like coming, and just spends time stargazing, thats if. Bro’s a nerd 😞

Oh also his vision story is very stupid. Bro electrocuted himself with a toaster one day, said fuck it, and found his vision lying on his doorstep whenever he went outside again.

V. Zone (One Piece)

Age: Late 20s

Species: Human

Affiliation: Marines

Devil Fruit: None

Pronouns: He/They

Desc. Bro’s just a marine idk what to tell you. NAH BUT ‼️ He used to be affiliated w Doflamingo’s crew. But after a friend he made turned him over to the marines as a kid (they didn’t wanna see him grow up to be like Doffy. as they should’ve) Zone was just raised to be a marine.

Which is like cool whatever. Yada yada bro grows up training w them. BUT THEN WHENEVER HE TURNS LIKE?? 23?? BRO GETS DRAFTED INTO THE SAME DIVISION SMOKER IS IN AND LOSES HIS MIND 😭 Bro is aggressively homosexual for captain smoker and that is his ONLY personality trait /j

nah but he’s one of those people who’s super loud, energetic, and obnoxious. but then when he’s fighting or focused he’s eerily quiet. everyone’s like “damn i guess he can be serious.” (they take those words back as soon as work is finished).

VI. Nero (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown, (early to mid 20s physically)

Species: Vampire

Pronouns: They/He

Desc. Previously a DL oc, i made him fandomless just for my own mental health. BUT! Nero is a Vampire & an artist. He specialises in painting and sculpting, and has made some of the most beautiful things the underworld has ever seen. Except none are marketed as his.

He was taken in by a prominent family of artists, who are going through a dilemma when the eldest son just ABSOLUTELY SUCKS. So in exchange for a home, and the ability to do what he likes, he acts as a secret proxy for the eldest. But yada yada things happen and an ‘accident’ ends up taking place, and Nero is taken in by someone else. Bro has to regain his love for the arts again, while also learning to be treated as something MORE than just a set of hands to make things :). (also i hate this design sm i wanna change it).

VII. Rook (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown

Species: Also Unknown

Pronouns: Literally make them up Rook does NOT care

Desc. There’s not much too Rook other than them being a jester who pulls lethal silly pranks by trapping people in playing cards and swapping them around! Nah but to be completely serious, i love playing around w just full fantastical and magical characters, and Rook is one of them. Bro is technically a criminal, but hey they’re a jester you can’t arrest them!!!! it’s just a joke!!!

They wander around to every which place and just have a grand ‘ole time toying with people. But sometimes they will trap you inside of a playing card and use you for a trick! You may die! But it’s fine it’s just a joke!!!—

Oh! And they don’t speak. They only jingle. They got jingly shoes, jingly hat. Yeah. (also idk if that is a mask, or just their face. Make smth up).

IX. Bonnie (Fandomless)

Age: mid 20s

Species: Human

Pronouns: They/Them

Desc: I don’t have a drawn out design for them, but I do have some general thoughts!! They live on a planet who’s population is incredibly advanced. BUT! Their basically a nobleman im a highly futuristic society, that has a general distaste of cyborgs. (Even minor things like bionic limbs). Unfortunately for them, they have a bionic eye (well its more like those things you see in dragon ball. but whatever) 🤷. Oops, big ‘ole issue when you’re the child of a man who has to run an entire planet’s population‼️

VIII. Pyro (Fandomless)

Age: 26-ish (probably older??)

Species: Alien (humanoid, technically. but he is supposed to be a fire guy)

Pronouns: Hey/They (wouldn’t care if any others are used though).

Companion: Kalixo (added him bc i love this little dude and him and Pyro are a PACKAGE DEAL)

Desc: In the same universe as Bonnie ‼️ He’s a fire-oriented alien from a planet of different elemental guys, who each specialise in their own type of art. His specifically being welding/engineering. Unfortunately bro’s planet was DECIMATED when he was a child, BUT DON’T LOSE HOPE— he can just rebuild it 🙄 bc building is what he does 🙄 he’s just a funny, silly, heart on his sleeve guy who adores building.

Like Bonnie, he also has bionic body parts :D specifically mechanical legs! As a kid, he had a condition that made his legs increasingly weaker as he grew, so being the amateur master craftsman he was, he just made himself new ones. AND they’re fire powered because he’s cool 🤷 ( also his human form isnt what he actually looks like. his family specifically just chooses it bc fire is scary to others!)

ALSO! HE HAS A CAT. bro has a cat named Kalixo, who’s just a wandering spirit that likes being a cat form and being lazy and doted on. bro met pyro bc pyro was DUMB and ran into him (kicked him) by accident and cried for hours. Now he follows him around and acts as a voice of reason to keep pyro from being too STUPID.

X. Ezekiel (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown (thousands of years old)

Species: Vampire

Pronouns: He/Him

Desc. A lot of my followers came here from DL, so vampires should be your thing. HOWEVER! EZEKIEL HERE IS A BIG ‘OLE BABY. A vampire who refuses to drink blood from humans, because be doesn’t want to put himself, or anyone else, in that kind of vulnerable position. He also: is a recluse. Seriously, a HERMIT. He holds himself up in an abandoned library that full of spirits and ghosts, and does not LEAVE.

He also doesn’t speak. He passes notes. And if you somehow stumble in he will HIDE FROM YOU and maybe throw paper balls at you until you leave :3

#ramblings ahead bc oopsie #these descriptions are so ass btw im very sleeby #my eyes are like — — #god i hate my old art this shit sucks >:( #also that zone screenshot is from MAY of 2022 😟😟 #eugh #also i have female ocs i promise i just dont wanna dig around for the art of them 😞 #i found all these by CHANCE #anyways #more rambles #i love how genshin vision stories are always like #‘oh they just got one’ #or #some TRAUMATIC ASS EVENT 😭

[bubblingstream]

been wanting to make another warriors blog for a while but i finally caved after writing up stuff about my new ocs and not knowing where to post it. im just copypasting this directly from an info dump i made so it's not extremely well organised LMAO but here are said OC ideas :]] im probably gonna spend quite a bit of time on this blog just building on them and drawing them tbh. that's the plan anyway

so imagine a cat becomes a medicine cat apprentice, and when they finally go to meet starclan at the moonpool instead of like.. awe, wonder, admiration etc. this idea of all powerful godly ancestors that can apparently predict fate and maybe even control it according to some cats, and watches them constantly.. fucking TERRIFIES this cat. like he is absolutely shitting his pants level afraid and he becomes gradually extremely paranoid about it all. he tries to keep doing the medicine cat stuff but eventually begs his leader to let him just become a warrior to try and get away from it as much as possible. and it helps but not.. a lot? hes still afraid and struggling.

it also turns out he's also had a pretty rough lot in life up til now, which doesnt help bc if these starclan cats control everything why has he suffered so much? what did he do to deserve it? bad things continues to happen and he questions it more and more. he feels like hes watched constantly and even like hes being punished for something he did, even though he doesnt know what his crime actually was. this makes things even worse.

at some point because of all this he runs off maybe? but he misses his family and clan and he also feels watched still no matter where he goes. and maybe something horrible happens to someone he cares for while hes gone and he blames himself for it because he left and thinks starclan decided to hurt his loved ones for it. so he becomes afraid to even leave the clans and doesnt attempt to run away again.

mind you, in the meantime starclan hasnt caused ANY of this. the things that happen are unfortunate coincidences. but he has no idea and after actually seeing what to clan cats basically counts as God Himself™️ hes a wreck. the books always show meeting starclan as a positive experience but i feel like it's something youd need at least some level of willpower for. youd need the right mindset. not just anyone can become a medicine cat and communicate with their ancestors. it's a big deal and some cats ,id think, just wouldnt be able to do it.

hes called whisperingstorm, he has a littermate called bubblingstream. his mother had other litters so he has many siblings but that's the one he knows best and grew up with. he also has an older brother maybe. dovesomething im thinking. bubbling has his own set of issues but im still figuring out how to make that work. another litter in his family is two more kits who are gonna have matching names, this serves to contrast bubbling and whispering who have conflicting names (they have rather different personalities but they also just. dont get along despite bubblings initial efforts to bond with whispering). bubbling as in excitable and upbeat, then when he grew up stream became his suffix bc hes actually rather.. not that basically. yknow how when ppl picture streams they see a calm, gentle stream that some would consider a relaxing visual? like that, as well as their family having a water/weather theme to their names. hes quiet and slow worded, not much to say. compare whispering, something quiet and soft, then when he got older his suffix became storm because of his explosive, high energy and honestly aggressive personality. so not only do they oppose each other in personality, their birth names themselves wouldve better suited them if theyd been swapped around as those are juxtapositions as well. whispering is loud and aggressive, bubbling is quiet and softspoken.

the reason whispering and bubbling dont get along is cause.. well, whispering is a prick, to be blunt. but hes like this as an active attempt to push people away bc of trust issues. he cares a lot about bubbling, he just also thinks anyone being close to him = him inflicting his 'bad luck'/'curse' (see: STARCLAN IS OUT TO GET ME) on others.

eventually it works and bubbling gives up trying to support his brother for his own sake because whispering goes anywhere from mildly mean to downright verbally abusive trying to get bubbling to go away and the guy cant really keep dealing with that. and whispering hates himself for it but he got what he aimed for so.. yeah.

not sure where im going next with this but i want. drama. but not murder. none of them are gonna be murdery. it's a very family issues and trauma and mental health kind of theme i want going on here. yeah someone will probably die bc that's just kinda a given in the clans but not from killing. i can enjoy warriors ocs that go and kill cats for one reason or another but between them and canon i want something different for once, and this is what i want to create to achieve that. plus running off somewhere and coming back to find out, say, a family member died of greencough or something? it's harder to pin a blame on anything material there. as opposed to a cat from a different clan outright killing them in battle or something.

this is where my blog url came from as you can all guess lol. that's all for now while i finalise things like the names of their other siblings, make solidified designs and come up with more stuff.

#my ocs #bubblingstream #whisperingstorm

[chaosdisorganized]

I don't deal with chronic pain, I am only in a lot of pain on my period, which is so bad I can't do anything, it hurts from the waist down and I think it may have grown to my colon... I have had people getting upset with me, only causing me to feel worse, when god forbid, for a week out of the month, all I can do is sit in bed and get stoned because my pain meds don't work and it feels like someone is twisting my tendons and muscles from the inside... I have a job developer who is super pushy about deadlines and most of the time I am on top of it, but on days where I really need to be productive, its frustrating because that tends to be when my period starts..(I suspect I have endo and my doctors do too, I have a procedure next week I need to prep for relating to it...I can't take birth control because repressing my period represses my digestion... I have IBS symptoms with my endo..) How do you cope with folks acting like you are "making excuses" and "being lazy" when you are in pain? I feel guilty for being in pain and needing rest... I will not have something done by a deadline and sent a lengthy defensive email to my job developer about it. I am exhausted. I can't imagine how awful it must be to be in pain all the time, from the first till friday kicked my ass with pain. (I can only imagine what you deal with... My mother had chronic constant pain; 2 ruptured discs in her back, foot neuropathy, migraines, etc. Still doing 90% of the household chores regardless. I can't even fathom that. I think my pain might be genetic somehow...) I take strong pain meds and cannibus to cope, it takes me from a 10 to a five. Any tips on how to get others to understand, and being patient with yourself? My period got significantly worse after my mom died... I think trauma also causes inflammation and chronic pain and even ulcers in the body, so stress is no good, but i get stress about disappointing everyone. People are not very empathetic if you need to miss work or school for pain.... How do you get folks to understand?

Unless someone experiences it themselves they won't understand, unfortunately. Sometimes if im having a really hard time with someone not respecting my limitations ill do theatrics and act like im in more pain than I am (I have a high pain tolerance so a lot of times I can be in really bad pain but hardly making a face) groaning, crying, screaming, flinching, I just let it out. Usually that works. It's not an easy thing to cope with, I've spent my whole life being gaslight about my pain and people think I use it as an excuse to get out of things or being lazy and really fuck em. I'll tell them "you not believing me doesn't make my pain any less real" people seem to think if they don't believe you then you'll magically be cured for some reason? Idk. What's important is that you believe yourself, only you know your own reality. If your body is telling you you need to rest you gotta listen to it. If it's telling you to slow down, slow down. It's important to listen to your body because it will tell you what it needs, and in turn what you need. People won't ever understand until they're old and disabled from age. I know the feeling of not wanting to let people down, but those people gotta know your wants and needs come first. You have limitations and if they can't respect that then that's on them because your limits aren't going to change.

One thing I find really frustrating is how people expect you to get better and to find a way to do so. I can't take ibuprofen or acetaminophen because they make me sick and sluggish. Everytime I complain about pain it's always "take a tylenol" honey I can't take tylenol everyday nor are you suppose to. There's no way to make people understand, you know your truth and if they don't get it for whatever reason then fuck em. What they say doesn't change your truth or reduce your pain. You just gotta tell them to take it or leave it because it's not something you have control over and you can't push yourself past your limits, that'll only make it worse.

I hope that helped at least a little. I'm really tired and dissociative so I'm not thinking optimally.

[babyfairy]

curious, have you tried birth control to help pms? i tried it and it actually helped for the first few years, but now its kind of gotten back to where it was so im thinking of mentioning it to my new doctor. (i dont think i have pmdd like u tho so idk if that changes things

yes! i’m on birth control right now specifically for my PMDD and it helps a lot but unfortunately i still experience really painful and debilitating cramps 😵‍💫 the only thing that really helps them is CBD, they’re really awful! but as far as the mood swings and all the other stuff that comes with PMDD birth control has really helped me!

[adhbabey]

hi. im really sorry for bothering you. this is also a long ask so im really sorry. and im sorry if im ranting. i feel like i need to explain and give the entire story and everything. it ends up leaning to overexplaining. and im already doing it. ok. so sorry. so, for the last few months (six or seven) ive been questioning if i have adhd. i show many symptoms such as sensory overload, hyperfocus, emotional dysregulation, rsd, delayed sleep phase syndrome, inattention (1/6)

hyperfixation and emotional hyperarousal, some problems with memory and object permanence, a selective memory like i memorized an entire 369 page book but i forgot where my phone was when i put it out of my direct line of sight, 

i stim (drawing, moving, humming, etc) and i need stimulation or i die, I’m bad with remembering to shower/eat/brush my teeth and i will forget to change my outfit for days on end, 

I have trouble controlling my volume and all of this: ( Do you feel like you’ve ruined everything when someone tells you that you did something wrong? Do you think you’ve offended people when you haven't? Do you have a hard time judging reality correctly (like you think you’ve offended or hurt someone and you feel awful but it didn’t bother them that much)? ) But I still don't show the "normal" signs of ADHD. 

I’m not loud or disruptive in class. i get excellent grades. i took the act in 7th grade and got a 23 (good for a seventh grader).

i don’t struggle with getting things done, if they have a deadline. no deadline, never even going to start. but i’m known in school as the smart kid, with perfect grades and in the gifted program. when I’m at home i get all my homework done immediately. everything is turned in one time or before the deadline. 

I don’t have time blindness unless I’m hyperfocusing. otherwise I’m way too acutely aware of time. i can guess what time normally within two minutes without looking at a clock. 

I’m constantly stressed about making it to places on time and am never late. and ADHD is a disability, but I’m doing fine, it hasn't affected me really at all, so i don’t feel like I’m valid enough to talk to people about getting a diagnoses or even talk to people that i might have it. i don’t even think they'd believe me. they'd just brush it off that i was lying, i was trying to justify why i forget what I’ve just been told or why i disrespect the teachers by drawing instead of looking them in the eye.

I just don’t know what to do, and so I’m asking you, do you have any advice? should i talk to someone? 

It’s not affecting me really. I’m not struggling. i have friends, social skills and i do great in school, i turn things in on time and all that. i don’t have major issues that a lot of ADHD people face. You have to have at least six symptoms interfere with your school, home, social life before you’re 12. I’m 14. but i show so many now i don’t know what to do. sorry for the rant. any advice?

I’m so sorry I didn’t answer this sooner, by the way, I’ve not been able to get on my computer in the past couple of days, so I deeply apologize. But for first looks, by the fact that you made a wall of text, in which I edited down for an easier time reading, you absolutely have ADHD. 

I’m going to say this, one thing, it absolutely affects you. Just because you aren’t having bad days, doesn’t mean you never will. And it’s likely that you’re not struggling so much, because you are currently in a structured environment. I was in a similar position when I was still in public school. I didn’t realize that I had ADHD until I was 20 and entered an unstructured environment for college. It was then I began to struggle so much that I wasn’t able to clean my dorm room and had an ant infestation. 

And you don’t need to be disruptive to have hyperactivity symptoms, especially if you are assigned female at birth, afab people are taught to mask things, and tend to end up being called drama queens, chatty and daydreamers. So if you feel the need to brush off your symptoms, its because we are unfortunately taught that. 

With executive dysfunction, its literally about having a hard time starting tasks, thats what they mean. Also many neurodivergent people can relate to the “gifted kid syndrome”, you are not alone in that. 

For time blindness, being stressed about the time or hyperaware can be a sign of overcompensating for the fact that you may not have an internal clock. Time blindness is when you are doing something and next time you check its 2 hours later but it felt like 15 minutes. If you have anxiety about the time its a sign you experience time blindness. 

Also its a neurodivergent thing to hate eye contact, and with us who have ADHD, it helps to focus on something visually to listen to them. Stimulating certain senses can be important for not getting distracted, because its a controlled thing to keep you occupied, so your other senses can be used better. 

You should talk to your school counsellor and parents if you can, tell them that you relate to specific symptoms on this list. Say you think you deal with executive dysfunction and all this stuff. Because while you may not struggle as much right now, you may struggle worse later and its important to start managing it now for the future. 

I hope this helps. Sorry for taking so long!!!

#babey asks #adhd #aaaaa

[cruelangelstheses]

every nasty thought

fandom: dragon age rating: T characters: anders/hawke words: 2.4k additional tags: canon compliant, mental illness, ocd, trichotillomania, angst with a happy ending, intrusive thoughts, solitary confinement, gender neutral hawke description: anders has been dealing with intrusive thoughts his whole life. an exploration of anders’s character through the lens of ocd and trichotillomania. a/n: HELLO i’ve been very busy recently and haven't had much time to write but i’ve been wanting to do something like this for a while based somewhat on my experience (im projecting lol) so i banged this out for day 5 of @proandersweek - neurodivergent anders! title from “obsessions” by marina and the diamonds. for the full tag list that goes into a bit more of specifics wrt the intrusive thoughts, check the ao3 link

read it on ao3

—

After Anders’s magic manifests for the first time, in the quiet solitude of his bedroom, he finds his fingers itching with the power in his blood. It was always there, he supposes, but now he knows it’s there. Now he can feel it, can recognize the fire always pulsing through his veins, the sparks he could bring to his fingertips in an instant if he so willed it. The magic calls to him, like the feeling of standing at the edge of a cliff and wondering how it would feel to jump, or like a book he’s forbidden to read. The world screams danger, but his hands ache to break the rules.

He’s not stupid. He knows what would happen if anyone in the village discovered his powers. Still, it feels strange trying to continue on living as if nothing has changed now that he knows what he is. Suddenly he no longer feels perfectly at home; when he looks around at his friends and neighbors, all he can think of is how he’s different. He no longer feels like one of them.

Anders lives in a small house in a small village, so he doesn’t get a whole lot of privacy. Before he found out he was a mage, he didn’t really mind it. He likes having friends, likes having a group of people he can think of as his second family. He likes talking to the neighbors and helping to take care of animals or children. Now, though, he finds himself wishing for some alone time, a place where he can practice his magic without getting caught. He’ll sometimes conjure ice in his bedroom at night, but other than that, he doesn’t really have anywhere to go. He could maybe practice in the barn when nobody’s in it, but he’s afraid he might harm one of the animals.

The desire to learn spells, the temptation of the taboo, wages war with Anders’s fear of hurting someone. The thoughts come late at night, when he’s lying awake overthinking, but they also come in the middle of the day, when he’s walking around in the village square or talking with a friend: I could kill any one of these people. I could do it right now if I’m not careful. What if I snap and electrocute my father? What if I try to pet one of the barn cats and accidentally freeze it?

Anders has had distressing thoughts before, thoughts of someone he loves dying, or thoughts of being harmed himself. The difference this time is simply that he’s talked about these kinds of thoughts with his mother; he’s had her remind him that his fears are unfounded, that he’s safe, that they’re all safe. He still feels the need to perform rituals, like feeding the animals just the right amount of food or touching both his shoulders with his fingertips when he wakes up each morning, to ensure that nothing bad will happen, but when he has someone in his corner, the thoughts don’t consume him as much as they could if he were dealing with them alone.

Unfortunately, his newest obsessions all have to do with him being a mage. He can’t even attempt to use logic to fight the bad thoughts, because all of his fears are not only possible, but probable. It’s all he’s ever heard about mages. They can snap at any moment. They can kill twenty people in one fell swoop. They can lose control. They need to be locked up, for everyone else’s safety. He can’t confide in anyone, can’t rely on anyone to tell him that he isn’t going to set his friends on fire. So he deals with the thoughts in silence, the fear mounting with every passing day.

It’s around this time, then, that Anders starts pulling at his hair.

He likes keeping it fairly long, though he often puts it up in a ponytail so it doesn’t get in his face while he’s working or playing. There are always stray hairs, though, and soon he finds that they serve two purposes: to give his fingers something to do so that they no longer twitch with energy, and to help him cope with his obsessions. When he pulls, he goes into a trance, his mind almost empty as he focuses on the feeling of the hair on his fingertips, the slight pinch when he plucks it from his scalp. It’s oddly satisfying, even calming, and it makes him feel safe.

—

About a month after that first surge of magic bloomed in his hands, Anders accidentally starts a fire in the barn.

They get all the animals out in time, but his secret is out. His parents saw him trip and fall, saw as his hand shot out a blast of fire. It may have been his body’s method of self-defense, but it doesn’t matter, because now his mother is looking at him with tears in her eyes, and his father is staring at him in horror.

“I—I’m sorry,” he sputters desperately. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, it won’t happen again, I—”

His mother steps toward him and puts her arms around him, but his father might as well not have heard him. Anders has to fight the urge to push his mother away, the terror crowding in his head: You have no self-control. You’re going to kill her. You’re going to kill your own mother like the monster you are.

That night, Anders lies awake in bed, listening to his parents argue back and forth. His mother wants to protect him. His father, however, thinks it would be best to call the templars. Anders can hear the fear in his voice: fear not just of magic, but of him, his own son, twelve years old and a danger to everyone around him.

Anders pulls almost frantically at the hair on his scalp, but it doesn’t feel like enough, so he starts pulling at his eyebrows too, the coarser hair providing a different sensation. If he pulls enough, maybe it’ll serve as penance.

By morning, his eyebrows are half gone, the skin bright red and rubbed raw. His father contacts the templars anyway. His friends and neighbors stop talking to him. All Anders can think is that it wasn’t enough.

—

It’s strange. His obsessions tell him that he is dangerous, that he needs to be locked up to protect everyone else, that he will kill innocent people if left unchecked. Yet, on his good days, days where he’s better able to fend off those thoughts, he decides that the Circle is bad. In his moments of clarity, Anders recognizes his desire to be free. He daydreams about being able to live a life without being a slave to the Chantry or to his own fears. He starts taking an interest in healing spells in the hope that he can challenge the idea in his mind that magic means pain.

Anders soon realizes that everything he’s been told about mages is a lie. He meets mages who are in complete control, who have been studying magic for decades, people who could live outside of the Circle for the rest of their lives and probably never fall prey to a demon or hurt a civilian with their magic. He meets mages who are compassionate and kind. He meets mages that he could dare to love.

His year in solitary confinement is the worst year of his life. Alone with no one but himself and nothing to do but sit and think, his brain has a fucking field day. This is for the best, you know, it tells him the first few days. You should be locked up in here forever, not just a year. You could snap at any moment. You could kill an apprentice. You would’ve if they hadn’t put you in here.

His mind blames him for Karl being transferred to Kirkwall, has been blaming him for years. He got too comfortable. He let himself feel happiness, feel love. He didn’t perform his rituals enough, didn’t pull enough, and because of it Karl is gone.

During his time in the Circle, his obsessions sometimes take a more religious turn, probably due to the immense amount of Chantry ideology that permeates every corner. He’s gone through periods where all he can think about is how he is unworthy in the eyes of the Maker, how his magic is punishment for all the horrible things inside him, and his time in solitary is no exception. He has intrusive thoughts about the intrusive thoughts. You’re an affront to the Maker. You think about killing your peers and loved ones, and for that you’re going to suffer for eternity. He uses praying and repenting as one of his rituals in the vain hope that it’ll make his brain stop, just stop.

Then the thoughts take a turn for the morbid. He has visions of hurting himself, of electrocuting or immolating himself, of digging his fingernails into his skin until he draws blood or hitting his head against the wall so hard he passes out. I could do it. I could do it right now. I could set myself on fire and be done with it. The thought terrifies him. He doesn’t want to die. He just wants to be able to live.

It’s during solitary, though, that he has his revelation, a revelation that he feels he should’ve figured out a long time ago: all of his obsessions are about things that are the exact opposite of what he really thinks or wants. He doesn’t want to kill. He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t truly believe that the Maker gives people magic to punish them. And he certainly doesn’t believe that he should be locked up forever simply for an accident of birth.

Two things make his time in solitary bearable: that realization, and the cat Mister Wiggums, who listens to him talk about these things without judgment, and who curls up in his lap when he senses that Anders is in distress. He pulls a lot of his hair out, though. When he’s let back out, the other mages comment that he looks like a different person.

—

Anders isn’t sure if merging with Justice has made things better or worse. On the one hand, it’s comforting, having a friend always with him in some way. On the other, now he has a new fear to obsess over: the fear that Justice will take over and hurt someone.

He realizes, though, that that fear is actually just one of his old fears, rebranded to look like something new. He’s come full circle. He’s twelve years old again, unsure how to handle this newfound power, feeling out of control and hurtling into a strange world.

—

Kirkwall’s Circle is awful, and Darktown is...well, Darktown, but the people that visit Anders in his clinic make it worth it.

It’s incredible, seeing ordinary people, refugees from the Blight, who look at him not with fear but with respect and even a sort of reverence. Children whose sicknesses he’s healed gaze up at him with a spark in their eyes and a thank you on their lips. Even people who aren’t sick or injured start to visit him every once in a while, to check up on him or talk to him or even give him a couple bandages, in the case of Lirene. He hears about them sticking their necks out for him when templars comes snooping around—for him, an apostate mage with obsessions that have made him believe he’s nothing but a danger to everyone around him. It doesn’t make the thoughts stop—nothing does—but it makes them easier to bear, at least somewhat.

Anders’s hair has mostly grown back since his time in solitary, but his eyebrows are a bit sparse, and he still sort of looks like he’s balding already, at the ripe old age of thirty-two. He’s not usually very self-conscious about his looks, but he’ll admit, it catches him off guard when the next person to take an interest in him is none other than a fellow apostate and Fereldan refugee named Hawke, who turns to him one night a few weeks after their initial meeting and says, “You know I’m not kidding when I flirt with you, right?”

It comes out of nowhere. They’re heading down to Lowtown to check out a job. Behind them, Hawke’s brother scoffs in annoyance, and the dwarf, Varric, chuckles knowingly.

Anders raises an eyebrow, suddenly aware of how he must look. Hawke is younger and more muscled than he is, with thick, dark hair that’s probably softer and smoother than his. “You’re...not?” he says slowly. He has to refrain from asking, What do you even see in me? He already warned Hawke to stay away from him, and he hasn’t been able to figure out if the subsequent flirting was serious or not.

Hawke laughs. “Of course not. You’re passionate. You’re serious when you need to be, but you’re also funny. You understand me. You’re attractive. You’re—”

Anders holds a hand up, unable to contain the surprised little smile working its way onto his face. “Did you just say I’m attractive?”

Hawke snorts. “That’s what you got from all that?”

“No, I—” Anders lowers his hand as they both laugh. “It’s just...kind of startling. I mean, even when I’m like...this?” He gestures to all of himself. Hawke noticed his hair-pulling not too soon after they met, and Anders decided he might as well explain at least a little bit of his state of mind.

The fact that Hawke didn’t leave after that, didn’t even seem too fazed, was enough for Anders to trust them almost completely. He’s only told two other people about his obsessions: his mother and Karl. Thank you for not running away, he’d said after he told Hawke about Justice, and he felt the need to say it again then. He feels like he needs to say it now, too, like if he says it enough times, it’ll erase everything bad that could ever happen.

Hawke flashes him a soft smile, eyes twinkling. “Yes, even when you’re like that.”

Hawke’s brother gags exaggeratedly, so Hawke turns around and makes an obscene hand gesture at him. In the back of his mind, Anders hears those familiar voices threatening to take hold again, telling him that he’ll only hurt Hawke if he allows himself to get close. They’ll never really go away, he knows, but he has someone in his corner, and that makes all the difference.

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #anders #proandersweek #handers #hawke #da2 #dragon age ii #my fics #im making myself cry over here but its Fine

[a-franciscan-spirit]

Hey, I am sorry to bother you, but I saw you rebloged something about PCOS and how you rejected birth control as a treatment, I am currently trying to find a doctor that will give me something other than pills and had no success, can I ask a little more about your experience? Thank you, God bless you!

Im sorry this took me so long to answer, but I felt like I needed to give it the time for a proper response.  Under the cut cause it got long.

I do have PCOS, as diagnosed the OBGYN who put me on the pill. Ironically, my mother told me “shes Catholic too, and its ok if its for medical reasons.” I listened; after all, at nineteen, I had no knowledge of alternatives. What followed was a period I call “The Dark Times”. Birth Control “balances” your hormones; sure, my periods were finally manageable, but over time, it started to eat away at my mental state. I became indifferent to things I used to valued; I allowed the wrong people to influence me. I made a series of poor decisions that led me into an emotionally abusive relationship. Its not hard to imagine how that further spiraled into a life of sin. I wont go into the details here, because that’s not what this ask is about. (No, my parents still dont know about this a decade later and Id like to keep it that way.)

When it finally manifested as a serious depression, my OBGYN simply prescribed me antidepressants. I was willing to take them because “most people I know are depressed”. But my mom was wiser than I, and rejected them. Much later I learned that antidepressants have a family history of backfiring drastically. My mom instead said, “something with this is wrong”, and started to do her own research. My mother has the medical knowledge in the family, and I am grateful that she has the wherewithal to not take doctors advice at face value. And to actually comprehend the research into alternatives. Through that, I learned that with proper diet, maybe a few supplements, and exercise, it was possible to reduce the symptoms of PCOS. Around this time, I had become somewhat despondent and was desperate for any way out of an increasingly bad situation. I missed being myself. Not one to do things by halves, I left my relationship, all the friends I had made during that time, and stopped taking birth control. (Disclaimer: please do not discontinue anything you were prescribed without a doctors supervision.) Oh yeah, I also never went back to that doctor. Occasionally the pharmacy will still fill my old prescriptions for BC, oops. Within a couple weeks of it being out of my system, I was able to be myself again. Surprising how such a seemingly small thing can make such a big impact on your life. With my parents help and support, I made it on my own for a long time. No doctors. I often dont trust them anyway, so it wasnt hard to avoid them.

Part of this process involved a good bit of trial and error to learn what diet and supplements would work best for me. This is not something I would advise doing without solid medical knowledge, because supplements may sound safe, but it takes a lot to make sure they dont interact with each other. I tried a few alternative hormone supplements, and found that a majority of them also messed with my head--which is one of the ways I know it wasnt entirely my own screw ups that led to The Dark Times, but that BC played a part in it.

When I did return to vaguely normal doctor visits, I simply refused BC. I think I straight up told a pushy doctor one time that it messed up my mental health, and theyve thankfully never pushed it again. Its worth doing the research to find a doctor who does not prescribe to the “BC is the magic answer to everything” agenda, but I realize this is easier said than done. Ive had good luck with naturalist doctors. In fact, the last one I had gave me diet suggestions, an additional supplement to take, and suggested metformin for my genetically high cholesterol. While unfortunately I am unable to continue seeing her (her office moved and its too far away for me now), I still follow the outline she laid for me and Ive been very happy with it so far. I miss her, she was good.

The up side is this: all of that information is now in my medical record, so even if I go to a generic physician, I dont have to repeat information. They already know what is working for me, and have chosen not to mess with that. Which may not be a common practice, but Im grateful for it.

Anyway, thats my imperfect experience... and I hope its somewhat helped you, even if I dont have direct medical advice. Just “do your research and be your own advocate!” I wish I had more useful information to share with you.

I think there are other Catholic blogs here who also have experience with PCOS and may be better able to point you in the direction of medical information to assist you. I cant remember which blogs those are right now, but feel free to comment or something with extra information if you have it!

As a last note, please, do not consider this post as me advocating for disregarding a doctors advice... mental health and physical health are important and you should be very careful in altering either of them... If BC works for you, then great. I just want people to be aware that it may *not* always be great and that it can have effects one doesnt normally think about. So its important to know your body, and your medical information, so you can make the best decision for you.

#personal #pcos #ask box

[feralhogs]

Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

#zee5tarbug #asks #chatty tag #I DID IT

[nintxndos]

an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

#mine #ask meme #meme #ask #ns/fw

[amazinghcwkeye]

                        META TALKS;;  CLAIRE && PREGNANCY && SEX

(  OVERALL TRIGGERS FOR childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, mention of a miscarriage, mention of wanting an abortion, sexual harassment and rape. Bad and sexist language is also used. Please tread carefully if any of these things trigger you.  )

First thing first, this is going to get down and dirty and I am not going to mince words. Claire was sexually abused at the orphanage and the circus. Because of this, she developed C-PTSD/PTSD and has complex emotions towards sex and pregnancy. 

** IMPORTANT: Everything has been researched very carefully and some of it is based on my own experiences. Please do not come into my inbox or ims screaming about how I don’t know anything. And yes, well everything in here is a bit dark, it’s something that has been in development for over a few years. This was not spur of the moment, this has been thoughts and headcanons I’ve collected and worked on since starting Claire’s blog originally. If you don’t want to read anything in here, that’s fine. While this headcanon is apart of this blog, not all of this is going to show up in most of the threads, so don’t worry. Also this is part 1/? who knows how many meta talks i’ll be having about Claire.  

I'm really nervous about sharing this but I really want to, so that said, let’s get into this. 

Her first introduction into sex was after their parents died, because despite how horrible Harold Barton was, he sheltered his children (imho) from things like sex and relationship and their mother figured they were too young to even really talk about anything like sex and finding love. So, her first introduction was with the man who did the orphanage’s laundry. He thought she was pretty and she was just terrified and unable to really find a niche in the home and so she looked for places to hide which is where he found her, hiding and he took advantage of her. When her and Barney managed to run, she tried to leave behind the icky feelings that came from what happened to her, but she was never able to really get rid of them. 

Which leads to..

Claire’s first time was with Viktor, the son of the fortune teller at the circus. She was 15 years old and he was 17 and she didn’t love him. But after breaking up with a townie shortly before going on the road again, Viktor offered to take her to a party where they got drunk and slept together in the bedroom of some townie who they didn’t know and honestly, she loved it. Afterwards though, she quietly sobbed in the bathroom, mentally eviscerating herself for sleeping with someone she didn’t love because that meant that the laundry guy was right; she was a whore. 

(of course we know that is a big ass lie) 

After that, Claire got herself another boyfriend, this time a little older (which is very illegal) and focused on trying to ignore the overwhelming feelings of complete dirtiness that came from all her drinking and fucking. He was a townie and believed her when she said she was old enough. After a few weeks, she got sick of him and broke up. But then she realised that she was getting sick in the mornings shortly after and that was the first time Claire got pregnant. At 16, she couldn’t be a parent, she was hardly a functioning adult. But she didn’t want to have an abortion, she was raised in a religious orphanage and thought that it was wrong. 

It didn’t matter though, the strain of training and the violence that she lived with in the circus caused her to miscarry and while she cried daily about it, there was a little part of her that was relieved that she didn’t have to figure out what to do anymore. Her relief lasted shortly though as she realized that with losing the baby, she gained a crippling sleeping problem that made her drink more and act out. She waited a bit to start dating again, she had heard that if you had sex after being pregnant (even if you had a miscarriage) you could risk getting pregnant again and she was too terrified of that. 

Though after a few months of not sleeping unless she was piss drink, Claire went back to dating and sleeping around because the nightmares from when she was younger was scarier than the nightmares of getting pregnant. Her first “boyfriend” after her miscarriage was the Strongman of the circus. He was violent and reminded her of her father and she made sure that no matter how drunk she was, she took the birth control that she had stolen. She refused to end up like her mother: shackled to a man who abused her and her kids. After a few months, she broke it off with him. Sorta. He was not one to take no for an answer so Claire just ignored most of his advances and slept with a knife under the bed. 

(Even if that didn’t protect her all the time) 

After the circus and the relationships that destroyed her understanding of basic relationships, Claire would get drunk and sleep with whoever was nearby. Sometimes, she would sleep with her marks or people who employed her and she occasionally dealt with people who refused her saying no unless she held a gun to their heads. ( unfortunately, more than once she had incidents where she didn’t have a weapon to protect herself and despite her training there are people stronger than her       it’s why she has so many scars on her body ) 

That was until she came across a situation where she felt she had fallen in love with a mark; sure he was wanted for a lot of things ( murder, thievery, being a turncoat, things that claire normally abhorred ) but he valued her opinions and made her feel wanted. Deciding to stay with him for a bit, she lived on the run with him and they decided they were going to start a family. But things weren’t as they seemed and shortly after she got pregnant - whoo boy did that do a huge damage on her mentality - he went missing. Too far along for an abortion, Claire was forced to carry the baby to term. 

Throughout it all, she suffered mentally. Her body changed in a way she didn’t like, she was forced to go into hiding until after she went into labor, she was forced to deal with nightmares every night she was actually able to go to sleep. She wanted to drink, all the time, but she didn’t because she didn’t want to hurt the baby even if she didn’t want it. Claire tried to find him all the time but she couldn’t and by time she actually gave birth, she was severely depressed and ready to end her life. 

Giving birth was the worst part of her life, she hated every second of the event and when she had given birth to the baby, she refused to hold the child. Everyone chalked it up to postpartum depression but Claire knew it was because this child wasn’t going to stay with her. She wasn’t going to risk giving the child up for adoption in a foster system - she had been a victim of it and she refused to do that to a child she didn’t want - but she knew she had to get rid of the kid. 

She spent a year looking and after finding a family that wanted a child (after secretly watching them for that length of time) she left the baby with them, swearing to watch over the child to make sure it was loved and cared for and promising to leave money in their bank account every month to help them. 

Not long after that, Claire was picked up by SHIELD and became an agent. During the beginning she was sent on honeypot missions (not that often but enough that Claire has developed a healthy hatred of trying to seduce someone and now just flirts really bad) and Claire hated every bit of it, and she eventually told her handlers that she refused to do those types of missions anymore because she felt uncomfortable using her body in such a way. Her first handler (before Coulson) didn’t care and told her that she was a weapon to be used how SHIELD wanted because she was a criminal who belonged in prison not working for the government.

Claire bucked it up and continued to do whatever mission that was sent her way. If a few of her missions lead to sexual harassment then she didn't complain. She knew her place - even if she argued with it. By time she finally decided that she had had enough, she was having hard time sleeping, nightmares and just hated working there, and so she decided to approach Fury and tell him to toss her in prison, at least there she had a chance to escape. When asked where all the negative emotions were coming from, Claire explained what was going on and Fury was not happy. 

She got a brand new handler and life at SHIELD got a bit easier to deal with. But there was still some trauma that was not dealt with because even though she was forced to go to aSHIELD therapist, she refused to truly talk about why honeypot missions bugged her and so she didn’t really deal with it. 

Which leads to..

Future relationships with Claire is so low maintenance (even if she does occasionally have problems where she cheats without meaning to) that she honestly just wants to cuddle and not discuss her past relations with her partner. When it comes to kids, oh god does she have problems. She wants them, she really does, but at the same time, she’s still haunted by the child she left behind. Any relationship she would have is a relationship built on trust and love and she’s terrified that finding out that she has a child, that finding out that her entire sexually history is tainted by dark heavy stuff that she’d rather just never explain will destroy any relationship. 

If it ever came to discussing having kids, Claire would probably have an internal freak-out and then, after trying to ignore it for so long, Claire would explain her history of pregnancy and talk about it with them. If she ever got pregnant, she’d deal with it badly by talking with her partner and a lot of communication by hiding it in the beginning, she would be terrified that they’d leave if they found out (because last time she thought she had a forever relationship, it went badly). When it came out, she would be over consumed by feelings and in some situations (if she felt too confined) she might even leave. Eventually she’d just come out and explain that when she was younger she had a child, gave it up and has felt horrible about it for years. She knows that she can’t take it back and she really doesn’t want to, but she would still regret it.

Eventually after much therapy, she would learn that what happen wasn’t her fault and that she is better than what her past was. She would also learn (after taking parenting classes) how to be a better parent. Because while much of her trauma towards children settle deeply from what was done to her and how she reacted towards it, a lot of it still stems from the abuse that was done to her by her father. Honestly, relationships would be hard even if she wasn’t abused, because she would be terrified of ending up like her mother or ending up like her father and not trusting herself not to end up like either of them. 

OTHER THINGS: 

Claire struggles with insecurity due to the abuse she suffered. In a relationship, she struggles with feeling good enough for the other person and she also struggles with drinking during a relationship. She feels like she doesn’t deserve her partner and will show it by either attaching herself to the other person or distancing herself.

#rape tw #child abuse tw #abortion mention tw #miscarriage mention tw #domestic violence tw #unhealthy coping mechanisms mentioned #//Honestly I have to write a entire thing on how claire copes with relationships bc it’s not going to fit here. this has gotten to long. #♛;; lets just dive into the hell that belongs to her backstory and character ❜ misc;; headcanons ❜ #♛;; talking on and on; her mouth moves quickly and her hands even quicker; there's a story to be told and she's telling it ❜ misc;; meta ❜

[nickatnightwalker-blog]

damian doesn’t understand the entire concept of The Baby, nick’s apparently been engaged to a bird for months now, nick is honestly confused by damian’s blatant refusal to behave likeably or even neutrally in front of anyone but him

a-thousand-dreadful-things Is he talking about a literal baby?

nickatnightwalker oh uh i dont know how old iti s it might be a baby for all i fucking know

a-thousand-dreadful-things Is it his baby?

nickatnightwalker he found it, so i guess so he didnt like, give birth to it though i feel like that's beyond the level of weirdness we're dealing with

a-thousand-dreadful-things He found a literal human baby?

nickatnightwalker it's a six eyed bird that comes up to my waist and i personally cant hold up with one arm it's the baby.  it's helpless you know

a-thousand-dreadful-things Are you fucking with me?

nickatnightwalker ive met it eye to eye to eye to eye to eye etc

a-thousand-dreadful-things I hate this fucking school.

nickatnightwalker i know the whole concept of enormous bird of prey as helpless infant is kind of a lot but you just gotta roll with it just fucking. go with it.  or else youll wanna shoot yourself. besides, it's pretty ok.  little bit of a brat though.

a-thousand-dreadful-things It can't possibly be happy locked up in a dorm. It's a wild animal. He should let it go free.

nickatnightwalker it is free it just like comes to visit or something we went up into one of the towers in ra and he called it and it fucking came dude.

a-thousand-dreadful-things Beholden to a master who feeds it is not the same as free.

nickatnightwalker oh it can most definitely feed itself damian i think it comes to him for like, hugs

a-thousand-dreadful-things Unsanitary.

nickatnightwalker youre preaching to the choir here buddy birds fucking love me for some goddamn reason and they're the worst

a-thousand-dreadful-things How much experience do you have with "birds" as a general category that you know that they "love you"?

nickatnightwalker once i was in central park and as an experiment i just didn't move and no less than four pigeons eventually ended up sitting on me

a-thousand-dreadful-things Pigeons roost on anything that stays still for an extended period of time. Insufficient evidence for significance.

nickatnightwalker alright then the seagulls at LBI who not only didn't steal my food, they actually brought me someone else's sandwich and then laid down around my chair

a-thousand-dreadful-things You're making that up.

nickatnightwalker pictures are on facebook dont like, like anything or comment on anything though my dad's a demon also there was a crow that lived on my street and brought me buttons and shit once it brought me someones engagement ring that was awesome

a-thousand-dreadful-things Though I imagine less awesome for whomever lost the ring. Or perhaps the crow was proposing?

nickatnightwalker maybe they threw it, you dont know oh shit

nickatnightwalker i cant fucking believe im engaged

a-thousand-dreadful-things I can't believe you've been fooling around with me, and all this time... Your poor crow fiancee must be devastated.

nickatnightwalker i cant even believe i did that it's like i dont know myself

nickatnightwalker although on a scale of one to divorce papers i feel like you and i probably only fucked up at like, a level three

a-thousand-dreadful-things Perhaps she doesn't even know.

nickatnightwalker well damn am i supposed to come clean honey i held a guy's hand im sorry i know now it was wrong although actually i didnt at the time or do i spare her the pain

nickatnightwalker she doesnt even HAVE hands d that's gotta be a sore spot

a-thousand-dreadful-things You can tenderly clasp her scaled feet. Explain it was merely an emotional affair; beg her to forgive you.

nickatnightwalker ugh have you ever actually touched a bird's feet that's been a huge obstacle in our relationship

a-thousand-dreadful-things I see. Birds may love you; but you clearly do not return the feelings. Unfortunate.

nickatnightwalker all they really like me for is my hair

a-thousand-dreadful-things Well: understandable.

nickatnightwalker oh my god not you too

a-thousand-dreadful-things Frankly, I fear the day you get a haircut, Nick, and all my tenuous feelings vanish into thin air.

nickatnightwalker well what the fuck i thought it was for my motherfucking charming attitude and tact

a-thousand-dreadful-things What a pleasant surprise! Nick Walker apparently has heard the word "tact" before. I wondered, since you possess none.

nickatnightwalker pot, meet kettle

a-thousand-dreadful-things I suppose that's fair.

nickatnightwalker im a fucking UN diplomat next to you d

a-thousand-dreadful-things I can be composed when I want to be. Most of the time it just doesn't matter to me whether anyone thinks I'm tactful or not.

nickatnightwalker i thought you were aiming to keep the enemies to a minimum

a-thousand-dreadful-things *Mortal enemies. "Enemies" as a blanket category is much more difficult to maintain.

nickatnightwalker you think so? probably wouldnt be if you worked on that tact thing ive been here as long as you and theres only one person who hates my ass, jsyk

a-thousand-dreadful-things As long as no one's trying to kill me I have no objection to a pool of low-level dislike. I can only control myself, Nick, not others.

nickatnightwalker right but have you considered it might just be like

nickatnightwalker nice if people liked you

a-thousand-dreadful-things It doesn't really matter to me either way. All the people whose opinions I give a damn about like me already.

nickatnightwalker not daisy

a-thousand-dreadful-things I do not say this with intent to offend, but; you think I still care about her opinion?

nickatnightwalker damian, is there anyone else here like at all that youre on good terms with?

a-thousand-dreadful-things Ines.

a-thousand-dreadful-things I helped Valentine and Aud a few days ago. Not that they rank very highly on my list of people whose opinions I care about.

nickatnightwalker who IS on that list

a-thousand-dreadful-things You. Ines, I suppose.

nickatnightwalker damian.  did you care about having my good opinion before you actually had it because i feel like you might be doing this backwards

a-thousand-dreadful-things That depends. At what point did I finally succeed in gaining your good opinion?

nickatnightwalker who says you have it?

nickatnightwalker that was kinda presumptuous ngl you know if you talked to more people how you talk to me youd probably have and then care about their good opinion in that order

a-thousand-dreadful-things I suppose I understand that. But I have no real interest in it.

nickatnightwalker how do you not see how that could like, generally make your life easier d

a-thousand-dreadful-things My life isn't terribly difficult as is.

nickatnightwalker i dont get it

nickatnightwalker i mean i get not caring i do that every day but it's so easy not to make people hate your ass except for aud but shes a basket case

a-thousand-dreadful-things Aud's not so bad.

nickatnightwalker she HATES me so i kinda dont care for her

a-thousand-dreadful-things She seems incapable of true hate. Like a particularly angry kitten made of clay. Anyway; it's certainly possible you've done something by accident that riled her up. Any idea?

nickatnightwalker oh yeah definitely. wynn asked me to the dance and she decidedthat made us rivals

nickatnightwalker i tried to throw you under that bus actually by pointing out she ditched me for you but it didnt really stick

nickatnightwalker anyway sorry i was making a vinegar and baking soda volcano with misha it was a scientific breakthrough

#ooc #a-thousand-dreadful-things