#if your body positivity is ‘i’m sexy too’ and not ‘why is my worth premised on my desirability’ then it’s not actual body positivity at all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brookheimer · 9 months

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very funny that one of the main responses to the lizzo fat-shaming accusations is “but SHE’S fat!!!” as if internalized fatphobia doesn’t exist. like, you do realize that fat people have had that worldview beaten into them by literally every single person around them their entire lives, and famous fat people even more so. celebrity body positivity is so frequently performative — less about genuinely feeling positively about your body and other bodies that look like yours, more about trying to claw your way to having value in the eyes of society through any means possible. it’s out of spite and the desire to fit in. it’s not about conventional beauty not mattering, it’s about trying to expand the lens of societal atttactiveness to include you. lizzo was never trying to dismantle beauty standards as a concept, as a hierarchical way of perceiving society, as a value system. she just wanted to be valued within it — and that’s understandable, because we all want that, we all need to feel desired and worthwhile and valuable. but the best way for an outsider to become an insider is to know the hierarchy inside and out, then to enforce it yourself. if you’re able to gatekeep beauty and value from others, that implies you have access to it yourself. the only way for fat people to be valued within modern societal beauty constraints is to carve out a spot within that hierarchy and guard it with your life. i’m sorry if this is news to people, but so long as our perceptions of beauty remain the same, fat people will never be viewed as equally human — and especially fat women will never be viewed as equally woman. our beauty constraints are premised on a dehumanization of fatness. there is no way to exist as a fat person within that sphere without perpetuating those constraints yourself to prove to skinny people that you deserve to be there. this is why celebrity body positivity is so infrequently helpful long-term or big-picture — it’s not about setting all bodies equal to one another, it’s about raising your particular body equal to those at the top of the hierarchy. so of course lizzo bodyshamed her employees, her backup dancers, her assistants — that’s exactly what enabled her to become a “voice” for “body positivity.” without a position of power in that hierarchy, not only would her calls for body positivity not be heard, they likely wouldn’t exist in the first place; how are you going to feel positive about your body in our ever-competitive pyramid of beauty unless you have people below you to feel better than?

#admittedly i don’t know much about the lizzo drama but i’ve just seen so many tweets flabbergasted that she could possibly fatshame #guess those people just buy into celebrity body positivity wholeheartedly #actually i don’t know much about lizzo in general. i just know that no popstar in our current society has a worldview unaltered by female #beauty standards and that very much includes her.#if your body positivity is ‘i’m sexy too’ and not ‘why is my worth premised on my desirability’ then it’s not actual body positivity at all #like you are still maintaining that the male gaze is the determinant of worth. you are not revolutionary. you are insecure #and SO AM I! like i’m throwing bricks from a glass fucking house. i am the same exact way like i have a lot of issues w body stuff and zero #‘body positivity’ to speak of. but i am aware of my internalized preoccupation with male desire i am aware that i have a skewed perspective #rooted in misogyny i am aware and working on it. so it just drives me crazy to see women clearly as insecure & focused on male validation as #i am framing their appeals to said male validation as body positivity. like you can’t heal if you don’t see the wound #idk if any of this made sense. whatevs sorry #just rambling here #but yeah no it makes perfect sense to me that lizzo would body shame #why? because that is the only way to feel like you belong in a system that inherently excludes you #lizzo #long post

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fiction-in-my-blood · 4 years

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History’s Finest Part 1 (KBTBB) (No Pairings.... Yet)

So this is a lil idea I had which will likely turn into a series. I don’t know how long it’ll be or who will end up with MC but I know it’ll be fun! Hopefully. If you guys have any specific requests on who’ll be the lucky guy, I’d love to know! I love to here your thoughts.

Potential Warnings: Bad language, Gun wounds, Stitches.

Premise: The Bidders have been employing a treasure hunter to bring in new and unique things to the auction, but after a year of working together, how close have they grown? And how little do they trully know about her?

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“She’s late. Again.” Soryu grumbles as he and the King continue to sit in the Executive Lounge for the passed 30 minutes. A new contact for the auction was supposed to meet them with an item to list, but, being consistent with the last two times they had used her service, has yet to arrive on the agreed time.

With an inkling they’ll be stood up, Soryu drums his fingers on his gun, which is rested on the arm of his chair. He stares down the elevator doors, daring them to open so he can shoot the first person that enters.

Eventually, those doors did slide open, and there, hobbling out with a brief case hung over her shoulder, stood the woman they had been waiting for. She was wearing her usual fatigues of a dark blue button up shirt, the buttons done up just to allow for a bit of cleavage, mainly because she couldn’t be bothered to be modest after her long ship ride, and black jeans, simplistic but sexy, a belt with a pouch wrapped around her waist. There was also an empty holster attracted to the back, covered by the over hanging top.

“You’re late.” Now also ticked off with his arms draped over the back of the couch, Eisuke stared down on her. Her tired, positive expression didn’t falter as she crossed her arms, trying to restrain herself from jumping forward and strangling easily her most difficult client. It was lucky she wasn’t armed. The treasure hunter had just docked off from Panama, having gone through weeks of gun fights and crumbling ruins to acquire the piece of history she had set out to find, and this was the greeting she got for recovering the relic worth millions? And who here wasn’t grateful?

However, she knew not to talk back. In her field, most people were one word away from blowing a fuse and then she’d lose the limited clientele that would buy from her. There weren’t many buyers she trusted, and the ones she had; double crossed her a number of times. And this guy was right-handed by a Chinese mobster in the heights of a famous casino hotel. Not someone you want to piss off.

“Oh, Ichi, it’s nice to see you too.” She didn’t think she’d ever get away with nicknaming the CEO of a multi-million, maybe even billion, dollar company, but every time she used it the guy’s face eased into an amused smirk, even now, when he was just reprimanding her for her short-comings. That eased her secretly racing heart; knowing she wouldn’t be gunned down right in the middle of his luxurious penthouse. Although, he was probably just worried about bloodying the marble.

“Do you have it?” The mob boss was less easy to impress, scowling the woman to high hell. She huffed out a laugh, trying to ignore how easily angered he seemed, and carefully dropped the case from her shoulder onto the coffee table in front of the CEO.

“All in one piece.” Lila decided, as usual, it would be best to leave out all the soldiers and crazed war mongers she had to fight off to get the artifact, knowing it would likely scare off any buyers that would be willing to buy something lost for centuries.

Leaning forward, Eisuke slipped on his special gloves, which led Lila to hide a smirk, before he clicked open the locked box. Never in her life had she taken such precautions when handling her finds. Usually, there would be a gun to her head and any belongings she had brought with her would alays end up as dirty as she was from sliding through mud, climbing dirt covered walls and- more often than not- blood from her or her enemy’s wounds. A life or death scenario never justified such preventive measures when she hardly ever remembered a snack bar for her lunch.

Eisuke’s expression didn’t change from that skeptical stare as the lid popped open to show the solid gold idol that laid inside. It was encrusted with green gems, a bracelet of similar design embedded in the padding. The King took no mind of the jewelry that wasn’t meant to be there and picked up the surprisingly heavy object.

“What is that?” Soryu, however, did take notice, pointing an accusing glare at the hunter to which she smiled.

“Just a present I found on my travels. Think of it as a thank you for being so accommodating.” Lila hid her own glare behind a spiteful smile. It was a shame the man was so good-looking, she would be happy to trick him into bed to sift through his cabinets for expensive things if it wasn’t for his hate for the opposite sex. Soryu merely sighed, directing his gaze to his old friend.

“What’s the condition?” He eyed the ancient Inca statue that Eisuke held up to eye level, turning it every which way to find some clue to prove it being a fake. He didn’t speak when he spotted something odd, but it wasn’t the shine from a modern day power buffer.

“There’s blood.” He swiped a snow white finger tip over the jelly substance and Lila’s face went just as pale as his gloves. As she had reached for the idol that stood above the room on a pedestal, she was shot by this month’s model of competition. The bullet ripped through her side, luckily not causing any serious lasting damage, but had obviously left evidence of her troubles on her wares.

“O-Oh, well, treasure hunting isn’t a clean job. Always getting cracked fingers and all. Nothing to worry about.” Lila was never good at lying. Not when the nuns at her orphanage asked her why her bully had punched her or when clients asked her why she didn’t manage to bring anything back from her travels- it was difficult for them to believe the cities had crumbled into the earth, never to be seen, or heard of, again. Her cheeks heated up, and not because of the light sunburn she had received being in such a hot climate, but due to a sign that she was, in fact, misleading them.

Both men grew suspicious, one raising an eyebrow and the other looking her body up and down. They never knew about her expeditions being dangerous. They believed she just waltzed into a temple hidden deep in a jungle or a cave high in the snowy mountains and plucked the ancient artifact right off the floor. It didn’t occur to them when she called to extent the meeting time to a week later that she had run into some seriously dangerous trouble or needed to rest in a hospital somewhere in the third world country she had found herself in that time from whatever bullet wound she had earned from her newest enemy.

“What happened?” Even though the three had only acquainted a year ago and only met two other times, Soryu- to be honest, both men- had grown rather fond of the treasure hunter. Although, his tone was harsher than she had ever heard it.

Lila tried her best to control her limited temper and had the body of a super model. Her manners, in the limited amount of time they did see her, were abysmal. She didn’t close her legs when she was sitting- she only ever wore her jeans or tight cargo pants- and gulped down any drink she was given in seconds. She was smart, despite looking as dumb as an uneducated delinquent. They had met experts before, they were the ones that confirmed the items she brought in, but even they didn’t know as much as she had told them. She had the wisdom of the old man she was mentored by and the street smarts to find whatever information that would lead her to her next find.

However, Lila was less inclined to respond. She was never comfortable with someone dotting on her, even when she was a kid. It wasn’t in her second nature to rely on anyone else. Let alone her first. The old man that had taken her in from a young age after she tried to pick his pocket took years to gain her trust, even though he didn’t act like he cared. She was just a scared little kid at the time, and he introduced her to a world of adventure and danger, that he ensured he would protect her from. She was heading there anyway, might as well have a few connections.

She bit her lip, avoiding their intimidating gazes.

That’s when the CEO lost his patient. Throwing himself forward made her want to step back. They played this odd dance until her back bumped into the person behind her, which she hadn’t noticed beforehand. She jumped around to see a man in a suit, who had greeted her on every one of her visits. Kenzaki, seemingly one of Eisuke’s well-dressed henchmen.

However, Lila didn’t get to greet him when she felt a different warmth on her back, rotating around again like some sort of spinning top. She was struck of all thoughts as Mr Ichinomiya’s towering figure pinned her in place. She gulped, an awkward grin gracing her lips as she tried to regain composure. The old man always warned her about going into a meeting alone. Maybe he had a good point.

“Y’know, you can just get it out with a tissue. I don’t have any on me, but I’m sure you can afford the additional expense.” She tried not to sound intimidated with a short chuckle, but that would be difficult when her tone was a little shaky.

“What happened?” Eisuke glared between gritted teeth and she responded almost instantly.

“I got shot. But it’s nothing, really. I won’t charge you medical expenses or anything and it didn’t damage the artifact.” As always, the buy came first, so she didn’t worry about her own physical health. Or, she didn’t think they cared about her physical health. Why would they? This was a business relationship. A transaction of wealth so she could fund her less than lavish lifestyle of bribing prison guards to get her out when she gets caught scoping out museums for information.

“Where?” Eisuke surprised her with his prying. Sure, she would expect him to return to the artifact and check it for bullet marks. Maybe even ask who the hell had a gun when she had never mentioned any danger. But she definitely, certainly, did not expect him to inadvertently ask how critical the wound was.

Sighing, she didn’t want to lose a client due to rejecting him, so she turned, surprised to find the hotel manager gone, and lifted her top to so the stitches that were still waiting to heal just above her hip bone on soft skin could be seen.

Although, she was trying to hide the multiple other scars she had gained over the years. A few long ones graced her arms and shoulder from grazing bullets. Once, she got stabbed in the thigh with a ceremonial dagger from Nepal. Last year, on her first job with the Black Market Auction, her leg got caught under a stone pillar from an impatient competitor of her’s who used dynamite in a underground temple cave. Not the smartest idea, and it left her with an awful looking scar around her calf from torn skin. It was weird seeing your own muscles. Bikinis and any sort of swimwear that wasn’t a diving suit were definitely ruined for her now.

“See, not that bad. I’m used to it. Comes with the territory.” She breathed in sharply when she lifted her arms to show him, trying to mask her pain with a forced smile. Even though she had been looking at the man, she didn’t notice his fingers, now ungloved, reaching for her wound because she was so concentrated on consoling whatever worries he had so she could get the hell out of there. She wanted to leave and read her journal to go through the memories of her last trip. That was her favourite part: reliving all her exploits.

A searing pain shot through her system when Eisuke’s finger’s grazed the bruised skin and she shot him the worst glare she could subconsciously muster. “What the fuck?” She screamed the instant she noticed his outstretched hand and sly smirk. What kind of sadistic fuck thinks its funny to touch up a new wound? She couldn’t help but grow furious at how he had just treated her. Who did he think he was? Jesus? Had he hoped to heal her with whatever magical power he thought he had been gifted with?

“So, it is bad?” His smirk quickly turned into a frown when he caught her lying. She gulped, not knowing what will happen next. Usually when she was confronting someone, whether a warmonger or crazed mercenary, she had a way to escape. Either through the window of a third story window in a warring city or through the dense jungle away from the excavation cite, she had the luck of whatever deity was watching over her.

But, not here. This was ‘civilised’ society. Not to mention his house. There’d be no way she could make it to the lobby and away from the gun the mob boss had under his fingers this very moment. She had had a lot of close calls in her life, but was this it?

“Any gun shot wound is bad! I was fucking impaled with metal! What do you think’s gonna happen when you stab it!” She cried, finally remembering to push her shirt back down and not touch the healing wound. She really hoped it hadn’t opened again. She had a habit for doing that. Accidentally, of course.

“I didn’t stab it.” Eisuke couldn’t help but chuckle at how loud she was being. This was totally out of character, and she, mad, was very amusing. He knew she was always holding back, he could see through anyone, but he never thought she was holding back this much.

“You may as well have.” She huffed, crossing her arms and turning her gaze away to try and calm herself down again. She didn’t usually lose her cool like this, but she found it hard to control herself with two deliciously hot men she wasn’t allowed to touch because of work, and her own chastity. She wasn’t one for meaningless exploits, she wasn’t interested nor had the time. All she wanted was the adrenaline from her treasure hunting ways. Although, she did feel lonely sometimes, especially when everyone else in her line of work were sex-crazed young adults who couldn’t seem to keep it in their pants. They were here for a fun time, not a long time.

But, the CEO’s next actions were what surprised her most. He turned to his hotel manager and ordered him to take her to a room upstairs. She jumped out of her sulking, ignoring the settling pain in her abdomen, and flat out refused any hospitality he was going to show. All she wanted to do was deliver the package, collect her money, and go home to watch a movie. And by home, the nearest motel. Lila didn’t live anywhere, she was always on the go, so she didn’t bother investing in any of the countries she had loved when she visited them. Domestic life wasn’t for her. And the glimpse of peace she had seen in her infancy showed her she didn’t want that mundane existence.

“If you collapse outside my hotel it won’t look good. Go with him.” He demanded and Lila frowned, breathing in to argue again, when Kenzaki grabbed her arm and started pulling her to the staircase. She yelled and struggled, but wasn’t as strong as she usually was with her handicap, and was taken away to a lavish penthouse suite.

“You’re happy.” Soryu commented when Eisuke turned around and sat back down, staring down at his newest treasure. He was smirking, but there was actually a hint of happiness behind that egotistic grin that wasn’t usually there nowadays. He wasn’t going to admit he had been waiting for an excuse to usher the woman into his hotel. Albeit, it was for her to stay the night with him, but he was content with nursing her back to health. He was definitely looking forward to delving deeper into this new character she had been hiding from them both.

Which made Soryu mad. He had also grown a longing for the woman, and he was even more weary about making that apparent to both his friend and the subject of his curiosity. She wasn’t annoying like other woman. She didn’t wear overbearing perfume like other woman. She could get away with deodorant and her own scent. Although, he would have to get closer to smell that on her skin. She was like some sort of divine being, sent down to test how unwilling he was to give affection to the opposite sex. And he definitely wouldn’t be mad about having her in his own apartment, laying on his bed or showering in his shower to clean off the dirt and grim she gained from her expeditions.

However, knowing she got hurt on a job they had sent her on tore. him. up. Even if it was the ‘territory’ for her profession, or she had gone through similar circumstances before, he felt responsible. If they hadn’t agreed to buy the artifact she promised she could get, she might not have gone. Truthfully, she would have just gone to the next buyer, she only came to them because they paid well. Better than collectors or museums. But that didn’t mean he didn’t blame himself for sending her there.

“Merely amused.” Eisuke chuckled to himself as he lifted the thick, bangle-like bracelet with the hook of his finger, peering at the exquisite piece while resting his chin on his fist. It somehow sparkled, even after centuries, maybe even a millennia, buried under dirt or covered in dust. The style was simple and timeless, no one could mess it up. And yet, because she had thought to add it into the brief case for him to see without asking for more made the item special. So, when Soryu got up to clear his head of his guilt, he dropped the jewelry into his pocket, planning to keep it for his own personal use.

#kbtbb #kissed by the baddest bidder #eisuke ichinomiya #soryu oh #kbtbb eisuke #kbtbb soryu

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autolenaphilia · 4 years

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The Cybersix comics

So now i’ve read most Cybersix comics that are available in English scanlations. Mainly Pharmadan’s stuff.

And it is very different from the cartoon adaptation previously reviewed here, very different indeed.

Anyway, the comics were created by Argentinian creators Carlos Trillo (scripts) and Carlos Meglia (art), in the early 1990s. And yes, i do think of them as Carlos & Carlos or the the two Carloses.

The premise is one i recognize from the cartoon adaptation. It is about the superhero Cybersix, a product of genetic engineering that has rebelled against her evil creator and fights the other products of his mad science, led by his clone son José.Her cover as a male literature school teacher named Adrian. She finds a friend in Lucas, the school’s biology teacher, with who she also sexual/romantic tension. Her allies include another product of the villain’s mad science, Data-7, who has the body of a panther and Julian, a street urchin she adopted.

But the approach the comic book source material took to this is very different. The cartoon tv show is meant for children, even if it is on the darker side for such things. The comic is clearly meant for adults, and has a transgressive attitude with lots of violence and sex. And it is still almost 30 years later very shocking and offensive, it certainly was to me and I still kinda liked it. The word “problematic” has been much abused, but it still applies.

You could compare it to something out of the 90s “dark age” of American super hero comics, but to me the tone reminded me of artistic, provocative and very sexualized European comics, like something out of Métal Hurlant.

I’m therefore going to leave the rest of this review under a cut. Also it is getting kinda long. This might be a good point to put out some content warnings, ignore them at your own risk.

Content warning:: Discussions of: violence, racism, nazism, racist caricatures, sexualization of women, prostitution mention and (most disturbingly) sexual themes involving underage people (ick)

(most of this applies to the comic if you decide to read it, it can be worth checking out, but replace “discussion” and “mention” with just depiction, so be prepared for that.)

For one thing, the villain is clearly a nazi scientist who escaped from Germany to South America after the war. He is even named Von Reichter (the cartoon goes with Von Richter). This gives the comic a strong political edge. I don’t know exactly how controversial Argentina’s former status as a haven for escaped Nazis is in that country. But it probably is very controversial. Taking that subject in a critical manner might very well have been a genuinely brave move on part of the creators.

There is also the violence you might expect from a superhero comic. José is a particularly brutal villain this time around. Although Cybersix is remarkably non-violent. When she draws the sustenance she needs vampire-like from Von Reichter’s creations, she avoids killing them.

Concerning Cybersix’s gender, the comic doesn’t have the ambiguity of the cartoon. This time, it’s clear what her gender identity is, Cybersix is a woman.

Her male identity is merely a disguise. Adrian Seidelman is a person who dies in a car accident who looks kinda like Cybersix, who has no legal status, and therefore she decides to steal his identity.

Cybersix remains an interesting character, but i frankly prefer the ambiguity of the cartoon.

Her questioning of her own humanity due to her origins was also in the comic and is a strong theme in her internal monologue here.

Interestingly from a gender perspective, she has this need to prove to herself that she is not just human, but specifically a woman.

II is hard to avoid the subject of sexuality when talking about this comic, for it is almost omnipresent here. Cybersix is a very sexualized character. Her costume design is far from the worst example in comics, but like so many superheroines still designed with titillation in mind.

I found it hilarious that the comic’s actual explanation for the costume is that Cybersix stole it from the wardrobe of a literal sex worker. (the reason Cybersix broke into her home is that she was actually a Von Reichter creation that had infiltrated human society).

But this comic goes beyond most american comics and actually shows Cybersix naked surprisingly often. Her relationship with Lucas gets fairly explicit. If you find the crop of these panels odd sometimes, it’s because I’m trying to avoid showing something that breaks tumblr guidelines.

But the sexualization of Cybersix is actually a minor problem. The nude panels of her are almost quaint, like watching an old movie from the 70s which doesn’t bother to cutaway when a couple gets undressed. It isn’t really that disturbing, especially compared to the creepy sexuality in the rest of the comic.

I didn’t mention Lori in my review of the cartoon. She is one of Adrian’s students who in the cartoon has a crush on him. That is kinda a disturbing theme in itself, but in the cartoon it is no big deal, because it is fairly toned down. In the comic, she is much, much worse.

She is obsessed with Adrian and very explicitly wants to have sex with him. Remember, Lori is a teenage schoolgirl. She also doesn’t care much for the concept of consent. For example, she mails Adrian her nudes unsolicited, and that is about the least worst thing she does. I’m not saying that isn’t terrible in itself, it is just that Lori does way worse things in this comic. You can understand this gets very uncomfortable to read about very quickly.

To be fair, while the trope of the sex-obsessed woman is often a male fantasy, it is very possible that Lori is supposed to be disturbing, rather than sexy. She is even drawn in a rather grotesque manner.

José is even worse. He has only the body of a child, but the mind of a man, including sexually. It isn’t nearly as prominent part of his character as it is with Lori, but this also becomes disgusting rather quickly, for obvious reasons. And then Lori and José meet and do it, oh my god. Although José’s sexuality is almost certainly meant to be creepy.

(because the world is full of people who can’t read properly I probably need to say: no, i don’t support pedophilia even if I think this comic also has its positive sides. Also, even though I can’t really speak for them and they have both passed away long ago, I’m pretty sure Carlos & Carlos didn’t support pedophilia either, if you can even call what horrors that go on in this comic that. Depiction in fiction doesn’t equal endorsement and all that.

This might be obvious from everything I written, but i have seen bad misreadings of what people write and the resulting misinformation spread so quickly on the internet, that writing out the obvious might be necessary. )

I must also talk about the depiction of race in this comic, which is odd. There are two important characters here, who are for lack of a better word, racialized.

One is a black man who saves Cybersix from Von Reichter when she was a child. She regards him as her father. The other is Miao Yashimoto, a Japanese private detective. His sister is kidnapped by Von Reichter, who forces Yashimoto to act against Cybersix, but he eventually becomes her ally.

Now describing them here, it doesn’t sound bad at all. That’s because their personality and role in the story isn’t the problem, it is how they are drawn. They, especially Yashimoto are very much racist caricatures. Yashimoto even has the stereotypical buckteeth. I won’t show you for obvious reasons, but you can always look up this comic yourself.

What is odd about this is that the intent clearly isn’t hateful. These are both heroic characters and the comic has a more or less explicit anti-racist message. A nazi is the villain for a reason. It is just that the creators clearly don’t realize the way Meglia drew these characters is not appropriate.

What is even weirder that Yashimoto was adapted into the cartoon, complete with buckteeth. And that was a show was made in Canada in 1999. Very strange.

Overall, the comic is very different from the cartoon and I have no idea why they picked this edgy adult comic as source material for.a tv show for children, but they did. It is surprisingly faithful to the comic in many ways. The premise is pretty much the same, only it is executed in a very different, child-friendly manner. I would argue that the cartoon is in many ways more enjoyable and accessible than the comic. The attempts of the comic to provoke its audience are often not successful, or maybe rather too successful.

As you can probably tell, my feelings on this comic are complex. I care not for the creepy sexuality or the hamfisted attempts to handle race. So I don’t know if I can recommend this comic. You do need a strong stomach for all this. But despite all that, there is still much to like about this comic The art is great; very evocative and atmospheric.

And the writing can be that too. Cybersix is still a great character. Her origin story, her existential angst and her difficult love story with Lucas are just as compelling if not more than in the cartoon.

Sadly, this comic is not widely available in English.The scanlations made or collected by Pharmadan is the most extensive and what I read so far. There is a person here on tumblr, who tried to continue scanlating them but they seem to have fallen prey to tumblr’s asinine content rules.and doesn’t seem to have been able to go elsewhere yet.

I’ll leave you with my favourite panel from the comic:

#cybersix #cybersix comics #carlos meglia #carlos trillo #pay attention to the content warnings please #comics made by men named carlos

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brownhardyho · 5 years

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Roommates - Part Four (1st half)

Ben X Reader roommate collab series

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

A/N: I’M BAAACK! Y’all I’m so sorry it took me so freaking long to finally write this! Life has been a lil crazy, but I really hope this was worth the wait!

(P.S the reason why I split Part 4 into 2 parts is because it’s been a HOT minute since I wrote a Ben fic and I’m one wordy bitch and have a new found appreciation for suspense. K BAIII)

So this series is the brainchild of mine and @wanderlustandsmut’s shared frustration of Ben muthafuckin Hardy. Honest to God, we basically talk daily about Ben so we took this concept to the next level and decided to write about it! Previous parts have been linked above, hope you all enjoy!

Premise: Ben X Reader are roommates and childhood friends…What happens when their mostly platonic relationship turns sexual??

Warnings: Fluff, a lil smutty goodness

Word Count: 2,234 (she’s long fam)

With the heavy bass of Saweetie’s summer anthem My Type lowly pounding on the walls of you and Ben’s humble abode, you bob your head to the catchy beat as you make your way across your room to get your outfit of the night. The excitement of having a date tonight was strong enough to damper your stay in tendencies, work has kept you very busy recently and Ben had been away for a month doing interviews and attending fashion shows. It had been a couple weeks since you and Ben’s intimate romp on the couch and you had not gotten any since (so to speak). So to say that you were excited to go out tonight was a bit of an understatement.

Even though you hadn’t seen Ben in person for a while, it’s not like you haven’t been in touch. Quite the opposite actually; you both text each other almost everyday, sending each other funny memes and reminders, because that’s obviously what roommates do!

Slipping on your favorite red lacy bralette and thong set, you smooth on your warm coconut scented lotions across your freshly washed body. With the potential of actually getting laid tonight, you were not playing around. Just as you were about to put the new black body con dress, your thoughts were interrupted by the ping alert on your phone. Clicking it on and glancing down at who sent you the message, your face falls into a frown immediately when you read the words:

So sorry to do this, but something came up and I have to cancel on dinner tonight! Let’s take a raincheck?

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” you exasperate out loud, feeling severely annoyed at the situation. You had met this guy on Bumble a few weeks prior, and really hit it off. The guy had pursued you first by initiating the conversation. You both had similar tastes in music and travel and even talked about pet peeves. This guy already knew you had no patience for people that wasted your time so the fact that he pulled this shit on you more than peeved you.

“Boy bye! You are cancelled!” You say to yourself as you delete his number from your phone, not feeling guilty at all for ghosting him. With the slight disruption to your night plans, you turn up the volume of the music and dance your way into the kitchen, your mind set on making brownies, cuz what better way to spend a night in than wearing lingerie, dancing carelessly, while making sweet treats?

The brownie batter was made in record time, with the recipe ingrained into your mind and the sheer determination of living your best life powering the night, you were on a roll and you showed no signs of slowing down.

Balancing the pan with the brownies in your hands, you swayed your hips to the beat of the tempo, squatting lower to the ground to place said pan into the preheated oven. You shut the oven door, singing along to the song, turning around eyes widening in pure surprise.

You are greeted to the sight of Ben, looking especially gorgeous in a pink suit and a white shirt. His blonde hair seemingly longer since you last saw him in person, slightly disheveled from his habit of running his hands through his hair. Despite looking tired, with how busy his travel schedule was, Ben looked absolutely content with finally coming home, especially to a sight he had only dreamt of: you dancing in nothing but lingerie. In his eyes, you embodied all that it means to be devastatingly sexy and cute all at once.

“Holy shit! Ben I almost shat myself!” You shout breathlessly, slapping Ben’s shoulder “A lil announcement would have been nice.”

“Well, hello to you too love,” Ben laughed, his sea foam green eyes quickly tracking over your appearance before settling on your eyes “I thought you had a date tonight?”

“Nooope,” you reply, hopping on the counter and rolling your eyes in annoyance. “He talks me up these paste few weeks and then cancels without even explaining himself! What kind of guy even does that?” you huff, unconsciously pouting your lips and making Ben feel things in the process.

“Clearly, a guy that doesn’t deserve you,” Ben responds, shedding his pink suit jacket, draping it on the kitchen table and making his way over to you, stopping in between your legs. “It’s his loss, love.”

“I know, it’s just frustrating sometimes when a guy knows damn well he isn’t ready and will continue to convince you to waste your time on him!” you rant, venting your frustrations to your blonde best friend.

Ben nods understandingly and comes in for one of his ever famous bear hugs. If there’s one thing about Ben that’s trademark, it’s that he’s a tactile person. Physical touch is basically one of his love languages and not just in a sexual sense. Throughout your long friendship, it wasn’t uncommon for Ben to cuddle next to you on the couch during a movie marathon. And in the reverse, you didn’t hesitate to cuddle next to him and he would gladly wrap his arm around your shoulder.

“Feel better?” Ben mumbles into your hair right before you break away from his warm embrace.

“Much!” you smile, a smirk playing your lips “Now go shower, you stink!”

“Hey now! You can’t blame me, I just got off the plane!” Ben exclaims, lightly smacking your bare thigh. “Movie and brownie sesh?”

“As if you have to ask!” you chuckle, hopping off the counter to check on the brownies. It was tradition for you both to gorge on brownies and watch a movie when Ben came back from long work trips.

Ben turns around and fetches his jacket from the table before making his way to the bathroom. You can’t help but admire the way his arm and back muscles glide under the snug fit of his white tee shirt. As if on cue, Ben calls out, “take a picture it’ll last longer!” before turning around and looking at you from the hallway.

“Oh dear lord, why would I do that now that you’re back home!” you stick your tongue out, silently trying to calm your mind that Ben caught you practically gawking at him. How in the world did he even know?! He was turned away from you for gods sake!

Not too long after, the timer goes off and you retrieve the brownies, basking in the sweet chocolatey aroma that fills the kitchen. You let the brownies cool off while you go off to the living room to pick the movie of the night. My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Can’t go wrong with a classic, you thought to yourself. And it’s been a while since you’ve watched it.

“Ben! These brownies aren’t gonna eat themselves!” you call out, lounging horizontally on the couch, the plate of brownies sitting on your stomach. “I swear to God, you take freaking long showers. It baffles me sometimes that-“ the beginning of your small rant cut short at the sight of a freshly showered Ben, his blonde hair still damp, and his toned chest on display as he was only wearing boxers.

“That what, love?” Ben smirks at you, knowing exactly how his current appearance is affecting you.

“..nothing,” you mumble, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks, pulling yourself up to sit down next to Ben, handing over the plate of brownies.

You both started watching the movie and Ben didn’t tease you during it. Thankfully, the funny and relatable antics of the movie put a pause to the sexual tension and you were both laughing along to the film in no time.

Sighing in content, you place the plate with the small remainder of brownies on the coffee table and settle back to your spot next to Ben. When you turn around to look at your roommate, you can’t help but smile because your eyes are welcomed with the sight of a knocked out Ben, head tipped back, mouth slightly open with soft snores starting to escape. Poor guy, you thought to yourself leaning over his body carefully, as to not wake him, to grab the blanket.

Right as your hand made its way to the soft fabric, Ben let out a groan causing you to lose your balance and fall right on his lap. Luckily, a pillow was atop his lap before, thus providing a cushioned barrier to soften your fall.

“Ooof!” you mumble out, slightly freaking out because of the awkward positioning and the fact that just a pillow currently separates your chest from Ben’s crotch.

“Woah woah,” Ben’s groggy, deep voice interrupts your thoughts “If you wanted me that bad, you could have just said so love!”

“You are so so full of yourself Ben!” you exasperate, going on to explain the situation “I didn’t want you to get cold..” your eyes gesture to the blanket that’s still in your hand. His emerald eyes tracked yours and suddenly his hands grasped your body and pulled you on his lap. You settled your arms around his broad shoulders to keep your balance and he settle his arms around your hips in response, his fingers softly teasing at the lace of your panties.

“There, now I won’t get cold. Body heat does more than blanket ever will!” he smiles, his eyes seemingly looking into your soul, as if to reassure you that this won’t change your relationship.

“Hmm,” you sigh, adjusting your position on his lap, consciously testing out the waters of this sexually charged atmosphere. “I missed you, Ben.”

“And I missed you too, peaches,” Ben hums into your neck, reveling in the feeling of your warm body pressed up against his. Even though you were just sitting on his lap, the feeling of you being in his arms felt so damn right, so natural, so effortless.

His soft lips eventually made their way against your jawline and you hummed in delight, shift your hips slowly on top of his lap. It wasn’t too long after that you started to feel him getting hard and you could help but silently scream in your head.

“Already, Ben?” you smirk, tilting his chin up from your neck so you could look at him.

“Love, don’t be so surprised,” Ben explains, his cheeks becoming rosy. “You could be wearing just a burlap sack and I’d be ready to go in a second! You. Are. Stunning.” He emphasizes those last three words with firm kisses to each of your collarbones and the last one smack on your lips. Your lips latch on to his and all is right in the world. He sucks on your lower lip, silently asking permission to deepen the kiss and you happily oblige. This makeout session is getting hotter and hotter by the second, your hands exploring each other’s bodies. No words are exchanged, only actions.

“Oh Ben,” you moan aloud throwing your head back, in return pushing your décolletage closer to his lone of vision. Ben groans in appreciation and dives right in, placing wet kisses all over.

“You are so beautiful, love,” Ben murmurs lowly, his hands trailing down the cur of your hips, settling down on the round globes of your glutes, squeezing them. “Wet already?” he says, as he feels your drenched panties grinding on his hard cock. Truthfully, he just wants to undress already and finally feel your naked core against him.

“Ben, don’t be so surprised,” you laugh, lightly mocking his previous statement. “I was wet the moment I saw you in that pink suit!”

“I should wear it more often then,” he thinks aloud, shifting his hips up to meet yours, causing your eyes to roll back in pleasure.

“Ben, take me to bed please,” you say, letting your desire and emotions out in the open.

A small part of you was advising against this because going all the way with Ben, your best friend and roommate, could change the dynamic between the both of you. But, a bigger part of you and your gut was telling you to take that leap into the unknown, because oh honey, what if it turns out good, amazing even? That was a possibility that you were definitely willing to take that risk.

“Whatever the lady desires,” Ben says softly, his beaming up at you. What you didn’t know yet was that Ben wanted this too. “Wrap your legs around me peaches, I got you.”

With your arms and legs wrapped around this Adonis of a man, Ben walks you both to his room and sets you down gently on his plush bed. You go to take your bra off, but Ben stops you.

“Can I do it, please?” he whispers softly, his eyes pleading with yours.

“Oh yes!” you nod frantically. “Why are you whispering?”

“Because I don’t want this to go away, this all feels like a dream that I don’t want to wake up from,” Ben confesses, and your heart just breaks a little because you’ve never seen him so vulnerable and that’s saying a lot considering that you’ve known him for most of your life.

“Ben, look at me,” you say, bringing his hand to your chest so he can feel how fast your heart is beating. “Feel that? This is real.”

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#ben hardy #ben hardy fic #ben hardy smut #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy imagines #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #fic series #ben hardy fluff #Roommates fic #wanderlustandsmut X brownhardyho collab

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noradarhkpalmer · 6 years

Text

Where Home Is

Title: Where Home Is

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Bruce/Selina aka Batcat

Warnings: Minor swearing, minor sexual references, tons of fluff

Summary/Notes: Part two of a collection of mine called “The Batcat Fluff We Deserve” this is set post the 1991 film Batman Returns where the next two terrible movies after that don’t exist and the basic premise being that Selina decided to go with Bruce in the sewers that night. This is how their lives turned out. Enjoy! This is the day after the night in the sewers as Selina tries to adjust to the life she’s chosen and contemplates whether it’s really for her.

“This room is yours and honestly no one uses the adjoining rooms so you could have the whole wing if you want.” They had come back from the sewers the night before, patched each other up, and when they arose that next morning after having slept in each other’s arms on the couch, Selina insisted on going back to her own place. Bruce had countered that most of the city would be in shambles and probably a great time for looters, even during the day. It wasn’t safe and her cats would be fine. And she needed her rest. And she had been shot multiple times.

Despite this, she was still wandering the halls, in need of a bed for a cat nap. Bruce invited her to stay and she had accepted, not being able to wipe off the grin she sported since they fell asleep the night before.

“Oh Bruce I don’t know about the whole wing, honestly just the bedroom will suffice, thank you. Are you sure about all of this?” The last question was a bit loaded.

“Positive. Now go get some rest. I think we all need it.” He kissed her forehead and walked down the hall.

Selina laid down on the bed and tried to relax. Everything was too quiet. She was almost too left to her own thoughts. Something wasn’t right. She laid there for what felt like hours trying to calm her body and mind. She watched as the day gave into night and finally emerged around dinner, still heavily sleep deprived.

She made her way into the sitting room and curled up on the couch like a cat. Bruce came in from doing some damage control in the Batcave and saw her lying there.

“There’s the sleeping beauty.” He kissed the top of her head and sat on the other side of the couch. “What would she like for dinner?”

“Not sure. Something light. I don’t think I’m very hungry.” She yawned. She crawled over to him and burrowed herself in his arms. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in ages.

“Did you not take a nap?” He stroked her back absently.

“Couldn’t sleep. It was too quiet. I’m used to sleeping with the sounds of Gotham’s chaos.”

“You need sleep. Are you sure it was just the quiet? What about your wounds, how are they healing up?”

“Just fine, Bruce-y. Maybe we could do a comfort meal tonight. I’m not really up for much, like I said.” Selina yawned and nestled her head over his heart, she heart it beating and the soft noise nearly lulled her to sleep.

“Selina...” Bruce nudged her arm gently, mindful of the wound he had given her days before.

“Mmm yes?”

“You need to go to sleep. But not here.” He shifted and sat them up much to her dismay. “Let’s grab a quick bite and then we can retire for the evening.”

His last statement was loaded. Her catsuit was in tatters but did that mean that he wouldn’t suit up either tonight? Finally give himself one night of rest? After everything that happened?

Selina nodded groggily and took his head as he lead her to the kitchen.

They waited patiently while Alfred cooked, and worked out some of the logistics of when she could go get more of her things. Given that he carried her back in a bullet ridden catsuit she was sporting one of his shirts over all of her gauze across the expanse of her chest and some sweatpants rolled over three times at the waistband.

Finally dinner was served and despite her tender abdomen, Selina was more hungry than she realized. Sleep deprivation burned so many calories.

Once they finished, Bruce escorted her to her wing. Which still felt foreign and bizarre. He kissed her goodnight on the cheek and walked down the hall to his own wing. Selina liked the darkness that met her even less as she tried to make this big empty room comfortable, even a home, even if that was what she was supposed to call this manor now.

The sheets were cold and thoughts of tazers and gunshots filled her mind each time she closed her eyes. No position felt comfortable and she couldn’t tell which wounds were causing the discomfort, physical or emotional. She finally stared at the clock across the room. 12:30am. She had been trying to sleep for hours. Bruce was probably sound asleep, letting himself have this one night off in a very long time. She shouldn’t disturb him, but all she could think about now is how quickly she almost fell asleep in his arms. Worth a shot.

Selina padded down the hallway, it was dimly lit but in the distance she could see a brighter light coming from underneath one door in particular. She hesitated in knocking but the door opened anyways.

“Bruce!”

“Selina!”

“How did you know I was at the door I hadn’t even knocked?” She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling like a child who’d been caught sneaking candy.

“I heard footsteps down the hall but they were too light to be Alfred’s. Can’t sleep?”

“No,” she sheepishly admitted. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you. You were probably just turning in.”

“No actually I was just coming to check on you. See how you were doing.”

“Well you have your answer! I’ll go back to my room now...” she turned to start walking but Bruce tugged on her arm.

“No please stay, just to talk. Maybe that will help you sleep.”

xxxx

“And I just don’t know it’s like every time I close my eyes I’m back there in that sewer. And every time I let it play out I say no to you. And I can feel the impact of the bullets when I really try to fall asleep. I just see Shreck’s face taunting me. The years of verbal abuse he put me through as his secretary and then it was like when I was this other thing, more powerful than him, I still wasn’t enough. I still didn’t have his respect. Or even fear.”

They sat on the couch in his bedroom, fire slowly dying before them. Bruce had had his share of sleepless nights. But seeing Selina go through this... he wanted to take that feeling away from her.

“Last night is over. There may be things in the future that make you feel how you’re feeling right now but that’s why you have me. I know what it’s like. The more you talk about it, the better it gets.”

“That surprises me coming from you. Mister “Private Life is Private Bachelor Bat Boy” wanting to share his feelings with some mentally unstable ex-secretary and tell her that doing the same will help.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know, Bruce, I don’t know.”

“Do you want to stay the night in here? No funny business, I promise.” He held up his hands to indicate innocent motives and she almost started laughing.

“I would hope so, I have four bullet wounds that say that funny business should not be conducted for several weeks.”

“So you’ll stay?”

“Yes.”

They stood up and retired to his bed. The sheets felt different. They were made of the same material as the other sheets but yet felt more inviting. The bed dipped next to her as Bruce climbed in. He gave her her space but she immediately burrowed her face in his chest much like she had done in the couch earlier that evening. A strong arm went around her back and she breathed in his scent. The smell of him alone was enough to help her fall asleep in addition to his caring touch so she felt promptly asleep.

xxxx

The next morning she didn’t know where she was. Two nights ago she was waking up in her apartment with her cats, where it was cold and empty of any real life. Just pain and sorrow. Then the next night, she and Bruce passed out on the couch in his living room after staying awake just long enough to tend to each other’s wounds. And now she was in his bedroom. She glanced down at herself to make sure she was clothed. She didn’t think with her wounds they did anything last night but with how tired she was most of after they laid down was a blur. She dreamt of a simpler life with him. None of the pain or pageantry of Gotham. Just a quiet countryside life with a gaggle of children running around, safe from harm.

It seemed like an impossible life to even achieve one day but she let herself today and today only think it was possible. She felt Bruce shift beside her and place a gentle kiss to her hair. Something bloomed inside her whenever he did that. It wasn’t sexual like most of the kisses they had shared, it was... domestic... she wasn’t sure if how long she would let herself be okay with those types of kisses but for now him pulling her closer and breathing her in was one of the best feelings she ever experienced.

“Good morning.” He murmured into her down of curls.

“Mornin, handsome.” She said and kept her cheek against his chest.

“How did you sleep?”

“So much better than I think I’ve ever slept in my life.”

“Oh?” He smirked.

“It would appear you keep my dark side at bay, Bruce Wayne. Maybe it’s just the Bat that brings it out.” She finally looked up at him and saw how relaxed he looked. She reached up and played with his bedhead, the black locks didn’t move around much but she still enjoyed running her fingers through them.

“Well then I’ll make sure he keeps himself in check.” He leaned in and kissed her softly.

“Yes you will. Now, I’m starving, do you think Alfred would take pity on us and make us breakfast this late?”

Bruce grabbed his glasses from the side table and squinted to see the time. Selina tried not to let it show how sexy she thought he looked in them but she couldn’t help but bite her lip.

“It would have to be brunch. It’s nearly eleven.”

“Brunch it is, and by the way, I’m keeping this shirt.”

“Suits you far better than it ever suited me.” He moved and he was hovering above her now, mindful of her stomach. “Do you think Alfred would still pity us in an hour? Because leaving this bed right now, even to dine with you is hard.”

“I’d say it’s hard, alright.” She glanced down between them and winked.

Bruce moved from on top of her and coughed awkwardly. Selina sat up and laughed at him before cupping his cheek, feeling his stubble.

“It’s okay. No hard feelings.” She winked. “Maybe brunch now would be a good idea.” She pecked his lips.

“Yes I believe it would be.”

They made their way down the hallway choosing simply to hold hands. Alfred already had their brunch laid out on the table.

“Well it would seem that our favorite butler has taken pity on us.” Bruce sat as he sat down next to Selina.

“So it would seem, thank you Alfred.”

“Thank you, Miss Kyle,” the old butler replied.

“Call me, Selina. I’ll be here for a while.” She looked up at Bruce, saying it more to him rather than Alfred. Bruce took her free hand in his and tangled their fingers together. He kissed the back of her hand and resumed his brunch.

“Very well, Miss Selina. Welcome to Wayne Manor.”

#batman returns #batman #catwoman #bruce wayne #selina kyle #batcat #bruce and selina #bruce x selina #batcat hill #the batcat fluff we deserve #p2 #alfred pennyworth #so much fluff #but also some angst

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artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

Hypnotized Ch.2 (Trixya)

AN- Thank you guys for the super-duper nice response I got from chapter one. This one is from Katya’s POV, and I decided to skip calling them ‘Brian and Brian’ just for the sake of not confusing myself, haha. Also, TW- Mentions of drug addiction and thoughts of weight loss. I think that’s it. Please excuse me if I missed anything. Happy readings, my doves!

Katya wondered whether or not he would ever have those feelings of wanting to ‘jump on pink clouds and shit diamonds’, or, what saner people than himself would describe as love. He had never been in a serious relationship with anyone, unless you counted the girlfriends he had before he was officially out of the closet. He loved them dearly, but even then, if you were to disregard the fact that he wasn’t really into women – he still felt a sense of wanting to get away whenever someone would get too close to him. That had coloured the rest of his dating life in the aspect of him only getting laid on occasion, but never meeting a solid boyfriend.

He had endured several conversations with his mother on why that was, because all she really wanted for him was to find someone that could carry him forward when he didn’t have the strength to do it for himself. Where he saw opportunities to live his life on his own premises, she saw bitter loneliness. When he laid in bed, really having to get up to meet Alaska in approximately two hours, he stayed under his sheets – trying to find an answer as to why he had functioned the way that he had for his entire adult life. He guessed that his depression and social anxiety had always played a big part in it. He was the type of person that could really be described as an introvert. Sure, he had made a career out of preforming in packed clubs and bars, but the price he had to pay for that he made up for abundantly in being alone when he got home. If he had a boyfriend, his personal space would be severely compromised. He had seen that possibility with quite a few men in his time, but since it hadn’t ever gone somewhere – it seemed unnecessary to dwell on it.

Then there was of course, his addiction. He had spent so much time being ashamed of who he was – and frankly, not really seeing a way out of his self-made misery. Being a drug addict wasn’t fun, which was of course pretty obvious to anyone that didn’t do drugs, but when he had looked himself in a mirror and realized that he was deteriorating before his very eyes; that was when he knew that he had to change. This time, it would be for good. He wanted to be someone that at the very least stood a chance of finding happiness, but as it turns out, the remnants of his addiction would forever be lurking by his side.

At the end of the day, he simply had no idea how anyone could stand to be around him as much as a relationship required. That was of course, before he had met the ever so fabulous Trixie Mattel. Whilst they were shooting Drag Race, they had gotten increasingly closer. Brian would lurk around in the hallway of their hotel, waiting for his friend to sneak him into his room. They would gossip about the other queens, Katya would talk about his life – and there it was, the blooming friendship that they had turned into a business opportunity.

He had known quite early on that he was attracted to the younger man, but had dismissed it as just wanting to fuck him. Nothing had ever prepared him for the bomb that was to come, when he had realized that there was so much more than just horniness that lurked within his chaotic mind.

“Okay, if we’re definitely sharing a bed – I want to apologize in advance for any snoring or sleep talking.” Trixie chuckled before he slipped under the sheets of their large bed. Katya had already crept under there, having wrapped a towel over his otherwise naked body before he had laid down. There was nothing like taking a shower after a gig and then slipping into a big, comfy bed.

“I’ll have to warn you as well mother, underneath this damp towel, I am completely naked.” Katya replied in his ‘Maureen’-voice that always made Trixie giggle. This time, he snorted and laughed tiredly. “I’m literally so tired that I don’t even care. Just don’t accidentally slip it in when I’m sleeping.”

This made Katya wheeze with laughter as he imagined that particular scenario in his head. He turned in the bed so he was facing Trixie, a wide smirk on his face. “This is the time where we’re supposed to share secrets and express radical religious values.”

Trixie turned around to face him as well, brown eyes meeting blue ones. They were both leaning down on their hands, which probably made the entire situation seem more innocent than it actually was. They had shared a bed before, which had never been a problem since nothing had ever happened. But this time, something seemed different. Katya could see in Trixie’s eyes that he was up to something. That same objectivity that he usually treated Katya with seemed to be gone, based on the looks that he was giving him; they were alluring and curious.

“Okay, I’ll play. I thought you looked really beautiful tonight.” Trixie murmured, which made Katya blush involuntarily.

“Well, thank you. The elderly hag still has some game.” Katya joked, trying to lighten the mood. He knew that getting into something with Trixie probably wasn’t the best idea. Then again, he had never been one to deny himself anything. So, whatever invitation he thought he got, it was in his nature to be drawn towards it.

“Could you cuddle me? I’m feeling lonely and desperate.” Trixie asked, making Katya furrow her brows. He knew that it might turn out to be a bad idea, but nonetheless, he opened his arms up and let the other Brian crawl into his embrace. Trixie leaned his head underneath Katya’s chin and sighed with contentment when Katya let his arm drape over him and draw him close to his chest. “Are you trying to wife me up? Because it’s working.” He mumbled, not so much an innocent question as it was an attempt to decipher what was happening.

“I don’t know if I could marry someone with so much integrity and grace – I’d feel inadequate.” Trixie replied with a snort, her usual dry sense of humour returning. Katya smiled to himself and drew the queen closer to him. “Go to sleep before you use up all of your big words, you cunt.” He muttered before dozing off.

He woke again when he felt a small hand drawing circles on his hip. He peeked one eye open and saw that Trixie had leaned back, now staring right at him with big, dark eyes. “Fuck, you scared me.” He gasped, wanting to know what was worth nearly giving him a heart attack. He had always been very skittish and extremely wired, so the slightest thing threatened to make him jump out of his skin.

“I just want to try something.” Trixie replied huskily, and then started to lean in. Katya stared in awe at his friend as he got closer and closer, not really knowing what to do. The only thing he did know for certain was that he did not want to deny himself some intimacy, so when Brian Firkus’s lips touched his own, he immediately kissed him back with equal fervour. The kiss was short, but incredibly sweet. When Trixie pulled away, Katya immediately missed his touch. “What was that for?” he inquired, a thin brow cocked to mark his confusion.

Trixie rolled his eyes and then leaned in to press another chaste kiss to his friend’s lips. He pulled away just enough in order to murmur quietly: “I really need this right now.”

That was all he needed to hear. They spent the following hour just lying there in each other’s arms, kissing and giggling. It was a wonderful evening, but they didn’t speak of it the next day. There wasn’t any need to; they knew that it was just a matter of two friend’s enjoying the company of one another when there wasn’t any trade around to fill that position. Just two friends. Nothing more.

Over time, Katya had begun to get more and more attached. He knew that he shouldn’t have let Trixie kiss him the other day, but he was still unable to deny that man anything. He genuinely hoped that they would have a real chance of trying to figure out what they were once Jack was out of the picture. He had nothing against Trixie’s boyfriend, in fact, it was quite the contrary. He actually liked the guy. Had he not, he would have let the plastic fantasy have his way with him, right there in his own hallway. But that wasn’t who Brian McCook was anymore, it couldn’t be. So there he was, twenty-four hours had passed, and he was still waiting for a confirmation that they were good to go. Trixie had sent him a text, saying that he had to wait until Jack got back from work. How it had turned out, Katya had no idea. He honestly didn’t know what to do if it didn’t work out in his favour this time around.

After he had dragged his body out of bed, managed to throw on a pair of clean black jeans and his ‘Madonna’ t-shirt, he headed out of the door to meet Alaska. They had agreed to meet up at the closest Starbucks as they had a lot of formalities to go through with their podcast. Katya was enjoying the fact that he got to do all sorts of things after being on TV, but it felt strange to be involved in something with a brand new person. Alaska wasn’t new in his life per se, but they had never worked together in anything other than drag shows. Well, there was always that time where he lost the crown to her, ‘but that’s neither here nor there’ he thought to himself with a smirk. As he strutted down the streets, he lit up a cigarette to take a few puffs as he headed towards his target.

Alaska, or Justin, was already there when Katya arrived. He had no idea why anyone would say that Justin wasn’t attractive as a man. He loved Alaska dearly and thought she was sexy as hell, but Justin had this confident aura that Katya envied. “Hello there creature of the night.” Katya greeted his friend as he sat down at the small, outdoor table that Alaska had picked out for them. Katya smiled as she saw a barista approaching them with two huge Frappuccino’s. His friend knew him too well. “I figured that I might as well just order for you. You’ve gotten so skinny lately I feel like shoving straight up fat down your throat.” Alaska remarked in her raspy voice, prompting Katya to huff as she took a gulp from her frozen drink.

“I thought I should start giving Violet a run for her money.”

Truthfully, Katya hated the way he looked. After he had been on the road for so much, the small amount of weight he had been able to put on just fizzled away. Now, he worked too much to get a grip on his diet. Someone like Violet or Pearl managed to look sexy as hell despite of her fragile figures, but Katya felt like he was too old for that. He was nearly thirty-five years old, his body wasn’t supposed to look the way that it did. He also enjoyed flaunting curves as Katya – that was beginning to be a difficult thing to accomplish, pads could only do so much. When all of his costumes had begun to look droopy, he had lost his will do sew them in any further. It didn’t help that Trixie was constantly on his case about it, Katya suspected that the younger queen had begun to get suspicious if there was something else going on.

“So, how’s life? Are you and Brian getting along?” Alaska asked curiously. Katya had wanted to confide in someone that knew both him and Trixie, but the result was that Alaska asked him about it constantly.

“We are like two dysfunctional peas in a pod. Well, at least I hope we still are.” Katya replied with a shrug, not really sure if he should tell Alaska what had happened the other night. By the looks of his friend, however, he was probably not going to be able to keep it from him.

“Did you have another fight? Fuck.” Alaska exclaimed, shaking his head at his friends’ nonsense. “No, we didn’t have another fight. We, uh, quite the opposite, actually.” Katya rambled and then took another sip of her drink to collect his thoughts.

Alaska cocked one of his brows and chuckled. “You whore.”

Katya let out a wheezy laugh, flailing his arms around. “No, no, no! I was good and stopped it, I promise. He’s still got a boyfriend, so there’s that. Please don’t tell me that I’m being shady, because I didn’t start it and he promised that he would end it with his guy, so I’m just waiting for that call and – “Katya barely noticed that he had gone on a long tirade before Alaska interrupted him mid-rant:

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that, even though I live for Trixie, it wasn’t that long ago that he completely shattered your heart. He outright told you that you needed to find someone else to ‘claw onto’ or some shit like that. I don’t know, just set some standards for yourself. Don’t be that compliant.” Alaska sighed, apparently not holding back for the sake of Katya’s feelings. People rarely did.

Of course, in some way, he knew that his friend was right. Katya rarely made a case for himself, which in turn resulted in him often drawing the short straw from different relationships. It was true of course that Trixie had hurt him really badly, but none of it seemed to matter when he finally got the confirmation that he wasn’t being crazy or ‘just Katya’ – it was reciprocated, and the younger man did feel something for him. In light of that, Katya knew that he needed to defend his love. “I get where you’re coming from, but trust me – it’s going to be okay.”

———————–

Later that evening, Katya was getting ready for a gig. She still hadn’t heard a word from Trixie, and now she was beginning to feel incredibly anxious. She should have known that this would happen, because nothing would ever work out in Brian McCook’s favour. Trixie had probably changed his mind, again, and Brian would be alone – yet again.

A few hours later, the crowd was roaring at her. When Katya was on stage, she liked to think that she was a real, biological woman. She often claimed that to be the case whenever she was in drag, but especially when she was in her true element; which was near a crowd. After having just finished a song, she prepared to spout some final words of wisdom when she saw a familiar face in the crowd. Standing right there, next to one of his friends was Trixie. Brian Firkus was officially in the building and it drove Katya to the brink of insanity. They locked eyes over the crowd, and Trixie offered her a tired smile.

Katya had no idea how she should feel. Unfortunately, she was not given a lot of time to digest it all before she realized that the crowd was waiting for her, so she snapped out of her trance. What came out of her mouth after that was something ill-advised, improvised and just all around impulsive:

“You know who else is in the building? We’ve got the one and only legend, icon and star in her own mind; Trixie Mattel!” Katya shouted into the microphone, which made the crowd go absolutely wild. She could see Trixie roll her eyes and smile awkwardly at the people that turned around to greet her.

“Ha, oh my God. Sorry Tracy. Listen, you guys…” Katya drifted off, noticing that all eyes were on her again. There were two ways that this could go. Either, she could control herself and say something sweet – or, she could go into a deeply embarrassing rant that would most likely make Trixie angry. She chose the latter.

“Barbara, I did do it. I did try to… fuck her. You’d better believe it.” After that, a long rhapsody of her attempts to sleep with Brian Firkus just flew out of her mouth. She admitted that she had nearly succeeded, and noticed in that moment that Brian was making his way out of the crowd. Desperation now came into play, as Katya had no intentions of making the possible love of her life leave the room.

“I am willing to Thelma and Louise it off that fiscal cliff with that ho’ any day. She’s the one I think of when I get out of bed in the morning, and I go ‘whyy’ and then I think of her and I’m all like ‘why not? Whatever, it’s fun, yeah’.”

She had hoped that this would make Trixie stay, and it seemed like she succeeded in her attempts as the brown eyed man swirled around and laughed at her words. Katya winked to the crowd and then took a bow. After she had entered her dressing room, the process of taking Katya off had never gone quicker. She needed to find him. After Katya had thrown on his grey sweatpants and zipped up a green hoodie over his chest, it was time to go out the back. Once he did, he strode out in hopes of locating his friend.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and assumed that it was a drunk fan that wanted to get a picture with him, which was typically the case. He sighed and turned around, ready to tell the person that he was a little busy at the moment, when he saw the object of his desire. Trixie stood there, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Hey.” He greeted Katya, who just stood there, looking sufficiently sheepish.

“Hi.”

“So you’d actually toss yourself off of a cliff with me? That seems excessive.” Trixie retorted, crossing his arms over his toned chest.

“As the kids say, it’s just an expression. I wasn’t expecting to see you, I thought you had bailed on me again.” Katya pointed out, wanting to remember Alaska’s cautionary words and keep his guard up. Trixie cocked his head to the side and studied Katya’s stand offish exterior.

“I had a long night. Jack didn’t get home until late last night, and then we spent nearly four hours just fighting and crying. He left this morning.” Trixie explained, sadness washing over his features. Katya felt awful for Jack, he really did, but a flare of hope rose in his chest at the words that were coming out of Trixie’s mouth. Given the circumstances, the flare was kept relatively small for protection – but it was still there.

“I’m sorry to hear that. What did he say?” Katya asked, not really knowing what else to say in a situation like that. He didn’t want to expect anything.

“He told me that he was disappointed in me, and that he thought he knew me better than that. He questioned the fact that I would get into something with you, given your background…” Trixie explained, making Katya feel like the smallest man on the face of the earth. The fact that people still held his past against him felt like a punch in the gut. He understood that Jack was upset and obviously did not need to feel any form of responsibility for Katya, but it still hurt. He remembered the time when Vicky Vox had gone after him, claiming that he needed help more than he needed stardom. Because all she saw was a drug addict in recovery. Nothing more, nothing less.

“… And I told him that had nothing to do with it. I don’t care. I am pissed that you talked about that just now, but I’m going to let it slide for a bit because right now I really just want to kiss you, take you home and fuck your brains out.” Trixie continued, making Katya cough out of surprise. He knew that he shouldn’t. He should do this the ‘right’ way, but nothing could stop him from rushing forward and engulfing Trixie in a deep hug.

He leaned his head back and pressed his lips forcefully to Trixie’s own. The kiss was different this time. Nothing was holding them back, so Katya had no qualms about biting down on his lover’s bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. He heard a small low, guttural moan emit from Trixie’s throat, which only spurred him on even more. He slipped his tongue in and pressed Trixie even closer to his body. It felt like they had been standing there for forever when Katya finally drew back from their embrace and waggled his eyebrows. “Let’s get out of here, shall we?”

“Oh fuck yes.”

#trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #fluff #tw drug addiction #slight angst #hypnotized #rpdr fanfiction #canon compliant

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